me in their holy prayers which are most pleasing to thee And I also desire that some wil out of their Châ—rity reade these things to me which heerafter follow when sicke to deathâ— shal be becompassed with those fears and terrors which ordinarily accompany that dreadful hower at which time as al oâ—her be thou my helper and Protectorâ— and in the Bowels of thy Mercy Good Father remâ—mber me poor begger and from heauen send me now and at my departure thy Grace which may bring me to thee where I may with al thy Elect Praiseâ— Adore and worship thee for euer and euer An acte of Contrition partly taken ouâ— of the words of blessed S. Augustin 1. O LORD I confesse I haue sinned aboue the sands of the Sea in number yet such is the greife which I take thereat that I wil not refuse to suffer any kind of punâ—shment for thâ— same O Iesus whatsoeuer thy wil shal be that I should do I desire to performe it according to thy holy wil. I haue nothing to offer vnto thee but a hart willing to do whatsoeuer thouâ—ouldst â—ouldst haue me 2. Hâ—er I offer my-self bound both hand and foot and I lye prostrate at thy feet crauing pardon for my abominable sins and offences 3. I fly not away I appeale not from thy sentence oâ—herwise then from thy Iustice to thy Mercy which we sinners do daily experience to be aboue al thy works 4. I do not plead to be released of any punishment but rather that thou maist iudge me according to thine own Blessed wil only let me not be separated from thee O thou thy-self dost say to vs Thou wilt not sinners death But that we do conuert and liue euen while our souls haue breath And no more then to cease to be canst thou O God refuse To pardon humble penitents that do themselues accuse Being no accepter of persons al hauing cost thee deare Yea euen thy very life it-self how can I therefor fear If euer yet he did disdain sinners that fled to him Then had I little cause of hope but this was neuer seen Foâ— if they doe return to thee thy hart thou wilt not close As witnes can my wretched soul who was so like to lose Al grace and goodnes if thou hadst not me with helpe preuented By sins that would with bloudy teares be while I liue lamented If I as grateful were to thee as thou deseruest I should Or as another in my case vuto thy mercy would But thou whiles that thou liuedst heer by tokens plain didst shew That none should be refused by thee who dost in mercy flow And that my wicked hart did proue who after â—ins so many Hath found much fauour in thine eys without deseruing any O blessed euer be my God for this preuenting grace Which I vnworâ—â—y haue receaud in this most happy place I fled from thee by many sins and thou didst follow me As if my ruin would haue causd some detriment to thee How can this choose but wound my hart when I remember it And euer serue to humble me while at thy feet I sit From whence my Lord my God and al permit me not to rise til I do loue thee as thou wouldst the which doth al comprise 5. I know thou wilst not the death of a sinner but rather that I be conuerted and liue 6. Be pacified therefor I beseech thee for thine own saâ—e and receaue me into thy fauour looke vpon thine own wounds and let them plead my pardon do not for euer blot me out of â—he book of life but rather giue me grace faithfully heerafter to serue and please thee 7. I know it is reason that one who hath been so vngrateful to thy Supreame Maiesty as I haue been should humbled despise and willingly abase himself euen at the feet of al creatures which thy sweet Goodnes grant me to do that I may heerafter find sauour in thine eyes who be blessed and praised by al for euer Amen O sweet Iesus to whom nothing is impossible but not to be merciful to the miserable forgiue me mine offence I am sorry from the bottom of my hart that euer I offended thee or contradicted thy holy wil but I know thou canst forgiue more then I can offend which maketh me confident of being receaued into thy fauour though thy most aboundant Mercy to whom my God be giuen al Laud. Honour and Praise by al creatures in heauen and in earth for euer and euerâ— Amen O amiable Iesus behold al thy creatures do inuite and exhort me to yeald thâ—e praises for al thy benefits which haue been I must ackowledg without end or measure towards me thy vnworthy creature Euery creature doth in their kind sing and set forth thy great Goodnes inuiting me to loue only thee and yet behold how cold and dul I am in Louing Praising and Exalting thee O what shal I say but cry out to thee who art my hope my help my Loue my life and Al yea my Father my Spouse and my God to grant thy Grace may not be void in me after so many infinit benefits O be thou heerafter the only desire and ioy of my soul. Let me look after nothing but thee loue nothing but thee let me night and day sigh and long after thee my beloued Let it suffice me to haue my inteutions and proceedings only approued by thee O let me honour and respect al for thy sake howsoeuer they treate me for my ingratitude hath been so great to thee that al creatures as wel goâ—d as bad may iustly despise me and do thee great honour thereby I offer thee therefor thine own merits seeing I haue none of mine own for those that shal any way reuenge thy quarrel by afflicting her who deserueth nothing but hel for hauing so often offended thee After something which she had collected out of the following of Christ concerning Prayer she writ as followeth O MY Lord God how much do thy Saints praise and commend the holy Exercise of Praier O how happy are â—hose that haue no other study or care then how to extol and praise thy Diuine Maiesty and in Humility of hart to make their necessities known vnto thee who art the Father of Mercies Dius totius consolationis qui consolatur nos in omni tribulatione nostra And the God of al consolation who comforts vs in al our tribulation To whom should we sinners fly but to thee my God who didst thou euer reiect that lamented and wâ—s sory for their sinnes Nay did not publicans and harlots finde thee more willing to forgiue theÌ„ they could be to aske for pardon Thou who forgauest S. Peter S. Mary Magdalen S. Augustin and infinit others their sinnes and offences be merciful to me who groaneth in spirit against my-self to see and remember that I haue made no more hast to conclude an euerlasting peace and league with thee O my God To thee now al the powers of my scattered
mind in which I languish are much more grieuous then those of the body For these make vs but vngratful to men but the other make vs displeasing in thine eyes But thy goodnes as it is seene in this example together with the cure of the one did also vse to grant pardon for the other For thou didst say to him Thy sins are foâ—giuen thee by wâ—ich he became cured in body and soul. This thy mercy I remember with great ioy and comfort and falling down at thy feet my Lord I beg of thee that thou wilt be merciful to me a sinner for thy own sake and say vnto my soul Thy sinnes are forgiuen tâ—ee and grant that I may now begin to liue to thee that so by thy grace al impediments may be remoued which hinder me from louing thee as thou wouldst be loued by me whicâ— is al I wish or desire To this end I fly to thee to this end I sigh after thee only wishing and desiirng that in al things thy holy wil may be perfectlyâ— accomplished in me for time and eternity If I should not howrly approach to thee who art the only true light darknes and the shadow of death would ouerwhelm me and make me vncapable of this thy light which leadeth to the true loue of thee O how happy were I if I could truly say Anima mea in manibus meis semper My soul in my hands always that so my soul might truly hear and follow what my Lord speaketh to my hart For thy words ate works O giue me a true contempt of myâ—sef that I may dy to al that the world esteemeth or desireth For I find where I seek my self there I am caught as it were in a snare and where I forâ—ake my self there I become more and more capable of that true liberty of spirit which carrieth the soul aboue it self and al created things that iâ— may more perfectly be vnited to thee For this is thy wil that by true Abnegation in al things both external and internal and by a total subiection to thee both as concerning our selues and al others in any thing that can be wished by vs we should enioy a certain diuine heauenly peace amidst the crosses passiôs contradictions andmutabilities which are incident to our life in this warfare of ours For the more sound a soul is in the practise of this doctrin of thine of denying herself in al and following thee by proposing no other end to her self in any thing but thy self alone the more she getteth as I may say her soul into her hands and the lesse she is moued in al things that happen either without her or within her For she seeth and knoweth that such haue euer been thy practise and permissions about crosses and difficulties falling vpon souls which was and is with and for this intention of thine that they of necessity must suffer and therby become disposed and in some sort worthy for to enter into thy Kingdom Neither doth the soul that attendeth to thee wonder at crosse accidents nor at the wayes or meanes by which they fal vpon her but in al of them she confideth in thee that they shal al turn to her greatest good And as for the faults which she comitteth she humbleth herself hoping stil more and more in thy merciâ—ful forgiuenes and assistance It is not strange to her to see so many and different opinions of al men concerning the vse of matters and things that of themselues are indifferent but remembring that as S. Paul saith Euery man aboundeth in his own sense she adhereth to thee who art stil the same and hath relation to thee in al she doth or omitteth By which meanes thou teachest her seeking simply thine honour in al things where when in what maner and of whom she shal ask in doubtful cases For it is al one to her O my God If thou require it to be resolued by another or by thyâ—self But indeed in the way of Abnegation questions are rare and to go forth questioning without thy sending is but a meere immortification and doth intangle the soul and bring her into inconueniences incomprehensible and for such doing when we so do we cannot passe without a bitter check for it in our intâ—rior by thy diuine Maiesty as thou knowst my good Lord my soul hath experienced For those souls that thou leadest by the way of loue of them I say thou exactest that they should make their moane only to thee thou hauing as it were giuen them a pledge that thou wilt become al in al and aboue al to them if they wil but remain faithâ—ul to thee Also they so litle desire or esteem any graces comforts or fauours which can be granted or bestowed vpon them but only so far as they are meerly necessary to maintain them in grace and fauour in thee and only as they are thought fit for them by thee whom they deâ—ire to be gratful to for al thy benefits that they neuer desire them but wish rather to adhere to thee by pure faith that they may become therby the more deare and pleasing to thee For a as my Lord God what is al thou canst giue to a louing soul who sigheth and panteth after thee alone and esteemeth al things as dung that she may gain thee What is al I say whilst thou giuest not thy-fâ—lf who art that one thing which is only necessary and which alone can satisfy our souls Was it any comfort to St Mary Magdalen when she sought theâ— to find two Angels which presented themselues insteed of tbee verily I cannot think it was any ioy vnto her For that soul that hath set her whole loue and desire on thee can neuer find any true satisfaction but only in thee Yea comforts granted by thee make the soul become affraid least thâ—t by them she should the less â—a thfully serue thee and so far as it may stand with thy wil considering my extraordinary frailty I had rather serue thee without consolation then to find or feel that which may make me esteeme any thing of my self or hinder me from resting only in thee who arâ— my God and al my desire for euer Amen THE XXXVII CONFESSION THis day my Lâ—rd it is read in the Gospel of our Office that thou didst send thy seruants into the lanes for the poor lame blind and deformed to coÌ„pel them to enâ—ter and tast of thy supper the which thy Mercy did so particularly extend it self to me that with great ioy and comfort I heare it read and with exceeding desire of gratitude I recount it heer in the sight of thy diuine Maiesty For first who could be more deformed in body and soul then I and yet thou didst not despise me and Secondly who could haue less desir to enter into holy Religion which is the place where we may most aboundantly tast and see how sweet our Lord is then my frozen and stupid soul
through their pride and forgettfullnes of their own nothing and of the greatnes of thy Maiesty which pride aboue all things deliuer me from I beseech thee becaus it makes soules so odious before thy self and all that loue thee Lett me giue all Glory to thee who without any desert of myne hast thus sweetly with Grace preuented me for which be thou euer by all Praised and Adored Amen THE XIII CONFESSION O Lord whose Power Maiesty and Wisedome haue no end haue mercy on me sinner and giue me leaue to speak vnto thee my God and aske thee whither men are pleasing to thee becaus they abound with human knowledg And behold thou affirmest no but vnhappy are they who can pearce into all things if they be ignorant of thee Lett me therefor loue and then I shall not be ignorant of that knowledg which maketh soules so pleasing in thyne eyes to wit knowledge of thee and my self O Loue which in lightnest soules and inflamest harts wâ—th chast loue flow into my soul This loue is honourable wisedome and though the enioyers thereof be accounted fooles by the wise of this world yet thou hast another opinion of them and their humble soules find much fauour in thy pure eyes my God! With this Loue did those abound of whom S. Paul speaketh that they went vp and down in goats skinnes needy despised hidden in dennes and caues of whom the world was not worthy yet some of thy Saints became very honourable and glorious euen in the eyes of the world the which was forced to acknowledge thee great in and by them and there was no resisting of thy wisedome speaking by them amongst which of these thy seruants was the great S. Augustin Doctor and light of thy Church a most ardent louer of thee my God Hee in those books of his that I haue seene turneth his speaches so to thy Maiesty that his words thereby become sweeter then ordinary and while he declareth his own misery he giueth to vnderstand to vs thy most aboundant mercy that all that desire to loue thee my Godâ— may being inuited by him praise thee with him and for the fauour shewed by thee to him O that all to whom thou offrest the fauour of bestowing on them thy diuine Loue if they would after sinning by true Humility dispose themselues for it would become by his example gratefull to thee and loue thee as thou wouldst by them be beloued O how soon dost thou by thy Grace wipe out the sinnâ—â— of such who now detesting their former il liues do striue by humble loue to become grateâ—ull to thee for thy preuenting Mercy O Lord my God though thou hast forgiuen me much yet I am farr from louing thee much Those who now enioy thee that haue heertofor beene sinners as I be they Intercessors to thee for meâ— and be thou euer praised for thy infinit mercy by all thy Maiesties creatures for euer anâ— euer Amen THE XIV CONFESSIONâ— O Lord my God who sweetly disposest all things giue thy poore contemptible creature leaue to speake vnto thee who art the only desire of my soul and my hope from my youth and entierly beloued of my hart To thee I will speak and write not as to one a far of but to stirr vp my soul to Loue thee alone and to draw occasions out of all things to praise and exalt thee whose mercies are aboue all thy works To whom should I make my moane in all my miseries but to thy self who art my God and All and who art neerer to me then I am to my self To whom should I go to be instructed but to the fountain of all wisedome Behold men change their mindes and almost euery man differeth in opinion from another in matters that are indifferent and so great is my ignoranâ—e and blindnes naturally that vnâ—esse thou instruct me I shall all waies â—auer and neuer come to any true â—erfection of knowledg They stand at â—oo great a hazard who confide in â—hemselues and cast not their hope â—holy vpon thee All creatures are vnstable and those that seeke not â—hee aboue all creatures but putt their trust more in men then in thee will find no true peace in their soules O that I did truly Loue for by Loue only my soul shall becom capable of vnderstanding truth Loue is humble â—eaceable subiect to thee in all things The soul that loueth thee is more conuersant in heauen then on earth and what heere she of necessity must admit of serues to her rather as a cessation then any consolation The soul that Loues findeth occasion in all and by all things to praise thee my God and to humble it self Such are willingly subiect for thee and do see how odious it is to thee to see that subiects should contemn contradict or withstand thâ— power in Superiors and make theiâ— imperfection a colour for our sinneâ— If it be right between our soules anâ— thee we shall gladly obey thee speaâ—ke thou or ordain thou by whom thoâ—â— pleasest Teach me therefor to obey for thou only canst instruct me whâ— true humble Obedience is If thou dâ— not teach me I may perhaps giue to Caesar what is tâ—yne and deny to giue Caesar what is due to him by thy will Let me obey therefor for theeâ— and in order to thy will and with an internall regard of thee whose due is all the subiection and loue that can be giuen by my poor soul. Open the eyes of my soul that I may see what thou exactest in all things Instruct me by whom and in what maner thoâ— pleasest So I may but know what thy will and pleasure is it suffizeth thy poore seruant Giue me grace to obey thee my God with all that Loue thee for euer Amen THE XV. CONFESSION O Lord my God what soul that truly loues thee can complain what difficulties soeuer she endures or how great a desolation soeuer obscures her soul or how great paines soeuer she sustaines seeing thou whom she loueth more then her life and self art always the same beholding with an amorous and louing eye the louing soul afflicted by thee or by thy permission rather to try her fidelity then to oppresse her with such a burthen that might separate her from her only beloued for seeing nothing is dreaded by her but to be seperated from her God she holding humility and confidence thou O Lord wilt neuer permit her to be ouercome For thou makest the quarrel thyne own thus fought by vs and the victory ours though indeed gained by thee not by our own selues O how happy am I in thy Power and Glory Verily though I were to return to my own nothing yet I could not account my self void of an infinit happines seeing my God who is more mine then â— am my own would remain and be the same in all Wisedome and Maiesty Thâ—s is the repose of my labour and the crown of my glory in which I will exult in my greatest
return For she hauing forsaken all for thee and hauing tasted of thy sweetnes saieth with the Prophet Turn away myne eyes that they see not vanity least like a dog she return to her vomit and after hauing had a glimering of thy light she becaus she feared she should not be able to sustain thy chastisements and shouâ—d forgett and loose herself by these tribulations and desirous that she might be happily enabled to enâ—er the more fully into thee and fearing I say her own frailty she thus againe crieth out to thee by these other words of the Psalmist saying Domine Deus salutis meae in die clamaui nocte coram te O Lord God of my saluation day and night haue I cryed after Thee For who but thy self can comfort a soul that indeed neither seekes nor desires any thing but thee my God O when shall I spend all my strength and forces in singing thy Praises Who would sett their harts vpon any thing but thee seeing thou hast made all other things so hard to be obtained that we might seeke only thee for whom we were made and whose Loue we may more easily obtaine then any thing els whatsoâ—uer O lett me Loue thee who only for that end didst create me We would haue that which is worth nothing and many times greiue for the losse of that which would but cause vs perplexity and trouble to haue In the meane time neglecting that which thou so infinitly desirest to bestow vpon vs to wit thy loue then which nothâ—ng is so good or sweet or that bringeth such true peace to the soul. THE XX. CONFESSION WITHOVT paine it is impossible O my most Amiable God to liue in loue But if the difficulties which thy true friends and seruants feele were weighed with the miseries of those who rather seek to please themselues and others then thee there would be found an infinit disâ—parity For thy yoke is sweet and thy burthen light to the simple and humble and to those who serue thee for loue and whose ioy thou thy self art and who nothing els but thee my God do seâ—k for in time or eternity These I say are despised contemned afflicted pained tempted troubled and many times sit sorrowfull with a heauy hart and sad countenance But thy will being their law and thy disposition their consolation I may boldly affirme that in all this they suffer nothing in comparison of the fondâ— louers of this world becaus thou being euer more present to them then tâ—ey to themselues dost when thou seest thy time refresh their souls with the light and comfort of thy grace yea seeming to be euen prodigall of thy sweetnes to such as abide faithfull to thee in their tribulations and hope confide and glory in thee and not in themselues and who take occasion in all they see heare suffer ouercome to humble themselues vnder thy mighty hand and blesse and praise thy Iustice and Mercy in all things whatsoeuer Amongst which number admit me poor and contemptible sinner to thy greater glory for this thy Mercy from all creatures for euer and euer Amen THE XXI CONFESSION O My Lord and my God remoue al impediments between thy Goodnes and my poor soul that I may loue thee who only deseruest all loue and honour Giue me an humble and peacefull hart that thou maist inhabit therein as thou desirest Suppres in me by thy sweet Grace the sin of pride which maketh me as yet so odious to thy Diuine Maiesty O if we did but by true Humility abase our selues what beames of true light would shine in the bottome of our souls O what amity is there between thy Diuine Maiesty and an humble soul Nothing but Humility could haue drawn thee down to the earth and only Humility can make vs capable of being drawn by â—hee vp to heauen The truly humble conuers familiarly with thee and thy Saints They presuming nothing of themselues can do all things in thee who strengthnest them And thou art so chary and tender of the humble that what concerneth them thou esteemest to concern thy owne self and euen thy own hart And they thinking they do nothing do by thee do all things Many vnknown to the worldâ— and of no esteem wiâ—h it shall before thee haue the honour and merâ—t in the next world of that which noâ— other men boast of and attribute to themselues For the humble liuing stil in their own nothing giue all glory to thee by whom only all good is performed in the mean while thou enriching them of thy meere Mercy with thy Merits O happy exchange thinâ— for ours durt for the most pure gold What is all we can do Verily nothing Enrich me therefor poor begger with some-what of thyne At thâ— feet I lay whatsoeuer thou giuest oâ— hast giuen me Giue or take away 〈◊〉 thou pleasest so thou do not blot mâ— out of the book of life Open to me knocking at the door of thy Mercy I haue been fiue and twenty yeares this signifieth her age at the writing heerof as that she was then fiue and twenty years olde in my infirmity of most loathsome sinnes behold my misery and take pitty vpon me Sonne of Dauid I defiled that â—oul that was made to thy owne Image and liknes haue compassion on her who hath no other friend or comforter but thy self the only desired of my hart For thy owne sake be propitious to my sin for it is much Nothing that I haue done can I alleadg to thee which hath deserued any reward in thine eyes Onely desires of which manie burn in hell they being little without good works Giue her to drink who withers away for want of thee the fountain of al sweetnes I will powre out my soul before thee that at least I may comfort my self with relating to thee my sinnes and miseries Behold all my ennemies triumph ouer me of whom most easily in all temptations they get â—he victory Fight for me or els I know not what will become of me giue me true Humility by which all things are easily ouercome and all thou exactest most perfectly accomplâ—shed by vs thy Maiesties poor creatures Giue thy self to meâ— who hath nothing of her own to offer thee and if thou giue me thy self I am as rich as I desire to be and if thou shouldst bestoâ— vpon me all thou hast or can create it would be little to me vnles I possessed thee By thy felf I Praise thee whose name doth not be-seeme the mouth of a sinner O let me Loue or not liue I giue my self to thee whome alone I wish for and desire with all the forces of my hart and soul. O my God how neere thou art to vs ready to heare and receaue our prayers and petitions Behold thy sâ—eeâ— prouidence sheweth it self in all things O how long shall my God be thus â—orgotten by creatures When wilt thou by Loue be by all sought after as thou oughtest to be by vs THE
soul flying to thee for help and succour in the necessities wherein I daily languish For none didst thou euer reiect neither sick as witnes the Leapers and diuers others which were abhorred by men for their loathsom diseases nor the deformed nor the blind nor the lame nor the poor and contemptible no nor the sinners whose loathsome sinnes made their souls much more deformed in thy pure eyes then any discase could make a body in the eyes of the beholders But why do I presume to speak to my God in this simple maner verily my Lord only presuming of the most aboundant fountain of thy mercies do I thus refresh my soul with recounting these things before thee becaus these places in the Ghospel which treat so particularly of thy receauing and forgiuing sinners doth particularly appartain to me who hauing among them found grace in this kind before thee I do likwise in these things I read find that which putteth me in hope of the continuance of thy Mercy Behold I desire now to conuert my hart wholy to thee and to becom totally in all things subiect to thy Diuine Maiesty Let thy Grace affist me For it is not any thing I can do can saue me The Angel that hath care of me praise thee for me and assist me with his intercession for me Thy Mother hath been indeed a Mother to me for which be she honoured for all eternity as it beseemeth so great an humility to be she vouchsafing to take pitty on me poor miserable sinner for all which Praise be to thee my God and All for all eternity Amen THE XXVII CONFESSION PAtientia pauperum non peribit in finem The patience of the poor shal not perish in the end O Lord my God seeing the way of the Cross is the way that al in this life must walk of what state or dignity soeuer they be none exempted from suffering some in body by paines and sicknes some by pouerty and want of necessaries some by loss of friends some by the disloialty of such whom they confided in some by loss of their goods by fire wars and the like and some by their own indiscretion vnwarines and want of foresight falling into disgrace some by setting their affection where it is reiected grow desperate mad and some therby liuing in perpetual discomfort become woful murtherers of themselues some fortune frowning vpon them haue al things go contrary to their desire and in fine no place no person nor any condition can be free from suffering in this miserable life But shal we think this was ordained to be thus by thee by chance or becaus thou dost not loue what thou hast made No God forbid we should euer think so but that which made thee ordain it so was only to the end that we being proued or triedâ— as gold in the furnace should thereby become capable of thy pure loue the which if we could obtain easy would it be to suffer any thing which thou permittedst to happen vnto vs. For as for some of the Crosses which happen in this life we are the caus of them our selues and by them we not only suffer paine but also detriment in our souls becaus they proceed from our yeilding to sin and giuing way to our passions and in ordinat affections therby becoming a slaue to sensuality ouer which we should be absolute maisters if we did as we ought concur with thy grace And verily my God to whom I speak and write with much content to my soul thou by this meanes inlightning me with that diuine truth which leadeth in some sort to thy self and much inflameth my hart with a most ardent desire of thee the only desire of my soul to whom I1 aspire day and night without ceasing in my simple manâ—r Verily I say that I am ignorant how it is possible to proceed with any confidence or comfort in any thing if our foundatioÌ„ be not founded in thee by a sincere intention For til I resolued what difficulties soeuer ther by I endured to make thy wil mine owne and thy Disposition my consolation I found no stability in any thing or exercise whatsoeuer and since that time I haue found certeinty and quiet in all the vncerteinty of contrary occurrence For if thou be intended in al our actions what should we fearâ— For we only intending and desiring thy honour in all things how can we doubt but that this by thee in al things wil be accomplished seeing that which thou dost desire and wil we should seek and intend to wit they honour which is only aimed at by vs Can we imagin thou wilt saile on thy part we desiring to do what lyeth in vs No No but conâ—idently we may hope that nothing shal be wanting to vs and thou kwnowst my Lord God that when any thing happeneth which seemeth so to derogate from thy diuine honour that it greiueth my hart thou presently quietest me with these words saying to my soul. Vacate videte quoniam ego sum Deus exaltabor in gentibus exaltabor in terra Be quiet and see that I am God I shall be exalted among the Gentils and shall be exalted in the earth With these words I say thou comfortest my soul. For though I haue desired to make an exchange with â—hee that I may take only care to seeke thy honour in al things committing the care of my welfare to â—hâ—e yet in those things which happen as I think contrary to thy honour I ought to conforme my wil to thy sweet disposition or permission and not disquiet my soul vnder any pretence whatsoeuer For the quiet and humble hart is the place where thou delightest to dwell Thou who art the God of Peace giue me that â—rue loue of thee which only bringeth true Peace and blesse this thy little flock and especially those in it â—ho are by their patience and discretion helpers and furthers to true peace and concord in this poor Conuent of thine My most deaâ—e Lady â—hy Mother and mine by thy sweet Mercy pray to thee for this hous of hers as also our good Angels â—ho haue care of vs. Saint Michael â—ho was so zealous of his honour Saint Raphael who guides vs in the way of thy Law Sanit Gabriel who brought vs the happy tidings of thy coming into this world to reconcile vs sinners to thy heauenly Father Our most holy Father S. Benedict our Mother S. Scholastica as also S. Ioseph S. Iohn S. Thomas and S. Gertrude in whose hart â—hou didst delight to dwell and also my beloued Father S. Augustin whom thou hast giuen me in a particular maner to be a help to me in doubts and feares and an incouradgement by his books to hope for pardon for my innumerable sins and as a fire are al his words to inflame me to seek after and aspire to thy diuine loue and to wish only that that may wholy posses my soul which grant for his
vnto thee who art my hope from my youâ—h and am displeased with my-self for hauing been so vngrateful to thy sweet mercy acknowledging before Heauen aâ—d earth that nothing is iust but that which thou disposest and nothing is wel done saue so far as it is done by thee so much as any thing I do or say is only of mine own wil and desire so far it iustly deserueth punishment to thee be al glâ—ry In nothing is true Peace but in seekâ—ng after God aâ—one and in resting â—n him aboue al his giâ—ts O my God when shal I be able to say Quis me separabit à Charitate Dei VVho shal separate me from the Charity of God O when shal I by true loue become vnited to thee the only desire of my hart and soul Vsquequo Domine obliuisceris me in finem Vsquequo auertis faciem tuam à me How long wilt thou forget me vnto the end Hâ—w long doth thou turn away thy face from me wilt thou for euer be angry with thy poor seruant Behold thou knowst I desire no other comfort vpon earth then to be able without offending thee to liue without al comfort human or diuine O how litâ—le to be esteemed is al the solaces this world can afford The wicked haue been telling me of their delights but they are not like those of thy Law What comfort can any creature lâ—uing afford a soul that sigheth and longeth after thee alone my God and is bannished from the beloned of her soul Verily my God it is only thy-self that can reioyce and comfort such a soul thou only art sweet and al things compared to thee are as nothing and lesse then nothing O my Lord and my God tel me is there any thing in Heauen or on Earth that can satisfy my soul besids thee No certainly Why then dost thou permit me thus to wander from thee who art only worthy to be desired and beloued by my soul O my most deare God who can comprehend the misery that soule suffereth that taketh comfort or desireth any comfort from any creature O how long shal I be subiect to this mysery of inordâ—natly louing thy creatures so that it is an impediment to the louing of thee my Creator who art the supreame Good To thee alone is al loue due and we do steal from thee when our affection is willingly caried to any thing els whatsoeuer O my God my Mercy let vs loue thee as thy diuine Maiesty who art Lord of al things in whose power al things do stand let me I say loue thee as thou wouldst be beloued by me O my Lord as-long as the peace of my soul dependeth of men I can neuer repose in thee or â—ind thee in the bottom of my soul What came I into Râ—ligion â—or but to loue and praise my God my Lord and al my good O when shal I as I desire loue thee and please thee my God and al my desire O my God how cometh it to passe that thou whose mercies are super omnia opera eius Aboue al his works shouldst be now tearmed to be terrible and hard to be pleased Verily I am a sinner and the greatest of al sinners and yet I haue found thee so good and easily pleased that nothing is more pleasant then to serue thee for loue and to beare thy yoke from our youth The yoke of sin is heauy but thine is sweet aboue a the contâ—ntments and pleasures of this world Let those that seek not thee and that desire any thing willingly but thee feare and return to theâ— but let the harts of them that loue thee reioice O Lord. But can I say I loue Verily not I. But shal I for this feareâ— No my God at least not so as to loose confidence which hath in it a great remuneration For seeing by thy grace I desire to loue and to leaue al for loue I wil hopâ— in thy Mercâ— let it assist my extreame frailty anâ— pouerty Of my-self I am nothing but in thy power I shal be able to do al things Thou knowst that I desire to leaue al for thy sake and that if I knew any thing that I loued to the impediment â—of my truly seruing thee it would be so greâ—t a gâ—eif to my soul that nothing in Heauen or earth could comforâ— me til I see my-self freed from that miserable bondage by thy aâ—â—isting Graceâ— which I implore from the bottom of my soul Set me free I mosâ— humbly beseech thee by the multitude oâ— thy Mercies from the sinnes into which I daily fal through my frailty remoue al impedâ—ments between my soul and thee for I am frail aboue al measure Let me liue to thee dying to al other things whatsoeuer Let me find and possesse thee in the bottom of my soul Let al creatures be â—ilent that thou alone maist be heard by me And I wil not trouble my-self with them without who are puffing and blowing and thereby raising vp the dust of multiplicity into their own and others eyes Let me enter into the most retired place of my soul and sing loue songs to thee my Al and only Good regarding thee with the simple eye of my soul and sighing out certaâ—n vnspeakabe groans in this pilgrimage of mine into the eares oâ— the only beloued of my hart and soul wo is me that euer I offended such a God! Be propitious O Lord vnto my sin for it is great O Mercy which hath neither end nor measure haue pitty on me and forgiue me my sins Amen God! Let thy Truth and not the blindnes of my own ignorance speak to me Speak Lord for thy seruant heareth or at least desireth to hear thee Behold I set open the eares of my soul that I mny heare my beloued speak Iustice and Peace to my hart For thy voice is sweet and thy face comely and there is none like vnto thâ—e in Beawty and wisedom Thou my God the repose of my labour the ioy of my soul and the comfort of my hart Be to me al in al and aboue al which can be enioyed ot desired Let me O let me rest in thee and in no created thing whatsoeuer Simplify my soul that it may be able to adhere to thee my God transcending al created things O when shal my soul forget al and only be mindful of thee the most pure spirit resting in thee aboue al thy Graces and Gifts O when shal I be by profound Humility reduced to the nothing which only makes a a soul capable of thee who art al good things who art that simple good in which nothing is wanting How long shal I glory in any created thing and seek my-self to the dishonour of him with out whom I could neither haue life nor being much lesseâ— to be able without him to do any thing meriting grace and Saluation O my God when wilt thou set me free that I may glory in thee alone and not by pride exalt
defiled and deformed soul doth aspire Behold I do extol now thy deare seruice to the skie professing and protesting that there is no liberty so sweet as to be bound and obliged by vowes to serue thee for loue Thou true and most blessed God how didst thou with a most sweet and seuere kind of Mercy receaue chek and conuince me straying and flying from thee by shamefully seeking that in thy creatures which is only to be found in thee to wit comfort and peace O Lord I am thy seruant say vnto my soul I am thy Saluation and al that is within me shal say Quis similis tibi Deus meus VVho is like vnto thee my Lord God Behold I haue had an auersion from al that which thou louest and an inclination to al which thou hatest But thou hast broken my bands and I wil offer thee a Sacrifice of Praise submitting henceforth my stifneck to thine easy yoke and my shoulders to thy light but then Vnderneath a picture of B. Iohn de Cruce she writ as followeth viz. O Blessed and pure Saint pray for me sinful wretch who am not worthy to cal vpon thee yet coafiding in thine inflamed charity I commit and commend my-self to thy sweet protection now and at the dreadful howre of my death remember me I beseech thee Amen To some Collections which she drew out of S. Augustins Confessions she added as followeth Good God be merciful to mine iniquities for this deare Saints sake of thine whose Humility doth so astonish me that I cannot choose but cry with a loud voice in my hart O how admirable art thou in thy Saints What are his whole Books of Confessions but a profound acknowledgment of his sinnes whieh he doth not only confesse to thee but to al the world to the end that al may perpetually praise thy Mercy But O my God for this Humility of his thou hast highly exalted him for which be thou eternally magnified and praised by al creatures He was one of those sinners for whose conuersation There was more ioy in Heauen then vpon ninty nine Iust and not without great cause seeing he was to be a chief pillar in thy Church and one who might and did draw infinit sinners by his words and writings out of the mire and dreggs of sinne and taught them to submit themselues to thiue easy yoke and to seâ—ue thee for loue and to glory in nothing but thee Yea what is wanting in his words that may inuite our souls to loue thee with al our harts with al our strengths and our neighbour as our selues Who can speaâ—e in the words of thine own Oracles more comfortably to sinners then he hath done â—n fine hâ—s words are so amorously sweet in thy Praises that euen my frozen soul had been melted thereâ— by into thy praise He for thy sake be an Aduocate and Intercessor to thee for me the most sinful and contemptible of al thâ— seruants he I say to whom many sinnes wâ—re forgiuen because he loued much whom I desire together with al the Celestial Court to Adore and Praise thee for me who am not worthy to name thee who be euer blessed Amen In a Collection which she was making out of the Booke of Psalmes she added to some verses as followeth Psal. 23. vers 6. THis is the generation of them that seeke hâ—m of them that seek the face of the God of Iacob I pray God it may proue so with vs to his Honour and Glory â—sâ—l 31. veâ—s â—0 I wil giue thee vnderstanding and wil instruct thee in the way tâ—at thou shalt go I wâ—l fasten mine eyes vpon thee who is not wholy inflamed with a desire to seeke after God alone to heare such a promise from his own mellifluous mouth Psal. 35. vers 10. Because with thee is the fountain of life and in thy light we shal see light I beseech al those deuout souls that shal peruse this book to labour carefully for that light which the Prophet heer speaketh of which proceedeth from loue and not from human wisedom This light by which we shal discerne truth from falshood is gotten by conuerâ—ing with Almighty God and humbling our selues vnder his mighty hand This light hath taught many their way to God that could neither write nor read Sweet Iesus make vs of the number of these little ones to whom this light is reuealed which is hidden from the wise and prudent which is bestowed vpon those that faithfully adhere to God and not on those that glory rather in themselues them in him He be Blessed and Praised by al for euer and euer Amen Psal. 86. vers 5. Reueale thy way to our Lord and hope in him and he wil do it A comfortable saying for those that God permits stil to remain do whâ—t they can in their imperfections v. 7. Haue no emulation in him that appeareth in his way v. 6. Be subiect to our Lord and pray him Note this wel v. 11. The meeke shal inherit the land and shal be delighted in multitude of peace If we truly labour for his peace which is in much Patience the God of Peace wil be amongst vs. v. 25. When he shal fal he shal not be bruised because our Lord putteth his hand vnder O what an incouradgment is this to a poore frail soul Let vs notwithstanding our imperfections confidently and amoâ—ously when we fail hope in his Mercy and then He wil heal and helpe vs who makes vs so many sweet promises VVho be blessed by al creatutes for euer and euer Amen v. 26. I haue been yong for I am old and I haue not seene the iust forsaken nor his seed seeking bread Why do we distruct then who haue dedicated our selues wholy to God fearing ro depend only of his diuine Prouidenâ—e which is the greatest happines in this world and so much to be desired if we had so much loue and couradge as we should Psal. 38 v. 8. Doubtles al things are vanity euery man liuing O my poor soul take good notice of this verse Adhere to our Lord whose years neuer fail and whose helpe is alwaies at hand Giue that to God that is Gods and that to Caesar that is Caesars marke what the Prophet faith in the same Psalme viz. And now what is my Expectation is it not our Lord and my substance is with thee Psal. 39. vers 15. But thou O Lord make not thy considerations far from me thy Mercy and thy truth haue alwayes receaued me O be thou euer blessed for it by al creatures my God and Al. Amen Psal. 40. vers 1. Blessed is the man that vnderstandeth concerning the needy and the poor in the euil day our Lord wil deliuer him O my poor soul though thou hast not where with to releeue the poor in thâ— iâ— huÌ„ger thirst yet dispaire not to gaine this blessing that our Lord wil protâ—ct thee in the euil day which thou standest so much need off For to pray for
those that afflict thee and render good for euil to those that molest thee and being a comfort in al thou canst imagin to those that are afflicted either in body or in mâ—nd without exception of persons is included in the gaining of that most to be desired promise Remember with ioy and imitate the best thou art able the happy example of the late blessed Bishop of Geneua of whom it is reported that one in his diocese exceâ—dinly molesting afflictâ—ng and persecuting this holy Saint yét he vsed him with al loue gentlenes and respect yea more then any other person At which patient proceeding of his one of his subiects wondrâ—ng at and speaking to him of it asked him how he could vse that man so mildly who neuer requited him with other then il turnes for al the grace he shewed him being as it were top ful of bitternes against him To which the Saint humbly answâ—ered O â—aâ—th he if he should put out one of mine eyes I woul smile vpon him wâ—h the other I beseech thee my God for thy own sake graÌ„t thy vnworthiest seruant grace to imiâ—ate this example though to speake truly none can do her an iniury who deserueth so much in punishment for her sinnes Psal. 41. vers 6. and 7. VVby art thou sorrowful my soul and why dost thon trouble me Hope in God because yet I wil confesse to him the saluation of my counâ—â—nance and my God O my soul hope in thy God who can do al things O blessed Hope and Confidence which is able to obtain al things and ouercome al things v. 11. In the day our Lord hath commanded his Merey and in the night a song of him Dost thou not hear my soul tâ—y Lord doth require of thee Mercy towards thy euen Christian for that he sheweth to thee And that night and day thou wâ—lt sing his Praise But Lord thou knowst that thy Praise is not seemly in the mouth of a sinner What then shal I do O hope in thy Mercy Certaine â—omfortable sayings taken out of the holy Scripture for the encouradgment of those that desire with all their harts to Loue and please our most merciful God and first out of the Prophet Isaie Chap. the first VVASH you be cleane take away the euil of your cogitations from mine eyes Câ—ase to do peruersly 17. Learne to do good Seek iudgment succour the oppressed iudge for pupil defend the widow And come and accuse me saith our Lord. 18. If your sins shal be as scarlet they shal be made as whit as snow and if they be as red as vermilion they shal be whit as wool 19. If you be willing and wil hear me you shal eat the good things of the earth 22. Thy siluer is turned into drosse thy wine is mingled with water But hear what followeth O my soul and therefor be not discomforted though al thou dost and sufferest be very imperfect yet behold what he promiseth who can do al things If he wil he can make thee clean If he command the wind and sea wil be stil and there wil eâ—sue a calme Commit thy â—elf to him and he wil helpe thee when he thinketh fit O God thy wil be done therefor in me for euer and euer Amen 25. I wil turn my hand to thee and boyle out thy drâ—ssâ—â—il it be pure and wil take away al thy tinâ—e 26. Aâ—ter these things thou shalt be called the Iust a faithful City Shal I feare to be forsaken by thee my God after al these sweet promises No I wil hope in the multitude of thy Mercies Though I haue hitherto sinued against Heauen and before thee so that I am not worthy to be called thy child yet let me eat of the crumes which fal from my Maisters table that I may grow stronger heerafter in resisting that which maketh me displeasing in thy pure eyes Hear my Lord the voyce of a sinner which would faine loue tâ—ee and with her hart and soul as greatly please the as euer she bath offended thee Let me either loue or not liâ—e I know thy Merciâ—s are so great that tâ—ou hast admitted those to eat of the bread of Angels which hertofore fed of Huskes like swine yea S. Gertrude saith that the more base vile and contemptible the creature is to whom thou shewest mercy the more extolled art tâ—ou by al thine Angels and Saints in Heauen I wil therefore hope in thee and beseech al tâ—y Saints to pray for me and praise tâ—ee for taking pitty of me who am not worthy to cast vp`mine eyes to Heauen much les to thinke vpon or praise tâ—ee To thee O my God and al my desire be giuen perpetual Praise and Adoration for al eternity by al creatures Amen CHAP. II. COme let vs go vp to the Mount of our Lord and to the house of the Gâ—d of Iacob and he wil teach vs his waies aâ—d we shal walke in his â—athes 5. Houâ—e of Iacob come ye and let vs walke in the light of our Lord. O my God happy are they that walke in this light In this light none walke but the Humble and cleane of hart and those that serue thee for loue whose ioy thou thy-self art and who sing with the Prophet Rennit consolari anima mea My soul refused to be comforâ—ed These do in some sorte more or lesse as thou pleasest find how sweet and happy a thing it is to seeke and sigh after thee alone Return my soul to thy beloued return seek for no consolation but put thy hope in God Commit thy-self vnto God and let him do with thee what pleaseth him Neuer seeke thine owne glory neuer desire thy wil may be done but in al things intend loue and preferre the Glory and wil of God If any come vnto him he shal not return empty because he willngly giueth water to the thirsty In the bowels of thy Mercy my God remember me poor begger born and liuing in blindnes Grant me that I may see and walke in â—hy light that my soul may become truly pleasing to thee O my Lord God whom only I desire to loue serue and praise make me in al things conformable to thy holy wil who be blessed for euer and euer Amen Amen Amenâ— Scio cui credidi certus sumâ— I know whom I haâ—e trusted and am secure saith S. Paul O glorious S. Augustin my deare Patron whom from my infancy in my poor mauer I haue honoured in a particular maner and who hast been alwaies ready to assist me in calling vpon thee I beseech thee for the loue of him by whose loue thy hart was so inflamed to assist me at the hour of my death and obtaine for me of our Lord that liuing and dying I may be wholy conformable to his Blessed wil neither desiting for time or eternity any other thing then that his diuine pleasure be perfectly accomplished in me his vnworthy vngrateful creature And in that dreadful houre