that I must say if God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me Oh that my heart was ravisht with his love Oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who dyed for the love of me Oh that I could not be stayed but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pittiful as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy word hath made known to us of him I read not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever begged any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in Heaven makes thee not less like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee to give me thy poor hard-hearted servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine heart my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend hath he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a careless temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much ado to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the sudden my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joyes of thy Spirit but with worldly business or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VII To confess my sins without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetness of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant withme and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good if the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alass my hear is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sin brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the silthiness that is in fin thy blessings are more lovely in my eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thouart the father of mercies Oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. VIII Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest Cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sin nor doth the Sacrament of the body and blood of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears if my fears and griefs were not Carnal would they were more but my Carnal joyes eat out my Spiritual grief and my joyes also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my Soul Go cast thy self into the arms and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maiest be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-blood upon thy poor soul for his hear boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh infidelity thou art the poyson of my Soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mâ—ne heart and keep'st it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to believe Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ Oh love me so much as to give me saith to believe it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first Principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames
O my Soul how comes it to pass that we thought of these things no sooner 'T is a strange thing that our hearts and the world should so far deceive us that we should prefer every trifling thing before that which concerns us more then ten thousand worlds we have served the world which was not made but to serve us 1. Abhor thy life past Well I am resolved to leave you ye vain and sinful pleasures I will no longer dote upon you you have but too long bewitcht my soul. I might have had a thousand holy thoughts and prayers and Treasures of Alms laid up for Eternity which I am sure I should not have repented of when I come to die and you vanities have took up my time and stole away my heart and thoughts from these things Well I have enough of you I have done with you for the rest of my strength and dayes I will give unto my God 3. Turn thy self to God and say Blessed God wilt thou accept of the service of a poor wretch that hath spent so much of his time and strength upon base lusts vanities Nay surely Lord If thou wilt accept of such a wretch as I am such a heart such love such service as I have I will give to thee and for the time to come thou shalt be the very joy of my Soul and the deliciousness of my thoughts and dost thou indeed entreat and importune me to be reconciled how wonderful is thy Mercy that notwithstanding I provok't thee hitherto daily to thy face yet that thou shouldest follow after me to embrace me whereas what could be expected but that thou shouldest pursue me to destroy me Resolutions Well by the blessing of God I am resolved that though heretofore I have spent whole dayes in such and such like recreations which at best are but vanities for this moneth I will either not use such and such recreations at all or at least spend no more time any day in them then I do in Prayer and Meditation and I hope one day the Lord will work in me such a heavenly frame of Spirit that Prayer and Meditation shall be in stead of a thousand recreations David was of that temper for he saith that he will go to God his exceeding joy and that the Law of God was dearer to him then thousands of Gold and Silver and that his heart was ready to break for the very desires and longings that he had after God O my Soul that will be a rare time when it shall be thus with us Why should David love â—od more then we â—e forgave David much but he hath forgiven us more wâ—ll O my soul if thou wilt pray hard and follow hard after God thou little knowest what he will doe for thee and the joyes that he hath laid up for them that love him even in this world are unspeakable and glorious Conclusion 1. Pray Lord thou knowest the deceitfulness of my heart the strength of my corruptions and the multitude of Snares and Temptations which encompass me on every side especially when I am in worldly employments in company thou knowest how subject holy flames are to go out therefore be thou pleased by the holy breathings of thy Spirit to keep these holy fervours of love from being quench't 'T is not the strength of my resolutions that can enable me to resist temptations if I am not kept by the mighty power of thee my God I am lost 2. Praise God blessed be thou O God for an heavenly Motion or Desire that hath been wrought in me thou might'st have suffered me as thou dost thousands I have provoked thee as much as they never to be convinced of or affected with these Truths 't is thy wonderful Mercy that thou didst make me for such a blessed end as the enjoyment of thy self and much greater Mercy that thou hast let me know so much but most of all that thou hast given me a heart to desire and endeavour after it Bless the Lord O my Soul 3. Acknowledge thy failings alas Lord whatsoever is wrought in me that 's good had been far greater but that I am green wood to the sparks of thy love Lord pardon the iniquity of my holy services My highest and most inflamed thoughts of thee are unworthy of thee It is well that I have thee to love whom I need not fear loving too much After the Meditation is ended 1. Think with thy self which of these Truths or what passage of this Meditation did most warm thy heart and affect thee and fix it and treasure it up in thy thoughts keeping it as it were a Nosegay in thy hand to smell unto all the day 2. Set down this that thou hast resolved to spend no more time in such a Recreation then thou shalt spend in Prayer and Meditation 3. Go unwillingly from this duty and do not rush into worldly businesses but look to thy heart which is a slippery deceitful thing Meditat. II. Of the Mercies of God 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray beg of God that he would put such considerations and thoughts into thy heart that thou maist be so convinced of and affected with his goodness that thou maï'st love praise and serve him Considerations 1. Consider how much thou art engaged to God for bodily Mercies he hath given thee thy senses sight hearing and other parts of thy body It thou did'st want thy sight what woulst thou give for it if thou wast Emperour of the world How many thousand pound wouldst thou give A Diamond is not therefore worth no more then 6 d because a poor man can give no more if thou shouldst reckon up what thy hands feet health liberty were worth to what a vast Sum would they arise Thou hast all these things from God thou hast not them from thy Parents they know not before thou wert born whether thou shouldest be Male a Female thou maâ—'st say to God as David did In thy Book were all my members written 2. Consider what faculties of Soul God hath given thee What a miserable condition are mad men in those that are born Natural Fools Thou art well and thousands are sick thou hast plenty when thousands beg their bread 3. Consider what spirituality of Mercies God hath given thee how many thousand poor ignorant Heathens are there which never heard of God and of Christ who were born and bread where the Gospel is not preached but worship the Devil but thou dwellest in the Sunshine and under the droppings of the Gospel and are not these great Mercies and unvaluable If thou dost not value them it argues so much the greater goodness in God to bestow them upon thee nay hath not God made thee to know him he hath not only given thee the light of the Gospel but eyes to behold it 4. Consider the greatness of God why should he look after thee nay why doth he not destroy thee Thou art but a
it being in the morning will have an influence upon the whole day but this is not an Universal Rule for we read that Isaac went forth in the Evening to Meditate Gen. 24. 36. and in case the subject of your Meditation be a Sermon then it may be the best time is immediately after the hearing of it before your affections cool or your memory fail you 2. For the how long considering the parts of Meditation are so many viz. Preparation Considerations Affections Resolutions c. and none of them are to be past slightly over for Affections are not so quickly raised nor are we to cease blowing the fire as soon as ever it beginneth to flame until it be well kindled half an hour may be thought to be the least for beginners and an hour for those that are versed in this Duty But there are two Rules in this Particular especially to be observed 1. That as we ought not to leave off our prayers before that temper and frame of heart is wrought which is suitable to the matter of our prayers viz. we should not leave off the confession of sin till our hearts are made sensible of and humble for our sins nor should we leave off our praises until our hearts are filled with holy admirings and adorings of God and inflamed with his love So the end of Meditation being affections and resolutions we should not leave off until those are wrought 2. As in private Prayer so long as we finde our hearts enlarged by the pourings of the Spirit of Supplication upon us we are not to leave off unless by our continuance in that duty we must omit another duty to which we were more particularly obliged at that time So in meditation as long as we find the heart affected we are to continue it But this Caution must be given that in such enlargements we must not continue them longer generalâ—y then while they come freely and without much straing and compulsion for that hony that comes freely of it self from the Comb is pure but that which is forced by heat and pressure is not so well relished but this Caution is for extraordinary enlargements for if the heart be dead we must use all means to awaken it But as fire must be blown till it be well kindled but afterwards blowing hinders the boyling of any thing that is set over it So when once our hearts are inflamed and enlarged with holy affections in an extraordinary manner 't is but a hindrance of our affections to return to the Meditation of those Points that raised them CHAP. VI. Rules for the Subject of Solemn Meditation 1. BY no means let it be Controversie for that will turn Meditation into Study 2. Nor nice Speculations for they be sapless without nourishment Besides being so light they float in the brain having no weight to sink them down into the heart and indeed were they there they have nothing in them to affect the heart withall 3. Let the Subject of Meditation be the plainest powerfullest and usefullest Truths of God as Death Hell Heaven Judgement Mercies of God our own sins the Love and Sufferings of Christ c. 4. Let the Subject of your Meditation be that that is most suitable to your Spiritual wants as in time of desertion meditate most of the love and mercies of God c. Rules for meditation it self they are of three sorts 1. Preparatory 2. For the body of the Duty 3. For the Conclusion Two things by way of preparation besides the choice of the Subject the first is be convinced of and to be affected with the presence of God The second is Prayer for assistance from God 2. For the body Meditation it self It consists of three parts The first I call Consideration which is nothing but the convincing our hearts of several Truths that do belong to that Subject whereof we Meditate As if the Subject of our Meditation be Death the Considerations may go thus Alas O my Soul how and when and where we shall die we know not generally men die sooner then they expect and certain it is whensoever that hour comes we must bid adieu to honors pleasures riches friends and at last our own bodies c. The second part is affections whether it be love of God or Christ or spiritual things despising of the world admiring of God or any other spiritual affection The third part are Resolutions to do this or that or leave this or that Now this is the most proper and genuine way of Meditation appears by this 1. Because it is not artificial and such as requires Learning as those Directions are which wish us to consider the efficient final formal material cause of death the adjuncts concomitants c. which though they may somewhat help the learned yet such hard words and artificial methods fright the ignorant â— This is the very method of those Meditations by which every one that is brought home to God is converted For the first thing in conversion is our being convinced of some Truths which conviction raiseth affections for if the truths of God end in conviction and go no no further nay if they end in affections only and never come to resolutions of shunning evil and doing good conversion can never be perfected as for example One is convinced that he is a miserable undone wretch by reason of Original and Actual abomination Upon this conviction fear and sorrow are raised yet if these do not work in us a firm resolution of leaving those sins we are yet in our sins and unconverted 3. There are several things for the concluding of Meditation as shall appear CHAP. VII Directions for the working of our hearts to be convinced of and affected with the presence of God FOR being convinced of and affected with the presence of God it may thus be wrought 1. We are to consider that God is present every where as truly really and essentially as he is in Heaven For God did not create Heaven to continue still but to manifest his presence for the Heaven of Heavens are not able to contain him for God is neither included by nor excluded from any place and though Jacob saith Surely the Lord was in this place and I knew it not Gen. 28. 16. yet we must not imagine that Jacob was ignorant of that Truth but did not actually consider it but David in the 139 Psalm is clear in explaining and clearing up the omnipresence of God 2. We must consider that God doth more peculiarly observe his people while they are performing of heavenly duties whether it be while they are speaking unto him or he speaking unto them he doth then more especially observe the motion and frame of their hearts as when we are in any company we do more especially look upon and observe those to whom we speak or who speak to us yet this is to be understood not as if God did observe us more at one time then another in respect
of Gods knowledge it self but thus that God is much more offended with us if our carriage and frame of heart be more irreverent and unholy in the time of prayer and Meditation then at such times as we are in the works of our particular calling 3. We may consider with our selves that Christ doth actually behold us especially in these duties of holiness for it is not the distance of place that doth hinder Christs knowledge and exact observing of us Little did Nathanael then think that Christ saw him under the Fig-tree Nathonael did not see Christ nor was he corporally present then yet Christ beheld Nathanael when he prayed so Christ beheld Stephen before the heavens were opened and the opening of the heavens was not that that thereby Christ might be enabled the better to behold Stephen but that Stephen might thereby be the better enabled to see that Christ looked on him without all controversie God knows and observes with what reverence faith love c. we pray for else our prayers would be in vain and our faith also vain for how could he give us according to our faith if he knew not how much our faith were If the inward frame of our hearts were not observed by him then an hypocrite that hath better expressions should get more by his prayers then a true Nathanael that hath a better heart 4. Suppose that thou hadst lived in Christs time or suppose that Christ were now in England consider with what joy reverence and confidence thou wouldest go to him for the pardon of thy sins or for any other mercy thou stoodest in need of Thou maist go so to him now his distance from thee in respect of corporal presence doth not make him less able to know thy wants or hear thy prayers nor his being now glorified makes him less willing to grant them then if it were bodily present in the room with thee in the form of a servant as he was once at Jerusalem the glory of Christ doth not hinder his love and goodness for Christ is the express Image of his Father and Gods Attributes do not not hinder one another The Majesty of God doth not set bounds unto his goodness and make that finite nor doth his goodness make his Majesty less glorious his goodness makes his Majesty more amiable and his Majesty makes his goodness more wonderful So neither doth the exaltation of Christ cause him to abate any thing of his goodness unto his people but if any way his Love be altered it is by being made more then it was and when Christ was upon earth you must have come to him by Faith or you could obtain no mercy from him and by faith though he be in heaven you may obtain any mercy now You may consider any one or two or more of these considerations until your heart be so convinced of and affected with the presence of God that you may thereby be the better fitted for the carrying on the duty of Meditation more effectually CHAP. VIII Concerning the Preparatory Prayer that is to be used before Meditation THE next Preparatory consideration is Prayer and it is to be performed in these words or to like purpose Lord my design in this Duty of Meditation is not to be an hour sequestred from Worldly Employments for that were to be idle an Hour and to encrease my Sinnes not my Graces but my Business at this time is to be so convinced and affected with those spiritual Truths revealed in thy Word that I may fully resolve by thy strenghth and power to reform my Life because I can neither understand the things that belong to my peace nor understanding them be convinced of the certainty and truth of them Nay Lord though my understanding be enlightned yet without thee mine affections cannot be enflamed I can neither know resolve nor perform what is good without thee for from thee comes both the will and the deed of thy good pleasure I beseech thee Lord that thou wouldest give me thy grace to make conscience of performing this duty with my whole strength and not carelesly and perfunctorily And Lord do thou enlighten me with and convince me of thy Truths and so affect my heart with the love of holiness and hatred of sin c. that I may thereby be enabled fully firmly notwithstanding all the opposition that the flesh world or devil can make to run the wayes of thy Commandements with joy and with speed and when thou hast wrought in me the will so to do give me also the deed and that I may not trust to the strength of my resolutions but to the continual gracious assistance of thy Spirit for the performance of those things that through thee I shall resolve to do Holy and blessed God Christ hath sent me wishing me to come to thee in his Name for any mercies I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts Learning or by the strength of Grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own Souls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more Sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the Air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be Eclipsed then to say though our Hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his Love we shall do well enough by our own strength for at the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but Fewel Matter to Meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not count it a Burthen but a Mercy and Priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwayes to draw strength from him CHAP. IX Several Rules for managing the Duty of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of meditation being the affecting of our heart and resorming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversial and doubtful For the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much less should our considerations be Curious and Nice Speculations or if we choose any
such continual storms troubles as are in mine there are new corruptions appear such as I may term them nothing so fitly as sparks of of the fire of Hell to have ones heart rise against God when the continual desire of ones soul and prayer is that one might be inflamed with the love of God Lord while I am working my heart to a serious thought of thee endeavouring to have my heart full of admiration of thee and affiance in thee before I pray unto thee that if it may be my prayers may be as an Arrow drawn up to the head but when I go about to pray and send up my petitions my thoughts of thy Glory and Goodness slack and it fares with me oh my Soul as sometimes it doth with one that is tying knots when one hath pulled the first very hard yet it slacks before one can tye the second it I keep but a strict communion with thee and did as thou desirest Lord why shouldest thou desire us alwayes to be with thee how should we be acquainted with thee far more then we are and if we knew thee more how shoould we love thee more and if we loved thee more how should we know thee more For thou revealest thy self to them that love thee Alas O my Soul why should not we alwayes be with God since he gives us leave How gracious art thou to invite such sinners as we are to come to thee For thee to wash our souls clean with the Immaculate blood of the Lord Jesus Christ Alas Lord I am Mine own enemy nay I see it and know it and it cannot be otherwise Lord I am so tired out with my corruptions that I am even weary of my life and almost weary of my Duties Lord even at this present how when my â—oul was so troubled that mine 〈…〉 were ready to weep there 〈◊〉 a thought of a poore worldly business into my Soul and my thoughts and sorrows for heavenly Matters are gone Meditat. XXIII O my God how coldly without love how doubtingly without faith do I call thee my God! Lord how careless am I in thy service how very careless How long Lord holy and true shall I be thus laden with corruptions Nay which is my greatest Misery I am not but very little sensible of my own vileness that makes me that I do not hunger after righteousness Blessed Lord I do humbly prostrate my Soul before thee and do with all the weak power of my soul importune the Merits of my dear Saviour I pray thee to look upon me in Mercy When the poor wounded Man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho lay half dead and speechless in the way though he was not sensible of his Misery yet the good Samaritan was though in his Tongue did not could not call for pity yet his wounds opened their Mouthes wide and spake aloud to the Samaritan Though his eyes shed no tears yet his heart wept blood at his wounds and mov'd compassion Like to that poor wounded Man I am so weak so sick that I am scarce sensible of mine own desperate condition Lord though my heart be not full of love it is full of wounds Lord thou knowest my Miseries I humbly beseech thee to pity me not according to my Prayers but according to My Wants Lord that I do not desire to serve thee that I do not hunger nor thirst after righteousness it is the greatest Misery that I have Meditat. XXIV Oh how terrible is the thought of Death to me is it not so much for want of Faith as holiness and indeed I find that I can never with comfort think on death but when I have liv'd very holily before for what will Faith in that case help Me without holiness for Faith without holiness is not faith but presumption Oh how sweet how dear how excellent a thing is holiness Oh how full of peace and joy is my Soul when I am full of that and yet Lord how careless am I of thy service how many times in the day when I might think of thee without any hindrance of My Studies do I choose rather to think of vanity O wean my Soul O God from every thing that is not thee Fill my heart with thy self dwell in me my dear God! Why do I call thee dear when I prefer every trifle before thee O most glorious Lord God whom ten thousand Worlds cannot sufficiently praise nor love which art thy self and canst be no more nor canst be no less how easie Lord is it for thee to change My Heart Mine heart of Stone for an Heart of Flesh Lord as long as I have this heart of stone there is no hope that I should serve thee with any chearfulness or any constancy Lord hear my prayer Meditat. XXV O blessed God if the way of thy Providence be such that thou wilt not give so much Grace as to make me through the abundance of it almost whether I will or no to serve thee yet to whom thou dost give so much grace as to desire more grace O let not this desire which is of thy own infusing be in vain if there be any thing in the whole world that I desire more then thy grace then let me want grace to desire it any more Lord if the reason why thou deniest my prayer be because I do not desire as I ought I humbly beseech thee to grant that I ask aright alas my afflictions lie heavier on me then ever they did and I am more wicked or at least less holy then ever since my conversion I was how little am I affected with any thing that belongs to thy service nor yet doth it affect me that I am not affected Lord if there were any in heaven or in earth that could help me besides thee then considering my Manifold Sins I should I but Lord I would not thy Mercies are so great go to any other Now Lord now is the time to have Mercy upon me I am like the Man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho wounded naked and half dead I cannot call for help O let my wounds move thee to compassion if I could bewail my sinful Misery with tears of Repentance I know thou wouldest deliver me but I cannot weep nay hardly mourn Oh saint faint is my grief and cold is my love What wilt thou do Lord with one that scarcely from his heart desires to serve thee Alas what canst thou do for me more or less then to make me desire to serve thee Accept I must or for ever be lost What a low degree of goodness am I come unto a soul full of sadness and empty of goodness To morrow Lord I am to receive thee into my Soul thee my blessed Saviour Lord thou knowest I did not use to have a heart so empty of goodness when I expected thee to come next day Meditat. XXVI Lord now I do resolve to serve thee and in this particular especially I will not speak evil of any
man what injury soever he doth me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my Tongue And that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next Communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I read the Story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those dayes that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yield to the abominable Idolatry and Superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is less trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects For I chose Martyrdom not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption if I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not Charity it would profit nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate and fight against his corruptions Alas O my Soul how weary are we of our Spiritual Fight and we would fain find some other way to Heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the World yet while we know something better we shal not think so We talk much of the Vanity of the World but who believes that the World is Vanity and vexation of Spirit Or who is sensible of this Truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon wanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saints Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldest do it for me take my Soul and my Body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last Day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand Worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the Tongue and writ with the Pen of Men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand Worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my Estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little Spiritual or Experimental To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their Seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know that I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldom My dear God deliver me from the business of the World Suits of Law and such things they undo me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my dayes are turned into the shadow of Death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickedness I have committed against thee makes me not able to believe almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and less against thee I shall easilier believe thy loves or rather when thy Spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and Mourn and Weep over my poor Soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let My Tears prevail with thee Pity pity have pity upon a poor languishing Soul that is even gasping out his last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in Hell and by thy Mercy I may never come thither but I am running thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for Mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitableness of my Spirit to them and mine unthankfulness for them brings more sadness upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporal Mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my business I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my poor heart is the same still and is as hard and as stony not willing to yield it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy Mercy Medit. XXXI Accept of my poor prayers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and cold and my Desires shall be known and thy goodness shall be admired in hearing such prayers as mine are For the light of thy Countenance to shine upon and the Breathings
to do and still by the help of God I will not cease to cry and call upon him for whom my soul I doubt not but would love if he discover his beauties and love unto me and work them on my heart I seek for one who I cannot tell who he is before I find him then I shall know and shall tell to all who he is and set forth his excellencies though they shall as little understand me a I do them who declare the things that God hath wrought for them Medit. XXXV There is not such an one in the world as I am that I know Publicans and harlots I justifie them I in the midst of ordinanees and mercies in the midst of the flames of love nay when thou layest on me that affliction that is now fresh bleeding in mine eyes or rather despised and forgotten I should have learnt obedience by things I suffered and I have done as if I were to learn to sin by them Thou hast chastised me with rods and I have put the sting of sin into them and have made them scorpions Thou sendest them for Antidotes and I have turned them into poyson Lord teach me what it is wherein thou art so offended to leave me thus Lord I believe thou hast pardoned me but small is my comfort when thou pardonest sin but subduest it not Meditat. XXXVI Lord I do so evidently find my self unable to judge of truths or to resist temptations that I almost nay altogether lye at the mercy of every temptation and to be carried about with the wind of every vain doctrine if thou dost not stand by me what should I tell thee the secret puddle of my heart I am weary of the stench and filthiness of it there is not a prayer but they meet me at it and lye as a talent of lead upon me if my heart were all on fire with thy love these things could not be I sometimes have thoughts rising in my heart that are wicked proud and foolish thoughts I begin to be offended that I begging for the manifestations of thy love yet have them not but those thoughts no sooner begin to arise but I consider what am I that thou shouldest give me thy love sand how can I expect the manifestations of thy love when I will not give thee my love but let it run wast upon the creature How many times do I chuse to do anything rather then spend my time in Meditation and Prayer nay to do nothing and be idle for although thou lovest us first yet thou dost not usually discover thy thoughts of love to a Soul before she hath made over her love and her self unto thee then I think thou canst by the power of thy Spirit bring in my heart my Soul and my love and that usually ere thou dost ravish the soul with the discoveries of thy love this I know and let all the world know it that whatsoever wicked thoughts do arise in my weak heart which I cannot answer I know that all thy wayes are holy just and good Lord what shall I give for the sheddings abroad of love in my heart that which should be given for it were it at the utmost parts of the world I could fetch it thence But Lord the price of it already paid 't is near unto thee even at thy right hand O thou most High he hath paid for this Mercy by his blood long ago and my Prayers thou requirest not as a price Lord fill me with these Spiritual Supplications that I may give thee no rest nor take any rest my self until I have found him whom my soul loveth Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXVII O Lord beat me and drive me with storms and Tempests I am come unto thee like the Prodigal Son for all but that which most of all I should have a Spiritual Sorrow ragged and tatter'd and undone My Sins and Misery are like his not my sorrow For me to see my self languishing my Graces daily grow weaker my love colder and even almost to be speechless in prayer Alas the Sorrow that I have is rather bewailing my Misery then my Sin I know not what it is Lord but thou dost Sure I am my condition is sad and I am sad and my sadness is all the poor remains of Comfort that I have and yet I no sooner begin to take any comfort in my grief but I perceive so much hypocrisie in my Grief that the poor Spark of Comfort that I have is put out Alas Tears of Blood were fitter for me then dry eyes O Lord must every trifle steal away my heart from thee Thine Excellencies are too high for me Wisdom is too high for Fools O that thou wouldest take me out of my own hands and deliver me from my self and howsoever my heart is not importunate enough now I shall thank and praise thee to all Eternity if thou wilt make me thine Thou hast done as much to draw me with the Cords of love even to wonder Lord do thou snatch me as a Fire brand out of the firâ— if thou shouldst stay till I am willing without thy making me so I am lost For I shall never part with these painted Vanities for all the glory in heaven except thou givest me the eye of Faith to see it and a Spiritual palat to relish it Meditat. XXXVIII O Lord wilt thou let a poor sinner lie gasping out his last breath at thy feet and die in thine arms I have aboundance of love for the world O that thou hadst it all I am sure I am not and shall never be at quiet untill thou hast it nor would I sleep until I am in thine arms of love My dearest God how comes it to pass that my heart cannot give it self to whom it will Had I a thousand worlds I would give all for thee that I might be thine O my soul why should we stand consulting and contriving what to do God is ten thousand times more then all things Why should we weigh a Talent of Lead and a Feather together to see which is heaviest O Lord My soul hath chosen thee long ago I have abundance of experience of the Truth of those things which I have believed I am thine and thou art my God Thou hast chosen me and I have chosen thee Is I should be so vain at any time as to leave thee thou art the same and thy choice fails not Thou Lord which mad'st me chuse thee whilest I had no experience of thy love wilt make me continue my choice Lord that any one should choose hell beforâ— thee It makes thee not to be less glorious Lord must my Blasphemies praise thee I find so much hell in my heart that it is not troubled in any proportionable Measure that there is so much hell in it When I set apart an hour for Meditation and Prayer then I kept my heart somewhat close But at other times I am little careful to improve what I read
Worm nay a Viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of Providence and not shake thee off into Hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a Worm to death If we see an Adder or such a venomous Creature we go out of out way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sins and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out arms to imbrace thee Are not these Miracles of Mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatness of his Mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou had just cause to say also O my Soul The Mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are far greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be called the Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Son that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodness of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldest so regard him What am I that am the worst of men Why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my blood to the loathing of my person thou said'st unto me in my blood Live nay not only when I was weltering in my own Blood but in the Blood of Christ thou said'st unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those Mercies or what have I or can I do to require them As thy glorious Name so thy Metcies are extolled above all praises 2 Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellious for mâ— Mercies Hath God heaped upon me many glowings coals of love mercy and is my heart still â—ozen Must God on y be a looser by his blessings If mâ—n who is bound to do me good when iâ— lies in his power â—eâ—â—o vs a small coâ—rtesie on me how do I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one dayes food then I am now for a years Are his Mercies less because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prâ—ze them while we have them and thâ—â— there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction up 〈◊〉 us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful we have enjoyed it so â—ong and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the Mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his Mercies but this that we should love him with all our Heart Soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to Praise and thansgiving Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies Not love God not not praise God O my Soul why what could God require less at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sin he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalms the oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happiness of heaven I should find so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the Mercies and Love of God His Mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these Coâ—ls of Mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and prase of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the Mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickneth else Mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy Soul again and again awâ—ken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy â—outh and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no wâ—nt of mâ—ttâ—r and Motives of praise in the Truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what Truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwilingly from this Duty Meditat. III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2 Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors Sin and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they loathe God Zec. 11. 8. and God by his Prophet cryeth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God prosess his hatred of Sin if one should spit in a mans face or lay Toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as Sin is to God he hates it more then we hate hel how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare Dish of Meat which he loved
are gone out that were once kindled in me All the Fruit and Leaves and Boughs are stript from me there are all things to doe beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my Corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have It it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet Communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and Soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. IX I. I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesness under judgements fruitlesness under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulness of mine one wayes and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sins of unkindness to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy Mercies from me I have heard and read the great Mystery of my Redemption of his being Scourged and Crowned and Nailed of his Bleeding and Dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. X. Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my Soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch Evidences and signs from actions done many years since My prayers and other holy Duties were Matter of more joy when I did them than now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace Oh my lost Joyes and my lost Duties where I shall find you I know not the Joyes I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from prayer with a sad heart and a hard heart My prayers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy Motions and the Joyes of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me Why do I walk in this Valley of Tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my Soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but carnal tears and one great cause of my grief and part of my misery is that I can weep no more sometimes indeed tears stand in mine eyes when I consider these things Lord give me Faith O give me Faith I feel a deal of Atheism in my heart Mine heart is so full of Corruption of all kind and all Degrees that I can feel no bottom of this stinking Ditch Mine imagination is divers times a through-fare for Satans blasphemous thoughts which my Soul abhors I may even sit down and spend the remainder of my wicked life in weeping and wailing and wringing of my hands and tearing off the hairs of my head My sad Soul may say to my God Art thou quite gone from me have all my hopes of thee been as dreams and empty shadows unto me and hast thou shown me so much of heaven and wilt thou make hell more terrible and bitter to me Shall thy sweet Mercies be turned into the Gall of Aspes to me not only to be bitter but deadly I have cause I have cause Lord to mingle my drink with my tears to water my couch with weeping Thou art too great a God to be dallyed withall and what do I else As our dearest Friends though we never so much delighted in their company while they were living yet we are afraid to be alone with them they are a terrour to us after the Souls have left their Earthly Tabernacles So my prayers while they were living prayers were a great comfort to my poor soul but now my prayers are without life and my Supplications are dead they are a terrour to me they look gashly upon me and I upon them Meditat. XI My dear God thou art not moved with words if we had the tongue of Men and Angels if we could speak as never man spake if our hearts meant no more than they do what would our vain words do I am ever weary of my life because of my Corruptions I can go no where nor do any thing but my coruptions follow me and tire me even out of my patience O that I could weep over my prayers to see how dead they are which way to turn I know not I have prayed a thousand times for another heart and yet mine heart is as hard as a stone and so full of hypocrisie Lord shall I cast away my confidence and lay down my weapons and put off mine armour because my corruptions are so strong and impetuous and deaden my very soul But alass what am I weary of not of my sins but of the accusations of my conscience that will not let me alone blessed be thy Name that I am troubled that I do not live holily Lord mine heart is entangled in the snares of the world blessed Saviour thou which hast overcome the world deliver me from the cares and love of the world Alass what good do my tears do me Dost thou bottle up such tears such puddle water in thy bottles let the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee towards my poor soul. it is full of sin but my sin is my sorrow though my sorrow itself is sinful if thou standest as a stranger to me I must give over my self for lost then I may say farewell prayers better to say farewel then to add to my former sins a greater guilt by defiling my prayers that are as Chariots to carry out my soul into the bosome of God What am I to stand against corruption or temprations I am no more able to overcome nay to resist them than to remove Mountains I have sinned away my joyes and sinned away mine hopes and even my God if thy mercies be not greater and what remains for my poor soul to do but to sit down in sorrow and even to mourn until my Soul be heavy unto Death It had been better for me that I had not been one to shew the way to others Nay but Oh my God that is best
rather weep and mourn for mine offending thee then enjoy all delights in the world Those salt waters are more precious then their Wine Meditat. XVII Lord I beseech thee to order all mine affairs by thy wisdom thou knowest what afflictions are needful for me I murmure oftentimes when thou afflictest me although I have again and again desired thee to direct all things that belong unto me but blessed God let not my Murmurings so provoke thee as to leave me to mine own self Give me not what I desire but what I want my judgement in judging what is good or bad for me is little worth for many times I have judged such a thing to be for my hurt yet it hath proved much for my good and so on the contrary but then I have by experience found it evidently for my good when I have yielded my self wholly to be guided by thee all things Lord make me know my self I am a poor Creature with teares in mine eyes and hypocrisie in my heart Meditat. XVIII Lord it fares with me as it fares with one that hath been a long time from his friend he hath many things to tell him of several particulars that befell him since their last being together so Lord I have been a stranger to thee and I have much to say to thee much have I suffered from mine own corruptions and little have I done I have a heart will let me do nothing for thee Lord I am but a Child pardon my bablings I have none to make my complaint to no not one Thou hast caused me to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and if thou Lord wilt supply the want of those Christian friends I am now deprived of Lord my heart is so deceitful that I have much a do to know whether I ever was or am yet thine I know Lord how I have spent dayes sometimes whole weeks together in Prayer and Meditation and reading Devotionary Bookes to Prepare my self for the Communion and yet then I had gross sailings for there was a World of Covetousness in me and thirsting after Humane Learning exceedingly and little prizing the knowledge of Christ in my Sermons I did little aim at thy glory but to preach my self Now in these things I find some healings but my duties are fewer and now there is far more wanting in comparison of what I should be then was then of what I am now Nay Lord thou only knowest I shall be a gainer but alas if now I am alone I shall have no more fire of thy love then I had when I lived in the midst of Glowing Coals of Devotion how can I but go out now since I had much ado to burn then When I think of serving thee then my heart is so perverse as to put in a Carnal Motive and saith If thou dost so then God will bless thee in such or such a temporal blessing and my heart closeth with that Motive Meditat. XIX O my God as thou art my Father so let me know that thy love to me being known by me may put Wheels to my Obedience that now goes so heavily that it may make mine obedience more pure that now is so full of insufficiency I am fain to be glad almost of any Motive to make me serve thee but yet it is my burthen that fear should make me do that which love should make me do for besides that such obedience is painful that which is worse it is impure also Alas I am a stranger too much unto thee and in being so an enemy to my self Lord this is the first day I have given thee this great while it doth appear it is so by the poor and weak duties I perform my poor soul is like a poor desolate Widdow that hath lost her dear Husband every one trampleth upon her and oppreiseth her Meditat. XX. Lord where are those sweet embrances and manifestations of thy love that thou hast bestowed on me in former times when I have gone unto the treasury of thy mercies and fetched any mercy from thence that I wanted Thou hast given unto my prayers my dear Brother who went forth a blasphemer or at least a common swearer and came home I seeking thee for him a convert after thou gavest me his life and the life of my Mother and indeed Lord what was it but I had of thee thou didst almost miraculously restore one of my Sisters to comfort But now when I cry and shout thou shuttest out my prayers and art almost as if I never had any acquaintance with thee Lord I know that the fault is mine own indeed Lord I then was scarce ever from thee or out of thy thoughts For were I but as I have been so often keeping dayes of humbling before thee it could not be that my duties should be such as they are but Lord thou seest the tears thâ—se thoughts cause me to shed they are thine do thou encrease them but take away this dulness and deadness of heart that is the just reason why I shed them and if thou shalt once purifie and inflame mine heart by faith and love I shall shed abundant more tears for my wandring thoughts in prayer then now I do for all the abominations I am guilty of Alas Lord the ordinary dayes of thy Saints are far more holy then the dayes I set apart for special service of thee and their thoughts in the midst of their worldly businesses are more devout and zealous then my thoughts in my prayers were alwayes with thee I scarce did any thing though almost of never so small Moment but the reason why I did it this or that way was because it was some way or other more for thy glory Lord it is not thy fault for thou dost wait to shew Mercy whether my wretched heart will consent to it or no This I do set down as an infallible truth and let all the world give thee the glory of it all thy ways are holy just and good and thou dost stretch out thine arms to embrace us it is our fault that we do not run into thy bosome the infidelity and other corruptions that are in our bosomes make us think that thou art not willing to receive us or imbrace us and so we not coming we want that experimental knowledge of thee that would if we had it make us not so timorous of coming to thee as we are Meditat. XXI Before I begin to write I know I have more cause to Write in blood or tears then in ink Can a Mother forget her Child It is not Can a Child forget the Mother nor is it Can a Mother her Child if the Child forget her or Can there be any case wherein the Mother can forget her Child Lord do thou awaken my heart for it is a sleep Lord do thou raise mine heart for it is dead Do thou thaw my heart for it is frozen Lord thou art that Celestial fire
or hear to enflame my heart I had better not set an hour apart and give thee all the day by thinking alwayes of thee Lord I do now acknowledge for then I shall not but if thou shouldest leave me I should be too much given to blaspheme thee Nay blâ—ssed God let that never be Lord it shall never be When I consider the desperate hypocrisie of my heart I may every Morning expect that thou shouldst give me up to a râ—probate sense to commit sin with greediness when I think of these things I pour out my soul within me To think with my self I shall lose my Estate a little troubles me to think I shall lose such a friend it affects me more but to think I shall lose my God and become an Apostate that 's a hell unto me I have begged of thee as for my life that thou wouldest not leave me and now I beg O forsake me not utterly To have such a heart that will neither inflame my words nor be inflamed by them is that which hath not been so Lord except thou wilt follow one that will not stay when thou callest and overtake one that runs from thee when thou followest I am lost Well I am sure my froward and careless carriage will justifie thy justice if thou condemn me and magnifie thy Mercy if thou savest me Meditat. XXXIX Lord this day is thine own and by being thine is the more mine I must now burn without coals about me The time hath been when if I had been cold and dull the Society Exprâ—ssions and Examples of others in dayes set apart to thee would have inâ—lamed me Now the company I have is water and snow Wo is me that I am constrained to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and yet Lord thou art never wanting Thou sendest forth thy beams of light and heat if I bring not Clouds over mine own head I may have enough light from thee Lord when will these dayes of sin be ended and the time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord come I come into thy presence but when I am come I am silent and deaf neither able to speak to thee nor hear the sweet whisperings of thy Spirit O that I had a heart to give my self unto thee or that thou wouldest take these poor longings of my Soul for a Gift and thereupon take possession of my Soul My dayes of leaping for joy to think of thee are gone and now my dayes of sorrow to see mine own vileness are come My tears are now my Meat and Drink O that I had more of them so they were more Spiritual I am a poor creature but thou art the rich God My poor heart why dost thou not speak why art thou silent what saist thou Is not God a good God what relish or sweetness is there in these words if thou dost not set to thy seal Lord to thy glory though not to my comfort be it spoken Thou hast been a good God to me but I have no comfort from this truth if I never relish it yet if mine heart will be so wicked and vile and base as not to acknowledge it yet my hand shall write that which shall witness for my God against my self Thou art good patient and Merciful unto me enough to make earth and heaven to wonder at thy goodness and my vileness Ah my God my God must my words go beyond my thoughts of love to thee Lord thou art enough for heaven enough for thy self and art thou not enough for me Try O my Soul try thou wilt never trust before thou knowest this by experience thou knowest abundantly that the creature hath told thee It is not in me this thou knowest by experience and by faith thou knowest it is in God Well then lay all thy weight and strength upon him and none upon the Creature Hold upon him with both hands or else thou wilt attribute the greatest failing unto God For as he that stands upon never so strong a place if he lean against a rotten wall he shall fall and one that is asleep when he falls will not know whether fail'd him and so if we do but lean to our own wisdom we shall happily think that God fails Lord I wait I long for thine appearance Thou art enough Lord I know not what to say I am undone without thee Lord I hear the poor fly oh how it flies up and down Now it is warmed and revived with the warmth of the Sun yesterday it lay still as dead surely Lord if thou wilt shine upon my Soul I should be active and chearful in thy service No marvel heaven is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them The Crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and shares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God Pride and Despair divide my life When I find any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be pust up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions My Sinnes doe me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet Natural conscience draws one way and Natural Corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and supply our wants which makes us joyn the Creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy heart Lord my heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall run after thee Lord heâ—e's my poor soul it lies at thy feet groveling and gasping for life the Creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still woes me and follows me for my love unless thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fill'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my prayers have been more servent and frequent of
late or my repentance more profound in the midst of this consideration I can hardly say but think with my self VVhy should I delay or refrain my enjoyment of God and am ready to say within my self The false joyes in God are better then the true joyes of the world these joyes are too sweet to let go Lord Jesus when thou kissest me with the kisses of thy mouth I will kiss the Son lest he be angry Lord thou art too good for me if I may say so how could I ever expect that thou shouldest come near me more the poor love I have makes me say a thousand worlds and a thousand heavens for my God the small beams of the light of thy countenance are so sweet Lord if thou wouldest but continue the joyes thou sometimes affordest I had enough I need not the comforts of the world to make it up nor fear the afflictions of the world though one need continual supplies comforts to support one yet they could not spend them Meditat. XLIII I will go to God saith David he is mine exceeding joy a sweet saying O that there were such a heart in me yet I have an unâ—nflamed heart a frozen heart if I leave all things and my self I should find thee but these poor joyes of the world quench the joys of the Spirit I shut out the glorious beams of thy heat and light and light up the Candles of the Creatures which have neither heat nor light in comparison of thine When I go about to rejoyce in thee My sins come and tell me that they must be mourned for first Any thing Lord any thing so that I may do what is pleasing in thy sight I am willing to stay for my joyes while thou art pleased to give them Only I beseech and desire these three things of thee 1. That I may not want grace though I want joyes 2. That I may not go about to make up the want of thy joyes with carnal joyes let me not kindle a fire walk and rejoyce in the light and sparks of what I have kindled c. 3. That though thou hast kindled joy yet that I may have sorrows that are Spiritual Lord how abundantly good art thou to them that love thee I lie under the weight of thy love and thy joy when I come hungry and thirsty to 〈◊〉 to be satisfied with thy joy to 〈…〉 lie now as a ship upon 〈…〉 while the Tide of thy 〈…〉 and lift me up and carry me into the Ocean of thy goodness When Mary Magdalen stood weeping at the Sepulchre thou didst call her by her name and she forgot all her sorrows she left her tears the Sepulchre and the Aâ—gel and cried out Rabboni My heart makes me believe that I would give the whole world to see Jesus Christ for I think if I could see him I should lie down at his feet and beg his grace and he would not deny me This is part of my weakness and want of faith for he hears my prayers as fully and is as willing to grant them now he is in Heaven as if he were on earth Lord Jesus thou that never did'st deny any poor soul that came to thee for grace and pardon thou never sendest them empty away but grantest their request Have mercy upon me O Lord my need and wants are as many and as great as many and as great as any of them all and if my sense of my misery be not so great my misery is so much the greater Meditat. XLIV Lord I perceive that spiritual sorrows and spiritual joys are wholly thy work for my sins are as many as great and of as deep a dye as any in the world that is not the sin against the holy Ghost and I am fully and sensibly convinced of it that they are so and yet I am as senceless as if my condition were quite hopeless for were it not so could I possibly be so feared as I am Thou hast said I will take away the stony heart Lord if thou wilt work who or what can hinder My corruptions and my sins have and do harden my heart by having and committing them nor will they soften it by considering them What hinders thee from taking away the infidelity and stoniness of my heart If that hardness and infidelity doth why that is the thing to be cured If I were not sick I need not a Physitian Lord I say not this to justifie my self for it is thou of thy free grace that must justifie me for I am lost And so for Joyes and Comforts though I read and hear of the Comforts that thou pourest out on others I am not moved nay those very Stories and sayings which have formerly inflamed me now are as sparks falling into the Sea warm not at all alas when I shall meet thee at the last day thy Mercies they shall testifie against me when they shall witness my sleightings of them my fruitlesness under them and unthankfulness for them What can I say Alas my poor soul we are undone but that day is not come yet one hour more the Lord it may be will give me Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Come into my poor soul for I am afraid to meet thee at the Tribunal of thy Judgement If thou wert on the Earth methinks I could go with confidence to thee that thou wouldest hear me but now thou art in heaven I cannot Blessed are they who have not seen and yet believe Lord I have received double for all my sins in respect of any profit or pleasure I have had by them I have had full measure prest down and running over but alas my vexation of Spirit is more gall then all the pleasures that I have had that have been worldly The loss and want of the discoveries of thy love cannot be recompensed with all that the world hath thy loves are better then wine Indeed in respect of the offence to thee every prayer deserves hell Meditat. XLV Lord I am as afraid of Comforts as of terrours for when I have comforts I am subject to pride my self in them and instead of having sweet thoughts of thee have high thoughts of my self Afflictions breed sorrow and comforts pride Sorrow is better then pride My preaching is my temptation and and my accuser If I preach not the strictest wayes of God my negligence condemns me and if I domy Sermons condemn me For my life is hell I am afraid of publishing something I have by the help of thy Spirit written left my life should do no more harm by scandal then the writings should do good by directing to holiness and yet sometimes I think that if I publish and own such writings they would be a strong Engagement to live more holily But I have something against that also for that Motive would in short time lose its strength Such waxen wings would melt and let me fall to my former wayes and that holiness which is born up with such
carnal motives is a poor thing Lord how am I distracted and torn in pieces with these thoughts Nay Lord if thou wilt have me go with these burthens on my soul do whatever seems good in thine eyes If I may but drudge in thy house though I lie among the pots yet to be a Skullion in thy house is better then to sit at the Table of Princes Lord I am undone except thou work a miracle of mercy yet if I am undone it may be before thou givest me over and discoverest me to the world thou wilt let me do something more that I may glorifie thee and edifie the people nay it may be thou maist suffer me as long as I live to do much of which thou maist have glory Lord if my heart be not upright yet O that my actions and my Preachings may be such that men seeing and hearing them may be stirred up to glorifie thee by doing those things sincerely which I it may be do out of hypocrisie I am sure too much hypocrisie Lord I have begged for such a heart as may not deceive me nor dishonour thee O my God What shall I doe Nay Lord what wilt thou doe I am undone unless thou dost work mightily above all that I can speak or think according to that mighty power wherewith thou didst raise the Lord from the dead O that I might be so raised that I might return no more to corruption Medit. XLVI By this I know and am sensible It is not for any man to live by his own strength by my knowing how impossible it is for a sick Man to recover without thee If a living man cannot speak how can a condemned man live without thee If living bones cannot move how can dry bones live Lord thou meetest me not at Duties thou speakest not to me there Thou speakest to me in mercies and I answer not in judgements and I carry my self as a sleepy man that is unwilling to be awaked What wilt thou do with me Lord when I will neither speak to thee nor answer thee when thou speakest O the weakness of my graces and the power of thy Mercies Those sins I have had a mind to commit thou hast taken from me the opportunity to commit It is a comfort to me that I had not opportunity but it would be a greater comfort not to have a mind An Instance according to the Rules given for Meditating on the Scripture A Meditation on these words Isa 66. 2. But to this man will I look even to him that is poor and of a contrite Spirit and trembleth at my Word LET us seriously consider O my Soul That if an Angel or God himself from Heaven had spoken these words in our hearing as once Christ did to Paul when he was going to Damascus surely I think they would have very much affected us Is the Word of God less his Word because it is written I read that the Apostle 2 Pet. 1. 17 18 19. speaking of a voice that he himself heard from Heaven saith that he had a more sure word of Prophecy that is as I conceive that he was no less sure that the words of the Prophets were the very words of God then those that he heard with his ears Then lâ—t us not be less affected with these words then if we our selves had heard God himsâ—lf speak them 2. Nor let us think that they less concern us then if we had earnestly begged of God to tell us what he would have us to be do and as an answer of our prayers we had heard him speak to us from heaven in particular To this man will I look that is of a poor and contrite Spirit and trembleth at my Word For doubtless God hath not caused his VVord to be Written in vain at a venture for whomsoever should read it but knew not who they were should read it but he knew every particular person to whose hand his VVord should come and knew his word should come to my hands and I should read these wery words and therefore caused them to be written in particular for my sake though not exclusively Christ died for all his people yet Paul saith that he loved me and gave himself for me and Christ did think particularly of Paul and so of every one else for whom he died and gave himself up as a Sacrifice and Ransome particularly thinking on and intending every one that should be saved by his Death If a Minister should go to one that is given to Swearing and tell him of the hainousness of that sin and lay it home to his Conscience in private it generally doth affect him more then to hear the same sin reproved in publick yet he should as particularly apply it then though he had not in this respect so much reason to apply it as I have to apply these words to mine own soul For the Minister doth not nor can actually and particularly intend every one that is guilty of the sins he reproves for he knows not every particular person that is guilty of the sin he reproves as God doth every one that reads his word Therefore let us take this and apply it to our selves as if God had sent these words written with his own hand to us in particular VVhen it is said that the Scripture is written for our Learning c. Rom. 15. 4. I conceive the meaning is not only by way of sufficiency but by way of intention efficacy decree in resgect of his people that is not only that there is a sufficient matter in Scripture to instruct us but that God did intend and decree that this place of Scripture should instruct every particular one of his people that is instructed by it 3. And indeed what is the reason that I now read these words and do now intend to Meditate on them Is it not or certainly it ought to be that I should try whether I am such or whether I have such an heart and Spirit as these words signifie and if I am not so much as I ought to be that I should humble my self and be as truly sensible and as much affected and much more then I am with those bodily infirmities that lie upon me and if so be there were a receit given me which I had a long time sought for and endeavoured to get being assured that if I had it it would cure me Surely I should not only read it because I might be able to tell others what would cure such a Disease or to enable my self to discourse of that matter but I should read it with abundance of joy and unquestionable resolution to take it Alas Lord why do I not read thy Word so also where the unquestionable remedies of all spiritual diseases are set down Surely it is my senselesness of the mischiefs of these Spiritual Distempers that makes me so little affected with grief for them and with joy that I have found out the remedies for them 4.
the multitude of thy tender compassions and thy free grace in Jesus Christ to flie unto Lord lay my sins home to me to humble me and to break my stony heart but lay them not to my charge to condemn me If thou had'st not in thy word promised forgiveness to Sinners through Jesus Christ I could no more hope to obtain pardon then ever the Devils themselves Resolutions It is enough O my soul and too too much that we have been undoing our selves and provoking God thus long That we have as it were with all our power pulled down the vengeance of God upon us and as it were kindling his wrath against us but he hath not suffered his whole Displeasure to arise nor suffered us to perish though we would blessed be his Name that we have not committed the Sinne against the Holy Ghost which we certainly had done had he given us up to the strength of our own corruptions and to the power and malice of Satan to improve them to our destruction Is it true indeed that God saith Yet return and I will save thee doth he stand with stretched out arms doth he indeed stand with stretched out arms to imbrace us is it possible he should be so gracious to forgive such and so many sins and of such long continuance well blessed be God we will go unto him and never offend him more We will hereafter whensoever we are tempted unto sinne say what sinne against such love such mercy such experiences offend that God that hath pardoned us that hath done such things for us and is not content with that but hath promised to doe more I will not hereafter stand parlying with Temptations but I will cry out unto God and say Lord help me for I suffer violence and in particular I am in some measure sensible that I pray not with that servency and reverénce as I ought to do for the time to come I shall by the blessing of God mend that I am too passionate well since God hath been so gracious as to forgive so many so great so grievous sins that mine own heart is not able to understand their vileness or number I will not hereafter be troubled when I hear my neighbour or underling or when I hear my fellow N. use such or such taunting words against me I will not be provoked by this or that despight or contemptuous trick that he or she doth use against me but rather I will endeavour to say or do such a thing to gain his good will and to pacifie his anger conceived against me for certainly his injuries are not comparable to my sinnes and yet God forgives me them there is a difference between I. N. and me I am resolved I will go to him and be reconciled this very day or if I cannot I will pray for him and speak well of him this very day if I have occasion to speak of him at all howsoever I will pray for him now Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would increase thy Detestation of sin and that thou mightest as well hate Sin as leave Sin and that he would not let any Spark that hath been kindled by his own Spirit go out in thee Say unto him Lord I doe not beg Riches I can go to heaven without them please thee without them but I beg of thee Grace and strength against corruptions pardon of sins if thou deniest me these I am undone 2. Praise God Blessed be thy Name that my heart hath been in any measure affected with the hatred of sin that I have in any measure known and considered the things that belong to my peace thou might'st have suffered me to drop into hell and never to have thought of it before I had been there but thou hast not dealt so with me 3. Acknowledge thine one unworthiness of so great patience as God hath exercised towards thee thine inability to think any of those good thoughts that thou hast had c. as in the first Meditation After all think what passages most affected thee 2. Write down thy resolutions c. 3. Go unwillingly from the Duty Meditat. IV. Of Death 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray for his assistance Considerations 1. Canst thou not remember that thou wert by such an one when he died didst thou not see how his countenance failed his eye-strings broke how he grew weaker and weaker at last grew speechless how he throtled in the throat how his teeth grated how he sweated and strugled for life and at last gaspt and died consider that thus thou must do likewise how soon the Lord only knows that thou art well now is nothing that thou art young and strong now is nothing for how many are there that have been strong and well and as young as thou within a very few dayes after have been in their Grave That thou must die is certain when where how none knows but he that made thee only this is true that generally men die sooner then they expect 2. Consider that there will be an end of the World as to thee thou must leave Riches Friends Wife Children Houses Lands and thine one body also Thy friends may stand weeping by but they cannot prolong thy life one minute 3. Consider that when thou comest to die it will certainly not repent thee that thou hast spent so much time in prayer so much in meditation so much in holy duties it was never known since the world began that any one did then say O that I had prayed less though these holy Duties now seem irksome and troublesome to thee doubtless then they shall bring more comfort to thee then all those Riches and Vanities in which thou hast spent so much time and took so much delight in These things are certain and infallible our understandings cannot O that our lives did not deny them Consider how that the dearest friends thou hast in the world will hasten thy filthy carkass out of the doors they will scarce dare to stay with it alone but say as Abraham did Let me bury my dead out of my sight and then how seldom will they think or speak of thee or if they do what good will it do thee 5. Consider alas poor man whether will thy soul go then to hell or to heaven dost thou know to which dost thou not think thou shalt go that way which thou hast gone all thy life long if thou hast walk't in the wayes of hell how canst thou imagine that at the end of that journey thou should'st arrive at heaven 6. Consider what good will all thy wealth all thy pleasures all thy vanities do thee at that day they will all vanish as doth the morning dew Alas who knows not all these things and yet not one of a thousand consider and lay them to heart and to know these Truths live unsuitably to them doth but add to our folly madness O that they were wise saith God
cause all those to be judged and condemned that live in them therefore I am resolved by the gracious assistance of the Spirit of God for the time to come never to censure or judge any one as I have done and frequently to examine my self and as frequently and severely to judge my self as formerly I have used to Censure and judge others and to use as much Lenity mildness in judging and censuring others as ever I did in censuring my own wayes and if I doe speak ill of any one I will if I remember it when I am before the Throne of Grace not only beg pardon of my Sin in rash judging but as much as in me lies make him some restitution by putting up as many prayers for him as I have spoke evil things of him and let us further resolve of my soul and by thy blessed assistance O God I am resolved and do promise before thee for the time to come frequently and I beseech thee that I may alwayes do it before I do or speak any thing consider whether I dare own that action or that word at the day of Judgement and if I dare not own it I will not dare to do or speak it and when at any time I think of omitting of any Holy Duty and think that such or such an excuse will serve I will bring it beforâ— the Judgment Seat of God by seriously considering with my self whether in my Conscience I think that God will take that for a sufficient excuse at that great day For the Conclusion of this Exercise I refer you to the Conclusions of the former Meditations for I am loath this Manual should swell too much Meditat. VI. Of Hell BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God Considerations 1 Consider O my soul the greatness of these Torments certainly if God so heavily afflicts his own people as he did Job Heman and divers of his people who have been in disertion many years How sad are the expressions of David he saith he roar'd for the disquietness of his Soul And how many sad Expressions had Job that he had not time to swallow his spittle and how that he chose rather a strangling then life and many other exceeding sad expressions which could never have proceeded from an holy man who is set before us as a pattern of patience if his afflictions had not been very great And Heman said that the terrours of the Lord were so great that he was almost distracted with them and so from his youth up until that time that he writ that Psalm Psal. 88. If this be done to the green tree what shall be done to the dry And if God chastise his people with such Rods what Scorpions shall the Damned be Scourged with and if the righteous have been thus afflicted tossed with Tempests and not comforted where shall the wicked and ungodly appear what shall the portion of their cup be even the dregs of the vials of Gods wrath for upon the wicked he shall rain snares fire and brimstone and a horrible tempest 2. Consider what the sufferings of Christ were if we do truly and seriously consider how much those words signifie when our Saviour saith My soul is heavy to the death we shall be helped to understand what our Saviours sorrows were If the wisest holiest and patientest man in the World who was not oppressed or distempered at all by reason of any bodily distemper of Mclancholly I say if such a man should come to an intimate bosome friend and with a sad countenance should fell him that he was even ready to die because of the abundance of grief and sadness that lay upon his Spirit would not this argue that his sorrows were exceeding great especially when his friend never heard him to complain in all his life though the injuries and sufferings had been very great all along If he should further say unto his friend I beseech you to watch with me surely it would argue an heart overwhelmed with grief Now I say for a Saviour to say so to his Disciple and afterward to sweat blood O what unknown sorrows did our Saviour feel How then is it possible for the wicked to escape when God spared not his own Son though he was but a surety and those sorrows that made him groan will crush thee to pieces Woe be to that man that is to satisfie the Justice of God in his own person 3. Consider O my Soul the sad aggravating concomitants of these Torments every Member and faculty both of Body and soul shall be tormented here if our head akes may be our heart doth not ake if we have the Stone we have not the Gout or if both them yet not some other Torturing disease or if the whole body be tortured yet one may possess his Soul in patience but to have a tortured body and a wounded conscience who can bear it besides all this none can help none will pity those that are in hell nay what is the height of misery that way God himself shall in the mid'st of all their roarings and tortures laugh at their calamity when it comes as desolaion and as a whirlwind upon them 4 Consider seriously what Eternity means for ever ever ever to be tormented is an overwhelming consideration To lie under the torture of the Stone but one night how tedious is it but to be tormented to all eternity O it is the Hell of Hells Affections and Resolutions Be aostnished and tremble at the wrath of the Lord Alas O my Soul why dost thou not tremble as Felix did when thou considerest these things why art not thou more sensible of the power of his wrath do not the Foundations of the Earth tremble and the pillars of Heaven shake when he is angry and how comes it to pass that thou art so little affected with these things hast thou full assurance of the favour of God when was it sealed sureley the very possibility that these things should come upon us should very much affect us 2. Pray O blessed God thou that hast the keyes of Death and of Hell take pity of me and though I neither understand nor am sensible in any considerable measure either of the the Misery of Hell or of my own danger in falling into them Lord how thou knowest both let the bowels of thy compassion earn towards me and never suffer me to fall into that devouring fire and into those everlasting burnings blessed be thy Name that I am on this side of Hell if thou hadst cast me into that place of Torment as I have daily provoked thee to do I had been past hopes past prayers past mercies past repentance I beseech theâ— O Lord that thou wilt chasten me that I may not be condemned with the world 3. Despise and abhor the sinful vanities and pleasures of the world O vain world there is nothing in thee but sin and misery temptations vanity and vexation of Spirit and are thy vain
all Eternity maynifying admiring and adoring God that ever he gave thee leave and grace to serve him then shalt thou see and so thy experience shall make thee confess with joy and wonder that the light afflictions and labours of love that thou endurest in this life are not worthy to be compared to the joyes that shall be revealed in thee VVhen at any time thou beginnest to be weary look to the price of thine high calling and when thou comest to heaven thou shalt admire when thou seest how abundantly thou art over recompensed and thou wilt have just cause to say Lord what is this that thou hast done for me alas what were the things that I either did or suffered in thy service what were my filthy rags that thou shouldest give me such a Robe and Crown of Glory O my Soul what if we do weep now the time is at hand when God will wipe all tears from our eyes O my son these things cannot be believed and slighted and understood and neglected If thou dost not believe them what is the reason Are they too glorious things for God to bestow upon such wretched sinners why dost thou set bounds to the goodness of God and say Hitherto thou shalt go and no further nay doubtless since God hath said that he will do that which shall glorifie his goodness to his people the incredibility of it makes it more credible but if thou art convinced of the truth why art thou not affected with the Excellencies of these Joyes dost thou not relish them well For the time to come I will meditate more of these things I will by giving to the poor lay up my Treasures in Heaven I will part with such and such vain delights for it I will spend more time and communion with God in praising admiring and adoring of him that if it be possible by frequent performing of these Duties I may at last taste and relish the incomprehensible sweetness of them that I may be enamoured more of heaven and because all my endeavours are in vain if the Lord reveals not these things unto me therefore I will beg of God that he will discover the riches oâ— his goodness to me I have not been careful enough nor sensible enough of Sins of Omission when I have had no just thing to take up â—y thoughts yet I have not thought of thee henceforth when my heart is affected with thy Excellencies thy love thy mercies I will praise thee when it is not I will pray to thee that it may and for my Master-sin mine iniquity I will be most frequent in those duties that are most contrary to it I will especially in my reading of Scripture take notice of and write down those places and those examples that are most proper for the cure I will speak against my iniquity that if it may be I may thereby the more engage my self to leave it Meditat. VII Of the Excellencies of Christ. 1. BE convinced of and affected with the prefence of God 2. Desire of him who only can to manifest the Excellency of Christ unto thee Considerations 1. Consider that if the holiest man that ever lived lived near thee what high expectations wouldest thou have of his carriage and conference when thou sawest his zeal and patience c. But no man lived ever without Sinne Therefore suppose an Angel should take upon him humane Nature and live amongst us with what enflamed expressions and affections would he speak of God of Heaven and every thing that is Spiritual But alas his carriage his holiness his wisdom where as nothing in comparison of Christs For there was not any word or action that eyer Christ spoke or did that if all the Angels of heaven had studied and set down how it ought to have been done or they themselves should have been to have done it they could not have equalled it nay even God the Father had he taken our Nature he would not have spoke or done any word or thinÌ„g which should have had in respect of it self or any circumstance more holiness or wisdom then Christs words and actions had so that certainly in this respect he that saw Christ saw the Father as he himself saith 2. Consider the wonderful wisdom of Christ Certainly he was greater then Solomon For though he was the humblest man that ever lived yet he himself said so nor did it any more argue pride in Christ to say that he was wiser then Solomon then it would have argued in Solomon that he knew more then a New-born Babe VVhen his most malicious and cunning Adversaries came to eâ—snare him in his words so that they thought it were impossible for him to say I or No to their Questions without extraordinary prejudice to himself yet he Answered with such admirable wisdom and innocence that they went away ashamed of their Folly Nay when Satan himself came and set upon him with his subtilest Temptations that he could possibly find out yet our Saviour without Deliberation and Study immediately answered him so fully that he could not so much as reply but was fain to fly to another Temptation and no marvel for he was the Wisdom of the Father 3. Consider the wondeful and exceeding holiness of Christ when he was in the height of all his Agonies and Sufferings he abated not any thing of his Love and confidence in God For his Sufferings did not make him forget or diminish any thing no not in the least circumstance of his Graces or of any thing that the Law required at his hands To be so freely willing 〈…〉 that Agony continue which was unspeakable and as the Torments of hâ—ll â—f his Father pleased was more then if those in hell should freely submit to endure the Torments they suffer The holiness of those in heaven is not comparably so much greater then the weakest Saint on earth As the holiness of Christ was greater whilest he lived on earth then that of those in heaven Nay all the Saints on Earth are fil'd from his fulness For he is the Fountain that conveyes to his Saints as they are able to receive the infinite Ocean of the holiness of the God-head No marvel that the Angels when they saw his glory cryed out Holy Holy Lord God of Sabbaths 4. Consider that not withstanding all these infinite Excellencies in Christ he thought it no robbery to be equal to the Father yet how exceedingly did he humble himself and how gracious was he The poorest man or woman in the Word nay the greatest Sinner that truly repented with what love did he receive them He was the Son of Righteousness from whom the Angels receive their Glory and yet he disdains not to shine upon such Dunghills as we are It is strange O my soul to consider how willing Christ was to please every one only provided it was in things that were not for their hurt that desired them Many times nay most times when others were with him when he
besides I very well know as I said before that the Spiritual expressions between God and ones own Soul in secret are forgotten almost as soon as ended It is very unlikely that any should remember then ten years after as the most of these are I thought good to give an account of this matter lest I should be thought to have that holy frame of heart which many of the expressions in these Meditations argues that he had that used them and arrogate to my self that which is farre from me If any shall be offended at the brevity and shortnesse of my Directions of this great and weighty businesse of Meditation I shall onely say thus much as to that 1. That I am not willing to overcharge or affright New Beginners for for such I do very much intend this Treatise with too great a Number of Particulars 2. I would not have this swell above the bigness of a Manual for I have often observed that when one hath perswaded some to buy some Book and told them it hath been but a small price it hath been almost as strong a Motive the smallness of the price as the goodness of the Book and I would not be willing that both these Motives should be wanting to the buying of this Book As for the plainnesse of the Sâ—ile or Matter I shall thus excuse it if it ought to be excused I wrote this for the meanest and ignorantest sort of Christians that they might buy and understand it that they might buy it I have made it a Manaul that they might understand it I have made it plain and spoke to them in their own Language and to the Learned I say if any such shall read this Treatise Indocti rapiunt coelum and though I highly prize Learning yet I know that as to Prayer and Meditation and all other acts of Devotion wherein we keep a strict Communion with God and watch over our own Souls and experimental knowledge and acquaintance with and inflamed affections towards God will more avail us then all the Learning in the VVorld and doubtless it is not generally Ignorance in those that live under Ordinances but the Non-improvement of the Truths we know that will undo us if we do but improve these plain Truths viz that God is that there will be a Day of Judgement that we must die that we ought to love God with all our Heart with all our Soul with all our Mind with all our Strength that we should do as we would be done to I say if we did but improve these into practice we should attain to more holiness then if we knew a thousand times more and left those Truths as generally men do by them as things forgotten I doe very much think that the Truths of Religion have been spun into too fine a Thred of late dayes and some have observed that fewer have been converted of late years then formerly when fundamentals have been Plainly Powerfully and Practically prest upon the Conscience it is an Errour to think that Notions so they be Spiritual cannot be two accute or Speculative I have one thing to entreat of the Christian Reader and it was one end of publinging this Treatise that I might with it publish thâ—se my desires The thing that I am to request of you will neither be charge nor trouble It is your frequent serious servent Prayers that I desire of you I know it is used too much as a Complement among Christians to desire prayers of their Christian friends and they are too often Superficially promised and too seldom conscienciously performed Nor would I have thee whosoever thou art that fearest God account this my Request a thing of course and that it is at thy Liberty to grant it or no for suppose a poor Distressed Man overwhelmed almost swallowed up with the sense of his Miseries and wants should with Tears and strong importunities beg relief of thee Dost thou think it were an Arbitrary thing when it was in thy power to relieve him or not Mightest thou not justly expect that the next time thou wentest to pour out thy Soul before God that he should keep by him the denial that thou gavest that poor man and give it thee when thou in the distressed thoughts of thy heart makest thy prayer to him and dost thou think that the Lord will hold thee guiltless when one whose afflictions are many Corruptions strong Temptations to undergo shall in the anguish and bitterness of his Spirit desire thy prayers and thou refuse or neglect Consider whether at the day of Judgment thou wilt have any sufficient excuse to plead I have sometimes thought that the Bills that have publickly been put up for the prayers of the Congregation have been too little regarded it may be they have been too customarily and formally put up it may be â—o but it is not good for us to be Judges of evil thoughts little do we know what Terrours and Fears and Anguishes of Spirit overwhelm them while they are so little regarded by us O that we were sensible of others afflictions and sorrows whether spiritual or Temporal as they themselves are and as we would have them to be of ours were our Souls in their Souls stead And if the Lord should so by his providence order it as to bring us into those straits which we saw our brother in and would not afford him so much as our Prayers may we not justly expect that the next time that we our selves are in streights our consciences should take up a Parable and Taunting Proverb against us and say as Josephs brethren did we are verily guilty concerning our brother in that we saw the anguish of his soul when he besought us and we would not hear therefore is all this distress come upon us And that which I would desire thee to beg of God for me is That he would give me sincerely to aim at his Glory in all my actions but especially those that belong to my Ministry that I might not be as a broken vessel and that he would give me greater Discoveries of and love to himself and the Lord Jesus Christ and that he would give me gifts and strength and wisdom opportunity and a heart to serve him and mercies suitable to my wants that my afflictions may be sanctified my Temptations conquered and my Corruptions mortified One thing more I am to request of thee that is to do what I know is too much neglected by my self and I fear by others Thou art to pray for a blessing upon thy self when thou readest this Treatise and that God would make it a blessing unto others also into whose hands it shall come I desire you that you would help me with your prayers in this particular When we do but take our ordinary daily bread we crave a blessing how much more when we doe things that concern our eternal good When we take a Book to that end Spiritually to benefit by it do we
think that it is in our own power or in the power of any Treatise that we read without Gods assistance to do us good Nay the Word of God it self is but a dead Letter if the holy Spirit be absent when we hear or read it But that thou shouldest desire a blessing upon thy self in reading of this book is not all I request of thee but that thou wouldest also extend thy Prayers further even for others that it may be also for their edification whosoever shall read it For as we are to pray that every Sermon we hear may be for the Spiritual advantage of others as well as of our selves It holds also in reading of Treatises of Devotion FINIS Books to be sold by Thomas Parkhurst at the Bible and three Crowns in Cheapside near Mercers Chappel A Commentary on the Hebrews By John Owen D. D. Fol. An Exposition of Temptation on Mat. 4 verse 1. to the end of the eleventh by Dr. Tho Taylor fol. A practical Exposition on the the third Chapter of the first Episile of St. Paul to the Corinthians with the Godly Mans Choice on Psal. 4. vers 6 7 8. By Anthony Burgess fol. The view of the holy Scriptures by Hugh Broughton fol. Christianographia oâ— a Description of the multitude and sundry sorts of Christians in the World not subject to the Pope by Eph. Pagit These six Treatises next following are written by Mr. George Swinnock 1. The Christian Mans Calling or a Treatise of making Religion ones business in Religious Duties Natural Actions his Particular Vocation his Family Directions and his own Recreation The first part 2. Likewise a second part wherein Christians are directed to perform their Duties as Husbands and Wives Parents and Children Masters and Servants in the conditions of Prosperity and Adversity 3. The third and last part of the Christian Mans Calling wherein the Christian is directed how to make Religion his business in his dealings with all Men in the choice of his Companions in his carriage in good and bad company in solitariness on a week day from morning to night in visiting the sick on a dying bed 4. The Door of Salvation opened by the Key of Regeneration 5. Heaven and Hell Epitomised And the True Christian Characterized 6. The Fading of the Flesh and the flourishing of Faith Or One cast for Eternity with the only way to throw it well All these by George Swinnock 4 to An Exposition on the five first Chapters of Ezekiel with useful Observations thereupon by Will. Greenhill 4 to The Gospel Covenant or the Covenant of Grace opened Preached in New England by Peter Bulkely 4 to An Antidote against Quakerisin by Stephen Scandret Gods holy Mind touching Matters Moral which himself uttered in ten words or ten Commandments Also an Exposition on the Lords Prayer by Edward Elton B. D. 410. Fiery Jesuite or an Historical Collection of the rise Increase Doctrines and Deeds of the Jesuites Exposed to the view for the sake of London 410. Horologiographia Optica Dialling Universal and Particular Speculative and Practical together with the Description of the Court of Arts by a new Method by Silvanus Morgan 410. Heart-Treasure Or a Treatise tending to fill and furnish the head and heart of every Christian with soul-inriching Treasury of Truths Graces Experiences and Comforts Octavo 1 part Sure Mercies of David being the second part of Heart-Treasure Closet Prayer A Christians Duty all three by Oliver Heywood A Practical Discourse of prayer by Tho Cobbet Of Quenching the Spirit the evil of it in respect both of its causes and effects discovered by Theophilus Polwheile The Re-building of London encouraged and improved in several Meditations by Samuel Rolles The sure way to Salvation Or a Treatise of the Saints Mystical Union with Christ. Antidote against Infection of a multitude these two by Rowland Stedman M A. The greatest Loss upon Matth. 16. 26. by James Livesâ—y Octavo A. defence against the fear of Death by Zach. Crofton Gods Soveraignty displayed by Will. Geering The Godly Mans Ark or City of Refuge in the day of his distress in five Sermons with Mris. Moors Evidences for Heaven by Edm. Calamy The Almost Christian discovered or the false Professor tryed and cast by Mr. Mead. Spiritual Wisdom improved against Temptations By Mr. Mead. 1. Heaven taken by Storm 2. The Holy Eucharist or The Sacrament of the Lords Supper briefly opened These two by Mr Tho. Watson Nonconformity without Contravercy by Ben. Baxter The Parable of the great Supper By John Crump late of Maidstone FINIS Mr. Holland
above any thing in the world and because there was some small crum of another meat which he had an antipathy against he should fling all with violence and detestation away were not this enough to satisfie you that he abhorred that meat a crum whereof made him abhor that which he so much loved Suppose you should see one take a Watch whose wheels and all the rest were cut out of intire Diamonds and spying some little small and almost undiscernable Spider in it should fling it to the ground with so much violence that he should break it all to pieces it would evidently argue how much he detested a Spider What excellent Creatures are Angels and yet because a Sin though but of thought was found in them how doth it cast them like lightning into Hell Suppose further thou shouldest see the meekest wisest man lovingest Father in the world taking his Son and scourging of him with rod after rod until that he were all of gore blood from head to foot and though he cried out and begged of his Father to spare yet he would not spare him but scourged him to death Would you not say that the Son had done somewhat that the Father did wonderfully abhor Hath not God dealt thus with Christ Did he not chastise him until he shed blood from the Crown of the head to the sole of the feet Did not Christ die under his correcting hand did not Christ cry out again and again Father if it be possible let this cup pass from me And did he not love Christ more then any Father loved his Son and all this because Christ was guilty of Sin though but as a surety these things are not inventions of wit or rhetorick but real Truths If the dostroying of Sodom Gomorrha Jerusalem Angels and the most part of Adams posterity and the whole world save eight persons If the Sufferings of Christ be not enough to satisfie thee of Gods hatred of sin then thou maist go on to thy own destruction but know this that it will be bitterness at the last 2. Consider what thou dost when thou sinnest every sinner doth virtually put Heaven and Christ and God and his favour and loving-kindness and all his promises in one scale and that pleasure profit or honour which sin promiseth with a wouded conscience the torments of hell the wrath of God in the other scale and doubtless virtually a sinner chooseth sin with all these mischiefs before the service of God with all his mercies It is as if a sinner should say rather then I wilâ— not satisfie my base lust I will part with God with Christ with heaven and all I will suffer his wrath let God do his worst I will have my will Every obstinate sinner doth in his heart say thus and though now thou 〈◊〉 imaginest it yet at the day of judgment this will be made manifest to thee as iâ— it were writ with a beam of the Sun things that now seem less consequent shall then be made evident A wicked wretch that sees one of Gods people hungry naked imprisoned and doth not releive him he little thinks that is all one as if he had seen Christ so and not relieved him but at the day of judgment Christ will make it manifest unto him 3. Consider how often thou hast sinned against God every unconverted man doth nothing else his plowing is an abomination All his imaginations are only evil and that continually Nay though thou art one of Gods people yet David cries out that his sins are more in number than the hairs on his head and dost thou think thy sins are fewer then Davids how many years hast thou lived how many dayes hours minutes thy sins are more The Hour-Glass that runs hath not so many sands in it as the sins that thou committest in that hour If thou dost not beleive this consider that there is not one of thy thoughts words actions but is polluted with abundance of sins If thou sayest Our Father since thou dost not speak it with that reverence attention fervency faith love joy confidence admiration of his goodness and many other which we are engaged to have when we call God by the Name of Father thou becomest guilty of all the contrary sins and many more that are not named in speaking that one word in thy prayer not as thou oughtest Fear not making thy sins seem greater or more then then they are 4. Consider further for what trifling vanity nay for what base things that thou wilt be ashamed to own before men thou hast lost God lost thine own soul if thou returnest not and hast brought on thy self more miseries than the tongue of man can express or the heart of man concieve theâ—e is nothing thou â—â—â—st with thy eyes or hearest with thy eares or fâ—â—lest with thy hands is more certainly true than this But alass bâ—â—ause thou hâ—st heâ—rd iâ— so â—ftâ—n and God or his â—â—finâ—te goodness and patience hath noâ— made thee yet to feel the stroak of his justice and the misery due to sin thou wilt not believe 〈◊〉 though his threaâ—nings be never so clearly for down and with much earnestness 5. Consider against what precious mercies what sweet love what blessed experience holy inspirations what abundance of means strong resolutions 〈◊〉 promises clear light c. â—hou hast â—inned Affections 1. Pray to God to help to a further sense of the sinfulnesse of sin Blessed God must all these considerations pass as a Serpent on a stone without making any impression upon my soul Lord give me an affecting knowledge of the sinfulness of sin and not have such slight thoughts of sinne as I have had but grant that I may esteem of Sinne as thou esteemest it 2. Talk with thine own Soul about this matter O my Soul are these considerations true or false If thou thinkest them false bring thy objection shew wherein the errour lies which thou canst never do but if they be true as certainly they are how comes it to pass that we have made nothing of sin 't is vain for us to put off the sence of our sins until it be too late 3. Be confounded and ashamed in the presence of God Alas O Lord my God as a thief is ashamed when he is taken or as a woman is ashamed when her adulteries are found out by her loving husband so a thousand times more I desire to be confounded and ashamed in thy presence when I consider how abominable my life hath been and how that I have committed my abominations even in thy sight and provok't thee to thy face and had not thy patience and mercy been infinite thou could'st never have stood out against so many provocations I had been in hell roaring and blaspherning long before this day and then I had been past prayers and past mercies and past pardon What shall I say unto thee O thou preserver of men to excuse my sins I cannot I have nothing but