of his Conscience then I hope many other men doe in the same Cause For he was never thought to be of that superstitious sowrenesse which some men pretend to in matters of Religion which so darkens their judgment that they cannot see any thing of Sinne and Rebellion in those meanes they use with intents to reforme to their Models of what they call Religion who think all is gold of piety which doth but glister with a shew of Zeale and fervency Sir Iohn Hotham was I think a man of another temper and so most liable to those downright temptations of ambition which have no cloake or cheat of Religion to impose upon themselves or others That which makes me more pity him is that after he began to have some inclinations towards a repentance for his sinne and reparation of his duty to Me He should be so unhappy as to fall into the hands of their Justice and not My Mercy who could as willingly have forgiven him as he could have asked that favour of Me. For I think clemency a debt which we ought to pay to those that crave it when we have cause to believe they would not after abuse it since God himself suffer us not to pay any thing for his mercy but onely prayers and praises Poor Gentleman he is now become a noteable monument of unprosperous disloyalty teaching the world by so sad and unfortunate a spectacle that the rude carriage of a Subject towards his Soveraigne carries alwaies its own vengeance as an unseperable shadow with it and those oft prove the most fatall and implacable Executioners of it who were the first Imployers in the service After-times will dispute it whether Hotham were more infamous at Hull or at Tower-hill though 't is certain that no punishment so stains a mans Honour as wilfull preparations of unworthy actions which besides the conscience of the sinne brands with most indelible characters of infamy the name and memory to posterity who not engaged in the Factions of the times have the most impartiall reflections on the actions But thou O Lord who hast in so remarkable a way avenged thy Servant suffer me not to take any secret pleasure in it for his death hath satisfied the injury he did to me so let me not by it gratifie any passion in me lest I make thy vengeance to be mine and consider the affront against me more than the sin against thee Thou indeed without any desire or endeavour of mine hast made his mischief to returne on his owne head and his violent dealing to come down on his owne pate Thou hast pleaded my cause even before the sonnes of men and taken the matter into thine own hands that men may know it was thy work and see that thou Lord hast done it I do not I dare not say so let mine enemies perish O Lord yea Lord rather give them repentance pardon and impunity if it be thy blessed will Let not thy justice prevent the objects and opportunities of my mercy yea let them live and amend who have most offended me in so high a nature that I may have those to forgive who beare most proportion in their offences to those trespasses against thy majesty which I hope thy mercy hath forgiven me Lord lay not their sins who yet live to their charge for condemnation but to their consciences for amendment Let the lighting of this thunderbolt which hath been so severe a punishment to one be a terrour to all Discover to them their sinne who know not they have done amisse and scare theâ— from their sinne that sinne of malicious wickednesse That preventing thy judgments by their true repentance they may escape the strokes of â—â—â—ne eternall vengeance And doe thou O Lord establish the Throâ—e of thy servant in mercy and truth meeting â—â—â—â—â—gether let my Crowne ever flourish in rigâ—â—â—â—ousnesse and peace kissing each other Heare my prayer O Lord who hast taught us to pray for to doe good to and to love our enemies for thy sake who hast prevented us with offertures of thy love even when we were thine enemies and hast sent thy Sonne Iesus Christ to die for us when we were disposed to crucifie him 9. Vpon the listing and raising Armies against the KING I Find that I am at the same point and posture I was when they forced Me to leave White-hall what Tumults could not doe an Army must which is but Tumults lifted and enrolled to a better order but as bad an end My recesse hath given them confidence that I may be conquered And so I easily may as to any outward strength which God knowes is little or none at all But I have a Soule invincible through Gods grace enabling Me here I am sure to be Conquerour if God will give Me such a measure of Constancy as to feare him more than man and to love the inward peace of My Conscience before any outward tranquillity And must I be opposed with force because they have not reason wherewith to convince me O my Soule be of good courage they confesse their knowne weaknesse as to truth and Justice who chose rather to contend by Armies than by Arguments Is this the reward and thanks that I am to receive for those many Acts of Grace I have lately passed and for those many Indignities I have endured Is there no way left to make Me a glorious KING but by My sufferings It is a hard and disputable choice for a King that loves his People and desires their love either to kill his owne Subjects or to be killed by them Are the hazards and miseries of Civil War in the bowels of My most flourishing Kingdome the fruits I must now reap after 17 years living and reigning among them with such a measuâ—e of Justice Peace Plenty and Religion as all Nations about either admired or envied notwithstanding some miscarriages in Government which might escape rather through ill counsell of some men driving on their private ends or the peevishnesse of others envying the publique should be managed without them or the hidden and insuperable necessities of State then any propensity I hope of my self either to injuriousness or oppression Whose innocent bloud during My Reigne have I shed to satisfie My lust anger or covetousnesse what Widowes or Orphans tears can witnesse against me the just cry of which must now be avenged with My owne bloud For the hazards of Warre are equall nor doth the Cannon know any respect of Persons In vaine is My Person excepted by a Parenthesis of words when so many hands are armed against Me with Swords God knowes how much I have studied to see what Ground of Justice is alledged for this Warre against Me that so I might by giving just satisfaction either prevent or soone end so unnaturall a motion which to many men seemes rather the productions of a surfeit of peace and wantonnesse of mindes or of private discontents Ambition and Faction which easily find or make causes of
not the first service as I count it the best in which they have forced Me to serve My self though I must confesse I beare with more grief impatience the want of My Chaplaines than of any other My Servants and next if not beyond in some things to the being sequestred from my Wife and Children since from these indeed more of humane and temporary affections but from those more of heavenly and eternall improvements may be expected My comfort is that in the inforced not neglected want of ordinary meanes God is wont to afford extraordinary supplies of his gifts and graces If his Spirit will teach Me and help My Infirmities in prayer reading and meditation as I hope he will I shall need no other either Oratour or Instructer To Thee therefore O My God doe I direct My now solitary prayers what I want of others help supply with the more immediate assistances of thy Spirit which alone can both enlighten My darknesse and quicken My dulnesse O thou Sun of righteousnesse thou sacred Fountaine of heavenly light and heat at once cleare and warme my heart both by instructing of me and interceding for me In thee is all fulnesse From thee all-sufficiency By thee is all acceptance Thou art company enough and comfort enough Thou art my King be also my Prophet and my Priest Rule me teach me pray in me for me and be thou ever with me The single wrestlings of Jacob prevailed with thee in that sacred Duell when he had none to second him but thy selfe who didst assist him with power to overcome thee and by a welcome violence to wrest a blessing from thee O look on me thy Servant in infinite mercy whom thou didst once blesse with the joynt and sociated Devotions of others whose fervency might inflame the coldnesse of my affections towards thee when we went to or met in thy House with the voice of joy and gladnesse worshipping thee in the unity of spirits and with the bond of Peace O forgive the neglect and not improving of those happy opportunities It is now thy pleasure that I should be as a Pelican in the wildernesse as a Sparrow on the house top and as a coale scattered from all those pious glowings and devout reflections which might best kindle preserve and encrease the holy fire of thy graces on the Altar of my heart whence the sacrifice of prayers and incense of praises might be duly offered up to thee Yet O thou that breakest not the bruized Reed nor quenchest the smoaking Flax doe not despise the weaknesse of my prayers nor the smotherings of my soule in this uncomfortable lonenesse to which I am constrained by some mens uncharitable denialls of those helps which I much want and no lesse desire O let the hardnesse of their hearts occasion the softnings of mine to thee and for Them Let their hatred kindle my love let their unreasonable denials of my Religious desires the more excite my prayers to thee Let their inexorable deafnesse encline thine eare to me who art a God easie to be entreated thine eare is not heavy that it cannot nor thy heart hard that it will not heare nor thy hand shortned that it cannot help Me thy desolate Supplyant Thou permittest men to deprive me of those outward means which thou hast appointed in thy Church but they cannot debarre me from the communion of that inward grace which thou alone breathest into humble hearts O make me such and thou wilt teach me thou wilt heare me thou wilt help me The broken and contrite heart I know thou wilt not despise Thou O Lord canst at once make me thy Temple thy Priest thy Sacrifice and thine Altar while from an humble heart I alone daily offer up in holy meditations fervent prayers and unfeigned teares my self to thee who preparest me for thee dwellest in me and acceptest of me Thou O Lord didst cause by secret supplies and miraculous infusions that the handfull of meale in the vessell should not spend nor the little oyle in the cruise fayle the Widow during the time of drought and dearth O look on my soul which as a Widow is now desolate forsaken let not those saving Truths I have formerly learned now fail my memory nor the sweet effusions of thy Spirit which I have sometime felt now be wanting to my heart in this famine of ordinary and wholsome food for the refreshing of my Soule Which yet I had rather chuse than to feed from those hands who mingle my bread with ashes and my wine with gall rather tormenting than teaching me whose mouths are proner to bitter reproaches of me than to hearty prayers for me Thou knowest O Lord of truth how oft they wrest thy holy Scriptures to My destruction which are cleare for their subjection and my preservation O let it not be to their damnation Thou knowest how some men under colour of long prayers have sought to devoure the houses of their Brethren their King and their God O let not those mens balmes break my head nor their Cordialls oppresse my heart I will evermore pray against their wickednesse From the poyson under their tongues from the snares of their lips from the fire and the swords of their words ever deliver Me O Lord and all those Loyall and Religious hearts who desire and delight in the prosperity of my soul and who seek by their prayers to relieve this sadnesse and solitude of thy servant O my King and my God 25. Penitentiall Meditations and Vowes in the KING'S solitude at Holmeby GIve ear to my words ô Lord consider my Meditation and hearken to the voice of my cry my King and my God for unto thee will I pray I said in my haste I am cast out of the sight of thine eyes neverthelesse thou hearest the voice of my supplication when I cry unto thee If thou Lord shouldst be extream to mark what is done amisse who can abide it But there is mercy with thee that thou mayest be feared therefore shall sinners fly unto thee I acknowledg my sins before thee which have the aggravation of my condition the eminency of my place adding weight to my offences Forgive I beseech thee my Personall and my Peoples sinnes which are so farre mine as I have not imprâ—ved the power thou gavest me to thy glory and my Subjects good Thou hast now brought me from the glory and freedome of a King to be a Prisoner to my own Subjects Iustly ô Lord as to thy over-ruling hand because in many things I have rebelled against thee Though thou hast restrained my Person yet enlarge my heart to thee and thy grace towards Me. I come far short of Davids piety yet since I may equall Davids afflictions give me also the comforts and the sure mercies of David Let the penitent sense I have of my sins be an evidence to me that thou hast pardoned them Let not the evils which I and my Kingdomes have suffered seem little unto thee
though thou hast not punished us according to our sins Turne thee O Lord unto me have mercy upon me for I am desolate and afflicted The sorrowes of my heart are enlarged O bring thou me out of my troubles Hast thou forgotten to be gracious and shut up thy loving kindnesse in displeasure O remember thy compassions of old and thy loving kindnesses which have been for many generations I had utterly fainted if I had not beleeved to see thy goodnesse in the land of the living Let not the sinnes of our prosperity deprive us of the benefit of thy afflictions Let this fiery triall consume the drosse which in long peace and plenty we had contracted Though thou continuest miseries yet withdraw not thy grace what is wanting of prosperity make up in patience and repentance And if thy anger be not to be yet turned away but thy hand of justice must be stretched out still Let it I beseech thee be against me and my Fathers house as for these sheep what have they done Let my sufferings satiate the malice of mine and thy Churches Enemies But let their cruelty never exceed the measure of my charity Banish from me all thoughts of Revenge that I may not lose the reward nor thou the glory of my patience As thou givest me a heart to forgive them so I beseech thee doe thou forgive what they have done against thee and me And now ô Lord as thou hast given me an heart to pray unto thee so hear and accept this Vow which I make before thee If thou wilt in mercy remember Me and my Kingdomes In continuing the light of thy Gospell and setling thy true Religion among us In restoring to us the benefit of the Lawes and the due execution of Iustice. In suppressing the many Schismes in Church and Factions in State If thou wilt restorâ— me and mine to the Ancient rights and glory of my Predecessours If thou wilt turne the heâ—rts of my people to thy self in Piety to me in Loyalty and to one another in Charity If thou wilt quench the flames and withdraw the fewell of these Civill Warres If thou wilt blesse us with the freedome of publick Counsels and deliver the Honour of Parliaments from the insolencie of the vulgar If thou wilt keep me from the great offence of enacting any thing against my Conscience and especially from consenting to sacrilegious rapines and spoilings of thy Church If thou wilt restore me to a capacity to glorifie thee in doing good both to the Church and State Then shall my soul praise thee and magnifie thy name before my People Then shall thy glory be dearer to me then my Crownes and the advancement of true Religion both in purity and power be my chiefest care Then will I rule my People with Iustice and â—y Kingdomes with equity To thy more immediate hand shall I ever own as the rightfull succession so the mercifull restauration of My Kingdomes and the glory of them If thou wilt bring Me again with peace safety and â—onour to My chiefest City and my Parliament If thou wilt againe put the Sword of Iustice into My hand to punish and protect Then will I make all the world to see and my very Enemies to enjoy the benefit of this Vow and resolution of Christian charity which I now make unto thee O Lord. As I doe freely pardon for Christ's sake those that have offended me in any kind so my hand shall never be against any man to revenge what is past in regard of any particular injury done to me We have been mutually punished in our unnaturall divisions for thy sake O Lord and for the love of my Redeemer have I purposed this in my heart That I will use all means in the waies of amnesty and indempnity which may most fully remove all feares and bury all jealousies in forgetfulnesse Let thy mercies be toward me and mine as my resolutions of Truth and Peace are toward my People Heare my prayer O Lord which goeth not out of fayned lips Blessed be God who hath not turned away my prayer nor taken his mercy from me O my soule commit thy way to the Lord trust in him and he shall bring it to passe But if thou wilt not restore me and mine what am I that I should charge thee foolishly Thou O Lord hast given and thou hast taken Blessed be thy name May my People and thy Church be happy if not by me yet without me 26. Vpon the Armies Surprisall of the KING at Holmeby and the ensuing distractions in the two Houses the Army and the City WHat part God will have me now to act or suffer in this new and strange scene of affaires I am not much solicitous some little practise will serve that man who onely seeks to represent a part of honesty and honour This surprize of Me tells the world that a KING cannot be so low but He is consideraâ—le adding weight to that Party where he appeares This motion like others of the Times seems excentrique and irregular yet not well to be resisted or quieted Better swim down such a stream than in vain to strive against it These are but the struglings of those twins which lately one womb enclosed the younger striving to prevaile against the elder what the Presbyterians have hunted after the Independents now seek to catch for themselves So impossible is it for lines to be drawn from the center and not to divide from each other so much the wider by how much they go farther from the point of union That the Builders of Babel should from division fall to confusion is no wonder but for those that pretend to build Ierusalem to divide their tongues and hands is but an ill â—men and sounds too like the fury of those Zealots whose intestine bitternesse and divisions were the greatest occasion of the last fatall destruction of that City Well may I change my Keepers and Prison but not my captive condition onely with this hope of bettering that those who are so much professed Patrons for the Peoples Liberties cannot be utterly against the Liberty of their KING what they demand for their owne Consciences they cannot in Reason deny to Mine In this they seem more ingenuous than â—â—e Presbyterian rigour who sometimes complaining of exacting their conformity to laws are become the greatest Exactors of other mens submission to their novell injunctions before they are stamped with the Authority of Lawes which they cannot well have without My conâ—ent 'T is a great argument that the Independents think themselves manumitted from their Rivals service in that they carry on a businesse of such consequence as the assuming My Person into the Armies custody without any Commission but that of their owne will and power Such as will thus adventure on a King must not be thought over-modest or timerous to carry on any designe they have a mind to Their next motion menaces and scares both the two Houses and the City which soone
the satisfaction to have destroyed my Soul with my Body of whose salvation while some of them have themselves seemed and taught others to despaire they have only discover'd this that they do not much desire it Whose uncharitable and cruell Restraints denying me even the assistance of any of my Chaplains hath rather enlarged than any way obstructed my accesse to the Throne of Heaven Where thou dwellest O King of Kings who fillest Heaven and Earth who art the fountaine of eternall life in whom is no shadow of death Thou O God art both the just Afflicter of death upon us and the mercifull Saviour of us in it and from it Yea it is better for us to be dead to our selves â—nd live in thee than by living in our selves to be deprived of thee O make the many bitter aggravations of My death as a Man and a King the opportunities and advantages of thy speciall graces and comfâ—rts in My Soule as a Christian. If thou Lord wilt be with Me I shall neither feare nor feel any evill though I walke through the valley of the shadow of death To contâ—nd with death is the worke of a weake and mortall mâ—n to overcome it is the grace of thee alone who art the Almighty and immortall God O My Saviour who knowest what it is to die with Me as a Man make Me to know what it is to passe through death to life with thee My God Though I die yet I know that thou my Redeeâ—er livest for ever though thou slayest Me yet thou hast incouraged me to trust in thee for eternall life O withdraw not thy favour from me which is â—â—tter than life O be not farre from me for I know not how neer a violent and cruell death is to me As thy Omniscience O God discovers so thy Omnipotence can defeat the designes of those who have or shall conspire my destruction O shew me the goodnesse of thy will through the wickednesse of theirs Thou givest me leave â—s a man to pray that this cup may passe from me but thou hast taught Me as a Christian by the example of Christ tâ— adde not My will but thine be done Yea Lord let our wills be one by wholly resolving mine into thine let not the desire â—f life in me be so great as that of doing or suffering thy â—ill in either life or death As I believe thou hast forgiven all the errours of my life so I hope thou wilt save me from the terrours of my death Make me content to leave the worlds nothing that I may come really tâ— enjoy all in thee whâ— hast made Christ unto me in life gaine and in death advantage Though my Destroyers forget their duty tâ— thee and me yet doe not thou O Lâ—rd forget to be mercifull to them For what profit is there in my bloud or in their gaining my Kingdomes if they lose their owne Sâ—ules Such as have not onely resisted my just Power but wholly usurped and turned it against my self though they may deserve yet let them not receive to themselves damnaâ—ion Thou madest thy Sonne a Saviour to many that Crucified Him while at once he suffered violently by them and yet willingly for them O let the voice of his bloud be heard for My Murtherers louder than the cry of mine against them Prepare them for thy mercy by due convictiâ—ns of their sinne and let them not at once deceive and damne theiâ— owne Soules by fallacious pretensions of Iustice in destroying me while the conscience of their unjust usurpation of power against me chiefly tempts them to use all extremities against me O Lord thou knowest I have found their mercies to me as very false so very cruell who pretending to preserve me have meditated nothing but my ruine O deale not with them as bloud-thirsty and deâ—eitfull men but overcome their cruelty with thy compassion and my charity And when thou makest inquisition for My bloud O sprinkle their polluted yet penitent Soules with the bloud of thy Sonne that thy destroying Angel may passe over them Though they think my Kingdomes on earth too little to entertaine at once both them and me yet let the capacious Kingdome of thy infinite mercy at last receive both me and my enemies When being reconciled to thee in the bloud of the same Redeemer we shall live farre above these ambitious desires which beget such mortall enmities When their hands shall be heaviest and cruellest upon me O let me fall into the armes of thy tender and eternall mercies That what is cut off my life in this miserable moment may be repaied in thy ever-blessed eternity Lord let thy Servant depart in peace for my eyes have seen thy salvation Vota dabunt quae bella negârunt FINIS