not Also I spake too farre Therefore comming into my chamber I confessed and prayed thus O my good Lord I haue doubly offended in medling with other folkes busines in speaking beyond the compasse which any whome it concerneth ought to haue kept himselfe within Good Lord conuert me and forgiue me Amen The 17. of Iuly being Sabbath I was in the morning sore tormented with the strangurie yet by the goodnes of God in the forenoone I preached Also after dinner I went and prayed with an olde aged good woman widow Milborne the mother of my faithfull friend Raph Milborne deceased At euening prayer after the second lesson I asked a youth three or foure questions touching a foundation-point of religion and briefly made plaine his answers After all this I was in great danger of a relapse for I was intreated to go thither where I should very grieuously haue displeased God and that through mine owne wickednesse But by the grace of God much against mine owne will I refused to goe Whereas I made mention of my faithfull freind Raph Milborne I intreat the gentle reader and hearer to take knowledge from me of certain notable properties that were in him very plainly to be seene He was religious towards God and that not by way of schisme dissention I meane but in peace Hee loued his minister yea he loued all ministers that were for the present state of the Church and of conscionable behauiour Hee was dutifully kind vnto his aged parents for he sustained them both vntill his fathers death then his mother vntill his owne death and by his will tooke order for her maintenance so long as it should please God to giue her the continuance of life At his death he gaue portions vnto many brothers and sisters to a many of their children He was of behauiour very temperate discreet and patient He was farre from the disposition to drinke and domineere in tauernes and ale-houses he did often chide me because I was sometimes forward to goe and other times easie to be drawen vnto such places It were pittie that the memorie of these vertues should haue bin buried with him for I knew hardly any one of his rank euery way for goodnes matchable with him Some may be ready enough to commend themselues though an indifferent man shall haue much adoe to find any thing that is worthy of commendation in them Therefore at his buriall I took this text Prou. 20.6 Most men will proclaime euery one his owne goodnesse but a faithfull man who can find Wednesday the 20. of Iulie I was so beyond measure tormented in the water passage and so burned in the soles of my feet that I was forced to stand barefooted and barelegged yea hauing a vessell of new drinke standing by me with a bagg of purging powder in it for my body could not els be kept from deadly costiuenes I drank glasse after glasse kneeling vpon my knees and calling very lamentably vpon the name of God They that at any time haue drunke healths kneeling had they seene me vpon my knees weeping and praying and drinking would haue bin terrified from that barbarous fashion of theirs Friday the 22. of Iulie I was in the afternoone taken with a deadly paine vpon my left side and therewithal an extreame windie faintnes oppressed the lower parts of my breast so that mine heart was continually ready to faile This held me vntill it was wel nigh midnight I lying full of pain and calling vpon the name of the Lord. Then had I some rest vntill morning and then it beganne againe This praier I oftentimes made vnto the Lord while I was in torment O most gracious God if it be thy good pleasure that I shall in most humble and zealous repentance glorifie thy name vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to rebuke this my disease But if it please thee not to make that vse of me because I am most exceedingly vnworthy and vnfit to doe thee any acceptable seruice then most blessed Lord withdraw thine hand from me and let me die For why should we liue any longer to displease and dishonour thee and to cause any more euill vnto my brother and sisters the children of Adam Holy Lord yet I heartily wish glory vnto thy name and all good vnto thy people So I bequeath my selfe vnto thy pleasure My sinne be destroyed thy will be done and blessed for euer be thy name Amen Amen Towards night I felt some ease in my side and breast but was pained in my kidnies The foure and twentieth of Iuly beeing sabbath one supplyed my place at Church and I kept at home That day some came vnto me with whom I fell in talke and by that meanes forgat both the presence of God and the holinesse of the day Monday morning I was sore tormented so that my feete burned very painfully specially the right foote I dranke great plenty of small beere and yet burned stil In this sore torment I praied thus O the fountaine of right goodnes kindnesse and mercy I the most hainous of all thine enemies vpon earth in this my greiuous misery haue none to flie vnto for help but onely thee O holy Lord I haue sinned against thee I haue sinned O I haue sinned and most vnsufferably prouoked thine Almighty maiesty to destroy mee with most wrathfull vengeance And doe I now in my selfe-wrought misery come a begging to thee for ease yea blessed Lord for I haue no whether else to goe therefore I throw my selfe down before thy face humbly crying thee mercie and saying O righteous Lord here lieth thine enemy a great traytor to thy kingdome and glory crauing mercy at thy most mercifull hands and beseeching thee not onely to pardon me thine owne vengeance but also to releeue me in this tormenting misery which I in sinning against thee haue brought vpon my self euen by the wicked disordering and distempering of my bodie Againe me thinkes thou sayest vnto me Ah thou wretched man doe not I shewe thee great mercy in sustaining thy dying life and calling thee vnto me Why doest not thou come nearer vnto me why doest thou not continually set me before thy face and submit thy selfe vnto my pleasure Thou knowest thou art short of this and therefore if thou expectest grace from me come nearer vnto me for thou art yet too farre off to receiue comfort into thy soule O my Lord God I come drawe mee and I will come I will continually minde thee feare thee and call vpon thee Amen Thursday the 28. of Iuly I beeing horribly tormented prayed thus O most gracious God thou seest that this painfull and loathsome disease will greatly hinder me in thy seruice O therefore that it would please thee to ease me of it and to lay some other iudgement vpon me so great as this but not so shameful and hinderous Me thinkes I heare thee say yet againe I tell thee thou sinner when thy seruice pleaseth me my grace shall be euery
way sufficient for thee Most holy Lord this I verily beleeue therfore in the name of Iesus Christ hencefoorth I will wholly endeauour to please thee Amen The last day of Iulie beeing Sabbath though I was sore tormented I had no remedy but needs must preach my selfe for neither was I prouided of any supply and a Churchwarden came to tell me the parish tooke it in displeasure that I my selfe performed not my dutie That day I preached twise to the great hurt of my body which appeared by many little shreads of skinne which came from me in my water Monday the first of August such a drousie windie weakenes hung vpon me specially in my breast and head that many times I was ready to fall and had much adoe to stand a painfull sleepines was stil comming vpon mee whether I did read or write Monday night I beeing in bed and fallen into a slumber I was so strangely taken as neuer before Some thing seemed to be vpon my backe so to presse me downe that my face was held hard to the pillowe and much winde brake out at the right eare Being very troublously waked I called vpon my good Lord for mercy I perceiued a shiuering windines offering to arise out of my thighes I tooke this by ouerforcing my selfe in preaching vpon the Sabbath day if I be not much deceiued It pleased God that afterward I had some quiet rest but towards morning the cruel strangury came vpon me Alas that there is no remedy for such a filthy tormenting disease a Physitian writing vnto me among other words said thus Know that your disease is incurable The seauenth of August being Sabbath my disease still tormenting me I prayed and vowed thus O most holy and righteous good and gracious Lord God I the most foule and filthy sinner of all the world do here make a complaint of my selfe vnto thy glorious and blessed maiesty that I am not fit to liue in thy sight much lesse to serue thee in the gospel of thy Sonne because I do not walk with thee nor keep my selfe in thy companie as thy seruants doe O be mercifull vnto me I beseech thee I haue heretofore made many vowes that I would enforce my selfe to waite vpon thee But woe is me I haue not kept them now I most humbly pray thee that all my former vowes may be shut vp in this which I am minded to make vnto thee And this it is This day two seuerall preachers will supply my place I beseech thee to blesse them with holy matter hallowed affections powerfull vtterance good successe If I do not from this day forward very conscionably endeauour to hold my selfe to the practise of my foure Rules I wil the next Sabbath day quite put my selfe out of the ministerie yea and openly professe vnto the world that therefore I doe it because my conscience doth certainly iudge mee not to bee fit to preach the Gospell Good Lord this is my vowe If I either reforme my selfe from this day forward or for default thereof leaue the ministerie I breake not my vow If I do neither the one nor the other let me be euerlastingly â—â—rsaken of Iesus Christ If I conscionably reform my selfe by thy grace and so continue with thy fauour in the ministerie O that thou wilt be mercifull vnto me touching this horrible disease Then shall I holily and wholly betake my selfe to serue thee as mine hearts desire is to doe If I reforme not my selfe and therefore as my vow requireth leaue the ministerie I aske no more but the destruction of my sin to thy good pleasure and glorie Now blessed Lord I offer vp this vowe vnto thee for an euerlasting deed and thereunto vnchangeably say Amen Be it neuer changed but euer in force betweene thy blessed Maiestie and me Amen That day some came vnto me and what with one matter what with an other caused me to talke at randome as though I had not been in the companie of God When they were gone I cryed God mercy promised to be more mindefull of his presence and fearefull of his displeasure At night some came to me againe and talking of many things mooued me to passe my bounds but not so much as before yet all this while I was not entred into my vowed practise This I did fully perswade my selfe that if I could in companie be mindfull of God and shunne the displeasing of his maiestie I were in a verie faire forwardnes of reformation Mondaie the eight of August I held my selfe vnto my prayers and businesse carefully thinking how I should avoid the great danger of companie and talking I prayed vnto the Lord thus O good Lord thou seest that my disposition is hardened in sinne and most vntoward vnto thy seruice Thou seest also how apt other folke are to further mine vntowardnesse to hinder my repentance I beseech thee that for thine only Sonnes sake thou wilt powerfully breake me from mine vntowardnes prepare me in thy feare to shunne the manifold wickednesse which is one way or another caused by companying and talking Blessed Lord true it is as I take harme by others so they take harm by me for thy mercies sake be mercifull vnto vs and keepe vs from causing any harme one to another Amen Aman. Betweene tenne and eleuen of the clock there came some vnto me about a matter of vnkindnes between certain parties which had not then been called into question if I had concealed a report which in writing was giuen vnto me and which I was verie confidently willed to shewe vnto whome I would It is likely that many an one would haue thought himselfe well warranted to shew it specially if it had concerned him so neerely as it did me I shewed it not but onely told a certaine part of it which caused the comming of those men vnto me After that we had talked of the businesse and they were gone I confessed and prayed thus vnto God O most gracious Lord I did euill in receiuing that paper and worse in speaking of any thing written in it I beseech thee to pardon me and to giue grace that I may neuer hereafter speake any thing of that matter but onely my bounden thanks praise vnto thee through Iesus Christ thy Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen In the afternoone vpon occasion I praied thus O most gracious Lord thou seest that by thy goodnesse I goe not out to seeke company I perceiue it is great folly so to doe If any come vnto me and enter into friuolous talke I cannot tell what I should doe Thy spirit saith that in the multitude of words there wanteth not sinne Pro. 10.19 And what great losse of precious time commeth vnto men by vaine idle communication I know by experieÌ„ce to my great griefe Most mercifull Lord thou hauing brought me thus farre and broken me from seeking companie from ioyning in emptie words vouchsafe to magnifie thy mercy in making me to preuaile against this impediment
and also to giue such a measure of thy grace into mine vncharitable heatt that I may most freely forgiue euery one that either hath been or shall be a trespasser against me O Lord I haue displeased and discontented many folke I beseech thee to pacifie and quiet them O giue grace that I may humbly seek for and they may gently yeeld vnto a Christian reconcilement O Lord I am of a froward disposition apt to displease and disquiet euery one I beseech thee to breake me from this vnkind vnpeaceable condition O keepe me from giuing cause of displeasure vnto any and keep others from taking displeasure against me that so farre as is possible with a good conscience I may liue and die in peace with all thy creatures O Lord thou mightest iustly set all thy creatures to sight against mee because I am most rebelliously disobedient against thee But contrariwise thou dost most mercifully giue vnto me the comfortable vse of many things and the fauourable amitie of many people O gracious Lord I humbly thanke thee beseeching thine Almightie goodnesse so to sanctifie thy blessings vnto me that I may blessedly employ them to the glory of thy grace the good of all people and the hurt of nothing but onely of sinne O Lord I owe a speciall dutie vnto my kinred and acquaintance I beseech thee to be gracious vnto them and specially vnto those with whom I stand charged as the minister of their saluation O giue vnto euerie one of them I most humbly pray thee all those blessings which a good minister of thy Gospel should be a meanes to procure vnto them Amen Amen O Lord Christened people who of thy Sonne Christs name are named Christians be verie wretchedly entangled with differences of beleefe and wickednesses of life I beseech thee to send forth such a power of thy Sonnes grace as shall ioyne them all together in the right Christian faith and make them to abound in the fruits thereof to thy glorie and their mutuall benefiting one another Specially O Lord as dutie bindeth mee I pray for those two Ilands Brittain and Ireland beseeching thee to powre thy graces continually vpon thine anointed seruant King Iames and vpon his Queene and Children and subiects that hee and all his may be euery way pleasing vnto thee and euermore blessed of thee Amen Amen O Lord many nations and people are vnchristians they beleeue not in thy Sonne Christ and therefore they are in the way of damnation I beseech thee to be mercifull vnto them all and specially vnto the Iewes and Israelites the naturall children of thine old faithfull seruants Abraham Isaac and Iacob So soone as it possibly may bee with thine owne good pleasure I humbly pray thee to conuert them vnto the true Christian faith that they may be saued and therein thy Sonne Christ glorified Amen Amen O Lord some people are diseased in bodie some are troubled in minde and some are cumbred with outward aduersitie I beseech thee to giue them the grace that they may forsake all manner of sinne and wholly submit themselues vnto thee O then they shall be most tenderly cherished in all their necessities verie timely remooued out of all their miserie into perpetuall blessednes Amen Amen For these and for all other mercies which I or any child of my father Adam doe or shall need my desire is O Lord I beseech thee giue mee grace to pray acceptably vnto thy glorious maiestie in thine onely Sonne Iesus Christs name as hee hath taught mee saying O our Father which art in heauen hallowed be thy name c. Glorie and honour and praise and thankes with all diuine worship and humble seruice be giuen vnto thee O God the Father the Sonne and the holy Ghost And vnto the poore children of the man Adam be vouchsafed from thee thorough the man Iesus deliuerance from sinne and miserie henceforth for euermore Amen Amen That I might sing vnto my good Lord in some tuneablenesse I bought the whole booke of Psalmes with tunes in foure parts And I bestowed now and then a little time to learne the notes of the tenor part My skill is verie small but yet I would not forgoe it for a great gaine because it helpeth my dull deuotion This vnder correction I say of musicke Vpon an holy affection it hath an heauenly working but contrariwise contrarily ¶ My forenoone Psalme to the tune of Attend my people and giue eare O Vt of the deepes of miserie O blessed Lord I cry to thee Vouchsafe for thy Sonne Christ his sake to hearken graciously to me To me the worst of all the folke which here vpon thine earth doe dwell A wretch most fit to be cut off and cast downe headlong into hell For mercie Lord to thee I crie for mercie and for sauing grace To pardon all my wickednesse and my corruptions to deface Good Lord giue me repentance that I may indeed vnfainedly Enforce my selfe for euermore my sinnes to kill and crucifie Lord guide and leade me all this day in euery thought and word and deed To doe thy will and blesse thou me that I may alwaies haue good speed And when thou shalt most mightily haue freed me from sinnefull thrall To praise thy blessed Name with me I will entreat thy people all Both now and henceforth I will praise thy Name O God right thankefully Because thou wilt not suffer me in gracelesse state to liue and die O Father Sonne and holy Ghost one onely God in persons three All glorie honour praise and thankes be yeelded euermore to thee Amen My noone prayer O most holy most good and gracious Lord God I the most vncleane and most defiled wretch of all the world doe humbly beseech thy most blessed and glorious maiestie that euen for that right deare loue which is betweene thee and thine onely begotten Sonn the Lord Iesus Christ God and man crucified thou wilt vouchsafe to make knowne thy wonderfull grace in cleansing me from the most abhominable defilement of my sinnes To this ende I humbly pray thee to make me alwaies very mindefull of thy presence fearefull of thy displeasure and desirous of thy fauour O most mercifull Lord grant mee this mercy this exceeding great mercie and then doe vnto mee euery way that which shall bee most to thine own good pleasure and to thy owne glory Yea blessed Lord God vnto thee bee all good pleasure praise honour worshippe and glory in Iesus Christ now and for euermore Amen Amen ¶ My noone Psalme to a tune which in Cambridge was called Mr. Perkins tune O Holy holy holy Lord the purest of all things the blessefull glorious Maiesty frō whence all goodnes springs Looke downe from thy most holy place behold good Lord and see A sinfull wofull wretched man most loathsome vnto thee Most foule and filthie is my sinne Ah! fie vpon me fie O Father of all holinesse to thee for grace I crie For grace to wash and make me cleane from
prayed thus O my creator thou seest how it is with mee Thy goodnesse is most wonderfull my wickednesse is most vncurable and vnsufferable O make a speedie end of my sin which way soeuer it pleaseth thee blessed for euermore be thy Name Amen The morrow I straggled not abroad but mine affections were very vnruly yea and that which is strange I could not frame my mind to take any deep conceit of the wickednesse of mine heart Thus it is when a mans heart is setled in the loue of any euill he is not able to thinke so of it as it is Friday the first of Iuly I dined with a guest a learned friend of mine who tooke occasion to speake somewhat sharpely against Precisians This I thought he did the rather because some informed him that I was too familiar with such people Therefore to satisfie both that minister all others whom it may concerne I most humbly craue the benefit of modest libertie to speake without offence what my poore soule in the sight of God thinketh touching this diuision It hath bin a meanes of great aduantage both to Poperie prophanenesse yea this wretchednes is caused by it Vpon either side diuerse haue nothing else to commend them but only this that they are of that side yea and the side is glad to make vse of them Is it not a lamentable case that some appeare to haue almost no conscience but against ceremonies others none but for ceremonies The Precisian doth in my conscience not without great cause crie out against ignorant idle and prophane ministers But where is the fault The coast had been well cleared by this time of the daie had not Satan caused church-gouernment to be both by way of sobernes and in the fashion of maddenes verie fiercely assailed But to what end to reforme the Church No to deforme it This is my beleefe concerning Church-gouernment Can any man truely say Such a lord Bishop doth not seeke his own worldly commoditie but the edifying of his Diocesse and the glory of Iesus Christ Doth it euidently appeare that his whole bent is in the diligent discharge of his office to approoue himselfe vnto God and vnto euery conscience of men in the sight of God Then will I conclude vpon my soules perill There is the Apostolicall Church-gouernement of Iesus Christ If any such there be who cannot in some good measure be truely so reported of the calamitie is great the iudgement very fearfull Yet because of personall faults to destroy a diuine ordinance and bring in confusion the calamitie would be greater the iudgement more fearefull Indeede Church-discipline is not reuerenced for want of holy seuerity The punishment of fornication and adulterie c. is little else but large fees A filthie gaine fie vpon it I would intreat leaue to speake once more Touching the ministerie besides what I haue by the way signified already I humbly pray great Schollers and all that seeke after riches and advancement in the Church to ponder these my words The Gospel of the Sonne of God must and will first throwe downe Pride and Couetousnes before it worke an vniuersall good in this kingdome Those two great sins cannot be vpheld any way but only by Popery for they must be accompanied with a superstitious conceit that pomp is religion which when all haue said what they can say the Gospel wil not endure So I haue done The same friday after that I had dined it came into my mind to goe into the towne as formerly I had done But I felt in mine heart no desire to goe Therefore comming into my chamber I beganne to wonder at my selfe what should aile me fearing least some secret deadlinesse had seazed vpon mine heart At last I brake out into these words Whatsoeuer is the cause blessed be the name of God O good Lord let whatsoeuer come vpon me so that my spirit may be setled in this disposition And I shall be bound to praise thee most ioyfully for euermore Amen That day I kept my selfe within and the morrow and the Sabbath day hauing gotten one to supply my place All the next weeke I continued so and the Sabbath following my place beeing supplied by one preacher in the forenoone and an other in the afternoone Wednesday the thirteenth of Iuly I still keeping within prayed thus O most holy and dreadfull Lord God with what face can so hainous a sinner as I am dare to speake vnto thy most glorious Maiestie or be so bold to aske any thing of thee Thy most wonderfull goodnesse emboldeneth me And yet still me thinkes I am past grace because sinne doth so abound in me O Lord my sinnes are as the sand of the sea vnnumberable therefore my soule must needs be thorougly and thoroughly stained for euery sinne so often as it is yeelded vnto worketh a black blemish into my soule Woe is me my soule is wholly ouerrun with a most foule filthy leprosie This is all my comfort that thy seruant saith Rom. 5.20 Where sinne abounded grace did much more abound The more deadly the disease the more soueraign the medicine the more excellēt the Physitian that cureth it O God thou art able to doe whatsoeuer powerfull work thou wilt yea thou canst do infinitly more then thou wilt But here is the greatest wonder that thou shouldest vouchsafe to worke a most admirable cure vpon him vnto whom thou mayest most iustly say Away from me thou most damnable sinner Away out of my light I will not pardon thee because thou hast most grieuously displeased and vnpardonably dishonoured me in breaking the lawes of my kingdome in refusing my proffered grace in taking vpon thee to be a preacher of my righteousnes and denying the power therof Yet blessed Lord so long as the Iudge doth not giue order that the condemned prisoner bee taken from the barre the poor wretch cries for his precious life saying Mercie good my Lord Iudge mercie for Iesus Christs sake The name Iesus with an earthly Christian Iudge cannot but be of great force must needs mooue him very much for it is the name of his deare Sauiour the onely name whereby he trusteth to be saued But of all and aboue all the name Iesus is most precious in thy sight beeing not superstitiously parrated but mournfully presented vnto thee Therefore though a thousand thousand seuerall inditements be found against me and though the lawes of thy kingdome do condemne me yet seeing that it is thy good pleasure to suffer me to stand in thy presence and not to bee taken out of this world I crie vnto thee saying Mercie Lord God almighty mercie for thine onely begotten Sonnes sake Iesus Christ God man crucified for the loue of him blessed Lord be mercifull vnto me the worst of all sinners Amen Amen Towards euening I being punished with the hotte passage of my water painfulnesse about the left kidnie and burning of the right foote was much afraid of a deadly
fit of the stone and therefore prayed thus O my good Lord it is a most miserable state for a man hauing spent his time in sin to die before that he haue in the way of repentance done any seruice vnto thee This dolorous disease tormenteth me sore and threatneth to kill me O Lord might it please thee in some measure to rebuke it that I may liue a while and glorifie thy grace in the zealous reformation of life O how should I then be bound to prayse thy blessed name Me thinks I heare thee saying vnto mee Thou vaine man that talkest so much and makest so many doubts wouldings and wishings let me see thee once turne vnto me and then thou shalt know more of my mind vntill then all that thou sayest or doest is as nothing Therefore make no more words but turne speedily from sin whilest time serues and say thou hast faire warning O most gracious Lord I haue long had and yet haue blessed be thy name very faire warning I will henceforth endeauour to turne vnto thee through Iesus Christ Amen Thursdaie I beganne to sing a morning Psalme which I purposed thence-forth to sing euery morning hauing also prepared an euening Psalme to bee sung vnto the Lord God after that I am once well entred into the practise of repentance ¶ Mine euening Psalme to the Kentish tune O Lord most high and mighty God I sinnefull wretched man Confesse to thee so heartily as possibly I can That marueilous exceeding great thy goodnes is to me Who haue been alwaies most vnkind and grieuous vnto thee These very many yeares thou hast a wonder it 's to tell Preseru'd my dying life els I should now haue been in hell Euen hitherto O gracious God thou hast vpheld me still Whō thou most iustly mightst long since haue left to Sathans will What shall I therefore say O Lord to thee for thy goodnesse O that my heart and tongue were fit thy goodnesse to confesse O God my poore and sinnefull soule most humbly sues to thee That from this filthy wickednesse thou wilt once set me free Now blessed Lord free me I pray free me for Christ his sake That of thy mercies in him I my songs may euer make Then will I praise thine holy name for euer more and more Withall my heart soule strength might I will praise thee therefore O Father Sonne and holy Ghost All glorie be to thee To thee three persons in one God one God in persons three Thursday at dinner I fell into much vncharitable speech concerning diuerse folk Therefore comming into my chamber I confessed and prayed thus O Lord I haue sinned against thee in speaking vncharitably of many people Thou knowest that it is a common practise of most companies in talking to shoote at rouers and for lacke of other markes to spare neither the liuing nor the dead A cruell sinne and very foule in any specially in a minister of thy Sonne Christ for that gracious Lord was so farre from speaking ill of others that he had no minde to heare any body ill spoken of Yea hee chose rather to busie himselfe in stooping downe and writing vpon the ground with his finger then to haue nothing else to doe but to giue eare vnto a bad report though it were neuer so true Ioh. 8.6 O good Lord pardon my wickednesse and giue me grace to leaue it through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen That euening I hauing not been out of doores a whole fortnight before went foorth to see Philip Aram who was then newe come home from London and told me of the good health of my worshipfull friend Mr. Richard Sedley of Southfleet in Kent a gentleman endued with many vertues specially deuotion towards God and charitie towards the poore And because I haue taken occasion to speake of vertues so rare in these euill yet good-seeming daies I cannot forbeare to commend vnto men of worth and worship a very notable patterne of right gentrie Sir William Sedley the elder brother whose equal in bountiful releeuing of Gods poore I neuer knewe and am much afraid that I neuer shal know Foolish pride vnsatiable couetousnes and pampering gluttony haue banished hospitalitie and vtterly renounced liberalitie Woe is mee for them How vnlike themselues doe many great ones liue Hurtfull to how many good to how fewe The world is too too ful of petty tyrants whose iudgement lingreth not but followeth so fast vpon them that it ouertaketh some before they die and many in the next generation If any aske what reason I haue in confessing my owne sinnes to ransack the faults of others Mine answer is I am though most vnworthy a professed Preacher of righteousnesse therefore bound in conscience to doe what I possibly can against sinn The day of mine account draweth very neere I haue foolishly lost much precious time Wherefore I am desirous to make all the vse that may be of this small remnant I humbly beseech all people that in tender compassion of my great losse and fearefull danger they will be pleased to beare with mee if I seeme vnto them to speake of any thing ouer-harshly God Almightie knoweth that I heartily wish all good vnto all people Now I returne to my selfe I sat a while with my louing friend Philip Aram and certaine other whether they tooke knowledge of any offence of mine I know not This I knowe when I came home my conscience found much fault in my behauiour and therefore I was driuen to cry God mercy for my forgetfulnesse of his all-seeing all-hearing presence Fryday by reason of diuerse which came vnto mee I lost a great part of the day Therefore at night I confessed and prayed thus O most righteous Lord I haue this day not only lost my time but also by occasion of company indangred my weake bodie in drinking much betweene meales I haue also bin a partaker of much idle and vncharitable talke I beseech thee to giue me the grace to be truely turned from these and from all my sinnes that I may be saued Amen Saturday about nine of the clocke in the forenoone I prayed as I thinke more deuoutly and effectually then euer before Among other words of complaint touching my state I spake thus There is no possibilitie no likelihood of repentance in me being within my selfe so accustomed to sinne without so holden vnto it by the world How can I haue any hope to arise out of the hell of sinne seeing that I haue these twentie yeares and more assaied and assaied to arise and still alwaies fallen down again Yet O Lord there is hope in thee though none in mee Vouchsafe to make an ende of my sinning whatsoeuer become of me My duty is to craue mercy of thee Good Lord I craue it good Lord vouchsafe to giue it for thy tender mercies sake for thy deere Sonne Iesus Christs sake c. At dinner I spake my minde touching a matter which concerned me
HALLELV-IAH Praise yee the Lord FOR THE VNBVRTHENING of a loaden Conscience By his grace in Iesus Christ vouchsafed vnto the worst sinner of all the whole world I Come and heare all yee that feare God and I will tell you what hee hath done for my soule O magnifie his Name with mee and let vs exalt his Name together Printed by CANTRELL LEGGE Printer to the Vniuersitie of Cambridge 1618. And are to be sold by MATTHEVV LAVV in Pauls Church-yard at the signe of the Foxe THE DEDICATION ⧠To the right high and mightie Prince and most valiant Conquerour IESVS CHRIST God and man crucified My most gracious good Lord Sauiour and Master THou art gone vp on high thou hast lead captiuitie captiue thou hast receiued gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them I will praise thee O Lord my God with all my heart and will glorifie thy name for euermore For great is thy mercy towards me and thou hast deliuered my soule from the lowest hell Let the speaking of my mouth the writing of mine hand and the thinking of mine heart be pleasing in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer Amen Amen ⧠To those learned men which in Cambridge haue authoritie to iudge of bookes before they be there imprinted REuerend Masters my dutie premised I humbly pray you to giue way vnto the glorifying of the grace of God in Iesus Christ as you will answer vnto his glorious maiestie when he shall call you to giue account of that your office Thus beseeching God to blesse you and that noble Nurcery of Christianity with all aboundance of knowledge and holinesse I rest At your correction in the Lord Iesus RICHARD KILBY THE VNBVRTHEning of a loaden Conscience WHosoeuer you are that shall purpose to read or heare any part of this booke I beseech you that of your charitie you will grant vnto me these two requests First to beleeue that I in making and putting foorth this booke intended the glorie of my Sauiour the good of Christened people and the hurt of no creature Secondly to shew such fauour compassion and patience towards mee as you your selfe towards your selfe expect from the Lord Iesus Now I beginne IT pleased the good Lord God to vnburthen my conscience by repentance and beleefe in Iesus Christ whereunto with verie much adoe I was brought by the knowledge of Gods word and the consideration of mine owne verie miserable and most dangerous state Among those parts of the holy Bible which God made me in some measure to vnderstand I had speciall vse of his tenne Commandements and therewith also of the first verse of the 20. chap. of Exodus as here it followeth Exo. 20.1 And c. This first word hath respect vnto some things mentioned in the chapter next before specially the Lords comming downe from heauen vnto the top of mount Sinai in fire and the comming of the Israelites out of their campe beeing brought forth by Moses to meet with God Touching the comming forth of the people I find that they were first prepared by cleansing themselues and washing their clothes secondly limited that they should not come too neere vnto the hill thirdly presented and set before the face of God by Moses Hereby I learne that whensoeuer I am to reade or heare Gods word to pray or to sing vnto him I must first prepare my selfe by putting away all euill thoughts and naughty affections secondly I must be very humble auoiding all presumption thirdly I must present my selfe before the maiestie of God in the name of Iesus Christ euen as if hee tooke mee by the hand and brought me into the presence of his Father The neglecting of these three necessarie points I know by mine owne experience is verie dangerous for the doing of holy seruices with an vnreuerent heart is a readie way to make a partie most vncapable of Gods grace because the custome of abusing the meanes of saluation doth not onely prouoke the Lord vnto great indignation but also hardeneth the heart and bringeth it to that passe that without some extraordinarie meanes it cannot be effectually wrought vpon And God c. God is the first beginning as of all good so specially of religion therefore he that will be religious must first and foremost steadfastly beleeue that there is a God Heb. 11.6 And God spake c. The second ground or beginning of religion is the word and speech of God which holy men by his direction and appointment did write in the books of the olde and new Testament It is a speciall fauour of God to make his word knowne vnto any man woman or child because the propertie of it is to make vs wise and holy fit for euerlasting blisse in heauen 2. Tim. 3.15.16 Whereas our Sauiour Christ made his Apostles Ministers of his word and gaue them commission to ordaine others and those also to ordaine others from time to time vntill the worlds ende is a question how the Ministers of the now publikely allowed Church of England can prooue their calling from Christ by the Apostles c. seeing that the now church of Rome is between them and the Apostles time I will breifly declare my setled beleefe in this point by way of comparison A certaine noble man did by his will appoint that a great part of his goods should be employed to such and such good vses so and so vntill the worlds end for the performance of this he did chuse certaine feoffers of trust giuing order that they should choose others and those others from age to age The first feoffers had in their time very much adoe to keepe the noble mans will from beeing wronged Many hundred yeares after that it came to passe that some beeing orderly chosen feoffers were fully perswaded that in many things the wil was wronged Hereupon they claimed reformation but others resisted them yea and pursued them to the death killing diuerse of them Those which escaped the hands of their aduersaries continued their claime of reformation and made choise of others to succeede them in their office These be the ministers of the Church of England If an honest man were asked what is in this case to be done he would say the written will is to be stood vpon and to be made knowne The Bible is that wil which the Romane feoffers haue no mind to make known nor can endure the publishing thereof in vulgar languages that all people might heare it read in their Churches alleadging this reason that as they iudge if common people had Gods word in their owne tongue they would rather take hurt then good by it To my silly vnderstanding this is a very strange reason Of all other books is Gods booke so dangerous Then why did the Lord giue his word the old Testament vnto his beloued nation the Israelites in their owne tongue yea and lay such charge vpon them to read it and to heare it
vnto God which from time to time I vndertooke to doe but was alwaies hindred both by the setlednes of mine owne wicked disposition and also by the common course of this world which so farre as I know will very hardly suffer a man to keepe companie with God I appeale vnto their iudgement that bee in awe of God and make conscience how they behaue themselues in his sight Yet it pleased the Lord first by little and little to stablish my wauering iudgement and then to let me runne my selfe into many outward dangers and diuerse bodily diseases that so at last I might be broken from sinne In Queen Elizabeths time I was in great danger because I had spoken something touching the party who should succed her in these kingdomes whom I well knew to be in all right his Maiestie that now is for being giuen to the reading of Chronicles I had drawne a pedegree and Mr. Doctor Charles Chadwicke my tutor in Emanuel colledge shewed me another for something publikely spoken to that purpose in a sermon at S. Marie Cray in Kent in the yeare as I remember nintie eight I was accused to Doct. Barlow then chapleine to Archbishop Whitegift and Parson of Orpington and S. Marie Craie He presently gaue order vnto one M. Hamden a Iustice of peace to call me to an account and examine both me and diuerse credible persons that heard me He ioyning vnto him S. Robert Bosevile of Anisford tooke mine examination in Sir Percivall Hartes house at Lullingstone Those men which were examined what they heard me say namely M. Francis Haddon M. Richard Manning of Keuingtowne and as I thinke Richard Manning of Kippingden-crowch c. did giue good testimonie of me and the minister that accused me was by the Iustice found variable So by the goodnes of God I escaped that danger but performed not vnto him my promise of reformatiō I passe by many dangers because I wil not trouble you with hearing the seuerall reports of thē only one I pray you patiently to heare Vpon S. Steuens day in the yeare sixe hundred and eleuen I preached a sermon in the Church called Alhallowes in Derby where then I was and now am the vnworthy Minister In my prayer before the Sermon I made a strange fault and thus it came about I in my priuate prayers had vsed in verie deare affection to my Soueraigne Lord God is witnesse to name those kingdomes together whereof the Lord God hath giuen him possession and that by it selfe which yet hee doth not possesse verie vndiscreetly I in my publike prayer that day fell into that forme of words My text was S. Steuens prayer for his persecutors which I vrged verie farre I will not say discreetly but I professe before the God of heauen that it was without any secret loue to Poperie I vrged that which I shall euer hold to bee true that though the Papists be our dangerous enemies as beeing full of malice treason yet we ought to be rather angrie with our sins then with them for had we grace to walke worthy of that glorious light which God by the Gospel of his Sonne hath graciously giuen vnto vs in this land hee would not suffer that mysterie of iniquity to preuaile against vs. This is most certaine for hitherto he hath miraculously defeated their hellish practises though we in our owne consciences knowe that we are vnworthie of such marueilous preseruatiō I came to this parrish against the will of many Some of which companie tooke occasion out of my fault about his Maiesties style-royall and out of some things spoken both in that and other sermons how conscionably charitably construed it concerneth them to ponder I say they tooke occasion to accuse me of Poperie and treason and those accusations they vrged with much pollicy and great strength against me I was twice at London about it and in sore perplexitie God knoweth It pleased the Almightie though I was most vnworthy of his aide to be entreated of me and therefore hee procured me many friends namely many reuerend ministers especially Doct. Neale then Bishop of Couentrie and Lichfielde by whose constant intercession I obtained of my Soueraigne Lord King Iames a gracious remission and of the Lord Archbishop vnto whom I was vehemently complained of a very grue and fatherly dismission When the trouble came first vpon mee all the mouie which I had in all the world was betweene fortie and fiftie shillings But I was much befreinded by many specially by Mr. Frauncis Mundie of Marketon neere Derbie who by his seruant sent mee a purse and in it some fifteene or sixteene pounds willing mee to take either all or how much I would freely Such a freind yea such freinds God send euery honest poore man in his neede And God who is the fountain of mercies vouchsafe to be euermore mercifull vnto them theirs that shew mercie vnto poore distressed wretches ouertaken betweene the straites Here in all humblenesse I craue fauourable leaue to speake a few words vnto superiours Ecclesiasticall and Ciuill Oh my Lords and Masters a poore man pursued by mighty aduersaries must needs be guiltie whether hee be guiltie or no vnles you follow his example vpon whom your dignities depend Please it you therefore to consider what hee once said vnto Abraham his freind Gen. 18.20 And the Lord saide Because the crie of Sodome and Gomorrah is great and because their sinne is very greiuous 21. I will goe downe now and see whether they haue done altogether according to the crie of it which is come vnto mee and if not I will know The Lord our God vnto whom al things are so manifest as possibly they may be needeth not to examine any accusation for hee knoweth farre more perfectly then either the accuser or the accused But his minde is that all men and specially you should with all moderation and lawfull indifferencie take thorough-knowledge of any specially of a poore mans cause before you giue sentence yea before you speake any hard word for a crosse tearme yea a frowne is enough to astonish many a weake-hearted man and make him vnable to speake for himselfe Also I humbly beseech all Preachers to take these warnings by mee First be yee thoroughly reconciled vnto God that hee may vouchsafe to ioyne with you in that most weightie businesse Secondly so farre as possibly with a good conscience haue peace and be in freindly tearmes with all people least some in bitternesse of displeasure mistake your words to their hurt and your greefe The holy God is my witnesse that some speeches of mine were most strangely mistaken by men professing great precisenesse of conscience yea marke I pray you so strangely that out of a publike speech of mine zealously intended and vttered against the Romane religion one peece of an article was taken against mee to prooue mee popish Thirdly be verie carefull that in no sort yee meddle with any matter of Estate for there is
rather endure any losse or dammage then yeeld vnto that sinne And I must assure my selfe that how stronglie soeuer I am tempted God will most certainly enable me to endure that temptation vnlesse I basely consent vnto it When by the grace of God I am freed frō any temptation I must praise him thus O the Father of mercy and the fountaine of power I a most weake wretch not able to resist the least motion of sinne that may be do heartily thanke thee for this gracious deliuerance which thou hast vouchsafed to giue vnto mee O good Lord I beseech thee to continue thy grace towards mee that I may alwaies be more and more thankfull vnto thee thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen If thorough want of heed or by weake resistance I fall into any sinne I must so soone as I know it make my confession and prayer vnto God thus O most holy and righteous Lord God I most damnable sinner haue now sinned against thee thus and thus c. I crie thee mercy O most mercifull Father beseeching thee to giue mee true repentance pardon and freedome from this and from all my sinnes thorough thine onely Sonne Iesus Christ my Lord and Sauiour Amen Moreouer because I am much giuen to sinne openly that is in the sight or in the hearing of some one or many of Gods people which is a great meanes to draw them into sinne or to hardē them in sinne or at least to discourage those which make conscience of their conuersation vnto euery one that shall heare or see me sinning I must so soone as I perceiue my sinne with all possible conuenient speed very plainly and repentingly confesse it thus Such a thing you saw me doe or Such a thing you heard me say I beseech you for Gods sake to take great heed that it cause no euil effect in you for it was a sinne against God and therefore I cry God mercy for it Thus I must confesse any open fault yea if it be commited in preaching writing or howsoeuer A pulpit fault in the same pulpit and to the same company must bee confessed These be my rules for the practise of zealous reformation that I may be in very deed a member and minister of the reformed Church Now I will declare vnto you how I endeauoured to bring my selfe into those foure Rules and with what successe All the rest of Aprill I in a manner lost endeauouring very little or nothing but I could haue no quietnesse in minde longer then I intended that busines The first of May died in our parish a gentleman one M. Villers of the same tormenting disease which I haue he had bin long time very greiuously pained with it Euery day specially in the morning it plagued me Wherefore to ease the paine I dranke much small drinke and sometime water yea now and then mine own water because I was told that so I should be cased But though I dranke neuer so much after it was passed thorough my bodie the paine came againe Yet notwithstanding all this I could not keep my selfe in the company of God specially when I was together with any body for then I fell into a deale of idle vnholy communication The eight of May beeing Sabbath day in the euening these foure were together M. Sidney Zouch M. Mathew Bate Philip Aram Richard Kilby we dranke at M. Matth. Bates house who at the parting said thus vnto vs It is great oddes that not all wee foure shal be aliue this day twelue moneth I roundly took the words to my self iudging that the first which must be gone was I and that god had put into his mind to say those words for my monishment Yet see the setled wickednesse of mine heart after my departure from thē I met with other company and so merily delighted my selfe with prophane talke that when I came into my chamber I was forced to goe prayer-lesse to bedde because my soule was confounded and ashamed to looke vp towards God The morrow morning I prayed thus O blessed Lord God most maruelous art thou in goodnesse and patience Is it possible that thou canst forbeare the powring of thy iust and wrathfull vengeance vpon mee O Lord it is exceedingly enough that thou hast thus long forborne mee Cut off I beseech thee this most cursed course of my sinne and doe vnto mee that which is most pleasing to thy holy will O Lord is there yet any hope that I should be saued Yea with condition of repentance Woe is mee there is no possibilitie of my repentance I cannot steadfastly continue in the purpose of resisting my sinnes yea so long as thy pleasure is to preserue me aliue thou callest mee vnto thee O God I would come but I cannot I will assaie O I haue no faith This is that which commeth of long liuing in sinne Yet who can tell what thou wilt doe if I but offer to assay Without assaying there is no turning without turning no saluation Therefore I will assay Good Lord I cannot How vncouth How strange How beyond all possibilitie doth the practise of a conscionable life seeme vnto mee O Lord besides mine owne inward vnrepentance the violent streame of this world hindereth mee Most folke further mee in sinne some one way some another But a very few holp mee to enter in at the little doore of repentance Men may talke much and professe great matters but it is repentance that shall try what kind of people they be O how easie a thing it is to make an outward shewe if that would serue the turne The heart must be vpright with thee and the spirit must cleaue fast vnto thee else it is no bargaine no couenant betweene thee and the party In the name of Iesus I wil assay O Iesu help me for thy most comfortable names sake Amen That very same day I comming into company turned from God Tuesday I prayed thus O Lord God I do plainely perceiue that to pray vnto thee for the grace of repentance and not to enforce my selfe to practise the meanes is a kind of mockery and a fearefull prouoking of thy displeasure Earnest praier and diligent practise will mutually thorough thy grace strengthen each other But neglect of practise sheweth cold deuotion Therefore I purpose to force my selfe vnto this businesse O good Lord be mercifull vnto mee Amen My intolerable paine grew worse and worse yet I could not frame my selfe to take any sure hold vpon the grace of repentance Munday the sixteenth of May I prayed thus O Lord God had I not been a stony hearted sinner this deadly windines might haue terrified mee from sinne aboue sixe yeares a gone O how blessed should I now haue beene had I but these sixe last yeares in singlenesse of heart serued thee Now my time is gone mine heart is dead within me And though I should liue a while this hellish strangury quite disableth me yet were I turned vnto thee thou wouldest
and all others that I may euerlastingly praise thy name therefore through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Tuesdaie morning the strangury pained me verie grieuously and my feete were in such an extreame heate that I was forced to stand barefooted In this burning torment I prayed O most mightie and most mercifull Lord God my Maker and Sauiour of thy most tender compassion most excellent mercie vouchsafe I beseech thee to ease me of this filthy tormenting disease lay vpon me in stead thereof what crosse what iudgement thou wilt Me thinks thou saiest Thou foolish man put away thy folly drawe neere vnto me and I will draw neere vnto thee O good Lord blessed be thy name In the name of Iesus Christ I will drawe neere vnto thee I will henceforth be alwaies verie mindefull that I am before thy face nothing in the world no not any companie shall put me out of that thought Beeing in companie so often as I perceiue my minde to turne it selfe from waiting vpon thee I will presently breake out into these words Fie vpon me what a forgetfull foole am I Good Lord forgiue me and correct mee Then if any aske the reason why I spake those words I will very plainly tell it Most gracious Lord giue me grace thus to doe and blesse me in so doing through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen The staires to my chamber are the comming vp vnto three other chambers So oft as I heard the noise of any bodies feet comming vp the staires I was very fearefull that some or other were comming vnto me and as glad if I heard them goe by the doore to any of the other chambers How men may iudge of this I know not but my conscience doth assuredly certifie mee how the Lord God iudgeth of it That forenoon some company came to me staied long wherefore though I in some sort looked to my soule yet could I not auoide bodily hurt for I hauing to ease my paine taken much drinke before the companie came being forced painfully to hold my water when they were gone there came such things from out of my body as if many skinnes within were pilled off Wherefore I fully perswaded my selfe that I was possessed with a windie fretting inflammation which of necessitie must very shortly kill me and that as I thought most likely by the perishing of my bladder In the afternoone I praied thus Most blessed Lord very true it is that the doore of heauen is in comparison much lesse then the eie of a needle An entrance there is but most hardly to be gotten The beginning of an vnfained godly life is the hardest worke in all the world Then what meaneth Christ in saying that his yoake is easie and his burden light His meaning is that true repentance and right faith do ease and lighten a loaden conscience There is no remedy but sinne must needes be put off else there is no saluation no heauen to be had Woe is me How can a black-moore put off his blacknesse It is vnpossible Yea but thy Sonne hath told vs that all things are possible with thee True it is O Lord I beleeue it But the question is what thou wilt doe Therefore with the poor leper I say vnto thee O Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane The Spirit answereth me saying To day if thou wilt heare his voice harden not thy heart I must striue to vnharden mine heart in obeying thy word which word thou hast graciously made knowne vnto mee to the end that I should obey it in putting off my sinne But if knowing thy will I continue disobedient to thee O what a most dreadfull measure of euerlasting vengeance shall speedily fall vpon me O Lord none can vnharden mine heart but onely thou Then how can I vnbarden it If thou euer vnharden it thou wilt make mee to vnharden it for thou workest the will and the deede in them that shall bee saued They must will and doe that which is pleasing vnto thee The power to will and doe it they must haue from thee Therefore thy seruant Paul aduiseth vs to work out our saluation with feare and trembling that is awfully and carefully to vse the meanes which thou hast appointed that so thy grace may work in vs obedience vnto thy will which is the only way of saluation Good Lord in thy Sonnes name I will striue to vse the meanes which thou hast appointed for the breaking of mine hard heart Blessed bee thy name I thinke no man or woman in all the world can haue more warning to deny himselfe and hasten repentance then I haue To thy mercie and good pleasure I wholly betake my selfe thorough Iesus Christ Amen Amen Wednesday morning I was very tormentingly pained in the water passage and therefore prayed thus O blessed Lord God this soule disease tormenteth me verie sore O that it may be pleasing vnto thy most glorious goodnes euen in such measure to ease me of this disease as by thy grace I will from this time forward deny my selfe and giue glory vnto thy truth Me thinkes thou sayest Goe to then See that thou conscionably deny thy selfe putting thy whole trust in me And for thy comfort thou shalt be sure to finde these my words true I am mercifull My mercie is vpon them that feare me Most gracious Lord blessed be thy name I beleeue thy words And nowe thorough the grace of Iesus Christ I will steadfastly set my selfe to deny my selfe O Lord be mercifull vnto mee that I may thoroughly doe it And then thy will be done Amem About an houre after I had so praied vnto God my paine of the spleene came vpon mee in such sort that mine eies were much dazled mine heart deadly vexed my limms faintly wearied Beeing in this state I praied thus O good Lord what shall I doe This my deathfull body cannot possibly hold out nor be seruiceable vnto thee in any good measure according to my calling O my good Lord what shall I doe I haue no warrant to expect any extraordinary releeuing of my body And this deadlines putteth my poore soule out of comfort Mee thinkes thou saiest Let thy soule be steadfastly vprightly bent to serue mee for so it shall receiue comfort from mee Touching thy bodie doe me what seruice thou canst and betake it vnto mee to dispose therof as I see good By greiuing at thy diseasednes thou makest it to be worse Therfore be only zealous againg thy sinnes the cause of all thy miserie But take heart of grace and sustaine thy weake spirit hath assured confidence of my mercy towards thee O my good Lord most wonderfull in mercy and Almightie in power with all humble thankefulnes I receiue these words from thee My soule is certenly perswaded that thy purpose towards mee is according to those words Blessed Lord it greiueth me that I hane so long displeased dishonoured thee and now
would not faile to put my selfe vnto open shame for euery sinne which thenceforth I should openly commit in word or deede Yea I said thus much vnto him That open sinne which I shall wittingly let passe without open confession do thou neuer forgiue I doe humbly craue aide of euery Christian which shall read or heare this As my disease is very tormenting so my state is too too vncomfortable Eccles 4.10 Woe to him that is alone when he falleth for hee hath not another to helpe him vp I must sit and endure my griefe with silence For to whom shall I complaine Or what shall I ease my selfe by complaining The prouerbe is not more olde then true Euery man is for himselfe and God for all If the latter part held not very true I were woe begone for the first is too true But what aide doe I craue of the Reader or hearer I beseech you that euen for the loue of Christ and Christianitie you will very earnestly intreat our Lord God to bee mercifull vnto me and if it may possibly stand with his holy will to grant mee ease of this irkesome torment Amen Amen That Sabbath day at night I hauing somewhat more conscionably kept that Sabbath day then euer before praised God thus O most mercifull Father with all mine heart I humbly thanke thee for this verie little entracne into the way of saluation Good Lord my soule is yet wretchedly tangled in sinne Free me for thy mercies sake and humble mee to the very vttermost that may be thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Amen Then also I beganne to sing mine euening Psalme which is not in double meeter as that vnto whose tune I haue set it because I neither had leasure nor minde to be so curious ¶ Mine euening Psalme to the tune of All people that on earth doe dwell O God that art most wonderfull the fountaine of all blessednesse I most vnfit to sing to thee yet needes thy mercie must confesse Needes must I for I am most bound therefore O Lord I thee intreat For to prepare mine heart and tongue thy mercies duely to repeat So soone as I into this world by birth was borne thou causedst mee To be baptized in thy Name In signe of my deliuery Deliuerie from Sathans thrall and from the house of bondage hell That with thee and with thy Christ in euerlasting blisse might dwell And when I was of age to learne thou didst acquaint me with thy grace Moouing mine heart to turne from sinne and thy saluation to embrace But I most foolishly did loue this world and gaue my selfe to sinne Deferring time from day to day and to repent would not beginne Yet notwithstanding all my sinne and manifold iniquitie Yea such most hainous wickednes as alwaies did for vengeance crie So great thy mercie was to me that thou wouldst not my soule forsake But patiently didst vse all meanes to saue me from the burning lake And now at last with much adoe a little I am turn'd from sinne A little very small it is I doe repentance but beginne Yet Lord my soule doth trust that thou wilt small beginning not despise But grant me grace turning to thee by small degrees for to arise So be it O most gracious God be it euen so for Christ his sake I doe beleeue therefore I speake thy childe I trust thou wilt me make O Father Sonne and holy Ghost thou onely God and Lord of all Thy name be blessed euermore of all thy creatures great and small Amen Amen Amen say I Gods name for euer blessed be O heauen ô earth ô creatures all say ye Amen Amen with me I most heartily desire that euery one that hath not more experience in deuotion then I will take this my counsell Accustome your selfe to pray to sing oftentimes vnto God let your prayer and song be such matters as is fitting for one in your state to speake vnto God whether it be confession of sinnes begging of pardon and cleansement from sinne or thanksgiuing c. And that which you speake vnto the Lord by way of praying or singing let it not onely be word of mouth but lift vp the thought of your heart and thinke euery word directly vnto God as you would do if you did see his glorious maiesty with your bodily eyes Be well assured and stedfastly minded that he lookes full vpon you and marketh all your behauiour yea and aboue all things taketh most heedful insight of your thought and affection for longer then you steadfastly thinke vpon him your words in prayer please him not and vnlesse your desire be very earnest he will not regard your petition Therefore enforce your mind to thinke very intendingly vpō God and labour to haue an hungry and thirstie desire of that which you pray for You see that I haue often set downe the word Amen yea and sometime doubled it My reason is because I would be very earnest and effectually feruent in my desire Our Sauiour sheweth vs how earnest and importunate we should be in praying vnto God I pray you consider his words Luk. 11.5 Which of you hauing a friend and shall go vnto him at midnight and say vnto him Friend lend me three loaues 6. For a friend of mine in his iourney is come vnto me I haue nothing to set before him 7. And he from within shall answer and say Trouble mee not the doore is now shut and my children are with me in in bed I cannot rise and giue thee 8. I say vnto you though he will not rise and giue him because he is his friend yet because of his importunitie hee will rise and giue him so many loaues as he needeth Our Lords meaning is that as many a man in his necessitie will haue no deniall but is so importunatly earnest that the partie to whom he maketh suit hath no other way to be quiet but onely by granting his request so ought we to behaue our selues in prayer to God most vehemently crying vnto him for mercie and euer and anone praying againe and againe as Christ himselfe did in the garden not ceasing vntil he doe as certainly he wil shew himselfe very mercifull vnto vs. If we ought to pray so earnestly and so often wo is my heart for many a poor soule that seldome or neuer prayeth but when he is laid downe in his bed and then saith his Paternoster and Creed between sleeping waking making none other reckoning but this that the very bare saying of those things serues the turne Surely it is Popery that hath brought the world to this senceles state by teaching folke to pray in an vnknowne tongue and to say praiers by set number and tale as folke buy and sell apples and peares When I was a child I now and then lay with some elder body who beeing in bed would beginne to say the Lords prayer by and by slumber then awake and begin againe and presently fall asleepe againe If this be true as I take the Lord God to witnes that very true it is what doth it shew Surely this that the common sort of people runne snuggling all day after their worldly busines and then at night kennell vp themselues like so many bruit beasts little or neuer a whit minding that which they should principally intend their conuersion from sinne and their reasonable vnderstanding seruing of God in all that they thinke say or doe Whosoeuer is in this slumbring state I beseech you that for Gods sake you will awaken your soule and doe as the Lord Iesus willeth you Matth. 6.33 Seeke ye first the kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other necessaries shall bee added vnto you The things of this world are like vnto the vantage which many times is giuen into a bargaine Therfore let your cheife care be to make sure your saluation and then your good heauenly Father will not suffer you to lack any thing that is good for you O I pray you beleeue it and build vpon it for he hath giuen his word and promise Heare him what he saith Heb. 13.5 I will not leaue thee nor forsake thee Accustome your selues as I said before to pray often and earnestly vnto God and by the grace of Iesus Christ you shall finde that he will most graciously and kindly acquaint himselfe with your soule O then you will remember these my words say Now Gods blessing light vpon that same poor minister which gaue me this counsel I would not that I had missed it for all that this whole world is worth yea you will most heartily praise the Lord God that it pleased him by so simple a man as I am to set you into the way of vnutterable blessednesse By no meanes suffer your priuate praiers to be heard of others for then it is a hundred to one that the deuill and the priuie pride of your owne heart will marre all and make your deuotions loathsome in the sight of God If you be an house-keeper and haue a wife or any child or seruant vse to pray together with them daily vnles you meane to make them heathen people such as haue none acquaintance with God This matter is so far out of request that many will laugh them to scorne which pray with their houshold whereby a man of any vnderstanding may consider into what a wretched state the world is come Now Christian soule whosoeuer you are the grace mercy of God be with you for euer Thus much I am exceedingly desirous to haue printed before I die If God vouchsafe to giue any increase of life and grace you may be sure that I will doe what I can to acquaint you with it The will of God be done and blessed bee his Name for euermore Amen FINIS