polluted lips had no heart to prophecie to others before the Seraphim had touched his lips with a coale from the Altar saying Lo this hath touched thy lips and thine iniquitie is taken away and thy sinne purged Whereupon Esay now can say Here I am send me Esa. 6.7 So that a Ministers peace with God giues him comfort and courage to preach to others that grace and mercie whereof himselfe hath had particular experience As Paul saith For this cause I obtained mercie 1 Tim. 1.16 that in me first Iesus Christ might shew forth all long suffering for a patterne to them which should hereafter belieue on him to life euerlasting But on the contrarie I see not with what confidence or courage a Minister can stand in the presence of God and in the face of his Congregation either to instruct others in righteousnesse which himselfe followeth not or to reproue them of sinne whereof himselfe repenteth not Famous is that example of Origen Centur. 3. cap. 10 who for his offering of Incense to the Idoll being excommunicated from the Church of Alexandria and comming to Ierusalem and there intreated yea and in a manner inforced to preach vnto them hee going vp to the Pulpit as if hee would preach recited those words in the Psalm But to the wicked saith God what hast thou to doe to declare my Statutes or that thou shouldst take my Couenant in thy mouth seeing thou hatest instruction and castest my words behind thee Hee no sooner had read these words but closing the Booke fell into a sad and bitter weeping and that so abundantly that as a stream it carried the affections of the whole assembly with it to weepe for companie and that out of a fellow-feeling of those compunctions of heart which so stopped his mouth and opened the flood-gates of repentance for his late sacrificing to the Idol and for other his errours whereinto he was said to fall after that his fall Such an insupportable burden is sinne vnrepented vpon a Ministers Conscience that till by the mercie of God hee be well lightened of it vneath he shall beare the Lords burthen vnto the people But vpon his humble repentance being at peace with God and hauing obtained the comfort of his Spirit and the assistance of his grace to settle him in the state of a good Conscience and of a holy life hereupon he becomes imboldened to preach of mercy to others whereof himselfe hath so plentifully tasted and wherby sinners may be conuerted vnto God Thirdly The Minister as hee hath offended his Flocke any way iustly he must labour to make them satisfaction And this stand sin foure things especially First In dubbling his labour and diligence in the faithfull discharge of his Ministry that what he hath formerly lost by any kind of neglect either in life or Doctrine hee may endeuour to regaine Secondly In labouring so much the more to set forth himselfe as a patterne of a true belieuer in faith in patience and other vertues wherby the calling not onely of a Christian but of a Minister and Pastour of Gods people is adorned So that the constant example of his carriage and course for the time to come may be as a mouth to signifie to all his exceeding humiliation and sorrow for his sinnes past his hatred and detestation of all sinne in himselfe and others and his earnest care and purpose of hart expressed in his practise vtterly to abandon and auoid the like and all sinne for the time to come setting himselfe with all boldnesse to reproue sinne in others which now they may behold so hatefull to himselfe turning also his people that setting themselues to speedie repentance they need not to doubt of Gods mercie towards them seeing that the sinne of their Pastour was not denyed it Thirdly To be continually exercised in feruent prayer for his people that from henceforth they may reape infinitely more profite by his Ministry and example of life then formerly they haue receiued hurt by any his neglect or occasion This will be a meanes through Gods speciall blessing cooperating to reconcile and reunite the peoples hearts to their Pastour and to cause all things to succeed happily betweene them Lastly He must practise the Spirit of meekenesse towards the weake labouring to restore such considering his owne selfe who hath beene and lest hee may be yet tempted And to bee patient towards all that if he meet with any vnkind affronts or closse biting malicious frumpes hee either answer not at all remembring that God hath layd that burthen vpon him or else lest the malicious may thus being let goe perish in his sinne hee is to admonish him either priuatly or if occasion require publickly before all the companie so as they may learne to feare God lest they turne the fall of their brother through weakenesse now repented now recouered into their own presumptuous ruine irrecouerable But neuer to retort or returne rebuke for rebuke euen as Dauid would shew no reuenge vpon cursing cursed Shimei hoping God would doe him good for his cursing that day and knowing that God would not hold Shimei guiltlesse but without repentance without peace bring him to the graue as it befell Shimei Thus may the afflicted and humbled Conscience of Gods Minister bee through Gods grace and mercie inabled in some good mâ—asure to beare vp against such winds and waues of tryall and in time to ouercome them Although when he hath done his best and suffered much yet hee must make account neuer to bee quit of his paine altogether till death but as a hurt or bruise in the body in youth it will become an ach and symptome of old age accompanying him to his graue As Dauid in his old age complaines of the aches of those sinnes in his youth still sticking in his bones when hee said Psa 7. Remember not the sinnes of my youth c. So that he must conclude and resolue with Hezechiah Esa 15. I shall goe softly all my yeeres in the bitternesse of my Soule And say with Dauid My sorrow is continually before me And euer to make this vse of his former sinnes euen to bee humbled in his best graces and most beautifull actions and prouoked to aspire to all perfection therin not fearing now to be proud who hath such cause to be humbled CHAP. V. The third Conflict arising from the Sacred societie of the Ministry offended IT was no small griefe to the Spouse when she said My Mothers children were angry with me Cant. 1.6 and 5.7 And againe The Watchmen that went about the Citie found me they smote me they wounded me the Keepers of the Walls tooke away my vaile from me The least offence giuen by a Minister if it shall be taken to heart of the whole Sacred fraternitie and made theirs when the Delinquent considereth it what a torment is it to his Conscience when hee shall now see their countenances auerse full of high indignation and
greater sinner then thou art a Sauiour Nor dost thou saue but the soule humbled with or for sinne nor dost thou salue but the wounded spirit And if no physicke can worke with me Crudelem medicum intemperans ager saut Sen. but such sharpe corrosiues Satans buffeting messengers then cut ceare spare not so thou curest me so thou workest in me such a gracious both humiliation for sinnes and humility in the vse of thy graces that being made lower then all contempt I may be hid in the dust vntill the indignation passe ouer alwaies waiting and longing for thy comming to iudgement when all sinne in thine elect shall be for euer abolished the root remoued the guilt remitted the staine washed the reproach wiped away the scars couered with beauty the scorne with glory Euen so come Lord Iesus But alas O Lord in the meane time how many are the sharpe conflicts which thy seruant must still looke to incounter with in the poore remaines if ought yet remaine of this momentany life Temptations to new temptations for old sinnes no security for the future no safty for the present terrours within fightings without no peace but onely in thee with thee How shall my Arke ouercome such a deluge my Barke beare vp against such billowes of Satans assaults of the worlds affronts as still abide me still abase me vnlesse thou the great Pilot rebuke represse restraine them adding new strength to my wearied and weatherbeaten soule to resist to ouercome Is it possible that a poore wretch forlorne forsaken of all should subsist but by an Omnipotent hand supporting Herein doth the excellency of thy grace most clearely shine as in preuenting thy Saints from falling into many enormities so much more when fallen and that into some scandalous offence the strongest of al trials in preseruing them from falling away from their faith and affiance in thee euen then when all men in face and affection are fallen away from them Soueraigne is that grace which preuents the fault but much more that ouercomes the guilt as health is more easily kept then recouered This was that all-sufficient grace of thine whereby Dauid bore vp against infinite trials and troubles inward outward by reason of his sinne A president or example sufficient to vindicate the glory of thy Grace in preseruing thy Saints from falling away from thee against all opposition And now Lord be pleased so to sustaine the weakest of all thy seruants from sinking vnder the wares euen of most violent temptations that in him all may see that all-sufficient indeficient grace of thine in thine elect being in them a well of liuing water springing vp vnto euerlasting life neuer failing nor forsaking them O neuer suffer mee thy seruant to become a spectacle of desertion least the world should say Either is that no true grace from whence the professours of grace do fall or being true they are no true Prophets that once hauing it come to loose it Thus shall my sliding be imputed to the impotency of my corrupt nature but my subsistiâ—g to the omnipotency of thy pure grace in both which shall appeare the glory both of thy mercy in pardoning and of thy grace in preseruing Thus what dammage any might receiue by the example of my frailty it may redound to their greater aduantage by the stability of my faith while thy grace shall either establish them in thy truth or restore them from their errour Thus to them that loue thee all things shall by thy grace 〈◊〉 for good euen to all the Câ—lled according to thy purpose Tâ—â—s nothing shall separate vs from thy loue Thus are we more then conquerors through thee who louest vs. Thus is thy strength made perfect in our weaknesse Rom. 8. 2 â—hes â— Thus shalt thou be glorifâ—ed in thy Saints and admired in 〈◊〉 them that beleeue Thus teach vs O Lord to worke out our saluation with feare and trembling because it is Thou that workest in vs both to will and to doe of thy good pleasure Thus if Thou be with vs who shall be against vs Thus who shall lay any thing against the charge of Gods Elect It is God that iustifieth who is he that condemneth seeing it is thou O Christ who dyedst or rather who art risen againe being at the right hand of God making intercession for vs. CHAP. VII The fourth Conflict with old friends and familiars now growne strangers IT is no small heart-breake to a man in misery when hee is forsaken of his old friends and familiars It was Iobs case who said of his friend Iob 12.5 Hee that is ready to slip with his feet is as a lampe despised in the thought of him that is at ease And chap. 16.2 Miserable comforters are yee all And chap. 17.2 Are there not mockers with me and doth not mine eye continue in their prouocation And chap. 19.3 These ten times haue yee reproached me you are not ashamed that yee make your selues strange to me And be it indeed that I haue erred mine errour remaineth with my selfe If indeed ye will magnifie your selues against me know now that God hath ouerthrowne me and hath compassed me with a net And ver 13. He hath put my brethren far from me and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me My kinsfolke haue failed me and my familiar friends haue forgotten me And ch 15. My brethren haue dealt deceitfully as a brooke So that to all other Iobs miseries and calamities Pro. 18.24 19.4 this was no small addition no small aggrauation For as Iob saith To him that is afflicted pitty should be shewed of his friend It should so indeed But O Iob weigh well thy present state and wonder not at this It becomes not thy gray wisedome in such cases to bee deceiued For though there is a friend that sticketh closer then a brother yet wealth it is that maketh many friends but the poore is separated from his neighbour All the Brethren of the poore hate him How much more doe his friends goe farre from him But what had Iob done to demerit so to bee deserted of his friends Alas nothing at all but that God had visited him with pouertie and other corporall calamities Whereupon Iob said Iob 19.21 Haue pittie vpon me haue pittie vpon me O ye my friends for the hand of God hath touched me But this being all Iob had the lesse cause to complaine His innocencie was a Brazen wall vnto him to bid defiance to all affronts or frownes But come wee to Dauid's affliction for being forsaken of his friends That will touch to the quicke indeed Iob was forsaken of his friends because God had stript him of all his outward beautie leafe and branch no more left but the bare stumpe so that no maruaile if the beasts forsooke their old hospitall shade and shelter But behold Dauid otherwise he a King with Scepter in his Hand and the royall Diademe on his Head inioâ—ing a flourishing and rich Kingdome
heart trow you after that his sinne to heare the enumeration of Gods many fauours and benefits towards him mentioned by Nathan to him 2 Sam. 12 7 8. as in the person of God Enough of it selfe to wring from Dauid's gaulled and grieued heart a confession with teares I haue sinned against the Lord. Answ. True it is we haue no sweeter nor stronger tyes to serue and obey God then his benefites towards vs which as they are moe in numâ—er as he that hath fewest hath so many more then euer hee deserued or more excellent in their nature So when at any time wee sinne against this our liberall Benefactour all those benefits stand vp as witnesses against vs vpbrayding vs with extreme ingratitude and vnkindnesse as in the former example of Dauid And consequently in the Soules humiliation for sin Gods benefits comming into remembrance doe so accumulate and heape themselues vpon the Soule that as Tarpeia T. Liuius Lib. 1. the Romane Damosell was pressed to death with those Iewels cast vpon her which the Sabines wore on their left armes the price contracted for betraying to them the Capitoll of Rome shee is now pressed downe beyond all measure That speech Et tu Brute vttered by Caesar to Brutus might haue beene a sharper Dart to pierce Brutus his vnkind heart then his Poinado was to stabbe Caesar. When Ioseph was tempted by his wanton Mistrisse to folly with her Gen. 39 he answers her what obligations of fidelity his Master had layd vpon him in that he had intrusted him with all his goods taking no account of him and should hee not bee faithfull not to violate that one Iewell which alone hee had reserued to himselfe So that if Gods many benefits he hath trusted vs withall if the liberall allowance of all the Trees in the Garden will not cannot as they should restraine vs from the one and onely forbidden fruit of sinne as certainly they would Gen. 2â— if wee tooke but heed in any temptation to set Gods innumerable and inestimable blessings towards vs before our eyes which would make vs say as Ioseph How shall I doe this great wickednesse and sinne against God But alas wee are too forgetfull Surely then if we doe sinne all the other Trees in the Garden will be readie to fall vpon vs and presse vs downe not affording vs so much as their shaddow to hide vs if possible from the wrath of Gods angry countenance Math. 9. much lesse to refresh vs therewith Yet in the midst of the presse of Gods benefits wherewith the Soule is now oppressed Faith with her finger touching vpon and pointing vnto that euerliuing Fountaine of the grace and mercie of God in Christ formerly experienced finds cure for the issue of the bleeding Conscience euen then when it seemes to be quite spent and cast behind Christ. So that I say not Math. 16 23. that to the afflicted Conscience the memorie of Gods temporall benefits will bring comfort no nor simply of those Spirituall mercies on our Soules formerly felt sith all of them may iustly vpbraid vs for our vngratious vsing of them But least the Soule in this conflict of the apprehension of Gods wrath deserued should bee swallowed vp her readie way is to haue recourse to the stabilitie of Gods loue mercie and grace in Christ towards vs which hauing once and often formerly felt and inioyed we may recollect our Faith and rest assured that wayting with patience a while the Cloud will passe ouer and the Sun-shine of Gods fauour will returne vpon vs. And thus wee may reckon Gods promises and our spirituall experiences of his mercies as two preseruatiues more Onely this must bee remembred withall that the more experience we haue had of Gods fauours the more it ought to driue vs to a greater measure of repentance which will follow fitly here as a fourth Preseruatiue The fourth preseruatiue then of the Conscience from perishing vnder the apprehension of Gods wrath 2 Cor. 7.10 is godly sorrow so called 1. because it is a spirituall grace gift of God 2. because as it commeth from God so it goeth tendeth vnto and endeth in God sorrowing not so much that his iustice is prouoked as his mercy abused and his glory prophaned by our sinnes Herein it is opposite to worldly sorrow which as it springeth from a guilty conscience conuicted by the euidence of Gods law reflected vpon it So it respecteth onely the worldly estate of a man that he may still inioy the same and preuent temporall iudgements 1 King 21. This worldly sorrow was in wicked Ahab and so may bee in all Reprobates But the godly sorrow is so farre from regarding the punishment deserued that if the godly Penitent had it put to his choyce hee would rather suffer the very torments of hell then to haue committed the least sin against God This is true godly sorrow which chusing rather to dye the death and to fry in hell then to sinne against God hereby it becomes a strong antidote against despaire For what power can euen the flames of hell fire haue ouer that soule which is so drenched in the flood of this godly sorrow one drop whereof that poore Diues had not to coole his tongue So that to despise hell torments in comparison of sinne this giues a Supersede as to Despaire and seales to the penitent soule a Quietus est from all feares For how shall he now be any whit appalled with the apprehension of Gods wrath that willingly would rather suffer his wrath in hell 2 Cor. 11 31. Filiusi staroum â—aâ—hrymaruÌ„ perire non potest as Ambrose comforted Monica Augst mother weeping that he was a Manicheâ— then by sin incurre it on earth Thus iudging ourselues wee shall not be iudged Impossible it is that a sonne of this sorrow should perish Had that seuentimes heated furnace any power at all somuch as to scinge the outer garments of those three noble Confessors while they preferred the suffering in that flame before they would once bow to the Tyrants Idol such a conflict is godly sorrow Againe as godly sorrow looks primarily to Gods glorie so secondarily it reflects vpon the soules speciall good namely saluation For godly sorrow worketh repentance vnto saluation not to bee repented of 2 Cor. 7.10 But as for any temporall end or corporall benefit or the sauing of this present life godly sorrow takes the least care The difference in this point betweene godly and worldly sorrow is liuely set forth in those two Theeues crucified with Christ which two Theeues on each hand of Christ were a Type of all mankind of the Elect on Christs right hand and of the Reprobate on the left All were Theeues in Adam's fall And to redeeme effectually all his Elect Christ is numbred crucified with for Theeues Now the one of these Theeues belieuing confessing Christ vpon the Crosse what was the thing he aymed at His temporall life A
subministreth to the Soule when plunged in the deepth of perplexed dolours As Dauid in that short but pithy Penitentiall Out of the deepes haue I cryed vnto thee Ps. 130.1 O Lord. Ionas prayed vnto the Lord his God out of the Fishes belly Yea Out of the belly of Hell cryed I and thou heardest my voyce And when Dauid said in his hast I am cut off from before thine eyes Neuerthelesse saith hee thou heardest the voyce of my supplycations when I cryed vnto thee Prayer is of force to bring againe the dead Child to rayse dead Lazarus euen the stinking Soule out of the Graue No place no case of calamitie Spirituall or Corporall whence Prayer may not procure deliuerance Onely out of Hell is no deliuerance Why They pray not there to God In the Parable Diues prayed but to Abraham to a Saint not to God enough to cause his prayer to be reiected as not worth a drop of cold water A good example for all such Clyents as inuocate Saints for their Aduocates A practise learned from Diues in Hell but which findeth neither Precept nor Promise in the Scriptures and so can hope for no better successe Now among the many admirable vses and effects of prayer two are of singular note the first that prayer is a most effectuall antidote to preuent the committing of sinne What neede I speake of the infinite experiments my selfe haue found in this kinde Let euery child of God but take notice of his owne proofes herein For my part how many forcible temptations prouocations inuitations occasions to sinne haue made battery vpon this weak Fort when it hath beene ready to hang out the flagg of parle and of yeelding and onely prayer steps betweene working a suddaine strange alteration in the affections it bringeth a fresh supply of of grace fortifieth the weakest places repaireth the breaches repulseth the batteries causeth the enemy for that time to retreat I could produce strange instances in my selfe but I forbeare Nor is there any lawfull affaire of this life but if prayer haue an oare in it it makes the better way to arriue at the wished port But for the preuenting of sinne and restraining of our inordinate passions it is in a manner the onely effectuall meanes Neuer hath any temptation further preuailed but as prayer hath beene neglected I am sure this is true in mine owne experience And surely where the daily practise of prayer is not there it is no maruaile if Sathan keepe his reuels Dauid noting the many corruptions and abominations of wicked men and persecuting Tyrants hee renders the reason of all They call not vpon the Lord. Psa. 14·4 But doe not such men pray Yes they may but as the Pharisees in an outward formalitie and vnder a colour of long prayer they deuoure widdowes houses Who are more for a ceremonious and solemne formalitie of endlesse and superstitious prayers then the Church of Rome which yet the Holy Ghost styleth the great Whore Can such blind prayers be effectuall but to pull down vengeance vpon their heads which by their pompous solemnitie haue vndermined the verie ground-worke and Pillar of all true Religion and deuotion the preaching of the Word now turned into Masse and Matins But no maruaile if the Seuen-branched golden Candlesticke be there remoued and turned into an Idoll-Altar where the verie * Prayer in an vnknowne tongue Light of Deuotion is quite put out and the Oyle dryed vp The second principall vse of Prayer is after a man hath beene ouertaken with a temptation in any degree tending at least to the actuall committing of sinne and to the fulfilling of it in the lust thereof to rayse vp the humbled Conscience to a hopefull expectation to a constant affiance and in fine to a comfortable fruition of Gods mercie We see what strong cryes Dauid all along the most peerelesse patterne of practick pietie in this kind lifted vp when his soule was cast downe for his sinne as all his Penitentials but specially the 51 doe witnesse And surely had not the sinne-burthened Soule accesse to the Throne of Grace and Mercie by the meanes of Prayer what hope were there But Prayer is like Noah's Doue which returning brings the poore sinner tidings that the Deluge of Gods wrath is asswaged and in token thereof presents him with the Oliue-branch of peace and reconciliation Or as when God is on his March against vs with his great Army of terrible Iudgements Prayer is the Herald sent to make an humble treaty for truce And therefore in all Spirituall conflicts there is no dutie which Satan goes about more to diuert from or disturbe in then this of Prayer Yea he is readie to present a man with and to foist in a thousand by-occasions or cogiâ—ations either about our profits or pleasures thereby to diuert the Soule from praier perswading a man he may doe that as well another time as now And it is more then proaable that Dauid was thus carried away when for almost a yeeres space that sinne of his in the matter of Vriah and Bathshabe lay as a charmed Serpent sleeping in his bosome vnrepented of till Nathan came and by his Riddle vncharmed it and so rowsed him from his Lethargie Obiect But did not Dauid all that while exercise the dutie of Prayer Had he not at least the Arke in his Court and there his morning and euening Sacrifices of Prayer Answ. No doubt But it is likely hee contented himselfe with the publike solemn Seruice and Sacrifice of Prayer neglecting in the meane time his more intimous and priuate deuotion wherein hee should haue more punctually humbled his Soule cast himselfe downe naked in Gods presence and made speciall supplication for the pardon of his sinne and so haue demeaned himselfe in his holy wrastling with God in secret as he could not doe in publike with any decorum or without beeing censured by men of indiscretion or folly As Hannah for her zeallous prayer was thought of Eli to haue beene drunke or madde Or at leastwise not intermitting his times of priuate prayer yet hee remitted of that feruour and zeale of that extraordinarie sorrow and teares requisite for obtaining the pardon of such a sinne Or if among other his sinnes hee bewayled this sinne yet hee went not to the quicke hee searched not the wound to the bottome His repentance as yet was but an ordinarie and euerie-day-repentance whereas his extraordinarie sin required an extraordinarie sorrow Hee might also the while pray for mercie and pardon but not so effectually and heartily for such a measure of mercie as his sinne required And the reason that his repentance and consequently his praier for pardon at the best was not yet so sound as it ought which was the cause that as yet he found not that comfortable fruition of Gods fauour and mercie as afterwards vpon his more serious repentance was his want of due consideration in waighing the horriblenesse and hugenesse of his sinne For
open the deeper wound least the suddaine healling and closing of it vp might proue dangerous Thus thou dealt'st with Dauid who lying weltering in his blood thou the good Samaritan took'st compassion poured'st in thy healing Oyle of pardon but withall the corosiue wine of humiliation so to eat out or suppresse the luxuriant new-growne flesh lest festering inwardly it might proue to a Gangreene And when I am thus cast vpon the worlds reproch I know it is not without thy iust good and wise all-disposing hand Thou sawest what small fruit all my ordinarie and euerie-day repentance brought forth how it did not worke in me such a perfect hatred and detestation of sinne such an exact care and Conscience of auoyding the least appearance of euill as thou requirest how it laboured at the best rather to lop off the out-branches of sinne as eye-sores of the world then putting the axe to the root of the Tree to stub it vp with all the radicall sprigs and sprouts of affections And how easie is it to slubber ouer repentance when the heart is not possessed with a due estimate of the smallest sinne I thought all was well or at least tollerable being free from the maine Act nor making practise nor taking pleasure nor walking in a purpose nor watching opportunitie nor pursuing the meanes of committing sinne with greedinesse Or if at any time a temptation did ouertake me to yeald assent vpon thy gratious preuention I so reioyced with the Pharisee Lord I thanke thee c. as I neglected the Publicans Prayer Lord be mercifull to me a sinner Not duely considering in the meane time either the strictnesse of thy Law or the Sacredness of my Person Profession the one straitly prohibiting the other infinitely aggrauating the least degree of or disposition vnto sinne causing that to bee mortall in me which in others might bee accounted veniall And although thou knowest Lord which I dare the more freely recount to the glorie of thy Grace how often when occasions were offered euen inuiting mee to sinne boldnesse vsurping the seat of bashfulnesse I haue by thy present assistance not else while mine owne corruption when left to it selfe would easily haue followed auoided declined them and where I haue obserued temptations to be strongest and danger most apparant haue purposely not daring to trust vpon mine owne weake strength withdrawn my selfe where I haue beene like to bee taken with the lime-twigs which the cunning fowler layd for mee haue I not taken the wings of the Doue to fly a loft from the danger yea sometimes finding vpon triall a flexibility in the obiect haue I not disswaded haue I not counselled for good Yet all this all this while as it seemeth so deceitfull is the heart aboue all things not with that zealous affection not with that thorow hatred of sinne as was requisite Certainly I did not with all my power resist the Diuell so that it gaue him incouragement to watch still new occasions to take me tardie when I should least dreame of danger and obseruing my spirituall armour not so tightly girt to my loynes but like Ioabs sword to hang loose and dangling about me hee hoped one time or other to smite me vnawares as Ioab did Amasa kissing and killing both at once And could he at all haue inclosed mee in his toyle had not thy wonderful * Deus diligeÌ„tibus euÌ„ omnia cooperatur in bonum vsque aedeo prorssus omnia vt etiam si qui eorum deuiant exorbitaÌ„t etiam hoc ipsum eis faciat proficere in bonum quia humiliores redeunt atque doctiores Aug. de Corr. gra cap. 9 Prouidence so disposed it to a further end then Sathan imagined Hast thou there left me No surely For first hauing chastised and purged me with a fiery sicknesse nigh vnto death and heard my praier for deliuerance and for a renewed redubled strength in my Ministry to be a poore instrument of thy glory which my folly had any way stained how hast thou followed mee euer since what with assisting grace what with affâ—iccting griefe least I might bee either too much exalted with the one or too much depressed with the other And hath not thy vnchangable wisedome for this very cause left some corruptions in thy holiest Saints to keepe them in the ballance of a due temper that so the tempter might not attaine to his wished ends while hee meeteth with two contrary windes to saile withall For when hee would tempt to pride for the indowments of thy graces how doe our very corruptions stand vp against him to our humiliation On the other side when he would tempt vs to diffidence deiection desperation in regard of our indwelling or out-breaking sinnes then thy grace interposeth it selfe not onely as a token of thine vnchangeable loue but as a mighty weapon to batter downe all Satans strong holds Hereof hast thou giuen mee sufficient experience herein abundant cause of comfort so that may not I say with Dauid Thy rod of castigation and thy staffe of consolation and sustentation comfort mee But yet alas O Lord was there no other way to preserue the wine of thy grace in me but vpon the Lees of my corruptions No way to poise the course of my brittle barke that so it might safely bring the Pearle of the kingdome to the wished hauen but with the base ballace of sinne No antidote to preserue me from being exalted aboue measure for the portion of thy free goodnesse towards me but by the treacle compounded of the Serpent sinne But I may not reason with thee whose iudgements are vnsearchable whose wayes past finding out But Lord did not thy all piercing eye discouer some monstrous pride lurking in my heart ready to breake out and beare it selfe bigge when it should behold it selfe any way beautified with the borrowed feathers of thy Doue-like spirit and rather then I should rob thee of thy glory and so be left naked of thy grace it seemed good to thy wisedome to permit the preuention of it with the humiliation of mine own shame For otherwise hast thou not in the midst of my infinite weakenesses giuen me a minde to know thee a desire to please thee a will to obey thee a heart to prefer thy glory before my life a resolution to choose rather to dye a thousand deaths then to commit the least sinne But O wretched man that I am the cause of all my calamity is in my selfe this body of death which I carry about is the source of all my sorrow Yet seeing this is the coÌ„mon coÌ„dition of thy Saints none to be exempt from indwelling corruption all the best the holiest to cry out of it some for shame all for sorrow why should I thinke by any priuiledge to be holier then they or being the weakest the worst of all the rest shall not thy mercy thy merits be magnified so much the more in blotting out my misdeeds I am sure I cannot be a