receive_v the_o applause_n of_o the_o whole_a company_n upon_o which_o my_o mind_n be_v terrible_o strike_v and_o i_o immediate_o reply_v thus_o to_o myself_o good_a god_n that_o a_o man_n that_o walk_v upright_o that_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n and_o have_v the_o use_n of_o his_o sense_n and_o reason_n shall_v use_v they_o to_o the_o defy_v of_o his_o creator_n but_o though_o this_o be_v a_o good_a beginning_n towards_o my_o conversion_n to_o find_v my_o conscience_n touch_v for_o my_o sin_n yet_o it_o go_v off_o again_o yet_o all_o my_o life_n long_o i_o have_v a_o secret_a value_n and_o reverence_n for_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o love_a morality_n in_o other_o but_o i_o have_v form_v a_o odd_a scheme_n of_o religion_n to_o myself_o which_o will_v solve_v all_o that_o god_n or_o conscience_n may_v force_v upon_o i_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o ever_o well_o reconcile_v to_o the_o business_n of_o religion_n nor_o have_v that_o reverence_n for_o the_o gospel_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v this_o estate_n of_o mind_n continue_v till_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n be_v read_v to_o he_o wherein_o there_o be_v a_o lively_a description_n of_o the_o suffering_n of_o our_o saviour_n and_o the_o benefit_n thereof_o and_o some_o other_o portion_n of_o scripture_n by_o the_o power_n and_o efficacy_n of_o which_o word_n assist_v by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n god_n so_o wrought_v upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o declare_v that_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o passion_n appear_v so_o clear_a and_o plain_a to_o he_o as_o ever_o any_o thing_n do_v that_o be_v represent_v in_o a_o glass_n so_o that_o the_o joy_n and_o admiration_n which_o possess_v his_o soul_n upon_o the_o read_n of_o god_n word_n to_o he_o be_v remarkable_a to_o all_o about_o he_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o delight_n in_o his_o testimony_n that_o he_o beg_v his_o mother_n and_o lady_n to_o read_v the_o same_o to_o he_o frequent_o and_o be_v unsatisfied_a notwithstanding_o his_o great_a pain_n and_o weakness_n till_o he_o have_v learn_v especial_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n with_o out_o book_n compare_v this_o prophecy_n with_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o evangelist_n and_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v clear_o foretell_v by_o the_o prophet_n some_o hundred_o of_o year_n before_o it_o be_v accomplish_v and_o this_o consideration_n have_v such_o mighty_a influence_n upon_o his_o soul_n and_o strengthen_v his_o faith_n that_o afterward_o he_o never_o have_v the_o least_o doubt_n about_o the_o certainty_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o eternal_a salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n he_o say_v the_o in_o the_o first_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n the_o prophet_n declare_v what_o great_a opposition_n the_o doctrine_n of_o christ_n crucify_a will_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n from_o such_o obstinate_a sinner_n as_o he_o be_v who_o have_v believe_v our_o report_n and_o to_o who_o be_v the_o arm_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v and_o that_o the_o lowliness_n of_o his_o condition_n and_o person_n upon_o earth_n will_v cause_v weak_a and_o inconsider_v man_n to_o undervalue_v he_o because_o he_o do_v not_o appear_v with_o the_o vain_a splendour_n &_o pomp_n wherein_o they_o be_v please_v this_o he_o say_v be_v plain_o predict_v in_o the_o second_o verse_n he_o have_v no_o form_n or_o comeliness_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v see_v he_o there_o be_v no_o beauty_n that_o we_o shall_v desire_v he_o at_o the_o same_o time_n discourse_v of_o the_o manner_n of_o his_o youth_n up_o which_o all_o man_n know_v be_v too_o too_o much_o devote_v to_o the_o service_n of_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lust_n of_o the_o flesh_n of_o the_o eye_n and_o the_o pride_n of_o life_n have_v captivate_v he_o he_o be_v very_o large_a and_o particular_a in_o his_o acknowledgement_n about_o it_o and_o more_o ready_a to_o accuse_v himself_o than_o any_o other_o can_v be_v public_o cry_v out_o o_o bless_v god_n can_v such_o a_o horrid_a creature_n as_o i_o be_o be_v accept_v by_o thou_o who_o have_v deny_v thy_o be_v and_o contemn_v thy_o power_n can_v there_o be_v pardon_n and_o mercy_n for_o i_o will_v god_n own_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o be_o shall_v the_o unspeakable_a joy_n of_o heaven_n be_v confer_v upon_o i_o o_o mighty_a saviour_n never_o but_o through_o thy_o infinite_a love_n and_o satisfaction_n o_o never_o but_o by_o the_o purchase_n of_o thy_o blood_n add_v that_o with_o all_o abhorrency_n he_o do_v reflect_v upon_o his_o former_a course_n of_o life_n that_o sincere_o and_o from_o his_o heart_n he_o do_v repent_v of_o all_o that_o folly_n and_o madness_n which_o he_o have_v commit_v he_o have_v a_o true_a and_o lively_a sense_n of_o god_n great_a mercy_n to_o he_o in_o strike_v his_o hard_a heart_n and_o lay_v his_o conscience_n open_a which_o hitherto_o have_v be_v deaf_a to_o all_o god_n call_n and_o method_n say_v if_o that_o god_n who_o die_v for_o great_a as_o well_o as_o lesser_a sinner_n do_v not_o speedy_o apply_v his_o infinite_a merit_n to_o his_o poor_a soul_n his_o wound_n be_v such_o as_o no_o man_n can_v conceive_v or_o bear_v cry_v out_o that_o he_o be_v the_o vile_a wretch_n and_o dog_n that_o the_o sun_n shine_v upon_o or_o the_o earth_n bear_v that_o now_o he_o see_v his_o error_n in_o not_o live_v up_o to_o that_o reason_n which_o god_n have_v endue_v he_o with_o and_o which_o he_o have_v unworthy_o vilify_v and_o centemn_v wish_v that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o starve_a leper_n crawl_v in_o a_o ditch_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o link_n boy_n or_o a_o beggar_n or_o for_o his_o whole_a life-time_n confine_v to_o a_o dungeon_n rather_o than_o thus_o to_o have_v sin_v against_o his_o god_n his_o faith_n be_v remarkable_a in_o a_o hearty_a embrace_v and_o pious_a confession_n of_o all_o the_o article_n of_o the_o christian_a religion_n and_o all_o the_o divine_a mystery_n of_o the_o gospel_n say_v that_o the_o absurd_a and_o foolish_a philosophy_n which_o the_o world_n so_o much_o admire_v propogated_a by_o the_o late_a mr._n hobbs_n and_o other_o have_v undo_v he_o and_o many_o more_o of_o the_o best_a part_n in_o the_o nation_n who_o without_o god_n great_a mercy_n may_v never_o it_o may_v be_v attain_v to_o such_o a_o serious_a repentance_n as_o he_o be_v he_o faithful_o adhere_v to_o and_o cast_v himself_o entire_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n declare_v to_o repent_v sinner_n through_o he_o with_o a_o thankful_a remembrance_n of_o his_o life_n death_n and_o resurrection_n beg_v of_o god_n to_o strengthen_v his_o faith_n and_o often_o cry_v out_o lord_n i_o believe_v help_v thou_o my_o unbelief_n he_o have_v a_o mighty_a love_n for_o and_o esteem_v of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n which_o he_o have_v former_o too_o much_o slight_v and_o ridicule_v take_v up_o resolution_n to_o read_v they_o frequent_o and_o meditate_v upon_o they_o if_o god_n shall_v spare_v he_o have_v already_o taste_v the_o good_a word_n for_o have_v speak_v to_o his_o heart_n he_o acknowledge_v all_o the_o seem_a absurdity_n and_o contradiction_n thereof_o fancy_v by_o man_n of_o corrupt_a and_o reprobate_a judgement_n be_v vanish_v and_o their_o excellency_n and_o beauty_n appear_v be_v come_v to_o receive_v the_o truth_n in_o the_o love_n of_o it_o he_o be_v extraordinary_a fervent_a and_o frequent_a in_o his_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n and_o often_o call_v upon_o other_o to_o pray_v for_o and_o with_o he_o or_o to_o read_v the_o scripture_n to_o he_o and_o towards_o the_o end_n of_o his_o sickness_n will_v hearty_o desire_v god_n to_o pardon_v his_o infirmity_n if_o he_o shall_v not_o be_v so_o wakeful_a &_o intent_n through_o the_o duty_n as_o he_o wish_v to_o be_v and_o that_o though_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a yet_o the_o spirit_n be_v willing_a and_o hope_v god_n will_v accept_v that_o he_o continual_o beseech_v god_n by_o his_o grace_n and_o holy_a spirit_n to_o sustain_v he_o and_o to_o keep_v he_o from_o all_o evil_a thought_n from_o all_o temptation_n and_o diabolical_a suggestion_n and_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v be_v prejudicial_a to_o rhat_o religious_a temper_n of_o mind_n which_o god_n have_v now_o so_o happy_o endue_v he_o withal_o cry_v out_o one_o night_n especial_o how_o terrible_o the_o tempter_n do_v assault_v he_o by_o cast_v upon_o he_o lewd_a and_o wicked_a imagination_n but_o i_o thank_v god_n say_v he_o i_o abhor_v they_o all_o and_o by_o the_o power_n of_o his_o grace_n which_o i_o be_o sure_a be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o i_o have_v overcome_v they_o it_o be_v the_o malice_n of_o the_o devil_n because_o i_o be_o rescue_v from_o he_o and_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o free_v i_o from_o all_o my_o spiritual_a enemy_n he_o be_v very_o joyful_a at_o his_o lady_n
force_v to_o seek_v my_o fortune_n as_o they_o say_v and_o to_o fly_v with_o my_o own_o feather_n have_v not_o above_o three_o shilling_n in_o my_o pocket_n to_o travel_v up_o and_o down_o with_o in_o strange_a country_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o winter_n so_o that_o i_o be_v often_o up_o to_o the_o knee_n in_o snow_n whilst_o the_o very_a icicle_n hang_v on_o my_o hair_n and_o cheek_n which_o a_o shower_n of_o tear_n will_v sometime_o thaw_v fall_v abundant_o from_o i_o in_o the_o open_a field_n and_o highway_n where_o none_o but_o god_n be_v witness_v of_o they_o i_o many_o time_n use_v to_o beg_v at_o poor_a house_n and_o cottage_n that_o i_o may_v come_v in_o to_o warm_v and_o dry_v i_o or_o for_o a_o draught_n of_o small_a beer_n which_o will_v make_v some_o poor_a soul_n fall_v a_o weep_a to_o see_v i_o after_o many_o danger_n and_o trouble_n i_o foot_v it_o as_o far_o as_o cambridge_n where_o i_o seek_v from_o one_o college_n to_o another_o to_o be_v but_o a_o sizer_n or_o poor_a scholar_n my_o little_a stock_n of_o money_n be_v all_o go_v but_o the_o servitor_n of_o kings-colledge_n of_o which_o i_o be_v one_o before_o be_v dismiss_v i_o can_v get_v no_o place_n and_o i_o have_v no_o money_n and_o want_a bread_n insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v force_v for_o life_n to_o try_v all_o thing_n and_o to_o eat_v leather_n old_a quill_n and_o pen_n which_o i_o pick_v up_o out_o of_o the_o dust_n and_o dunghill_n and_o roast_v in_o a_o few_o coal_n which_o be_v leave_v in_o the_o chamber_n where_o i_o be_v yea_o at_o length_n i_o try_v to_o eat_v grass_n and_o do_v it_o and_o my_o drink_n be_v only_o fair_a water_n nay_o i_o grow_v to_o that_o height_n of_o penury_n and_o famine_n that_o i_o try_v to_o eat_v my_o own_o finger_n bite_v they_o till_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o no_o long_o then_o tear_v my_o hair_n and_o cry_v i_o have_v recourse_n to_o prayer_n whereby_o my_o passion_n will_v sometime_o be_v allay_v for_o the_o present_a this_o continue_a so_o long_o that_o i_o meet_v with_o temptation_n in_o this_o wilderness_n to_o try_v to_o turn_v stone_n into_o bread_n the_o devil_n often_o tempt_v i_o to_o study_v necromancy_n magic_a conjuration_n or_o the_o black_a art_n as_o it_o be_v call_v and_o to_o make_v a_o league_n with_o he_o and_o then_o i_o shall_v never_o want_v but_o have_v bag_n of_o gold_n and_o silver_n and_o be_v own_v by_o my_o friend_n and_o honour_a of_o all_o man_n and_o return_v home_o with_o great_a respect_n and_o riches_n yet_o the_o lord_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o hearken_v to_o he_o but_o to_o resist_v and_o tell_v he_o thou_o be_v a_o liar_n from_o the_o beginning_n away_o thou_o malicious_a accuser_n of_o the_o brethren_n tempt_v i_o not_o for_o thou_o do_v do_v thus_o to_o my_o bless_a lord_n and_o master_n jesus_n christ_n but_o he_o overcome_v thou_o and_o so_o i_o trust_v shall_v i_o by_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n then_o i_o pray_v and_o read_v the_o scripture_n and_o write_v holy_a meditation_n and_o soul_n soliloquy_n on_o the_o 88_o psalm_n with_o several_a other_o divine_a contemplation_n upon_o dives_n and_o lazarus_n etc._n etc._n all_o in_o verse_n very_o pathetical_a and_o tragical_a suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n under_o several_a temptation_n so_o that_o in_o stead_n of_o astrological_a and_o magical_a study_n i_o bend_v my_o mind_n to_o sacred_a meditation_n soul_n comfort_v angelical_a and_o evangelical_n contemplation_n yet_o i_o continue_v under_o strong_a temptation_n but_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n i_o speak_v it_o i_o think_v i_o be_v never_o a_o more_o grow_a christian_a then_o after_o satan_n have_v these_o repulse_n but_o i_o must_v not_o omit_v to_o declare_v that_o i_o have_v one_o dreadful_a temptation_n first_o which_o be_v almost_o irrecoverable_a have_v i_o not_o be_v prevent_v wonderful_o even_o as_o i_o be_v upon_o the_o execution_n thereof_o for_o find_v myself_o almost_o starve_v to_o death_n my_o strength_n near_o go_v my_o eye_n sink_v deep_a in_o my_o head_n and_o my_o face_n wear_v death_n colour_n i_o be_v almost_o at_o my_o wit_n end_n i_o confess_v when_o i_o feel_v a_o violent_a passion_n or_o fit_a come_n upon_o i_o i_o will_v fall_v to_o prayer_n reading_n or_o the_o like_a whereby_o sometime_o they_o be_v pass_v by_o and_o i_o have_v much_o comfort_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o always_o avoid_v they_o for_o now_o a_o terrible_a temptation_n get_v ground_n of_o i_o come_v on_o audacious_o grow_v so_o strong_a upon_o i_o and_o follow_v i_o so_o close_o that_o i_o can_v not_o escape_v it_o i_o take_v up_o the_o skin_n of_o my_o waste_a hand_n and_o arm_n with_o a_o resolution_n to_o tear_v it_o off_o for_o anger_n satan_n have_v so_o besot_v i_o that_o i_o can_v see_v no_o way_n to_o evade_v death_n i_o have_v be_v behold_v to_o all_o the_o scholar_n that_o i_o find_v courteous_a to_o bring_v i_o scrap_n skin_n of_o salt_n fish_n or_o any_o other_o victual_n in_o their_o handkecher_n or_o pocket_n which_o keep_v i_o alive_a a_o while_n till_o at_o last_o they_o all_o grow_v weary_a and_o i_o be_v almost_o pine_v to_o death_n and_o ashamed_a to_o beg_v public_o and_o utter_o blind_v as_o to_o any_o way_n whereby_o to_o recover_v myself_o out_o of_o this_o condition_n wherefore_o after_o violent_a and_o never_o cease_v temptation_n i_o draw_v my_o knife_n whet_v it_o sharp_a open_v my_o doublet_n and_o shirt_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o room_n where_o i_o be_v alone_o i_o kneel_v down_o to_o prayer_n to_o surrender_v up_o my_o soul_n into_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n my_o knife_n lie_v by_o i_o ready_a and_o i_o be_v prepare_v for_o the_o act_n when_o behold_v a_o door_n which_o i_o think_v bolt_v the_o night_n before_o yet_o be_v only_o shut_v too_o be_v now_o open_v by_o a_o scholar_n which_o with_o the_o screek_n of_o it_o make_v i_o start_v up_o and_o hasty_o throw_v my_o knife_n in_o the_o chimney_n be_v much_o ashamed_a of_o what_o i_o be_v go_v to_o do_v in_o come_v the_o scholar_n and_o tell_v i_o of_o a_o place_n in_o huntington-shiâ—e_a to_o teach_v gentleman_n child_n and_o how_o one_o of_o our_o college_n be_v send_v to_o and_o refuse_v it_o by_o this_o mean_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o this_o imminent_a danger_n and_o after_o the_o scholar_n be_v go_v do_v exceed_o reprove_v and_o check_v myself_o for_o suffer_v this_o temptation_n to_o grow_v so_o upon_o i_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n and_o be_v much_o afflict_v at_o it_o and_o the_o more_o because_o this_o mercy_n come_v in_o so_o seasonable_o upon_o it_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v not_o wait_v upon_o god_n at_o night_n after_o prayer_n i_o go_v as_o usual_o supperless_a to_o bed_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n melt_v into_o abundance_n of_o tear_n first_o for_o the_o sin_n that_o i_o be_v about_o to_o commit_v and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v and_o resist_v the_o devil_n as_o i_o have_v do_v in_o god_n strength_n before_o and_o then_o for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o his_o fatherly_a care_n appear_v for_o i_o at_o that_o instant_n when_o i_o take_v no_o care_n at_o all_o but_o have_v devote_v myself_o to_o death_n that_o at_o this_o very_a moment_n he_o shall_v not_o only_o deliver_v i_o but_o send_v i_o news_n full_a of_o hope_n oh_o how_o do_v these_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n and_o work_v upon_o i_o most_o part_n of_o the_o night_n until_o with_o a_o heart_n full_a and_o head_n full_a and_o eye_n full_a and_o all_o i_o fall_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o be_v visit_v with_o a_o extraordinary_a token_n from_o on_o high_a both_o in_o dream_n and_o vision_n which_o i_o imagine_v be_v afterward_o accomplish_v the_o dream_n be_v this_o that_o i_o be_v walk_v home_o to_o my_o father_n house_n with_o a_o staff_n in_o my_o hand_n and_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v out_o of_o the_o way_n i_o look_v careful_o for_o the_o path_n which_o at_o first_o i_o can_v scarce_o discern_v and_o begin_v to_o look_v about_o and_o question_v it_o till_o at_o length_n i_o perceive_v the_o footstep_n of_o some_o who_o have_v go_v that_o way_n hereupon_o i_o proceed_v and_o the_o far_o i_o go_v the_o plain_a i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o path_n and_o that_o i_o be_v in_o the_o right_a way_n since_o i_o can_v see_v no_o other_o at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v and_o go_v on_o confident_o as_o if_o i_o fear_v no_o evil_a nor_o enemy_n till_o i_o come_v to_o a_o fine_a glorious_a beautiful_a house_n and_o building_n on_o the_o left_a hand_n of_o i_o out_o of_o which_o issue_v forth_o a_o beâ—m_n that_o reach_v cross_v the_o way_n i_o be_v to_o go_v in_o so_o that_o i_o
christ_n if_o he_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o i_o shall_v do_v all_o thing_n m._n w._n xvi_o experience_n of_o i._o i._n when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o wealth_n and_o worldly_a enjoyment_n i_o be_v vain_a covetous_a and_o whole_o have_v my_o heart_n take_v up_o with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n little_a or_o nothing_o mind_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n or_o think_v of_o a_o change_n but_o go_v on_o in_o presumption_n put_v the_o evil_a day_n far_o off_o minidng_v only_o for_o the_o present_a what_o please_v the_o flesh_n until_o about_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o have_v many_o outward_a cross_n befall_v i_o and_o be_v in_o some_o want_n and_o then_o be_v under_o that_o dispensation_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o full_a of_o grief_n i_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v deliverance_n from_o my_o affliction_n and_o distress_n as_o to_o outward_a want_n but_o have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o consider_v what_o be_v the_o cause_n or_o to_o seek_v out_o the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o until_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n show_v sin_n to_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o our_o cross_n the_o consideration_n hereof_o do_v come_v close_o unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v a_o clear_a conviction_n of_o my_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a dote_a on_o worldly_a thing_n which_o have_v just_o provoke_v the_o lord_n i_o hope_v for_o my_o good_a to_o lay_v those_o cross_n upon_o i_o which_o though_o they_o be_v for_o a_o time_n bitter_a yet_o god_n have_v since_o sweeten_v but_o my_o sorrow_n be_v then_o double_v and_o i_o be_v deject_v not_o only_o for_o my_o outward_a cross_n but_o more_o especial_o for_o my_o carnal_a heart_n and_o vain_a conversation_n whereby_o i_o have_v stir_v up_o the_o anger_n of_o the_o lord_n against_o i_o i_o go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o word_n but_o the_o weight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o suffering_n so_o press_v i_o down_o that_o i_o find_v much_o heaviness_n my_o sin_n especial_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o see_v little_a hope_n of_o comfort_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o loathe_n of_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o trouble_v for_o the_o affliction_n it_o have_v bring_v upon_o i_o but_o about_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v master_n w._n prove_v by_o scripture_n in_o a_o sermon_n very_o effectual_a to_o my_o comfort_n that_o those_o who_o have_v be_v the_o great_a of_o sinner_n if_o they_o do_v hearty_o and_o real_o repent_v and_o turn_v to_o god_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o lead_v a_o new_a life_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v they_o to_o mercy_n hereupon_o i_o argue_v with_o my_o soul_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o the_o lord_n have_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o loathe_n of_o those_o sin_n i_o love_v and_o of_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o sincere_o to_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o that_o therefore_o there_o be_v hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o i_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n mr._n m._n and_o other_o and_o frequent_v divers_a meeting_n where_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n those_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n in_o which_o i_o chief_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n be_v matth._n 11.28_o 29_o 30._o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n take_v my_o yoke_n upon_o you_o and_o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o meek_a and_o lowly_a in_o heart_n and_o you_o shall_v find_v rest_n unto_o your_o soul_n for_o my_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o my_o burden_n light_n this_o make_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heavy_a heart_n lade_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n so_o christ_n jesus_n will_v give_v i_o comfort_n for_o in_o the_o 12_o verse_n of_o the_o same_o chapter_n it_o be_v say_v a_o hruised_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v and_o though_o i_o have_v dishonour_v christ_n yet_o i_o have_v not_o blaspheme_v the_o holyghost_n and_o therefore_o have_v encouragement_n to_o believe_v from_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n luke_n 12.10_o whosoever_o shall_v speak_v a_o word_n against_o the_o son_n of_o man_n it_o shall_v be_v forgive_v he_o but_o unto_o he_o that_o blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n it_o shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v i_o be_v comfort_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o hope_n because_o he_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n and_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v mercy_n offer_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v strengthen_v from_o that_o example_n lament_v 30.20_o to_o verse_n 26._o my_o soul_n have_v they_o still_o in_o remembrance_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o i_o this_o i_o recall_v to_o mind_n theresore_n have_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o we_o be_v not_o consume_v because_o his_o compassion_n fail_v not_o they_o be_v new_a every_o morning_n great_a be_v thy_o faithfulness_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a unto_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v much_o encourage_v from_o hence_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o deserve_a death_n and_o hell_n but_o my_o hope_n be_v in_o god_n and_o strengthen_v from_o that_o promise_n ezek._n 18.21_o 22_o 23._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o the_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v have_v i_o any_o pleasure_n at_o all_o that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v die_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n and_o not_o that_o he_o shall_v turn_v from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o spirit_n a_o very_a great_a resolution_n to_o serve_v he_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n i_o have_v have_v since_o much_o joy_n in_o duty_n of_o piety_n and_o much_o sweetness_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o gold_o minister_n i_o have_v no_o desire_n to_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o my_o heart_n now_o take_v delight_n in_o god_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o people_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n io_o discern_v a_o beauty_n and_o desirableness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v more_o joyful_a to_o i_o now_o than_o ever_o sin_n be_v former_o and_o when_o i_o come_v at_o the_o ordinance_n i_o often_o find_v and_o feel_v such_o heavenly_a refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o exceed_o full_a of_o joy_n there_o be_v such_o a_o love_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o willing_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v his_o name_n speak_v of_o and_o his_o glory_n exalt_v and_o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n draw_v by_o the_o power_n of_o god_n from_o my_o heart_n to_o such_o as_o seem_v to_o be_v his_o people_n j._n j._n xvii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o nine_o year_n ago_o at_o the_o birth_n of_o a_o child_n i_o have_v very_o great_a temptation_n of_o destroy_v myself_o and_o have_v have_v oftentimes_o a_o knife_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n to_o do_v it_o so_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v leave_v by_o myself_o alone_o and_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v what_o the_o cause_n may_v be_v my_o conscience_n do_v hint_n most_o my_o neglect_v of_o duty_n which_o i_o have_v many_o opportunity_n to_o have_v perform_v they_o be_v the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n thus_o i_o continue_v till_o two_o year_n ago_o i_o bury_v a_o child_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o part_v with_o and_o then_o be_v i_o more_o full_o convince_v of_o sin_n which_o cause_v my_o burden_n to_o be_v the_o great_a so_o that_o i_o can_v seldom_o have_v any_o other_o thought_n but_o of_o desperation_n but_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o can_v pray_v with_o devotion_n and_o discern_v the_o lord_n to_o remove_v this_o great_a trouble_n from_o i_o i_o do_v plain_o find_v that_o those_o great_a temptation_n be_v very_o much_o lessen_v which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a comfort_n unto_o my_o spirit_n but_o yet_o this_o still_o be_v
when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o place_n i_o look_v upon_o the_o child_n and_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o shall_v i_o destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o sore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o hss_a spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21_o 22._o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19_o 20._o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o sore_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o saithsulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o expertence_n of_o ae._n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o
distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a instruction_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n whicn_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v tnto_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o perfect_a upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o sensible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgression_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o
i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a and_o out_o of_o order_n to_o serve_v god_n it_o do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n 4._o when_o i_o be_o hinder_v from_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o the_o manifestation_n of_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n be_v the_o great_a joy_n i_o find_v and_o that_o which_o most_o fill_v and_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n 5._o i_o find_v the_o want_n of_o any_o of_o god_n ordinance_n to_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o at_o a_o loss_n therein_o 6._o i_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o have_v a_o real_a and_o hearty_a respect_n to_o his_o commandment_n and_o to_o do_v just_o to_o all_o and_o do_v find_v my_o heart_n chief_o draw_v forth_o to_o holiness_n and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n and_o live_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n a._n o._n xxv_o experience_n of_o m._n m._n i_o have_v many_o time_n have_v a_o desire_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n when_o employ_v about_o my_o call_v but_o i_o than_o think_v to_o myself_o that_o i_o have_v no_o body_n to_o provide_v for_o i_o but_o if_o god_n will_v bestow_v on_o i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o outward_a thing_n as_o upon_o other_o in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v the_o word_n and_o according_o as_o rhese_fw-mi outward_a thing_n have_v ebb_v or_o flow_v so_o have_v my_o joy_n be_v less_o or_o more_o but_o now_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o why_o i_o have_v former_o no_o comfort_n it_o be_v because_o i_o have_v not_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n before_o god_n wrought_v that_o in_o i_o instead_o of_o make_v use_n of_o those_o comfort_n which_o the_o word_n hold_v forth_o i_o spend_v my_o time_n in_o mistrust_v god_n providence_n who_o therefore_o just_o during_o that_o time_n hold_v the_o sense_n of_o his_o spiritual_a consolation_n from_o i_o sometime_o i_o be_v in_o despair_n so_o low_a that_o i_o can_v not_o apprehend_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v my_o portion_n but_o hell_n every_o thing_n that_o fall_v not_o out_o according_a to_o my_o mind_n i_o think_v be_v a_o judgement_n from_o god_n upon_o i_o yet_o i_o afterward_o get_v comfort_n by_o these_o invite_a promise_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o bis_fw-la way_n â—nd_n live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o you_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o house_n of_o israel_n i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o these_o promise_n but_o no_o assurance_n my_o thought_n be_v various_a and_o though_o between_o hope_n and_o despair_n yet_o i_o resolve_v to_o go_v to_o god_n know_v that_o he_o be_v unchangeable_a and_o that_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o if_o a_o sinner_n do_v repent_v and_o turn_v to_o he_o he_o will_v blot_v all_o his_o sin_n and_o iniquity_n out_o of_o his_o remembrance_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v this_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o to_o help_v i_o by_o faith_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o it_o and_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 18.21_o 22._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o all_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o his_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v and_o christ_n say_v job_n 3.16_o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o this_o be_v life_n eternal_a to_o know_v god_n and_o jesus_n christ_n who_o he_o have_v send_v i_o bless_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o now_o to_o believe_v not_o only_o in_o word_n but_o to_o labour_v to_o bring_v forth_o the_o fruit_n thereof_o in_o a_o godly_a life_n and_o conversation_n 2._o i_o can_v but_o admire_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o though_o i_o have_v give_v ear_n former_o to_o the_o devil_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o to_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n yet_o god_n have_v be_v thus_o please_v now_o to_o call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o his_o most_o marvellous_a light_n 3._o god_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o believe_v that_o though_o sin_n have_v abound_v in_o i_o yet_o grace_n shall_v now_o much_o more_o abound_v this_o make_v i_o to_o see_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n without_o any_o desert_n in_o the_o creature_n 4._o i_o have_v former_o go_v about_o to_o limit_n god_n and_o to_o be_v upon_o term_n with_o he_o that_o if_o he_o will_v give_v i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o worldly_a thing_n as_o i_o think_v needful_a than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o those_o duty_n which_o he_o have_v command_v i_o but_o this_o be_v contrary_n to_o the_o word_n of_o god_n which_o teach_v i_o now_o first_o to_o seek_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o the_o righteousness_n thereof_o know_v that_o all_o other_o thing_n shall_v be_v add_v to_o i_o that_o i_o want_v 5._o and_o now_o bless_a be_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o to_o believe_v this_o and_o all_o other_o promise_n so_o that_o i_o can_v by_o faith_n call_v god_n my_o father_n who_o have_v promise_v i_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o i_o because_o i_o love_v he_o 6._o i_o have_v find_v something_o from_o god_n of_o hope_n of_o mercy_n since_o i_o be_v a_o faithful_a hearer_n of_o the_o word_n though_o the_o devil_n do_v before_o tempt_v i_o with_o objection_n to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v for_o sin_n 7._o i_o be_o now_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n comfort_v in_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v not_o mention_v my_o sin_n against_o i_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n and_o the_o ungodly_a and_o i_o know_v that_o although_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o this_o hinder_v i_o not_o from_o lay_v hold_n on_o the_o promise_n 8._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o life_n i_o now_o live_v i_o live_v by_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n i_o see_v by_o faith_n that_o christ_n have_v satisfy_v god_n justice_n for_o my_o sin_n in_o particular_a and_o have_v bid_v i_o to_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 9_o now_o be_v spiritual_o marry_v to_o christ_n all_o the_o privilege_n of_o saint_n and_o believer_n belong_v to_o i_o and_o i_o can_v say_v all_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o christ_n and_o christ_n be_v god_n who_o shall_v lay_v any_o thing_n to_o the_o charge_n of_o god_n elect_n it_o be_v god_n that_o have_v justify_v i_o who_o be_v he_o that_o shall_v condemn_v i_o be_v now_o justify_v by_o faith_n in_o christ_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n 10._o i_o know_v when_o this_o earthly_a tabernacle_n be_v dissolve_v i_o shall_v have_v a_o abide_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n but_o eternal_a in_o the_o heaven_n for_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o go_v to_o prepare_v a_o place_n for_o you_o that_o be_v for_o i_o and_o all_o believer_n 10._o all_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n be_v speak_v to_o believer_n and_o by_o faith_n i_o believe_v they_o be_v make_v to_o i_o and_o because_o he_o live_v i_o shall_v live_v also_o now_o christ_n have_v make_v i_o free_a i_o be_o free_a indeed_o 11._o christ_n have_v do_v all_o for_o i_o only_o bid_v i_o to_o believe_v which_o faith_n by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o i_o 12._o i_o have_v former_o be_v stir_v up_o to_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v upon_o selfish_a consideration_n of_o fear_n that_o otherwise_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o hell_n and_o i_o be_o ashamed_a to_o think_v how_o i_o have_v choose_v rather_o to_o believe_v what_o the_o devil_n have_v say_v than_o what_o god_n have_v say_v but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o now_o see_v it_o be_v free_a love_n that_o he_o forgive_v iniquity_n transgression_n and_o sin_n only_o because_o mercy_n please_v he_o all_o that_o i_o can_v do_v can_v 13._o i_o
my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o distress_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n these_o word_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v and_o the_o bride_n say_v come_v and_o every_o one_o that_o will_v come_v drink_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o i_o say_v of_o myself_o i_o can_v come_v but_o i_o pray_v lord_n draw_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v run_v after_o thou_o and_o this_o word_n be_v cast_v into_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o only_o do_v thou_o believe_v and_o god_n have_v now_o wrought_v faith_n in_o i_o and_o by_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n have_v seal_v his_o love_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o to_o love_v he_o that_o i_o have_v cast_v myself_o whole_o upon_o he_o h._n c._n xxxi_o experience_n of_o t._n r._n mariner_n at_o the_o age_n of_o two_o and_o twenty_o be_v in_o the_o strait_n i_o be_v take_v by_o the_o merciless_a turk_n but_o the_o power_n of_o the_o lord_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o captivity_n by_o a_o miraculous_a way_n unexpected_a the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o call_v on_o he_o give_v i_o a_o gracious_a answer_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o nor_o forsake_v i_o in_o the_o war_n with_o france_n on_o the_o coast_n of_o guinea_n i_o be_v take_v by_o a_o french_a man_n of_o war_n and_o be_v great_o afflict_v for_o want_v of_o food_n and_o raiment_n and_o other_o hardship_n which_o they_o lay_v on_o i_o to_o have_v turn_v to_o their_o catholic_n religion_n yet_o the_o lord_n still_o promise_v i_o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o deliverance_n out_o of_o their_o merciless_a hand_n who_o make_v good_a his_o promise_n to_o i_o in_o a_o short_a time_n bless_a be_v his_o holy_a name_n after_o this_o i_o go_v a_o voyage_n to_o brasile_n and_o our_o ship_n be_v lade_v we_o do_v intend_v for_o portugal_n but_o they_o detain_v we_o a_o whole_a year_n so_o that_o our_o ship_n be_v all_o eat_v with_o worm_n and_o we_o be_v fain_o to_o keep_v pump_v for_o nine_o month_n but_o the_o long_o the_o worse_o for_o in_o our_o passage_n homeward_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v which_o death_n to_o choose_v either_o to_o starve_v or_o to_o be_v drown_v for_o our_o victual_n be_v so_o small_a that_o for_o one_o year_n and_o more_o we_o have_v no_o bread_n in_o our_o ship_n but_o eat_v the_o root_n of_o tree_n make_v into_o a_o substance_n like_o oatmeal_n and_o for_o beef_n one_o ounce_n for_o a_o man_n a_o day_n which_o stink_v so_o that_o none_o can_v have_v eat_v it_o but_o man_n in_o our_o case_n for_o drink_v we_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o pint_n of_o water_n a_o day_n during_o the_o time_n of_o our_o passage_n which_o be_v seventeen_o week_n but_o in_o this_o passage_n we_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n for_o he_o send_v we_o for_o three_o eek_n in_o seasonable_a time_n fish_n call_v dolphin_n sometime_o two_o or_o three_o in_o a_o day_n and_o as_o we_o grow_v within_o three_o hundred_o league_n of_o the_o coast_n of_o portugal_n and_o our_o provision_n near_o spend_v only_o three_o or_o four_o day_n leave_v and_o all_o our_o man_n sick_a and_o weak_a and_o almost_o starve_v it_o please_v god_n of_o his_o great_a mercy_n to_o send_v we_o a_o ship_n of_o flushing_n a_o man_n of_o war_n who_o prove_v to_o we_o as_o joseph_n to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n for_o they_o bring_v we_o victual_n which_o save_v our_o life_n and_o after_o they_o have_v take_v our_o ship_n they_o be_v fain_o to_o put_v on_o board_n forty_o man_n to_o keep_v she_o from_o sink_v for_o it_o please_v god_n that_o the_o next_o day_n after_o we_o have_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v upon_o she_o so_o that_o we_o think_v she_o will_v never_o have_v recover_v herself_o again_o for_o our_o good_n do_v shut_v all_o to_o one_o side_n and_o so_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o go_v until_o she_o come_v to_o flushing_n but_o we_o poor_a creature_n be_v in_o great_a peril_n and_o danger_n of_o our_o life_n and_o yet_o the_o lord_n comfort_v i_o by_o his_o promise_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o shore_n and_o will_v deliver_v my_o life_n from_o death_n and_o my_o eye_n from_o tear_n and_o he_o have_v do_v gracious_o with_o i_o above_o my_o desert_n and_o enable_v i_o above_o my_o strength_n and_o deliver_v i_o aâ—_n my_o hope_n therefore_o will_v i_o praise_v he_o without_o measure_n and_o magnify_v his_o name_n without_o end_n three_o year_n after_o this_o be_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o ireland_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o raise_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o in_o the_o morning_n by_o the_o dawn_n of_o the_o day_n we_o be_v so_o near_o the_o shore_n that_o to_o man_n judgement_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o death_n approach_v for_o we_o know_v no_o place_n of_o that_o land_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o fog_n and_o rain_n that_o we_o have_v all_o the_o day_n and_o know_v not_o where_o to_o go_v but_o as_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v the_o pilot_n of_o pilot_n do_v carry_v we_o until_o four_o a_o clock_n at_o night_n which_o in_o december_n be_v dark_a and_o then_o we_o come_v to_o a_o great_a high_a head-land_n and_o a_o little_a without_o that_o lay_v a_o great_a sand_n so_o that_o we_o can_v not_o go_v any_o other_o way_n but_o betwixt_o they_o be_v then_o past_o all_o hope_n of_o life_n we_o force_v she_o through_o the_o sea_n so_o that_o it_o break_v over_o our_o head_n insomuch_o that_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v whether_o we_o be_v in_o the_o sea_n or_o the_o bark_n but_o by_o our_o foot_n and_o hand_n for_o we_o can_v not_o see_v for_o the_o violence_n of_o the_o water_n only_o he_o that_o be_v at_o the_o helm_n and_o yet_o in_o the_o space_n of_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o hour_n we_o be_v in_o a_o safe_a place_n new_o take_v out_o of_o the_o jaw_n of_o death_n so_o that_o i_o of_o all_o man_n have_v great_a cause_n to_o be_v always_o render_v thanks_o to_o my_o god_n for_o his_o continual_a and_o most_o sweet_a favour_n unto_o i_o sinful_a wretched_a and_o empty_a man_n void_a of_o all_o spiritual_a goodness_n furthermore_o i_o be_v after_o this_o in_o a_o ship_n of_o 300_o tun_n lie_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o virginia_n wind-bound_a the_o space_n of_o seven_o week_n it_o please_v god_n to_o visit_v our_o people_n with_o the_o pestilential_a fever_n and_o the_o calenture_n which_o be_v a_o violent_a fever_n or_o madness_n at_o first_o and_o we_o have_v in_o our_o ship_n two_o hundred_o thirty_o five_o soul_n at_o that_o time_n and_o it_o be_v the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n that_o we_o have_v a_o hundred_o of_o they_o sick_a at_o one_o time_n so_o that_o we_o have_v but_o few_o to_o look_v 〈◊〉_d â—he_v sick_a and_o be_v in_o great_a want_n of_o provision_n yet_o we_o know_v not_o whither_o to_o go_v but_o it_o please_v god_n to_o raise_v a_o great_a storm_n so_o that_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v into_o our_o main_a sail_n and_o we_o have_v two_o foot_n water_n between_o deck_n and_o our_o poor_a sick_a people_n cry_v out_o they_o be_v drown_v but_o within_o a_o hour_n after_o by_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n we_o have_v fair_a weather_n and_o fair_a wind_n and_o within_o three_o or_o four_o day_n god_n set_v we_o safe_a on_o land_n to_o our_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o before_o be_v almost_o past_a hope_n so_o that_o he_o cause_v we_o to_o say_v with_o the_o prophet_n david_n it_o be_v good_a for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v and_o yet_o have_v another_o choice_a mercy_n to_o make_v know_v of_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o i_o for_o he_o have_v now_o call_v i_o out_o of_o the_o world_n but_o not_o out_o of_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n he_o have_v also_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o make_v clear_a my_o understanding_n with_o mary_n to_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n and_o whatsoever_o the_o world_n or_o satan_n can_v cast_v upon_o i_o it_o shall_v all_o turn_v to_o my_o good_a for_o i_o know_v that_o my_o redeemer_n live_v and_o he_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v which_o i_o trust_v i_o shall_v do_v till_o my_o change_n come_v as_o god_n shall_v enable_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n strengthen_v my_o faith_n xxxii_o experience_n of_o t._n g._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n god_n of_o his_o own_o free_a mercy_n and_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o prevent_v and_o keep_v i_o ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v from_o many_o thousand_o danger_n and_o yet_o i_o like_v a_o unruly_a creature_n
have_v conference_n with_o many_o of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n both_o preacher_n and_o other_o i_o be_v very_o much_o strengthen_v in_o faith_n and_o have_v a_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n whereby_o i_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o since_o hear_v some_o able_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n hold_v forth_o most_o precious_a truth_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o more_o particular_o mr._n bridges_n of_o yarmouth_n open_v that_o comfortable_a scripture_n psal_n 41.11_o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n his_o doctrine_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a man_n have_v no_o just_a cause_n to_o be_v discourage_v whatsoever_o his_o condition_n be_v either_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n or_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n or_o trouble_v or_o affliction_n that_o a_o man_n have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v for_o the_o least_o sin_n but_o not_o to_o be_v discourage_v at_o the_o great_a from_o trust_v in_o god_n but_o to_o rely_v upon_o the_o lord_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n whatsoever_o his_o disincouragement_n be_v which_o have_v since_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o a_o thankful_a posture_n towards_o god_n for_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n and_o it_o be_v my_o great_a grief_n that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a see_v i_o have_v receive_v so_o much_o mercy_n from_o god_n who_o i_o do_v daily_o offend_v which_o have_v make_v i_o with_o paul_n to_o cry_v out_o o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n but_o that_o the_o next_o word_n produce_v comfort_n bless_a be_v god_n through_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o suffer_v i_o to_o fall_v into_o a_o sinful_a condition_n by_o be_v too_o confident_a in_o my_o own_o strength_n which_o fall_v cost_v i_o abundance_n of_o tear_n sigh_n and_o sobbing_n of_o heart_n even_o as_o david_n say_v to_o the_o break_n and_o dry_v of_o my_o bone_n it_o make_v i_o walk_v sad_o for_o many_o month_n together_o &_o even_o to_o despair_v of_o any_o help_n and_o see_v i_o have_v bring_v so_o much_o dishonour_n to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n and_o reproach_n to_o the_o professor_n thereof_o this_o do_v much_o press_v my_o soul_n consider_v what_o a_o professor_n i_o be_v before_o in_o stand_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o oppose_v all_o gainsayer_n and_o for_o i_o to_o fall_v oh_o this_o do_v make_v such_o gash_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o consideration_n thereof_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v sad_o and_o sorrowful_o and_o with_o so_o much_o shame_n that_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o go_v in_o the_o street_n but_o that_o urgent_a ncessity_n force_v i_o to_o go_v out_o for_o comfort_n then_o it_o please_v god_n by_o special_a providence_n to_o cast_v i_o under_o dr._n homes_n his_o ministry_n and_o he_o treat_v on_o that_o subject_n concern_v backsliding_a out_o of_o jer._n 14_o v._n 7._o o_o lord_n though_o our_o iniquity_n testify_v against_o we_o yet_o do_v thou_o it_o for_o thy_o name_n sake_n for_o our_o back_n sliding_n be_v many_o etc._n etc._n which_o sermon_n be_v by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n effectual_a unto_o i_o for_o i_o be_v almost_o under_o despair_n before_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n from_o this_o doctrine_n that_o saint_n may_v be_v guilty_a of_o many_o backslide_n yet_o they_o shall_v not_o despair_v for_o that_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n the_o doctor_n make_v this_o use_n that_o if_o saint_n may_v break_v their_o peace_n wicked_a and_o unregenerate_a man_n may_v break_v their_o neck_n a_o second_o use_n be_v that_o a_o saint_n shall_v beware_v of_o backslide_v and_o make_v all_o speed_n to_o go_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o more_o strength_n to_o keep_v and_o uphold_v he_o for_o the_o future_a this_o do_v give_v i_o some_o comfort_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o set_v upon_o the_o work_n of_o seek_v to_o jesus_n christ_n more_o earnest_o because_o christ_n tell_v paul_n that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o he_o i_o have_v rest_v in_o that_o little_a mustard-seed-faith_n i_o have_v before_o but_o now_o it_o do_v begin_v to_o spring_v and_o blossom_n to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o jesus_n christ_n that_o he_o shall_v as_o it_o be_v snatch_v i_o as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o those_o burn_n of_o hell_n and_o establish_v my_o poor_a soul_n by_o his_o free_a grace_n to_o see_v all_o my_o iniquity_n lay_v to_o the_o charge_n of_o christ_n as_o isa_n 53._o v._n 5._o all_o we_o like_v sheep_n have_v go_v astray_o we_o have_v turn_v every_o one_o to_o his_o own_o way_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o which_o scripture_n be_v open_v by_o a_o worthy_a member_n of_o that_o church_n mr._n f._n it_o do_v much_o strengthen_v my_o faith_n in_o the_o application_n when_o i_o come_v to_o consider_v first_o that_o it_o be_v iniquity_n that_o the_o lord_n jehovah_n lay_v on_o christ_n second_o that_o it_o be_v my_o iniquity_n that_o be_v thus_o lay_v on_o he_o three_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n himself_o that_o do_v lay_v it_o on_o he_o and_o four_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o already_o it_o be_v not_o now_o to_o do_v all_o these_o point_n do_v much_o comfort_v i_o see_v they_o be_v back_v by_o scripture_n and_o such_o a_o caution_n give_v by_o the_o apostle_n paul_n heb._n 3.12_o say_n take_v heed_n lest_o there_o be_v find_v in_o you_o a_o evil_a heart_n of_o unbelief_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n and_o plague_n to_o any_o poor_a soul_n this_o wrought_v much_o with_o i_o but_o then_o apply_v several_a other_o scripture_n to_o the_o everlasting_a praise_n of_o jehovah_n and_o to_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n this_o scripture_n be_v produce_v in_o psal_n 68.16_o compare_v with_o the_o apostle_n word_n speak_v of_o christ_n thou_o have_v ascend_v up_o on_o high_a and_o lead_v captivity_n captive_a and_o receive_v gift_n for_o man_n even_o rebellious_a one_o that_o the_o lord_n god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o and_o that_o of_o ezek._n 16.7_o 8_o 9_o 10._o a_o precious_a scripture_n for_o trouble_a soul_n to_o be_v meditate_a on_o for_o comfort_n that_o a_o man_n be_v in_o his_o filth_n and_o guilt_n and_o all_o over_o with_o blood_n nay_o when_o no_o eye_n will_v pity_v he_o that_o then_o be_v a_o time_n of_o love_n to_o his_o soul_n oh_o mercy_n and_o free_a grace_n indeed_o then_o again_o consider_v the_o new_a covenant_n to_o open_v blind_a eye_n and_o to_o bring_v prisoner_n out_o of_o prison_n to_o the_o glorious_a light_n and_o liberty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o his_o proclamation_n isa_n 55._o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v and_o in_o that_o of_o joh._n 6._o five_o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o have_v promise_v in_o no_o wise_a to_o cast_v out_o though_o thy_o sin_n he_o as_o crimson_a and_o scarlet_a yea_o of_o such_o a_o deep_a dye_n as_o that_o with_o paul_n i_o may_v say_v to_o be_v chief_a of_o sinner_n yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o in_o refreshment_n from_o he_o same_o scripture_n about_o two_o year_n since_o providence_n cast_v my_o lot_n at_o westminster_n where_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n and_o have_v observe_v many_o honest_a people_n at_o hear_v of_o the_o word_n i_o then_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n so_o to_o direct_v i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n that_o my_o only_a aim_n may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n the_o good_a of_o other_o and_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v my_o heart_n notwithstanding_o all_o opposition_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o persuasion_n of_o some_o other_o to_o resolve_v and_o to_o break_v through_o all_o opposition_n and_o difficulty_n and_o to_o join_v in_o the_o worship_n of_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o our_o father_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n according_a to_o the_o strict_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n hold_v forth_o in_o his_o word_n m._n h._n xxxiv_o experience_n of_o l._n p._n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o i_o be_v then_o with_o child_n be_v much_o trouble_v at_o some_o thought_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n touch_v my_o conversation_n which_o lie_v so_o sore_a and_o heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v because_o i_o see_v though_o i_o endeavour_v as_o much_o as_o i_o can_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n to_o my_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v as_o i_o shall_v and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o know_v what_o the_o worm_n of_o conscience_n mean_v i_o
pierce_v into_o my_o heart_n as_o i_o desire_v 4._o i_o have_v sometime_o such_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o enlargement_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n with_o god_n thereby_o which_o i_o prize_v above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 5._o i_o desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o be_o trouble_v when_o any_o thing_n obstruct_v those_o desire_n 6._o i_o hope_v for_o salvation_n and_o true_a blessedness_n from_o jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n and_o from_o he_o alone_o f._n p._n xxxvi_o experience_n of_o d._n c._n i_o have_v have_v great_a conflict_n of_o soul_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o against_o sin_n and_o have_v shed_v many_o tear_n by_o night_n and_o by_o day_n i_o have_v be_v much_o trouble_v at_o the_o consideration_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o have_v be_v at_o anytime_n a_o clog_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v spiritual_a communion_n with_o god_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v it_o be_v the_o great_a grief_n i_o have_v ever_o have_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n and_o indeed_o my_o sin_n have_v be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o especial_o in_o that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o measure_n of_o knowledge_n and_o i_o have_v not_o walk_v up_o to_o it_o to_o live_v according_a to_o the_o light_n i_o have_v receive_v but_o i_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o god_n promise_n christ_n say_v all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n chap._n 6._o verse_n 37._o wherefore_o come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o and_o be_v you_o separate_v say_v the_o lord_n and_o touch_v not_o the_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v receive_v you_o and_o will_v be_v a_o father_n unto_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o son_n and_o daughter_n say_v the_o lord_n almighty_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v we_o if_o we_o repent_v and_o believe_v and_o christ_n call_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n matth._n 11.28_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o regeneration_n i_o have_v these_o experience_n whereby_o to_o give_v account_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o 1._o that_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o to_o seek_v god_n in_o christ_n 2._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o duty_n to_o join_v in_o ordinance_n and_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n real_o at_o peace_n with_o all_o the_o world_n 4._o i_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n god_n be_v at_o peace_n with_o i_o and_o will_v save_v i_o for_o ever_o through_o jesus_n christ_n d._n c._n experience_n of_o mris._n katherine_n clark_n have_v meet_v with_o the_o experience_n of_o this_o religious_a and_o worthy_a gentlewoman_n in_o the_o account_n of_o her_o life_n publish_v by_o her_o pious_a husband_n mr._n samual_n clark_n former_o minister_n of_o st._n bennet_n fink_n london_n which_o be_v find_v write_v in_o she_o own_o hand_n after_o her_o death_n and_o they_o be_v so_o very_o pertinent_a to_o the_o other_o aforemention_v i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o insert_v they_o without_o any_o alteration_n in_o her_o own_o word_n when_o i_o be_v but_o young_a my_o father_n be_v at_o prayer_n in_o his_o family_n i_o many_o time_n find_v such_o sweetness_n and_o be_v so_o affect_v therewith_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o wish_v that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v often_o in_o such_o a_o frame_n but_o childhood_n and_o the_o vanity_n thereof_o soon_o cool_v these_o heavenly_a spark_n but_o my_o father_n who_o be_v a_o minister_n cause_v we_o to_o write_v sermon_n and_o to_o repeat_v the_o same_o as_o also_o to_o learn_v mr._n perkins_n catechism_n which_o i_o oft_o repeat_v to_o myself_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o and_o therein_o i_o especial_o take_v notice_n of_o those_o place_n wherein_o he_o have_v set_v down_o the_o sign_n and_o mark_n of_o a_o strong_a and_o weak_a faith_n be_v convince_v in_o my_o conscience_n that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v and_o that_o every_o faith_n will_v not_o serve_v turn_n to_o bring_v i_o to_o heaven_n hereupon_o i_o fall_v to_o examination_n of_o myself_o and_o though_o i_o can_v not_o find_v the_o mark_n of_o a_o strong_a yet_o through_o god_n mercy_n i_o find_v the_o mark_n of_o a_o true_a though_o but_o weak_a faith_n which_o be_v some_o comfort_n and_o support_v to_o i_o and_o that_o god_n which_o begin_v this_o good_a work_n in_o i_o be_v please_v to_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o a_o diligent_a use_n of_o such_o mean_n as_o himself_o have_v ordain_v and_o appoint_v for_o the_o increase_n thereof_o as_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v private_a duty_n etc._n etc._n but_o when_o i_o be_v about_o seventeen_o year_n old_a my_o parent_n send_v i_o to_o wait_v upon_o a_o young_a gentlewoman_n in_o northamptonshire_n the_o only_a daughter_n of_o sir_n w._n w._n at_o which_o time_n be_v send_v so_o far_o from_o my_o near_a and_o dear_a relation_n and_o meet_v with_o some_o other_o discouragement_n in_o the_o family_n through_o want_n of_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n which_o i_o former_o enjoy_v i_o grow_v very_o melancholy_a i_o begin_v also_o to_o have_v great_a working_n of_o conscience_n in_o i_o and_o satan_n the_o deadly_a enemy_n to_o the_o health_n and_o welfare_n of_o our_o soul_n who_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n walk_v about_o continual_o seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v take_v this_o advantage_n through_o my_o ignorance_n of_o his_o device_n to_o raise_v up_o fear_n doubt_n and_o terror_n of_o conscience_n in_o i_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o manifold_a sin_n and_o for_o walk_v so_o unworthy_a of_o god_n mercy_n whilst_o i_o do_v enjoy_v they_o and_o for_o be_v so_o unfruitful_a under_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o so_o unable_a to_o obey_v god_n and_o keep_v his_o commandment_n and_o by_o reason_n hereof_o i_o have_v no_o peace_n nor_o rest_n to_o my_o soul_n night_n nor_o day_n but_o be_v persuade_v that_o all_o the_o threaten_n contain_v in_o the_o book_n of_o god_n against_o wicked_a and_o ungodly_a man_n do_v belong_v to_o i_o and_o be_v my_o portion_n as_o be_v one_o of_o they_o against_o who_o they_o be_v denounce_v insomuch_o as_o when_o i_o take_v up_o the_o bible_n to_o read_v therein_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o much_o fear_n and_o tremble_a yet_o be_v convince_v that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n frequent_o to_o read_v god_n word_n i_o dare_v not_o omit_v or_o neglect_v it_o thus_o i_o continue_v a_o great_a while_n bear_v the_o burden_n of_o grievous_a temptation_n and_o inward_a affliction_n of_o conscience_n yet_o dare_v i_o not_o open_v the_o wound_n nor_o reveal_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o as_o think_v and_o judge_v my_o case_n to_o be_v like_o no_o body_n else_o but_o god_n who_o be_v rich_a in_o mercy_n and_o jesus_n christ_n who_o buy_v his_o people_n at_o so_o dear_a a_o rate_n will_v not_o suffer_v any_o of_o he_o to_o be_v lose_v and_o therefore_o he_o be_v gracious_o please_v to_o preserve_v strengthen_v and_o uphold_v i_o by_o his_o own_o power_n from_o sink_v into_o hell_n through_o despair_n and_o from_o run_v out_o of_o my_o wit_n thus_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o continual_a grief_n and_o anguish_n of_o heart_n night_n and_o day_n i_o be_v so_o weaken_v and_o change_v within_o the_o compass_n of_o six_o month_n that_o when_o i_o come_v home_o my_o dear_a parent_n scarce_o know_v i_o for_o some_o year_n after_o her_o return_n she_o for_o the_o most_o part_n continue_v in_o her_o father_n family_n where_o by_o a_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a use_n of_o the_o the_o mean_n both_o public_a and_o private_a she_o do_v thrive_v and_o grow_v in_o grace_n and_o in_o the_o knowledge_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n as_o she_o increase_v in_o day_n and_o year_n till_o she_o be_v marry_v to_o mr._n samuel_n clark_n to_o who_o in_o all_o capacity_n she_o be_v a_o excellent_a wife_n after_o her_o death_n in_o a_o little_a book_n in_o her_o cabinet_n she_o give_v the_o former_a account_n of_o her_o conversion_n to_o god_n and_o add_v many_o more_o of_o her_o experience_n to_o this_o effect_n i_o here_o set_v down_o god_n graeious_a deal_n with_o i_o not_o for_o my_o own_o praise_n but_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o to_o stir_v up_o my_o heart_n unto_o true_a thankfulness_n for_o such_o unvaluable_a mercy_n and_o i_o have_v have_v many_o experience_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o i_o at_o several_a time_n under_o affliction_n 1._o when_o personal_a affliction_n have_v lie_v upon_o i_o in_o respect_n of_o bodily_a sickness_n or_o spiritual_a distemper_n 2._o in_o family_n affliction_n
success_n and_o glorious_a deliverance_n i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v never_o to_o distrust_v god_n again_o and_o yet_o my_o naughty_a heart_n have_v deceive_v i_o and_o make_v i_o ready_a to_o faint_v but_o this_o i_o find_v by_o experience_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o my_o god_n free_a grace_n that_o as_o trouble_n have_v abound_v my_o consolation_n have_v abound_v much_o more_o for_o god_n bring_v seasonable_o into_o my_o mind_n many_o precious_a promise_n which_o be_v as_o so_o many_o sweet_a cordial_n which_o much_o support_v and_o comfort_v my_o heart_n and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n when_o new_a storm_n have_v arisen_a and_o unexpected_a deliverance_n have_v follow_v and_o i_o have_v and_o do_v resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n not_o to_o distrust_v he_o any_o more_o yer_z though_o more_o and_o great_a daâ—gers_n shall_v arise_v yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o though_o as_o job_n say_v he_o shall_v slay_v i_o the_o good_a lord_n establish_v my_o heart_n in_o this_o good_a and_o holy_a resolution_n who_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v we_o to_o the_o end_n and_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v preserve_v we_o by_o his_o power_n through_o faith_n to_o the_o salvation_n of_o our_o soul_n in_o regard_n of_o satan_n temptation_n especial_o concern_v my_o come_n to_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o find_v often_o that_o i_o be_v very_o unable_a to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v myself_o for_o a_o comfortable_a approach_n to_o that_o sacred_a ordinance_n i_o use_v to_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o congregation_n unto_o god_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o use_v the_o best_a endeavour_n i_o can_v in_o private_a as_o god_n enable_v i_o though_o i_o come_v far_o short_a of_o what_o be_v require_v and_o of_o what_o i_o desire_v so_o that_o i_o do_v trust_v and_o hope_n through_o god_n mercy_n to_o find_v a_o comfortable_a day_n of_o it_o and_o to_o have_v it_o a_o seal_a ordinance_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v much_o deadness_n and_o little_a spiritual_a taste_n relish_n and_o comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o it_o so_o that_o my_o spirit_n be_v oft_o much_o trouble_v and_o cast_v down_o in_o i_o fear_v lest_o i_o have_v some_o secret_a sin_n undiscovered_a and_o unrepented_a of_o which_o cause_v the_o lord_n thus_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o but_o then_o my_o gracious_a god_n bring_v this_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o lord_n do_v sometime_o afflict_v we_o for_o the_o exercise_n and_o improvement_n of_o our_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o sin_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o as_o the_o lord_n do_v tender_a great_a mercy_n to_o we_o in_o this_o sacrament_n renew_v his_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o seal_v to_o we_o the_o pardon_n of_o our_o sin_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n so_o he_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o engage_v ourselves_o by_o renew_v our_o covenant_n with_o he_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o and_o to_o trust_v upon_o christ_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o apply_v this_o to_o my_o own_o particular_a soul_n and_o a_o while_n after_o to_o show_v i_o and_o to_o make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o precious_a and_o comfortable_a promise_n that_o though_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n yet_o with_o mercy_n and_o love_a kindness_n he_o will_v return_v to_o we_o again_o this_o be_v a_o wonderful_a comfort_n and_o support_v to_o my_o deject_a heart_n bless_a be_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o i_o desire_v to_o treasure_n up_o these_o experience_n that_o for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v in_o the_o like_a case_n resolve_v to_o put_v my_o whole_a trust_n and_o confidence_n in_o he_o that_o so_o satan_n may_v not_o entrap_v i_o in_o his_o snare_n through_o unbelief_n but_o that_o i_o may_v resist_v he_o steadfast_a in_o the_o faith_n for_o i_o be_o not_o altogether_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n god_n promise_n be_v that_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n we_o shall_v be_v more_o than_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v we_o and_o have_v say_v that_o this_o be_v the_o victory_n whereby_o we_o overcome_v the_o world_n even_o our_o faith_n 1_o john_n 5.4_o in_o the_o year_n 1664._o there_o come_v to_o we_o the_o sad_a news_n of_o the_o death_n of_o my_o second_o son_n mr._n john_n clark_n a_o godly_a faithful_a and_o powerful_a minister_n thus_o as_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n follow_v one_o another_o so_o god_n be_v please_v to_o exercise_v his_o child_n with_o one_o affliction_n after_o another_o he_o see_v whilst_o we_o carry_v about_o we_o this_o body_n of_o sin_n we_o have_v need_n of_o manifold_a trial_n and_o temptation_n as_o say_v the_o apostle_n 1_o pet_n 1.6_o now_o for_o a_o season_n you_o be_v in_o heaviness_n if_o need_v be_v through_o manifold_a temptation_n to_o keep_v we_o under_o and_o to_o make_v we_o the_o better_a to_o remember_v ourselves_o indeed_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n course_n and_o deal_n with_o i_o ever_o since_o he_o stop_v i_o in_o the_o way_n as_o i_o be_v post_v to_o hell_n to_o raise_v up_o one_o affliction_n or_o other_o either_o inward_a or_o outward_a either_o from_o satan_n the_o world_n or_o my_o own_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o nature_n not_o have_v wisdom_n and_o grace_n to_o behave_v and_o carry_v myself_o as_o i_o ought_v under_o his_o various_a dispensation_n and_o providence_n as_o appear_v at_o this_o time_n by_o his_o lay_v so_o great_a and_o grievous_a a_o affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v away_o so_o dear_a a_o son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v much_o soul-comfort_n and_o ardent_a affection_n which_o he_o manifest_v by_o his_o fervent_a prayer_n for_o i_o and_o by_o his_o spiritual_a letter_n and_o write_n to_o i_o wherein_o he_o apply_v himself_o suitable_o to_o my_o comfort_n in_o those_o inward_a trouble_n of_o heart_n and_o spirit_n that_o lay_v upon_o i_o this_o cause_v my_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n to_o take_v the_o great_a hold_n on_o i_o upon_o the_o loss_n of_o one_o who_o be_v so_o useful_a to_o i_o yet_o hereby_o i_o do_v not_o derogate_v from_o my_o elder_a son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v the_o like_a help_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o sad_a occasion_n my_o grief_n grow_v so_o great_a that_o i_o take_v no_o pleasure_n of_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v with_o melancholy_a and_o my_o natural_a strength_n be_v so_o abate_v that_o little_a food_n serve_v my_o turn_n and_o i_o judge_v that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v long_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n hereupon_o i_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o heart_n why_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o whether_o carnal_a and_o inordinate_a affection_n be_v not_o the_o great_a cause_n of_o my_o trouble_n which_o i_o much_o fear_v and_o have_v use_v many_o argument_n and_o lay_v down_o many_o reason_n to_o myself_o to_o quiet_a and_o moderate_v my_o passion_n yet_o nothing_o prevail_v to_o quiet_a and_o calm_a my_o heart_n 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ann_n rochester_n robert_n parson_n he_o enjoy_v a_o steady_a temper_n of_o mind_n through_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o repentance_n which_o must_v needs_o proceed_v not_o from_o a_o hurry_n or_o perturbation_n of_o mind_n or_o body_n arise_v from_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n or_o dread_a of_o hell_n only_o but_o from_o a_o ingenious_a love_n to_o god_n and_o a_o uniform_a regard_n to_o virtue_n suitable_a to_o that_o solemn_a declaration_n of_o he_o i_o will_v not_o commit_v the_o least_o sin_n to_o gain_v a_o kingdom_n and_o he_o have_v all_o possible_a symptom_n of_o a_o last_a perseverance_n in_o this_o admirable_a christian_a resolution_n if_o god_n have_v restore_v he_o to_o health_n to_o which_o may_v be_v add_v his_o comfortable_a persuasion_n of_o god_n accept_v he_o to_o his_o mercy_n say_v three_o or_o four_o day_n before_o his_o death_n i_o shall_v die_v but_o oh_o what_o unspeakable_a glory_n do_v i_o see_v what_o joy_n beyond_o thought_n or_o expression_n be_o i_o sensible_a of_o i_o be_o assure_v of_o god_n mercy_n to_o i_o through_o jesus_n christ_n oh_o how_o i_o long_o to_o die_v and_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n the_o time_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o repentance_n be_v just_a nine_o week_n in_o all_o which_o space_n he_o be_v so_o much_o master_n of_o his_o reason_n and_o have_v so_o clear_a a_o understanding_n except_o about_o thirty_o hour_n in_o which_o he_o be_v delirious_a that_o he_o never_o dictate_v or_o speak_v more_o compose_v in_o his_o life_n and_o therefore_o if_o any_o shall_v continue_v to_o say_v his_o piety_n be_v the_o effect_n of_o madness_n or_o vapour_n the_o assertion_n be_v as_o silly_a as_o it_o be_v wicked_a and_o that_o the_o force_n of_o this_o great_a penitence_n may_v not_o be_v evade_v by_o evil_a man_n who_o be_v resolve_v to_o harden_v their_o heart_n against_o all_o conviction_n by_o say_v it_o be_v do_v in_o a_o corner_n the_o truth_n hereof_o be_v very_o well_o know_v to_o all_o sort_n of_o person_n who_o in_o considerable_a number_n visit_v and_o attend_v he_o and_o particular_o by_o those_o eminent_a physician_n who_o be_v conversant_a with_o he_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o tedious_a sickness_n and_o who_o if_o any_o be_v competent_a judge_n whether_o he_o be_v in_o a_o frenzy_n or_o distract_a who_o all_o declare_v that_o he_o have_v not_o the_o least_o symptom_n of_o it_o but_o be_v as_o sensible_a as_o at_o any_o time_n in_o his_o life_n and_o health_n and_o if_o any_o shall_v be_v still_o unsatisfied_a herein_o in_o this_o hard_a heart_a generation_n it_o matter_n not_o let_v they_o at_o their_o cost_n be_v unbeliever_n still_o so_o long_o as_o this_o excellent_a penitent_n enjoy_v the_o comfort_n of_o his_o repentance_n since_o from_o all_o these_o admirable_a sign_n we_o have_v great_a reason_n to_o believe_v comfortable_o that_o his_o repentance_n be_v real_a and_o his_o end_n happy_a and_o we_o may_v according_o imitate_v the_o neighbour_n and_o cousin_n of_o elizabeth_n luke_n 1.58_o who_o when_o they_o hear_v how_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v great_a mercy_n upon_o she_o come_v and_o rejoice_v with_o she_o and_o herein_o we_o shall_v join_v with_o the_o whole_a court_n of_o heaven_n since_o our_o bless_a saviour_n have_v tell_v we_o luke_n 15_o 7._o i_o say_v unto_o you_o that_o joy_n shall_v he_o in_o heaven_n over_o one_o sinner_n that_o repent_v more_o than_o over_o ninety_o and_o nine_o person_n that_o need_v no_o repentance_n he_o die_v without_o convulsion_n or_o groan_n at_o woodstock_n park_n in_o oxfordshire_n july_n 26._o 1680._o postscript_n a_o account_n of_o the_o duty_n and_o usefulness_n of_o communicate_v experience_n be_v already_o give_v i_o shall_v only_o add_v that_o if_o any_o shall_v take_v offence_n at_o the_o publish_n of_o these_o experience_n and_o judge_v it_o unmeet_a especial_o because_o ill_a man_n may_v make_v a_o bad_a use_n of_o they_o i_o desire_v such_o to_o consider_v that_o wicked_a person_n will_v take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o scandalize_v religion_n though_o no_o occasion_n be_v give_v and_o they_o will_v likewise_o abuse_v the_o best_a of_o thing_n to_o evil_a purpose_n yet_o the_o prophet_n david_n say_v come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n restore_v unto_o i_o the_o joy_n of_o my_o salvaton_n then_o will_v i_o teach_v transgressor_n thy_o way_n and_o sinner_n shall_v be_v convert_v unto_o thou_o ps_n 51._o so_o that_o this_o declare_v of_o experience_n be_v one_o mean_n which_o we_o may_v expect_v the_o lord_n will_v make_v successful_a to_o the_o conversion_n of_o sinner_n and_o indeed_o the_o book_n of_o psalm_n be_v present_v to_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n both_o good_a and_o bad_a and_o do_v consist_v for_o the_o most_o part_n of_o experience_n and_o paul_n declare_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n to_o those_o that_o persecute_v he_o and_o the_o apostle_n peter_n bid_v we_o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o we_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n there_o be_v several_a other_o use_n and_o advantage_n from_o declare_v experience_n which_o be_v mention_v in_o the_o beginning_n to_o which_o the_o reader_n be_v refer_v i_o shall_v conclude_v all_o with_o repeat_v my_o earnest_a desire_n that_o this_o small_a tract_n may_v be_v of_o some_o profit_n to_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n and_o then_o my_o design_n in_o publish_v it_o will_v be_v answer_v w._n d._n a_o catalogue_n of_o book_n print_v for_o nath._n crouch_v at_o the_o bell_n in_o the_o poultry_n near_o cheapside_n history_n 1._o england_n monarch_n or_o a_o relation_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a transaction_n from_o julius_n caesar_n adorn_v with_o poem_n and_o the_o picture_n of_o every_o monarch_n from_o k._n will._n the_o conqueror_n to_o this_o time_n with_o a_o list_n of_o the_o nobility_n and_o the_o number_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o commons_o in_o both_o house_n of_o parliament_n and_o other_o useful_a particular_n price_n one_o shilling_n 2._o the_o history_n of_o the_o house_n of_o orange_n or_o a_o relation_n of_o the_o magnanimous_a achievement_n of_o his_o majesty_n renown_a predecessor_n &_o likewise_o of_o his_o own_o heroic_a action_n till_o the_o late_a wonderful_a revolution_n together_o with_o the_o history_n of_o k._n william_n and_o q._n marry_o be_v a_o account_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n to_o this_o time_n price_n one_o shilling_n 3._o the_o history_n of_o the_o two_o late_a king_n charles_n ii_o and_o james_n ii_o and_o of_o the_o most_o observable_a passage_n during_o their_o reign_n and_o the_o secret_a french_a and_o popish_a intrigue_n in_o those_o time_n pr._n 1_o s._n 4._o the_o history_n of_o oliver_n cromwell_n be_v a_o impartial_a account_n of_o all_o the_o battle_n seiges_n &_o military_a achievement_n 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etc._n for_o above_o 900_o year_n past_a pr._n 1_o s._n 7._o admirable_a curiosity_n rarity_n and_o wonder_n in_o england_n scotland_n and_o ireland_n or_o a_o account_n of_o many_o remarkable_a person_n and_o place_n and_o of_o the_o battle_n sieges_n earthquake_n tempest_n thunder_n fire_n murder_n &_o other_o occurence_n for_o many_o hundred_o year_n past_a with_o the_o natural_a and_o artificial_a barity_n in_o every_o county_n and_o several_a sculpture_n pr._n 1_o s._n 8._o the_o history_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o scotland_n contain_v a_o account_n of_o all_o the_o war_n battle_n &_o other_o remarkable_a transaction_n revolution_n and_o state_n intrigue_n in_o that_o nation_n during_o the_o reign_n of_o 72._o king_n and_o queen_n to_o the_o seven_o year_n of_o king_n william_n iii_o intermix_v with_o variety_n of_o strange_a accident_n prodigious_a appearance_n and_o other_o considerable_a event_n and_o a_o list_n of_o
conversion_n from_o popery_n be_v as_o he_o term_v it_o a_o faction_n support_v only_o by_o fraud_n and_o cruelty_n which_o be_v do_v by_o she_o with_o deliberation_n and_o mature_a judgement_n he_o be_v hearty_o concern_v for_o the_o pious_a education_n of_o his_o child_n wish_v that_o his_o son_n may_v never_o be_v a_o wit_n that_o be_v say_v he_o that_o he_o may_v never_o be_v one_o of_o those_o wretched_a creature_n who_o pride_n themselves_o in_o abuse_v god_n and_o religion_n deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o ptovidence_n but_o that_o he_o may_v become_v a_o honest_a and_o a_o religious_a man_n which_o can_v only_o be_v the_o support_n and_o blessing_n of_o his_o family_n complain_v what_o a_o vicious_a and_o naughty_a world_n his_o child_n be_v bring_v into_o and_o that_o no_o fortune_n or_o honour_n be_v comparable_a to_o the_o love_n and_o savour_n of_o god_n to_o they_o in_o who_o name_n he_o bless_v they_o pray_v for_o they_o and_o commit_v they_o to_o his_o protection_n he_o 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open_a enemy_n to_o jesus_n christ_n do_v the_o utmost_a despite_n to_o the_o holy_a spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o the_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o charity_n to_o such_o be_v to_o warn_v they_o in_o the_o name_n of_o god_n and_o as_o they_o regard_v the_o welfare_n of_o their_o immortal_a soul_n no_o more_o to_o deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n or_o despise_v his_o goodness_n no_o more_o to_o make_v a_o mock_n of_o sin_n or_o contemn_v the_o pure_a and_o excellent_a religion_n of_o my_o ever_o bless_a redeemer_n through_o who_o merit_n alone_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n do_v yet_o hope_v for_o mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n amen_n declare_v and_o sign_v june_n 19_o 1680._o in_o the_o presence_n of_o j._n rochester_n