God and wait upon him Let me resolve never to choose a new Lord or Master Or take up with any Portion beneath God himself or any way of Hope or Salvation but by J. Christ my only Saviour neither let me forsake the way of Faith and Holiness for all the hopes and Happiness of this World if put to my choice But be always able to say Blessed be God I now can that I will return to my former Husband for then it was better with me than now I had peace and refreshment in my former ways I will return to them Lord forsake me not utterly Keep not thine Anger for ever Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy H. Spirit from me Restore unto me the Joy of thy Salvation that my Heart may be inlarged to praise thy name and to run the way of thy Commandments XXVI Confession of Sin Humiliation and Repentance must follow upon Self-Examination Advice concerning Repentance of some particular Backsliding The great Perplexity and Distress of a Penitent Sinner represented as a Caution against returning to Folly. THat we may turn unto the Lord is the end of searching and trying our Ways Lord I have been searching my Heart and considering my ways but can find little or no good neither can I discover all that is evil in both But I find enough to make my own Heart condemn me and Thou who art greater than my Heart and knowest all things maist much more condemn me I am altogether unclean polluted and abominable If I go about to enumerate the Sins of my Thoughts Words and Actions in all the periods of my Life hitherto if I consider my Omissions of Duty and dayly Crimes by actual Commission if I reflect upon my Sins according to their respective Object as either against Thee O God and against my Neighbour and against my own Soul or Body and compare my Heart and Life with thy strict and holy Law and think in how many Instances I have transgrest every of thy Righteous Commandments I find they are more than the hairs on my head they cannot be number'd Who can tell how oft he hath offended Many of my sins make little Impression on my Memory I observe them not I remember them not but this hinders not but they may make deep Impression on my Conscience which will one day be awake and set them in order before me and they are all written in thy Book of Remembrance in order to my final Judgment All my sins are before thee but thou requirest my humble Confession of them in order to Repentance and as a part thereof that I freely acknowledg their hainous aggravations to shame and humble my self the more before thee whom I have offended and provok'd How long did I serve divers Lusts and Pleasures with the neglect and forgetfulness of God How sad a prospect may I take of the far greatest part of my Life past Especially of my younger years which have been trifl'd away in vanity and folly And since I have known the way of Truth how shamefully have I prevaricated with God I am confounded to consider how often I have despised the Commandment and rebelled against the Light against the Principles of Education and the checks of Conscience frequent warnings from God and reproofs from Others contrary to my Profession and Experience contrary to the obligation of peculiar Mercies solemn Promises Resolutions and Engagements and a nearer Relation to God than many others Which sins have more dishonor'd my Lord discredited his H. Gospel gratifi'd the Devil scandaliz'd the world and strengthen'd the hands of the ungodly than the sins of others And alas How much of my precious Time is thus gone which if duely improv'd would now afford me comfort to review How much Guilt have I contracted every Year particularly in this last I now begin another which will soon be gone as that which was concluded yesterday And shall I only advance in Age to increase the number of my sins and heighten my Account against the Day of Reckoning In Temporal and Civil Affairs Day unto Day uttereth knowledg ond Night unto Night teacheth Wisdom We are Taught by Experience many useful Lessons which we should not else have learnt to reform many Errors and mistakes to correct many rash and foolish Actions and Speeches c. And shall I not learn wisdom by the Experience of another year in what concerns my greatest my Eternal Interest Shall not the reflection on my past sins prevent my Commission of the like Especially considering how my sins are aggravated by every Mercy I have received by every Affliction I have undergone every awakening Sermon I have heard every motion of God's Spirit and every check of my own Conscience that I have resisted every offer of his Grace every warning of his Providence every invitation and call of his Word every purpose to Repent and every resolution I have made to forsake sin The greater knowledg I have had of my danger the longer time I have deliberated about it the oftner I have confess'd my sin and been sorry for it every reproof I have had from others and every promise I have made my self doth aggravate and encrease my Guilt How many Years hath God vouchsafed me to work out my Salvation but how little have I done towards it Had I died this last year how unprepar'd must I have made my Appearance before his Tribunal What opportunities of doing and receiving good have I let slip Have I not made it more my business to seem Religious than really to be so How much of the Patience of God have I abus'd refusing his calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the Grace of God into wantonness Instead of returning gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebel and a Traytor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justice even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O Spare me for thy mercies sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justified if Thou lay Judgment to the Line and Equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted again Bring me to the Blood of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowledg my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned O Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin. I am unworthy to lift up my Hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy Son or thy Servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in thine For this I
am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physician of Souls from thy Pity alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy merciful hand do not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devil and my Lusts and without thy Succour can never hope to get free O Lord forgive my Sin and heal my Soul Deliver and save me for thy Mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy Mercy Thou hast mercifully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhor my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy Blessed Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon than we can be to Repent 'T is thy Delight and Glory agreeable to thy Nature and declared Name as a God gracious and merciful slow to Anger and of great Kindness forgiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy through the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowful Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer err from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will O God and write thy Law upon my Heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evil of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the Equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which through the power of Temtation and the deceitfulness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and rob'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider whether it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more than ordinary kindness of his Providence c. And impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your Watchfulness the neglect of serious closet Devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vain Company venturing too far in lawful or indifferent Things toò much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuel incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinful lest by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return again with seven worse than himself and so your latter end be worse than your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out again when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhor the Sin and resolve to quit it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therefore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfulness And every morning implore Divine succours against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amalek will prevail again As soon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strength and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gain by your loss stand the faster by your Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and so be better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin again by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier than a Millstone than Luke 23. c. 30. 17. c. 2. the weight of a Mountain Who have tasted how evil and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and Sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye than commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cried out under the sense of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows in their Souls and his Terrors surrounding them whereever they went from the sense of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is
my self once more to be the Lord's more unfeignedly more firmly than ever I have hitherto done that the Bonds of God upon me may be strengthned and my Soul more throughly ingag'd to be the Lord's O help me to do it with the greatest seriousness as the most important Affair of my whole Life by thine aid and Grace alone shall I be sincere and cordial in this surrender and Dedication of my self O breathe upon my Soul most Holy Spirit the Power of the Highest that there may be no Hypocrisie or Reservation in this so weighty and solemn Transaction between God and me O most Blessed and Glorious TRINITY Father Son and Holy Spirit Thy favor is my Life and thy Lovingkindness is better than Life Thy Will should have been my Rule thy Word my Law thy Glory my end to please thee my principal Business and to injoy thy Love and Presence my ultimate Felicity But I am one of thy revolted Creatures who have lost thine Image and rebell'd against thy Law slighted thy Authority and rejected thy Grace and deserve to be cast out of thy sight and banisht from thy Presence for ever Nevertheless O most merciful God and Father upon thy gracious invitation and call I now return to thee my rightful Lord acknowledging thee as my Almighty Wise and bountiful Creator my absolute Owner my Righteous Governour my End my Happiness and Chief Good. I now accept thine offer'd Mercy I now submit to the Scepter of thy Grace and give up my self to Thee as my King and my God to rule and sanctify me now and be my Everlasting Portion I desire to be no longer my own but Thine to whom of right I belong and ought to be devoted I yield my self to Thee O my Lord Accept and possess that which is thine own I lay my self at thy Foot at all Times and in all Conditions to be at thy dispose and in every thing to acquiesce in thy Good Pleasure Deliberately resolving with unfeigned and free consent of my Will to walk before Thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the days of my Life Hereby I consecrate and devote my self to be thy perpetual Avowed Servant Lord I am thy servant I am thy servant the Son of thine Handmaid Though other Lords have had dominion over me I will now make mention of thy Name and of thy Righteousness only by Jesus Christ O Blessed Jesus my All-sufficient Saviour Thy dying Love infinite Condescention and matchless Grace hath at last overcome me and constrain'd me to resolve to be wholly Thine who hast redeem'd and bought me with thy most precious Blood. I now acknowledg and own Thee as my Lord and my Jesus my Prophet Priest and King my Sacrifice Surety and Ransom to satisfy for my Sins and reconcile me unto God to instruct me in his Will and teach me the Mysteries of his Kingdom and the way to the Father How often hast thou open'd thine arms and called me yea beseecht me to come unto thee and accept of Life but I refused to come I adore thy merciful Condescention that yet thou wilt receive me on such easy Terms O thou Lord of Life and Glory now accept of an unworthy helpless Sinner who flies to Thee as his only Refuge and Hope who is convinc't that None but Christ None but Christ can make his Peace with God and save from wrath to come I acknowledg thy Title to me and my obedience and to all I have by dying for me I desire to take thy Yoke upon me for it is Easie and thy Burthen which is Light. I desire to be intirely and for ever thine in an Everlasting Covenant never to be broken to take up the Cross and follow thee whithersoever thou shalt lead me through the straight Gate and the narrow way I will reserve no Lust refuse no Labour grudge at no Suffering stick at no difficulty so I may please and honour thee and continue in thy Love. O shed abroad more of thy Love in my Heart to make all Things easie for his sake who hath loved me and washed me from my Sins in his own Blood. O God the Holy Ghost I acknowledg Thee as my Great Teacher and Sanctifier and give up my self to Thee as the Author of all saving Knowledg and Holiness By Thee I have been convinc't of my Sin against the Law of God and the Gospel of Christ and of my necessity of his Merit Satisfaction and Righteousness to justify my guilty Soul by procuring the Forgiveness of Sin and my acceptance with God and of the freeness of his Love the Riches and alsufficiency of his Grace towards all who come unto God by Him. I adore Thee O most Blessed Spirit as proceeding and sent from the Father and the Son to renew all the Powers of my Soul and restore the Divine Image there to enlighten my mind to know and receive the Truth as it is in Jesus and purify my Heart and to sanctify all the Members of my Body and make them Instruments of Righteousness unto Holiness which before were Servants unto Sin and gradually to deliver me from the power the defilement and abode of Sin as from the Guilt and Punishment by the Blood of Jesus And as the Witness of God to the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and as the Great Paraclete to comfort and establish the Hearts of Believers sealing them up to the day of Redemption and giving them the Earnest of the Heavenly Inheritance O blessed Spirit be thou my Witness that though I have violated the Law of God and defac'd his Image and formerly undervalu'd the Love of Christ and the Grace of the Gospel yet by thine Aid I now accept what I have so long neglected and thankfully devote my self henceforward to be the Lord 's in a Covenant Relation But fearing and distrusting my self I give up my self entirely to the conduct of thy Grace depending upon it for my establishment and perseverance O form my Heart into an obediential Frame that in every thing I may endeavor to answer the Ends and Obligations of this Devoted State. To this One God I have once again dedicated and resign'd my self to serve and please and honour Thee in Thought Word and Act to the last moment of my Life in the Performance of all Duties even those which I have been most averse from in the mortification of every Lust and the forsaking of every Sin even those which I was once most addicted to Resolving deliberately to allow my self in nothing great or little secret or open which I shall know or believe to be contrary to thy holy Will making it my business to be fruitful in good Works to the praise of my Redeemer waiting in the use of all his appointed means for higher measures of Grace and Holiness to be more victorious over inward Lusts and outward Temptations still pressing towards the mark for the prize of my high and holy Calling even Eternal Life I call Heaven and Earth O Lord
that quick succession to one another The supposition of a perpetual night is a dismal gloomy Thought O what will the Everlasting Darkness of the Infernal Prison be The Sun by day enlightens the Earth directs our motion guides our way governs our Travail assists Conversation awakens Industry warms the Earth and Air gives life and vigor and fruitfulness to all things under the Sun and makes the whole Inferior Creation to rejoyce An Emblem of God's universal Goodness who is kind to all his Creatures How admirable is its Lustre how glorious is its Light how loudly doth it proclaim his Power and Wisdom who made this and the other Lights of Heaven his powerful Word and preserves them hitherto by his daily Providence If God be now so glorious contemplated in his works considered in the lustre of the created Sun viewed only through the Windows of Sense how much more glorious will he appear hereafter when we shall see him face to face and nothing interpose btwixt us and his incomparable Light If mine Eyes dazle to look upon the meridian Sun in what inaccessible Light must he dwell who is the Father of Lights If this lower World the common receptacle of his Friends and Enemies have so much of his Glory vouchsafed them by the Heavenly Bodies O what a place will Heaven be where shall be no Sun or Moon nor need of any but the Glory of God shall lighten it and the Lamb be the Light thereof While I thus consider the Sun and the Day I must not think the Night is useless which discovers another part of the Heavens not discernible by Day viz. the Stars and Planets refreshing the Earth cooling the Air giving necessary Rest to the Creatures c. their order motions aspects oppositions influences are all useful and instructive The agreeable mixture of Light and Darkness the regular succession of Day and Night within a few hours are exceeding wonderful and advantagious In other parts of the World where the Sun beams are more direct and its Heat excessive God hath made amends by the length of the night under the Equinoctial Line it is always Twelve hours and in the more Northern parts where the Influence of the Sun is weaker the days are proportionably longer So good is God to all his Creatures in all parts of the world As the Morning and Evening answer to the day of Twenty four hours so doth Spring and Autumn to the Twelve Months of the Year that we may not pass immediately from one extreme to another but gradually be disposed for so great a change as is between Summer and Winter and Winter and Summer So merciful and gracious and infinitely wise is God in all his Works so that we cannot say one part of the Year is more necessary than another The winter is as useful for the good of the Universe as the summer In this we are supplied with what is necessary to maintain us in that and the admirable situation of the Sun most probably in the Center of the World seems much to contribute to it If it had been at a farther distance from us our earth would have been in a manner desolate be cause the influence of the Sun could not have been considerable And if it had been nearer the Stars above would have wanted Light and this Earth under been burnt up The Excellent order which it hath now obeyed for above six Thousand Years is also wonderful The Sun never stood still but once and that by a miracle Tho much inferior to that of its daily Progress What a subject is here to admire the Power Goodness Wisdom and Faithfulness of God Lord what is Man for whom thou dost all this And because I find every year that the Day dies into Night the Summer into Winter and herbs and plants lose their beauty and verdure and shed their blossoms may I not hence learn to consider and prepare for my own approaching Change In prosperity health and ease and life to expect and make provision for trouble sickness pain and Death as every wise man in Summer would do for Winter and work all my might while it is called to day while the Light continues because the Night of darkness is at hand when none can work VIII Of Evils to be expected in this Year the Wisdom and Mercy of God in concealing from us the knowledge of future Events NOt only few and uncertain but Evil likewise are the days of the Years of my Life may every one say with the Patriarch Jacob. A sufficient portion of Evil for every year may well be expected when our Lord tells us there is a certain measure allotted for every day Sufficient to the day is the evil of it Not only is our Life short but troublesome full of vexatious Mixtures We cannot sing a Requiem to our Souls when one great Calamity is past for we know not in this Region of Changes but another a greater may be at hand One Messenger of ill News may succeed and out-do another as it was with Job We come weeping into the World in a most helpless forlorn state and if we escape the dangers of Infancy and the casualties of Childhood and after that out-live the Snares and Follies of Youth We are tost upon the Pikes of Time and Chance and sadden and disquiet our selves with a thousand Griefs and Sorrows by inevitable and unexpected occasions though we increase the number of needless Cares and Fears and Discontents Till at length a sudden stroke arrests us we fetch a groan and die Who can give a Catalogue of the Afflictions and Calamities Perplexities and Disappointments Incumbrances Crosses and evil Accidents of Humane Life By means whereof Millions are disconsolate and sad mourn and complain weep and sigh and from day to day are fed with the Bread of Affliction and the water of Adversity Not to mention mens fluctuating restless Thoughts of Heart importunate Desires baffled Projects defeated Purposes which suppose or bring vexation A good share of these is not to be avoided and yet very few can be particularly foreseen Who could prognosticate a year ago the Mercies or the Evils which have happened since Publick and private personal and relative to the Countries Cities Families and Persons we are concerned for And who can certainly foretel the Events of this ensuing Year God hath intermixt Good and Evil in the Life of Man He hath set Prosperity against Adversity saith Solomon to the end that Man should find nothing after him Eccles 7.14 that he may not know what shall come next whether a Prosperous or a Calamitous Event What a change may be made in a year by the meer Casualty of humane Events by the treachery of Friends or the malice of Enemies or the more immediate Hand of God We know not what shall be on the Morrow much less what a twelve Month may produce Because whatever may be disposed to happen from natural causes or civil counsels may be altered
where God has been pleas'd to cast my Lot. Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by Jesus Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these Advantages and Helps thy Holy Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc'd of Sin and brought to Repentance shewing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my peace with Thee the all-sufficiency of his Grace the fulness of his Merit the freeness of his Love and his readiness to receive me to Mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerful and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy Message on the gracious terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who through his abundant Mercy hath begotten me again to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perverseness of my stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire subjection to himself who took pity on me when he saw me in my Blood spread his Skirt over me cast a Mantle upon my Nakedness wash'd me from my Sins and put his own Comliness upon me by Sanctification who open'd my eyes when I was leaping blindfold into the Pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was sick unto Death who rescu'd and recover'd me from the Slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will. Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankful to his Deliverer Shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is received to Mercy be thankful for a Pardon Awake O my Soul and utter a Song of Praise to him * Psal 103. v. 3. who forgiveth all thine Iniquities and healeth all thy Diseases who redeemeth thy Life thy Soul from Destruction and crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender Mercies Hath he made thee Partaker of his own renewed Image and Likeness given thee his Son his Grace his Spirit and taken such a wretched Creature into so near a relation to Himself and promised to be thy God and Guide thy Portion and thine Inheritance thy Friend and thy Physician thy Sun and thy Shield and thine exceeding great Reward and shall not my Soul speak aloud his Praise Hath he been * Isa 43. v. 14. merciful to my unrighteousness and blotted out my sins Hath he gathered me with his Arm and carried me in his Bosom Hath he been my Saviour and Redeemer adopted me into his Family and promis'd to make me Blessed in his Glory with the holy Angels the Curse being removed and the Hand-writing against me cancell'd the Price paid the Breach made up the Mouth of Justice stopt and the condemning Sentence of the Law exchang'd for a gracious Pardon through the Sacrifice of my Blessed Lord Jesus and shall I not praise his ineomprehensible Love and Grace I likewise thank Thee most holy Father for saving me from Guilt and Ruine when assaulted by powerful and dangerous Temptations that by preventing Mercy or restraining Grace thou hast kept me from many scandalous and presumptuous Crimes I thank Thee for making the Sins of Others a Warning and a Caution to Me an Argument to Humility and a Motive to Watchfulness for preserving my Judgment from many Errors and Delusions by which others are seduced for enabling me to improve any Opportunities of doing Good and making me in any thing useful to Others yea I thank thee for all thy Mercies to other Christians for all the Gifts and Graces and usefulness of any of thy Servants wherein as a Member of the same Body I desire to rejoyce for any Support and Comfort to me or any of them under honourable Sufferings for thy Names sake I desire unfeignedly to bless Thee for any Succour Relief and Victory with respect to the Snares and Buffetings of Satan and the vilest of his Temptations When he hath tempted me to Apostacy and Infidelity in Speculation and Practice to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and the Life to come to doubt of the foundations of the Christian Faith or to despair of the Mercy of God and give up the Reins to sensual Lusts or to draw me from God by the love of the World and the praise of Men by Evil Company Intemperance secret Wickedness c. I Bless Thee with my whole Soul for calling me back from any of my Wanderings and by infinite Goodness recovering me after great Falls enabling me to return when I had gone astray and seek thy forfeited favour that thou maist heal my Backslidings giving me in order to it a deep sense of my own Sin and of thy Sovereign Grace leading me to a Saviour whose Blood cleanseth from all sin when my guilty defiled Soul so much needed its pardoning and cleansing Virtue awakening me to make holy Vows and calling upon me by thy Word and Spirit and Providence to perform them I Bless Thee who hast guided my feet into the way of peace when by the terrors of an accusing Conscience and the sense of unpardon'd Sin and the apprehensions of thy deserved Wrath I was ready to despair that though thou didst most justly hide thy Face at any time it was but for a little while but didst seasonably and in Mercy return to wipe off my Tears restore the Joy of thy Salvation and chace away the clouds and darkness on my Spirit by the reviving presence of thy own Thou who art the Author wilt be the Finisher of my Faith and therefore though thou hast visited mine Iniquities with a Fatherly Rod yet thy loving-kindness thou hast not taken from me or suffer'd thy faithfulness to fail or thy Covenant of Peace to be removed but hast refreshed me with hidden Manna after great Perplexities saying unto my Soul I am God even thy God making me to hear thy Voice which was sweet and to taste thy Love which is better than Wine enabling me to say with thine Apostle Thomas My Lord and my God and to have any Communion with thee since in publick or private Duties For all these innumerable Mercies I desire to praise Thee which yet are but in order to greater to Everlasting Kindness in Heaven These are but the taste and Earnest of what thou wilt bestow hereafter O how great is his Goodness that he hath laid up for those that fear him And now Lord what wait I for my hope is even in Thee I thank thee who hast thus put it into my Heart to render thee solemn Praise and once more to renew my Covenant with Thee
to witness this day That I own and avow this to be my Mind and the setled Prevailing Purpose of my Soul. This I again ratifie and confirm without any Clauses or Exceptions So help me O my God. Glory be to God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Spirit XXIX Practical and Consolatory Reflections on the preceding Self-dedication or Covenant with God. I Have this day solemnly avouched the Lord to be my God to walk in his ways thereby to fortifie my Resolutions that I and my Deut. 6. c. 17 18. House and All that I can persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to violate the Faith which I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable always abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult duties greater watchfulness and self-denial c. I would hope hereby to ingage the presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affairs on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual State to put the matter out of doubt by again accepting the offered mercy and Grace of the Gospel and heartily consenting to the new Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But beeause Articles are sooner consented to than made good tho I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavour to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I again implore the succour of Divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reversed I have given up my name to be Thine O put thy fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable to so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraidest not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptation but deliver me from Evil. Stand by and Strengthen me in the Hour of Trial lest I forget my vows and deny Thee O that my Soul may never draw back lest Thine have no Pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine house as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Privilege and Honour I am convinc'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Welfare and All depends upon it that thou shouldst be my God for ever O conduct me by thy Holy Spirit of Grace that I may walk and act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithful keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a Good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shameful Falls thou mayst make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed least I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there O my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to go back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from Suffering or my life from Violence or what ever else be the Motive of my unfaithfulness to God and Apostacy from Him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God For thereby I have the forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favour the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be imployed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well grounded Hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with-hold no Good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Privileges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Do I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for persevering Grace and shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the Contrary Casting all my Care upon him and quieting my self in the Alsufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his own Shall I not give him the glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition By confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfulness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought That God doth never Abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand Shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract And after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountain of Living Waters and turn again to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self consider'd my ways confest my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lord's shall I ever after this forsake Him and my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have
learn'd in some measure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discovered so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan whereby I have formerly been betraid now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerful influence and infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdom's Paths the Peace and Satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of Divine Grace and the Encouragement of an Holy Hope c. and am persuaded of the Stability of his Word and the Certainty of Eternal Life to all who continue in well-doing shall I after all this ever break with God again Shall I ever cancel this Engagement violate this my Vow and falsifie so many repeated Promises and Resolutions Oh that his Power may rest upon me and his Grace work in me both to will and to do that this God may be my God for ever and my Guide unto Death Let me never reassume this Gift and Surrender of my self or defraud God of his Right and Propriety His I am and Him I will serve living wholly to Him using all I have for him being willing he should do what he list with his own and consequently dispose of me and of all that any way belongs to me as shall seem Good in his Eyes I am Thine O Lord save me Command me my work appoint me my Duty direct my Station order my Condition Let me be Thine tho imployed in the meanest service and the most laborious self-denying work Tho I should be but a Doorkeeper in thine House an Hewer of Wood or a Drawer of water Tho I must pinch the flesh and swim against the Tide and renounce what before I valued yet This God shall be my God for ever By this means when I come to Dye if God should add more years to the little number I have past besides this I have now begun I may be able to say with Upright Hezekiah Remember Lord how I have walked before Thee in mine Integrity That in the face of Death and the Grave in the view of another World and the near prospect of Eternity I may be able to Rejoyce in Hope and Say Lord Jesus Receive my Spirit Thou art my Saviour and I have waited for thy Salvation I have sought Thee with my whole Heart I have chosen thy Favour rather than Worldly Grandeur and Prosperity I have prized thy Love and endeavour'd to obey Thee as the best Expression of my own tho with many Imperfections which I bewail I have delighted more in thy Service and Presence than in the Pleasures of Sin and vanity thy Testimonies have been the Joy of my Heart I took no delight in the Company of the ungodly after I was devoted to Thee O let me not have my Portion with them in the other World Fortifie me now against the King of Terrors strengthen me in this my last Conflict enable me to triumph over Death by the Cross of Christ my victorious Redeemer and carry me through the dark valley at the divorce of Soul and Body and grant me an abundant entrance into thine heavenly Kingdom Let me be numbred among thy Chosen and my Body wait in Hope 'till the general Resurrection that I may then see thy Glory and dwell with Thee for ever I gave up my self to Thee and do not Repent my Choice acknowledg me now for Thine and do not lose that which is thy own Lord Jesus Thou hast paid my Ransom to deliver me from Satan and from Eternal Wrath oh do not now reject me and cast me off Is it not thine Office and Covenant to save those that Trust in thee Oh remembr thy Word unto thy Servant wherein thou hast caused me to Hope when I ventur'd my Salvation on thy Promise and trusted to thy Gracious Word for Eternal Life Thy Love hath already overcome the greatest impediments of my Salvation 'T is as easie now to receive me as to Love me Thou hast prepared Glory for thy Redeemed ones and hast bid me believingly to follow thee and wait for thy Salvation Thou hast begotten me to a lively hope by the Incorruptible Seed of the Word Let me not now be depriv'd of the Inheritance Can that Love that pitied me in my Blood and fetcht me from the Gates of Hell now suffer me to fall into it Oh Crown thy Grace and perfect thy Preparatory Mercy with Everlasting Mercy By voluntary Consent and Choice thou art my God and thy Presence in Heaven my ultimate Felicity I have trusted to thy Gracious Promise to prepare me for it and bring me to it O fulfil thy Word unto thy Servant wherein thou hast caused me to hope and mercifully receive my departing Soul that seeks Thee that loves Thee that breathes after Thee and desires nothing but to know Thee better and love Thee more and be more entirely conform'd to thine Image and live always in thy Blessed Presence Thou hast called me out of the World plac'd thine Image upon me enabled me to make it my Business though with many Imperfections to serve and please and honour Thee Oh Receive me to the fulness of thy Love and Grace and present me faultless before the Presence of thy Glory with exceeding Joy. Amen Holy Father be it unto me according to thy Word through the Merits and Intercession of my Alsufficient Saviour Jesus Christ the Faithful and True Witness in whom all thy Promises are Yea and Amen XXX Thanksgiving to God for his Innumerable Benefits and Mercies particularly in the Year Past with some Direction and Advice concerning it HOW precious and delightful are the Thoughts of thy Benefits O Lord how great is the sum of them Should I count them they are more in number than the Stars Shall I not observe and consider them maintain a grateful sense of them and publickly acknowledg them on all occasions that I may Bless the Lord at all Times and his Praise be continually in my mouth More especially should I conclude and begin the Year with solemn Praises to my Great Benefactor and Preserver I ought to begin and close every Day with it thereby to make the outgoings of the Morning and the Evening to rejoice in God. Every Year every Day every Hour every Moment offers me an occasion to praise Him because he is every minute gracious and hath been so ever since he gave me my Being Almost one half of my Time hath been spent in Sleep when I remember not God nor my self yet doth He who never slumbers or sleeps remember me in Mercy and watch over me for good Yea though in the other half by Day I have forgotten him in a worse sense by casting off his Fear and not remembring that his Holy Eye is upon me yet hath he not forgotten to be Gracious Therefore I will praise the name