will go mourning in this World while I have a Day to live till Christ shall please to cast an Eye of Grace and Mercy on me Nay let it come to this I cannot live if God be not reconciled If Christ be not mine my Spirit fails If the Lord do not relieve me there is nothing No abiding for me unless he speak a Word of Peace When the Soul is brought to this I must have an Interest in Christ or nothing will satisfie me such an one shall find Acceptance Therefore be in good earnest and let the Desires of the Soul rise up to an holy Restlesness O wretched Negligence that we can let the greatest Concerns of our Souls lie at Hazard all our Days Ten Questions to ask our Hearts Thus Mr. Steel advis'd we should often commune with our Hearts I. What have I been if now I am changed I was a wretched Sinner II. What Good have I done that God may have the Glory and I the Comfort III. How have I done it IV. What have I neglected The slothful Servant is condemn'd who had Talents but did no good with them What Duties have I neglected and how many Opportunities of doing good omitted V. What State am I in Am I in a gracious or sinful State in Christ or in my Sins If I am in Christ he rules if in Sin that reigns VI. What Frame am I in Am I in a gracious or worldly Frame of Heart VII What do I Am I in my Calling and in the way of my Duty Am I now doing the Will of God VIII Whither am I going Towards Heaven or Hell Every Moment I take a Step to one of them IX How far am I on my Way to Heaven X. What shall I do to be saved Salvation is to be had how shall I attain it His Covenant with God O Most Dreadful God! for the Passion of thy Son I beseech Thee accept of thy poor Prodigal now prostrating himself at thy Door I have fallen from Thee by mine Iniquiry and am by Nature a Son of Death 〈◊〉 a thousand-fold more the Child of Hell by 〈◊〉 wicked Practice but of thine Infinite Grace Thou hast promised Mercy to me in Christ if I will but turn to thee with all my Heart Therefore upon the Call of thy Gospel I am now come in and throwing down my Weapons submit my self to thy Mercy And because thou requirest as the Condition of my Peace with thee that I should put away mine Idols and be at Defiance with all thine Enemies which I acknowledge I have wickedly sided with against thee I here from the bottom of my Heart renounce them all firmly Covenanting with thee Not to allow my self in any known Sin but to use conscientiously all the Means that I know thou hast prescribed for the Death and utter Destruction of all my Corruptions And whereas I have formerly inordinately and idolatrously let out my Affections upon the World I do here resign my Heart to thee that mad'st it humbly protesting before thy Glorious Majesty That it is the firm Resolution of my Heart and that I do unfeignedly desire Grace from thee that when thou shalt call me hereunto I may practise this my Resolution through thy Assistance to forsake all that is dear unto me in this World rather than to turn from thee to the Ways of Sin and that I will watch against all its Temptations whether of Prosperity or Adversity lest they should withdraw my Heart from thee beseeching thee also to help me against the Temptations of Satan to whose wicked Suggestions I resolve by thy Grace never to yield my self a Servant And because my own Righteousness is but menstruous Rags I renounce all Confidence therein and acknowlege that I am of my self a hopeless helpless undone Creature without Righteousness or Strength And for as much as thou hast of thy bottomless Mercy offered most graciously to me wretched Sinner to be again my God through Christ if I would accept of thee I call Heaven and Earth to record this Day that I do here solemnly avouch thee for the Lord my God and with all possible Veneration bowing the Neck of my Soul under the Feet of thy most Sacred Majesty I do here take Thee the Lord Jehovah Father Son and Holy Ghost for my Portion and Chief Good and do give up my self Body and Soul for thy Servant promising and vowing to serve thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the Days of my Life And since thou hast appointed the Lord Jesus Christ the only Means of coming unto thee I do here upon the bended Knees of my Soul accept of him as the only new and living Way by which Sinners may have Access to thee and do here solemnly join my self in a Marriage-Covenant to him O blessed Jesus I come to thee hungry and hardly bestead poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked a most loathsome polluted Wretch a guilty condemned Malefactor unworthy for ever to wash the Feet of the Servants of my Lord much more to be solemnly married to the King of Glory But sith such is thine unparallel'd Love I do here with all my Power accept thee and do take thee for my Head and Husband for better for worse for richer for poorer for all Times and Conditions to love and honour and obey thee before all others and this to the Death I embrace thee in all thine Offices I renounce my own Worthiness and do here avow thee for the Lord my Righteousness I renounce mine own Wisdom and do here take thee for my only Guide I renounce my own Will and take thy Will for my Law And since thou hast told me that I must suffer if I will reign I do here Covenant with thee to take my Lot as it falls with thee and by thy Grace assisting to run all Hazards with thee verily purposing that neither Life nor Death shall part between thee and me And because thou hast been pleased to give me thy holy Laws as the Rule of my Life and the Way in which I should walk to thy Kingdom I do here willingly put my Neck under thy Yoke and set my Shoulder to thy Burden and subscribing to all thy Laws as holy just and good I solemnly take them as the Rule of my Words Thoughts and Actions promising that tho' my Flesh contradict and rebel yet I will endeavour to order and govern my whole Life according to thy Direction and will not allow my self in the Neglect of any thing that I know to be my Duty Only because through the Frailty of my Flesh I am subject to many Failings I am bold humbly to protest that unallowed Miscarriages contrary to the settled Bent and Resolution of my Heart shall not make void this Covenant for so thou hast said Now Almighty God Searcher of all Hearts thou knowest that I make this Covenant with thee this Day without any known Guile or Reservation beseeching thee That if thou espiest any Flaw
Righteousness is more satisfactory and pleasing unto God than all the Sinners Wickedness is injurious and displeasing to him O this is a very sweet and comfortable Consideration indeed There is no such Evil in Sin to damn thee as there is Merit in Christ's Blood to save thee IX To despair of Mercy is a greater Sin than all thy other Sins This makes thee like the Devil himself It is the Glory of Divine Grace to triumph over all the Sinner's Unworthiness Resolve therefore I will yet follow God tho' I have offended him come on me what will I know he is God and not Man who can help nay will help if I come unto him Isa 57. 16. I will not contend for ever nor be always wroth for the Spirit would fail before me and the Souls that I have made Isa 41. 17. When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them When it comes to failing fainting sinking dying then comes help Be much in Prayer and hold on waiting God may make you seek and wait a long time aye but he will certainly come and that will make amends for all X. How shall one be willing to die that hath not a sense of God's Love I answer when we can see our Love to God tho' we cannot see God's Love to us What are the Actings of our Soul towards God when we can see no Love in his Dispensations towards us As that good Man under great Afflictions and Dissatisfaction about the Love of God at last breaks out If I did not love God why do I follow him and mourn after him If thou lovest God here is ground of Comfort thou couldst not love God if he did not first love thee It was a memorable Answer of Mr. Dod to a godly Minister that said to him a little before his Death What will you say to me who am going out of the World and can find no Comfort He replied What will you say to our Saviour that was going out of the World and found no Comfort but he cried out My God my God still This Speech much refreshed that godly Minister Others of God's Children have wanted sensible Comfort at their Death yet they have been able to act Faith and to say My God my God still Tho' God's sensible Presence is not still the same yet his Word and Promise is he speaks as comfortably in his Word as ever he cannot deny his own Word God sometimes withdraws Comfort that we may prize his Word more and depend more upon that You please and honour God most when you can venture your Souls on his bare Word and Promise A Faith of Recumbency on Christ in the want of Comfort doth more honour God than the highest Faith of Assurance Why should Death be a Terror to them that fear God none need to fear Death that are escaped from the Dominion of Sin and the Devil Can you say you do not love Christ and that you do love Sin then there is cause enough for fear but this were to bely the blessed Spirit The godly hath hope in his Death A hope of Life even at the Point of Death A godly Man's hope can never fail him he may want sensible Comfort but he doth hope still Death 't is a going to God and shall a godly Man be afraid of going to his God Again it is a Sleep a Rest are weary Men afraid of rheir Rest and of going to sleep If Death be an Enemy 't is a slain Enemy Christ hath been the Death of Death And why should that have Terror in it that hath no Life in it A godly Man is a real Gainer by Death He gains more by his Death than ever he got all his Life long viz. Happiness and Joy that shall never end Again tho' Death separates Relations here yet Death can never separate the godly Man's Soul and Body from Christ Both still continue united unto Christ They sleep in Jesus God is still their God and therefore let not the Saints of God be afraid of Death XI Psal 147. 11. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him in them that hope in his mercy Then our Prayers please God when they are put up to him in Faith and hope of his Mercy Poor trembling Souls that meditute nothing but Terror little think how it would please God to see them to hope in his Mercy They are conscious to themselves how they have displeased God but hope in God's Mercy and he will take pleasure in thee They bring most Honour to God that are most admiring and magnifying of his Mercy His Heart is most set on Mercy in all the Manifestations of it Therefore let poor drooping Souls still maintain hope in the Mercy of God through Christ XII This is certain in every afflictive Providence to Believers there is more Mercy than Wrath nay 't is all Mercy in the Issue and not in revengeful Wrath but paternal Anger They have Supports under all sometimes they may be under desertion and no comforts of God come into their Souls they are ready to say Lord why casteth thou off my Soul But then they have this to support them they can love God and mourn after his Favour tho' he seems to be gone from them they can look after him and long for his Return and this is such an effect of Grace that is more worth than the whole World Sustentation saith Mr. Baines I thank God I have tho' Suavities I have none Sickness and Sorrow and Death that are the Fruits of Sin none can be exempted from but Grace doth this for Believers The Curse the Hurt the Venom of all is taken away they are Gainers by all 2 Cor. 4. 16. Tho' our outward man c. All works for their good Others have Comforts with a Curse but Believers have Crosses with a Blessing The Guilt of Sin the Grace of God in Christ doth quite take away from all Believers Heb. 8. 12. Pardoning Mercy clears the Soul of Guilt What Comfort is this to such that by the Grace of Justification through Christ they are in God's account righteous And upon the account of Christ their Righteousness they may come into God's Presence with as assured Welcome as Adam in Paradise or the Angels now in Heaven This thou may'st be assured of that Christ will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. Tho' thy Faith be so small that it yields not Light to others nor Heat to thy own Heart yet Christ discerns and accepts it But can a Man have the Exercise of Grace and not know it fear God and not discern it I answer Yes some Graces may then be acted and discerned by others as well as at any other time He may fear God as truly and as much as ever and yet his Grace may not have Light to discover it self to him It may have a Being and working in the Heart when it 's not clear in thy Apprehension XIII Hearken unto the Voice of God O poor doubting disconsolate Sinner Why dost thou pass Sentence against thy self Thou say'st O my Sins are very many Well but the Mercies of God are far more O but my Sins are very great True but the Meroies of God are far greater O but my Sins are of long continuance True but yet thy Sins are but Sins of Time his Mercies are the Mercies of Eternity O but my Sins are greater than you are aware of they are Crimson Scarlet Sins How great are they Are they as great as the Sins of Manasseh that was a Wizard that filled Jerusalem with Blood yet God pardoned him Are they greater than the Sins of Mary Magdalen out of whom were cast seven Devils and yet God had Mercy for her O but I fear the Stock of Mercy is quite spent No his Mercy endures for ever it is from everlasting to everlasting But I have exceedingly abused Mercy yet remember that tho thou hast sinn'd against his Mercy yet thou hast not sinned above his Mercy Isa 55. 8. My thoughts are not as your thoughts nor my ways as your ways as the heavens are above the earth so are my thoughts above your thoughts and my ways above your ways FINIS * My Honoured Friend Mr. Joshua Gearing Sen.
abounding of all Sin and Wickedness more and more The Lord enable me to do and suffer his Will and let me have his Presence and his Promise made good not to suffer me to be tempted above what he will inable me to bear 1 Cor. 10. 13. and that I may readily let all go for Christ if I am called to it The Lord grant I may be made meet to be Partaker of the Inheritance of the Saints in Light and get my Evidences for Heaven ready which through the Assistance and Help of God I desire to go about The Lord grant I may not be deceived but may gather such Evidences as will hold out and bear me up in the midst of Troubles and Trials yea in the Hour of Death and the Day of Judgment The Lord in infinite Mercy sanctifie to me the Death of others God hath of late taken away many of my Neighbours Acquaintance Friends and Relations Ministers as well as others a little while since Mr. Pledger and Mr. Wells in one Day O that all may be sanctified and especially the Death of my Wife that I may yet make such use of that Providence as the Lord would expect and be ready and prepared for my own Departure hence whensoever it shall please my dear God and Father to call me home Being now about to enter here what I have to shew for a Work of Grace in my Heart and a Right and Title to Heaven I desire of the Lord to help me in this great Affair that I may not be deceived but that what I here enter may be the true State of my Soul and that which will hold out and yield me Comfort in an Hour of Distress It hath been in my Thoughts several times to enquire what I had to shew for my Hope of Heaven that which ran most in my Mind was Faith and Repentance which upon diligent Search of my Heart I hope I have First For Faith If I have true Faith I shall certainly be saved so saith the holy Scriptures He that believes shall be saved Joh. 3. 16. For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoeever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Now Faith in Christ is described in the Assemblies Catechism to be a saving Grace whereby we receive and rest upon Christ alone for Salvation as he is offered to us in the Gospel which I hope I desire to do I hope I do most heartily desire to take Christ on his own Terms as King Priest and Prophet in all his Offices and am willing to be ruled by him as well as saved by him I hope I desire to rest upon Jesus Christ alone for Salvation and own no other Saviour but him I hope I have the Faith of Reliance to rest and center in Christ I hope I can with all my Soul throw my self upon the Mercy of God in Christ and if I perish to perish there trusting in him that I shall not perish Blessed be God! I am often lifting up my Heart to Christ O my dear Jesus Blessed Jesus on thee on thee alone I rest when I am in Fears and Doubts and Troubles I hope I desire to say with the Church In the Lord have I Righteousness and Strength Righteousness for Justification and Strength for Sanctification and the subduing of Sin I hope I desire to renounce any Trust in my own Righteousness and Duties and wholly to rely and rest upon Jesus Christ When I have performed any Duty I desire to own that I deserve Hell for the sinful Imperfections of it yea for the best Duty I can perform And to have my Trust only in the Death and Merits Satisfaction and Intercession of Christ Tho' Spiritual Pride is very apt to rise in me yet I hope I do not allow it the Lord set my Heart more against it I hope I desire with the Apostle Phil. 3. 9. to be found in him not having my own Righteousness which is of the Law but that which is through the Faith of Christ the Righteousness which is of God by Faith I hope Christ is precious to me now that is an Evidence of Faith 1 Pet. 2. 7. To you that believe he is precious I hope I desire to prize Christ above all the World and if I know my Heart I would not part with the Hopes I have by Christ of Heaven for ten thousand Worlds I hope I desire to prize Jesus Christ as the Chiefest of ten thousand altogether lovely The Lord make me upright in this Matter that I may see the Worth and Excellency that is in him so as to be in love with him Secondly For Repentance If I have that Grace I am sure to be saved Acts 3. 19. Repent ye therefore and be converted that your Sins may be blotted out when the Times of refreshing shall come from the Presence of the Lord. Luke 13. 3. Except ye repent ye shall all likewise perish therefore if we do repent we shall not perish Now Repentance is described to be a saving Grace whereby a Sinner out of the true sense of his Sin and apprehension of the Mercy of God in Christ doth with grief and hatred of his Sin turn from it unto God with full purpose of and endeavours after new Obedience I hope the Lord hath wrought this Repentance in me I hope he hath given me a true Sight and Sense of Sin and that I am convinced of the Evil and Danger of it I hope I have an apprehension also of the Mercy of God in Christ I do not at all doubt but there is Mercy enough in God through Christ to forgive and pardon the greatest Sins if they are repented of The Lord hath declared himself to be the Lord God gracious and merciful pardoning Iniquity Transgression and Sin Exod 34. 6. I hope I desire to be truly sorry for all my Sins to grieve and mourn for them tho' my Heart be hard yet I hope I could be glad if it were broken that I could mourn more for my Sins Surely it hath been a Trouble to me many times in Confession of Sin that I could not mourn and weep and was not affected as I desired I hope I desire to hate Sin also the Lord work a true Hatred of all Sin more and more in me I hope I desire to turn from all Sin unto God with full purpose of Heart to cleave to him I hope the Bent of my Soul is right for God tho' I have many Failings and Miscarriages I hope the full Purpose and Resolution of my Heart is for God and his Ways It being upon my Mind what I had further to note that might be an Evidence of Grace I hope these things following which it pleased God to bring to my Thoughts may be some ground to believe God hath wrought savingly upon me Surely I do confess my Sins often to the Lord in secret and desire to have my Heart penitently affected with them and
was a Temptation and presently to run to Jesus Christ for Succour and Relief and to apply the Promises unto my Soul and I quickly found Comfort and was soon freed from Temptation But in this my Prosperity I was ready to say I shall never be removed I began to think I should never be in Adversity and sometimes I was ready to question whether I was one of God's Children because I had no Afflictions I thought God did not love me because he did not chasten me I thought I could bear any thing he should lay upon me As I valued not Life so I feared not Death I thought I could freely and willingly lay down my Life for Christ if I was called to it But this joyful lively active Frame of Spirit did not long continue in about a quarter of a Year it began to abate and I began to be more cold and indifferent in spiritual things and not to be so active and lively as before This was a great trouble to me and made me to question all that was past I thought I should still have grown better and better and not worse Then that Scripture was terrible to me 2 Pet. 2. 29. If after they have escaped the pollutions of the World through the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ they are again entangled therein and overcome their latter end is worse than their beginning And that Scripture Heb. 6. 4. It is impossible for those that were once enlightned and have tasted the good Word of God c. if they fall away to renew them again to repentance Also that Text Rev. 3. 15 16. Because thou art neither hot nor cold I will spew thee out of my mouth I was much sensible of my Backslidings fear'd I should turn Apostate Had not that sweet Promise interposed I will heal their backslidings and love them freely I had been certainly swallowed up in Despair Satan that roaring Lion came upon me very fiercely but that Scripture was very comfortable to me I will put my fear into their hearts and my spirit into their inward parts and they shall never depart from me And whom he loveth he loveth to the end And he that hath begun a good Work will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ And faithful is he that hath called you who will also do it These and other Scriptures did support me but I could not attain to my former lively performance of holy Duties nor had I that Communion with God in holy Duties as formerly which was no small trouble to me and kept me from rejoicing in God Yet I cannot say but I had sometimes Assurance of God's Love but not constantly as I had before Then my Grandmother being sick I went to be with her at my Uncle's House He being a very good Man his Company was no small Comfort to me My Grandmother also being a very pious Woman was always speaking of what was good I enjoy'd much of God while I was there but yet was many times in fear about my Spiritual State and much troubled with the Temptations of Satan After I had been there a quarter of a Year it pleased the Lord to visit me with the Small Pox which was a very sore Disease to me I was brought so low as to be given over for dead by most if not all that saw me and once they thought I had been actually dead When I was first sick I began to be in great fear what would become of me if I should die but this Cloud was soon blown over and the Lord was pleased to shine upon me with the Light of his Countenance and speak Peace to my Conscience And when I was as weak as I think any could be and live yet had I then much inward Joy and Comfort the Promises were as Cordials to my fainting Spirits That Promise Isa 41. 10 did often refresh me Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness That also Psal 73. 25. My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever So Psal 43. 5. Why art thou cast down O my Soul Why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God These and many other Promises were my Support in the Day of my Distress I had then such assurance of God's Goodness and Love to me and of the Pardon of my Sins and of my Interest in Christ that I longed for Death and could not bear the thoughts of living any longer I had such Fore-tastes of Heaven that I cared not for the Earth I earnestly desired to be dissolved and to be with Christ which is best of all I thought if I should live any longer I should but sin against God and that I could not glorifie him in my Life as I desired I thought if he should restore me I should not be enabled to walk answerably to so great a Mercy These and other such Reasons made me impatient of Life and long for Death I was angry with any that prayed for my Life I now fear that I did sin in being so desirous of Death and not submitting my Will to the Will of God to be at his Disposal whether for Death or Life So it pleased the Lord after a long and tedious Sickness to raise me up from the very Gates of Death This was looked upon as almost a Resurrection from the Dead for which great Deliverance I can never be sufficiently thankful And because I so much desired to die I did not prize my Life and this Deliverance as I should have done Neither did I render to the Lord according to the Mercy I received from him I desire now to be truly thankful to the Lord for all his Mercies and to shew forth my Thankfulness by walking more closely with him all the Days of my Life The following encouraging Considerations among others were collected by him out of several Books and Sermons and are printed from his own Papers in hope of being useful for the Support of others I. THOU that complainest of a hard Heart and fain wouldst mourn for thy Sins to thee I say be not discouraged thy Hardness feared and felt is not the Plague of Hardness It is the Disease indeed of the Heart but it is not the Curse it shall not destroy thee Thou may'st be comforted under Hardness felt and bewailed and pray'd against true Tenderness about Sin is always accompanied with dislike and hatred against Sin and with watching and striving against it if thou hast so much Tenderness bless God and be thankful II. There is no Instance can be given of a Soul utterly for saken of God that can mourn for the want of his Presence If God's Love be precious to thee and most desirable be
Weekly Christian Sabbath was honourable and esteemed by him he made it his Delight He remembred it before it came by something Preparatory in his Family upon the Saturday Evening He was early in the Morning on that Day in his Closet and likewise in Family Worship with Prayer and Thanksgiving and reading the Holy Scripture whereof Children and Servants were to remember somewhat and so prepared for the Publick Worship He would not willingly suffer any idle or vain Discourse throughout the whole Day admonishing all about him to take heed of their Thoughts and Words in a special manner upon the Lord's Day He retired as soon as he came home at Noon for a little space and enquired of Inferiors what they remembred He express'd his Dislike of those who had been careless herein by encouraging those that did better His Discourse was always serious savoury and sutable at his Table often minding those about him how many had gone into Eternity the last Week and of the Bounty and Kindness of Heaven in the Plenty they enjoyed both for Spirituals and Temporals beyond others After Dinner a Chapter or two was always read and some part of a serious Practical Book till it was time to go to the Publick Worship Therein he was always reverent and serious After he came home he retired to his Closet for near an Hour and charged all the rest of the Family to go alone likewise then he called them together begun with a short Invocation of God sung a Psalm and repeated the Morning-Sermon and prayed with them before Supper Many who lived with him can witness that in Family-Prayer upon the Lord's Day he had more than ordinary Affections and Fervency and it is the Experience of other Christians O that Heads of Families would but make a Trial After Prayer he retired a very little probably to reflect on his Frame in the last Duty and then would ask his Children some pertinent Questions concerning the Principles of Religion After Supper he repeated the Afternoon-Sermon and enquired what they remembred of it He was himself the last in the Family who went to Bed that he might run over the Heads of what he had heard and repeated For these he reviewed on Monday Morning and kept in his Memory all the Week and every Day repeated somewhat thereof to himself that he might have the Subject of those Sermons continually in his Thoughts as the Food of his Soul till another Lord's Day came He recommended this Practice unto others hereby to live the Sermons we hear and to be under an Awe and Influence by them all the Week after On Monday Mornings ever since the Black Bartholomew-Day when about Two thousand Ministers were silenced for want of such a Liberty and Toleration as God is now pleased mercifully to allow us he did from that time until his Death accustom himself to rise at Four a Clock every Monday Morning and oftentimes sooner spending the time in his Closet till Six especially in Prayer for the Nation and the Church of Christ I have heard that several others agreed with him in the like Practice But in his ordinary Course he was went to be early every Morning in his Closet and about Seven a Clock would call his Family together and read a Psalm or two and pray with them His great Measure of Health was a considerable Help to him to do more than others in this and several Particulars And accordingly he improved it without losing any time in unnecessary Recreations saying he desired no other Recreation but to think and speak of God and mind his Glory He often thankfully acknowledged the Divine Goodness that his Imployment was such that he had more time for serious solitary Religion than others and that he had more time for reading in his Shop and might have it shut sooner in the Evening And he contracted his Business or would not choose to hurry himself by enlarging of it with that very Design The first thing he did there in the Morning was to read some part of the Holy Scripture with the best Annotations he could procure upon them and the like in the Evening And in reading them over again and again regularly and in course he found much Advantage he still perceived such a Majesty such a Mystery such a Depth in them that he was never weary of fathoming tho' he could never reach the bottom He desired to walk by that Rule to be guided by that Light and to derive his Supports Incouragements and Hopes from thence I hardly ever knew one more careful of his Time and all that knew him must say the same He would tarry but a very little while in any Company where he might not do or receive Good He was so punctual in his time of Retirement for Secret Prayer about Six in the Summer and Five in the Winter unless he were hearing a Sermon at that Hour that he would usually make some Excuse or other to break away from Company tho' he returned to them in Half an Hour His Communion with God there was discovered by the Frame of his Spirit when he came from thence It is there we speak our Minds and Hearts more freely to God and there he communicates of his gracious Influence in a special manner to us He found more Satisfaction and Comfort in one such Hour by pouring out his Soul to God alone than in the most witty chearful Conversation of such whose Discourse administers no Grace or Profit to the Hearers When he hath been desired to go to Bed sooner or as soon as others he would often say he would do as others if he were not certain that he must die But our sleeping Time he said was lost as to any spiritual Good any further than it fits us for our Duty by preserving Health The last thing he did every Evening was to go into his Closet and with Prayer and Self-examination to close the Day Once a Week viz. every Friday Night as a little before his Death he said it had been his constant Custom to review the Mercies of his whole Life thereby to promote his Humility and Thankfulness to keep up his Hope in God and quicken his chearful diligent Obedience to him His Care and Concern for the Souls of those under his Charge especially his Children was very extraordinary and attended with good Success as several of his Relations living and dying have owned Of his usefulness to one related to him you have some Account in the Narrative of her Conversion to God which is here annex'd His Counsels and Example made those in his Family begin to love Religion for his sake which afterwards they did for its own God doth often bring us to him by Instruments of Nature and Affection and give the Influence of his Spirit to carry on those good Beginnings He usually ask'd the Assembly's Catechism in his Family twice every Week and encouraged Inferiors by Rewards to learn it and to get some select
of God in it at least some Quicknings and Drawings out of my Heart after him in earnest Desires and Longings and Pantings after him yet I am apt to be cast down my Conscience is apt to accuse me that I do not my Duty and am fearful lest Death come of a sudden and find me unready and thereupon am greatly troubled and not knowing what to do methinks I would not be wanting in my Duty and often pray that God would shew me my Duty and help me to do it yet when I think to go about any thing there comes such a multitude of things into my Mind to do this and to do the other and all cannot be done together that I am sometimes almost discouraged and tempted to let all alone The Lord in infinite Mercy look upon me for Christ's sake and help me against this Temptation of Satan and my own wicked Heart and enable me to remember the Lord is gracious and merciful and accepts of the willing Mind where there is Truth and Sincerity The Lord help me also to remember and believe tho' I must be doing yet I am not justified for it if I could do never so much The Lord help me to renounce all and trust wholly to Jesus Christ for Acceptance for Justification and Salvation Now this Morning being in my Shop and having nothing to do Trading being very dead I thought with my self what to set about and tho' I have examined my self before yet knowing I cannot be too much in this Work I resolved to go to it again and altho' I cannot so solemnly search my Heart as if I were in secret yet I hope I find something of Mr. Naltion's Characters which I shall here note Question How may we know Christ is ours and we are his Ans 1. Do you highly prize Jesus Christ 2. Are you made new Creatures 3. Do you find the Power of Corruption in some measure abated in you 4. Are you desirous to have Christ rule over you as well as save you 5. Dost thou lament after the Lord and mourn over a crucified Saviour 6. Do you feel Sin a Burden and would you willingly be rid of it Quest How may I know I love Christ Answ 1. If you love Jesus Christ you will be content with nothing but his Love again All the World will not content you without the Love of Christ 2. If you love Jesus Christ you will delight to think and speak of Christ 3. If you love Christ you will be affraid to offend him 4. You will love the Saints and Followers of Christ 5. You will delight to be where Christ is in his Ordinances and rejoice in his Presence when you meet with him 6. Love to Christ will make you seek the Honour of Christ 7. Your Lives will run out in lively actings and exercise of Grace upon Christ 8. If you love Christ you will not think any thing too much to do for Christ or to part with him If you love me keep my Commandments saith Christ so that if I keep Christ's Commandments it is a Sign that I love him Now follow some Characters that Mr. Nalton laid down of true Faith in Jesus Christ but before these he gives some Rules to help us in trying our selves 1. If you would judge aright of your Faith be sure you do not trust to your own Hearts 2. Examine your Hearts when you are in a calm quiet composed Frame 3. Take heed you do not err in the nature of Faith to think there is no true Faith where there is no Assurance 4. Judge not of your Faith by some legal Troubles that have been in your Spirits as a fore-runner of Faith but judge by the Consequents of these Troubles whether they bring Christ and your Souls nearer together 5. Tho' you must judge your Faith by the Fruits of it yet they are in some of a higher degree some of a lower degree Joy in Tribulation is a high Fruit of Faith that every Man cannot attain unto Let not a Man say I have no Faith because I cannot sing in a Prison but if there be but any Fruit of Faith that discovers to thee thou art a Believer tho' not a strong Believer thou hast cause ro rejoice Now I hope my Desire is to try my self by these Marks of true Faith following The Lord grant I may find them in my Soul for Christ's sake 1st True Faith may be known by the efficient or principal Cause of it which is no other but the holy Spirit of God All the Angels in Heaven and Saints on Earth cannot perswade my Heart to believe till the Spirit of God draw my Soul to Jesus Christ Now hath the Spirit of God drawn thee to Christ Have you found the mighty Power of the Spirit of God overcoming the Pride and Stubbornness of your Wills to make you willing to accept of Christ on his own Terms Then you have a true Faith 2dly True Faith may be known by the manner of Production the Spirit of God hath a previous or foregoing Work upon the Soul 1. The Spirit of God convinces the Sinner this goes before believing the Spirit of God lets a Sinner see the inside of himself Thou art a Sinner saith the Spirit of God so that the poor Sinner sees himself in a lost and undone Condition in himself by reason of Sin 2. After convincing the Spirit of God humbles the Sinner he is humbled to the Dust This Sorrow and Humiliation is in some more in some less but in all there is so much Sense of Sin and Misery as to drive the Sinner out of himself and to let him see he must perish for ever without Christ 3. There is also an incouraging Work of the Spirit of God having convinced and humbled the Sinner he revives him by some Heart-chearing Considerations as 1. That there is a Christ an All-sufficient Saviour by whom he may be delivered from Wrath to come 2. The Spirit of God makes a particular Proffer of Christ and Pardon and Grace to him and tells him the Promises of the Gospel are made to him as well as others and that God invites him poor Sinner and that there is Mercy for him if he accept it 3. The Spirit of God doth sometimes secretly whisper to the Soul of a Sinner by a Voice within him inviting him and drawing him to come to Christ Come to me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you Rest Ho every one that thirsteth come to the Waters Art thou a thirsty Soul Thou art he that is invited saith the Spirit of God therefore stand out no longer 4. The Spirit of God doth work Faith by bowing the Will making it pliable to come and taste how good Christ is Well saith the Soul I am resolved to come to Christ tho' I know not how I shall speed I will cast my Soul into the Arms of Christ and if I sink I will sink with a Saviour in my
tho' a Man had the Guilt of as many Sins lying on his Soul as there be drops of Water in the Ocean and if they were of as long Continuance as from the Creation of the World and aggravated with as hainous Circumstances as any of the vilest Sinners in Hell yet there is Merit enough in the Blood of Christ to take away the Guilt of all those Sins and when that is done Merit enough left to purchase as great a Glory as any Saint in Heaven enjoys But let none thereupon presume to go on in Sin for there is not a Word of Comfort in the whole Bible for such an one He that is affraid of too much Grace hath none at all He who is unwilling to be made better is not yet good In the most afflicted Condition of a Saint he hath more reason to question his own Love to God than God's Love to him God takes as much Care of every one of his Children as if he had but one to care for Our Times are in the Hand of God If they were in our Enemies Hands our Afflictions and Trials would be too long if in our own too short But because in the Hand of God Deliverance shall be seasonable and in due time Had we ten thousand Lives and Estates to lose and lay down for Christ one Hour's Communion with him in Glory will recompence for all our Self-denial whatever we have done or suffered That Man lives unlawfully who doth not sometimes abstain from lawful things Make it thy Business to act Grace and then trust God to bring in Comfort God is yours if you are unfeignedly willing to be his He that can from his Heart say Lord I am thine may on good grounds be assur'd that the Lord is his God That Man whom God cannot satisfie nothing can for God is to his People whatever they can desire or need Sight to the Blind Bread to the Hungry Cloathing to the Naked Strength to the Weak a Physician to the Sick Pardon to the Guilty Comfort to the Mourners Life in Death and Everlasting Life after Death When the Devil suggested to a good Man That it was in vain for him to mind God for he should never get to Heaven He replied I will then follow hard after him and keep close to him that I may enjoy as much as possible of God here on Earth Where Sin lies heavy every Affliction will be light 'T was the Saying of the Noble Marquess of Vico Their Money perish with them who think all the Wealth in the World worth one Hour's Communion with Jesus Christ Since no Man can see thee and live Lord let me die said an holy Man that I may see thee and be with thee If your Condition be never so low if your Hearts be lower it is well enough the Issue will be good And while God the Fountain is left you need not much complain for want of a broken Cistern While others live without God in the World a Christian should endeavour to live as without the World in and upon his God The same Love of God which leads one Christian into the Wine-Cellar and gives him Assurance may lead another into a Prison for the Trial and Exercise of his Grace In Prayer if a Man have not a care of the first Wandrings of his Heart from God he will hardly be able to recover himself afterwards 'T was a memorable Saying of a Great Man He may be deceived who thinks to save any thing by his Religion more than his Soul Before a Man is humbled he complains of God's Unkindness to him but afterwards of his own to God God had one Son without any Sin our Blessed Redeemer but never any Son without some Affliction and Suffering Blessed be God we have any thing to deny or lose or count nothing for Christ A Believer prays with Fervency as if he would not be delay'd and then waits patiently as if he had not prayed If you can say God is your God and all that is in the World is his how can your fear Want If he be not All-sufficient why do you call him so If he be why do you not trust in him If the Lord be good to the Soul that seeks him how good is he to the Soul that finds him If saith Jerom my Father and Mother did with Tears intreat me and my Wife hang about my Neck and my Children fall at my Feet to beseech me to forsake Christ I would cast them all off Father Mother Wife and Children and say Farewel all welcome Christ THE following Account of the Conversion of his Niece will give farther Testimony to his Charity Zeal and Diligence to promote Religion in his Family and how God honoured him by the Lustre of an holy Example to recommend serious Godliness to those who saw his Conversation and by his seasonable Counsels to assist the Recovery of one who under great Convictions and Temptations was in Danger to be lost by too long concealing of the State of her Case from such as could advise and direct her A short Account of the Conversion of Mrs. P. F. as she left it under her Hand before her Death I Am now going about to call to mind the great Mercy and Goodness of the Lord towards me the unworthiest of all his Servants to record his Loving-kindness and to make mention of the many and great Deliverances I have had I know not where to begin nor where to make an end I am even swallowed up in Admiration and ready to cry out with David What shall I render to the Lord for all his Benefits especially when I consider my own Vileness by Nature and how I deserved to be cast into Hell as soon as I was born as having an Heart full of Sin Vanity and Rebellion against God being conceived in Sin and born in Iniquity And as if this had not been enough I have added numberless most hainous Transgressions I have reason to bewail the Sins of my Thoughts I was thinking Thoughts of Pride and Vanity as soon as I could think I was running away from God as soon as I could go with my Back towards Heaven and my Face towards Hell After I came to Years of Discretion the more I knew of God the more I sinned against him The Sins of my Youth have been innumerable and very hainous in their Nature so that I have cause to pray with David Lord remember not against me the Sins of my Youth O the precious Time I have lost and the Golden Opportunities that I have squandred away The Light and Love the Mercies and Means of Grace that I have sinned against I have spent the best of my Years in the Service of Sin and in the Neglect of the great Concerns of my Soul I confess when I was but a Child since I had any Understanding I had always some Love to the Ways and People of God and some Delight in Holy Duties and was fearful of
Sin especially of Lying and Stealing and playing upon the Sabbath-Day I delighted to read the Word of God and good Books to others but I did not apply it to my self as when I read that Scripture that except we repent we shall all perish Except we are born again we cannot see the Kingdom of God That the Wicked shall be turned into Hell c. I thought these did not concern me because I was guilty of no gross Sin I reckon'd my Condition was good and I was ready to pity others but I was not sensible of the Corruption and Defilement of my Nature I did not see the Need of a Change I was not sensible of my undone Condition without Christ I saw not his Excellency nor had any Desires after him I knew not upon what Terms I must take him if I would be saved As to the outward Duties of Religion I lived in the Performance of many of them but as for the more inward and spiritual Duties of Christianity such as Self-examination Meditation Self-denial mourning for Sin and watching over my Thoughts Words and Actions strict Observation of the Lord's Day c. to these I was altogether a Stranger Thus I went on in Rebellion against God having a Form of Godliness but denying the Power And if God had then cut me off in my Unregeneracy certainly Hell-Fire must have been my Portion He might have sworn in his Wrath that I should never enter into his Rest O the wonderful Patience and Forbearance of the Lord towards such a sinful Creature It is a Miracle of Mercy I am yet on this side the Grave and Hell It is of the Lord's Mercy that I am spared so long and that he gives me space to repent that he should afford me the Means of Grace and send his holy Spirit to strive with me and give me many Convictions and all to reclaim me and bring me home to himself And that he should not only give me space to repent but an Heart to repent That he should not only stand waiting and knocking at the Door of my Heart so many Years calling on me to repent but that he should give me the Grace of Repentance This is undeserved Love and distinguishing Mercy For I was dead in Trespasses and Sins and had nothing but my Misery to move his Compassion I walked according to the course of this World I was insensible of my Danger tho' ready to drop into Hell every moment And I should certainly have perished had not the Lord been pleased to open my Eyes and to pluck me as a Fire-brand out of the burning and set me in the way to Heaven for which I can never sufficiently adore and praise his glorious Grace in Christ to me a vile sinful Creature Great was his Mercy towards me for he hath delivered my Soul from the lowest Hell which makes me say with David Come and hear all ye that fear the Lord and I will declare what he hath done for my Soul and the Way and Means whereby he was pleased to work upon my Heart The Manner of my Conversion which I hope is true and real is as follows It pleased the Lord by a sad Providence viz. the Sickness at London to bring my Unkle Gearing and his Family from thence to my Father's House where they continued about half a Year My Unkle being a good Man I could not but take notice of his strict and circumspect Walking and was much affected with it And I began to think surely the Way that I am in will never bring me to Heaven I thought I must live another manner of Life if ever I would be saved I had many Convictions but there I stayed but went no further I kept on in my former careless course When it pleased God to put a Stop to the Plague at London my Unkle returned with his Family and I went with him and continued at his House about two Months in which time it pleased the Lord to follow me with new Convictions partly by the good Example of my Unkle partly by many excellent Sermons which I heard when I was there so that I began in good earnest to look after the Salvation of my Soul and to say with the Goaler What must I do to be saved I began to be very desirous to hear the Word I took all Opportunities to hear and gave Attention to what was preached after another manner than I was wont to do and laboured to make Application of it to my self I heard Mr. Vincent preach upon Heb. 12. 14. Follow Holiness without which no Man shall see the Lord urging the Necessity of it as the only way to Heaven I was much affected therewith and began to think I must set about the Work of a thorow Repentance I began to be sensible of my Original Corruption and that I had been guilty of thousands of actual Sins Those which before I counted small I now look'd upon as great and upon my self by reason of Sin to be in a lamentable Condition I knew not how to get out of this sinful miserable State and the Lord was pleased to shew me that there was no Name under Heaven by which I could be saved but only by Jesus Christ I thought if I could have an Interest in Him and his Favour I should be saved but I feared God would not thus have Mercy upon me because I had gone on so long in Sin I heard an excellent Sermon upon Mat. 11. 28. Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy loden and I will give you Rest Proving first that Sin is a Burden And secondly that burdened Sinners are invited to come to Christ and then that those that come to him shall find Rest for their Souls This was a sutable Word to my Soul I was much affected in the hearing of in for I felt Sin to be a Burden no my Conscience and I would fain have Rest to my Soul I was sensible of my Want of Jesus Christ and of the absolute Necessity to be interested in him I began to see his Worth and Excellency as the chiefest of Ten thousands altogether lovely And then and not till then I had Hungerings and Thirstings after him so that I could say None but Christ give me Christ or else I die Thus it pleased the Lord by his Spirit to work upon my Heart by degrees to open mine Eyes and to let in some Spiritual Light into my Understanding which was dark before and to give some Spiritual Life to my Affections which were dead before But O the Enemies that did then labour to hinder my Conversion and stop this Work The World by Allurements and Discouragements sought to keep me off from Christ My own deceitful Heart and corrupt Disposition within me were no small Enemy and Hinderance to the Work of Grace in my Soul The Devil the great Adversary of God's Glory and our Happiness came like a roaring Lion ready to devour me so that I
Happiness for ever And when I thought of the Torments of Hell the Fire that must never go out and the Worm that shall never die this I looked upon as the due Desert of my Sins and as my Portion I had renounced all my own Righteousness I could see nothing in my self but what deserved Hell I wondred at the Patience of God to me I could justifie him tho' he should damn me I thought my self unworthy to eat or drink or breathe or tread upon the Earth I looked every Day when God would glorifie himself in my Damnation but this I kept to my self Tho' others could not but take notice of the Sadness of my Spirit and wondred at it yet I did not tell any how it was with me My Heart was very full and I longed to vent it but I knew not how To God I durst not go being conscious of my own Vileness I was ashamed to make known my Condition to Man it was so bad I thought none ever had such blasphemous Thoughts as I had I wished some of the Saints did know my Condition that they might direct me and pray for me but I could not tell to whom to apply my self Thus was I in Perplexity tossed to and fro and not comforted And tho' the Lord was pleased to uphold me and keep me from falling into the Pit of Despair yet I was very near it I was encompassed about with so many and great Temptations and they came so strong upon me that I could not hold out any longer to conceal my Trouble Then the Lord put it into my Mind to acquaint my Unkle Gearing with my sad Condition but the Devil endeavoured all he could to hinder it by perswading me that it was a foolish thing to declare my Wickedness to one that was so holy that I should but purchase his ill Opinion of me and cause him to hate and abhor me and do my self no good at all by telling him of it Yet still I had a Desire to do it and I had no Rest in my Spirit till I had done it But sometimes I wanted an Opportunity and sometimes when I would have spoken I could not But at last a fit Opportunity was presented upon a Sabbath-Day Night all being in Bed except my Unkle and my self I was resolved to open my Heart freely to him When I began to speak my Mouth was as it were stopped but with trembling I forced my self to speak and made known my sad Condition I told him what grievous Blasphemous Thoughts I had and that I was affraid I had committed the Sin against the Holy Ghost and thought therefore I should certainly be damned and had no Hopes of Salvation but I desired his Prayers for me and his Advice in a Matter of such Consequence It pleased the Lord to affect his Heart with my Condition He told me it was not my Sin to be tempted if I did not yield to the Temptation And therefore it should not drive me to despair of God's Mercy He said it was a Sign I had not committed the Sin against the Holy Ghost because I was affraid I had committed it He spoke much of the gracious Nature of God and of his Willingness to save Sinners and as I remember he told me of many and great Sinners in Scripture to whom God had shewed Mercy as Manasseh and Mary Magdalen and the Thief upon the Cross He also directed me to many sweet Promises in Scripture but that especially which is never to be forgotten Ezek. 36. 25 26. Then will I sprinkle clean Water upon you and you shall be clean from all your Filthiness and from all your Idols will I cleanse you A new Heart also will I give you and a new Spirit will I put within you c. He told me every one might lay hold on this Promise When he read these Scriptures to me my Heart rejoiced and I began to hope God would pardon me and give me a new Heart and cause me to walk in his Ways He also gave me very good Counsel particularly to be constant in the Excellent Duty of Secret Prayer and told me the great Benefit I should find thereby c. Now having made known my Condition and declared my Trouble and hearing these gracious Promises to poor Sinners I found some Ease and Satisfaction in my Mind and the beginning of Comfort in my Soul I resolved to put these Duties in practice Secret Prayer Self-examination Meditation c. But I was altogether a Stranger to these inward Heart-Duties I knew not how to perform them as I ought How many times have I kneeled down to pray and knew not what to say but wanted not Sighs and Tears And so my Necessity and the Sense of my Vileness my earnest Desires after Christ and his Grace put Words into my Mouth Tho' my Duties were miserably lame and defective yet they were performed with much Earnestness and Importunity and I think I may say in Sincerity surely then my Heart was in every Word and in every Duty I did not then dally with God I was in good earnest for my Soul and that Promise was comfortable to me If there be first a willing Mind it is accepted with God c. I found that Scripture made good to me Then shall we know if we follow on to know the Lord. And that in Isa 40. 16. I will bring the Blind by the way that they knew not I will make Darkness Light before them and crooked things strait These things will I do unto them and not forsake them saith the Lord. These and such Scriptures were sweet and I began to search the Bible to find them And when the Lord was pleased to set them home upon my Heart they were as Cordials many times to my fainting Soul But tho' I had some Comfort and Support yet was I not free from Temptations and Trouble of Mind My spiritual Enemies strove hard to hinder my Godly Course and turn me from it had not the Lord been stronger than they My Sin was a heavy Burden to me and I had earnest Desires after Christ yet I found it very hard to believe Satan laboured to perswade me that I was not elected to Salvation and therefore whatever I did I should never be saved This was no small Trouble to my Spirit but it pleased the Lord to direct me to a Book in which I found much Satisfaction concerning this Matter Then Satan told me He that believeth not should be damned and therefore because I was full of Unbelief and Doubting I was condemned already But when I was in great Trouble about this it pleased the Lord to cast in this Scripture If we believe not yet he abideth faithful he cannot deny himself This did very much support me and so did these following Promises which I had not taken notice of before nor applied to my self Isa 55. 1. and all this Chapter and Mat. 11. 28. Joh. 7. 37. Rev. 22. 17. Joh. 3. 16.
thankful it is not Grace that is denied thee but only Comfort She that mourned that her Beloved was gone and had withdrawn himself was a Spouse still she had an Interest in the Bridegroom tho' she saw him not Diseases felt in the Soul seldom prove mortal Desire after Christ and Sanctification is a sign of no utter Rejection The Soul that can truly desire Mercy is not totally excluded Mercy O let tempted troubled Souls then be comforted The blessed God hath a compassionate open Ear to all sensible self-bemoaning Sinners Jer. 31. 18. I have surely heard Ephraim be moaning himself there are none such but shall be heard of God They shall be loved of God that loath themselves They shall be acquitted of God that condemn themselves his merciful Ear is still open to Self-bemoaning Sinners When once a Sinner comes to himself he is not far from God Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my Judgment is passed over from my God The inward Thought of many sensible Sinners is that God hath cast them off and shut his Door of Mercy upon them and will never concern himself more in their Salvation Such unkind thoughts we are apt to have of a good God when Conscience brings our Sins to a bitter remembrance Well now saith God Why say'st thou O Jacob the words are a Reproof for Distrust of God Why dost thou think and speak so unkindly of me as that I should cast thee out of my care and thoughts My way is hid from the Lord. What is the meaning of that Why God takes no notice of my Wretchedness to commiserate my Condition and relieve me he cares not what becomes of me or my ways And my way is hid that he cannot help me and my judgment is passed from my God That is there is a Sentence of Death past on me there is no escaping but see how compassionate the Lord speaks Why dost thou say so poor Soul I am not thoughtless and regardless of thee as thou say'st v. 28 29. Hast thou not known and heard the everlasting God gives power to the faint and to them that have no might increases strength Such as are desponding and hopeless in themselves God raises them up They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength God in his time will refresh every weary Soul III. The Covenant of Grace is God's free Offer and Promise of Life and Salvation by Christ to all Sinners that shall believe in him It is a gracious and firm Obligation in which God doth make over himself and all his Goodness in Christ to all Believers It is a great matter for God to be our God in special Covenant when he saith I will be your God it is as if he should have said I will bestow my self upon you What I am I am for thee my Spirit my Comforts my Son my Love my Goodness my Assistance my Happiness it is thine my Holiness shall make you holy my Wisdom shall make you wise my Righteousness shall make you righteous Whatsoever a God can do for his People I will do for you you shall have all things needful for you all things desirable All that you can expect from a God expect it from me I will be gracious to pass by thy Unworthiness I will be merciful to pardon thy Sins I will be Holiness to change thy Nature I will be Assistance to thee in Duty I will be Comfort to thee in Trouble I will be Wisdom to cure thy Folly I will be Plenty to thy Wants i will be Strength to thy Weakness I will give a Blessing to your Estates I will be Providence as to your Dangers I will be Preservation as to your Persons I will be Salvation to your Souls I will be your Sun and Shield I will be your Recompence and exceeding great Reward I will be a God unto you I will be your God and Guide unto Death and your Portion for ever This is for God to be our God in special Covenant IV. There may be Faith where there is no Assurance Remember it O my Soul for thy Comfort and make a right use of it Thou may'st be a true Believer tho' thou art but a weak Believer nay tho' thou art ready to think thy self no Believer It is one thing to have an Interest in Christ and Salvation and another to know it It is possible for many a good Christian to trust in God and believe in Jesus Christ and yet in time of Desertion and Temptation he may not know it A Soul under the Eclipse of God's Countenance may think himself in a lost Condition as David did I said I am cut off from before thine Eyes Psal 31. 22. but it was not so for God then heard the Voice of his Supplication A man may truly fear the Lord and obey the Voice of his Servants and yet may walk in Darkness and see no Light Isa 50. 10. Sion said the Lord hath forsaken me my God hath forgotten me Isa 49. 14. but it was not so There may be Faith of Adherence where there is not Faith of Evidence The Soul may cleave fast to Christ and say If I perish I will perish at thy Foot hoping waiting trusting tho' thou killest me yet I will trust in thee tho' I know not whether thou lovest me yet I will endeavour to love thee There may be Faith without Assurance otherways true justifying Faith may be lost for Assurance is with some quite lost at least for a time but true Faith cannot be lost it may decay but not fail I have prayed for thee that thy Faith fail not saith Christ to Peter This Prayer he makes for all Believers They also that have some Assurance of their Salvation have it not in the same measure There may be a good measure of Assurance tho' not full Assurance There is a probable Assurance I mean when a Christian comparing his Heart and Life with the Example of Christ and Rule of the Word finds that tho' he hath some reason to fear lest he should be an Hypocrite yet he sees more cause to hope than to fear When after he hath searched himself made an impartial Trial of himself he comes to this Conclusion Tho' I am not as confident I shall go to Heaven as I am that there is a Heaven yet I bless God I see more ground to hope that my Sins are pardoned and that I am in a state of Salvation than to fear it is otherwise When I reason the case with my Soul I have more Arguments for me than against me and can say if I die this moment it is not only possible but probable that I should be saved this I call a probable Assurance There may be Doubts and Fears where there is this Assurance because Doubts and Fears do not always proceed from the Weakness of Grace but sometimes from the Strength of Temptation A Man that hath
but a weak Faith if he meet with no Temptation shall scarce know what doubting means and a Man of a strong Faith under strong Temptations may not be able to overcome Fears and Doubts If Assurance did exclude all Doubts and Fears then it should be perfect but as our Faith and all other Graces are imperfect so is Assurance also None have Assurance at all times it is like the Weather sometimes fair sometimes foul yea in the same Day fair in the Morning and cloudy before Night David had such strong Faith at one time that he would not fear tho' ten thousand set themselves against him he would not fear tho' he should pass through the Valley of the shadow of Death At another time he was so full of Fear that he saith he shall one Day perish by the Hands of Saul V. We can never have too high too vast Thoughts of the Goodness of God we do not think aright of God if we do not think him more ready to give than we are to ask There is nothing thou canst go to God for that is according to his Will but he is ten thousand times more ready to bestow than thou art to ask A Child of God may go to him with as full Confidence of his Love as a Child to the most tender Parent in the World nay much more abundantly The blessed Majesty of Heaven is inclined to succour and relieve those that are in Distress and Misery He that puts Bowels of Compassion and Pity into Man shall not he himself be much more pitiful and compassionate Exod. 34. 6. He is merciful and gracious he delights in nothing more than in shewing Mercy You can do nothing more grateful to God nor please him better than to plead for Mercy Mich. 7. 18. When thou pleadest for Mercy thou hast God's Nature pleading the same thing for thee All the yearning Bowels of the most compassionate Parents in the World are but a meer Shadow to the Bowels of God We may go to God in Confidence of being heard for Christ's sake only as if we had never sinned 't is wonderful what the Scripture saith of Faith and Prayer VI. This also may help to sustain and comfort a poor doubting tender Heart that fears and suspects himself of Hypocrisie that those very Fears of thine are some shew of the contrary Men naturally love and flatter themselves but thou loathest thy self for thy Corruptions Be of good cheer 't is Grace and nothing but Grace that complains of Sin 'T is Sincerity and nothing else that discovers and bewails Hypocrisie Especially when thou bewailest Heart-Hypocrisie and such secret and hidden Sins that only God and thy own Heart do know If thou livest not in any known Sin nor in neglect of any known Duty if thou wouldest find out thy Sin if there is no Sin thou wouldest have hid from God's Eye and no Duty thou wouldst have hid from thy own Eye if there is no Sin but thy Heart is against it and no Duty but thy Heart is for it this proves thy Uprightness VII If God never makes his Face to shine on thee in this World yet 't is thy Duty to trust and cleave to him through Christ Would you know why God when he hath wrought Grace doth not enable the Soul presently to perceive it It may be 't is that Sin may be more bitter If we could have Comfort when we would we should have very slight thoughts of Sin Upon sight of thy Graces possibly thou wouldst be proud to hide this Pride God hides our Graces from us It may be God doth it to prove thy Obedience to him for to rely on God's Grace and live by Faith without sensible Tokens of it is the purest Act of Obedience that can be By Assurance we get more Comfort to our selves but by believing we give more Glory to God Therefore saith Christ to Thomas Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed When you have any Evidence of Grace you must be sure to rest only on Christ and trust to him The great Work of a Christian in this World is out of a sense of his Sins and Weaknesses daily to depend on Christ looking to Christ seeing our need of Christ for Pardon and Sanctification and Reconciliation every day This is our great Work How many search for Grace and neglect to put forth Acts of Faith on Christ Alas Graces are but Tokens from Christ Let us not forget depending and relying on the blessed Jesus tho' we have no fight at all of any Grace in our selves Where a Person hath any one sign of Grace he may warrantably conclude all the rest to be there tho' at present he perceive them not 'T is the truth and not the measure and degree of your Grace you are to conclude your State by The prizing and loving and seeking and delighting in the Love and Favour of God above all is a certain Evidence of Grace VIII The greatest sense of Sin and Guilt should discourage none from coming to God for Mercy through Christ because the Mercies of God are infinitely more than a Sinner's Provocations are or can be O 't is boundless Mercy bottomless Mercy There are many like Sinners as thou art but there is none like God for pardoning and forgiving mercy Mic. 6. 18. My thoughts are not your thoughts nor my ways your ways As the heaven is higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts Isa 55. 8. When Conscience is awakened we are ready to doubt whether God will pardon us therefore he fetches Arguments from his gracious and merciful Nature My ways are not your ways If you repent your Sins shall infinitely be out-done We are apt to think God like our selves but the blessed God is of tender Bowels slow to Wrath loth to take Vengeance ready to forgive the greatest Wrong and receive the Sinner into his Favour upon true Repentance There is saith God as vast a difference between my Disposition and Dealing and yours as between Heaven and Earth Thou that art an awakened convinced Sinner the Promises of the Gospel belong unto thee Isa 61. 1. The Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek to bind up the broken-hearted and to comfort all that mourn Canst thou desire to be in a better Case than those whom Christ hath Commission to take care of The Poor in Spirit the Mourners for their Sins those that hunger after Righteousness not having a drop of Comfort from themselves Christ blesseth and pronounces happy Blessed are the poor in Spirit Not one of them would the Lord have kept from coming to him Mat. 11. 28. Come to me All Ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Trust to me you that are troubled in Conscience for Sin I will bring you to rest in God's Love and Favour Be not discouraged there is a Mediator for thee whose Worthiness and