sometimes two by the Glass She would be attentive at the reading the Scriptures in the Family and ask her Sister the meaning of some Passages she understood not She would constantly goe alone to Prayer She told one of the Maids the Devil tempted her to Play at Prayers but she had pray'd against him and that he did not trouble her so much since She desired one of her Sisters to grant her a Request and said that she must not deny her Which was Not to refuse any good Counsel when ever it was given her but to accept of it from whom soever it came Another time being with her Sisters as they sate at Work she told them all those things would be dirt in Heaven And it most concerned them to get their Sins Pardoned and an Interest in Jesus Christ Discoursing of the Vanity of this World and Happiness of being Good and fit for Heaven As she had opportunity she would frequently be giving good Counsel with much Sweetness and Gravity If she were ill she would strive to hide it for fear of Grief to her Father and my self saying when we ask'd her how she did Pretty well I thank God Four Days before she died when the Maid went to help her up in the Morning she told her she was very Sick but God would doe her good by that Sickness and she should love him the better for it In this last and short sickness she had very serious apprehensions of Death Said she should die but was not afraid of Death And desired she might die quietly and without disturbance The Physician desiring to give her a little Wine ask'd her if she loved Sack she answered No. He desired her to take a little She said she would if he pleased but she did not love it to fuddle with A few hours before she died she desired to go to Bed out of which she had been taken by reason of the Flegm that troubled her and I being unwilling she said she would now go to Bed for adieu and for all Where she fell a sleep in Jesus enfolded in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies She resigned up her Soul with these and the like Expressions Lord let me come to thee my Lord and my God And Lord Jesus receive my Spirit I acknowledge the Words were given her but she readily received them and oft repeated though she could not speak but with difficulty she had been so affable and winning to all Rich and Poor that many shed more Tears for her than at the departure of their own Children she was much desired in Life and of all who knew her much lamented at Death How partial soever this Relation may seem to any and as from bribed Affection yet I assert the Truth to God's Goodness who hath ordained Praises in the Mouths of Babes and Sucklings and hath I humbly hope now perfected the same in the Consummation of her Eternal Bliss in the Fruition of himself to his Everlasting Praises I have hitherto in this Account left out many remarkable Passages for Brevity let me obtain liberty to transcribe the rest of the Paragraph verbatim word for word as her Pen left it Lord I bless thee that of Eleven for whom I Praise thee thou hast yet spared me two I beseech thee if it may consist with thy good Pleasure continue them in this World keeping them from the Evil of it to a good Old-Age choice Instruments of thy Glory God Lord Sanctifie them with thy Grace and Holy-Spirit and with an Indelible Character and Inscription stamp thy own Image on them that they may be thine by Grace and Adoption Lord be thou their God and Portion I beseech thee put them not off with any thing less than thy self Good Lord I beg that thou wilt take a through and full Possession of their Souls and give them to retrieve my Errors by a more early knowing serving and loving of thee and punish none of mine Iniquities with their Sins but keep them blameless to thy Everlasting Kingdom and bind up their Souls in the bundle of Eternal Life Amen Amen January 23. 1669. Was a day of Mercy to me in the midst of my Affliction being Lord's Day my sweet Mary lying then Dead with us in the House the extremity of my Affection forced me into the Chamber where she then lay a cold piece of Clay I there poured out my Soul to God in Prayer and from thence returned into to the Chamber of my signal Mercies I have received from God who comforteth those who are cast down Though he denied my vehement Desires and wrestlings with him in the time of her Sickness for her longer continuance with me in this World the Lord abundantly made up and compensated my Loss I took my Bible and my Intention was to Read in the New-Testament to allay my own Grief with the dolorous Sufferings of my Saviour but my Bible suddenly fell open in my Lap and my Eye presently fixed upon Habbak 1.12 which was powerfully set home upon my Heart with great Comfort and Refreshment with full Measure running over streams of Mercy and Loving Kindness yeaâ— of tenderest Mercies flowing into my Soul an Eternal God in exchange of a transient Comfort The Lord tendered me himself who is from Everlasting with this Propriety the Lord my God opposing his all-sufficient Righteousness against all my Unrighteousness My Holy One I should not Dye but Live Lord how hast thou silenced my inordinate Passions and Affections in superabundantly out-bidding all Creature-Comforts and Relations I beseech thee enable me so to live here that I may ever live with thee where I shall sin no more and Grief Sorrow and Sighing shall flee away The same Lord's Day in the Afternoon my Daughter Elizabeth whom God gave me June 8. 1658. to our great Satisfaction and Comfort suddenly broke out into a Flood of Tears and most Pathetical Vehement Desires after God and his Grace with Confession and bewailing of her Sins with such sensible and suitable Expressions as shewed it came from her very Soul which drew plenty of Tears of Love and Admiration from us all O my God how shall I love thee how shall I Praise thee for this Grace which I trust was the Work of thy Blessed Spirit Good Lord confirm and establish the Thoughts of her Heart before thee for Ever This day was a Tragi-Comedy if I may so speak Bitterness turn'd into surprizing Sweetness Weeping had continued for a Night but Joy came in before the succeeding Morning even Joy unspeakable and full of Glory I never remembred my Dear under such transports of Spiritual Peace and Satisfaction as from the Consolations of God from the Manifestations of his Love which flowed into her Soul from that Scripture above-named and I may truly say the Impressions of it never wore wholly off but even at many Years distance the naming of those Words would renew the Spiritual Relish she tasted in them and the briny Tears for the natural
through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
and Songs of Thanksgivings who did so anticipate that State and Work whilst here below She hath left sixteen whole Pages of one form of Thanksgiving which she begins thus Lord what shall I render to thee for all thy unspeakable Benefits in thy Mercies to me I beseech thee in the remembrance of them let thy Holy Spirit excite and stir up in my Heart a thankfull Acknowledgment Lord I bless thee for thy self in whom all Perfection is Eternal and Unchangeable an Everliving and Immortal God filled with all adorable Excellency the Author and Original of all things the first Principle of all good who art most amiable to an Intellectual Eye most adequate and proportionable most suitable to Immortal Beings Thou Lord art the Felicity and Bliss of Souls c. And so she proceeds sixteen whole Pages without any vain Tautologies only beginning the several Paragraphs with Lord I bless thee or the like this is written the most curiously of any thing I yet have found of hers and continues to the End with most raised Fervours of Holy Praises I can scarce forbear to say with flowing streams of sweet and Pious Eloquence I will venture my Reader 's Candour to excuse my adding the last Lines I bless thee for the hopes I have of a glorious Resurrection when thou wilt be glorified in thy Saints thou wilt say to the North give up and to the South keep not back that thy Sons may be brought from far and thy Daughters from the ends of the Earth and all as Faithfull Depositories shall restore to thee at that universal Jubilee then shall my Dust arise and Praise thee I bless thee for thy Kingdom afree Donation and Inheritance of thy Saints there shall be no pricking Briar or grieving Thorn when I shall neither fin nor sorrow any more but for ever be in the Exaltation of Eternal Bliss where thy Angels Cherubims and Seraphims adore and worship thee with the highest fervour of Zeal and Love and where my Soul shall shine in its full Strength in thy Everlasting Praises Amen Amen Amen And there is not one Line less warm and savoury in all the other than are this Beginning and Conclusion of it The time would fail me to recount and reckon up all the other Graces in which she was Eminent and to blazon their Lustre and reflect their Brightness The tenderness of her Conscience which was very remarkable as I could Evidence in many Particulars this Pulse of her Soul beat very quick but withall was very even and uniform she used not to strain at Gnats and swallow Cammels Her Rule was in dubious Cases always to chuse the safest to the best of her Judgment not to consult with Flesh and Blood and be swayed by the Advice they suggested to do nothing rashly but with due and prudent Deliberation She was affraid of Sin as Sin and therefore of all Sin and would abstain from all appearance of Evil. Though she was not such a Stoick as to esteem all Sins equal yet she esteemed none in it self little because there is no little God to sin against no little Law to be despised no little Heaven to be lost no little Hell to be endured But an Almighty God a Royal Law an Heaven of unconceivable Glory and an Hell of endless and easeless Torments were concerned in all and it renders the least Sin in its own Nature a very great one to venture on it boldly against the light and dictates of Conscience Her Care to improve that Inch of precious Time on which so vast an Eternity depends was very signal She squandered not an Hour scarce suffered a Moment to run waste she used she knew no Games nor needed other to relax or recreate her Spirits but vicissitude and variety of commendable Imployment the change of Business sufficiently relieved her when she was weary of one she counted it a Refreshment to set upon another As a Traveller who sometimes Rides and sometimes Walks but still proceeds continues his Journey changes his Posture but not his Design and few ever made Religion their Business more intently and with fewer Interruptions Her publick Spiritedness should not be forgotten the concerns of the Nation especially of the Church lay very near her Heart She preferred Jerusalem before her chief Joy I will wrap up this Section with two which were diffused and spread over all the rest Her Zeal and her Humility Zeal is not so properly a distinct peculiar Grace as the Cream and Flower of them all the Oil which swims upon the waters of the Sanctuary the Varnish which both preserves them from fading and gives a shining advantageous Lustre to all the Colours with which the lively Picture of the new Creature is drawn not a distinct piece of the Divine Armour but the Edge and Keenness the Furbishing and Brightness both of offensive and defensive Arms. Her Zeal was very vigorous and lively she knew not what it was to be dull and sluggish Whatever her Hand found to do she did it with all her Might and Nature which too often is the remora of Grace in her was a nimble and useful Hand-maid to it She had an agile active Body Spare and Lean feared to be Fat saying She hated to be clogged with a foggy bulk of Flesh and of a vivacious sprightly Soul and these streams being in the right Channel Whafted her as Wind and Tide to her desired Port and Harbour that she was never becalmed or Wind-bound but Sailed amain and kept on her Course with swiftest Expedition till she had finished it with Safety and with Joy not that I ascribe it solely or chiefly to these but principally to the Divine Gales of the Holy Spirit of God so freely and plenteously vouchsafed to her that Wind which Bloweth where it listeth And for ever Blessed be his Goodness which so often filled her Sails Lastly She was cloathed with Humility as the Apostle counsels this I might call her Dust-gown for the aptness of the Allusion but it hung not so loose about her but was girded on with the Girdle of Truth about her Loins she wore it constantly no dress was more becoming herself or others in her Account she studied to bring it into Fashion by her Example and Advice she bought several of Mr. W. A's Treatises of that Subject to give to Friends those who received them will attest it and I hinted before she had made preparations to write a Tractate of it Amongst other things she had to say of it she had prepared this Encomium That it is the Foundation that gives Stability the Strength which gives Security the Ornament that reflects Beauty and the Completion which gives the finishing stroaks to all other Graces I shall not after all this need to draw her Character distinctly if I do any thing in that it shall be added in the close of all I am now arrived at my Mournfull Heavy Loss and her much waited for and desired Gain and great
Advantage her much bewailed Death to prepare for which had been her daily work for many Years which happened February the 23d this present Year 1690. Her Sickness was short but blessed be God her great Work was not then to do She began to complain Wednesday Noon but dined with me took her Bed that Afternoon with design to sweat with a Dose of the Lady Kent's Powder but could not sweat I sent for Dr. Yardly early Thursday Morning a Vein was opened other Administrations ordered which seemed to succeed so well that we had scarce any apprehensions of Danger She sate up four hours Saturday till seven at Night and thought herself and so did we refreshed and better by it but a complicated Disease a Rheumatism Erysipelas and Peripneumonia by God's Wise and Holy Righteous Ordering prevailed against her Strength and our Hopes And on the Lord's Day she passed to her dearest Lord and the well-beloved Bridegroom of her Soul to begin that Eternal Sabbath which shall never be interrupted nor cease She spake not much in her Sickness hindred by the shortness of her Breath and swelling of her Face What she did was suitable to her Holy Life and I believe God hid from her as well as us the near approach of her Death in Mercy to us all One of the last Words she spake to me was before my going to Church A short Prayer my Dear before thou goest She was Buried February the 27th following with that decency which is fitter for others to relate than my self and now she sleeps in Jesus who by his Burial perfumed and warmed that Bed of the Grave for all his Members where we leave her in hopes of a Glorious Resurrection when her Dust shall rise to praise him AN APPENDIX Containing some few of the Directions she wrote for her Childrens Instruction mentioned Sect. 12. And some few Letters written by her I Desire it may be remembred she wrote these not for grown and experienced Christians who might be fitter to instruct her than be assisted by her much less with the least Prospect they should ever be published or seen by many Eyes my own never saw them till hers were closed but I hope may be useful for young ones and Beginners and as such I recommend them to her Friends to communicate to their Children if they think good and have not given them better of their own and therefore it is not just to measure her Abilities by the scantling of this Performance but to consider the End to which it was designed to suit the Capacities and assist the tender Minds of those for whom they were written when I guess they might be about twelve or fourteen years of Age for one of them died at sixteen and with this equitable Allowance I hope they may be very passable if not commendable and usefull For my Dear Children Mrs. Margaret and Elizabeth Walker IT is the duty of Christians to Pray fervently and frequently with Faith with Humility with Sincerity with Constancy with watchfulness in the Spirit with Warmth and Life Prayer is a means whereby we give Worship to God giving him the Glory of all his adorable Perfections Prayer is the Soul's Motion to God Desire and Expectation are the Soul of Prayer Prayer is a knocking at the Door of God's Grace and Mercy in Christ for all manner of Supplies you stand in need of Prayer is a Wrestling with God the Lord is willing to forgive ready to hear and help yet he delighteth to have his Strength tryed Gen. 32.24 25. The work of Prayer is not so much to lift up the Hands and Eyes and Voice as to lift up the Heart and Soul In Prayer is required extensiveness and intensiveness of Mind and Heart with Importunity which consisteth in a frequent renewing of our Suits to God notwithstanding all discouragements with a patient waiting for returns of Grace Prayer must be a Premeditated Work as to the Sins to be confessed the Wants expressed the Mercies acknowledged but especially to have right apprehensions of the Purity Majesty Immensity All-sufficiency Fidelity and Bounty of the Lord to whom you Pray with Faith in his Promises and Providences and his Almightiness to supply your Wants in the things of this Life and the Life to come Be much with God in Secret Prayer and let not the fire of the Spirit and Holy Zeal be wanting in any Duty which in the Hearts of God's People send out Holy Vapours of fragrant spiritual Desires and Requests to God Vials full of Odours which are the Prayers of the Saints Rev. 5.8 compared to sweet Incense Mal. 1.11 How near are the Saints thus exercised to Jesus Christ There is but a step as it were between them and Heaven What precious answers of Grace receive they oftentimes from the Oracle of God You will do well to observe the fittest Season for Secret Prayer though a Christian is to Pray at all times yet at sometimes more especially when we meet with any new Occurrence of Providence every fresh dispensation of Providence is a prompt to Prayer as when any Affliction befalls us Jam. 5.13 So when any fresh Mercy is received it is a fit season to go aside and to acknowledge God's Goodness and our own Vnworthiness 2 Sam. 7.18 When you find the Spirit of God moving upon your Soul exciting you to the Duty Cant. 2.10 your Hearts should answer again Thy Face Lord will I seek Psal 27.5 When you find your Heart in a settled and composed Frame then also is a fit season for secret Prayer When as David's your Heart is fixed not disturbed with any Secular Business The Morning also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer the Mind is most composed and troubled with fewest Diversions See her Practise Sect. 5. pag. 33. It were well to be with God as soon as you awake to offer up to him the first-Fruits of every Day this was with others David's manner Psal 5.3.139.3 The Evening also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer Psal 55.17 not only to begin but to conclude the Day with God Sleep not till you have begged his Pardon for your Sins committed and Praised him for the Mercies received that Day When you go about any Holy Duty set by all Worldly Occasions say to them as Abraham did to his Young-men Stay you here while I go aside and Worship God Gen. 22.5 Do not ordinarily go to Prayer when your Anger is stirred and your Mind full of Perturbation 1 Tim. 2.8 lest you offer up the Sacrifice of a Fool 1 Kings 19.11 12. and speak unadvisedly with your Lips Do not actually engage in Prayer when you are inclined to Sleep and Drowsiness you must be wakefull when you Pray if you would watch unto Prayer Also allot and set out a due Proportion of Time for the Duty of Prayer a slighty huddled Prayer is a blind Sacrifice carlessness in Prayer breedeth and feedeth Inconstancy and Instability in Prayer Slightiness in Prayer is an
kept this Trouble to her half a Year only her Sister knew it and oft see her sit and Weep most bitterly but I humbly hope God gave her strength against the Temptation and quieted her Mind After she revealed this Affliction and better understood the nature of these Troubles which as God enabled me I informed her and strove to Comfort her In the time of this last Sickness she oft asked me to Pray with her which when I performed I was too absolute with God for her Life all the time of her Sickness without express Submission to his Will The Lord pardon the Extremity of my Affection In this Sickness she was very tender-hearted expressed herself very Understandingly and Piously in Prayer with other sweet and gracious Requests to God she begged of the Lord that the Infection of her Disease might spread no farther in the Family which Desires of hers the Lord heard and granted For which Preservation I do desire to be thankfull to the God of our Mercies which in the midst of his just Judgments for my Sins in this heavy stroak shewed us much Compassion in preventing our farther Calamity in that Disease The dear sweet Child oft said She should die yet saying If the Lord pleased to spare her she would labour with watchfulness to serve him better and to amend all she had found amiss desiring me to be her faithfull remembrancer She was troubled that sometimes she had lain in bed too long in the morning especially for being straitened for time on the Sabbath Day which caused her to slubber over those Duties which should have been better performed bewail'd her unprofitableness and promised if she recovered this sickness better to observe the Lord's Day To the Physician that attended her in her sickness she said That he had many opportunities in going to sick and death Beds to mind him of Mortality and though none should be excusable before God yet they should be most inexcusable that had such frequent warnings Said That in health was the fittest time to prepare for death for in sickness she could do little more than consult her ease Dear Child she one Morning desired to see her Father and that she might see his Face saying She had now taken her leave of her dear Father's Face But the Lord spared her a little longer and she did see him again and now I humbly hope she sees the face of her Father in Heaven Dear Child she desired her Father and my self to forgive her in what she had at any time offended us saying If the Lord saw it good to spare her she hoped she should double her Diligence in her Care that she should never grieve us in any thing But this testimony I bless God I can give of her Few Children exceeded her in dutiful loving Obedience to her Parents She express'd her self very affectionately and honourably of her Sister and that she was sorry she had sometimes diverted her by staying in her Closet when she would have been better employed Sweet Child she was very tender spirited and was troubled for several little things which were very small or no Offence and if she had done any thing amiss would ask forgiveness She would sometimes say to me my dear Mother you cannot conceive what passes through my poor head nor what your poor Child endures And then she would bless God that what she suffered was not Hell where the Damned had not a drop of water to cool their Tongue And said What is that I feel compared to the sufferings of my Saviour who under-went such torments to save Sinners Dear Lamb she desired that what Money she had might be given in the Parish to some poor people whom she named and that her dear Father would extend his Charity out of what he would have bestowed at her Burial Which was performed In the whole time of her sickness I was not from her but one night not being well the last night but one before she departed this Life neither was I from her at any time but when the pressing necessities of my frail Nature urged it for a little rest and she was very glad when she saw me again and would express her loving Affections and Thankfulness to me for my Care of her I had many sweet endearing expressions from her of her Love and Duty She said If the Lord spare me I hope I shall do thus as I have promised But if I die my dear Mother you will remember what I now said to you and I could be content to be a little Child again that I might lie at your Breast and Bosom I have transcribed this long account hoping it may be usefull to some young Gentlewomen Daughters of my dear Wife's Christian Friends or others into whose hands their kindness or God's Providence may put it Now follows her exemplary Submission and Improvement She was exceeding desirable to us for the loveliness of her Person sweetness of her Disposition readiness of her Obedience quickness of her Parts serious Inclination to the ways of God and many sweet and winning Qualities which rendered her exceeding amiable and very pleasant to all that knew her But it was the Lord the sovereign Lord of us and her and all the world whose she was much more than ours God doth all things well wisely righteously gratiously and most faithfully The Lord was pleased to stir up great sympathy and tender Compassion in his People with many Prayers for her in her sickness and for us since and though it pleased God to deny them for her longer continuance in this World yet blessed be God we have great cause to hope in his Mercies that those Prayers are not lost but for the Sake Merits and Mediation of her Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ are granted to an higher end in eternal Bliss Good Lord sanctifie all our Afflictions to us that we may bear them with meekness and submission that they may not only be the Effects of thy Displeasure but of thy adopting Love Good Lord sanctifie this heavy Affliction to us and shew me in particular why thou contendest with me Therefore besides thy Holy Righteous and Wise Providence and Immutable Decree which had determined her time and the measure of her Days which I desire humbly and with all Submission to Adore and Acquisce in Good Lord give me to know and lay to heart the forfeiting Cause on my part which mov'd thee to smite with so severe a stroke in bereaving us of so desirable a Child and so great a peace of the comfort of my Life in this World Lord pardon my Ingratitude for Mercies injoyed that I have not so improved them to thy glory by a more carefull circumspect exemplary holy Life I beseech thee forgive my slackness in seasonable reproofs admonitions advice and counsels to my Children or others Although thou seest good to cut short my opportunities yet help me better to improve what thou wilt still intrust me with and forgive me
but my Dear Wife's Pains and Trouble I told her we had now continued this Custom a great while and that I thought it too burthensome to her a Dinner signified not much to the Rich and for the Poor I would take Care they should be no losers She at present seem'd well pleased with what I said and acquiesced in it But upon second Thoughts she said My Dear I thank thee for thy Tenderness to me to prevent my Trouble but I am rather willing to undergo it were it greater than to discontinue a Practice so long used constantly and thereby occasion any mis-interpretation as if it proceeded from Parsimony or abatement of Kindness therefore I intreat thee let us continue to doe as we have hitherto done Yearly only let us try to have all in two Days we used to have in three and if our House will not contain them all at twice to some of the poorest I will send double as much as they could have eaten here And so it was agreed and performed and so her last Christmass was as kind and Charitable as those of former Years SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our onely Daughter and her Death in Childbirth the same Year yet leaving a Son IT is not to be wondred at that she should write so many Pages of this Come-Tragedy as I called another Providence mentioned before a Trage-Comedy whose Pious Kindness was so mindful in Holy Prayers and Praises not of her self alone but of her Honoured Friends I shall touch but one or two for Instance and I cannot single out any more suitable than of those Right Honourable Ladies whose sweet Condescension not only vouchsafed to give this our Dear Daughter frequently their kindest and familiar Conversation but borrowed and desired hers almost whole Summers divers Years Concerning these young Ladies thus her Pen speaks The Lady Ann the Lady Mary and the Lady Essex Rich had a Pious Education under â—he tender Care of the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick their Aunt whose great Care of them and Kindness and Love to them supplied and over-shot the measures of what could be expressed to them by the tenderest Mother Of two of their Marriages she writes thus December the 11th 1673. The Vertuous and Right Honourable the Lady Mary Rich was Married to Mr. Henry St. John the Eldest Son of Sir Walter St. John a Pious good Family and an ancient Barronet and great Estate Blessed Lord thou hast abundantly enriched them with the Blessings of the Nether Springs full streams in the good things of this Life let it not be their all but turn these Waters into Wine give them the Blessings of the Vpper Springs the plentifull Effusions of thy Spirit flowing into their Hearts and Souls that they may build up each other in their most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life June 16. 1674. The Honourable Lady Essex Rich was Married to Mr. Daniel Finch Eldest Son to his Father then Lord Keeper of the Great Seal of England Good Lord give them the Blessings of thy Right-hand and continue to them the Blessings of thy Left-hand also But let not their Portion be only in this Life let thine own Prerogative have the Supremacy in their Hearts and accelerate and quicken them to thy Service that Glorifying thee on Earth they may be in Everlasting Glory with thee in Heaven Amen Amen I will mention no more like Instances and humbly beg Pardon if I have been too bold in touching these I now come to the Title of this Section and shall add nothing of my own only transcribe and that with Abbreviation what her Pious Pen hath left me not that one Word need to be retrenched upon other accounts but only to avoid Prolixity January 17. 1675. My Dear Husband and my Dear Child Margaret Walker went to London in reference to our great Concern her Marriage our onely one so dear to us She was Married February the 1st 1675. to Mr. John Cox Barrister of Grays-Inn His Father lived at Coggshall his Relations very honest good People and very well to live in the World God hath graciously provided for her a loving Husband a sober Person and I hope a good Man God consummated their Choice by Mr. Gifford a worthy good Man Minister of St. Dunstan's in the East in London whither she was accompanied by the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick with the chief of the Family from Warwick-House and with many other manifestations of Kindness God shined upon her and in all respects gave her a comfortable Day I draw the Curtain of a modest c. over the rest lest the Thankfulness of her who was so truly humble should incurr the unkind censure or suspicion of Vanity and concluding what I have omitted with these Words And with many other Favours God hath honoured them She proceeds Lord I desire to own thy Goodness as the Fountain Head from whence flows all Good to be enjoyed in the things of this Life and concerns of a better and more endurable Estate for their Souls advantage For which I beseech thee give them a capacious Heart to know love serve and enjoy thy self and vouchsafe them of the good things of this World what thou seest convenient for them and help them to be contented to be without what in mercy thou deniest them Good Lord keep both them and theirs inoffensive in this World and when they shall go hence and be no more in this Life Lord grant that where thou art they may be also in Eternal Glory Amen Amen Thus far the pleasant and more lightsome part Now follows what 's more dark and dolefull I have now a very smarty afflictive Dispensation from God to record very pressing by his afflictive Hand on us I acknowledge very deservedly for my Sins the Lord hath taken from us out of this Life our onely One the most dearly Beloved Daughter and Child of my choice Aâ—fections Mrs. Margaret Cox she was mâ—â—ried February the first 1675. The 19th 〈◊〉 November following she was Delivered of a Son Lord's Day seven a Clock in the Morning She continued pretty well two or three Days Tuesday following sickned of a Fever and dyed December the 5th 1675. But God in the midst of his just Judgments remembred his Mercy to us hath spared the little one to us Blessed be God for it and received the Motherless Babe into Covenant with himself by Baptism I Bless God he is the Son of good Parents his Father a very sober and a good Man his dear deceased Mother was a fine lovely handsome well accomplished Woman both in Nature and Grace to God's Praise I do make my Acknowledgments let it have no other Censure She was of a quick Apprehension modest humble discreet and of a good Judgment and well fitted for Family-Government and Imployment She had a sweet amicable Deportment and gracefull Behaviour these Endowments through God's Kindness to her rendred her very desirable to all that knew
Affections that should continue Mutual Love Good Lord let that dear Chid she hath left behind her cement and joyn our Hearts in joynt Thankfulness unto thee and unite us one to another Lord give them thy choice Favours in Jesus Christ pardon of Sin with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and order and dispose for the best whatever may concern them and theirs as to a happy tendency to their well-being in this World and attaining of thy self in endless Glory I beseech thee be very gracious unto him whom thou hadst united so nearly to her in a sweet Conjugal Relation Lord I have sinned and he also suffered Good Lord let all Grace abound to him in all concerns in this Life and for a better and let her gain be his great Advantage joyning his Heart more closely to thy self Good Lord bless that single Posterity of his and ours left of her who was his dear Wife and our dearly Beloved Child I beseech thee be his God in Covenant with him and Lord give him the Efficacy of his Baptism that he may be thine by Grace and Adoption I beseech thee take full and early Possession of his Heart Good Lord keep out the Vanities and Follies of Childhood and Youth that while he is Young he may be a Beloved Disciple of Jesus Christ If thou seest it good to continue him in this Life I beseech thee grant that he may in his dear Mothers room Honour God in this World with an exemplary holy Life a choice Instrument of thy Glory Good Lord charge thy Providence with him in the whole course of his Life and make up all Relations to him in thy self Graciously support him in and through this World Good Lord preserve him from the Soul-ruining Evils of it and when thou wilt take him hence I beseech thee receive him to thy self in thy Everlasting Kingdom in the full Fruition of God in Glory Lord though thou was pleased to clip off so great a piece of the Comfort of my Life in this World denying my Vehement Desires and Requests with the many Prayers of thy People and our Christian Friends for the longer stay of our Dear Child with us in this World yet thou art not the less a God hearing Prayer but hast heard and granted to an higher End not here on Earth with us but in Heaven with thee received in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies to which Blessed Estate I beseech thee bring me and those Relatives very dear to me Good Lord sanctifie to us this Chastening Hand and though thou cuttest off the Streams my Comforts of this Life let not my Soul be as a parched Heath that receives no good but draw me to thy self the Fountain of durable Mercies give me those Living Waters from the Wells of thy Salvation the Light of thy Countenance with thy reconciled Face and Favour those Rivers that make glad the City of God Good Lord vouchsafe me the sweet refreshing gales and incomes of thy Spirit and with thy Grace conduct me off these ruff Seas of Sins and Sorrows to my desired Haven and Port in those Eternal Mansions of Glory where all in thee shall meet with full Enjoyments of God and one another with sweet acclamations of Thankfulness and Praises to thee our God for Ever for Ever Amen Amen Amen I have transcribed this long Paragraph without altering or changing the order of a Word if some may account it tedious who either have not been exercised with such Tryals or have other shorter and cheaper ways to relieve themselves against them let them use their own Methods without censuring or despising hers This was her Heart's Ease when she was overwhelmed pouring out her Complaints to God in secret was her best Anodine but I hope it will need no Apology with most and if it doth with any I 'll not run the risque of losing my Labour by attempting it where the Success is so doubtfull and unpromising I shall venture to enlarge this Section a little farther for three Reasons First To shew the ardour of her Zeal for the Spiritual good of this Child so exceeding dear to her which may be an Instructive Example to some Mothers or Grand-mothers to stir up the like towards their Descendants as nearly Related to them as this Child to her Secondly Because I foresee I shall not in the Body of this Book have much farther occasion to trouble the Reader with any long transcripts out of her Writings what remains being designed for the Appendix which will be entirely her own Lastly To imprint upon the Child due Sentiments of Gratitude to God and her I meet with many Expressions of most Pathetick Tenderness towards this dear Child who now next to my self was the Center in which all the lines of her strong Affections terminated July 14. 1679. Our dear sweet Child went to Coggshall to his Father's House the Lord preserve him from all Evil and Bless him and comfortably restore him to us again About a quarter of a Year after he returned well to us again Blessed be God for it We went four Miles from Home to visit a Friend our dear Child was preserved in an apparent Danger The hinder Wheel of the Coach was very like to have borne him down and gone over him as he was going into the Coach the Horses being disturbed by a strange Horse went away but through God's preventing Goodness I had a quick apprehension of the danger I suddenly pulled him away Blessed be our good God for this Deliverance of our dear Child he had no harm the Wheel durtied his Hat and Coat good Lord help me to live thy Praises who art the God of our Mercies Some may say these are small Matters but I say they are no small Evidences of a very thankfull sense of God's Mercies and will leave them inexcusable who are not thankfull for greater In the Year 1682. God was pleased to put me in fear of the speedy dissolution of our dearly beloved Grand-child He was in a languishing consumptive condition with other symptoms of the Disease His Breath was very short had lost his Appetite he looked very Pale was very Lean which imprest on my Thoughts that God would take him from me To his Righteous Will I laboured to submit but God was pleased to reverse the Sentence with a Blessing on means used the Prescriptions of Dr. H. whom we sent for from London to him and with my own great Care of him he recovered Strength to God's Blessing I ascribe the Praise who did not cast out my Petition Good Lord let this pledge of thy compassionating Mercy to me strengthen my Faith in the grant of my more Earnest Request that I may assure my self agreeable to thy Will of his Sanctification I beseech thee season his tender Mind with the savoury Knowledge of thy Blessed self Lord I do not ask of thee the Excesses and great things of this World not Earth but Heaven thy Blessed self I beseech thee put
him not off with any thing less than thy self No Lord I beg thou wilt with-hold the grandeur of this Life from him farther than thou wilt give him an Heart to lay it out to the best advantage of thy Glory on Earth the procuring a better Estate in Heaven those Everlasting Mansions where are durable Riches an Eternal weight of Glory purchased with the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ which good Lord grant unto him Amen Amen Amen June 19. 1688. My dear Grand-Child escaped by God's gracious Providence a very terrible Danger of being Wounded or sudden Death which danger she describes had not God's watchfull Compassion interposed I cannot express the terrible Consequence which might have happened I am not able to recount thy multiplied Mercies in delivering us from present Dangers and many we know not of For this and all good Lord accept as I would render them from a Heart sensible of thy Mercies my most gratefull Acknowledgments and in consideration of this I beseech thee make deep Impressions on the Heart of my poor Child and us his Parents concerned for him that he and we may live thy Praises Amen Amen I will satisfie my self with the Perusal of the rest and not trouble the Reader by transcribing more though all improved to Holy Purposes and the Reflections made with such warm Expressions as I conceive might be very apt to kindle the Flames of Devoutest Thankfulness in those who read them no words being more likely to affect the Hearts of others than those which so evidently proceed from the Hearts of those who Speak or Write them and feel what they utter according to the Advice good Bishop Felton used to give his Chaplains of which the Excellent Bishop Brownwrig was sometime one to steep their Sermons in their Hearts before they Preached them SECT XXIII Acts and Kinds of her great Charity THough the Title-page gives this Section a Right and Claim to one moiety of the whole I write concerning her yet I would have it interpreted with some grains of Allowance for alass how could any thing she gave be called her Charity who was a Wife or how could it be called great when all we both possessed had the whole been given could not in rigour bear that Epithete I will therefore account for both in a few words First therefore though a Wife she had a freedom of my little All where I was Cajus she was truly Caia according to the old Roman Phrase she had free access to whatever I was Master of so abundantly was I satisfied in her Integrity and Prudence and to touch so small a thing as a Testimony of her wise Care and our mutual Confidence to avoid the clog of many Keys she contrived to have five Locks open with one Key and had two made one for each of us that upon no occasion of the others Absence either of us might be shut out from what was kept under them and so for a few other Locks she provided double Keys one of which she kept the other hung up in my Study Now when any object of Charity offered it self she would serve the occasion as she also did for her own Expence out of my Store but would after always tell me to a Penny what she took which I have times without number not only excused her from but almost chid her for but she would not be perswaded to mend that Fault so tender was she Whereupon I told her I would ease us both of that needless and uneasie Trouble by allowing her a fixed certain Sum that she might have no shaddow of a Scruple left in using of it as she pleased I may indeed be ashamed to name it and it had been a niggardly and indecent Proportion had I had more than one competent Living but being as it was she would have no more only said merrily My Friend this shall not debarr me of my former Freedom which on my part it never did though on her part never was made use of The Summ was the rents of a small Farm of Nineteen Pound a Year which was always called hers and I used to call her my Landlady chearfully when I duly paid her Nine Pound ten Shillings on the half-years day and some little Perquisites about the Yard more than were spent in the Family which were also her Propriety and which might together amount to about Twenty two or Twenty three Pound a Year in the whole Out of which she cloathed herself very decently and many Poor very warmly and did much other good as I shall convinsingly evidence in what follows So true is the Saying Nullum numen doest si sit Prudentia Wise Contrivance will supply all other Defects And as an observing Gentlewoman said She never knew any had the Art so perfectly as Mrs. Walker of making a little shew a great deal or going a great way This small Pittance being absolutely her own her scrupulous Tenderness was freed from giving me account what she did with it and I from the irksome trouble of receiving it and what she spared out of it was properly her own Charity Now though to give more than her whole Allowance would be a lean and starvling Charity from those who have more than they know well what to do with yet our gracious Lord the most unexceptionable Judge of these Matters tells us the poor Widdow's two Mites was more than the bulky Summs which the Rich cast into the Treasuries of God out of their Abundance who rather squander their Superfluities than retrench from their Necessities to help the wants of the Indigent though I wish there were not too few even of such Squanderers And the Holy Apostle tells us If there be a willing Mind it is accepted according to what a Man hath and not according to what he hath not 2 Cor. 8.12 And I bear her Record that to her Power yea beyond her Power she was always willing and ready to communicate to the Wants of others for how strait soever her Ability might be she was not straitned in her own Bowels And though what she did from her own allowance was in strictest Sence her Charity only yet this only was not all her Charity for she having a joint Interest in what was mine she was sharer with me in the disposing or retaining of it and I can with Truth and Comfort testifie she never disswaded me from giving often encouraged me to give and would say to me on such occasions My Dear I think none of our Estate laid out so well as what is laid out so nor any part kept so safe as what is deposited in God's Hand and committed to his keeping But this is not all she would be over-ballanced against her own Inclination if there were Charity in the case She was not more averse from any thing than the enlarging our Family loved to have it as small as might be that it might be still and private free from disturbing Noise and distracting Diversions
thy Soul and with all thy Strength the second is like the first Thou shalt love thy Neighbour as thy self On this brief Account Christ put so great a stress he said On these hang all the Law and the Prophets And St. James saith 28. If ye fulfill the Royal Law according to the Scriptures thou shalt love thy Neighbour as thy self which God requires not in Word only but in Deed also relieving their Necessities if any be naked or destitute of daily Food to feed and cloath them to say depart in Peace and give them not those things needfull to the Body it will not profit therefore with-hold not good from them to whom it is due if it be in the Power of thy Hand to doe it it is a more blessed thing to give than to receive He that gives to the Poor shall not lack but he that hideth his Eyes shall have many a Curse Do not say I have but little now to give but I will give hereafter remember the poor Woman's Mite was more in Christ's Esteem than those who had of their abundance cast into the Treasury Dear Johnny It may be something might be spared from unnecessary Expence buying Fruit or the like of which too much may be prejudicial to thy Health and may be laid out to a better account Do not give grudgingly by constraint lest it be as the Lame or Blind which was not to be brought to God like Cain's Sacrifice which he brought with an unwilling mind not acceptable to God Let the object stir up thy Compassion that thou mayst not give too sparingly God loves a chearfull giver Dear Johnny He that gives to the Poor lends to the Lord he that makes all Grace to abound will repay thee in temporal and spiritual Blessings good Measure shaken and pressed together and running over shall be given to thee God hath given many Promises to the Charitable to hint but a few The Lord will deliver him in time of Trouble and will not deliver him to the Will of his Enemies The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive and he shall be Blessed upon the Earth The Lord will strengthen him upon the Bed of Languishing he will make all his Bed in his Sickness Psal 41. For thy Encouragement read Isaiah 58. Yield Obedience to God's Command He hath said Deut. 7. If there be among you a poor Man thou shalt not harden thy Heart not shut thy Hand against thy poor Brother thou shalt shurely give unto him and thy Heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him but thou shalt open thy Hand wide unto thy poor and to thy needy for for this thing shall the Lord bless thee in all thou puttest thy Hand unto Dear Johnny Thou art also bound by an obligatory Promise to thy Grandfather and to me we have sometimes given thee Money for this Purpose to inure thee betimes to be Charitable that something of it thou mightest give unto the Poor as thou hast promised a Penny in every Shilling it is but a little do not withold that lest it become an accursed thing to thee like Achan's wedge of Gold at the Last Day the Day of Judgment This duty of Charity in right performance of it will be a distinguishing Character of those who shall stand at Christ's Right-hand from those who shall stand at his Left-hand whose Hands were as strait as their Hearts were hard they would have no Pity on the Poor therefore they shall find none But Christ will say unto them Depart ye Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for the Devil and his Angels with that Infernal Company But those at Christ's right-hand which fed the hungry cloathed the naked visited the sick and imprisoned which Christ will take as done unto himself he will reward with the Kingdom of Heaven Dear Johnny Make thee friends of the Mammon of this World that when this Life fails thou mayst be received into everlasting Habitations Dear Johnny As God may bless thee with the things of this World let not thy little at present be the measure of greater plenty He that sows sparingly shall reap spearingly but he that sows bountifully shall reap bountifully not only in this Life but in that to come There are degrees of Glory in Heaven the better here the happier hereafter though not of merit but of Grace God will pass by the Imperfections of his People which cleave to their best performance Dear Johnny With other religious Duties continue thy custom of private Prayer at least twice a day Morning and Evening besides publick and family Prayer Ejaculatory Prayer is also of great Benefit it is short but holy Desires lifting up thy heart to God Let them be thy last thoughts before sleep that God may give thee as his Beloved sleep the like as soon as thou wakest in the Morning before more solemn Prayer and with both render him Praise for the Mercy thou liest down in peace and risest in safety always under God's Protection These holy Desires may be oft sent to Heaven and bring thee Blessings the World cannot give and will defend thee from the Sin and Vanity of it keeping thy heart in a good frame they may be as the Angels ascending and descending upon Jacob's Ladder where God is above it ready to receive thee that thy return to secular Employment may be sanctified and blest that God may by thy holy wrestlings with him as he did Jacob bless thee in thy way to Canaan and New Jerusalem above And in thy more lengthened Prayer with thy own necessities and receipts from God remember the Church and People of God as need requires with Prayers and Praises Go to God with filial Fear and holy Reverence of Body and Mind God is in Heaven by his Greatness Superiority and Majesty thou on Earth in Weakness and Indigency Bring thy wants to his all-sufficient Fullness and immense Goodness ready able willing to supply all thy Necessities beg thee pardon of thy Sins and what thou needest for the sake merits and ever-prevaling Intercession of Jesus Christ Ask that thou mayst receive his holy Spirit as the Seal of his Love to thee With the imputed Righteousness of Christ reconciling thee to God Beg that thou mayst also have an inherent Righteousness from him renewing thee in the Spirit of thy Mind into his Image that thou mayst become one with him his Law being writ on thy Heart that he may guide thee by his Counsel in this troublesome World that no temptation may be above thy strength These things ask with thy daily Bread which implies the supply of all the necessities of humane Nature and be not desirous of more than God sees good for thee and for all the Receipts for Soul and Body be thankfull forget not to render Praises to God for what he bestows on thy self and others Forget not Zion pray for the peace of Jerusalem they shall prosper that love her Pray for the Conversion of Enemies that the
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
as in her lay and holiness that she might see God Her life was the gainfull Trade to sell all to purchase the Pearl of invaluable price and buy that oil which might fill her vessel and feed her trimmed lamp to meet the bridegroom of her Soul Her life was to be so employed that when her Lord came he might say to her Well done good and faithful servant enter thou into thy master's joy In a word her life was to live Holily that she might die Happily like Enoch to walk with God that he might take her to abide in Christ and in her measure to walk as he also walked to promote God's Interest in this World that in the next she might be ever with the Lord. But this is to affirm not to prove and though I comfortably know all this to be most true that 's no Conviction to the incredulous World I must therefore and God assisting shall produce my vouchers to satisfie others and to excite them and assist them to be like her And a brief method occurs to my thoughts to accomplish this also for our whole Life being Epitomized into twenty four Hours distinguished into Light and Darkness Day and Night of which the longest Life is but a repetition or at most into a Week dividing its days betwixt God and our selves what he allows us and what he reserves to himself And at utmost into a Year with what may occur in such a compass comprehending Heat and Cold Summer and Winter and vicissitudes of Seasons which begin and end and begin and end again and circulate over and over till Breath and Time both cease together To describe one Day one Week one Year of her Life who was so constant even steady in her course I mean in kind and substance not in degrees and measures for she grew in Grace went from strength to strength exceeding her self forgetting what was behind were in some sort to describe her Life in Epitome The following Day being parallel to that which went before and the succeeding Week the copy of the precedent only fairer written and the like of Years SECT V. How she spent a Day I Shall therefore first faithfully relate how she spent a Day that is every Day She always rose early and lived with the least sleep I ever knew or heard of any Her long and frequent weeping and sleepless months in the Agonies of her Temptation had made it easie to her to be satisfied with little Rest But after she had ceased from Child-bearing she constantly rose at four a Clock Winter and Summer I say constantly when in Health yea sometimes when under Indisposition When I say constantly I do not deny but sometimes she might be prevailed with to lie till Six or after but then she at other times much oftner rose by Three yea two in the Morning which much more than equalled the account to say every day at Four And yet her Heart was always up before her when she awaked she was still with God darting up Prayers and Praises to him who giveth his Beloved sleep I confess I have oft kindly argued the case with her to dissuade her fearing it would prejudice her Health urging that Mercy was required more than Sacrifice that overdoing was undoing and it might turn to disadvantage then she would reply Good my Dear grant me my liberty 't is the pleasure of my Life when all is still and quiet no disturbance or interruption but a calm Serenity and silent Stilness to enjoy my self and when I have told her she shamed and by her Practice upbraided my Sloth who slept much longer she would answer Thy Constitution will not bear it and thou hast nothing to divert thee but mayest be alone all day in thy Study but my Family-Imployment and Inspection requires my care and attendance and if I lose my Morning and break my measures it renders me uneasie and puts me into an huddle all the Day When she had slightly slipt on her Cloaths she would go softly into the Chamber which she called the Chamber of her choise Mercies and beloved retirement and without calling of a Servant kindle her own Fire having Charcoal or Dry-wood laid ready and so she spent two hours at least with God and then at Six or after would she call her Maids and duly hear one or both read a Chapter then sit and read her self till the Servants had had what was fit for them which she despised not to do to keep all in good order Then would she inspect the ordering her Dairy and put her humble hands to some part of the work then direct prudently and plentifully for our own Table and the Servants and afterwards dress herself decently with small expence of time then read or work with her Needle till Family-Prayer when she would have all day-labourers about the House called in And if any took their work by the great not for day wages whose time was their own not ours she would out of her own allowance or the Box I hope that Phrase is not unintelligible to many Families if it be St. Paul's Expression of laying by as God hath prosper'd them may help them to understand it give them a Penny a day as much as she thought they might have earned in the time of Family Duty that they might not be robbed of their time God hating Robbery for an Offering nor grudge or come unwillingly when called in and the like satisfaction would she make them if she gave them any diversion from the work they took by the Great as our common Phrase is without the least incroachment on their time under pretence of the advantages the Family afforded them At Dinner which was the only set Meal she ordinarily made she would hardly be prevailed with to drink more than one glass of Wine or Sider and never any Ale or strong Beer and eat moderately In the Afternoon if there were any Neighbours sick she would visit them and call on every poor Neighbour nigh going or coming to counsel or encourage them and as the Season of the Year required prepare Medicines for the Family the Poor and Neighbourhood distilled Waters Syrups Oils Ointments Salves c. or distribute them out or apply them to those who needed and for the rest work with her Needle read good Books and order Family concerns but chiefly the Education of her Children of which more fully afterwards About Five she retired to her private Devotions and they finished came to me and brought the Children with her whilst we had them to be seriously exhorted and counselled alone and then to Pray in secret for the happy success of which good Custom I have as much cause to bless God and do it most heartily as for any circumstance of my Life and if any will deride and scorn it I can say with Job Mock on If idle diversions yield them more comfort I envy not their choice much good may it doe them I learnt this Practice by
that Nature indicated thereby what must relieve and rising up in my Bed I stretched out my left Arm and humbly committing my self and the Success to God said I would Bleed again The Physicians then consented and proceeded to the Operation and opening a Vein in my Left Arm the Blood sprang out so abundantly that they drew at least ten Ounces After the closing the Orifice being laid down again My Dearest Dear who had been all my Sickness my tenderest Nurse my wakefull Watcher and all yea more than could be wished or expected or possibly performed without a spring of so strong and endearing Affection to give and guide the Motion became my Chaplain if I may have leave to use such an Expression and before the Symptoms she hath mentioned arrived at their height kneeled down by my Bed-side and wrestled with God in Prayer with such spiritual Fervency and expressed herself so appositely so pertinently so suitably and with such holy Ardour poured out her Soul to God as I never knew exceeded if equalled by the ablest Christian or Minister in all my Life Surely if ever the promise of pouring out a Spirit of Grace and Supplication was signally made good it was then made good to her and the effects of it to me for as she was a true Daughter of Abraham an Israelitess indeed she rose from her Knees a Female Israel she prevailed with God I fell into so great a Sweat as was scarce ever known and though the Night was full of the Symptoms she names which so afflicted and affrighted her yet she retained her Presence of Mind to assist me with holiest Words and kindest Deeds In the Morning Symptoms abated and when Dr. Needham came and had felt my Pulse He told me he came directly from Dr. Willis who dyed that day at Eleven a Clock of my Disease but added with a Smile he would not have told me so but that my danger was past and said That under God my last night's Bleeding and Sweating saved my Life without which humanely speaking I could not have escaped blessed be God who put that Resolution into my Mind and heard her earnest Prayers Now to return to her Pious gratefull Words I desire to bless God for every Circumstance of his Mercy in my Dear Husband's Sickness The helps and love of Friends the use of Physick with other means the constant and frequent Visits of Neighbour-Ministers their Prayers for us and of many other Friends and good People in our behalf to which I ascribe a great share of indulgent Mercy in sparing to me a little longer my Dear Husband God did not cast out the Prayer of the Afflicted but in my Distress when I cryed unto him he graciously inclined his Ear unto me and helped me Good Lord enable me with my yet continued Mercy mutually to acknowledge thy Kindness and by an exemplary holy Life to declare thy great Goodness to us Building up each other in our most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life And this Mercy wherewith thou yet intrusts me Lord help me more to improve to my Spiritual Advantage and continue him to length of Days with the abundant Gifts and Graces of thy Holy Spirit a choice and signal Instrument of thy Glory I bless thee for thy supporting Mercy in my Relative Duty in my many sorrowfull Nights and Watchings that when my Sleep departed from me I still might make my Addresses to thee who never slumberest nor sleepest for thou always seest the afflictions of thy People and knowest their Sorrows and wilt not despise them that seek thee thou hast restored Comfort to me and to my Mourners praised be thy Mercy 'T is hard to pass-by her tenderness to me of so recent Date as my last Year's Visitation which held me so many Months and brought me so low and at length settled in my Right-hand with such swelling and lameness as took away its use and under God I owe the recovery of it to her Skill and Pains and Kindness by her frequent bathing fomenting and annointing of it and preparing other both inward and outward Medicines so far to use my Pen to pay this small tribute to her happy Memory SECT X. Of her Lyings-Inn in Child-bearing GOD was pleased to give her strength to go out her full time of eleven Children six Sons and five Daughters besides some abortive or untimely Births And if ever Children were Baptized in their Mothers Belly excuse the Expression doubtless hers were so I mean solemnly Consecrated to God with fervent frequent Prayers and wash'd in a Jordan of her Tears who bore them as truly in her Heart as Womb. I find all their Births recorded with most savory and devout Reflections tho' some with more Enlargement as attended with more signal Circumstances I might transcribe them all that the sweet Spirit of Praise which breaths so fragrantly in every of them might kindle and excite the like Temper in others no Incense being more gratefull to the Nostrils of that God who saith He that offereth Praise glorifieth me but I must contract The twelfth of July 1651 God mercifully Deliver'd me of my first Child In 1652 I being big with-Child had an high Fever and was after a great and very hot fit delivered of a Daughter Aug. 29. Being Lord's Day between four and five in the Morning my Fever turned to an Ague and held me ten Weeks and brought me very low yet God in his Mercy graciously spared me and restored my Health I bless him for it Feb. 5. 54. God delivered me of a third Child our first Son God gave me a fourth Deliverance of a Daughter still-born Dec. 23. 55. I went my full time and might have been ever big Blessed be God that spared his unworthy Creature God gave me a gracious Deliverance of a fifth a Son May 15. 57. God gave me a Mercifull Deliverance of a sixth Child a Daughter June 8. 58. After a long and hard Labour continued three days and three nights in great Extremity all about me despairing of Life God mercifully Delivered me of a seventh Child a Son October 22. 59. which Mercy much affected my Dear Husband and for which my Deliverance I most humbly Bless God I confess I never knew to what degree I loved her till that time and never experienced such Raptures of Joy and Thankfullness for any worldly Matter as on that occasion the Impression of which was so deep that the remembrance of it hath a pleasing relish even to this Day God gave me a gracious Deliverance of an eighth Child a Son still-born after an hard Labour December the 11. 1660. In this Lying-in I fell into Melancholy which much disturbed me with Vapours and was very ill It pleased God to suffer my old Enemy very impetuously to assault me c. But more of this when I touch the return of her Temptation God gave me Deliverance of a ninth Child a Son October 9. 1662. God graciously gave me a
Grace Good Lord grant me the Blessing of Prayer and requite them and theirs in Spiritual Blessings Good Lord remember in much Mercy the Relations of my dear Deceased Friends Be thou the God of the Widow and the Father of the Fatherless Children Also any that ever asked my poor Prayers Gracious God though these I name I stretch out my craving Hands over the World I beseech thee let thy most suitable Mercies reach them Good Lord be Merciful to this Town and People in a sound Conversion Bless our Family with Soul-Mercies and all our Servants In the Margin are named about thirty Heads of Families with their Relations of almost all Ranks and Degrees from Right-Honourable down to them of low Condition for whom she had a peculiar Esteem and endear'd Affection who so far suffer with me that they have lost a sincere Friend and humble earnest Intercessor at the Throne of Grace I will use an Expression of her own Pen touched above on the like occasion I humbly hope these Prayers remain upon the File of God's Mercy And I humbly and heartitly beseech him they may be answered with Blessed Returns upon my self and mine and upon all them and theirs for whom they were sent up with so devout and commendable Charity and Zeal Amen SECT XIX Some trying Calamities on the Nation on Friends and Family and signal Deliverances from Dangers AS she was none of those who regard not God's Works nor the Operation of his Hands but duly observed and humbly adored his Providential Dispensations so she cast them not behind her Back but constantly Recorded them with Awakening Pious Reflections upon them whether relating to the Nation Friends or Family I shall scarcely mention one of twenty only touch a few one or two of a kind as Instances and Examples to others to provoke to Imitation About four years after King Charles the Second's coming into England began the great Plague May the 5th 1665. of which died in and about London 68592. I think it should have been 98592 her Pen by an easie Mistake pointing the first Figure upward which should have been turned downward as hath been Computed besides great Multitudes in other Parts of the Kingdom In the Year following was the Dreadful Fire September the Second which Consum'd and Burnt down Eighty nine Churches and as Account hath been given 13200 Houses Lord how manifold are thy Judgments Give the Inhabitants of the Earth to learn Righteousness thereby If some might blame me yet I believe some would have thanked me had I added many more of these National Concerns as a very brief Chronicle especially with her usefull Reflections Whoso are Wise will consider these things and they shall understand the Loving Kindness of the Lord whoso doth his great and wonderfull Works that they ought to be had in Remembrance But for Brevity I refrain And as she took notice of publick Concerns so did she also of what touched particular Persons especially her Friends as for Instance January 13. 1672. God was pleased to suffer a sudden and lamentable Fire to Consume in a few hours a large House the Habitation of a good Gentleman our Friend and Neighbour Mr. Luther of Miles's three Miles distant from us upon which she wrote a most kind and Christian Letter to him of which I find the Copy She records the Deaths of many Friends and always with a short Character of them and useful Improvements As for Instance April 12. 1678. It pleased God to take to himself the Most Excellent Lady the Countess of Warwick She was Eminent in Religion a sound Christian in Knowledge and Practice exceeding Charitable did very much good a very sincere and obliging Friend very sweet in Disposition and in Condescention to all even to those much below her she did excell both in Religion and in all other commendable Vertues she lived very desirable and dyed much bewailed as a deep Loss to her Relations to the Neighbourhood to the Church and People of God to all that knew her amongst whom to my Dear Husband to him she was a most entire Friend and to my self Good Lord Sanctifie to us this heavy Deprivation the loss of our Honourable and most Endearing Friend Lord make up the Breach which for Extent is very wide yet not beyond the Bounds of thy Boundless Compassion Good Lord fill up to us and all that share in this smarty touch of thy Hand with full Supplies fetched beyond Creature-Enjoyments more immediate from thy self in thy immutable Friendship and never-dying Love and Favour in that unchangeable Rock of Ages Christ Jesus which Lord vouchsafe to grant Amen Amen And having named several Deaths of other Friends with true Characters of them she concludes Good Lord Sanctifie to me these frequent Warnings of Mortality and Death I beseech thee fit me for my Departure out of this World She mentions also three Eminent Deliverances from the Danger of Fire breaking out in our House in which we inhabited and one in another House of ours in the Parish which were prevented by signal Providences which she sets down and closes with most thankful Praises There 's not an Eminent Danger into which I fell and out of which God's Mercy rescued me which she remembers not with Expressions which testifie a most Dear Affection to my self and a most Pious and Devout Sense of God's Watchful Providence and Comfortable Instances of his Gratious Answers to her Prayers I shall touch but one or two out of very many August 1660. My Dear Husband coming from London fell into the Hands of four Robbers which prevented his coming Home that Day which much troubled me being Saturday Night and being very Tempestuous with great Rains Lightning and Thunder but after some time spent by my self the rest of my Family being in Bed I powr'd out my Request to God in his behalf my Heart being much quieted I went to my Rest where God gave me the Repose of the Night and in the Morning brought home my Dear Husband to our mutual Comfort and his performing the work of that Day in God's own Service Blessed be God He received no eminent Harm but attempting to escape one of the Thieves with a Club struck him on the side of his Head but his Hat broke the Blow that he had not much hurt I bless God They took his Money Watch and Rings but none of his Cloaths and though the tender Mercies of the Wicked are cruel God so over-ruled their usual harsh demeanour that one of them pulled off one of his own Coats and wrapt it about him for some time and set him under a Tree to shroud him from the Rain and Tempest Blessed be God for his Preservation in this Danger Some Passages in the preceding Paragraph run so parallel with what we read St. John 4.50 that I shall transcribe the Words and then make an unforced and appposite Application of them to the purpose for which I produce them and allude to them Then
her God was pleased to give her much Honour and Esteem in this World with which she retained a lowly Mind with much sweet obliging Kindness to all acquainted with her She was very Friendly to the meaner sort very kind and charitable to poor People to whom she had a very compassionate Heart and bountifull Hand in relieving of them which she did with great Privacy though God hath been pleased since her Death to make it known by them in their Acknowledgments and bewailing their loss of her I bless God she lived very desirable and dyed much lamented she was a very loving dutifull Child to her Parents a very endearing Wife to her Husband and very sweet in all her Relations she was very acceptable to all her Husband's Kindred by whom the loss of her was much bewailed God was pleased to make her married condition very Satisfactory to herself and all concerned and though God was pleased to conclude it in so short a time taking her out of this Life scarce eleven Months from her Marriage which was accompanied with great Joy and Kindness of Friends yet God filled it with the close crouded manifestations of his Love and Favour to her yea her whole Life from her Cradle to her Grave to which she went with much Decency and Honour and which is much more valuable unblemished free from the gross defilements of this World The Lord was pleased to fit her for himself by a tender crazy Constitution of Body she was much afflicted with Head-Ach and other Illness which she bore with much quietness and submission under God's Hand by which he led her to the consideration of a better Life About four Years of Age on days of Prayer and Fasting she would sit by me the whole Day and at Prayer hold up her little Hands which in her riper Age with continuance from her Childhood she performed more understandingly She was constant in Religious Duties conversant in God's Word the Holy Bible which whilst she was a Child she oft read through and got much Scripture by Heart Also read many good Authors several good Books her Dear Father or my self commended to her which Practice she did not decline neither before nor since her Marriage She constantly at least twice a Day made her Addresses to the Throne of Grace in Prayer When she was very young she would give an account of a Sermon and repeat most of the Particulars or Heads of it and as she was religiously habituated from her Childhood I do humbly hope God confirmed her by his Grace to Perseverance in the Ways of God She would excite others not only in her own Practice but by her Counsels as to their Souls Concerns Amongst other her good Advices as her Dear Husband since her Death hath informed me she said to him ' That she did not question but he Prayed alone before he had her and said so did she and desired him to continue the same that one Prayer might not be lost by their Joint-Prayer which they used once a day going together alone to seek God besides publick and Family-Worship They oft said that nothing should more oblige them to each other than their mutual Love to each others Souls in their helping one another in their way to Heaven I bless God for his signal kindness to her in him so near and dear to her not only making them one Flesh but one Soul and both one Spirit in himself In the time of her Travail and following Sickness she was very Meek and Patient as in all her former Sicknesses and Pain The Disease took her Head which deprived her of her Understanding but I bless God that so guarded her Tongue that she did not dishonour him The Lord was pleased to give her some little relaxation of her Disease in which Intervals she exprest her self Piously And desired of her Relations the carefull and good Education of her Child said she had oft begged of God in the behalf of her Relations by Marriage and for those who were not disposed of that God would fix them so as might be their best advantage both for Soul and Body and desired there might continue a Loving Respect between both Families which I do beseech God to preserve Her Disease did not give her leave to express herself as otherwise she might have done much more to God's Glory and the Comfort of her Friends But Blessed be God for his Grace bestowed on her that her Evidences for her Eternal Happiness were not to seek upon her Dying-Bed but were in the safe Hand of our Saviour and sealed with the Signet of God's Right-hand with an indelible Character and Inscription of God's Holy Image and Law on her Heart by his Holy Spirit as a Title to those Eternal Mansions of Glory purchased for her with the precious Blood of her dear Redeemer Jesus Christ in which Blessed Estate I humbly hope she is in the Everlasting Fruition and Enjoyment of God his Elect Angels and those Blessed Spirits of the Just made perfect Her Flesh also shall rest in hope of a glorious Resurrection when Mortality shall be swallowed up of Immortality God will joyn Soul and Body in an indissoluble Union with himself in that abundant Entrance into the Everlasting Kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ so shall she be for ever with her Lord in thy Eternal Praises In which Persuasion good Lord quiet my Heart that I may acquiesce in thy unerring Wisdom Good Lord scatter the Foggs and Mists of my unruly Passions that hinder the sight and view of thy reconciled Face and Favour to me I beseech thee Pardon my Sins and Offences which have provoked thee to this manifestation of thy displeasure against us bereaving us of our Children that of eleven none remains and of this the loss more grievous than any of the rest though they with her through thy Kindness very desirable to us but she our last one and all Lord shouldst thou take my Forfeitures how destitute should I be not only of Children but of all thy sustaining Mercies and above all in the irreparable loss of thy self who art abundantly better to me than Sons and Daughters Good Lord sanctifie to me this Dispensation and help me to find out the accursed thing which provoked thee to smite with so heavy a Blow I beseech thee with this correcting Hand beat off the busie Flies of Sin and Temptation that they may not corrupt my Soul Good Lord cleanse me from all filthiness of Flesh and Spirit that I may perfect Holiness in thy Fear run with Patience the Race thou hast yet set before me finish my Course in thy Service and conclude my Life in this World to thy Glory in the Salvation of my Soul for Christ's Sake Lord as for my self I beg of thee to be very Gracious to those related to us by the Marriage of our Dear Child though thou hast loosed the Knot that so nearly joyned our Families I beseech thee do not untie those
unwritten Paper which remains may seem to imply she designed more This is just the fortyeth part of what she had written for her Childrens use being 6 Pages in her Book of Twelve score so that I have enough if I would enlarge to tire my self and satisfie not to say clog my Readers But I will consult my own ease and theirs in adding little more of what an account is given Sect. 12. under Eleven or Twelve distinct Heads I confess I am tempted to add the Example to the Rule I mean the large Form of Prayer and Thanksgiving each containing 16 Pages But I 'll forbear only as I toucht a few Lines of the beginning and end of the Thanksgiving before So I shall give a little taste of this Prayer which she begins thus Good Lord give me to know thee who passest all Knowledge and though I cannot comprehend thee in the perfection and fullness of thy Glory yet vouchsafe to give me to apprehend thee in thy Love and pardoning Mercy to me a poor miserable Sinner who in my first Being was invested with an happy and righteous Estate from which O Lord in my first Original I soon declined c. And so proceeds most humbly to acknowledge the guilt and pollution of Original Sin as I think yea know most Orthodoxly If our Bibles our Articles our Homilies yea our Liturgy be more Orthodox than Socinus and those Ephramites who lisp his Sibboleth because they cannot or will not pronounce aright the Shibboleth of the Church of England's good old Doctrine Then she proceeds to a large Confession of actual Sin both of Omission and Commission against both Tables Acknowledging the demerit of them proceeds to sue out the Pardon of them in these words O God thou knowest my foolishness and my Sins are not hid from thee I beseech thee pardon my Iniquities and blot out my Transgressions though they be as a thick Cloud Good Lord wash me from my Impurities in that Fountain set open for Sin and for Vncleanness the precious Blood of Jesus Christ which is not only able to expiate my guilt but to cleanse me from all my filthiness that through his stripes I may be healed and cleansed from all my Original and Actual Defilements c. Having enlarged upon this she proceeds to pay for Sanctification and Inherent Righteousness that she may be a new Creature in Christ Jesus then most fully and earnestly against Temptation then for the Assistance of the Spirit to render all God's Ordinances and the means of Grace effectual then for growth in Grace for Comfort for an Heavenly frame of Heart and Life for assurance and manifestation of God's Love to her then for Wisdom to consider her latter End and to be helped in that Spiritual Arithmetick so to number her Days as to apply her Heart to true Wisdom then that God would fit and prepare her for her Dissolution that when her days shall be consummated on Earth her Corruptible may put on Incorruption and her Mortal put on Immortality Then she concludes with these Words Then shall Death my last Enemy be vanquished and swallowed up in Victory and from thy unworthy Creature Everlasting Praises shall be rendred unto thee through Jesus Christ that giveth me the Victory for thou hast redeemed my Soul from the Power of the Grave I beseech thee receive me into thy Eternal Kingdom and Glory that neither Death nor Life things present nor things to come may be able to separate me from thy Love O God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. Then she proceeds to Pray for the Church of which a taste was given in her Monday-morning Prayers Sect. 7. pag. 45. Gracious Lord the Mercies I ask of thee for my own Soul I earnestly beg of thee for thy Church and People Blessed Lord Thou hast made the Earth by thy Power established the World by thy Wisdom and stretched out the Heavens by thy Discretion thy Arm is not shortned that thou canst not Save Good Lord take care of Zion build up the Walls of Jerusalem that in Zion there may be Deliverance and Holiness in thy House let the Mountain of thy House be established in the top of the Mountains be thou a Wall of Fire round about and her Glory in the midst thereof But I forgot my self 't is hard to stop my Pen. Then I beseech thee especially for the Land of my Nativity the Nation of which I am a sinfull Member here is a large Paragraph The next is for the World Give thy Gospel a free and glorious Passage through the World Good Lord pity those that sit in the region and shaddow of Death Then I beseech thee be mercifull to all the Sons and Daughters of Sorrow and Affliction the Disconsolate the Sick those who contend with Poverty Imprisonment Reproach Disgrace Then for them who suffer Persecution for the Truth Then for her Relations I confess I am almost ashamed that I have thus mangled so excellent a Prayer so Piously so Judiciously in such suitable Scripture Phrase and Language I think it had been better to have transcribed the whole or let it quite alone but her Friends may command a Copy of it if they please Having finished her Intercessions for others she returns to conclude with renewed Petitions for herself which I will venture to set down Good Lord be the God and Portion of me thy unworthy Creature and of those so dear unto me give me a Relation to thee an Affiance in thee and a Dependance upon thee that in all my concerns I may come to thee in whom are all my fresh Springs the riches of free Grace to poor Sinners and treasuries of Mercies purchased with the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ I beseech thee with-hold not thy tender Mercies from me but give me of that hidden Manna the sweet refreshing Incomes of thy Holy Spirit into my Soul and when my Heart is overwhelmed I beseech thee lead me to the Rock that is higher than I for thou hast been a shelter to me Lord be thou a strong Tower to me to which I may continually resort for whom have I in Heaven but thee And if I know any thing of my own Heart there is none comparative on Earth that I desire besides thee thou art my God besides thee there is no Saviour I beseech thee guide me with thy Counsel and when I shall go hence and be no more in this World I beseech thee receive me into thy Glory Then follows the Thanksgiving full as large as the Form of Prayer and if it may be more Spiritual raised and Divinely Savoury but I will not repeat the Errour to mangle it and set down so Imperfect Pieces and spoil its Beauty but signifie to her Friends that I shall freely allow them to read the Original which is fairly legible or if they think it worth the while to Copy it out or at more leisure to Print some few Copies of it and others of her usefull
Sheep and his Lambs You have put your hand to God's Plough good Mr. Ph. let not the flattery or fear of Men make you warp from the streight Rule of God's Word You know the most and worst that they can doe and with the same resolution make the Apostles choice Acts 20.24 He that will put the evil day from him may soonest fall by the evil of the day and instead of finding may loose this and eternal Life The evil of Sin will produce much worse than present Sufferings If God call you forth as he did the Martyrs with their Flood to give testimony to the Truth even those Sufferings they esteemed light for the Hope set before them an Eternal Weight of Glory at the greatest length our Lives are not long in this Word Death spares none not the greatest Monarchs a great Man is fallen in our Israel our late Sovereign I have very valuable Thoughts of you you will not despise small things which gives me this Presumption I know you have greater Motives from God's Exiting Grace in you to quicken you to and assist you in your Master's Work than my narrow Scantling can afford happy they that so do they shall neither be ashamed nor affraid when their Reckoning-day comes of which happy number Lord grant you to be I am good Mr. Ph. Your Assured Well-wishing Friend Elizabeth Walker March 15. 84. I publish the following Letter because I intend to give the Book to my plain Parishoners most of whom stand upon the same Level with him to whom it was written Persons of higher Rank may pass it by or give it to their plain Country Tenants I thought to have given an account how one of her Sister's Daughters came to be in so low a Condition whose Father might have given every Child more than a Thousand Pound had he continued the Diligence which he used for several Years after his Marriage with her Sister and the fair Portion he had with her but as she was not ashamed of her Condition no more am I and as things were 't is well she had an Aunt to assist her to match with a sober industrious Man and their joint Stock enable them to manage a Farm of about Fifty Pounds a Year on which they hitherto have and I hope will continue to live comfortably and contentedly Cousin Robert Glassock YOU have not a Friend that more truly desires your Welfare than my self and shall be most affectionately glad of your well-being in this present World but I hope I should much more rejoyce in your certain and assured Interest in a better Life I desire you may obtain both of God who is the giver of all good I beseech you that you may to apply your self to that direct Rule and guidance of God's Word which counsels you to seek the Kingdom of God with his Righteousness in the first place and then you have the Promise of him that is both faithfull and able to perform his Word That the things of this life shall be added unto you as an additional to your future Happiness to which if you could gain the Wealth of the whole World 't would be but like picking up of Straws and Pebbles compared to that Blessed Estate for any thing in Exchange he will make a bad Bargain that ventures the loss of his Soul It was the saying of a good Man that gave a right Judgment That the whole Turkish Empire was but a Crust the Master of the House threw to the Dog How then shall not God the Lord of the whole Universe provide for them of his own Family that are Heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven I request you let it appear to whom you belong shew it by your Christian Profession in the whole Course of your Life to which your Baptism hath engaged you with the Inscription of God's Law which get writ with an indelible Character by the Finger of his Spirit upon your Heart by the use of God's Word you may acquaint your self in your Bible There God gave his Commandments in few and plain words that the meanest Capacity might understand and remember them A great part of the Bible is an Exposition of them You can read it is your Mercy improve that Talent to your Master's use You cannot doe his Will except you know it Therefore as God's Word directs you so observe to doe his Will that you may have regard unto all his Commandments in keeping of them there is great reward Therefore mind the Precepts and put them into practice heed the threatnings against whom and for what that they may deterr and affright you from the way of Sin that you may avoid the end of Punishment Take notice of the Promises and value them as they are worth make them yours by fervent and frequent Prayer and fulfilling the Conditions of them This I do earnestly request of you and the same of your Wife and that you will Pray together and a-part that you may be Heirs together of eternal Life Set up religious Worship in your little Family the smalness of your Family will not excuse the neglect God as he doth require it he will regard where there is but Two or Three he hath promised to be with them I beseech you do not deferr in any known Duty least disuse give you more difficulty to future performance Habitual Customs are most prevalent But to quicken you to this Duty consider for the default of it God's threatning Jeremiah 10. the last I pray you take that Counsel 1 Chron. 28.9 Not to be so bad as others is a step to a good Life But he that goes no farther will fall short of eternal Life I have so good thoughts of you your disposition is not to the Debaucheries and Vices of some but negative Righteousness is not enough With other religious Duties I have already mentioned I most earnestly press you to a strict Observation of the Lord's Day Sanctifie God's Seventh Day and he will Bless your Six Days Labour It will also be a good Hedge not onely to secure your eternal State but all that God may bless you with in this World See the two last Verses of the 58. Isa Read the whole Chapter it may be very profitable to excite you but I beseech you do not violate that Holy Rest by unnecessary Employments in worldly Affairs nor spend that Day in Idleness or Sleeping more than you would in the other Six Days Do not sacrilegiously rob God of his Worship in any part of his Day do not divert by vain talk but give every proportion of time the Duties it requires Be not like those that were weary of the Sabboth Amos 8.5 See likewise Malachi 1st and 3d. Mark the extent of the Fourth Commandment it doth not only require Masters of Families but reacheth all under their Charge their care is required as well for their Souls as their Bodies or else there is no difference made of them from their Cattle therefore you must
which nothing can be hid and as easily will detect it as earnestly detest it and severely avenge it Her Modesty which you heard before she called the Womans Ornament was so undeflowred that she loathed in others what had the slightest appearance of staining or tarnishing that orient Beauty and adorning Comeliness and which she strove to plant in her Daughters as the fairest Flower in that Garden which she cultivated with her best Industry and for herself I can and do give her this true Testimony I never heard a Word proceed from her Mouth of unpure defiling Sound or Sence or of least tendency to either Her Garb and Dress her Carriage and Gestures and her whole Conversation were all of a Piece with her Communication which was always Savoury Seasoned with Salt that it might Minister Grace to them who heard it I confess I reckon neither a slattering fordidness in Dress nor Pusillanimity to speak out in reproving Sin or Sinners as occasion required any branches of Modesty as I fear some do in respect of Garb or Words for I have shewed before both how exact her Neatness and how great her Courage was to make and keep her Faithfull to the Interest of God and Souls The Righteous is bold as a Lyon and so was she But this hindred not her Meekness she was as meek as a Lamb in her own Cause though bold as a Lion in the Cause of God no true Vertues interferre or are inconsistent I could prove this by Instance She indeed was quick and prone to be hasty this was if any the Sin of her Constitution but aware of it she doubled her Guards to prevent a Breach upon her weak Side She had gathered more than five Pages of apposite Scriptures which exhort to meekness of Spirit as I touched before page 74. The third of which is Psal 18.23 I was also upright before him and kept my self from mine eniquity Which I conclude she did upon that account because she found herself liable to be surprized by that Infirmity of her Natural Temper Hastiness the contrary to Meekness those Sins being most properly called our own which proceed from our Constitution Callings and prevailing Custom And the next is Job 13.31 If I did despise the cause of my Man-Servant or my Maid-Servant when they contended with me Which she set down to keep her from being angry without hearing their Excuses if they had any to extenuate a Fault or not beyond Proportion to it if they had none and many or her Servants as well as my self can witness if she had exceeded in her Reproofs or Chiding she would chide herself more than she had done them and pray them to forgive her so much more willing was she to bear Shame than Guilt She proceeds Cease from anger and forsake wrath fret not thy self in any wise to do evil Psal 37.18 And next A froward heart shall depart from me But I shut the Book or I should with transcribing and remarking fill a Sheet and weary my Reader She was a very discreet wise and prudent Woman and of a good Judgment she was indeed sometimes pretty positive stiff tenacions and adhesive to her Sentiments which I have gently reproved as being a little over-weaning and too well conceited of her own Wisdom which I remember with great regret but clear her and confess my own Errour without any regretting what I now do therein for I must acknowledge that the Event for the most part proved she was in the right and persisted not out of Humour but because her Opinion was well grounded and fixed upon good Reason She was an excellent Proficient in satisfied Acquiescence and had learned the Art of Contentment to Perfection she had attained to a Ne plus ultra in the things of this Life she did not only not desire but was afraid of being greater or richer in this World than God had vouchsafed to make us she chose to follow not to lead or dictate to the Motions of Divine Providence and she knew my Mind so well she needed not to do it when we were alone but she hath often said before many Witnesses what I am about to relate When many Friends who knew her Humour would be saying I would be shortly so or so preferred I suppose in Merriment rather than that they really thought so she would reply and intreat them to hold their Peace saying Such Discourse was very unacceptable to her and lest their vain Breath should Infect me though I thank God whose Sacred Name I would not use in vain I never found my self susceptive of that Infection she would drop such preventing Physick What can we desire that we want What have they who have so many Preferments more than we but a greater Account to give at the Day of Judgment We have enough to answer all the ends of Necessity and Decency and somewhat to spare for Charity we know not what it is to be in straits and often lend when others who have so much more are forced to borrow It is a low and easie thing in our Circumstances to be content it is too cheap a Return for our Enjoyments it concerns us to be highly thankfull the Good Lord make us so And therefore I pray find some other Discourse and leave this idle and unwelcome Twattle So freely would she speak when they had teazed and warmed her not to say vexed her with their impertinent Harrangs And indeed she was very thankfull what a sweet Spirit of Praise breaths in all I have transcribed from her Papers and she did truly abound in this Grace She had well learned the Apostle's Lesson In all things to give thanks she blessed the Lord at all times his Praise was continually in her Mouth She seldom enterprized any thing without Prayer and as seldom finished it without Praise comparatively she esteemed Praise much more excellent than Prayer not only as it is more like the Imployment of the Holy Angels and the Spirits of Just Men made perfect but as it is less selfish and hath a more immediate aspect upon God our own Necessities constrain us to cry to God for Relief and the worst Men will Pray yea and make Vows when they are in fear but only good Men will return to pay their acknowledgments when their turn is served all the ten Lepers cryed for Mercy but where are the nine there was but one of them found to render Thanks St. Gregory the Great gives this Reason why of all the holy Men of God mentioned in the Sacred Oracles David only is called the Man after God's own Heart Because he wrote the Book of Psalms those Divine Praises Praise is so agreeable to the Heart of God he that offereth Praise glorifieth me that the Man of Praise is the Man after God's own Heart and this good Woman hath left this comfortable Evidence and ground of hope behind her that she is gone to the place where Eternity will be spent in endless Hallelujahs