the like Especially considering how my sins are aggravated by every Mercy I have received by every Affliction I have undergone every awakenning Sermon I have heard every motion of God's Spirit and every check of my own Conscience that I have resisted every offer of his Grace every warning of his Providence every invitation and call of his Word every purpose to Repent and every resolution I have made to forsake sin The greater knowledge I have had of my danger the longer time I have deliberated about it the oftner I have confess'd my sin and been sorry for it every reproof I have had from others and every promise I have made my self doth aggravate and encrease my Guilt How many Years hath God vouchsafed me to work out my Salvation But how little have I done towards it Had I died this last Year how unprepar'd must I have made my Appearance before his Tribunal What opportunities of doing and receiving good have I let slip Have I not made it more my business to seem Religious than really to be so How much of the Patience of God have I abus'd Refusing his Calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the Grace of God into wantonness Instead of returning Gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebel and a Traytor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justices even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O spare me for thy Mercy 's sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justified if Thou lay Judgment to the Line and Equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted again Bring me to the Blood of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowledge my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned O Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin I am unworthy to lift up my Hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy Son or thy Servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in Thine For this I am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physician of Souls from thy Pity alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy merciful hand do not save me and lift me up I am intangl'd and insnar'd by the Devil and my Lusts and without thy Succour can never hope to get free O Lord forgive my Sin and heal my Soul Deliver and save me for thy Mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy Mercy Thou hast mercifully born with me hitherto Thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhor my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy Blessed Son to die for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to Pardon than we can be to Repent 'T is thy Delight and Glory agreeable to thy Nature and declared Name as a God gracious and merciful slow to Anger and of great Kindness forgiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the Arms of thy Mercy through the Merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a Returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowful Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer err from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will O God and write thy Law upon my Heart that I may never more return to Folly I am convinc'd of the Evil of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the Equity and Justice of thy Law of the Sweetness and Rewards of keeping thy Precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which through the power of Temptation and the deceitfulness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and robb'd you of your Peace and provok'd God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Back-sliding Confess it freely with its Aggravations Consider whether it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special Warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more than ordinary Kindness of his Providence c. And impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your Watchfulness the neglect of serious closet-Devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vain Company venturing too far in lawful or indifferent Things too much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and Stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuel incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your Sin exceeding sinful lest by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return again with seven worse than himself and so your latter end be worse than your Beginning For if the Sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out again when it meets with combustible Matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhorr the Sin and resolve to quit it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you
your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavour to maintain and exercise the Faith of Adherence (a) Vid. Dr. Owen on Pf. 130.2 Say unto God that because there is forgiveness with him therefore he is to be feared My sin is not too great to be forgiven 'T is not the Vnpardonable Sin For I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and Comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distressed and yet found relief by seeking unto God 'T is therefore good for me to hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God (b) Lam. 3.26 I will draw near to God I will lie at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherein I may hope to meet with the quickening and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can whither else shall I go he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace * Vid. Mr. Baxter 's Method for Peace of Conscience I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope through Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still And though I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self on the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his Will I will bless his holy Name and derive more comfortable hope from thence than from the most sweet and sensible Consolations I ever had and look upon Humility Self-denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love than the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort By the enjoyment of the one I should have had more of the other The Exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therefore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love God and wait upon him Let me resolve never to chuse a new Lord or Master Or take up with any Portion beneath God himself or any way of Hope or Salvation but by Jesus Christ my only Saviour neither let me forsake the way of Faith and Holiness for all the Hopes and Happiness of this World if put to my choice But be always able to say blessed be God I now can that I will return to my former Husband for then it was better with me than now I had peace and refreshment in my former ways I will return to them Lord forsake me not utterly Keep not thine Anger for ever Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy Holy Spirit from me Restore unto me the Joy of thy Salvation that my Heart may be inlarged to praise thy Name and to run the way of thy Commandments XXVI Confession of Sin Humiliation and Repentance must follow upon Self-Examination Advice concerning Repentance of some particular Back-sliding The great Perplexity and Distress of a Penitent Sinner represented as a Caution against returning to Folly THat we may turn unto the Lord is the end of searching and trying our Ways Lord I have been searching my Heart and considering my Ways but can find little or no good neither can I discover all that is evil in both But I find enough to make my own Heart condemn me and Thou who art greater than my Heart and knowest all things maist much more condemn me I am altogether unclean polluted and abominable If I go about to enumerate the Sins of my Thoughts Words and Actions in all the periods of my Life hitherto if I consider my Omissions of Duty and dayly Crimes by actual Commission If I reflect upon my Sins according to their respective Objects as either against Thee O God and against my Neighbour and against my own Soul or Body and compare my Heart and Life with thy strict and holy Law and think in how many Instances I have transgrest every of thy Righteous Commandments I find they are more than the hairs on my Head they cannot be number'd Who can tell how oft he hath offended Many of my sins make little Impression on my Memory I observe them not I remember them not But this hinders not but they may make deep Impression on my Conscience which will one day be awake and set them in order before me and they are all written in thy Book of Remembrance in order to my final Judgment All my sins are before thee But thou requirest my humble Confession of them in order to Repentance and as a part thereof that I freely acknowledge their hainous Aggravations to shame and humble my self the more before thee whom I have offended and provok'd How long did I serve divers Lusts and Pleasures with the neglect and forgetfulness of God How sad a Prospect may I take of the far greatest part of my Life past Especially of my younger years which have been trifl'd away in vanity and folly And since I have known the way of Truth how shamefully have I prevaricated with God I am confounded to consider how often I have despised the Commandment and rebelled against the Light against the Principles of Education and the checks of Conscience frequent Warnings from God and Reproofs from Others contrary to my Profession and Experience contrary to the Obligation of peculiar Mercies solemn Promises Resolutions and Engagements and a nearer Relation to God than many others Which sins have more dishonour'd the Lord discredited his Holy Gospel gratifi'd the Devil scandaliz'd the World and strengthen'd the hands of the ungodly than the sins of others And alas How much of my precious Time is thus gone which if duly improv'd would now afford me comfort to review How much Guilt have I contracted every Year particularly in this last I now begin another which will soon be gone as that which was concluded Yesterday And shall I only advance in Age to increase the number of my sins and heighten my Account against the Day of Reckoning In Temporal and Civil Affairs Day unto Day uttereth knowledge and Night unto Night teacheth Wisdom We are taught by Experience many useful Lessons which we should not else have learnt to reform many Errors and mistakes to correct many rash and foolish Actions and Speeches c. And shall I not learn Wisdom by the Experience of another Year in what concerns my greatest my Eternal Interest Shall not the reflection on my past sins prevent my Commission of
Lusts or to draw me from God by the love of the World and the praise of Men by Evil Company Intemperance secret Wickedness c. I bless Thee with my whole Soul for calling me back from any of my Wandrings and by Infinite Goodness recovering me after great Falls enabling me to return when I had gone astray and seek thy forfeited favour that thou may'st heal my Backslidings giving me in order to it a deep sense of my own Sin and of thy Soveraign Grace leading me to a Saviour whose Blood cleanseth from all sin when my guilty defiled Soul so much needed its pardoning and cleansing Vertue awakening me to make holy Vows and calling upon me by thy Word and Spirit and Providence to perform them I bless Thee who hast guided my feet into the way of Peace when by the Terrors of an accusing Conscience and the sense of unpardon'd Sin and the Apprehensions of thy deserved Wrath I was ready to Despair that tho' thou didst most justly hide thy Face at any time it was but for a little while but didst seasonably and in Mercy return to wipe off my Tears restore the Joy of thy Salvation and chace away the clouds and darkness on my Spirit by the reviving Presence of thy own Thou who art the Author wilt be the Finisher of my Faith and therefore tho' thou hast visited mine Iniquities with a Fatherly Rod yet thy loving-kindness thou hast not taken from me or suffered thy faithfulness to fail or thy Covenant of Peace to be removed but hast refreshed me with hidden Manna after great Perplexities saying unto my Soul I am God even thy God Thou hast made me to hear thy Voice which was sweet and to taste thy Love which is better than Wine enabling me to say with thine Apostle Thomas My Lord and my God and to have had some Communion with Thee since in publick or private Duties For all these Innumerable Mercies I desire to praise Thee which yet are but in order to greater I hope in order to Everlasting Kindness in Heaven These are but the Taste and Earnest of what thou wilt bestow hereafter Oh how great is his Goodness that he hath laid up for those that fear him And now Lord what wait I for my hope is even in Thee I thank thee who hast thus put it into my Heart to render thee solemn Praise and once more to renew my Covenant with Thee I will magnifie the Lord and my Spirit shall rejoyce in God my Saviour Return unto thy rest O my Soul for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with me (a) Psal 104.33 While I live I will praise thee and sing Praises unto my God while I have a Being O come and behold the Works of the Lord what he hath done for my Soul The Lord liveth (b) Psal 18.46 Blessed be my Rock and let the God of my Salvation be exalted Let my Heart be glad and my Glory rejoyce for the Lord is not asham'd to be called my God Thanks be to God who hath caused me to triumph in Christ Jesus Sing unto the Lord O ye his Saints and give thanks at the remembrance of his Holiness (c) Psal 30. I cried unto Thee and thou hast healed and sav'd me I will give thanks to Thee for ever (d) Psal 119.62 I will shew forth thy loving-kindness in the morning and thy faithfulness every night For the Lord is Good his Mercy is Everlasting and his Truth endures throughout all Generations O enter into his Gates with Thanksgiving and his Courts with Praise be thankful unto him and bless his Name Bless the Lord all ye his Works in all-places of his Dominions Bless the Lord O my Soul Let me add for a Conclusion That the particular Deliverances Supports and Consolations which at any time God hath given in Cases of great Exigence or in answer to importunate Prayer ought never to be forgotten Many experienc'd Christians have been wont to write down such remarkable Appearances of God for them with the particular Circumstances that did recommend and enhance the Mercy whether Spiritual or Temporal as an Encouragement to trust in God in future Difficulties And have afterwards found the Comfort and Advantage of being able to have recourse to such Papers This Practice I recommend as what hath been useful and consolatory to divers Christians for many years afterwards and to some others of their more intimate Friends to whom they might without vanity be imparted What Experiences might be recorded of signal Returns to Prayer and seasonable Manifestations of the Truth and Goodness and Wisdom of God if all the Instances thereof were duly recollected and preserv'd And how sweet and pleasant would the Work of Prayer and Praise then be With what rejoycing and delight should we set about it and live in it if the constraining Goodness and Love of God and a thankful Sense of his unspeakable Mercies did bring us to him and indict and animate every word What Support and Comfort and probable Hopes at least of the special Love of God might we derive from the various Passages of his Compassion and Kindness And hereby we may be able more heartily to give him Thanks for Pardon Sanctification and Adoption which we commonly mention with too much doubt and fear It may likewise be Advisable To examine and record the Workings of your own Spirit under such Dispensations What Thoughts you then had of God What Acts of Faith Love and Thankfulness you did then manifest What Evidences of God's Favour and what discovery of your own Sincerity you have had at such times When and how and by what means you were cur'd of your uncomfortable Unbelief and rais'd from your Despondency What Promises you had recourse to for relief What Considerations were most helpful to you What frame of Spirit you kept up in Prayer before and after What Resolutions and Engagements you made to God to love and trust and praise and serve him and give up All to his dispose for the future And what consequent Obligation may be inferr'd from thence to acquiesce in the Will of God and resign our selves entirely to Him saying This God is our God for ever and ever and He will be our Guide unto Death THE APPENDIX From what Time the Jews reckon'd the Beginning of their Year Of the Difference between their Sacred and Civil Account The Feast of Trumpets on the First Day of the Year Its Institution Nature and Design the Traditions and Customs of the Jews respecting that Day UPon the Deliverance of the Jews out of Egypt the first Month which began with the New Moon next to the Vernal Equinox was to be accounted Exod. 12.1 the beginning of Months it answers to the latter end of our March and the beginning of April and is sometimes called Nisan and sometimes Abib It was ordinarily after that Deliverance reckon'd the First Month of the Year in their Sacred or Ecclesiastical Account The Computation of
And is it not a greater Favour never to be thrown into Hell which I have so often deserved How grateful would a damned Person be to be freed from those Flames and plac'd in the same Condition I now am in What a Life of serious self-denying Obedience would he lead And hath not God done more for me Am I not more indebted to his Goodness He hath kept me out of Hell and offers me the Heavenly Glory upon Reasonable Honourable and easie Terms Blessed be God I may yet escape the Wrath to come Let me heartily compassionate the Delusion of those Multitudes of deceived perishing Souls whose Eyes are blinded by the God of this World who will not believe it till they are convinc'd by the Light of that Fire which shall never be extinguisht Yea when I read or hear of Ten or Twenty Thousand Men slain in a War whether of Infidels or Christians let me think of it with other Apprehensions than formerly I was wont to do Considering that many it may be the most of these shall never have any Comfort or Mercy more fearing lest the same Sword or Bullet that gave them their Mortal Wound hath fixt them under God's Everlasting Wrath and that by dying they are undone for ever In very many other Cases the Faith of this Article would rectifie my Opinion and direct my Actions if seriously considered and improved This would make me think of Death under another Notion than 't is commonly considered For without the Consideration of Hell annexed to it it is not so very formidable but that Heathens have been able to despise it The most Contrary Sects among them on different Grounds have been able to do it but consider Death as a Passage to Eternal Misery as the Gate of Hell as the End of all Comfort to a Wicked Man and the Beginning of an Endless Calamity and nothing can be imagined more dreadful to a Guilty Unholy Soul Some of my Acquaintance it may be who died this last Year are now among those Hopeless Despairing Wretches who expect the final Judgment of God to consummate their insupportable Misery If they were permitted to come and tell us what they suffer and what they know what a Terrible Consuming Fire God is what Vanity Lust and Folly brought them to this Place of Torment what Diligence they would advise us to while in a State of Hope to prevent the like if we have any Love and Kindness for our selves any Bowels of Compassion to our own Souls What a Change do we think it would work upon us But if we will not hear Moses and the Prophets Christ and his Apostles neither should we believe tho' one came from the Dead SECT XX. The Eternal Blessedness of HEAVEN considered as the Perfection of Holiness to quicken our Desires and Endeavours after greater Meetness to possess it DOth one Year after another hasten me to the End of Time And doth the Blessedness of Eternity depend on the Communications I now receive from God On the Preparations I now make and the Meetness I can now attain for Eternal Felicity in the Presence of my God and Saviour O with what Intenseness of Mind should I now prosecute that Glorious Object with what unwearied Diligence should I run the Race that is set before me lest I fall short of the Incorruptible Crown of Life How should every thing be undervalued and rejected that would divert retard or hinder me from pursuing this End Lord be not a Stranger to my Soul in this distant Wilderness state Let me see more of thy Light be transform'd more into thine Image experience more of thy Love feel more of thy vital Presence and quickning Spirit Let the Divine Life in my Soul be more powerful and the Characters of thy Likeness be more legibly stampt upon it by the daily Exercise of Faith and Hope and Holy Affections carry me through this World 'till my Pilgrim state be over and thou hast brought me to perfect Everlasting Holiness And let the believing Fore-thoughts of it fill all the Powers of my Soul with Joy and Wonder Desire and Love Give me Lord to think aright of the Heavenly Glory as a Confirmed State of positive perfect Holiness of Heavenly Light Love Liberty and Joy with the satisfying Vision of God in the Face of Christ and his impressed Likeness dwelling for ever in the direct and steady View of his Transforming Glory with compleat Conformity of the Soul to Eternal Goodness Truth and Love as its Perfection esteeming nothing desiring nothing but that God and Christ may be glorified with an entire Subjection to his Will Adherence to him Rest and Confidence in him Swallowed up in the Love Admiration and Praise of God and our Lord Jesus living in joyful repeated Acts of Subjection Adoration and Acknowledg'd Dependance ravish'd to behold the Glory of God in the Face of Christ to see his blessed Image perfect in every one of the Saints c. When all the present Blindness of our Minds the Errors of our Judgment the Perverseness of our Will the Disorder and Rebellion of our Passions the remaining Aversation from God and Disaffection to him which in this World we complain of shall all be done away The Flesh shall no more lust against the Spirit or the Law in our Members against the Law of our Minds but an Everlasting Tranquility and Holy Peace take place a Peace which passeth all Understanding without any outward Molestation or inward Cause of Disquiet Our corrupted Nature shall no more cast forth Mire and Dirt as now we shall have no more vain or wicked Thoughts no more sinful Fears or foolish Hopes unbecoming Heats unruly Desires Sensual Inclinations Earthly Affections Feeble Sloathful Spiritless Duties Dead and Heartless Prayers Cold Thanksgivings c. But as we shall then know God without Errors and see our Lord Jesus Face to Face so we shall love him without reserve more than now we can think and serve him without Dulness and Distraction and Praise him without Weariness the Spiritual Actings of our Souls shall have no Allay of Dross And thus shall we be with him and admire and injoy him without end Thus when Death is swallowed up in Victory and what was imperfect is done away and what was Corruptible and Mortal hath put on Immortality God in Christ shall be All in All And when it is truly and perfectly so Then it is Heaven The Blessedness whereof is Unconceivable A Blessed Person is not exprest in the Singular Number by the Hebrews but in the Abstract and in the Plural Beatitudes instead of Blessed because the Blessings are as many and great as they have Powers and Capacities to partake of Blessedness So will it be in Heaven A Word tho' commonly used as little understood as Holiness which is one of the greatest Mysteries in the World but will hereafter be fully and delightfully understood by the Blessed Saints as the Malignity and Intrinsick Evil of Sin shall
living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from Suffering or my Life from Violence or whatever else be the motive of my Unfaithfulness to God and Apostacy from him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God For thereby I have the Forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favour the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be employed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well-grounded Hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with-hold no good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Privileges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Do I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for Persevering Grace And shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the contrary Casting all my Care upon him and quieting my self in the All-sufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his own Shall I not give him the Glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition By Confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfulness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought That God doth never abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand Shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract And after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountain of Living Waters and turn again to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self consider'd my ways confess'd my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lord's shall I ever after this forsake Him and my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have learn'd in some measure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discover'd so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan whereby I have formerly been betray'd now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerful influence and infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdom's Paths the Peace and Satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of Divine Grace and the Encouragement of an Holy Hope c. and am persuaded of the Stability of his Word and the Certainty of Eternal Life to all who continue in Well-doing shall I after all this ever break with God again Shall I ever cancel this Engagement violate this my vow and falsifie so many repeated Promises and Resolutions Oh that his Power may rest upon me and his Grace work in me both to will and to do that this God may be my God for ever and my Guide unto Death Let me never re-assume this Gift and Surrender of my self or defraud God of his Right and Propriety His I am and him I will serve living wholly to Him using all I have for him being willing he should do what he list with his own and consequently dispose of me and of all that any way belongs to me as shall seem good in his eyes I am Thine O Lord save me Command me my work appoint me my Duty direct my Station order my Condition Let me be Thine tho' employed in the meanest service and the most laborious self-denying work Tho' I should be but a Door-keeper in thine House an Hewer of Wood or a Drawer of Water Tho' I must pinch the flesh and swim against the Tide and renounce what before I valued yet This God shall be my God for ever By this means when I come to die if God should add more Years to the little number I have past besides this I have now begun I may be able to say with Upright Hezekiah Remember Lord how I have walked before Thee in mine Integrity that in the face of Death and the Grave in the view of another World and the near prospect of Eternity I may be able to Rejoyce in Hope and say Lord Jesus Receive my Spirit Thou art my Saviour and I have waited for thy Salvation I have sought Thee with my whole Heart I have chosen thy Favour rather than Worldly Grandeur and Prosperity I have prized thy Love and endeavour'd to obey Thee as the best Expression of my own tho' with many Imperfections which I bewail I have delighted more in thy Service and Presence than in the Pleasures of Sin and Vanity thy Testimonies have been the Joy of my Heart I took no delight in the Company of the Ungodly after I was devoted to Thee O let me not have my Portion with them in the other World Fortifie me now against the King of Terrors strengthen me in this my last Conflict enable me to triumph over Death by the Cross of Christ my victorious Redeemer and carry me through the dark valley at the divorce of Soul and Body and grant me an abundant entrance into thine Heavenly Kingdom Let me be numbred among thy Chosen and my Body wait in Hope till the General Resurrection that I may then see thy Glory and dwell with Thee for ever I gave up my self to Thee and do not repent my Choice acknowledge me now for Thine and do not lose that which is thy own Lord Jesus Thou hast paid my Ransom to deliver me from Satan and from Eternal Wrath Oh do not now reject me and cast me off Is it not thine Office and Covenant to save those that Trust in Thee Oh remember thy Word unto thy Servant wherein thou hast caused me to Hope when I ventured my Salvation on thy Promise and trusted to thy Gracious Word for Eternal Life Thy Love hath already overcome the greatest impediments of my Salvation 'T is as easie now to receive me as to Love me Thou hast prepared Glory for thy Redeemed ones and hast bid me believingly to follow thee and wait for thy Salvation Thou hast begotten me to a lively hope by the Incorruptible Seed of the Word Let me not now be depriv'd of the Inheritance Can that Love that pitied me in my Blood and fetcht me from the Gates of Hell now suffer me to fall into it Oh Crown thy Grace and perfect thy Preparatory Mercy with Everlasting Mercy By
necessary Physick made an Instrument of Vertue and so a Token of his Love Therefore * Psal 89. ver 1. I will sing of the Mercy of the Lord for ever and with the voice of Thanksgiving will I make known his Faithfulness He hath all along conducted me by his Wisdom guided me by his Providence and the Angel of his Presence hath directed my Path and order'd all my Goings He hath been a Cloud to me by Day and a Pillar of a Fire by Night he hath helped me in my Straits and supply'd my Wants and comforted me in all my Sadnesses His powerful and gracious Presence hath been my constant Guard and his Soveraign Never-failing Goodness hath compast me about with Mercy on every side For which O most Merciful Father my Soul and all that is within me desires to speak thy Praise The advantageous Circumstances of many divine Favours do raise their value and deserve to be particularly observ'd and acknowledged How suitably how seasonably how wisely hath he conferr'd his Benefits with what Tenderness and Kindness with what Freedom and Readiness of his own Bounty and Good-will without any Necessity or Obligation on his Part without any Desert and sometimes without so much as a Prayer on mine And what is more notwithstanding my Ingratitude and Forgetfulness of Him and great Provocations heightned by the abuse of so much Mercy demanding nothing after all in requital of so much Kindness but my Acceptance of his Love and grateful sense of his Goodness and the sweetest and most reasonable Expressions of it by Thankful Obedience More especially would I bless the Lord for enlightning my Mind in the Great Mysteries of Religion disposing in wonderful Wisdom the several Means and Methods whereby he brought me to the knowledge of the Truth by Parents Ministers Friends Acquaintance Books Afflictions c. Beginning with me in Childhood awakening and cultivating the inbred Notions of God and Natural Religion of Good and Evil Rewards and Punishments by the careful Instructions of Parents or others concern'd in my Education giving me the advantage of Good Examples Counsels and Encouragements to know and do well with more assistance and less hindrances and diversions than to many others Particularly for the Excellent Privilege and Inestimable Blessing of his Holy Word and Sacraments the liberty of the Christian Religion in the Purity of it in most of those Places where God has been pleas'd to cast my Lot Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by Jesus Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these Advantages and Helps thy Holy Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc'd of Sin and brought to Repentance shewing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my peace with Thee the All-sufficiency of his Grace the Fulness of his Merit the Freeness of his Love and his readiness to receive me to Mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerful and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy Message on the gracious Terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who through his abundant Mercy hath begotten me again to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perverseness of my stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire subjection to himself who took pity on me when he saw me in my Blood spread his Skirt over me cast a Mantle upon my Nakedness wash'd me from my Sins and put his own Comeliness upon me by Sanctification who open'd my Eyes when I was leaping blindfold into the Pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was sick unto death who rescu'd and recover'd me from the Slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankful to his Deliverer Shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is received to Mercy be thankful for a Pardon Awake O my Soul and utter a Song of Praise to him * Pasal 103.3 who forgiveth all thine Iniquities and healeth all thy Diseases who redeemeth thy Life thy Soul from Destruction and crowneth thee with Loving-kindness and tender Mercies Hath he made thee Partaker of his own renewed Image and Likeness given thee his Son his Grace his Spirit and taken such a wretched Creature into so near a relation to Himself and promised to be thy God and Guide thy Portion and thine Inheritance thy Friend and thy Physician thy Sun and thy Shield and thine exceeding great Reward and shall not my Soul speak aloud his Praise Hath he been †Isa 43.14 merciful to my unrighteousness and blotted out my sins Hath he gathered me with his Arm and carried me in his Bosom Hath he been my Saviour and Redeemer adopted me into his Family and promis'd to make me Blessed in his Glory with the Holy Angels the Curse being removed and the Hand-writing against me cancell'd the Price paid the Breach made up the Mouth of Justice stopt and the condemning Sentence of the Law exchang'd for a gracious Pardon through the Sacrifice of my Blessed Lord Jesus and shall I not praise his Incomprehensible Love and Grace I likewise thank thee most Holy Father for saving me from Guilt and Ruine when assaulted by powerful and dangerous Temptations that by Preventing Mercy or Restraining Grace thou hast kept me from many scandalous and presumptuous Crimes I thank Thee for making the Sins of Others a Warning and a Caution to Me an Argument to Humility and a Motive to Watchfulness for preserving my Judgment from many Errors and Delusions by which others are seduced for enabling me to improve any Opportunities of doing Good and making me in any thing useful to Others yea I thank thee for all thy Mercies to other Christians for all the Gifts and Graces and usefulness of any of thy Servants wherein as a Member of the same Body I desire to rejoyce for any Support and Comfort to me or any of them under honourable Sufferings for thy Name 's sake I desire unfeignedly to bless Thee for any Succour Relief and Victory with respect to the Snares and Buffetings of Satan and the vilest of his Temptations When he hath tempted me to Apostacy and Infidelity in Speculation or Practice to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and the Life to come to doubt of the Foundations of the Christian Faith or to despair of the Mercy of God and give up the Reins to sensual