15 that seede fell on this ground this good ground for so I then was and with an honest vers 15 and good heart having heard the word I kept it and brought forth fruit with patience Sure I did I brought forth fruit good fruit or else I am much deceaved But why then Gen 3.18 doe I now lye fallow Why doe I produce nothing but thornes thistles the curse of the earth Heb 6.8 1. Cor. 3.9 Why nothing but thornes briers whose end is to be burned I was in those dayes ah I was Gods husbandrie but since that time hee hath left mee off my ground is growne out of heart quite out of heart for hee would digge mee noe more hee would plough mee noe more hee would soyle mee noe more But what is the cause of his anger Wherfore did hee thus leave mee thus forsake mee Alas the reason is too manifest I would needes take the plough out of his hands I would not suffer him willingly any longer to breake up the fallow ground of my heart Ier 4.3 but I my selfe would plough And what is the effect What is the event thereof Nothing but miserie nothing but woe for I have ploughed wickednesse Hos 10 13. and I have reaped iniquity and eaten the fruit of lyes I would needes follow mine owne wayes Deu 22 10. and plough with an oxe and an asse with thoughts cleane uncleane pure and impure ioyning them together and therfore to my woe I find the words of King Solomon in mee most sadly ve rified Prov. 21.4 Iob 4.8 that the ploughing of the wicked is sinne And yet I ahwretched I doe still follow the plough I plough iniquitie and sow wickednesse and yet for all that I looke not to reape the Same but I expect fondly I expect a harvest of goodnesse a croppe of blessings Ps 129.6 But now I find that those blessings doe wither even before they grow up The mower I find vers 7. cannot fill his hand with them nor hee that bindeth up sheaves his bosome Neither doe they which goe by say vers 8. The blessing of the Lord be upon you wee blesse you in the name of the Lord. Oh if God would but once againe take mee into his care and husbandrie Ps 1.3 I might bring forth good fruit in due season Then though I should goe on my way weeping Ps 126.6 yet I might beare pretious seede come againe with reioycing bringing my sheaves with mee This I might doe if hee would manure mee if hee would dung mee Lord 1. Cor. 4.13 let mee rather be made as the filth of the world the off-scowring of all things then not be manured by thee Make mee to account all things but dung Phil. 3.8 that I may winne thee and that so winning thee I may once againe be in heart that I may have a heart Deu 5.29 even such a heart may be in mee that I may feare thee and keepe all thy commandements illway that it may be well with mee for ever I had once a soft heart like Iob Iob 23.16 Eph. 4.32 2. Chr. 34.27 for God made it soft and the Allmighty troubled mee I had a tender heart apt to forgive a heart that was tender for I humbled my selfe before my God like Iosiah and rent my clothes and wept before him Hee did mollifie it made it fleshie hee tooke the stonie heart out of my flesh Eze 11.19 gave mee an heart of flesh not givē to the flesh to the fowlenesse the filthinesse of the flesh but such a heart of flesh as was flexible soft easie to be pierced I could weepe lament for every sinne for every transgression which I had committed against my good God It was a melting heart it would melt like the hearts of the Babilonians Is 13.7 Ps 22.14 when their destruction was threatned to be effected by the Medes it would melt like waxe in the midst of my bowells And well it might melt for it would burne it would burne within mee like the hearts of the two disciples goeing to Emaus Luc 24 32. yet this heart-burning was noe disease neither but as it was with David when mine heart was hott within mee then in my meditation the fire burned Ps 39.3 And well againe might it melt into teares for it was a mourning heart Eccl 7.4 Io 16.6 it delighted to be in the house of mourning it was full of sorrow as were the hearts of the disciples when Christ had tould them of the persecutions which they should suffer I had greate thoughts of heart Iud 5.15 Ps 119.161 such as were for the divisions of Reuben a heart very awfull for it stood in a we of the word of my God This heart of flesh so soft and tender so mollified and melting so burning so mourning this sorrowfull and thoughtfull heart was so apt for any impression of goodnesse that like unto Solomon I could find in it 2 Sam. 7.27 I could find an aptnes in it to pray unto the Lord. Prov 3.3 It was a writing table God had written mercy and trueth upon the table there of and in more perfect characters too then the Gentiles had Rom 2 15. I could shew the worke of the law written in my heart It was a loving heart Mat 5.43 it would love my neighbour and not hate mine enemies It was a broken heart and allthough 't was broken yet was it whole I could seeke the Lord like Iehosaphat 2 Chr 22.9 with my whole heart Yea this I could doe as Abimelech sayd of himselfe concerning his taking of Sarah Gen 20.5 Ps 119.10 Abraham's wife I could doe it in the integrity of my heart innocency of my hands With this whole heart I could seeke the Lord I could love him I could believe I could praise him Deu 4.29 c 6.5 I could seeke him with all my heart and with all my soule I could love him yea I could love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soule with all my might I could believe as Philip sayd to the Eunuch I could believe Act 8.37 Ps 9.1 even with all my heart I could praise him all so even with David I could praise the Lord with my whole heart Ps 119.80 This whole heart was sound too as David prayed even sound in the statutes of my God that I might not be ashamed This sound heart was single too single even like those good servants whom Saint Paul commandeth to be obedient unto them that are their masters according to the flesh with feare and trembling Ep 6.5 in singlnesse of heart as unto Christ Act 2.46 I could eate my meate with gladnesse Act 2.46 Ps 12.2 and singlnesse of heart It was not then my custome to speake vanitie unto my neighbour to speake with flattering
and naked When the Israëlites were to give an offering to the Lord to make an atonement for their soules Ex 30.15 the rich were not to give more nor the poore to give lesse then halfe a shekel If God should require so much at my hands I should be apt to pleade the want of money or if I had so much I feare that I should appeare too unwilling to spare it But all coveteousnesse is a distrust of providence and either denyeth the power or questioneth the will of the greate disposer Hee provided for the poorest Israëlite on him therfore must I depend for reliefe comfort Something hee require's that I should offer unto him I have nothing of the world's All that I can offer is but my selfe and certainly my selfe shall be best accepted If I can but present him an honest heart it matter 's not how hungry or thirstie or cold or naked the body is which conteineth that heart Iob. 34.19 Hee accepteth not the persons of Princes nor regardeth the rich more then the poore for they all are the worke of his hands The rich may offer to him of their aboundance Mar 12 44. but I of my want will give him my heart which is all that I have Peradventure hee will say of mee vers 43 as hee did once of the widdow This poore woman hath cast more in then all they that have cast into the treasurie Thus if I sieke the Lord I cannot want for so the Prophet telleth mee Ps 34.10 The young Lyons doe lack and suffer hunger but they that sieke the Lord shall not want any good thing Saint Paul assureth mee saying 1. Cor 3.22 Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come vers 23 all are yours and yee are Christ's and Christ is God's And now what can I feare Whereat can I be displeased God is mine and I am his For what hee giveth mee I will be thankfull whatsoever earthly thing hee depriveth mee of I will be contented This poverty will not endure for ever If it continueth while I live yet it must end when I die that blessed time draweth neerer and neerer every moment I am assured of a deliverance I must attend with patience Afflicted Iob doe's certainly assure mee that Iob. 36.15 God delivereth the poore in his affliction and openeth their eares in oppression The same God promised to Tzion saying I will abundantly blesse her provision Ps 132.15 I will satisfie her poore with bread The Psalmist refresheth mee with unspeakeable comfort when hee telleth mee that Ps 9.18 Ps 72.12 The needy shall not allways be forgotten the expectation of the poore shall not perish for ever The Lord shall deliver the needy when hee cryeth the poore allso and him that hath noe helper Hee will defend the poore Ps 82.3 and fatherlesse hee will doe justice to the afflicted and needy Ps 140.12 Hee will maintaine the cause of the afflicted and the right of the poore Thus am I promised and thus shall it be performed It is noe new thing with God to take pitty upon the distressed The Prophet Isaiah saith unto him Thou hast beene a strength to the poore Is 25.4 a strength to the needy in his distresse a refuge from the storme a shadow from the heate Ps 34.6 This poore man cryed saith David and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles Againe Hee raiseth up the poore out of the dust Ps 113.7 Ps 10.14 Heb. 13 5. and lifteth the needy out of the dung-hill Therfore I resolve that I will commit my selfe unto him for hee is the helper of the friendlesse Hee hath promised that hee will never leave nor forsake them that trust in him Parents are commonly indulgent to their children yet because their naturall affection is possible to be quenched therfore say's the Psalmist When my father and my mother forsake mee Ps 27.10 then the Lord will take mee up I will therfore begge seing now I am poore I will begge of God because hee is rich I will begge of God to keepe mee to love mee to blesse mee that so I may never forsake my dependance on him nor hee his love and compassion to mee Earnestly will I besiech him and confidently will I resolve Rom 8 38. that Neither death nor life nor Angells nor principalities nor powers nor things present vers 39. nor things to come nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall ever be able to separate mee from the love of God which is in Iesus Christ our Lord. The Prayer FAther of pitties Lord of comfort thou that hearest the cryes of the afflicted Iob. 34.28 Ps 32.4 looke downe in mercy on a distressed sinner Thy hand ô God is heavy upon mee for thou hast taken from mee what I called mine by reason that I did not acknowledg it thine ô Lord thou knowest my bleeding heart my sorrowfull eyes and my mournfull teares Thou seest how poore I am and what miseries I suffer Ps 44.13 I am a scorne to my neighbours and a derision to them that are round about mee My life is become a burden unto mee because thou hast deprived mee of the comforts thereof My lovers Ps 38.11 and mine acquaintance stand looking upon my miserie and my kinsmen stand a farre off Lord if it be thy pleasure thus to humble mee with poverty let it be thy goodnesse to give mee patience to endure it The pride of my heart and my forgetfullnesse of thee in the time of plenty did cry aloud for thy severest punishments Now ô now I feele thy just displeasure and I groane under the burden and weight thereof Yet thou Lord canst ease mee thou canst restore mee Heare Lord and have mercy Lord Ps 30.10 be thou my helper Suffer mee noe more to rely upon the arme of flesh 1. Tim 6.17 or to put my trust in un-certaine riches but make mee for ever depend upon thy bounty Forgive mee ô father the sinnes which I committed when I lived in prosperitie Ps 30.7 for I am sensible that they are a cause why at this time thou hidest thy face from mee and causest mee to be troubled O give mee a sight and sense of the greatnesse of them and true contrition and sorrow for them that so though the world forsake mee yet I may find favour and mercy in thy sight Without thy assistance this sore burden is too heavy for mee to beare Ps 38.4 Lord either remove it from mee or make it easier for mee Lend mee thy gratious and helping hand Ps 23.4 that as I am scourged with thy rod so I may leane upon thy staffe Let mee never despaire of thy comfortable reliefe but in all my miseries be thou my refuge Be pleased to endue mee with patience from above that I may give noe
and this child have dyed so should the teares which I had shed through the extreamitie of my pangs be seconded with more for the losse of my desires In all these mercies I must looke up to my Redeemer and acknowledg him the father and donour of these blessings I will therfore magnifie him for his goodnesse and praise him for his loving-kindnesse Ps 106 1. I will give thankes unto the Lord for hee is gratious because his mercy endureth for ever The Prayer O Mercifull God heavenly father who hast now most especially made knowne unto mee Eph 3.20 that thou art able to doe exceeding aboundantly above all that wee aske or thinke make mee thankfully rejoyce in the worke of thy love and thy tender mercie Thy favours are greate and wonderfull in sparing the life of my selfe mine infant in freeing mee from my pangs and him from the darknesse of the silent wombe Thine ô Lord is the power by which I am delivered thine is the mercy by which I am safely returned unto my bed thine is the worke of the frame and fashion of this my babe thine therfore shall be likewise the glory for ever and ever Graunt blessed Father that I may never sorget thy goodnesse but expresse my thankfullnesse in my new obedience Make mee carefull in the performance of what service I promised thee in the extreamitie of mine anguish As thou hast given mee the fruit of my body to the joy of my heart so give mee the fruit of righteousnesse sowen in peace Iam 3.18 vers 17 Give mee the wisedome which is from above that is full of good workes without hypocrisie Lord make mee thy servant by grace and make this child thy child by adoption and mercy Give mee comfort in his life for the sorrowes which I endured at his birth Gal 1.15 Seperate him from the wombe as thou didst Saint Paul that hee may be a chosen vessell of sanctification and honour Teach mee innocency and simplicitie by the example of this infant and make mee hereafter teach him goodnesse and righteousnesse by the power of thy grace Make us allways children in wickednesse 1. Cor. 14.20 1. Pet 2.2 Gal 4.19 but not in understanding that so as new borne babes wee may desire the sincere milke of thy word that wee may grow thereby Let thy sonne Christ be formed in this litle infant that as it hath beene preserved by thy power and providence in the first birth so it may feele thy mercy and grace in the second Lord give a blessing to whatsoëver shall be used for the recovery of my strength that I may allways praise thee both in prosperitie and adversitie Give thy blessing to the meanes for the nourishment of this child Give it strength that it may live to receave the seale of thy mercy in the laver of Baptisme and doe thou be present with thy blessing when the signe shall be administred Lu 2.52 O let it live if it be thy blessed will and grow up in wisedome and in stature and in grace both with thee and with men that so I may magnifie thy name for making mee an instrument to propagate the number of thine elect who am the weakest and the unworthiest of women Increase thy Kingdome daâ—ly Take pittie upon all that suffer afflictions especially on those women who are in labour of children Give them comfort in the time of their miseries ease from their torments joy in their desired issue and thankfullnesse for thy blessings Lord graunt that both I they may sing praises to thy name for the greatnesse of our deliverances and expresse our thanks in our godly lives that when this painfull life shall have an end wee may sing tryumphantly in eternall glory through Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen 13. THE THIRTEENTH SUBJECT Teares in the time of a generall Pestilence The Soliloquie Consisting of sixe severall parts and treating of 1 Mourning by example in a publike calamitie 2 Severall causes of God's visitations 3 Sinne especially the cause of the Pestilence 4 Severall examples of dreadfull Pestilences 5 God's threatning before his visitation 6 The duety of a Christian decreeing both to whom and for whom wee ought to pray in the time of Pestilence The first part of the Soliloquie treating of mourning by example in a publike calamitie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe heart of the wise is in the house of mourning Eccl 7.4 saith Solomon but the heart of fooles is in the house of mirth Is the heart then sometimes in a pilgrimage from the body Or is the body required to visit the sick yea though the disease be infectious Or are wee allways by command Ps 42.3 to imitate the Prophet whose teares were his meate day and night The heart indeede is often from home and is least where it liveth most where it loveth The sick must be visited or else my Saviour will complaine as hee doth in the Gospel saying I was sick Mat 25 43. Iob 2.11 and yee visited mee not When Iob's three friends heard of the evill that was come upon him they came every one from his owne place for they had made an appointment together to come to mourne with him and to comfort him vers 13 So they sate downe with him upon the ground 2. King 13.14 and mourned seaven dayes and seaven nights When Elisha was fallen sick of his sicknesse wherewith hee dyed Ioash the King of Israël came downe unto him and wept over his face and said O my father my father the charet of Israel and the horse-men thereof c 8.29 When wicked King Ioram went to be healed in Iezreel of the wounds which the Syrians had given him at Ramah Ahaziah the sonne of heboram King of Iudah went downe to see him in Iezreel because hee was sick Thus doe I reade of a holy Patient visited by friendly mourners a holy Prophet visited by a weeping King a wicked King visited by another as wicked as himselfe All these were visiters or visited but I doe not find that the diseases were infectious Noe I must therfore imitate the best of them in my charitie to others but I may not forget charity to my selfe Willfully to runne into apparent danger is desperately to tempt the keeper of Israel What shall I then doe The passing bells informe mine eares of the mortalitie of my neighbours yet I cannot I must not visit them What I say shall I doe What course shall I take Charitie commandeth mee compassion hasteneth mee to the dying Christians that by my advice or at least by my prayers I might expresse my commiseration And yet when I am just at my doore provided resolved intended to goe even then mine owne health the health of my familie and which is
bee none to deliver us O thou who didst suffer thy selfe to be wounded for our transgressions be pleased to cure the wounds and maladies both of the soule and body of thy distressed servant Thou knowest Lord that the feeble soule cannot praise thee with cheerefullnesse nor serve thee with alacritie The sicknesse of the body disturbeth the soule and maketh it un-apt to serve thee with readinesse O say of his disease that It is enough and remove from him speedily this heavy visitation Thine hand ô Lord is layed upon him and the stroake is so heavy that it woundeth us both Mercifull God let the sinnes of both of us be blotted out of thy remembrance like a clowde Is 44.22 and be appeased with us through the merits of thy Sonne Mar 2.17 The whole have noe neede of thee the physitian but wee that are sick O be thou the Physitian to cure our soules and then in thy good time restore thy diseased servant to his former health But if thou hast sent him this sicknesse as a messenger of death ô give him patience to beare and willingnesse to suffer whatsoever thou sendest Ranke him not in the number of those rich and wicked Eccl. 5.17 who have much sorrow and wrath in their sicknesse but ease his sorrow and appease thy wrath Make him willing to submit to thy will and pleasure that so whether hee liveth Rom. 14.8 hee may live unto thee or whether hee dyeth hee may dye unto thee yea whether hee liveth or dyeth that hee may be thine Luc. 18 13. Lord be likewise mercifull to mee a sinner Thou knowest how deepely this affliction woundeth mee To him thou gavest mee whom now thou visitest that so hee might be both my head and my directour and thou knowest my weakenesse and my frailties that I cannot understand I cannot walke in thy wayes without a counseller I cannot apprehend what I reade Act. 8.31 except some man should guide mee O be thou pleased therfore to spare his life whom I am commanded to learne of at home 1. Cor. 14.35 for if thou callest him to the joy of thine heavenly Kingdome let it be thy goodnesse to moderate my sorrow upon earth If thou takest him from my societie let mee not be left alone but send mee the comforter even thy holy Spirit to be my Protectour and my guide unto death Ps 48.14 Release him of his torments whom thou visitest with this sicknesse and ease thou my sorrowes which arise from his paines Give the comforts of thy Spirit both to him and mee that when this painfull life shall have an end wee may be found of thee in peace 2. Pet. 3.14 Is 9.6 through the merits and mercies of the Prince of peace even Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen THE NINETEENTH SUBJECT Teares of a woman lamenting the death of her beloved husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Mary came where Iesus was Io. 11.32 and saw him shee fell downe at his feete saying unto him Lord if thou hadst beene here my brother had not dyed Shee wept indeede yet it was but for a brother and the Iewes allso wept vers 33. yet it was but for a common friend but what was all that to the death of a husband O my husband my husband That very name of husband mee think's would flatter mee with comfort as if I might imagine that hee could heare mee But oh hee is dead hee is dead hee cannot heare mee hee cannot behould mee hee cannot answer mee his eares are locked up his eyes are closed his mouth is sealed his soule is gone O what shall I doe for my head my guide my heart my husband Were my Saviour upon earth againe I could send one to him as Mary did vers 3. who should say Lord behould hee whom thou lovest is dead Dead say I O dead dead hee is gone hee is departed and can never be re-called But why Why can hee not be called back againe Did not my Iesus cause Lazarus to arise when hee had beene fower dayes dead vers 44 vers 39 Yes hee did but what then I neither love my Saviour so well as Mary did nor I feare doeth hee love mee so well as hee did Mary or if both were so yet since miracles are ceased I cannot so much as hope that hee will call back the spirit of my Lord my husband Oh could hee be wooed by the teares of a sinfull woman never did any mourne so much as I would But nothing will perswade I seeke but the disturbance of him whom I mourne for if I desire to call him from his eternall rest Yet I hope that it is noe sinne to grieve that hee is gone I lament not his happinesse but mine owne losse vers 35 My Iesus himselfe did weepe for Lazarus in testimonie of his affection for so sayd the Iewes vers 36 Behould how hee loved him And was my love to my husband so litle or so cold that I should forget to testifie it in a sorrowfull teare O I cannot forbeare the remembrance of him Is 1.2 Lam 1.12 who was deerer unto mee then life it selfe Heare ô heavens and give eare ô earth Was it nothing to you all yee that were by him when yee saw him breathing out his soule and forsaking the world O behould and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow which is done unto mee wherewith the Lord hath afflicted mee in this day of his anger Tell mee not how Iacob lamented the supposed death of his sonne Ioseph Hee was misse-taken in the cause but I see and feele the chillowed clay of mine indulgent husband Iacob mourned onely for a sonne but I for an husband Iacob had more many more I had but one 2. Sam 1.26 and the love of this one to mee did passe the love of women Yet though Ioseph was alive and though hee was the youngest save one of twelve sonnes Gent 37.34 Iacob his father rent his cloathes and put sackcloth upon his loynes and mourned for him many dayes c 23.2 Tell mee not how Abraham bewayled the death of Sarah his wife who dyed in Kiriath arba in the land of Canaan Hee was a man so neither his passion nor his losse could paralell mine Hee had more-wives but I had not more husbands And yet though Abraham lost but onely a wife I reade that hee came to mourne and to weepe for her Tell mee not of Abijah the sonne of a King how hee dyed and was lamented Could a Prince be as neere and deare to the people as a loving husband to the wife of his bofome Yet though neither mariage nor blood could pleade for a teare I find that all Israël mourned for him
then the great Lord of heaven and Earth and to worship them It is a quarrellsome a fighting heart a heart that like Davids hath often struck often smitten mee It is a double heart a dissembling heart a double minded heart It is a heart like a beasts like Nebuchadnezars when hee was driven from the sonnes of men and his heart was made like the beasts It is a hard heart hardened like Pharao's like the Israelites in the day of provocation a hard and impenitent heart that treasured up unto it selfe wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God a heart that was hardened and fell into mischiefe a hard and unbelieving heart a heart alienated from the life of God through ignorance by reason of the hardnesse there of and like that of the Israelites it is both a hard Eze. 3.7 Iob 41 24. Ier. 5.3 Ez 3.9 and an impudent heart It is a heart harder then the nether mill-stone as firme as a stone as hard as a rock yea 't is as hard as an adamant even harder then the flint Oh what a heart was this and yet 't is runne away from mee 't is gone what shall I doe I faine would weepe for the losse of it but I cannot weepe without it c 24.23 The curse which was threatned to the Iewes is fallen upon mee I cannot mourne nor weepe I doe onely pine away for the losse thereof But why should I grieve for the departure of a heart so dry so dead so fatt and so blind Of a heart so hidden so plagued so wicked and so condemning Of a heart so deceitfull so deluding so trouble some so deepe Of a heart so froward so evill so reproaching and so troubled Of a heart so trembling so idolatrous so smiting and so double Of a heart so beast-like so hard so unbelieving and so inpudent I consider and acknowledge how wicked it is yet I am sorrie mee think's that 't is gone But am I sure that this sinfull heart is gone indeede Or doe I but seeme to goe heart-lesse up downe seeking for that which hath bred this disturbance Ah I feare that I have it still with in my bosome and yet I am fondly possessed with a feare that I have lost it I may find it againe too soone to my sorrow and upon a strickt enquiry woe is mee I shall find it a bout me at every turne I may find it at my table in every dish and there 't is gluttonous in a glasse of wine and there 't is drunken in filthy muck and there 't is coveteous in my bed and there 't is lascivious in mine apparell there 't is proud in the wellfare of my neighbours there 't is envious in a quarrell and there 't is contentious in the synagogues of Sathan and there 't is idolatrous Where can I looke what can I behould that 's naught that 's wicked and not find my heart there And why then all this complaining All this seeking and searching for it Alas Alas t is too bad to leave mee 't is too wicked to runne from mee From hence shall grow my teares even because I understand not my heart It is with mee but I know it not it is within mee but I understand it not it torment's mee and yet I am so stupid that I feele it not it is ready to bring mee to ruine yet I seeke not to prevent the danger Lord how mad am I thus to possesse yet not to believe that I possesse a heart thus wicked and yet not to believe that it is so wicked What shall I doe Nay what wilt thou doe with such a heart as this It dishonoureth thee it corrupteth mee From goodnesse it drive's mee to wickednesse it leades mee Whither soever I goe whatsoëver I doe it induceth mee to sin by consequence without thine infinite mercies to eternall damnation In this desperate condition what shall I doe Amend it I cannot correct it I cannot and yet be quit of it be rid of it I cannot But why doe I give over the hope of its amendment as if noe means were left to prevent my ruine I must not distrust of the goodnesse of my God My heart is dry but by his assistance I will water it with my teares It is dead I will re-vive it with my teares it is fatt I will make it pine with my teares it is blind I will open it's eyes with my teares it is hidden I will reveale it in my teares it is infected I will cure it with my teares it is wicked I will correct it with my teares it is deceitfull I will punish it with my teares it is troublesome I will quiet it with my teares it is froward I will still it with my teares it is evill I will better it with my teares it trembleth I will comfort it with my teares it is idolatrous I will rectifie it with my teares it is quarelsome I will tame it with my teares it is double I will single it againe with my teares it is beast-like I will new baptize it in my teares it is hard I will mollifie it with my teares it is incredulous I will make it faithfull by my teares it is impudent I will make it blush with my teares Or if these eyes be drie or these teares but sew or these few teares of too litle vallew to effect my desires O thou who once in the fervency of thy devotion in the depth of thine agouy didst seate as it were greate drops of blood Luc 22.44 which fell from thy body for the sinns of he world o thou who in thy tender compassion seeing Mary at thy feete weeping the Iewes about thee weeping for the deoeased Lazarus didst groane in spirit Io 11.33 weepe with the mourners increase thou the teares of mine eyes for the sinns of my heart give them vertue by those teares which fell from thine that I may weepe and lament and be sorrowfull for my corrupted heart Io 16.20 that so my sorrow may be turned into joy Amen The second part Of the Soliloquie A lamentation for the losse of an honest heart NOe paine can be compared to the paine of the heart and cerrainly noe losse can be so great as the losse of the heart What comfort then can I expect can I find in any thing who have lost my first my best my dearest heart Once I had one and wâ—e is to this time where in I must say I bad Yes I had indeede I had a heart such a heart so plyable a heart to all goodnesse that I am enforced now to my cost to vallew it onely by the losse thereof I was theÌ„ a field Ps 107 37. Io 15.1 Luc 8.21 a pleasant field that yeelded my fruit with increase Yea I was manured ploughed sowed and harrowed by the best of husband-men by God him self The seede was the word of God vers
is short If I could possibly be as ould if I could live as long as from time to time from the beginning of time to the end of time frō the creation of the world to the dissolution of the world yet all this time would not be long yea it would be nothing in comparison of eternitie It would not be the hundred thousand thousand thousand thousandth part so much as one graine of sand is to the whole earth to the whole world and all therein conteined allthough the world should be a million of millions of thousands of millions of times greater then it is or could be accounted by Arithmetick Well then I can have but my life in earthly things and perhaps not that neither in those things which I desire they will not be mine for ever noe for they shall not endure for ever but that which is eternall shall be for ever and ever world without end I meane not this world without end for this shall have an end but I meane that other world that better world the world to come eternall in the heavens Sinfull I was even before I was before I was in the world for I had the staine of originall corruption even in my mother's belly and then I was not or not in this world for so our common speech goe's yea so our Saviour him selfe doeth say allso A woman Io 16.21 when shee is in her travaile hath sorrow because her howre is come but as soone as she is delivered of the child shee remembreth noe more the anguish for joy that a man is borne into the world Our yeeres are constantly reckoned not from our conceptions for then wee were imperfect noe nor from the time of life from the time wee were first quick when our soules were at once both created and infused into us and yet then wee were guiltie of originall pollution but as if wee were not worthy to be sayd to be untill wee may beginne to be more sinfull our age is onely reckoned from our first societie with sinners The simple world account's that wee have beene but just so long as wee have beene companions together in the view of men so if men were to number my transgressions and had both power and skill to summe them up they would begin but at my birth onely at that time when they began to corrupt mee but God will beginne at my beginning at the first time that I receaved a soule and from that very instant shall my soule be accountable for all my sinns But if hee be so strickt as to beginne with my originall uncleanesse when I knew it not oh what will hee say to mine actuall abominations which I both did and doe know So many actuall sinns I have committed that I cannot number them so greate and grievous actuall sinnes that I cannot estimate them All my former time hath indeede beene wholly mine none of it was God's But what good have I done to or for my selfe in all this time Iust none at all nay on the contrarie infinite hurt infinite injurie for I have not onely dishonoured my God and offended my neighbour but allso I have every moment made my selfe more lyable to eternall damnation But shall I have my time and shall not God have his too Yes yes hee hath all this while had his time Rom 2 4. his time of patience and forbearance and long-suffering dayly expecting my repentance and conversion But this was rather my time then his for it was for my good in that hee spared mee And shall not hee yet have his time Some other time Yes hee will have it Hee will have a time of visiting the proude for so hee threatned Babylon by the mouth of his Prophet saying Ier 50.31 Behould I am against thee ô thou most proude saith the Lord God of hostes for thy day is come the time that I will visite thee I have beene proude with Babylon justly therfore may I expect that God should visit mee as hee visited Babylon Hee will have a time of vengeance C 51.6 for so saith the Prophet too Flee out of the middest of Babylon and deliver every man his soule◠be not cutt off in her iniquity for this is the time of the Lord's vengeance hee will render unto her a recompense I have lived all this while in Babylon and I have sinned with Babylon and justly therfore might I be destroyed with Babylon But the goodnesse of my God hath hitherto spared mee his kindnesse is greater then I can meritt or requite or vallew for though hee had his time of vengeance against Babylon yet his time of mercie continueth to mee in calling mee to flee from out of the middest of her Hee did call before but I heard not before for though the sillie birds and the fowles doe know their times and seasons yet I knew not my time when God called for my conversion C 8.7 The Storke in the heaven knoweth her appointed times and the Turtle and the Crane and the Swallow observe the time of their coming but I poore I simple I did not know the judgments of the Lord. Hee will allso have a time of calling every one to an account for their sinnes and that time hee may take when soëver hee pleaseth yea and so hee doeth too for every day some or other doe appeare at his tribunall This time hee might have taken against mee allso all this while while I have lived in my sinnes for I did not watch Mar 13 33. and pray though I knew not when the time would be After judgment hee will have a time of execution too but hee deferr's hee delay 's both judgment execution This was well knowne even unto those two possessed with Devills Mat. 8 28. in the countrie of the Gergesenes which met my Redeemer as they were coming out of the tombes exceeding fierce so that noe man might passe by that way for they cryed out saying vers 29 What have wee to doe with thee Iesus thou sonne of God Art thou come hither to torment us before the time O let the time of vengeance put mee in mind of my sinnes and what I have deserved justly by them Mat 13 25. Yet lest Sathan should sowe tares among my wheate lest hee should tempt mee to despaire when I prepare to repent let mee as well consider that God hath a time of love too as hatred of mercy as of fury Thus the Apostle telleth mee Gal 4.4 When the fullnesse of time was come God sent forth his sonne made of a woman vers 5. made under the law To redeeme them that were under the law that wee might receave the adoption of sonnes O what a blessed time of love was this when his owne sonne his onely sonne his sonne of his bosome was sent to redeeme such wicked and ungodly wretches as I poore creature am Ierusalem found a time of love too of infinite love when
Lu 15.14 vers 16 I am brought into want and faine would fill my belly even with the huskes that swine doe eate but noe man giveth them unto mee vers 17. Though I know that many hired servants have bread enough and to spare and yet I am ready to perish with hunger Though thus I know my miserie yet I skarce remember the cause But I will begg of my heavenly father vers 17 that I may come unto my selfe and then that my selfe may come unto him I know that hee is angry and his wrath is terrible but if I absent my selfe his displeasure will increase The longer I strive to keepe out of his sight the more will be his severitie and the more grievous my punishment vers 18 I will therfore arise and goe to my father and say unto him Father I have sinned against heaven vers 19 and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants Iob 42.6 Ps 102.9 Ps 80.5 I will abhorre my selfe in dust and ashes As David did so will I I will eate ashes as it were bread and I will have plenteousnesse of teares to drinke I will mourne for my sinnes which have caused this judgment and with my teares in mine eyes compunction in my heart and humilitie in my soule I will fall on my knees before his footestoole and pray unto him and say The Prayer ALl-mighty and all-sufficient Lord God who by thy power diddest lay the foundations of the world and by thy providence doest guide protect the things therein conteined be pleased to looke upon the sorrowes and sufferances of thy distressed servant Thou knowest my wants before I aske and seest how low I am brought with hunger The inferiour creatures thou fillest with plenty but mee thou sufferest to pine with famine Shall not the cryes of the hungrie pierce thine eares Shall the soule of the emptie be despised by it's maker Heare Lord Ps 30.10 and have mercy ô be thou my helper Thou knowest how I groane under the burden of this affliction and wilt thou allways know it and never remove it where are thy mercies which thou shewedst to thine Israelites Where is they goodnesse which was manifested to he widdow of Sarepta Thou canst not decrease in thy mercies nor forget thy compassion The stomack crye's and the belly cryes and a poore languishing soule cryes unto thee ô Lord in the depth of distresse O my father shut not up thy mercifull eares to my prayers but heare mee in heaven and succour mee with thy reliefe Thy store will not be lessened nor thy treasure diminished by sparing to mee a morsell of bread Lord if it may stand with thy good will preserve mee from death and deliver mee from this famine or else arme mee with patience that I may under-goe thy chastisement with comfort and content O thou Saviour of the world to whom the cursed Iewes gave gall to eate Ps 69.21 and when thou wert thirstie even vineger to drinke doe thou ease my griefe and hearken to my complaint Thou in thy humanitie diddest seele the wants of these out-ward things and knowest what griefe and anguish I suffer To Samaria thou sentest plenty beyond expectation 2. King 7.18 in the space of a night Thou art neither confined to time nor tyed to the meanes thou canst send mee comfort even above my hopes Lord either send mee plenty or blesse my want that so I may willingly submitt to thy pleasure and patiently suffer what thou hast decreed Though my body languish for want of sustenance yet fill thou my soule with the riches of thy goodnesse Amos. 8.11 2. Chr. 15.3 O let mee never be cursed with a famine of thy word Let mee never be as once the Israëlites were without thee the true God without a teaching Priest and without law Howsoëver thou disposest of the outward man let not my soule want it's spirituall nourishment whereby it should be fed to a life immortall It was thy meate ô Christ Io 4.34 to doe the will of him that sent thee and to finish his worke Graunt ô Iesus that I may follow thy stepps and make it my foode and my delight to fullfill thy commandements Let mee not labour here for the meate that perisheth c. 6.27 so much as for that meate which endureth to everlasting life My body is thine dispose of it as thou pleasest My soule is thine preserve it in holinesse Lord be gratious to mee thy child Gen. 43 29. and comfort mee now in this greate extreamitie that so I may neither offend thee in my sufferance nor despaire of thy providence but that wholly relying upon thy gratious goodnesse I may suffer with thankfullnesse whatsoëver thou pleasest and then that my sufferances may end in happinesse Heare mee blessed God and help mee for the worthinesse of thy Sonne in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Mat. 6.9.10.11.12.13 Our father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdome come thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven give us this day our dayly bread and forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us and leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen THE THIRD SOLILOQUIE Treating of thirst both bodily and ghostly THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Prophet bewayling the distressed estate of afflicted Sion complainth thus Lam. 4.4 The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roofe of his mouth for thirst the young children aske bread and noe man breaketh it unto them They that did feede delicately are desolate in the streetes vers 5. they that were brought up in scarlet embrace the dunghills Grievous was that miserie the infants endured who neither knew how to complaine nor where to be satisfied Their tongues which in time might relate the storie were scorched with the drought and heate of thrist Those litle members which as yet were not un ruely found a punishment as if they had offended The mothers lamenting the torments of the young ones offered them drinke from the fountaines of their eyes but so un-able was that offering to please the innocents that their thirst increased by that which should quench it Surely the miserie was greate which the babes could not utter since mine is so severe that I thinke it ineffable The more I complaine the more thirstie I am for the motion of the tongue increaseth the drought Iam. 3.6 The tongne that is un-ruely is set on fire of hell but mine is silent and yet it scorcheth That litle moisture which is left in my mouth is growne so glutenous
the desire of foode the sharpenesse of the appetite is abated and growne low The birds of the night the theeves and the robbers awake mee out of my slumbers sometime my carefull thoughts present to my fant'sie a feare of their entrance which causeth mee to watch when there is noe necessitie The daughters of musick the tongue that was so nimble and the lippes that were so active and the voyce that was so melodious have forgotten the songs and sonnets of youth vers 5. Now I am afraid of that which is high and feares are in the way and the Almond-tree flourisheth and the grasse-hopper is a burden and desire faileth When I attempt to walke the dimnesse of mine eyes doeth multiply the objects and maketh mee believe that I must climbe over mountaines The weakenesse of my feeling persuadeth my feete that the smallest stones are mighty hills Every bush in the way that shooteth up its twigges appeareth like the ragged teeth of a devouring sawe The Almond-tree flourisheth the early watchfull Almond-tree which forwardly produceth its fruits in the prime of the yeere my cares increase and cause mee to walke betimes in the mornings My weakenesse accounteth the leaping of a grasse-hopper upon my furrowed skinne like the weight of a burden that would crush mee to the earth and the desire of youthfull delights is fled from my remembrance The silver chord is loosed vers 6. the golden bowle is broken and the pitcher is broken at the fountaine and the wheele is broken at the cesterne The tongue is growne silent which was wont to sing like the silver trumpetts the strength of the loynes hath submitted to age the braine which was kept in the bowle of the skull is dryed up in the panne which so carefully preserved it The very gall is broken and seperated from the liver the fountaine of blood and the whole body is readily prepared for the sepulcher Thus hath my God spared mee so long untill I am even wearie of this his mercy for in my youth I was not so fearefull to be snatched from my pleasures as now I have a longing to be released of my paines My flesh Lam 3.4 and my skinne are made old and my bones are broken Such yeeres have seldome crowned the issue of Adam without the societie of weakenesses and sorrowes Gen 48 10. 1. King 14.4 c 15.23 The eyes of Israël were dimme for age so that hee could not see Ahijah the Prophet could not see for his eyes were sett by reason of age Asa in the time of his old age was diseased in his feete Thus wee that are ancient are subject to as many infirmities as wee have lived yeeres each part of our bodies is ready to torment us with severall aches Now I I stand in neede of a Iob whose comforts may uphold mee as I am falling Iob. 4.4 and that hee may strengthen my fecble knees O how I want some charitable person Is 35.3 who could strengthen my weake hands and confirme these feeble joynts Aged I am feeble I am I have that which Solomon calleth the beauty of age Prov 20.29 I have the gray head But what beauty is there in these silver haires unlesse I have religion springing in my heart c 16.31 The hoary head is a crowne of glory yet not unlesse it be found in the way of righteousnesse The Israëlites were commanded to rise up before the hoarie head Lev 19 32. and to honour the face of the old but surely the Lord intended not that reverence should be given so much to the age as to the goodnesse of the person who was thus to be respected As wee that are aged have more experience through the multitude of our yeeres then the young and lustie inhabitants of the earth so should wee be instructers of them in goodnesse and vertue As wee doe somewhat resemble our God in the number of our dayes 1. Pet 1 26. Dan 7.9 so should wee strive to be holy as hee is holy who is the ancient of dayes I can speake the chronicles of times that are past and report the various occurrences which happened in my youth but doe I strive therein to set forth the goodnesse and mercies of him that hath spared mee so long to publish his praises Iob saith that With the ancient is wisedome Iob. 12.12 and in length of dayes understanding Thus indeede it should be but doe I verefie those words of Iob The Prophet complaineth that gray haires were here and there upon Israël Hos 7.9 Iob. 32.9 yet hee had noe knowledg Greate men are not allways wise neither doe the aged allways understand wisedome That is onely true wisedome which maketh us resemble the Prophet David who understood more then the ancients Ps 119.100 because hee kept the precepts of the most high As for other wisedome it hath noe vallew in comparison of this for of such it is that Iob speaketh when hee saith God removeth away the speech of the trustie Iob 12.20 and taketh away the understanding of the aged It is that wisedome alone it is that understanding onely that David had which causeth both the guift and the blessing of antiquity Prov 3.1 Let thine heart keepe my commandements sayth the Lord by king Solomon for length of dayes vers 2. long life and peace shall they adde unto thee This is that true wisedome indeede which hath length of dayes in her right hand vers 16 and in her left hand riches and honour Such aged people as these were they whom God promised at the restauration of Ierusalem when hee sayd there shall yet old men Zech 8 4. old women dwell in the streetes of Ierusalem every man with his staffe in his hand for very age Such as these doubtless were they of whom Eliphaz boasted to Iob in his distresse when hee said Iob. 15.10 with us are both the gray headed and very aged men much elder then thy father Thus I reade of the wisely ancient but am I one of those who have Wisedome and understanding Is my zeale as much inflamed with the love of my God as my body hath abated of its youthfull heate Long enough have I lived to be acquainted with the precepts and commandements of the most high and to teach the younger by a religious example How many in all these clusters these heapes of yeares have I advantaged in the way of godlinesse How many have I endeavoured to reclayme from wickednesse What judgments of God upon sinfull miscreants have I observed in my time What use have I made of them for mine owne humiliation How often have I discoursed of them to the younger people that so they might be affrighted from the perversenesse of their evill wayes I can remember trifles which happened even in my childhood but did I ever observe the goodnesse and the tender mercies of my maker My numerous yeeres command mee
Ierusalem and to set a marke upon the fore-heads of the men that sighed and that cryed for all the abominations that were done in the midst thereof A marke I have too yea more then one and one and one though not in my fore head and they are set on as if they proceeded from the inke of the writer but woe is mee I have either not cryed at all or not enough either for mine owne sinnes or for the abominations of Ierusalem how then can I hope to escape the destruction And yet hee that spared them if hee please can spare mee likewise for his hand is not shortned Is 59.1 that it cannot save neither is his eare heavie that hee cannot heare 2. King 20.1 When Hezekiah was commanded to set his house in order and it was tould him that hee should die and not live vers 2. hee turned his face to the wall and prayed unto the Lord and wept sore vers 3. vers 5. and presently Isaiah was sent unto him to tell him Thus saith the Lord the God of David thy father I have heard thy prayer I have seeno thy teares behould I will heale thee and I will adde unto thy dayes fifteene yeeres vers 6. Hee may be pleased to say unto mee too as hee did unto Hezekiah for I allso weepe yea I weepe very sore and I allso pray yea I pray heartily Ps 22.19 and say Be not thou farre from mee ô Lord ô my strength hast thee to helpe mee But Hezekiah was more righteous then I am 2. King 20.3 for hee walked before the Lord in trueth and with a perfect heart and did that which was good in his sight Rom. 7 18. Num 12.13 whereas in mee dwelleth noe good thing But Miriam was a woman as I am yea and sinfull and yet when shee was Leprous Moses cryed unto the Lord for her and sayd Heale her now ô God I besiech thee and shee was shut out from the campe but seaven dayes vers 15 and was healed O but shee had a Moses to pray for her whereas I alas have none I have noe such Moses to pray for mee But what shall I therfore remaine quite destitute of all hopes Shall I despaire of the goodnesse and the tender mercies of the most high Noe I may not I must not for that would but increase my sinne adde to my torments The woman in the Gospel who for twelve yeeres space had an issue of blood Mar 5.25 and had suffered many things of many physitians and had spent all that shee had and was nothing bettered vers 26 vers 27 but rather grew worse shee onely came behind my Iesus vers 29 and touched his garment and straight way the fountaine of her blood was dryed up and shee felt in her body that shee was healed of that plague vers 33 VVith that fearing and trembling woman therfore will I in like manner fall downe before him and tell him all the trueth I will confesse unto him all my sinnes or at least so many as possibly I can call to my remembrance Who knoweth but that hee may say unto mee as hee did unto her vers 34 Daughter thy faith hath made thee whole goe in peace and be whole of thy plague I am resolved to take noe repulse The whole multitude even the multitude of my sinnes shall not hinder mee though they rebuke mee that I should hould my peace but with the blind man in the Gospel I will cry so much the more Lu 18.39 Iesus thou sonne of David have mercy on mee Or if that prayer be too short while hee shall prolong my time I will compose and settle my selfe to a larger forme earnestly fervently zealously I will pray unto him and say The Prayer O Eternall and most mercifull Lord God whose eyes are ten thousand times brighter then the Sunne and yet thou vouchsafest to looke with thine eye of providence even upon the meanest of the children of men Lu 1.48 Ps 38.9 reguard I besiech thee the low estate of thine afflicted hand-mayd Thou knowest all my desires and my groaning is not hid from thee To thee the pollutions of my poore soule are more naked and open then these spotts in my flesh are obvious to my sight The fowlenesse of my corruptions have conspired with the infectious ayre to cause these staines in my skinn and by them I am commanded to prepare for my dissolution Lord if thou hast decreed by these meanes to free mee from this world of paine and miserie be pleased to translate mee from hence to the joy of thee my Lord and Master Mat. 25 23. Give mee ô my father a sight of mine imperfections make mee loath them and tremble at them more then I doe at these messengers of death Weane mee from the love of sinne by the consideration both of thy displeasure mine owne mortalitie These spotts appeare like so many eyes which seeme to stare mee in the face and would affright mee with horrour and all because I had not allways a consideration that thine eyes in every place doe behould the evill Prov. 15.3 and the good Blessed God give mee a sight of my corruptions and a detestation of them Ps 51.9 and then turne thou thy face away from my sinnes and blot out all mine iniquities Speake peace and health unto my wounded soule which every minuit expecteth thy coming Lord thou art a God who canst not abide to behould unrighteousnesse looke not therfore with thy wrathfull eye upon mee who am all sinne and pollution but upon thy Sonne and his sufferings Or if thou canst not choose but looke upon mee first cloath mee with the righteousnesse of that immaculate Lamb so shalt thou see mee with love and delight I shall behould thee with unspeakeable joy Prepare mee o my God that I may be a fit guest to be called and invited to the supper of the Lamb. Reu 19.9 Seale unto my soule the remission of mine offences and then make mee willingly to resigne up my body to thine owne disposing Yet thou mayest speake the word if so thou pleasest and thy servant may be healed Mat. 8.8 Luc. 17 15. There was a Leper in the Gospel who fell downe at thy feete ô Iesus giving thee thunks vers 16 and with a lowde voyce glorifying thy name because thou hadst healed him It is as easie for thee to restore mee in like manner Hos 5 13. as thou didst that Leper When Ephraim saw his sicknesse and went to the Assyrian Iudah saw his wound and sent to King Iareb there was found noe healing nor curing of the wounds but those that come unto thee shall find that thou art both able willing to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to give medicine to heale their sicknesse for unto Israël thou diddest proclayme thy selfe The Lord that
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
be as constant in my prayers as the man â—as constant in his attendance at the poole At â—y gate ô Christ I must I doe continually â—e Thy blood ô Iesus is the onely Bethesda â—r my distressed soule Lord leade mee into â—…at poole of blood by the hand of faith and then I shall not distrust the effect of that â—ver O cleanse my soule and then I shall willingly submit to thy pleasure for my body But still ô still my paines increase and my flesh consume's I pray and I begge and I beseech and yet I find noe ease noe reliefe The continuance of my sicknesse doe's but â—each mee the ignorance of the Physitians or â—he deadnesse of the druggs and potions I am dyeted and I am physicked and my body is become the very shop of an Apothecarie and yet I find noe ease noe comfort 'T is true that thirtie and eight yeares continuance of a maladie hindered not Christ from curing with a word But if it had remained longer could hee have done the like Yes surely why not Hee himselfe could as well have dooâ— that as have given power to his Apostles tâ— restore the Criple who had beene fortie yeaâ—… lame This was done by Peter and Iohn for the man that was above fortie yeares ould Act 14 22. c 3.2 and had beene lame from his mother's wombe even on him was shewed this miracle of healing I may hope for some favour too from the hands of my God for though to mee it might appeare allmost a miracle that I should recore yet with God it is as easily effected by a word as was the greate creation of heaven and earth I will therfore submit to his pleasure and 〈◊〉 upon his goodnesse Hee is a God of mercy an tender compassion hee is the greate Physitia both of soule and body hee hath allways delighted in acts of charitie It was his promise upon some conditions to heale a whoâ—… land 2. Chr 7.14 for his owne words are If my people which are called by my name shall humble themselves and pray and seeke my face and turnâ— from their wicked wayes then will I heare from heaven and will forgive their sinne and wiâ—… heale their land I am one of the people ô Christ that is called by thy name for a Christian I am though a sinfull and a feeble Christian and thou hast humbled mee with this thy visitation and grace thou hast given mee I blesse the for it to humble my selfe in the consideration of mine iniquities and to pray and to seâ—… thy face Lord perfect thy good workes and make mee turne from mine iniquities and then heare mee from heaven and forgive my sinne and if it may stand with thy eternall decree heale thy servant Hee hath likewise shewed his mercy even in healing of waters 2. King 2.21 for his Prophet Elisha went forth to the spring of un-wholesome waters and cast salt in there and said Thus saith the Lord I have healed these waters there shall not â—e from thence any more death or barren land So the waters were healed vers 22 according to the saying of Elisha the Prophet Lord I have waters too that require thy helpe for they are un-wholesome they are sinfull I weepe and I lament my teares runne downe on my cheekes Lam. 1.2 and all either with extreamitie of anguish or feare of death or despaire of thy power to restore mee to health few of them are for my sinnes few of them for my transgressions But some hope I have that thou wilt likewise heale these waters for allready thou hast cast some salt into them I find by my tast that they are brackish that they are brinish Lord let mee be noe longer a barren land but make mee fruitfull in good works Col 1.10 Ps 1.3 that I may be like unto a tree planted by the rivers of water that bringeth forth his fruite in due season and then though this leafe for a time may faile though the flower of my body may be cropped or mowed for the harvest yet I know that my Redeemer will not cast it into the fire but will make it spring up hereafter in eternall glory Hee hath allso healed the persons of diverse of his people Ps 107.20 for so saith the Psalmist Hee sent his word and healed them delivered them froÌ„ their destructions Is 19.22 So Isaiah prophesieth concerning Egypt saying The Lord shall smite Egypt hee shall smite and heale it and they shall returne even to the Lord and hee shall be intreated of them and shall heale them O what comfortable words were these to Egypt Hee may if hee please cheere mee up allso with the like for hee hath allready smitten mee and in his loving kindnesse hee hath so sanctified this affliction that by it hee hath made mee to returne unto him O Lord now if it be thy pleasure be thou intreated of mee heale mee This God is the same God who speaketh by the mouth of Moses and saith See now that I Deut 32.39 even I am hee and there is noe God with mee I kill and I make alive I wound and I heale neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand This is the same Lord whom Hannah did magnifie in her thankfull Song and said The Lord killeth and maketh alive hee bringeth downe to the grave 1. Sam. 2.6 and bringeth up This is the same God of whom Iob his servant professeth and boasteth saying Hee maketh sore Iob. 5.18 and bindeth up hee woundeth and his hands make whole This is the same Lord VVhom David commandeth his soule to magnifie and saith Ps 103 1. vers 2. Blesse the Lord ô my soule and all that is within mee blesse his holy name Blesse the Lord ô my soule and forget not all his benefits Who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseafes vers 3. and who redeemeth thy life from destruction vers 4. this God is the same God who alone hath power over soule body can if hee pleaseth preserve them both Hee it is whose mercies were promised to his Church when by his Prophet hee said The light of the Moone shall be as the light of the Sunne Is 30.26 and the light of the Sunne shall bee seaven fold as the light of seaven dayes in the day that the Lord bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Hee it is who giveth such Euangelicall promises to penitent Iudah and saith I have seene his wayes and will heale him c 57.18 I will leade him allso and restore comforts to him and to his mourners I create the fruite of the lipps peace peace to him that is farre off vers 19 and to him that is neere saith the Lord and I will heale him This is hee who inviteth Israel to come unto him and saith Returne yee back-sliding Children and I will heale your backsliding
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them