Selected quad for the lemma: mercy_n
Text snippets containing the quad
|
ID |
Title |
Author |
Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
STC |
Words |
Pages |
|
A28660
|
A relation of the fearful estate of Francis Spira, in the year 1548 compiled by Natth. Bacon, Esq.
|
Bacon, Nathaniel, 1593-1660.
|
1649
(1649)
|
Wing B357; ESTC R9731
|
21,936
|
82
|
grief and torment because I contemned them Thus roaring for grief and tossing himself up and down upon the bed as he lay he intreated them to read no more As Gribauldus was comming to see him Vergerius said to Spira dear Sir here is Doctor Gribauldus a godly and faithfull friend of yours come to see you He is wellcome said he but he shall find me ill Gribauldus replyed Sir this is but an illusion of the divel who doth what he can to vexe you but turn you to God with your whole heart and he is ready to shew you mercy the earth you know is full of his mercy it is he that hath said that as often as a sinner repents of his sin he will remember his sins no more Consider this in the example of Peter that was Christs familiar and an Apostle and yet denied him thrice with an oath and yet God was merciful unto him consider the thief that spent his whole life in wickedness and for all that did not God graciously respect him in the last minute of his life Is the Lords hand now shortned that it cannot save to this Spira answered If Peter grieved and repented it was because Christ beheld him with a mercifull eye and in that he was pardoned it was not because he wept but because God was gracious to him but God respects not me and therefore I am a reprobate I feele no comfort can enter into my heart there 's place there but only for torments and vexings of spirit I tell you my case is properly mine own no man ever was in the like plight and therefore my estate is fearful Then roaring out in the bitterness of his spirit said It 's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God the violence of his passion and action sutable did amaze many of the beholders insomuch as some of them said with a whispering voyce that he was possessed he overhearing it said doe you doubt it I have a whole Legion of divels that take up their dwellings within me and possesse me as their own and justly too for I have denied Christ Whether did you that willingly or not said they That 's nothing to the purpose said Spira Christ saith whosoever denies me before men him will I deny before my Father which is in Heaven Christ will not be denied no not in word and therefore it is enough though in heart I never denied him They observing his distemper to arise from the sense and horror of the paines of hell asked him whether he thought there were worse paines then what he endured for the present he said that he knew there were far worse paines then those that he then suffered for the wicked shall rise to their judgment but they shall not stand in judgment this I tremble to think of yet do I desire nothing more then that I might come to that place where I may be sure to feele the worst and to be freed from fear of worse to come I but you are to consider said one that those opinions for which you were accused before the Legate were impious and therefore you are not to think you denied Christ but rather that you confessed him acknowledging the infallible truth of the Catholike Church Truely said he when I did deny those opinions I did think them to be true and yet I did deny them Go to said others now then believe that they are true Now I cannot said he God will not suffer mee to believe them nor trust in his mercy What would you have me do I would faine attain to this power but cannot though I should presently be burnt for it But why do you said the other esteem this so grievous a sin when as the learned Legate constrained you to it which he surely would not have done if your former opinions had not been Erroneous no good Francis the divel besets thee let not therefore the grievousness of thy sin if any such be amaze thee You say right replyed he the divell hath possest me and God hath left me to his power for I finde I can neither believe the Gospel nor trust in Gods mercy I have sinned against the Holy Ghost and God by his immutable decree hath bound me over to perpetual punishment without any hope of pardon It 's true that the greatness of sin or the multitude of them cannot binde Gods mercy all those many sins that in the former part of my life I have committed then did not so much trouble me for I trusted that God would not lay them to my charge but now having sinned against the Holy Ghost God hath taken away from me all power of repentance and now brings all my sins to remembrance and thus guilty of one guilty of all And therefore it 's no matter whether my sins bee great or small few or many they are such as Christs bloud nor Gods mercy belongs to me God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy and whom he will he hardneth this is it that gnawes my heart hee hath hardned mee and I find that he daily more and more doth harden mee and therefore I am out of hope I feel it and therefore cannot but despaire I tell you there was never such a monster as I am never was any man alive a spectacle of so exceeding misery I knew that justification is to bee expected by Christ and I denyed and abjured it to the end I might keep this frail life from adversitie and my children from povertie and now behold how bitter this life is to mee and God only knows what shall become of this my family but surely no good is likely to betide it but rather daily worse and worse and such a ruine at the length as that one stone shall not be left on another But why should you said Gribauldus conceit so deeply of your sin seeing you can not but know that many have denyed Christ yet never fell into despaire Well said he I can see no ground of comfort for such neither can I warrant them from Gods revenging hand in wrath though it pleaseth God yet to suffer such to bee in peace and besides there will a time of danger come and then they shall be throughly tryed and if it were not so yet God is just in making me an Example to others and I cannot justly complain there is no punishment so great but I have deserved it for this so heinous offence I assure you it is no small matter to deny Christ and yet it is more ordinary then commonly men do conceive of it is not a denyall made before a Magistrate as it is with mee for as often as a Christian doth dissemble the known truth as often as he approves of false worship by presenting himself at it so often as hee hath not things worthy of his calling or such things as are unworthy of his calling so often he denyes Christ thus did I and therefore am
have done he might have repented and Christ would have received him to mercy and yet he sinned most grievously against his Master which did so esteem of him as to honour him with the dignitie of an Apostle and did maintain and feed him He answered Christ did also feed and honour mee neither yet is my fault one jot less then that of his because it is not more honour to be personally present with Christ in the flesh then to be in his presence now by illumination of his holy Spirit and besides I deny that ever Iudas could have repented how long soever he had lived for grace was quite taken from him as it is now from me O Spira said they you know you are in a Spiritual desertion you must therefore not believe what Satan suggests he was ever a Liar from the beginning and a meer Impostour and will cast a thousand lying fancies into your mind to beguile you withall you must rather believe those whom you judg to be in a good estate and more able to discern of you then your self believe us and we tell you that God will be merciful unto you O here is the knot said Spira I would I could believe but I cannot Then he began to reckon up what fearful dreames and visions he was continually troubled withall that he saw the divels come flocking into his Chamber and about his bed terrifying him with strange noyses that these were not fancies but that he saw them as really as the standers by and that besides these outward terrours he felt continually a racking torture of his minde and a continual butchery of his Conscience being the verie proper pangs of the damned wights in hell Cast way these fancies said Gribauldus these are but illusions humble your self in the presence of God and praise him The dead praise not the Lord answered he nor they that goe down into the pit we that are drowned in despaire are dead and already gone down into the pit what hell can there be worse then desperatâ—on or what greater punishment the gnawing woâ—m unquenchable fire horror confusion and which is woâ—se then all desperation it self continualâ—y â—oâ—tures me and now I count my preseâ—t estate worse then if my soul separated from my body were with Iudas and the rest of the damned and therefore I now desire rather to bee there then thus to lâ—ve in the bodie One being present repeated certain words out of the Psalmes If thy Children forsake my Law and walk not in my Iudgments I will visite their transgressions with rods and their iniquities with stripes nevertheless my loving kindness I will not utterly take from them nor suffer my faithfulness to fail mark this O Spira my Covenant I will not break These promises said Spira belong only to the Elect which if tempted may fall into sinne but are again lifted up and recovered out as the Prophet saith though he fall he shall not be utterly cast down for the Lord upholdeth him therefore Peter could rise for he was Elected but the reprobate when they fall cannot rise again as appeares in Cain Saul and Iudas God deales one way with the Elect and another way with Reprobates The next day he prayed with them in the Latine tongue and that with excellent affection as outwardly appeared blessed be God said Vergerius these are no signes of eternal reprobation you must not O Spira seek out the secret counsels of Gods election and reprobation for no man can know so long as hee lives whether by his good or bad deeds he be worthy of Gods love or anger do you not know that the Prophet David complained that God had cast off his Soul I know al this quoth Spira I know the mercies of God are infinite and do surpass the sins of the whole world and that they are effectual to all that believe but this faith and this hope is the gift of God O that he would give it mee but it is as impossible as to drink up the sea at a draught As for that of Salomon if he had ever tryed that which I feel by wofull experience he would never have spoken as he did but the truth is never had mortall man such an evident experience of Gods anger and hatred against him as I have you that are in a good estate think repentance and faith to be works of great facilitie and therefore you think it an easie matter to perswade a man to believe the whole need not the Physician and he that is well can soon give counsell to such as are ill but this is the hell to mee my heart is hardned I cannot believe many are called but few are chosen Upon what ground said they do you conceive so ill an opinion of your self I once did know God to be my Father not only by creation but by regeneration I knew him by his beloved Sonne the author and finisher of our Salvation I could pray to him and hope for pardon of sinnes from him I had a taste of his sweetness peace and comfort now contrarily I know God not as a Father but as an enemies what more my heart hates God and seeks to get above him I have nothing else to fly to but terror and despair Belike you think then said they that those who have the earnest and first fruits of Gods Spirit may notwithstanding fall away The judgments of God are a deep abiss said he we are soon drowned if we enter into them he that thinks he standeth let him take heed lest he fall as for my self I know I am fallen back and that I once did know the truth though it may be not so throughly I know not what else to say but that I am one of that number which God hath threatned to tear in peices Say not so answered they for God may come though at the last hour keep hold therefore at the least by hope This quoth he is my case I tell you I cannot God hath deprived mee of hope this brings terror to my minde and pines this body which now is so week as it cannot perform the several offices thereof for as the Elect have the Spirit testifying that they are the sonnes of God so the Reprobates even while they live do often feel a worme in their conscience whereby they are condemned already and therefore as soon as I perceived this wound inflicted on my mind and will I knew that I wanted the gifts of saving grace and that I was utterly undone God chasteneth his children with temporarie afflictions that they may come as gold out of the fire but punisheth the wicked with blindness in their understandings and hardness of heart and woe be to such from whom God takes his holy Spirit Here one rebuked him and told him hee gave too much credite to sense that he was not to believe himself but rather him that was in a good state and I testifie to you