King's daughter Ps 45.13 vers 14 which is all glorious with in hath virgins for her companians when shee is brought unto the King Such a virgin should my soule have beene but alasse shee dare's not appeare in the sight of the King because shee hath left off the ornaments of her virginitie Ier. 13.23 Can the Ethiopian change his skinne or the Leopard his spotts Can my soule which is deflowred with the filthinesse of sinne ever hope to be reckoned among the number of virgins Can shee which hath assumed the impudencie of an harlot ever expect to be accounted modest Can shee which is deformed with the staines of iniquitie ever hope to be deemed faire and beautifull Alasse what shall I doe Unlesse my husband be reconciled unto mee it is impossible I should escape the torments of hell Some that have offended have found him gratious why may not I hope for a tast of his mercy Could I but appeare in his sight with beauty and comelinesse hee would presently renew his love and affection O but my soule is full of deformitie and for want of care shee is loathsome and uglie But is there noe recoverie of a decayed forme Is there noe way to restore a declined beauty Though shee be not beautifull yet let her be comely for thus shee may bee allthough shee is black To worke then will I goe Cant 1.5 Is 1.6 and wholly will I labour to make her amiable in the sight of her Lord. Alasse this state and condition which shee is in is full of horrour and disconsolate torments From the sole of the foote even unto the head there is noe foundnesse in her but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment Ps 38.5 Thus doe her wounds stinke and are corrupt because of my foolishnesse Thus through the stench of her wounds and the loathsomenesse of her sores and the deformitie of her scarrs and the impudencie of her lookes and the foulenesse of her face I know not what to doe to restore her to his favour Is 1.16 But I will endeavour to wash her to make her cleane and to put away the evill of her doeings from before his eyes With my teares I will wash her with my teares I will cleanse her For every spot of sin which hath defiled her I will shed a whole fountaine a river of teares Yet sooner can I drowne my selfe in my teares then they of them selves can recover her beauty It must be thou ô my Iesus that must assist mee it must be thy blood ô my husband wich must cleanse my pollutions Lord accept yet of my teares which are all that I can offer and wash this thy sinfull spouse in the larer of thy blood This must be the way to regaine his love from whose affectionate bosome my soule is divorced By this meanes onely shall shee once againe be receaved as a virgin though shee hath played the harlot with many lovers Ier 3.1 Thus therfore will I come and humbly will I crave his pardon and forgivenesse I will besiech him to preserve my vessel in honour and my soule in sinceritie I will begge I will intreate I will pray and begging and intreating and praying I will say The Prayer BLessed Lord Sonne of a virgin who didst honour virginitie when thou tookest our nature hearken to the cryes of a lamenting maide Mat 8.8 Lord I am not worthy to come unto thee I am not worthy to receave any favour from thee for I have forsaken thee my most indulgent husband Ier 3.1 and played the herlot with many lovers My soule is too foule to be called thine too often hath shee broken her vowes and promises to hope for thy love or thy gratious pardon But Lord what now shall I doe If yet I should fall into a despaire of thy mercies I should increase my disloyaltie and either deny or despise the power of thy passion So greate was thy love to the Church thy Spouse that thou gavest thy selfe to sanctifie and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word Eph 5.25.26 My soule ô Christ is a member of thy Spouse be pleased ô Iesus so to sanctifie and wash her that thou mayest present her to thy felfe without spot or wrinkle both holy and blamelesse vers 27 Zech 13.1 O thou who hast opened a fountaine to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Ierusalem Ps 51.2 for sinne and for uncleanesse doe thou wash mee throughly from mine iniquity and cleanse mee from my sinne Lord as in mercy thou hast given mee chastitie of body so give mee likewise the chastitie of mind and the puritie of soule Suffer not either the flesh or the Devill by their wicked suggestions to seduce mee to uncleanesse Though I am a weake 1 Pet 3.7 2 Cor 4.7 Act. 9.15 Rom 9.23 1 Thes 4.4 vers 5. though but an earthen vessell yet be thou pleased to make mee a chosen vessell a vessell of mercy Cause mee to keepe the vessell of my body and to possesse it in sanctification and honour and not in the lust of concupiscence like the Gentiles which know thee not O be thou my father in the grace of adoption be thou my brother in thy pitty and compassion be thou my husband in thy love and affection and be thou my Iesus in the salvation of my sick and sinfull soule Arme mee with constancy against all assaults of carnall imaginations Give mee modestie in my countenance decency in my apparell civilitie in my behaviour sobrietie in my discourse and contentednesse in my condition Make mee obedient to my parents respective to my superiours courteous to my inferiours and loving unto all Let not my adorning be outward 1 Pet 3.3 Iam 3.17 Prov 1.9 of putting on of apparell but give mee that wisedome which is from above to be as an ornament of grace unto my head and as chaines about my neck Preserve ô Christ both my body and soule in chastitie and honour while I am here upon earth as becometh a virgin espoused to thy selfe Eccl 12.7 Reu 14.3 and when my dust shall returne to the earth as it was let my spirit returne unto thy selfe who gavest it and to thee let it sing that new song with the quire of virgins before thy throne for ever and ever Amen subject 8 THE NINETH SUBJECT Teares of a woman in the state of mariage The Soliloquie Treating of the dueties of a wife to her husband THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray MAn was created in the image of God Gen 1 27. c 2.18 vers 21 vers 22 yet because it was not good that hee should be alone the Lord did make him an helpe that was meete for him A
ghost c 25.8 and dyed in a good old age Iud 8.32 1. Chr 29.28 Gen 23 1. vers 2. an old man full of yeeres and was gathered to his people Gideon the sonne of Ioash dyed in a good old age David dyed in a good old age full of dayes riches and honour Sarah was an hundred twentie and seaven yeeres old when shee dyed in Kiriath arba These and thousands of others who lived greate and good ages lay downe in the dust and their spirits were caried by Angells into the kingdome of happinesse the citty of my God why then should not I endeavour to follow them to blisse Dye I must but when or where or how I can not determine Yet sure I am that if I live the life of the righteous I shall dye their death Num 23.10 and receave their reward As neere as I am to my longest home I am not assured what death I shall dye neither by what disease nor with what torments or ease Gen 42.38 Iacob was afraid that his gray haires should be brought downe with sorrow to the grave When David gave Solomon a charge concerning Ioab hee commanded him 1. King 2.6 saying Let not his hoary head goe downe to the grave in peace Concerning Shimei hee likewise charged him vers 9. saying His hoary head bring thou downe to the grave with blood The rebellious Israëlites were threatned for their disobedience Deut 28.49 vers 50 that the Lord should bring a nation against them which should not regard the person of the oldâ— nor shew favour to the young I have noe more priviledg nor prerogative then they unlesse I can prove that I am better then they Nay more the manner or the kind of death though never so tormenting is farre from satisfying for the smallest offence My death may be troublsome and sull of miserie and yet my doome may be full of horrour O what shall I doe What shall I doe to escape that sentence of wrath which can never be recalled The more yeeres I have lived the more sinnes I have committed The words of the ould Patriarch doe more properly belong unto mes then they did unto him Few Gen 47.9 and evill have the dayes of the yeeres of my life beene O what a world of crimes is my soule oppressed with What shall I doe to pacifie my God against whom my sinnes and offences have beene committed Nothing but blood can satisfie for my skarlet crimes and noe blood can appease him but the blood of his Sonne and noe share can I have in that most precious blood unlesse I seriously and faithfully repent mee of my sinnes Lord Is 56.3 though I may say with the Eunuch Behold I am a drie tree yet it is in thy power as well to draw water out of the dryest tree as the obdurate rockes O my God I desire to offer thee both mine eyes full of teares and a heart full of groanes If all that litle moisture which is left in my body could possibly be converted into one teare of timely and acceptable repentance even that teare ô God would I readily offer thee Lord I grieve in my very soule for the pollutions of my soule and am seriously and heartily offended at my selfe for offending thee Accept ô God the throbs of my fainting heart and be reconciled unto mee in the blood of thy sonne O Lord I sigh ô Lord I grieve My heart panteth my bowells yerne and my very soule languisheth and pineth to receave the assurance of thy favour I will lye at the poole of Bethesda as hee did who was diseased neere fortie yeeres Io. 5.5 I will lye at the gate of thy mercy ô Iesus and there will I weepe and grieve and lament and call and cry for mercy at thy hands ô blessed Redeemer and my petitions I will tender in all humilitie and devotion praying and saying The Prayer MErcifull Lord God Is 46.3 who didst promise to carrie the house of Iacob from the belly and the wombe vers 4. even to old age and hoary haires despise not the humble suite of thine aged and feeble servant My many yeeres I must confesse I have spent in vanitie and scarce one minuit of them have I devoted to thy service as I ought to have done Every day have I offended thee and every hower have I beene disobedient to thy lawes My child-hood hath beene full of folly my youth of stubbornesse my riper yeeres have beene apt to wantonnesse and mine old and aged dayes to coveteousnesse and impenitencie Thou mightest long since in thy justice have destroyed mee in my sinnes and have given mee a portion in the land of darknesse But now ô father since thou hast spared mee so long doe not condemne mee at the last Let the heavie heart and the trembling tongue and the shaking hands and the most sorrowfull soule of an humble convert find favour in thine eyes With thy mercy Iob. 4.4 Ps 35.3 Ps 39.4 ô Lord strengthen my weake hands support my feeble knees comfort my drooping heart and say unto my soule I am thy salvation Lord make mee to know mine end and the measure of my dayes that I may know how fraile I am vers 5. Ps 93.2 Ps 102.27 Ps 90.9 Mine age is nothing before thee for thou art from everlasting and thy yeeres shall not faile O be thou reconciled unto mee through the passion of my Redeemer for when thou art angry all our dayes are gone wee bring our yeeres to an end as a tale that is told Ps 71.9 O cast mee not off in this time of old age forsake mee not now my strength faileth mee Though the heavens Is 51.6 and the â—earth shall waxe old as doeth a garment and they that dwell therein shall dye yet thy salvation shall be for ever and thy righteousnesse shall not be abolished Ps 43.3 Ps 71.18 Ps 23.4 Ps 62.7 Prov. 23.22 O send out thy light and thy trueth to leade mee now I am old and gray headed ô my staffe and thou who art the onely rock of strength forsake mee not Thou hast commanded our children to hearken to their fathers that begat them and not to despise their mothers when they are old O my heavenly father doe thou make mee thy child by grace and adoption that I may hearken unto thee and never despise or forsake thy commandements Make mee allways remember thy workes ô Lord Ps 77.11 and call to mind thy wonders of old time Give mee grace to be in behaviour as becometh holinsse Tit 2.3 not given to the vices which commonly delude the ancient and decrepid but that I may be a teacher of the things that are good Peaceably ô my father Iob. 5.26 let mee come to my grave in a full age like as a shock of corne cometh in in his season By the course of nature I am ready to goe the way of all the earth
healeth Ex 15.26 Psl 6.2 Have mercy therfore upon mee ô Lord for I am weake ô Lord heale mee for my bones are vexed Ps 41.3 Ier 17.14 Strengthen mee now upon my bed of languishing make thou all my bed in my sicknesse Heale mee o Lord and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise c 30.12 O let not my bruise be incurable though my wound be grievous Let mee have one to pleade my cause vers 13 even that Holy One thine onely begotten Sonne that hee may bind mee up and give mee healing medicines Thou art hee who didst promise Iacob to correct him in measure vers 11 though not to leave him altogether unpunished Thou rebukest mee for my sinne Ps 39.11 and makest my beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment These Markes in my flesh doe cause a trembling even in my spirit Rev 13.17 Ps 86.16 Lord graunt that upon my soule be not found the marke of the beast but the marke of thy sonne that hee may owne mee for his O turne thou unto mee and have mercy upon mee give thy strength unto thy servant and save thy distressed hand-mayd Shew now some good token for good vers 17 that it may appeare unto the world that thou Lord doest helpe mee and comfort mee But if in thy secret purpose thou hast decreed at this time to gather mee unto my fathers make mee with joy comfort to render mine account unto thee the Lord of heaven earth Looke not upon the sinnes and offences of my misse-led life but rather looke upon my Redeemer's death Is 53.5 who was wounded for my transgressions bruised for mine iniquites the chastisement of my peace was layed upon him by his stripes therfore let mee be healed In the midst of the streete of thy throne ô God Reu 22.2 of either side of the river of life there is a tree of life bearing twelve manner of fruits and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations O my God let mee but come to tast of those fruits let mee but be shaded under the leaves of that tree of life Ps 41.4 Ps 103 1. Be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee Then shall my soule blesse thee O my Lord and all that is within mee shall praise thy holy name who forgivest all mine iniquities vers 3. and canst heale my diseases Into thine hands I commend my spirit Ps 31.5 for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thou God of trueth The Spirit and the bride say Come Reu 22.17 therfore let mee who now heare it say Come Let mee heare thy voyce ô God Gen 3.8 in the coole of the day not in the heate of thy displeasure And thou ô my Iesus who for such sinners wert made a sacrifice on the altar of the crosse how downe thine eare as thou didst upon the tree and heare and fullfill the desires of thy wounded supplicant Come ô Iesus and embrace mee in thine armes hide mee in thy wounded side from the wrath of thy father In thee alone doe I trust to thee alone doe I flee succour mee helpe mee save mee O Christ The world I leave to thee I come At the doore of thy mercy doe I knock I call I cry Lord protect mee Iesus comfort mee Strengthen my faith and confirme my hope As my earthly body draweth neerer to the earth so doe thou draw my soule up neerer unto thee who art the father of spirits Heb 12 9. O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and then let mee enter into thy celestiall paradice and that for his sake in whom alone thou art well pleased even Iesus Christ my onely Mediatour and Redeemer Amen subject 16 THE SIXTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray IT shall come to passe saith Moses to the house of Israel if thou wilt not hearken to the voyce of the Lord thy God Deut 28.15 to observe to doe all his commandements and his statutes which I command thee this day that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee vers 16 Cursed shalt thou be in the citty and cursed shalt thou be in the field Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store vers 17 yea Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body c. vers 18 What all these curses from heaven for the sins of poore distressed mortalls O what a multitude of evills doe our sinnes deserve What punishment doeth not iniquitie cry for It cryeth for the curse of the citty the decay of trading the curse of the field whole rivers of blood in furious battailes the curse of the basket and the store the dearth of provisions Yet all these are but outward punishments and reflect onely upon the baser the worse part of our selves the body but Cursed shall be the fruit of the body oh this biteth like a Serpent stingeth like a Cockatrice Prov 23.32 The fruit of my body Is afflicted with sicknesse but is the sinne of the parent the cause of his affliction Yes yes my conscience acknowledgeth the guilt let my tongue be as ready to confesse it and my heart to repent of it But how standeth this with the justice of the Creatour Gen 18.25 Shall not the judg of all the earth doe right The Prophet Ezekiel telleth mee from God that The sonne shall not beare the iniquity of the father Eze 18 20. Mich 7 6. Ier 9.20 neither shall the father beare the iniquity of the sonne but the soule that sinneth it shall dye Else the daughter might rise up against her mother as saith the Prophet and the women by reason of the vengeance due for their sinnes might teach their daughters wayling c 31.29 Rom 3 4. if the sowre grapes which the parents have eaten should set their childrens teeth on edge But let God be true and every man a lyar that hee may be justified in his sayings and may over-come when hee is judged Hee it is who hath threatned to visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate him The sinne is mine Ex 20.5 but the punishment is mine infant's againe the sinne is mine infant's and the punishment is mine And yet farther The sinne is of and from both and the punishment is inflicted upon both His sufferance is my sorrow and his paines my distresse Lord what a due reward of sinne is punishment My child as yet it may be knoweth not sinne and yet is hee punished
branches Thou hast planted it 1. Cor 3.6 my teares shall water it doe thou give the increase to it Something I apprehend but it is but in a mist Some thing I believe but it is but dully it is but imperfectly it is but weakely Lord I believe help my unbeliefe Mar 9.24 O that my teares might be so sanctified that my griefe might be a delight I must I will search enquire find out my secret crimes those snakes that lye hid under the greene leaves of my best my glorious actions I know that I am all sin all corruption and yet though I say that I know it though I know that I know it yet enough I doe not I cannot know it The more I prye into it the neerer is mine cye drawne to a narrownesse the more I pore upon it the sooner is mine eye tired into a dulnesse Each part each member is either an abettour or an actour of sin What then shall I doe Teares I can shed but it is rather through the disposition of nature then the operation of grace I will weepe therfore because I am so apt to grieve when my corruption is not truely the ground of my griefe I will punish mine eyes with teares for shedding so many teares not grounded on a sorrow for my wickednesse Now the spunges are full my sinns shall squeeze them Now my windowes shall be brightened with the brine with the lye of my teares Come I must mourne for I have found the cause the ground of all religious griefe which I am ashamed to owne Ps 6.6 Now with David I will crie until I am weary of my groaning every vight will I wash my bed and water my couch with my teares 1. Sam 30.4 With David againe and the prople that were with him pondering upon their losse at the spoiling of Ziklag I will lift up my voyce and weepe untull I have noe more power to weepe Iob 30.31 Now with the man of miseries the patient Iob my harpe shall be turned into mourning and my Organe into the voyce of them that weepe C 16.16 My face shall be fowle with weeping and on mine eye lids shall sit the shadow of death Now with David againe 2. Sam. 12.22 While the child is yet alive the child of corruption the monstrous spurious abortive bratt of sin is alive with in mee I will fast weepe but in a contrarie hope to that indulgent father I will cry who can tell whether God will be gracious to mee vers 22 that the child may not live or if it live it may but linger but languish but despaire of strength or health or life Thus I pine thus I grieve yet mee think's I am ashamed that I doe so I am troubled that I am thus troubled Well if mine eye be offended with the motes with the dusts of sin that fly into it I will wash it with it 's owne water If my face blush at the punishment of the eyes because it is childish thus to cry I will confesse it I will acknowledg it thus every child every child of my God doe's cry must cry And if all this force not shame into my bashfull cheeke for blushing at my teares then with that good king Hezekiah I will turne my face to the wall but I will still weepe and weeping that my teares be not spilt be not lost be not shed in vaine as that King 2. King 20.3 so my selfe though the meanest though the worst of subjects of slaves will pray and praying I will say The Prayer GReat God who on the second day of thine owne labour didst create a firmament in the midst of the waters Gen 1.6 so now in thy mercy put a distinction in the waters that flow from my troubled eyes O let heaven divide betweene them that those which dwell in the cloudes for the sinns I have committed may be distinguished from those that arise from sin By thy servant Ezekiel thou complainest of Ierusalem that she was not salted at all Lord Eze 16 4. I am salted in the brine of my teares ô let me be preserved in the love of thee my Creatour The causes of my griefe are the offences I have committed that a God so great should be incensed by a worme that a God so good should be dishonoured by a miscreant Thou art my God though offended thou shalt even be my God though thou art now displeased I have hope of pardon while I continue thine although I cannot choose but sin against thee who art so lovingly mine The heathens themselves did sacrifice to their Gods They had many I have but one To thee that one that holy one doe I offer what thou doest require a heart as thou doeâ—… require it broken but not so sanctified not so cleansed as it ought to be Lev 2.13 Yet it is offered with salt as thou requirest even with the salt of my teares Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare ô Lord have mercy ô Lord in mercy receave the cries the groanes the teares that flow from this burnt this broken offering These teares are the blood of a penitent soule for the blood of thy Son receave in mercy Num. 20.11 The rock of my heart hath beene smitten with thyrod from whence doe issue these springs of waters Lord doe thou even water my teares with the deaw of thy grace and mollifie my heart by the strength of thy power that both heart and eyes Io 17.6 and teares may be thine Thine they were and thou gavest them mee Thine they are I give them thee O let this rock this heart be an altar these eyes the priests and these teares the sacrifices acceptable unto thee my Lord and my God My heart is the censour and my sighs and groanes the incense Io 20.28 doe thou buth adde a sweetenesse thereto and so shall it allay the stricktnesse of thy fury My sinns ô God have dwelt in mine eyes but now I have made them drunke with my teares Thus let mee ever weepe thus let mee ever grieve It is a joy to be thus sorrow full it is a comfort to be thus distressed Lord in every part in every crumb of this broken heart I find thy mercifull thine in dulgent selfe In every sigh 1. King 9.12 in every groane I perceave that thou my Lord art in it a soft wind In every teare that trickleth from mine eyes thou hast a luster thou hast an habitation O let mee ever thus live in thy favour Let all my griefe be for offending thee Ps 42.3 Ps 6.6 Ps 80.5 Ps 104.9 and all my sorrow be for thy displeasure So shall my teares with David be my meate my drinke my bread my bath my onely joy and delight because thou takest a delight there in But ô thou who hast prescribed bounds to the seas which they cannot passe neither turne againe to cover the earth so limit these brackish seas by
to destroy 〈◊〉 if I but turne it upside downe so my meats â—nd my drinkes are apt to destroy mee with â—loying with surfeits Without this artificiall brightnesse mine eye cannot fixe it selfe upon any object or distinguish of colours and yet what is this to the light of the Sunne or that â—o the brightnesse of my God Lord what an â—ncouth thing it is to be in darknesse Yet thus â—ny God if hee had so decreed might all-ways ways have punished mee have taken from â—nee the sight of mine eyes Thus yea much worse then thus may hee justly be revenged on mee too and for my deedes of darknesse hee may throw mee into utter darknesse where â—hall be weeping and gnashing of teeth Mat 8.12 1. Sam. 28.8 Surely Saul did not know this power of God or hee did not remember it when hee disguised himselfe and put on other raiment and went hee â—nd two men with him and came to the witch of Endor by night and prayed her to divine unto him by the familiar Spirit and bring up Samuel againe to answer his demaunds O that Spirit is the Devill and that Devill is too familiar and yet how apt am I with Saul rather to consult with him and to follow his suggestions then to apply my selfe to the oracles of my God! This present night for ought that I know may be as sad dismall to mee as that was to the Egyptians when Pharach rose up in the night Ex 12.30 hee and all his servants and all the Egyptians and there was a greate cry in Egypt for there was not a house where there was not one dead But to prevent the feare of such a horrid judgment I will sue for compassion and beg of my God that insteed of destroying mee or any of this house with a sudden destruction hee will this night rather not onely slay my first borne mine originall sinne but allso all the abortive issue of mine actuall transgressions And though the cry be greate because my sinfull selfe am unwilling to leave them or they mee yet I will pray that the destroying Angel may come and destroy them that so my selfe my poore soule may be preserved alive Such a destruction as this would be my best preservation and such a slaughter would purchase my rejoycing These sinnes are mine enemies and those enemies whose ruine and subversion I am bound to pray for I will therfore humbly beseech my powerfull preserver to slay them to cutt them off speedily presently without any longer delay And that my prayers may be more effectuall they shall joyne with my teares in my humblest supplication for a freedome from these eneâ—ies I will imitate David Ps 42.3 and my teares shall be my meate day and night It is but â—ustice that these eyes which have wandered â—…fter enticing objects should be punished with the smart of brinish teares With such weeping eyes will I behould mine offences and on them will I looke as now I doe upon â—his burning Light that so like unto this â—hey may appeare glaring and multiplyed even greater by farre through the clowdines of mine eyes then otherwise I should view â—hem The eye is commonly a teacher of merâ—y for when it is fixed on an object full of disâ—resse it presently invite's the heart to compassion The eye of my God is never shutt never weary of pittying allthough both mine eyes and my compassion allso are seldome open Therfore mine eye shall weepe and when I weepe his eye will pittie My heart shall sigh and his heart will commiserate My whole selfe shall wholly offer up it selfe to him in my devotions and then I am assured hee will embrace mee in his armes and watch over mee by his protection I will weepe for my sinnes I will grieve for the offences of the day that is past and weeping grieving I will addresse my selfe to the keeper of Israel Ps 121.4 who neither slumbereth nor sleepeth thus I will say The Evening prayer OMniscient God who hast seene the offences which this day hath produced and for them mightest justly throw mee into the land of darknesse Vouchsafe I besiecâ— thee to behould the teares of a repenting prodigall The sinnes which I have committed I cannot number nor can I vallew thy mercies in forbearing mee so grievous an offendour The day is gone and the evening has teneth mee to my desired sleepe Lord leâ— it be thy pleasure to bury my sinnes in thâ— darknesse of oblivion and make mee afraid and ashamed to commit them any more by the light of the Sunne Let thy Christ shine iâ— my heart and warme my cold and chillâ—wed devotion that with fervency and zeale I may ever addresse my prayers unto thee O let 〈…〉 settforth before thee as incensâ— and the 〈◊〉 â—f my hands be an evening sacrifice Ps 74.16 The 〈◊〉 ô Lord is thine and the night is likewise thine doe thou take mee this night Ps 91.5 vers 6. into thy holy protection Let mâ— not be afraid for the terroâ— by night nor for thâ— pestilence that walketh iâ—…arknesse O thoâ— that hast made the Moonâ—… and the Starres tâ— governe the night Ps 136 9. shine mercifully into mâ— darke and polluted conscience and reveaâ—… unto mee all the errours of my life that aâ— the gate of thy mercy I may begge for remision The Levites did thanke 1. Chr. 23 30. and praise thee â—s well at evening as in the morning Lord â—hough I am weake though I am unworthy â—et so well as I can so well as thou art pleaâ—ed to enable thee thereto I praise and â—lesse thy glorious name for all thy mercies which thou hast shewed unto mee and in â—articular for thy protection this day which â—s past One Lamb by thine appointment Ex 29.39 â—…as to be offered at evening day by day by thy â—hildren of Israel My soule ô Lord should â—e that Lamb and my selfe an Israelite but â—…y soule is blemished I my selfe am rebelâ—…ous To thee therfore doe I offer not my â—olluted soule as it is full of uncleanesse but â—ather that innocent Lamb of thee my God â—…hich taketh away the sinnes of the world most â—umbly besieching thee to hearken unto him â—…terceding for mee and by his death and â—assion to graunt mee pardon for mine offenâ—es First seale unto my soule the remission â—f my sinnes and then let mee sleepe and â—est in thee Refresh my wearied limbs with â— comfortable repose and graunt that I â—…ay neither offend thee by dreames and fanâ—asies nor displease thee with excessive and â—mmoderate sleepe Preserve mee from the â—angers of fire stormes tempests theeves â—nd whatsoëver else may hurt my person or â—state All is thine doe thoâ—… be the keeper â—nd protectour of all Thou hast promised by thy Prophet that the righteous shall enteâ— into peace Is 57.2 and rest in their beds Gratiouâ— father cover mee with the righteousnesse oâ— Christ thy Sonne and graunt mee
Lu 15.14 vers 16 I am brought into want and faine would fill my belly even with the huskes that swine doe eate but noe man giveth them unto mee vers 17. Though I know that many hired servants have bread enough and to spare and yet I am ready to perish with hunger Though thus I know my miserie yet I skarce remember the cause But I will begg of my heavenly father vers 17 that I may come unto my selfe and then that my selfe may come unto him I know that hee is angry and his wrath is terrible but if I absent my selfe his displeasure will increase The longer I strive to keepe out of his sight the more will be his severitie and the more grievous my punishment vers 18 I will therfore arise and goe to my father and say unto him Father I have sinned against heaven vers 19 and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants Iob 42.6 Ps 102.9 Ps 80.5 I will abhorre my selfe in dust and ashes As David did so will I I will eate ashes as it were bread and I will have plenteousnesse of teares to drinke I will mourne for my sinnes which have caused this judgment and with my teares in mine eyes compunction in my heart and humilitie in my soule I will fall on my knees before his footestoole and pray unto him and say The Prayer ALl-mighty and all-sufficient Lord God who by thy power diddest lay the foundations of the world and by thy providence doest guide protect the things therein conteined be pleased to looke upon the sorrowes and sufferances of thy distressed servant Thou knowest my wants before I aske and seest how low I am brought with hunger The inferiour creatures thou fillest with plenty but mee thou sufferest to pine with famine Shall not the cryes of the hungrie pierce thine eares Shall the soule of the emptie be despised by it's maker Heare Lord Ps 30.10 and have mercy ô be thou my helper Thou knowest how I groane under the burden of this affliction and wilt thou allways know it and never remove it where are thy mercies which thou shewedst to thine Israelites Where is they goodnesse which was manifested to he widdow of Sarepta Thou canst not decrease in thy mercies nor forget thy compassion The stomack crye's and the belly cryes and a poore languishing soule cryes unto thee ô Lord in the depth of distresse O my father shut not up thy mercifull eares to my prayers but heare mee in heaven and succour mee with thy reliefe Thy store will not be lessened nor thy treasure diminished by sparing to mee a morsell of bread Lord if it may stand with thy good will preserve mee from death and deliver mee from this famine or else arme mee with patience that I may under-goe thy chastisement with comfort and content O thou Saviour of the world to whom the cursed Iewes gave gall to eate Ps 69.21 and when thou wert thirstie even vineger to drinke doe thou ease my griefe and hearken to my complaint Thou in thy humanitie diddest seele the wants of these out-ward things and knowest what griefe and anguish I suffer To Samaria thou sentest plenty beyond expectation 2. King 7.18 in the space of a night Thou art neither confined to time nor tyed to the meanes thou canst send mee comfort even above my hopes Lord either send mee plenty or blesse my want that so I may willingly submitt to thy pleasure and patiently suffer what thou hast decreed Though my body languish for want of sustenance yet fill thou my soule with the riches of thy goodnesse Amos. 8.11 2. Chr. 15.3 O let mee never be cursed with a famine of thy word Let mee never be as once the Israëlites were without thee the true God without a teaching Priest and without law Howsoëver thou disposest of the outward man let not my soule want it's spirituall nourishment whereby it should be fed to a life immortall It was thy meate ô Christ Io 4.34 to doe the will of him that sent thee and to finish his worke Graunt ô Iesus that I may follow thy stepps and make it my foode and my delight to fullfill thy commandements Let mee not labour here for the meate that perisheth c. 6.27 so much as for that meate which endureth to everlasting life My body is thine dispose of it as thou pleasest My soule is thine preserve it in holinesse Lord be gratious to mee thy child Gen. 43 29. and comfort mee now in this greate extreamitie that so I may neither offend thee in my sufferance nor despaire of thy providence but that wholly relying upon thy gratious goodnesse I may suffer with thankfullnesse whatsoëver thou pleasest and then that my sufferances may end in happinesse Heare mee blessed God and help mee for the worthinesse of thy Sonne in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Mat. 6.9.10.11.12.13 Our father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdome come thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven give us this day our dayly bread and forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us and leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen THE THIRD SOLILOQUIE Treating of thirst both bodily and ghostly THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Prophet bewayling the distressed estate of afflicted Sion complainth thus Lam. 4.4 The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roofe of his mouth for thirst the young children aske bread and noe man breaketh it unto them They that did feede delicately are desolate in the streetes vers 5. they that were brought up in scarlet embrace the dunghills Grievous was that miserie the infants endured who neither knew how to complaine nor where to be satisfied Their tongues which in time might relate the storie were scorched with the drought and heate of thrist Those litle members which as yet were not un ruely found a punishment as if they had offended The mothers lamenting the torments of the young ones offered them drinke from the fountaines of their eyes but so un-able was that offering to please the innocents that their thirst increased by that which should quench it Surely the miserie was greate which the babes could not utter since mine is so severe that I thinke it ineffable The more I complaine the more thirstie I am for the motion of the tongue increaseth the drought Iam. 3.6 The tongne that is un-ruely is set on fire of hell but mine is silent and yet it scorcheth That litle moisture which is left in my mouth is growne so glutenous
know that my God is powerfull who dwelleth in heaven This barrennesse may peradventure be sent mee in mercy allthough so heavily I take it for a judgment It may be I should faile in the duety of patience in the time of my travell or of love and care in the education of my children or I might be too fondly guiltie of doating on them so idolatrously robbe my God of his honour to conferre it wickedly on the issue of my loynes Moreover who knoweth what times of trouble may come upon the land or what destruction and desolation may be sent upon my countrie If persecution or warre should enforce mee to flee I can the better escape now I am free from children For this very cause my blessed Redeemer foretelling the distruction of the citty of Ierusalem sayd unto the women Daughters of Ierâ—salem weepe not for mee Lu 23.28 vers 29 but weepe for your selves and for your children For behold the dayes are comeing in the which they shall say Blessed are the barren and the wombe that never bare and the pappes that never gave suck So this barrennesse may bring content in that it freeth mee from cares and various perturbations although if it might seeme good in the eyes of my God most willingly would I embrace the trouble that I might increase his Kingdome I will resolve howsoëver to submit my selfe to the greate disposer and will hope that it may be his pleasure to send mee my desires Time was when the Gentiles knew not God which made the Psalmist so magnifie God for his mercies to Israël Ps 147.19 when hee sayd Hee sheweth his word unto Iacob his statutes and his judgments unto Israël vers 20 Hee hath not dealt so with any nation neither have the heathen knowledg of his law Then had the Gentiles a spirituall barrennesse for they were barren of religion and yet the Prophet comforteth them Is 54.1 saying Sing ô barren thou that didest not beare breake forth into singing and cry alowd thou that didst not travell with child for more are the children of the desolate then the children of the maried wife saith the Lord. This Prophesie is fullfilled to the joy and rejoycing of my selfe and many millions more for the song doeth noe longer runne in the phrase of the Psalmist Ps 76.1 ves 2. In Iudah is God knowne his name is greate in Israel In Salem allso is his tabernacle and his dwelling place in Sion Noe noe Lu 2.32 hee who was the glory of the people Israel did come to be a light to lighten the Gentiles Thus the Gentiles which had not beene a people Rom. 9 25. were called to be the people of the most high God shee who had not beene beloved did through his mercy become the beloved of God and shee that was barren through ignorance and infidelitie grew the faithfull spouse of the most high Why should I then give over my hopes Hee who made a fruitfull church even of the heathen which knew him not Is 54.3 can if hee pleaseth make mee a fruitfull mother of children verf 5. Her maker is her husband the Lord of hosts is his name and her redeemer is the holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth shall hee be called I am one of the members of that church which hath Christ to her husband I will therfore never despaire either of his power or mercy I dare not repine as Rachel did when shee bare Iacob noe children and envyed her sister Gen 34 1. vers 2. I dare not say to my husband as shee did to hers Give mee children or else I dye lest his anger should be kindled against mee and hee should answer mee as Iacob did her and say Am I in God's steed who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the wombe I know it is God who giveth and I know it is God who withholdeth these mercies I dare not be too inquisitive into a reason in nature lest I dis-honour him who is the God of nature I may and I will desire this blessing at the hands of him who giveth liberally Iam 1.5 and upbraideth not Yet lest my petitions should be empty if they rise not with teares I will weepe for my sinnes which have caused his displeasure and yet I will weepe in hope that hee will be reconciled unto mee Of every judgment I must find the cause in the wickednesse of my selfe I want the comfort and content of children because I my selfe have beene a child disobedient to my God But I will bewayle my sinnes and bemoane my condition and allthough hee cannot be ignorant of my servent desires yet I will lay open to him the griefe of my heart Gen 25 21. Isaak intreated him for his wife because shee was barren and hee was intreated of him and Rebekah his wife conceaved And shee had two children which strugled together in their mother's wombe ver 22 At the prayer of Elisha the good Shunamitish woman conceaved 2. King 4.17 Gen 20 17. and bare a sonne at that very season that Elisha had sayd unto her according to the time of life Faithfull Abraham prayed unto the Lord and the Lord healed Abimelech and his wife and his mayd servants and they bare children vers 18 for the Lord had first closed up all the wombes of the house of Abimelech because of Sarah Abrahams wife The Lord did promise unto Israël upon obedience saying There shall nothing cast their young Ex. 23.26 Deut. 7 12. nor be barren in thy land Another promise was made unto them by God himselfe when hee sayd It shall come to passe if yee hearken to these judgments and doe them Thou shalt be blessed above all people there shall not be male or female barren among you or among your cattell Againe they were promised by the mouth of Moses saying It shall come to passe c. 28.1 if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voyce of the Lord thy God to observe and to doe all the commandements which I command thee this day vers 11 the Lord shall make thee plenteous in goods in the fruit of thy body and in the fruit of thy cattell and in the fruit of thy ground in the land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers to give thee But I have not such an Isaak to intreate for mee as Rebekah had nor such an Elisha as the Shunamitesse had nor such an Abraham as Abimelech had What then I have the promise of my God if I be a true Israëlite indeede Io. 1.47 such a one as Nathaniel was in whom was noe guile If I obey my God and hearken to his judgments and doe them If I hearken diligently unto the voyce of the Lord my God to observe and to doe all the commandements which hee commandeth mee to doe then I may expect the blessing which was promised unto Israël The promises of God are made upon conditions
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
ceremeniall law yea a Priest himselfe was allowed these acts so naturall and pious Though touching the Nazarites the command was strickt which the Lord delivered unto Moses Num. 6 1. vers 2. saying Say unto the children of Israel when either man or woman shall seperate themselves to vow a vow of a Nazarite to seperate themselves unto the Lord vers 6. all the dayes that hee seperateth himselfe unto the Lord hee shall come at noe dead body vers 7. hee shall not make himselfe un-cleane for his father or for his mother for his brother or for his sister when they dye because the consecration of his God is upon his head Yet whereas the law said Eze 44 25. The Priests shall come at noe dead person to defile themselves it ran with this exception But for father or for mother or for sonne or for daughter for brother or for sister that hath had noe husband they may defile themselves And againe concerning the common people the law provideth saying Num 19.16 Whosoever toucheth one that is slaine with the sword in the open fields or a dead bodie or a bone of a man or a grave shall be uncleane but the time of his un-cleanesse was to continue but seaven dayes That law hath now noe power to oblige us who are under the Gospel I may touch my dead parent and embrace him yea and kisse him at least in my thoughts when I cannot come to his body And so I will and if there remaine any un-cleanesse in my cogitations I will purifie I will wash it away with the bath of my teares Allthough my sorrowes cannot call him from the grave yet they have power both to discover mine affection and to satisfie my desires Heb 11 35. In ancient times women had their dead raised to life againe This indeede is too much for mee to expect yet it will not be too much for mee to mourne with those women who were afterward thus comforted But then I must be just in my mourning As my love may lawfully be shewed in my teares so must my religion be manifested in my moderation It was a curse upon the Iewes which the Prophet pronounced when hee said Men shall not teare themselves for them in mourning Ier. 16.7 to comfort them for the dead neither shall men give them the cupp of consolation to drinke for their father or for their mother I must not exceede the bounds of modestie in my cryes lamentations but I must drinke rather of the cupp of consolation and hearken to the advice and counsell of my comforters Nature indeede may be seene in a teare and heard in a sigh but if those teares be too many or those sighes too frequent or too lowde my very sorrowes may be sinfull for my want of patience Hee for whom I grieve is better then my selfe and his condition is full of joy and delight why then should I mourne too excessively as if hee were lost why should I grieve too immoderately as if I despaired of a father Hee is gone to a place where hee is freed from sorrowes and can dye noe more onely I am on earth in a valley of teares but I shall have a time to dye too and be gathered unto him In heaven saith Saint Iohn there shall be noe more death Reu. 21.4 neither sorrow nor crying neither shall there be any more paine for the former things are passed away My Redeemer saith that they which shall be accounted worthy to obtaine that world Luc. 20 35. the resurrection from the dead neither marrie nor are given in mariage neither can they dye any more vers 36 for they are equall unto the Angells and are the children of God being the children of the resurrection VVhy then should I lament for him who needeth not my sorrowes and my teares are but a fruitlesse disturbance of my selfe If I am troubled at the losse of a friend so deare I must rather labour to be beloved of my God who is so good I shall one day learne with holy Iob Iob. 17 14. to say to corruption Thou art my father and to the worme Thou art my mother and my sister There is yet something earthly therfore which I shall acknowledge a parent but I must take heede that nothing upon earth doeth make mee an idolater The house of Israel was once so sottish as to say to a stock Ier 2.27 Thou art my father to a stone Thou hast brought mee forth This were a stupid madnesse in mee if I should so dis-honour the memorie of my father as to make the timber succeede him in my reverence But more impious it would prove if I should reject my heavenly father and insteed of him I should honour as Israel did a stock or a stone The greater that my losse is in my deceased parent the more must be my obedience to the father of lights Iam. 1.17 Heb. 12 9. Hee who is and must be the father of my spirit did lend unto mee for a time the father of my flesh Hee hath allso taken from mee my naturall parent that my thoughts may be ever fixed upon him with whom hee dwelleth If my trust be in God my comforts will abound my sorrowes will decrease If my name be written among the righteous my share shall be equall to theirs in the protection of my God Hee hath ever beene mercifull to them that were fatherlesse so that they relyed on his providence and served him with faithfullnesse Ps 27.10 Ps 68.5 When my father and my mother forsake mee saith the Psalmist then the Lord will take mee up a father of the fatherlesse is God in his holy habitation O that I might have the honour to be his child that so I might justly call him father O that I could truely say unto him Thou art my father my God Ps 89.26 Is 63.16 Ier. 3.19 2. Cor. 6.18 and the rock of my salvation O that I could faithfully say Thou ô Lord art my father my Redeemer thy name is from ever-lasting O that I could call him my father and not turne away from him His mercies are greate his promises are full of comfort I will be a father unto you and yee shall be my sonnes and daughters saith the Lord All-mighty O what shall I doe that I may be sure to be adopted into the number of his children Alas as I am I have but litle hope of it for hee is pure but I am un-cleane but I will wash my selfe with my teares of repentance and beseech his Sonne to cleanse mee with his blood Hee is righteous but I am sinfull but I will confesse my wickednesse Ps 38.18 and be sorrie for my sinnes and then I am sure hee will aboundantly pardon Lord though I have beene thine enemie thou canst make mee thy friend though I have hated thee thou canst incline mee to love thee though I have beene rebellious thou
the power of thy grace that they may neither sinne by excesse nor offend in the cause Put them into thy bottle Ps 56.8 note them in thy booke In thy mercy Mat. 26.38 finish soone these dayes of sinne that by the merits of him that was sorrowfull in the garden Rev. 7.17 all teares may one day be wiped from mine eyes all sorrowes expelled driven from my heart my soule may be receaved into the quire of Saints there to live and reigne with thee world without end Amen Teares from the heart THE SECOND SVBJECT The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz. 1 The wickednesse of a corrupted heart 2 A Lamentation for the losse of an honest heart 3 Griefe for an old and sinfull heart an earnest desire of a righteous new one The first part The wickednesse of a corrupted Heart THE EjACULATION Ps 5. 1. Give eare to my words O Lord consider my meditation 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe heart is deceitfull above al things and desperately wicked Ier 17.9 who can know it saith God by his Prophet What is here A heart Adeceit full heart A heart deceitfull above all things A wicked heart Desperately wicked A heart inscrutable Lord surely this is the just description of my heart if yet I have any if I have any at all for 't is a doubt whether I have one or not It is said of Ephraim Hos 7.11 that shee was like a silly Dove without heart Surely so am I too not for the innocency but the simple folly of the Dove for like Ephraim too I have fled from my God vers 13 But why should I be so simple as to thinke that I have noe heart Doe not I feele one with in mee Yes sure for my meate comfort 's it Gen 18.5 Pro 14.30 Ps 38.19 as Abraham desired the Angells to doe by theirs I have a sound heart which is the life of the flesh I know I have one for like Davids it panteth I can feele it beate and that 's a good signe that I have one I know too by the passions which I have in it for I am subject to joy and sorrow to love and batred to feare and courage to hope and despaire I have the seede's of all the vertues and vices in mee I have an understanding too a will and imagination and what not which others are endued with Why then doe I complaine that I have noe heart when as this very complaint ariseth from my heart Alas I have a heart indeede the heart of a woman But I want a heart yet a better heart the heart of a Christian What 's this heart to mee this poore inconsiderable heart which nature lend's mee T' is but a morsel of thick solid flesh placed in the midle belly the seate indeede of the vitall faculties the heart that preserveth the heate of the body the spring head of the arteries the chiefe author of breathing and working of the pulse a poore thing which nature was feint to take such compassion of as to wrap it in clowtes in a caule that it might lye quiet in it 's place and be kept from the violence and pressures of the neighbouring members Yea shee 's feint to dip this caule too in a kind of waterish humour and wrap it about this heart least the litle trifle should be so hot or dry that it should fall into a swoone What s' all this to mee as I am a Christian This poore thing shall have but a litle time to lye panting in my breast and then though it be the eldest enlivened member and shall linger and out-live all the rest yet at length it shall faint depart away it shall goe and make a pleasant collation for the wormes in the with-drawing chamber in the coole vault of my silent grave and so even fare them well But what then Is this all The very beasts have such a dispatch and when they are gone there 's noe more expectation of sense or any thing else Surely I who am placed upon earth as a kind of mistresse over the inferiour creatures must one day render some account to my Lord who hath thus intrusted mee When I die I must goe to another place Either I must be doomed to eternall miserie or else receaved and admitted to unspeakeable and everlasting content I am not all flesh I am some spirit God hath not confined mee to those narrow bounds of vegetation and sense Noe hee hath added reason to them and made mee a woman so that although I have a heart common with the beast according to sense yet I should have another heart too a heart a bove either them or that 1. Pet. 3 4. Deut. 11.16 Rom. 10.10 c. 2.15 Deut 29.4 1. Thes 3.13 2. Sam. 24.10 Deut 29.4 I have a reasonable soule a mind an understanding a conscience and each of these in the scripture is termed a heart but this o this is that heart which I feare I want Want it Yes I so want it that either I have it not at all or if I have it it is such a one as 't is worse for mee farr worse then if I had none at all But I have none indeede The Lord hath not given mee an heart to perceave nor eyes to ser nor eares to heare unto thit day When I pray I have none when I reade the sacred oracles of the most high I have none when I goe to the temple and should attend to the instructions of the ambassadours of Christ I have none when I should put in practise what hath arrived at my knowledg I have none when I should confer discours of God and goodnesse I have none none at all none in the church none in my closet nor in the society of the godly at noe time in noe place upō noe good occasion can I find that I have any Or if I have one I had as good be without it for 't is a dry one for want of watering it with my teares I find that 't is smitten down and withered like grasse Or 't is dead or at lest Ps 102 4. just dying at the last gaspe I have beene drunke with wickednesse very drunke as Nabal was with wine at his kingly feast but now I begin to grow a litle more sober and recollect my selfe 1. Sam 25.36 vers 37 Mat 13 15. Ps 119.70 Iam 5.5 Io 3.19 c 9.39 I find that my heart like his upon the newes which his wife tould him even dyes within mee and I am become as a stone Or if it be yet alive 't is a fatt one 't is waxed grosse 't is as fatt as grease 't is nourished as in the day of slaughter so that through the unweildines of it and through the destruction approaching it I had better be without it Or else 't is a blind one for it loveth darknesse rather
give mee a sight of and a sorrow for the offences thereof Breake thou my hard and stonie heart with the knowledg of my sinne and my due consideration of thy heavy wrath Psal 5.4 Eze. 11 19. Psal 51.10 Deut. 4 9.10.17.17 Ps 107.35 Thou art a God that delightest not in wickednesse remove therfore from mee this heart of obstinacie and give mee a heart of flesh Create in mee a cleane heart ô God and renew a right spirit within mee Let not thy commandements depart from it all the dayes of my life Speake but the word ô God and it shall be done Sanctifie it in thy trueth thy word is trueth O thou that didst turne the wildernesse into a standing water and drie ground into water springs be pleased to shew thy mercy now in the depth of my distresse Lord heare my desires behould my necessities Without a heart I cannot serve thee without a new heart I cannot praise thee Lord give mee a heart to feare thee Is 66.2 Ps 38.18 to tremble at thy word to listen to thy promises to confesse my sinnes and to be sorrie for mine offences Give mee ô my God Ps 119.80 fuch a heart as thou requirest that so it may be allways sound in thy statutes Give mee a heart that may mourne in secret for all my sinns both secret and open that may be zealous for thine honour that may be tender of thy displeasure and that may shun both the inclination to and the desire of offending thee my greate Creatour Heare mee ô God Io. 19.34 Mat. 26 38. for thy mercies are greate Heare mee ô Christ whose side was pierced whose soule was sorrowfull and all to purchase new hearts for all that are penitent sinners Heare mee ô blessed spirit and assist mee in my petitions with sighes Rom. 8 26. Can. 8.6 and groanes that cannot be expressed Give mee a heart for thy service and then set mee ô Lord as a seale upon thine â—rme O Lord give O Lord forgive Forgive my sinnes and give mee the blessing of a righteous heart that so I may feare thee as long as I shall remaine in this vallie of teares and then receave mee ô my father into thy celestiall Kingdome that I may live with thee in glorie for ever and ever through Iesus Christ my onely mediatour and redeemer Amen THE THIRD SUBJECT Teares of Time The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 A re-view of the time past 2 A consideration of the time present 3 A resolution for the time to come The First part A re-view of the time past THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe fower beasts in the Apocalyps that were full of eyes before behind and within sitting upon the throne which was set in heaven rested not day and night saying Rev. 4.8 Holy holy holy Lord God Allmighty which was and is and is to come What a high description is here of the sacred Trinitie The Father holy the Sonne holy and the Spirit holy and yet not three holies but one holy The Father Lord the Sonne Lord and the Holy Ghost Lord. The Father God the Sonne God and the Holy Ghost God The Father All mighty the Sonne All mighty and the Holy Ghost All mighty The Father Eternall the Sonne Eternall and the Holy Ghost Etemall and yet not three Lords nor three Gods nor three Allmighties not three Eternalls but one Lord one God one All mighty and one Eternall Eternall What 's that The text saith which was not as if hee had beene but is not therfore it is added which is yet not so is as if hee should be no more therfore it is farther added and is to come Surely hee that was without beginning which is immutable and which shall be the judg both of the quick and the dead even the same God was is and shall be Holy in his essency Lord in his dominion God in his excellency Allmighty in his power and Eternall in all When I reade these deepe mysteries of my God ô how I am divided mee think's in my selfe How doe I varie in my thoughts and meditations The singing of those heavenly beasts make's mee rejoyce but their song it selfe drive's mee into a sadnesse for they tell mee that holinesse and righteousnesse and glory and power and eternitie is the very nature of God in none whereof I can find my selfe to be like unto him Lord I wish that I were with the beasts upon the throne that I might be a litle more cheerfull then I am here at the foote stoole But alasse my wishes cannot be purchases for none can come to God but those alone who are like unto God 1 Cor. 29. Before I can come to sitt upon that throne I must certainly be holy for hee is holy I must be righteous for hee is righteous and then though I shall not have such power nor glory as hee hath yet I shall have my share I shall have my proportion I shall have such power to magnifie my God as that nothing shall be able either to oppose or divert mee I shall have such glory as neither eye hath seene 1 Pet. 1 15. nor eare hath heard nor yet can enter into the heart of man to conceave yea and I shall have eternitie too for though I cannot be sayd to be perfectly eternall because I had a beginning yet I shall be certainly eternall in that I shall have noe end But how shall I gaine this holinesse that I may come to that eternitie Surely I must looke upon the three distinctions or parts of time and if I consider them as limitted I must find my selfe in them if as unlimitted I must find my God in them For God is not so sayd which was which is and which is to come as if this description did any way come neere a full expression of his eternitie but rather submitt's as it were onely to our capacitie that so by this I may partly conjecture at what I cannot yet possibly comprehend Noe time can properly be asscribed unto God for each part thereof hath a bound and limitation which God can not have The time past is gone allready from us the time present is goeing and the time to come is not yet ours But when wee say God was wee intimate his perfection in being without a beginning of being When wee say God is wee expresse his vigour and readinesse and power to effect his purposes and when wee say God shall be wee undoubtedly acknowledg and confesse his perpetuitie The time was when I was not and I againe shall be when time shall not I shall be indeede but where shall I be Eternitie hath but two mansions heaven hell If I doe not take heede I may be tormented for ever Lord how I tremble at the thought of it
couch with my teares Every night shall be a night of sorrow a night of weeping for my sinns Ps 30.5 that so my God may send mee joy in the morning Apt I am to distrust my God to fixe my thoughts upon carking and caring for the things of to morrow Nor am I single in the offence too many are apt to sacrifice to their owne shallow titular wisedome choosing rather to depend upon their owne discretion then to rely upon the providence of the greate disposer Eccl 8.16 Such there are indeede that neither day nor night doe see sleepe with their eyes and like the wife in the Proverbs their candle goeth not out by night Prov 31.18 But I must remember the command of my Redeemer and Take noe thought for the morrow Mat 6.34 for the morrow shall take thought for the things of it selfe Sufficient unto the day is the evill thereof And as I may not distrust the providence of my God so neither will I nor may I boast of to morow Prov 27.1 for I know not what a day or a night may bring forth But I will besiech my God to give mee content with what soëver hee shall send Mercy I will beg for howsoëver hee shall dispose of meé and comfortable sleepe if hee spare mee life I will besiech him that if through a disturbed fant'sie I be molested with dreames even in those dreames hee will be pleased to open mine eares Iob 33.16 and seale mine instruction If the master and builder of this house of clay the greate Creatour of heaven and earth shall come and this night shall call mee to judgment Ps 139.13 Graunt ô my God ô thou who diddest forme mee and fashion mee in the wombe of my mother that I may watch in thee for the comeing of thy selfe whether it shall be at mid-night or at the cock-crowing or in the morning Mat. 13.35 that though thou comest suddenly yet thou find mee not sleeping And now I am lyeing downe let mee not be afraid Prov 3.24 yea make mee lye downe and my sleepe to be sweete unto mee Thus will I close mine eyes with sorrowfull teares and thus will I rely upon the protection of my God part 3 The third part Of the soliloquie To be used at the time of awaking in the night O What a trouble is this to one desirous to sleepe Thus to tosse and tumble this way and that way Thus to long to sleepe and not be able to sleepe I am sure that I did sleepe but I am not sure when I shall sleepe againe Lord how silent is the night How quiet are all things but my disturbed selfe How slowly doth the clock number the howres It strike's one two c and yet I sleepe not It was the complaint of holy Iob unto the Lord saying Iob 7.13 Vers 14. When I say my bed shall comfort mee my couch shall ease my complaint Then thou sharest mee with dreames and terrifiest mee through visions Mee think's I could partly be contented to be troubled as Iob was with dreames and visions so that I might be sure to have the benefit of the sleepe Every thing that move's but gently possesseth mee with feares The watch-man of the night which awaked the Apostle out of the sleepe of securitie disturb's mee with chaunting out the disisions of the night But is there noe way to be sure either to sleepe sweetely or to awake contentedly Is 57.21 There is noe sleepe noe rest noe peace saith my God to the wicked If I am wicked I cannot sleepe or if I doe it is rather a cessation from labour then a contented repose for the awaking conscience disturbes the fantsie with hideous apparitions Let mee a litle enter into my selfe consider whether I was prepared for sleepe before I applyed my selfe unto it Did I enter into my bed with divine meditations and make up the account of my former life before I drew the curtaines of mine eyes Certainly my God awake's mee that I may either repent of some sinne which I have formerly forgotten or praise him for some mercy for which I was not thankfull If thus while I awake my thoughts be divine whensoever I sleepe my rest shall be comfortable I will therfore take up the confidence of David who said that his soule should be satisfied as with marrow Ps 63.5 and fatnesse and his mouth should praise the Lord with joyfull lipps when hee remembred God upon his bed Vers 6. and meditated on him in the night watches I must even doe as David did if I hope for the blessing which David had Yea and so I will with the assistance of him Eccl. 5.12 who causeth the sleepe of the laborious to be sweete The Prophet mee thinks seemeth to challenge the Allmighty when hee saith Thou hast proved mine heart Ps 17.3 and visited mee in the night thou hast tryed mee and shalt find nothing in mee nothing evill nothing amisse Lord though I cannot acquitt my selfe in the words of that Prophet yet I will resolve with that Prophet I am utterly purposed that my mouth shall not offend Surely that blessed Psalmist had often discourse and conference with his God in the times of the night and doubtlesse hee was then most free for the service of his maker when most hee was freed from the affaires of his subjects O how comfortably hee does cheere up himselfe when hee saith I have remembred thy name Ps 119.55 ô Lord in the night and have kept thy law Yet this was not the practise of David onely Noe I find that it is a blessing which God in mercy hath sent to others allso of his servants Is 26.1 The Prophet Isaiah telleth Iudah of a day that should come when this song should be sung in their land wee have a strong citty vers 9. salvation will God appoint for walls and bulwarkes c. With my soule have I desired thee in the night yea with my spirit within mee will I seeke thee early O what a blessed time was this to Iudah O how sweete is the remembrance of God in the night It is sweete indeede to remember him in the night to sieke him in the night but then 't is doubtlesse full of horrour to sieke and not to find him And yet thus God threatneth Israël and Ephraim and Iudah the Priests and the people Hos 5.6 and the Princes that They should goe to sieke the Lord but they should not find him because hee would with-draw himfelfe from them And the Church complaineth that Cant 3.1 By night on her bed shee sought him whom her soule loueth shee sought him but shee found him not Alasse how came it to passe that her beloved would not be found Surely hee was not talking allthough thus Elyah mocked the Priests of Baal 1. King 18.27 concerning their dumb and stupid idoll nor pursueing nor in a journie nor
that it bindeth my tongue to an un-willing silence My body burneth Ps 69.3 Ps 137 6. my throate is dryed my tongue cleaveth to the roofe of my mouth ô I burne I frie and know not where to be releived Did the drunkards who are mighty to powre in wine Is 5.22 and those who are men of strength to mingle strong drinke but know the miserie which I endure they would spare from their excesse as much as would comfort mee For their owne sakes they would spare the abuse of that creature for want whereof I now complaine Hab 2.15 The Prophet pronounceth a woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drinke that putteth his bottell to him maketh him drunken allso that hee may looke on his nakednesse But I doe cry woe unto my selfe because I have noe neighbour to give mee drinke Here is none that putteth his bottell to my mouth It is not the gust of the wine nor the strength of the drinke nor the pleasantnesse of the liquour that I doe covet The limpid water would be better then wine yea the springs or the fountaines would make mee rejoyce But where ô where are those pleasant potions Where are those snakie rivers which curle and wind themselves in their sporting wreaths Alasse alasse I aske noe more then what beggars disdaine and yet my desires are not fullfilled Mine eyes doe lament the greatnesse of my sinnes and my charitable teares doe wooe mee to give them rest in my mouth as if repentance in this had taught them mercy But when I thankfully accept their friendly courtesie insteed of comforters they become my tormentours These brackish rivelets may refresh my soule but they can never cure the thirst of my body Mee think's they are some-what like the wife of Heber who entertained Sisera in a friendly manner as hee did imagine for shee covered him in her tent Iud 4.18 vers 19 and when hee said unto her Give mee I pray thee a litle water to drinke for I am thirstie Shee opened a bottell of milke and gave him drinke and covered him But when hee committed his wearied limbes to a sweete repose vers 21 shee tooke a naile of the tent and tooke a hammer in her hand and went softly to him and smote the naile into his temples fastened it into the ground and hee dyed Thus my teares doe offer mee reliefe and like unto Iaël they offer mee milke instead of water but with their saltnesse they increase my drought and fasten mee to the ground in my burning flames Yet Ps 42.5 why art thou so cast downe ô my soule and why art thou so disquieted within mee Hope thou in thy God vers 7. for I will yet praise him who shall be the helpe of my countenance and my God Ps 43.5 All his waves and stormes doe goe over mee and yet I cry for water in the middest of the waves I cry and by my cryes I increase my miserie yet cry I must I am enforced to it by my fires by my drought and yet hope I will too even in my God will I hope for I am invited unto it by his mercy Hee promised to his servants by the mouth of his Prophet saying Is 41.17 When the poore and needie sieke water and there is none their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will heare them I the God of Israël will not forsake them I will open rivers in high places and fountaines in the middest of the valleys vers 18 I will make the wildernesse a poole of water the drie land springs of waters Now ô my God is the time that I looke for the fullfilling of this promise for water I sieke but none I find I am poore needie my very tongue faileth for thirst and upon thee therfore doe I call I am sure that my God cannot promise more then hee can nor will hee promise more then hee will performe Time was when the Israëlites pitching in Rephidim Ex 17.1 vers 2. there was noe water for the people to drinke Wherfore the people did chide with Moses and said Give us water that wee may drinke And Moses said unto them Why chide yee with mee Wherfore doe yee tempt the Lord vers 3. And the people thirsted there for water and the people murmured against Moses and said Wherfore is this that thou hast brought us up out of Egypt to kill us and our children vers 5. and our cattell with thirst And the Lord said unto Moses Goe on before the people and take with thee of the Elders of Israël and thy rod wherwith thou smotest the river take in thine hand and goe Behould I will stand before thee there upon the rock in Horeb vers 6. and thou shalt smite the rock and there shall come water out of it that the people may drinke And Moses did so in the sight of the children of Israël Thus I thirst as did the Israëlites but I will not murmure as did the Israëlites because the God of Israël is my God I may not displease him with repining at my sufferings lest with his rod hee smite mee as did Moses the stone All that I can hope for must come by my prayers and my patience through the merits of my saviour It is not Meribah or Massah my temptation vers 7. or my chiding that will prevaile for my comfort Hee may give mee water and then punish mee with fire O what doe those damned soules in the infernall flames suffer Lu 16.24 where Dives begged of Abraham to have mercy on him and to send Lazarus that hee might dippe though but the tippe of his finger in water and coole his tongue because hee was tormented in the flames If I compare my sufferings with my desert I shall the easier endure this gentle fire This cannot be comparable to the fire of hell and that I have deserved yet suffer but this The mercifull Lord so sanctify this sufferance that the fire which I merit may be extinguished by my teares assisted with the blood of the Lamb un-spotted and then I shall rejoyce in this chastisement At Kadesh once in the wildernesse of Zin there was noe water for the congregation Num 20.2 vers 7. vers 8. and they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron And the Lord spake unto Moses saying Take the rod and gather thou the assembly together thou and Aaron thy brother and speake yee unto the rock before their eyes and it shall give forth it's water and thou shalt bring forth water to them out of the rock so thou shalt give the congregation and their beastes drinke vers 9. vers 10 And Moses tooke the rod from before the Lord as hee commanded him And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock and hee said unto them Heare now yee rebells must wee fetch you water out of the rock vers 11
to beare or her patience to endure O what shall I doe What shall I doe I cry Ps 38.8 I reare for the very disquietnesse of my heart But hath not God promised to beare my cry and to helpe mee Hath hee not commanded mee to call upon him in the day of trouble Ps 50.15 and then promised that hee will deliver mee and I shall glorifie him Now ô now is the time for the fullfilling of his promise This this is the day of my trouble Ps 143.7 My spirit is waxed faint my friends are disturbed all eyes here pitty mee and weepe for my sufferances and grieve that they cannot ease mee But what shall I doe Shall I despaire of his mercy who hath promised mee deliverance O noe I may not I dare not I dare not I will not ps 71.5 vers 6. The Lord God shall be my hope hee who hath beene my trust from my youth By him have I beene holden up from the wombe hee it is who tooke mee out of my mother's bowells and may deliver mee of mine infant my praise shall therfore be ever of him I cannot choose but thinke that Tamar had pangs as greate as mine can be when shee laboured of the twins Gen 38 27. I cannot choose but imagine that Rebekah suffered as much as I doe c 25.22 when Esau and Iacob struggled in her wombe If these were freed from their paines delivered of their children Why should I complaine so much of my torments and forget what greater I have justly merited Should I live a thousand yeeres in one continued and most bitter throw yet would it not be comparable to a minuit of sufferance in the infernall flames and yet eternitie of those have I wickedly merited allthough I feele them not Seeing then that my God is so good as not onely to send mee here lesse torment then I deserve but allso to assure mee of an escape from those infernall horrours why should I repine at these lesser sufferances Sometimes I find a comfortable intermission my pangs are not constant and continued I have times to breath and provide for the next Surely hee who sometimes refresheth mee with respite and cessation doeth intend that in my paine I should rely upon his mercy Is 66.5 vers 9. Let him therfore be glorified and hee shall appeare to my joy Shall hee bring to the birth and not cause to bring forth Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the wombe saith the Lord God There is comfort in his promises there is ease in his mercy I must wayte the time of his pleasure and then shall I have the content which hee hath promised his chosen My pangs may endure for a while but they shall not continue long 1. Tim. 2.14 This chastisement is sent to put mee in mind that Adani was not deceaved but the woman being deceaved was in transgression Yet to my comfort let mee likewise remember that the Apostle addeth Notwithstanding shee shall be saved in child bearing vers 15 if they continue in faith and charity and holinesse with sobriety By child-bearing is meant the plunges which I am in as well as the cares of education the rest of the dueties to which wee are obliged Doe thou ô my Iesus strengthen my faith in the assurance of thy merits renew my love and my charity both to my maker and my neighbour sanctifie mee ô blessed Spirit that I may continue in holinesse and give mee patience that I may endure with sobrietie and peace what I must goe thorough The time may come that this child may blesse the wombe that bare it Lue 11 27. and these pappes which my God may spare to give suck unto it His will must be fullfilled and my will must submit If hee spare mee life I will render him thanks If hee give mee my child I will dedicate it to his service but if it be his pleasure through this tribulation to end my dayes then I know and am assured that hee will wipe away all teares from mine eyes Reu. 21.4 Then hee will bring mee to his heavenly throane where shall be noe more death neither sorrow nor crying neither shall there be any more paine for the former things shall be passed away The Prayer O My Lord and my God my heavenly father my mercifull Iesus thou who hast filled my belly with thine hidden treasure Ps 17.14 and now hast brought mee to hope and depend in the middest of mine anguish upon thy wonted mercies bow downe thine eare and hearken to the cryes of a pained woman Vnto thee ô Lord doe I crye Ps 142 5. thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living attend therfore unto my cry vers 6. Ps 119 153. Ps 69.29 for I am brought very low Consider mine affliction and deliver mee for I doe not forget thy law I am poore and sorrowfull let thy salvation ô God set mee up on high Ps 38.8 I am feeble and sore smitten I roare by reason of the disquietnesse of my heart vers 9. 1. Tim. 4.10 Ps 18.1 vers 2. All my desire is before thee and my groaning is not hid from thee In thee I trust who art the living God who art the saviour of all especially of them that believe I love thee ô Lord my strength thou art my rock and my fortresse my strength in whom I trust my buckler the horne of my salvation and my high tower Ps 7.1 Ps 20.1 ô save mee now in this heavie visitation and deliver thy servant Heare mee ô Lord in this day of trouble thy name ô God of Iacob vers 2. defend mee Send mee helpe from thy sanctuarie Ps 25.16 strengthen mee out of Sion Turne thee unto mee and have mercy upon mee for I am desolate vers 17 and afflicted The troubles of my heart are enlarged ô bring thou mee out of my distresses vers 18 Looke upon mine affliction and my paine vers 20 and forgive all my sinnes O keepe my soule deliver mee let mee not be confounded for I put my trust in thee Ps 71.1 In thee alone doe I put my trust vers 2. let mee never be put to confusion but deliver mee in thy righteousnesse and cause mee to escape incline thine eare unto mee and save mee Ps 40.13 Be pleased ô Lord to deliver mee ô Lord make hast to helpe mee Give a happie end to these my torments that I may enjoy the fruit of my wombe for which I suffer them O Lord in mercy if it may stand with thine eternall decree preserve both my life and the life of mine issue Arme mee with patience to undergoe these pangs and in the â—nd give mee comfort in what thou shalt send mee If otherwise thou hast determined to end my life by these heavy torments ô my sweete and mercifull Iesus receave mee into thy bosome that I
soone therfore appease his anger by revenging my selfe upon my selfe for the sinnes which I have committed against his glorious name And if I cannot be revenged enough I will cry for anger even for anger that I cannot punish my selfe enough for displeasing him who thus honoureth my roofe When the Israelites were to eate the Paschall lanb Ex 12.7 they were commanded to take of the blood thereof and to strike it on the two side-posts and on the upper doore-post of the houses wherein they did eate it vers 13 And the blood saith the Lord shall be to you for a token upon the houses where yee are and when I see the blood I will passe over you and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you when I smite the land of Egypt O here is comfort now in the midst of affliction here is joy in the depth of sorrow See there there is that token there is the blood on the doore or at least the representation of it for the red Crosse is there It is to mee for a token or a memoriall of the blood of that innocent Lamb without spot that was slaine that was crucified on the Crosse for the sinnes of the elect Now Lord doe what thou pleasest spare or strike it shall be all one to mee so long as thou givest mee a firme assurance that hee hath suffered for mee I vallew not my flesh I care not for this lumpe of walking dust let it be blowne away let this muddewall be throwne downe it is noe matter I am content so long as I am sure that the anger of my God will be appeased by the blood of my Redeemer and that so soone as my soule shall be freed from the prison of my flesh I shall for ever sit on the right hand of my Iesus Sure I am that allthough my house be shut up because of the infection yet my Christ will cleanse my soule with his blood Therfore World farewell shut up whom thou pleasest Thy companie is not so good nor thy courtesie so greate as to command my joy Allthough my house here be shut up yet hee which is faithfull hath promised that the gates of that new Ierusalem Reu 21 25. which is above shall not be shut at all by day and that there shall be noe night there O let mee begge of my Lord my Land-Lord yea my guest my friend my brother my father that seeing I am a woman a fearefull woman wonderfully afraid especially of a serpent c 20.2 or a dragon hee will be pleased to lay hold on the dragon that old serpent which is the devill and Satan vers 3. and bind him and cast him into the bottomlesse pit and shut him up and set a seale upon him that hee may deceave mee noe more O how contentedly then shall I mourne How joyfully shall I grieve for all the offences that ever I committed Well now my God is pleased to speake to my conscience away will I goe in private all alone and cry in a corner I will weepe by my selfe away I will goe and separate my selfe from my familie yea even from him who is my head and my Lord that I may the more freely weepe This I will doe and this I may doe for when Ierusalem had her great mourning not onely every familie mourned apart Zech 12.12 but even their wives allso mourned apart So will I I will mourne apart too But because I must not offer to offer unto my God such a present as a litle poore botle of teares Ps 56.8 and say nothing to him when I render it humbly therfore upon my knees will I fall and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GLorious and ever-living Lord God Ps 75.5 who doest suffer the wicked to live in prosperitie to be in noe trouble like other men nor to be plagued like other men but hast tould us that whomsoever thou lovest thou doest chasten Heb 12 6. and scourgest every child whom thou receavest vouchsafe I beseech thee to sanctifie this affliction which thou hast layed at this time upon mee and mine 1. King 17.18 Thou art come ô my God to call my sinnes to remembrance ô let mee not frustrate thine intent not repell the motions of thy blessed Spirit My selfe and my familie are now shut up from the lewde temptations of the seducing world Lord make mee at this time to looke into my selfe into mine owne wicked and sinfull heart which hath beene so long shu◠up even from mine owne selfe from mine understanding and my knowledge This o Lord is thy time to speake let it I beseech thee be my time to heare My house is become a house of thy correction and my selfe familie are the offenders whom thou art pleased to chastise Ier 10.24 Ps 88.7 Lord correct us but with judgment not in thine anger lest thou bring us to nothing Thy wrath at this time lyeth hard upon us and thou afflictest us with all thy waves Thou hast put our acquaintance farre from us vers 8. thou hast made us to be an abomination unto them wee are shut up and cannot come forth Ps 38.11 Our lovers and our friends stand aloofe from us and our neighbours stand afarre off Ps 88.9 By reason of this affliction mine eye mourneth Lord I call dayly upon thee Ps 69.15 Ps 73.14 Ps 69.3 and stretch out mine hands unto thee O let not the water-flood over-flow us neither let the deepe swallow us up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon us All the day long are wee plagued and chastened every day I am wearie of crying Ps 69.3 my throate is drie my sight even faileth for wayting so long upon thee my God Ps 78.39 Ps 91.3 O consider thy distressed servants that wee are but flesh that wee are even a wind that passeth away and cometh not againe Deliver us o Lord from the snare of the fowler from the noisome Pestilence Either send unto us or else be thou thy selfe unto us a staffe as well as a rodde Ps 23.4 Ps 91.5 a supporter as well as a correctour that so wee may not be afraid for the terrour by night vers 6. nor for the arrow that flyeth by day nor for the Pestilenee that walketh in darkenesse nor for the destruction that wasteth at moone-day Prepare us o Lord for those heavenly mansions where thy Sonne sitteth at thy right hand making intercession for us Heare him pleading for our remission and inter-ceding for our pardon Out of his wounds have issued that pretious balsamome which is able to cure the sinnes of the whole world In him be pleased to be reconciled unto us since our times are in thine hands Ps 31.15 Lord either spare us for thine honour or else receave us to thy mercy Let the health of our bodies make us mindfull to labour for the health of our soules and
let the sicknesse of our bodies put us in mind of the diseases of our soules Good God either preserve us from sicknesse or protect us in sicknesse Be thou our God and make us thy servants and then come either with health or with sicknesse thy will be done Ps 91.7 Thou canst cause a thousand to fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand and yet preserve us Thou canst if thou pleasest vers 10 so protect us that noe evill may befall us nor any plague come nigh our dwelling O graunt therfore that wee may make thee our refuge vers 9. Ps 38.6 yea thee who art the most high our habitation Wee are troubled o Lord wee are bowed downe greately wee goe mourning all the day long Ps 102 9. vers 10 Wee eate ashes as it were bread and mingle our drinke with weeping because of thine indignation and thy wrath for thou hast lifted us up and cast us downe But o thou who art my onely rock Ps 42.9 why hast thou forgotten us O why goe wee thus mourning by reason of this affliction Ps 43.2 Thou art the God of our strength Why doest thou cast us off O give mee leave with Queene Esther to speake yet againe before thee the King of Kings Est 8.3 and to fall downe at thy feete as shee did at the feete of King Ahasuerus and to besiech thee with teares to with-draw thy visitation Iob. 14 22. O Lord our verie soules within us doe mourne for thou doest cause our Sunne to goe downe at noone and doest darken our earth in the cleere day Amos. 8.9 vers 10 Thou hast turned our fasts into mourning and all our songs into lamentation thou hast brought sack-cloth upon our loynes Lam. 5.15 vers 16 and made our mourning as the mourning of an onely sonne The joy of our hearts is ceased and the crowne is fallen from our head Woe unto us that wee have sinned But ô thou who wert annointed to preach good tidings unto the meeke Is 61.1 who wert sent to bind up the broken-hearted vers 2. to proclame liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound to proclaime the acceptable yeere of the Lord yea and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all that mourne vers 3. to appoint unto them that mourne in Zion to give unto them beawtie for ashes the oyle of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heavinesse Thou who settest up on high those that be low Iob. 5.11 Ps 102 17. that those which mourne may be exalted to safety Reguard thou I most humbly and earnestly besiech thee the prayers of us the poore destitute despise not our desires Thou hast seene our wayes Is 57.18 O doe thou heale us leade us allso and restore comforts unto us that wee may be called Trees of righteousnesse the planting of thee our Lord that thou mayst be glorified Wound us not Ier. 30.14 O father with the wound of an enemie with the chastisement of a cruel one for the multitude of our iniquities vers 15 Let not our sorrow be incurable because our sinnes be increased Though for a small moment thou hast seemed to forsake us Is 54.7 yet with thy greate mercies gather us againe vers 8. In aditle wrath thou doest hide thy face from us for a moment but with ever-lasting kindnesse have mercy upon us ô Lord our Redeemer O thou who art our Redeemer vers 5. Ps 34.15 Is 37.17 the Holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth Let thine eares be open unto our cryes open thine eyes and see our afflictions how wee are shut up from the comforts of the godly and from the societie of our indeared friends Ps 13.3 Consider and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten our eyes lest wee sleepe the sleepe of death Ps 123.2 Behould as the eyes of servants looke unto the hand of their masters and as the eyes of a mayden unto the hand of her mistresse so our eyes wayt upon thee ô Lord our God untill thou have mercy upon us O doe thou graunt unto us remisston of our sinnes patience in our miseries comfort in our distresse physick for our health and recoverie and in thy blessed time bring our soules out of prison Ps 142.7 that wee may give thanks unto thy name which thing if thou wilt graunt unto us then shall the righteous resort againe unto our companie Ps 79.13 So shall wee that be thy people and sheepe of thy pasture give thee thanks for ever and shew forth thy praise from generation to generation world with-out end Amen subject 15 THE FIFTEENTH SUBJECT Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence being 1 Either wounded with a Sore 2 Or marked with the Tokens soliloquy 1 1. Teares of the visited being wounded with a Sore The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray OH 't is come 't is come Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee See See What swelling's this What rising's this Oh it is the messenger of death and biddeth mee to enquire into my sinfull life I am struck oh I am struck to the heart This is the impression of anger and the blott of him who in his wrath may justly blott mee out of his wonted compassion Yet let mee not despaire let mee not be too much dismayd While there is life there is hope The woman in the law who had gone aside to another man in-steed of her husband whereof her husband was jealous Num. 5.20 and brought her to her purgation was to be charged by the Priest with an oath of cursing vers 21 vers 22 upon whose drinking of water her belly did swell and her thigh did rott Surely I have drunke none of that water or if I have it cannot hurt mee for by that very law vers 28 the innocent escaped free from the punishment I have never disbonoured my nuptiall bed nor defiled my selfe with any other man that this swelling should light upon mee Yet now I better consider of it let mee not deceave my selfe There is as well a spirituall as a carnall adulterie Even a virgin may be styled an adulteresse Have I never turned from my God Hath my soule never forsaken her deerest husband my blessed Redeemer to commit a spirituall whoredome O guiltie guiltie woe is mee I cannot choose but pleade guiltie to this my indictment My conscience telleth mee that I have followed the temptations of the enemies of Christ I cannot tell how often and justly therfore I must confesse may this swelling be my punishment for greater then this hath beene my due
be as constant in my prayers as the man â—as constant in his attendance at the poole At â—y gate ô Christ I must I doe continually â—e Thy blood ô Iesus is the onely Bethesda â—r my distressed soule Lord leade mee into â—…at poole of blood by the hand of faith and then I shall not distrust the effect of that â—ver O cleanse my soule and then I shall willingly submit to thy pleasure for my body But still ô still my paines increase and my flesh consume's I pray and I begge and I beseech and yet I find noe ease noe reliefe The continuance of my sicknesse doe's but â—each mee the ignorance of the Physitians or â—he deadnesse of the druggs and potions I am dyeted and I am physicked and my body is become the very shop of an Apothecarie and yet I find noe ease noe comfort 'T is true that thirtie and eight yeares continuance of a maladie hindered not Christ from curing with a word But if it had remained longer could hee have done the like Yes surely why not Hee himselfe could as well have dooâ— that as have given power to his Apostles tâ— restore the Criple who had beene fortie yeaâ—… lame This was done by Peter and Iohn for the man that was above fortie yeares ould Act 14 22. c 3.2 and had beene lame from his mother's wombe even on him was shewed this miracle of healing I may hope for some favour too from the hands of my God for though to mee it might appeare allmost a miracle that I should recore yet with God it is as easily effected by a word as was the greate creation of heaven and earth I will therfore submit to his pleasure and 〈◊〉 upon his goodnesse Hee is a God of mercy an tender compassion hee is the greate Physitia both of soule and body hee hath allways delighted in acts of charitie It was his promise upon some conditions to heale a whoâ—… land 2. Chr 7.14 for his owne words are If my people which are called by my name shall humble themselves and pray and seeke my face and turnâ— from their wicked wayes then will I heare from heaven and will forgive their sinne and wiâ—… heale their land I am one of the people ô Christ that is called by thy name for a Christian I am though a sinfull and a feeble Christian and thou hast humbled mee with this thy visitation and grace thou hast given mee I blesse the for it to humble my selfe in the consideration of mine iniquities and to pray and to seâ—… thy face Lord perfect thy good workes and make mee turne from mine iniquities and then heare mee from heaven and forgive my sinne and if it may stand with thy eternall decree heale thy servant Hee hath likewise shewed his mercy even in healing of waters 2. King 2.21 for his Prophet Elisha went forth to the spring of un-wholesome waters and cast salt in there and said Thus saith the Lord I have healed these waters there shall not â—e from thence any more death or barren land So the waters were healed vers 22 according to the saying of Elisha the Prophet Lord I have waters too that require thy helpe for they are un-wholesome they are sinfull I weepe and I lament my teares runne downe on my cheekes Lam. 1.2 and all either with extreamitie of anguish or feare of death or despaire of thy power to restore mee to health few of them are for my sinnes few of them for my transgressions But some hope I have that thou wilt likewise heale these waters for allready thou hast cast some salt into them I find by my tast that they are brackish that they are brinish Lord let mee be noe longer a barren land but make mee fruitfull in good works Col 1.10 Ps 1.3 that I may be like unto a tree planted by the rivers of water that bringeth forth his fruite in due season and then though this leafe for a time may faile though the flower of my body may be cropped or mowed for the harvest yet I know that my Redeemer will not cast it into the fire but will make it spring up hereafter in eternall glory Hee hath allso healed the persons of diverse of his people Ps 107.20 for so saith the Psalmist Hee sent his word and healed them delivered them froÌ„ their destructions Is 19.22 So Isaiah prophesieth concerning Egypt saying The Lord shall smite Egypt hee shall smite and heale it and they shall returne even to the Lord and hee shall be intreated of them and shall heale them O what comfortable words were these to Egypt Hee may if hee please cheere mee up allso with the like for hee hath allready smitten mee and in his loving kindnesse hee hath so sanctified this affliction that by it hee hath made mee to returne unto him O Lord now if it be thy pleasure be thou intreated of mee heale mee This God is the same God who speaketh by the mouth of Moses and saith See now that I Deut 32.39 even I am hee and there is noe God with mee I kill and I make alive I wound and I heale neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand This is the same Lord whom Hannah did magnifie in her thankfull Song and said The Lord killeth and maketh alive hee bringeth downe to the grave 1. Sam. 2.6 and bringeth up This is the same God of whom Iob his servant professeth and boasteth saying Hee maketh sore Iob. 5.18 and bindeth up hee woundeth and his hands make whole This is the same Lord VVhom David commandeth his soule to magnifie and saith Ps 103 1. vers 2. Blesse the Lord ô my soule and all that is within mee blesse his holy name Blesse the Lord ô my soule and forget not all his benefits Who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseafes vers 3. and who redeemeth thy life from destruction vers 4. this God is the same God who alone hath power over soule body can if hee pleaseth preserve them both Hee it is whose mercies were promised to his Church when by his Prophet hee said The light of the Moone shall be as the light of the Sunne Is 30.26 and the light of the Sunne shall bee seaven fold as the light of seaven dayes in the day that the Lord bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Hee it is who giveth such Euangelicall promises to penitent Iudah and saith I have seene his wayes and will heale him c 57.18 I will leade him allso and restore comforts to him and to his mourners I create the fruite of the lipps peace peace to him that is farre off vers 19 and to him that is neere saith the Lord and I will heale him This is hee who inviteth Israel to come unto him and saith Returne yee back-sliding Children and I will heale your backsliding
Ier 3.22 And this is hee to whom Israel replyeth and saith vers 23 Behold wee come unto thee for thou art the Lord our God Truely in vaine is salvation hoped for from the hills and from the multitude of mountaines truely the Lord our God is the salvation of Israel This is hee who promiseth unto Zion c 30.17 saying I will restore health unto thee and I will heale thee of thy wounds saith the Lord because they called thee an out-cast saying This is Zion whom no man seeketh after This is the same Lord to whom the people of Israel addressed themselves Hos 6.1 when they said Come let us returne unto the Lord for hee hath torne and hee will heale us hee hath smitten and hee will bind us up Since then my God hath cured both lands and waters and bodies and soules Since hee woundeth and hee healeth none can deliver out of his hand Since hee bringeth downe to the grave and bringeth up Since hee woundeth and his hands make whole Since it is hee onely who forgiveth all our iniquities healeth all our diseases and saveth our lives from destruction Since it is hee that bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Since it was hee that promised to penitent Iudah that hee would restore comforts to him and to his mourners Since it is hee alone who is the salvation of Israël Since it is hee that promised unto Zion to restore health unto her and to heale her of her wounds I will resolve therfore with the people of Israel to returne unto him for hee hath torne mee and hee alone can heale mee hee hath smitten mee and hee alone can bind mee up To him to him will I humbly sue for the cure of my wounded and distressed soule and to him will I willingly submitt my weake and feeble body I will powre out my soule unto him I will send up my supplications unto him and will pray and say The Prayer GReate Creatour full of compassion who both sendest sicknesse and restorest health be thou graciously pleased I most humbly beseech thee to turne thy wrath from thy distressed servant Thy hand ô Lord is heavie upon mee in this languishing consumption and the sting of my transgressions pierceth mee with sharpe and grievous torments Yet I must confesse ô my God that my sufferances doe not any wayes equall mine offences nor can the paines which I endure satisfie thee mine offended Lord for the least of my transgressions O my sinnes are upon mee Eze 33.10 and I pine away in the punishment for them how then shall I live My body languisheth my flesh consumeth Ps 22.15 Ps 39.11 Iob 33 19. vers 20 and now am I very neere drawne unto the dust of death Thou with thy rebukes doest correct mee for mine iniquities thou makest my beautie to consume away like a moath I am chastened with paine upon my bed and the multitude of my bones with strong paine so that my life abhorreth bread and my soule the daintie meate that is to be desired vers 21 My flesh is consumed away that it cannot be seene and my bones that were not seene vers 22 stick out My soule draweth neere unto the grave and my life to the destroyers But yet I know that with thee ô God is compassion Mat 9.12 and tender mercies The whole have noe neede of the Physitian but such as I who am sick and in miserie O that it might be sayd of mee as it was by Mary concerning her brother Lazarus Io 11.3 even that Shee whom thou lovest is sick O my God make mee thy friend in heart and soule and graunt that I may expresse it in my dutifull obedience to all thy commandements and then be thou my friend in thy succour and reliefe Ps 41.1 vers 2. Deliver mee now in this time of trouble preserve mee and If it may be thy good pleasure keepe mee alive make mee blessed upon the earth and deliver mee not over into the hands of death vers 3. Lord strengthen mee upon this my bed of languishing make thou turne thou all my bed in my sicknesse Thou hast chastened mee sore Ps 118.18 Ps 116.8 vers 9. Ps 143.6 ô give mee not over unto death but deliver my soule from death mine eyes from teares and my feete from falling that I may walke before thee in the land of the living Vnto thee ô my God doe I stretch forth my hands my soule thirsteth for thee as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee speedily ô Lord my spirit faileth hide not thy face from mee for I am become like unto them that goe downe into the pit Thou hast promised by thine Apostle Iam 5.15 that the prayer of faith shall save the sick and that thou wilt raise him up Lord I pray unto thee strengthen thou my faith I am sick Lord raise thou mee up and make good unto mee that thy promise by thy holy Apostle Heale mee ô Lord Ier 17.14 and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise O Lord I call upon thee Ps 141.1 hast thee unto mee consider my voyce now I cry unto thee and restore mee to health But howsoever if thou hast otherwise determined of mee ô my Iesus cleanse thou mee by thy blood and cure my soule by the merits of thy passion My sinnes I must confesse are the cause of my sicknesse but doe thou ô God Ps 44.22 blott out as a thick clowde my transgressions as a clowde my sinnes returne unto mee for thou hast redeemed mee O give mee patience in this time of adversitie give mee comfort in the examples of thy mercy and give mee assurance of thy love in the sanctifying of this sicknesse unto mee As my body doeth dayly draw neerer to the earth so make my soule allso dayly draw neerer unto heaven If it may be thy pleasure to restore mee to health againe ô let it be thy mercy allso to renew mine obedience But if thou art resolved by this disease to free mee from the labours of this wearisome world and to bring mee downe to my grave for thy Christs sake o my mercifull and indulgent father bring thou my soule into thy celestiall paradise O graunt that my sinnes may consume farre faster then doeth my flesh and as thou takest away the strength of my body so be pleased to adde unto the strength of my faith I am thine ô Saviour and cost thee deere even the very blood that issued from thy crucified body be thou allso mine ô Iesus both now and for ever Abate the temptations â—… Satan and arme mee with strength to resist his suggestions Ravish my soule with the love of thy selfe that so I may with willingnesse forsake the vanities of this world with readinesse lay downe this tabernacle of flesh and with comfort that my soule may
meete thee my God and my mercifull Redeemer O God comfort mee O Christ strengthen mee O Iesus save mee Prepare mee for the happie hower of my deliverance from this world and then bring mee out of this valley of teares to those waters of comfort where I may sing tryumphantly to the honour of thy name through Iesus Christ my Lord and my Redeemer Amen subject 25 THE TWENTIE-FIFTH SUBjECT Teares of a mother on her death-bed blessing her children The Soliloquie Consisting of two parts viz 1 Her preparation to blesse them 2 The blessing it selfe ending in a prayer part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie being her preparation to blesse them THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray CHildren are an heritage of the Lord saith the Psalmist Ps 127.3 and the fruit of the wombe is his reward True indeede they come from the Lord and happy are they if they returne unto him Gracious hath my God beene to mee in the loane of my issue but unlesse hee shall be pleased to adde grace unto nature his blessing will be fearfully converted into a curse Weakenesse possesseth my body faintnesse my spirits 2. Tim. 4.6 and the time of my departure is neere at hand Goe I must yea and I am willing and joyfull to meete my God but oh the thought of my children disturbeth my mind and the consideration of what may become of them filleth my dying heart with cares and anxjeties If they live not in the feare of him who lent them unto mee my poore issue may become the fewell of hell What shall I doe If I should live I would take such care by the blessing of my God as that I might be a meanes to nurture them up in the feare of the most high but if I am taken away from them who can tell what their education may prove Strangers may governe them and such people for ought I know may undertake their tuition as may neglect the care of religious instructions and suffer them to runne head-long to the gulfe of perdition O what a curse would it prove beyond expression if that part of my selfe which is divided into litle ones if those which cost mee so many pangs and throwes should be disobedient to my God and so be sentenced to the flames of eternall horrour Alas I can doe noe more then what the Lord will permit mee While I am here I am bound both by nature and grace to endeavour my utmost for their holy advantage but when I shall be dissolved lye in the cold clods of my mother earth then can noe more care be expected from mee Ah my poore infants litle doe they thinke how they will misse their mother and wish mee alive againe as if they envyed my happinesse Hither and thither they may be tossed and tumbled and which is worst of all they may be brought up in ignorance or in lewdnesse and sensualitie Mee think's I see the frownes of a stepmother and the knitted browes menacing nothing but crueltie and tyrannie and then mee think's they weepe in one corner and lament in another bemoane their hard happ in the losse of my selfe Their hungrie bellies may be pinched with famine their bodies with cold and their backs with stripes when I shall not either heare or see or know it my head being layed in the low and silent grave Helpe they may call for when none will have the pittie to render them helpe So they may want and cry and be beaten and cry and be turned out of doores and cry when yet neither mercy will heare nor charitie hearken to the complaints of the motherlesse But why doe I spend so many of these swift minuits of my short continuance in such pensive melancholick and distrustfull thoughts and feares of what may happen True it is that these and others yea and worse inconveniences may happen to their bodies and yet they may prove the children of the Most high That ô that is all that I aime at for though I would not willingly have them suffer in their bodies yet I would not for a thousand worlds that they should suffer in their soules Hunger and thirst and stripes and nakednesse may be endured and in time either age or wealth or friends may free them from these out-ward sufferances but ignorance and ungodlinesse without the infinite mercies and goodnesse of my Redeemer will be punished with torments that shall never have end O what shall I doe then for my poore distressed children Grieve I doe but I feare that I offend in it mourne I doe but I doubt it is more then indeede I ought God is not weake or ignorant or impotent Hee hath beene a father to mee from the time of my conception and shall I yet distrust in his providence and protection of my children This were either to suspect his power or to deny his mercie I know it is his desire that they should be heires of salvation and I know that hee can effect whatsoever hee desireth To him therfore I will leave them to his care and tuition I will referre my tender and beloved plants And that hee may the more willingly become their guardiaen when I shall leave them while I live I will beseech him with abundance of my teares to admitt them his servants The wife of Zebideus made a bolder request to my gracious Redeemer Mat 20.21 for shee be sought him that those her two sonnes might sit the one on his right hand and the other on his left in his Kingdome vers 22 Shee poore woman as Christ replyed did not know what shee asked Shee knew not that the Kingdome of Christ was celestiall but dreamed of an earthly diademe and glory Her request was therfore the fuller both of boldnesse and ambition whom noe place would serve for those her children but what was highest and next to supreamest majestie Yet mee thinks I cannot much blame her for her love to them whom so dearely shee had bought There is noe earthly love to be compared to the love of a woman nor is any womans love to be compared to the love of a mother Surely David did not know how strong this passion of love is in the weaker vessells when hee said The love of Ionathan to him was wonderfull 2. Sam. 1.26 passing the love of women Wee mothers are like unto the charet of King Solomon whereof though the pillars were of silver Cant 3 10. and the bottome of gold and the covering of purple yet the midst thereof was paved with love for the daughters of Ierusalem Is 49.15 Can a woman saith God forget her sucking child that shee should not have compassion on the sonne of her wombe 'T is very rare indeede and yet it is possible for hee himselfe doeth say that they may forget Yet
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
makest sick in smiting by reason of my sinnes yet in considence and full assurance of thy mercy I commit the keeping of my soule unto thee as unto a faithfull Creatour O let that live and it shall praise thee for in thee doe I trust let mee not be confounded neither let mee despaire of the greatnesse of thy mercies Ps 23.4 And though now I walke in the shadow of death yet I know that it is in thy power to restore mee to health Lord if it may stand with thy secret will be pleased to recover mee that I may glorifie thy goodnesse in thy worke of power Blesse all the lawfull meanes that shall be used for that purpose Give skill to the Physitians vertue to the medicines strength to my spirits and health to my body Let mee recover my strength that I may imploy it in thy service and restore mee to health that I may be more active in mine obedience to all thy commandements But if otherwise thou hast determined and resolvest at this time to make mee as water spilt upon the ground 2. Sam. 14.14 graunt mee a willing and ready submission to thy decree Either abate the torments of mine afflicted body or increase my patience that I may not offend thee in my sufferings Make mee to magnifie thee whether by life or by death and graunt mee so safe a passage and conduct in the armes of thy mercy that I may be conveyed safely into Abraham's bosome Graunt this ô father for the love and merits of thy Sonne Iesus Christ my onely intercessour and redeemer in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Our Father which art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdome come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our dayly bread And forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen exercise 4 4. The consolation of the godly in the hower of death VVHerfore is light given to him that is in miserie saith holy Iob and life unto the bitter in soule Iob. 3.20 vers 21 Which long for death but it cometh not and digge for it more then for hid treasures vers 22 Which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave This was the complaint of a faithfull man and may now be the lamentation of a sorrowfull woman I have grieved and I have mourned for my sinnes and my good God I blesse him for it is gratiously pleased in the bowells of his mercy and compassion to give mee an assurance of happinesse by the merits of my Iesus But when comest thou ô my sweete my longed for my desired Saviour Thou knowest my paines which draw from mee many sinsull thoughts and un-fitting cryes Thou takest notice of the cunning suggestions of my greatest adversarie and his busie allurements to rob mee of my hope Thou seest how sometimes hee would leade mee into carnall securitie and sometimes into a beliefe that my verie vicet are vertues or not seene by Thee or not to be punished by thee and sometimes againe hee striveth to hurrie mee into the verie gulfe of despaire But I know and am assured that through the merits of my Redeemer the gates of hell shall not be able to prevaile against mee Mat. 16 18. Io 13.1 Prov. 12.28 for whom thou lovest thou wilt love unto the end I know that in the way of righteousnesse there is life and in the path-way thereof there is noe death Hence away therfore yee fowle fiends and rebellious tempters What doe yee here fawning and grinning hoping to betray a penitent soule These teares which I shed for the wounds that I made in the body of my Saviour by my piercing sinns are too pretious a water for you to hath in too choyce a wine for you to tast of here are noe hopes for the enemies of mine indulgent Iesus Though my groanes alas cannot be free from the pollution of sinne yet they shall not advantage you in what yee desire Ps 119.115 Away from mee yee wicked ones I will keepe the commandements of my God Thinke not to affright mee with my approaching death Phil. 1.23 for I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Death I feare thee not come come and trye thy power but know that thy countenance which is so terrible to reprobates is the producer of joy comfort to my wearied heart Thou poore feeble despised nothing what power or strength is left thee to boast of Grave why gapest thou why standest thou so open as if thou didst hope to tryumph Hos 13 14. and conquer mee My Christ did threaten to be thy plagues ô death my Iesus did resolve to be thy destruction ô grave and that repentance should be hid from his eyes Is 25.8 1 Cor 15.54 Hee promised to swallow up death in victorie and to wipe away teares from off all faces This hee did promise and this hee hath performed for by his blessed Apostle I am well assured that death it selfe is swallowed up in victorie Now I dare challenge you ô yee impotent and powerlesse adversaries I dare scorne vers 55 and contemne you O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie Thy sting ô death was pullud out by him who is the Lord of life The strength of thy sting was that law which was fullfilled by my mercifull Iesus Hos 13 14. Ps 49.15 Rom 14.9 Hee hee hath ransomed mee from the power of the grave hath redeemed mee from death Hee hath redeemed my soule from the power of hell for hee shall receave mee To this end hee dyed and rose againe re-vived that hee might be Lord both of the dead and of the living Ps 68.20 Ps 48.14 Rom 14 7. vers 8. Hee that is my God is the God of salvation unto whom belong the issues from death This God is my God for ever and ever hee shall be my guide even unto death I live not to my selfe nor doe I dye unto my selfe for whether I live I live unto the Lord whether I dye I dye unto the Lord whether I live therfore Phil 1.20 or dye I am the Lord 's Christ shall be magnified in my body whether it be by life or by death for to mee to live is Christ vers 21 Heb. 12 18. vers 22 vers 23 vers 24 and to dye is gaine I come not to the mount that might not be touched nor to blacknesse and darknesse and tempest but I come unto mount Sion to the generall assemblie and â—rch of the first-borne which are written in heaven and to God the judg of all and to the spirits of just men made perfect and to Iesus the Mediatour of the new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling that
vers 8. The way of peace wee know not and there is noe judgment in our goeings wee have made us crooked paths whosoever goeth therein shall not know peace Therfore is judgment farre from us neither doth justice over-take us True it is wee have our frequent fastings and our dayes of humiliation but doe wee not fast for strife and debate vers 9. c 58.4 and to smite with the fist of wickednesse What doth the Lord require of us but to doe justly and love mercy and to walke humbly with our God But wee ah sinfull wee insteed of doeing justly doe many times labour by a new way to execute Iustice to kill it to destroy it with its owne sword noe merveile therfore that when judgment is looked for Mich. 6.8 behould oppression and when righteousnesse behold a cry The God of mercy requireth us to love mercy but wee on the contrarie are ready to lay hold on our bowes and speares Isa 5.7 wee are cruell and have noe mercy our voices roare like the sea and wee ride upon borses set in aray as men for warre and that against our owne acquaintance and neighbours and friends and allyes Ier. 6.23 Prov. 12.10 Ps 35 13. Is 58.5 yea and our very tender mercies are cruell Hee requireth us to walke humbly with him and wee pretend to put on sackcloth and to humble our soules with fasting but alasse is this such a fast as God hath chosen A day for a man to affâ—ict his soule Is it for a man to bow downe his head as a bull-rush and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him Will hee call this a fast vers 6. and an acceptable daâ— unto him Noe noe Is not this the fast that hee hath chosen To loose the bands of wickednesse to undoe the heavy burdens and to let the oppressed goe free and that wee breake every yoke vers 7. Is it not to deale our bread to the hungry and that wee bring the poore that is cast out to our houses When wee see the naked that wee cover him and that wee hide not our selves from our owne flesh But doe wee thus fast Doe wee thus humble our selves I feare wee doe not therfore for peace wee have greate bitternesse c 38.17 Lam. 3.15 Reu 8.10 wee are filled with bitternesse and are made drunken with wormewood The great starre which fell from heaven upon the third part of rivers and upon the fountaines of waters when the third Angel sounded is found among us vers 11 for our waters are become wormwood our teares are teares of bitternesse Prov 11.14 Solomon telleth mee that where noe counsell is the people fall but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety That multitude of counsellers wee have gave wise and honourable counsellers wee have and yet for all that mee think's wee doe not find that safety which Solomon speaketh of 2. Cor. 7.5 1. Chr. 26.14 Mar 15.43 for wee have noe rest but wee are troubled on every side without are fightings and within are feares Wee have Zechariahs wise counsellers wee have Iosephs honourable counsellers which allso waite for the Kingdome of God 1. Chr. 27.32 Prov 12.20 cap 15.22 and wee have Ionathans to be counsellers wise men and scribes and yet there is but litle joy to the counsellers of peace nor are purposes yet so established by this multitude of counsellers as hath beene long hoped they would have beene What is the cause What is the reason hereof Ah Lord God wee are ready to take counsell but not of thee Ier 30.1 Luc 7.30 Ps 107 11. Is 19.17 to reject thy counsell against our selves to contemne thy counsell and therfore wee are every one afraid in himselfe because of the counsell of thee the Lord of hosts which thou hast determined against us The noise of the drumms and the trumpets still sounds in our eares and noe Dove comes yet with the olive branch of peace into our poore distressed land O my God my God how is thy sword filled with blood c 34.6 and made fat with fatnesse and with the bloud of the lamb's goates with the fat of the kidnyes of ramms because thou hast a sacrifice in Borrah and a great slaughter in Idumea vers 7. Our land is soaked with blood and our dust is made fat with fatnesse Our dust is turned into brimstone vers 9. Deut 28.24 the raine of our land is made pounder dust yea and our very water is turned into fire The water that is drained through the earth of our Cellars and vaults is turned into salt-peter and that and the coales and the brimstone kindle their furie together in chambers of iron and in brasse and then belch oâ— fire and destruction From hence come thoâ—… dreadfull wonders which wee see in the heavenâ— and in the earth Ioel. 2.30 blood and fire and pillars of smoke The black-mouth'd Canons spitt the fire of wrath at us and the tokens of their mallice which they send unto us are balls of iron fitted for our confusion Yea and the more to terrifie us they roare and thundeâ— out their defiances even to the astonishment of all that heare them Wee feede them with powder and they thank us in thunder and lightning wee crambe them with iron and they discharge themselves of it to the slaying of Christians Yet mee thinks even these engins of iron in dumb lectures doe seeme to teach us relenting by their owne examples by their shaking their reversing their ruaning when they are discharged as if they trembled and were afraid themselves of the mischiefe they doe and were glad when they had libertie to take their ease upon their beds Is 66.15 Thus the Lord cometh with fire among us and with his charets like a whirle-wind to render his anger with fury and his rebukes with flames of fire vers 16 for by fire and by sword the Lord pleadeth with us and the slaine of the Land are many Lam 1.20 Behold ô Lord for by reason hereof I am in distresse my bowells are troubled and mine heart is turned within mee for wee have grievously rebelled Abroad the sword bereaveth and at home there is as death The Lord is against us Eze 21 3. and hath drawne forth his sword out of his sheath and doth cut off from us the rightious and the wicked Therfore it is vers 6. that now I sigh with the breaking of my loines and with bitternesse doe I sigh vers 7. even for the sad tidings which I dayly heare because the sword cometh every heart melteth and all hands are feeble and every spirit doth faint and all knees are weake â—s water A sword oh A sword is sharpned vers 9. allso fourbished it is sharpned to make a sore slaughter it is fourbished that it may glitter vers 10 cap 38.21 The allmighty hath called for a sword against us thorow
order unto him and in obedience to his commands I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love him with the same affection as my selfe For his sake for whom I love my selfe even for God's For the same reason as my selfe even for grace conferred in this life present and for a certaine hope of eternall glory in the life to come In the same order as my selfe which shall be above the world but inferiour to my God Vpon the same ground as myselfe even because of the image of God imprinted in him and because hee is capable of immortall happinesse lastly as long as myselfe even from the beginning unto the end untill this fraile flesh shall be forsaken by my pensive my sad and sorrowfull soule And that my brethren my neighbours may be the better assured of my love which cannot be firme unlesse I accord with them in the same beliefe Heb 4.14 and that it may be knowne that through the grace of my God I hold fast the profession of my faith wherein I have lived even the same which was taught by my Saviour and his Apostles according to the trueth and puritie of the same without leaning either to prophanesse atheisme superstition or any other errour or heresie and to the intent that they may joyne with mee in thanksgiving to my God for preserving mee in the same and in prayer unto God that I may continue in the same both to the end in the end I will therfore cheerefully faithfully and confidently rehearse the articles of my beliefe and say I beleeve in God the Father Allmighty Maker of heaven and earth and in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord which was conceived by the holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified dead and buried hee descended into hell the third day hee rose againe from the dead hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father All-mighty from thence hee shall come to judg the quick and the dead I beleeve in the holy Ghost the holy Catholike Church the Communion of Saints the forgivenesse of sinnes the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen Thus I believe Lord helpe my un-beliefe Mar. 9.24 Eph. 4.14 and graunt that I may not be tossed to and fro and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lie in wayt to deceave vers 15 but that speaking and believing this trueth in love I may grow up unto him in all things which is the head even Christ my Redeemer And that I may thus repent mee of my sinnes and continue in love and persevere in the faith and submit to his good pleasure I will with a bended heart and a sorrowfull spirit and weeping eyes pray unto him and say exercise 3 3. The Prayer of the sick FAther of mercies Lord of life thou God which art a refuge in the time of trouble Ps 6.2 have mercy upon mee Ps 143.4 for I am weake and my heart with in mee is desolate A sinner I am I must confesse it not deserving thy mercy a fowle a grievous sinner I am who have disobeyed thy statutes and broken all thy commandements and never have I set my selfe in any good way to seeke my peace and reconciliation with thee My conscience check's mee and my sinnes testifie against mee and mine adversarie the devill strjveth to pluck from mee my considence in thee O Lord be thou my protectour and my gracious father Be reconciled unto mee in Iesus Christ in whom alone thou art well pleased Io 16.23 and in whose name whatsoëver I shall aske of thee I am sure thou wilt give it unto mee Heavenly Father doe thou assist mee doe thou comfort mee in these my trpâ—… and afflictions Ps 60.11 o be thou my helpe in trouble for vaine is the helpe of man To thee I cry to thee I come with a panting heart with a sorrowfull soule with an humble spirit I have sinned ô I have sinned and done amisse and my portion might be justly therfore in the land of darknesse there to be tormented with the devill and his angells forever But ô thou who hast promised to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to bind up their wounds be reconciled unto mee in the wounds of my Redeemer Speake peace unto my conscience in this agony Ps 143.6 in this sorrowfull and deepe sighing for my skarlet sinnes To thee Ps 143.6 and to thee alone I stretch forth my hands to thee my soule gaspeth as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee ô Lord that soone for my spirit waxeth faint hide not thy face from mee lest I be like unto them that goe downe to destruction O let not these teares be refused nor these groanes be sighed and sobbed in vaine but by the power of his passion out of whose pretious side did issue both water and blood be thou reconciled unto mee the unworthiest of thy creatures Though my soule be deepely stained with the pollutions of my transgressions yet his blood hath power to make it white as snow On that remission of sinnes by his torments and sufferings doe I wholly rely My selfe I abhorre Iob 42.6 and repent in dust and ashes my workes I disclaine for I know their unworthinesse on thee alone ô my Iesus I wholly depend and by thee alone I hope for remission Be thou my Iesus be thou my Saviour Cure mee by thy wounds heale mee by thy stripes ease mee by thy torments comfort mee by thine agonie refresh my fainting soule by thy bluodie sweat revive mee by thy death and ô Sonne of God and Saviour of the world present mee to thy father in the robe of thy righteousnesse Ps 94.13 Give mee patience in this time of adversitie that I may quietly and contentedly submit to thy good pleasure rely upon thy mercy be thankfull for thy chastisement and in all things so looke up unto thee in this time of my sicknesse that I may hereafter be raised to glory by the power of thy resurrection This sicknesse for ought I know may be unto death but in thee I trust it shall be a passage unto life If thou hast passed the sentence of the first death upon mee decreeing to execute it by this my sicknesse to lay mee in the dust by this present visitation howsoever be pleased ô my father for the worthinesse of thy sonne to free met from the horrour of the second death Let mee be found of thee in peace 2. Pet 3 14. Hab 3.2 Is 9.13 Iob. 3.25 Mich 6 13. 1. Pet 4 19. Ps 119.175 that it may clearely appeare to mee that thou art a God of trueth and in the midst of judgment remembrest mercy Vnto thee I turne for thou hast smitten mee and the thing that I so greatly feared is fallen upon mee My body thou