with their heeles upwards Blesse us how scape they breaking o' their necks Doct. they walke upon firme earth as we doe here And have the Firmament over their heads As we have here Dia. And yet just under us Where is hell then if they whose feet are towards us At the lower part of the world have heaven too Beyond their heads where 's hell Ioy. You may finde that Without inquiry Cease your idle questions Dia. Sure Hell 's above ground then in jealous husbands Per. What people sir J pray proceed what people Are they of the Antipodes are they not such As Mandevile writes of without heads or necks Having their eyes plac'd on their shoulders and Their mouths amidst their breasts Dia. J so indeed Though heeles goe upwards and their feet should slip They have no necks to breake Doct. Silence sweete Lady Pray give the gentleman leave to understand me The people through the whole world of Antipodes In outward feature language and religion Resemble those to whom they are supposite They under Spaine appeare like Spaniards Vnder France French-men under England English To the exterior shew but in their manners Their carriage and condition of life Extreamly contrary To come close to you What part o' th' world's Antipodes shall J now Decipher to you or would you travaile to Per. The furthest off Doct. That is th' Antipodes of England The people there are contrary to us As thus here heaven be prais'd the Magistrates Governe the people there the people rule The Magistrates Dia. There 's pretious bribing then Ioy. You 'l hold your peace Doct. Nay Lady t is by Nature Here generally men governe the women Ioy. I would they could else Dia. You will hold your peace Doct. But there the women over-rule the men If some men faile here in their power some women Slip their holds there As parents here and masters Command there they obey the childe and servant Dia. But pray Sir is 't by nature or by art That wives oresway their husbands there Doct. By nature Dia. Then art 's above nature as they are under us Doct. In briefe Sir all Degrees of people both in sex and quality Deport themselves in life and conversation Quite contrary to us Dia. Why then the women Doe get the men with child and put the poore fooles To grievous paine I warrant you in bearing Ioy. Into your Chamber get you in I charge you Doct. By no meanes as you tender your sonnes good No Lady no that were to make men women And women men But there the maids doe woe The Batchelors and t is most probable The wives lye uppermost Dia. That is a trim Upside-downe Antipodian tricke indeed Doct. And then at christenings and gossips feasts A woman is not seene the men doe all The tittle-tattle duties while the women Hunt Hawke and take their pleasure Per. Ha' they good game I pray Sir Doct. Excellent But by the contraries to ours for where We Hawke at Pheasant Partrich Mallard Heron With Goshawke Tarsell Falcon Laneret Our Hawks become their game our game their Hawks And so the like in hunting There the Deere Pursue the Hounds and which you may thinke strange I ha' seene one Sheepe worry a dozen Foxes By Moone-shine in a morning before day They hunt trayne-sents with Oxen and plow with Dogges Per. Hugh hugh hugh Dia. Are not their Swannes all blacke and Ravens white Doct. Yes indeed are they and their Parrets teach Their Mistresses to talke Dia. That 's very strange Doct. They keepe their Cats in cages From Mice that would devoure them else and birds Teach 'hem to whistle and cry beware the Rats Pusse But these are frivolous nothings I have knowne Great Ladyes ride great horses run at tilt At Ring Races and hunting matches while Their Lords at home have painted pawned their Plate And Jewels to feast their honourable servants And there the Merchants wives doe deale abroad Beyond seas while their husbands cuckold them At home Dia. Then there are cuckolds too it seemes As well as here Ioy, Then you conclude here are Dia. By hearesay Sir I am not wise enough To speake it on my knowledge yet Ioy. Not yet Doct. Patience good Sir Per. Hugh hugh hugh Doct. What do you laugh that there is cuckold-making In the Antipodes I tell you Sir It is not so abhorr'd here as t is held In reputation there all your old men Doe mary girles and old women boyes As generation were to be maintain'd Onely by cuckold making Ioy. Monstrous Doct. Pray your Patience There 's no such honest men there in their world As are their Lawyers they give away Their practise and t' enable 'hem to doe so Being all handy-crafts or Labouring men They work poore hearts full hard in the vacations To give their law for nothing in the terme times No fees are taken Which makes their divines Being generally covetous the greatest wranglers In Law sutes of a kingdome you have not there A gentleman in debt though citizens Haunt them with cap in hand to take their wares On credit Dia. What fine sport would that be here now Doct. All wit and mirth and good society Is there among the hirelings clownes and tradesmen And all their Poets are Puritanes Dia. Ha' they Poets Doct. And players too But they are all the sobrest Precisest people pickt out of a nation Dia. I never saw a play Doct. Lady you shall Ioy. She shall not Doct. She must if you can hope for any cure Be govern'd Sir your jealousie will grow A worse disease then your sonnes madnesse else You are content I take the course I told you of To cure the gentleman Ioy. I must be Sir Doct. Say Master Perigrine will you travaile now With mee to the Antipodes or has not The journey wearied you in the description Per. No I could heare you a whole fortnight but A Bowle on the table Let 's loose no time pray talke on as we passe Doct. First Sir a health to auspicate our travailes And wee 'll away Per. Gi' mee 't What 's he One sent Act. 1. Scene 7. Ent. Bla. I feare from my dead mother to make stop Of our intended voyage Doct. No Sir drink Bla. My Lord Sir understands the course y' are in By your letters he tells mee and bad me gi' you This Ring which wants a finger here he sayes Per. Wee 'll not be stayd Doct. No Sir he brings me word The Marriner calls away the winde and tyde Are faire and they are ready to weigh anchor Hoyst sayles and onely stay for us pray drinke Sir Per. A health then to the willing winds and seas And all that steere towards th' Antipodes Ioy. He has not drunke so deepe a draught this twelvmonth Doct. T is a deepe draught indeed and now t is downe And carries him downe to the Antipodes I meane but in a dreame Ioy. Alasse I feare See he beginnes to sink Doct. Trust to my skill Pray take an arme and see
so with us And trust to me my power and your owne To make all good with him If not Now marke To be revengd for my lost hopes which yet I pray thee save I le put thee in his hands Now in his heat of fury and not spare To boast thou art my Prostitute and thrust yee Out of my gates to try 't out by your selves Dia. this you may doe and yet be still a Lord This can I beare and still be the same woman I am not troubled now your wooing oratory Your violent hands made stronger by your lust Your tempting gifts and larger promises Of honor and advancements were all frivolous But this last way of threats ridiculous To a safe minde that beares no guilty grudge My peace dwells here while yonder sits my judge And in that faith I le dye Act. 5. Sce. Ent Ioylesse and Byplay Let. She is invincible Come I le relate you to your husband Ioy. No I le meet her with more joy then I receiv'd Upon our marriage-day My better soule Let me againe embrace thee Byp. Take your dudgeon Sir I ha done you simple service Ioy. O my Lord My Lord you have cur'd my jealousie I thanke you And more your man for the discovery But most the constant meanes my vertuous wife Your medicine my sweet Lord Let. she has tane all I meane to give her sir Now sirrah speake Byp. I brought you to the stand from whence you saw How the game went Ioy. Oh my deare deare Diana Byp. I seemd to doe it against my will by which I gain'd Your bribe of twenty peeces Ioy. Much good doe thee Byp. But I assure you my Lord give me order To place you there after it seemes he had Well put her to 't within Ioy. Stay stay stay stay Why may not this be then a counterfeit action Or a false mist to blinde me with more error The ill I fear'd may have beene done before And all this but deceit to dawbe it ore Dia. Doe you fall backe againe Ioy. Shugh give me leave Byp. I must take charge I see o' th' dagger againe Let. Come Ioylesse I have pitty on thee Heare me I swear upon mine honor she is chast Ioy. Honor in oath of glasse Let. I prithee Heare me I try'd and tempted her for mine owne ends More then for thine Ioy. That 's easily beleev'd Let. And had she yielded I not onely had Rejected her for it was ne're my purpose Heaven I call thee to witnesse to commit A sinne with her but layd a punishment Upon her greater then thou couldst inflict Ioy. But how can this appeare Let. Doe you know your father Lady Dia. I hope I am so wise a childe Let. Goe call In my friend Truelocke Byp. Take your dagger Sir Now I dare trust you Let. Sirrah dare you foole When I am serious send in master Truelocke Exit Byp. Dia. That is my fathers name Ioy, Can he be here Let. Sir I am neither conjurer nor witch But a great Fortune-teller that you l finde You are happy in a wife sir happier yes Happier by a hundred thousand pound Then you were yesterday Ioy. So so now he 's mad Let. I meane in possibilities provided that You use her well and never more be jealous Ioy. Must it come that way Let. Looke you this way sir When I speake to you I le crosse your fortune else As I am true Letoy Ioy. Mad mad he 's mad Would we were quickly out on 's fingers yet Let. When saw you your wives father answer me Ioy. He came for London foure dayes before us Act. 5. Sc. 6. Let. T is possible he 's here then doe you know him Dia. O I am happy in his sight Deare sir Enter Truelocke she kneeles Let. T is but so much knee-labour lost stand up Stand up and minde me True You are well met sonne Ioylesse Ioy. How have you beene conceald and this house Here 's mystery in this Tru. My good Lords pleasure Let. know sir that J sent for him and for you Jnstructing your friend Blaze my instrument To draw you to my Doctor with your sonne Your wife J knew must follow what my end Was in 't shall quickely be discover'd to you In a few words of your supposed father Dia. Supposed father Let. Yes come master Truelocke My constant friend of thirty yeares acquaintance Freely declare with your best knowledge now Whose childe this is Tru. Your honor do's as freely Release me of my vow then in the secret I lockd up in this brest these seaventeene yeares Since she was three dayes old Let. True master Truelocke I doe release you of your vow Now speake Tru. Now she is yours my Lord your onely daughter And know you master Ioylesse for some reason Knowne to my Lord and large reward to me Shee has beene from the third day of her life Reputed mine and that so covertly That not her Lady mother nor my wife Knew to their deaths the change of my dead infant Nor this sweet Lady t is most true we had A trusty Nurses helpe and secresie Well paid for in the carriage of our plot Let. Now shall you know what mov'd me sir I was A thing beyond a mad-man like your selfe Jealous and had that strong distrust and fancied Such proofes unto my selfe against my wife That I conceiv'd the childe was not mine owne And scorn'd to father it yet I gave to breed her And marry her as the daughter of this gentleman Two thousand pound I guesse you had with her But since your match my wife upon her death-bed So clear'd her selfe of all my foule suspitions Blest be her memory that J then resolv'd By some quaint way for J am still Letoy To see and try her throughly and so much To make her mine as I should find her worthy And now thou art my daughter and mine heire Provided still for I am still Letoy You honourably love her and defie The Cuckold-making fiend foule jealousie Joy My Lord t is not her birth and fortune which Do joyntly claime a priviledge to live Above my reach of jealousie shall restraine That passion in me but her well tried vertue Jn the true faith of which J am confirmd And throughly cur'd Let. As J am true Letoy Well said J hope thy son is cur'd by this too Now Mistris Blaze here is a woman now J cur'd her husbands jealousie and twenty more Jth' Towne by meanes I and my Doctor wrought Acts 5. Sce. 7. Enter Barbara Bar. Truly my Lord my husband has tane bread And drunke upon 't that under heaven he thinkes You were the meanes to make me an honest woman Or at the least him a contented man Let. Ha done ha done Bar. Yes I beleeve you have done And if your husband Lady be cur'd as he should be And as all foolish jealous husbands ought to be I know what was done first if my Lord tooke That course with you as me Let. Prithee what
clap or stroake it 1 Ser. You shall pardon us 2 Ser. And I beseech you pardon our intent Which was indeed to have arrested you But sooner shall the Charter of the City Be forfeited then varlets like our selves Shall wrong a Gentlemans peace So fare you well sir Ex. Gent. O y' are unkinde Per. Pray what are those Doct. Two Catchpoles Runne from a Gentleman it seemes that would Have bin arrested Act 2. Scene 7. Enter old Lady and By play like a Servingman La. Yonder 's your Master Goe take him you in hand while I fetch breath Bip. O are you here my Lady and my selfe Have sought you sweetly Let. You and your Lady you Should ha' said Puppy Byp. For we heard you were To be arrested Pray sir who has bail'd you I wonder who of all your bold acquaintance That knowes my Lady durst baile off her husband Gent. Indeed I was not touch'd Byp. Have you not made An end by composition and disburs'd Some of my Ladies money for a peace That shall beget an open warre upon you Confesse it if you have for 't will come out She 'll ha' you up you know I speak it for your good Gent. I know 't and I le entreate my Lady wife To mend thy wages tother forty shillings A yeare for thy true care of me La. T is well Sir But now if thou hast impudence so much As face to face to speak unto a Lady That is thy wife and supreame head tell me At whose sute was it or upon what action Debts I presume you have none For who dares trust A Ladyes husband who is but a Squire And under covert barne it is some trespasse Answer me not till I finde out the truth Gent. The truth is La. Peace How darst thou speake the truth Before thy wife I le finde it out my selfe Dia. In truth she handles him handsomely Ioy. Doe you like it Dia. Yes and such wives are worthy to be lik'd For giving good example Let. Good hold up That humour by all meanes La. I thinke I ha' found it There was a certaine Mercer sent you silkes And cloth of gold to get his wife with child You slighted her and answered not his hopes And now he layes to arrest you is 't not so Gent. Indeed my Lady wife t is so La For shame Be not ingratefull to that honest man To take his wares and scorne to lye with his wife Do 't I command you what did I marry you for The portion that you brought me was not so Aboundant though it were five thousand pounds Considering too the Joincture that I made you That you should disobey me Dia. It seemes the husbands In the Antipodes bring portions and The wives make Joinctures Ioy. Very well observ'd Dia. And wives when they are old and past child-bearing Allow their youthfull husbands other women Let. Right And old men give their young wives like licence Dia. That I like well Why should not our old men Love their young wives as well Ioy. Would you have it so Let. Peace master Ioylesse you are too lowd Good still Byp. Doe as my Lady bids you got her woman With child at halfe these words Gent. O but anothers Wife is another thing Farre be it from A Gentlemans thought to doe so having a wife And hand-mayd of his owne that he likes better Byp. There said you well but take heed I advise you How you love your owne wench or your owne wife Better then other mens Dia. Good Antipodian counsell La. Goe to that woman if she prove with childe I 'll take it as mine owne Gent. her husband would Doe so But from my house I may not stray Mar. If it be me your wife commends you to You shall not need to stray from your owne house I 'll goe home with you Bar. Precious what doe you meane Pray keepe your seat you 'll put the players out Ioy. Here 's goodly stuffe Shee 's in the Antipodes too Per. And what are those Doct. All Antipodeans Attend good Sir La You know your charge obey it Act. 2. Scene 8. Enter wayting woman great bellyed Wom. What is his charge or whom must he obey Good madam with your wilde authority You are his wife t is true and therein may According to our law rule and controwle him But you must know withall I am your servant And bound by the same law to governe you And be a stay to you in declining age To curbe and qualifie your head-strong will Which otherwise would ruine you Moreover Though y' are his wife I am a breeding mother Of a deare childe of his and therein claime More honor from him then you ought to challenge La. Insooth she speakes but reason Gent. Pray let 's home then Wom. You have something there to looke to one would thinke If you had any care How well you saw Your father at Schoole to day and knowing how apt He is to play the Trewant Gent. But is he not Yet gone to schoole Wom. Stand by and you shall see Act. 2. Scene 9. Enter three old men with sachells c. All 3. Domine domine duster Three knaves in a cluster c. Gent. O this is gallant pastime Nay come on Is this your schoole was that your lesson ha 1 Old Pray now good son indeed indeed Gent. Indeed You shall to schoole away with him and take Their wagships with him the whole cluster of 'hem 2 Old You shant send us now so you shant 3 Old We be none of your father so we beant Gent. Away with 'hem I say and tell their Schoole-mistris What trewants they are and bid her pay 'hem soundly All 3. O O O. Byp. Come come ye Gallows-clappers Dia. Alasse will no body beg pardon for The poore old boyes Doct. Sir gentle Sir a word with you Byp. To strangers Sir I can be gentle Let. Good Now marke that fellow he speakes Extempore Dia. Extempore call you him he 's a dogged fellow To the three poore old things there fie upon him Per. Do men of such faire years here go to schoole Byp. They would dye dunces else Per. Have you no young men schollers sir I pray When we have beard lesse doctors Doct. He has wip'd my lips you question very wisely Sir Byp. So sir have wee and many reverend teachers Grave counsellors at law perfect statesmen That never knew use of Rasor which may live For want of wit to loose their offices These were great schollers in their youth But when Age growes upon men here their learning wasts And so decayes that if they live untill Threescore their sons send them to schoole againe They 'd dye as speechlesse else as new born children Per. T is a wise nation and the piety Of the young men most rare and commendable Yet give me as a stranger leave to beg Their liberty this day and what they loose by 't My father when he goes to schoole shall answer Ioy. I am abus'd on that side too Bypt.
to your commands Per. T is a faire protestation And my mercy Meets your submission See you merit it In your conformity Byp. Great Sir we shall In signe whereof we lacerate these papers Letoy Diana Ioylesse appeare above And lay our necks beneath your Kingly feet Per. Stand up you have our favour Dia. And mine too Never was such an actor as Extempore Ioy. You were best to flye out of the window to him Dia. Me thinkes I am even light enough to doe it Ioy. I could finde in my heart to Quoit thee at him Dia. So he would catch me in his armes I car'd not Let. Peace both of you or you 'l spoyle all Byp. your Grace Abounds abounds your Grace I say abounds Let. Pox o' your mumbling chops is your braine dry Doe you pump Dia. He has done much my Lord and may Hold out a little Let. Would you could hold your peace So long Dia. Doe you sneap me too my Lord Ioy. Ha ha ha Let. Blockehead Ioy. I hope his hotter zeale to 's actors Will drive out my wives love-heat Dia. I had No need to come hither to be sneape Let. Hoyday The rest will all be lost we now give over The play and doe all by Extempore For your sonnes good to sooth him into 's wits If you 'l marre all you may Come nearer cocks-combe Ha you forgotten puppy my instructions Touching his subjects and his marriage Byp. I have all now my Lord Per. What voyce was that Byp. A voyce out of the clouds that doth applaud Your highnesse welcome to your subjects loves Let. So now he 's in Sit still I must goe downe And set out things in order Ex. Byp. A voyce that doth informe me of the tydings Spread through your kingdome of your great arrivall And of the generall joy your people bring To celebrate the welcome of their king Showts within Hearke how the countrey shouts with joyfull votes Rending the ayre with musick of their throats drum trumpets Hearke how the souldier with his martiall noise Threatens your foes to fill your Crowne with joyes Hearke how the City with loud harmony Haughboyes Chaunts a free welcome to your majesty Heark how the Court prepares your grace to meet Soft musick With solemne musick state and beauty sweet Act 4 Sce. 10. The soft musicke playing Ent. by two and two divers Courtiers Martha after them like a Queene between two boyes in robes Her train borne up by Barbara all the Lords kneele and kisse Perigrines hand Martha approaching be starts backe but is drawne on by Byplay and the Doctor Letoy enters and mingles with the rest and seemes to instruct them all Dia. O here 's a stately show looke master Ioylesse Your daughter in law presented like a queene Unto your sonne I warrant now he 'l love her Ioy. A queene Dia. Yes yes and mistris Blaze is made The mother of her maides if she have any Perhaps the Antipodian Court has none See see with what a Majesty he receives 'hem SONG HEalth wealth and joy our wishes bring All in a welcome to our king May no delight be found Wherewith he be not crown'd Apollo with the Muses Who Arts divine infuses With their choyce Ghirlonds decke his head Love and the graces make his bed And to crowne all let Hymen to his side Plant a delicious chast and fruitfull Bride Byp. Now Sir be happy in a marriage choyce That shall secure your title of a king See sir your state presents to you the daughter The onely childe and heire apparant of Our late deposed and deceased Soveraigne Who with his dying breath bequeath'd her to you Per. A Crowne secures not an unlawfull marriage I have a wife already Doct. No you had sir But she 's deceast Per. How know you that Doct. By sure advertisment and that her fleeting spirit Is flowne into and animates this Princesse Per. Indeed she 's wondrous like her Doct. Be not slacke T' embrace and kisse her Sir He kisses her and retires Mar. He kisses sweetly And that is more then ere my husband did But more belongs then kissing to child-getting And he 's so like my husband if you note him That I shall but lose time and wishes by him No no I le none of him Bar. I le warrant you he shall fulfill your wishes Mar. O but try him you first and then tell me Bar. There 's a new way indeed to chose a husband Yet t were a good one to barre foole getting Doct. Why doe you stand aloofe Sir Per. Mandivell writes Of people neare the Antipodes call'd Gadlibriens Where on the wedding-night the husband hires Another man to couple with his bride To cleare the dangerous passage of a Maidenhead Doct. 'Slid he falls backe againe to Mandevile madnesse Per. She may be of that Serpentine generation That stings oft times to death as Mandevile writes Doct. She 's no Gadlibrien Sir upon my knowledge You may as safely lodge with her as with A mayd of our owne nation Besides You shall have ample counsell for the present Receive her and intreat her to your Chappell Byp. For safety of your Kingdome you must do it Haughtboies Exit in state as Letoy directs Manet Letoy Let. So so so so this yet may prove a cure Dia. See my Lord now is acting by himselfe Let. And Letoy's wit cryd up triumphant hoe Come master Ioylesse and your wife come downe Quickly your parts are next I had almost Forgot to send my chaplaine after them You Domine where are you Act. 4. Sce. 11. Enter Quailpipe in a fantasticall shape Qua. Here my Lord Let. What in that shape Chap. T is for my part my Lord Which is not all perform'd Let. It is sir and the Play for this time We Have other worke in hand Quai. Then have you lost Action I dare be bold to speake it that Most of my coat could hardly imitate Let. Goe shift your coat sir or for expedition Cover it with your owne due to your function Follyes as well as vices may be hid so Your vertue is the same dispatch and doe As Doctor Hughball shall direct you go Now Master Ioylesse doe you note the progresse And the faire issue likely to insue In your sons cure observe the Doctors art First he has shifted your sonnes knowne disease Of madnesse into folly and has wrought him As farre short of a competent reason as He was of late beyond it as a man Infected by some fowle disease is drawne By physicke into an Anatomy Before flesh fit for health can grow to reare him So is a mad-man made a foole before Art can take hold of him to wind him up Into his proper Center or the Medium From which he flew beyond himselfe The Doctor Assures me now by what he has collected As well from learned authors as his practise That his much troubled and confused braine Will by the reall knowledge of a woman Now opportunely tane be by degrees Setled and rectified with