towards me I am much grieved at the coldness and the carelesness of my affections towards thine each object of charity is an opportunity of mercy If I neglect it I am unkind to thee my Saviour cruel to my neigbour injurious to mine own soul I am not â—ord but Steward of thine outward blessings and it were now just with thee to call me to a strict account If any of thy Saints suffer which thou sendest unto me for relief their sufferings thou wilt surely require at my hands as each cup of cold water which I have given in thy name shall not lose its reward so each farthing which I ow unto thee in thy members will assuredly require its everlasting punishment I have been too carefully solicitous for the things of this life too caresly negligent of the treasures in that to come I have had many wayes to deprive my self of my present comfort of my future happiness when my talent hath been large I have had no leisure when little no ability to works of mercy The present necessities of thy Saints have been daily neglested upon the false pretence of future opportunities and those future opportunities again put off by the dilatory plea of mine own present necessities Thus have I long kept my self in a circulation of self-couzenage and have so lived here as if I were never to go hence and were utterly ignorant for what cause I came hither From whence is this my great neglect of charity towards my brethren but from my greater want of love to thee my God and from whence my disobedience to thy precepts but from mine unbelief of thy promises Thou biddest me Give and hast promised it shall be given unto me good measure shaken together pressed down and running over Luke 6.38 Thou commandest me not to be weary in well doing and hast promised that in due time I shall reap if I faint noâ— Ephes 6.9 If I did beleeve the one I should gladly perform the other and whose word shall I take Lord if I dare to question thine All thy blessed promises are Yea and Amen the begining sweet the end certain as thou hast a bottle for my tears and a bag for my transgressions so thou hast allso a book for mine Alms-deeds Acts 10.4 Not one of them shall be forgotten but even the very least of them shall be â—raciously accepted gloriously rewarded not for my work sake but for thy promise sake no for mine own sake but for my Saviours sake Lord I can merit nothing at thy hands but by thine own mercy And now Lord let me examine What I have gained by my want of charity I have exchanged Heaven to enjoy earth I have parted with thee my Saviour in whom are all the treasures that are true and crernall for the very basest part of earth which is vain and uncertain I have lost those blessed opportunities of doing good which can never be recalled and together with them those rewards of thine which shall never be enjoyed I have offended thee my God grieved thy Saints burdened mine own conscience and been an utter enemy to mine own salvation As my affections have been frozen towards others so have I justly found the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit decaying daily in mine own soul my love cold to thy law mine ears deaf to thy precepts my mouth dumb to thy praises my faith dead to thy promises my hope fainting my zeal languishing my joy perishing These are the sad and sure effects of want of charity the beginning sinfull the progress dangerous the end desperate Lord if those heavenly spirits whose very names import their ardency of love to thy glory are yet found cold enough in thy sight with what horror and confusion of face will those wretched souls appear before thee who have not been so much as lukewarm in thy service By thy grace Lord I will therefore henceforth make a godly improvement of all future opportunities of doing good wharsoever thine allowance is unto me of these outward blessings I will dedicate some due proportion of it unto works of mercy and cheerfully and thankfully trust thee my God with the sustentation of my body upon whose blessed protection I safely relie for the eternall preservation of my soul my heart my hand my tongue mine actions shall be allwaies ready to relieve the necessities to promote the good of thy children and as this happy resolution hath had its beginning from thy grace so shall its aim be wholly at thy glory Blessed Lord Such is thy gratious goodnesse unto thine that thou even preventest them with thy blessings while they call upon thee thou art ready to answer and before they speak unto thee thou art willing to hear Lord I am thy child and am therefore bold to crave a blessing of thee and what is now more suitable to my necessities than the sweet infusion of thy holy Spirit for I now find to my grief of heart that the forein heat of the pleasures and profits of this life have extracted from me the inward heat of my desires and longings for thy blessed presence the adventitious heat of the love of this world hath quite consumed in me the naturall heat of my zeal to thy kingdom Lord kindle in me those decaying sparks of thy grace that they may now grow up into a bright flame of fervent affections to thy glory and thy childrens good Teach me to know that godlinesse is great gain and that the truest treasures are those which are layd up with thee in thy Kingdom Lord pardon my neglects of holy duties forgive my deadnesse and my dulnesse unto works of mercy repair my sinfull breaches by thy present graces O let the fervour of my future charity become a pleasing sacrifise to expiate my former misery to reconcile my soul in Christ to endless mercy Amen CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulness of the heart in the performance of holy duties NOthing is more common amongst Christians than to be deluded by the shew of holy actions the heart of man is deceitfull above all things who can know it holy performances are usually accompanied with hellish temptations when the Ship of our soules is under sail and hath the freshest way for heaven we have then most need to look to our steerage to have an eye to the compass and land-marks Which of our holy duties which are the ships we sayl in to the port of happiness have not their rocks to split upon or Remoraes to hinder them or cross winds to divert them or leaks to sink them or seas to overwhelm them when we arrive at any small measure of goodness we many times rest in it and grow secure upon it if grace carry us on farther we are too apt to beleeve that we are far better than our neighbours that we are highly in Gods favour and cannot but deserve his fatherly protection his liberall remuneration and so by this secret insinuation of pride in our hearts wee have
enough for me to consider the Divine nature in Unitie of Essence unless I go yet further and find a Trinity of Persons to be curious in this search is dangerous to be careless damnable nothing may be here safely seen but what is gratiously revealed Lord no man can see thee as thou art in thy self suffer mee therefore to see thee as thou art unto us that I may know thee and love thee and delight in thee and be for ever known and loved of thee If there were not an eternity of being then it may be truly said that not being was before being and so that being had its rise from-not being by causing it self to be when it was not So should Privation which was eternally evill produce that glorious being which is eternally good Seeing this cannot be it will hence follow that being was from all eternity and that this being was eternally Good for that which was good in the effect must needs be far more eminently good in the cause That this eternall good being must be also infinite because eternity it self is infinite That this infinite eternall good being must be of infinite power to continue infinitely That this infinite power must also bee of infinite understanding to support and preserve this eternall infintie good beeing and this infinite understanding is God Where there is an infinite understanding there must also be an infinite object to be understood els could it not be insinitely active and so should both eternity and infinitie suffer diminution and become defective which were for them both to be and not to be which is impossible and seeing there can be no object infinite out of God therefore this eternall infinite and ever-blessed object must of necessity be God Where there is an infinite understanding and an infinite object to be understood there cannot choose but be an infinite and eternall love for from this infinite Understanding of this infinitely amiable and for ever blessed object there must needs proceed an infinite delight whereby it infinitely injoyeth its own excellency and eternally reflecteth on the beauty of its own perfection els this infinite eternall understanding should want power to enjoy this infinitely aimiable object and so should be neither good infinite nor eternall and this infinite and eternall love is God Now because this Understanding Object and Love are all infinite and that whatsoever is infinite must of necessity be God it will from thence truly and undoubtedly follow that this understanding is God this Object God and this Love God And because it is as equally impossible that there can be any more than one infinite therefore it will as assuredly follow that these three are one three in Existence one in Essence three in Order one in Eternity three persons one eternall infinite glorious incomprehensible wise God to whom be glory for ever Amen This is that blessed Father Son and Holy Spirit that ineffable most mysterious Trinity in Unity eternally injoying blessedness in its own Essence This is that blessed inter-union of that ever blessed Spirit that most unspeakable immutable incomprehensible fruition of eternall joy at which the blessed Angells stand amazed in which the blessed Saints shall sweetly rest themselves for ever All this and infinitely more than this thou art Lord in thy self thy Wisdom Justice Mercy Truth Power Holiness and whatsoever other Attributes thou art pleas'd to take unto thy Divine Essence are unto thee one although unto us divers and thou art therefore pleased diversly to manifest thy self unto us because we cannot otherwise conceive thy being than according to thine outward working thy distinct operations are unto us the divers Indications of thine eternall undivided and for ever blessed essence And now Lord who can see thee thus and live I have hitherto seen nothing but destruction to my body amazement to my soul In thine Essence there is light inaccessible unto which no mortall eye can approach in thine attributes terror unutterable from which no mortall man can escape Thy wisdom trying my corrupt heart and scoarching my sinfull reines Thy Justice most severe fearfull in the pronunciation dreadfull in the execution Thy truth admitteth of no alteration no Judgement pronounced but precisely fullfilled Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of thy sacred word Thy Holiness is such that even the blessed Angells are impute in thy sight what then shall become of me a miserable wretch the thoughts of whose heart are only evill and that continually were it not for thy rich mercy I were lost for ever by this alone I am for ever reconcilâ—d unto thee and shall eternally be blessed with thee I can here with joy unspeakable and glorious behold thee my loving Father affectionately imbracing me in Christ from all eternity by the sweet working of thy holy Spirit this is that truly-blessed vision of the sacred and mysterious Trinity in this life of Grace that will for ever make me truly happy in that of Glory Lord if I find thee not Three in One to my soul's comfort in this life I shall never be found of thee to be blessed in thee in that to come Without thy Power it had not been decreed without thy Wisdom it had never been acted without thy Love it had never been sinished Here in a severe Judge I joyfully behold a mercifull Redeemer In a glorious Divinity a true Humanity united to the Deity not mixed with it Before I had three Persons in one Essence here I have two Natures in one Person God and Man one Christ in whom and by whom I have a joyfull interest and undoubted union in the Godhead Here is the Father promising the Son performing the Holy Spirit confirming This is alone that blessed sight of God that bringeth rest and quietness to my weary soul To know him to be my God to have suffered for my sin and risen again for my Justification To find him supporting sustaining me in my infirmaties relieving my wants chastising my errors revenging my wrongs repairing my breaches directing my wayes protecting my person wounding rending breaking my obdurate heart creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right Spirit within me bemoaning bewailing mine iniquities inviting nay compelling me to mercy and forgiveness Seeing now O my Soul that Gods being in himself is incomprehensible and his Love in Christ unutterable with what Filial fear shouldst thou think of him with what awfulness name him with what reverence and preparedness pray unto him with what heat of affection love him with what carefulness and conscience fear to offend him with what cheerfulness and holy diligence devote thy service to him Blessed Lord Seeing that I am utterly unable of my self to comprehend thee O let me be graciously comprehended of thee that corruption may be swallowed up of immortality and humane frailty of eternall glory As thou hast given me an understanding in part to know thee so give me also affections intirely to love thee and fixed
not only safety inviolable but peace untterable safety in life and sweetness in death And now Lord when I enquire for what cause thou givest me all this I find nothing but thy meer love unto me when I ask what thou requirest for all this I hear thee demand no thing but the return of love what is more easy what more sweet than love and what object more aimable than that glorious being that is the perfection of al love that love the beauty of al perfection Thou canst not give Lord what thou hast not the glory of thy creation is but a glimps of that grater glory of thine essence Lord who can deny thee Love how sweet is this yoak how light this burden when I love thee I enjoy thee and my self in thee I possess thee I rest in thee for ever O my God all that thou givest mee all that thou requirest of mee is to make mee happy to thee be glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord All this I joyfully confess thou hast done for mee and yet the whole course of my corrupt life hath been nothing elce but a continued Rebellion against thee mine Eyes full of Adultery my tongue of Corrupt communication my hands of oppression mine eares open to iniquity my heart full of hypocricy my feet Lame in thy paths and swift to walk in the wayes of sinners my whole man nothing elce but the very body of death and destruction I have sinned against precepts against promises against mercies against judgments against the checks of mine own conscience and the blessed motions of thy holy Spirit I have even tempted my temptations by making daily and hourely provisions for sin and have been so farr from sorrowing for all this that I have resolved to continue yet still And yet so great is thy compassion towards mee that still thou storest up new mercies for mee Lord I bewail my weakness I lament my willfulness I abhorr my filthiness I heartily desire and earnestly endeavour to unrip my soul to ransack my heart to unlock the very secrets of my thoughts that I may have all my sins continually before mee even in their worst appearances and I may loath them and leave them and obtain thy gratious pardon for them I confesse Lord that I am utterly unworthy to enjoy this blessed light which I have so much abused to thy great dishonour much more the light of Grace by which thou leadest me to that of Glory and that it were more just with thee for ever to deprive me of these happy lights and to expose me to the terrours of eternall darknesse Lord I have finned and cannot chuse but sin I am a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy child have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery into the bosome of thy tender love I thrust my sinfull soul for safety and protection O let not thy justice triumph in my ruine but thy mercy in my deliverance so shalt thou have the glory and I the sweetnesse of mine eternall happinesse Hear me O Lord and help me for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy Sons sake Amen CHAP. 3. Vpon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for Noon Blessed God WIthout thy holy providence no creature can subsist by thine Allmighty power they were created out of nothing and if thou shouldst not sustain them they must needs return to nothing how wisely how wonderfully doest thou guide and govern these inferiour creatures All things are at once disposed of by thee and move successively to their appointed ends but above all how gratiously hast thou provided for the good of man what varieties of food how secretly how sweetly disposed it to sustentation No creature can be nourishing without thee and with thee I enjoy not onely nutriment but delectation how sweet is this thy goodnesse to my body how much more sweet thy mercy to my soul and if thy temporall refreshments are so good how ravishing is that celestiall food with which thy Saints and Angels are delighted Lord how undeserving am I of these thy many favours Thou givest rain to the earth and it becometh fruitfull thou loadest me daily with thy blessings and loe I am unthankâ—â—â— even those creatures that are insensible are daily nourisht into augmentation and man alone whom thou hast made to live for ever contents himself with daily diminution This wofully appears by my deadness and dulness in my Christian calling by my back wardness to Holy Duties by my carelesnesse and coldnesse in prayer wearinesse in reading irkomenesse in meditation by my faint Hope sick Faith luke-warm Love frozen Charity lame Patience languishing Zeal and all those other visible decayes of Goodness which are none other than the very symptomes of a dying soul Ah now Lord how miserably deformed must I needs appear in thy fight that am thus ugly in mine own Thou that hadst compassion on me when I was in my blood and then saidst unto me Live that hast washed me clean from sin and pollution and espoused me into thine own bolom wilt thou allso love me in death Wilt thou court me in the grave How justly mightest thou for ever leave me to mine own ruin that can so easily so willingly forsake thee for the pleasures of sin and yet how sweetly how affectionately doest thou order all things for me Even my very sins invite me to a more happy to a nearer Union with thee To thee therefore O my God the life of my life the very being and assured comfort of my sinfull soul and wretched body do I address my self for mercy and forgiveness I confess my self unworthy of thy gracious providence in sustaining this frail and infirm body much more unworthy O Lord of thine unspeakable love in reviving relieving imbracing my deformed soul Blessed Lord who am I of whom thou art thus tenderly compassionate When I was in the womb I was defiled with sin when I came out of it I was covered with shame the World bewitched me the Flesh besotted me the Devill beguiled me Lord when no eye pittied me then thou badst mercy on me and now at last when I am run from thee when I have adulterated my first Love when I am become poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked thou freely forgivest me thou callest me thy fair one and givest me thy love O my God I admire thy Goodness I deplore and abhor mine own wretchedness O let the sweetness of thy love in Christ inflame the dying sparks of my benummed soul to praise thee without ceasing Expatiatc my narrow thoughts with day'y contemplation of my heavenly home with joyfull expectation of the sweet fruition of Eternity O give me such a blessed raptasie of soul that I may live above the reach of humane misery and reign with thee hereafter in immortall glory CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulness shortness and uncertaintie of life A Meditation suited to the Evening
might now prevail with thee to repair the losse of thy presence in my sinfull soul Lord let the greatnesse of my folly in sinning extoll the richnesse of thy mercy in forgiving Restore me to the joy of thy salvation and stablish me with thy free Spirit so shall I have the comfort and thou the praise of my deliverance If thou Lord wilt give me understanding to delight in thy Law I shall allso have a sweet assurance that thou wilt delight in me to doe me good Accept of my desires strengthen my endeavours perfect my performances pardon my weaknesse assist my willingnesse forgive my sinfulnesse nourish the good motions of thy holy Spirit in me and for thy mercies sake remove all dangers and temptations from me that when the short and wretched race of my imperfect holinesse is ended here I may solemnize that eternall Sabbath with thy blessed Saints and Angels in thy Kingdome and rest with thee in the perfection of true happinesse for ever Amen CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due Preparation for receiving of the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper Lord WHen I look upon the inestimable value of that gift which I am this day to receive when I consider of the Majestie of thee the Giver of the misery of me the Receiver of the vast difference between corruption and eternity of thy strict commands for preparation to the Passcover under thy Law of thy blessed precepts for due receiving of thy Sacrament under the Gospell of thine own example in washing thy Disciples feet and thereby symbolizing the eternall washing of their souls of thy Saints practice in their solemn preparations unto holinesse by pulling off their shoes when they approached thy presence of thy severe judgements against Vzza for heedlesse touching of thine Ark against the Bethshemites for curiousnesse in looking in against those rash Corinthians whereof for want of holy preparation some were weak some sick some fallen asleep and lastly of that dreadfull sentence against unworthy commers to thy Wedding Feast pronounced by thine own mouth I tremble at my bold approaches to thy blessed Table I wonder at thy goodnesse that I am yet alive to say there is yet mercy with thee that thou mayst be scared How many blessed opportunities of coming to thy Table have I sinfully neglected How many abused by my sinfull resort thither by my wandring and idle thoughts there by my wicked and profane actions after I returned thence Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse How long Lord how long shall I wander in these wofull waies of wickednesse I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and willing to embrace this heavenly comfort for my soul I confesse my self a great and grievous sinner and yet I know Lord thou camest not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance I am hungry and poor and blind and naked and miserable destitute of all hope of all help but from thee alone Lord I am unworthy of thy crums yet thou admittest me to thy Table the sinfulnesse of my corrupt nature hath made a wofull separation between us but the richnesse of thy sufferings hath for ever made a sweet conjunction of us all my sins are thine all thy righteousnesse is mine thou art now my well-beloved and I am thy chosen one and in this blessed Union is my sweet and safe repose for ever Who can enough deplore that more than wofull separation Who can enough admire this more than wonderfull conjunction this more than happy reconciliation Here is Justice undeniable Mercy incomprehensible Wisdome unutterable Love unimitable O let my soul now lose it self in the unknown paths of heavenly contemplation let me this day apprehend thee O my Saviour fasting praying weeping groaning sweating bleeding fainting dying for my sake and now pleading to my God for mercy for me Let me now tast the sweetnesse of that mercy by a lively faith the fulnesse of this sweetuesse by a blessed hope the fruition of this fulnesse by eternall love Lord how unworthy am I of these embraces if I bewail not if I abhor not if I forsake not all the wretched failings of my sinfull life past if I rejoyce not with joy unspeakable and glorious to be admitted to so great a mercy if this inflame not mine affections with unspotted love to thee my God with earnest longings for thy presence of Grace in this life of Glory in that to come And now Lord since thou in thy rich love hast freely forgiven me my pounds I will allso most willingly and heartily forgive my brother his pence I will have nothing to doe with malice that had so much need of mercy I will unfeignedly and freely and fully forgive all injuries on earth I will love all those that hate me and pray for all those that despightfully use me and all this for thy sake who hast freely loved me and layd down thy life for me to whom be Glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord God Look down in mercy and compassion on me thy poor distressed suppliant whom thou now vouchsafest to admit unto thy heavenly Banquet Illuminate my blindness by the blessed light of thy most sacred Word satisfie my hunger with the sweet refreshings of thy gracious presence inrich my poverty with the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit cover my nakedness with the precious robes of thine own righteousness swallow up the depth of my misery by the height of thy mercy that I may this day appear before thee with a sincere heart and happy soul Lord strengthen and support my feeble faith make me joyfully to trust in thee constantly to rely upon thee thankfully to sacrifise my soul in praises to thee Vouchsafe dear Lord that I may worthily approach thy blessed Table that I may this day be so united to thee that all my joy and comfort may hereafter bee for ever with thee Amen CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving Lord THis art that blessed Bread by which my soul is nourisht to eternall life thou art that fruitfull Vine from which doth flow those gladding comforts to my fainting spirit Thou wert broken for my sins thou wert bruised for my transgressions and the chastisement of my peace was upon thee Lord by thy stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Thou tookest into thy hand the cup of trembling thou drankest out the very dregs thereof and thy precious blood was poured out like water for my sake Sweet Jesus sustain me by this Bread refresh me with this Wine recover me with this Potion cleanse me by this Effusion that I may this day receive joyfully return thankfully live righteously and dye happily CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving I Am this day joyfully delivered from the bondage of Sin and Satan and happily restored unto the glorious liberty of the sons of God I have rellished the sweetness of his heavenly promises and received the seal of
unclean and wanton cogitations so many dayes and nights in frivolous and idle discourse so many weeks and moneths and yeares in vain and finfull actions How full of horror and confusion would this Account appear even to mine own eies With what face should I dare present itunto thine What would I not now give to purchase but some small respite to redeem this wofull waste this vain expence of time What serious vows and faithfull promises should I now make of amendment What constant houres would be now dedicated to thy service my whole life would now seem too little to bewail my solly to redeem my loss O what madness is it then while I have dayes of mercy to despise them to abuse them to be utterly neglective of them What is it Lord that I so eagerly persue Even the very heighth of all mine outward happiness is but a short crackling of thorns a sudden blaze which may seem to warm me but can never throughly heat me Wo be to that soul for ever that can find no refreshment but in this momentany fire If thy Grace Lord cannot warm me thy Glory will not comfort me There can be no true joy but in godly sorrow The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning the heart of fools in the house of mirth Eccl. 7.6 The luxurious Wanton may be carnally joyfull but the penitent Christian is cordially merry There is no better tryal of this truth Lord than from thine own mouth who wert a man of sorrows thou O Lord hast told me That I shall weep but the world shall rejoyce that I shall sorrow but my sorrow shall be turned into joy and my joy shall no man take from me John 16.20 Deceive not thy self therefore O my soul for if thou walkest too far in this enticing path thou art out of thy way to Heaven and thou mayst go so far in it as to lose thy self and by a customary freedom of thy Christian liberty soon find so great an indisposition unto God and goodness that unless the blessed Shepheard of thy soul vouchsafe to find thee by his saving grace it is improbable nay it is impossible that thou shouldst ever return Canst thou be so sensless to believe that thou art Christs Disciple when thou wilt not bear his Cross Did ever any of his followers enjoy heaven without violence without beating down their bodies without cherishing their soules without much weeping fasting praying sighing groaning for their sins without being crucified unto the world and the world unto them without checking and controlling their unruly lusts without utterly forsaking all this earthly trash and joyfully accounting it as loss and dung to possess Christ Look upon the Prophets Apostles Martyrs Virgins Fathers of the Church and all the blessed company of Saints in all times places Ages of the world and thou shalt find them all to use this world as if they used it not quietly sparingly soberly Isaac at his evening devotion in the solitary fields Eliah at his private Carmel the Baptist in the desart St. Paul in his desires out of the body and with Christ holy Simeon in his Pillar Saint Jerome in his Cave all of them and innumerable more of Gods Saints were true Benonies sonnes of sorrow and affliction Lord with how much fervour and alacrity of soul did these thy blessed ones pursue thy heavenly joyes what sharp combats had they to overcome themselves And if such chosen and select vessels as these have had such great strivings such powerfull conflicts with their finfull bodies what will become of me thâ—t have obeyed sin in the lusts thereof that can find no pleasure but in folly no laughter but in madness Consider therefore O my soul whilst thou hast yet time that there is no truer character of a graeeless heart than prophane mirth thou art too ready to believe that God is mercifull that all thy sins may be forgiven thee in a moment that the good Thief was saved at the last hour and that therefore thou mayst still go on in wickedness God indeed is allwayes ready to shew mercy but it is onely unto those that are ready to repent And how knowed thou whether God will accept thee in that hour Whether he may not whether he will not then withdraw his saving grace from that sinfull soul which hath so long withdrawn it self from his service This is that which thy blessed Saviour telleth thee Not every one which crieth Lord Lord shall enter into the Kingdom of heaven but he that doth the will of my Father which is in heaven Matth. 7 21. And lest perpaps that one example of the dying Penitent may flatter thee considâ—r of the time the place the manner of his strange conversion This was assuredly saith St Augustine to manifest the power and Godhead of a dying Saciour and that upon the rare consession of an Infidell and that at such a time when all the world forsook him and even his own Disciples either doubted or denied his Godhead Alass how little comfort canst thou now reap from this example how should it rather affright thee to see buâ— one soul amongst so many millions to obtain mercy at the last hour that upon such weighty circumstances on what a weak foundation doest thou build thy hopes of happiness how easily will that devouring storm of thine accusing conscience ruin it and then how great the fall will be the fearfull horror of thy lost estate will wofully express Lord let this teach me to redeem those precious hours which I have lost O let each wanton thought each idle word be monitors to tell me how my Audit stands with heaven I can speak nothing I can doe nothing which I can recall each circumstance of sin is charged in mine account and must be reckoned for how careful should this make me of the-expense of that time that is recorded for eternity Thou O Lord art holyness it self thy Saints and Angels are holy and thy children must be holy nothing but holiness can inherit heaven no unclean pleasure no impure joy shall enter there How can I ever hope to be an inhabitant of that holy City whose heavenly language I cannot speak And now Lord seeing these things are thus by thine assisting grace I seriously resolve to allow my self no pleasure in this life but what is sanctified with moderation because I clearly see these outward pleasures to be onely so far usefull unto me as by them I am made more serviceable unto thee Moderate and honest repast sets an edge upon my soul and makes it more earnest more-active in devotion when I take up pleasure as a trade I become a Traytor to my body a Tyrant to my soul Lord I am now heartily in love with heaven and grudge at that hours liberty in outward merriment that maketh not the next more eager of mine inward comfort There is no sweetness but in goodness and there is no goodness in that mirth which is not
of afflictions which either sin or Satan life or death can bring upon me scourge me launce me bruise me break me doe what thou wilt with me here so thou spare me for ever Lord allthough thou killest me yet will I trust in thee for I know assuredly that all these outward things shall work together for the best for me and that my present sufferings thou hast sent in mercy to me to humble me for sin to preserve me from shame I kisse them I embrace them and am sincerely thankfull for them Lord let me clearly see for what sin thou hast inflicted this punishment that I may bewail it abhor it forsake it implore thy pardon for it when I am thus armed I shall be able to encounter thy fiercest affliction if I am found naked the weakest will foyl me To thee O Lord whose wise and over-ruling hand disposeth all occurrences of life and sweetly guides them to the good of thy children doe I addresse my sinfull soul for mercy and protection Lord open mine eyes that I may see and believe the constancy of thy love in the mutability of mine outward condition Give me a patient and a willing heart to welcome all the changes of this present life to be humble under them to rejoyce in them and be thankfull for them Forgive the pride of heart and prodigality of hand attending on my prosperous estate my great repinings and ungodly passions incident to my declining happinesse and increasing misery As thou hast weaned me from the pleasures of this life by the rod of thine afflictions so wean me allso from the sins of this life by the staff of thy consolations that so my heart may be wholly taken off from all earthly enjoyments that I may become even as a weaned child to forgoe willingly what thou deniest me to receive quietly what thou providest for me What I want of these outward blessings supply â—nto me by thine inward comforts which are inâ—finitely better for me and shall be therefore â—ver dearer to me Lord furnish me with graces suitable to all events and able to encourage me in all afflictions Lord sanctifie this present sorrow to my sinfull soul so sweeten it by thy grace that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousnesse Make it a sure pledge of thy fatherly affections towards me let it daily and hourely draw me nearer to thy presence let it wean me from the miseries of sin and at last bring me to the sweet fruition of eternitie Amen CHAP. 24. Upon Unchearfulness in Christianity with incouragements to avoyd it AH Lord from whence is my uncheerfulness my dulness in my Christian calling how much below that glorious hope which thou hast given me When I consider of the richness of thy love in Christ I find thee to be all in all unto me and may well wonder at mine own unthankfulness and ignorance that is stll doting on this worlds nothing and uncertainty Thou O Lord art truly and eternally good and therefore able to derive eternity of happiness Before I was created I was thine and when I was not mine own thou becamest mine thou O my Saviour who hast given me thy sâ—lf canst deny me nothing What is too good too great too glorious for that soâ—â— which thou hast redeemed at so dear a rate â—s the price of thine own blood and espoused to thine own bosom Thy creatures are at peace with me thy holy Angels attend me guard me fight for me rejoyce at my conversion thy Saints triumphant pray for me the Devils fly from me and thou O Lord by thine all-mighty power and gracious providence art ever with me thou carest for me from the cradle to the tomb Thou art about my bed and about my paths and spyest out all my waies Yea Thy mercy embraceth me on every side when I sleep I am safe when I awake joyfull in prosperity I have thy rod to afflict me in adversity thy staffe to comfort me Lord while I am in thy favour I can look no way but to happiness if I walk not answerable to it I may well fear to be deprived of it And doubtless O my soul those eyes which look so graciously upon thee in this life will behold thee with a more earnest with a more endeared love in that to come these transitory glances are but the faithfull pledges of those future embraces Those arms of mercy which now support thee in thine often failings shall then encompass thee with glory those blessed hands which now chastise thee for thy rebellions will then wipe away all tears from thine eyes and that relenting heart which sometimes is most unwillingly withdrawn from thee for thy Apostasie will then unite it self to thine for ever Lord who can be a Christian and be sad who can believe all this and not triumph in joyfull exaltation and not insult over the sorrows of this life and not contemn the joyes of this bewitching world and not resist these cloudy discontented thoughts these close assaults of Satans never-resting malice Millions of Worlds Miriads of Angels cannot restore that cursed spirit to this happiness which thou now enjoyest and yet so slightly regardest O let this teach thee to abhor his foul temptations to consider of thy worth in Christ and to raise thy self above the reach of earthly misery to love thy God faithfully to serve him cheerfully to persevere joyfully to be patient in tribulation to rejoyce in hope to pray continually to thirst after the sweetness of his grace and earnestly to long for the consummation of his glory Blessed God How unworthy am I to be called thy servant who have so long been subject to the worlds commands how undeserving of the glorious liberty of thy Sons who have so willingly been fetter'd by mine own corruptions how uncapable of thy heavenly comforts that can rejoyce in nothing but these earthly vanities Lord open mine eyes that I may see the richness of the price of my high calling in Christ Jesus and endeavour to walk worthy of it that I may earnestly desire thee joyfully embrace thee and constantly and cheerfully devote my service to thee Forgive my drowsiness my dulness my backwardness to holy duties awake my sinfull soul from sensuallity and raise it to the blessed thoughts of sweet eternity Compassionate my weakness accept my willingness forgive my sinfulness quicken my dulness correct my untowardness Lord bring me to such a blessed frame of heart that I may willingly forgo the sins and miseries of this life and frequently delight my self with contemplation of thy joyes in that to câ—me CHAP. 25. Upon Mans sinfull frailtie in the hour of Temptation with motives to make resistance I Am now in the lists with Satan and this hour to fight the Lords battail God seeth me and his holy Angels see me I have long professed my self to be Christs souldier and he hath now brought me to the field to prove me now is
joyfulness of heart contentedly rely upon thee Enrich my heart with heavenly thoughts give me that better part which cannot be taken from me Lord what thou deniest me of these outward comforts make good unto me by thine inward mercies that all these earthly things may work together to the best to mine advantage so shall my present poverty be an undoubted earnest of my future glory Amen CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat AS every good and perfect gift is from above so is allso every punishment for sin by every proportion of sorrow For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Iob 1.5 6. That Divine Goodness which wisely and affectionately disposeth all things to the good of his chosen by his holy providence hath suited their degrees limited their powers and appointed their ends every pain in sicknesse every pang in death have their just number weight and measure I't is the Lord let him doe what he will nothing can befall me but by his Divine allowance nothing shall dismay me that my God inflicteth on me if my visitation be grievous I am sure it is safe For He chastiseth me for my profit that I may be partaker of his holiness Blessed be that sorrow which allureth me from sin blessed be that misery that inviteth me to mercy 〈◊〉 kiss it I embrace it and with humbleness of heart I joyfully and patiently submit unto it The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh blessed be the name of the Lord Iob 1.21 I humbly confess Lord that my great and grievous sins have most justly deserved this great and grievous affliction that thou mightest long since have deprived me of my life for depriving thee of thine honour that I am most unworthy of this thy gentle visitation for I am full of rottenness and corruption and therefore can expect no other but to be fill'd with sorrow and affliction thou hast given me a body for thy service but I have defiled it with sin and wickedness thou gavest me a soul enriched with thy heavenly graces but I have defaced it with unthankfulness and disobedience no faculty of my soul no member of my body but are most impure and sinfull in thy sight Thou O Lord knowest all my foolishness and my faults are not hid from thee thou seest how vainly I have mis-spent my pretious time how carelesly abused that continued health which thou hast given me how seriously been busied on the Creature how wretchedly neglected thee the great Creatour Thou hast often weaned me from sin by thy blessed motions by thy gratious admonitions by thy gentle visitations by a wasted body and a wounded soul and yet I still sin without ceasing without sorrowing without repenting such are my faults so grievovs mine offences that I now blush to name those sins before thee by which I have so often and so foolishly rebell'd against thee and now after all this allthough thou hast with lasting patience waited my return and art inforced to withdraw thy present mercy yet thou art moved to behold my present misery evâ—n in thy very wrath thou hast compassion on me Habac. 3.2 while thou seemest by this present sickness to withhold thy favour from me thou gratiously intendest by this blessed means to shew thy self more lovingly unto me for I know Lord that thy judgements are just and that thou of very faithfulnesshast caused me to be troubled Psal 119.75 Theresore Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thee Iob 13.15 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death yet will I fear no evill Psal 23.4 Behold Lord I am willingly and joyfully and thankfully in thy hands doe with me what thou wilt if I live I shall praise thee if I dye I trust I shall goe home unto thee and be for ever blessed with thee O thou Father of mercies and God of all consolations behold me thy sick servant with thine eye of pity and compassion O remember not my former sins but have mercy upon me O Lord and that soon for I am come unto great extremity O Lord my God I am troubled I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long thou writest bitter things against me and makest me possess the iniquities of my youth O let the sweetness of thy mercy qualifie the sharpness of thy Fatherly correction consider me O Lord that I am but dust full of frailties and infirmities forgive me for thy mercy sake Remember not the sinfull failings of my youth but according to the richness of thy goodness be thou mindfull of me O righteous Father look not on the multitude and hainousness of mine offences but look upon the bitter passion of thy blessed Son he was wounded for my transgressions he was broken for mine iniquities O by his blessed stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Enable me to suffer this thy gentle visitation with that meekness and contentedness of soul that becometh thy child and so bless it unto me that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousness that it may drive my thoughts to immortality and fix my soul upon eternity Blessed Lord my hope is in thee my soul trusteth in thee and under the shadow of thy wings shall be my refuge untill this misery be overpast O Lord consider my complaint for I am brought very low Let my present anguish more prevail with thee to move thee to compassion than my former foolishness to stir thy wrath and indignation O enter not into judgement with thy servant for no flesh is righteous in thy sight Lord I confess my wickedness and am sorry for my sin for thy Names sake O Lord be mercifull unto my sin for it is great my confusion is daily before me and the shame of my face hath covered me my heart is disquieted within me and the fear of death is fallen upon me Lord I am thine O save me for thy mercy sake into thy hands I commend my self for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of Truth Forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation O spare me for thy mercy sake that I may recover my strength before I goe hence and be no more seen Amen CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessedness of Death I am a Pilgrim and a Stranger here as all my Fathers were I am wearied out with travell and long to be at rest I am lodged here but with great cost and greater danger this seeming sweetnesse hath cost me much true sorrow many bitter sighs and aking hearts disturbance of body distraction of soul I have sought for help here below but can find none no creature on earth to relieve me none to support me I have seen pleasure to be folly and laughter madness men of low degree to be vanity of high degree a lye their understanding vain their labours vain
frailties commiserate his infirmities forgive his iniquities Lord purge him by thy pretious blood cloath him with thine own righteousnesse inrich him with thy blessed merits and plead them to thy Father for him O thou holy and for ever blessed Spirit who art the pure fountain of eternall love be present with him relieve and comfort him in all these bitter pangs of his last hour indue him with a willingnesse and cheerfulnesse to leave this transitory life and crown him with eternity of joyes in that to come And now O Lord we come unto thee for our selves who are here at this time upon our sinfull knees before thee Lord open our eyes that we may seriously consider of that last and solemn hour of our departure Lord sanctifie our hearts that while we are encompassed with sinfull flesh we may lament our often failings and infirmities and every day be more and more desirous to goe home to thee who art the God of spirits Lord give us grace that we may walk soberly and righteously and holily as becometh thy children that at the resurrection of the just our soules and bodies may enjoy the blessed consummation of their endlesse happinesse Lord hear our prayers and let our cries come unto thee for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy blessed Sons sake Amen The Conclusion BLessed Lord God by whose onely mercy I have finished this imperfect Work as I began it by thy goodnesse so I desire to end it with thy praise Lord accept of it and graciously afford thy blessing to it Let not the weaknesse and the sinfulnesse of me the Instrument be the Readers discouragement but give glory and honour to thee the Agent for of thee and through thee and to thee are all things to thee be praise for ever Amen SOLI DEO GLORIA For the comfort and assistance of those that are ready to depart this life I have hereunto added the dying Confession of Mr. Anthâ—ny Sadler Minister of Gods Word at West-Thorock in Essex of which I was an Ear-witness Obiit vicesimo die Maii Anno 1643. THE Lord hath laid a gratious and a gentle visitation on me I doe acknowledge with a thankfull heart that this weakness of body this languishing of nature these painfull daies and nights are from him For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Job 5.6 Ah my friends little doe men think how much the great disturbances of sickness how much he pains and infirm ties of a dec ying body distract those blessed thoughts those sweet and happy meditations which the troubled soul desires The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak Lord Jesus strengthen the inward man and lay no more upon this sinfull bâ—dy than thou in mercy shalt enable it to bear I am now verily perswaded that God hath purposed to determine my daies his blessed will be done even so Lord Jesus come quickly He that looketh into his life past that ransaketh his soul and calleth to minde the sinfull failings of his youth will finde it very hard and difficult to make his calling and election sure I have earnestly desired to leave no corner of my soul unsearcht and I finde my self to be a very great and wretched sinner I have committed grievous sinnes very grievous sinnes such sinnes as are not fit to be named before God's Saints I have examined my soul by each particular Commandment and I finde my self guilty of the breach of all and that in an high manner especially considering that weighty Function God's providence hath called me unto I have not onely sinned against mine own soul but against the soules of others too whom I have corrupted by my ill example and that very often And now when I look upon the glasse of the Law and there see mine owne vildnesse I finde Gods justice and mine own deserts even ready to surprise and cast me down into the nethermost hell and that most righteously But O see the goodnesse of a gratious God! I now come to lay hold upon the promises but how not without repentance not presumingly I apply them not in a generall but particular way I doe not onely believe that Christ Jesus came iâ— to the World to save sinners but I believe allso that he died for my sinnes and rose again for my justification God hath promised and all his promises are Yea and Amen that he will not forsake those which trust in him nay he hath bound himself unto it by an oath by two immutable things which cannot fail his Truth and his Holinesse Heb. 6.18 and God hath said That he which confesseth and forsaketh his sinnes shall finde mercy 1 Joh. 1.9 I acknowledge them I confesse them I am grieved for them I forsake them I abhorre themwhat should I doe more God requireth not more of me These pauses were supplied with tears and yet for all this I cannot find my self assured of his favour methinkes this sorrow is not so hearty as it ought to be and yet I know and stedfastly believe that if God did not work with me this sorrow could not be and where he worketh there can be nothing wanting I know that the most righteous man alive cannot perform this work so perfectly as he ought and therefore I believe that he which is ascended up on high hath done it for me in that full and ample manner which is able to appease his Father's wrath and I now trust that by his perfect obedience this imperfect worke of mine shall find a gratious acceptation This is my hope and this my beliefe Nay I can goe yet a little further to strengthen my assurance that my peace is made with God I every day and every houre doe pray unto my Saviour to intercede his Father for me and if I implore him he will intercede his Father and if he intercede his Father he cannot be denied O my God impute my sinnes to him transferre his righteousnesse to me and then I know I shall appear a glorious soul before thee Amen FINIS THE CONTENTS CHAP. 1. UPon the sinfulnesse of our thoughts touching the sacred Deity with holy cautions to order our devotions aright pag. 2. CHAP. 2. Upon the consideration of God's love and man's unthankfulnesse A Meditation suited to the morning pag. 9 CHAP. 3. Upon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for noon pag. 14 CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulnesse shortnesse and uncertainâ—y of life A Meditation suited to the evening pag. 17 CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto God's House with necessary cautions for our behaviour there pag. 20 CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from God's House and the neglect of private duties pag. 24 CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due preparation for Receiving of the Lord's Supper pag. 27 CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving pag. 30 CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving pag. 31 CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto pag. 32 CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey pag. 34 CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security pag. 37 CHAP. 13. Upon the great danger of Prosumption pag. 41 CHAP. 14. Upon quenching of the motions of God's holy Spirit pag. 47 CHAP. 15. Upon the consideration of God's peculiar Providence to his Children pag. 51 CHAP. 16. Upon sinfull Anger and the great disturbance thereof pag. 55 CHAP. 17. Upon Man's inordinate love to the Creature pag. 58 CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleaness with Incouragements to avoid it pag. 63 CHAP. 19. Upon immoderate Mirth and the great Inconveniencies thereof pag. 67 CHAP. 20. Upon the great danger of deferring the hour of Repentance pag. 75 CHAP. 21. Upon Servile Fear and the danger thereof pag. 79 CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our Thoughts and the benefits lost thereby pag. 84 CHAP. 23. Upon Unchristian-like Dulnesse in Affliction pag. 87 CHAP. 24. Upon uncheerfulnesse in Christianitie with Incouragements to avoyd it pag. 91 CHAP. 25. Upon mans sinfull frailty in the hour of Temptation with Motives to make resistance pag. 94 CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmitie of the Saints pag. 97 CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion pag. 101 CHAP. 28. Upon sudden danger pag. 106 CHAP. 29. Upon the weaknesse of Faith and sinfulnesse of Thoughts tending to Despair pag. 107 CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer pag. 111 CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the sacred Scriptures pag. 114 CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation pag. 117 CHAP. 33. Upon Unchristian-like Dejectedness in Poverty pag. 119 CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat pag. 122 CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessednesse of Death pag. 126 CHAP. 36. Upon the great neglect of opportunities in doing good to the Saints pag. 131 CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulnesse of the heart in the performance of holy duties pag. 135 CHAP. 38. Upon the unrulinesse of the Tongue with necessary cautions to restrain it pag. 140 CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for sin with motives and incouragements thereunto pag. 144 CHAP. 40. Upon the blessed condition of the Saints with motives and encouragements unto Godlinesse pag. 147 A comfortable Prayer to be used at the point of Death by the Visitors of the Sick pag. 157 FINIS
be swallowed up of mercy and frailty of eternity Vnite me in a blessed union with thee that I may constantly adhere unto thee and be for ever graciously accepted of thee O give me a sweet complacency of soul in thy service and a willing and a dutifull obedience unto thy commands Lord give me a thankful heart for all thy mercies to me for thy continuall preservation for thy blessed supportation for the injoyment of thy needfull comforts in this life and for the glorious hopes of those in that to come Blessed God so sublimate my sinfull soul that I may see the richness of thy love in Christ that I may soberly enjoy thy blessings here and faithfully exspect thy joyes hereafter Lord all that I have without thee is meer emptiness and nothing meer vanity and worse than nothing my glory shame mine honor ignominy my health ruin my riches poverty my gain loss my pleasure pain my laughter madness Thou O Lord art all in all unto me O grant that nothing may withdraw my service from thee that no inticing pleasure may allure me that no distracting care or sinfull sorrow may disturb me but that my soul may now and ever safely and contentedly rely upon thee Lord thou seest all my desires and my continuall groanings are not hid from thee Thou alone knowest how weary I am of the sinful travailes of this life how earnestly I long to be at rest with thee Lord pardon all my sins and put an end to all my miseries Come Lord Jesus come quickly wipe away all tears from mine eyes and bring me to that rest of thine which never shall have end Amen CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security DEceive not thy self O my Soul it is not so easy a matter to inherit Heaven as thou imaginest there will be much fighting sweating bleeding much compunction of soul subjection of body hard pressing towards the mark for the price of the high calling in Christ Iesus before this happy conquest can be gained Consâ—der therefore in what condition thou now standest what ground thou hast gained of thy corrupt nature how much better thou art this day than the day past than the year past than thy whole life past nay rather how much worse by adding sin unto sin by drinking in iniquity like water by treasuring up wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of thy righteous judgement Philosophy will tell thee that in all naturall motions the nearer they are to ending the more violent their motion is Divinity will tell thee that in old age thou wilt be fat and well liking what increase of love hast thou to Gods Law what growth of hatred against sin what bosome-sin hast thou parted with what gratious improvement hast thou made in Knowledge Faith Repentance Love and all those other gifts and graces which concur to thy perfection Holy Saint Anselm was often heard to say If I could from hence behold the pains of hell from thence the horrour of sin I would rather embrace those pains than this horrour O what growth of grace was here how far am I from this degree of holinesse how easily perswaded to delude my self with shews and shadows of perfection There is no attaining unto happinesse without holy violence without beating down my body without cherishing my soul if I conquer not here I cannot triumph hereafter Lord when I look into the strictnesse of the lives of thy Saints I much lament the folly of mine own I see holy David in sackcloth and ashes consuming whole daies and nights in mourning for sâ—n washing his bed with his tears afflicted in body tormented in soul grieving crying roaring for unquietnesse of heart Blessed Paul subduing his body by fasting watching praying toyling in the Ministry and thou my blessed Saviour in continuall labour and sorrow for my sake how vain is my trust how false my hope how great my errour to believe I run when I stand still to expect a triumph without a victory a victory without a combat Lord if many that strive to enter in at the strait gate yet shall not be able what shall become of me who am so far from coming to thee that I every day am running from thee who am not onely opposite unto thee but even enmity it self against thee Sometimes I feel the stings and gripings of a wounded conscience I know my self to be a grievous sinner but I quiet my disturbances by thee my Saviour I willingly accept of mercy from thee but grudgingly repine at service to thee thou biddest me indeed to drink freely of the waters of life but thou commandest me allso to make my calling and election sure to work out my salvation with fear and trembling thou ordainest not the end without the means if I rebelliously neglect the one thou mayâ—st most righteously deny me the other Lord what can it profit me to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season when I deprive my soul of happinesse for ever O let this teach me to deplore my dangerous condition to goe on chearfully in the waies of godlinesse to think no cost too much no pains too great no grief too good to purchase Heaven to consider seriously that time once past can never be recall'd that this hour may be my last and bring me to eternity of torments where the stream is stillest there the chanell is deepest where there is least distrust there is usually most danger Satan therefore disturbs me not because I sleep in death But when thou Lord shalt open mine eyes to see the subtilty of this Deceiver I shall then find that the waters of sin are gone over my soul that I am wofully drowned in the great depth of security and can expect nothing without mercy but Satans cruelty and mine own endlesse misery To that sweet mercy therefore I appeal with earnestnesse of soul and humblenesse of heart bemoaning my sinnes bewailing my transgressions O Lord my God when I consider of thy gratious goodnesse and mine own vilenesse I am utterly ashamed to appear in thy presence Thou hast often called me to repentance but I have not hearkned unto thee thou hast lovingly invited me to mercy but I have wilfully refused thou hast clothed me with thine own garment and I have shamefully defiled it thou hast enriched me with thy grace and I have robbed thee of thine honour All this and infinitely more than this thou hast freely done for me the worst of sinners and yet for all this I have rebelliously forsaken thee and most ungratiously been most unmindfull of thee And now Lord seeing that I am dead and putrified in sins and rotten in corruptions what else can I expect from thee but to be buried out of thy sight and yet thou still sayest unto me live O thou blessed Fountain of eternall good convey those happy streams of comfort to my sinfull soul that may revive me from the grave of misery open mine eies that I may see thee in thy
long patience in thy great goodnesse in thy rich mercies in thy fatherly affections towards me I am wofully sunk into the deep mire of sin where no stay is Lord uphold me by thy grace that I perish not eternally O deliver me for thy mercy sake for I am helplesse and poor and my heart is wounded within me Let my soul live and it shall praise thee and thy judgements shall help me As thou hast raised me by thy power so rule me by thy providence that thy grace may be far sweeter with my sufferings than my pleasure with my sins Restrain my loose desires renew my good purposes assist my weak endeavours correct mine errours sustain my infirmities give me a godly sorrow for my sins a thankfull heart for thy favours a filiall fear of thy judgements a sincere love to thy laws an holy constancy and happy perseverance to my lives end Amen CHAP. 13. Upon the great danger of Presumption ALass my Soul how vain art thou how wretched to presume upon the mercy of thy God how canst thou be so foolish to believe that God will favour thee in that which he so severely punished in his own Son thinkest thou that pretious bloud was spilt to cherish sin Be not mistaken for as Christ Iesus came into the world to save sinners so he came allso to call sinners to repentance Doest thou argue well to say because God is mercifull long-suffering and of great goodnesse therefore I will abuse his mercy in sinning his patience by my long continuing in sin his great goodnesse by my great unthankfulnesse is not this to mock his mercy to bid defiance to his justice to arm him with fury to invite him to revenge Assure thy self the longer he is in drawing his Bow the more forcible will he send his Arrow Deceive not thy self therefore God will not be so mercifull to thee as to be unjust to himself All the waies of God are Mercy and Truth Mercy to support thy weaknesse Truth to correct thy wilfulnesse There is therefore Mercy with him that he may be feared not that he may be slighted not that he may be shamefully dishonoured How full of falshood is thy bold presumption thou criest Peace Peace when sudden War is ready to destroy thee There is no peace to the wicked saith my God Heaven and Earth are up in Arms against thee and there is none left not so much as thine own Conscience to deliver thee Thou hast gratiously received the knowledge of the truth thou hast grievously sinned against the light of that knowledge thou hast wofully continuâ—d in thy sins without remorse of conscience without desire of repentance and there now remaineth no more sacrifice for sin but a searfull looking for of judgement and violent fire that shall devour the Adversaries O remember that the Angels for one sin were thrown down from Heaven and that Adam for one sin was cast out of Paradise Thy sins O my Soul are innumerable thou hast had line upon line and precept upon precept and yet thou addest sin upon sin and transgression upon transgression Thou hast sinned against many pretious promises against many gratious performances against many fearfull judgements thou hast grieved that good Spirit by which the Saints are sealed up unto the day of redemption All these are heavy aggravations upon thee to fill up the measure of thy sins and hasten the swiftnesse of thy punishments Ah how sad is thy condition thou hast not onely wearied out thy self in wickednesse but thy God allso hear what he faith unto thee how he complaineth of thee by his holy Prophet Behold I am pressed under you as a cart is laden with sheaves Amos 2.13 and yet thou still addest more load but as thou addest sin upon sin so thou callest for wrath upon wrath as thou hast made a mock at sin so God will make a mock at misery as thou hast thy measure in sinning so God will have his measure in punishing Consider what he saith unto thee by his Prophet Judgement will I lay to the rule and Righteousnesse to the ballance Esay 28.17 18. As he hath a bottle for thy tears so he hath a bag for thy transgressions Job 14.17 their growth is recorded their number accounted their nature examined all sealed up against the great and fearfull day of the revelation of the righteous judgement O consider this thou that forgettest God lest he tear thee in pieces and there be none to deliver thee Think how suddenly thou mayst be snatcht away by those infernall Fiends to endlesse torments and then what tears will be enough to weep thine obsequies to quench those everlasting burnings But then alass instead of tears of compassion thou shalt have mocks of derision the cursed Devils will laugh thee to scorn the blessed Saints and Angels will rejoyce at thy confusion and God himself who onely can relieve thee will for ever hide his tender mercy from thee Awake therefore out of thy sleep of death look well into thy lost estate thou art now near unto making up the measure of thy sins beyond which thou canst not passe Thy God hath said to thee as to the Sea hitherto malt thou goe and here shalt thou stay thy proud waves Think how suddenly thou mayest be called to thy last account even this very hour for ought thou knowest those cursed Spirits may convey thee to thy fiery Prison O think how powerfully the wrath of God will then seize upon thee how wofully thou wilt excrutiate thy self with apprehension of thy former folly and last of all how wretchedly thou art forever banisht from eternall joyes to suffer with the damned in eternall torments Lâ—t this move thee to amend thy wicked wayes to cry mightily to God for mercy to judge thy self to condemn thy self that thou mayst not be judged of the Lord to Kiss the Son lest he be angry and so thou perish from the right way If his wrath be kindled yea but a little blessed are all they that put their trust in him Turn therefore unto the Lord thy God O my soul for he is gracious and merciful slow to anger and of great kindness and repenteth him of the evil Blessed Lord As an unfeigned sign of my repentance in anguish of heart and bitterness of soul I earnestly desire to search into the secreets of my sinfull thoughts to unbosom all my sins and lay them open to the view of all thy Saints that thou mayst have the glory they the good and I the shame of my confession that so this penitent sense of mine iniquities which I thankfully acknowledge cometh alone from thee may be an evidence unto me that thou wilt also give me pardon for them Lord I willingly confess my self to be a great and grievous sinner mine original defiled my birth polluted mine infancy stained my youth insnared my manhood corrupted mine age besotted Mine imaginations vain my thoughts sinfull my words wicked mine actions abhominable my
their help much more vain for who can ransome the soul of his brother surely man must let that alone for ever My substance is a meer shadow and my rest unquietness I labour for holiness but I cannot attain it I search for happiness but I cannot find it the Devill beguiles me of it the World allures me from it yea so sad is my condition that mine own soul is against mine own contentment Mine understanding cosens me mine affections betray me my memory forsakes me those things which I would doe I cannot and I daily doe those things which I would not all that I am all that I can be in this life is nothing else but extreme vanity What shall I think of all this and wherewith shall I comfort me by thy mercy Lord I have found out one that can relieve me Thou O my blessed Saviour art unto me life and by thee death is unto me advantage while my body sleeps it shall rest and that rest shall be truly blessed I shall rest from labour from sorrow from sin my sleep shall be safe my vision happy while my body sleepeth my soul shall awake when my soul is uncloathed of flesh and my flesh of beauty my spirit shall be made ready with the robes of glory while my dust is insensible my spirit is intelligible mine eyes shall be then opened and I shall see even as I am seen with purity and perfection of soul no veil of nature shall obscure me no defect of organes hinder me no clouds of sin molest me mine understanding shall be clear mine affections pure my memory perfect I shall there be satisfied in beholding ravished in injoying blessed in reteining nothing can be there wanting where I enjoy all that was that is that is to come where the happy humanity is eternally united to the blessed deity where I am Christs and Christ is Gods O happy condition of my sinfull body O blessed change of my immortall soul the one is sowen in corruption that it may rise to immortality the other layeth down corruption to inher it glory though I now leave it I still long to enjoy it and joy exceedingly in longing for it because I know I shall for ever be united to it But wo is me even in this happiness I am still miserable I have found out my quiet but I care not to enjoy it death offers me a crown and I refuse to accept it am I so sensless to affect mine own unhappiness to rejoyce in labour and complain of rest what doe I here any longer the world loves me not nor I it why do I thus dote upon mine enemy when it frowns it afflicts me when it smiles it betrayes me there is nothing in it but weariness and misery Go out therefore O my soul go out cheerfully from thy prison to thy palace God is thy father and heaven thy country thou art here distressedly poor and wretchedly naked bereaved of graces dispoyled of goodness thou hast there much treasure and of great price a fair mansion and a goodly heritage Christ hath purchased it and is gone before to prepare it Thou longest much in this life to behold that which thou never sawest here are great and glorious things prepared for thee such as eye hath not seen ear hath not heard neither have entred into the heart of man to conceive how earnestly shouldst thou long to see them how much more earnestly to enjoy them how willingly should this make thee to express thy self with holy David and say My soul is athirst for God yea even for the living God when shall I come and appear before the presence of my God Alass my soul thou art here but groping in the dark daily erring and mistaking hourly stumbling and salling into sin into shame into sorrow in great danger of the miseries of life in greater of the torments of eternall death All that thou knowest here is to know thy self ignorant Thou onely knowest things here by their events thou shalt there know them in their first causes thou art here wearied out in gaining this imperfect lame and empty knowledge thou shalt there delight thy self in knowing all that is desirable by knowing him in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge these drops of transitory joyes are full of bitterness those rivers of eternall pleasures are derived from the fountain of eternall sweetness thou hast here vain pomp to delight thee thou hast there a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory to encompass thee thou art here enthralled by the misery of life thou art there inlarged by the blesedness of death Blessed Lord all this by grace I know and saithfully believe and yet by nature I am still blind and ignorant unable to discern unwilling to desire those blessed things which are belonging to mine everlasting peace but when thou in thy rich mercy shalt once open mine eyes to see the beauty of my heavenly home I shall then entirely love it and unfeignedly long for it I shall then most willingly forsake these tottering walls of my frail flesh to dwel with thee in pâ—rfect holiness and endless happiness that frailty may be swallowed up of immortality and immortality may be imbraced by eternity O thou which wert and art to come who hast sweetned death by thy perfect obedience and perfumed the grave by thy blessed sufferings suffer me not in my last hour for any pains of death or terrors of hell to fall from the fast hold of a true and lively faith in thy promises to lose the precious hopes of immortality and sweet enjoyments of eternity Lord let me then say with thy blessed Apostle That I know whom I have trusted that he will keep what I have delivered to him and restore it safely unto me at that day Let me seriously consider of the misery of life and blessedness of death acquaint me every day with the remembrance of it and bless me every hour with a desire unto it that I may willingly uncloath my self of sin and misery and joyfully be cloathed upon with immortalitie O Lord prepare me for that blessed hour and in my greatest weakness and extremity even then when all the comforts of this wretched life shall fail me Lord Jesus forsake me not be not thou far from me O give me then that inward joy that blessed comfort of thy holy Spirit that may support and comfort me in all the terrors and amazements of this dark and unknown passage in all the dreadfull accusations of the devill and mine own accusing conscience Lord let thy blessed Spirit then witness to my soul that I am thy child that thou wilt purge away all my dross and take away all my sins that I am powerfully protected by thy grace and shall assuredly be made partaker of thy glory Amen CHAP. 36. Upon the great Neglect of Opportunities in doing good unto the Saints Lord WHen I call to mind the richness and the largeness of thy bounty