open vnto mee 2 But doe thou O my most private Physicion make apparent vnto mee what fruite I may reape by doing it For the confessions of my passed sinnes which thou hast so giuen and couered that thou mightest make mee happy in thee in changing my life by thy sayth and Sacrament whenas they are read and heard they stirre vp the heart that it may not sleepe in despaire and say I cannot but keepe it selfe wakefull in the loue of thy mercy and the sweetnesse of thy grace by which any weake persons is made strong who is by it made guilty to himselfe of his owne infirmities As for these that are good they take delight to heare of their passed errours those I meane that are now freed from them yet are they not therefore delighted because they are errors but for that they hauing so beene are not so now 3. With what fruit O Lord my God to whom my conscience more secure vpon the hope of thy mercy then in her own inocēcy maketh her daily confession with what fruit I beseech thee doe I by this Booke before Thee also confesse vnto men what at this time I yet am not what I haue beene For as for that fruit I haue both seene spoken of it but as for what I now am behold in the very time of the making of these Cōfessions diuers people both desired to know it both they that personally know mee and those also that did not they that had heard any thing eyther from me or of me but their care ouer-heares not my heart where-euer or what-euer I be They are desirous therefore to heare mee confesse what I am within whither neyther their eye nor eare nor vnderstanding is able to diue yet doe they desire it though they bee tyed to beleeue mee not able to know me because that Clarity by which they are made good sayes vnto them that I would neuer belye my selfe in my Confessions And t is that Charity in them which giues credit to me CHAP. 4. Of the great fruite of Confession 1. BVt to what end would they heare this doe they desire to congratulate with mee when as they shall heare how neere by thy grace I am now come vnto thee and to pray for mee when shall they once heare how much I am cast behind by mine owne heauinesse To such will I discouer my selfe for it is no meane fruite O Lord my God to cause many to me thankes vnto thee and bee intreated for vs by many Let the friendly minde of my brethren loue that in mee which thou teachest is to bee loued and lament in me what thou teachest is to be lamented Let the minde of my brethren not that of the stranger not that of the Strange children whose mouth talketh of vanity and their right hand is a right hand of iniquity but that of my brethren who when they approue of mee doe also reioyce for mee and when they disallow mee are sory for me because that whether they allow or disallow me yet still they loue me To such will I discouer my selfe they will haue a respect to my good deedes and sigh for my ill My good deedes are thine appoyntments and thy gifts my euill ones are my owne faults and thy iudgements Let them receiue comfort by the one and sigh at the other Let now both thanks-giuing and bewailing ascend vp into thy sight out of the hearts of my brethren which are thy Censers 2. And when thou O Lord art once delighted with the Incense of thy holy Temple haue mercy vpon me according to thy great mercy for thine owne names sake and at no hand giuing ouer what thou hast begunne in mee finish vp what is imperfect This is the fruit of my Confessions not of what I haue beene but of what I am namely to confesse this not before thee onely in a secret reioycing mixed with trembling and in a priuate sorrow fulnes allayed with hope but in the cares also of the beleeuing sonnes of men sharers of my ioy and partners in mortality with mee my fellow Citizens and fellow Pilgrimes both those that are gone before and those that are to follow after mee and those too that accompany mee along in this life 3. These are thy seruants my brethren those whom thou willest to be thy sonnes my masters whom thou commandedst mee to serue if I would liue with thee But this thy saying were to little purpose did it giue the command onely by speaking and not goe before mee in performing This therefore I now doe both in deede and word this I doe vnder thy wings and that with too much danger were not my soule sheltred vnder thy wings and my infirmity knowne vnto thee I am but a little one but my Father liueth for euer and my Protector is fit for mee For t is the very same hee that begat me and that defends meet for thou thy selfe art all my goods euen thou O omnipotent who art present with me and that before I am come vnto thee To such therefore will I discouer my selfe whom thou commandest mee to serue not discouering what I haue beene but what I now am and what I am yet But I will not iudge my selfe Thus therefore let mee be heard CHAP. 5. That man knoweth not himselfe throughly and knowes not God but in a glasse darkely 1. BVt thou O Lord doest iudge me because that although No man knowes the things of a man but the spirit of man which is in him Yet is there some thing of man which the very spirit of man that is in him knoweth not But thou knowest all of him who hast made him As for me though in thy sight I despise my selfe accounting my selfe but dust and ashes yet know I something of thee which I know not of my selfe For surely now wee see thorough a glasse darkely not face to face as yet so long therefore as I bee absent from thee I am neerer vnto my selfe then vnto thee and yet know I thee not possible to be any wayes violated whereas for my selfe I neyther know what temptations I am able to resist or what I am not 2. But there is hope because thou art faithfull who wilt not suffer vs to bee tempted aboue that wee are able but wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape that we may be able to beare it I will confesse therfore what I know by my selfe I will confesse yea and what I know not And that because what I doe know by my selfe by thy shewing it mee I come to know it and what I know not by my selfe I am so long ignorant of vntill my darkenesse bee made as the Noone-day in thy sight CHAP. 6. What God is and how knowne 1. NOt out of a doubtfull but with a certayne conscience doe I loue thee O Lord Thou hast strucken my heart with thy word therupon I loued thee Yea also the heauen
CHAP. 7. He disswades Alipius from his excessive delight in the Circensian games 1. WE joyntly bemoaned our selves for this who lived like friends together but chiefly and most familiarly did I speake hereof with Alipius and Nebridius of whom Alipius was borne in the same Towne with me whose parents were of the chiefe ranke there and himselfe yonger than I he had also studied under me first when I set up Schoole in our owne Towne and at Carthage afterwards He loved me very much because I seemed of a good disposition to him and well learned and I loved him againe for his great towardlines to vertue which was eminent enough for one of no greater yeerâ—â— But that Whirlepit of th◠〈◊〉 thaginian fashions amongst whom those idler spectacles are hotly followed had already swallowed up him in immoderate delight of the Circensian sports But meane while that he was miserably-tumbled up and downe that way and I professing Rhetoricke there had set up a publike Schoole he made no use of me as his Master by reason of some unkindnesse risen betwixt his Father and me Although therefore I had found how dangerously he doted upon the Race-place and that I were grievously perplexed that hee tooke the course to undoe so good a hope as was conceived of him or rather as me thought he had already undone it yet had I no meanes either privately to advise him or by way of constraint to reclaime him by interest of a friendship or the awe of a Master For I supposed verily that he had had the same opinion of me with his Father but he was not of that minde Loying aside therefore his Fathers Quarell hee beganne to salute me comming sometimes into my Schoole heare a little and bee gone By this meanes forgate I to deale with him that he should not for a blinde and headstrong desire of such vaine pastimes undoe so good a wit 2. But thou O Lord thou who sittest at the sterne of all thou hast created hadst not forgotten him who was one day to prove a chiefe Priest of thy Sacraments And that his amendment might plainely be attributed to thy selfe thou truely broughtest it about by my meanes who yet knew nothing of it For when as one day I sate in my accustomed place with my schollers before me in came he saluted me sate him downe and applyed his minde to what I then handled I had by chance a passage then in hand which that I might the better illustrate it seemed very seasonable to me to make use of a similitude borrowed from the Circensian races both to make that which I infinuated more pleasant and more plaine and to give a biting quippe withall at those whom that madnes had enthralled God thou knowest that I little thought at that time of curing Alipius of that pessilence But hee tooke it to himselfe and conceived that I meerely intended it towards him And what another man would have made an occasion of being angry with mee that good yong man made a reason of being offended at himselfe and to love me the more fervently For thou hadst said it long agoe and put it into thy Booke Ribuke a wise man and he will love thee 3. But for my part I meant no rebuke towards him but 't is thou who makest use of all men both knowing or not knowing in that order which thy selfe knowest and that order is just Out of my heart and tongue thou wrought'st burning coales by which thou mightest set on fire that languishing disposition of his of which so good hopes had been conceived and mightst cure it Let such a one conceale thy praises who considers not of thy mercies which my very marrow confesses unto thee For he upon that speech heav'd himselfe out of that pit so deepe wherein he had wilfully beene plunged and had beene hood winkt with the wretched pastime of it and rowzed up his minde with a well-resolved moderntion whereupon all those filths of the Circensian pastimes slew off from him nor came he ever at them afterwards Vpon this prevailed he with his unwilling Father that he might be one of my Schollers Hee yeelded and condescended so that Alipius beginning to bee my Auditor againe was bemussled in the same superstitioÌ„ with me loving that ostentation of continency in the Manichees which he supposed to be true and unseined But verily no better it was than a senselesse and a seducing continency insnaring precious soules not able yet to reach to the height of vertue and easie to be beguiled with a faire outside of that which was but a wel-shadowed a feined vertue CHAP. 8. Alipius is taken with a delight of the Sword-plaies which before he hated 1. HEe not forsaking that worldly course which his parents had charm'd him to pursue went before me to Rome to study the Laws where he was carried away with an incredible greedinesse of seeing the Sword-players For being utterly against and detesting such spectacles when he was one day by chance met withall by divers of his acquaintance and fellow students comming from dinner they with a familiar kinde of violence haled him vehemently denying and resisting them along into the Amphitheater on a time when these cruell and deadly shewes were exhibited he thus protesting Though you hale my body to that place and there set me can you after that force me to give my minde and lend my eyes to these shewes I shall therefore be absent even while I am present and so shall I overcome both you and them too His Companions hearing these words lead him on never the slower desirous perchance to try whether he could be as good as his word or no. When they were come thither and had taken their places as they could all that Round grew hot with mercilesse Pastimes 2. But Alipius closing up the doores of his eyes forbade his minde to range abroad after such mischiefes and I would he had stopped his eares also For upon the fall of one in the sight a mighty cry of the people beating strongly upon him hee being overcome by curiosity and as it were prepared whatsoever it were to contemne it with his sight and to overcome it opened his eyes and was strucken with a deeper wound in his soule than the other was in his body whom hee desired to behold and he presently fell more miserably than the Sword-player did upoÌ„ whose fal that mighty noise was raised Which noise entred through his eares and unlockt his eyes to make way for the striking beating downe of his soule which was bold rather than valiant hitherto and so much the weaker for that it presumed now on it selfe which ought onely to have trusted upon thee For so soone as hee saw another mans blood hee at the very instant drunke downe a kinde of savagenesse nor did he turne away his head but fixed his eye upon it drinking up unawares the very Furies themselves being much taken with the barbarousnesse of
in respect of the hidden deservings of the soules thou thinkest fit for him to heare To whom let not man say What is this or Why is that Let him not say so never let him ask such a questioÌ„ seeing he is but a man CHAP. 7. He is miserably tortured in his enquirie after the Root of Evill 1. ANd now O my helper hadst thou discharged me from those fetters and presently enquired I whence Evill should be but found no way out of my question But thou sufferedst me not to be carried away from the Faith by any waves of those thoughts by which Faith I beleeved both that thou wert and that thy substance was unchangeable and that thou hadst a care of and passedst thy judgement upon men and that in Christ thy Sonne our Lord and thy holy Scriptures which the Authority of thy Church should acknowledge thou hast laid out the way of mans salvation to passe to that life which is to come after death These grounds remaining safe and irremoveably settled in my minde I with much anxiety sought from what root the nature of Evill should proceed What torments did my teeming heart then endure and what throwes O my God! yet even to them were thine eares open and I knew it not and when in silence I so vehemently enquired after it those silent conditions of my soule were strong cryes unto thy mercy 2. Thou and not man knewest how much I suffered For how great was that which my tongue sent forth into the eares of my most familiar friends And yet did I disclose the whole tumule of my soule for which neither my time nor tongue had beene sufficient Yet did all of it ascend into thy hearing which I roared out from the grones of my heart yea my whole desires were said up before thee nor was I master of so much as of the light of mine owne eyes for that was all turn'd inward but I outward nor was that confined to any place but I bent my selfe to those things that are contained in places but there found I no place to rest in nor did those places so entertain mee that I could say It is enough and 't is well nor did they yet suffer me to turne back where I might finde well-being enough For to these things was I superiour but inferiour to thee and thou art that true joy of me thy Subject and thou hast subjected under mee those things which thou createdst below me 3. And this was the true temper and the middle Region of my safety where I might remaine conformable to thine Image and by serving thee get the dominion over mine owne body But when as I rose up proudly against thee and when I ran upon my Lord with my necke with the thick bosses of my buckler then were these inferiour things made my over-matches and kept me under nor could I get either releasement or space of breathing They ran on all sides by heapes and troopes upon mee broad-looking on them but having in my thoghts these corporeall Images they way-laid me as I turn'd backe 〈◊〉 they should say unto mee Whither goest thou O thou unworthy and base creature And these grew more in number even out of my wound for thou hast humbled the proud like as him that is wounded through my owne swelling was I set further off from thee yea my cheekes too big swolne even blinded up mine eyes CHAP. 8. How the mercy of God at length relieved him 1. THou Lord art the same for ever nor art thou angry with us for ever because thou hast pitie upon dust and ashes and it was pleasing in thy sight to reforme my deformities and by inward gallingsdidst thou startle me that I shouldst become unquiet till such time as it might bee assured unto my inward sight that it was thou thy selfe Thus by the secret hand of thy medicining was my swelling abated and that troubled and bedimmed eyesight of my soule by the smart eye-salve of mine owne wholsome dolours daily began more and more to be cleered CHAP. 9. What he found in some Bookes of the Platonists agreeable to the Christian Doctrine 1. AND thou being desirous first of all to shew unto me how thou resistest the proud but givest grace unto the humble and with what great mercy of thine the way of humility is traced out unto men in that thy WORD was made flesh and dwelt among men thou procuredst for mee by meanes of a certaine man puft up with a most unreasonable pride to see certaine Bookes of the Platonists translated out of Greeke into Latine And therein I read not indeed in the selfe same words but to the very same purpose perswaded by many reasons and of severall kinds That In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and that Word was God The same was in the beginning with God All things were made by him and without him was nothing made that was made In him was life and the life was the light of men And the light shined in the darknesse and the darknesse comprehended it not And for that the soule of man though it gives testimony of the light yet it selfe is not that light but the Word of God is for God is that true light that lighteth every man that commeth into the world And because he was in the world and the world was made by him the world knew him not and because hee came unto his owne and his owne received him not But as many as received him to them gave hee power to become the sons of God as many as beleeved in his name All this did I not read there 2. There again did I read that God the Word was not borne of flesh nor of blood nor of the will of man nor of the will of the flesh but of God But that the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us did I not there reade I found out in those Bookes that it was many and divers waies said that the Sonne being in the forme of the Father thought it no robbery to be equal with God for that naturally he was the same with him But that 〈◊〉 himselfe of no reputaâ—â—â— taking upon him the forme â—â— a servant and was made in 〈◊〉 likenesse of men and was sound in fashion as a man and humbled himselfe and became obedient unto death even the death of the Crosse Wherefore God hath highty exalted him from the dead and given him a name over every name that at the name of Iesus every knee should bow of things in heaven and things in earth and things under the earth And that every tongue should confesse that Iesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father those Bookes have not 3. But that thy onely begotten Sonne coeternall with thee war before all times and beyond all times remains unchangeable and that of his fulnesse all soules receive what makes theÌ„ blessed and that by participation
are from thee taught so by this one most firme demonstration that they are Of these things I was certaine enough yet too too weake to comprehend thee I prated altogether like a skilfull Fellow but had I not sought thy way in Christ our Saviour I had not proved a skilfull man but a lost man For now forsooth I beganne to be desirous to seeme wise full of mine owne punishment yet could not weepe for it but became more and more puffed up with my knowledge 2. For where was that charity that should build mee up from that foundation of humility which is in Christ Iesus or when would these bookes have taught me that Yet upon these I beleeve it was thy pleasure that I should first fall before I tooke thy Scriptures into my consideration that I might print in memory how far those Bookes wrought upon my affections and that when afterwards I should come to bee made tractable by thy Bookes thine own fingers undertaking the cure of me and my wounds dressed I might discerne at last and distinguish how maine a difference there was betwixt Presumption and Confession betwixt those that saw whither they were to goe but knew nothing of the way and that path which leades unto that blessed Countrey not to be lookt upon onely but dwelt in For had I first been brought up in thy holy Scriptures and in the familiar use of them thy selfe had grown sweet unto me and falne upon these Philosophicall volumes afterwards they might eyther have withdrawne me from the sollid ground of piety or if I had stood firme in that wholsome disposition which I had there tasted I might perchance have thought that a man even out of these Platonike bookes might have gotten the same had he studied them onely CHAP. 21. What he found in the holy Scriptures which was not in the Platonists 1. MOst greedily therefore laid I hold upon that venerable stile of thy Spirit and upon the Apostle Paul above all the rest Whereupon those difficulties quite vanished away in which hee sometimes seemed unto mee to contradict himselfe and wherein the Text of his discourse seemed not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets And there appeared unto me that one face of that chaste Eloquence and I learned to rejoyce with trembling I set upon it and found whatsoever I there read to be true These things to the praise of thy Grace I there learned that he which sees may not so glory as if he had not received not that onely which hee does see but also that which he may see For what hath hee which hee hath not received Yea both that hee may be put in minde not onely to see thee who art ever the same but that he may be made strong to hold thee and that he who from a farre off is not able to see his way may yet walke on to the end he may at last arrive and see and comprehend For though a man be delighted with the Law of God after the inner man yet how shall he doe with that other Law in his members which warres against the Law of his minde and bringeth him into captivity to the Law of sin which is in his members For thou art righteous O Lord but we have sinned and committed iniquity and thy hand is growne heavy upon us â—and we are justly delivered over unto that old Sinner the President of death for he hath wrought our will to become like his will whereby he departed from thy Truth 2. What shall wretched man doe who shall deliver him from the body of this death but only thy Grace through Iesus Christ our Lord whom thou hast begotten coeternall to thy selfe and possessedst in the beginning of thy waies in whom the prince of this world found nothing worthy of death yet kild he him whereby the hand-writing was blotted out which was contrary to us None of all this doe these Platonike writings containe Those leaves can shew nothing of this face of peitie those teares of confession that sacrifice of thine a troubled spirit a broken and a contrite heart the salvation of thy people the Spouse the City the earnest of the Holy Ghost the Cup of our Redemption No man sings there Shall not my soule waite upon God seeing from him commeth my salvation For he is my God and my salvation my defence I shall not be greatly moved 2. No man in those Bookes heares him calling Come unto me all yee that labour yea they scorne to learne of him because he is meeke and lowly inheart For these things hast thou hid from the wise and prudent and hast revealed themunto babes For it is one thing from the wilde top of a Mountaine to see the Land of Peace and not to find the way thither and in vaine to travell through wayes unpassable round about beset with these fugitive Spirits forsakers of their God lying in ambush with that Ring-leader of theirs the Lion and the Dragon and another thing to keep on the way that leades thither which is guarded by the care of our heavenly Generall where they exercise no robberies that forsooke the heavenly Armie which they abhorre as much as their very torment These things did by wonderfull meanes sinke into my very bowels when as I read that least of thy Apostles and had considered upon thy workes and trembled * ⎠* SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE EIGHTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How being inflamed with the love of heavenly things hee goeth to Simplicianus GIve me leave O my God with Thanksgiving to remember confesse unto thee thine owne mercies bestowed upon me Let my bones be filled with thy love and let them say unto thee Who is like unto thee O Lord thou hast broken my bonds in sunder I will offer unto thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving And how thou hast broken them will I now declare and all men who worship thee when they heare of it shall say Blessed bee the Lord both in Heaven and in Earth great and wonderfull is his Name Thy words had stucke fast even to the very roots of my heart and I was hedged round about by thee Of the eternity of thy life I was now become certaine though I had no more than seene it in a glasse as it were darkely All my former doubtings concerning an incorruptible substance from which all other substance should derive its being was now quite taken away from me nor did I desire as now to bee made more certaine of thee but better assured in thee As for mine owne temporall life all things were as yet unresolved my heart was to be purged from the old leaven The way our Saviour himselfe I very well liked oft but it iâ—ked me to follow him through those streâ—ghts which he had passed 2. Thous didst put into my minde and it seemed good in mine owne eyes to goe unto Simplicianus
kindly to mee call'd mee a dutyfull Child remembring with great affection of loue how that shee neuer heard any harsh word or reproachfull tearme to come out of my mouth against her But for all this O my God that madest vs both what comparison is there betwixt that honour that I performe to her and that carefull painefulnesse of hers to mee Because therefore I was left thus destitute of so great a comfort was my very soule wounded yea and my life torne in pieces as it were which had beene made one out of hers and mine together 3 That boy now being stilled from weeping Euodius tooke vp the Psalter and began to sing the whole house answering him the 101 Psalme I will sing of mercy and iudgement vnto thee O Lord. But when it was once heard what we were a doing there came together very many Brethren and religious women and whilest they whose office it was were as the manner is taking order for the buriall my selfe in a part of the house where most conueniently I could together with those who thought it not fit to leaue mee discoursed vpon something which I thought fittest for the time by applying of which playster of truth did I asswage that inward torment knowne onely vnto thy selfe though not by them perceiued who very attentiuely listning vnto me conceiued me to be without all sense of sorrow But in thy eares where none of them ouer heard me did I blame the weakenesse of my passion and refraine my flood of grieuing which giuing way a little vnto mee did for all that breake forth with his wonted violence vpon me though not so far as to burst out into teares nor to any great change of countenance yet know I well enough what I kept downe in my heart And for that it very much offended me that these human respects had such power ouer mee which must in their due order and out of the Fatality of our naturall condition of necessity come to passe I condoled mine owne sorrow with a new grieuing being by this meanes afflicted with a double sorrow 4. And behold when as the Corps was carried to the Burial we both went returned without teares For neither in those Prayers which we powred forth vnto Thee whenas the Sacrifice of our Redemption was offered vp vnto thee for her the Corps standing by the Graues side before it was put into the ground as the manner there is did I so much as shed a teare all the Prayer time yet was I most grieuously sad in secrete and with a troubled minde did I begge of thee so well as I could that thou wouldst mitigate my sorrow which for all that thou diddest not recommending I beleeue vnto my memory by this one experiment That the too strict bond of all humane conuersation is much preiudiciall vnto that soule which now feeds vpon thy not deceiuing Word It would I thought doe me some good to goe and bathe my selfe and that because I had heard the Bath to take his name from the Greekes calling of it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 for that it driues sadnesse out of the minde And this I also confesse vnto thy mercy O father of the fatherlesse because that after I had bathed I was the same man I was before and that the bitternesse of my sorrow could not bee swette out of my heart 5. I fell to sleepe vpon it and vpon my waking I found my griefe to bee not a little abated Wherevpon lying in my bed alone there came to my mind those true verses of thy Ambrose For thou art the God that all things doest create Who know'st the Heauens to moderate And cloath'st the day with beautious light With benefit of sleepe the night Which may our weakned sinewes make Able new paynes to vndertake And all our tyred minds well ease And our distempered griefes appease And then againe by little and little as feelingly as before calling to mind thy handmayd her deuout and holy conuersation towards Thee her pleasing and most obseruant behauiour towards Vs of which too suddenly I was now depriued it gaue mee some content to weepein thy sight both concerning her and for her concerning my selfe and for my selfe And I gaue way to these teares which I before restreined to ouer flow as much as they desired laying them for a pillow vnder my heart and resting my selfe vpon them for there were thy eares and not the eares of man who would haue scornefully interpreted this my weeping 6. But now in writing I confesse it vnto thee O Lord read it who will and interpret it how he will and if hee finds me to haue offended in bewailing my mother so small a portion of an houre that mother I say now dead and departed from mine eyes who had so many yeeres wept for me that I might liue in thine eyes let him not deride me but if he be a man of any great charity let him rather weepe for my sinnes vnto Thee the Father of all the brethren of thy Christ CHAP. 13. Hee prayeth for his dead mother 1. BVt my heart now cured of that wound for which it might bee blamed for a carnall kinde of affection I powre out vnto Thee O our God in behalfe of that handmayd of thine a farre different kind of teares such as flowed from a broken spirit out of a serious consideration of the danger of euery soule that dyeth in Adam And notwithstanding she for her part being quickened in Christ euen before her dissolution from the flesh had so liued that there is cause to prayse Thy name both for her sayth and conuersation yet dare I not say for all this that from the time of thy regenerating her by baptisme there issued not from her mouth any one word or other against thy commandement Thy Sonne who is Truth hath pronounc'd it Whosoeuer shall say vnto his brother Thou foole shall bee in danger of Hell fire In so much as woe bee vnto the most commendable life of men if laying aside thy mercy thou shouldest rigorously examine it But because thou too narrowly inquiredst not after sinnes wee assuredly hope to finde some place of pardon with thee But whosoeuer stands to reckon vp his owne Merits vnto Thee what reckons hee vp vnto thee but thine owne gifts Oh that men would know thēselues to be but men that he that glorieth would glory in the Lord. 2. I therefore O my praise and my life thou God of my heart laying aside for a while her good deedes for which with reioycing I giue thanks vnto thee doe now beseech thee for the sinnes of my mother Hearken vnto mee by him I intreate thee that is the true medicine of our wounds who hung vpon the tree and now sitting at thy right hand maketh intercession for vs. I know that shee hath doalt mercifully and to haue from her very heart forgiuen those that trespassed against her doe thou also
forgiue her trespasses what-euer shee hath drawne vpon her selfe in so many yeeres since her cleansing by the water of baptisme forgiue her Lord forgiue her I beseech thee enter not into iudgement with her but let thy mercy bee exalted aboue thy iustice and that because thy words are true and thou hast promised mercy vnto the mercifull which that people might bee is thy gift to them who wilt haue mercy on whome thou wilt haue mercy and wilt shew deeds of mercy vnto whom thou hast been mercifully inclined And I now beleeue that thou hast already done what I request of thee but take in good part O Lord these voluntary petitions of my mouth 3. For shee the day of her dissolution being at hand tooke no thought to haue her body sumptuously wound vp or imbalmed with spices nor was she ambitious of any choyce monument or cared to bee buried in her owne Country These things shee gaue vs no command for but desired only to haue her name commemorated at thy Altar which shee had serued without intermission of one day from whence she knew that holy Sacrifice to bee dispensed by which that Hand-writing that was against vs is blotted out through which Sacrifice the Enemy was triumphed ouer he who summing vp our offences and seeking for something to lay to our charge sound nothing in Him in whom wee are conquerours Who shall restore vnto him his innocent blood who shall repay him the price with which hee bought vs and so bee able to take vs out of his hands vnto the Sacrament of which price of our redemption this handmaid of thine had bound her owne soule by the bond of fayth 4. Let none plucke her away from thy protection let neyther the Lyon nor the Dragon interpose himselfe by force or fraud For shee will not answere that shee owes nothing lest she bee disprooued and gotten the better of by her crafty accuser but she will answer how that her sins are forgiuen her by him vnto whome none is able to repay that price which hee layd downe for vs who owed nothing Let her rest therefore in peace together with her husband before or after whom shee had neuer any whom shee obeyed through patience bringing forth fruit vnto thee that shee might winne him vnto thee And inspire O Lord my God inspire thy seruants my brethren thy sonnes my masters whom with voyce and heart and pen I serue that so many of them as shall reade these Confessions may at thy Altar remember Monica thy handmayd together with Patricius her sometimes husband by whose bodies thou broughtest mee into this life though how I know not May they with deuout affection be mindefull of these parents of mine in this transitory light and of my brethren that are vnder thee our Father in our Catholicke Mother and of those who are to be my fellow Citizens in that eternall Ierusalem which thy people here in their pilgrimage so sigh after euen from their birth vnto their returne thither That so what my mother in her last words desired of me may the more plentifully bee performed for her in the prayers of many as well by meanes of my Confessions as of my prayers The end of the Ninth Booke Saint Agustines Confessions The tenth Booke CHAP. 1. The Confessions of the heart 1 LEt mee know Thee O Lord who knowest mee let me know thee as I am knowne of thee O thou the vertue of my soule make thy entrance into it and so fit it for thy selfe that thou mayst haue and hold it without spotte or wrinkle This is my hope and therefore doe I now speake and in this hope doe I reioyce when at all I reioyce As for other things of this life they deserue so much the lesse to bee lamented by how much the more wee doe lament them and againe so much the more to bee lamented by how much the lesse we doe lament them For behold thou hast loued truth and hee that does so commeth to the light This will I publish before thee in the confession of my heart and in my writing before many witnesses CHAP. 2. Secret things are knowne to God 1. ANd from thee O Lord vnto whose eyes the bottome of mans Conscience is layd bare what can bee hidden in mee though I would not confesse it For so should I hide thee from mee not my selfe from thee But now for that my groaning is witnesse for mee that I am displeased with my selfe thou shinest out vnto mee and art pleasing to me yea desired and beloued of mee and I will bee ashamed of my selfe yea I will renounce mine owne selfe and make choyce of thee and neuer may I please thee nor my selfe but in thee 2. Vnto thee therefore O Lord am I layd open what euer I am and with what fruit I may Confesse vnto thee I haue before spoken Nor doe I it with words and speeches of the body but with the expressions of my very soule and the crye of my thoughts which thy care onely vnderstandeth For when I am wicked then to confesse vnto thee is no other thing but to displease my selfe but when I am well giuen to confesse vnto thee is then no other thing but not to attribute this goodnesse vnto my selfe because it is thou O Lord that blessest the Iust but first thou iustifiest him being wicked My Confession therefore O my God in thy sight is made vnto thee priuately and yet not priuately for in respect of noyse it is silent but yet it cryes alowd in respect of my affection For neither doe I vtter any thing that is right vnto men which thy selfe hath not before heard from mee nor caust thou heare any such thing from me which thy selfe hath not first sayd vnto me CHAP. 3. The Confession of our ill deeds what it helpes vs. 1. VVHat therefore haue I to doe with men that they should heare my Confessions as if they could cure all my infirmities A curious people to pry into another mans life but slothfull enough to amend their owne Why doe they desire to heare from me what I am who will not heare from thee what themselues are And how know they whenas they heare my selfe confessing of myselfe whether I say true or no seeing none knowes what is in man but the spirit of man which is in him But if they heare from thee any thing concerning themselues they cannot say The Lord lyeth For what els is it from thee to heare of themselues but to know themselues and who is hee that knowing himselfe can say It is false vnlesse himselfe lyes But because Charity beleeueth all things that is to say amongst those whom by knitting vnto it selfe it maketh one I therefore O Lord doe so also confesse vnto thee as that men may heare to whom though I be not able to demonstrate whether I confesse truely yet giue they credit vnto mee whose eares charitie hath set
in my flesh as that these false visions perswade me vnto that when I am asleepe which true visions cannot doe when I am awake Am I not my selfe at that time O Lord my God And is there yet so much difference betwixt my selfe and my selfe in that moment wherein I passe from waking to sleeping or returne from sleeping vnto waking 2. Where is my reason at that time by which my mind when it is a wake resisteth such suggestions as these at which time should the things themselues presse in vpon mee yet would my resolution re maine vnshaken Is my reason clozed vp together with mine eyes or is it lull'd asleepe with the sences of my body But whence then comes it to posse that wee so often euen in our sleepe make such resistance and being mindefull of our purpose and remaine most chastly in it wee yeeld no assent vnto such enticements And yet so much difference there is as that when any thing hath otherwise hapned in our sleepe wee vpon our waking returne to peace of conscience by the distance of time discouering that it was not wee that did it notwithstanding wee bee sorry that there is something someway or other done in vs. Is not thy hand able O God almighty to cure all the discases of my soule and with a more abundant measure of thy grace also to quench the lasciuious motions of my sleepe 3. Thou shalt increase O Lord thy graces more and more vpon mee that my soule may follow my selfe home to thee wholy freed of that birdâ—ly me of concupiscence that it may no longer rebell against it selfe nor may in dreames not onely not commit these adult erous vncleannesses by meanes of these sensuall Images procuring pollution of the flesh but that it may not so much as once consent vnto them For to hinder that no such fancy no not so much as should neede any checke to restraine it doe its pleasure in the chast affection of those that sleepe not in this life onely but euen in this age of youth is not hard for the Almighty to doe who is able to doe aboue all that wee aske or thinke And for this time in what case I yet am in this kind of naughtinesse haue I confessed vnto my good Lord reioycing with trembling in that grace which thou hast already giuen me and bemoaning my selfe for that wherein I am still vnperfect well hoping that thou wilt one day perfect thy mercies in mee euen vnto a fulnesse of peace which both my outward and inward man shall at that time enioy with thee whenas death shall be swallowed vp in victory CHAP. 31. The temptation of eating and drinking 1. THere is another euill of the day which I wish were sufficient vnto it that we are fayne by eating and drinking to repaire the daily decayes of our body vntill such time as thou destroyest both belly and meat whenas thou shalt kill this emptinesse of mine with a wonderfull fulnesse and shalt cloath this incorruptible with an eternall incorruption Butin this life euen necessity is sweete vnto me against which swetnes do I fight lest I should bee beguiled by it yea a daily warre doe I make bringing my body into subiection by my fastings the pinchings whereof are by the pleasure I take in it expelled Hunger Thirst verily are painefull they burne vp and kill like a feaver vnlesse the physicke of nourishments relieue vs. Which for that it is readily to bee had out of the comfort wee receiue by thy gifts with which both land and water and ayre serue our necessities are our calamities termed our delicacies Thus much hast thou taught mee that I am to take my meat as sparingly as I would doe my Physicke 2. But in the while I am passing from the pinching of emptynesse vnto the content of a competent replenishing does that snare of lickorishnesse euen in the very passage lie in ambush for mee For that passage betweene is a kinde of pleasure nor is there any other way to passe by but that which necessity constraines vs to goe by And whereas health is the cause of our eating and drinking there will a dangerous lickorishnesse goes a-long with health like a handmayd yea endeauours oftentimes so to goe before it as that I eate that for my tooths sake which I eyther say I doe or desire to doe for my healths sake Nor is there the same moderation in both for that which is enough in respect of health is nothing neere enough in respect of lickorishnesse yea very vncertaine it is oftentimes whether the necessary care of my body still requires sustenance or whether a voluptuous deceiueablenesse of Epicurisme supplies lust with maintenance And for that this case is vncertaine does my vnhappy soule reioyce prouides it thereby of a protection of excuse reioycing for that it cannot now appeare what may bee sufficient for health that so vnder the cloake of health it may disguise the matter of Epicurisme 3. These enticements doe I endeauour to resist dayly yea I call thy right hand to help me and to thee doe I referre my perplexities for that I am resolued of no counsell as yet whereby to effect it I heare the voyce of my God commanding Let not your hearts bee ouercharged with surfeting and drunkennesse As for drunkennesse I am farre enough from it and thou wilt haue mercy vpon mee that it may neuer come neere mee But full-feeding hath many a time stolne vpon thy seruant but thou wilt haue mercy vpon mee that it may hereafter bee put farre from mee for no man can bee temperate vnlesse thou giue it Many things thou vouchsafest vnto vs which wee pray for and what good thing soeuer wee haue receiued before wee pray from thee haue we receiued it yea to this end haue wee already receiued it that wee might acknowledge so much afterwards Drunkard was I neuer but I haue knowne many a drunkard made a sober man by thee Thy doing therefore it is that such should bee kept from being drunkards hereafter who haue not beene that way faulty heeretofore as from thee it also comes that those should not continue faulty for euer who haue beene giuen to that vice heretofore yea from thee it likewise proceedes that both these parties should take notice from whom all this proceeded 4. I heard also another voyce of thine Goe not after thine owne lusts and from thine owne pleasures turne away thy face Yea by thy fauour haue I heard this saying likewise which I haue much delighted in Neyther if wee eate are wee the better neyther if wee eate not are we the worse which is to say that neythes shall this thing makes me rich nor that miserable Also another voyce of thine haue I heard For I haue learned in whatsoeuer state I am therewith to be content and I know how to abound and how to suffer neede I can doe all things through Christ that
call whereby thou saydest Let there be light and there was light Whereas in vs there is distance of time betweene our hauing beene darknesse and our making light but of that creature it is onely sayd what it would haue beene if it had not beene enlightened And this is spoken in that manner as if it had beene vnsetled and darkesome before that so the reason might now appeare for which it was made to bee otherwise that is to say that it being conuerted vnto the light that neuer faileth might it selfe bee made light Let him vnderstand this that is able and let him that is not aske it of God Why should he trouble mee with it as if I could enlighten any man that commeth into this world CHAP. 11. Of some Impressions or resemblances of the blessed Trinity that be in man 1. VVHich of vs does sufficiently comprehend the knowledge of the almighty Trinity and yet which of vs but talkes of it if at least it be that A rare soule it is which whilest it speakes of it knowes what it speakes of For men contend and striue about it and no man sees the vision of it in peace I could wish that men would consider vpon these three that are in themselues Which three be farre another thing indeede then the Trinity is but I doe but now tell them where they may exercise their meditations and examine and finde how farre they are from it Now the three that I spake of are To Be to Know and to Will For I both Am and Know and Will I Am Knowing and Willing and I Know my selfe to Be and to Will and I would both Be and Know. Betwixt these three let him discerne that can how vnseparable a life there is yea one life one mind and one essence yea finally how vnseparable a distinction there is and yet there is a distinction Surely a man hath it before him let him looke into himselfe and see and then tell mee 2. But when once hee comes to finde any thing in these three yet let him not for all this beleeue himselfe to haue found that vnchangeable which is farre aboue all these and which IS vnchangeably and Knowes vnchangeably and Willes vnchangeably But whether or no where these three bee there is also a Trinity or whether all three bee in each seuerall one or all three in euery of them or whether both wayes at once in admirable manner simply and yet manifoldly in its infinite selfe the and vnto it selfe by which end it is and is knowne vnto it selfe and that being vnchangebly euer the same by the abundant greatnesse of its Vnity it bee all-sufficient for it selfe what man can readily conceiue who is able in any termes to expresse it ◠who shall dare in any measure rashly to deliuer his opinion vpon it CHAP. 12. The water in Baptisme is effectuall by the Holy Spirit 1. PRoceede in with thy Confession of the Lord thy God O my faith O holy holy holy Lord my God in thy name haue we beene baptized O Father Sonne and Holy Ghost because that euen among vs also in Christ his Sonne did God make an heauen and earth namely the spirituall and carnall people of his Church Yea and our earth before it receiued the forme of doctrine was inuisible and vnformed and wee were couered ouer with the darknesse of ignorance For thou hast chastised man for his iniquity and thy Iudgements were like the great deepe vnto him 2 But because thy Spirit moued vpon the waters thy mercy forsooke not our misery for thou saydst Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heauen is at hand Repent Let there be light And because our soule was troubled within vs wee haue remembred thee O Lord concerning the land of Iordan and that hill which being equall vnto thy selfe was made little for our sakes and vpon our being displeased at our owne darkenesse wee turned vnto thee and were made light So that behold we hauing sometimes beene darknesse are now light in the Lord. CHAP. 13. His deuout longing after God 1. BVT yet we walke by faith still not by sight for we are saued by hope but hope that is soene is not hope And yet doeth one deepe call vnto another in the voyce of thy water-spoutes and so doeth hee that sayth I could not speake vnto you as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall euen He who thought not himselfe to haue apprehended as yet and who forgot those things which are behynd and reacht foorth to those things which are before yea he groaned earnestly and his soule thirsted after God as the Hart after the water-brooks saying When shall I come desiring to be cloathed vpon with his house which is from heauen he calleth also vpon this lower deepe saying Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind And Be not children in vnderstanding but in malice be ye children that in vnderstanding ye may be perfect and O foolish Galatians who hath bewitched you 2. But now speakes hee no longer in his own voice but in thine who sentest thy Spirit from aboue by his mediation who ascended vp on high and set open the flood-gates of his gifts that the force of his streames might make glad the City of God Him doeth this friend of the bridegroome sigh after though hauing the first fruites of the Spirit in himselfe alreadie yet groaneth he within himselfe as yet wayting for the adoption to wit the redemption of his body to him he sighes as being a mēber of his Bride towards him he burnes with zeale as being a friend of the Bridegroome towards him hee burneth not towards himselfe because that in the voyce of thy water-spowtes and not in his owne voyce doth hee call to that other deepe for whose sake hee is both iealous and fearefull lest that as the serpent beguiled Eue through his subtiltie so their minds should be corrupted from the simplicitie that is in our Bridegrome thy onely Sonne Oh what a light of beauty will that be when we shall see that Bridegrome as Hee is when all teares shall be wiped from our eyes which haue beene my meat day and night whilest they daily say vnto me Where is now thy God CHAP. 14. Our misery is comforted by faith and Hope 1. ANd so say I too Where art thou O my God see where art thou In thee take I comfort a little while whenas I powre out my soule by my selfe in the voyce of ioy and prayse which is the sound of him that keepes holyday And yet againe is it besadned euen because it relapseth againe and becomes a darkesome deepe or perceiues it selfe rather euen still to bee one Vnto it thus speakes my faith which thou hast kindled to enlighten my feete in this my night Why art thou so sad O my soule and why art thou so
in it self not to love thee Woe is me answer me for thy mercies sake O Lord my God what thou art unto me Say unto my soule I am thy salvation Speake it out that I may heare thee Behold the eares of my heart are before thee O Lord open them and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I will runne after that voice and take hold of thee Hide not thy face from me that whether I dye or not dye I may see it 2. My Soules house is too streight for thee to come into let it be inlarged by thee 't is ruinous but doe thou repaire it There bee many things in it I both confesse and know which may offend thine eyes but who can clense it or to whom but thee shall I cry Cleanse me O Lord from my secret sinnes and from strange sinnes deliver thy servant I beleeved and therefore I wil speake Thou knowest O Lord that I have confessed my sinnes against mine owne selfe O my God and thou forgavest the iniquity of my heart I will not pleade with thee who art Truth and I will not deceive my selfe lest mine iniquity be a falle witnesse to it selfe I will not therefore pleade with thee For if thou Lord shouldst be extreme to marke what is done amisse O Lord who may abide it CHAP. 6. That he hath received all blessings from God and how hee hath beene preserved by him YEt suffer me to pleade before thy Mercy seate even mee who am but dust and ashes once again let me speake seeing 't is thy Mercie to which I addresse my speech and not man who is a mocker Yet even thou perhaps doest smile at me but turning thou wilt pitty mee What is it that I would say O Lord my God but even this that I know not whence I came hither into this a dying life shall I call it or a living death rather And then did the comforts of thy mercies take me up as I have heard it of the parents of my flesh out of whom and in whom thou sometimes didst forme me for I my selfe cannot remember it The comfort therefore of a womans milk did then entertaine me yet did neither my mother nor nurses fill their own brests but thou O Lord didst by them afford a nourishment fit for my infancy even according to thine owne institution and those riches of thine reaching to the root of all things Thou also ingraftedst in mee a desire to sucke no more than thou supplyedst them withall and in my Nurses to afford mee what thou gavest them for they were willing to dispense unto mee with proportion what thou supplyedst them with in abundance For it was a blessing to them that I received this blessing from them which yet was rather by them than from them For all good things proceed from thee O GOD and from my GOD commeth all my healthfulnesse And so much I observed afterwards when thou didst cry unto me by those instincts of nature which thou induedst mee withall both inwardly and outwardly For then first knew I how to sucke and to hee contented with what did please me and to cry at nothing so much as what offended my flesh After wards I began a little to laugh first sleeping and then waking for thus much was told me of my selfe and I easily beleeved it for that we see other Infants doe so too For these things of my selfe I remember not 2. And behold by little and little I came on to perceive where I was and I had the will to signifie what I would have to those that should helpe me to it but I could not yet cleerely enough expresse my desires to them for these were within mee and they without me nor could the ghesse of their senses dive into my meaning Thereupon would I flutter with my limbes and sputter out some words making some other few signes as well as I could but could not get my selfe to be understood by them and when people obeyed mee not either for that they understood me not or lest what I desired should hurt me then how would I wrangle at those elder servants that were to tend thee and the children that did not aptly humour me and I thought to revenge my selfe upon them all with crying And this is as I have learn'd the fashion of all Children that I could heare of and such an one was I as those who brought mee up told me although they may be said not to know so much rather thā to know it And now behold my infancie is dead long agoe yet I live still But thou O Lord who both livest forever and in whom nothing dyes because that before the foundations of the World and before every thing else that can be said to be Before thou art both God and Lord of all which thy selfe hath created and in whose presence are the certaine causes of all uncertaine things and the immutable patternes of all things mutable with whom doe live the eternall reasons of all these contingent chance med leyes for which we can give no reason tell I pray thee O God unto me thy suppliant Thou who art mercifull tell mee who am miserable did my infancy succeed to any other age of mine that was dead before even to that which perhaps I past in my mothers belly for something have I heard of that too and my selfe have seene women with great bellies 3. What also passed before that age O God my delight Was I any where or any body for I have none to tell me thus much neither could my Father and Mother nor the experience of others nor yet mine owne memory Doest thou laugh at me for enquiring these things who commandest me to praise and to confesse to thee for what I knew I confesse unto thee O Lord of heaven and earth and I sing praises unto thee for my first being and infancy which I have no memory of and thou hast given leave to Man by others to conjecture of himselfe and upon the credit of women to beleeve many things that concerne himselfe For even then had I life and being and towards the end of mine infancie I sought for some significations to expresse my meaning by unto others Whence could such a living creature come but from thee O Lord or hath any man the skill to frame himselfe or is any veyne of ours by which being and life runnes into us derived from any originall but thy workmanship O Lord to whom Being and Living are not severall things because both to Be and to Live in the highest degree is of thy very essence For Thou are the highest and thou art not changed neither is this present day spent in thee although it be brought to an end in thee because even all these have a fixt Being in thee nor could have their wayes of passing on unlesse thou upheldest them And because thy yeeres faile not thy yeeres are but this very day
prey by those flying spirits For by more waies than one is there sacrrifice offered to the collapsed Angels CHAP. 18. That men care more to observe the Rules of Grammar than the Lawes of God 1. BVt what wonder was it if I were thus carryed towards vanity and estranged from thee O my God wheneas such men were propounded to me to imitate who should they deliver any of their owne Acts though not evill with any Barbarisme or Soloecisme they were utterly dasht out of countenance but should they make a copious and neat Oration of their owne lusts in a round and well followed stile would take a pride to bee applauded for it These things thou seest O Lord long suffering and of much mercy and truth and thou keepest silence but wilt thou be silent for ever and forbeare to draw out of this horrible pit that soule that seeks after thee and that thirsts after thy pleasures whose heart saith unto thee I have sought thy face and thy face Lord will I seeke For I had straggled farre away from thy countenance in the mistynesse of my affections 2. For we neither goe nor returne from or to thee upon our feet or by distance of spaces or did that yonger brother seeke Post-horses or Waggons or Ships flye away with visible wings or take his journey by the motion of his hammes that living in a farre Countrey hee might prodigally waste that portion which thou hadst given him at his departure A sweet Father because thou gavest him his portion yet farre sweeter to the poore wretch returning for that he went from thee out of a voluptuous affection that is to say a darkned one and such that is which is farre from thy countenance Behold O Lord God and patiently behold as thou still doest how diligently the sonnes of men observe the Rules of letters and syllables received from former speakers and yet regard not the eternall covenants of everlasting salvation received from thy selfe Insomuch that he who either holds or teaches the ancient Rules of pronunciation if contrary to Grammar hee shall pronounce ominem that is a man without H in the first syllable he shall displease men more than if against thy Rules he should hate a man As if any man should thinke his enemy to be more pernicious to him than that hatred of his own is whereby he is set on against him or imagine that hee does worse skath to another man by persecuting him than he does to his own heart by contriving enmity against him 3. And certainely there is no other inward knowledge of Letters but this Law of Nature written in the conscience Not to doe to another what himselfe would not suffer How secret art thou O thou onely great God! which dwellest in the highest and in silence with an untyred destiny dispersing blindnesses for punishments upon unlawfull desires When a man affects the credit of Eloquence standing before a mortall Iudge a multitude of mortals standing about him inveighing against his Adversary with his fiercest hatred he takes heed most watchfully that his tongue trips not before men but takes no heed at all lest through the fury of his spirit he should destroy a man out of the society of men CHAP. 19. How he was more carefull to avoid barbarisme of speech than corruption of manners 1. IN the Road-way of these Customes lay I wretched Boy and upon that Stage I play'd my Prizes where I more feared to commit a barbarisme in speaking than I tooke care when I committed any not to envie those that committed none All this I declare and confesse to thee my God namely in what things I was by them applauded to please whom I then accounted equall to living honestly For I then discerned not that whirle-poole of filthinesse whereinto I was cast from thine eyes For in thine eyes what was more filthy than I where also I displeased such as my selfe with innumerable lyes deceiuing both my Tutor and Masters and Parents all for love of play out of a desire to see toyes and of imitating them with a ridiculous unrestfulnesse 2. Theevery also I committed out of my Fathers Buttery and Table eyther gluttony oft commanding mee or that I might have something to give my play-fellowes selling-mee their Babies with which they were as much delighted as my selfe In these play-games I being often over-matcht did with a vaine desire to be counted excellent aspire to winne though by foule play And what was I so unwilling to indure and what if I found out the deceipt would I so fiercely wrangle at as even those very trickes which I would put upon others and being my selfe taken with the manner I would rather fall flat out than yeeld to it 3. Is this that childish innocencie It is not LORD it is not LORD I cry thy mercie O my GOD for wranglings about Nuts and Balls and Birds are as much to boyes yet under their Tutors and Masters as the ill getting of Gold and Mannor Houses and Slaves is to Kings and to Governours But this Boyes-play passes over as more yeeres come on just as greater punishments follow after the Ferula Thou therefore O our King hast allowed of the Character of humility in the stature of Childehood when once thou saydest To such belongeth the Kingdome of God CHAP. 20. He thanketh God for his Benefits 1. BVt yet O Lord thankes had beene due to thee our God and most excellent Creator Governour of this Vniverse although thou hadst not beene pleased to have brought me any further than that age of Childhood For even then a Being I had yea Life and Senses even then had I a care of mine owne wel-being which is an impression of that most secret unity of thine whence I had my Being in my inward sense preserved I the intirenesse of my outward senses and in these slender faculties was I delighted with the truth of meane conceipts I would not willingly bee decerved a fresh memory I had in formes of speaking I was well tutored by friendly usage I was made tractable I avoyded all sadnesse dejectednesse and ignorance in such a little Creature what was there not admirable not commendable But all these are the gifts of my God for I bestowed them not upon my selfe Good endowments they were and all these was I. Good therefore is Hee that made me yea he is my God and to him I rejoyce for all my good gifts which of a Child I had But here was my oversight that I sought not my selfe and other pleasures honours and trueths in Him but in his Creatures and therefore rusht I my selfe upon sorrowes disorders and errours Thankes to thee my sweetnesse my honour my trust and my God Thankes to thee for all thy gifts but be pleased to preserve them still vnto me and thus shall my selfe bee preserved and thy Gifts shall be both increased and perfected yea and I shall be with thee for my being is of thy giving *
delight to jeere at and to put tricks upon others CHAP. 4. How Tullies Hortensuis provokt him to study Philosophie 1. AMongst these mad companions in that tender age of mine learnd I the Bookes of Eloquence wherein my ambition was to be eminent all out of a damnable and vaine-glorious end puse up with a delight of humane glory By the ordinary course of study I fell upon a certaine booke of one Cicerâ— whose tongue almost every man admires though not his heart This booke of his contaynes an exhortation to Philosophie and 't is called Hort ensius This very Book quite altered my affection turned my prayers to thy selfe O Lord and made me have cleane other purposes and desires All my vayne hopes I thenceforth slighted and with an incredible heat of spirit I thirsted after the immortality of wisdome and began now to rowse up my selfe that I might turne again to thee ward For I made not use of that booke to file my tongue with which I seemed to buy with that â—â—â—â—bition my another allowed me in that mine tenth yeere of my age my father being dead two yeeres before I made not use therefore of that book I say to sharpen my tongue withall nor had it perswaded me to affect the find language in it but the matter of in 2. How did I burne then my God how was I inflamed to fly from earthly delights towards thee and yet I knew not what thou meanedst to doe with me For with thee is wisdome That love of wisedome is in Greeke called Philosophie with which that booke inflam'd mee Some there bee that seduce others through Philosophie under a great a faire promising and an honest name colouring over and palliating their owne errors and almost all those who in the same and former ages had beene of that stamp are in that booke censured and set forth there also is that most wholesome advice of thy Spirit given by thy good and devout servant made plaine Beware left any man spoyle you through Philosophie and vaine deceipt after the tradition of men after the rudiments of the world and not after Christ For in him dwelleth all the fulnesse of the Godhead bodily 3. For my part thou light of my heart knowest that the Apostolicall Scriptures were scarce knowne to me at that time but this was it that so delighted mee in that exhortation that it did not ingage mee to this or that sect but left me free to love and seeke and obtaine and hold and embrace wisdome it selfe what ever it were Perchance 't was that booke I was stirred up and inkindled and inflamed by This thing only in such a heat of zeale tooke me off that the name of Christ was not in it For this Name according to thy mercy O Lord this Name of my Saviour thy Sonne had my tender heart even together with my mothers milke devoutly drunken in and charily treasured up so that what booke soever was without that Name though never so learned politely and truely penned did not altogether take my approbation CHAP. 5. Hee sets lightly by the Holy Scriptures because of the simplicity of the stile 1. I Resolved thereupon to bend my studies towards the holy Scriptures that I might see what they were But behold I espie something in them not revealed to the proud not discovered unto children humble in stile sublime in operation and wholly veyled over in mysteries and I was not so fitted at that time as to pierce into the sense or stoope my high neck to track the stile of it For when I attentively read these Scriptures I thought not then so highly of them as I now speake but they seemed to me farre unworthy to be compared to the statelinesse of the Ciceronian eloquence For my swelling pride soar'd above the temper of their stile nor was my sharpe wit able to pierce into their sense And yet such are thy Scriptures as grew up together with thy little Ones But I much disdained to be held a little One and big-swoln with pride I tooke my selfe to be some great man CHAP. 6. How hee was insnared by the Manichees 1. ANd even therefore I fell upon a sect of men proudly doting too carnall and prating in whose mouths were the very snares of the divell and a very Birdlime compounded by the mixture of the syllables of thy Name and of our Lord Iesus Christ and of the Holy Ghost the Comforter All these names came not out of their mouth but so farre forth as the sound only and the noyse of the tongue for their heart was voyd of true meaning Yet they cryed out Truth and Truth and divers sounded the word to mee yet was the Truth it selfe no where to be found amongst them But they spake falsehood not of thee onely who truely art the Truth it selfe but also of the elements of this world thy creatures Concerning which it had beene my duty O my supreme good Father thou beauty of all things that are beautifull to have out-stripped all the Philosophers though they spake most truely O Truth Truth how inwardly did the very marrow of my soule pant after thee when as they often and divers wayes though but barely pronounced thy name to me with their voice onely and in many bookes and hugie volumes And these were the dishes wherein to hunger-starven me they instead of thee served in the Sun and Moone Beautifull works indeed of thine but thy creatures notwithstanding not thy selfe no nor thy first creatures neither For thy spirituall works are before these corporeall workes celestiall though they be and shining 2. But I hungered and thirsted not after those first workes of thine but after thee even thee the Truth with whom there is no variablenesse neither shadow of turning yet they still set before me in those dishes glorious phantasies than which much better it were to love this Sunne which is true to our sights at least than those phantasies which by our eyes serve to deceive our minde Yet because I thought Them to be Thee I fell to and fed not greedily though for thou wert not savoury in my mouth nor like thy selfe for thou wast not those empty fictions nor was I soundly nourisht by them but drawne dry rather That food we dreame of shewes very like the food which we eat awake yet are not those asleepe nourisht by it for they are asleep But neither were those phantasies any way like to thee as thou hast since spoken to me for that those were corporeall phantasies only false bodies than which these true bodies both celestiall and terrestriall which with our fleshly sight we behold are far more certaine These things the very beasts and birds discerne as well as wee and they are much more certayne than any we can fancy of our selves And againe we doe with more certaintie conceive the images of these than by them entertaine the least suspition of any vaster or infinite bodies which have
that I was yet unripe for instruction for that I was yet puft up with the new taken-in heresie and that I had already troubled divers unskilfull persons with spurring of questions to them as she had already told him but let him alone a while saith he onely pray to God for him he will of himselfe by reading find his owne mistake and how great his impiety is 2. The Bishop then up and told her how himselfe when hee was a little one had been by his seduced mother commited to the Manichees and how he had not onely read over almost all but also coppied out their books and that it appeared to him without the helpe of any man to dispute against or convince it how much that sect was to be avoyded and how of himselfe therefore he had forsaken it Which words when he had spoken and she would not yet be satisfied but pressed more upon him what with intreating and what with weeping that he would be pleased to see me and discourse with me he a little displeased at her tedious importunity Goe thy wayes saith he and God blesse thee for it is not possible that the sonne of these teares should miscarry Which answer shee then tooke as she often remembred in our familiar discourse afterwards as if an oracle had resounded from heaven SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE FOVRTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How long and what wayes hee seduced others FOr the space of nine yeeres then that is from the nineteenth yeere of mine ago to the eight and twentieth wee were seduced our selves and others we seduced deceived and deceiving in divers lusts and in publike we did it by those Arts which are called liberall but in private we still peretended the assumed name of Religion Here were we proud there superstitious every where vayne still hunting after the empty noyse of popular reputation even affecting those The atricall hummings and applauses and those contentious strifes of wit and to gaine the grassy garlands the vanity of shewing our selves upon the stage and the intemperancy of ambition But much desiring then to purge our selves from these our naturall corruptions by the helpe of those who were called elect and holy wee carried them certayne chosen meates out of which in the workehouse of their owne paunches they should forge certaine Angels and Gods by whom we were to bee cleansed These things did I then follow these things did I then practise with my friends who were deceived by me and with me 2. Let such deride me now who are arrogant and not yet savingly cast downe nor broken in heart by thee O my GOD but I for all this doe here confesse mine owne shame to thee in thy prayse Suffer me I beseech thee and give me grace to runne over in my present remembrance the errors of my forepassed time and to offer up unto thee the sacrifice of rejoycing For what am I without thee but a guide to mine owne downefall or what am I even at the best but an infant sucking thy milke and feeding upon thee the food incorruptible But what kind of thing is any man seeing at the best he is but a man Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at us but let us weake and needy soules ever confesse unto thee CHAP. 2. Hee teaches Rhetoricke and despiseth a wizard who promised him the victory 1. I Taught in those yeeres the Art of Rhetoricke and my selfe being overcome with a desire of gaine made sale of a loquâ—city to overcome others by Yet I desired rather Lord thou knowest to have honest schollers as they are now adayes accounted and those without all deceipt I taught how to deceive not that I would have them plead against the life of any innocent person though sometimes to save the life of the nocent And thou O God from afarre perceivedst me falling in that slippery course in much smoke sparkling out some small faith which I then made show of in that Schoole-mastership of mine to those that loved vanity and becomming the companion to those that sought a lye In those dayes I kept a Mistresse whom I knew carnally not in that lawfull way of marriage but the way found out by wandring lust utterly voyd of understanding yet had I but that one towards whom I truly kept the promise of the Bed in whom I might by mine owne example learne experience what difference there would be betwixt the knot of the marriage-covenant mutually consented unto for the desire of children and the bargaine of a lustfull love where though children be against our wils begotten yet being borne they even compell us to love them 2. I remember once that when I had a minde to put forth my selfe for the prize in a Theatricall Poeme I was demanded by I know not what wizard what I would give him to be assured to winne the garland but I detesting and abhorring such filthy compacts returnd him answer That though the garland were immortall and of gold yet would I not suffer a flye to lose it's life to gaine me the better of it For he was to kill certaine living creatures in those his sacrifices and by those honours to invite the Divels to favour me in the peoples acclamations But this ill meanes I refused not out of any chast reservation towards thee O God of my heart for then knew I not how to love thee who knew not how to thinke on any thing but certaine Corporeall Glories And did not my soule panting after such fond fictions commit fornication against thee trust in false hopes and feed upon the wind But I would not forsooth that hee should doe sacrifice to the Divells for me and yet did I my selfe offer unto them even by that my superstition For to feed upon the wind what is it else but to feed them that is by our owne errours to make our selves the subjects of their pleasure and derision CHAP. 3. Giving himselfe to Astrologie he is reclaimed by an ancient Physician 1. THose Star-gazers therefore whom they stile Mathematicians I verily did not forbeare to consult with and that because they used no sacrifice not directed their prayers to any Spirit to speed their Divinations and yet doth Christian and true piety consequently refuse and condemne that Art For it is a good thing to confesse unto thee and to say Have mercie upon me heale my soule for I have sinned against thee and not to abuse thy kindnesse for a liberty of sinning but to remember our Lords warning Behold thou art made whole sinne no more lest a worse thing come unto thee All which wholsome advice they endevour to overthrow that say The cause of thy sinne is inevitably determined in heaven and that Man flesh and blood and proud corruption be kept without sinne is of Venus doing forsooth or Saturne or Mars procur'd it meane while the Creator of Heaven and Starres beares the blame of it And who is
was I welcomed with the rod of bodily sicknesse and I was even ready to goe to hell carrying with me all those sinnes which I had committed both against thee and my selfe yea many and grievous offences against others over and above that bond of originall sinne whereby wee all dye in Adam For thou hadst not yet forgiven mee any thing in Christ nor had he yet slaine that enmity by his Crosse which by my sins I had incurred and how indeed could he by an imaginary suffering upon it which was my beleefe of it How false therefore the death of his Flesh seemed unto mee so true was the death of my soule and how true the death of his body was so false was the life of my soule which did not beleeve the death of his body My feaâ—es now growing more violent upon me I was at the point of going and perishing for whither should I have gone had I dyed at that time but into fire and torments such as my misdeeds were worthy of in the truth of thy decree Of all this nothing knew my mother yet continued she to pray for me though in absence But thou who art present every where heardest her where she was and hadst compassion upon me whereas I was for I recovered health of body thereupon though sorely crazed as yet in my sacrilegious heart For I had not in all that danger desired thy baptisme I was better affected being but a youth when through my mothers devotion in my sicknesse I had bin very earnest to receive it as I have before recited and confessed 2. But I had from thenceforth growne worse and worse to my owne shame and now starke madde I scoffed at those prescripts of that Physike of thine by which thou wouldst not suffer me to dye two deaths at once with which wound should my mothers heart have beene goared it could never have been cured For I want words to expresse the affection shee bare towards me and with how much vehementeranguish she was now in labour of me in the spirit than she had been at her child-bearing in the flesh I cannot possible see therefore how she should have beene cured had so unchristian a death of mine once strucken through the bowels of her love And what should then have become of those passionate prayers of hers so frequently and incessantly in all places made unto thee But wouldst thou O God of mercies have despised that contrite and humbled heart of that chast and sober widdow so frequent in Almesdeeds so obsequious and serviceable to thy Saints who passed no day without her oblation at thine Altar never missing twice a day morning and evening to come to Church not to listen after idle tales and old wives chat but that shee might heare thee speaking to her in thy Sermons and thou her in her prayers 3. Couldst thou despise and reject without thy succour those teares of hers with which shee beg'd no gold or silver of thee nor any mutable or fading good but the salvation of her sonnes soule onely couldst thou doe it by whose grace she was inspired to doe thus By no meanes Lord. Yea thou wert still at hand and thou heardest her and thou didst all in the selfe-same order thou hadst predestinated it should be done in Let it never bee thought thou shouldst deceive her in those Visions and Answers shee had of thee both those which I have already remembred and those which I have not remembred all which shee laid up in her faithfull heart which in her prayers ever and anon shee would presse thee withall as with thine owne handwriting For thou because they mercy endureth for ever vouchsafest unto those whose debts thou forgivest thoroughly even to become a kinde of debter by thy promises CHAP. 10. His errours before his receiving of the Doctrine of the Gospell 1. THou recoveredst me therfore of that sicknesse and healedst the sonne of thy handmayd at that time in his body that thou mightest bestow upon him a health farre better and more certaine I consorted my selfe in Rome at that time with those deceiving and deceived Holy ones not onely with their Disciples of which mine Host was one in whose house I fell sicke and recovered but also with those whom they called The Elect. For I was hitherto of the opinion That it was not wee our selves that sinned but I know not what other nature in us and it much delighted my proud conceipt to bee set beyond the power of sinne and when I had committed any sinne not to confesse I had done any that thou mightest heale my soule when I had sinned against thee but I loved to excuse it and to accuse I know not what other corruption that I bare about me and that it was not I that did it But verily it was I my selfe altogether and mine owne impiety had made the division in me and that sinne of mine was the more incurable for that I did not judge my selfe to be a sinner and most execrable iniquity it was that I had rather have thee O GOD Almighty even thee I say to bee overcome by me to mine owne destruction than my selfe to bee overcome of thee to mine owne salvation 2. Thou hadst not yet therefore set a watch before my mouth and kept the doore of my lipps that my heart might not incline to wicked speeches to the excusing of these excuses of my sinnes with the men that worke iniquity and even therefore continued I still combined with their Elect ones But yet now as it were dispayring much to profit my selfe in that false doctrine even those opinions of theirs with which if I could chance upon no better I was resolv'd to rest contented I began now to be something more remisse and carelesse in the holding For there rose a conceipt in me That those Philosophers which they call Academikes should bee wiser than the rest even for that they hold men ought to make a doubt upon every thing and for that they determined how that no truth can bee comprehended by man for thus to me they seemed clearly to have thought as it is commonly received even by such as understand not the utmost of their meaning by it 3. And as free and open I was to disswade that Host of mine from that too much confidence which I perceived him to settle upon those fabulous opinions which the Manichees bookes are full of And yet I made more familiar use of their friendship than I did of other mens that were not of this heresie Yet did I not maintaine it with my ancient obstinacy but yet did my familiarity with that Sect of whom Rome shelters too many make me slower to seeke out any other way especially seeing I now despayred O LORD of heaven and earth Creator of all visible and invisible things to finde the truth in thy Church which they had quite put mee out of conceipt with And it then seem'd a
wee remembring our selves of the humanity received from our friend and not allowed to reckon him in the number of thy Flock should be tortured with intolerable sorrow for him 2. Thankes unto thee O our God wee are now thine Thy inspirations and consolations tell us so Thou O faithfull promiser shalt repay Verecundus for his Countrey house of Cassiacum where from the troubles of the world we rested our selves in thee with the pleasantnesse of thy Paradise which is ever greene for that thou hast forgiven him his sinnes upon earth in that mountaine of spices thine owne mountaine that fruitfull mountaine Verecundus therefore was much perplexed but Nebridius was as joyfull as wee For although when as he was not yet a Christian hee had falne into the same pit of most pernicious error with us beleeving the flesh of thy Sonne to be fantasticall yet getting out from thence he beleeved as wee did not as yet entered into any sacraments of thy Church but a most zealous searcher out of the truth Whom not long after our conversion and regeneration by thy Baptisme being also baptized in the Catholike Faith serving thee in perfect chastity and continence amongst his owne friends in Africa having first converted his whole family unto Christianity didst thou take out of the flesh and now he lives in the bosome of Abraham 3. Whatsoever that estate be which is signified by that bosome there lives Nebridius my sweet friend thy child O Lord adopted of a freed-man lives there For what other place is there for such a soule In that place he lives concerning which hee sometimes demanded of me unskilfull man so many questions Now layes he his eare no longer unto my mouth but layes his spirituall mouth unto thy fountaine and drinketh as much of Wisedome as he is able to containe proportionable to his thirst now without end happy Nor doe I yet thinke that he is so inebriated with it as to forget me seeing thou O Lord of whom hee drinketh art still mindfull of us Thus fared it then with us sorrowfull Verecundus wee comforted reserving our friendship entire notwithstanding our conversion and exhorting him to continue in the fidelity of his degree namely of his married estate Nebridius we stayed for expecting when he would follow us which being so neere he might well doe and even now hee was about to doe it when behold those daies of Interim were at length come to an end For long and many they seemed unto me even for the love I bare to that easefull liberty that we might sing unto thee out of all our bowels My heart hath said unto thee I have sought thy face thy face Lord will I seeke CHAP. 4. What things he wrote with Nebridius 1. NOw was the day come wherein I was actually to be discharged of my Rhetoricke Professorship from which in my thoughts I was already discharged And done it was And thou deliveredst my tongue whence thou hadst before delivered my heart And I blessed thee for it rejoycing in my selfe I and mine going all into the Countrey What there in point of learning I did which was now wholly at thy service though yet sorely panting and out of breath as it were in following the Schoole of pride my bookes may witnesse both those which I disputed with my friends present and those which I composed alone with my selfe before thee and what intercourse I had with Nebridius now absent my Epistles can restifle And when shall I have time enough to make rehearsall of all the great benefits which thou at that time bestowedst upon me especially seeing I am now making hast to tell of greater matters For my remembrance now calls upon me and most pleasant it is to me O Lord to confesse unto thee by what inward prongs thou hast thus tamed mee and how thou hast taken mee downe by bringing low those mountaines and hils of my high imaginations and madest my crookednesse straight and my rough waies smooth And by what meanes thou also subduedst that brother of my love Alipius unto the name of thy onely begotten Sonne our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ which he at first would not vouchsafe to have it put into our writings For rather would he have had them favour of the lofty Cedars of the Schooles which the Lord had now broken downe than of those wholesome hearbes of thy Church which are so powerfull against Serpents 2. Oh what passionate voyces sent I up unto thee my God when as I read the Psalmes of David those faithfull songs Oh what sounds of devotion quite excluding the swelling spirit of ostentation when namely I was yet but Rude in my kindly loving of thee as being â—uta Catechumenus as yet in the Country whither I had withdrawne my selfe together with Alipius a Catechumenus also and with my Mother likewise inseparably sticking unto us in a womans habit verily but with a masculine faith voyd of worldly care as a woman in her yeeres should be yet imploying a matronely charity and a Christian piety Oh what passionate expressions made I unto thee in the reading of those Psalmes Oh how was I inflamed towards thee by them yea I was on fire to have resounded them had I been able in the hearing of the whole world to the shame of the pride of mankind though verily they be already sung all the world over nor can any hide themselves from thy heate With what vehement and bitter sorrow was I angred at the Manichees whom yet againe I pittied for that they knew nothing of those Sacraments those Medicaments and for that they were so madde at that Antidote which had been able to recover them I heartily wished they had beene somewhere or other neere me I not knowing that they did then heare me or were then so neere me that they might have beheld my face and heard my words when as I read the fourth Psalme in that time of my leasure and how that Psalme wrought upon me 3. When I called upon thee thou heardest me O God of my righteousnesse thou hast enlarged mee in my distresse Have mercy upon mee O Lord and heare my prayer That they might heare I say what I uttered at the reading of these words I not knowing whether they heard me or no lest they should thinke I spake it purposely against them Because in good truth neither would I have spoken the same things nor in the same manner had I perceived them to have both heard and seene me But had I so spoken yet would not they so have understood how with my selfe and to my selfe before thee out of the familiar and ordinary affection of my soule I quaked for feare and boy led high againe with hope and with rejoycing in thy mercy O Father And all these expressions of my selfe passed forth both by mine eyes and voyce at what time as thy good Spirit turning himselfe towards us said O yee sonnes of men
wee had notice of wee should not with so certaine a will desire it 3. But what is this If two men bee askt whether they would goe to the warres one perchance would answere that hee would and the other that he would not but if both were askt whether they would bee happy both of them would without all doubting affirme that they desire it nor for any other reason would this man goe to the warres and the other not but to bee happy For perchance because that as one man reioyces vpon this occasion and another vpon that so doe all men agree in their desire of being happy euen as they would agree it they were asked whether they desired to haue occasion of reioycing this very ioy being the thing which they call the blessed life and that ioy though one man obtaines by one meanes and another man by another meanes yet is this the thing agreed vpon that they all striue to attaine vnto namely that they may reioyce which for that it is a thing which no man can rightly say but that hee hath had some experience of being therfore sound in the memory is it called to knowledge wheneuer the name of a blessed life is mentioned CHAP. 22. True ioy is this blessed life 1. FArre be it O Lord farre be it from the heart of thy seruant who heere confesseth vnto thee farre be it from me to imagine that for euery ioy that I reioyce withall I should be made happy For there is a ioy which is not granted vnto the vngodly but vnto those onely which loue thee for thine owne sake whose ioy thy selfe art And this is the blessed life to reioyce vnto thee concerning thee and for thy sake this is the happy life and there is no other As for them that thinke there is another they pursue another ioy which is not the true one Howeuer their minde is not vtterly turned aside from some kind of resemblance of reioycing CHAP. 23. Ablessed life what and where it is 1. IT is not certaine therefore that all men desire to bee happy for that those who haue no desire to reioyce in thee which to doe is the onely happy life doe not verily desire the happy life Surely all meÌ„ desire this but because the flesh lusteth against the Spirit and the Spirite against the flesh that they cannot do what they would doe they fall vpon that which they are able to doe resting themselues contented therewith For because that they are not able to doe they doe not will so earnestly as were sufficient thorowly to make them able For I demand of euery man whether they had rather reioyce in the truth or in the falsehood They will as little doubt to say In the truth as they would to say that they desire to be happy For a happy life is a ioying in the truth For this is a ioying in thee who art the truth O God my light the health of my countenance and my God This is the blessed life that all desire this life which is only blessed doe all desire to ioy in the truth is all mens desire I haue had experience of diuers that would deceiue but not a man that would willingly be deceiued Where therefore gaynd they the knowledge of this happy life but euen there where they learned the truth also yea verily they loue this truth for that they would not be deceiued whenas they loue a happy life which is nothing else but a ioying in the truth then also doe they loue the truth which yet they would not loue were there not some notice of it remayning in their memory 2. Wherefore then ioy they not in it why are they not blessed euen because they are more strongly taken vp with other things which haue more power to make them miserable then that hath to make them happy which they remember so little of For there is a dimme glimmering of light yet vn-put-out in men let them walke let them walke that the darknesse ouertake them not Why now should truth bring forth hatred and thy Minister become enemy vnto them whom hee preaches the truth vnto when as a happy life is loued which is nothing else but a ioying in the truth vnlesse the reason bee because truth is in that kinde loued that all which loue any other thing would gladly haue that to bee the truth which they so loue who because they would not willingly bee deceiued would not therefore be conuinced of a falsehood Therefore doe they hate the truth for the same reason which they loue instead of the truth They loue truth when it enlightens them but they hate it when it reprehends them For because they would not willingly bee deceiued and fayne would deceiue doe they loue it when it discouers it selfe vnto them but they hate it when it discouers them to others But thus shall it pay them in their owne coyne because those who would not haue themselues discouered by it euen those in despite of their teeth shall it vncase and yet not reueale it selfe vnto them Thus thus yea very thus yea iust thus desires this pore-blinde this lazie this slouenly and this ill-behau'd minde of man to muffle vp it selfe from the view of others but that any thing should bee conceald from it it desires not But the quite contrary does befall it for that it cannot lye vndiscouered from the truth but the truth shall bee veyld vp from it Yet this minde of man not withstanding euen thus wretched as it is takes ioy rather in truths then in falsehoods Happy therefore shall it one day bee if no distraction interloping it shall settle its onely ioy vpon that Truth by which all things else are true CHAP. 24. That the memory containeth God too SEE now how I haue coursed ouer all my memory in search of thee O Lord and no where could I find thee without it Nor haue I found any thing at all concerning thee but what I haue kept in memory euer since the time that I first learnt thee nor haue I euer forgotten thee since the houre I first learnt thee for where I sound Truth there found I my God who is the truth it selfe which from the time I first learnt it haue I not forgotten Since therefore I learnd to know thee hast thou still kept in my memory and there doe I finde thee when euer I call thee to remembrance and delight my selfe in thee These be my holy delights which thou hast bestowed vpon me through thy mercy which had respect vnto my pouerty CHAP. 25. In what degree of the memory God is found 1. BVt whereabouts in my memory is thy residence O Lord where about there abidest thou what kiâ— of lodging hast thou there fâ—â—med for thy selfe r what manner of Sanctuary hast thou builded for thy selfe Thou hast afforded this honour vnto my memory as to reside in it but in what quarter of it that am I now considering vpon For I haue
already passed beyond such parts of it as are common to mee with the beasts whilest I called thee to mind for as much as I found not thee there amongst the Images of corporeall things I proceeded to these parts of it whither I had recommended the Affections of my mind nor could I finde thee there Yea I passed further into it euen to the very seate of the minde it selfe which is there in my memory as appeares by the mindes remembring of it selfe neyther wert thou there for that as thou art not eyther any corporeal image no more art thou any Affection of a liuing man like as when wee reioyce condole desire feare remember forget or whatsoeuer else we doe of the like kinde No nor yet art thou the minde it selfe because thou art the Lord God of the minde Moreouer all these are changed whereas thou remaynest vnchangeable ouer all who yet vouchsafest to dwell in my memory euen since that first time that I learnt to know thee But why seeke I now in what particular place of my memory thou dwellest as if there were any places at all in it Sure I am that in it thou dwellest euen for this reason that I haue preserued the memory of thee since the time that I first learnt thee and for that I finde thee in my memory whensoeuer I call thee to remembrance CHAP. 26. Whereabouts God is to bee found 1. VVHere then did I finde thee that I might learne thee For in my memory thou wert not before I learn'd thee In what place therefore did I find thee that so I might learne thee but euen in thine owne selfe farre aboue my selfe Place there is none wee goe backward and forward but particular place there is none to containe thee Euery where O truth art thou President of the Councell to those that aske Counsell of thee and at one dispatch doest thou answere all yea though they aske thy counsell vpon diuers matters Clearely doest thou answere them though all doe not clearely vnderstand thee All may aduise with thee about what they will though they alwayes heare not such answer as they desired Hee is thy best seruant that lookes not so much to heart that from thee which himselfe desireth as hee that is willing with that rather which from thee hee heareth CHAP. 27. How God drawes vs to himselfe 1. TOO late beganne I to loue thee O thou beatty both so ancient and so fresh yea too too late came I to loue thee For behold thoâ— wert within mee and I out oâ— my selfe where I made search for thee deformed I wooing these beautifull pieces of thâ— workmanship Thou indeede wert with me but I was not with thee these beauties kept mee farre enough from thee euen those which vnlesse they had their Being in thee should not be at all Thou calledst and criedst vnto mee yea thou euen brakest open my deafenesse Thou discoueredst thy beames and shynedst out vnto mee and didst chase away my blindnesse Thou didst most fragrantly blow vpon me and I drew in my breath and panted after thee I tasted thee and now doe bunger and thirst after thee Thou didst touch mee and I euen burne againe to enioy peace thy CHAP. 28. The misery of this life 1. VVHen I shall once attaine to be vnited vnto thee in euery part of me then shall I no more feele eyther sorrow or labour yea then shall my life truely bee aliue euery way full of thee Whereas now verily for that whom thou fillest thou also raysest am I a burthen vnto my selfe because I am not full of thee The ioyes of this my life which deserue to bee lamented are at strife with my sorrowes which are to bee reioyced in but which way the victory wil incline I yet know not Woe is me O Lord haue pitty on mee My sorrowes that be bad are in contention with my ioyes that bee good and which way the victory will encline I yet know not Alasse for mee O Lord haue pitty vpon mee Woe is mee behold I hide not my woundâ— thou art the Physician and I the Patient thou mercifull and I miserable Is not the life of man vpon earth a very temptation 2. Who is hee that would willingly endure troubles and difficulties These thou commandest to bee borne not to beloued for no man is in loue with the crosse which hee takes vp though hee loues well enough to take it vp For notwithstanding that he reioyces to beare yea much rather had hee that there were no crosse for him to beare In aduersity I desire prosperity and in prosperity am I afraid of aduersity what middle place now is there betwixt these two where this life of man is free from temptation Woe is threatned vnto the prosperity of this world againe againe both for the feare of aduersity and lest our ioy should bee marred Woe vnto the aduersities of this word againe and againe yet woe the third time vnto them and that because of the great desire men haue vnto prosperity Aduersity therefore being so hard a thing and which makes shipwracke oft times of our patience is not the life of man a very temptation vpon Earth and that without intermission CHAP. 29. Cur hope is all in God 1. NOw is all my hope no where but in thy very great mercy O Lord my God Giue mee patience to endure what thou commandest and then command what thou wilt Thou imposest continency vpon mee and when I perceiued as one sayth that no man can bee continent vnlesse thou giue it and that this was a point of wisedome to know whose gift it was By continency verily are wee bound vp and brought into vnity with thee from whom wee were scattered abroad into many diuisions for needes must hee loue thee lesse who loues any thing together with thee which hee loues not for thee O thon loue which art euer burning and neuer quenched O charity my God! kindle mee I beseech thee Thou enioynest me continency giue me what thou commandest and then command what thou wilt CHAP. 30. The deceitfulnesse of dreames 1. VErily thou commandest me to containe my selfe from the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the ambition of this world Thou commandest mee also to abstayne from carnall copulation and concerning wedlock thou didst now aduise me to a better course then that was which thou leftest me my free choyce in And because thou gauest it â—t was obtayned and that before I became a dispencer of thy Sacrament But yet still there liue in my memory which I haue now spoken so much of the Images of such things as my ill custome had there fixed and which rush into my thoughts though wanting strength euen whilest I am broad waking but in sleepe obey come vpon me not to delight onely but euen so farre as consent and most like to the deede doing yea so farre preuailes the illusion of that Image both in my soule and
therefore to bee deluded For they being high-minded haue sought thee in the pride of their learning strutting out rather then knocking vp on their brests and so by the agreement of their heart haue they drawne vnto themselues the Princes of the Ayre their fellow conspirators in pride by whom through the force of Magick they were decerued euen while they sought for a Mediator by whom they might bee purged but there was none to be found For the diuel it was transfiguring now himselfe into an Angel of light 2. Many wayes therefore was hee able to entice proud flesh for that him selfe was not of any fleshly body For fleshly men were mortall and sinnefulli but thou Lord to whom they this proud way sought to be reconciled art immortall and without sinne A mediator now betweene God and man must haue something like vnto God and something like vnto men lest that being like vnto man in both natures he should be too farre vnlike God or if like vnto God in both natures hee should be too farre vnlike vnto men and so be a Mediator neyther way That deceitfull Mediator therfore by whom in thy secret iudgement mans pride deserued to be deluded hath one thing indeed common with himselfe to men and that 's Sinne and desires to seem to communicate in another thing with God that because hee is not cloathed with any mortality of flesh he might thereby vaunt himselfe to bee immortall But for that the wages of sin is death this hath he common to himselfe with men for which he might together with them â—â— condemned vnto death CHAP. 43. Christ onely in the all-sufficient Intercessor 1. BVt the true Mediator whom out of thy secret mercy thou hast shewed forth vnto the humble and whom thou sentest that by his example they might learne the true humility that Mediator therefore betweene God and man the man Christ Iesus appeared betwixt mortall sinners and the immortall Iust One being mortall as men and iust like God that because the reward of righteousnesse is life and peace hee might by his righteousnesse which was ioyned to God make voyd the death of as many of the wicked as were by him iustified which death his will was to haue common both to them and him Hee was shewed forth vnto Holy men of old to the intent that they might be saued through sayth in his passion to come like as wee are through sayth of it already passed For how farre-forth he was a man so far-forth was hee a Mediator but so farre-forth as he is the Word hee is not meerely midway to God because he is equall vnto God and God with God together with the Holy Ghost one God 2. How hast thou loued vs O good Father that hast not spared thine onely Sonne but hast deliuered him vnto death for vs wicked men how hast thou loued vs for whom Hee that thought it no robbery to bee equall with God was made subiect vnto death euen the death of the crosse hee that was onely free among the dead that had power to lay downe his life and power to take it againe for vs was hee vnto thee both the Conquerour and the Sacrifice yea and therefore the Conquerour because the Sacrifice for vs was hee vnto thee both Priest and Sacrifice and therefore the Priest because the Sacrifice of slaues making vs thy children by being borne of thee and by becomming a seruant vnto vs. Deseruedly therefore is my hope strongly setled vpon him that thou wilt by him cure all my infirmities euen by him that sits at thy right hand and maketh intercession for vs whereas otherwise I should despaire vtterly For many and great are those infirmities of mine yea many they are and great but thy medicine is more soueraigne 3. Imagine we might that thy Word was farre enough from being vnited with man and so despayre of our selues vnlesse It had beene made flesh and dwelt amongst vs. Affrighted thus with mine owne sinnes the burthen of mine owne misery I cast these thoughts in my heart bethinking my selfe of fleeing into the Wildernesse but thou for baddest me and strengthenedst mee saying Therefore Christ dyed for all that they which liue may now no longer liue vnto themselues but vnto him that dyed for them See Lord I hence forth cast all my care vpon thee that I may liue and consider the wonderfull things of thy law Thou knowest both my vnskilfulnesse and my infirmities Oh teach me and heale mee That onely Sonne of thine in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdome and knowledge hath redeemed mee with his blood Let not the proud speake euill of mee now for that I meditate vpon the price of my redemption and do eate drink and giue vnto the poore and being poore my selfe desire to be filled by him amongst those that eate and are satisfied and they shall praise the Lord who seeke him The end of the tenth Booke Saint Augustines Confessions The eleuenth Booke CHAP. 1. Why we confesse vnto God who knowes all CAnst thou that art the Lord of all eternity be ignorant of what I say vnto thee or doest thou see but for a time that which passeth in time To what end then doe I lay in order before thee so many â—arrations not to this end doe I it that thou mightest come to know them vpon my relation but there by to stirre vp mine owne and my Readers deuotions towards thee that wee may say all together Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised Now haue I sayd and againe say it I will For the loue of thy loue make I this Confession For we vse to pray also and yet Truth it selfe hath sayd Your Father knoweth what you haue neede of before you aske T is our affection therefore which wee hereby lay open vnto thee while wee confesse our owne miseries and thy mercies vpon vs that thou mightest thorowly set vs free seeing already thou hast begun to make vs leaue to bee wretched in our selues and to be happy in thee seeing thou hast called vs that wee may become poore in spirit and meeke and mournfull and bungry and thirsty after righteousnesse and mercifull and pure in heart and peace-makers See I haue told thee many things such as I could and such I was desirous to doe because thou desirest first that I should confesse vnto my Lord God For thou art good and that thy mercy endureth for euer CHAP. 2. He sueth to be deliuered from his sinnes and errors and to bee guided vnto the true knowledge 1. BVt when shall I bee able with the pen of my tongue to set forth all thy Exhortations and all thy terrors and comforts and directions by which thou hast brought mee vp to bee a Preacher of thy Werd and a Dispencer of thy Sacrament vnto thy people If I now bee able to declare these things to thee in order the very
drops of time are precious with mee and I haue long since had a burning desire to meditate in thy law and by it to confesse both my skill and vnskilfulnesse vnto thee the morning light of thy enlightning mee and the relikes of darknesse in mee so long remayning swallowed vp by till infirmitie bee strength Nor will I suffer my houres to bee squandered away vpon any other thing which I finde free from the necessities of refreshing of my body and the recreating of my minde and the complying in those offices of seruice which wee owe vnto men yea also which wee owe not and yet pay them 2. Giue eare vnto my prayer O Lord my God and let thy mercy hearken vnto my petition because it stryueth not to entreate for my selfe alone but to be beneficiall also to my brethren Thou seest my heart that so it is and that I am ready to sacrifice vnto thee the best seruice of my thoughts and tongue now giue mee what I am to offer vnto thee For I am poore and needy but thou art rich to all those that call vpon thee who not distracted with cares thy selfe takest the care of all vs. From all rashnesse and lying doe thou circumcise both my inward and my outward lippes Let my chaste delights bee thy Scriptures let me neyther be deceiued in them nor deceiued by them Hearken Lord and haue mercy vpon me O Lord my God O thou light of the blind and the strength of the weake yea also the light of those that see and the strength of the strong hearken thou vnto my soule and heare mee crying vnto thee out of the Deepe For if thine eares bee not with vs also in the Deepe whither then shall wee goe to whom shall wee cry The day is thine and the night is thine at thy backe the time passes away 3. Affoord out of it some spure time for my meditations vpon the hidden things of thy Law which I beseech thee shut not vp when they knocke for entrance at it For in vayne it was not that thou wouldest haue so many leaues full of darkesome secrets committed vnto wryting nor are those Fortests without their Harts which retire themselues into them making their range and walkes in them feeding lodging and chewing the Cud in them Perfect me O Lord and reueale them vnto me Behold thy voyce is my ioy yea thy voyce exceedeth the abundance of all pleasures Giue mee what I loue for verily I doe loue it and this loue is of thy giuing Forsake not therfore thine owne gifts nor despise thou him that thirsteth after thy herbage Let me confesse vnto thee whatsoeuer I shall finde in thy bookes and let mee heare the voyce of prayse and let me drinke thee vp and let me consider of the wonderfull things of thy law euen frō the very Beginning wherein Thou madest the heauen and the earth vnto that euerlasting kingdome of thy holy City which is before thee Haue mercy Lord vpon mee and heare my petition for it is not I suppose of the earth not for gold siuer or precious stones or gorgeous apparell or honors and offices or the pleasures of the flesh or necessaries for the body or for this life of our earthly pilgrimage all which shall bee added vnto those that seeke thy kingdome thy righteousnesse Behold O Lord my God what it is that I now desire The vngodly haue sometimes told mee what themselues delight in but they are not like the delights of thy Law See now whence my desire proceedes 4. See Father behold and approue and let it bee pleasing in the sight of thy mercy that I shall find so much grace with thee as that the Secrets of thy Word may bee opened vnto mee when I knocke By our Lord Iesus Christ thy Sonne I beseech thee that man on thy right hand that Sonne of man whom thou hast appoynted a Mediator betwixt thy selfe and vs by whom thou soughtest vs who little sought for thee yet didst thou seeke vs that wee might seeke thee and thy Word by whom thou madest all things and mee amongst them Thy Onely Sonne by whom thou hast called the beleeuing people vnto thee and mee amongst them by Him I beseech thee who sitteth at thy right hand and makes intercession for vs in whom are hid all the treasures of wisedome and knowledge Him doe I seeke in thy bookes of Him Moses wrote this hee sayes this Truth sayes CHAP. 3. Hee desires to vnderstand the holy Scriptures 1. LEt mee heare and vnderstand how thou In the beginning hast made Heauen and Earth This Moses wrote of he wrote and passed away hee passed from hence vnto thee for he is not at this present before mine eyes for if hee were then would I lay hold of him and intreate him and for thy sake would I beseech him to open these things vnto me yea I would lay mine eares vnto his mouth But should he speake in the Hebrew tongue in vayne should hee beate mine eares for neuer should he come neere my vnderstanding whenas if he spake Latine I should well enough know what hee sayd 2. But how should I know whether he sayd true or no and if I could learne this too should I know it by him For within mee in that inward house of my thoughts neither the Hebrew nor the Greeke nor the Latine nor any other language but euen Truth it selfe and that without any helps of the mouth tongue without any sound of sillables should tell me He sayes true and my selfe therupon assured of it would confidently say vnto that seruant of thine Thou speakest truth Seeing I haue not now the meanes to conferre with Moses I beg of thee my God inspired by whom he vttred these truths I beg of thee the pardon of my sinnes and thou that enabledst that seruant of thine to deliuer these Truthes enable mee also to vnderstand them CHAP. 4. The Creatures proclayme God to bee their Creator 1 BEhold the heauens and the earth are already they proclaime themselues to haue beene created for they are changed and altered from what they were Whereas whatsoeuer is not made and yet hath a being hath nothing in it now which it had not before which to haue were indeede to bee changed and altered They proclayme also that they made not thēselues but say Therefore wee are because we are made and therefore were wee not before our time was to bee as if we could possibly haue made our selues Now the euidentnesse of the thing is this voyce of the Speakers 'T is thou therefore O Lord that madest them thou who art full of beauty they beeing fayre also thou who art good they also beeing good euen Thou who hast Being seeing these haue their Beings yet are they neyther so fayre so good nor are so as thou their Creator art compared with whom they are neyther fayre nor good nor are at all Thus much wee know thankes to
soules these things that are to come For thou hast already taught thy Prophets which is the way that thou vnto whom nothing is to come dost teach things to come or rather out of Future dost informe vs of things present For that which is not cannot bee taught Too too far is this way out of my kenning it hath gotten out of my reach I cannot by mine owne power arriue vp to it but by thy assistance I may againe euen when thou shalt vouchsafe me that most sweet light of the inward eyes of my soule CHAP. 20. These three differences of times how they are to bee called 1. CLeare now it is and playne that there are neyther things to come nor things past Nor doe we properly say There be three times past present and to come And yet perchance it might bee properly sayd too There be three three times a present time of passed things a present time of present things and a present time of future things For indeede three such as these in our soules ther bee but other-where doe I not see them The present time of passed things is our Membry the present time of present things is our Sight the present time of future things our Expectation If thus wee bee permitted to speake then see I three times yea and I confesse there are three Let this also be sayd There bee three ttmes Past present and to come according to our mis-applyed custome let it so be said See I shall not much bee I troubled at it neyther gaine-say nor find fault with it prouided that bee vnderstood which is sayd namely that neyther that which is to come haue any being now no nor that which is already passed For but a very few things there are which wee speake properly but very many that we speake improperly though yet we vnderstand one anothers meaning CHAP. 21. How time may bee measured 1. AS therefore I was euen now a saying We take such measure of the times in their passing by as we may be able to say This time is twice so much as that one or This is iust so much as that and so of any other parts of time which be measurable We do therefore as I sayd take measure of the times as they are passing by And if any man should now aske mee How knowest thou I might answere I doe know because wee doe measure them for wee cannot measure things that are not and verily times past and to come are not But for the present time now how doe wee measure that seeing it hath no space We measure it therefore euen whilest it passeth for when it is passed then wee measure it not for there will bee nothing to bee measured 2. But from what place and by which way and whitherto passes this time while it is a measuring whence but from the time Future Which way but by the time present whither but into the time passed From that therefore which is not yet by that which hath no space into that which is not still Yet what is it wee measure if not time in some space For wee vse not to say Single and double and triple and equall or any other way that we speake of time but with reference still to the spaces of times In what space therefore doe wee measure the time present Whether in the Future space whence it passed but that which is not yet we cannot measure Or in the present by which it passed but no space wee doe not measure or in the past to which it passed But neither doe wee measure that which is not still CHAP. 22. He begs of God the resulution of a difficulty 1. MY some is all on fire to bee resolued of this most intricate 〈…〉 Shut it not vp O Lord God O my good father in the name of Christ I beseech thee doe not so shut vp these vsuall but yet hidden things from this desire of mine that it bee hindred from piercing into them but let them shine out vnto mee thy mercy O Lord enlightening me Whom shall I make my demands vnto concerning these poynts And to whom shall I more fruitefully confesse my ignorance then vnto thee whom these studies of mine so vehemently burning to vnderstand thy Scriptures are no wayes troublesome Giue mee Lord what I loue for loue I doe and this loue hast thou giuen mee Giue it me Father who truely knowest to giue good gifts vnto thy Children Giue mee because I haue takâ—n vpon mee to know thee and it is painefull vnto me vntill thou openest it 2. Euen by Christ I beseech thee in the name of that Holy of holies let not mans answere disturbe mee For I beleeued and therefore doe I speake This is my hope this doe I pant after that I may contemplate the delights of the Lord. Behold thou hast made my dayes short and they passe away I know not how And wee talke of time and time and times and times How long time is it since hee sayd this how lond time since he did this how long time since I saw that and this syllable hath double time to that single short syllable These words wee heare and these termes wee vnderstand and are vnderstood againe Most manifest and ordinary they are and yet the selfe-same things too deeply hidden yea the finding out of the secret of them would proue a very new deuice CHAP. 23. Hee cleares this question what Time is 1. I Heard a learned man once deliuer it That the motions of the Sunne Moone and Starres and not the yeeres were the very true Times But why then should not the motions of all bodies in generall rather be times But what if the lights of heauen should cease and the potters wheele run round should there bee no time by which wee might measure those whirlings about and might pronounce of it that eyther it moued with equall pauses or if it turn'd sometimes flower and other whiles quicker that some rounds tooke vp longer time and other shorter or euen whilest we were a saying this should wee speake in Time or should there in our words be any syllables short and others long but for this reason onely that those tooke vp a shorter time in founding and these a longer Graunt vnto vs men the skill O God in a little hint to descry those notions as be common to things both great and small 2. The starres and lights of heauen 't is true bee appoynted for signes and for seasons and for yeeres and for dayes They bee indeede yet should I neuer on the one side affirme The whirling about of that fiery wheele to bee the day nor though it were not that therefore on the other side there were no time at all let Him affirme eyther of these I for my part desire to vnderstand the force and nature of time by which we are to measure the motions of bodies as when wee say for example this motion to bee
disquieted within me Trust in the Lord his word is a lanthorne vnto thy feete trust and abide on him vntill the night the mother of the wicked vntill the wrath of the Lord bee ouerpast the children of which wrath our selues who were sometimes darknesse haue beene the reliques of which darkenesse wee still beare about vs in our body dead because of sinne vntill the day breake and the shadowes flee away 2. Hope thou in the Lord in the morning I shall stand in thy presence and contemplate thee yea I shall for euer confesse vnto thee In the morning I shall stand in thy presence and shall see the health of my countenance euen my God who also shall quicken our mortall bodies by the Spirit that dwelleth in vs who in mercie sometimes moued vpon our inner darkesome and floating deepe from whome in this our pilgrimage wee haue receiued such a pledge as that euen now wee are light euen alreadie in this life whilest wee are saued by hope made the Children of light and the Children of the day not the Children of the night nor of the darknes which yet somtimes we haue beene Betwixt which Children of darknesse and vs in this vncertainety of humane knowledge thou onely canst deuide thou who prouest the hearts and callest the light day and the darkenesse night For who can discerne vs but thou And what haue we that wee haue not receiued of thee Out of the same lump are some made for vessels of honour and others for dishonour CHAP. 15. By the word Firmament is the Scripture meant 1 BVt who except thou O our God made that Firmament of the Authority of thy diuine Scripture to bee ouer vs as t is said The heauen shall be folded vp like a booke and is euen now stretcht ouer vs like a skin For thy holy Scripture is of more eminent authority since those mortals departed this life by whom thou dispensest it vnto vs. And thou knowest O Lord thou knowest how thou with skins didst once apparell men so soone as they by sin were become mortall Wherevpon hast thou like a skinne stretched out the Firmament of thy booke that is to say those words of thine so well agreeing together which by the ministry of mortall men thou spreadest ouer vs. For by the death of those men is that solid strength of authority appearing in the bookes set by them more eminently stretched ouer all that bee now vnder it which strength whil'st they liued on earth was not then so eminently stretched out ouer vs. Thou hadst not as yet spredde abroad that heauen like a skin thou hadst as yet euery where noysed abroad the report of their deaths 2 Let vs looke O Lord vpon the heauens the worke of thy fingers cleare our eyes of that mist with which thou hast ouer cast them there is that testimony of thine which giueth wisdome vnto the little ones perfect O my God thine owne prayse cut of the mouth of babes and sucklings Nor haue wee knowne any other bookes which so destroy pride which so beate downe the aduersary and him that stands vpon his own guard that standeth out vpon termes of reconciliation with thee in defence of his owne sinnes I know not Lord I knowe not of any other such chaste words that are so powerfull in perswading me to Confession and in making thy yoake easie vnto my neck and in inuiting mee to serue thee for very loues sake Graunt mee to vnderstand them good Father grant me thus much that am placed vnder them because that for them who are placed vnder them thou hast settled them so surely 3. Other Waters also there bee aboue this firmamenent immortall they bee as I beleeue and separated from all earthly corruption Let those supercelestiall people thine Angels prayse thee yea let them prayse thy name they who haue no neede to receiue this Firmament or by reading to attaine the knowledge of thy Word For they alwayes behold thy face and there doe they reade without any syllables measurable by times what the meaning is of thy eternall will They reade they chuse they loue They are euer reading yet that neuer passes ouer which they reade because by choosing and by louing doe they reade the vnchangeablenesse of thy counsayle Their booke is neuer closed nor shall it bee euer clasped seeing thy selfe is that volume vnto them yea thou art so eternally For thou hast ordayned them to bee aboue this Firmament which thou hast settled ouer the infirmenesse of the lower people where-out they might receiue and take notice of thy mercy which sets thee forth after a temporall manner euen thee that madest times For thy mercy O Lord is in the Heauens and thy truth reacheth vnto the clouds The clouds pass away but the heauen abides the Preachers of thy Word passe out of this life into another but thy Scripture is spred abroad ouer the people euen vnto the end of the world 4. Yea both heauen and earth shall passe but thy words shall not passe away because the parchment shall bee folded vp and the grasse ouer which it was spred out shall with the goodlynesse of it also passe away but thy Word remaineth for euer Which word now appeareth vnto vs vnder the darkenesse of the cloudes and vnder the glasse of the heauens and not as in it selfe it is because that euen we though the well-beloued of thy Sonne yet is it not hitherto manifest what we shall be He standeth looking thorow the lattis of our flesh and he spake vs faire yea hee set vs on fire and wee ranne after the sent of his odors But when he shall appeare then shall we be like him for we shall see him as he is Graunt vs Lord to see him that is our owne though the time bee not yet come CHAP. 16. God is vnchangeable 1. FOr fully as in thy selfe thou art thou onely knowest thou who ART vnchangeably and know est vnchangeably and willest vnchangeably And thy essence both knoweth and willeth vnchangeably And thy knowledge Is wills vnchangeably and thy will Is knows vnchangeably Nor seemes it right in thine eyes that in the same manner as an vnchangeable light knoweth it selfe so it should be known of a thing changeable that receiues light from another My soule is therefore like a land where no water is because that as it cannot of it selfe enlighten it selfe so can it not of it selfe satisfie it selfe For so is the fountaine of life with thee like as in thy light we shall see light CHAP. 17. What is meant by dry land and by the Sea 1. VVHo gathered bitter spirited people together into one society Because that all of them propound to themselues the same end of a temporall and earthly felicity for attayning whereof they doe whateuer they do though in the doing they wauer vp and downe with innumerable variety
the world over and thy devout servant whose eloquent discourse did in those dayes plentifully dispense the flowre of thy wheat the gladnesse of thy oyle and the sober overflowings of thy wine unto thy people To him was I led by thee ignorant of thy purpose in it that by him I might be brought to thee more cleerely knowing thee That man of God entertained me fatherly and approved of the cause of my comming as became a Bishop 2. I thenceforth beganne to love him not at first verily as a Teacher of the Truth which I utterly despaired to finde in thy Church but as a man of courteous usage to mee And I very diligently heard him preaching to the people not although with so good an intent as I ought but as it were trying his eloquence whether it were answerable to the fame that went of him or whether more or lesse than was every where given out of him and I weighed every word of his very attentively But of the matter I was carelesse and scornfull And verily with the sweetnesse of his discourse I was much delighted which how-ever it were more learned yet was it not so pleasing and inveigling as Faustus his was the manner of the Oratory I meane though for the matter there were no comparison For Faustus did but rove up and downe with his Manichaean fallacies but Ambrose taught salvation most soundly But salvation is farie enough from sinners such as I was at that instant and yet drew I by little and little neerer toward it but how I knew not CHAP. 14. Vpon his hearing of Saint Ambrose he by little and little fals off from his errours 1. FOr though I tooke little heed to hearkeÌ„ to what he spake but meerely to the way how he delivered them for that empty care was now only left in me I despairing utterly to find a way how to come unto thee yet together with his words which I liked the things also themselves which I neglected stole in upon my mind for I knew not how to part them and whilest I opened my heart to entertaine How eloquently he exprest it there also entred with it by degrees How truely hee proved it For first of all the things began to appeare unto me as possible to be defended and the Catholike Faith in defence of which I thought nothing could bee answered to the Manichees arguments I now concluded with my selfe might well bee maintained without absurdity especially after I had heard one or two hard places of the Old Testament resolved now and then which when I understood literally I was slaine spiritually 2. Many places therefore of those Bookes having beene expounded I blamed mine owne desperate conceipt whereby I had beleeved That the Law and the Prophets could no way be upheld against those that hated and scorned them Yet did I not resolve for all this that the Catholike way might bee held safely seeing it might have it's Teachers and maintainers which might be able both copiously and not absurdly to answer some Objections made against it nor yet did I conceive that my former way ought to bee condemned because that both sides of the defence were equalled For in this sort did the Catholike partie seeme to me not to bee overthrowne as that it appeared not yet to be altogether victorious Earnestly hereupon did I bend my minde to see if it were possible to convince the Manichees of falshood and could I but once have taken into my thoughts that there should be any Spirituall substance all their strong holds had beene beaten downe and cast utterly out of my mind but I was not able 3. Notwithstanding concerning the body of this world and the whole frame of Nature which the senses of our flesh can reach unto I now more seriously considering upon and comparing things together judged divers of the Philosophers to have held much the more probable opinions After the manner therefore of the Academicks as they are supposed doubting now of every thing and wavering up and downe betweene all I absolutely resolved That the Manichees were to be â—â—ndened judging in that time â— my suspence that I could not safely continue in that Sect before which I now preferred divers of the Philosophers to which Philosophers notwithstanding for that they were without the saving Name of Christ I utterly refused to commit the curing of my languishing soule This therfore I determined So long to be a Catechumenus in the Catholike Church which had been so much commended unto me by my parents till such time as some certaine marke should appeare whereby I might steere my course SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE SIXTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How S. Augustine was neither Manichee nor good Catholike O Thou my hope even froÌ„ my youth where wert thou all this while and whither wert thou gone For hadst not thou created me and set a distinction betwixt me and the beasts of the field and fowles of the Ayre Thou hadst made me wiser than they yet did I wander thorow the darke and over the slippery and I groped out of my selfe after thee but found not the God of my heart and I drew neere even to the bottome of the Sea and I distrusted and I despaired of ever finding out the truth By this time came my Mother unto me whom motherly piety had made adventurous following me over Sea and Land confident upon thee in all perills For in the dangers upon the Sea shee comforted the Mariners by whom the unexperienced passengers of the deepe use rather to be themselves comforted assuring them of a safe landing because so much hadst thou assured her by a Vision 2. She found mee grievously indangered by a despaire of ever finding out the truth But when I had once discovered to her that I was no longer now a Manichee not fully yet a Christian Catholike she even leapt for joy not as if shee had heard of some unlookt-for newes seeing shee had beene satisfied before concerning that part of my misery for which she bewailed mee not as one irrecouerably dead but as if there were good hopes of his reviving laying me forth upon the Biere before thee that thou mightest say vnto the sonne of the Widdow Yong man I say unto thee arise And he should sit up and beginne to speake and thou shouldst deliver him to his Mother Her heart therefore parted not in any perplexed kinde of rejoycing when shee heard that to bee already in so great part done which she daily with teares desired of thee might be wholly done namely that though I had not yet attained the truth yet that I was rescued from falshood yea rather for that she was most certaine that thou wouldst one day performe the rest who hadst promised the whole most calmely and with an heart full of confidence shee replyed to me How shee fully beleeved in Christ that shee should yet before she dyed see mee baptized into the Catholike Faith 3. And thus
much said shee to me But to thee O Fountaine of mercies powred shee forth more frequent prayers teares that thou wouldest hasten thy helpe and enlighten my darknesse that I might more studiously runne unto the Church and settle my beleefe vpon Ambrose his Preaching and desire the Fountaine of that Water which springeth up into Life ever lasting For that man shee loved as an Angell of GOD because shee presumed most assuredly that I had beene brought by him in the meane time to that doubtfull state of faith I was now in by which I was to passe from sicknesse unto health some sharper conflict comming betweene in another Fit as it were which the Physicians call The Crisis CHAP. 2. His Mother is turned from her Countrey Superstition 1. VVHen as my Mother therefore had one time brought unto the Oratories erected in memory of the Saints as she was wont to doe in Africke certaine Cheese-cakes and Bread and VVine and had beene forbidden to doe it by the Sexton so soone as ever she knew that the Bishop had forbidden this shee did so piously and obediently embrace the motion that I my selfe wondred at it that she should so easily be brought rather to blame her owne Countrey custome than to call the present countermand in question For Wine-bibbing besotted not her spirit nor did the love of Wine provoke her to the hatred of the Truth as it doth too many both men and women who being a little whittled once turne the stomacke to a song of sobriety as they would doe at a draught of water But she when she had brought her basket of these solemne lunkets which she meant to eat a little of first and to give the rest away never used to allow herselfe above one small pot of Wine well allayed with water for her owne sober palate whence she would sippe a mannerly draught And if there were any more Oratories of the departed Saints that seemed to be honoured in like maner shee still carried the selfe-same pot about with her which she used every where which should not onely below allayed with water but very lukewarme with carrying about and this would shee distribute to those that were about her by small sups for she came to those places to seeke devotion and not pleasure 2. So soone therefore as shee found this custome to be countermanded by that famous Preacher and the most pious Prelate Ambrose yea forbidden even to those that would use it but soberly that so no occasion of ryot might thereby bee given to such as loved drinking too well and for that these funerall Anniversary Feasts as it were in honour of our dead Fathers did too neerely resemble the superstition of the Gentiles she most willingly forbare it ever after and in stead of a Basket filled with the fruits of the earth she now had learned to present a breast replenished with sinne-purging petitions at the Oratories of the Martyrs and to give away what shee could spare among the poore that so the Cōmunion of the Lords Body might in that place bee rightly celebrated where after the example of his Passion these Martyrs had bin sacrificed and crowned 3. But for all this it seemes to me O Lord my God and thus thinks my heart of it in thy sight That my Mother would not so easily have give way to the breaking of her Countrey custome had it bin forbidden her by some other man whom she had not loved so well as she did Ambrose who in regard of my salvation she very entirely affected and he bergaing as well for her most religious conversation whereby s◠full of good workes so servent in the spirit she frequented the Church Yea so well he affected 〈◊〉 that hee would very often when he saw mee breake forth into her praises congratulating with me in that I had such a Mother little knowing in the meane time what a sonne she had of me who doubted of all these things and least of all imagined the way to life could possibly be found out CHAP. 3. The employments and studies of S. Ambrose 1. NOr did I hitherto grone in my prayers that thou wouldest helpe me but my unquiet minde was altogether intentive to seeke for Learning and to dispute upon it As for Ambrose himselfe I esteemed him a very happy man according to the world whom personages of such authority so much honoured onely his remaining a 〈◊〉 seemed a painefull course unto mee But what hopes hee carried about him against the temptations his excellent parts were subject unto what struglings he felt and what comfort hee found in his adversities and how savourie joyes that mouth hidden in his heart fed upon in thy Bread I neither knew how to ghesse at nor had I yet any feeling of As little on the other side knew hee of my privie heats nor of the pit of my danger For I had not the opportunity to make my demands to him what I would or how I would for that multitudes of people full of businesse whose infirmities hee gave up himselfe unto debarred me both from hearing and speaking with him With whom when he was not taken up which was but a little time together hee either refreshed his body with necessary sustenance or his minde with reading But when he was reading hee drew his eyes along over the leaves and his heart searcht into the sense but his voice and tongue were altogether silent 2. Oft-times when we were present for no man was debarred of comming to him nor was it his fashion to be told of any body that came to speake with him we still saw him reading to himselfe and never otherwise so that having long sate in silence for who durst be so bold as to interrupt him so intentive to his study wee were faine to depart We conjectured that the small time which he gate for the repairing of his minde hee retyred himselfe from the clamour of other mens businesses being unwilling to be taken off for any other imployment and he was warie perchance too left some hearer being strucke into suspence and eager upon it if the Author he read should deliver any thing obscurely hee should be put to it to expound it or to discusse some of the harder questions so that spending away his time about this worke hee could not turne over so many Volumes as he desired although peradventure the preserving of his voice which a little speaking would weaken might bee a just reason for his reading to himselfe But with what intent soever he did it that man certainely had a good meaning in it 3. But verily no opportunity could I obtaine of propounding my demands as I desired to that so holy an Oracle of thine his breast unlesse the thing might be heard very briefly But those commorions in me required to finde him at his best leasure that I might powre them out before him but never could they finde him so Yet heard
the earth all that is in them behold they bid me on euery side that I should loue thee nor cease they to say so vnto all to make them inexcuseable But more profoundly wilt thou haue mercy on whom thou wilt haue mercy and wilt haue compassion vpon whom thou wilt haue compassion for else doe the heauen and the earth speake forth thy prayses vnto the deafe What now do I loue whenas I loue thee not the beauty of any corporall thing not the order of times not the brightnesse of the light which to behold is so gladsome to our eyes not the pleasant melodies of songs of all kinds not the fragrant smell of flowers and oyntments and spices not Manna and honey nor any fayre limbs that are so acceptable to fleshly embracements 2. I loue none of these things whenas I loue my God and yet I loue a certaine kinde of light and a kind of voyce and a kinde of fragrancy and a kinde of meat and a kind of embracement Whenas I loue my God who is both the light and the voyce and the sweet smell and the meate and the embracement of my inner man where that light shineth vnto my soule which no place can receiue that voyce soundeth which time depriues me not of and that fragrancy smelleth which no wind scatters that meate tasteth which eating deuoures not and that embracement clingeth to mee which satiety diuorceth not This is it which I loue when as I loue my God And what is this I askt the Earth and that answered me I am not it and whatsoeuer are in it made the same confession I asked the Sea and the deepes and the creeping things and they answered me We are not thy God seeke aboue vs. I asked the fleeting winds and the whole Ayre with his inhabitants answered me That Anaximenes was deceiued I am not thy God I asked the heauens the Sunne and Moone and Starres Nor say they are wee the God whom thou seekest 3. And I replyed vnto all these which stand so round about these dores of my flesh You haue answered me concerning my God that you are not he And they cryed out with aloud voyce He made vs. My questioning with them is my intention their answer is their figure and species And I turned my selfe vnto my selfe and sayd Who art thou And I answered A man for behold here is a soule and a body in me one without and the other within By which of these two am I to seeke my God whom my body had inquired after from earth to heauen euen so farre as I was able to send these beames of mine eyes in ambassage But the better part is the inner part vnto which all these my bodily messengers gaue vp their intelligence as being the President and Iudge of all the seuerall answers of heauen and earth and of all things that are therein who all sayd Wee are not God but He made vs. These things did my inner man knâ—w by the intelligence giuen him by the outer man And I the inner man knew all this I the soule by meanes of the Sences of the body 4. I asked the whole frame of the world concerning my God and that answered mee I am not He but Hee made me Doth not this corporeall figure guidently appeare to all those that haue their perfect sences why then speakes it not the same things vnto all The creatures both small and great doe see this corporeall figure well enough but they are not able to aske any questions of it because Iudge Reason is not President ouer their Sences which are to giue vp intelligence vnto him But Men are well able to aske that so they may clearely see the inuisible things of God which are vnderstood by the things that are made But by inordinate loue of them they make themselues subiects vnto them and slaues are not fit to be Iudges Nor will the creatures answere to such as aske of them vnlesse the askers be able to iudge nor so much as alter their voyce that is their out-ward appearance if so bee one man onely lookes vpon it and another seeing it withall enquires of it so as it may appeare one way to this man and another way to that man but it appearing the same way vnto both is dumbe to this man but makes answere vnto that Yea verily it speakes vnto all but they onely vnderstand it who compare that voyce receiued from without by the Sences with the Truth which is within For Truth sayes vnto me Neyther heauen nor earth nor any other body is thy God This their very Nature sayes vnto him that lookes vpon them There is lesse bulke in the part of a thing then in the whole Now vnto thee I speake O my soule Thou art my better part for thou quickenest this bulke of my body by giuing life vnto it which no body can giue vnto a body but thy God is the life of thy life vnto thee CHAP. 7. God is not to bee found by any ability in our bodies 1. VVHat is it therefore which I loue when as I loue my God who is Hee that is aboue the top of my Soule By this very soule will I ascend vp vnto him I will so are beyond that faculty of mine by which I am vnited vnto my body and by which I fill the whole frame of it with life I cannot by that faculty finde my God for so the Horse Mule that haue no vnderstanding might as well finde him seeing they haue the same faculty by which their bodies liue also 2. But another faculty there is not that onely by which I giue life but that too by which I giue sence vnto my flesh which the Lord hath framed for me when namely he commands the eye that it should not heare and the care that it should not see but orders that for mee to see by and this for mee to heare withall and assignes what is proper to the other Sences seuerally in their owne seates and offices which being diuers through euery sence yet I the soule being but one doe actuate and gouerne I will I say mount beyond this faculty of mine for euen the Horse and Mule haue this seeing they also are sensible in their bodies CHAP. 8. The force of the Memory 1. I Will soare therefore beyond this faculty of my nature still rysing by degrees vnto Him who hath made both mee and that nature And I come into these fields and spacious palaces of my Memory where the treasures of innumerable formes brought into it from these things that haue beene perceiued by the sences be hoarded vp There is layd vp whatsoeuer besides wee thinke eyther by way of enlarging or diminishing or any other wayes varying of those things which the sence hath come at yea and if there bee any thing recommended to it and there layd vp which forgetfulnesse hath not swallowed vp and buried To this treasury when