branches Thou hast planted it 1. Cor 3.6 my teares shall water it doe thou give the increase to it Something I apprehend but it is but in a mist Some thing I believe but it is but dully it is but imperfectly it is but weakely Lord I believe help my unbeliefe Mar 9.24 O that my teares might be so sanctified that my griefe might be a delight I must I will search enquire find out my secret crimes those snakes that lye hid under the greene leaves of my best my glorious actions I know that I am all sin all corruption and yet though I say that I know it though I know that I know it yet enough I doe not I cannot know it The more I prye into it the neerer is mine cye drawne to a narrownesse the more I pore upon it the sooner is mine eye tired into a dulnesse Each part each member is either an abettour or an actour of sin What then shall I doe Teares I can shed but it is rather through the disposition of nature then the operation of grace I will weepe therfore because I am so apt to grieve when my corruption is not truely the ground of my griefe I will punish mine eyes with teares for shedding so many teares not grounded on a sorrow for my wickednesse Now the spunges are full my sinns shall squeeze them Now my windowes shall be brightened with the brine with the lye of my teares Come I must mourne for I have found the cause the ground of all religious griefe which I am ashamed to owne Ps 6.6 Now with David I will crie until I am weary of my groaning every vight will I wash my bed and water my couch with my teares 1. Sam 30.4 With David againe and the prople that were with him pondering upon their losse at the spoiling of Ziklag I will lift up my voyce and weepe untull I have noe more power to weepe Iob 30.31 Now with the man of miseries the patient Iob my harpe shall be turned into mourning and my Organe into the voyce of them that weepe C 16.16 My face shall be fowle with weeping and on mine eye lids shall sit the shadow of death Now with David againe 2. Sam. 12.22 While the child is yet alive the child of corruption the monstrous spurious abortive bratt of sin is alive with in mee I will fast weepe but in a contrarie hope to that indulgent father I will cry who can tell whether God will be gracious to mee vers 22 that the child may not live or if it live it may but linger but languish but despaire of strength or health or life Thus I pine thus I grieve yet mee think's I am ashamed that I doe so I am troubled that I am thus troubled Well if mine eye be offended with the motes with the dusts of sin that fly into it I will wash it with it 's owne water If my face blush at the punishment of the eyes because it is childish thus to cry I will confesse it I will acknowledg it thus every child every child of my God doe's cry must cry And if all this force not shame into my bashfull cheeke for blushing at my teares then with that good king Hezekiah I will turne my face to the wall but I will still weepe and weeping that my teares be not spilt be not lost be not shed in vaine as that King 2. King 20.3 so my selfe though the meanest though the worst of subjects of slaves will pray and praying I will say The Prayer GReat God who on the second day of thine owne labour didst create a firmament in the midst of the waters Gen 1.6 so now in thy mercy put a distinction in the waters that flow from my troubled eyes O let heaven divide betweene them that those which dwell in the cloudes for the sinns I have committed may be distinguished from those that arise from sin By thy servant Ezekiel thou complainest of Ierusalem that she was not salted at all Lord Eze 16 4. I am salted in the brine of my teares ô let me be preserved in the love of thee my Creatour The causes of my griefe are the offences I have committed that a God so great should be incensed by a worme that a God so good should be dishonoured by a miscreant Thou art my God though offended thou shalt even be my God though thou art now displeased I have hope of pardon while I continue thine although I cannot choose but sin against thee who art so lovingly mine The heathens themselves did sacrifice to their Gods They had many I have but one To thee that one that holy one doe I offer what thou doest require a heart as thou doeâ—… require it broken but not so sanctified not so cleansed as it ought to be Lev 2.13 Yet it is offered with salt as thou requirest even with the salt of my teares Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare ô Lord have mercy ô Lord in mercy receave the cries the groanes the teares that flow from this burnt this broken offering These teares are the blood of a penitent soule for the blood of thy Son receave in mercy Num. 20.11 The rock of my heart hath beene smitten with thyrod from whence doe issue these springs of waters Lord doe thou even water my teares with the deaw of thy grace and mollifie my heart by the strength of thy power that both heart and eyes Io 17.6 and teares may be thine Thine they were and thou gavest them mee Thine they are I give them thee O let this rock this heart be an altar these eyes the priests and these teares the sacrifices acceptable unto thee my Lord and my God My heart is the censour and my sighs and groanes the incense Io 20.28 doe thou buth adde a sweetenesse thereto and so shall it allay the stricktnesse of thy fury My sinns ô God have dwelt in mine eyes but now I have made them drunke with my teares Thus let mee ever weepe thus let mee ever grieve It is a joy to be thus sorrow full it is a comfort to be thus distressed Lord in every part in every crumb of this broken heart I find thy mercifull thine in dulgent selfe In every sigh 1. King 9.12 in every groane I perceave that thou my Lord art in it a soft wind In every teare that trickleth from mine eyes thou hast a luster thou hast an habitation O let mee ever thus live in thy favour Let all my griefe be for offending thee Ps 42.3 Ps 6.6 Ps 80.5 Ps 104.9 and all my sorrow be for thy displeasure So shall my teares with David be my meate my drinke my bread my bath my onely joy and delight because thou takest a delight there in But ô thou who hast prescribed bounds to the seas which they cannot passe neither turne againe to cover the earth so limit these brackish seas by
give mee a sight of and a sorrow for the offences thereof Breake thou my hard and stonie heart with the knowledg of my sinne and my due consideration of thy heavy wrath Psal 5.4 Eze. 11 19. Psal 51.10 Deut. 4 9.10.17.17 Ps 107.35 Thou art a God that delightest not in wickednesse remove therfore from mee this heart of obstinacie and give mee a heart of flesh Create in mee a cleane heart ô God and renew a right spirit within mee Let not thy commandements depart from it all the dayes of my life Speake but the word ô God and it shall be done Sanctifie it in thy trueth thy word is trueth O thou that didst turne the wildernesse into a standing water and drie ground into water springs be pleased to shew thy mercy now in the depth of my distresse Lord heare my desires behould my necessities Without a heart I cannot serve thee without a new heart I cannot praise thee Lord give mee a heart to feare thee Is 66.2 Ps 38.18 to tremble at thy word to listen to thy promises to confesse my sinnes and to be sorrie for mine offences Give mee ô my God Ps 119.80 fuch a heart as thou requirest that so it may be allways sound in thy statutes Give mee a heart that may mourne in secret for all my sinns both secret and open that may be zealous for thine honour that may be tender of thy displeasure and that may shun both the inclination to and the desire of offending thee my greate Creatour Heare mee ô God Io. 19.34 Mat. 26 38. for thy mercies are greate Heare mee ô Christ whose side was pierced whose soule was sorrowfull and all to purchase new hearts for all that are penitent sinners Heare mee ô blessed spirit and assist mee in my petitions with sighes Rom. 8 26. Can. 8.6 and groanes that cannot be expressed Give mee a heart for thy service and then set mee ô Lord as a seale upon thine â—rme O Lord give O Lord forgive Forgive my sinnes and give mee the blessing of a righteous heart that so I may feare thee as long as I shall remaine in this vallie of teares and then receave mee ô my father into thy celestiall Kingdome that I may live with thee in glorie for ever and ever through Iesus Christ my onely mediatour and redeemer Amen THE THIRD SUBJECT Teares of Time The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 A re-view of the time past 2 A consideration of the time present 3 A resolution for the time to come The First part A re-view of the time past THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe fower beasts in the Apocalyps that were full of eyes before behind and within sitting upon the throne which was set in heaven rested not day and night saying Rev. 4.8 Holy holy holy Lord God Allmighty which was and is and is to come What a high description is here of the sacred Trinitie The Father holy the Sonne holy and the Spirit holy and yet not three holies but one holy The Father Lord the Sonne Lord and the Holy Ghost Lord. The Father God the Sonne God and the Holy Ghost God The Father All mighty the Sonne All mighty and the Holy Ghost All mighty The Father Eternall the Sonne Eternall and the Holy Ghost Etemall and yet not three Lords nor three Gods nor three Allmighties not three Eternalls but one Lord one God one All mighty and one Eternall Eternall What 's that The text saith which was not as if hee had beene but is not therfore it is added which is yet not so is as if hee should be no more therfore it is farther added and is to come Surely hee that was without beginning which is immutable and which shall be the judg both of the quick and the dead even the same God was is and shall be Holy in his essency Lord in his dominion God in his excellency Allmighty in his power and Eternall in all When I reade these deepe mysteries of my God ô how I am divided mee think's in my selfe How doe I varie in my thoughts and meditations The singing of those heavenly beasts make's mee rejoyce but their song it selfe drive's mee into a sadnesse for they tell mee that holinesse and righteousnesse and glory and power and eternitie is the very nature of God in none whereof I can find my selfe to be like unto him Lord I wish that I were with the beasts upon the throne that I might be a litle more cheerfull then I am here at the foote stoole But alasse my wishes cannot be purchases for none can come to God but those alone who are like unto God 1 Cor. 29. Before I can come to sitt upon that throne I must certainly be holy for hee is holy I must be righteous for hee is righteous and then though I shall not have such power nor glory as hee hath yet I shall have my share I shall have my proportion I shall have such power to magnifie my God as that nothing shall be able either to oppose or divert mee I shall have such glory as neither eye hath seene 1 Pet. 1 15. nor eare hath heard nor yet can enter into the heart of man to conceave yea and I shall have eternitie too for though I cannot be sayd to be perfectly eternall because I had a beginning yet I shall be certainly eternall in that I shall have noe end But how shall I gaine this holinesse that I may come to that eternitie Surely I must looke upon the three distinctions or parts of time and if I consider them as limitted I must find my selfe in them if as unlimitted I must find my God in them For God is not so sayd which was which is and which is to come as if this description did any way come neere a full expression of his eternitie but rather submitt's as it were onely to our capacitie that so by this I may partly conjecture at what I cannot yet possibly comprehend Noe time can properly be asscribed unto God for each part thereof hath a bound and limitation which God can not have The time past is gone allready from us the time present is goeing and the time to come is not yet ours But when wee say God was wee intimate his perfection in being without a beginning of being When wee say God is wee expresse his vigour and readinesse and power to effect his purposes and when wee say God shall be wee undoubtedly acknowledg and confesse his perpetuitie The time was when I was not and I againe shall be when time shall not I shall be indeede but where shall I be Eternitie hath but two mansions heaven hell If I doe not take heede I may be tormented for ever Lord how I tremble at the thought of it
more rather then I shall grieve too much or then my lawfull affaires shall be hindered by my teares I am sure that the tender hand of my compassionate redeemer will wipe mine eyes These ô these are the incense which I must offer unto him Hee first must smell the sweetenesse of a savour arising from them before hee 'll be so propitious as to send downe his benediction Wicked and profane Esau could sieke the blessing with teares Heb. 12 16. vers 17 vers 16 and shall not I goe farther in my weeping then hee who for one morsell of meate had sould his birth-right Yes I must I will for what can I doe this day in hope of a blessing if I doe not first appease my God who is angry for my sinnes The swallowes which usually sport in the aire and strive for a kind of superioritie in the height of their flying are yet contented to humble them selves and draw neere to the earth in their prediction of a storme My thoughts like the birds have sported themselves in the airy fant'sies of sin and impietie but now they shall stoope and humblie they shall flie and foretell to mine eyes the storme that 's arising It was the duetie of Aaron every morning to burne sweete incense upon the altar of intense Ex. 30.7 When hee dressed the lampes hee was to burne incense upon it What was that incense but a gumme And what was that franke that free incense but the teares of a tree What is myrrhe but an Arabian droppe What is frankincense but the teares which twice every yeere doe fall from the Arabian and Sabae'an trees If that gumme be nothing but the teares of the plants what other are our teares then the gumme of our selves Well then I will be the Aaron mine eyes shall be the Lampes which first I will dresse mine heart shall be the Altar dedicated wholly to the service of my God This morning is the time appointed to burne sweete incense on the altar My teares therfore of contrition the gumme which distills from my sorrowfull eyes shall be the incense my heart the altar my zeale the fire and my sighes and groanes shall ascend like the smoake the sweetest perfume delightfull in the nostrills of my glorious maker Lord make thou mine offering acceptable to thy selfe through the meritts of thy Sonne and when thou smellest the savour then send mee thy blessinge Or if my sighes and teares cannot prevaile they shall be accompanied with my petitions and my heart and eyes and hands and tongue shall joyne together in a friendly consent and so shall they tender my supplication to the Lord of bountie This was David's custome Ps 88.13 unto thee say's hee have I cryed ô Lord and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee Lord give mee such a sense of my sinnes now I meditate both on their number and their punishment that I may heartily grieve for them and with my teares likewise let my tongue accord for I must not onely be chastened every morning with the sacrifice of mine eyes Ps 73.14 but I must allso with my prayer prevent my God This therfore I will presently performe with bended knees and yerning bowells and an oppressed heart and praying I will say The Morning Prayer O Sunne of righteousnesse Mal. 4.2 Ps 110.3 glorious God thou who hadst the deaw of thy birth from the wombe from the essence of thy father before the early morning of the world's creation have thou respect unto the prayers 1. King 8.28 and teares of thy servant O hearken unto the cry and to the prayer which thy servant prayeth before thee this morning My sinnes I must needes confesse are many and black and mine ignorance of them is thicker by farre Ex. 10.21 then the Egyptian darknesse I feele their weight in the fiercenesse of thy wrath and the burden of them in the heavinesse of my soule ô whither shall I flye for redresse and comfort From thee I cannot goe and yet to thee I dare not come because thou art so highly and so justly displeased But Lord since thou art every where come downe into my heart and since it is thy property to forgive the penitent be reconciled unto mee who mourne by reason of thy displeasure O be grations unto mee in the tender bowells of thy wonted compassion and ease mee of my sinnes by the sufferances of thy Sonne Ps 5.8 Ps 25.5 Leade â—ee this day in thy righteousnesse leade mee in â—hy trueth and teach mee for thou art the God of â—y salvation Ps 5.8 Ps 65.8 make thy way straite before my â—ace O thou that makest the out-goeings of the morning and evening to rejoyce Neh 1.6 let thine eare be attentive and thine eyes open that thou mayst behould my sorrowes for my grievous offences and hearken to my desires of pardon and remission In thy heavenly Ierusalem Reu 21 25. ô my glorious God there is noe night at all nor are the gates thereof shut at all by day At those gates ô Christ I lye at the gate of thy mercy I knock ô Iesus Heare Lord and hare mercy Ps 30.10 Lord be thou my helper Preserve mee from sinne this ensueing day and let the light of thy grace shine so cheerely in my heart that all my thoughts and words and actions may be wholly bent to glorifie thy name Lam 3 2â— It was thy mercy that I was not consumed this night and for my sinnes delivered over to the tormentour to be punished Thy compassions faile not they are new every morning vers 2â— and greate is thy faithfullnesse O make thou mee to feele thy loving kindnesses this morning more more for in thee doe I trast Ps 143.8 cause thou mee to know the way wherein I should walke for I lift up my soule unto theâ— Suffer mee not this day either to accompanse or to imitate the ungodly Ps 90.6 whose righteousnesse in the morning flourisheth and groweth up but in the evening is â—…t downe and withered But make mee to walke and continue in the path of the just which is as the shining light Prov 4 18. that shineth more and more unto the perfect day Take mee this day and all that thou hast blessed mee with into thy gratious protection Let not the violent oppresse mee nor the deceavers delude mee nor the enemie of man-kind ensnare mee Ps 89 2â— Ps 1.3 Ps 37.5 nor the sonne of wickednesse afflict mee and graunt that whatsoever I doe it may prosper Vnto thee Lord doe I committ my way in thee doe I trust doe thou bring my desires to passe vers 6. Bring forth my righteousnesse as the light and my just dealing as the noone day Make mee fruitfull this day in every good word and worke Col 1.10 Is 58.10 that I may draw out my soule to the hungrie and satisfie the afflicted soule and performe all the christian
and naked When the Israëlites were to give an offering to the Lord to make an atonement for their soules Ex 30.15 the rich were not to give more nor the poore to give lesse then halfe a shekel If God should require so much at my hands I should be apt to pleade the want of money or if I had so much I feare that I should appeare too unwilling to spare it But all coveteousnesse is a distrust of providence and either denyeth the power or questioneth the will of the greate disposer Hee provided for the poorest Israëlite on him therfore must I depend for reliefe comfort Something hee require's that I should offer unto him I have nothing of the world's All that I can offer is but my selfe and certainly my selfe shall be best accepted If I can but present him an honest heart it matter 's not how hungry or thirstie or cold or naked the body is which conteineth that heart Iob. 34.19 Hee accepteth not the persons of Princes nor regardeth the rich more then the poore for they all are the worke of his hands The rich may offer to him of their aboundance Mar 12 44. but I of my want will give him my heart which is all that I have Peradventure hee will say of mee vers 43 as hee did once of the widdow This poore woman hath cast more in then all they that have cast into the treasurie Thus if I sieke the Lord I cannot want for so the Prophet telleth mee Ps 34.10 The young Lyons doe lack and suffer hunger but they that sieke the Lord shall not want any good thing Saint Paul assureth mee saying 1. Cor 3.22 Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come vers 23 all are yours and yee are Christ's and Christ is God's And now what can I feare Whereat can I be displeased God is mine and I am his For what hee giveth mee I will be thankfull whatsoever earthly thing hee depriveth mee of I will be contented This poverty will not endure for ever If it continueth while I live yet it must end when I die that blessed time draweth neerer and neerer every moment I am assured of a deliverance I must attend with patience Afflicted Iob doe's certainly assure mee that Iob. 36.15 God delivereth the poore in his affliction and openeth their eares in oppression The same God promised to Tzion saying I will abundantly blesse her provision Ps 132.15 I will satisfie her poore with bread The Psalmist refresheth mee with unspeakeable comfort when hee telleth mee that Ps 9.18 Ps 72.12 The needy shall not allways be forgotten the expectation of the poore shall not perish for ever The Lord shall deliver the needy when hee cryeth the poore allso and him that hath noe helper Hee will defend the poore Ps 82.3 and fatherlesse hee will doe justice to the afflicted and needy Ps 140.12 Hee will maintaine the cause of the afflicted and the right of the poore Thus am I promised and thus shall it be performed It is noe new thing with God to take pitty upon the distressed The Prophet Isaiah saith unto him Thou hast beene a strength to the poore Is 25.4 a strength to the needy in his distresse a refuge from the storme a shadow from the heate Ps 34.6 This poore man cryed saith David and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles Againe Hee raiseth up the poore out of the dust Ps 113.7 Ps 10.14 Heb. 13 5. and lifteth the needy out of the dung-hill Therfore I resolve that I will commit my selfe unto him for hee is the helper of the friendlesse Hee hath promised that hee will never leave nor forsake them that trust in him Parents are commonly indulgent to their children yet because their naturall affection is possible to be quenched therfore say's the Psalmist When my father and my mother forsake mee Ps 27.10 then the Lord will take mee up I will therfore begge seing now I am poore I will begge of God because hee is rich I will begge of God to keepe mee to love mee to blesse mee that so I may never forsake my dependance on him nor hee his love and compassion to mee Earnestly will I besiech him and confidently will I resolve Rom 8 38. that Neither death nor life nor Angells nor principalities nor powers nor things present vers 39. nor things to come nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall ever be able to separate mee from the love of God which is in Iesus Christ our Lord. The Prayer FAther of pitties Lord of comfort thou that hearest the cryes of the afflicted Iob. 34.28 Ps 32.4 looke downe in mercy on a distressed sinner Thy hand ô God is heavy upon mee for thou hast taken from mee what I called mine by reason that I did not acknowledg it thine ô Lord thou knowest my bleeding heart my sorrowfull eyes and my mournfull teares Thou seest how poore I am and what miseries I suffer Ps 44.13 I am a scorne to my neighbours and a derision to them that are round about mee My life is become a burden unto mee because thou hast deprived mee of the comforts thereof My lovers Ps 38.11 and mine acquaintance stand looking upon my miserie and my kinsmen stand a farre off Lord if it be thy pleasure thus to humble mee with poverty let it be thy goodnesse to give mee patience to endure it The pride of my heart and my forgetfullnesse of thee in the time of plenty did cry aloud for thy severest punishments Now ô now I feele thy just displeasure and I groane under the burden and weight thereof Yet thou Lord canst ease mee thou canst restore mee Heare Lord and have mercy Lord Ps 30.10 be thou my helper Suffer mee noe more to rely upon the arme of flesh 1. Tim 6.17 or to put my trust in un-certaine riches but make mee for ever depend upon thy bounty Forgive mee ô father the sinnes which I committed when I lived in prosperitie Ps 30.7 for I am sensible that they are a cause why at this time thou hidest thy face from mee and causest mee to be troubled O give mee a sight and sense of the greatnesse of them and true contrition and sorrow for them that so though the world forsake mee yet I may find favour and mercy in thy sight Without thy assistance this sore burden is too heavy for mee to beare Ps 38.4 Lord either remove it from mee or make it easier for mee Lend mee thy gratious and helping hand Ps 23.4 that as I am scourged with thy rod so I may leane upon thy staffe Let mee never despaire of thy comfortable reliefe but in all my miseries be thou my refuge Be pleased to endue mee with patience from above that I may give noe
to beare or her patience to endure O what shall I doe What shall I doe I cry Ps 38.8 I reare for the very disquietnesse of my heart But hath not God promised to beare my cry and to helpe mee Hath hee not commanded mee to call upon him in the day of trouble Ps 50.15 and then promised that hee will deliver mee and I shall glorifie him Now ô now is the time for the fullfilling of his promise This this is the day of my trouble Ps 143.7 My spirit is waxed faint my friends are disturbed all eyes here pitty mee and weepe for my sufferances and grieve that they cannot ease mee But what shall I doe Shall I despaire of his mercy who hath promised mee deliverance O noe I may not I dare not I dare not I will not ps 71.5 vers 6. The Lord God shall be my hope hee who hath beene my trust from my youth By him have I beene holden up from the wombe hee it is who tooke mee out of my mother's bowells and may deliver mee of mine infant my praise shall therfore be ever of him I cannot choose but thinke that Tamar had pangs as greate as mine can be when shee laboured of the twins Gen 38 27. I cannot choose but imagine that Rebekah suffered as much as I doe c 25.22 when Esau and Iacob struggled in her wombe If these were freed from their paines delivered of their children Why should I complaine so much of my torments and forget what greater I have justly merited Should I live a thousand yeeres in one continued and most bitter throw yet would it not be comparable to a minuit of sufferance in the infernall flames and yet eternitie of those have I wickedly merited allthough I feele them not Seeing then that my God is so good as not onely to send mee here lesse torment then I deserve but allso to assure mee of an escape from those infernall horrours why should I repine at these lesser sufferances Sometimes I find a comfortable intermission my pangs are not constant and continued I have times to breath and provide for the next Surely hee who sometimes refresheth mee with respite and cessation doeth intend that in my paine I should rely upon his mercy Is 66.5 vers 9. Let him therfore be glorified and hee shall appeare to my joy Shall hee bring to the birth and not cause to bring forth Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the wombe saith the Lord God There is comfort in his promises there is ease in his mercy I must wayte the time of his pleasure and then shall I have the content which hee hath promised his chosen My pangs may endure for a while but they shall not continue long 1. Tim. 2.14 This chastisement is sent to put mee in mind that Adani was not deceaved but the woman being deceaved was in transgression Yet to my comfort let mee likewise remember that the Apostle addeth Notwithstanding shee shall be saved in child bearing vers 15 if they continue in faith and charity and holinesse with sobriety By child-bearing is meant the plunges which I am in as well as the cares of education the rest of the dueties to which wee are obliged Doe thou ô my Iesus strengthen my faith in the assurance of thy merits renew my love and my charity both to my maker and my neighbour sanctifie mee ô blessed Spirit that I may continue in holinesse and give mee patience that I may endure with sobrietie and peace what I must goe thorough The time may come that this child may blesse the wombe that bare it Lue 11 27. and these pappes which my God may spare to give suck unto it His will must be fullfilled and my will must submit If hee spare mee life I will render him thanks If hee give mee my child I will dedicate it to his service but if it be his pleasure through this tribulation to end my dayes then I know and am assured that hee will wipe away all teares from mine eyes Reu. 21.4 Then hee will bring mee to his heavenly throane where shall be noe more death neither sorrow nor crying neither shall there be any more paine for the former things shall be passed away The Prayer O My Lord and my God my heavenly father my mercifull Iesus thou who hast filled my belly with thine hidden treasure Ps 17.14 and now hast brought mee to hope and depend in the middest of mine anguish upon thy wonted mercies bow downe thine eare and hearken to the cryes of a pained woman Vnto thee ô Lord doe I crye Ps 142 5. thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living attend therfore unto my cry vers 6. Ps 119 153. Ps 69.29 for I am brought very low Consider mine affliction and deliver mee for I doe not forget thy law I am poore and sorrowfull let thy salvation ô God set mee up on high Ps 38.8 I am feeble and sore smitten I roare by reason of the disquietnesse of my heart vers 9. 1. Tim. 4.10 Ps 18.1 vers 2. All my desire is before thee and my groaning is not hid from thee In thee I trust who art the living God who art the saviour of all especially of them that believe I love thee ô Lord my strength thou art my rock and my fortresse my strength in whom I trust my buckler the horne of my salvation and my high tower Ps 7.1 Ps 20.1 ô save mee now in this heavie visitation and deliver thy servant Heare mee ô Lord in this day of trouble thy name ô God of Iacob vers 2. defend mee Send mee helpe from thy sanctuarie Ps 25.16 strengthen mee out of Sion Turne thee unto mee and have mercy upon mee for I am desolate vers 17 and afflicted The troubles of my heart are enlarged ô bring thou mee out of my distresses vers 18 Looke upon mine affliction and my paine vers 20 and forgive all my sinnes O keepe my soule deliver mee let mee not be confounded for I put my trust in thee Ps 71.1 In thee alone doe I put my trust vers 2. let mee never be put to confusion but deliver mee in thy righteousnesse and cause mee to escape incline thine eare unto mee and save mee Ps 40.13 Be pleased ô Lord to deliver mee ô Lord make hast to helpe mee Give a happie end to these my torments that I may enjoy the fruit of my wombe for which I suffer them O Lord in mercy if it may stand with thine eternall decree preserve both my life and the life of mine issue Arme mee with patience to undergoe these pangs and in the â—nd give mee comfort in what thou shalt send mee If otherwise thou hast determined to end my life by these heavy torments ô my sweete and mercifull Iesus receave mee into thy bosome that I
may passe from miferie to eternall happinesse Heare Lord have mercy both upon mee and mine and graunt my petitions for the worthinesse of that most mercifull and most blessed sonne of a woman thine onely begotten Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen soliloquy 2 2. ly Teares of a woman after her deliverie from the paines of Child-birth The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray A Woman Io 16.21 when shee is in travell hath sorrow because her hower is come but as soone as shee is delivered of the child she remembreth noe more her anguish for joy that a man is borne into the world O how truely doeth my heavenly Iesus describe both his mercy and my comfort I who ere while was full of anguish and teares am now with comfort brought againe to my bed I who had allmost despaired of mercy in the midst of my sufferances have found a deliverer Mee think's I could weepe because I wept so much and grieve because my cryes did savour of distrust Many teares did I shed through the anguish which I suffered but have I none left of sorrow for offending in my pangs I will begge for pardon at the hands of him who sent mee this ease and then I will thanke him for his bountie in sending mee this child Prettie infant the beginning of his cryes was the end of mine and the beginning of his trouble was the end of my labour O how did I long to see him whom I now embrace How did I wish to be delivered of him whom yet againe I receave Hee is parted from my wombe to be caried in mine armes and he who before was the burden of my bowells now is made the delight of mine eyes Now with a greater comfort I hope then the first sinner embraced the first that ever was borne I may rejoyce and say I have gotten a man from the Lord. Gen 4.1 1. Chr 4.9 Gen 35.18 True it is that I might call him a Iabez because I bare him with sorrow I might name him Ben oni because hee was the sonne of mine affliction and sorrowes but I will rather with Iacob call him Benjamin the sonne of my right hand O how gratious was my God unto mee in that hee sent mee a mid-wife to helpe mee neighbours to comfort mee a house to cover mee a fire to warme mee and now a bed to ease mee The mother of my Lord had not an house but a stable onely Lu 2.7 for there was noe roome in the Inne Her holy child was layed but in a manger whereas mine is in a cradle yet I am wicked I am sinfull and uncleane yea and this babe is not borne without originall pollution But I will begge of the Lord that with Simeon I may take up my Iesus in mine armes vers 28 or rather in my heart and I will beseech him that as I desire to embrace him in my soule so hee will embrace mee in the armes of his mercy Mee think's when I remember how hardly the Israëlites were used by the Egyptians when the midwives were commanded to slay the males Ex 1.16 I cannot choose but tremble at the miseries of the women It might seeme a sinne in them to desire sonnes seeing they knew that their birth was but a stepp to their graves Those mercifull hands which brought them into the world were commanded to be the executioners of the innocent babes The women were to be as cruell in their murders as the King was in his commands and yet such bloody acts were to be called executions and not styled murders They had a command to put in practise what was so horrid and barbarous whereupon they were perplexed to thinke that either they must necessarily disobey authoritie or else destroy those who had not offended It is true that if God had commanded it the act had beene righteous Gen. 22 2. Abraham not onely may but must be the priest to sacrifice his sonne his onely sonne Isaak when God requireth it But if God forbiddeth what man commandeth wee must be more ready to suffer then to obey those commands When wee dare not doe what wee are unjustly commanded wee must dare to suffer what shall be unjustly inflicted on us O how grievously was Iochebed perplexed in her miseries Ex 2.3 when for feare lest her Moses should be slaine according to the decree shee was enforced to expose him to the brinke of the river That child whom shee could noe longer hide shee was faine to cradle up in an arke of bull-rushes Thus shee who durst not keepe her infant adventured upon a trade which shee never had learned but her directour was his preserver Surely the teares which shee shed for feare of his death did perswade the river to carie him alive for shee so bribed the torrent with the droppes from her eyes that it tooke more compassion then the heart of the tyrant One word of that King might have saved at once both her sorrowes and her feares Mee think 's the very river might have taught him to melt for his cruelty but where grace is wanting every thing that should check the petulancie of sinne doe's but give vigour to the execution thereof There was a sorrowfull mother weeping for feare of the death of him who might peradventure have cost her her life and there was a child too crying as if it had beene either sensible of the cruelty of the salvage tyrant or else struck with compassion for the tender mother The cryes of both were so lowd and so just that they pierced the clowdes and were heard up to heaven and the daughter of the King was moved to save what her father in his fury did seeke to destroy The child was found by Pharaoh's daughter and ignorantly as well as compassionately shee put him to nurse to his indulgent mother O what cannot God doe when hee decreeth to act His justice is severe and potent Ps 145 9. but his mercy which is over all his workes is full of goodnesse and wonder Hee who preserved Moses hath saved this infant and I hope hee hath chosen him for a vessell of honour Zacharias was promised that hee should have joy and gladnesse in Iohn the Baptist Luc. 1.14 I will hope for the like in this new-borne babe and I will begge of my Lord that hee may be beloved of him Him I must magnifie for the deliverance of my selfe and him I must thanke both for the shape the life of my child My wombe might have proved the grave of mine infant and my selfe the sepulcher of a child unseene I might have dyed in the birth of this which I embrace and the litle infant ignorant of my cryes might unwittingly have beene the destroyer of his mother Or else I might have lived
complaine I so mournefully as if our afflictions exceeded all that ever were sent upon the children of men If I consider our estate by it selfe I cannot choose indeede but conclude it miserable but if I weigh it with the Pestilences of former ages it will not perhapps appeare a burden so un-supportable Comparisons may peradventure ease my griese and lessen my torments therfore with David I will remember the dayes of ould I will meditate on all the workes of God Ps 143 5. It may be that Solomon may advise mee and comfort mee too where hee thus counselleth Eccl 7.10 Say not in thine heart What is the cause that the former dayes were better then these For thou doest not enquire wisely concerning this I will therfore consider the dayes of ould Ps 77.5 and the yeeres of ancient times Num 16.41 example 1 The children of Israël murmured against Moses and Aaron about the destruction of Korah Dathan Abiram and their accomplices saying Yee have killed the people of the Lord vers 46 and presently there was wrath gone out from the Lord the plague was begunne vers 49 So they that dyed of the plague were foureteene thousand and seaven hundred and all in a day beside them that dyed about the matter of Korah example 2 When Israel abode at Shittim the people committed whoredome with the daughters of Moab and Num 25.1 vers 3. Ps 106 28. vers 29 not contented with this high offence they allso joyned themselves unto Baal-Peor and did eate the sacrifices of the dead Thus they provoked the Lord to anger with their inventions and the plague brake in upon them Num 25.9 and those that dyed in the plague were twentie and foure thousand Their sinne was double it was whoredome both carnall and spirituall their punishment was therfore allmost double to that which was sent for murmuring example 3 When David sent for the Captaine of the hoast to number the people Ioab answered him fairely saying 2. Saâ—… 24.3 Now the Lord thy God adde unto the people how many soever they be an hundred fold and that the eyes of my Lord the King may see it but why doth my Lord the King delight in this thing vers 4. Notwithstanding the King's word prevailed against Ioab and against the Captaines of the boast and Ioab and the Captaines of the hoast went out from the presence of the King to number the people of Israel But what was the event thereof vers 15 The Lord sent a Pestilence upon Israël from the morning even to the time appointed and there dyed of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seaventy thousand men and all of them in the space of but three dayes vers 13 Here was yet a greater number then before and yet all of them fell for the sinne of one onely man but this one man was a King and for his eminent offence five times as many were slaine as when the multitude of people joyned in a murmuring Hee who by the people was acknowledged worth ten thousand of them c 18.3 now for his sinne became the destroyer of seaven times as many of them as hee was vallued at by them so greate was the anger of the Lord for a sinne so greate and committed by a person so greate so eminent example 4 The All-mighty threatned Ierusalem by the mouth of his Prophet that hee would make that cittie desolate Ier 19.8 and an hissing every one that passed thereby should be astonished and hisse c 49.17 because of the plagues thereof The same God threatned Edom allso by the same Prophet saying Edom shall be a desolation every one that goeth by shall be astonished and shall hisse at the plagues thereof The same God againe threatned Babylon by the same Prophet saying c 50.13 Because of the word of the Lord it shall not be inhabited but it shall be wholly desolate Every one that goeth by Babylon shall be astonished and hisse at her plagues Thus I remember thy judgments of old ô Lord Ps 119 52. and receave comfort Comfesse I must indeede that wee have sinned with our fathers 2. Chr 6.37 wee have done amisse and dealt wickedly but are our punishments as greate as our fathers were Foureteene thousand and seaven hundred of them fell at one time twentie and fower thousand at another time threescore and ten thousand at a third time Lord what mighty numbers were here and yet wee feare when one dyeth wee tremble when ten wee runne when twentie wee are dismayed when an hundred wee are hopelesse heartlesse even allmost quite dead allready when a thousand depart But why should not wee expect as greate plagues as were sent upon any of our ancestours seeing that our sinnes are not lesse either in number or weight Wherein are wee better then Ierusalem or Edom or Babylon that wee are not yet as desolate as were they That every one that passeth by is not astonished nor hisseth at us as they did at them Hee who visited them doeth visit us Ps 89.32 hee visiteth our offences with his rod and our sinnes with his scourges Yet hee visiteth us not so sorely as hee did the Israelites when fowreteene thousand and seaven hundred of them dyed or not so severely as when twentie and fowre thousand of them were swept away or not so grie vously as when threescore and ten thousand of them were destroyed or not so terribly as Ierusalem Edom and Babylon for wee are not quite desolate or not so furiously as Nineveh to whom God spake by his Prophet saying Nah 3.19 There is noe healing of thy bruise thy wound is grievous all that heare the bruite of thee shall clapp the hands over thee Or howsoever not so remedilesly as the army of Pharaoh at Euphrates whom the Lord mocketh by the mouth of his Prophet saying Ier 46.11 Goe up unto Gilead and take balme ô virgin the daughter of Egypt In vaine shalt thou use any medicines for thou shalt not be cured Eze 12 18. This ô this maketh mee to eate my bread with quaking and to drinke my water with trembling and carefullnesse for feare lest our sinne-revenging God should punish us as hee hath done them O what mercies doeth hee not yet offer unto us What kindnesse doeth hee not yet afford us To our Physitians hee giveth knowledg to our medicines hee giveth vertue The herbes of the fields and the fruits of the trees and the flesh of the beastes doe yet offer themselves for our cure and our sustenance O that wee had but so much happinesse as to know the miserie which is due to our offences O that wee had but so much mercy from God as to know his mercy in his gentle visitation For this our miserie will I groane for these our sinnes I will lament for the mercy of my God I will pray and I will cry Heare Ps 30.10 Ps 60.11 ô Lord
be as constant in my prayers as the man â—as constant in his attendance at the poole At â—y gate ô Christ I must I doe continually â—e Thy blood ô Iesus is the onely Bethesda â—r my distressed soule Lord leade mee into â—…at poole of blood by the hand of faith and then I shall not distrust the effect of that â—ver O cleanse my soule and then I shall willingly submit to thy pleasure for my body But still ô still my paines increase and my flesh consume's I pray and I begge and I beseech and yet I find noe ease noe reliefe The continuance of my sicknesse doe's but â—each mee the ignorance of the Physitians or â—he deadnesse of the druggs and potions I am dyeted and I am physicked and my body is become the very shop of an Apothecarie and yet I find noe ease noe comfort 'T is true that thirtie and eight yeares continuance of a maladie hindered not Christ from curing with a word But if it had remained longer could hee have done the like Yes surely why not Hee himselfe could as well have dooâ— that as have given power to his Apostles tâ— restore the Criple who had beene fortie yeaâ—… lame This was done by Peter and Iohn for the man that was above fortie yeares ould Act 14 22. c 3.2 and had beene lame from his mother's wombe even on him was shewed this miracle of healing I may hope for some favour too from the hands of my God for though to mee it might appeare allmost a miracle that I should recore yet with God it is as easily effected by a word as was the greate creation of heaven and earth I will therfore submit to his pleasure and 〈◊〉 upon his goodnesse Hee is a God of mercy an tender compassion hee is the greate Physitia both of soule and body hee hath allways delighted in acts of charitie It was his promise upon some conditions to heale a whoâ—… land 2. Chr 7.14 for his owne words are If my people which are called by my name shall humble themselves and pray and seeke my face and turnâ— from their wicked wayes then will I heare from heaven and will forgive their sinne and wiâ—… heale their land I am one of the people ô Christ that is called by thy name for a Christian I am though a sinfull and a feeble Christian and thou hast humbled mee with this thy visitation and grace thou hast given mee I blesse the for it to humble my selfe in the consideration of mine iniquities and to pray and to seâ—… thy face Lord perfect thy good workes and make mee turne from mine iniquities and then heare mee from heaven and forgive my sinne and if it may stand with thy eternall decree heale thy servant Hee hath likewise shewed his mercy even in healing of waters 2. King 2.21 for his Prophet Elisha went forth to the spring of un-wholesome waters and cast salt in there and said Thus saith the Lord I have healed these waters there shall not â—e from thence any more death or barren land So the waters were healed vers 22 according to the saying of Elisha the Prophet Lord I have waters too that require thy helpe for they are un-wholesome they are sinfull I weepe and I lament my teares runne downe on my cheekes Lam. 1.2 and all either with extreamitie of anguish or feare of death or despaire of thy power to restore mee to health few of them are for my sinnes few of them for my transgressions But some hope I have that thou wilt likewise heale these waters for allready thou hast cast some salt into them I find by my tast that they are brackish that they are brinish Lord let mee be noe longer a barren land but make mee fruitfull in good works Col 1.10 Ps 1.3 that I may be like unto a tree planted by the rivers of water that bringeth forth his fruite in due season and then though this leafe for a time may faile though the flower of my body may be cropped or mowed for the harvest yet I know that my Redeemer will not cast it into the fire but will make it spring up hereafter in eternall glory Hee hath allso healed the persons of diverse of his people Ps 107.20 for so saith the Psalmist Hee sent his word and healed them delivered them froÌ„ their destructions Is 19.22 So Isaiah prophesieth concerning Egypt saying The Lord shall smite Egypt hee shall smite and heale it and they shall returne even to the Lord and hee shall be intreated of them and shall heale them O what comfortable words were these to Egypt Hee may if hee please cheere mee up allso with the like for hee hath allready smitten mee and in his loving kindnesse hee hath so sanctified this affliction that by it hee hath made mee to returne unto him O Lord now if it be thy pleasure be thou intreated of mee heale mee This God is the same God who speaketh by the mouth of Moses and saith See now that I Deut 32.39 even I am hee and there is noe God with mee I kill and I make alive I wound and I heale neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand This is the same Lord whom Hannah did magnifie in her thankfull Song and said The Lord killeth and maketh alive hee bringeth downe to the grave 1. Sam. 2.6 and bringeth up This is the same God of whom Iob his servant professeth and boasteth saying Hee maketh sore Iob. 5.18 and bindeth up hee woundeth and his hands make whole This is the same Lord VVhom David commandeth his soule to magnifie and saith Ps 103 1. vers 2. Blesse the Lord ô my soule and all that is within mee blesse his holy name Blesse the Lord ô my soule and forget not all his benefits Who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseafes vers 3. and who redeemeth thy life from destruction vers 4. this God is the same God who alone hath power over soule body can if hee pleaseth preserve them both Hee it is whose mercies were promised to his Church when by his Prophet hee said The light of the Moone shall be as the light of the Sunne Is 30.26 and the light of the Sunne shall bee seaven fold as the light of seaven dayes in the day that the Lord bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Hee it is who giveth such Euangelicall promises to penitent Iudah and saith I have seene his wayes and will heale him c 57.18 I will leade him allso and restore comforts to him and to his mourners I create the fruite of the lipps peace peace to him that is farre off vers 19 and to him that is neere saith the Lord and I will heale him This is hee who inviteth Israel to come unto him and saith Returne yee back-sliding Children and I will heale your backsliding
and rent my heart and amend my life Ioël 2.13 and faithfully rely upon the passion of my Redeemer I may then assure my selfe that hee will correct mee with judgment Ier 10 24. and not in his anger I know that dye I must but in him I earnestly desire to dye When I was in health I thought not of mortalitie and therfore now I am in sicknesse I can skarce so much as hope for immortalitie But I will beseech him to spare mee a litle that I may repent Ps 39.13 before I goe hence and be noe more seene I faine would live not that I might adde to my sinnes but that I might be sorrie for my sinnes I would faine continue here a litle longer that so I might make my peace the surer Long I have continued in wickednesse ô my God spare mee a litle time to spend in contrition If I may enjoy my life but for a litle longer space I will resolve by the grace of my God to dedicate it wholly to the service of him and that I may in some measure make up my repentance before my departure I will beseech him if it may stand with his immutable decree to lend mee a litle more time wherein by his grace I may labour my reconciliation with him My time of death indeede seemeth to draw nigh and yet I doe not consider or at least I have not considered that all this time which I have lived I have beene truely dead Surely thus I have beene for so saith King Solomon Prov. 21.16 The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remaine in the congregation of the dead Thus have I beene dead even in trespasses and sinnes justly therfore now my life doeth hasten away Eph 2.1 and my death approacheth I am now layed upon my bed of sorrow Not as the un-chast Amnon was 2. Sam. 13.5 who lingered after an un-cleane enjoying of his sister Tamar onely counterfeiting a sicknesse Nor like the coveteous Ahab 1. King 21.4 who vexed himselfe because Naboth had denyed to sell him his vine-yard 2. Sam. 4.7 Nor like Ishbosheth ready to be slaine by a Rechab and a Baanah unlesse my sinnes and my sicknesse the effect of my sinnes be that Rechab and that Baanah But languishing I lye allmost despairing of recoverie by reason of the weakenesse of my neere consumed body and spirits through the sharpnesse of my disease Is 14.11 My pompe is even brought downe to the grave and the noise of my violls the worme is spread under mee and the wormes are ready to cover mee But let mee say with holy Iob Iob 10 20. Are not my dayes few Cease then ô my God and let mee alone that I may take comfort a litle vers 21 Before I goe whence I shall not returne even to the land of darknesse and the shadow of death A land of darknesse vers 22 as darknesse it selfe and the shadow of death without any order and where the light is as darknesse There is noe worke nor device Eccl. 9.10 Ps 6.5 knowledg nor wisedome in the grave whither I am goeing In death there is noe remembrance of thee ô my God in the grave who shall give thee thank 's Ps 115.17 Is 38.18 The dead praise not thee ô Lord neither any that goe downeinto silence The grave cannot praise thee death cannot celebrate thee they that goe downe into the pit cannot hope for thy trueth vers 19 The living onely the living hee shall praise thee the father to the children shall make knowne thy trueth Thou thy selfe hast professed that thou art not a God of the dead Matt 22.32 Ps 88.10 vers 11 but of the living wilt thou then shew wonders to the dead Shall the dead arise and praife thee Shall thy loving kindnesse be declared in the grave Or thy faithfullnesse in destruction vers 12 Shall thy wonders be knowne in the darke And thy righteousnesse in the land of forgetfullnesse Consider then Ps 13.3 Ps 69.15 and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten mine eyes that I sleepe not in death Let not the water-flood over-flow mee neither let the deepe swallow mee up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon mee Heare mee ô Lord vers 16 for thy loving kindnesse is good turne unto mee according to the multitude of thy tender mercies 1. Sam 2.6 Thou art hee who doest both kill and make alive who bringest downe to the grave 2. King 4.20 bringest up againe When the Shunamite's child had sate on his mother's knees untill noone vers 21 it then departed but shee went up and layed him on the bed of the man of God vers 32 and shut the doore upon him and went out And when Elisha was come into the house behold the child was dead and laid upon his bed vers 33 hee went in therfore and shut the doore upon them twaine and prayed unto thee my greate and powerfull God vers 35 And the child neezed seaven times and the child opened his eyes Mat 9.18 When the ruler of the Synagogue worshipped my Saviour and sayd My daughter is even now dead but come and lay thine hand upon her and shee shall live vers 25 Then hee went in and tooke her by the hand and the mayd arose O my God to thee I submit my selfe doe with mee as thou pleasest In thy power it is to spare mee for a while It will not be harder for thee to restore mee to health then it was to restore the dead unto life Faine I would live longer that I may repent more Lord if it be thy pleasure adde yet some more dayes unto my life restore mee to health and make mee praise thee for thy mercies Longer I would not live unlesse thou shalt be pleased with my life to renew mine obedience and yet dye I would not unlesse thou shalt first be pleased to give mee a sense of my sinnes and a sorrow upon that sense and a comfortable and contenting joy upon that sorrow Thou art the potter and I am the clay allready thou hast made mee and it is now in thy power either to breake mee into sheards or to preserve mee whole I who have cryed so much in the extreamitie of mine anguish doe now beseech thee with my teares to spare mee Mat. 8.8 O speake the word onely and thy servant shall be healed But yet howsoëver I submit to thine owne good pleasure Lord if it may be thy will let the skill of my Phisitians and the power of my medicines and whatsoëver shall be administred unto mee take a blessing from thee if thou shalt restore mee againe to thee and to thy service will I devote my life My time shall be thine my dayes thine my thoughts my words and mine actions thine So shall thy mercy be magnified and thy praise I will be for ever singing and will
to destroy 〈◊〉 if I but turne it upside downe so my meats â—nd my drinkes are apt to destroy mee with â—loying with surfeits Without this artificiall brightnesse mine eye cannot fixe it selfe upon any object or distinguish of colours and yet what is this to the light of the Sunne or that â—o the brightnesse of my God Lord what an â—ncouth thing it is to be in darknesse Yet thus â—ny God if hee had so decreed might all-ways ways have punished mee have taken from â—nee the sight of mine eyes Thus yea much worse then thus may hee justly be revenged on mee too and for my deedes of darknesse hee may throw mee into utter darknesse where â—hall be weeping and gnashing of teeth Mat 8.12 1. Sam. 28.8 Surely Saul did not know this power of God or hee did not remember it when hee disguised himselfe and put on other raiment and went hee â—nd two men with him and came to the witch of Endor by night and prayed her to divine unto him by the familiar Spirit and bring up Samuel againe to answer his demaunds O that Spirit is the Devill and that Devill is too familiar and yet how apt am I with Saul rather to consult with him and to follow his suggestions then to apply my selfe to the oracles of my God! This present night for ought that I know may be as sad dismall to mee as that was to the Egyptians when Pharach rose up in the night Ex 12.30 hee and all his servants and all the Egyptians and there was a greate cry in Egypt for there was not a house where there was not one dead But to prevent the feare of such a horrid judgment I will sue for compassion and beg of my God that insteed of destroying mee or any of this house with a sudden destruction hee will this night rather not onely slay my first borne mine originall sinne but allso all the abortive issue of mine actuall transgressions And though the cry be greate because my sinfull selfe am unwilling to leave them or they mee yet I will pray that the destroying Angel may come and destroy them that so my selfe my poore soule may be preserved alive Such a destruction as this would be my best preservation and such a slaughter would purchase my rejoycing These sinnes are mine enemies and those enemies whose ruine and subversion I am bound to pray for I will therfore humbly beseech my powerfull preserver to slay them to cutt them off speedily presently without any longer delay And that my prayers may be more effectuall they shall joyne with my teares in my humblest supplication for a freedome from these eneâ—ies I will imitate David Ps 42.3 and my teares shall be my meate day and night It is but â—ustice that these eyes which have wandered â—…fter enticing objects should be punished with the smart of brinish teares With such weeping eyes will I behould mine offences and on them will I looke as now I doe upon â—his burning Light that so like unto this â—hey may appeare glaring and multiplyed even greater by farre through the clowdines of mine eyes then otherwise I should view â—hem The eye is commonly a teacher of merâ—y for when it is fixed on an object full of disâ—resse it presently invite's the heart to compassion The eye of my God is never shutt never weary of pittying allthough both mine eyes and my compassion allso are seldome open Therfore mine eye shall weepe and when I weepe his eye will pittie My heart shall sigh and his heart will commiserate My whole selfe shall wholly offer up it selfe to him in my devotions and then I am assured hee will embrace mee in his armes and watch over mee by his protection I will weepe for my sinnes I will grieve for the offences of the day that is past and weeping grieving I will addresse my selfe to the keeper of Israel Ps 121.4 who neither slumbereth nor sleepeth thus I will say The Evening prayer OMniscient God who hast seene the offences which this day hath produced and for them mightest justly throw mee into the land of darknesse Vouchsafe I besiecâ— thee to behould the teares of a repenting prodigall The sinnes which I have committed I cannot number nor can I vallew thy mercies in forbearing mee so grievous an offendour The day is gone and the evening has teneth mee to my desired sleepe Lord leâ— it be thy pleasure to bury my sinnes in thâ— darknesse of oblivion and make mee afraid and ashamed to commit them any more by the light of the Sunne Let thy Christ shine iâ— my heart and warme my cold and chillâ—wed devotion that with fervency and zeale I may ever addresse my prayers unto thee O let 〈…〉 settforth before thee as incensâ— and the 〈◊〉 â—f my hands be an evening sacrifice Ps 74.16 The 〈◊〉 ô Lord is thine and the night is likewise thine doe thou take mee this night Ps 91.5 vers 6. into thy holy protection Let mâ— not be afraid for the terroâ— by night nor for thâ— pestilence that walketh iâ—…arknesse O thoâ— that hast made the Moonâ—… and the Starres tâ— governe the night Ps 136 9. shine mercifully into mâ— darke and polluted conscience and reveaâ—… unto mee all the errours of my life that aâ— the gate of thy mercy I may begge for remision The Levites did thanke 1. Chr. 23 30. and praise thee â—s well at evening as in the morning Lord â—hough I am weake though I am unworthy â—et so well as I can so well as thou art pleaâ—ed to enable thee thereto I praise and â—lesse thy glorious name for all thy mercies which thou hast shewed unto mee and in â—articular for thy protection this day which â—s past One Lamb by thine appointment Ex 29.39 â—…as to be offered at evening day by day by thy â—hildren of Israel My soule ô Lord should â—e that Lamb and my selfe an Israelite but â—…y soule is blemished I my selfe am rebelâ—…ous To thee therfore doe I offer not my â—olluted soule as it is full of uncleanesse but â—ather that innocent Lamb of thee my God â—…hich taketh away the sinnes of the world most â—umbly besieching thee to hearken unto him â—…terceding for mee and by his death and â—assion to graunt mee pardon for mine offenâ—es First seale unto my soule the remission â—f my sinnes and then let mee sleepe and â—est in thee Refresh my wearied limbs with â— comfortable repose and graunt that I â—…ay neither offend thee by dreames and fanâ—asies nor displease thee with excessive and â—mmoderate sleepe Preserve mee from the â—angers of fire stormes tempests theeves â—nd whatsoëver else may hurt my person or â—state All is thine doe thoâ—… be the keeper â—nd protectour of all Thou hast promised by thy Prophet that the righteous shall enteâ— into peace Is 57.2 and rest in their beds Gratiouâ— father cover mee with the righteousnesse oâ— Christ thy Sonne and graunt mee
Lu 15.14 vers 16 I am brought into want and faine would fill my belly even with the huskes that swine doe eate but noe man giveth them unto mee vers 17. Though I know that many hired servants have bread enough and to spare and yet I am ready to perish with hunger Though thus I know my miserie yet I skarce remember the cause But I will begg of my heavenly father vers 17 that I may come unto my selfe and then that my selfe may come unto him I know that hee is angry and his wrath is terrible but if I absent my selfe his displeasure will increase The longer I strive to keepe out of his sight the more will be his severitie and the more grievous my punishment vers 18 I will therfore arise and goe to my father and say unto him Father I have sinned against heaven vers 19 and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants Iob 42.6 Ps 102.9 Ps 80.5 I will abhorre my selfe in dust and ashes As David did so will I I will eate ashes as it were bread and I will have plenteousnesse of teares to drinke I will mourne for my sinnes which have caused this judgment and with my teares in mine eyes compunction in my heart and humilitie in my soule I will fall on my knees before his footestoole and pray unto him and say The Prayer ALl-mighty and all-sufficient Lord God who by thy power diddest lay the foundations of the world and by thy providence doest guide protect the things therein conteined be pleased to looke upon the sorrowes and sufferances of thy distressed servant Thou knowest my wants before I aske and seest how low I am brought with hunger The inferiour creatures thou fillest with plenty but mee thou sufferest to pine with famine Shall not the cryes of the hungrie pierce thine eares Shall the soule of the emptie be despised by it's maker Heare Lord Ps 30.10 and have mercy ô be thou my helper Thou knowest how I groane under the burden of this affliction and wilt thou allways know it and never remove it where are thy mercies which thou shewedst to thine Israelites Where is they goodnesse which was manifested to he widdow of Sarepta Thou canst not decrease in thy mercies nor forget thy compassion The stomack crye's and the belly cryes and a poore languishing soule cryes unto thee ô Lord in the depth of distresse O my father shut not up thy mercifull eares to my prayers but heare mee in heaven and succour mee with thy reliefe Thy store will not be lessened nor thy treasure diminished by sparing to mee a morsell of bread Lord if it may stand with thy good will preserve mee from death and deliver mee from this famine or else arme mee with patience that I may under-goe thy chastisement with comfort and content O thou Saviour of the world to whom the cursed Iewes gave gall to eate Ps 69.21 and when thou wert thirstie even vineger to drinke doe thou ease my griefe and hearken to my complaint Thou in thy humanitie diddest seele the wants of these out-ward things and knowest what griefe and anguish I suffer To Samaria thou sentest plenty beyond expectation 2. King 7.18 in the space of a night Thou art neither confined to time nor tyed to the meanes thou canst send mee comfort even above my hopes Lord either send mee plenty or blesse my want that so I may willingly submitt to thy pleasure and patiently suffer what thou hast decreed Though my body languish for want of sustenance yet fill thou my soule with the riches of thy goodnesse Amos. 8.11 2. Chr. 15.3 O let mee never be cursed with a famine of thy word Let mee never be as once the Israëlites were without thee the true God without a teaching Priest and without law Howsoëver thou disposest of the outward man let not my soule want it's spirituall nourishment whereby it should be fed to a life immortall It was thy meate ô Christ Io 4.34 to doe the will of him that sent thee and to finish his worke Graunt ô Iesus that I may follow thy stepps and make it my foode and my delight to fullfill thy commandements Let mee not labour here for the meate that perisheth c. 6.27 so much as for that meate which endureth to everlasting life My body is thine dispose of it as thou pleasest My soule is thine preserve it in holinesse Lord be gratious to mee thy child Gen. 43 29. and comfort mee now in this greate extreamitie that so I may neither offend thee in my sufferance nor despaire of thy providence but that wholly relying upon thy gratious goodnesse I may suffer with thankfullnesse whatsoëver thou pleasest and then that my sufferances may end in happinesse Heare mee blessed God and help mee for the worthinesse of thy Sonne in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Mat. 6.9.10.11.12.13 Our father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdome come thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven give us this day our dayly bread and forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us and leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen THE THIRD SOLILOQUIE Treating of thirst both bodily and ghostly THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Prophet bewayling the distressed estate of afflicted Sion complainth thus Lam. 4.4 The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roofe of his mouth for thirst the young children aske bread and noe man breaketh it unto them They that did feede delicately are desolate in the streetes vers 5. they that were brought up in scarlet embrace the dunghills Grievous was that miserie the infants endured who neither knew how to complaine nor where to be satisfied Their tongues which in time might relate the storie were scorched with the drought and heate of thrist Those litle members which as yet were not un ruely found a punishment as if they had offended The mothers lamenting the torments of the young ones offered them drinke from the fountaines of their eyes but so un-able was that offering to please the innocents that their thirst increased by that which should quench it Surely the miserie was greate which the babes could not utter since mine is so severe that I thinke it ineffable The more I complaine the more thirstie I am for the motion of the tongue increaseth the drought Iam. 3.6 The tongne that is un-ruely is set on fire of hell but mine is silent and yet it scorcheth That litle moisture which is left in my mouth is growne so glutenous
and my petitions to God must be likewise upon conditions when I begge of him but temporall blessings His blessings descend not unlesse they be called downe by my religious obedience nor may I pray for the blessings which concerne this life but with this condition If they may stand with his pleasure In his power it is to graunt the suite which so earnestly I make I wish it may be his pleasure to fullfill my desires Barren Sarai was promised a sonne and Isaak was borne Gen. 21 2.3 Lu 1.7 vers 57 Gen. 29 31. c 30.22 vers 23 Though Zacharias and Elizabeth were stricken in yeeres and Elizabeth was barren yet they were blessed with Iohn the Baptist. Though Leah was hated by reason of her barrennesse yet wee reade that the Lord did open her wombe God remembred Rachel and hearkened unto her and opened her wombe and shee conceaved and bare a sonne and sayd God hath taken away my reproach The wife of Manoah the Danite was barren Iud. 13.2 vers 3. vers 14 yet the Angel of the Lord appeared unto her and sayd unto her Behold now thou art barren and bearest not but thou shalt conceave and beare a sonne And the woman bare a sonne called his name Samson and the child grew and the Lord blessed him 1. Sam. 1.10 Barren Hannah was in bitternesse of soule for want of a child when Peninnah her fruitfull rivall provoked her sore to make her fret vers 6. vers 20 because the Lord had shut up her wombe and shee had a sonne whom shee named Samuel Thus may God if hee please looke upon my reproach and send mee a child which I may dedicate to his service I will therfore follow the stepps of Hannah the devout vers 15 I will weepe with her and I will fast with her and with her will I powre out my soule before the Lord. Who knoweth but my teares may prevayle through the merits of my Redeemer and my sobbs and sighes may draw downe a blessing Ps 30.8 On my knees therfore will I goe unto the Lord and gett mee unto my Lord right humbly I will weepe and pray and mourne and pray and sigh and pray and praying I will say The Prayer HEeavenly King father of mercies Ps 72.5 thou who tookest mee out of my mother's wombe but hast denyed unto mee the fruit of mine vouchsafe to looke upon the reproach of thy servant I know that my sinnes doe stoppe the current of thy mercies but it is thine honour that thou art a forgiver of offences Forgive my sinnes the cause of thy curse and heale the barrennesse of thy despised hand-mayd 1. Sam. 1.11 O Lord of hosts if thou wilt indeede looke upon the affliction of thine hand-mayd and remember mee and not forget thine hand-mayd but wilt give unto thine hand-mayd a man-child then I will give him unto thee all the dayes of his life Thou knowest that I am a woman of a sorrowfull spirit and out of the aboundance of my complaint vers 16 and griefe doe I pray unto thee Send mee I beseech thee a Samuël even such a child as I have asked of thee if it may stand with the pleasure of thee my Lord and King that may bring honour unto thee and comfort unto thy petitioner I shall never bee satisfied untill thou hearest my supplications Pro. 30 15. Either graunt my desires or arme mee with patience that in all things I may serve thee with quietnesse Mat 4.28 and content The earth thou hast made to bring forth fruit of her selfe and it is as easie for thee to blesse mee with increase But if thou hast otherwise determined in thy secret will howsoever graunt that I may never conceave wickednesse in my heart Act 5.4 to whom thou denyest the conception of a child Iam. 1.15 Let not lust conceave in mee lest it bring forth sinne and sinne when it is finished bring forth death Say unto my heart as effectually as once thou didst unto the fig-tree Mat 21 19. Gal 5.22 vers 23 Heb. 12 11. let noe such fruit grow on thee hence forth for ever but let mee allways produce the fruits of the spirit against which thine Apostle assureth mee that there is noe law Let this thy chastening yeeld unto mee the peaceable fruit of righteousnesse since I am exercised therein so shall I willingly submit to thy pleasure and beseech thee to graunt mee comfort and joy in that blessed sonne of a happie woman even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen THE TWELFTH SUBjECT Teares of a child-bearing woman 1 At the time when she beginneth to fall in travell 2 After her deliverie I st Her teares when she beginneth to fall in travell The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 The cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing 2 The greatenesse of the pangs hazards and feares of a travelling woman 3 Consolation and comfort for a woman in the bitternesse of her travell The first part of the Soliloquie treating of the cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my King and my God for unto the will I pray VVHen David confessed his actuall crimes hee forgot not the guilt of originall corruption therfore he professed saying Behold I was shapen in iniquitie vers 5. and in sinne did my mother conceave mee By the corruption of nature even Saint Paul himselfe was not without sinne that dwelled in him That which is borne of the flesh is flesh Rom 7 17. Io. 3.6 as my Saviour himselfe did tell Nicoden us and this flesh concludeth us all to be carnall Rom 7 14. and sold under sinne This originall stayne is the ground of all our actuall impieties justly therfore is the birth of a child accompanied with the torments and sorrowes of the mother left women should forget the tast of the apple I will greatly multiply thy sorrow Gen 3.16 and thy conception sayd the Lord unto Eve in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children O this heavie chastisement doth now approach to make mee sensible of my sinfull beginning As I caused the teares to flow from the eyes of my groaning mother so now even in mine eyes doe they likewise arise through the pangs which doe seize on mee by reason of my babe Lord what a trembling possesseth every joynt of mee and when I hope for ease by changing my seate or lying on my Couch or attempting to walke even in every place doeth the sharpnesse of the paine increase its strength and though I multiply my cryes yet mine anguish ceaseth not O what miserable perplexities are wee weake and sinfull women involved in Wee who can worst endure are most afflicted and allthough our tempers and constitutions conclude us weaker by farre then our husbands
my raging out-cryes which have given an evill example of impatience unto others a scandall to â—…y religion It was thy pleasure to free mine â—nfant from the tyrannie of sinne it was thy â—ove it was thy mercy to take him that so hee â—ight sinne noe more Lord unto thy will 〈◊〉 submit my will and for thy love for thy mercy for thy goodnesse I praise thee I blesse â—hee I magnifie thee my Lord and my God Vipe I besiech thee from mine eyes all eares of discontent remove from mine heart he excesse of sorrow and make mee walke in â—…y vocation with cheerefullnesse and in my â—eligion with setlednesse resolution The â—ortalitie of my child hath taught mee the â—…ailty even of my selfe graunt therfore blesâ—ed God that the longer I live the better I may â—…ow both in grace and goodnesse that so when his painfull life shall have an end I may â—eete thee my God with comfort thee my Iesus with joy and rejoycing and my deceased child together with the rest of the quire of Saints with heavenly Halelujahs and sing praise Reu. 5.13 and honour and glory unto thee who sittest upon the throne and to the Lamb for ever mere Amen subject 18 THE EIGHTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a wife for the sicknesse of her husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lordâ— consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray LOrd how various is the condition of mortalls Sometimes wee are sick and sometimes wee are well Sometimes in sicknesse wee draw neere to the grave and sometimes againe wee are in hope of recoverie T is thus ô 't is thus with my dearest husband Hee who was my comfort and joy in his health is now my griefâ— and sorrow in his sicknesse The extreamitie oâ— his anguish enforceth my teares and those conflicts of his betweene life and death doe pierce mee even to the soule I am mee thinks so divided in my teares that I cannot well determine whether the greatest number of them â—re shed for the torments which hee suffereth â—r for the losse of mine owne content or for the â—aines which love and loyaltie enforce mee to â—ake or for feare of his departure All of them â—ow from the springs of love and are readie â—o convert mee into a gliding streamâ—… When Eve was arraigned for enticing her 〈…〉 â—o the act of disobedience Gen 3.16 it was part of her â—unishment that her desire should be subject â—nto her husband and hee should rule over her Mee think's I could be well contented to under goe this servitude so that my husband might not under-goe this sicknesse Alas his â—isease is growne so violent that it even darkeâ—eth his reason and maketh him desire hee knoweth not what I would gladly obey him â—n whatsoëver hee commandeth but that I must not yeeld unto all his desires in this time of his weakenesse I must now obey the Physitian 's order and follow those directions which hee prescribeth O the miserie of sicknesse which so enfeebleth the braine that it un-man's a husband and pretendeth to free the wife from the yoke of obedience Now my desires must not be subject to my deerest husband if hee requireth that which may hinder his recovery yet howsoever my desires shall be for him when they may not be to him for I will begge of the Lord to ease him of his miserie and to restore him to health O mee think's I am not as I should be because I want the comfort and direction of my head Hee poore man iâ— growne as feeble by sicknesse as I am by sexe and allthough the torment be his yet the sorrow is mine When I remember the unâ—kindnesse of the Amalekite to his sick servant I cannot choose but wonder at the greatnesse of the inhumanitie 1. Sam. 30.13 The master left his sick Egyptian when the enemie pursued as if it hâ—d beene a high offence to want his health Io sicknesse wee have a certaine tryall of a friend Hee that onely affecteth us in health leaveth us in weakenesse is but a pretender to friendship and truely loveth us not O who would leave a languishing man that knoweth not how to helpe himselfe Mee think's I rejoyce though in my greatest perplexitie that God-hath given mee both power and abilitie to comfort my deerest I howerly visit him though not without teares and when I most endeavour to be a comforter unto him even then alas I am enforced to weepe Thus his very potiens are mixed with the drops that distill from mine eyes and at every turne I am so sensible of his miserie that I doe in a manner embalme him alive with mine aboundant teares allthough I yet have hope of his recoverie 2. King 8.7 When Benhadad the King of Assyria was sick hee sent Hazaël to meete Elisha the man of God and enquire of the Lord by him saying Shall I recover of this disease vers 8. Mee think's I could gladly performe that office of Hazaël but where shall I meete with-such a Prophet as Elisha Alas it is not in the power of man to limit our times it is God alone who numbereth our dayes I must therfore leave my curiositie and submit to his pleasure And yet in my submission I cannot leave weeping for even nature alloweth mee a freedome to mourne David grieved when his very enemies were sick for so hee saith As for mee Ps 35.13 when they were sick my cloathing was sackcloth I humbled my soule with fasting How much rather may I be allowed to grieve for my friend for my husband Who knoweth but that my sinne may be the cause of his miserie By my teares of sorrow I will therfore strive to remove the cause It is in the power of my Redeemer both to forgive mee and to recover him But alas so long as hee is sick I cannot be well So long as the head is troubled the body must needs be disturbed Hee is my head and I am his glory 1. Cor. 11.3 vers 7. Alas what comfort can I receave when my head is sick What glory can hee take in the wife of his bosome when the violence of his paine depriveth him of my society But why doe I utter these words of discontent as if it were in the power of man to recover my beloved It is god alone that sendeth sicknesse and that sendeth health on him therfore alone will I depend and in him alone will I hope Saint Paul relateth that Epaphroditus was sick Phil. 2.27 nigh unto death but God saith hee had mercy on him and not on him onely but on mee allso lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow My deare husband is sick as was Epaphroditus yea and for ought that I know hee may be sick unto death too but I will trust in the Lord that hee will have mercy upon him and restore
destruction nor the threatned fall nor thy resisting us nor Sodom's ruine Lord forgive this iniquity amongst us and give us now such humble hearts Ps 75.6 that wee may noe more set our hornes on high nor speake with stiffe necks for why Thou ô God art the judg vers 8. thou puttest downe one and settest up another Wee are taught ô thou just God of truth Prov. 11.1 that a false ballance is abhomination unto thee but a just weight is thy delight and wee know that thou didst question by thy Prophet saying Mic 6.11 Shall I count them pure with the wicked ballances and with the bagg of deceitfull weights vers 10 Are there not in Ierusalem and Samaria the treasures of wickednesse in the house of the wicked and the skant measure which is aboâ—minable Yea and wee know that thou doâ—… stricktly forbid Deut 25.14 vers 13 vers 15 saying Thou shalt not have iâ— thine house diverse measures a greate and 〈◊〉 small thou shalt not have in thy bagge diversâ— weights a greate and a small but thou shalâ— have a perfect and just weight a perfect and just measure shalt thou have that thy dayes may be lengthened in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee And yet for all this the same complaint may be made against many of us Ier 6.13 which was against Iudah wee are given to coveteousnesse and wee dealt falsly Iustly therfore ô most righteous judg thou mayst question us as thou didst the Iewes and say c 7.9 vers 10 will yee steale murder commâ— adulterie and sweare falsly and come and stand before mee in my house which is called by my name and say wee are delivered 〈◊〉 doe all these abominations O thou that art the easer of the oppressed thou God of compassionate bowells to thee are allso knowne both the deceaver and the oppressour walking hand in hand among us Surely thou hast seene it Ps 10.15 for thou behouldest ungodlinesse and wrong therfore thou callest Amos. 8.4 vers 5 saying Heare this ô yee that swallow up the needy even to make the poore of the land to faile saying when will the Sabbath be gone that wee may set forth wheate making the Ephah small and the Shekel greate and falsifying the ballance by deceit vers 6. that wee may buy the poore for silver and the needy for a paire of shooes Yea ô thou that makest inquisition for blood and forgettest not the complaint of the poore to thee wee must confesse that with the deceitfull is joyned allso among us even the bloody murderer allthough wee are well assured that the blood-thirstie and deceitfull man shall not live out halfe his dayes Ps 55.25 Yea Lord thou God of justice thou mayest allso complaine of us as thou didst of the Iewes Is 59.4 and say that few or none among us calleth for justice or pleadeth for truth wee trust in vanity and speake lyes wee conceave mischiefe and bring forth iniquity Hos 4.2 By swearing and lying and killing and stealing and committing adulterie the people breake out and blood toucheth blood Therfore doth our land mourne vers 3. and every one that dwelleth therein doth languish Thus ô thus wickedly thus contemptuously Iud 10 15. thus outragiously yea and many more and worse though closer wayes have wee sinned o Lord doe thou unto us whatsoever in thy mercy seemeth good unto thee For these Ier. 50.4 and for all other our private and publike our secret and our open our particular and our generall crimes I besiech thee o father of mercies to graunt that I and all the people of the land may goe weeping as once did the children of Israel and of Iudah Lord be reconciled unto us in the blood of that Lamb of thine who taketh away the sinns of the world Cause us all now in this time of our visitation to learne vers 5. and aske the way to Sion with our faces thitherward saying Come let us joyne our selves unto the Lord in a perpetuall covenant that shall not be broken Amos. 7.2 Dan. 9.19 Ioel. 2.21 vers 26 O Lord God forgive us I beseech thee by whom Shall Iacob arise For hee is small O Lord heare ô Lord forgive o Lord hearken and doe it so shall wee be sure that thou wilt doe greate things Cause us once againe to eate in plenty be satisfied praise thy name o Lord our God when thou hast dealt thus wonderously with us and wee shall never be ashamed Ier. 29.11 O let thy thoughts be thoughts of peace towards us and not of evill Wee should o my God 1. Pet. 3 8. wee should have loved one another as brethren and should have beene pittyfull and courteous but to our shame I must acknowledg with a sad and a broken heart that wee have beene more ready to bite and devoure one another Gal. 5.15 and therfore now are wee justly consumed one of another It is most just with thee o thou sin-revenging God thus to visit our offences with the rod Ps 89.32 our sinns with scourges Vnnaturall have beene our crimes therfore unnaturall are likewise our punishments Ps 37.15 for our swords doe goe thorow our owne hearts and wee our selves are become the destroyers of our selves O eternall mercy O eternall goodnesse be thou gratiously pleased I beseech thee to give us a true sight sense and feeling of these and all other our faylings and back-slidings give us hearty remorse contrition and sorrow for them all together with a stedfast resolution of new obedience yea and so strengthen us in these our pious resolutions and so enable us to the performance of the same yea so sanctifie us throughout that our whole spirits and soules bodies may be kept blamelesse unto the comeing of our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ Thou hast threatned that If a man will not turne Ps 7.13 thou will whet thy sword this long time thou hast bent thy bowe thou hast prepared for us vers 14 and brought among us the instruments of death and hast ordained thine arrowes against thy persecuters Yet Lord thou art yesterday and to day and the same for ever The same father of mercies and God of all consolation Remember therfore I beseech thee how gratious thou wert to the people of Iudah to whom thou sentest thy Prophet to speake Ier. 26.3 If so be they would hearken and turne every man from his evill way that thou mightest repent thee of the evill which thou didst purpose to doe unto them because of the evill of their doeings O Lord doe thou rent our hearts in thy mercy and make us turne from our evill wayes that thou mayst repent thee of the evill of our punishments Make us turne unto thee with 〈◊〉 our hearts Ioel 2.12 with fasting and with weeping and with mourning Ex 32.12 and then turne thou from thy
have mercy upon us Ps 30.11 Ps 65.2 Ps 69.34 â—ord be thou our helper O thou that hearest â—rayer thou that hearest the poore and despisest â—ot the prisoners cause thou us to fast and â—ay and reade and weepe and repent as thou â—equirest Is 58.8 that our light may breake forth as the â—orning our health may spring forth speedily â—o our righteousnesse shall goe forth before us â—he glory of thee our Lord shall be our reward Mat 2.18 Oh how dolefull is this voyce which is heard in â—ur Rama this lamentation and weeping and great mourning Rachel weeping for her children â—nd will not be comforted because they are not Al-mighty God everlasting father Is 9.6 prince of â—eace thou who didst comfort thy disciples that in thee they might have peace Io. 16.33 Gen 8.11 because in the world they should have tribulation be pleased I beseech thee in mercy to send thy dove with the olive leafe of peace into this our distressed Kingdome When thy servant Solomon dedicated his temple to thy holy worship he prayed unto thee and sayd 1 King 8.33 When thy people Israel shall be smitten downe before the enemie because they have sinned against thee and shall turne againe to thee and confesse thy name and pray vers 34 and make supplication unto thee Then heare thou in heaven and forgive the sinne of thy people Israel and bring them againe to the land which thou gavest to their fathers Heavenly father wâ— are smitten downe before our enemies anâ— that because wee have sinned against thee but by thy grace wee turne againe to the and confesse thy name and pray and makâ— our supplications to thee in thy templesâ— Heare thou us in heaven and forgive thâ— sinns of thy distressed and back-sliding Israel compose our grievous divisions and destructions Mercifull father bow downe thine eare to mee the worst of all this thine Israel who in the name of our whole nation doe here beseech thee to be pacified with this broken Kingdome smitten downe with its owne bloody and sharpest sword Make us all 〈◊〉 turne againe unto thee and pray and maâ—… our supplications unto thee more frequentâ— and more fervently then formerly wee haâ—… done that thou mayst heare us and he alt our land O thou sword of the Lord hoâ— long will it be ere thou be quiet Ier 47.6 Put up thy sell into thy skabbard rest and be still O God of peace ô Prince of peace thou and thoâ— onely it is who makest warrs to cease in all the world Ps 46.9 when so thou pleasest who breakest the bowe and knappest the speare iâ— sunder and burnest the chariots in the fire O give thou unto us thy wounded people such rest on every side 1. King 5.4 c 8.57 that wee may have neither adversarie nor evill occurrent Doe thou o Lord our God be with us as thou wert with our fathers doe not leave us nor forâ—ke us Make us incline our hearts to thee vers 58 â—d walke in thy wayes and keepe thy comâ—andements and thy statutes and thy judgâ—ents which thou commandedst our fathers Thou o God art the God of peace thou Rom 15.33 〈◊〉 Christ art the Prince of peace thou o heaâ—enly and blessed Spirit art the Dove of â—eace o thou united Trinitie give peace in his our land that wee may lie downe Lev 26 6. and â—one may make us afraid O let not the â—word any longer goe through our land but doe â—hou walke among us and be our God vers 12 and let â—s be thy people Give peace in our time 〈◊〉 Lord let the righteous flourish Ps 72.7 yea and â—boundance of peace so long as the moone endureth Give the King thy judgments vers 1. 〈◊〉 God and thy righteousnesse unto the Kings Sonnes Let the mountaines bring forth peace vers 3. and the litle hills righteousnesse unto thy people O King of Kings and Lord of Lords doe thou in mercy direct and continue our Soveraigne Lord the King in the truth and purity of our religion without inclining either to the right hand or to the left Make him allways a Royall protectour a zealous professour and a constant practiser of the same Blesse him o thou God of blessings in his Royall Person blesse him in his Consort blesse him in his Issue blesse him in his Counsellers and blesse him in all his People even froÌ„ Dan to Beersheba Be propitious ô thou wonderfull Counsellâ— in an especiall and peculiar manner unto thâ— head and members of our high and most honâ—…rable Parliament Doe thou knitt and unâ— them doe thou guide and direct them in aâ— their counsells and consultations that they maâ— unanimously joyntly conclude upon such who some lawes as may tend to the suppression oâ— wickednesse and vice and the maintenance of thy true religion and vertue rooting up all atheisne and profanenesse all herefie and superstition all schisme and faction that both church and common wealth may be religiously and firmely knitted and tyed together in the unitie of the spirit Ps 85.11 by the bond of peace Let thy truth o Goâ— of truth flourish out of the earth and righteounesse looke downe from heaven Doe thou Loâ— shew thy loving kindnesse unto thy people vers 12 〈◊〉 let our land give it's increase Let thy peopâ—… dwell in peaceable habitations Isa 32.18 and in suâ— dwellings and in quiet resting places Cauâ—… thou us to beate our swords into ploâ— shares c 2.4 and our speares into pruning-hookesâ— and suffer us not to learne such civill warâ— any more c 11.5 Let righteousnesse be the girdâ— of our loynes and faithfulnesse the girdle of our reines vers 6. Let the wolfe allso dwell with tâ— lamb and the leopard lie downe with the kiâ— and the calfe and the young lyon and the fatling together and let a litle child leadâ— them vers 8. Let a sucking child play on the hole of â—he aspe and a weaned child put his hand on the â—ockatrice denne Breake thou the bowe Hos 2.18 and the sword and the battell out of the earth and make us to lie downe safely vers 19 Betroth us unto thee for ever in righteousnesse and in judgment and in loving kindnesse and in mercies O let us sit downe every one under our vines Mic 4.4 and under our fig trees let there be none en make us afraid Glory be to thee ô God in the highest Luc 2.14 Io 14.27 1. Sam. 25.6 2. Thes 3.16 Rom 5.1 Eph. 2.14 and on earth peace and good will towards men Suffer not ô eternall peace the hearts of us to be troubled neither let us be afraid Peace be both to us and peace be to our houses and peace be to all that wee have and that in and through him who is the Lord of peace Iustifie us all by faith that wee may have peace with thee
the power of thy grace that they may neither sinne by excesse nor offend in the cause Put them into thy bottle Ps 56.8 note them in thy booke In thy mercy Mat. 26.38 finish soone these dayes of sinne that by the merits of him that was sorrowfull in the garden Rev. 7.17 all teares may one day be wiped from mine eyes all sorrowes expelled driven from my heart my soule may be receaved into the quire of Saints there to live and reigne with thee world without end Amen Teares from the heart THE SECOND SVBJECT The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz. 1 The wickednesse of a corrupted heart 2 A Lamentation for the losse of an honest heart 3 Griefe for an old and sinfull heart an earnest desire of a righteous new one The first part The wickednesse of a corrupted Heart THE EjACULATION Ps 5. 1. Give eare to my words O Lord consider my meditation 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe heart is deceitfull above al things and desperately wicked Ier 17.9 who can know it saith God by his Prophet What is here A heart Adeceit full heart A heart deceitfull above all things A wicked heart Desperately wicked A heart inscrutable Lord surely this is the just description of my heart if yet I have any if I have any at all for 't is a doubt whether I have one or not It is said of Ephraim Hos 7.11 that shee was like a silly Dove without heart Surely so am I too not for the innocency but the simple folly of the Dove for like Ephraim too I have fled from my God vers 13 But why should I be so simple as to thinke that I have noe heart Doe not I feele one with in mee Yes sure for my meate comfort 's it Gen 18.5 Pro 14.30 Ps 38.19 as Abraham desired the Angells to doe by theirs I have a sound heart which is the life of the flesh I know I have one for like Davids it panteth I can feele it beate and that 's a good signe that I have one I know too by the passions which I have in it for I am subject to joy and sorrow to love and batred to feare and courage to hope and despaire I have the seede's of all the vertues and vices in mee I have an understanding too a will and imagination and what not which others are endued with Why then doe I complaine that I have noe heart when as this very complaint ariseth from my heart Alas I have a heart indeede the heart of a woman But I want a heart yet a better heart the heart of a Christian What 's this heart to mee this poore inconsiderable heart which nature lend's mee T' is but a morsel of thick solid flesh placed in the midle belly the seate indeede of the vitall faculties the heart that preserveth the heate of the body the spring head of the arteries the chiefe author of breathing and working of the pulse a poore thing which nature was feint to take such compassion of as to wrap it in clowtes in a caule that it might lye quiet in it 's place and be kept from the violence and pressures of the neighbouring members Yea shee 's feint to dip this caule too in a kind of waterish humour and wrap it about this heart least the litle trifle should be so hot or dry that it should fall into a swoone What s' all this to mee as I am a Christian This poore thing shall have but a litle time to lye panting in my breast and then though it be the eldest enlivened member and shall linger and out-live all the rest yet at length it shall faint depart away it shall goe and make a pleasant collation for the wormes in the with-drawing chamber in the coole vault of my silent grave and so even fare them well But what then Is this all The very beasts have such a dispatch and when they are gone there 's noe more expectation of sense or any thing else Surely I who am placed upon earth as a kind of mistresse over the inferiour creatures must one day render some account to my Lord who hath thus intrusted mee When I die I must goe to another place Either I must be doomed to eternall miserie or else receaved and admitted to unspeakeable and everlasting content I am not all flesh I am some spirit God hath not confined mee to those narrow bounds of vegetation and sense Noe hee hath added reason to them and made mee a woman so that although I have a heart common with the beast according to sense yet I should have another heart too a heart a bove either them or that 1. Pet. 3 4. Deut. 11.16 Rom. 10.10 c. 2.15 Deut 29.4 1. Thes 3.13 2. Sam. 24.10 Deut 29.4 I have a reasonable soule a mind an understanding a conscience and each of these in the scripture is termed a heart but this o this is that heart which I feare I want Want it Yes I so want it that either I have it not at all or if I have it it is such a one as 't is worse for mee farr worse then if I had none at all But I have none indeede The Lord hath not given mee an heart to perceave nor eyes to ser nor eares to heare unto thit day When I pray I have none when I reade the sacred oracles of the most high I have none when I goe to the temple and should attend to the instructions of the ambassadours of Christ I have none when I should put in practise what hath arrived at my knowledg I have none when I should confer discours of God and goodnesse I have none none at all none in the church none in my closet nor in the society of the godly at noe time in noe place upō noe good occasion can I find that I have any Or if I have one I had as good be without it for 't is a dry one for want of watering it with my teares I find that 't is smitten down and withered like grasse Or 't is dead or at lest Ps 102 4. just dying at the last gaspe I have beene drunke with wickednesse very drunke as Nabal was with wine at his kingly feast but now I begin to grow a litle more sober and recollect my selfe 1. Sam 25.36 vers 37 Mat 13 15. Ps 119.70 Iam 5.5 Io 3.19 c 9.39 I find that my heart like his upon the newes which his wife tould him even dyes within mee and I am become as a stone Or if it be yet alive 't is a fatt one 't is waxed grosse 't is as fatt as grease 't is nourished as in the day of slaughter so that through the unweildines of it and through the destruction approaching it I had better be without it Or else 't is a blind one for it loveth darknesse rather
provoked him to wrath But what though in Eden hee was not heard but â—n the coole of the day Gen 18.1 I am sure that hee appeared to Abraham in the heate of the day aâ—â—hee sate in the tent doore in the plaines of Mamâ—re And so hee doeth to mee now too inwardly by his Spirit if I find his grace working in my soule a desire of his glorie I will therfore besiech him now while hee is with mee Ps 42.8 Ps 22.2 to command his loving kindnesse in this day time to visit mee that so I may not justly complaine with David O my God I cry in the day time and thou hearest not but rather that I may heare a Phinehas saying unto mee as once hee did to the children of Reuben Gad and Manasseh This day wee perceave Ios 22.31 that the Lord is among us Alasse poore Iacob how did hee endure the sweate and the burning of this time of the day Gen 31.40 In the day the drought consumed him and the frost in the night and his sleepe departed from him Assuredly in those fourteene yeeres which hee spent in the service of Laban for his two wives and in those sixe yeeres which hee served for the flocks and the cattell hee could not choose but loose a whole river of sweate that dropped from his face Lord how should every droppe of sweate that fall's from my browes put mee in mind of the fall of Adam which produced this punishment Gen 3.19 Yea how should my teares too out-vye my sweate when I consider the number of my fowle transgressions They oh they have so increased within mee that they enforce the sweate to fly to my face and in this heate of the day to tell mee of a punishment in the flames of the damned But there was once a day of deliverance of the Israelites from the Egyptian bondage Ex 13.3 and Moses commanded the people saying Remember this day And what day of my life hath not beene to mee a day of deliverance So many diseases and accidents assayle the body so many discontents the mind so many casualties and chances the estate yea and which is worst of all so many sinnes the soule that if I should attempt but once to number them I could not easily determine where to beginne Lord make mee this day remember thy deliverances in a gratefull manner and magnifie thee for thy mercies There will bee a day too a day of death but when it shall come God onely knoweth This for ought I know may prove the day Ould Ifaak tould his sonne Esau saying Gen 27.2 Behould now I am ould I know not the day of my death Neither indeede doe I know mine What know I to the contrarie but that anone at the table I may entertaine my death in a dish or a cup Lord make mee allways provided for thee and then at all times thou art well-come to mee But how shall I be sure to have my petition graunted and that God will afford mee such mercy as to save mee I reade of a day that was threatned to the Iewes even when the Chaldaeans should become their conquerours This the Lord fore-tould unto them when hee sayd Ioel 2.1 Blow yee the trumpet in Sion and sound an all-arme in my holy mountaine Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble for the day of the Lord cometh for it is nigh at hand A day of darknesse vers 2. and of gloominesse a day of clowdes and of thick darknesse as the morning spread upon the mountaines Their death was to approach by the sword of their enemies and their miseries to increase by the furie of their tormentours My death may be neerer hastening unto mee then was the destruction of the Iewes at the time of the prophesie and in what manner it shall come I cannot assure my selfe God is not confined to time or meanes otherwise then hee hath decreed himselfe This very day may happen to be mine and another day may be appointed for another Yea and my day too may prove a day of horrour for wicked I am and I reade what is spoken by the mouth of Iob Iob 21.30 The wicked is reserved to the day of destruction they shall be brought forth to the day of wrath I poore I am one of the wicked and have deserved the greatest severest judgments from the hand of the revenger O if this day should prove so terrible insteede of pampering my body with delightfull foode I might cry out with the Prophet Cursed be the day wherein I was borne Ior 20.14 let not the day wherein my mother bare mee be blessed But I have a better confidence in the mercies of my Redeemer Yet I cannot hope for mercy from him if I doe not expresse some mercy to my selfe The chiefest act of mercy to my selfe consisteth in a serious afflicting and tormenting of my selfe for my sinnes which would ruine mee With my teares I must therfore wash away my sinnes I must purge them with my teares I must cure the sinnes of mine eyes with the teares of mine eyes And yet since my teares are not free from pollution even those must be purified and made effectuall by the blood of the Lamb. The stomack is commonly prepared for meate by the blood of the grape Therfore before I will goe to my foode I will prepare my selfe with a glasse of wine but that wine shall be high and excellent it shall be the wine of Angells It shall have the savour of life in it it shall have the race of mercy in it the sweetenesse of reconciliation the heate of grace This wine shall be my teares a leane sower eager wine of it selfe but it shall be sugered by the hand of my Redeemer it shall be deepe drawne and well dashed with the blood of the innocent This is such as the Angells delight in This wine shall prove an excellent restorative it shall be even like blood yea it shall be blood it selfe even the blood of my drooping my wounded and my deiected soule This will exceede all the Frontiniak or the Greeke or the Palerma wines for the grapes thereof doe not grow upon the smooth and twisting branches of common vines but they grow like the rose upon a thornie bough and yeeld whole clusters of joy and content This wine hath such an in-bred vertue in it that it giveth courage to the drinker and that good effect I seriously hope it shall worke in mee For I must fight though I am but a woman I must fight and warre and combate with mine enemies with my corruptions Ios 10.13 I trust that hee who made the Sun stand still in the middest of heaven that it hasted not to goe downe about a whole day when the five Kings fought against Gibeon and all this onely at the prayer of Ioshua even hee will assist mee in this holy warre that I may destroy the Kings the greatest the
and have mercy upon us Lord be thou our helper O be thou our helpe in trouble for vaine is the helpe of man part 5 The Fifth part of the Soliloquie shewing how God threatneth before his visitation IT is a weakenesse it is a fondnesse it is a madnesse in people not to believe the sure effects of certaine causes before they become obvious to their senses In the course of nature wee are apt to believe what wee dare not try Who will put his finger into the fire to try if it will burne Who will cast himselfe into the water to try whether it will drowne him Yet in things divine wee are too incredulous too full of un-beliefe I find that my God hath stricken divers with plagues for the sinnes which they have committed But I likewise find that hee hath threatned divers before hee visited them that so by their amendment they might prevent those judgments which otherwise would ensue It is my best way to find out the crying sinnes of the land by observing the punishments which are sent us for them but I must not forget either the patience of our God or the obstinacie of men the long-suffering of our Creatour or the impenitencie of his creatures Sure I am that the Lord did allways call to repentance before hee punished offenders hee hath ever wooed transgressours both by promises and by threatnings before hee ever made them sick in smiting them for their transgressions Mic 6.13 example 1 When the Israëlites were to be freed from the Egyptian bondage ô how often was Pharaoh admonished to let them goe Moses and Aaron sayd unto him The God of the Hebrewes hath met with us Ex 5.3 let us goe wee pray thee three dayes journie into the desert and sacrifice to the Lord our God lest hee fall upon us with the Pestilence or with the sword Lord how meeke Moses begged for the people yea and in the name of God too and for an act of religion too and for feare of judgments too yea and those judgments not small or triviall for they should be either the Pestilence or the sword yea and hee pretendeth that those judgments should fall upon the Israelites the people of God if they neglect their sacrifices hee saith not upon the Egyptians hee saith not upon the King And yet for all this the King yeelded not the Israelites sacrificed not and therfore the plagues the vengeance came upon the heads of their oppressours example 2 Gog was threatned for a thing which yet hee was suffered to doe The Israelites were to be his purchase Eze 38.11 the un-walled villages his pray all that dwelled without walls and had neither barres nor gates should be made desolate by him Thus the people of God were to suffer for the sinnes committed against their God But was the enemie to escape by whom the people should be corrected Was Gog to be enriched and to enjoy the spoyle Nothing lesse The very instrument of revenge was not to be freed from the wrath of the revenger nor the executioner to be accounted innocent though hee punished the guilty vers 22 I will pleade against him with pestilence saith the Lord and with blood I will raine upon him and upon his bands and upon the many people that are with him an over-flowing raine and greate hailestones fire and brimstone Thus the Israelites offended and were threatned with the armies of Gog. Gog offended in that hee knew not his maker in that hee looked onely to his advantage and spoyles whilest yet hee executed the vengeance of God hee 's therfore threatned hee shall therfore be consumed When hee should have revenged God upon the rebellious people then God himselfe would be revenged upon him with judgments from heaven example 3 The Prophet Ezekiel was sent to threaten the Israëlites for their many rebellions and thus sayd the Lord God unto him Eze 6.11 Smite with thine hand and stampe with thy foote and say Alas for all the evill abominations of the house of Israël for they shall fall by the sword by the famine and by the pestilence vers 12 Hee that is farre off shall dye of the pestilence and hee that is neere shall fall by the sword and hee that remaineth and is besieged shall dye by the famine thus will I accomplish my fury upon them Here is warning given before the blow be stricken there is the sword allready halfe out here is the famine allready in a due preparation here is an Angel ready to disperse the pestilence but before execution here is notice given before the punishment here is a threatning sent Even thus allso hath our good God dealt with us thus hath hee warned us Eze 33 11. Hee who delighteth not in the death of a sinner doeth never strike before notice given for hee had rather that our repentance should quiver his arrowes then that by our sinnes hee should be enforced to hit us at the heart example 4 I will smite the inhabitants of this citty saith God by Ieremiah concerning Ierusalem both man Ier 21.6 and beast they shall dye of a greate Pestilence Loe here is still the future tense I will not I doe God delighteth not in the execution of his wrath but yet his I will is as sure as his I doe Thus hee hath formerly threatned us with his I will I confesse indeede hee hath and yet wee would not believe what was to come onely because wee found it not instantly present Hence it is that now our people cry now our beastes doe roare and it is but just that men and women should be ranked in the order with beastes seeing that our sinnes have discovered us to be more stupid then them Yet the beasts perish though they could not sinne and wee perish because wee can doe noe-thing but sinne So the servant suffereth for the offences of the master so the beasts are punished for the sinnes of the owners The Pestilence putteth noe distinction betweene them both allthough the one could not the other would not avoyde the punishment example 5 In the booke of Exodus the Lord saith concerning Pharaoh Ex 9.15 the Egyptians Now I will stretch out mine hand that I may smite thee and thy people with Pestilence and thou shalt be cut off from the earth Take heede Pharaoh hee is true who threatneth and allthough hee saith I will yet hee saith allso now I will Hee is ready for thee allthough thy heart be not ready for him hee is just now prepared to punish if thou be not just now prepared to obey I will bring a sword upon you Lev 26 25. that shall avenge the quarrell of my covenant and when yee are gathered together in your citties I will send the Pestilence among you and yee shall be delivered into the hand of your enemies saith the Lord to the Israëlites And againe Deut 28.21 The Lord shall make the Pestilence to cleave to
let the sicknesse of our bodies put us in mind of the diseases of our soules Good God either preserve us from sicknesse or protect us in sicknesse Be thou our God and make us thy servants and then come either with health or with sicknesse thy will be done Ps 91.7 Thou canst cause a thousand to fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand and yet preserve us Thou canst if thou pleasest vers 10 so protect us that noe evill may befall us nor any plague come nigh our dwelling O graunt therfore that wee may make thee our refuge vers 9. Ps 38.6 yea thee who art the most high our habitation Wee are troubled o Lord wee are bowed downe greately wee goe mourning all the day long Ps 102 9. vers 10 Wee eate ashes as it were bread and mingle our drinke with weeping because of thine indignation and thy wrath for thou hast lifted us up and cast us downe But o thou who art my onely rock Ps 42.9 why hast thou forgotten us O why goe wee thus mourning by reason of this affliction Ps 43.2 Thou art the God of our strength Why doest thou cast us off O give mee leave with Queene Esther to speake yet againe before thee the King of Kings Est 8.3 and to fall downe at thy feete as shee did at the feete of King Ahasuerus and to besiech thee with teares to with-draw thy visitation Iob. 14 22. O Lord our verie soules within us doe mourne for thou doest cause our Sunne to goe downe at noone and doest darken our earth in the cleere day Amos. 8.9 vers 10 Thou hast turned our fasts into mourning and all our songs into lamentation thou hast brought sack-cloth upon our loynes Lam. 5.15 vers 16 and made our mourning as the mourning of an onely sonne The joy of our hearts is ceased and the crowne is fallen from our head Woe unto us that wee have sinned But ô thou who wert annointed to preach good tidings unto the meeke Is 61.1 who wert sent to bind up the broken-hearted vers 2. to proclame liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound to proclaime the acceptable yeere of the Lord yea and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all that mourne vers 3. to appoint unto them that mourne in Zion to give unto them beawtie for ashes the oyle of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heavinesse Thou who settest up on high those that be low Iob. 5.11 Ps 102 17. that those which mourne may be exalted to safety Reguard thou I most humbly and earnestly besiech thee the prayers of us the poore destitute despise not our desires Thou hast seene our wayes Is 57.18 O doe thou heale us leade us allso and restore comforts unto us that wee may be called Trees of righteousnesse the planting of thee our Lord that thou mayst be glorified Wound us not Ier. 30.14 O father with the wound of an enemie with the chastisement of a cruel one for the multitude of our iniquities vers 15 Let not our sorrow be incurable because our sinnes be increased Though for a small moment thou hast seemed to forsake us Is 54.7 yet with thy greate mercies gather us againe vers 8. In aditle wrath thou doest hide thy face from us for a moment but with ever-lasting kindnesse have mercy upon us ô Lord our Redeemer O thou who art our Redeemer vers 5. Ps 34.15 Is 37.17 the Holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth Let thine eares be open unto our cryes open thine eyes and see our afflictions how wee are shut up from the comforts of the godly and from the societie of our indeared friends Ps 13.3 Consider and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten our eyes lest wee sleepe the sleepe of death Ps 123.2 Behould as the eyes of servants looke unto the hand of their masters and as the eyes of a mayden unto the hand of her mistresse so our eyes wayt upon thee ô Lord our God untill thou have mercy upon us O doe thou graunt unto us remisston of our sinnes patience in our miseries comfort in our distresse physick for our health and recoverie and in thy blessed time bring our soules out of prison Ps 142.7 that wee may give thanks unto thy name which thing if thou wilt graunt unto us then shall the righteous resort againe unto our companie Ps 79.13 So shall wee that be thy people and sheepe of thy pasture give thee thanks for ever and shew forth thy praise from generation to generation world with-out end Amen subject 15 THE FIFTEENTH SUBJECT Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence being 1 Either wounded with a Sore 2 Or marked with the Tokens soliloquy 1 1. Teares of the visited being wounded with a Sore The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray OH 't is come 't is come Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee See See What swelling's this What rising's this Oh it is the messenger of death and biddeth mee to enquire into my sinfull life I am struck oh I am struck to the heart This is the impression of anger and the blott of him who in his wrath may justly blott mee out of his wonted compassion Yet let mee not despaire let mee not be too much dismayd While there is life there is hope The woman in the law who had gone aside to another man in-steed of her husband whereof her husband was jealous Num. 5.20 and brought her to her purgation was to be charged by the Priest with an oath of cursing vers 21 vers 22 upon whose drinking of water her belly did swell and her thigh did rott Surely I have drunke none of that water or if I have it cannot hurt mee for by that very law vers 28 the innocent escaped free from the punishment I have never disbonoured my nuptiall bed nor defiled my selfe with any other man that this swelling should light upon mee Yet now I better consider of it let mee not deceave my selfe There is as well a spirituall as a carnall adulterie Even a virgin may be styled an adulteresse Have I never turned from my God Hath my soule never forsaken her deerest husband my blessed Redeemer to commit a spirituall whoredome O guiltie guiltie woe is mee I cannot choose but pleade guiltie to this my indictment My conscience telleth mee that I have followed the temptations of the enemies of Christ I cannot tell how often and justly therfore I must confesse may this swelling be my punishment for greater then this hath beene my due
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
Ierusalem and to set a marke upon the fore-heads of the men that sighed and that cryed for all the abominations that were done in the midst thereof A marke I have too yea more then one and one and one though not in my fore head and they are set on as if they proceeded from the inke of the writer but woe is mee I have either not cryed at all or not enough either for mine owne sinnes or for the abominations of Ierusalem how then can I hope to escape the destruction And yet hee that spared them if hee please can spare mee likewise for his hand is not shortned Is 59.1 that it cannot save neither is his eare heavie that hee cannot heare 2. King 20.1 When Hezekiah was commanded to set his house in order and it was tould him that hee should die and not live vers 2. hee turned his face to the wall and prayed unto the Lord and wept sore vers 3. vers 5. and presently Isaiah was sent unto him to tell him Thus saith the Lord the God of David thy father I have heard thy prayer I have seeno thy teares behould I will heale thee and I will adde unto thy dayes fifteene yeeres vers 6. Hee may be pleased to say unto mee too as hee did unto Hezekiah for I allso weepe yea I weepe very sore and I allso pray yea I pray heartily Ps 22.19 and say Be not thou farre from mee ô Lord ô my strength hast thee to helpe mee But Hezekiah was more righteous then I am 2. King 20.3 for hee walked before the Lord in trueth and with a perfect heart and did that which was good in his sight Rom. 7 18. Num 12.13 whereas in mee dwelleth noe good thing But Miriam was a woman as I am yea and sinfull and yet when shee was Leprous Moses cryed unto the Lord for her and sayd Heale her now ô God I besiech thee and shee was shut out from the campe but seaven dayes vers 15 and was healed O but shee had a Moses to pray for her whereas I alas have none I have noe such Moses to pray for mee But what shall I therfore remaine quite destitute of all hopes Shall I despaire of the goodnesse and the tender mercies of the most high Noe I may not I must not for that would but increase my sinne adde to my torments The woman in the Gospel who for twelve yeeres space had an issue of blood Mar 5.25 and had suffered many things of many physitians and had spent all that shee had and was nothing bettered vers 26 vers 27 but rather grew worse shee onely came behind my Iesus vers 29 and touched his garment and straight way the fountaine of her blood was dryed up and shee felt in her body that shee was healed of that plague vers 33 VVith that fearing and trembling woman therfore will I in like manner fall downe before him and tell him all the trueth I will confesse unto him all my sinnes or at least so many as possibly I can call to my remembrance Who knoweth but that hee may say unto mee as hee did unto her vers 34 Daughter thy faith hath made thee whole goe in peace and be whole of thy plague I am resolved to take noe repulse The whole multitude even the multitude of my sinnes shall not hinder mee though they rebuke mee that I should hould my peace but with the blind man in the Gospel I will cry so much the more Lu 18.39 Iesus thou sonne of David have mercy on mee Or if that prayer be too short while hee shall prolong my time I will compose and settle my selfe to a larger forme earnestly fervently zealously I will pray unto him and say The Prayer O Eternall and most mercifull Lord God whose eyes are ten thousand times brighter then the Sunne and yet thou vouchsafest to looke with thine eye of providence even upon the meanest of the children of men Lu 1.48 Ps 38.9 reguard I besiech thee the low estate of thine afflicted hand-mayd Thou knowest all my desires and my groaning is not hid from thee To thee the pollutions of my poore soule are more naked and open then these spotts in my flesh are obvious to my sight The fowlenesse of my corruptions have conspired with the infectious ayre to cause these staines in my skinn and by them I am commanded to prepare for my dissolution Lord if thou hast decreed by these meanes to free mee from this world of paine and miserie be pleased to translate mee from hence to the joy of thee my Lord and Master Mat. 25 23. Give mee ô my father a sight of mine imperfections make mee loath them and tremble at them more then I doe at these messengers of death Weane mee from the love of sinne by the consideration both of thy displeasure mine owne mortalitie These spotts appeare like so many eyes which seeme to stare mee in the face and would affright mee with horrour and all because I had not allways a consideration that thine eyes in every place doe behould the evill Prov. 15.3 and the good Blessed God give mee a sight of my corruptions and a detestation of them Ps 51.9 and then turne thou thy face away from my sinnes and blot out all mine iniquities Speake peace and health unto my wounded soule which every minuit expecteth thy coming Lord thou art a God who canst not abide to behould unrighteousnesse looke not therfore with thy wrathfull eye upon mee who am all sinne and pollution but upon thy Sonne and his sufferings Or if thou canst not choose but looke upon mee first cloath mee with the righteousnesse of that immaculate Lamb so shalt thou see mee with love and delight I shall behould thee with unspeakeable joy Prepare mee o my God that I may be a fit guest to be called and invited to the supper of the Lamb. Reu 19.9 Seale unto my soule the remission of mine offences and then make mee willingly to resigne up my body to thine owne disposing Yet thou mayest speake the word if so thou pleasest and thy servant may be healed Mat. 8.8 Luc. 17 15. There was a Leper in the Gospel who fell downe at thy feete ô Iesus giving thee thunks vers 16 and with a lowde voyce glorifying thy name because thou hadst healed him It is as easie for thee to restore mee in like manner Hos 5 13. as thou didst that Leper When Ephraim saw his sicknesse and went to the Assyrian Iudah saw his wound and sent to King Iareb there was found noe healing nor curing of the wounds but those that come unto thee shall find that thou art both able willing to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to give medicine to heale their sicknesse for unto Israël thou diddest proclayme thy selfe The Lord that
must some-times rest What though I am an exul a stranger a sojourner here as all my fathers were I must have a lodging I must have a chamber I must have a roome and in that roome and in that chamber I may I must have some rest Yea and I must have some delight in it too and that not onâ—e alone but continually for so I am commanded by the Apostle Phil 4.4 who saith Rejoyce in the Lord allways and againe I say rejoyce Diverse indeede for diverse causes have wept but they have not allways wept Gen 27.38 Esau lifted up his voyce and wept but it was for the losse of his father's blessing The Elders of Ephesus wept Act 20 38. 2. Chr 35 25. yea they all wept sore but it was sorrowing most of all for the words that Paul had spoken unto them that they should see his face noe more A mourning I reade of that was in Hadadrimmon in the valley of Megiddo when Ieremiah lamented and all the singing men and the singing women spake of their King in their lamentations and made them an ordinance in Israel That was for Iosiah who was slaine by the armie of Pharaoh Necho in the valley of Megiddo In Ramah was a voyce heard Ier 31.15 lamentation and bitter weeping Rachel weeping for her children because they were not This mee thinks come's home close neere to mee This was for the captivitie of Iudah and Benjamin or it was for the infants slaine by that bloody that presecuting Herod Here are children lamented so farre the cause of the weeping complyeth with mine But neither is my child slaine by a murderer nor yet is hee lead into captivity Noe Eph 4.8 hee who did leade captivitie captive hath freed my sonne from the fetters Rom 8 21. from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of â—he sonnes of God My child was not slaine as were all the children that were in Bethlehem and in all the coasts thereof Mat 2.16 from two yeares ould and under Noe Hee who was slaine for him hath saved him Hee who hath swallowed up death in victory Is 25.8 Hos 13 14. hath ransomed him from the power of the grave and redeemed him from death Lord though I am a weake though a sinfull woman make mee for ever to praise thee for this thy goodnesse Ps 107 8. and to declare the wonders that thou hast done both for mee and mine When the woman of Samaria came to draw water at Iacob's well my bountifull Iesus freely gave her to drike of the living water Io 4.14 which became in her a well of water springing up into ever-lasting life I am such a woman as shee was mine eyes have resembled the mouth of Iacob's well and though the well be deepe even deepe as my heart yet some-thing I have had to draw the water with My child mine infant hath drawne and drawne untill I am even allmost drawne drie And in this agonie and in this distresse my Christ hath come to cleanse my well to sanctifie my teares and to ease mee of my griefe 1. King 3.26 My bowells indeede did yearne upon my child as that woman 's did whose issue should have beene divided for the satisfaction of the harlot My child is divided though hers were spared The better part of him the soule is gone it is gone to God for his it is it is his owne share nothing but the earth of him remaineth with mee But I will I must be thankfull and though I find a reluctance in my chillowed heart yet the Prophet forbiddeth weeping for the dead Ier 22.10 and bemoaning of them Let mee begge for patience for submission for content and say The Prayer BLessed Lord God Ps 68.20 unto whom belong the issues from death vouchsafe to heare the cry of thy mourning hand-mayd Thou wert pleased once to blesse mee with increase and to make mee a joyfull mother of my now dead infant But oh that that very child which was framed and fashioned by thee is now come unto thee The first that sinned was a woman tempted by the Serpent Gen. 3.13 and that Serpent in his temptation stung so deepe that it hath reached now even to the fruit of my wombe for the sinnes of my selfe Yet Lord looke downe in mercy upon mee though a sinfull woman though the most unworthy of my sexe Mat. 15.28 even farre inferiour to that woman of Canaan for herfaith was greate but I alas have noe faith at all or but a weake one or but a dead one otherwise the promises of my Redeemer would controul my passion and the assurance of his mercies would dry up my teares Thou ô Lord hast freed mine infant from the burden of the flesh yet I goe heavily for it as if it were lost in my despaire Thou hast crowned it with immortalitie and yet my passion declareth that I mourne as if it were lost Ps 38.9 O Lord God thou knowest all my desires and my groaning is not hid from thee Thou seest how my teares doe flow through mine infirmitie thou hearest my sighs which arise from my dis-content I confesse it I am sorrowfull for it I am ashamed of it Act. 7.60 Lord lay not this sinne to my charge Thou hast taken nothing but thine owne O be pleased so to make mee thine owne by grace and then shall I be assured in thine owne due time to be receaved into glory Allay the heate of my passion by the pleasant gales of thy refreshing Spirit Graunt that my teares may be kept for my sinnes my sad laments for my deplorable condition through my many offences My heart is heavy for the losse of my child ô Lord lighten it ô Lord ease and comfort it with thy heavenly grace Ps 94.19 In the multitude of sorrowes which I have in my heart let thy comforts ô Lord refresh my soule My child thou knowest was deare unto mee because it was thy pleasure to lend him unto mee Hee was and hee is deere unto thee and thou hast expressed thy love in delivering him fron the evill 1. Thes 1.10 2. Tim 2.11 from the wrath to come Hee is deal in Christ Lord let mee be dead with Christ that I may allso live with Christ My child is dead because hee was sinfull but his uttermost farthing was discharged by Christ O thou who art rich in mercy Eph 2.4 for the greate love wherewith thou hast loved man-kind graunt that I may not dye in sinne but to it that so I may be quickened together with thy Sonne Make mee to yeeld my selfe unto thee Rom 6 13. as those that are alive from the dead and my members as instruments of righteousnesse unto thee my God Forgive my excesse of love to him that is gone my excesse of teares and sighs that have beene caused by his departure my want of patience and submission to thy holy pleasure and
him yea and on mee allso that I may not be drowned in the flouds of sorrow Mat. 8.14 vers 15 When Iesus came into Peter's house hee saw his wive's mother laid and sick of a feaver And hee did but touch her hand and the feaver left her and shee arose and ministred unto them My Iesus doeth still reteine both his mercy and his power Though his body be absent yet his spirit is present Hee can if hee please reach downe from heaven Deut 4 34. for hee hath a mighty hand and a stretched-out arme O that hee would but touch his patient that so his disease might leave him and that hee might arise and serre the Lord The Prophet David did highly extoll the goodnesse of the Lord when hee acknowledged saying Ps 30.3 O Lord thou hast brought up my soule from the grave thou hast kept mee alive that I should not goe downe to the pitt Doe thou the same ô my God for thine afflicted servant My Redeemer was pleased to tell the Pharisees that the husband and the wife are noe more twaine but one flesh and therfore hee concluded saying What God hath joyned together let not man put asunder Mat â—9 6. My husband and my selfe are joyned together by the sacred institution of holy wedlock which maketh us one for wee have but one God one body one mind one affection wherfore then should any thing attempt to seperate us Yet wee may be Seperated and if this divorce be not wrought by man it infringeth not the law of God Sicknesse may make yea and at this time it doeth make an un-wellcome seperation yet though wee are seperated wee are not divided But I must find out more in this seperation then barely the sicknesse I must looke up unto him who sent this sicknesse and that is God Hee may seperate us indeede whensoever hee pleaseth Hee may send his executioner that pale and grimme death with his sharpest Sickle and give him power to reape downe either one or both of us That is the effect of sinne and I cannot deny but I have deserved to be deprived of my husband because I have many wayes offended him who sent him unto mee In the time of his health did I expect his sicknesse Did I provide for this evill day Nay did I not rather pride my selfe as Babylon did Reu 18 7. and say in mine heart I sit as a Queene and am noe widow and shall see noe sorrow Certainly his sicknesse is allso sent as a scourge unto mee for being flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone I cannot choose but be sensible of the anguish which hee suffer's Yet allthough it is just with God to deprive mee of my husband because of my rebellions I have hope in his mercy if I can but confesse my wickednesses Ps 38.18 Eze. 34 16. and be sorrie for my sinnes Hee promised once by the mouth of his Prophet saying I will seeke that which was lost and bring againe that which was driven away and will bind up that which was broken will strengthen that which was sick O my God make good this promise now to thy languishing servant Hee is one of thy flock hee is one of thy weake and tender Lambs True it is that hee was lost when hee went astray after his owne inventions but now as thou hast found him in this thy visitation so let him find thee in the gentlnesse of his correction Seeke him ô my God who was lost bring him againe unto thee who was driven from thee by the suggestions of the tempter bind him up for hee is broken Ps 41.3 and strengthen him now upon the bed of languishing make thou all his bed in this his sicknesse Moses did assure the children of Israel that If they would hearken to the judgments of God Deut. 7 12. vers 15 and keepe and doe them Then the Lord would take away from them all sicknesse and would put none of the evill diseases of Egypt upon them O my Lord be pleased to make thy feeble servant willing to hearken to thy judgments and ready to keepe them and then in thy good time release him from his sicknesse Againe the Lord at another time did comfort his people Ex. 23.25 and sayd unto them Yee shall serve the Lord your God and I will take sicknesse away from the midst of thee O that my God would be pleased to draw this languishing patient to his holy service and accept of that service and then free him from this sicknesse Hee who hath woundded him even the same can cure him and hee expecteth noe reward onely hee requireth the heart But alas the very heart of my husband is tormented with sicknesse hee is sick at the heart and the Lord doeth say Mal. 1.8 If yee offer the lame and the sick is it not evill But what then shall hee doe Hee can offer noe other then what hee hath Let it be thy goodnesse ô God to ture him of his lamenesse to ease him of his sicknesse and then accept of the whole man for hee is wholly thine Hee who so friendly speaketh to the house of Israël and justifieth himselfe unto them saying O my people what have I done unto thee Mich. 6.3 and wherein have I wearied thee Even the same God notwithstanding threatneth the wicked that hee will make them sick in smiting vers 13 them My poore husband now is sensible of his wrath because hee had formerly refused his mercy Even hee and my selfe have beene apt to forget our good God when hee did not weary us and therfore now hee doeth make us sick in this smiting us Yet there is hope for even the same God is ours who was the God of Daniel and that Prophet saith Dan 8.27 I Daniel fainted and was sick certaine dayes afterward I rose up and did the King's businesse My poore husband fainteth too oh hee is sick too but I will pray unto my God to raise him up againe that so hee may doe the King's businesse even the businesse of him who is King of Kings Reu 17.14 and Lord of Lords For this I will besiech him and I will begge of him that in the bowells of his compassion hee will open his eares to the cry of his hand-mayd whilest I powre out my prayer and supplication unto him and say The Prayer INcomprehensible God whose workes are deepe and whose wayes are past finding out who smitest in thy wrath and yet in thy wrath remembrest mercy Hab. 3.2 be pleased to stretch forth thine hand and visit in mercy thine afflicted patient Thou art the good Samaritane from whom alone wee can expect the oyle of gladnesse Lu 10.33 Ps 45.7 and the wine of consolation O remember not the iniquities either of my sick Lord or my sinfull selfe for wee know that in thy justice thou mayst teare us in pieces Ps 50.22 Is 53.5 when there can
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
and yet 't is a paine to mee to cry yea and 't is follie to cry because I receave 〈◊〉 certaine hurt by it but noe release from thâ— which I cryfor I envy all that enjoy theâ— health and each moment I am ready to repiâ— at him who hath brought mee so low Thâ— smile of a visitant is a dagger at my heart for while I find my selfe thus lingering in a sicknesse I looke that the whole world should decay for companie I am fretfull and peevish and disturbed with every thing yea even by a continuance of the fretfulblesse it selfe One while I faine would have my life prolonged another while I cry out for a speedie departure Sometimes I have a kind of glimmering oâ— health and then I am so proude of it that 〈◊〉 adventure too much Either I eate too much or I walke too much or I discourse too much or one thing or other exceeding its proportion speedes mee back againe to my former weaknesse then am I sorrie for what I have done and yet am I apt either to denie or excuse it Thus ô thus is my body perplexed but all this while I say nothing of my soule I am sensible of the anguish which I feele in my body but in what estate or condition doe I find my foule My body is allmost resolved into that whereof it was framed my soule therfore is not long to continue upon earth When they shall part it will prove either a day of tryumphant blisse or else a dismall time â—t will be of horrour and confusion O come come thou fond and foolish woman looke â—o that darling which ere long shall be crowned with a diademe of glory or else be damned with the rebellious ghosts Well I am resolved I will now take up banishing the thoughts or hopes of recoverie I will prepare my selfe that I may meete my God O my God assist mee in this my resolution and blesse mee in the performance part 2 The second part of the Soliloquie expressing the cause of the maladie HAd Adam continued in his integritie man should have beene freed from the tortures of sicknesse The dead and trampled earth should not have beene freer from thornes and thistles then man the living earth from maladies and infirmities But ô I feele the sowernesse of the apple in the bitternesse and sharpnesse of my disease and needes must I therfore remember mine originall corruption This is the cause of my languishing this is the ground of my feeblenesse But is this all Have I nothing but the staine which I inherit from my parents to be termed the cause of this my miserie One onely offence to my greate creatour hath power enough to purchase my disquiet But have I but one Is mine hereditarie sinne mine onely crime Surely I feare that I have something amisse in mine owne thoughts and words and actions as well as in my parent's un-kind legacie I cannot believe that God doeth afflict my body with these chastisements yea and threaten my soule too with eternall tortures and all this onely for a sinne of Adam so many ages since committed Thus indeede hee might doe and yet I should not chuse but justifie him when hee should speake Ps 51.4 and cleare him when hee should judg Oh but I feele some-thing else at my heart as weightie as lead which make's mee cry out it is some-thing at my conscience which telleth mee that I have more to answer for then the pollutions of nature it assureth mee that I have offended cruelly deepely desperately I have offended 'T is true ô mine angrie my disturbed conscience I must confesse I have Oh my heart I feele there I feele there something more then an universall guilt I have offended I have sinned actually greatly mightily bloodily in every thought in every word in every action I have so industriously imployed my time to the dishonour of my God that I cannot remember I ever pleased him Guiltie guiltie I must I doe confesse my selfe highly guiltie of fearefull crimes such as disturbe mee in the very remembrance O my God vouchsafe mee a repenting heart for them yet never without the assurance of thy mercy and pardon through the sufferance of thy Sonne How can I choose but find my sinnes even in my very feeble and consuming sicknesse Since I have so many testimonies in the sacred pages that God is noe revenger untill mee are delinquents All disturbances of the body doe un-doubtedly arise from the pollutions of the soule The Prophet David confessed it and said Ps 38.3 There is noe soundnesse in my flesh because of thine anger neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinnes My Redeemer justified it when hee who had beene shaken with a palsie was brought unto him lying upon his bed for hee cured him Mat 9.2 and said Sonne be of good cheere thy sinnes be forgiven thee And againe when thirtie eight yeeres had beene spent by a man in a lingering disease and after that my Iesus had cured him when hee found him in the Temple Io 5.14 his words to him were Behould thou art made whole sinne noe more lest a worse thing come unto thee Saint Paul assured the Corinthians that because they did unworthily approach the table of the Lord 1. Cor 11.30 even for this cause many were weake and sick among them and many slept Thus the punishment is sent from God but the offence is both in and from our selves But have all diseases the same originall Is sinne the ground of every sicknesse Cannot I be afflicted with this languishing maladie but it must needes proceede from the wickednesse I have committed Noe doubtlesse for this very kind and manner of sicknesse hath particularly beene threatned yea and sent too as a punishment for disobedience A languishing hath beene threatned and sent upon the very creatures for the sinnes and wickednesse of the offending people Thus the Prophet bemoaneth the punishment of the Iewes for their greate rebellions and saith The earth mourneth Is 24.4 and fadeth away the world languisheth and fadeth away the height of the people of the earth doeth languish Ier 14.2 Thus in a grievous famine Iudah mourned and the gates thereof languished they were black unto the ground and Ierusalem was gone up Is 16.8 Thus the fields of Hesbon languished and the vine of Shibmah the lords of the heathen brake downe the principall plants thereof Ioel 1.10 Thus among the Iewes the field was wasted the land mourned for the corne was wasted the new wine was dryed up the oyle languished vers 12 the vine was dryed up and the figg-tree languished Thus in the confusion of Egypt the fishers mourned Is 19.8 and all that did cast the angle into the brookes lamented and they that spread netts upon the waters did languish Thus among the enemies of the church the earth mourned and languished c 33.9 Lebanon was ashamed and hewen
him who is emnipotent Hee did worke many wonders by his Apostles Act 19 11. even upon the living and speciall miracles by the hand of Saint Paul vers 12 so that from his body were brought unto the sick handkercheifs or aprons the diseases departed from them the evill spirits went out of them And hee who wrought cure of the people without meanes can give such a blessing to the meanes that I may thereby be restored againe many diseases my Redeemer himselfe did cure while hee was upon earth It is true that hee is now not here in the flesh hee is ascended into heaven But what of that Though his humanitie be there yet his divinitie is every where I will therfore submit to his pleasure and I will hope for my health While hee was upon earth hee delighted in cures and his mercie remaineth still the same readily will I therfore submit to his pleasure Mar. 2.3 Once was a man so weake with the palsie that hee was borne by fower vers 4. and when by reason of the preasse they could not come neere the doores of the house where my Saviour was they un-covered the roofe and let him downe in his bed When Iesus saw their faith vers 5. hee said unto the sick of the palsie Sonne thy sinnes be forgiven thee Mat 8.14 When Peter's wive's mother was sick of a feaver vers 15 my Saviour did but onely touch her hand and the feaver left her and shee arose and ministred unto them c. 4.24 The people brought unto him all sick folke that were taken with diverse diseases and torments and those that were possessed with devills and those that were lunatick and those that had the palsy and hee healed them It is hee alone that can heale and therfore to him alone will I pray that I may be healed Were my disease as ould as my body my body as ancient as time it selfe yet hee that can remit my sinnes can restore my health But my disease is not so ancient and therfore the cure doeth not seeme to be so hard Suppose that I have languished a moneth a quarter a whole yeare What if three What if sixe What if a dozen yeares It exceedeth not either his power Mat. 9.20 or skill to make mee whole Hee cured a woman who for twelve yeares together had beene diseased of an issue of blood in her body Mar 5.26 Shee poore woman had suffered many things of many physitians and had spent al that shee had and yet was nothing bettered but rather grew worse Thus despairing of any helpe from man shee addressed herselfe to him who is both God and man To him that cure was so easie that shee did but onely touch the hemme of his garment strait way the fountaine of her blood was dryed up vers 29 and shee felt in her body that shee was healed of that plague There was a miracle indeede that with the touch of a garment the disease should be cured If such power did lye in the hemne of his garment what vertue must I needes believe did lie in his body But what comfort can I receave from this which I reade when I know that that body is ascended into heaven Fond woman as I am why doe I thus waver Though his flesh be from mee yet his spirit is with mee Yea and his flesh and his blood is offered still unto Christians upon earth Hee giveth not onely his garment to touch but allso his flesh and that not to touch onely but even to eate to seede upon in the blessed sacrament That woman was cured by the touch of his garment and shall not I hope for his mercy who feede upon his flesh and blood in the Eucharist Yes yes I must I will believe that hee for his owne sake will remitt my sinnes and that if it may advantage the glory of his name hee â—an and may recover my health Yet all this while I thinke but of a disease of twelve yeares standing What if I had beene sick for eighteene yeares together Might I therfore despaire of his power Noe noe I might not I durst not Lu 13.11 Doe not I reade of a woman who had a spirit of insirmitie eighteene yeares and was bowed together and could in noe wise lift up herselfe A disease shee had which in effect was not alltogether unlike unto mine for I stoope too and am allmost bowed together through the weakenesse and infirmitie of my body and cannot lift up my selfe but am enforced to require the aide of my friends and attendance to raise mee and to support mee Yet I reade that when Iesus saw her vers 12 hee called her unto him and said unto her Woman thou art loosed from thine infirmitie vers 13 And hee layd his hands on her and immediately shee was made straite and glorified God It may be his pleasure to speake such comfort allso unto mee for I have not beene sick so many yeares as was shee and I seeke my Saviour which shee did not allthough I must acknowledge it is his grace which worketh in mee this my seeking of him yea and I begge the cure whereas shee was asked if shee would be cured Why then should I not hope that hee will lay his hands upon mee and make mee straite and restore mee whole as hee did that woman that I may glorifie him for it But suppose that my disease had continued above twentie yeares suppose above thirtie should the long continuance make mee determine the cure impossible Nothing lesse for I reade that a certaine man was at the poole of Bethesda Io. 5.5 who had an infirmitie thirtie and eight yeares vers 6. and when my Iesus sam him lye there and knew that hee had beene now a long time in that case hee said unto him Wilt thou be whole vers 7. The impotent man answered him Sir I have noe man when the water is troubled to put mee into the poole but while I am coming another steppeth downe before mee vers 8. vers 9. Iesus saith unto him Rise take up thy bed and walke and immediately the man was made whole and tooke up his bed and walked Loe here is some comfort still thirtie and eight yeares continuance was nothing to Christ Hee who is eternall seeth all things at once and doeth all things without difficultie Surely that man was intended for a patterne of patience and that I might learne contentedly to suffer what my God shall lay upon mee Hee despaired not of health though his disease was inveterate but hee lay â—… the poole and expected still the hand of mercy â—o lift him into the water nothing doubting â—f the cure if hee could in due time but get â—…to the poole Nor may I despaire of what â—y God can doe but I must continue in my â—pplications enduring mine affliction with â—tience and referring all to his holy pleasure 〈◊〉 must
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
order unto him and in obedience to his commands I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love him with the same affection as my selfe For his sake for whom I love my selfe even for God's For the same reason as my selfe even for grace conferred in this life present and for a certaine hope of eternall glory in the life to come In the same order as my selfe which shall be above the world but inferiour to my God Vpon the same ground as myselfe even because of the image of God imprinted in him and because hee is capable of immortall happinesse lastly as long as myselfe even from the beginning unto the end untill this fraile flesh shall be forsaken by my pensive my sad and sorrowfull soule And that my brethren my neighbours may be the better assured of my love which cannot be firme unlesse I accord with them in the same beliefe Heb 4.14 and that it may be knowne that through the grace of my God I hold fast the profession of my faith wherein I have lived even the same which was taught by my Saviour and his Apostles according to the trueth and puritie of the same without leaning either to prophanesse atheisme superstition or any other errour or heresie and to the intent that they may joyne with mee in thanksgiving to my God for preserving mee in the same and in prayer unto God that I may continue in the same both to the end in the end I will therfore cheerefully faithfully and confidently rehearse the articles of my beliefe and say I beleeve in God the Father Allmighty Maker of heaven and earth and in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord which was conceived by the holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified dead and buried hee descended into hell the third day hee rose againe from the dead hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father All-mighty from thence hee shall come to judg the quick and the dead I beleeve in the holy Ghost the holy Catholike Church the Communion of Saints the forgivenesse of sinnes the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen Thus I believe Lord helpe my un-beliefe Mar. 9.24 Eph. 4.14 and graunt that I may not be tossed to and fro and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lie in wayt to deceave vers 15 but that speaking and believing this trueth in love I may grow up unto him in all things which is the head even Christ my Redeemer And that I may thus repent mee of my sinnes and continue in love and persevere in the faith and submit to his good pleasure I will with a bended heart and a sorrowfull spirit and weeping eyes pray unto him and say exercise 3 3. The Prayer of the sick FAther of mercies Lord of life thou God which art a refuge in the time of trouble Ps 6.2 have mercy upon mee Ps 143.4 for I am weake and my heart with in mee is desolate A sinner I am I must confesse it not deserving thy mercy a fowle a grievous sinner I am who have disobeyed thy statutes and broken all thy commandements and never have I set my selfe in any good way to seeke my peace and reconciliation with thee My conscience check's mee and my sinnes testifie against mee and mine adversarie the devill strjveth to pluck from mee my considence in thee O Lord be thou my protectour and my gracious father Be reconciled unto mee in Iesus Christ in whom alone thou art well pleased Io 16.23 and in whose name whatsoëver I shall aske of thee I am sure thou wilt give it unto mee Heavenly Father doe thou assist mee doe thou comfort mee in these my trpâ—… and afflictions Ps 60.11 o be thou my helpe in trouble for vaine is the helpe of man To thee I cry to thee I come with a panting heart with a sorrowfull soule with an humble spirit I have sinned ô I have sinned and done amisse and my portion might be justly therfore in the land of darknesse there to be tormented with the devill and his angells forever But ô thou who hast promised to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to bind up their wounds be reconciled unto mee in the wounds of my Redeemer Speake peace unto my conscience in this agony Ps 143.6 in this sorrowfull and deepe sighing for my skarlet sinnes To thee Ps 143.6 and to thee alone I stretch forth my hands to thee my soule gaspeth as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee ô Lord that soone for my spirit waxeth faint hide not thy face from mee lest I be like unto them that goe downe to destruction O let not these teares be refused nor these groanes be sighed and sobbed in vaine but by the power of his passion out of whose pretious side did issue both water and blood be thou reconciled unto mee the unworthiest of thy creatures Though my soule be deepely stained with the pollutions of my transgressions yet his blood hath power to make it white as snow On that remission of sinnes by his torments and sufferings doe I wholly rely My selfe I abhorre Iob 42.6 and repent in dust and ashes my workes I disclaine for I know their unworthinesse on thee alone ô my Iesus I wholly depend and by thee alone I hope for remission Be thou my Iesus be thou my Saviour Cure mee by thy wounds heale mee by thy stripes ease mee by thy torments comfort mee by thine agonie refresh my fainting soule by thy bluodie sweat revive mee by thy death and ô Sonne of God and Saviour of the world present mee to thy father in the robe of thy righteousnesse Ps 94.13 Give mee patience in this time of adversitie that I may quietly and contentedly submit to thy good pleasure rely upon thy mercy be thankfull for thy chastisement and in all things so looke up unto thee in this time of my sicknesse that I may hereafter be raised to glory by the power of thy resurrection This sicknesse for ought I know may be unto death but in thee I trust it shall be a passage unto life If thou hast passed the sentence of the first death upon mee decreeing to execute it by this my sicknesse to lay mee in the dust by this present visitation howsoever be pleased ô my father for the worthinesse of thy sonne to free met from the horrour of the second death Let mee be found of thee in peace 2. Pet 3 14. Hab 3.2 Is 9.13 Iob. 3.25 Mich 6 13. 1. Pet 4 19. Ps 119.175 that it may clearely appeare to mee that thou art a God of trueth and in the midst of judgment remembrest mercy Vnto thee I turne for thou hast smitten mee and the thing that I so greatly feared is fallen upon mee My body thou
and leaned his hand on the wall and a serpent bitt him Wayling is in all our streetes vers 16 and wee sayâ— all the high wayes Alasse Alasse Wâ— call the husbandman to mourning and such are skillfull of lamentation to wailing vers 17 â—… all vineyards is wayling for the Lord doth pâ—… thorow us O that now at last wee wouâ— seriously lay this to our hearts vers 14 and seeh good and not evill that wee may live and so the Lord the God of hosts may be with us O that wee would once hate the evill vers 15 and love the good and establish judgment in the gate It may be that the Lord of hosts would be gracious unto the remnant of Ioseph But while wee remaine in our rebellions wee must looke to lye downe in our miseries as at this day Ps 79.2 The dead bodies of the servants of the most high are given to be meate unto the fowles of the heaven and the flesh of his saints unto the beasts of the earth vers 3. Their blood is shed like water round about the Kingdome and there are none to bury them Wee are become a reproach to our neighbours vers 4. a scorne and derision to them that are round about us vers 5. How long Lord wilt thou be angry for ever vers 8. Shall thy jealousie burne like fire O remember not against us our former iniquities let thy tender mercies speedily prevent us for wee are brought very love vers 9. Helpe us ô God of our salvation for the glory of thy name O deliver us Ps 125 3. and purge away our sinns for thy name's sake O let not the rod of the wicked 〈◊〉 upon the lot of the righteous lest the righteous 〈◊〉 forth their hands to iniquity Oh how our â—eres doe enforce us to flee to save our lives Ier 48.6 Prov 28.1 Gen 19 22. â—…ke us like the heath in the wildernesse â—…e sometimes flee when none pursueth us â—hen Sodome was destroyed Lot had a Zoar 〈◊〉 flee unto when Ierusalem was layed wast â—…ne of the inhabitants had a Pella to escape â—…to O that I now had wings like a dove Ps 55.6 〈◊〉 then would I flee away too and be at â—…st Lo then would I wander far off vers 7. and â—…maine in the wildernesse Ioel 2.11 for the day of the â—ord is greate and very verrible and who can â—ide it Hee is the true God Ier. 10.10 hee is the liâ—ing God and an everlasting King at his â—rath the earth doth tremble and the nation 〈◊〉 not able to abide his indignation Ye â—hat doe I talke of fleeing and wish for the â—vings of a dove that I might flee Alasse whither would I flee Can the mountaines â—…r the hills cover mee from the all-seeing Lord of hosts Ps 139.7 Whither shall I goe from his spirit or whither shall I flee from his presence If I ascend up to heaven hee is there If I make my bed in hell behold he is there allso vers 8. vers 9. vers 10 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea even there shall his hand leade mee and his right hand shall hold mee If I say vers 11 surely the darknesse shall cover mee even the night shall be light about mee Yea vers 12 the darknesse hideth not from him but the night shineth as the day the dâ—…nesse and the light to him are both alike Wâ—… then shall I yet doe Abide his wrath I cannot endure these troubles vexatioâ—… and impoverishings and heart-breakings aâ—… soule-bleeding perturbations any longer I cannot and yet whither to goe or flee to shun and avoyd them I know not Well I am yet resolved what I will doe Yes 't is my onely way and doe it I must I will Since I cannot flee from God I will flee to God And yet I will flee from him from his wrath from his anger from his displeasure and for all that I will flee to him allso and to none but him to his mercy to his promises to his tender compassions which never faile I have displeased him with my sinns but I will displease my selfe for thus displeasing my kind my good my loving God I have moved the holy one of Israel to anger by mine iniquities But I will be angry with my selfe for moving him in whom I live Act 17 28. and move and have my being I will come unto him with teares mee thinks mine eyes already begin to water and I will cry unto him Iob. 34.28 Ps 65.2 for hee heareth the cry of the afflicted and I will pray unto him for hee is a god that heareth prayer and I will sigh unto him for he caused a marke to be set upon the fore-heads of those in Ierusalem who did sigh and cry for all the abominations which were done in the midst Ez 9.4 thereof Oh who can forbeare a shewer of teares that is but the least sensible of the stormes of our calamities Iud. 5.15 Who can choose but have greate thoughts of heart for these divisions of Reuben For my part surely my heart is not all stone some part of it at least is flesh and therefore it must needs be sensible both of the generall sufferances and of my particuler miserable condition Our Chirurgians have a stone composed by art which they call the infernall stone with which they stupifie and make dead the flesh where they intend to make an orifice for a fountenell or issue From my heart should issue a fountaine of sorrow for the cause of my God's displeasure and yet I am afraid mee thinks to have the orifice made I would be content to grieve but mee thinks I would not have it painfull I would doe it at cheape rates O but I must both grieve and I must be pained too yea I must be cut to the heart yet not as were the high Priest and the Counsell Act. 5.29 when Peter and Iohn tould them that they ought to obey God rather then men where upon they were cut to the heart and tooke counsell to slay them vers 33 c. 7.54 nor as they were cut to the heart when they gnashed with their teeth upon Stephen but I must howsoever be cut or at least I must be pricked at the heart as were Peter's converts c 2.37 when they said unto him and to the rest of the Apostles Men and brethren what shall wee doe Oh but I am afraid that I shall not be sensible enough for I feare that I have an infernall stone lying upon my heart which the devill layeth there purposely that I may not be sensible Well if thus it be I shall find it by the working by the tingling I am sure that God now doth a Thing in our Israel 1. Sam. 3.11 at which both the eares of every one that heareth
fierce wrath and repent of this evill against thy people Is 1.26 Turne thine hand upon us and purely purge a way our drosse and take away all our tinne vers 26 Restore our Iudges as at the first and our counsellers as at the beginning and call our land the land of righteousnesse vers 27 the faithfull land Let our Zion be redeemed with judgment and our converts with righteousnesse Ps 86.17 Shew some good token upon us for good that they which hate us may see it be ashamed because thou Lord helpest and comfortest us Heare ô my God in the bowells of thy compassions close and bind up our wounds for his sake who was wounded for our transgressions pardon us for his sake who is our onely reconciliation and let the cryes which our finns have sent up to heaven for vengeance be ceased and quieted by the blessed pleading of our onely Mediatour betweene thee and us even the beloved Sonne of thy bosome Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen The Second Prayer consisting of 1 A dolefull complaint of our grievous calamities 2 An humble desire of the remission of our sinns 3 A fervent supplication for righteousnesse and peace GReate and glorious Lord God who art the Lord of hosts 1. Sam. 17.45 Exod 15.3 and God of the armies of Israel ô thou who hast styled thy selfe a man of warre whose name is the Lord Looke downe I beseech thee upon the distressed anguish consuming sorrowes of this thy people in our land of blood Thou seest Lord thou seest the afflictions of Ioseph the calamities of thy people how our blood is shed like water on every side of our Kingdome how our bones lye scattered before the pit like as when one breaketh and heweth wood upon the earth How long Lord how long just and holy shall the prayers and the teares and the cries and the supplications of thy saints and servants ascend up unto heaven and yet thou seeme unto us as a deafe man which heareth not and as a man which is dumb Ps 38.13 that openeth not his mouth Is there noe balme in Gilead Is there noe physitian there Why then is nâ—… the health of the daughter of thy people recovered Ier O the hope of Israel the saviour thereof in the time of trouble why should thou be as a stranger in our land and as way-faring man that turneth a side to tarrâ— but a night Psal Thou hast moved our land and divided it ô heale the sores thereof for it shaketh O let the sorrowfull sighing of the prisoners come before thee according to the multitude of thy mercies preserve thou those that are appointed to death Arise ô Lord from thy resting place thou and the arke of thy strength Arise and have mercy upon our Sion for it is time that thou have mercy upon her yea the time is come for why Thâ— servants thinke upon her stones and it greiveth us to see how shee lyeth downe in the dust O now at last be thou favourable and gracious to our Sion and build thou the walls of our Ierusalem Send peace within our walls and plenteousnesse within our pallaces For our brethrens and companions sake I wish this prosperitie yea because of the many houses of the faithfull who put their trust in thee our Lord our God I pray for this good Exod. 3 7. Thou o Lord hast surely seene the afflictions of this thy people and hast heard our cries by reason of the sword for thou knowest our sorrowes vers 8. O come thou downe to deliver us as once thou didst thy people of Israel from the hand of the Egyptians Thou seest how the sword is drawne in an unnatuâ—…ll manner brother against brother neighâ—our against neighbour house against house â—ather against Sonne and Sonne against Father all having weapons of warre which â—re like to destroy the nation all clothing â—hemselves in garments rolled in blood Isa 9.5 Thou seest how many amongst us thirst for blood how whole rivers thereof runne in our fields and in our streetes yet it is not in the power or pollicie of man to stoppe the current It is now o Lord with us as it was once with idolatrous Israel when Moses commanded them saying Exod. 32.27 Put every man his sword by his side and goe in and out and slay every man his brother and every man his companion and every man his neighbour Psal Thy holy temples are defiled and without thy preventing mercy our Ierusalem may be made an heape of stones Heresie and Schisme oppose the cleere light of thy glorious gospel Ps 137.7 and like the children of Edom in the day of Ierusalem they say even of truth it selfe downe with it downe with it even to the ground Many of our citties and townes doe now sitt solitarie Lam. 1 1. c 2.11 that were full of people and are become as widdowes The children and sucklings swoone in our streetes the widows make their lamentations over the gasping bodies of their wounded husbands the young ones cry for bread but some of them find neither fathers to give it theÌ„ nor mothers to compassionate them Is 33.8 The high wayes lye wast 〈◊〉 way-faring man ceaseth the line of confusâ—… is stretched out upon the land c. 34.11 the stones of eâ—…ptinesse vers 13 Thornes come up in our pallaces netâ— and brambles in our streetes and houses aâ— become habitations of dragons c. 8.21 and courts fâ— owles Some wicked ones among us that aâ— hungry Lam. 2.9 fret themselves and curse our Kinâ— and our god and looke upward The law iâ— noe more vers 10 the Prophets allso find noe visâ—… from thee the Lord. The elders sit upon the ground and keepe silence they have cast up dâ—…t upon their heads they have girded themselves with sack-cloth the virgins hâ—… downe their heads to the ground It is not noâ— as it was in the dayes of ould Luc. 7.25 when men clothâ— in soft raiment and they which were gorgeousâ— apparelled and lived delicately were in King courts Is 1.7 Our countrie is desolate our citties aâ— burnt with fire and our land is desolate as orâ— throwne by strangers Lam 5.1 Remember ô Lord who is come upon thy people consider and behold on reproach vers 2. Some of our inheritances are turned to strangers and our houses to aliants Many among us are orphans and fatherlesse vers 3. and many that were wives are become widowes Many doe get their bread with the perill of their lives vers 9. Ps 142.7 vers 6. Ps 94.19 because of the sword that maketh our land a wildernesse O Lord doe thou consider our complaint for wee are brought very low Thou ô Lord art our hope and our portion in the multitude of sorrowes which wee have in our â—…rts let thy comforts ô my God refresh our â—…les Heare ô Lord and
makest sick in smiting by reason of my sinnes yet in considence and full assurance of thy mercy I commit the keeping of my soule unto thee as unto a faithfull Creatour O let that live and it shall praise thee for in thee doe I trust let mee not be confounded neither let mee despaire of the greatnesse of thy mercies Ps 23.4 And though now I walke in the shadow of death yet I know that it is in thy power to restore mee to health Lord if it may stand with thy secret will be pleased to recover mee that I may glorifie thy goodnesse in thy worke of power Blesse all the lawfull meanes that shall be used for that purpose Give skill to the Physitians vertue to the medicines strength to my spirits and health to my body Let mee recover my strength that I may imploy it in thy service and restore mee to health that I may be more active in mine obedience to all thy commandements But if otherwise thou hast determined and resolvest at this time to make mee as water spilt upon the ground 2. Sam. 14.14 graunt mee a willing and ready submission to thy decree Either abate the torments of mine afflicted body or increase my patience that I may not offend thee in my sufferings Make mee to magnifie thee whether by life or by death and graunt mee so safe a passage and conduct in the armes of thy mercy that I may be conveyed safely into Abraham's bosome Graunt this ô father for the love and merits of thy Sonne Iesus Christ my onely intercessour and redeemer in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Our Father which art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdome come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our dayly bread And forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen exercise 4 4. The consolation of the godly in the hower of death VVHerfore is light given to him that is in miserie saith holy Iob and life unto the bitter in soule Iob. 3.20 vers 21 Which long for death but it cometh not and digge for it more then for hid treasures vers 22 Which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave This was the complaint of a faithfull man and may now be the lamentation of a sorrowfull woman I have grieved and I have mourned for my sinnes and my good God I blesse him for it is gratiously pleased in the bowells of his mercy and compassion to give mee an assurance of happinesse by the merits of my Iesus But when comest thou ô my sweete my longed for my desired Saviour Thou knowest my paines which draw from mee many sinsull thoughts and un-fitting cryes Thou takest notice of the cunning suggestions of my greatest adversarie and his busie allurements to rob mee of my hope Thou seest how sometimes hee would leade mee into carnall securitie and sometimes into a beliefe that my verie vicet are vertues or not seene by Thee or not to be punished by thee and sometimes againe hee striveth to hurrie mee into the verie gulfe of despaire But I know and am assured that through the merits of my Redeemer the gates of hell shall not be able to prevaile against mee Mat. 16 18. Io 13.1 Prov. 12.28 for whom thou lovest thou wilt love unto the end I know that in the way of righteousnesse there is life and in the path-way thereof there is noe death Hence away therfore yee fowle fiends and rebellious tempters What doe yee here fawning and grinning hoping to betray a penitent soule These teares which I shed for the wounds that I made in the body of my Saviour by my piercing sinns are too pretious a water for you to hath in too choyce a wine for you to tast of here are noe hopes for the enemies of mine indulgent Iesus Though my groanes alas cannot be free from the pollution of sinne yet they shall not advantage you in what yee desire Ps 119.115 Away from mee yee wicked ones I will keepe the commandements of my God Thinke not to affright mee with my approaching death Phil. 1.23 for I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Death I feare thee not come come and trye thy power but know that thy countenance which is so terrible to reprobates is the producer of joy comfort to my wearied heart Thou poore feeble despised nothing what power or strength is left thee to boast of Grave why gapest thou why standest thou so open as if thou didst hope to tryumph Hos 13 14. and conquer mee My Christ did threaten to be thy plagues ô death my Iesus did resolve to be thy destruction ô grave and that repentance should be hid from his eyes Is 25.8 1 Cor 15.54 Hee promised to swallow up death in victorie and to wipe away teares from off all faces This hee did promise and this hee hath performed for by his blessed Apostle I am well assured that death it selfe is swallowed up in victorie Now I dare challenge you ô yee impotent and powerlesse adversaries I dare scorne vers 55 and contemne you O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie Thy sting ô death was pullud out by him who is the Lord of life The strength of thy sting was that law which was fullfilled by my mercifull Iesus Hos 13 14. Ps 49.15 Rom 14.9 Hee hee hath ransomed mee from the power of the grave hath redeemed mee from death Hee hath redeemed my soule from the power of hell for hee shall receave mee To this end hee dyed and rose againe re-vived that hee might be Lord both of the dead and of the living Ps 68.20 Ps 48.14 Rom 14 7. vers 8. Hee that is my God is the God of salvation unto whom belong the issues from death This God is my God for ever and ever hee shall be my guide even unto death I live not to my selfe nor doe I dye unto my selfe for whether I live I live unto the Lord whether I dye I dye unto the Lord whether I live therfore Phil 1.20 or dye I am the Lord 's Christ shall be magnified in my body whether it be by life or by death for to mee to live is Christ vers 21 Heb. 12 18. vers 22 vers 23 vers 24 and to dye is gaine I come not to the mount that might not be touched nor to blacknesse and darknesse and tempest but I come unto mount Sion to the generall assemblie and â—rch of the first-borne which are written in heaven and to God the judg of all and to the spirits of just men made perfect and to Iesus the Mediatour of the new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling that