therefore you need not suggest my displeasure continued against you To that very night you did this bloody fact how have I courted thee as my Mistresse not my Son Ever since I came from Vpnor how have I every day sought new wayes and journeyes to have thy company Surely these are no arguments of a Fathers displeasure But say I was displeased Why then didst thou not kill me and spare that innocent Lambe O Youth I believe thou mightest be offended at me but certainly the maine thing that provoked thee was thy envy at thy Brothers vertues and growing goodnesse and that he was the Elder and that I and the world began to look on him and love him Oh hellish wickednesse Heaven give thee grace to repent thee heartily of it and God be mercifull to thy most foule Soule and wash it clean in the blood of his deare Son Christ Jesus that when thou comest to dye it may be a guest fitting to be received into his pure mansions And that it may there ever live with him in eternall blisse is the constant prayer of Thy most sad and disconsolate Father GEORGE SONDES After this my Sonne sent me another Letter which was as followeth Deare and ever honoured Father IN the midst of all the distresses of my sad Soule the sweetnesse of your love and fatherly indulgence brings with it much comfort to my disconsolate spirit which is a little revived by your loving Letter to the High Sheriffe whereby I have this liberty to present the most dutifull affection of a penitent Sonne Good Father let me upon my humble request obtain your gracious pardon and forgivenesse of all my former disobedient actings and admit me I beseech you into your prayers that I may be thankfull to my heavenly Father for this respite of life and imploy the short remainder of my daies in Repentance Prayer and other holy duties That so thereby I may win comfort to my poore soule here and through the mercies of Christ my Saviour enjoy everlasting blisse hereafter Which God of his infinite mercy vouchsafe unto You deare Father and to me Your most affectionate and obedient sonne FREEMAN SONDES After this I sent him this following Letter Son Freeman THe time of your leaving this world for ought I know draws neer and I hope as you have had sufficient time so you have made good use of it and are prepared to go to your God If you have as you tell me a true sight and hearty sorrow for your foule sinne then I doubt not but when you are dissolved you shall be with Christ And if I could be once thorowly assured of that I confesse as you say I should have comfort in your death although I have had but little in your life But let me beg of thee my Son doe not deceive thy own soule God is not mocked he sees not as man seeth there is no dissembling with him Now is the time of thy making or undoing forever As the tree falls here so it lyes If thou goest out a true penitent here thou shalt undoubtedly be a glorious Saint in heaven hereafter But know it is not all the prayers and teares and cries of all the godly Ministers about you who I heare and heartily thank them for it have plentifully afforded you their assistance nor the earnest beggings of your Father or of the Churches can doe that work It must come from thy own self thy own heart must beg it or all will be in vain The hottest Sun cannot make a dead tree live nor the strongest blowings kindle fire in a dead coale If there be no sap in the root the Sun doth but dry and not enliven the tree If no spark of fire lie hidden under the ashes all the blowings will never make it to burn I hope thou hast some sparks of grace in thee though deeply buried under a world of rubbish and I hope all those godly bellows that are used will blow that away and make thy fire of true repentance and godly sorrow burn clear and make thee able truly to say with the Prodigall Father I have finned against heaven and against thee and am no more worthy to be called thy son and then thou mayst be assured of the like reception from him He will imbrace thee in the arms of his mercy he will feast thee in his heavenly mansions For thou wert lost but now thou art found thou wast dead to sinne but now thou art alive in Christ and shalt for ever live in him Oh happy sadnesse if it produce this joy Oh happy death if it produce thee that blessed life happy change to leave a world of misery to go to an heaven of blisse Oh Freeman rouse up thy selfe like a man minde the worke you are about stirre up the graces which I hope are in thee Certainly thou canst not be so barren of knowledge and goodnesse as I heare you make your selfe to be Thou hast been instructed in the wayes of godlinesse from a Childe Thou hadst Masters and Tutours to keep thee in them when thou wast abroad and at home thou hadst thy Fathers counsell and example He never failed to cause you and your Brother to reade the Scriptures and constantly himself prayed with you and called on you to betake your selves to your private devotions and still had you to Church to hear the best men and the most godly Sermons and discours'd to you of what was preached Is all this lost hath this foule sin so deaded thy soule that no spark of true grace can appear Take this comfort mans sinne cannot be so great but Gods mercy is greater Hell is onely full of impenitent soules If thou canst but truly repent God will forgive Say but with David heartily I have sinned and God will say to thy soule as Nathan to him The Lord hath forgiven thy sinne The Thief on the Crosse no sooner said Lord remember me when thou comest into thy kingdome but Christ said This day shalt thou be with me in paradise And doe you but deal plainly and clearly with heaven I doubt not but you will finde the same answer to your own soule Doe not palliate or shift off thy sinne I tell thee neither thy Father or thy Brother I am sure ever gave thee the least occasion which might provoke thee to commit this foule fact Too much softnesse and gentlenesse old Ely's fault was his more than any other I could but reprove thee with this Doe so no more my Son I have often checked my selfe for it I know I ought to have gone higher but thy dogged and stubborn nature was such that I feared to doe it and I could not see any reproofs did work good upon thee No I tell you you have none to accuse in this but your own wicked and envious disposition and the Devil who had got so much power over thee as to make thee to doe his will And thanks be to heaven that restrained both his and your
went with them so long as it was for King and Parliament and I think did them as faithfull service as any But when it came to Parliament and no King and Parliament against King then I bogled I knew not what to doe I was contented to fit still and not do against my Conscience I could not nor would not doe And though I have suffered enough yet I never acted any thing against the State never was in any Plot or Petition against them No so great a Royallist then For my Religion I am what I ever professed and I hope better then ever I was for I know that non progredi est regredi I ever loved solidities Formalities and outward shewes of a leafy Religion never took with me I ever suspected those who to seem more holy and Religious to the world had their Congregations apart crying stand off to their Brethren I am holier then thou and talke like the proud Pharisee God I thank thee I am not as other men and brag of new Lights sprung from old Heresies and will not be contented with those antient Apostolicall and holy practices of the Church but will have the Sacraments after a new way and time too and are angry if the Scripture be not taken in their sense when God knowes they understand not one word of the Originall to expound it by That care not how foule their heart be within so they can but with their eyes and hands make a shew of holinesse and seem to be very strict in keeping the Sabbath though they break all the other Commandements as if he that said thou shalt keep holy the Sabbath day had not likewise said thou shalt not kill thou shalt not steale I remember it is written that God was not in the fire or the boystrous winde but in the soft and gentle voyce And Christ sayes Learne of me for I am lowly and meek These boysterous and fiery spirited men I much doubt whether the Spirit of God be in them or no I am and ever was farre from deriding or scoffing at any of them I onely wish that they were what they seem to be I meddle not with them but leave them to stand or fall to their owne Master The way that I profess and propose to my self to walk in is quite different but I thinke a sure one 't is short but full Christ his owne way and this it is To love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy Soule and thy neighbour as thy selfe I thank heaven I have indeavoured these things in the whole course of my life I never feared any thing in the world more than sin because it offended my God nor ever was much troubled with any outward losses and crosses so long as I found I had peace within my selfe and with my God And I praise God in the midst of this deluge of troubles which might have sunk an ordinary ship I have hardly taken in any water but that of tears of repentance and tears of naturall love and affection which could not but be aboundant in my condition yet I have not been overwhelmed with them The good hand of God still susteined me and his comforts ever refreshed my soule so that thorow the thickest darknesse of this black and fearfull cloud I could see the Sun of comfort I knew my God was all-sufficient and that he both could and would in his good time totally dispell it and restore me the like comforts again For that other branch of Love to my Neighbour this I can say That to the poor I have ever been charitable and relieved their necessities as occasion was offered and so shall doe as long as I live and at my death not forget to doe them good as the members of my Saviour Christ My other neighbours of what quality soever I have treated as Brethren I never to my knowledge or with my good will wronged or defrauded any In all my dealings with them I have still made that my rule to doe as I would be done by To my best remembrance I never did that to another but I was contented should be done to me in the same case And he that walkes by that rule cannot erre it is our Saviours and as himselfe sayes it is the fulfilling of all righteousnesse THE LAST CHARGE Some are of opinion that I can hardly forget or forgive an injury done to me THE ANSWER I desire no more to be forgiven of Heaven then I am ready to forgive all the world Heaven it selfe doth not promise pardon and forgivenesse but to the penitent sinner You must acknowledge your offence you must be sorry for your sinne you must promise and indeavour amendment before you can expect forgivenesse of God I have been as foulely injur'd and as deeply wounded and that by those of neer relation from whom I have highly deserved as possibly could be Yet let them performe to me the condition God himselfe requires and I both can and will forgive them More then this I conceive God requires not Our daily prayer is Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespasse against us Otherwise then thus to forgive is to seem as though you slighted or did not understand the injury And what would the effect of this be but an incouraging the same parties or others to doe the like againe or worse We all offend God and our Neighbour And our Saviours rule is to forgive not to seven times but to seventy times seven times that is to a numberlesse number If the injuries and affronts done to me be not too notorious and wilfull I can and doe daily forgive them undesired I never minde them But if they be great and speak loud even then if the party will but acknowledge them and professe hearty sorrow for them be the offence never so foule and great I have a charity to forgive them More than this I think is not required of man or begged of God Now that I can and have thus forgiven is evident by that short Prayer I composed and was used in my Family for my Son Morning and Evening so long as he lived and recommended to the Churches about me I am sure a greater injury could not be done to me than he did The Prayer LOrd we beseech thee look down in mercy on that most miserable and unhappy creature of thine if thou be not the more mercifull Freeman Sondes Lord soften his hard and stubborn heart and give him a true sight of his most hainous and bloody sinne and an hearty sorrow for the same Lord give him grace to turn to thee by true and unfeigned repentance that so thou mayst have mercy on his poor soule Thou art the fountain of mercy and all flowes from thee His Father upon his earnest desire though he killed oh foulely killed his dear Son and ruin'd him in all his hopes hath pardoned him Oh! doe thou then oh Father of mercies in that sad hour of
his death receive him into thy armes of mercy that his mournfull Father may yet have this comfort that though thou hast made him Childlesse and left him not one Son alive on earth yet which is much better they may live with thee in Eternal blisse in Heaven Dear Father grant us this our request and that onely for thy beloved Son JESVS CHRIST his sake our Lord and onely Saviour Amen In his Examination at Maidstone before the Justices when he was asked what provoked him to commit so foule an act 't is strange to see how he seems to make my hard using of him to be the motive and provocation whereas it is well known to all that never Son was treated more tenderly by a Father I will set down the effect of his Examination and my Answer to himself by a Letter when I came to the knowledge of it and the true story of the Doublet he so much complained of attested by divers who were then by And when at last he asked forgivenesse of me and desired to hear from me you shall see my bowels toward him in my last Letter The effect of his Examination The fact of murthering his Brother he freely confessed before the Justices It is already in print and it is my grief to repeat it But being asked why he did it He answered It was because upon a difference between him and his Brother about a week before May day last concerning a Doublet his Father threatned that he would ruine him never look on him more keep him short while he lived and at his death make him a Servant to his Brother that whereas it was said by some that he had a thousand pounds a year I would not leave him a thousand groats and that I would make him as poor as his Unkle Nicholas and that for the space of four yeares last past he hath not had of his Father forty pounds he believeth not twenty and that his Fathers displeasure against him still continued These if truths might have been ground of discontent but no provocations to so wicked an act But he who is the father of murthers is also the father of lyes and taught man this lesson from the beginning We are all apt to lay our faults on others our Father Adam did it in Paradise The Woman whom thou gavest me said he she gave me of the fruit and I did eat As if he had said if thou hadst not given her to me I had never eaten of the forbidden fruit Oh ingratefull Adam to upbraid thy Maker who gave thee a Woman the best of Creatures for an help and not for thy ruine O wicked Son so to pervert thy Fathers words which were spoken to thee for thy amendment but not for thy hurt My Letter to him will declare the truth and in what manner the words were spoken to him Can it be imagined if any thing had past that had troubled him about that Doublet that it should provoke him to commit that foule fact a quarter of a yeare after especially since he had the same if not greater opportunity all along and all manner of respect and kindness both from his Brother me passing still to him to the very night before and all former quarrels quite forgot I had been from them seven weeks a Prisoner in Upnor Castle and did not see them but as they came sometimes to me passing between London and my house I came not home many dayes before and the very day before I and both my Sons were at Feversham to see a Match at Running a sport they delighted in wee were as pleasant as ever and so went to our Chambers Bed without the least shew of any discontent But I will shew you my Sons Letter to me and my Answer to him which will discover the truth of these things Freeman's Letter Most dear and loving Father ALthough through the heinousnesse of my offence I am become unworthy to see your face more in this world yet I hope such is your Fatherly goodnesse that you will vouchsafe to accept and reade these few and last lines of your dead Son Dead to your selfe dead to all this world and I hope through Gods grace dead to sin but alive to God through Jesus Christ our Lord Sir I praise God I am come to a sight and sense of my sin I begin to feel the weight of my burden but I hope the Lord Iesus will very shortly ease me in full assurance whereof I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Sir I desire you may have comfort in my death although you have had little in my life For I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am no more worthy to be called thy son The Lord make me worthy to be one of his Sir all I beg at your hands is your pardon your blessing your prayers which I doubt not to obtain I am now neer my journeys end and I hope in a very short time to rest in Abrahams bosome whither my Brother is gone before me Is gone hinc illae lachrymae and you my dear Father shall in Gods good time follow after Comfort your selfe with these words Sir I hope through the strength of Gods grace to look death in the face couragiously and depart this world penitently not doubting but that when I shall petition Lord remember me now thou art in thy Kingdome I shall to my unspeakable comfort receive that gracious answer from the mouth of my triumphant Saviour This day shalt thou be with me in paradise In prayer for which and assurance whereof through faith in the Lord Iesus with my humble thanks for your tender love and Fatherly care from my very cradle to this day although undeserved my humble duty presented to your self praying to God to make you happier without us than you were with us I humbly take leave Your Son for a few daies But I hope the Son of God for ever FREEMAN SONDES To his Letter I returned this Answer Son Freeman I Have received your Letter and like well of the words and desires you use therein and wish with all my soul you were as that speaks you That you were heartily sorry for that most high and crying sinne committed against your heavenly and earthly Father in so foulely murthering your most innocent brother Upon these hopes though never greater injury was done to man I doe really and fully forgive you And doe and have and shall as long as you have being here most heartily and earnestly every moment of time beg of God that he would give you a true sight of this and of all other your sinnes and receive you to his mercy and forgivenesse But let me tell you that will never be but upon a true repentance of all your sins and an acknowledgment of them and that let me be plain with you I yet see not in you For this most detestable fact you confesse indeed you did it but as much as in