through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
unwritten Paper which remains may seem to imply she designed more This is just the fortyeth part of what she had written for her Childrens use being 6 Pages in her Book of Twelve score so that I have enough if I would enlarge to tire my self and satisfie not to say clog my Readers But I will consult my own ease and theirs in adding little more of what an account is given Sect. 12. under Eleven or Twelve distinct Heads I confess I am tempted to add the Example to the Rule I mean the large Form of Prayer and Thanksgiving each containing 16 Pages But I 'll forbear only as I toucht a few Lines of the beginning and end of the Thanksgiving before So I shall give a little taste of this Prayer which she begins thus Good Lord give me to know thee who passest all Knowledge and though I cannot comprehend thee in the perfection and fullness of thy Glory yet vouchsafe to give me to apprehend thee in thy Love and pardoning Mercy to me a poor miserable Sinner who in my first Being was invested with an happy and righteous Estate from which O Lord in my first Original I soon declined c. And so proceeds most humbly to acknowledge the guilt and pollution of Original Sin as I think yea know most Orthodoxly If our Bibles our Articles our Homilies yea our Liturgy be more Orthodox than Socinus and those Ephramites who lisp his Sibboleth because they cannot or will not pronounce aright the Shibboleth of the Church of England's good old Doctrine Then she proceeds to a large Confession of actual Sin both of Omission and Commission against both Tables Acknowledging the demerit of them proceeds to sue out the Pardon of them in these words O God thou knowest my foolishness and my Sins are not hid from thee I beseech thee pardon my Iniquities and blot out my Transgressions though they be as a thick Cloud Good Lord wash me from my Impurities in that Fountain set open for Sin and for Vncleanness the precious Blood of Jesus Christ which is not only able to expiate my guilt but to cleanse me from all my filthiness that through his stripes I may be healed and cleansed from all my Original and Actual Defilements c. Having enlarged upon this she proceeds to pay for Sanctification and Inherent Righteousness that she may be a new Creature in Christ Jesus then most fully and earnestly against Temptation then for the Assistance of the Spirit to render all God's Ordinances and the means of Grace effectual then for growth in Grace for Comfort for an Heavenly frame of Heart and Life for assurance and manifestation of God's Love to her then for Wisdom to consider her latter End and to be helped in that Spiritual Arithmetick so to number her Days as to apply her Heart to true Wisdom then that God would fit and prepare her for her Dissolution that when her days shall be consummated on Earth her Corruptible may put on Incorruption and her Mortal put on Immortality Then she concludes with these Words Then shall Death my last Enemy be vanquished and swallowed up in Victory and from thy unworthy Creature Everlasting Praises shall be rendred unto thee through Jesus Christ that giveth me the Victory for thou hast redeemed my Soul from the Power of the Grave I beseech thee receive me into thy Eternal Kingdom and Glory that neither Death nor Life things present nor things to come may be able to separate me from thy Love O God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. Then she proceeds to Pray for the Church of which a taste was given in her Monday-morning Prayers Sect. 7. pag. 45. Gracious Lord the Mercies I ask of thee for my own Soul I earnestly beg of thee for thy Church and People Blessed Lord Thou hast made the Earth by thy Power established the World by thy Wisdom and stretched out the Heavens by thy Discretion thy Arm is not shortned that thou canst not Save Good Lord take care of Zion build up the Walls of Jerusalem that in Zion there may be Deliverance and Holiness in thy House let the Mountain of thy House be established in the top of the Mountains be thou a Wall of Fire round about and her Glory in the midst thereof But I forgot my self 't is hard to stop my Pen. Then I beseech thee especially for the Land of my Nativity the Nation of which I am a sinfull Member here is a large Paragraph The next is for the World Give thy Gospel a free and glorious Passage through the World Good Lord pity those that sit in the region and shaddow of Death Then I beseech thee be mercifull to all the Sons and Daughters of Sorrow and Affliction the Disconsolate the Sick those who contend with Poverty Imprisonment Reproach Disgrace Then for them who suffer Persecution for the Truth Then for her Relations I confess I am almost ashamed that I have thus mangled so excellent a Prayer so Piously so Judiciously in such suitable Scripture Phrase and Language I think it had been better to have transcribed the whole or let it quite alone but her Friends may command a Copy of it if they please Having finished her Intercessions for others she returns to conclude with renewed Petitions for herself which I will venture to set down Good Lord be the God and Portion of me thy unworthy Creature and of those so dear unto me give me a Relation to thee an Affiance in thee and a Dependance upon thee that in all my concerns I may come to thee in whom are all my fresh Springs the riches of free Grace to poor Sinners and treasuries of Mercies purchased with the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ I beseech thee with-hold not thy tender Mercies from me but give me of that hidden Manna the sweet refreshing Incomes of thy Holy Spirit into my Soul and when my Heart is overwhelmed I beseech thee lead me to the Rock that is higher than I for thou hast been a shelter to me Lord be thou a strong Tower to me to which I may continually resort for whom have I in Heaven but thee And if I know any thing of my own Heart there is none comparative on Earth that I desire besides thee thou art my God besides thee there is no Saviour I beseech thee guide me with thy Counsel and when I shall go hence and be no more in this World I beseech thee receive me into thy Glory Then follows the Thanksgiving full as large as the Form of Prayer and if it may be more Spiritual raised and Divinely Savoury but I will not repeat the Errour to mangle it and set down so Imperfect Pieces and spoil its Beauty but signifie to her Friends that I shall freely allow them to read the Original which is fairly legible or if they think it worth the while to Copy it out or at more leisure to Print some few Copies of it and others of her usefull
Lady Essex Specot pag. 234 to pag. 246 Another Consolatory Letter written to a good Christian Friend under Trouble pag. 246 An account of the Care she took of young Scholars which came to live in my Family pag. 247. As it should be though mis-printed pag. 227. Two Letters in part which she wrote to one of them to stir him up to Faithfulness in his Ministry pag. 250 A good Letter to a Country Farmer who Married her Kinswoman which I hope may be usefull to all my plain Parishioners pag. 258 A very large but excellent Letter writ to her dear Grand-Child about two Months before she died which I hope may be very usefull to young Gentlemen of the like Age. pag. 270 The Conclusion pag. 296 It is not needfull to run over the whole to amend the Mis-printings which are not many nor great Prayers for Praises Amnestry for Amnesty revenerable for venerable Glassock for Glascock pag. 258. and a few like are all I remember and some Mis-pointings THE HOLY LIFE OF Mrs Elizabeth Walker The INTRODUCTION I Am not so short sighted as not to foresee the Censures I may expose my self to by this Undertaking especially if it fall into the Hands of such as are prone to make sinister Interpretations of other Mens Actions and receive with the left hand what is most innocently offered with the right Yet considering it would be very ill becoming that endeared Affection I always bore to her living and owe to her precious memory now God hath bereaved me of her to baulk a Duty and neglect an Office which may be as usefull to others as kind to her upon such fears I shall freely run that hazard to perpetuate her Memory with just Honour and deserved Praise but principally to glorifie God for that abundant Grace vouchsafed to her and to carry on that Work her Heart was so intensly set upon that is the promoting God's Interest in the World and the good of Souls That the Bushel of unkind silence and sudden forgetfulness may not be whelmed over so burning and shining a Light whose Heat and Lustre may warm and enlighten others though set upon so low a Candlestick as my hasty Pen must place it on I willingly wave an obvious Preface of the usefulness and efficacy of good Examples to enlarge on which it may elsewhere appear I am not wholly unfurnished because I design the concisest brevity and for the same reason I shall pass by what concerned her in all other regards but those the Title Page suggests or touch them no farther than seems necessary for decency and order's sake to introduce what I mainly and indeed solely design in this Essay that those who read it may more fully know of whom these things are spoken To effect which I shall begin with an Account of her Parentage and Birth left under her own hand SECT I. Of her Birth and Parentage BEfore the Transcribing of which I shall premise thus much concerning her Papers from which I am chiefly furnished for this work I sometimes coming into her Chamber when she was Writing she would slide her Book or Papers into the Drawer of the Table on which she wrote and this having happened several times she one day on the like occasion bespake me thus My Dear let me beg one promise from thee Which when I had assented to having demanded what it was she replied That I would never look into the Books and Papers in that Drawer so long as she lived So tender was she rather to improve her time well than to have it known even to my self how well she spent it Which promise as she fully acquiesced in was on my part most faithfully made good Since her Death amongst her many most usefull excellent and pious Writings I found a large Book in Octavo of the best Paper she could buy neatly bound gilded and ruled with red provided for the use to which she so well imployed it On the second Page of which I find thus written Elizabeth Walker her Book all writ with my own hand though the Character doth vary I striving to write a little deeper my sight growing weaker I say there is not one Syllable which I have not writ with my own hand In this Book from the beginning at one end in about two third parts of it are written many excellent Instructions and religious Directions for the use of her two Daughters who were then living to teach them how to serve God acceptably and promote the Salvation of their Souls Which I shall have occasion oft to refer to and to transcribe many Passages out of it in the sequel The other End bears this Title Some Memorials of God's Providences to my Husband Self and Children Then she begins thus My Husband was born c. and so gives a very exact Account of my Parentage Family Education and many signal Mercies and Diliverances vouchsafed me before she knew me of which she had informed her self at several times by enquiries of me and Discourses with me I suppose to inform our Children after us That the Generation to come might know them even the Children which should be born who should arise and declare them to their Children That they might set their hope in God and not forget the works of God but keep his Commandments As the Psalmist speaks Psal lxxviij 6 7. And after every one of them testifies the sense of a very pious gratefull Mind in such Expressions as these Blessed be God for his Mercy to him then and in his farther goodness to me therein for which mercifull Providence I bless God Blessed be God that upheld him in it and delivered him from it c. I can scarce obtain of my self to add more on this Head yet begging the Candour of the Christian Reader I will venture to subjoin the last Passage which in this Paragraph concerns my self because it savours no less of pious Gratitude to God than most endearing kindness toward me When he was ready to commence Master of Arts good Bishop Brownrigg commended him to worthy Doctor Gauden to teach Mrs. Mary Lukenor Dr. Gauden's Wife's Daughter who was afterward the Wife of my Lord Townsend and died Childless After Three Years spent in that Imployment and assisting Dr. Gauden in the Ministry at Bocken my Dear came to be Houshold Chaplain to the good and noble Right Honourable Robert Earl of Warwick at Leez where he received many Mercies the chief to be esteemed the Crown God was pleased to give to his Ministry in the Conversion of the then Lady Mary Rich since the Right Honourable Countess of Warwick A most incomparable Woman in all Ornaments of Nature and Grace and his most sincere and entire Friend whom I beseech God in his infinite Goodness to preserve and crown with all his Mercies Excuse the pathos of a gratefull Mind which cannot refrain crying out concerning these two holy Women Never Man had better Friend than the one or better Wife than the
other Blessed be my gracious God for his great Kindness to me in them both After Three Years continuance in that Family upon the Death of Dr. Read my Lord presented my Dear to Fyfield in Essex a competent good Living and Subsistence blessed be God for it Good Lord crown his Ministry there with the Success of the Conversion and Bringing in their Souls to the Obedience and Knowledge of Jesus Christ Give him abundance of the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and store his Heart with the Treasuries of thy heavenly Truths and continue my Dear Husband a faithfull painfull able Labourer in thy Vineyard If what I have thus far touch'd may savour of any Vanity the modesty of what I have past over may excuse the Errour at least to them who may see the Original Manuscript Now to return to her of whom I write she proceeds I was Born at London in Bucklersbury on Thursday the 12th of July in the Year of our Lord 1623 and Baptized the 20th Day of the same Month. The Lord vouchsafing me a reception into the visible Church of Jesus Christ when he most justly might have suffered no Eye to pity me but have cast me out to the loathing of my Person in my original Defilement and Stains of my sinfull Nature But to my first admittance good Lord enable me to ascend that being a Member of thy Church militant here on Earth I may attain to be one of thy Church triumphant in Heaven My Dear Father was Mr. John Sadler a very Eminent Citizen and of a most generous loving and charitable Disposition and a most tender Father to me and a kind Father-in-Law to my Husband He was born at Stratford upon Avon in Warwickshire where his Ancestors lived My Grandfather had a good Estate in and about the Town He was of a free and noble Spirit which somewhat out-reach'd his Estate but not given to any Debauchery I ever heard of My Father's Mother was a very wise pious and a good Woman and lived and died a good Christian My Father had no Brother but three Sisters who were all eminently Wise and good Women especially his youngest Sister who married my Father's Partner in Trade a religious good Man In process of time my Father was desired to change his single estate accordingly a Match was provided for him but he by God's Providence approved not of it His Father then provided him good Clothes good Horse and Money in his Purse and sent him to make his Addresses to a Gentlewoman in that Country But he considering well how difficult a married Condition was like to prove his Father having reduced his Estate from about 400 l. a Year to 80. His own Prudence but especially God's good Providence over-ruling his mind instead of going a Wooing he join'd himself to the Carrier and came to London where he had never been before and sold his Horse in Smithfield and having no Acquaintance in London to recommend him or assist him he went from Street to Street and House to House asking if they wanted an Apprentice and though he met with many discouraging Scorns and a thousand denials he went on till he light on Mr. Brokes bank a Grocer in Bucklersbury who though he long denied him for want of Sureties for his Fidelity and because the Money he had but Ten Pounds was so disproportionable to what he used to receive with Apprentices yet upon his discreet account he gave of himself and the Motives which put him upon that Course and promise to compensate with diligent and faithfull Service what ever else was short of his Expectation he ventured to receive him upon Trial in which he so well approved himself that he accepted him into his Service to which he bound him for Eight Years to which he willingly submitted though he was then full Twenty-one Years old and there he served a faithfull and laborious Apprenticeship but much liked of his Master and Mistress And after served him Five Years Journey-man they not being willing to part with him In which time he had his Master's leave to Trade for himself in Drugs and Tabacco by which he left Grocery and was by Trade a Druggist in London And by that Profession God bless'd my dear Father with a very plentifull and good Estate with which God gave him a bountifull Mind and liberal Heart to doe much good to his Relations and others My Dear Mother Mrs. Elizabeth Sadler was the Daughter of Mr. Dackum sometimes Minister of Portsmouth Also my Grandmother Dackum was a very wise and prudent Woman In my Infancy I was very sickly and of a weakly Constitution Blessed be God for the Love and Care of Parents and Friends in my Childhood Estate She was her Parents first Born after Five Years Marriage and despair of having Children which rendred them exceeding tender of her and yet was she well nigh starved at Nurse at Lusam in Kent For though her Parents sent so bountifully besides the Nurses Wages as might near maintain the Family yet have they found the Meat they sent ready to stink for want of dressing In my fuller Age I was of a pensive Nature God saw it good that I should bear the yoak in my Youth but I did not consider the hand that put it on When I was Young the Lord was pleased to deliver me from many Casualties After naming them she always concludes with Praises Blessed be his preventing Mercy Blessed be God that preserved me in that danger And such like If St. Augustin's confessing of his robbing an Orchard be so much approved why may not I touch so small a thing as I meet with here which shews the tenderness of her Spirit When I was a Child my Mother would send me where she less trusted my Sisters In what I might fail I cannot call to mind but I remember she sent me where she kept her Apples they suited my childish Appetite I took one I could not keep it but thought I had stole it I went back unlock'd the Door but with some regret laid down the Apple Blessed be restraining Grace But I must pass over a great many things for brevity which might be usefull unto others and are very pleasant to my self in reading for the savory sense of pious Gratitude which all along breaths in them yet I will not hide the greatest fault I ever knew her guilty of in my own observation or find her charge her self with either in her Book or Diary Having written many things which I pass by and last concerning the burning of her Father's House she thus proceeds About half a year after the Fire which was when she was about Thirteen or Fourteen years old my Father had a great fit of sickness which held him a quarter of a year and in great danger of Death In which time of his sickness I poor wretched Creature through a sudden surprise and provocation spoke a wicked word to a superior of which my Father was informed and most
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
that Nature indicated thereby what must relieve and rising up in my Bed I stretched out my left Arm and humbly committing my self and the Success to God said I would Bleed again The Physicians then consented and proceeded to the Operation and opening a Vein in my Left Arm the Blood sprang out so abundantly that they drew at least ten Ounces After the closing the Orifice being laid down again My Dearest Dear who had been all my Sickness my tenderest Nurse my wakefull Watcher and all yea more than could be wished or expected or possibly performed without a spring of so strong and endearing Affection to give and guide the Motion became my Chaplain if I may have leave to use such an Expression and before the Symptoms she hath mentioned arrived at their height kneeled down by my Bed-side and wrestled with God in Prayer with such spiritual Fervency and expressed herself so appositely so pertinently so suitably and with such holy Ardour poured out her Soul to God as I never knew exceeded if equalled by the ablest Christian or Minister in all my Life Surely if ever the promise of pouring out a Spirit of Grace and Supplication was signally made good it was then made good to her and the effects of it to me for as she was a true Daughter of Abraham an Israelitess indeed she rose from her Knees a Female Israel she prevailed with God I fell into so great a Sweat as was scarce ever known and though the Night was full of the Symptoms she names which so afflicted and affrighted her yet she retained her Presence of Mind to assist me with holiest Words and kindest Deeds In the Morning Symptoms abated and when Dr. Needham came and had felt my Pulse He told me he came directly from Dr. Willis who dyed that day at Eleven a Clock of my Disease but added with a Smile he would not have told me so but that my danger was past and said That under God my last night's Bleeding and Sweating saved my Life without which humanely speaking I could not have escaped blessed be God who put that Resolution into my Mind and heard her earnest Prayers Now to return to her Pious gratefull Words I desire to bless God for every Circumstance of his Mercy in my Dear Husband's Sickness The helps and love of Friends the use of Physick with other means the constant and frequent Visits of Neighbour-Ministers their Prayers for us and of many other Friends and good People in our behalf to which I ascribe a great share of indulgent Mercy in sparing to me a little longer my Dear Husband God did not cast out the Prayer of the Afflicted but in my Distress when I cryed unto him he graciously inclined his Ear unto me and helped me Good Lord enable me with my yet continued Mercy mutually to acknowledge thy Kindness and by an exemplary holy Life to declare thy great Goodness to us Building up each other in our most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life And this Mercy wherewith thou yet intrusts me Lord help me more to improve to my Spiritual Advantage and continue him to length of Days with the abundant Gifts and Graces of thy Holy Spirit a choice and signal Instrument of thy Glory I bless thee for thy supporting Mercy in my Relative Duty in my many sorrowfull Nights and Watchings that when my Sleep departed from me I still might make my Addresses to thee who never slumberest nor sleepest for thou always seest the afflictions of thy People and knowest their Sorrows and wilt not despise them that seek thee thou hast restored Comfort to me and to my Mourners praised be thy Mercy 'T is hard to pass-by her tenderness to me of so recent Date as my last Year's Visitation which held me so many Months and brought me so low and at length settled in my Right-hand with such swelling and lameness as took away its use and under God I owe the recovery of it to her Skill and Pains and Kindness by her frequent bathing fomenting and annointing of it and preparing other both inward and outward Medicines so far to use my Pen to pay this small tribute to her happy Memory SECT X. Of her Lyings-Inn in Child-bearing GOD was pleased to give her strength to go out her full time of eleven Children six Sons and five Daughters besides some abortive or untimely Births And if ever Children were Baptized in their Mothers Belly excuse the Expression doubtless hers were so I mean solemnly Consecrated to God with fervent frequent Prayers and wash'd in a Jordan of her Tears who bore them as truly in her Heart as Womb. I find all their Births recorded with most savory and devout Reflections tho' some with more Enlargement as attended with more signal Circumstances I might transcribe them all that the sweet Spirit of Praise which breaths so fragrantly in every of them might kindle and excite the like Temper in others no Incense being more gratefull to the Nostrils of that God who saith He that offereth Praise glorifieth me but I must contract The twelfth of July 1651 God mercifully Deliver'd me of my first Child In 1652 I being big with-Child had an high Fever and was after a great and very hot fit delivered of a Daughter Aug. 29. Being Lord's Day between four and five in the Morning my Fever turned to an Ague and held me ten Weeks and brought me very low yet God in his Mercy graciously spared me and restored my Health I bless him for it Feb. 5. 54. God delivered me of a third Child our first Son God gave me a fourth Deliverance of a Daughter still-born Dec. 23. 55. I went my full time and might have been ever big Blessed be God that spared his unworthy Creature God gave me a gracious Deliverance of a fifth a Son May 15. 57. God gave me a Mercifull Deliverance of a sixth Child a Daughter June 8. 58. After a long and hard Labour continued three days and three nights in great Extremity all about me despairing of Life God mercifully Delivered me of a seventh Child a Son October 22. 59. which Mercy much affected my Dear Husband and for which my Deliverance I most humbly Bless God I confess I never knew to what degree I loved her till that time and never experienced such Raptures of Joy and Thankfullness for any worldly Matter as on that occasion the Impression of which was so deep that the remembrance of it hath a pleasing relish even to this Day God gave me a gracious Deliverance of an eighth Child a Son still-born after an hard Labour December the 11. 1660. In this Lying-in I fell into Melancholy which much disturbed me with Vapours and was very ill It pleased God to suffer my old Enemy very impetuously to assault me c. But more of this when I touch the return of her Temptation God gave me Deliverance of a ninth Child a Son October 9. 1662. God graciously gave me a
Husband but she that maketh ashamed is as Rottenness to his Bones Prov. 31.17 She looketh well to the ways of her Houshold and cateth not the Bread of Idleness She stretcheth forth her Hands to the Poor yea she reacheth forth her Hands to the needy She riseth also while it is yet Night and giveth Meat to her Houshold Col. 3.18 Wives Submit your selves to your own Husbands as is fit in the Lord. Eph. 5.22 Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as unto the Lord and the Wife see that she Reverence her Husband 1 Pet. 3.1 6. and ver 3 4 Likewise ye Wives be in Subjection to your own Husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord. Let not your adorning be platting of the Hair wearing of Gold or putting on of Apparel But let it be the hidden Man of the Heart in that which is not corruptible even the Ornament of a meek and quiet Spirit which in the Sight of God is of great Price Good Lord grant me this with all the other Graces of thy Holy Spirit Amen Amen Amen This last named Scripture was the Glass which she always drest herself by with exemplary modest Decency as became a grave and holy Matron and a Minister's Wife as she would often urge as one reason of the plainness of her garb which was never sordid or negligent though always in Black never appeared abroad in any other Colour so much as to a Knot or Ribbon I with great Thankfulness acknowledge she was my Crown and Glory and thâ— Heart of her Husband did safely trust in her The fourth Head which she Collected out oâ— the Scriptures for her Childrens use is Thâ— Threatnings in God's Word he hath denounc'â— against Sinners to keep your Hearts in aâ— awfull Fear that you neglect not God remembring that as he has and was so he stiâ—â— is and will be Just in the Punishment of thâ— Breach of his most Holy and Righteous Commands in observing of which there is greâ—â— Rewards If his Wrath be kindled but a little who can abide it but who knows the Power oâ— it How then shall we be able to dwell witâ— Everlasting Burnings and devouring Fire Stand in Awe therefore and Sin not Then follow no less than forty nine Pageâ— closely written of God's severe Threatningâ— against Sin and Sinners in general and the particular kinds of Sin all exactly cited as to thâ— Book Chapter and Verse Oh how richly diâ— the Word of God dwell in her How did shâ— Meditate in it Day and Night That she coulâ— so readily turn to almost any place only by heâ— own Memory and Observation for she woulâ— sometimes though seldom come to me intâ— my Study and say Pray My Dear tell me wherâ— are such Words repeating them for I know noâ— how to find them by a Concordance never having used one The fifth Head The Promises for the Pardon of Sin the faithful Sayings of God worthy of all Acceptation Jesus Christ came into the World to Save Sinners yea the chief of Sinners in him all the Promises are yea and in him Amen Then she begins with Gen. 3.15 He shall â—ruise thy Head a very comfortable Word to â—er who had so many Conflicts with the Old â—erpent her Enemy as she always called him Then follows a choice Collection in ten Pages which she concludes with Rom. 10. For the â—cripture saith Whosoever believeth in him shall â—ot be ashamed The Sixth Head The Promises to Perseverance in Grace God which begins a good Work in the Hearts of his People will perfect it for he works all our Works in us and for us and to him be the Glory who is the Author and Finisher for we are kept by the Power of God through Faith unto Salvation Then follow twenty nine Pages of such Promises The seventh Head The Promises in Affliction for Support and Comfort God doth not willingly grieve the Children of Men there has no Temptation overtaken you but such as is common But God in his Faithfulness will not suffer it to be above Strength but will with the Temptation also make a way to escape for he knows our Frame whereof we are made and will not contend for Ever Then folloâ— twenty one Pages of these Promises upoâ— Habak 1.12 Art not thou from Everlasting O Lord my God my Holy one we shall not dyâ— She adds Blessed be God for these Words anâ— all his blessed Promises for which a Reasoâ— will appear afterwards when she shews whaâ— support they yielded her in an hour of Temptation in the close she directs her Words 〈◊〉 her Children for whose use chiefly she haâ— taken this Pains Having these great and precious Promiseâ— cleanse your selves from all filthiness of Flesh anâ— Spirit perfecting Holiness in the Fear of God For Godliness hath the Promises of this Lifâ— and of the Life to come therefore seek first tâ—â— Kingdom of Heaven and its Righteousnesâ— and all these things shall be added unto you Theâ— concludes thus I intend not by this Collection of Promiseâ— and Threatnings transcrib'd out of Scripture 〈◊〉 take you off from the Historical and preceptâ—ry part of God's word to which as nothing 〈◊〉 to be added so nothing is to be diminish'd froâ— it but only to get Wine and Oil near-hand these precious Cordials not far off when mosâ— need of them therefore I request and chargâ— your Conscientious Reading all the Truths oâ— God revealed in your Bible the Holy Scriptures The eighth Head An abbreviation of Faith and Christian Principles which saith she I have collected out of divers Authors with some things of my own conceptions as God helped my understanding This contains eleven Pages and is a very judicious and usefull and methodicall discourse but because she distinguisheth not between what was her own and what she collected from others I transcribe nothing out of it She concludes it thus These Truths I do with the best of my judgment assent to and beseech God to establish my heart in the firm belief of his Word Good Lord let my Faith be sound and saving also The ninth Head I may call a Body of Divinity which she gives no intimation whether it were collected from others or of her own Composure as she did in what went before and therefore I have reason to think it was her own It begins with a description of God as to his Essence Persons and Attributes then proceeds to his works of Creation and Providence c. and proves by apposite Scriptures all she sets down 'T is very methodical and clear in 44 Pages If I have any judgment an able Divine need not be ashamed to own it and I think it would be no reproach to wish That all could exceed it When she hath spoken of Death and the Resurrection she adds Good Lord fit me for a dying hour Bring me to it In thy infinite Mercy be with me in it and carry me through it And after three Pages in which she describes
wisely and gravely admonish them of the Evil telling them that Modesty was a Womans Ornament and Guard of Chastity which would seldom or never be attempted did not some lightness or unwary Carriage embolden those who did assault it and the Flames which scorched the Female-Honour were mostly kindled by Sparks of their own striking SECT XVI Visitations by Sicknesses on our selves or Children and Death of some of them THough there was not one of these which she hath not Recorded yet I shall touch but few of them she being always the same under the like Dispensations all of a Piece I am very sensible how little others are concerned to be acquainted with God's particular Dealings towards so private and obscure Persons yet her affectionate Tenderness her devout Addresses to God her Faith in dependance upon him her meek Submission to him her silent Acquiescence under them and the Supports God vouchsafed her in such Tryals I think may be useful to other Women Wives and Mothers in like Tryals which is the end for which I write the whole I have given one Instance of her Behaviour in one of my Sicknesses and could add many more in all which she manifested no less endearing Love to me nor less fervent Addresses to God in time of my Danger or Pious and enlarged Praises upon my Recovery December 1660. After Lying-in she had a long and sore Sickness of which she thus writes I acknowledge to the Praise of God that in this Sickness I had many Manifestations of the Love of God in his People besides the very great Care and most endearing Love of my Husband so exceedingly exprest to me Most were much concerned for me and were great Sollicitors at the Throne of Grace in my behalf I bless God that did not suffer my strong Enemy to Triumph over me though he impetuously assaulted me for greater is he that is for me than he that is against me I remember that in this Sickness which held me long and brought me very low that almost a quarter of a Year I had one or two to watch with me every Night in which as in other long Sicknesses I was never unprovided but had the continued readiness of Friends to me or mine in their Attendance and Help for which I bless God A plain Neighbour a poor Woman came to see me and with much Joy seeing me out of my Bed told me she never awaked in the Night but she Prayed for me and according to her plain Expression said that I had as many Prayers as if I were a Queen Good Lord shower down the Blessing of Prayer upon my Soul God's good Providence has been such to me that with other signal Mercies I cannot chuse but express his kindness to me in restraining the Smoaking of a Chimney in a Chamber which was most convenient for me at my Lyings-in and in times of Sickness which at other times when I have had little use of it hath been very subject to Smoak but then it never annoyed me how fantastick this may seem to any yet I bless God for it who compasseth me about with loving Kindness and tender Mercies My Daughter Margaret had a long Quartane Ague about the Year 1663. which held her three Quarters of a Year We used several Medicines but they proved ineffectual but by God's Providence a very holy good Man my very choice good Friend a great support to me in my Afflictions came to see us and advised me to the use of Matthews's Pill My good Friend help'd me to weigh out twenty Grains for twice taking which had so good effect that after the first she took she had not the least Symptom of a Fit which before was very afflictive I bless God for the Mercy and verily believe the benefit was more from the Prayers of the good Man than from the Medicine which hath been used oft by others and not had the like success In the Year 1667. my Daughter Margaret had a most dangerous Fit which exceedingly surprized me with great Fear The more because my Husband was a Mile or two from home She was suddenly taken with most violent Vomitting viscous green and black Matter and so sick withal as if she would have died presently She Vomited tough Flegm like Grissels with which I thought I saw digested Worms which Matter I believe was contracted by her long Quartane We could not tell the certain occasion of her ilness but feared it might be the giving her some Mercurius Dulcis which having been kept long was grown Crude again But whatever it was we hope it contributed much to her future health through the over-ruling Goodness of God for the abundance of corrupt Matter which came away must needs have been very prejudicial to her if it had been retained O Lord I bless thee who can'st and dost bring Good out of those Evils which are most affrighting and disquieting to us I beseech thee with this and all other thy providential Dispensations to her quicken and excite her to a thankfull Acknowledment of thy Mercies in an Holy Life and her future dependance and trust in thee Such devout and gratefull Improvements did this holy Woman constantly make on all God's Providences towards her self and others Which I humbly and heartily pray they may kindle in all who read them in the like circumstances to themselves and theirs which is the only reason of my transcribing them The next afflictive Providence I shall take notice of having past by many is the Sickness and Death of her Daughter Mary which she sets down more largely than usually with the circumstances which attended it I shall shorten it what I can retaining the substance because it may be usefull to provoke Children of the same Age to an early sense of Piety My sweet Child and dearly beloved Daughter Mary a sweet tender hearted obedient Child of great Prudence and early Piety and exemplary Inclination to the knowledge of God and concerns of a better Life she fell suddenly ill of a Sore Throat Jan. 17. 1669. and after four Days ilness sweetly fell asleep in Jesus Christ Jan. 21. She was Six Years and a quarter old when she departed this Life She was of a quick apprehension an even temper chearfull but serious of a pretty presence not bold but of an innocent confidence a sweet composure of Love and Humility of such Generosity she would not lye I do not know that ever she spake an untruth she was Religious she coveted the best things much loved her Books and when she read got most of it by heart Psalms and divers Scriptures which when rehearsed to others she would repeat so sententiously that thereby might be discovered the affections of her Heart and Soul in the love of God's Word Half a Year before she dyed she would scarce give her self the liberty of her meals but would be taken down from Table if she might to get to her Book and would by Candle-light sit reading by me an hour
Grace Good Lord grant me the Blessing of Prayer and requite them and theirs in Spiritual Blessings Good Lord remember in much Mercy the Relations of my dear Deceased Friends Be thou the God of the Widow and the Father of the Fatherless Children Also any that ever asked my poor Prayers Gracious God though these I name I stretch out my craving Hands over the World I beseech thee let thy most suitable Mercies reach them Good Lord be Merciful to this Town and People in a sound Conversion Bless our Family with soul-Soul-Mercies and all our Servants In the Margin are named about thirty Heads of Families with their Relations of almost all Ranks and Degrees from Right-Honourable down to them of low Condition for whom she had a peculiar Esteem and endear'd Affection who so far suffer with me that they have lost a sincere Friend and humble earnest Intercessor at the Throne of Grace I will use an Expression of her own Pen touched above on the like occasion I humbly hope these Prayers remain upon the File of God's Mercy And I humbly and heartitly beseech him they may be answered with Blessed Returns upon my self and mine and upon all them and theirs for whom they were sent up with so devout and commendable Charity and Zeal Amen SECT XIX Some trying Calamities on the Nation on Friends and Family and signal Deliverances from Dangers AS she was none of those who regard not God's Works nor the Operation of his Hands but duly observed and humbly adored his Providential Dispensations so she cast them not behind her Back but constantly Recorded them with Awakening Pious Reflections upon them whether relating to the Nation Friends or Family I shall scarcely mention one of twenty only touch a few one or two of a kind as Instances and Examples to others to provoke to Imitation About four years after King Charles the Second's coming into England began the great Plague May the 5th 1665. of which died in and about London 68592. I think it should have been 98592 her Pen by an easie Mistake pointing the first Figure upward which should have been turned downward as hath been Computed besides great Multitudes in other Parts of the Kingdom In the Year following was the Dreadful Fire September the Second which Consum'd and Burnt down Eighty nine Churches and as Account hath been given 13200 Houses Lord how manifold are thy Judgments Give the Inhabitants of the Earth to learn Righteousness thereby If some might blame me yet I believe some would have thanked me had I added many more of these National Concerns as a very brief Chronicle especially with her usefull Reflections Whoso are Wise will consider these things and they shall understand the Loving Kindness of the Lord whoso doth his great and wonderfull Works that they ought to be had in Remembrance But for Brevity I refrain And as she took notice of publick Concerns so did she also of what touched particular Persons especially her Friends as for Instance January 13. 1672. God was pleased to suffer a sudden and lamentable Fire to Consume in a few hours a large House the Habitation of a good Gentleman our Friend and Neighbour Mr. Luther of Miles's three Miles distant from us upon which she wrote a most kind and Christian Letter to him of which I find the Copy She records the Deaths of many Friends and always with a short Character of them and useful Improvements As for Instance April 12. 1678. It pleased God to take to himself the Most Excellent Lady the Countess of Warwick She was Eminent in Religion a sound Christian in Knowledge and Practice exceeding Charitable did very much good a very sincere and obliging Friend very sweet in Disposition and in Condescention to all even to those much below her she did excell both in Religion and in all other commendable Vertues she lived very desirable and dyed much bewailed as a deep Loss to her Relations to the Neighbourhood to the Church and People of God to all that knew her amongst whom to my Dear Husband to him she was a most entire Friend and to my self Good Lord Sanctifie to us this heavy Deprivation the loss of our Honourable and most Endearing Friend Lord make up the Breach which for Extent is very wide yet not beyond the Bounds of thy Boundless Compassion Good Lord fill up to us and all that share in this smarty touch of thy Hand with full Supplies fetched beyond Creature-Enjoyments more immediate from thy self in thy immutable Friendship and never-dying Love and Favour in that unchangeable Rock of Ages Christ Jesus which Lord vouchsafe to grant Amen Amen And having named several Deaths of other Friends with true Characters of them she concludes Good Lord Sanctifie to me these frequent Warnings of Mortality and Death I beseech thee fit me for my Departure out of this World She mentions also three Eminent Deliverances from the Danger of Fire breaking out in our House in which we inhabited and one in another House of ours in the Parish which were prevented by signal Providences which she sets down and closes with most thankful Praises There 's not an Eminent Danger into which I fell and out of which God's Mercy rescued me which she remembers not with Expressions which testifie a most Dear Affection to my self and a most Pious and Devout Sense of God's Watchful Providence and Comfortable Instances of his Gratious Answers to her Prayers I shall touch but one or two out of very many August 1660. My Dear Husband coming from London fell into the Hands of four Robbers which prevented his coming Home that Day which much troubled me being Saturday Night and being very Tempestuous with great Rains Lightning and Thunder but after some time spent by my self the rest of my Family being in Bed I powr'd out my Request to God in his behalf my Heart being much quieted I went to my Rest where God gave me the Repose of the Night and in the Morning brought home my Dear Husband to our mutual Comfort and his performing the work of that Day in God's own Service Blessed be God He received no eminent Harm but attempting to escape one of the Thieves with a Club struck him on the side of his Head but his Hat broke the Blow that he had not much hurt I bless God They took his Money Watch and Rings but none of his Cloaths and though the tender Mercies of the Wicked are cruel God so over-ruled their usual harsh demeanour that one of them pulled off one of his own Coats and wrapt it about him for some time and set him under a Tree to shroud him from the Rain and Tempest Blessed be God for his Preservation in this Danger Some Passages in the preceding Paragraph run so parallel with what we read St. John 4.50 that I shall transcribe the Words and then make an unforced and appposite Application of them to the purpose for which I produce them and allude to them Then
enquired he of them the Hour when he began to amend And they said unto him Yesterday at the seventh Hour the Fever left him so the Father knew it was the same Hour in which Jesus said unto him Thy Son Liveth and himself Believed and his whole House She intimates that and when she powred out her Requests to God in my behalf and that her Heart was much quieted and she went to her Rest and God gave her the Repose of the Night and I know it was the same Hour in which I was delivered from those violent Men and I do believe God heard her Prayer and Bless him for it And O that others would believe him to be a God hearing Prayer and would be encouraged to call earnestly upon him There follow after this more than twenty eminent Dangers by afflictive trying Providences and very signal Deliverances from them I 'll touch but one of all these before I reach one at about thirty Years distance from what I last mentioned though all attended with Devout Reflections July 4. 1676. My Dear Husband was under some Indisposition of Health he was Feverish I feared he would have had a Fit of Sickness which had very sorrowful oppressive Impressions on me My Dear Husband then made his Will that is a new one for I had made one many Years before and read it to me exprest his much Endearing Affections to me in his great Love and Care of me with so great a part of his Estate he gave to me for my Plentifull Susistence after his Decease This Kindness I desire to acknowledge with Thankfulness to God and my Dear Husband Lord I Bless thee for thy sparing Mercy in the reparation of my Dear Husband's Health which I beseech thee continue to length of Days in this Life and when this shall be no more Lord crown with thy exceeding Weight of Eternal Glory Amen Amen Since which making another Will I gave her my whole Estate Personal and Real what designed for Charity and a few Legacies excepted with power to sell any or all my Lands lest any un-foreseen Emergency should need extraordinary Supplies but she earnestly intreated me to alter that Power of Selling being abundantly satisfied to confine herself to the Personal Estate and Revenue of the Land which I gave her liberty to raise Money upon to be repayed in some Years after her Death to make as sure as I could she should never want any thing which I was able to supply her with which I mention to encourage Wives to deserve as well and Husbands to compensate so well-deserving Wives What should have been immediately subjoyned to my Escape from violent Men in 1660 because of the too great similitude between them is my deliverance in 1685. I will not say from more unrighteous yet I must say from those which are more inexcusable for God himself seems to extenuate the Fault of them who in Necessity take from others to satisfie their own Hunger and pressing Wants but I never read that either God or any Man except those like them excused those who sin of Malicious Wickedness and gain nothing besides the filling up the Measure of their Iniquities but the satisfaction of their own spightful Malice in troubling and afflicting others I will not transcribe what her Pen so largely so truly so piously sets down on this occasion only the number of the Days which I confess she calls the short Triumph of the being exactly Ten puts me in mind of Rev. 2.10 and if this fall into the Hands of any who made themselves Accessories and guilty post factum by a snearing Pleasure they took in the wicked Oppression of the Innocent I pray God give them Repentance And I think it is no harder to forgive them than it was for Tertullian to glory in the Christians behalf that Nero was their first Persecutor whom he speaking in their Name calls Damnationis nostrae Dedicatorem It must needs be good which Nero persecutes And we have a surer word St. John 15.18 19. A great many more afflictive Dispensations the Divine Wisdom and Faithfulness saw good to exercise us with to enforce us often to the Throne of Grace to obtain Mercy to help in time of need and many most signal and surprizing Deliverances from them did his Goodness and Loving-kindness seasonably vouchsafe us from them and most gracious Supports did his tender Compassions afford us under them frequently bringing Meat out of the Eater good out of evil filling thereby our Hearts with his Love and our Mouths with Songs of Praise and Thanksgivings to him the Rock of our Salvation and our Refuge in times of Trouble and repeated Experiences of his readiness to pity and to succour us raising up those hopes which make not ashamed All which she records with so savoury a sense of God's Mercy and such lively Expressions of most humble and holy Hallelujahs as might inspire most serious Sentiments into the Reader but I shall slide over them in silence because as I hope many do not need those Sparks to kindle their gratitude into Flames so many are of so prejudiced a frame of Spirit that to use so base a word as fitted to so base a temper of Mind they would rather put them out than suffer them to kindle into a blaze of Devotion on so damp an Hearth as are the Hearts steep'd in impure noisome Lusts not only destitute of all Sense of the Power of Godliness but implacable Enemies to it in all who own and love it SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells THough it be known to many that we most frequently went to Tunbridge-Wells from 1661 and after some Intermissions almost every Year till 1689. yet more may wonder why I write a Section of it here to which this short Account might serve for answer I doe it because I find so much concerning it under her Pen who is the Subject and occasion of the whole But that 's not all it is to shew how she behaved her self there as well as with what Christian Frame of Spirit she attended God's Providence in expectation of a Blessing from him who made the Fountains of Waters and gave to them their usefull Properties and rendred them very beneficial to her Many 't is true go thither solely or chiefly to drink these Waters for their Health but it is as true many go thither for Pleasure and Diversion only as many for a mixed reason including both and to this last Rank belongs her going thither But lest any should be surprized by this I must Interpret my self She went thither to drink the Waters which oft proved very advantageous to her and that End was common to her with many others and she went for Divertisement and Pleasure as many more and this also was common to her with Hundreds in Sound but not in Sense or Meaning and it may be was peculiar to her and it is possible few if any ever went so many years to Tunbridge-Wells
on her design and so improved it as she did for while too many place their divertisement in easing their Minds of the Cares of their ordinary Employments and as a Carnaval to gratifie their looser Fancies with freer Conversation displaying their gawdy Bravery Walking Dancing Gaming not to speak so severely as to say to drink Iniquity like Water without numbering either Draughts or Glasses She went I do not say at first with that Design but when Use and Experience had taught her the opportunity and satisfaction of that Practice as to a place of Privacy and Retirement to be vacant to God and her Spiritual Concernments which I hope I shall evince to be unquestionably true though it may seem a Paradox and next to Impossible Let me introduce this Narrative to render it more Intelligible with the Examples of two Fathers if I may so call them of two very different Churches Cardinal Bellarmine and Mr. Isaac Ambrose Bellarmine as Scholars well know was for many Years engaged and as we speak Proverbially over Head and Ears in deepest closest Studies in Reading and Disputing and Publishing his Controversies yet he reserved to himself a Month out of every Year his Dear September which he wholly spent in Devotion in Contemplation Prayer and such like Holy Exercises which immediately and solely respected the purifying and perfecting his own Mind and Heart and Saving of his Soul Mr. Isaac Ambrose who was I think a Non-conformist Minister though I cannot affirm it whose Works have sold so well both in Quarto and Folio his Prima Media ultima and his Looking unto Jesus Printed first in a large Quarto Volume and which was highly Commended to me by a very Learned Roman-Catholick and the devoutest Man I ever knew of that Communion This Mr. Isaac Ambrose though he was indefatigably Painfull in his Ministry all the other parts of the Year for the Souls of others yet in Autumn for a Month silenced or suspended himself if I may so phrase it which Month he spent most part in the Fields and Solitary Woods Places like Southburrow Canes or Mercers-Woods like Culverden Rusthall-Common Cuverly-Plain or Fant-Hill this is Tunbridge-Wells Language and the Places adjacent to the Wells which I have known almost a Wilderness though now become a kind of Pentapolis an Heap of Cities joined in one by such a Multitude of Commodious Sumptuous Houses And in these lonesome solitary retreating Places far from disturbing Noise or distracting sight of Men looking off all other Objects did he spend the days of this Month looking steadily to Jesus Conversing not so much as with Books if I remember right what I read so many Years ago and have not now by me to consult again in Meditation Contemplation Thinking and with intensest closest most fixed Application of his Mind to unseen and Coelestial things And what these two sequestred Months were to the above-named Fathers in their several ways was the Water-drinking Season to this good Daughter of the Church of England an Advantage as conducive to her Soul's Health and Vigour from the still Waters of the Vpper Springs as those of the Nether Springs were to the relief of her Body 'T is fit I should account for what I say which I will do when I have a little touched some Passages left by her own Pen which speak the Pious Sense she had of God as in all things so in the Tunbridge Journeys one or two Instances may suffice for this July 5. 1680. I went to London through the great Love and Care of my Dear Husband In order to my going to Tunbridge-Wells to drink the Waters I being not well my Dear Husband Self and Maid-Servant with us the Eighth of the said Month through God's Merciful Providence we came safe to Tunbridge and were well accommodated and stayed drinking the Waters six Weeks I hope with good Success with other Mercies there received 't was not the least that I there met with some of my choicest Friends Blessed be God for that his Favour to me and for all the rest We came Home August 21. where we were very welcome to our Family and Parish-Neighbours with much Expression of Kindness and found all well Praised be God July 16. 81. My Dear Husband with my Self and Child went from Home to go to Tunbridge-Wells on my Account to drink the Waters we lodged the first Night at Bromly next Night at Tunbridge Town not being certain of our Lodgings at the Wells But the next Day through God's good Providence we were received and accommodated where we were the Year before That Morning 18. My Husband and self drank the Waters and continued them twenty nine Days with good Success Thanks be to God for all the Mercy of that Journey and Place We returned August the 16th and came home the 18th found all well blessed be God and for Welcome of Neighbours and Friends Thus did she continually in all her ways acknowledge God This taste is enough Now to confirm what I affirmed before how she improved this Retreat and Retirement to Religious Purposes I know it is one of the most common Rules given to and received by Water-Drinkers to relax their Thoughts not to be Intent or over Serious not to Read or to apply their Minds closely to any thing during the time that they stay which Rule I fear is not so good as common nor needfull to be observed as easily believed through too much Propensity to Self-Indulgence for I never knew the Waters more beneficial to any than to my Dear Wife who never purchased the Success at the pâ—â—ce of losing so much Precious Time But on the contrary as that Month used to be at Home the most busie and interrupting time of all the Year by reason of Harvest and being Blest with Servants to whom we could and did intrust those Affairs without sollicitous Diffidence of their honest prudent Care and Diligence it was the quietest and most sedate and calm Vacancy which fell within the twelve Months Circle which she employed accordingly Being now free even from the moderate Cares of usual Inspection of her Family she rose at her constant Hour four a Clock and spent two hours or thereabouts with God then having begged a Blessing on them about Six began to drink her Waters Walking and Conversing with serious Christian Friends till she had finished that Day 's Waters and dined about one a Clock and sat an hour after in Converse The rest of the Day which was here free from Domestick Cares and Inspection and had no Diversion but receiving Visits which some Persons of Quality would condescend kindly to make her and of which she would repay with Civility as many in one day as she received in four or five she improved in Devotion Reading the Holy Scriptures and other usefull Books Meditation and secret Prayer and walking in a private commodious Walk which lay near our Lodgings which she much delighted in and called her Walk for the Convenience it
but my Dear Wife's Pains and Trouble I told her we had now continued this Custom a great while and that I thought it too burthensome to her a Dinner signified not much to the Rich and for the Poor I would take Care they should be no losers She at present seem'd well pleased with what I said and acquiesced in it But upon second Thoughts she said My Dear I thank thee for thy Tenderness to me to prevent my Trouble but I am rather willing to undergo it were it greater than to discontinue a Practice so long used constantly and thereby occasion any mis-interpretation as if it proceeded from Parsimony or abatement of Kindness therefore I intreat thee let us continue to doe as we have hitherto done Yearly only let us try to have all in two Days we used to have in three and if our House will not contain them all at twice to some of the poorest I will send double as much as they could have eaten here And so it was agreed and performed and so her last Christmass was as kind and Charitable as those of former Years SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our onely Daughter and her Death in Childbirth the same Year yet leaving a Son IT is not to be wondred at that she should write so many Pages of this Come-Tragedy as I called another Providence mentioned before a Trage-Comedy whose Pious Kindness was so mindful in Holy Prayers and Praises not of her self alone but of her Honoured Friends I shall touch but one or two for Instance and I cannot single out any more suitable than of those Right Honourable Ladies whose sweet Condescension not only vouchsafed to give this our Dear Daughter frequently their kindest and familiar Conversation but borrowed and desired hers almost whole Summers divers Years Concerning these young Ladies thus her Pen speaks The Lady Ann the Lady Mary and the Lady Essex Rich had a Pious Education under â—he tender Care of the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick their Aunt whose great Care of them and Kindness and Love to them supplied and over-shot the measures of what could be expressed to them by the tenderest Mother Of two of their Marriages she writes thus December the 11th 1673. The Vertuous and Right Honourable the Lady Mary Rich was Married to Mr. Henry St. John the Eldest Son of Sir Walter St. John a Pious good Family and an ancient Barronet and great Estate Blessed Lord thou hast abundantly enriched them with the Blessings of the Nether Springs full streams in the good things of this Life let it not be their all but turn these Waters into Wine give them the Blessings of the Vpper Springs the plentifull Effusions of thy Spirit flowing into their Hearts and Souls that they may build up each other in their most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life June 16. 1674. The Honourable Lady Essex Rich was Married to Mr. Daniel Finch Eldest Son to his Father then Lord Keeper of the Great Seal of England Good Lord give them the Blessings of thy Right-hand and continue to them the Blessings of thy Left-hand also But let not their Portion be only in this Life let thine own Prerogative have the Supremacy in their Hearts and accelerate and quicken them to thy Service that Glorifying thee on Earth they may be in Everlasting Glory with thee in Heaven Amen Amen I will mention no more like Instances and humbly beg Pardon if I have been too bold in touching these I now come to the Title of this Section and shall add nothing of my own only transcribe and that with Abbreviation what her Pious Pen hath left me not that one Word need to be retrenched upon other accounts but only to avoid Prolixity January 17. 1675. My Dear Husband and my Dear Child Margaret Walker went to London in reference to our great Concern her Marriage our onely one so dear to us She was Married February the 1st 1675. to Mr. John Cox Barrister of Grays-Inn His Father lived at Coggshall his Relations very honest good People and very well to live in the World God hath graciously provided for her a loving Husband a sober Person and I hope a good Man God consummated their Choice by Mr. Gifford a worthy good Man Minister of St. Dunstan's in the East in London whither she was accompanied by the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick with the chief of the Family from Warwick-House and with many other manifestations of Kindness God shined upon her and in all respects gave her a comfortable Day I draw the Curtain of a modest c. over the rest lest the Thankfulness of her who was so truly humble should incurr the unkind censure or suspicion of Vanity and concluding what I have omitted with these Words And with many other Favours God hath honoured them She proceeds Lord I desire to own thy Goodness as the Fountain Head from whence flows all Good to be enjoyed in the things of this Life and concerns of a better and more endurable Estate for their Souls advantage For which I beseech thee give them a capacious Heart to know love serve and enjoy thy self and vouchsafe them of the good things of this World what thou seest convenient for them and help them to be contented to be without what in mercy thou deniest them Good Lord keep both them and theirs inoffensive in this World and when they shall go hence and be no more in this Life Lord grant that where thou art they may be also in Eternal Glory Amen Amen Thus far the pleasant and more lightsome part Now follows what 's more dark and dolefull I have now a very smarty afflictive Dispensation from God to record very pressing by his afflictive Hand on us I acknowledge very deservedly for my Sins the Lord hath taken from us out of this Life our onely One the most dearly Beloved Daughter and Child of my choice Aâ—fections Mrs. Margaret Cox she was mâ—â—ried February the first 1675. The 19th 〈◊〉 November following she was Delivered of a Son Lord's Day seven a Clock in the Morning She continued pretty well two or three Days Tuesday following sickned of a Fever and dyed December the 5th 1675. But God in the midst of his just Judgments remembred his Mercy to us hath spared the little one to us Blessed be God for it and received the Motherless Babe into Covenant with himself by Baptism I Bless God he is the Son of good Parents his Father a very sober and a good Man his dear deceased Mother was a fine lovely handsome well accomplished Woman both in Nature and Grace to God's Praise I do make my Acknowledgments let it have no other Censure She was of a quick Apprehension modest humble discreet and of a good Judgment and well fitted for Family-Government and Imployment She had a sweet amicable Deportment and gracefull Behaviour these Endowments through God's Kindness to her rendred her very desirable to all that knew
Affections that should continue Mutual Love Good Lord let that dear Chid she hath left behind her cement and joyn our Hearts in joynt Thankfulness unto thee and unite us one to another Lord give them thy choice Favours in Jesus Christ pardon of Sin with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and order and dispose for the best whatever may concern them and theirs as to a happy tendency to their well-being in this World and attaining of thy self in endless Glory I beseech thee be very gracious unto him whom thou hadst united so nearly to her in a sweet Conjugal Relation Lord I have sinned and he also suffered Good Lord let all Grace abound to him in all concerns in this Life and for a better and let her gain be his great Advantage joyning his Heart more closely to thy self Good Lord bless that single Posterity of his and ours left of her who was his dear Wife and our dearly Beloved Child I beseech thee be his God in Covenant with him and Lord give him the Efficacy of his Baptism that he may be thine by Grace and Adoption I beseech thee take full and early Possession of his Heart Good Lord keep out the Vanities and Follies of Childhood and Youth that while he is Young he may be a Beloved Disciple of Jesus Christ If thou seest it good to continue him in this Life I beseech thee grant that he may in his dear Mothers room Honour God in this World with an exemplary holy Life a choice Instrument of thy Glory Good Lord charge thy Providence with him in the whole course of his Life and make up all Relations to him in thy self Graciously support him in and through this World Good Lord preserve him from the Soul-ruining Evils of it and when thou wilt take him hence I beseech thee receive him to thy self in thy Everlasting Kingdom in the full Fruition of God in Glory Lord though thou was pleased to clip off so great a piece of the Comfort of my Life in this World denying my Vehement Desires and Requests with the many Prayers of thy People and our Christian Friends for the longer stay of our Dear Child with us in this World yet thou art not the less a God hearing Prayer but hast heard and granted to an higher End not here on Earth with us but in Heaven with thee received in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies to which Blessed Estate I beseech thee bring me and those Relatives very dear to me Good Lord sanctifie to us this Chastening Hand and though thou cuttest off the Streams my Comforts of this Life let not my Soul be as a parched Heath that receives no good but draw me to thy self the Fountain of durable Mercies give me those Living Waters from the Wells of thy Salvation the Light of thy Countenance with thy reconciled Face and Favour those Rivers that make glad the City of God Good Lord vouchsafe me the sweet refreshing gales and incomes of thy Spirit and with thy Grace conduct me off these ruff Seas of Sins and Sorrows to my desired Haven and Port in those Eternal Mansions of Glory where all in thee shall meet with full Enjoyments of God and one another with sweet acclamations of Thankfulness and Praises to thee our God for Ever for Ever Amen Amen Amen I have transcribed this long Paragraph without altering or changing the order of a Word if some may account it tedious who either have not been exercised with such Tryals or have other shorter and cheaper ways to relieve themselves against them let them use their own Methods without censuring or despising hers This was her Heart's Ease when she was overwhelmed pouring out her Complaints to God in secret was her best Anodine but I hope it will need no Apology with most and if it doth with any I 'll not run the risque of losing my Labour by attempting it where the Success is so doubtfull and unpromising I shall venture to enlarge this Section a little farther for three Reasons First To shew the ardour of her Zeal for the Spiritual good of this Child so exceeding dear to her which may be an Instructive Example to some Mothers or Grand-mothers to stir up the like towards their Descendants as nearly Related to them as this Child to her Secondly Because I foresee I shall not in the Body of this Book have much farther occasion to trouble the Reader with any long transcripts out of her Writings what remains being designed for the Appendix which will be entirely her own Lastly To imprint upon the Child due Sentiments of Gratitude to God and her I meet with many Expressions of most Pathetick Tenderness towards this dear Child who now next to my self was the Center in which all the lines of her strong Affections terminated July 14. 1679. Our dear sweet Child went to Coggshall to his Father's House the Lord preserve him from all Evil and Bless him and comfortably restore him to us again About a quarter of a Year after he returned well to us again Blessed be God for it We went four Miles from Home to visit a Friend our dear Child was preserved in an apparent Danger The hinder Wheel of the Coach was very like to have borne him down and gone over him as he was going into the Coach the Horses being disturbed by a strange Horse went away but through God's preventing Goodness I had a quick apprehension of the danger I suddenly pulled him away Blessed be our good God for this Deliverance of our dear Child he had no harm the Wheel durtied his Hat and Coat good Lord help me to live thy Praises who art the God of our Mercies Some may say these are small Matters but I say they are no small Evidences of a very thankfull sense of God's Mercies and will leave them inexcusable who are not thankfull for greater In the Year 1682. God was pleased to put me in fear of the speedy dissolution of our dearly beloved Grand-child He was in a languishing consumptive condition with other symptoms of the Disease His Breath was very short had lost his Appetite he looked very Pale was very Lean which imprest on my Thoughts that God would take him from me To his Righteous Will I laboured to submit but God was pleased to reverse the Sentence with a Blessing on means used the Prescriptions of Dr. H. whom we sent for from London to him and with my own great Care of him he recovered Strength to God's Blessing I ascribe the Praise who did not cast out my Petition Good Lord let this pledge of thy compassionating Mercy to me strengthen my Faith in the grant of my more Earnest Request that I may assure my self agreeable to thy Will of his Sanctification I beseech thee season his tender Mind with the savoury Knowledge of thy Blessed self Lord I do not ask of thee the Excesses and great things of this World not Earth but Heaven thy Blessed self I beseech thee put
him not off with any thing less than thy self No Lord I beg thou wilt with-hold the grandeur of this Life from him farther than thou wilt give him an Heart to lay it out to the best advantage of thy Glory on Earth the procuring a better Estate in Heaven those Everlasting Mansions where are durable Riches an Eternal weight of Glory purchased with the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ which good Lord grant unto him Amen Amen Amen June 19. 1688. My dear Grand-Child escaped by God's gracious Providence a very terrible Danger of being Wounded or sudden Death which danger she describes had not God's watchfull Compassion interposed I cannot express the terrible Consequence which might have happened I am not able to recount thy multiplied Mercies in delivering us from present Dangers and many we know not of For this and all good Lord accept as I would render them from a Heart sensible of thy Mercies my most gratefull Acknowledgments and in consideration of this I beseech thee make deep Impressions on the Heart of my poor Child and us his Parents concerned for him that he and we may live thy Praises Amen Amen I will satisfie my self with the Perusal of the rest and not trouble the Reader by transcribing more though all improved to Holy Purposes and the Reflections made with such warm Expressions as I conceive might be very apt to kindle the Flames of Devoutest Thankfulness in those who read them no words being more likely to affect the Hearts of others than those which so evidently proceed from the Hearts of those who Speak or Write them and feel what they utter according to the Advice good Bishop Felton used to give his Chaplains of which the Excellent Bishop Brownwrig was sometime one to steep their Sermons in their Hearts before they Preached them SECT XXIII Acts and Kinds of her great Charity THough the Title-page gives this Section a Right and Claim to one moiety of the whole I write concerning her yet I would have it interpreted with some grains of Allowance for alass how could any thing she gave be called her Charity who was a Wife or how could it be called great when all we both possessed had the whole been given could not in rigour bear that Epithete I will therefore account for both in a few words First therefore though a Wife she had a freedom of my little All where I was Cajus she was truly Caia according to the old Roman Phrase she had free access to whatever I was Master of so abundantly was I satisfied in her Integrity and Prudence and to touch so small a thing as a Testimony of her wise Care and our mutual Confidence to avoid the clog of many Keys she contrived to have five Locks open with one Key and had two made one for each of us that upon no occasion of the others Absence either of us might be shut out from what was kept under them and so for a few other Locks she provided double Keys one of which she kept the other hung up in my Study Now when any object of Charity offered it self she would serve the occasion as she also did for her own Expence out of my Store but would after always tell me to a Penny what she took which I have times without number not only excused her from but almost chid her for but she would not be perswaded to mend that Fault so tender was she Whereupon I told her I would ease us both of that needless and uneasie Trouble by allowing her a fixed certain Sum that she might have no shaddow of a Scruple left in using of it as she pleased I may indeed be ashamed to name it and it had been a niggardly and indecent Proportion had I had more than one competent Living but being as it was she would have no more only said merrily My Friend this shall not debarr me of my former Freedom which on my part it never did though on her part never was made use of The Summ was the rents of a small Farm of Nineteen Pound a Year which was always called hers and I used to call her my Landlady chearfully when I duly paid her Nine Pound ten Shillings on the half-years day and some little Perquisites about the Yard more than were spent in the Family which were also her Propriety and which might together amount to about Twenty two or Twenty three Pound a Year in the whole Out of which she cloathed herself very decently and many Poor very warmly and did much other good as I shall convinsingly evidence in what follows So true is the Saying Nullum numen doest si sit Prudentia Wise Contrivance will supply all other Defects And as an observing Gentlewoman said She never knew any had the Art so perfectly as Mrs. Walker of making a little shew a great deal or going a great way This small Pittance being absolutely her own her scrupulous Tenderness was freed from giving me account what she did with it and I from the irksome trouble of receiving it and what she spared out of it was properly her own Charity Now though to give more than her whole Allowance would be a lean and starvling Charity from those who have more than they know well what to do with yet our gracious Lord the most unexceptionable Judge of these Matters tells us the poor Widdow's two Mites was more than the bulky Summs which the Rich cast into the Treasuries of God out of their Abundance who rather squander their Superfluities than retrench from their Necessities to help the wants of the Indigent though I wish there were not too few even of such Squanderers And the Holy Apostle tells us If there be a willing Mind it is accepted according to what a Man hath and not according to what he hath not 2 Cor. 8.12 And I bear her Record that to her Power yea beyond her Power she was always willing and ready to communicate to the Wants of others for how strait soever her Ability might be she was not straitned in her own Bowels And though what she did from her own allowance was in strictest Sence her Charity only yet this only was not all her Charity for she having a joint Interest in what was mine she was sharer with me in the disposing or retaining of it and I can with Truth and Comfort testifie she never disswaded me from giving often encouraged me to give and would say to me on such occasions My Dear I think none of our Estate laid out so well as what is laid out so nor any part kept so safe as what is deposited in God's Hand and committed to his keeping But this is not all she would be over-ballanced against her own Inclination if there were Charity in the case She was not more averse from any thing than the enlarging our Family loved to have it as small as might be that it might be still and private free from disturbing Noise and distracting Diversions
which nothing can be hid and as easily will detect it as earnestly detest it and severely avenge it Her Modesty which you heard before she called the Womans Ornament was so undeflowred that she loathed in others what had the slightest appearance of staining or tarnishing that orient Beauty and adorning Comeliness and which she strove to plant in her Daughters as the fairest Flower in that Garden which she cultivated with her best Industry and for herself I can and do give her this true Testimony I never heard a Word proceed from her Mouth of unpure defiling Sound or Sence or of least tendency to either Her Garb and Dress her Carriage and Gestures and her whole Conversation were all of a Piece with her Communication which was always Savoury Seasoned with Salt that it might Minister Grace to them who heard it I confess I reckon neither a slattering fordidness in Dress nor Pusillanimity to speak out in reproving Sin or Sinners as occasion required any branches of Modesty as I fear some do in respect of Garb or Words for I have shewed before both how exact her Neatness and how great her Courage was to make and keep her Faithfull to the Interest of God and Souls The Righteous is bold as a Lyon and so was she But this hindred not her Meekness she was as meek as a Lamb in her own Cause though bold as a Lion in the Cause of God no true Vertues interferre or are inconsistent I could prove this by Instance She indeed was quick and prone to be hasty this was if any the Sin of her Constitution but aware of it she doubled her Guards to prevent a Breach upon her weak Side She had gathered more than five Pages of apposite Scriptures which exhort to meekness of Spirit as I touched before page 74. The third of which is Psal 18.23 I was also upright before him and kept my self from mine eniquity Which I conclude she did upon that account because she found herself liable to be surprized by that Infirmity of her Natural Temper Hastiness the contrary to Meekness those Sins being most properly called our own which proceed from our Constitution Callings and prevailing Custom And the next is Job 13.31 If I did despise the cause of my Man-Servant or my Maid-Servant when they contended with me Which she set down to keep her from being angry without hearing their Excuses if they had any to extenuate a Fault or not beyond Proportion to it if they had none and many or her Servants as well as my self can witness if she had exceeded in her Reproofs or Chiding she would chide herself more than she had done them and pray them to forgive her so much more willing was she to bear Shame than Guilt She proceeds Cease from anger and forsake wrath fret not thy self in any wise to do evil Psal 37.18 And next A froward heart shall depart from me But I shut the Book or I should with transcribing and remarking fill a Sheet and weary my Reader She was a very discreet wise and prudent Woman and of a good Judgment she was indeed sometimes pretty positive stiff tenacions and adhesive to her Sentiments which I have gently reproved as being a little over-weaning and too well conceited of her own Wisdom which I remember with great regret but clear her and confess my own Errour without any regretting what I now do therein for I must acknowledge that the Event for the most part proved she was in the right and persisted not out of Humour but because her Opinion was well grounded and fixed upon good Reason She was an excellent Proficient in satisfied Acquiescence and had learned the Art of Contentment to Perfection she had attained to a Ne plus ultra in the things of this Life she did not only not desire but was afraid of being greater or richer in this World than God had vouchsafed to make us she chose to follow not to lead or dictate to the Motions of Divine Providence and she knew my Mind so well she needed not to do it when we were alone but she hath often said before many Witnesses what I am about to relate When many Friends who knew her Humour would be saying I would be shortly so or so preferred I suppose in Merriment rather than that they really thought so she would reply and intreat them to hold their Peace saying Such Discourse was very unacceptable to her and lest their vain Breath should Infect me though I thank God whose Sacred Name I would not use in vain I never found my self susceptive of that Infection she would drop such preventing Physick What can we desire that we want What have they who have so many Preferments more than we but a greater Account to give at the Day of Judgment We have enough to answer all the ends of Necessity and Decency and somewhat to spare for Charity we know not what it is to be in straits and often lend when others who have so much more are forced to borrow It is a low and easie thing in our Circumstances to be content it is too cheap a Return for our Enjoyments it concerns us to be highly thankfull the Good Lord make us so And therefore I pray find some other Discourse and leave this idle and unwelcome Twattle So freely would she speak when they had teazed and warmed her not to say vexed her with their impertinent Harrangs And indeed she was very thankfull what a sweet Spirit of Praise breaths in all I have transcribed from her Papers and she did truly abound in this Grace She had well learned the Apostle's Lesson In all things to give thanks she blessed the Lord at all times his Praise was continually in her Mouth She seldom enterprized any thing without Prayer and as seldom finished it without Praise comparatively she esteemed Praise much more excellent than Prayer not only as it is more like the Imployment of the Holy Angels and the Spirits of Just Men made perfect but as it is less selfish and hath a more immediate aspect upon God our own Necessities constrain us to cry to God for Relief and the worst Men will Pray yea and make Vows when they are in fear but only good Men will return to pay their acknowledgments when their turn is served all the ten Lepers cryed for Mercy but where are the nine there was but one of them found to render Thanks St. Gregory the Great gives this Reason why of all the holy Men of God mentioned in the Sacred Oracles David only is called the Man after God's own Heart Because he wrote the Book of Psalms those Divine Praises Praise is so agreeable to the Heart of God he that offereth Praise glorifieth me that the Man of Praise is the Man after God's own Heart and this good Woman hath left this comfortable Evidence and ground of hope behind her that she is gone to the place where Eternity will be spent in endless Hallelujahs
Instrumental yet it was the Lord the Sovereign Lord of her and us who doth all things well Good Madam What you cannot see now you may know hereafter if not in this Life of all in it you shall have clear Manifestations in Heaven that all Dispensations in this World were for the best for you the most I can do is to pity your Ladiship with my poor worthless Prayers in themselves they are so But I would beg of God to uphold you in the Arms of his Mercy that you may not sink under any Tryal and that your Affliction which at present may be grievous may appear not to be the Wound of an Enemy but the Chastisement of a loving Father who deals with you as with his Children in his adopting Love to you in Faithfulness God corrects his People in his distinguishing Love from those which shall never see his Face with comfort Good Madam I know you do desire to be in subjection to the Father of Spirits The Lord will be King let the People be never so impatient God will not grieve nor correct for his own pleasure but for his Childrens profit that they may live God's own Vineyard needs pruning as well as manuring that the Branches thereof may not waste too much of the Life and Spirits and Affections in worldly Satisfactions Good Madam God hath taken away a Branch dear Lady Essex she is not withered but transplanted for his own pleasure and delight that the Fruits of your Love to God may more appear in your willing Resignation of her who was so dear to you not offering unto God that which costs you nought Good Madam You shall sustain no loss God will reimburse and this Breach his Hand hath made he will fill up and repair at his own Charge He will in exchange for a Daughter bestow on you his only Son and build you a House better than Leah and Rachel did Jacob's God will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters and make you one of his First-born in Heaven God took it exceeding well that Abraham did not with-hold his beloved Isaac from him and for his ready compliance in what God required of him he had God's Promise That in blessing he would bless him Good Madam God hath more Blessings than one when God proved Abraham he gave him back again his Isaac whom he loved and promised that in him all the Nations of the Earth should be blessed of which Promise Good Madam you do partake with an additional Favour God having ransomed dear Lady Essex out of a troublesome World with a better Sacrifice than that he then provided for Isaac a Ram caught in a Thicket with which Isaac was redeemed unto a transient Life Dear Lady Essex she is redeemed by Jesus Christ unto eternal Life Good Madam What cause of complaint Dear Lady Essex is freed from the many temptations she might have met with in this World Isaac's prolonged Life found it so in his unsetled Condition he met with Affliction in his Posterity with other Troubles of this Life the World is unquiet like the tumbling Ocean dear Lady Essex she hath found a resting Place got off the rough Seas of Sins and Sorrows God hath placed her in the serene Region above God knew what Sail she was able to bear in worldly Prosperity or Adversity he hath taken her from the boisterous Winds that might have disturbed the Coast of her even walking with God God hath steer'd her Course dear Lady Essex she is got safe to Harbour from the windy Storms and Tempests of this World God took Enoch in the midst of his days as they then lived in that Age he walked with God therefore God took him I do humbly hope so did she God bestowed on her a very sweet disposition which I hope God made susceptive of the best impression The best people want their grains of allowance Good Madam Do not drive your Comforters far from you God preserved dear Lady Essex from the great Soul-wasting Sins from all gross Enormities God kept her from ever falling into any scandalous Sins she is gone unspotted out of the World Good Madam better is a good Child dead than a wicked Child living Good Madam I am more than content God hath disposed of all mine I hope through Grace they are safe but I have found much affection much affliction Though Mary had chose the best part assured and confirmed to her by Christ's own Word should never be taken from her yet her Eyes were so filled with tears at the Death of her Lord that she could not see Christ. The two Angels that sate in Christ's Sepulchre could not pacifie her grief nor slue her tears till Christ dried her Eyes with that loving Rebuke Why weepest thou Then she said Raboni and made him Master of her Passion God hath placed all the affections of humane Nature for great advantage if kept in the right Chanel bounded with his Grace that of Grief though for Sin which hath the greatest use of it and needs the highest and fullest Tides God would not have it swell beyond the Bank of his Mercy If God would have his People easie to be entreated himself will not be inexorable or hard to be intreated as good People are prone to think in time of Affliction neither should they be unjust to God and themselves denying the Grace God hath bestowed on them It is best to judge our selves but not unjustly Good Madam Do not misconstrue God in his Dispensations to you Afflictions are oft more for Trial than Correction but how ready is God to receive repenting returning Sinners the Arms of his Mercy are open to embrace them and to cover their Imperfections with his best Robe sent by his Son from the great Wardrobe of Heaven Christ's Righteousness imputed to them and inherent in them adorning of them with the Graces of his Spirit rendring them acceptable to their spiritual Spouse Christ Jesus He is the good Shepherd which laid down his life for his sheep If he send Afflictions they are not to worry but to bring his People nearer to himself If God put his People into the Fornace it is to purifie them not to consume them Good Madam when you are tried that you may come forth as Gold a meet Vessel for God's own use in the fuller Measures of Heaven Though God hath taken from you the Delight of your Eye Dear Lady Essex he will not take away himself but dissipate and scatter your grief with the Light of his Countenance which is better than Life God knows our Frame and will debate in Measure He will not stir up all his Displeasure but will stay his rough Wind in the day of his East-Wind that no Temptation may be above your Strength Good Madam fain would I comfort you but I know your own Thoughts can better suggest to you than I where you may find Grace to help in a time of need God's Promises are supports for the
Kingdom of Satan may fall and the Kingdom of Christ be exalted that the Gospel may continue where it is and sent where it is not and received in the Love of it through the World Pray for all afflicted as their case requires and with thy Prayers and Praises give thanks to God for the prime Fountain of all his Mercies Christ Jesus In particular thou mayst mention at the Throne of Grace what Christ hath done and suffered for humble contrite Sinners Labour and beg for such a frame of Spirit such God not despise Express thy thankfulness for what Christ hath instituted and ordained in his Church for the Benefit and good of his People Thou mayst in particular express with Prayers and Praises That all may be applicatory to thy self These are short hints thou mayst enlarge God giving thee his Spirit of Grace and Supplication Let not vain Thoughts mingle with religious Duties beware of those wandring Vagrants do not take such Company with thee when thou drawest near to God in any Religious performance lest it be like offering strange fire provoke God rather to consume than bless thee but keep off those busie Flies they may not corrupt thy Sacrifice Say to all disturbing Thoughts as Abraham said to his Servants when he went to the Mount to Sacrifice Stay you here below till I go to Worship God Fervent Prayer is very prevalent with God of it may be said what is said of Faith which is a justifying Grace without which it is impossible to please God Heb. 11. For he that cometh to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him Good works are the Life of Faith being well performed for matter and manner without which Faith is Dead and God is not the God of the dead but of the living as the body without the spirit is dead so without works faith is dead also St. James 2. The great things a lively Faith hath done fervent Prayer hath done the same The little Book I sent thee was thy dear Mother's it is a good Discourse of Prayer Dear Johnny let thy Prayers and Praises with the sweet Incense of thy Love to God be offered to him on the golden Altar of an humble and sincere Heart in the mediation of Jesus Christ and put no religious Duty off with that foolish idle Excuse I have not time lest thou as the foolish Virgins were be unfurnish'd of Oil for the Lamp of thy Christian Profession and for thy neglect shut out of the Kingdom of Heaven If Time for Play Recreation Eating Sleeping or the like a due proportion of Time may be gained from them for thy best therefore thy most concern those indispensable Duties on which thy eternal welfare so much depends the neglect of them may be thy inevitable Ruine in this Life and that to come for Godliness hath the promise of both Therefore seek the Kingdom of Heaven in the first place and the things of this present Life shall be added to thee as may be good for thee The things of this World compared to God and Heaven are but Straws and Pibbles St. Paul calls them dross and Luther said The whole Turkish Empire is but a Crust God throws to the Dog God hath provided better things for those that love and seek him In this world is our preparatory Life for our future Estate I have oft said to thee That all Men are about this great Business but in a different way to a different end Good Men prepare for Heaven and Wicked Men prepare for Hell therefore avoid the broad-way of a sinfull Life which leads to Destruction chuse that way which comparatively few find the way of an holy Life the end of which is Peace which the World cannot give Dear Johnny Do not deferr thy great concern to serve God and save thy Soul more worth than Ten thousand Worlds Many much younger than thee have set about this great work Thou hast oft read Mr. Smythies's Book of the Benefit of early Piety also thou hast had a civil and religious Education and many more Prayers than thou art Days old Thy dear Grandfather's Care Counsel and Prayers mine have not been wanting as far as able to perform in my care and love of thee let them not condemn thee but labour to answer the end of them that thou mayst not disappoint God and us to thy own detriment and loss Dear Johnny where much is given the more will be required Time is precious use all lawfull Industry and Diligence for thy well being in this World and make all subservient for a better to come Thou knowest not how long God may continue thy Friends to thee She was not continued three Months nay thy own Life is uncertain all things in this World are so and there is no retrieving an Errour on the other side of Death Do not procrastinate take the wise Man's Counsel what thy hand findeth to doe doe it with all thy might which inferrs speed and diligence for the obtaining internal and external Blessings Deferring made St. Augusting cry out Too late too late Lord did I love thee Dear Johnny Do not put God off with a decrepid Love and the chill Spirits of old age and bodily Infirmity by which the operative Faculties of thy Soul through the organical Powers of the Body may be obstructed with defect and impeded with the ill Habits and Customs of Sin Avoid this Danger give to God the vigour and strength of thy Life let it be without blemish By God's appointment the young was brought to him in Sacrifice Do thou as Righteous Abel give to God thy firstlings thy first Love and suffer no Rival or Competitour with it it was the Test Christ put to his Disciples If ye love me keep my Commandments Dear Johnny I used to mind thee St. John thy own name let him be thy Example in thy Love to God he was the youngest Disciple most eminent in Christ's Love He was called the Disciple whom Jesus loved Dear Johnny Be not taken with the Gauds and Vanities of this World in any of the profers of it they will bite like an Adder and sting like a Serpent if they draw thy Heart from God Be not deceived by them they will put a lye in thy right-hand promising more than they can give Be not affected with vain Glory it is but a Puff of breath soon exhaled and will vanish from thee Yea so are all the things of this World for the duration of them Remember thy Baptismal Covenant with God thou didst promise to forsake the Pomps and Vanities of this World the Devil and all his Works and sinfull Appetites to them I was a Witness to this Engagement and one of thy Sureties Dear Johnny let thy Baptismal Vow through Grace preserve thy Morals untainted Let none be corrupted by thy ill Example and be not thou infected by the evil manners of others Speak no obscene or scurrilous Language