me the Light of the Sun than the Light of thy Countenance Less miserable had I been without Life or Being than without thy Grace Without thee and my Saviour's help I can do nothing I did not live without thee I could not pray or learn without thee I never could conquer a temptation without thee and can I die or be prepared to die without thee Alas I shall but say as Philip of Christ I know not whither my Soul is going and how then shall I know the way My Lord having loved his own in the World did love them to the end Thou lovest fidelity and perseverance in thy Servants even those that in his sufferings forsook him and fled yet are commended and rewarded by Christ for continuing with him in his temptations Luk. 22. 28. And wilt thou forsake a sinner in his extremity who consenteth to thy Covenant and would not forsake thee My God I have often sinned against thee but yet thou knowest I would fain be thine I have not served thee with the resolution fidelity and delight as such a Master should have been served but yet I would not forsake thy service nor change my Master or my Work I can say with thy Servant Paul Act. 27. 23. that thou art the GOD WHOSE I AM and WHOM I SERVE and O that I could serve thee better For to serve thee is but to Receive thy Grace and to use it for my own and others good and so to glorifie thee and please thy will which being LOVE it self is pleased best when we receive and do most good I have not loved thee as Infinite Goodness and Love it self and fatherly Bounty should have been loved but yet I would not forsake thy Family and nothing in this World is more my grief than that I love thee no more forsake not then a sinner that would not forsake thee that looketh every hour towards thee that feeleth it as a piece of Hell to be so dark and strange unto thee that gropeth and groaneth and gaspeth after thee feeling to his greatest sorrow though thou art every where that while he is present in the body he is absent from the Lord. My Lord I have nothing to do in this World but to seek and serve thee I have nothing to do with a Heart and its affections but to breath after thee I have nothing to do with my Tongue and Pe◠but to speak to thee and for thee and to publish thy Glory and thy Will What have I to do with all my Reputation and Interest in my Friends but to increase thy Church and propagate thy holy Truth and Service What have I to do with my remaining Time even these last and languishing hours but to look up unto thee and wait for thy Grace and thy Salvation O pardon all my carnal thoughts and all my unthankful neglects of thy precious Grace and Love and all my wilful sin against thy Truth and thee and let the fuller Communications of thy forfeited Grace now tell me by experience that thou dost forgive me Even under the terrible Law thou didst tell Man thy very Nature by proclaiming thy Name Exod. 34 6 7. The Lord the Lord God merciful and gracious long-suffering and abundant in goodness and Truth keeping mercy for thousands forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin and is not the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ revealed in the Gospel for our more abundant Faith and Consolation My God I know as I cannot Love thee according to thy Loveliness so I cannot Trust thee according to thy Faithfulness I can never be sufficiently confident of thy alsufficient Power thy Wisdom and thy Goodness When I have said as Psal 77. 7. Will the Lord cast off for ever and will he be favourable no more Is his mercy clean gone for ever doth his Promise fail to Generations hath God forgotten to be gracious hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies Conscience hath replied that This is my infirmity I never wanted comfort because thou wantedst mercy but because I wanted Faith and fitness to receive it and perceive it But hast thou not mercy also to give me even that Fitness and that Faith My God all is of thee and through thee and all is to thee and when I have the felicity the Glory of all for ever will be thine None that trusteth in thee according to thy Nature and Promise shall be ashamed If I can live and die in Trusting in thee surely I shall not be confounded § 12. Why then should it seem a difficult Question how I may willingly leave this World and my Soul depart to Christ in Peace The same Grace which regenerated me must bring me to my desired end as the same Principle of Vegetation which causeth the Bud must bring the Fruit to sweet maturity 1. BELIEVE and TRUST thy Father thy Saviour and thy Comforter II. And HOPE for the joyful entertainments of his Love and for the blessed state which he hath promised III. And long by LOVE for nearer Union and Communion with him and thus O my Soul thou mayest depart in Peace I. How sure is the Promise of God How suitable to his Love and to the Nature of our Souls and to the operations of every Grace It is initially performed here whilst our desires are turned towards him and the heavenly seed and spark is here ingenerated in a Soul that was dead and dark and disaffected Is it any strange thing for Fire to ascend yea or the fiery Principle of Vegetation in a Tree to carry up the earthy matter to a great procerity Is it strange that Rivers should hasten to the Sea Whither should Spirits go but to the Region or World of Spirits and whither should Christ's Members and holy Spirits go but to himself and the heavenly Society And is not that a more holy and glorious place and state than this below Earth is between Heaven and Hell a place of gross and passive matter where Spirits may indeed operate upon that which needeth them and where they may be detained a while in such operation or as incorporated Forms if not incarcerate Delinquents but it is not their center end or home Even sight and reason might persuade me that all the noble Invisible powers that operate on this lower World do principally belong unto a higher and what can Earth add to their Essence Dignity or Perfection § 13. But why O my Soul art thou so vainly solicitous to have formal clear distinct conceptions of the Celestial World and the individuation and operations of separated Souls any more than of the Angels While thou art the formal Principle of an animated Body thy conceptions must be but suitable to their present state and use When thou art possessed of a better state thou shalt know it as a possessor ought to do For such a knowledge as thou lookest after is part of the possession And to long to Know and Love in Clearness and Perfection is to
Trust and quietly Trust that Infinite Wisdom Love and Power whom I have so long trusted and found so good Nature teacheth Man to love best those Animals that are tame and tractable that trust us and love us that will come to our hands and love our Company that will be familiar with us and follow us be it Horse or Dog Beasts or Birds But those that are wild and live in Woods and fly from the Face of Man are taken to be the Game and Preys of any one that can catch and kill them And shall my foolish Soul thus wildly fly from the Face of God Shall his Children be like the fearful Hare Or like a guilty Cain Or like an unbelieving Sadduce that either believeth not or hopeth not for the forgiveness of sin and the life Everlasting Doth not the Spirit of Adoption incline us to love our Fathers presence and to be loth to be long from home To distrust all Creatures even thy self is not unreasonable but to distrust God hath no just excuse Fly from Sin from Satan from Temptations from the World from sinful Flesh and Idol-self But fly not from him that is Goodness Love and Joy itself Fear thine Enemy but Trust thy Father If thy Heart be reconciled to Him and his Service by the Spirit he is certainly reconciled to thee through Christ And if he be for thee and justifie and love thee who shall be against thee or condemn thee or separate thee from his Love If thy unreconciled will do make thee doubt of his reconciliation it 's time to abhor and lay by thy Enmity Consent and be sure that he consenteth Be willing to be his and in Holiness to serve him and to be united in joyful Glory to him and then be sure that he is willing to accept thee and receive thee to that Glory O dark and sinful Soul how little dost thou know thy Friend thy Self or God if thou canst more easily and quietly trust thy Life thy Soul and Hopes to the will of thy Friend or of thy self if thou hadst power than to the will of God Every Dog would be at home and with his Master much more every ingenuous Child with his Father And tho Enemies distrust us Wife and Children will not do so while they bâ—lieve us just And hath God ever shewed himself either unfaithful or unmerciful to me To thee O Lord as to a faithful Creator I commit my Soul 1 Pet. 4. 19. I know that thou art the faithful God who keepest Covenant and Mercy with them that love thee and keep thy Commandments Deut. 7. 9. Thou art faithful who hast called me to the communion of thy Son Jesus Christ our Lord 1 Cor. 1. 9. Thy faithfulness hath saved me in and from temptation 1 Cor. 10. 13. It hath stablished me and kept me from prevailing evil 2 Thess 3. 3. And if will keep my Spirit Soul and Body to the coming of Christ 1 Thess 5. 23 24. It is in faithfulness that thou hast afflicted me Ps 119. 75. and shall not I trust thee then to save me It is thy faithful Word that all thine Elect shall obtain the Salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal Glory and if we be dead with him shall live with him and if we suffer we shall also reign with him 2 Tim. 2. 10 11 12. To thee O my Saviour I commit my Soul it is thine own by Redemption it is thine own by Covenant It is marked and Sealed by thy Spirit as thine own and thou hast promised not to lose it Joh. 6. 39. Thou wast made like us thy Brethren that thou mightest be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God to make reconciliation for our Sins By thy Blood we have boldness to enter into the Holiest even by the new and living consecrated way Cause me to draw near with a sincere Heart in full assurance of Faith by thee that art the High Priest over the House of God For he is faithful that has promised life through thee Heb. 10. 19 20 21 22 23. Thy Name is Faithful and True Rev. 19. 11. and Faithful and True are all thy Promises Rev. 22. 6. 21. 5. Thou hast promised Rest to weary Souls that come to thee Matth. 11. 28. 2 Thess 1. 7. I am weary of suffering and weary of sin weary of my flesh and weary of my darkness and dulness and distance and of this wicked blind unrighteous and confounded World And whither should I look for Rest but home to my heavenly Father and to Thee I am but a bruised Reed but thou wilt not break me I am but a smoaking Flax but thou wilt not quench what thy Grace hath kindled but thou in whose Name the Nations trust wilt bring forth judgment unto Victory Matth. 12. 20 21. The Lord redeemeth the Souls of his Servants and none of them that trust in thee shall be desolate Psa 34. 22. Therefore will I wait on thy Name for it is good and will trust in the Mercy of God for ever Psal 52. 8 9. The Lord is Good a strong-hold in the day of trouble and he knoweth them that trust in him Nah. 1. 7. sinful fear is a snare but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be set on high Prov. 29. 25. Blessed is the Man that maketh the Lord his trust and respecteth not the Proud and such as turn aside to lies Psal 40. 4. Thou art my hope O Lord God thou art my trust from my youthâ— By thee have I been holden up from the Womb my praise shall be continually of thee Cast me not off now in the time of Age forsake me not when my strength faileth O God thou hast taught me from my youth and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works Now also when I am old and gray O God forsake me not Psal 17. 5 6 9 17 18. Leave not my Soul destitute for mine Eyes are toward thee my trust is in thee Psa 14. 8. I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living Even where they that live shall die no more The Sun may cease to shine on Man and the Earth to bear us but God will never cease to be Love nor to be faithful in his Promises Blessed be the Lord who hath commanded me so safe and quietting a duty as to trust him and cast all my cares on him as on one that hath promised to care for me 11. And blessed be God who hath made it my Duty to HOPE for his Salvation HOPE is the Ease yea the life of our Hearts that else would break yea die within us Despair is no small part of Hell God cherisheth Hope as he is the lover of Souls Satan our Enemy cherisheth Despair when his way of blind Presumption faileth As Fear is a foretast of Evil before it is felt so Hope doth anticipate and foretast Salvation before it is
possessed It is then worldly Hypocrites Hope that perisheth for all that Hope for true or durable Happiness on Earth in the pleasures of this perishing Flesh must needs be deceived But happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help whose Hope is in the Lord his God which made Heaven and Earth which keepeth Truth for ever Ps 146. 5 6. Wo to me were my Hope only in the time and matters of this fleshly life 1 Cor. 15. 19. But the Righteous hath hope in his Death Prov. 14 32. And Hope maketh not ashamed Rom. 5. 5. Blessed is the Man that trusteth in the Lord whose Hope the Lord is Jer. 17. 7. Lay hold then O my Soul upon the Hope which is set before thee Heb. 6. 18. It is thy firm and stedfast Anchor v. 19. without it thou wilt be as a shipwrackt Vessel Thy foundation is sure it is God himself Our Faith and Hope are both in God 1 Pet. 1. 21. It is Jesus our Lord who is risen from the Dead and Reigneth in Glory Lord of all 1 Tim. 1. 1. Yea it is the Christ who by Faith doth dwell within us who is our Hope of Glory Eph. 3. 17. Col. 1. 27. In this Hope which is better than the Law that Moses gave it is that we draw nigh to God Heb. 7. 19. It is the Holy Ghost that is both our Evidence and the Efficient of our Hope Gal. 5. 5. Rom. 8. 16 23. By him we hope for that which we see not and therefore wait in Patience for it v. 24 25. By Hope we are saved It is an encouraging Grace which will make us stir when as despair doth kill endeavours It cureth sloth and makes us diligent and constant to the end and by this doth help us to full assurance Heb. 6. 11 12. It is a desiring Grace and would fain obtain the Glory hoped for It is a quieting and comforting Grace Rom. 15. 4. The God of Hope doth fill us with Joy and Peace in believing that we may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Ghost v. 13. Shake off despondency O my Soul and rejoice in hope of the Glory of God Rom. 5. 2. Believe in Hope though dying Flesh would tell thee that it is against Hope Rom. 4. 18. God that cannot lie hath confirmed his Covenant by his immutable Oath that we might have strong consolation who are fled for refuge to the Hope which is set before us Heb. 6. 18. What blessed preparations are made for our Hope And shall we now let the Tempter shake it or discourage it The abundant Mercy of God the Father hath begotten us again to a lively hope by the Resurrection of Christ to an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away reserved in Heaven for us 1 Pet. 1. 3. Grace teacheth us to deny ungodliness and worldly Lusts and to live soberly righteously and godly in this World as looking for that blessed hope and the glorious appearing of the Great God and our Saviour Tit. 2. 12 13. We are renewed by the Holy Ghost and justified by Grace that we should be made Heirs according to the hope of Eternal life Tit. 3. 6 7. We are illuminated that we may know the hope of Christ's calling and what is the riches of the Glory of his Inheritance in the Saints Eph. 1. 18 19. The Hope that is laid up for us in Heaven is the chief Doctrine of the Gospel which bringeth Life and Immortality into clearer Light Col. 1. 5. 2 Tim. 1. 10. It is for this hope that we keep a Conscience void of offence and that God is served in the World Act. 24. 15 16. 26. 7. wherefore gird up the loins of thy Mind put on this Helmet the hope of Salvation 1 Thes 5. 8. and let not Death seem to thee as it doth to them that have no hope 1 Thess 4. 13. The love of our Father and our Saviour have given us everlasting Consolation and good hope through Graceâ— to comfort our Hearts and stablish them in every good word and work 2 Thess 2. 16 17. Keep therefore the rejoicing of Hope firm to the end Heb. 3. 6. continue grounded and settled in the Faith and be not moved away from the hope of the Gospel Col. 1. 23. 1 Pet. 1. 13. And now Lord what wait I for my hope is in thee Psal 39. 7. Uphold me according to thy Word that I may live and let me not be ashamed of my Hope Psal 119. 116. Though mine Iniquities testifie against me yet O thou that art the hope of of Israel the Saviour thereof in time of trouble be not as a stranger to my Soul Jer. 14. 7 8. Thy Name is called upon by me O forsake me not v. 9. Why have our Eyes beheld thy Wonders and why have we had thy Covenant and thy Mercies but that we might set our hope in God Psal 78. 5 7. Remember the Word to thy Servant upon which thou hast caused me to hope Psal 119. 49. If thou Lord shouldst mark Iniquity O Lord who should stand But there is forgiveness with thee that thou maist be feared I wait for the Lord my Soul doth wait and in his Word do I hope I will hope in the Lord for with him there is Mercy and plenteous Redemption Psal 130. 3 4 5 7. For he taketh pleasure in them that fear him in those that hope in his Mercy Psal 147. 11. Though Flesh and Heart fail the Lord is the Rock of my Heart he is my Portion saith my Soul therefore will I hope in him The Lord is good to them that wait for him to the Soul that seeketh him It is good that I should both hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of the Lord It is good for me that I have born the Yoak in my Youth and that I keep silence and put my Mouth in the Dust if so be there may be hope Psal 73. 26. Lam. 3. 24 25 26 27 29. God need not flatter such Worms as we nor promise us that which he never meaneth to perform He hath laid the rudiments of our hope in a nature capable of desiring seeking and thinking of another life He hath called me by Grace to actual desires and endeavours And some foretasts he hath vouchsafed I look for no Heaven but the Perfection of Divine Life Light and Love in endless Glory with Christ and his holy Ones And this he hath begun in me already And shall I not boldly hope when I have the capacity the promise and the earnest and foretast Is it not God himself that hath caused me to hope was not Nature Promise and Grace from him And can a Soul miscarry and be deceived that departeth hence in a hope of God's own causing and encouraging Lord I have lived in hope I have prayed in hope I have laboured suffered and waited in hope And by thy Grace I will die in hope And is not this according to thy Word and
that I understand and by willing that I will c. 2. I am sure by these Acts that I have the power or faculties to do them For none doth that which it cannot do 3. And I know that it is a substance that hath these powers For nothing can do nothing My Soul then being certainly an intellective Volitive Vital substance 1. I have no reason to think that God who annihilateth not the least Sand will annihilate so noble a substance 2. Nor that he will destroy those Powers which are its Essential form and turn it into some other thing 3. Nor that such Essential powers shall lie as dead unactive and so be continued in vain 4. There remaining therefore nothing uncertain to natural Reason but the continuance of Individuation to separate Souls 1. Apparitions and Wirches cases have put that out of doubt notwithstanding many Fables and Delusions 2. Christ hath put it more out of doubt 3. While substance faculties and acts continue it is the errour of our selfish state in Flesh which maketh any fear too near a Union which shall end our individuation The greatest Union will be the greatest Perfection and no loss to Souls XVII God's wonderful Providences for the Church and single Saints on Earth are such as tell us of that love and care which will bring them afterwards to him XVIII The Nature of God taketh off the terrour of my departure much I am sure I shall die at the will and into the Hand of Infinite Essential Love and Goodness whose love should draw up my longing Soul XIX I am going to a God whose Mercies have â—ong told me that he loveth me better than my dearest Friend doth and better than I love my self and is a far better chooser of my lot XX. As he hath absolute right to dispose of his own so indeed the fulfilling of his Will is the ultimate end of all things and therefore most desirable in itself And his will shall be fulfilled on me XXI I go to a glorified Saviour who came down to fetch me up and hath conquered and sanctified Death and made it my Birth-day for Glory and taketh me for his dear bought own and interest and is in Glory ready to receive his own XXII I go to that Saviour who on the Cross commended his Spirit into his Fathers Hand and taught me with dying Stephen to say Lord Jesus receive my Spirit XXIII I go no solitary untrodden way but follow all the Faithful since the death of Abel to this day save Henoch and Elias who all went by Death into that glorious World where I shall find them XXIV I have so long groaned under a languid Body and in a blind distracted and by Man uncurable World where Satan by Lies Malice and Murder reigneth in alas how many and specially am so weary of my own darkness and sinful imperfection that I have great reason to be willing of deliverance XXV I have had so large a share of Mercies in this World already in time and manifold comforts from God that reason commandeth me to rest in God's time for my removal XXVI I shall leave some fruits not useless to serve the Church when I am gone and if good be done I have my end XXVII When I am gone God will raise up and use others to do his appointed work on Earth And a Church shall be continued to his praise And the Spirits in Heaven will rejoice therein XXVIII When I am gone I shall not wish to be again on Earth XXIX Satan by his temptations and all his instruments would never have done so much as he doth in the World to keep us from Heaven if there were not a Heaven which Conquerors obtain XXX When darkness and uncertainty of the manner of the action and fruition of separated Souls would daunt me it is enough to know explicitely so much as is explicitely revealed and implicitely to trust Christ with all the rest Our Eyes are in our Head who knoweth for us Knowledg of Glory is part of fruition And therefore we must expect here no more than is suited to a life of Faith XXXI All my part is to do my own duty and then trust God obeying his commanding will and fully and joyfully resting in his disposing and rewarding will There is no rest for Souls but in the Will of God and there with full Trust to repose our Souls in Life and at Death is the only way of a safe and comfortable departure XXXII The glorious Marriage day of the Lamb cannot now be far off when the number of the Elect shall be compleat and Christ will come with his glorious Angels and will be glorified in his Saints and admired in all Believers and there shall be a New Heaven and a New Earth wherein dwelleth Righteousness and that Kingdom shall come where that which God hath prepared for them that love him Eye hath not seen Ear hath not heard nor hath it entred into the Heart of Man to have a formal full conception of it Come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen Fear not then O my Soul to lay down this Flesh Mercy hath kept it up for my preparing work but O what a burdensom and chargeable a Companion hath it been Is it better than the dwelling place of perfect Spirits O what are my groans and all my cold and faint Petitions and my dull Thanksgiving to their harmonious joyful Praise If a Day in God's Courts be better than a Thousand what is a Day yea what is Everlastingness in the heavenly Society and Work O how hateful a thing is darkness and unbelief when the remnants of them thus stop poor Souls in their ascent And make us half unwilling to go home What! unwilling to be with my glorified Lord Unwilling to be with Saints and Angels who are all Life Light and Love Unwilling to see the Glory of Jehovah O foolish sinful Soul Hath Christ done so much to purchase the heavenly Glory for thee and now art thou unwilling to go into the possession of it Hast thou been seeking and praying and labouring and suffering so many Years for that which now thou seemest scarce willing to obtain Dost thou not judge thy self unworthy of Eternal Life when thou no more desirest to enjoy it All this is long of thy too much adherence unto SELF and SENSE Thou art still desiring sensitive satisfaction and not content to know thy part wouldst know that for thy self which Christ knoweth for thee As if thou couldst better trust thy self than him Fear not weak Soul it is our Fathers good pleasure to give thee the Kingdom Trust infinite Power Wisdom and Love Trust that faithful gracious Saviour who hath so wonderfully merited to be trusted Trust that promise which never deceived any one and which is confirmed by so many Miracles and by the Oath and by the Spirit of God Whenever thou departest from this house of Flesh the Arms of Mercy are open to embrace thee yea
and such as will fully convince the Communicants Without such a miraculous glimpse of Glory God sometime giveth some of his Servants such a Mental illustration and inward glimpse and taste of Heaven as greatly overcometh all the fears of Pain and Death such many old and later Martyrs have had It was a strange word of the godly Bishop of St. Davids Mr. Farrar to his Neighbours If I stir in the Fire believe not my Doctrin and accordingly he stirred not If he had not had some Prophetical Inspiration this could not have been justified from being a presumptuous tempting God And Mr. Baynam's case was a meer wonder who in the Flames called to the Papists to see a Miracle professing to them that in the Fire he felt no more pain than if he had been laid in a Bed of Down or Roses I am just now reading in Adam's Lives of the German Philosophers the Life of Olympia Fulvia Morata which ended with some such experience In many Ages there hath been some one rare Woman who hath excelled men in the Languages Philosophy and other humane Learning Such a one was this Olympia Fulvia Morata of Ferrarrie She married Andr. Gundler a Physician She removed with him into Germany being by the way convinced of the Guard of Angels by her young Brothers falling out of a high Window on cragged Stones without any more hurt than if it had been on the soft ground In Germany she thus wrote to Anna Estensis a Guisian Princess As soon as by the singular goodness of God I was departed from the Italian Idolatry and came with my Husband into Germany it is incredible how God changed my Soul or mind which being formerly most averse or abhorring to the Divine Scriptures am now delighted in them alone and place in them all my Study Labour Care and Mind And as much as possible contemn all the Riches Honours and Pleasures which formerly I was wont to admire But the Cross presently following in God's usual Method her Husband and She were by Souldiers stript naked save the shift next the Body and narrowly scaping with life were put so to wander from place to place none daring to entertain them even when she was sick of a Feaver till at last they found liberal entertainment in which she shortly fell into a mortal Disease of which she died And in her last Sickness and after much torment of Body near Death she pleasantly smiled Her Husband asked her the Cause who said I saw a certain place which was full of a most clear and beauteous Light Intimating that she should be quickly there and saying I am wholly full of Joy And spake no more till her Eye-sight failing she said I scarce know any of you any more But all things else about seem to be full of most beauteous Flowers which were her last words having a long time professed that nothing seemed more desirable to her than to be dissolved and to be with Christ in all her sickness magnifying his Mercies to her Many have thus joyfully laid down the Flesh to go to Christ What wonder then if Peter was loth to lose the pleasure of what he saw Two things are necessary to great and solid joy First That the Object be truly and greatly amiable and delectable and Secondly That the apprehensions of it be clear and strong As to the first we have so great and glorious things to delight us as would feast our Souls with constant Joy were not the Second alas much wanting What Man could choose but be even in Peter's rapture continually if he had but ascertained heavenly Glory apprehended by him in as satisfactory a manner as these sensible things are If I lay in Prison yea or in torment of Colick Stone or any such Disease and had but withal such apprehensions or sight of assured Glory surely the pain would not be able to suppress my joy What a mixture what a discord would there be in my expressions Torment would constrain my Flesh to groan and the sight of Heaven would make me triumph I cannot but think how this great discord would shew the difference between the Spirit and the Flesh What a strange thing it would be to hear the same Man at the same time crying out in pain with groans and magnifying the love of God with transporting joy But we are not yet fit for such joyful apprehensions our weak Eyes must not see the Sun but through the allaying Medium of a humid Air at a vast distance and by the Chrystalline humour and organical parts of the Eye Fain we would get nearer and have sight or clearer apprehensions of the Spiritual Society and glorious World We study we pray we look up we groan under our distance darkness and unsatisfying conceptions But yet it must not be We must be ripened before the Shell will break or the dark Womb will deliver us up to the Glorious Light But Christ vouchsafed that to his three Apostles which we are unworthy of and yet unfit for O happy sight O happy men It is incongruous to say What would I not give for such a sight Lest it should savour of Simon Magus folly And I have nothing to give But it is not incongruous to say What would I not do And what would I not suffer for such a fight Yea Christ puts such kind of Questions to us O that I had better answered them in the Hour of Duty and in the Hour of Temptation When he asked Can ye drink of the Cup that I drink of and be Baptized with the Baptism that I am Baptized with I have been ready with James and John to say I can but when the trial comes as they after in his suffering forsook him and fled how insufficient is my own strength to perform my promise When he imposeth on me the denying of my self forsaking all and taking up the Cross and following him I yielded and covenanted by Vow to do it but it was By the help of the Holy Spirit which he promised to give me I stand Lord to my Covenant Help me to perform it and give me though not his present sight yet some of Peter's Mental apprehensions and a glimpse a taste of that which transported him with delight Let who will or who Thou wilt take the Riches and Grandeur of the World O give me some delightful taste of that which I am made for redeemed for and which thy Spirit hath long taught me to seek and hope for as my All. § 25. Peter was not weary with the sight of this heavenly Apparition Why should I be weary of the believing contemplation of greater things Though sight affect us more sensibly than meer believing and thinking yet these have their happy Office which may be effectual And Christ who thus appeared in Glory to Peter hath said Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed And Peter himself saith of them that see not Christ that They rejoice with joy unspeakable