in it self not to love thee Woe is me answer me for thy mercies sake O Lord my God what thou art unto me Say unto my soule I am thy salvation Speake it out that I may heare thee Behold the eares of my heart are before thee O Lord open them and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I will runne after that voice and take hold of thee Hide not thy face from me that whether I dye or not dye I may see it 2. My Soules house is too streight for thee to come into let it be inlarged by thee 't is ruinous but doe thou repaire it There bee many things in it I both confesse and know which may offend thine eyes but who can clense it or to whom but thee shall I cry Cleanse me O Lord from my secret sinnes and from strange sinnes deliver thy servant I beleeved and therefore I wil speake Thou knowest O Lord that I have confessed my sinnes against mine owne selfe O my God and thou forgavest the iniquity of my heart I will not pleade with thee who art Truth and I will not deceive my selfe lest mine iniquity be a falle witnesse to it selfe I will not therefore pleade with thee For if thou Lord shouldst be extreme to marke what is done amisse O Lord who may abide it CHAP. 6. That he hath received all blessings from God and how hee hath beene preserved by him YEt suffer me to pleade before thy Mercy seate even mee who am but dust and ashes once again let me speake seeing 't is thy Mercie to which I addresse my speech and not man who is a mocker Yet even thou perhaps doest smile at me but turning thou wilt pitty mee What is it that I would say O Lord my God but even this that I know not whence I came hither into this a dying life shall I call it or a living death rather And then did the comforts of thy mercies take me up as I have heard it of the parents of my flesh out of whom and in whom thou sometimes didst forme me for I my selfe cannot remember it The comfort therefore of a womans milk did then entertaine me yet did neither my mother nor nurses fill their own brests but thou O Lord didst by them afford a nourishment fit for my infancy even according to thine owne institution and those riches of thine reaching to the root of all things Thou also ingraftedst in mee a desire to sucke no more than thou supplyedst them withall and in my Nurses to afford mee what thou gavest them for they were willing to dispense unto mee with proportion what thou supplyedst them with in abundance For it was a blessing to them that I received this blessing from them which yet was rather by them than from them For all good things proceed from thee O GOD and from my GOD commeth all my healthfulnesse And so much I observed afterwards when thou didst cry unto me by those instincts of nature which thou induedst mee withall both inwardly and outwardly For then first knew I how to sucke and to hee contented with what did please me and to cry at nothing so much as what offended my flesh After wards I began a little to laugh first sleeping and then waking for thus much was told me of my selfe and I easily beleeved it for that we see other Infants doe so too For these things of my selfe I remember not 2. And behold by little and little I came on to perceive where I was and I had the will to signifie what I would have to those that should helpe me to it but I could not yet cleerely enough expresse my desires to them for these were within mee and they without me nor could the ghesse of their senses dive into my meaning Thereupon would I flutter with my limbes and sputter out some words making some other few signes as well as I could but could not get my selfe to be understood by them and when people obeyed mee not either for that they understood me not or lest what I desired should hurt me then how would I wrangle at those elder servants that were to tend thee and the children that did not aptly humour me and I thought to revenge my selfe upon them all with crying And this is as I have learn'd the fashion of all Children that I could heare of and such an one was I as those who brought mee up told me although they may be said not to know so much rather thā to know it And now behold my infancie is dead long agoe yet I live still But thou O Lord who both livest forever and in whom nothing dyes because that before the foundations of the World and before every thing else that can be said to be Before thou art both God and Lord of all which thy selfe hath created and in whose presence are the certaine causes of all uncertaine things and the immutable patternes of all things mutable with whom doe live the eternall reasons of all these contingent chance med leyes for which we can give no reason tell I pray thee O God unto me thy suppliant Thou who art mercifull tell mee who am miserable did my infancy succeed to any other age of mine that was dead before even to that which perhaps I past in my mothers belly for something have I heard of that too and my selfe have seene women with great bellies 3. What also passed before that age O God my delight Was I any where or any body for I have none to tell me thus much neither could my Father and Mother nor the experience of others nor yet mine owne memory Doest thou laugh at me for enquiring these things who commandest me to praise and to confesse to thee for what I knew I confesse unto thee O Lord of heaven and earth and I sing praises unto thee for my first being and infancy which I have no memory of and thou hast given leave to Man by others to conjecture of himselfe and upon the credit of women to beleeve many things that concerne himselfe For even then had I life and being and towards the end of mine infancie I sought for some significations to expresse my meaning by unto others Whence could such a living creature come but from thee O Lord or hath any man the skill to frame himselfe or is any veyne of ours by which being and life runnes into us derived from any originall but thy workmanship O Lord to whom Being and Living are not severall things because both to Be and to Live in the highest degree is of thy very essence For Thou are the highest and thou art not changed neither is this present day spent in thee although it be brought to an end in thee because even all these have a fixt Being in thee nor could have their wayes of passing on unlesse thou upheldest them And because thy yeeres faile not thy yeeres are but this very day
drops of time are precious with mee and I haue long since had a burning desire to meditate in thy law and by it to confesse both my skill and vnskilfulnesse vnto thee the morning light of thy enlightning mee and the relikes of darknesse in mee so long remayning swallowed vp by till infirmitie bee strength Nor will I suffer my houres to bee squandered away vpon any other thing which I finde free from the necessities of refreshing of my body and the recreating of my minde and the complying in those offices of seruice which wee owe vnto men yea also which wee owe not and yet pay them 2. Giue eare vnto my prayer O Lord my God and let thy mercy hearken vnto my petition because it stryueth not to entreate for my selfe alone but to be beneficiall also to my brethren Thou seest my heart that so it is and that I am ready to sacrifice vnto thee the best seruice of my thoughts and tongue now giue mee what I am to offer vnto thee For I am poore and needy but thou art rich to all those that call vpon thee who not distracted with cares thy selfe takest the care of all vs. From all rashnesse and lying doe thou circumcise both my inward and my outward lippes Let my chaste delights bee thy Scriptures let me neyther be deceiued in them nor deceiued by them Hearken Lord and haue mercy vpon me O Lord my God O thou light of the blind and the strength of the weake yea also the light of those that see and the strength of the strong hearken thou vnto my soule and heare mee crying vnto thee out of the Deepe For if thine eares bee not with vs also in the Deepe whither then shall wee goe to whom shall wee cry The day is thine and the night is thine at thy backe the time passes away 3. Affoord out of it some spure time for my meditations vpon the hidden things of thy Law which I beseech thee shut not vp when they knocke for entrance at it For in vayne it was not that thou wouldest haue so many leaues full of darkesome secrets committed vnto wryting nor are those Fortests without their Harts which retire themselues into them making their range and walkes in them feeding lodging and chewing the Cud in them Perfect me O Lord and reueale them vnto me Behold thy voyce is my ioy yea thy voyce exceedeth the abundance of all pleasures Giue mee what I loue for verily I doe loue it and this loue is of thy giuing Forsake not therfore thine owne gifts nor despise thou him that thirsteth after thy herbage Let me confesse vnto thee whatsoeuer I shall finde in thy bookes and let mee heare the voyce of prayse and let me drinke thee vp and let me consider of the wonderfull things of thy law euen frō the very Beginning wherein Thou madest the heauen and the earth vnto that euerlasting kingdome of thy holy City which is before thee Haue mercy Lord vpon mee and heare my petition for it is not I suppose of the earth not for gold siuer or precious stones or gorgeous apparell or honors and offices or the pleasures of the flesh or necessaries for the body or for this life of our earthly pilgrimage all which shall bee added vnto those that seeke thy kingdome thy righteousnesse Behold O Lord my God what it is that I now desire The vngodly haue sometimes told mee what themselues delight in but they are not like the delights of thy Law See now whence my desire proceedes 4. See Father behold and approue and let it bee pleasing in the sight of thy mercy that I shall find so much grace with thee as that the Secrets of thy Word may bee opened vnto mee when I knocke By our Lord Iesus Christ thy Sonne I beseech thee that man on thy right hand that Sonne of man whom thou hast appoynted a Mediator betwixt thy selfe and vs by whom thou soughtest vs who little sought for thee yet didst thou seeke vs that wee might seeke thee and thy Word by whom thou madest all things and mee amongst them Thy Onely Sonne by whom thou hast called the beleeuing people vnto thee and mee amongst them by Him I beseech thee who sitteth at thy right hand and makes intercession for vs in whom are hid all the treasures of wisedome and knowledge Him doe I seeke in thy bookes of Him Moses wrote this hee sayes this Truth sayes CHAP. 3. Hee desires to vnderstand the holy Scriptures 1. LEt mee heare and vnderstand how thou In the beginning hast made Heauen and Earth This Moses wrote of he wrote and passed away hee passed from hence vnto thee for he is not at this present before mine eyes for if hee were then would I lay hold of him and intreate him and for thy sake would I beseech him to open these things vnto me yea I would lay mine eares vnto his mouth But should he speake in the Hebrew tongue in vayne should hee beate mine eares for neuer should he come neere my vnderstanding whenas if he spake Latine I should well enough know what hee sayd 2. But how should I know whether he sayd true or no and if I could learne this too should I know it by him For within mee in that inward house of my thoughts neither the Hebrew nor the Greeke nor the Latine nor any other language but euen Truth it selfe and that without any helps of the mouth tongue without any sound of sillables should tell me He sayes true and my selfe therupon assured of it would confidently say vnto that seruant of thine Thou speakest truth Seeing I haue not now the meanes to conferre with Moses I beg of thee my God inspired by whom he vttred these truths I beg of thee the pardon of my sinnes and thou that enabledst that seruant of thine to deliuer these Truthes enable mee also to vnderstand them CHAP. 4. The Creatures proclayme God to bee their Creator 1 BEhold the heauens and the earth are already they proclaime themselues to haue beene created for they are changed and altered from what they were Whereas whatsoeuer is not made and yet hath a being hath nothing in it now which it had not before which to haue were indeede to bee changed and altered They proclayme also that they made not thēselues but say Therefore wee are because we are made and therefore were wee not before our time was to bee as if we could possibly haue made our selues Now the euidentnesse of the thing is this voyce of the Speakers 'T is thou therefore O Lord that madest them thou who art full of beauty they beeing fayre also thou who art good they also beeing good euen Thou who hast Being seeing these haue their Beings yet are they neyther so fayre so good nor are so as thou their Creator art compared with whom they are neyther fayre nor good nor are at all Thus much wee know thankes to
euery thing is it that discouers the time of it but that matter was sometimes without forme but is now obserued to bee together in time with its forme And yet is there not any thing to bee sayd of that matter but as if it were its forme in respect of time whenas indeede it is considered of as the latter of the two Because doubtlesse better are things that haue forme then things that haue no forme yea they haue precedence in the eternity of the Creator that so there might be something out of nothing of which somewhat might be created CHAP. 30. The Scriptures are to be searched with honourable respect vnto the Penman 1. IN this diuersity of most true opinions let Truth it selfe procure reconcilement And our God haue mercy vpon vs that wee may vse the law lawfully the end of the Commandement being pure Charity By this if a man now demaunds of me which of all these was the meaning of thy seruant Moses such discourses were not fit to be put among my Confessions should I not confesse vnto thee I cannot tell and yet this I can tell That they are all true senses those carnall ones excepted of which I haue fully spoken mine opinion As for those little ones of good hopes them doe not the words of thy Bible terrifie which deliuer high my steries in so humble a phrase few things in so copious an expression And as for all those whom I confesse both to haue seene and spoken the truth deliuered in those words let vs loue one another yea and ioyntly together let vs loue thee our God the fountayne of truth if so bee our thirst bee after truth and not after vanities yea let vs in such manner honour this seruant of thine the dispencer of this Scripture so full of thy Spirit that wee may beleeue him when by thy reuelation he wrote these things to haue bent his intentions vnto that sense in them which principally excels the rest both for light of truth and fruitfullnesse of profit CHAP. 31. Truth is to be receiued whoeuer speakes it 1. SO now when another shall say Moses meant as I doe and another Yea the very same that I doe I suppose that with more religion I may say Why meant hee not as you both meane if you both meane truely And if there may bee a third truth or a fourth yea if any other man may discouer any other trueth in those words why may not Hee bee beleeued to haue seene all these Hee by whose ministery GOD that is but One hath tempered these holy Scriptures to the meanings of a many that were both to see true and yet diuerse things For mine owne part verily and fearelessely I speake it from my heart that were I to endite any thing that should attayne the highest Top of authority I would choose to write in such a strayne as that my words might carry the sound of any trueth with them which any man were apprehensiue of concerning these matters rather then so clearely to set downe one true sence onely concerning some one particular as that I should thereby exclude all such other sences which being not false could no waies offend mee I will not therefore O my God be so heady as not to beleeue that this a man obtained not thus much at thy hands Hee without doubt both perceiued and was aduised of in those words whenas hee wrote them what trueth soeuer wee haue beene able to finde in them yea and whatsoeuer we haue not heretofore beene able no nor yet are prouided that this trueth bee possible to bee found in them at all CHAP. 32. He prayes to obtaine the right meaning 1. LAstly O Lord thou that art a God and not flesh and blood what though a man should not see all yet could any part of that be concealed from thy good Spirit who shall leade me into the land of vprightnesse which thou thy selfe wert by those words to reueale vnto the Readers of all times to come notwithstanding that he that deliuered vs these words might among many true meaning pitche his thoughts perchance vpon one onely Which if so it bee let that meaning then bee granted to bee more excellent then the rest But doe thou O Lord eyther reueale that very same vnto vs or any other true one which thou pleasest that so whether thou discouerest the same vnto vs which thou diddest vnto that seruant of thine or else some other by occasion of those words yet do thou thy selfe edifie vs and let not error deceiue vs. 2. Behold now O Lord my God how much we haue written vpon a few words yea how much I beseech thee What strength of ours yea what ages would bee sufficient to goe ouer all thy bookes in this manner Giue mee leaue therefore brieflyer now to confesse vnto thee concerning them and to make choyce of some one true certaine and good sense that thou shalt inspire mee withall yea and if many such sences shall offer themselues vnto mee where many safely may leaue them also to bee confessed by mee that I may at length preach the same which thine owne minister intended both rightly and most profitably for that is the thing which my duty is to endeauor which if I may not attayne vnto yet let mee preach that which by those words thy Truth was pleased to tell mee which sometimes reuealed also vnto him that which it pleased The end of the twelfth booke Saint Augustines Confessions The Thirteenth Booke CHAP. 1 He calleth vpon God 1. I Call vpon thee O my God my mercy vpon thee that createdst me and who hast not forgotten him that had forgotten thee I enuite thee into my soule which by a desire that thy selfe inspireth into her thou now preparest to entertayne thee Forsake mee not now when I call vpō thee whō thou preuentest before I call'd hauing beene earnest with mee with much variety of repeating calls that I would heare thee from a far and suffer my selfe to be conuerted and call at length vpon thee that now calledst after me For thou Lord hast blotted out all my euill dseeruings left thou shouldest bee forced to take vengeance vpon my hands wherewith I haue fallen off from thee and thou hast Preuented all my well deseruings too that thou mightest returne a recompence vnto thine owne hands with which thou madest mee because that before I was Thou art Nor was I any thing vpon which thou mightest bestow the fauour to cause mee to bee and yet behold I now am meerely out of thine owne goodnesse preuenting both all this which thou hast made mee and all that too whereof thou hast made mee For thou neyther hadst any neede of mee nor yet am I of such good vse as any wayes to bee helpefull vnto my Lord and God nor am I made to be so assistant to thee with my seruice as to keepe thee from tyring in thy working or for feare thy power might
prey by those flying spirits For by more waies than one is there sacrrifice offered to the collapsed Angels CHAP. 18. That men care more to observe the Rules of Grammar than the Lawes of God 1. BVt what wonder was it if I were thus carryed towards vanity and estranged from thee O my God wheneas such men were propounded to me to imitate who should they deliver any of their owne Acts though not evill with any Barbarisme or Soloecisme they were utterly dasht out of countenance but should they make a copious and neat Oration of their owne lusts in a round and well followed stile would take a pride to bee applauded for it These things thou seest O Lord long suffering and of much mercy and truth and thou keepest silence but wilt thou be silent for ever and forbeare to draw out of this horrible pit that soule that seeks after thee and that thirsts after thy pleasures whose heart saith unto thee I have sought thy face and thy face Lord will I seeke For I had straggled farre away from thy countenance in the mistynesse of my affections 2. For we neither goe nor returne from or to thee upon our feet or by distance of spaces or did that yonger brother seeke Post-horses or Waggons or Ships flye away with visible wings or take his journey by the motion of his hammes that living in a farre Countrey hee might prodigally waste that portion which thou hadst given him at his departure A sweet Father because thou gavest him his portion yet farre sweeter to the poore wretch returning for that he went from thee out of a voluptuous affection that is to say a darkned one and such that is which is farre from thy countenance Behold O Lord God and patiently behold as thou still doest how diligently the sonnes of men observe the Rules of letters and syllables received from former speakers and yet regard not the eternall covenants of everlasting salvation received from thy selfe Insomuch that he who either holds or teaches the ancient Rules of pronunciation if contrary to Grammar hee shall pronounce ominem that is a man without H in the first syllable he shall displease men more than if against thy Rules he should hate a man As if any man should thinke his enemy to be more pernicious to him than that hatred of his own is whereby he is set on against him or imagine that hee does worse skath to another man by persecuting him than he does to his own heart by contriving enmity against him 3. And certainely there is no other inward knowledge of Letters but this Law of Nature written in the conscience Not to doe to another what himselfe would not suffer How secret art thou O thou onely great God! which dwellest in the highest and in silence with an untyred destiny dispersing blindnesses for punishments upon unlawfull desires When a man affects the credit of Eloquence standing before a mortall Iudge a multitude of mortals standing about him inveighing against his Adversary with his fiercest hatred he takes heed most watchfully that his tongue trips not before men but takes no heed at all lest through the fury of his spirit he should destroy a man out of the society of men CHAP. 19. How he was more carefull to avoid barbarisme of speech than corruption of manners 1. IN the Road-way of these Customes lay I wretched Boy and upon that Stage I play'd my Prizes where I more feared to commit a barbarisme in speaking than I tooke care when I committed any not to envie those that committed none All this I declare and confesse to thee my God namely in what things I was by them applauded to please whom I then accounted equall to living honestly For I then discerned not that whirle-poole of filthinesse whereinto I was cast from thine eyes For in thine eyes what was more filthy than I where also I displeased such as my selfe with innumerable lyes deceiuing both my Tutor and Masters and Parents all for love of play out of a desire to see toyes and of imitating them with a ridiculous unrestfulnesse 2. Theevery also I committed out of my Fathers Buttery and Table eyther gluttony oft commanding mee or that I might have something to give my play-fellowes selling-mee their Babies with which they were as much delighted as my selfe In these play-games I being often over-matcht did with a vaine desire to be counted excellent aspire to winne though by foule play And what was I so unwilling to indure and what if I found out the deceipt would I so fiercely wrangle at as even those very trickes which I would put upon others and being my selfe taken with the manner I would rather fall flat out than yeeld to it 3. Is this that childish innocencie It is not LORD it is not LORD I cry thy mercie O my GOD for wranglings about Nuts and Balls and Birds are as much to boyes yet under their Tutors and Masters as the ill getting of Gold and Mannor Houses and Slaves is to Kings and to Governours But this Boyes-play passes over as more yeeres come on just as greater punishments follow after the Ferula Thou therefore O our King hast allowed of the Character of humility in the stature of Childehood when once thou saydest To such belongeth the Kingdome of God CHAP. 20. He thanketh God for his Benefits 1. BVt yet O Lord thankes had beene due to thee our God and most excellent Creator Governour of this Vniverse although thou hadst not beene pleased to have brought me any further than that age of Childhood For even then a Being I had yea Life and Senses even then had I a care of mine owne wel-being which is an impression of that most secret unity of thine whence I had my Being in my inward sense preserved I the intirenesse of my outward senses and in these slender faculties was I delighted with the truth of meane conceipts I would not willingly bee decerved a fresh memory I had in formes of speaking I was well tutored by friendly usage I was made tractable I avoyded all sadnesse dejectednesse and ignorance in such a little Creature what was there not admirable not commendable But all these are the gifts of my God for I bestowed them not upon my selfe Good endowments they were and all these was I. Good therefore is Hee that made me yea he is my God and to him I rejoyce for all my good gifts which of a Child I had But here was my oversight that I sought not my selfe and other pleasures honours and trueths in Him but in his Creatures and therefore rusht I my selfe upon sorrowes disorders and errours Thankes to thee my sweetnesse my honour my trust and my God Thankes to thee for all thy gifts but be pleased to preserve them still vnto me and thus shall my selfe bee preserved and thy Gifts shall be both increased and perfected yea and I shall be with thee for my being is of thy giving *
that I was yet unripe for instruction for that I was yet puft up with the new taken-in heresie and that I had already troubled divers unskilfull persons with spurring of questions to them as she had already told him but let him alone a while saith he onely pray to God for him he will of himselfe by reading find his owne mistake and how great his impiety is 2. The Bishop then up and told her how himselfe when hee was a little one had been by his seduced mother commited to the Manichees and how he had not onely read over almost all but also coppied out their books and that it appeared to him without the helpe of any man to dispute against or convince it how much that sect was to be avoyded and how of himselfe therefore he had forsaken it Which words when he had spoken and she would not yet be satisfied but pressed more upon him what with intreating and what with weeping that he would be pleased to see me and discourse with me he a little displeased at her tedious importunity Goe thy wayes saith he and God blesse thee for it is not possible that the sonne of these teares should miscarry Which answer shee then tooke as she often remembred in our familiar discourse afterwards as if an oracle had resounded from heaven SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE FOVRTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How long and what wayes hee seduced others FOr the space of nine yeeres then that is from the nineteenth yeere of mine ago to the eight and twentieth wee were seduced our selves and others we seduced deceived and deceiving in divers lusts and in publike we did it by those Arts which are called liberall but in private we still peretended the assumed name of Religion Here were we proud there superstitious every where vayne still hunting after the empty noyse of popular reputation even affecting those The atricall hummings and applauses and those contentious strifes of wit and to gaine the grassy garlands the vanity of shewing our selves upon the stage and the intemperancy of ambition But much desiring then to purge our selves from these our naturall corruptions by the helpe of those who were called elect and holy wee carried them certayne chosen meates out of which in the workehouse of their owne paunches they should forge certaine Angels and Gods by whom we were to bee cleansed These things did I then follow these things did I then practise with my friends who were deceived by me and with me 2. Let such deride me now who are arrogant and not yet savingly cast downe nor broken in heart by thee O my GOD but I for all this doe here confesse mine owne shame to thee in thy prayse Suffer me I beseech thee and give me grace to runne over in my present remembrance the errors of my forepassed time and to offer up unto thee the sacrifice of rejoycing For what am I without thee but a guide to mine owne downefall or what am I even at the best but an infant sucking thy milke and feeding upon thee the food incorruptible But what kind of thing is any man seeing at the best he is but a man Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at us but let us weake and needy soules ever confesse unto thee CHAP. 2. Hee teaches Rhetoricke and despiseth a wizard who promised him the victory 1. I Taught in those yeeres the Art of Rhetoricke and my selfe being overcome with a desire of gaine made sale of a loquâ—city to overcome others by Yet I desired rather Lord thou knowest to have honest schollers as they are now adayes accounted and those without all deceipt I taught how to deceive not that I would have them plead against the life of any innocent person though sometimes to save the life of the nocent And thou O God from afarre perceivedst me falling in that slippery course in much smoke sparkling out some small faith which I then made show of in that Schoole-mastership of mine to those that loved vanity and becomming the companion to those that sought a lye In those dayes I kept a Mistresse whom I knew carnally not in that lawfull way of marriage but the way found out by wandring lust utterly voyd of understanding yet had I but that one towards whom I truly kept the promise of the Bed in whom I might by mine owne example learne experience what difference there would be betwixt the knot of the marriage-covenant mutually consented unto for the desire of children and the bargaine of a lustfull love where though children be against our wils begotten yet being borne they even compell us to love them 2. I remember once that when I had a minde to put forth my selfe for the prize in a Theatricall Poeme I was demanded by I know not what wizard what I would give him to be assured to winne the garland but I detesting and abhorring such filthy compacts returnd him answer That though the garland were immortall and of gold yet would I not suffer a flye to lose it's life to gaine me the better of it For he was to kill certaine living creatures in those his sacrifices and by those honours to invite the Divels to favour me in the peoples acclamations But this ill meanes I refused not out of any chast reservation towards thee O God of my heart for then knew I not how to love thee who knew not how to thinke on any thing but certaine Corporeall Glories And did not my soule panting after such fond fictions commit fornication against thee trust in false hopes and feed upon the wind But I would not forsooth that hee should doe sacrifice to the Divells for me and yet did I my selfe offer unto them even by that my superstition For to feed upon the wind what is it else but to feed them that is by our owne errours to make our selves the subjects of their pleasure and derision CHAP. 3. Giving himselfe to Astrologie he is reclaimed by an ancient Physician 1. THose Star-gazers therefore whom they stile Mathematicians I verily did not forbeare to consult with and that because they used no sacrifice not directed their prayers to any Spirit to speed their Divinations and yet doth Christian and true piety consequently refuse and condemne that Art For it is a good thing to confesse unto thee and to say Have mercie upon me heale my soule for I have sinned against thee and not to abuse thy kindnesse for a liberty of sinning but to remember our Lords warning Behold thou art made whole sinne no more lest a worse thing come unto thee All which wholsome advice they endevour to overthrow that say The cause of thy sinne is inevitably determined in heaven and that Man flesh and blood and proud corruption be kept without sinne is of Venus doing forsooth or Saturne or Mars procur'd it meane while the Creator of Heaven and Starres beares the blame of it And who is
strengtheneth me See here a souldiour indeed of thy celestiall armies on not of the same moulds that wee are made of but remember Lord that wee are dust and that of dust thou hast made man who was lost and is found Nor yet could Hee doe this of his owne power because hee was of the same dust him I meane whom I did so heartily loue for this saying by thy inspiration I can doe all things sayth hee through him that strengtheneth me Strengthen me that I may be able giue what thou commandest and command what thou wilt Euen S. Paul confesses to haue receiued and when hee glorieth in the Lord hee glorieth Another also haue I heard begging of thee Turne from mee sayth he the greedynesse of the belly By which it appeareth O my holy God that the power is of thy giuing when any thing is done which thou commandest to bee done Thou hast taught mee good Father that Vnto the pure all things are pure but that it is euill vnto the man that eateth with offence And that euery Creature of thine is good and nothing to bee refused which is receiued with thankesgiuing And that meate commendeth vs not to God And that no man ought to iudge vs in meat or drinke And that hee which eateth Let him not despise him that eateth not and let not him that eateth not iudge him that eateth These things haue I learned thankes and prayse bee to thee therefore my God and Master euen to thee that knockest at the doore of mine eares the enlightener of my heart doe thou deliuer mee out of all temptation 6. It is not any vncleannesse in the meate which I feare but the vncleannesse of mine owne gurmandizing I know that liberty was granted vnto Noah to eate of all kinde of flesh that was good for foode That Eliah was fedde with flesh that Iohn Baptist endued with an admirable abstinence was not polluted by those liuing creatures the Locusts which were granted him to feede vpon And on the other side I know that Esau was deceiued by longing after the potage of Lintels and that Dauid was blamed by himselfe for desiring a draught of water and that our King was tempted not concerning flesh but bread and the people in the wildernesse therefore deserued to bee reprooued not so much for desiring flesh but for murmuring against the Lord out of a lust to lickorish meats My selfe therefore amidst these temptations doe striue dayly against mine owne appetite of eating and drinking For t is not of such a nature as that I am able to resolue to cut my selfe short of it once for all and neuer to touch it afterward as I was able to doe concerning carnall copulation The brydle of the throat therefore is to be held betweene a temperate slacknesse and a stiffenesse and who is he O Lord that is not some whit transported beyond the lists of necessity what euer hee is a great man hee is and let him magnifie thy name for it But for mine owne part I am not the man for that I am a sinner Yet doe I magnifie thy name too yea and Her makes intercession to thee for my sinnes who hath ouercome the world who accounts mee among the weake members of his body because thine eyes haue seene my substance being yet vnperfect and in thy booke were all my members written CHAP. 32. Of our delight in smelling 1. AS for the tempting delight of sweete-smels I am not too much taken with it When I misse them I doe not seeke them when I may haue them I doe not refuse them yea alwayes indifferent I am alwayes to bee without them At least to my selfe I seeme to bee though perchance deceiued I may bee For euen that naturall darkenesse is much to be lamented wherein the knowledge of mine owne abilities so farre lies concealed as that when my soule makes enquiry into her selfe concerning her owne powers it conceyues it not safe too lightly to giue credit vnto it selfe because that what is already in it lâ—es many times so closely muffled vp as nothing but experience can reueale it nor ought any man to bee secure in this lift which may well bee called one continued temptation whether that hee whom it hath beene possible of worse to make better may not likewise of better be made worse againe Our onely hope our onely confidence the onely assured promise that we haue is thy mercy CHAP. 33. The pleasures taken in hearing 1. THe delights of mine cares verily haue heretofore more strongly inucigled and ingaged mee but thou hast brought me off and freed mee Yet still at hearing of those Ayers which thy words breat he soule into wheÌ„as they are sung with a well tuned and a well-gouerned voyce I doe I confesse receiue a little contentment not so great though as that I am enchanted by it but that I can goe away when I please But yet for all this that those Ayers may together with these words by vertue of which they receiue life gaine full admission with mee doe they aspire to be entertained into a place of no meane honour in this heart of mine Nor can I scarce affoord them a roome be fitting for them At another time forsooth doe I seeme to my selfe to attribute more respect vnto them then is seemely yea euen whilest together with those sacred ditties I perceiue these mindes of ours to bee farre more religiously and zealously blown vp vnto a flame of deuotion whenas these ditties are thus sung then they would haue been had they not been so sung yea and I perceiue withall how that the seuerall affections of our spirit according to a sweete variety haue their proper Moodes answerable to them in the voyce and singing by I know not what secret familiarity whereof they bee stirred vp 2. But this contentment of my flesh vnto which it is not fit to giue ouer my soule to bee effeminated doeth very oft beguile mee when namely the sence goes not so respectfully along with the reason that it can with any patience endure to come behinde it but vpon this consideration onely that because Reason for the Sences sake gaynd admission therefore would the contentment of the Sence euen runne before Reason and bee her leader Thus in these things I sometimes sinne by surprize but afterwards I finde mine owne fault Againe at another time thorough an indiscreete wearynesse of being inueigled doe I erre out of too precise a seuerity yea very fierce am I sometimes in the desire of hauing the melody of all pleasant Musicke to which Dauids Psalter is so often sung banished both from mine owne eares and out of the whole Church too yea and the safer way it seem'd vnto mee which I remember to haue beene often told me of Athanasius Bishop of Alexandria who caused the Reader of the Psalme to sound it forth with so little warbling
call whereby thou saydest Let there be light and there was light Whereas in vs there is distance of time betweene our hauing beene darknesse and our making light but of that creature it is onely sayd what it would haue beene if it had not beene enlightened And this is spoken in that manner as if it had beene vnsetled and darkesome before that so the reason might now appeare for which it was made to bee otherwise that is to say that it being conuerted vnto the light that neuer faileth might it selfe bee made light Let him vnderstand this that is able and let him that is not aske it of God Why should he trouble mee with it as if I could enlighten any man that commeth into this world CHAP. 11. Of some Impressions or resemblances of the blessed Trinity that be in man 1. VVHich of vs does sufficiently comprehend the knowledge of the almighty Trinity and yet which of vs but talkes of it if at least it be that A rare soule it is which whilest it speakes of it knowes what it speakes of For men contend and striue about it and no man sees the vision of it in peace I could wish that men would consider vpon these three that are in themselues Which three be farre another thing indeede then the Trinity is but I doe but now tell them where they may exercise their meditations and examine and finde how farre they are from it Now the three that I spake of are To Be to Know and to Will For I both Am and Know and Will I Am Knowing and Willing and I Know my selfe to Be and to Will and I would both Be and Know. Betwixt these three let him discerne that can how vnseparable a life there is yea one life one mind and one essence yea finally how vnseparable a distinction there is and yet there is a distinction Surely a man hath it before him let him looke into himselfe and see and then tell mee 2. But when once hee comes to finde any thing in these three yet let him not for all this beleeue himselfe to haue found that vnchangeable which is farre aboue all these and which IS vnchangeably and Knowes vnchangeably and Willes vnchangeably But whether or no where these three bee there is also a Trinity or whether all three bee in each seuerall one or all three in euery of them or whether both wayes at once in admirable manner simply and yet manifoldly in its infinite selfe the and vnto it selfe by which end it is and is knowne vnto it selfe and that being vnchangebly euer the same by the abundant greatnesse of its Vnity it bee all-sufficient for it selfe what man can readily conceiue who is able in any termes to expresse it ◠who shall dare in any measure rashly to deliuer his opinion vpon it CHAP. 12. The water in Baptisme is effectuall by the Holy Spirit 1. PRoceede in with thy Confession of the Lord thy God O my faith O holy holy holy Lord my God in thy name haue we beene baptized O Father Sonne and Holy Ghost because that euen among vs also in Christ his Sonne did God make an heauen and earth namely the spirituall and carnall people of his Church Yea and our earth before it receiued the forme of doctrine was inuisible and vnformed and wee were couered ouer with the darknesse of ignorance For thou hast chastised man for his iniquity and thy Iudgements were like the great deepe vnto him 2 But because thy Spirit moued vpon the waters thy mercy forsooke not our misery for thou saydst Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heauen is at hand Repent Let there be light And because our soule was troubled within vs wee haue remembred thee O Lord concerning the land of Iordan and that hill which being equall vnto thy selfe was made little for our sakes and vpon our being displeased at our owne darkenesse wee turned vnto thee and were made light So that behold we hauing sometimes beene darknesse are now light in the Lord. CHAP. 13. His deuout longing after God 1. BVT yet we walke by faith still not by sight for we are saued by hope but hope that is soene is not hope And yet doeth one deepe call vnto another in the voyce of thy water-spoutes and so doeth hee that sayth I could not speake vnto you as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall euen He who thought not himselfe to haue apprehended as yet and who forgot those things which are behynd and reacht foorth to those things which are before yea he groaned earnestly and his soule thirsted after God as the Hart after the water-brooks saying When shall I come desiring to be cloathed vpon with his house which is from heauen he calleth also vpon this lower deepe saying Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind And Be not children in vnderstanding but in malice be ye children that in vnderstanding ye may be perfect and O foolish Galatians who hath bewitched you 2. But now speakes hee no longer in his own voice but in thine who sentest thy Spirit from aboue by his mediation who ascended vp on high and set open the flood-gates of his gifts that the force of his streames might make glad the City of God Him doeth this friend of the bridegroome sigh after though hauing the first fruites of the Spirit in himselfe alreadie yet groaneth he within himselfe as yet wayting for the adoption to wit the redemption of his body to him he sighes as being a mēber of his Bride towards him he burnes with zeale as being a friend of the Bridegroome towards him hee burneth not towards himselfe because that in the voyce of thy water-spowtes and not in his owne voyce doth hee call to that other deepe for whose sake hee is both iealous and fearefull lest that as the serpent beguiled Eue through his subtiltie so their minds should be corrupted from the simplicitie that is in our Bridegrome thy onely Sonne Oh what a light of beauty will that be when we shall see that Bridegrome as Hee is when all teares shall be wiped from our eyes which haue beene my meat day and night whilest they daily say vnto me Where is now thy God CHAP. 14. Our misery is comforted by faith and Hope 1. ANd so say I too Where art thou O my God see where art thou In thee take I comfort a little while whenas I powre out my soule by my selfe in the voyce of ioy and prayse which is the sound of him that keepes holyday And yet againe is it besadned euen because it relapseth againe and becomes a darkesome deepe or perceiues it selfe rather euen still to bee one Vnto it thus speakes my faith which thou hast kindled to enlighten my feete in this my night Why art thou so sad O my soule and why art thou so
unto thee namely that thou shouldst be rather thought to suffer ill than man to doe ill CHAP. 4. God cannot be compelled 1. IN this sort did I endevour now to finde out the rest as I had already found that what was incorruptible must needs bee better than that which was corruptible and THEE therefore whatsoever thou wert did I acknowledge to bee incorruptible For never yet soule was nor ever shall bee able to thinke upon any thing which may be better than thou who art the soveraigne and the best Good But whereas most truely and certainely that which is incorruptible is to be preferred before what is corruptible like as I did then preferre it I might very well have reached so high in my thoughts as something that should bee better than my God hadst not thou beene incorruptible Where therefore I saw that incorruptible ought to bee preferred before corruptible there ought I to have sought out thee and there to observe Whence evill should come that is even whence corruption comes by which thy substance can by no meanes be infected 2. For Corruption does no waies infect our God by no will by no necessity by no unlookt for chance because he is God and what he wils is good and he himselfe is that Good but to be corrupted is not good Nor all thou O God against thy will constrained to any thing for that thy will is not greater than thy power But greater should it be were thy selfe greater than thy selfe For the Will and Power of God is God himselfe And what chance can surprize thee unlookt for who knowest all things Nor is there any nature of things but thou knowest it And what should wee use more arguments to prove Why that substance which God is should not be corruptible seeing if it were so it should not be God CHAP. 5. Hee pursues his enquirie after the root of sinne 1. AND I sought Whence Evill should be and I sought ill nor did I see that evill which was in this very enquirie of mine I set now before the eyes of my spirit the whole Creation and whatsoever I could discerne of it as the Sea the Earth the Ayre the Starres the Trees the mortall Creatures yea and what-ever else in it wee doe not see as the Firmament of the heaven all the Angels moreover and all the spirituall inhabitants thereof But yet as if all these had beene bodies did my fancy dispose of them in such and such places and I made one great Masse of all thy Creatures distinguished by their severall kindes of bodies both those that were Bodies indeed or which my selfe had feyned instead of Spirits And this Masse I made hugie enough not yet so great as in it selfe it was which I could not come to the knowledge of but as bigge as I thought convenient yet every way finite But thee O Lord I imagined on every part environing and penâ—trating it though every way infinite As if there were supposed to bee a Sea which every where and on every side by a most unmeasurable infinitenesse should bee onely a Sea and that Sea should containe in it some hugie Sponge but yet finite which Sponge must needs bee every where and on every side filled with that unmeasurable Sea So thought I thy whole Creation to bee in it selfe finite filled by thee who art infinite and I said Behold God and behold what God hath created and God is good yea most mightily and incomparably better than all these which God being himselfe good created all them good and see how he environeth and full-fils them all 2. Where is Evill then and from whence and how crept it in hither What is the roote and what the seed of it Or hath it at all no being Why then doe wee feare and beware of that which hath no being Or if we feare it in vaine then surely is that feare evill which in vaine so gores and torments the soule Yea and so much a greater evill by how much that wants of being any thing which wee stand in feare of and yet doe feare Therefore is there some evill thing which we feare or else the very act of fearing is evill Whence is evill therefore seeing God who is good hath created all these things good that is the greater and chiefest Good hath created these lesser goods yea and he creating they created are all good Whence now is evill Or of what did God make it Was there any matter evill and as God formed and ordered it did he leave any thing in it which hee did not convert 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 But why did he so Was â— not able so to turne and chanâ—e the whole lumpe that no evill should have remained in it seeing he is able to do any thing Lastly why would he make any thing at all of that and did not by the same omnipotency rather cause that there should be no such thing at all Or to say troth was it able to be of it selfe against His will Or if that evill matter had beene so from eternity why suffered hee it so to continue so infinite spaces of times past and was pleased so long while after to make something out of it 3. Or if hee were suddenly pleased now to goe about some worke this rather should the Omnipotent have done have caused namely that this evill matter should not at all have beene and that hee himselfe should have beene alone that soveraigne and infinite Good â—â— Or if it had not beene good 〈…〉 who was good should 〈…〉 and create something also that were not good then that evill matter being first taken away and brought unto nothing should he immediately have taken order for some good matter whereof hee might create all things For he should not bee omnipotent if he were not able to create something that were good of it selfe unlesse hee were assisted by that matter which himselfe had not created These thoughts tossed I up and downe in my miserable heart overcharged with biting Cares through the feare of death and though I had not found out the truth yet did the Faith of thy Christ our Lord and Saviour professed in thy Church firmly continue in my heart though in divers particulars verily not yet throughly perfected and swarving from the right Rule of Doctrine yet did not my minde utterly leave it off but every day tooke in more and more of it CHAP. 6. Divinations made by the Mathematicians are vaine 1. BY this time also had I rejected those deceitfull Divinations and impious dotages of the Astrologers Let thine owne mercies out of the most inward bowels of my soule consesse unto thee for this O my God For thou thou altogether for who else is it that cals us backe from the death of all errours but even that Life which knowes not how to dye and that wisedome which enlightens those mindes that need it it selfe needing no light by which the whole world is governed even to the falling away of
in respect of the hidden deservings of the soules thou thinkest fit for him to heare To whom let not man say What is this or Why is that Let him not say so never let him ask such a questioÌ„ seeing he is but a man CHAP. 7. He is miserably tortured in his enquirie after the Root of Evill 1. ANd now O my helper hadst thou discharged me from those fetters and presently enquired I whence Evill should be but found no way out of my question But thou sufferedst me not to be carried away from the Faith by any waves of those thoughts by which Faith I beleeved both that thou wert and that thy substance was unchangeable and that thou hadst a care of and passedst thy judgement upon men and that in Christ thy Sonne our Lord and thy holy Scriptures which the Authority of thy Church should acknowledge thou hast laid out the way of mans salvation to passe to that life which is to come after death These grounds remaining safe and irremoveably settled in my minde I with much anxiety sought from what root the nature of Evill should proceed What torments did my teeming heart then endure and what throwes O my God! yet even to them were thine eares open and I knew it not and when in silence I so vehemently enquired after it those silent conditions of my soule were strong cryes unto thy mercy 2. Thou and not man knewest how much I suffered For how great was that which my tongue sent forth into the eares of my most familiar friends And yet did I disclose the whole tumule of my soule for which neither my time nor tongue had beene sufficient Yet did all of it ascend into thy hearing which I roared out from the grones of my heart yea my whole desires were said up before thee nor was I master of so much as of the light of mine owne eyes for that was all turn'd inward but I outward nor was that confined to any place but I bent my selfe to those things that are contained in places but there found I no place to rest in nor did those places so entertain mee that I could say It is enough and 't is well nor did they yet suffer me to turne back where I might finde well-being enough For to these things was I superiour but inferiour to thee and thou art that true joy of me thy Subject and thou hast subjected under mee those things which thou createdst below me 3. And this was the true temper and the middle Region of my safety where I might remaine conformable to thine Image and by serving thee get the dominion over mine owne body But when as I rose up proudly against thee and when I ran upon my Lord with my necke with the thick bosses of my buckler then were these inferiour things made my over-matches and kept me under nor could I get either releasement or space of breathing They ran on all sides by heapes and troopes upon mee broad-looking on them but having in my thoghts these corporeall Images they way-laid me as I turn'd backe 〈◊〉 they should say unto mee Whither goest thou O thou unworthy and base creature And these grew more in number even out of my wound for thou hast humbled the proud like as him that is wounded through my owne swelling was I set further off from thee yea my cheekes too big swolne even blinded up mine eyes CHAP. 8. How the mercy of God at length relieved him 1. THou Lord art the same for ever nor art thou angry with us for ever because thou hast pitie upon dust and ashes and it was pleasing in thy sight to reforme my deformities and by inward gallingsdidst thou startle me that I shouldst become unquiet till such time as it might bee assured unto my inward sight that it was thou thy selfe Thus by the secret hand of thy medicining was my swelling abated and that troubled and bedimmed eyesight of my soule by the smart eye-salve of mine owne wholsome dolours daily began more and more to be cleered CHAP. 9. What he found in some Bookes of the Platonists agreeable to the Christian Doctrine 1. AND thou being desirous first of all to shew unto me how thou resistest the proud but givest grace unto the humble and with what great mercy of thine the way of humility is traced out unto men in that thy WORD was made flesh and dwelt among men thou procuredst for mee by meanes of a certaine man puft up with a most unreasonable pride to see certaine Bookes of the Platonists translated out of Greeke into Latine And therein I read not indeed in the selfe same words but to the very same purpose perswaded by many reasons and of severall kinds That In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and that Word was God The same was in the beginning with God All things were made by him and without him was nothing made that was made In him was life and the life was the light of men And the light shined in the darknesse and the darknesse comprehended it not And for that the soule of man though it gives testimony of the light yet it selfe is not that light but the Word of God is for God is that true light that lighteth every man that commeth into the world And because he was in the world and the world was made by him the world knew him not and because hee came unto his owne and his owne received him not But as many as received him to them gave hee power to become the sons of God as many as beleeved in his name All this did I not read there 2. There again did I read that God the Word was not borne of flesh nor of blood nor of the will of man nor of the will of the flesh but of God But that the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us did I not there reade I found out in those Bookes that it was many and divers waies said that the Sonne being in the forme of the Father thought it no robbery to be equal with God for that naturally he was the same with him But that 〈◊〉 himselfe of no reputaâ—â—â— taking upon him the forme â—â— a servant and was made in 〈◊〉 likenesse of men and was sound in fashion as a man and humbled himselfe and became obedient unto death even the death of the Crosse Wherefore God hath highty exalted him from the dead and given him a name over every name that at the name of Iesus every knee should bow of things in heaven and things in earth and things under the earth And that every tongue should confesse that Iesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father those Bookes have not 3. But that thy onely begotten Sonne coeternall with thee war before all times and beyond all times remains unchangeable and that of his fulnesse all soules receive what makes theÌ„ blessed and that by participation
I had entered against my selfe untill it came to a good issue but which way God thou knowest I doe not Onely I was for the time most soberly madde and I dyed vitally sensible enough what piece of misery for the present I now was but utterly ignorant how good I shortly was to grow Into that Garden went I and Alipius followed mee foot by foot for I had no secret retiring place if hee were neere or when did he ever forsake me when he perceiv'd me to be ill disposed Downe wee sate us as farre yet from the house as possibly we could I fretted in the spirit angry at my selfe with a most tempestuous indignation for that I went not about to make my peace and league with thee my God which all my bones cryed out upon me to doe extolling it to the very skies A businesse it is which we goe not about carried unto in Shippes or Chariots or upon our own legges no not so small a part of the way to it as I had comen from the house into that place where wee were now sitting 3. For not to goe towards onely but to arrive fully at that place required no more but the Will to goe to it but yet to Will it resolutely and throughly not to stagger and tumble downe an halfe wounded Will now on this side and anon on that side setting the part advancing it selfe to struggle with another part that is a falling Finally in these vehement passions of my delay many of those things performed I with my body which men sometimes would doe but cannot if either they have not the limbs to doe them withall or if those limbs bee bound with cords weakened with infirmity or be any other waies hindered If I teare my selfe by the haire beate my forehead if locking my fingers one within another I beclasped my knee all this I did because I would But I might have willed it and yet not have done it if so be the motion of my limbs had not beene pliable enough to have performed it So many things therefore I now did at such time as the Will was not all one with the Power and something on the other side I then did not which did incomparably more affect mee with pleasure which yet so soone as I had the Will to doe I had the Power also because so soone as ever I willed I willed it throughly for at such a time the Power is all one with the Will and the willing is now the doing and yet was not the thing done And more easily did my body obey the weakest willing of my soules in the moving of its limbs at her beck then my soule had obeyed its selfe in this point of her great contentment which was to receive perfection in the Will alone CHAP. 9. Why the soule is so slow to goodnesse 1. VVHence now is this monster and to what purpose Let thy mercy enlighten mee that I may put this question if so be those concealed anguishes which men feele and those most undiscoverable pangs of contrition of the sonnes of Adam may perhaps afford mee a right answer Whence is this monster and to what end The soule commands the body and is presently obeyed the soule commands it selfe and is resisted The soule gives the word commanding the hand to be moved and such readinesse there is that the instant of command is scarcely to be discerned from the moment of execution Yet the soule is the soule whereas the hand is of the body The soule commands that the soule would Will a thing nor is the soule another thing from the soule and yet obeyes it not the command Whence is this monster and to what purpose The soule I say commands that it selfe would Will a thing which never would give the command unlesse it willed it yet is not that done which it commanded 2. But it willeth not entirely therefore doth it neither command entirely For so farre forth it commandeth as it willeth and so farre forth is not the thing done which is commanded as it willeth it not Because the Will commandeth that there be a Will not another will but the same Because verily it doth not command fully therefore is not the thing done which it commanded For were the willing full it would never command there should be a Willing because that Willing was extant before T is therefore no monster partly to Will and partly to Nill onely an infirmity of the soule it is that it being overloaded with ill custome cannot entirely rise up together though supported by Verity Hence is it that there be two Wills for that one of them is not entire and the one is supplied with that wherein the other is defective CHAP. 10. The will of man is various 1. LEt them perish out of thy sight O GOD as those vaine bablers and those seducers of the soule doe perish who when as they did observe that there were two Wills in the act of deliberating affirmed thereupon that there are two kindes of natures of two kinds of soules one good and the other bad Themselves are truly bad when as they beleeve these bad opinions and the same men shall then become good when they shall come to beleeve true opinions and shall consent unto the true that the Apostle may say unto them yee were sometimes darkenesse but now are ye light in the Lord. But these fellowes would be light indeed not in the Lord but in themselves imagining the nature of the soule to bee the same that God is Thus are they made more grosse darkenesse for that they went backe farther from thee through a horrid arrogancie from thee the true light that enlightneth every man that cometh into this world Take heed what you say and blush for shame draw neere unto him and be enlightned and your faces shall not bee ashamed My selfe when sometime I deliberated upon serving of the Lord my God I had long purposed it was I my selfe who willed it and I my selfe who nilled it I was I my selfe I neither willed entirely nor yet nilled entirely Therefore was I at strife with my selfe and ruinated by mine owne selfe Which ruining befell me much against my minde nor yet shewed it forth the nature of another mans minde but the punishment of mine owne I therefore my selfe was not the causer of it but the sinne that dwelt in me and that as a punishment of that farre spreading sinne of Adam whose sonne I was 2. For if there bee so many contrary natures in man as there be Wills resisting one another there shall not now be two natures alone but many Suppose a man should deliberate with himselfe whether he should goe to their Conventicle or goe see a Play presently these Manichees cry out Behold here are 2 natures one good which leades this way and another bad which drawes that way For whence else is this mammering of the wills thus thwarting one another But I answer that
both these Wills be bad that as ill which carries to their Conventiele as the other which leades unto the Theater But they will not beleeve that Will to be other than good which brings men to them Suppose then one of us should deliberate and through the dispute of his two Wills should be in a quandary whether hee should goe see a Play or come to our Church would not these Manichees be as much in a quandary what to answer For either they must confesse which by their good wills they will never grant That the Will which leades to our Church is the better as it is in them which goe to their Church who are partakers of her sacraments and detained in her obedience or else must they suppose that there be two evill natures and two evill soules in one man which combat one another or must they lastly be converted to the truth and no more deny that in the Act of one mans deliberation there is one soule destracted betweene two contrary Wills Let them no more say therefore that when as they perceive two wills to bee contrary one to another in the same party that there bee two contrary soules made of two contrary substances from two contrary principles one good and the other bad contending one with another 3. For thou O true God doest disprove check and convince them like as when both wills being bad a man deliberates with himselfe whether he should kill a man by poyson or by the Sword whether hee should take in this piece or that of another mans ground when as he cannot doe both whether hee should purchase pleasure with prodigality or keepe close his money by covetousnesse whether hee should goe to the Chariot-race or to the Sword-playes if they were both to be seene upon one day I adde also a third instance whether hee should rob another mans house had he the opportunity and a fourth I add or whether he shold commit adultery had hee the meanes it being presupposed that all these concurred in the same instant of time and that all these acts bee equally desired which cannot possibly be all at one time acted 4. For verily they tare in sunder the soule amongst foure severall Wills cleane contrary to one another yea in such variety of things which are desirable perchance among more than foure yet use they not to affirme that there is any such multitude of divers substances Thus also is it in such Wils as are good For I demand of them whether it be a good thing to be delighted in reading of the Apostle and whether it be a good mind to be delighted in a sober Psalme or whether it be a good art to discourse upon the Gospell They will answere to each of these That it is good What now if all these equally delight us and all together at the same time Doe not divers Wills then rack the minde as it were when as a man is deliberating to which of all these he should chiefly betake him yet are all these Wills good although they all contend with one another till such time as one of the three bee made choice of towards which the whole Will may be carried being now united which was before divided into many Thus also when as eternity delights the superior parts and the pleasure of some temporal good holds fast the inferiour it is but one and the same soule which willeth not This or That with an intire Will and is therefore torne a sunder with grievous perplexities whilest it preferres This overswayed by Truth yet forbeares not That made familiar to it by Custome CHAP. 11. The combat in him betwixt the Spirit and the flesh 1. THus soule-sicke I was and in this manner tormented accusing my selfe much more eagerly than I was wont turning and winding my selfe in my chain till that which held mee might bee utterly broken which though but little yet held it me fast enough notwithstanding And thou O Lord pressedst upon me in my inward parts by a most severe mercy redoubling thy lashes of feare and shame lest I should give way againe and lest the breaking off of that small and slender Tye which now onely was left should recover strength againe and hamper mee againe the faster For I sayd within my selfe Behold let it be done now let it bee done forthwith And no sooner had I said the word but that I beganne to put on the resolution Now I even almost did it yet indeed I did it not yet notwithstanding fell I not quite backe to my old wont but stood in the degree next to it to fetch new breath as it were Yea I set upon it againe and I wanted but very little of getting up to it and within a very little even by and by obtained I to touch and to lay hold of it and yet could I not get up to it nor come to touch or lay full hold of it still fearing to dye unto death and to live unto life and the worse which I had beene anciently accustomed unto prevail'd more with mee than the better which I had never tryed yea the very instant of time wherein I was to become another man the neerer it approacht to me the greater horror did it strike into me But for all this did it not strike me utterly back nor turn'd mee quite off but kept mee in suspence onely 2. The very toyes of all toyes and vanities of vanities those ancient favcurites of mine were they which so fast with-held me they shooke me by this fleshly garment and spake softly in mine eare Canst thou thus part with us and shall we no more accompany thee from this time forth for ever and from this time forth shall it no more bee lawfull for thee to doe This or That for ever And what were those things which they suggested to mee in that phrase This or That as I said what were those which they suggested O my GOD Such as let thy mercy utterly turne away from the soule of thy servant Oh what impurities oh what most shamefull things did they suggest I heard them verily not halfe so neere hand now nor now so freely contradicting and opposing me but muttering as it were softly behinde my back and even now ready to be packing yet giving me a privy pluck to looke once more backe againe upon them yet for all this did they make mee now againe delaying the time much slower in snatching away my selfe and in shaking them off and in leaping from them to the place I was called unto namely when as violent custome thus rowned me in the eare Thinkest thou to be ever able to live without This or That 3. But by this time it spake but very faintly for on that side which I set my face towards and whither I trembled to goe was that chast dignity of Continency discovered cheerfull she was but not dissolutely pleasant honestly tempting me to come to her and doubt nothing yea stretching
wee remembring our selves of the humanity received from our friend and not allowed to reckon him in the number of thy Flock should be tortured with intolerable sorrow for him 2. Thankes unto thee O our God wee are now thine Thy inspirations and consolations tell us so Thou O faithfull promiser shalt repay Verecundus for his Countrey house of Cassiacum where from the troubles of the world we rested our selves in thee with the pleasantnesse of thy Paradise which is ever greene for that thou hast forgiven him his sinnes upon earth in that mountaine of spices thine owne mountaine that fruitfull mountaine Verecundus therefore was much perplexed but Nebridius was as joyfull as wee For although when as he was not yet a Christian hee had falne into the same pit of most pernicious error with us beleeving the flesh of thy Sonne to be fantasticall yet getting out from thence he beleeved as wee did not as yet entered into any sacraments of thy Church but a most zealous searcher out of the truth Whom not long after our conversion and regeneration by thy Baptisme being also baptized in the Catholike Faith serving thee in perfect chastity and continence amongst his owne friends in Africa having first converted his whole family unto Christianity didst thou take out of the flesh and now he lives in the bosome of Abraham 3. Whatsoever that estate be which is signified by that bosome there lives Nebridius my sweet friend thy child O Lord adopted of a freed-man lives there For what other place is there for such a soule In that place he lives concerning which hee sometimes demanded of me unskilfull man so many questions Now layes he his eare no longer unto my mouth but layes his spirituall mouth unto thy fountaine and drinketh as much of Wisedome as he is able to containe proportionable to his thirst now without end happy Nor doe I yet thinke that he is so inebriated with it as to forget me seeing thou O Lord of whom hee drinketh art still mindfull of us Thus fared it then with us sorrowfull Verecundus wee comforted reserving our friendship entire notwithstanding our conversion and exhorting him to continue in the fidelity of his degree namely of his married estate Nebridius we stayed for expecting when he would follow us which being so neere he might well doe and even now hee was about to doe it when behold those daies of Interim were at length come to an end For long and many they seemed unto me even for the love I bare to that easefull liberty that we might sing unto thee out of all our bowels My heart hath said unto thee I have sought thy face thy face Lord will I seeke CHAP. 4. What things he wrote with Nebridius 1. NOw was the day come wherein I was actually to be discharged of my Rhetoricke Professorship from which in my thoughts I was already discharged And done it was And thou deliveredst my tongue whence thou hadst before delivered my heart And I blessed thee for it rejoycing in my selfe I and mine going all into the Countrey What there in point of learning I did which was now wholly at thy service though yet sorely panting and out of breath as it were in following the Schoole of pride my bookes may witnesse both those which I disputed with my friends present and those which I composed alone with my selfe before thee and what intercourse I had with Nebridius now absent my Epistles can restifle And when shall I have time enough to make rehearsall of all the great benefits which thou at that time bestowedst upon me especially seeing I am now making hast to tell of greater matters For my remembrance now calls upon me and most pleasant it is to me O Lord to confesse unto thee by what inward prongs thou hast thus tamed mee and how thou hast taken mee downe by bringing low those mountaines and hils of my high imaginations and madest my crookednesse straight and my rough waies smooth And by what meanes thou also subduedst that brother of my love Alipius unto the name of thy onely begotten Sonne our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ which he at first would not vouchsafe to have it put into our writings For rather would he have had them favour of the lofty Cedars of the Schooles which the Lord had now broken downe than of those wholesome hearbes of thy Church which are so powerfull against Serpents 2. Oh what passionate voyces sent I up unto thee my God when as I read the Psalmes of David those faithfull songs Oh what sounds of devotion quite excluding the swelling spirit of ostentation when namely I was yet but Rude in my kindly loving of thee as being â—uta Catechumenus as yet in the Country whither I had withdrawne my selfe together with Alipius a Catechumenus also and with my Mother likewise inseparably sticking unto us in a womans habit verily but with a masculine faith voyd of worldly care as a woman in her yeeres should be yet imploying a matronely charity and a Christian piety Oh what passionate expressions made I unto thee in the reading of those Psalmes Oh how was I inflamed towards thee by them yea I was on fire to have resounded them had I been able in the hearing of the whole world to the shame of the pride of mankind though verily they be already sung all the world over nor can any hide themselves from thy heate With what vehement and bitter sorrow was I angred at the Manichees whom yet againe I pittied for that they knew nothing of those Sacraments those Medicaments and for that they were so madde at that Antidote which had been able to recover them I heartily wished they had beene somewhere or other neere me I not knowing that they did then heare me or were then so neere me that they might have beheld my face and heard my words when as I read the fourth Psalme in that time of my leasure and how that Psalme wrought upon me 3. When I called upon thee thou heardest me O God of my righteousnesse thou hast enlarged mee in my distresse Have mercy upon mee O Lord and heare my prayer That they might heare I say what I uttered at the reading of these words I not knowing whether they heard me or no lest they should thinke I spake it purposely against them Because in good truth neither would I have spoken the same things nor in the same manner had I perceived them to have both heard and seene me But had I so spoken yet would not they so have understood how with my selfe and to my selfe before thee out of the familiar and ordinary affection of my soule I quaked for feare and boy led high againe with hope and with rejoycing in thy mercy O Father And all these expressions of my selfe passed forth both by mine eyes and voyce at what time as thy good Spirit turning himselfe towards us said O yee sonnes of men
how long will ye be dull of heart how long will yee love vanity and seeke after leasing For I my selfe had sometimes loved vanity and sought after leasing But thou O Lord hast magnified him that is godly raising him from the dead and placing him at thy Right hand whence from on high hee should send his promise the Comforter the Spirit of truth And he had sent him already but I knew it not 4. He had already sent him because he was now exalted by rising from the dead and ascending up into heaven For till then The Holy Ghost was not given because Iesus was not yet glorified And the Prophet cryes out How long O yee slow of heart Why will ye love vanity and seeke after leasing Know this that the Lord hath set apart his Holy one He cryes out How long he cryes out Know this whereas I so long ignorant have loved vanity and sought after leasing yea I both heard and trembled because it was spoken vnto such as I remeÌ„bred my selfe somtimes to haue beene For verily in those Phantasticall fictions which I once held for truths was there both vanity and leasing wherefore I roared out many things sorrow fully strangely whilst I grieued at what I now remembred All which I wish they had heard who yet loue vanity and seeke after leasing They would perchance haue beene troubled and haue vomitted vp their poyson and to Thou mightest haue heard them when they cryed vnto thee for Hee died a true death in the flesh for vs who now maketh intercession vnto thee for vs. I further reade 〈◊〉 angry and sinne not And how was I moued O my God I who had then learned to bee angry at my selfe for things passed that I might not sinne in time to come Yea to bee iustly angry for that it was not any other nature of a different kinde of darknesse without me which sinned as the Manichees affirme it to bee who are not angry at themselues and who treasure vp wrath against the day of wrath and of the renelation of the iust iudgement of God Nor indeede was my Good without me nor to be caught with the eyes of flesh vnder the Sunne seeing they that will take ioy in any thing without themselues doe easily become vayne and spill themselues vpon those things which are seene and are but temporally yea and with their hunger-starued thoughts like their very shadowes And oh that they were once wearied out with their hunger and come once to say Who will shew vs day good Let vs say so and let them heare The light of thy countenance is lifted vp vpon vs. For wee our selues are not that light which enlighteneth euery man that commeth into the world but wee are enlightened by thee as who hauing beene some times darknesse may now be light in thee 5. O that they might once 〈◊〉 that Eternall Eightâ—â— which for that my selfe had once tasted I guashed my â—â—th at them because I was not able to make them see it 〈◊〉 not though they should 〈◊〉 mee their heart in their 〈◊〉 eyes which are euer 〈◊〉 from thee that so 〈◊〉 might say Who will shew 〈◊〉 good 〈…〉 euen 〈◊〉 was 〈…〉 selfe in my chamber being inwardly pricked there offering my sacrifice there also my old man and the meditation of my newnesse of life now begunne in mee putting my trust in thee There begannest thou to grow sweete vnto me and to put gladnesse in my heart And I cryed out as I read this outwardly finding this gladnesse inwardly Nor would I bee any more encreased with worldly goods wasting away my time and being wasted by these temporall things whereas I had in thy eternall simplicity a store layd vp of Corne and Wine and Oyle 6. And with alowd cry of my heart called I out in the next verse O in peace O for that same peace O what sayd hee I will lay â—â—â— downe and sleeps 〈…〉 hinder vs when 〈…〉 saying shall be brought to passe which is written Death is swallowed vp in victory And thou surpassingly â—t that same Rest thou who art not changed and in thee is that Rest which forgets all 〈◊〉 labours nor is there any other besides thee no nor hast thou appointed mee to seeke after those many other things which art not the same that thou art but thou Lord after a speciall manner hast made mee dwell in hope These things I read and burnt againe nor could I tell what to do to those deafe and dead Manichees of whom my selfe was sometimes a pestilent member asnarling and a blind 〈◊〉 against thy Scriptures all behonyed ouer with the 〈◊〉 of heauen and all lightsome with thine owne light yea I consumed away with zeale at the enemies of these Scriptures when as I cald to minde euery thing that I had done in those dayes of my retirement 7. Nor haue I yet forgotten neyther will I passe in silence the smartnesse of thy scourge and the wonderfull swiftnesse of thy mercy Thou didst in those dayes torment me with the Tooth-ach which when it had growne so fierce vpon me that I was not able to speake it came into my heart to desire my friends present to pray for me vnto thee the God of all manner of health And this I wrote in waxe and gaue it to them to read Immediately so soone as with an humble deuotion wee had bowed our knees that payne went away But what payne or how went it away I was much affrayed O my Lord my God seeing from mine infancy I had neuer felt the like And thou gauest me a secret Item by this how powerfull thy Beck was for which I much reioycing in sayth gaue praise vnto thy name And that sayth suffered mee not to bee secure in the remembrance of my forepassed sinnes which hitherto were not for giuen mee by thy Baptisme CHAP. 5. Ambrose directs him what bookes to read 1. AT the end of the vintage I gaue the Citizens of Millane faire warning to prouide their schollers of another Master to sell words to them for that I had made choyce to serue thee and for that by reason of my difficulty of breathing and the paine in my brest I was not able to goe on in the Professorship And by letters I signified to that Prelate of thine the holy man Ambrose my former errors and presentresolution desiring him to aduise mee what part of thy Scriptures were best for my reading to make me readier and fitter for the receyuing of so great a grace He recommended Esaias the Prophet to mee for this reason I beleeue for that hee is a more cleare foreshewer of the Gospell and of the calling of the Gentiles then are the rest of the Prophets But I not vnderstanding the first part of him and imagining all the rest to bee like that layd it by intending to fall to it againe when I were better practized in our Lords
kindly to mee call'd mee a dutyfull Child remembring with great affection of loue how that shee neuer heard any harsh word or reproachfull tearme to come out of my mouth against her But for all this O my God that madest vs both what comparison is there betwixt that honour that I performe to her and that carefull painefulnesse of hers to mee Because therefore I was left thus destitute of so great a comfort was my very soule wounded yea and my life torne in pieces as it were which had beene made one out of hers and mine together 3 That boy now being stilled from weeping Euodius tooke vp the Psalter and began to sing the whole house answering him the 101 Psalme I will sing of mercy and iudgement vnto thee O Lord. But when it was once heard what we were a doing there came together very many Brethren and religious women and whilest they whose office it was were as the manner is taking order for the buriall my selfe in a part of the house where most conueniently I could together with those who thought it not fit to leaue mee discoursed vpon something which I thought fittest for the time by applying of which playster of truth did I asswage that inward torment knowne onely vnto thy selfe though not by them perceiued who very attentiuely listning vnto me conceiued me to be without all sense of sorrow But in thy eares where none of them ouer heard me did I blame the weakenesse of my passion and refraine my flood of grieuing which giuing way a little vnto mee did for all that breake forth with his wonted violence vpon me though not so far as to burst out into teares nor to any great change of countenance yet know I well enough what I kept downe in my heart And for that it very much offended me that these human respects had such power ouer mee which must in their due order and out of the Fatality of our naturall condition of necessity come to passe I condoled mine owne sorrow with a new grieuing being by this meanes afflicted with a double sorrow 4. And behold when as the Corps was carried to the Burial we both went returned without teares For neither in those Prayers which we powred forth vnto Thee whenas the Sacrifice of our Redemption was offered vp vnto thee for her the Corps standing by the Graues side before it was put into the ground as the manner there is did I so much as shed a teare all the Prayer time yet was I most grieuously sad in secrete and with a troubled minde did I begge of thee so well as I could that thou wouldst mitigate my sorrow which for all that thou diddest not recommending I beleeue vnto my memory by this one experiment That the too strict bond of all humane conuersation is much preiudiciall vnto that soule which now feeds vpon thy not deceiuing Word It would I thought doe me some good to goe and bathe my selfe and that because I had heard the Bath to take his name from the Greekes calling of it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 for that it driues sadnesse out of the minde And this I also confesse vnto thy mercy O father of the fatherlesse because that after I had bathed I was the same man I was before and that the bitternesse of my sorrow could not bee swette out of my heart 5. I fell to sleepe vpon it and vpon my waking I found my griefe to bee not a little abated Wherevpon lying in my bed alone there came to my mind those true verses of thy Ambrose For thou art the God that all things doest create Who know'st the Heauens to moderate And cloath'st the day with beautious light With benefit of sleepe the night Which may our weakned sinewes make Able new paynes to vndertake And all our tyred minds well ease And our distempered griefes appease And then againe by little and little as feelingly as before calling to mind thy handmayd her deuout and holy conuersation towards Thee her pleasing and most obseruant behauiour towards Vs of which too suddenly I was now depriued it gaue mee some content to weepein thy sight both concerning her and for her concerning my selfe and for my selfe And I gaue way to these teares which I before restreined to ouer flow as much as they desired laying them for a pillow vnder my heart and resting my selfe vpon them for there were thy eares and not the eares of man who would haue scornefully interpreted this my weeping 6. But now in writing I confesse it vnto thee O Lord read it who will and interpret it how he will and if hee finds me to haue offended in bewailing my mother so small a portion of an houre that mother I say now dead and departed from mine eyes who had so many yeeres wept for me that I might liue in thine eyes let him not deride me but if he be a man of any great charity let him rather weepe for my sinnes vnto Thee the Father of all the brethren of thy Christ CHAP. 13. Hee prayeth for his dead mother 1. BVt my heart now cured of that wound for which it might bee blamed for a carnall kinde of affection I powre out vnto Thee O our God in behalfe of that handmayd of thine a farre different kind of teares such as flowed from a broken spirit out of a serious consideration of the danger of euery soule that dyeth in Adam And notwithstanding she for her part being quickened in Christ euen before her dissolution from the flesh had so liued that there is cause to prayse Thy name both for her sayth and conuersation yet dare I not say for all this that from the time of thy regenerating her by baptisme there issued not from her mouth any one word or other against thy commandement Thy Sonne who is Truth hath pronounc'd it Whosoeuer shall say vnto his brother Thou foole shall bee in danger of Hell fire In so much as woe bee vnto the most commendable life of men if laying aside thy mercy thou shouldest rigorously examine it But because thou too narrowly inquiredst not after sinnes wee assuredly hope to finde some place of pardon with thee But whosoeuer stands to reckon vp his owne Merits vnto Thee what reckons hee vp vnto thee but thine owne gifts Oh that men would know thēselues to be but men that he that glorieth would glory in the Lord. 2. I therefore O my praise and my life thou God of my heart laying aside for a while her good deedes for which with reioycing I giue thanks vnto thee doe now beseech thee for the sinnes of my mother Hearken vnto mee by him I intreate thee that is the true medicine of our wounds who hung vpon the tree and now sitting at thy right hand maketh intercession for vs. I know that shee hath doalt mercifully and to haue from her very heart forgiuen those that trespassed against her doe thou also
wee had notice of wee should not with so certaine a will desire it 3. But what is this If two men bee askt whether they would goe to the warres one perchance would answere that hee would and the other that he would not but if both were askt whether they would bee happy both of them would without all doubting affirme that they desire it nor for any other reason would this man goe to the warres and the other not but to bee happy For perchance because that as one man reioyces vpon this occasion and another vpon that so doe all men agree in their desire of being happy euen as they would agree it they were asked whether they desired to haue occasion of reioycing this very ioy being the thing which they call the blessed life and that ioy though one man obtaines by one meanes and another man by another meanes yet is this the thing agreed vpon that they all striue to attaine vnto namely that they may reioyce which for that it is a thing which no man can rightly say but that hee hath had some experience of being therfore sound in the memory is it called to knowledge wheneuer the name of a blessed life is mentioned CHAP. 22. True ioy is this blessed life 1. FArre be it O Lord farre be it from the heart of thy seruant who heere confesseth vnto thee farre be it from me to imagine that for euery ioy that I reioyce withall I should be made happy For there is a ioy which is not granted vnto the vngodly but vnto those onely which loue thee for thine owne sake whose ioy thy selfe art And this is the blessed life to reioyce vnto thee concerning thee and for thy sake this is the happy life and there is no other As for them that thinke there is another they pursue another ioy which is not the true one Howeuer their minde is not vtterly turned aside from some kind of resemblance of reioycing CHAP. 23. Ablessed life what and where it is 1. IT is not certaine therefore that all men desire to bee happy for that those who haue no desire to reioyce in thee which to doe is the onely happy life doe not verily desire the happy life Surely all meÌ„ desire this but because the flesh lusteth against the Spirit and the Spirite against the flesh that they cannot do what they would doe they fall vpon that which they are able to doe resting themselues contented therewith For because that they are not able to doe they doe not will so earnestly as were sufficient thorowly to make them able For I demand of euery man whether they had rather reioyce in the truth or in the falsehood They will as little doubt to say In the truth as they would to say that they desire to be happy For a happy life is a ioying in the truth For this is a ioying in thee who art the truth O God my light the health of my countenance and my God This is the blessed life that all desire this life which is only blessed doe all desire to ioy in the truth is all mens desire I haue had experience of diuers that would deceiue but not a man that would willingly be deceiued Where therefore gaynd they the knowledge of this happy life but euen there where they learned the truth also yea verily they loue this truth for that they would not be deceiued whenas they loue a happy life which is nothing else but a ioying in the truth then also doe they loue the truth which yet they would not loue were there not some notice of it remayning in their memory 2. Wherefore then ioy they not in it why are they not blessed euen because they are more strongly taken vp with other things which haue more power to make them miserable then that hath to make them happy which they remember so little of For there is a dimme glimmering of light yet vn-put-out in men let them walke let them walke that the darknesse ouertake them not Why now should truth bring forth hatred and thy Minister become enemy vnto them whom hee preaches the truth vnto when as a happy life is loued which is nothing else but a ioying in the truth vnlesse the reason bee because truth is in that kinde loued that all which loue any other thing would gladly haue that to bee the truth which they so loue who because they would not willingly bee deceiued would not therefore be conuinced of a falsehood Therefore doe they hate the truth for the same reason which they loue instead of the truth They loue truth when it enlightens them but they hate it when it reprehends them For because they would not willingly bee deceiued and fayne would deceiue doe they loue it when it discouers it selfe vnto them but they hate it when it discouers them to others But thus shall it pay them in their owne coyne because those who would not haue themselues discouered by it euen those in despite of their teeth shall it vncase and yet not reueale it selfe vnto them Thus thus yea very thus yea iust thus desires this pore-blinde this lazie this slouenly and this ill-behau'd minde of man to muffle vp it selfe from the view of others but that any thing should bee conceald from it it desires not But the quite contrary does befall it for that it cannot lye vndiscouered from the truth but the truth shall bee veyld vp from it Yet this minde of man not withstanding euen thus wretched as it is takes ioy rather in truths then in falsehoods Happy therefore shall it one day bee if no distraction interloping it shall settle its onely ioy vpon that Truth by which all things else are true CHAP. 24. That the memory containeth God too SEE now how I haue coursed ouer all my memory in search of thee O Lord and no where could I find thee without it Nor haue I found any thing at all concerning thee but what I haue kept in memory euer since the time that I first learnt thee nor haue I euer forgotten thee since the houre I first learnt thee for where I sound Truth there found I my God who is the truth it selfe which from the time I first learnt it haue I not forgotten Since therefore I learnd to know thee hast thou still kept in my memory and there doe I finde thee when euer I call thee to remembrance and delight my selfe in thee These be my holy delights which thou hast bestowed vpon me through thy mercy which had respect vnto my pouerty CHAP. 25. In what degree of the memory God is found 1. BVt whereabouts in my memory is thy residence O Lord where about there abidest thou what kiâ— of lodging hast thou there fâ—â—med for thy selfe r what manner of Sanctuary hast thou builded for thy selfe Thou hast afforded this honour vnto my memory as to reside in it but in what quarter of it that am I now considering vpon For I haue
of speaking it is corporeally expressed and thus doth this Fry of the waters increase and multiply Obserue againe Reader who euer thou art behold I say that which the Scripture deliuers and the voice pronounces one onely way In the Beginning God created Heauen Earth is it not vnderstood many a seuerall way not w th any deceit of errour but in seuerall kinds of very true sences Thus does mans of spring increase and multiply 4. If therefore wee can conceiue of the natures of things not allegorically but properly then may the phrase Increase and multiply very well agree vnto all things whatsoeuer that come of any kinde of Seede But if wee intreate of the words as figuratiuely spoken which I rather suppose to be the purpose of the Scripture which doth not I beleeue superfluously attribute this benediction vnto the increases of watery and humane creatures onely then verily doe we find multitudes both in creatures spirituall and creatures corporeall as in Heauen and Earth and in Soules both righteous and vnrighteous as in light and darkenesse and in holy Authors who haue beene the Ministers of the Law vnto vs as in the Firmament which is settled betwixt the higher and the lower Waters and in the society of people yet in the bitternesse of infidelity as in the Sea and in the studies of holy soules as in the dry land and in the workes of mercy done in this life as in the herbs bearing seede and in the fruitefull trees and in spirituall gifts shining forth for our edification as in the lights of heauen and in mens affections reformed vnto temperance as in the liuing soule in all these instances we meete with multitudes abundance and increase 5. But that such an increase and multiplying should come as that one thing may be vnderstood and expressed many wayes and one of those expressions vnderstood seuerall waies too wee doe no where find except in words corporeally expressed and in things intelligibly deuided By these words corporeally pronounced wee vnderstand the generations of the waters and that for the necessary causes of fleshly profundity by these things intelligibly diuided wee vnderstand humane generations and that for the fruitfulnesse of their reason And euen therefore we beleeue thee Lord to haue sayd to both these kinds Increase and multiply for that within the compasse of this blessing I conceiue thee to haue granted vs a power and a faculty both to expresse seuerall waies that which wee vnderstand but one and to vnderstand seuerall waies that which wee reade to bee obseurely deliuered but in one Thus are the waters of the Sea replenished which are not moued but by seuerall significations thus with humane increase is the earth also replenished whose drynesse appeared by its affections ouer which reason ruleth CHAP. 25. He allegorically compareth the Fruites of the Earth vnto the duties of piety I Will now also deliuer O Lord my God that which the following Scripture puts mee in minde of yea I will deliuer it without feare For I will vtter the truth thy selfe inspiring me with what thy pleasure was to haue me deliuer concerning those words But by no other inspiration then thine can I beleeue my selfe to speake truth seeing thou art the very truth and euery man a lyer He therefore that speaketh a lye speaketh it of his owne that therefore I may speake truth I will speake it from thee Behold thou hast giuen vnto vs for foode euery herbe bearing seede which is vpon the face of all the earth and euery tree in which is the fruit of a tree yeelding seede And that not to vs alone but also to all the Fowles of the ayre and to the beasts of the earth and to all creeping things but vnto the Fishes and to the greate whales hast thou not giuen them 2. Now by these fruites of the earth wee sayd before that the workes of mercy were signified and figured out in an Allegory which for the necessition of this life are afoorded as 〈◊〉 of a fruitfull earth Such an Earth was the doâ— out Quâ—siphâ—rus vnto whose housethou gauest mercy who often refreshed thy Paul and was not ashamed of his chaine With such a crop were those Brethren fruitfull also who out of Mecedonia supplied his wants But how much grieued hee for such trees as did not affâ—â—rd him the fruite due vnto him where hee sayth At my first â—â—swere no man stood by me 〈◊〉 men forsooke me I pray God that it may not be layd to their charge For these fruits are due vnto such as minister the Spirituall doctrine vnto vs out of their vnderstanding of the diuine Mysteries and they are due â—â— vnto them as they are 〈◊〉 yea and due so vnto them also as vnto liuing 〈◊〉 in that they giue themselues as patternes of imitation in all continencie â—nd so are they due vnto them also as they are flying 〈◊〉 for their Blessings which are multiplied vpon the 〈◊〉 because their found i gaue out into all lands CHAP. 26. The pleasure and the profit redounding to vs out of a 〈◊〉 turne done vnto our neyghbour 1. THey now are fedde by these fruites that are delighted with them nor are those delighted with them whose belly is their God Neither yet euen in them that yeeld them is that the fruit which they yeeld but the mind with which they affoord them Hee therefore that serued God not his own belly I plainely see the thing that caused him so to reioyce I see it and I reioyce with him For hee had receiued fruit from the Philippians who had sent it by Spaphroditâ—s vnto him and yet I still perceiue the cause of his reioycing For that which hee reioyced vpon that hee fed because hee speaking as truth was of it I reioyced sayth hee greatly in the Lord that now at last your 〈◊〉 of mâ— hath flourished againe wherein yee were also carefull but it was tedious vnto you These Philippians therefore had now euen rotted away with a longsome irkesomnesse and withered as it were in respect of the fruit of this good worke and he now reioyceth for them not for himselfe that they fliurisht again in asmuch as they now supplyed his wants Therefore sayth hee afterwards This I speake not in respect of want for I haue learned in whatsoeuer state I am therewith to be content I know both how to be abasâ—i and I know how to abound euery where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry both to abound and to suffer neede I can do all things through him which strengtheneth me â— Of what art thou so glad O great Paul of what art thou so glad what is it thou so feedest vpoÌ„ Othou man renued in the knowledg of God after the image of him that created thee thou liuing soule of so much coÌ„tinency thou tongue of the flying fowles speaking such mysteries for to such creatures is this foode due what
16. Gen. 1. 9. Here the Popish Translater notes That Truth is a Catholicke benediction I allow it if he excepts Roman Ioh. 8. 44. a T is a maruell that my Papist put not in some Romish pinacle higher then that the diuell set our Sauior on to ouertop this height of the Scriptures authority What neuer a marginall note out against the Scriptures that 's maruaile a See here â—e one part of the Angels office who are Ministring spirites to the heyres of saluation Heb. 13. 14 b Origine * Tunelesse noyses a Here my M. S. and Sommalius copy well reades it Per saciendi potentiam whereas other Editions haue it â—erfioiendi potentia 1 Tm. 1. 8. * This is the third time that St Austen hath giuen the Scriptures this stile and neuer mentioned any subiection of the Scriptures vnto the Church which the Papist would so fayne haue a Moses Ps 143. 10. a My M. S. reades it Easine confessionimeae and not Ea fide confessionimeae as the Printed copies doe b Mala merita bona Merita If Merita in the Fathers must needes signifie merites why did not my Papist here tanslate it Euilt merits and good merits The word anciently signifies seruice or deseruings good or bad If God prevents vs how can wee in a proper strict sence be sayd to merit of him and if the Recompence bee due to God where 's your condignity or confidence to be recompe need for yout merits Eph. 5. 8. Psol 36. 6 1 Cor. 12. 21. Eph. 3 19. b This sentence was most generally in the Church-seruice and communion Nor is there scarce any one old Liturgy but hath it Sursum cordas Habâ—mus addominum psal 69. 2. psal 84. 5. * The Holy Ghost and not a furious blind zeale psal 122. 1. * The Angels Iohâ— 1. 9. Rom. 6. 17. Psal 36. 6. Math. 3. 2. 2 His conceit here in putting Repentance and light together is for that Baptisme was anciently called illumination as Heb 6. 4 Psa 42. 6. a Christ Phil. 2. 6 7 Eph. 5 8. 1 Cor. 5. 7 Rom. 8. 24 Psal 42. 7. 1 Cor. 3. 1 Phil. 3. 13 Psal 42. 1 1 Cor. 5. 1. b Vpon mankind Rom. 12. 2 1. Cor. l 4. 20. Gal. 3. 1. Acts 2. Ephe. 4 â— Psal 46. 4 Iohn 3. 29 Rom. 8. 13 a One deepe calls vpon another mans misery vpon Gods mercie Other Scriptures as Apoc 14. 2. by waters vnderstand the people b 2 Cor. 11. 3. where St. Austen read castitate in steade of Simplicitat These words with others before would the Popish Translator wrest as if spoken by St. aul now in heauen and praying for and sauing of soules whereas they bee onely the Confession of St. Austens owne zeale borowed out of St. aul's words 1 Ioh. 3. 2. Apoc. 7. 17 Ps 42. 4 5. Ps 119. 105 Esa 26. 20 Eph. 2. 3. Eph. 5. 8. Rom 8. 10 Cant. 2. 17 Psal 42. 11 Rom. 8. 11 * Here the popish Translater fals foule vpon the Caluenists for affirming their Church to consist onely of the Elect. He should haue done well to haue quoted some Author Mr. Caluin himselfe sayth onely That the church properly consists of the Elect. though many wicked be of the outward Church with whom he sayth wee are commanded to hold communion Institut lib. 4. c. 1. §. 7. Rom. 9. 21 Apoc. 6. 14 The Popish Translaters note That by men the Scriptures came to haue authority ouer vs is false vnlesse men made the Firmament mans nay the Penmans authority is here called Ministery and that 's seruice not true authority Nay the next words shew that mans authority obscured the Scriptures authority which was eminenter after the Penmen were dead a Adam and Eue. a Here is my papist forced to confesse the Scriptures to be aboue all humane authority and that the churches power is but to declare which be Scriptures Psal 36. 5 Mat. 24. 3 Eay 40. 6 8. 1 Cor. 13. 12 1 Iohn 3. 2 Cant 2. 9. 1 Iohn 3. 2 Psal 143. 6 Psal 36. 9 a Here the other Translater mistoole a a little in turning it Bitter waters Genes 1. 9 Psal 143. 6 Psal 95. 6 a St. Austen still alludes to the manner of the creation Gen. 1 His meaning is that we should not onely doe slightly for our neighbour as we doe for an herb which hauing feede in it selfe needs but our setting but be like a tree to him affoord him fruite strength and shadow Psa 85. 11 Gen. 1. 12 Esay 58 7 2 Cor. 5. 17 Rom. 13. 11 12. Pal 65. 11 Math 9 38 Ma. 13. 3 Gen. 1. 16 1 Cor. 12. 8 10. a Sacraments are here taken in the largest signification b Moses sayth the other Translater St. Paul say I. The phrase is St. Pauls 1 Cor. 3. 1 a He alludes to the Primitiue practice which admitted not their Catechumenos or vnbaptized to heare the higher poynts of religion handled till they were enlightened that is baptized yet these he aduised to rest contented with their catecheticall knowledge The other Translater is puzled Esay 1 16 He alludes to the Sacrament of Baptisme Gen. 1. 11 30. Here the other Translater misread his copy populi for pabuli and mis poynts the next sentence Mat. 19. 16 17 a Here my papist foysts in the word Counsayle into St. Austens words very fayne would he countenance the popish vow of pouerly which they say is counsayled though not commanded Mat. 13. 7. 1 Cor. 1. 27 Rom. 10. 5 Psal 19. 2. Acts. 2. 2. These Allegories had some meaning against the Manichees seeing in his booke de Genesi contra Manichaeos they be againe repeated which see * Now what will the papists say to this most cleare authority of the Scripture Doe the popish Emissaries fly hither vnder this or with this authority No but rather with the popes Nay fly they not contrary to this authority If not why doe they so much complayne of and vilyfie the Scripture where its authority serues not their turnes Psal 19. 4. * I he same sentence may Râ—scius Act and Cicero describe seuerall waies a 1 Hoe aludes to Baptisme in water accompanyed with the Word of the Gospell of the Institution whereof mans misery was the occasion Hee meanes that Baptisme which is the Sacrament of Initiation was not so profitable without the Lords Supper which the Ancients called the Sacrament of perfection or consummation Gen. 1. 20 Gen. 2. 7. a Baptisme which is necessary generally though not alwaies and particularly where the meanes are not And the Schoole-men teach that Martyrdome and an earnest desire doe counteruaile the want of Baptisme 1 Cor. 14. 22 Psal 24. 2 Gods messengers a Hee meanes Christ the first letters of whose â—ames did in Sybiles Acrosticke verses make vp the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 A Fish He was also resembled by Ionas drawn out of the Fish and Deepe And himselfe was raysed from the Graue and Hell He is fed vpon