doe what the Lord will The Cup that my Father gives me to drinke shall I not drink it Whether to live or to dye Her eyes still being weak and closed shee asked whether it was night or no it was answered her it was night Shee said There will be a day when there will be no night but the Lord and the Lamb shall be the light and walk in the midst of it a Rev. 21. 23. 25. 3. The Lord hath delivered me from my enemy from the roaring of the Lyon that roared over me b 1 Pet. 5.8 the Lord hath triumphed over him And speaking of this to her mother shee said Doe you not say t is well mother And praise the Lord He is able to save to the uttermost all that come to the Father by him c Heb. 7.25 You may trust me now Mother and not be afraid of me meaning of hurting her self with knife or water as formerly shee oft had attempted for if no body look to me the Lord will keep me And the good Samaritan that heal'd my soule d Luk. 10.33 will heale my body too ☜ To Hannah Guy that looked to her and watched with her shee said The Lord will reward all your labour of love So shee lay down and spake no more till the next day at night April 20. at night there being divers neighbours and loving friends come together to see her M ris Collet M ris Caron M ris Dupper the Relator and divers others about twelve or moe which greatly desired to heare her speak being greatly refreshed with what they had heard of her expressions the Lord having been praised in her behalfe both in that Parish and in Ab-Church their neighbour-Parish and els-where where prayers had been put up in her behalfe shee now lying still and had not spoken two dayes together since April 6. These desiring if the will of God were so that they might heare her selfe speak shee lying with a linnen cloth over her eyes which were very weak the maid told her M r Iessey was there he being in the company neer to her she then began to speak to him and said O magnifie the Lord with me for he hath delivered me from all my feares not from one but from all my feares a Psal. 34.4 This shee spake as all that follows with a low voice in a humble modest melting manner her teares sometimes stopping her speech He and the rest listned and were greatly affected in hearing her It cannot affect so much in hearing it at second hand as if you had heard her selfe with such brokennes of heart uttering it Shee proceeded on thus which presently was writ down He hath regarded the low estate * Luk. 1.48 the base b Luk. 1.48 estate of his hand-maid I rejoyce in him I mourn over him whom I have pierced c Zach. 12. 10. It was not Judas or Souldiers so much as I that pierced him I thought I was the bad Theef but he hath said to me as to the good Theef d Luk. 23.43 Thou shalt be with me in Paradise The earthly Paradise was a Type of the Heavenly Paradise That was fading and lost but this endures for ever O praise the Lord with me for he hath heard mee and looked on me the vilest of sinners the worst the chiefest of sinners On me that was rebellious disobedient unthankfull unholy a murmurer as much as ever the children of Israel in the wildernesse the teares oft trickling down and she stopping through her weeping and their murmuring kept them out of Canaan e 1 Cor. 10.10 but though I have so murmured he hath saved me I was at the very pits brink at the very brink of hell and the Lord fetch'd me out And is not he worthy of praise The Lamb is worthy to open the Book For none in Heaven nor earth neither men nor Angels could open these brazen gates this iron door this hard heart of mine but he putting her hand to her own breast When I confest my sin he forgave me the punishment I could never confesse my sin til now that he made known his mercy to me though I sought it diligently to confesse it Being asked when was this that see confest her sin Shee said Now since I saw his mercy And now he hath made knowne to me his mercy Nothing but the sense of his mercy could ever bring me to confesse my sin f Luk. 15.18 indeed I would faine have got comfort by mine own workings my own doings or from a Creature and I spake to men but I never could get comfort by the creature but the Lord himselfe did it I could not love him till he made known his love to me g 1 Joh. 4.19 to me the chiefest of sinners If all the sins in all the world were in one party I thought it was all nothing to mine I could not finde any in all the Scriptures that obtain'd mercy that was in my case Yes he hath shew'd mercy to me the chiefest of sinners h 1 Tim. 1.15 O that he should come from the bosome of the Father to dye for sinners for me the chiefest of sinners If all the men in the world should have told me that Christ dyed for me that my sins were pardon'd I could not have beleev'd them But now if all the men in the world Angels Devils should tell me they are not forgiven I would not beleeve them What pains did I take in going to men to have them speak comfort to me they could not doe it But Christ did it in a moment They that know his Name will trust in him they cannot but trust in him i Psal. 9.10 If the world knew him they could not but love him He is the chiefest of ten thousands k Can. 5.10 He is more to be desired in his lowest estate then millions of worlds if millions of worlds were all in one Behold O daughter of Jerusalem Thy King comes meek that he might teach his people meeknesse He came on an Asses Colt not on a horse finely trim'd to an untam'd heiser unaccustom'd to the yoke to me that was ungodly unprepared to Ephraim that was as a wild Asses colt Surely after I was turned I repented l Jer. 31. 18 19. I could not turne to him nor love him till he shew'd his love to me and turn'd me Praise the Lord with me that hath shew'd mercy on one in so desperate a case as I was in I could set nothing before me but curse and hell and wrath night and day O that others may be are what God hath done for such a one Ps. 66.16 I would none may DESPAIR of Gods mercy that hath done thus for me If any did know what it is to murmure against God and against a Parent as I have done and felt what I have felt they would never doe it A like warning is pag. 24. The Relator having heard shee now
but I understood not what I read till now that I had the Teaching of the Spirit He is worth the waiting for him There is a blessing pronounced to such Blessed are all that wait for him I did not wait patiently for him I was weary and could wait no longer But he is not weary He faileth not He lets the Creature goe his way for a time for his own good to humble him more and shew his mercy the more He hath him in a chaine and the enemy in a chaine So he hath the soule to dispose of it My times are in thy hands that he might magnifie mercy indeed and free love indeed No soule ever was as I have been I am sure of it If all the sins of all sinners that I read of or heard talk of were in one it were all short of me And yet t is his goodnesse that such a one as I should obtaine mercy I wish all may take heed of * The like expressions were by H.T. another in London in sicknesse Iuly 1. 1646. censuring the vilest creatures that are seeing the Lord hath done thus for me the vildest Creature but pitty them with teares of bloud One asked her how long it was since her hearing was restored to her She answered A few days agoe I asked if M r Simson and M r Jesse would come to praise the Lord with me and I found it was restored at that instant Part of a former Conference between her and another young Gentlewoman M ris A. whilst both were in despaire They met in Lawrence Pountney to hear the Lecture before it began M ris Sarah saw one walk about and about in a sad habit and went to her and asked her how shee did shee answered In as sad a condition as ever was any M ris Sarah None is in a Condition like to mine So they sate together and after that they went together and spake further of their sad conditions each counting their own state the worse Another day M ris A. said The Lord knows that knows all things that I would rather then all the world that I were in your condition M ris Sarah W. answ But if you knew how desperate my condition is you would be afraid to change place with me for you know not my sad sorrows None in the world can compare with mine Except you would desire to be in hell you would not desire to be in my condition M ris A. I must be damn'd M ris S. I am damn'd already from all eternitie to all eternitie it s not to doe but t is done already M ris A. I was a great professor but I was but an hypocrite and an hypocrites hope shall perish M ris S. I have bin an hypocrite a revolter a backslider M ris A. I know it shall be well with you M ris S. As well as it was with Judas who repented and hang'd himselfe which I must do before I shall be free from these torments At their parting for a farewell M ris A. said I think I shall perish ere I see you againe Yet the Lord spared her and shee came to her againe and they were somewhat gladded to see each other againe that could be sensible each of the others condition To sadded soules some joy it is to have companions Shee had another Conference April 24. 1647. since shee was comforted with another Maid being in deep despair that had heard of her former despair and her late comforts The words were to this effect Maid I am darkened in understanding and I am tempted to beleeve there is no God nor no Creation from God M ris Sarah W. ans So was it with mee I was so tempted The very Creation shews there is a God a Rom. 1. 19 20. and yet I could not beleeve it Maid said Some kept a fast for me yesterday and I remain as I was still and therefore I am the more terrified that no prayers shal be heard for me M ris Sarah W. So was it with me I was so terrified when there was no answer of prayers for me when in my dayes were kept for me But I was rather worse then better For I knew no prayers should be heard for a damned Creature I concluded I was rejected But the Lords time is the best time to give an answer b Psal. 88. 9. 16. Maid I have resisted the Spirit The Lord hath spoken mercy to me but I have resisted it M ris Sarah W. The day of Sealing was not come then you could not resist that work when he comes with power c Psal. 110. 3. els you would make God weaker then you God would bring you this way about and hides himselfe when you have grieved the Spirit that you may seek him the more earnestly and that he may give you the surer comforts and to make himselfe a glorious Name as in Isa. 63. 10 11. They rebelled and vexed his holy Spirit therefore he fought against them as an enemy Then he remembred the dayes of old when he led them by the right hand of Moses dividing the water before them to make himselfe an everlasting Name That led them through the deep So through the deepest troubles till the Spirit of the Lord causeth them to rest to make himselfe a glorious Name Though you have rebeld and vex'd his holy Spirit what could you doe more yet saith he I have carried thee all the dayes of old I le be your guide even to death Maid It s not possible that such a one as I should find mercy I look every moment to be swallowed up M ris Sarah W. But Gods thoughts are not your thoughts nor Gods wayes your wayes d Isa. 55. 8. In the Wildernesse Israel murmured yet the Rock followed them not they the Rock but went from the Rock yet the Rock followed them and that Rock is Christ e 1 Cor. 10. 4. So this Rock will follow you in this your Wildernesse Maid It s not possible I finde such a wicked heart that if it were not for feare of wrath or punishment I should fall into all wickednesse M ris Sarah W. Now you shew you beleeve there is a God You are not worse then Peter that so denied and forswore him against his Conscience f Mar. 14. 71. or then Mary Magdalen that had seven Devils was full of the Devill g Chap. 16. 9. The Theefe on the Crosse Persecuting Paul that persecuted Christ and my selfe was so injurious and blasphemous The chiefe of sinners yet these found mercy And what can you be more You can be but a sinner and the chiefe of sinners He dyed for such He is therefore cald Jesus because he shall save his people from their sinnes What people those that were not a people these he cals and these he saves Maid I am no better for going to the means and am ready to neglect all M ris Sarah W. I was so terrified I was not able
both Sermons these came to see her M r and M ris Liggon the Relator M ris Dawson a Ministers widow M ris Berny of Norfolk and many others amongst which was a Gentlewoman in sad despair that hearing of her came to have speech with her and had The Relator writ then what was said after he came thither The Conference followeth Gentlewoman The Devill Rules in me M ris Sarah Christ will fetch you from him he will dispossesse him and possesse himselfe Gentle I am under sin M ris Sarah Shall sin separate from the love of Christ God hides himselfe from the house of Jacob though dear to him Shee speaking low one asked the Gentlewoman if shee did heare M ris Sarah O that you might heare a Joh. 5. 25. Eph. 4. 20 21. Christ speak to you Gentle I cannot beleeve I am justified for such are sanctified and so am not I. M ris Sarah You speak of sanctifying It s against the scope of the Scripture to put sanctifying before justifying You should beleeve that God justifieth the ungodly b Ro. 4.5 that 's for you to beleeve now and thence would arise your sanctification And that you cannot come to him except he draw you c Jo. 6.44 10.29 That all power is in his hand He is greater then all and none can pull you out of his hands Devils nor Angels nor sin can keep from him when he will draw you Gentlew. None knows my condition how desperate it is M ris Sarah The heart is deceitfull above all things and desperately wicked who can know it d Jer. 17. 9. He that hath Balme of e Jer. 8. 22. he and he alone can heale it None can wound the soule but himselfe and none can heale it but himselfe I found that everlasting armes were under me and kept me though I knew it not He taught Ephraim to goe though he wist it not f Hos. 11. 3. Gentlew. I am rebellious against him M ris Sarah He ascended and gaue gifts to men even to the rebellious g Ps. 68.18 The great gift he gives them is himselfe and from that great gift are all other gifts as all the streames are from the fountaine If thou knewest that gift of God thou wouldst aske it and he would give it h Joh. 4. 10. Shee had a vaile before her heart but he took it away and he gave her to aske shee could not aske till then I found that no other sin separates from Christ but unbeliefe and did he come to finde faith in earth in earthen hearts i Luk. 18. 8. there 's nothing but death and unbeliefe and envy and rebellion and all manner of evill till Christ came and he gaue faith to me he found it not Qu In what manner was his giving faith to you M ris Sarah At first I saw cleerly Christ crucified for my sins It was neither Judas nor Pilate nor Herod nor any other so much as my sins That he was the skape-goat that bare them all away into the Wildernesse of forgetfulnesse never to be remembred any more k Levit. 16.21 I cannot tell my misery how great it was and I cannot tell the mercy that a full Christ came to such an empty creature to such a one as I that was as Ephraim an untamed heiser unaccustomed to the yoke Then his Name was proclam'd to me that he was a Saviour to save sinners mercifull gracious long-suffering abounding in goodnesse and abounding in truth to fulfill all that mercy and goodnesse and he is the way to the Father Ah! that he should love such a one and marry such a one that was a murmurer disobedient unholy Such a one God was pleasd to make an object of mercy There 's an end of my misery though I thought there was no end of it but there 's no end of his mercy my misery was the misery of a creature but his mercy is the mercy of a God and there 's no end of it I was brought as low at the lowest hell The gates were open to receive me that then mercy should come to shut them that Christ came to fetch me out He is good and doth good not to them that are good but he makes good nor to fill them that are full but to fill them that are empty I le leave in them an afflicted and poore people and they shall trust in the Name of the Lord they that are afflicted and poore it s they shall trust in his name l Zeph. 3. 12. And what 's his Name but forgiving iniquity transgression and sin I made thee rest from thy hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve hard bondage and made to serve this hard bondage m Isa. 14. 3. Yet God delivered when none els could In the first verse the LORD will have mercy on Jacob and will yet choose Israel I had no will nor no desire to him nothing but perversnesse and wretchednesse as in Israel I might speak and speak a long time dayes and weekes and moneths and not able to tell all my misery The Lord loved me and he chastend me as he saith to Laodicea As many as I love I rebuke and chasten n Rev. 3. 19. Gentlew. All afflictions are for good to them that love God but they bring me no good at all M ris Sarah I warrant you David could not say His afflictions were good for him when he said They are gone over my head my heart failes mee o Psal. 40. 12. But it was afterwards that he said It is good for me to be afflicted The Prodigall whilst he was in his sin and misery could not say it was best for him But how did his Father friends rejoyce afterwards p Luk. 15.32 I desire all the Saints might rejoyce as much for me as they did for him Christ came to seek and to save that that was lost I found it so I read God is good to them that are of a pure heart and I was troubled at it for mine was not pure q Psal. 73. 1. That heart is pure that he makes pure he finds it not pure but he makes it pure When I read I read the promises over and over but I could remember nothing of them but if I reade but a tittle of the judgements that remained with me I could remember the verse where they are At last the promises terrified me most of all because they were for others but not for me None could burst these brazen gates but Christ alone I was worse then a Beast Beasts praise God in their kinde But I dishonoured him But all this hindred not his love to me Would you love God first or would you have him love you first Gentlew. I doe not love him M ris Sarah We are by nature far from loving him wee are enemies to him God reconciles enemies q Rom. 5. 8-10 It s wee were enemies to God `not God an
I had mercy or no. I felt my selfe soule and body in fire brimstone already If all the fire and brimstone in London all the pitch tarre should all be in one fire and I walking in the midst of that fire this was my condition I beheld my selfe in hell locally my terrour was so great And I thought there was no other Hell but that which I felt and therefore I sought to make away my selfe and many wayes attempted it But God bath made me see my sin therein and he ashamed and mine iniquity and be confounded Yet then I could wait no longer and I said if God will not save me let him condemne me and it terrified me after that I had said so But were Gods thoughts as my thoughts were his thoughts ill towards me because I thought so Nay Gods thoughts were not my thoughts b Isa. 55. 8. God could withold possession and temptation if he would but he sees it s for his glory and for the good of his that you might love him the more and that his glory might the more be seen in his delivering of you It s Christs work to dispossesse where the strong man armed keeps the house He doth not dispossesse the soule that was not possessed but the soule that was possessed possest with sin and Satan and corruption that such should be brought from the captivity of Satan to the glorious liberty of the sons of God And then shall you see that this was good for you all things are for good to them that love God I say not that you can love God but he will give you a heart to love him c De. 30.6 Woman I have no experience that ever he shewd that mercy on me Sa. Hee 'l shew mercy that he may be feared d Ps. 130.4 Hee 'l shew mercy to sinners are not you a sinner and ungodly Woman But not to me I cannot beleeve it S. You cannot beleeve it I could not beleeve that he died for me Paul saith I was a blasphemer a persecutor injurious yet I obtained mercy to be a patterne to others 1 Tim. 1. Had you seen my condition that I was in as I saw it you would believ be may as soon shew mercy on you as shew mercy to me and sooner too by far Woman I was and am still of a perverse spirit S. He sees you are so and he heales such None can heale but Christ he is the Physician that heales che chiefest sinners freely Put al sins into one unbeliefe is the greatest and Christ died for that sin and t is Christs gift to give faith to one that hath no saith to a heart ful of nothing but of sin and corruption and unbelief till Christ give it to beleeve e Heb. 12. 2. Woman I would beleeve but I cannot S. Say as the man said I beleeve Lord help my unbeliefe f Mar. 9.24 there was faith and unbeliefe mingled Christ comes to give repentance and remission of sinnes g Act. 5. 31. and faith to beleeve it If you have Satan in you Christ came to destroy the works of Satan and it s a work onely for him to doe it Woman I am in continuall horror S. If he speak peace who then can trouble He will speak peace to his people then * So shee spake it and so the Hebrew is future Ps. 85.8 they shall not returne to folly and what 's that folly but to distrust Gods mercy and have hard thoughts of God as if his anger wrath should be for ever Ps. 77.8.10 Woman Nothing will work on my heart S. No not till Christ work And if he work who shall let him His Counsell shall stand h Ps. 33.11 The woman being wished to forbeare because the other was so weak and spent She would have the woman remember this That Christ was carried into a wildernes to be tempted So he brings a soule into a wildernesse of Temptation and then will he succour them that are tempted He saith I le allure her and bring her into the wildernes and then speak peace to her Ho. 2.14 That 's Gods time to doe it then he saith to them I wil betroth thee to me for ever I le betroth thee to me It s the wildered soule the desolate soule that he wil betroth to him Though you are now in the wildernes ne'r so sore stung of fiery Scorpions yet there 's a brazen Serpent for you even you to look upon and be heal'd or for such a one in your condition never so sore stung Is holden up not for them that are not stung but for them that are sore stung Io. 3 14. May 16. Shee still being very weak in bed was another Conference shee seeking to comfort one in deep despaire that came to her The woman being asked how it was with her Woman I have slipt my time shee had formerly told her more of her sad condition by sin S. Was it Gods time to have done it then Who could hinder him Thou hast not cald on me O Iacob thou hast been weary of me O Israel thou hast wearied me with thine iniquities But was their time past Nay the very next verse is I even I am he that blots out thy transgressions for mine own sake not for thy sake be thou ashamed but for mine own sake Isa. 43 end And in Jer 5. 11 12. The house of Israel and of Judah have belied the Lord and said it is not he neither shall evill come upon us Yet Iudah shall be saved and Christ shall be the Lord thier righteousnesse Iere. 23. 6. For four yeere together have I been in as sad a condition as you can be in and at least it grow sadder and sadder still till I came even at the brink of Hell and Hell gates were wide open sin and destruction set them open then came Christ with his armes wide open for me and pul'd me thence Object Ther 's no mercy to one in my condition S. I did not then apprehend there was any mercy for me I never met with any so carried on as I was I reason'd with God Why he would make me to damn me And why he made the Devill Of late I thought if I made away my selfe there was an end of my misery and that there was no God no Heaven and no Hell but what I had already This last was ever since a moneth or six weeks before Christmas as they call it I could not beleeve the Scripture nor any thing I had judged my selfe for these evills I see nothing is too hard for God that yet saves me Jer. 33. 17. Then is no sin greater then unbeliefe Yet Christ ayed for this also Did not Christ say to his own Disciples O fooles and slow of heart to beleve They were slow to beleeve and yet Christ dyed for them and was not slow to give them faith to beleeve Whatever we suffer in Temptation Christ suffered being
loved me That that I admire most is that Iesus Christ should dye for such a one e Rom. 5 6-8 9. Then being sensible of her bodily ilnesse having kept her bed since April 6. Shee said I am sore from the crown of the head to the foot but t is nothing t is nothing When Iesus Christ was in the world he cured bodies and not bodies onely but soules too Then turning her selfe in the bed shee said Now I have my desire I desired nothing but a crucified Christ and I have him I desired nothing but a crucified Christ and I have him a crucified Christ a naked Christ I have him and nothing els I am sore all over I can neither heare nor see I desired him so and I have him so and I have nothing els And said Wee should be as well content to beare he crosse of Christ as the crown f Gal. 6. 14. Act. 2â— 24. For he was made perfect by suffering g Heb. 2. 10. and he had no sin it was for us Therefore wee should be contented to beare the Crosse h 1 Pet. 2. 21 22. Hah Had I known this I would not have been in such a condition as I was meaning it seems in murmuring and not waiting patiently the Lords time But Gods time is the best time to reveale himselfe and to open mine eyes to see and mine ears to hear and he gives power to wait Was I afraid to name the Devill Nothing but free Grace makes the difference between me and the Devill All 's free mercy free and goodnesse free and love free The Lord proclaimed his own Name he cald himselfe Gracious Mercifull Long-suffering i Exod. 34. 6. Ah how sick am I at the heart what a stitch I have Soon after shee said I thank you for giving me the water Iesus Christ hath given you water He hath given you and he will give you more Shee said also God hath two thrones one is in the highest Heavens the other is in the lowest hearts He dwels as truly in the lowest hearts as in the highest Heavens in the poorest contemptible heart k Isa. 66. 2. When Solomon built a Temple he said The Heavens of Heavens cannot contein thee and how shall this house that I have built l 1 King 8. 27. But God builds a house for himselfe to dwell in and he dwels in it for ever for ever for ever Doe not you know that God hath two Thrones The highest Heavens and the lowest hearts Happy is that people that is in such a case whose God is the Lord whose joy is their strength m Psal. 144. 15. And so saying shee smiled her eyes being still fast closed So shee lay still and was not heard to speake any more from that Tuesday till Thursday following Thursday April 15. 1647. This day about 7 of the clock in the morning shee began thus Daniel in the Lyons den the three children in the siery farnace n Dan. 6. end Dan. 3.26 28. the Lord delivered them and so he doth me Then calling for water to drink shee said again as formerly Christ hath given you water to drink freely give me water freely so shee drank three or foure times her little cup full of water And shee still remaining deaf and with her eyes fast closed up shee said Have not I a Mother some where I pray you pray her to pardon me the murmurings against her For nothing els troubles me God hath pardoned Hath the Creator pardoned and shall not the Creature Thus speaking the teares ran fast down her checks for a great while and shee said When the prodigall came home his earthly father pardon'd him o Luk. 15. 20. 32. and his heavenly Father pardon'd him And will not my Mother pardon me If shee should it s not that will doe me good If shee will not it lyes heavy upon me But God hath pardon'd mee Another time when many were present shee said thus with teares trickling down If any did know what it is to murmure against a God and against a Parent and felt for it what I have felt they would never doe it Nothing more burdens me then my murmurings and disobedience against my Mother This shee spake weeping What a warning is this to all children that have murmured or been disobedient against father or mother to repent in time and seek pardon and mercy for helpe against it least it be as heavy a burthen to them when they are in trouble as it hath been to this hand-maid and to divers others Yet she said her disobedience was not wilfull but shee was hurried to it in the violence of temptation Then shee desired her mother might come to her to testifie that she had pardon'd her yet could shee then neither heare nor see but said I know a Iacob from an Esau. Her mother came to her and took her daughters hand and put it to her own neck where her daughter felt a skare that was there through the enemy whereby her daughter knowing her cast her head into her mothers bosome and wept greatly and kissed her and stroaked her face and said I know you mother and I love you with another love then I loved you before Then shee asked for water to wash her EYES desiring she might now see her Mother also and that shee might heare her mother speak and tell her that shee had pardon'd her disobedience And water being brought her eyes were wash'd and they being still fast folded up M ris Dupper her neighbour in Lawrence Pountney-lane held open her eyes and shee saw and knew her mother and then immediately her EARES also were opened that shee might heare her mother speake to her and shee testified to her that shee had pardon'd her and lov'd her as her own soule And then her heart was at rest shee was satisfied Her bearing then continued about halfe an houre viz. till shee ceased then to speake and then it was againe taken from her and her eyes were presently closed up again In this time of her hearing her mother told her that her Brother was come viz. M r Ionathan Vaughan her mothers son by her former husband Who being then a Student of Alsoules Colledge in Oxford having remained there severall yeares was now come to London to see his Mother and Sister and other friends and was to return thither again shortly From thence he had lately writ a Consolatory Letter to his Sister expressing his confidence that Iesus Christ the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah both could and would deliver her c. Of which her Mother also was perswaded and waited for by which the Lord the more enabled her to bear this sad affliction that bad so long continued Shee was glad to hear of her Brother that had mourned and pray'd for her that he was now come at such a time and shee desired to see and hear him But at that time he was abroad And before he came shee had
her full 75 dayes without one crum of bread or meat and with so little drink Shee not being able to eat or to drink more then shee did but against her stomack When shee by urging yeelded to take somewhat shee could not keepe it but presently cast it up Shee never lov'd to drink strong waters nor strong drink from her infancy And when the Relator was told they could not get her to take of a Cordiall that was sent to her from a Lady that had been with her as they judged by the direction of D r Debote or of D r Worsley whom the Lady had lately sent to her he perswaded her to take of it and put it to her mouth But shee said Shee could not and said that the smell of it made her sick Which caused him to forbear further urging of her When lately one desired her if shee could to take some sustenance Shee answered I would if I could but I cannot it makes me sick to think of it Iesus Christ feeds me May 2. One asked her if shee would drinke M ris Sarah answered I cannot I have Iesus Christ I have enough he feeds mee with delights He not onely hath drops but he flows in of himselfe Shee was further urged to take somewhat M ris Sarah answered Shee desired not to be urged God hath given me food for my soule when my soule was well nigh starving for want of food but God hath given me Christ to feed upon and his flesh is meat indeed and his bloud drink indeed n Joh. 6. 55. God hath wrought a miracle in delivering my soule And if that he hath appointed life he will give me strength to take in the one as well as the other Now I am worse when I take it May 3. When shee was wish'd to drinke M ris Sarah answered I have wines well refined no dregs are in it It s pure that 's the purity of Christ. He gives me not cups full but he hath me into his wine-cellar o Can. 2.4 5. Old Transl. and fils me with flaggons May 4. M ris Palmer desired her that shee would take something to uphold her that shee might be an instrument of Gods glory that had done so much for her She answered What ever is for his glory he will enable me to doe it If it be his will that I should continue he will give me power to take in the Creature May 5. M ris Palmer came againe to her being very desirous to further her to eat or drink somewhat to nourish her Shee gave some such answer as is beforesaid M ris Palmer said What promise have you that any should live without food M ris Sarah presently answered Man lives not by bread onely but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God p Mat. 4. 4. M ris Palmer What 's meant by Word there M ris Sarah I think t is meant of Christ his love and mercy and goodnesse to poore sinners and that 's enough for any soule to live upon M ris Palmer answered It s enough for the soule but how shall the body doe M ris Sarah If it be the will of God that more of his power q 2 Cor. 12.9 shall be seen in sustaining me with so little his will is good Shee having said before that they saw that when shee took somewhat that it made her sick M ris Palmer asked her Doe your comforts remaine still as cleer and fresh as at first M ris Sarah answered Yes I have a standing River continually to drink of M ris Palmer ask'd Doe you sleep quietly without Dreames M ris Sarah answered I have dreames and sometimes I dreame of the free love of God towards me But once or twice I dreamed of the former terrors I was in and I trembled exceedingly and the bed shook under me exceedingly But I awaked and presently all was gone For he is unchangeable yesterday and to day and the same for ever r Heb. 13.8 This was May 5. 1647. At the former Conference with M ris Palmer the Relator was present and then writ Both the former and the latter M ris Palmer her selfe writ from whom the Relator had it and compared both together To another shee declared what torments shee had undergone for a moneth together before shee was forced to keep her bed which hath been ever since April 6. How shee walked in terror day and night what a Hell shee had in her Conscience and was tempted to beleeve there was neither God nor Devill neither Heaven nor Hell but what shee felt in her Conscience And therefore if shee were but out of this life there was an end of all her torments And hence shee sought to beat out her braines against the wall many times and thereby was bloudy and sweld And sought to cast her selfe down from steep places and got knives and other things to kill her selfe withall but was miraculously preserved because the Lord had a favour to her in her base estate But then shee thought If Christ should come in to her it was as if he should goe into a dunghill into a carraine That shee was tempted to blaspheme God and had much adoe to keep it in especially the last day of her souls affliction Wherein shee was very forcibly urged to blaspheme God and dye and so be out of her Torment which yet shee refused to speake it out till at last shee could no longer withhold but was even ready to utter forth that blasphemy and even then was her Tongue smit that shee could not speake Shee told moreover that shee usually every morning formerly was wont to read above twenty Chapters and so would have still'd her Temptations but was not a jot the better That shee could remember nothing of what shee had read but the judgements and they were laid open to her But all the promises were seal'd from me said shee One day I was tempted to throw my Bible into the fire and I threw it from me but it fell not into the fire But for this I was sore tormented that I would have throwne it into the fire Another time in my trouble I said what I was urged to say it was this If the Lord will not save me let him doe what he will with me Let him damne me But afterwards I was greatly terrified for it that I should bid him damne me And now shee saw the evill of yeelding to such Temptations shee thought to have had ease by yeelding but shee was the more terrified for her yeelding And yet the Lord magnified his mercy to her when shee thought that by such yeeldings God would surely damne her O the depths of Satans wiles and O the greater depths of the Goodnes of God! even so such seduced soules Shee further said That the same day wherein shee was forced to lye downe viz. April 6. shee was taken in all her body All was shaken and shee trembled exceedingly That her
I was well enough in my thoughts before S. It s God that gives you to see it G. The Devill can shew sin by the Law S. The Devill can goe no further then his chaine The God of peace shall tread Satan under our feet and that shortly g Rom. 16.20 ` The Devill shall doe that that turnes to good to Gods people G. That 's spoke to them whose faith and obedience was gone abroad through the world S. Did Christ dye for the obedient or for the disobedient Christ dyed for the disobedient and rebellious that they might partake of his obedience He dyed for those Romans not when they were righteous but while they were yet sinners and ungodly and enemies Christ laid down his life for them and what obedience was in such Can you say God will not give you obedience I warrant you their disobedience went abroad first h Rom. 6. 17. before their obedience G. I refused all meanes of my good S. What if you had us'd all meanes G. Then I should have been more obedient S. Then you would have thought you were some body Meanes should be used But now Christ will be the more exalted when you were so negligent Isa. 43. end G. When M r Prig taught on those words Arise thou that sleepest stand up from the dead Christ shall give thee light k Eph. 5.14 I was moved at it I perceived by his teaching that sin was the sleep ingnorance was the cause and repentance was the awaking And I thought I did repent and I began and saw sin in others and saw how vile sins were and had a great desire to God and heaven sometimes I was so and by little and little grew cold I sin'd against Conscience and now I walke not in light but in darknes l Isa. 50. 10. S. Christ is light to them that are in darknesse m Lu. 1. 79. Who is it that awakens such but Christ You have been a backslider he saith n Ier. 3. 22. I le heale backslidings for my Names sake G. Now in all my reading and all I doe I sin S. You cannot number your sinnes and you cannot number his mercy You will have the more cause to magnifie his Grace if now he come in to you G. Now t is tedious to me to read or heare I am so captiv'd S. They that are free need not be redeem'd he came to deliver captives o Lu. 4. 18. Neither you nor sin nor Satan can awake but Christ can awake and will awake them that sleep No creature shall have a hand in his work to have the praise of it But his owne hand shall lay p Isa. 59. 15. hold on salvation G. I grew proud of it that I knew more then others and would be finding fault with others when all was nothing S. I cannot beleeve that ever any were beyond my condition in self and sin yet hath he shewed mercy on me G. I cannot be sorry for my sins S. Hee 'l shew you that he dyed for your sins and then you shall mourne over him as one mournes for his onely son q Zach 12. 10. He doth not onely bid Be sorry and turne to me But he turnes the heart and makes it sorry He was exalted to give repentance r Acts 5. 31. and remission of sinnes G. What hopes have I that have not repentance S. You have not repentance He gives it to those that have it not not to those that have it G. I am unthankfull undutifull S. Think not of what 's in you but of what is in Christ for you there 's unkindnesse in you but kindnesse in him He gives a thankfull heart His promise is to give a new heart He saith I le give it s Eze. 36.26.25 You are still remembring your sinnes still be remembring mercie in forgiving sins Remember his kindnesse to Israel in the Wildernes still they went from him and still he followed them t 1 Cor. 10.4 Hee 'l work and who shall let u Isa. 43.13 Neither sin nor Satan shall let when he will work Remember that stil. Another Conference with an afflicted woman that heard of this mercy and came to her May 12. Shee still remaining in Bed very weak and spent as beforesaid VVoman Being asked how it was with her she said I cannot beleeve S. It s his work to give to beleeve that dyed for sinners VVoman It s not for me S. It s for chiefe of sinners for Mary Magdalen that had seven Devil w Mar. 16.9 Woman My heart will not be wrought upon S. Is any thing too hard for God T is Christs work and t is his Office to work on hard hearts stony hearts Woman I am oft afraid I shall never be sav'd S. You are but afraid so He saith I le sustaine thee I le save thee be not afraid x Isa. 41.10 He puts under his everlasting armes I thought and said it was impossible that ever I should be sav'd Yet that which was impossible with me was not impossible with God y Lu. 18.27 But I thought it was impossible with God VVoman How long were you in that affliction Another answered about foure yeeres Woman But not continually S. Yes continually But this last halfe yeere in terror day and night VVoman I goe to the meanes but it is to no purpose S. So it was with me I was worse by the meanes VVhat may your condition be VVoman I have cursed thoughts of God continually About three quarters of a yeer agoe when my husband was dead I thought What was become of his soule and what would become of me that had made him worse by my perverse words to him when he was faulty and one morning after I was awake I thought the roome was full of smoake and suddenly a fire went in at my mouth and went downe hot into my belly and there it went flutter flutter Another that lately had been with her said this was just her condition she felt such a fire coming in at her mouth and so into her belly But after shee judged it was but a fancy but remaines in despaire ever since Then said the woman I suddenly flew out of my bed into the midst of the roome and a voice said within mee to my heart Thou art damn'd damn'd I felt the smell of brimstone Thus it began and I thought the house was full of Devils Then for six or seven weeks together I never slept at all I was so terrified and have been out of hopes ever since S. Iesus Chrisi came to dispossesse the strong man armed that kept the house and to possesse it himselfe a Lu. 11.22 The Lyon of the Tribe of Judah hath overcome that röaring Lyon that seekes to devoure you Woman I can see nothing but damnation S. I could see nothing but Hell and wrath I was as desperate as ever was any I said I cared not whether
r 1 Cor. 1.30 Sanctification and Redemption Another maid that was not born in England being in affliction both in soul and body came to her telling her of her sad Temptations her words were better understood by M irs Sarah then by the writer and sometimes were guessed at from the Answers given to her viz. Maid I am sore assaulted by Satan M irs Sarah Christ is lifted up and held out to you as the Brazen Serpent was in the a Ioh. 3.14 Wildernesse Though you are stung by the old Serpent yet healing is in Christ for such as you Shall your sin separate from Christ Maid I know it shall not b Rom. â— 34.35 if Christ were willing to save me for he is able to do it Mrs S. Do you question the willingnesse of Christ He is your King he will save you c Isa. 33 2â— He is as wiling to heal you as you are to be healed He gave his life so saving the ungodly and sinners d 1 Tim. 1.15 therefore hee is willing to save them Doe you desire after Christ Maid Yea I desire him with all my heart I long for him M rs S. It s he that works c Phil. 2.13 the will and the deed he works that desire in you Maid I feel that God is angry with me M rs S. His anger is but for a moment but his mercy is for everlasting f Isa. 54.8 Maid Yea if I could beleeve Mr s S. Do you see a want of Faith that 's your chiefe want If you had Faith you had enough and this is true Faith to beleeve that Christ dyed for you the chiefest sinners d 1. Tim. 1.15 Maid I am a filthy wretched sinner M rs S. Who was a sinner like me Who was worse then Mary Magdalen g Mar. 16. â— then Peter h 7. then Paul i 1 Tim. 1 13-16 Yet they obtained mercy Are you tempted against your life Maid I am oft tempted against my life M rs S. Why what causeth it Maid Sometimes this because I am not as others are I do not look so as others do M rs S. When Christ comes and manifests himselfe to the soul it is black in it selfe and uncomely k Cant. 1.5 but He is fair and ruddy and he cloaths the soul with his comelines that m Ezek. 16. 6 10. he puts on it and makes it comely therein and in him the soul is all fair and there is l chap. 4.7 no spot nor wrinkle nor any such thing in it in his account because he hath clensed it by his bloud from all sinne It s not you that do it but Christ that will do it as he saith This is my Covenant n Hebr. 8. 10 12. I wil be mercifull to their iniquities and I le give you a new heart o Ezek. 36.26 I le put my fear in you heart I le write my Lawes there Though the soul cannot beleeve at all yet hee remains faithfull and cannot deny himselfe p 2 Tim. 2.13 hee saith not hee will not but hee saith hee cannot deny himself Maid He may do this for some few but not to me M ris Sarah He doth not this to me onely nor to our Nation onely for many Nations must be blessed in him q Gen. 21. He came to give his life for a ransom for many to give himself for the life of the world r 10.6.51 He is a free agent and why should you exclude your self Maid I had a light followed me but now he is hid from me M ris Sarah The House of Jacob was the Church of God and yet be hid himself from them s Isa. 8.17 Maid I am a dry barren ground M ris Sa. Christ will pour water on the dry and thirsty land t Isa. 4â— 3. He satisfies the hungry soul with good things u Lu. 1.53 It s w Io. 19.30 2 Cor. 5 19. Col. 2.13 14 15. all done by Christ already for poor barren souls there is nothing now to do but to x 1 Co. 2. 11. manifest it by the spirit to you You know God hath made you and he bare you up this while Do you think any could do this but God and hath he done all this for you do you think he will y Iud. 13.23 not deliver you Did he z Isa. 63.9 Ier 1. 1.6 Act. 13.17 18 19. bear and carry the Israelites that had bee bond-slaves in AEgypt through the Wildernes into Canaan notwithstanding all their sins and provocations and hardnes of heart and will not he bear you and carry you out of your self into himself though you be a bondslave to sin and Satan He work and none shall let him a Isa. 43. 13. Who shall let the mighty God shall sin or Satan He works where he will and when he will Though he tarry wait for him for he that shall come will come and will notarry b Abac 2.3 The Relator spake afterwards with this afflicted Maid she told him the Lord had given some support and refreshing to her since that conference The Lord alone be exalted for it who works all our works for us c Isa. 26. 12. and in us For what have we any of us that we have not received d 1 Cor. 4. 6. And where then is boasting It is excluded e Rom. 3. 27. Iune 2. A godly man came to her and told her he was convinced in his Conscience to come to enquire the truth about an ill report he then had heard and judged it was false it was this That some great persons having come to her from Westminster she being told thereof that she said A greater then Solomon was there as if she gloried more in her self then in the work of Christ in her To whom M ris Sarah answered thus If all that hear ill reports would reserve all ear for the absent f Pro 18. 17. there would be lesse printing preiudice against the innocent then there is It s far from me to glory in my self but in my infirmities g 2 Cor. 12.9 and to lie down in my shame and to have confusion cover me In my terror it was far from me and now seeing a glimpse of the love of God it doth humble me thoroughly which nothing else could And now if I should glory in this work but onely in exalting Christ it would be as great a sin as ever I committed yet but onely the sin of unbelief h 1 Ioh. 5.10 The truth was thus One day amongst others that came one told her there were some that came far and desired to heare her speak what God had done for her She answered saying The Queen of Sheba came far to heare this Wisedom of Solomon but behold a greater then Solomon is here i Luk. 11.31 Christ himself to work a New Creation in the soul To turn me from the
so wept that my face was wet when I awoke I apprehended my self violently hurried down a very steep hill and being therewith terrified it was darted into me presently that it was the Hill where the swine that were possessed with Legion ran down violently into the Sea that was at bottome of that steep place And as I was thus hurrying down the same I saw as I apprehended Horses red and white and black and of some other colour were running down before me And being thus carried downe a great way and through the depth of it and darkness that was I could see no bottom of it being overcome thereby I cryed out to God Lord help I perish I perish I am not able I am not able to go down it And wept A voice presently answered me I am able to carry thee upon Eagles wings a Ex. 19.4 And instantly one like the appearance of a man but the Glory of him was so great I cannot express it he came and took me in his armes and carried me down to the bottom of the hill And then he said to me concerning the the appearance of the b As good Angles are sent to and fro Zach. 1. 8.10 So bad ones go to and fro in the earth Iob. 1. 7. 1 Pet. 5. 8. Horses that were hurried down before me These are all thy spirittual enemies and I have trampled them under my feet Rom. 16. 20. And then he carried me in his armes up to the top of the hill and then and not till then he told me the reason why he carried me first down to the bottom of the hill saying I could have carried thee at first to the top and not to the bottome but thus I did that thou maist prize the mercy the more in delivering thee from the lowermost hell and that thou maist prize Heaven the more And he further said I have gone before thee and have made crooked places straight before thee and have broken in pieces the gates of brasse and have cut in sunder the barrs of iron I have done it for thee He that carried me and spake thus to me was so glorious that its beyond what I can expresse Vpon this I awoke my cheeks being wet with weeping And considering and musing about this immediately this was brought to mind Wherein have I made thee accepted Is it not in my beloved Son in whom my soul delighteth Mat. 3.17 Eph. 1.6 The Glory of this was so great she could not tell how to set it forth and then was it brought to minde that it is called in the Scripture Riches of Glory Ephes. 1. 18. Riches of his Glory Eph. 3. 16. Glory of his Grace Eph. 1.6 Riches of his Grace Eph. 1. 7. Exceeding riches of his grace Ephes. 2.7 In the morning the caused Hannah Guy the Maid that attended on her to turn to the places and to read them The Relation hereof was taken as is before-said the 7 th of Iuly 1647. being the day of her going from London into the Countrey to High-gate to be the more retired that here was daily tyred or wearied out by many especially afflicted ones in spirit that daily resorted to her An honoured friend that would not be named affording her the courtesie of the Coach for her better conveyance The LORD having thus far carried on his owne glorious work in an Earthen Vessel and brought things to such a sweet period wee may Conclude with joy in the Lord having heard herein of his so notable and marvellous a work of one he hath brought from the jawes of hell to the joyes of Heaven from such Terrors so occasioned to such perfecting of praise out of the mouth of a Babe enabling such an one now so to improve and make use of the holy Scriptures to despairing souls and otherwaies Raising up not onely her soul but her body also so wonderfully by FAITH in his Son And now Is this nothing to you O ye that pass by you that read or that stand or sit by Is there nothing that the Lord hereby speaks to your heart Mic. 6. 9. The LORDS voice cryeth to the Citie and the Man of wisdom shall see thy Name hear ye the Rod and who hath appointed it Hath the Rod a voice Doth the rod of affliction speak to thee Dost thou hear what it saith And doth this Work of Gods wisdom and mercy speak nothing to thy soul If thou wouldst desire to make the best use thereof but seest thou art not such a man or woman of Wisdom as to see and hear so fully as thou desirest what it may speak to thee What honey may drop to thee out of this Rock And therefore thou desirest to be helped herein What benefit may come to us from this consideration Ans. Much every manner of way if the Lord will please by his Spirit to put an edge to it and to set it home to our hearts with a strong hand 1 Vse Seing the Works of God declare his Glory and are for our edifying as truly and as well as any other Ordinance as Psal. 19. 1. Psal. 8. 3 4. Psal. 145. 5 6 7 10. I say not as much as the word Psal. 138. 2. but as truly and so as well as it Psal. 19.1 7 8. Rom. 1.16.20 Act. 14.17 Act. 17. 26 24.27 Act. 8.4 5 6 7. Act. 10.35.42 1. That therefore the Lords speciall works the workings of his Holy Spirit being honorable and majesticall are to be sought out as most precious things of all that have pleasure or delight in them Psal. 111.2 3. Seing he hath done them to be remembred Why then is there a slacknesse in any of us who professe we delight in God and love him to search out such speciall works as these when we hear some hint of them Thus robbing God of that honour and our selves of that good that might have accrued thereby and shewing our selves like the brutish man Psal. 92. 5 6. Psal. 28. 4 5. Isa. 26.11 2. Vse That we think not strange if we hear of some in deep despair and judge not hardly of such as speak great things against themselves but rather judge what a burden is the least sin if it be felt as t is indeed This is the fruit of sin such may bee neerer the enjoyment of mercy then sinners in Zion that are at ease and then carelesse Daughters Isa. 32.9.11 Isa. 33.7 Psal. 73.3 4.14 15. 3. Vse To be a Caution and as a Warning-Piece both to all Superiours and Inferiours 1. To all Superiours whether Husbands Parents Masters or any Officers in State or Church to beware of urging any by any means to doe speake subscribe or an any thing against their Conscience or with a doubting Conscience though themselves are perswaded of the lawfulnesse of the thing as it was with her superior but yet as you have heard pag. 7. this was one of the first chief occasions of this so terrible a condition to this lately afflicted