Hortensia a Spinstresse Livia a grater of verdigreece After this manner those that had been great Lords and Ladies here got but a poor scurvie wretched living there below And on the contrary the Philosophers and others who in this world had been altogether indigent and wanting were great Lords there in their turne I saw Diogenes there strout it out most pompously and in great magnificence with a rich purple gown on him and a golden Scepter in his right hand And which is more he would now and then make Alexander the great mad so enormously would he abuse him when he had not well patched his breeches for he used to pay his skin with sound bastinadoes I saw Epictetus there most gallantly apparelled after the French fashion sitting under a pleasant Arbour with store of handsom Gentlewomen frolicking drinking dancing and making good cheare with abundance of Crowns of the Sunne Above the lattice were written these verses for his device To leap and dance to sport and play And drink good wine both white and brown Or nothing else do all the day But tell bags full of many ' a Crown When he saw me he invited me to drink with him very courteously and I being willing to be intreated we tipled and chopined together most theologically In the mean time came Cyrus to beg one farthing of him for the honour of Mercurie therewith to buy a few onions for his supper No no said Epictetus I do not use in my almes-giving to bestow farthings hold thou Varlet there 's a crown for thee be an honest man Cyrus was exceeding glad to have met with such a bootie but the other poor rogues the Kings that are there below as Alexander Darius and others stole it away from him by night I saw Pathelin the Treasurer of Rhadamantus who in cheapening the pudding-pyes that Pope Iulius cried asked him How much a dozen Three blanks said the Pope Nay said Pathelin three blowes with a cudgel lay them down here you rascal and go fetch more the poor Pope went away weeping who when he came to his Master the Pye-maker told him that they had taken away his pudding-pyes whereupon his Master gave him such a sound lash with an eele-skin that his own would have been worth nothing to make bag-pipe-bags of I saw Master Iohn le maire there personate the Pope in such fashion that he made all the poor Kings and Popes of this world kisse his feet and taking great state upon him gave them his benediction saying Get the pardons rogues get the pardons they are good cheap I absolve you of bread and pottage and dispense with you to be never good for any thing then calling Caillet and Triboulet to him he spoke these words My Lords the Cardinals dispatch their bulls to wit to each of them a blow with a Cudgel upon the reines which accordingly was forthwith performed I heard Master Francus Villon ask Xerxes How much the messe of mustard A farthing said Xerxes to which the said Villon answered The pox take thee for a villain as much of square-ear'd wheat is not worth half that price and now thou offerest to inhance the price of victuals with this he pist in his pot as the mustard-makers of Paris use to do I saw the trained bowe-man of the bathing tub known by the name of the Francarcher de baignolet who being one of the trustees of the Inqusition when he saw Pierce Forrest making water against a wall in which was painted the fire of St. Antonie declared him heretick and would have caused him to be burnt alive had it not been for Morgant who for his Proficiat and other small fees gave him nine tuns of beer Well said Pantagruel reserve all these faire stories for another time only tell us how the Usurers are there handled I saw them said Epistemon all very busily employed in seeking of rustie pins and old nailes in the kennels of the streets as you see poor wretched rogues do in this world but the quintal or hundred weight of this old iron ware is there valued but at the price of a cantle of bread and yet they have but a very bad dispatch and riddance in the sale of it thus the poor Misers are sometimes three whole weeks without eating one morsel or crumb of bread and yet work both day and night looking for the faire to come neverthelesse of all this labour toile and misery they reckon nothing so cursedly active they are in the prosecution of that their base calling in hopes at the end of the yeare to earne some scurvie penny by it Come said Pantagruel let us now make our selves merry one bout and drink my Lads I beseech you for it is very good drinking all this moneth then did they uncase their flaggons by heaps and dozens and with their leaguer-provision made excellent good chear but the poor King Anarchus could not all this while settle himselfe towards any fit of mirth whereupon Panurge said Of what trade shall we make my Lord the King here that he may be skilful in the Art when he goes thither to sojourn amongst all the devils of hell Indeed said Pantagruel that was well advised of thee do with him what thou wilt I give him to thee Grammercie said Panurge the present is not to be refused and I love it from you CHAP. XXXI How Pantagruel entered into the City of the Amaurots and how Panurge married King Anarchus to an old Lantern-carrying Hag and made him a Cryer of green sauce AFter this wonderful victory Pantagruel sent Carpalin unto the City of the Amaurots to declare and signifie unto them how the King Anarchus was taken prisoner and all the enemies of the City overthrown which news when they heard all the inhabitants of the City came forth to meet him in good order and with a great triumphant pomp conducting him with a heavenly joy into the City where innnumerable bone-fires were set on thorough all the parts thereof and faire round tables which were furnished with store of good victuals set out in the middle of the streets this was a renewing of the golden age in the time of Saturn so good was the cheere which then they made But Pantagruel having assembled the whole Senate and Common Councel-men of the town said My Masters we must now strike the iron whilest it is hot it is therefore my will that before we frolick it any longer we advise how to assault and take the whole Kingdom of the Dipsodes to which effect let those that will go with me provide themselves against to morrow after drinking for then will I begin to march not that I need any more men then I have to help me to conquer it for I could make it as sure that way as if I had it already but I see that City is so full of inhabitants that they scarce can turn in the streets I will therefore carry them as a Colonie into Dipsodie and will give them all
cause either to hide their heads for shame or to laugh at the jest as they were going down again thus amazed he asked them Will you have a whimwham What is that said they It is said he five turds to make you a muzzel To day said the steward though we happen to be rosted we shall not be burnt for we are pretty well quipped and larded in my opinion O my jolly daper boy thou hast given us a gudgeon I hope to see thee Pope before I die I think so said he my self and then shall you be a puppie and this gentle popinjeay a perfect papelard that is dissembler Well well said the harbinger But said Gargantua guesse how many stitches there are in my mothers smock Sixteen quoth the harbinger You do not speak Gospel said Gargantua for there is sent before and sent behinde and you did reckon them ill considering the two under holes When said the harbinger Even then said Gargantua when they made a shovel of your nose to take up a quarter of dirt and of your throat a funnel wherewith to put it into another vessel because the bottom of the old one was out Cocksbod said the steward we have met with a Prater Farewel Master tatler God keep you so goodly are the words which you come out with and so fresh in your mouth that it had need to be salted Thus going down in great haste under the arch of the staires they let fall the great Leaver which he had put upon their backs whereupon Gargantua said what a deedle you are it seems but bad horsemen that suffer your bilder to faile you when you need him most if you were to go from hence to Chausas whether had you rather ride on a gesling or lead a sow in a Leash I had rather drink said the harbinger with this they entered into the lower Hall where the company was and relating to them this new story they made them laugh like a swarm of flies CHAP. XIII How Gargantua's wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier by the invention of a Torchcul or Wipebreech ABout the end of the fifth yeare Grangousier returning from the Conquest of the Canarians went by the way to see his sonne Gargantua there was he filled with joy as such a father might be at the sight of such a childe of his and whilest he kist him and embrac'd him he asked many childish questions of him about divers matters and drank very freely with him and with his governesses of whom in great earnest he asked amongst other things whether they had been careful to keep him clean and sweet To this Gargantua answered that he had taken such a course for that himself that in al the country there was not to be found a cleanlier boy then he How is that said Grangousier I have answered Gargantua by a long and curious experience found out a meanes to wipe my bum the most lordly the most excellent and the most convenient that ever was seen What is that said Grangousier how is it I will tell you by and by said Gargantua once I did wipe me with a Gentlewomans Velvet-mask and found it to be good for the softnesse of the silk was very voluptuous and pleasant to my fundament Another time with one of their Hoods and in like manner that was comfortable At another time with a Ladies Neck-kerchief and after that I wiped me with some ear-pieces of hers made of Crimson sattin but there was such a number of golden spangles in them turdie round things a pox take them that they fetched away all the skin of my taile with a vengeance Now I wish St. Anthonies fire burn the bum-gut of the Goldsmith that made them and of her that wore them This hurt I cured by wiping my self with a Pages cap garnished with a feather after the Suitsers fashion Afterwards in dunging behinde a bush I found a March-Cat and with it wiped my breech but her clawes were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee Of this I recovered the next morning thereafter by wiping my self with my mothers gloves of a most excellent perfume and sent of the Arabian Benin After that I wiped me with sage with fennil with anet with marjoram with roses with gourd-leavs with beets with colewort with leaves of the vine-tree with mallowes wool-blade which is a tail-scarlet with latice and with spinage leaves All this did very great good to my leg Then with Mercurie with pursley with nettles with comfrey but that gave me the bloody flux of Lumbardie which I healed by wiping me with my braguette then I wiped my taile in the sheets in the coverlet in the curtains with a cushion with Arras hangings with a green carpet with a table-cloth with a napkin with a handkerchief with a combing cloth in all which I found more pleasure then do the mangie dogs when you rub them Yea but said Grangousier which torchecul didst thou finde to be the best I was coming to it said Gargantua and by and by shall you heare the tu autem and know the whole mysterie and knot of the matter I wiped my self with hay with straw with thatch-rushes with flax with wooll with paper but Who his foule taile with paper wipes Shall at his ballocks leave some chips What said Grangousier my little rogue hast thou been at the pot that thou dost rime already Yes yes my Lord the King answered Gargantua I can rime gallantly and time till I become hoarse with Rheum Heark what our Privy sayes to the Skyters Shittard Squirtard Crackard Turdous Thy bung Hath flung Some dung on us Filthard Cackard Stinkard St. Antonie's fire seize on thy toane If thy Dirty Dounby Thou do not wipe ere thou be gone Will you have any more of it Yes yes answered Grangousier Then said Gargantua A Roundlay In shiting yesday I did know The sesse I to my arse did owe The smell was such came from that slunk That I was with it all bestunk O had but then some brave Signor Brought her to me I waited for in shiting I would have cleft her watergap And joyn'd it close to my flipflap Whilest she had with her fingers guarded My foule Nockandrow all bemerded in shifting Now say that I can do nothing by the Merdi they are not of my making but I heard them of this good old grandam that you see here and ever since have retained them in the budget of my memory Let us return to our purpose said Grangousier What said Gargantua to skite No said Grangousier but to wipe our taile But said Gargantua will not you be content to pay a punchion of Britton-wine if I do not blank and gravel you in this matter and put you to a non-plus Yes truly said Grangousier There is no need of wiping ones taile said Gargantua but when it is foule foule it cannot be unlesse one have been a skiting skite then we must before we wipe our tailes
O my pretty little waggish boy said Grangousier what an excellent wit thou hast I will make thee very shortly proceed Doctor in the jovial quirks of gay learning and that by G for thou hast more wit then age now I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one punche on thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master Iohn of Scotland alias Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Ihon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School-disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Iobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such Schoolmasters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very
considering that nature cannot endure a sudden change without great violence Therefore to begin his work the better he requested a learned Physician of that time called Master Theodorus seriously to perpend if it were possible how to bring Gargantua unto a better course the said Physician purged him canonically with Anticyrian ellebore by which medicine he cleansed all the alteration and perverse habitude of his braine By this meanes also Ponocrates made him forget all that he had learned under his ancient Praeceptors as Timothie did to his disciples who had been instructed under other Musicians To do this the better they brought him into the company of learned men which were there in whose imitation he had a great desire and affection to study otherwayes and to improve his parts Afterwards he put himself into such a road and way of studying that he lost not any one houre in the day but employed all his time in learning and honest knowledge Gargantua awaked them about foure a clock in the morning whilest they were in rubbing of him there was read unto him some chapter of the holy Scripture aloud and clearly with a pronunciation fit for the matter and hereunto was appointed a young page borne in Basche named Anagnostes according to the purpose and argument of that lesson he oftentimes gave himself to worship adore pray and send up his supplications to that good God whose Word did shew his majesty and marvellous judgement Then went he unto the secret places to make excretion of his natural digestions there his Master repeated what had been read expounding unto him the most obscure and difficult points in returning they considered the face of the sky if it was such as they had observed it the night before and into what signes the Sun was entering as also the Moon for that day This done he was apparelled combed curled trimmed and perfumed during which time they repeated to him the lessons of the day before he himself said them by heart and upon them would ground some practical cases concerning the estate of man which he would prosecute sometimes two or three houres but ordinarily they ceased assoon as he was fully clothed Then for three good houres he had a lecture read unto him This done they went forth still conferring of the substance of the lecture either unto a field near the University called the Brack or unto the medowes where they played at the ball the long-tennis and at the Pïletrigone which is a play wherein we throw a triangular piece of iron at a ring to passe it most gallantly exercising their bodies as formerly they had done their mindes All their play was but in liberty for they left off when they pleased and that was commonly when they did sweat over all their body or were otherwayes weary Then were they very well wiped and rubbed shifted their shirts and walking soberly went to see if dinner were ready Whilest they stayed for that they did clearly and eloquently pronounce some sentences that they had retained of the lecture in the mean time Master Appetite came and then very orderly sate they down at table at the beginning of the meale there was read some pleasant history of the warlike actions of former times until he had taken a glasse of wine Then if they thought good they continued reading or began to discourse merrily together speaking first of the vertue propriety efficacy and nature of all that was served in at the table of bread of wine of water of salt of fleshes fishes fruits herbs roots and of their dressing by meanes whereof he learned in a little time all the passages competent for this that were to be found in Plinie Athenaeus Dioscorides Iulius Pollux Galen Porphirie Oppian Polybius Heliodore Aristotle Elian and others Whilest they talked of these things many times to be the more certain they caused the very books to be brought to the table and so well and perfectly did he in his memory retain the things abovesaid that in that time there was not a Physician that knew half so much as he did Afterwards they conferred of the lessons read in the morning and ending their repast with some conserve or marmelade of quinces he pick't his teeth with mastick tooth-pickers wash't his hands and eyes with faire fresh water and gave thanks unto God in some fine Canticks made in praise of the divine bounty and munificence This done they brought in cards not to play but to learn a thousand pretty tricks and new inventions which were all grounded upon Arithmetick by this meanes he fell in love with that numerical science and every day after dinner and supper he past his time in it as pleasantly as he was wont to do at cardes and dice so that at last he understood so well both the Theory and Practical part thereof that Tunstal the Englishman who had written very largely of that purpose confessed that verily in comparison of him he had no skill at all And not only in that but in the other Mathematical Sciences as Geometrie Astronomie Musick c. for in waiting on the concoction and attending the digestion of his food they made a thousand pretty instruments and Geometrical figures did in some measure practise the Astronomical canons After this they recreated themselves with singing musically in foure or five parts or upon a set theme or ground at random as it best pleased them in matter of musical instruments he learned to play upon the Lute the Virginals the Harp the Allman Flute with nine holes the Viol and the Sackbut This houre thus spent and digestion finished he did purge his body of natural excrements then betook himself to his principal study for three houres together or more as well to repeat his matuâ—inal lectures as to proceed in the book wherein he was as also to write handsomly to draw and forme the Antick and Romane letters This being done they went out of their house and with them a young Gentleman of Touraine named the Esquire Gymnast who taught him the Art of riding changing then his clothes he rode a Naples courser a Dutch roussin a Spanish gennet a barded or trapped steed then a light fleet horse unto whom he gave a hundred carieres made him go the high saults bounding in the aire free the ditch with a skip leap over a stile or pale turne short in a ring both to the right and left hand There he broke not his lance for it is the greatest foolery in the world to say I have broken ten lances at tilt or in fight a Carpenter can do even as much but it is a glorious and praise-worthy action with one lance to break and overthrow ten enemies therefore with a sharp stiffe strong and well-steeled lance would he usually force up a door pierce a harnesse beat down a tree carry away the ring lift up a cuirasier saddle with the male-coat and gantlet all this he did in compleat armes from head to foot As
books and Philosophical instruments assoon as he had alighted at Parille he was informed by a farmer of Gouget how Picrochole had fortified himself within the rock Clermond and had sent Captain Tripet with a great army to set upon the wood of Vede and Vaugaudry and that they had already plundered the whole countrey not leaving cock nor hen even as farre as to the wine-presse of Billiard These strange and almost incredible newes of the enormous abuses thus committed over all the land so affrighted Gargantua that he knew not what to say nor do but Ponocrates counselled him to go unto the Lord of Vauguyon who at all times had been their friend and confederate and that by him they should be better advised in their businesse which they did incontinently and found him very willing and fully resolved to assist them and therefore was of opinion that they should send some one of his company to scout along and discover the countrey to learn in what condition and posture the enemy was that they might take counsel and proceed according to the present occasion Gymnast offered himself to go whereupon it was concluded that for his safety and the better expedition he should have with him some one that knew the wayes avenues turnings windings and rivers thereabout Then away went he and Prelingot the Querry or Gentleman of Vauguyons horse who scouted and espied as narrowly as they could upon all quarters without any feare In the mean time Gargantua took a little refreshment ate somewhat himself the like did those who were with him and caused to give to his mare a Picotine of Oats that is threescore and fourteen quarters and three bushels Gymnast and his Camerade rode so long that at last they met with the enemies forces all scattered and out of order plundering stealing robbing and pillaging all they could lay their hands on and as far off as they could perceive him they ran thronging upon the back of one another in all haste towards him to unload him of his money and untrusse his Portmantles Then cried he out unto them My Masters I am a poor devil I desire you to spare me I have yet one Crown left come we must drink it for it is aurum potabile and this horse here shall be sold to pay my welcome afterwards take me for one of your own for never yet was there any man that knew better how to take lard rost and dresse yea by G to teare asunder and devoure a hen then I that am here and for my Proficiat I drink to all good fellowes With that he unscrued his Borracho which was a great dutch leathern bottle and without putting in his nose drank very honestly the marousle Rogues looked upon him opening their throats a foot wide and putting out their tongues like Greyhounds in hopes to drink after him but Captain Tripet in the very nick of that their expectation came running to him to see who it was To him Gymnast offered his bottle saying Hold Captain drink boldly and spare not I have been thy taster it is wine of La fay monjau What said Tripet this fellow gybes and flowts us Who art thou said Tripet I am said Gymnast a poor devil pauvre diable Ha said Tripet seeing thou art a poor devil it is reason that thou shouldest be permitted to go whithersoever thou wilt for all poor devils passe every where without toll or taxe but it is not the custome of poor devils to be so wel mounted therfore Sir devil come down and let me have your horse and if he do not carry me well you Master devil must do it for I love a life that such a devil as you should carry me away CHAP. XXXV How Gymnast very souply and cunningly killed Captain Tripet and others of Picrocholes men WHen they heard these words some amongst them began to be afraid and blest themselves with both hands thinking indeed that he had been a devil disguised insomuch that one of them named good Ihon Captain of the trained bands of the Countrey bumpkins took his Psalter out of his Codpiece and cried out aloud Hagios ho theos If thou be of God speak if thou be of the other spirit avoid hence and get thee going yet he went not away which words being heard by all the souldiers that were there divers of them being a little inwardly terrified departed from the place all this did Gymnast very well remark and consider and therefore making as if he would have alighted from off his horse as he was poysing himself on the mounting side he most nimbly with his short sword by his thigh shifting his feet in the stirrup performed the stirrup-leather feat whereby after the inclining of his body downwards he forthwith lanch't himself aloft in the aire and placed both his feet together on the saddle standing upright with his back turned towards the horses head Now said he my case goes backward Then suddenly in the same very posture wherein he was he fetched a gambole upon one foot and turning to the left hand failed not to carry his body perfectly round just into its former stance without misfing one jot Ha said Tripet I will not do that at this time and not without cause Well said Gymnast I have failed I will undo this leap then with a marvellous strength and agility turning towards the right hand he fetch 't another frisking gambole as before which done he set his right hand thumb upon the hinde bowe of the saddle raised himself up and sprung in the aire poysing and upholding his whole body upon the muscle and nerve of the said thumb and so turned and whirled himself about three times at the fourth reversing his body and overturning it upside down and foreside back without touching any thing he brought himself betwixt the horses two eares springing with all his body into the aire upon the thumb of his left hand and in that posture turning like a windmill did most actively do that trick which is called the Millers Passe After this clapping his right hand flat upon the middle of the saddle he gave himself such a jerking swing that he thereby seated himself upon the crupper after the manner of Gentle-womens sitting on horseback this done he easily past his right leg over the saddle and placed himself like one that rides in croup But said he it were better for me to get into the saddle then putting the thumbs of both hands upon the crupper before him and thereupon leaning himself as upon the only supporters of his body he incontinently turned heels over head in the aire and streight found himself betwixt the bowe of the saddle in a good settlement Then with a summer-sault springing into the aire again he fell to stand with both his feet close together upon the saddle and there made above a hundred frisks turnes and demi-pommads with his armes held out acrosse and in so doing cried out aloud I rage I
them why did not they chuse rather to die there then to leave their good Prince in that pinch and necessity Is it not better and more honourable to perish in fighting valiantly then to live in disgrace by a cowardly running away We are like to eate no great store of goslings this yeare therefore friend reach me some of that rosted pig there Diavolâ— is there no more must no more sweet wine Germinavit radix Iesse je renie mâ—e vij ' enrage de soif I renounce my life I rage for thirst this wine is none of the worst what wine drink you at Paris I give my self to the devil if I did not once keep open house at Paris for all commers six moneths together Do you know Friar Claud of the high kildrekins Oh the good fellow that he is but I do not know what flie hath stung him of late he is become so hard a student for my part I study not at all In our Abbey we never study for feare of the mumps which disease in horses is called the mourning in the chine Our late Abbot was wont to say that it is a monstrous thing to see a learned Monk by G Master my friend Magìs magnos clericos non sunt magìs magnos sapientes You never saw so many hares as there are this year I could not any where come by a gosse-hawk nor tassel of falcon my Lord Beloniere promised me a Lanner but he wrote to me not long ago that he was become pursie The Partridges will so multiply henceforth that they will go near to eat up our eares I take no delight in the stalking-horse for I catch such cold that I am like to founder my self at that sport if I do not run toile travel and trot about I am not well at ease True it is that in leaping over hedges and bushes my frock leaves alwayes some of its wooll behinde it I have recovered a dainty greyhound I give him to the devil if he suffer a hare to escape him A groom was leading him to my Lord Hunt-little and I robbed him of him did I ill No Friar Ihon said Gymnast no by all the devils that are no So said the Monk do I attest these same devils so long as they last or rather vertue G what could that gowtie Limpard have done with so fine a dog by the body of G he is better pleased when one presents him with a good yoke of oxen How now said Ponocrates you swear Friar Ihon It is only said the Monk but to grace and adorn my speech they are colours of a Ciceronian Rhetorick CHAP. XL. Why Monks are the out-casts of the world and wherefore some have bigger noses then others BY the faith of a Christian said Eudemon I do wonderfully dote and enter in a great extasie when I consider the honesty and good fellowship of this Monk for he makes us here all merry How is it then that they exclude the Monks from all good companies calling them feast-troublers marrers of mirth and disturbers of all civil conversation as the bees drive away the drones from their hives Ignavum fucos pecus said Maro à praesepibus arcent Hereunto answered Gargantua There is nothing so true as that the frock and cowle draw unto it self the opprobries injuries and maledictions of the world just as the winde called Cecias attracts the clouds the peremptory reason is because they eat the ordure and excrements of the world that is to say the sins of the people and like dungchewers and excrementitious eaters they are cast into the privies and secessive places that is the Covents and Abbeys separated from Political conversation as the jakes and retreats of a house are but if you conceive how an Ape in a family is alwayes mocked and provokingly incensed you shall easily apprehend how Monks are shunned of all men both young and old The Ape keeps not the house as a dog doth He drawes not in the plow as the oxe He yields neither milk nor wooll as the sheep He carrieth no burthen as a horse doth that which he doth is only to conskite spoil and defile all which is the cause wherefore he hath of all men mocks frumperies and bastonadoes After the same manner a Monk I mean those lither idle lazie Monks doth not labour and work as do the Peasant and Artificer doth not ward and defend the countrey as doth the man of warre cureth not the sick and diseased as the Physician doth doth neither preach nor teach as do the Evangelical Doctors and Schoolmasters doth not import commodities and things necessary for the Common-wealth as the Merchant doth therefore is it that by and of all men they are hooted at hated and abhorred Yea but said Grangousier they pray to God for us Nothing lesse answered Gargentua True it is that with a tingle tangle jangling of bells they trouble and disquiet all their neighbours about them Right said the Monk a masse a matine a vespre well rung are half said They mumble out great store of Legends and Psalmes by them not at all understood they say many patenotres interlarded with ave-maries without thinking upon or apprehending the meaning of what it is they say which truly I call mocking of God and not prayers But so help them God as they pray for us and not for being afraid to lose their victuals their manchots and good fat pottage All true Christians of all estates and conditions in all places and at all times send up their prayers to God and the Mediatour prayeth and intercedeth for them and God is gracious to them Now such a one is our good Friar Ihon therefore every man desireth to have him in his company he is no bigot or hypocrite he is not torne and divided betwixt reality and appearance no wretch of a rugged and peevish disposition but honest jovial resolute and a good fellow he travels he labours he defends the oppressed comforts the afflicted helps the needie and keeps the close of the Abbey Nay said the Monk I do a great deal more then that for whilest we are in dispatching our matines and anniversaries in the quire I make withal some crossebowe-strings polish glasse-bottles and boults I twist lines and weave purse-nets wherein to catch coneys I am never idle but now hither come some drink some drink here bring the fruit These chestnuts are of the wood of Estrox and with good new wine are able to make you a fine cracker and composer of bum-sonnets You are not as yet it seems well moistened in this house with the sweet wine and must by G I drink to all men freely and at all Fords like a Proctor or Promoters horse Friar Ihon said Gymnast take away the snot that hangs at your nose Ha ha said the Monk am not I in danger of drowning seeing I am in water even to the nose No no quare quia though some water come out from thence there never goes in any for it is
and foolish reasons and opinions of Accursius Baldus Bartolus de castro de imola Hippolytus Panormo Bertachin Alexander Curtius and those other old Mastiffs who never understood the least law of the Pandects they being but meer blockheads great tithe-calvs ignorant of all that which was needful for the understanding of the lawes for as it is most certain they had not the knowledge either of the Greek or Latine tongue but only of the Gothick and Barbarian the lawes neverthelesse were first taken from the Greeks according to the testimony of Ulpian l. poster de origine juris which we likewise may perceive by that all the lawes are full of Greek words and sentences and then we finde that they are reduced into a Latine stile the most elegant and ornate that whole language is able to afford without excepting that of any that ever wrote therein nay not of Salust Varo Cicero Seneca Titus Livius nor Quintilian how then could these old dotards be able to understand aright the text of the lawes who never in their time had looked upon a good Latine book as doth evidently enough appear by the rudenesse of their stile which is fitter for a Chimney-sweeper or for a Cook or a Scullion then for a Jurisconsult and Doctor in the Lawes Furthermore seeing the Lawes are excerpted out of the middle of moral and natural Philosophie how should these fooles have understood it that have by G studied lesse in Philosophie then my Mule in respect of humane learning and the knowledge of Antiquities and History they were truly laden with those faculties as a toad is with feathers and yet of all this the Lawes are so full that without it they cannot be understood as I intend more fully to shew unto you in a peculiar Treatise which on that pâ—rpose I am about to publish Therefore if you will that I take any medling in this processe first cause all these papers to be burnt secondly make the two Gentlemen come personally before me and afterwards when I shall have heard them I will tell you my opinion freely without any feignednes or dissimulation whatsoever Some amongst them did contradict this motion as you know that in all companies there are more fooles then wise men and that the greater part alwayes surmounts the better as saith Titus Livius in speaking of the Carthaginians but the foresaid Du Douet held the contrary opinion maintaining that Pantagruel had said well and what was right in affirming that these records bills of inquest replies rejoinders exceptions depositions and other such diableries of truth-intangling Writs were but Engines wherewith to overthrow justice and unnecessarily to prolong such suits as did depend before them and that therefore the devil would carry them all away to hell if they did not take another course and proceeded not in times coming according to the Prescripts of Evangelical and Philosophical equity In fine all the papers were burnt and the two Gentlemen summoned and personally convented at whose appearance before the Court Pantagruel said unto them Are you they that have this great difference betwixt you Yes my Lord said they Which of you said Pantagruel is the Plaintiffe It is I said my Lord Kissebreech Go to then my friend said he and relate your matter unto me from point to point according to the real truth or else by cocks body if I finde you to lie so much as in one word I will make you shorter by the head and take it from off your shoulders to shew others by your example that in justice and judgement men ought to speak nothing but the truth therefore take heed you do not adde nor impare any thing in the Narration of your case Begin CHAP. XI How the Lords of Kissebreech and Suckfist did plead before Pantagruel without an Atturney THen began Kissebreech in manner as followeth My Lord it is true that a good woman of my house carried egges to the market to sell Be covered Kissebreech said Pantagruel Thanks to you my Lord said the Lord Kissebreech but to the purpose there passed betwixt the two tropicks the summe of three pence towards the zenith and a halfpeny forasmuch as the Riphaean mountaines had been that yeare opprest with a great sterility of counterfeit gudgions and shewes without substance by meanes of the babling tattle and fond fibs seditiously raised between the gibblegablers and Accursian gibberish-mongers for the rebellion of the Swissers who had assembled themselves to the full number of the bum-bees and myrmidons to go a handsel-getting on the first day of the new yeare at that very time when they give brewis to the oxen and deliver the key of the coales to the Countrey-girles for serving in of the oates to the dogs All the night long they did nothing else keeping their hands still upon the pot but dispatch both on foot and horseback leaden-sealed Writs or letters to wit Papal Commissions commonly called Bulls to stop the boats for the Tailors and Seamsters would have made of the stollen shreds and clippings a goodly sagbut to cover the face of the Ocean which then was great with childe of a potfull of cabbidge according to the opinion of the hay-bundle-makers but the Physicians said that by the Urine they could discern no manifest signe of the Bustards pace nor how to eat double-tongued mattocks with mustard unlesse the Lords and Gentlemen of the Court should be pleased to give by B. mol expresse command to the pox not to run about any longer in gleaning up of Coppersmiths and Tinkers for the Jobernolls had already a pretty good beginning in their dance of the Brittishgig called the estrindore to a perfect diapason with one foot in the fire and their head in the middle as good man Ragot was wont to say Ha my Masters God moderates all things and disposeth of them at his pleasure so that against unluckie fortune a Carter broke his frisking whip which was all the winde-instrument he had this was done at his return from the little paultry town even then when Master Amitus of Cresseplots was licentiated and had past his degrees in all dullerie and blockishnesse according to this sentence of the Canonists Beati Dunces quoniam ipsi stumblaverunt But that which makes lent to be so high by St. Fiacre of Bry is for nothing else but that the Pentecost never comes but to my cost yet on afore there hoe a little rain stills a great winde and we must think so seeing that the Serjeant hath propounded the matter so farre above my reach that the Clerks and Secondaries could not with the benefit thereof lick their fingers feathered with gaunders so orbicularly as they were wont in other things to do And we do manifestly see that every one acknowledgeth himself to be in the errour wherewith another hath been charged reserving only those cases whereby we are obliged to take an ocular inspection in a perspective glasse of these things towards the place in the
guesse only without any further certainty caused the childe to be delivered to its own mother shewed never in his time such a Master-piece of wisdom as the good Pantagruel hath done happy are we therefore that have him in our Countrey And indeed they would have made him thereupon Master of the Requests and President in the Court but he refused all very graciously thanking them for their offer for said he there is too much slavery in these offices and very hardly can they be saved that do exercise them considering the great corruption that is amongst men which makes me beleeve if the empty seats of Angels be not fil'd with other kind of people then those we shall not have the final judgement these seven thousand sixty and seven jubilees yet to come and so Cusanus will be deceived in his conjecture Remember that I have told you of it and given you faire advertisement in time and place convenient But if you have any hogsheads of good wine I willingly will accept of a present of that which they very heartily did do in sending him of the best that was in the City and he drank reasonably well but poor Panurge bibbed and bowsed of it most villainously for he was as dry as a red-herring as lean as a rake and like a poor lank slender cat walked gingerly as if he had trod upon egges so that by some one being admonished in the midst of his draught of a large deep bowle full of excellent Claret with these words Faire and softly Gossip you suck up as if you were mad I give thee to the devil said he thou hast not found here thy little tipling sippers of Paris that drink no more then the little bird called a spink or chaffinch and never take in their beak ful of liquour till they be bobbed on the tailes after the manner of the sparrows O companion if I could mount up as well as I can get down I had been long ere this above the sphere of the Moon with Empedocles But I cannot tell what a devil this meanes This wine is so good and delicious that the more I drink thereof the more I am athirst I beleeve that the shadow of my Master Pantagruel engendereth the altered and thirsty men as the Moon doth the catarres and defluxions at which word the company began to laugh which Pantagruel perceiving said Panurge What is that which moves you to laugh so Sir said he I was telling them that these devillish Turks are very unhappy in that they never drink one drop of wine and that though there were no other harme in all Mahomets Alcoran yet for this one base point of abstinence from wine which therein is commanded I would not submit my self unto their law But now tell me said Pantagruel how you escaped out of their hands By G Sir said Panurge I will not lie to you in one word The rascally Turks had broached me upon a spit all larded like a rabbet for I was so dry and meagre that otherwise of my flesh they would have made but very bad meat and in this manner began to rost me alive As they were thus roasting me I recommended my self unto the divine grace having in my minde the good St. Lawrence and alwayes hoped in God that he would deliver me out of this torment which came to passe and that very strangely for as I did commit my self with all my heart unto God crying Lord God help me Lord God save me Lord God take me out of this pain and hellish torture wherein these traiterous dogs detain me for my sincerity in the maintenance of thy law the roster or turn-spit fell asleep by the divine will or else by the vertue of some good Mercury who cunningly brought Argus into a sleep for all his hundred eyes when I saw that he did no longer turne me in roasting I looked upon him and perceived that he was fast asleep then took I up in my teeth a firebrand by the end where it was not burnt and cast it into the lap of my roaster and another did I throw as well as I could under a field-couche that was placed near to the chimney wherein was the straw-bed of my Master turnspit presently the fire took hold in the straw and from the straw to the bed and from the bed to the loft which was planked and seeled with firre after the fashion of the foot of a lamp but the best was that the fire which I had cast into the lap of my paultry roaster burnt all his groine and was beginning to cease upon his cullions when he became sensible of the danger for his smelling was not so bad but that he felt it sooner then he could have seen day-light then suddenly getting up and in a great amazement running to the window he cried out to the streets as high as he could dalbaroth dalbaroth dalbaroth which is as much to say as Fire fire fire incontinently turning about he came streight towards me to throw me quite into the fire and to that effect had already cut the ropes wherewith my hands were tied and was undoing the cords from off my feet when the Master of the house hearing him cry Fire and smelling the smoke from the very street where he was walking with some other Baashaws and Mustaphaes ran with all the speed he had to save what he could and to carry away his Jewels yet such was his rage before he could well resolve how to go about it that he caught the broach whereon I was spitted and therewith killed my roaster stark dead of which wound he died there for want of government or otherwise for he ran him in with the spit a little above the navel towards the right flank till he pierced the third lappet of his liver and the blow flanting upwards from the midriffe or diaphragme through which it had made penetration the spit past athwaâ—t the pericardium or capsule of his heart and came out above at his shoulders betwixt the spondyls or turning joints of the chine of the back and the left homoplat which we call the shoulder-blade True it is for I will not lie that in drawing the spit out of my body I fell to the ground near unto the Andirons and so by the fall took some hurt which indeed had been greater but that the lardons or little slices of bacon wherewith I was stuck kept off the blow My Baashaw then seeing the case to be desperate his house burnt without remission and all his goods lost gave himselfe over unto all the devils in hell calling upon some of them by their names Gringoth Astaroth Rappalus and Gribouillis nine several times which when I saw I had above six pence worth of feare dreading that the devils would come even then to carry away this foole and seeing me so near him would perhaps snatch me up too I am already thought I halfe rosted and my lardons will be the cause of my
women and of the suit in law which he had at Paris ONe day I found Panurge very much out of countenance melancholick and silent which made me suspect that he had no money whereupon I said unto him Panurge you are sick as I do very well perceive by your physiognomie and I know the disease you have a flux in your purse but take no care I have yet seven pence half penny that never saw father nor mother which shall not be wanting no more then the pox in your necessity whereunto he answered me Well well for money one day I shall have but too much for I have a Philosophers stone which attracts money out of mens purses as the adamant doth iron but will you go with me to gaine the pardons said he By my faith said he I am no great pardon-taker in this world if I shall be any such in the other I cannot tell yet let us go in Gods Name it is but one farthing more or lesse But said he lend me then a farthing upon interest No no said I I will give it you freely and from my hearr Grates vobis dominos said he So we went along beginning at St. Gervase and I got the pardons at the first boxe only for in those matters very little contenteth me then did I say my small suffrages and the prayers of St. Brigid but he gained them at all the boxes and alwayes gave money to every one of the Pardoners from thence we went to our Ladies Church to St. Iohns to St. Antonies and so to the other Churches where there was a banquet of pardons for my part I gained no more of them but he at all the boxes kissed the relicks and gave at every one to be brief when we were returned he brought me to drink at the Castle-tavern and there shewed me ten or twelve of his little bags full of money at which I blest my self and made the signe of the Crosse saying Where have you recovered so much money in so little time unto which he answered me that he had taken it out of the basins of the pardons For in giving them the first farthing said he I put it in with such slight of hand and so dexterously that it appeared to be a threepence thus with one hand I took three-pence nine-pence or six-pence at the least and with the other as much and so thorough all the Churches where we have been Yea but said I you damn your self like a snake and art withal a thief and sacrilegious persoâ— True said he in your opinion but I am not of that minde for the Pardoners do give me it when they say unto me in presenting the relicks to kisse Centuplum accipies that is that for one penny I should take a hundred for accipies is spoken according to the manner of the Hebrewes who use the future tense in stead of the imperative as you have in the law Diliges Dominum that is dilige even so when the Pardon-bearer sayes to me Centuplum accipies his meaning is centuplum accipe and so doth Rabbi Kimy and Rabbi Aben Ezra expound it and all the Massorets ibi Bartholus Moreover Pope Sixtus gave me fifteen hundred francks of yearly pension which in English money is a hundred and fifty pounds upon his Ecclesiastical revenues and treasure for having cured him of a canckrous botch which did so torment him that he thought to have been a Cripple by it all his life Thus I do pay my self at my owne hand for otherways I get nothing upon the said Ecclesiastical treasure Ho my friend said he if thou didst know what advantage I made and how well I feathered my nest by the Popes bull of the Croisade thou wouldest wonder exceedingly It was worth to me above six thousand florins in English coine six hundred pounds and what a devil is become of them said I for of that money thou hast not one half penny They returned from whence they came said he they did no mote but change their Master But I employed at least three thousand of them that is three hundred pounds English in marrying not young Virgins for they finde but too many husbands but great old sempiternous trots which had not so much as one tooth in their heads and that out of the consideration I had that these good old women had very well spent the time of their youth in playing at the close-buttock-game to all commers serving the foremost first till no man would have any more dealing with them And by G I will have their skin-coat shaken once yet before they die by this meanes to one I gave a hundred florins to another six score to another three hundred according to that they were infamous detestable and abominable for by how much the more horrible and execrable they were so much the more must I needs have given them otherwayes the devil would not have jum'd them Presently I went to some great and fat wood-porters or such like and did my self make the match but before I did shew him the old Hags I made a faire muster to him of the Crownes saying Good fellow see what I will give thee if thou wilt but condescend to dufle dinfredaille or lecher it one good time then began the poor rogues to gape like old mules and I caused to be provided for them a banquet with drink of the best and store of spiceries to put the old women in rut and heat of lust To be short they occupied all like good soules only to those that were horribly ugly and ill-favoured I caused their head to be put within a bag to hide their face Besides all this I have lost a great deal in suits of law And what law-suits couldest thou have said I thou hast neither house norlands My friend said he the Gentlewomen of this City had found out by the instigation of the devil of hell a manner of high-mounted bands and neckerchiefs for women which did so closely cover their bosomes that men could no more put their hands under for they had put the slit behinde and those neck-cloths were wholly shut before whereat the poor sad contemplative lovers were much discontented Upon a faire Tuesday I presented a Petition to the Court making my self a Party against the said Gentlewomen and shewing the great interest that I pretended therein protesting that by the same reason I would cause the Codpeece of my breeches to be sowed behinde if the Coâ—ur would not take order for it In summe the Gentlewomen put in their defences shewed the grounds they went upon and constituted their Atturney for the prosecuting of the cause but I pursued them so vigorously that by a sentence of the Court it was decreed those high neckclothes should be no longer worne if they were not a little cleft and open before but it cost me a good summe of money I had another very filthy and beastly processe against the dung-farmer called Master Fisi and his
to learn of thee then thou of me but as thou hast protested we will conferre of these doubts together and will seek out the resolution even unto the bottom of that undrainable Well where Heraclitus sayes the truth lies hidden and I do highly commend the manner of arguing which thou hast proposed to wit by signes without speaking for by this means thou and I shall understand one another well enough and yet shall be free from this clapping of hands which these blockish Sophisters make when any of the Arguers hath gotten the better of the Argument Now to morrow I will not faile to meet thee at the place and houre that thou hast appointed but let me intreat thee that there be not any strife or uproare between us and that we seek not the honour and applause of men but the truth only to which Thaumast answered The Lord God maintain you in his favour and grace and instead of my thankfulnesse to you poure down his blessings upon you for that your Highnesse and magnificent greatnesse hath not disdained to descend to the grant of the request of my poor basenesse so farewel till to morrow Farewel said Pantagruel Gentlemen you that read this present discourse think not that ever men were more elevated and transported in their thoughts then all this night were both Thaumast and Pantagruel for the said Thaumast said to the Keeper of the house of Cluny where he was lodged that in all his life he had never known himself so dry as he was that night I think said he that Pantagruel held me by the throat Give order I pray you that we may have some drink and see that some fresh water be brought to us to gargle my palat on the other side Pantagruel stretched his wits as high as he could entring into very deep and serious meditations and did nothing all that night but dote upon and turn over the book of Beda de numeris signis Plotius book de inenarrabilibus the book of Proclus de magia the book of Artemidorus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Anaxagaras 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Dinatius 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the books of Philistion Hipponax 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and a rabble of others so long that Panurge said unto him My Lord leave all these thoughts and go to bed for I perceive your spirits to be so troubled by a too intensive bending of them that you may easily fall into some Quotidian Fever with this so excessive thinking and plodding but having first drunk five and twenty oâ— thirty good draughts retire your self and sleep your fill for in the morning I will argue against and answer my Master the Englishman and if I drive him not ad metam non loqui then call me Knave Yea but said he my friend Panurge he is marvellously learned how wilt thou be able to answer him Very well answered Panurge I pray you talk no more of it but let me alone is any man so learned as the devils are No indeed said Pantagruel withont Gods especial grace Yet for all that said Panurge I have argued against them gravelled and blanked them in disputation and laid them so squat upon their tailes that I have made them look like Monkies therefore be assured that to morrow I will make this vain-glorious Englishman to skite vineger before all the world So Panurge spent the night with tipling amongst the Pages and played away all the points of his breeches at primus secundus and at peck point in French called Lavergette Yet when the condescended on time was come he failed not to conduct his Master Pantagruel to the appointed place unto which beleeve me there was neither great nor small in Paris but came thinking with themselves that this devillish Pantagruel who had overthrown and vanquished in dispute all these doting fresh-water Sophisters would now get full payment and be tickled to some purpose for this Englishman is a terrible bustler and horrible coyle-keeper we will see who will be Conquerour for he never met with his match before Thus all being assembled Thaumast stayed for them and then when Pantagruel and Panurge came into the Hall all the School-boyes Professors of Arts Senior-Sophisters and Batchelors began to clap their hands as their scurvie custome is But Pantagruel cried out with a loud voice as if it had been the sound of a double canon saying Peace with a devil to you peace by G you rogues if you trouble me here I will cut off the heads of every one of your at which words they remained all daunted and astonished like so many ducks and durst not do so much as cough although they had swallowed fifteen pounds of feathers withal they grew so dry with this only voice that they laid our their tongues a full half foot beyond their mouthes as if Pantagruel had salted all their throats Then began Panurge to speak saying to the Englishman Sir are you come hither to dispute contentiously in those Propositions you have set down or otherwayes but to learn and know the truth To which answered Thaumast Sir no other thing bronght me hither but the great desire I had to learn and to kuow that of which I have doubted all my life long and have neither found book nor man able to content me in the resolution of those doubts which I have proposed and as for disputing contentiously I will not do it for it is too base a thing and therefore leave it to those sottish Sophisters who in their disputes do not search for the truth but for contradiction only and debate Then said Panurge if I who am but a mean and inconsiderable disciple of my Master my Lord Pantagruel content and satisfie you in all and every thing it were a thing below my said Master wherewith to trouble him therefore is it fitter that he be Chair-man and sit as a Judge and Moderator of our discourse and purpose and give you satisfaction in many things wherein perhaps I shall be wanting to your expectation Truly said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice â—nd afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he