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A35277 Dæneids, or The noble labours of the great dean of Notre-Dame in Paris for the erecting in his quire a throne for his glory, and the eclipsing the pride of an imperious, usurping character, an heroique poem in four canto's, containing a true history, and shews the folly, foppery, luxury, laziness, pride, ambition, and contention of the Romanish clergy. Crown, Mr. (John), 1640?-1712. 1692 (1692) Wing C7382; ESTC R13930 14,879 38

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he never fail'd to wear When he wou'd honour much himself and Prayer And marching now in Battle to engage Omitted no Illustrious Equipage Then much beyond the weakness of his years Push'd on and earliest in the Quire appears But Oh! what spite and fury fir'd his Blood When on his Bench he saw the Pulpit stood Oh! Gerot see said he the Dragon see Which broke my sleep and now will swallow me Oh! faithful Dream thou too much truth hast shown The Dean is an Ingenious Tyrant grown By this Machine does wittily contrive To send me to Infernal Shades alive Nothing but God will ever see me here Dark shadows will expunge my Character Ere such a horrible affront I 'll bear I 'll quit my Office and the Church forswear I 'll give my vain superfluous Chantings o're And tyre the Ears of God and Man no more I 'll never toyl that Deans may Glory win Nor see that Quire where I shall ne're be seen 'T is time enough to go to Shades when dead I 'll now have Light Then his old Arms he spread With fury strong and shook the wondrous frame When th' Organist and the Clock-mender came His faithful Friends The Vision struck 'em wan With trembling hands they held th' old vent'rous Man Said they the work 's too weighty for us all By a full Chapter let the Monster fall In open day 't will your great party shew Strengthen your self and terrifie the Foe Right said the Chanter go by noise or force The sleeping Canons from their Beds divorce The Champions trembled when beyond their thought Their Counsel on themselves such danger brought Oh! moderate your anger Sir said they Awaken Rich Fat Canons before day Men doubly Buried both in Flesh and Down Th' Attempt is rare the Deed was never known Starv'd Monks a Larum in their Bosoms keep Hunger a watchful Enemy to sleep Their thin worn Wheels are soon in motion set But who can stir a Canon mir'd in Fat Deceitful Cowards th' old testy Man reply'd Your terrour of the Dean you fain wou'd hide A hundred times I 've seen you crouching stand With servile Necks beneath his Blessing Hand The work good Gerot shall by us be done Our Friends for once shall shame the loyt'ring Sun Cunning old Gerot knew the Canons well 〈◊〉 his worn Lungs rung the great Master Bell Which like the heavy Dean but serv'd for State And almost broke the Church with needless weight Th' unchristned Bell with Sacrilegious roar From his strong Camp the God of slumbers tore Broke open all the Holy Canons Eyes And made the Devis of noise and tumult rise Some believ'd Thunder broke into the Room Others half fear'd it was the Day of Doom Some Priests less scar'd thought 't was a dying knell Some keenly hungry hop'd 't was Pancake-bell The sound with different sence fill'd every head Like a dark Text wondrous confusion bred So when to batter down a hundred Walls The thund'ring Lewis leaves the fair Versailles To the young Spring not valuing her delights And with spread Banners all the World affrights Danow to th' Euxin hastes his March to shun Swift Rhy●● 〈◊〉 great commotion hurries on Brussels for rending Bombs looks every hour And Sodom-like to feel a fiery Shower Rich skirted Tagus creeps far under ground And hides much Treasure there in Vaults profound Amphibious Holland plunges deep in Waves Buries it self alive in watry Graves So under Blankets the Priests duckt their Heads Sought a warm easie Burial in their Beds Vexatious Gerot knew their temper well With potent words he seconded the Bell. Ho! Breakfast waits the cunning Verger cries At that Angelick Summons they arise In Expectations of Divine Delights All look their Cloaths but none their Appetites For they were ready ere their Gowns were on Headlong undrest to the great Hall they run But ' stead of Breakfast met a mournful Tale Told by the Chanter with great fury pale Who as a Pestilence were in his Breath Struck mighty Hunger with a sudden Death Everard painful abstinence abhorr'd And bad the Verger cover straight the Board To that once savoury motion no Man spoke At length Learn'd Allen the deep silence broke He only of all the Priests our Church obey'd Had not his Latin smother'd and o'relay'd Others by wealth to dulness did advance And with the Churches Coin bought Ignorance But he had wander'd from that practis'd Rule And was as Learn'd as when he came from School● His Roman Tongue there gave him mighty Power There he was almost Roman Emperour None in his presence durst lay claim to Parts For if they did his Latin stab'd their Hearts This Tyrant yet was their Defence and Grace Latin was such a terrour to the place All other Canons fled at first Alarms Of men approaching with such dreadful Arms. But Noble Allen scorn'd his Head to hide And sturdy shocks of Latin durst abide Most Learnedly Equip'd th' accomplisht Man Having first cough'd his wise Harangue began Some Huguenots our curst Eternal Foes Planted this here to batter our repose In some Church History they have read I fear Canons once preach'd and Deans sat here to hear I range in Volumes not to poach for Art But to meet Latin which delights my Heart Let us all study with what speed we may And shew our selves as deeply Learn'd as they About this Pulpit then let 's quickly sound All Learned Men in these great things profound Th' unlook'd for Counsel all the Assembly scar'd But made an Earthquake in Fat Everard Who shaking with astonishment and rage How I said he turn School-boy in my Age Do thou look pale and wither o're a Book I ne're so much as on the Bible look I only Study when our Rents are due When Leases fall and Tenants shou'd renew Books I abhor they fill the Church with Schisms Much mischief we have had from Syllogisms If to Religion you wou'd Converts make Burn Books and Men say I and use a Stake I will not vex my Head my Arm alone Shall without Latin throw this Pulpit down I care not what Heretique Rascals say What troubles me I 'll throw out o' my way So let 's prepare for the Renown'd design And when accomplish'd plentifully Dine No sooner the word Dinner past their Ears Than up their Stomachs rose down fell their fears But than the Chanter none more bold and great Said he this Tub too long has made us sweat Do Deans fear Dust they must be cas'd like Clocks Wou'd they like Cent'ries awe us from a Box In our Church Pillar is some rottenness spread To hide himself he wou'd be Wainscotted My Vengeance on this Foppery I 'll throw And an Hours Fasting on the work bestow This done at once we 'll break our Fast and Dine And two fair Meals with both their portions join By this inspir'd the haughty Champions go With an audacious Zeal to charge the Foe The Walls vain aid to the poor Engine lent The Nails in vain their Iron Fingers bent The Champions vanquisht all resistance found The batter'd Engine fell with many a Wound Antichrist never had such dreadful blows From mighty Priests who were his bitter Foes For as this Pulpit was he 's wondrous high A great Usurper of Church Vanity Therefore have many rail'd at him aloud He will let no Man but himself be proud Now the Dean's State of late so high and great Once more is in a Sea of Darkness set FINIS
were gone And gallantly resolv'd to seize his own Nay his Prelatique Legal Pomp advance On the intruding Chanters arrogance The great Soul'd Chanter having proudly Reign'd Submission scorn'd and Usurp'd State maintain'd By his Devotion to Pomp Power and Pride He won the Zealous Canons to his side Who skill'd in causes of that mighty weight Lent him their aid by many a loud debate So of old Pagan Prelates madly strove The Moons Eclipse by noises to remove Pagans beat Dishes Pans and Platters hard Our Priests no clattering in Quotations spar'd What Devil envious of Church repose These Fire-balls into holy Bosoms throws And turns the Church to a disorder'd Rout How can such fury enter Souls devout Stand off Atheistique Wits and Scoffers vain Do not my Grave and Solemn Song profane Great Notre-Dame the high and stately Scene Of our ensuing Story long had been Adorn'd and blest with many a deep Divine Not deep in Arts but in Down-beds and Wine Their great Devotion doubly they exprest In Church by Pomp at home by Heavenly Rest It grac'd their Masters Service to maintain In ease themselves his Fav'rite Gentlemen On their soft Beds the Morn they dos'd away And left the Quire the drudgery to pray And to Rich lofty Cushions to supply Their Rooms i' Church and raise Gods Honour high God was well serv'd though Priests were never there Bright Residentiaries the Cushions were The Holy Men eat drunk and slept with Zeal For Heavens honour and the Churches weal Kept from themselves all Sacrilegious toil True to their Fat they were as Rhemes to Oil To anoint Gallique Kings an Angel brought Much Unctuous Fat God sent his Holy Lot Our pious Canons which to keep from waste Careful they were not to preach pray or fast Or only fast to give themselves a whet So when they charg'd the Rout was dreadful Great Sometimes shole lulling Sermons from 'em stream'd But Ah! so gently when they preach'd they seem'd Like Halcyons brooding o're a slumbring Wave To the Cathedral peaceful calms they gave No croaking Preacher spoil'd with tedious din Good Sunday Dinners or sweet weekly Sin No noise was there but of Harmonious sound Division there only in Song was found When horrid Discord rear'd her snaky Head To see who entertain'd a calm so dead So loath'd by her Her Empire she surveigh'd And found her will by Millions was obey'd Gladly she saw in each well govern'd State The Law with formal Pomp support debate But Churches highly pleas'd her Ear and Eye She saw all Churches set her Honour high Yet our Cathedral only in Musique loud Lodg'd Peace in scorn of Discord and her crowd Discord in Rage pearch'd on the lofty Dome And from her Mouth she Rain'd a poys'nous foam Which crack'd the Glass Martyr'd the Apostles there Then with a sigh which made Trees shed their Hair Foul'd the Church-plate that all its splendors died Like Men in Damps she vented thus her pride How dar'st thou proud Cathedral Friendship shew To peace said she my known and vanquish'd Foe Which round the World I 've spurn'd Where has she rest In one fair Realm sh 'as scarce one single Breast How often there in the same person Fight Whig Tory Williamite and Jacobite Who have by turns the better of the fray As French or Irish get or lose the day Or as the hands of their good Moses rise Well to reward or sharply to chastise I 've made my self a Barricado strong Of stiff Non-swearers a most stubborn throng Who by no Art to yield can be compell'd And grow more hard like Trees by being fell'd Nay even some Swearers to advance my Reign The Crown secur'd by Law unfix again Carve Power by Conquest which is carv'd by Law Some Swearers against these keen Weapons draw Between 'em Peace and Truth lead wretched Lives These Fighters wound 'em with their Carving-knives Me above Church and State all Nations set And dares one Church neglect a Power so great Woes for thee this provoking Crime provides Streight her enormous Figure Discord hides With a square Cap a Surplice Hood and Gown Nor from an old Sour Canon could be known Most true to Discord he wag'd endless War With Peace in Presses Pulpits at the Bar All Bars of Civil and of Canon Laws To Law he went with or without a cause With Suits at Law all his Tythe-corn he ground Ay and himself and all his Neighbours round He would not spare his Purse Brain Flesh or Bone To stir the clack of Lawyers and his own Discord and wrangling highly to promote He rail'd he sued he studied and he wrote Toil'd unlike God from light he darkness spun Worlds by this Anti-Maker were undone He preach'd for malice in the Pulpit boil'd Till Dinners and Devotions both were spoil'd When his thin Flock by Winter Winds were Flead To gaul the Sore he 'd a long Service Read Then far above his Hour in Pulpit Rail Then tack an Altar Service to the Tail Till all their Meat was burnt and Noses Raw To provoke some to give him Food for Law Dissent assent his Dues detain or pay Though not to Heaven to Court's the certain way By this good Guide all they were sure to find Who conform'd not in all things to his mind If pious Reverence they forgot to shew To Altars and his Person by a bow And did not Service so exactly mark To start at all Responses with the Clerk To pour their Voices in the mutt'ring throng And help to push the murmuring Stream along If they nick'd not their times to kneel and rise And on these faults his Spectacles were spies But woe to Hugonots remote or nigh From his hot busie Zeal and watchful Eye Proctors and Paritours had wealthy spoil And Constables an Everlasting toil Baptismal Water Sacramental Wine Cast away much of the Reformers Coin Basons and Bowles not blest with legal forms Were sure to meet with most confounding storms Discord had chose this Canon for her own And therefore mark'd his Brow with many a frown His lean Cheeks wrangled all the wrinkles clash'd Whene're they met and deep his Visage slash'd Therefore his Figure Discord wisely wore For none cou'd fit her better please her more Canto the Second TO the Deans Palace stormy Discord steer'd And finds the bulky Prelate Sepulcher'd In an Alcove and down in hopes at last Of joyful Resurrection to Repast In his fair spreading Cheeks the Churches charge Had rais'd a Garden beautiful and large And in two stories built his goodly Chin To let these run to Ruin were a Sin The Holy Man did no Expences spare To keep 'em faithfully in good Repair And every part about him fat and sound For they were Church Demeans and holy Ground Rich Curtains gave his slumbers strong defence Against Day 's Sacrilegious violence Soft Pillows hid his Cheeks and let no Air Approach to harm the lively Flowers there For Youth's Spring Flowers in his Autumn grew Those Cheeks possessing which were Ages