thee Friend how camest thou hither not having on thy Wedding-garment He sees thy heart and sees thou hast it on Oh he comes and it is but to whisper thee a welcome in thine ear it is but to fall about thy neck and kiss thy be-tear'd cheeks and bid thee a kind welcome to thy bleeding Lord. Soul Oh did I think to be thus much made of I thought he would not have minded me but I did no sooner appear and set my feet within the doors but he ran to meet me he took me in his arms he brought me hither and set me here Is this a house or is it a Palace Is this a Court for Princes or for Angels Never did place more ravish me into amazement than this place Beautiful are thy gates O Zion O how pleasant is the habitation of the most high Is it the place or the company that strikes me into astonishment Now I can say most feelingly say with David My delights are with the Saints of the most high and the most excellent of the earth Their poverty their disgrace their contempt amongst whom they live do not puzzle my quick-ey'd Faith these are the Kings Daughters that are all glorious within their garments are of needle-work imbroidered over with pure gold fine-spun gold These O these hovv poor and mean soever they are or may seem to be these shall sit vvith Christ to judg the World Oh! hovv my foul is ravished vvith delight to see and look on those with whom I shall live for ever If they are so lovely now what will they be hereafter when our God shall take them and scowr off their rust and wash their Garments bright in the Sun-shine of his countenance and change those mortal and corruptible bodies into immortal and glorious ones and set them upon Thrones about himself and lade their heads with Crowns of massy gold and when I shall hear them warbling out the everlasting Praises of the Lamb whose Body and Blood we all sit down to feed on Communion-Plate Never was Gold or Silver graced thus before To bring this Body and this Blood to us is more than to Crown Kings or be made Rings For Star-like Diamonds to glitter in The Bread Welcome Fairest take and eat 't is the sweetest dainties dearst morsel Heaven can afford thee Welcome my Dear to the Table of thy Lord. Welcome a thousand times I bid thee yea welcomer than thine own heart can wish Take eat this morsel it cost my life it 's a portion thy Father sent unto thee by me and bid me remember thee of his love to thee He bids thee remember a Fathers love I a Saviours He hath a heart to give thee and so have I. Take this in earnest of them both in one Take freely if thou wert not welcome I would have told thee I would have asked thee for thy Wedding-garment knew I not thy heart or if I were uncertain of thy love I would have scorn'd thee as unworthy of my presence did I know thou lovest any thing above me I would have hid my face and never have spoke thee a welcome so feelingly and kindly to thy soul Tell me O tell me dost thou not love me I know thou dost and above Father or Mother Wife or Child Lands or Living or Credit I know thou dost And wilt thou not take the Cross and follow me I know thou wilt I see and know the labour of thy love I remember the pains and travel of thy soul I saw thee follow me on thy knees in tears and begged my life rather than thy life I know thy heart I saw it bleeding before my Throne I took it in my arms and bound it up and in that breast I remember I put it up again I saw thee when no eye saw thee I heard thee and had compassion on thy groanings whilst thou wert complaining that I had shut out thy prayers I well remember since thy heart did first fall sick with love since the time thy flesh began to die and since thou laidst thy self in the grave down by me and wert willing to die to all this vain empty glory of the world because I died and left it I know thee well enough Thou art mine and I am thine Take it I charge thee eat it as thou lovest me and whilst thou feedest remember the love of thy dearest Redeemer Soul Oh 't is the sweetest meat that ever tongue did tast it sends a rellish to my very heart I find it digests as it deseends I feel my nerves and sinews strengthen I never knew that bread was the staff of life till now Oh how fit is my soul now for Christ How easie do I now find his yoke how light his burden Methinks I could watch or pray or read more earnestly resolvedly believingly than ever Oh! methinks I can take his Cross and bear it strongly and take the shame and despise it fully Oh 't is a feast of fat things The richest banquet of love that ever I was at it was but a little that I took and it fills me full my hungry stomack now crys 't is enough I find it now verified to my soul and spirit that he that eats of this bread shall never hunger more Well I need not starve when there is such bread in my Fathers house I need not I will not I cannot feed any longer on husks with the swine of the world I fed on air and smoak before I never tasted substantial bread till I tasted of this This is the staff of my life and upon this will I support my self to my very grave The Wine Christ Come my Dearest I have drunk and thou shalt pledg me I have broached my side and drew it on purpose for thee This is a Wine of mine own making when I trod the Winepress of my Fathers wrath It is my blood but take and drink it it was the cause of my wounding but to thy soul it shall prove healing I died and bled it was but to make this Banquet for thee I have brought thee into my Wine-cellar and my Banner over thee shall be love Fear not take and drink thou hast an ulcer in thy heart and this shall cure it spots and stains of guilt on thy soul and this shall purge them away thy spirits are faint this shall revive thee thou art afraid to see thy Fathers face this shall make thee to draw near the Throne of Grace with boldness Drink I charge thee drink on thy love and loyalty to me I command thee as thou wilt have thy heart to mend thy wounds to cure thy spirits to revive thy fears to scatter thy soul to love and obey me take O take this cup into thy hand taste it and praise my love Soul Lord I have taken I have drunk as thou hast bid me I neither could or dare deny thee Can I refuse thy blood when I have accepted thy self Or can I accept my pardon at thy hands and
for a time Answ Thou hadst better conclude that thou wast blind rather as to the discovery of them than that they did not at all rise at that time But for more narrow search into this case consider whether thy corruptions now rising are resisted by thee more than they were before if so conclude then the mortification of them Secondly It is not best in this case to ask the question too deeply whether they were mortified before because the Devil hereby will take advantage of the soul to vex it but rather apply thy self to Christ by new acts of faith as to the mortificationof them XVII Often times souls are puzled in their enquiries into the mortification of corruptions and know not what to conclude of them For if they look upon their hearts they find corruptions either bubling and rising up and impetuous or else they are still If rising that makes against the mortification of them if they rise not they are apt to conclude they are rather still than mortified To resolve such a soul I think it is best for it to look upon that in the soul which is opposite to sin and to examine whether there is greater love to God in him whether he loves Saints more and is more desirous that his sins should be mortified than formerly If he find these things in him he may conclude that his sins are in a greater measure mortified For sins and grace or love to God are like two scales and if you can but discover that grace is higher or your love and breathings are greater you may conclude that sin is lower and mortified XVIII On Saturday August 17 1650. He records I was exceedingly troubled with risings of a proud heart and on Sabath-day in the morning I found the like accompanied with envying against the raisements of other Saints as if I would have none higher than my self Yea and in the afternoon was exceeding troubled with lightness of spirit so that I could scarce forbear laughing at Church and after when I came home for one of Trinity being with me I was fain to leave him in the Chamber and enter my Study lest I should betray the nakedness of mine heart Oh cursed heart But for this spiritual distemper mine heart was suddenly troubled and I had just such a sorrow as if I had lost some outward friend and I did exceedingly take on in mourning for my folly XIX On the 22d following I had an ingenuous melting possest my soul on a sudden reflecting upon my want of discovery of the love of God these three or four days and the day following I was in a pretty good frame of spirit Whereupon I came to consider if a man would know whether he lives above all his duties let him see whether or no in a search after Sanctification he doth not lay more stress upon one duty than another For this Souls are very apt to do especially on those duties which are extraordinary As for instance if thou keepest a private fast with some other Christians or else prayest at some part in the day different from the seâ—-times or prayest more times a day than ordinary either by thy self or with other Christians or such times as those above praying at the Chappel if thou dost it is a sign that there is a tincture of self-dependence Therefore it is the best way to make an equal conscience of them all as for performance of them and look on them all with the same eye and say that thou art unprofitable in them all And that thou maist attain to this temper after every duty examine what vanity of thoughts what formality in spirit thou hadst in the doing of them that thou maist see they are all nothing without Christ XX. What should I do in a dull and dead state Answ 1 Double the watch over thine own heart aâ—d affections it is common to see a soul dead and careless 2 Labour to strengthen faith in the Promises of Gods love and willingness to receive souls The Parable of the Prodigal and that if a child aâ—k his father bread will he give him a stone c. should be consider'd 3 Make this improvement of thy present deadness to humble thy soul and see thine own vileness that thou shouldst abuse such riches of grace as it may be thou hast done and by that sin shouldst cause that deadness Take heed of slighting the deadness of your heart if you do you grow careless of Gods anger for deadness is a sign that God is angry XXI What should a man do in enjoyments Answ It is common for such souls presently to grow so confident of themselves as to let go their watch and so oftentimes are betray'd by their enemies 1 Be then as earnest for the enjoying of more of God when thou art raised as thou wast to enjoy any thing of God when thou wast not Let not a discovery of love stop thy breathing Saints often sit down here and so fall back again 2 Seek to redouble thy faith to make it stronger than ever for time will be that thou maist have use of it 3 Labour to humble thy self under thine enjoyments Let not the thoughts of Sonship dry up thine eyes but be sure the more of self-abhorrency the more evidence of thy Sonship XXII On Saturday the 5th and Sabbath-day the 6th of Octob. 1650 He records The Lord humbled me much in the sight of unworthy dealings with God and I may say God was in me of a truth this grace was then so lively in me that I prest it much to the company But yet Oh wretched heart before I came out of the company that night I was taken with a violent passion of pride and anger Yet by this fall I may bless my God God humbled me more than I was before yea and it caused me to have more contemptible thoughts of my self than ever Whereupon we find this sell-abasing Christian student to set down how he may get the victory over head-strong Passions when he adds Humility of spirit is attainable by getting quick and sprightful apprehensions of self weakness to grace and discovering the evil of a carnal heart which may be discern'd in spiritual duties by its sallying often into the world and much suspected when it is readier to close with a promise of God that speaks comfort than with a command of God which speaks obedience Oh! pray against such a distemper as savours of self seeking and labour to get holy Principles such as love to God to be the spring of all thy words actions and walkings and then thou maist take comfort in them for if any other humility which is carnal be found prevailing in thee it will argue hypocrisie There is so much pride in men naturally that when God begins to work upon the soul he finds no greater an enemy to it than pride and of nothing more do Saints complain than it which makes them unfit for any company any discourse and therefore
in the blood of Jesus for the pardoning of that sin and strength against it If not we may very well suspect that we did not resolve in the strength of Christ XXVII Says a poor Saint I have gone to prayer many a time and have been exceeding low and have pray'd with much carelesness just as if I were talking or telling a tale What shall I do in such a case Answ First That neither raisedness nor flatness in prayer is the reason why God heareth thee And therefore consider That in prayer thou art to approach a God-mediating a God-man and not a meer creature but thus thou dost if thou thinkest God will not hear thee except God raiseth thee thou makest raisedness the ground of thine acceptance which is but a meer created being as all other graces are Oh! Take heed then of depending upon Ashur say Ashur shall not help me but on the Lord will I depend Secondly Consider this for thy corafort that though thine heart is straitned here on earth towards God and in mourning as to thine own vileness yet Christs bowels are not in heaven straitned towards thee He is not so capable of mutability as thy condition Though thou losest thy first love yet he is the same yesterday to day and for ever Thirdly Consider that 't is Christs Intercession and pleading with his Father for thy prayer and not thy raisedness that is the ground of the return of thy prayer The consideration of Gods former dealings and dispensations of love is a good argument to move God in prayer when a soul is at a loss for love now or for strength or when God seems to hide himself as to the answering of thy request to say Lord why art thou so strange to me now Time was that thou borest me as a lamb in thy bosom and carriedst me into thy banqueting house and feedest me with love Time was that thou enravished'st my soul with a glance of thine eye what is become of thy former love hast thou shut up thy tender mercies in wrath see the Psalmist thus pleading in Psal 77. XXVIII I have been in such a temper that I have found mine heart in prayer even contradicting my tongue If for mortifying of pride in parts in learning mine heart hath been ready to say to its self that there could be no joy except in exaltation of self as good to have no learning as not to delight in it and applaud self by it truly this hath been the language of mine heart But I bless my God that he hath given me a joy and that above all that joy which creatures can possibly afford It was my non-experience of Gods love to me it was for want of spiritual enravishments that mine heart became so vain in its imaginations Oh that I could magnifie my God for this his love and goodness Again I have been sometime so carnal that I have even thought that there could be no Feaven more sweet pleasant and desirable than that which might be made up of created beings as to enjoy pleasures and never to be tired with them to please my taste in feeding and never be weary of feeding to hear the most sweet and melodious musick and never weary of hearing to delight mine eye in seeing and never be weary of seeing Thus have I delighted my soul with foolish imaginations as they soon appeared to be when God pluckt off these earthly and sensual scales from mine eyes He shew'd me more true joy in a smile of his reconciled countenance than in a Paradise made up of all the sweetest flowers which may grow in Natures garden can possibly afford me Magnifie the Lord Oh my soul and all that is within me praise his holy name For he hath been better to me than ten thousand worlds I will rejoice in thee so long as I have a being Oh my soul praise the Lord XXIX At sometimes it is hard for a man after the committing of some sin to believe that sin is pardoned and withall to mourn for it And it 's grounded on this thinks the soul what should I mourn for that which is not Answ Fear and sorrowing for sin may well be consistent with closing with a promise by faith for the taking away of guilt Observe therefore that the freeness of grace and the fulness of a promise ought no way to take off a Saints watchfulness over sin and the mourning for sin Further consider although God pardons the sin yet he ceaseth not to hate sin therefore mourn for sin because it offends him Again it is difficult for a man to think that he hath acted faith upon God for pardon of a sin when he hath not in prayer against that sin felt himself raised or his heart melted As for example after thou hast sinned whether in letting thine heart rove upon worldly businesses when thou hast been in duty at Church c. and apprehending it to arise from a carnal soul coming home thou goest to God by prayer to beg a pardon of that sin and for spiritual strength to subdue it and observing in that prayer that thine heart is not raised either in love to God or breathings after the discovery of love or else that thine heart is not melted for that sin in such a case it is hard for thee to conclude with thy self that thou hast acted faith upon Jesus Christ for the pardon of that sin For Answer I confess it is a difficult case but yet the soul may be exceedingly deceived in it Therefore it is good for such a soul to mark this that notwithstanding his present indisposition or blindness as to the discovery of pardon yet in a secret manner he may have pardon given in and hereby you shall know it That if God do afterwards a week or a month or more deaden and crucifie that corruption for thee thou maist conclude thou didst act faith in that application of thy soul to God The reason is clear because actings of faith do always accompany true Faith The instance of this is plain in Hannah she went to God to beg a Son 1 Sam. 1.7 10. And when she had done she knew not whether or no God would answer as appears from vers 11 12. but in the latter end of ver 9. we read that the Lord remembred Hannah And another example of this we have in Cornelius Act. 10.2 'T is said He was a devout man and one that feared God and pray'd to God alway And yet we read not that Cornelius knew that his prayers were accepted until the Angel came and said to him vers 4. Thy prayers and thine alms are come up for a memorial before God Hence the Inference is clear That God may hear a soul and see him acting faith for a mercy when as perhaps the soul that prays could never judg of it himself But it may be objected 'T is true God may hear a soul and the soul not discover it but as for acting of
you in this case and mark his dealings with you herein that you may admire him When a man begins first to set his sace Zion-ward yea and afterwards when he hath made some progress in those ways the Devil doth exceedingly labour with such a soul to afflight â—im from the ways of holiness in suggesting that his former company will despise him and in these new ways there must be more strictness of life more tentations and trouble of spirit which kind of arguments will be apt to stagger such a soul very much because as yet they are but weak and have not such powerful principles infus'd into them as may make them strong enough to find the yoke of Christ easie Therefore it will be the best way for such a soul to resolve still to go on and assure himself that there are more joys to be found in God than in all his former courses and withall pray earnestly for the strengthening of inward principles in his soul and more spiritually in his heart to carry him through the strait gate with ease XXXIII This may be the temper of some souls that have had some assurance of their good estate that if afterwards some sin is set home upon their souls they are exceeding loth to dive into their own hearts which is accompanied with this slavish fear lest they should find all their former hopes to be meer flashes and that they have been in a carnally secure state even until now some have div'd into their hearts at such a time and God hath shown them some hypocrisie or selfishness in their former walkings whence they have concluded that if God had let them die in such a condition they had been damn'd and so after this discovery if they have had a clearer discovery of the baseness of their heart they have concluded the like of that estate By this kind of reasonings there are these disadvantages happen to such a soul First He can by no means make Gods former dealings with him subordinate to the innervating of his present condition and without a special work of the divine Spirit a man shall not gather any ground for his present condition Secondly By this he loseth a praising Spirit and he also deals disingenuously with God in not owning all his gracious dispensations to the soul The direction that I would give such an one should be this Let him know that the least grace is true grace Grace in the seed is as true grace as grace in the bud and grace in the bud as true as grace in the blossom Shall the blossom contemn the bud because it is not so fragrant and so flourishing or the bud the seed Oh! take heed of a non entertainment of divine Love I have had such quick checks of conscience that they have forc'd me to Duty to Prayer to Church to Chappel private Conferences and now I am afraid lest all these actions come meerly from checks and not from inward principles Of this thing if thou wouldst satisfie thy soul ask it whether thou hast not a Will contrary to this fleshly temper and it carries thee out to pray earnestly against that I mean not to the stilling of conscience but that God would discover to you that your duties came from more filial principles of love Bless then God for the quickness of conscience and press for strength to obey whatever conscience dictates to be according to right reason and the mind of God but on the other hand take heed of daubing it with any light gloss from Scripture as some species of good if thou do'st thou sinnest XXXIV Seeing that all the mercies of Saints have divine Love mingled among them Now I enjoy worldly blessings I know not whether they are given to me out of love to me says some poor Saint I Answer There be these three marks whereby a soul may see whether his earthly blessings are mingled with spiritual love First Mark whether they were given to you upon the account of prayer Did you beg them of the Lord upon your knees So that you may say all your mercies are the children of your prayers the births of your entreaties your health your meat and drink were wrestled for at a Throne of Grace After this manner did Hannah procure her son Samuel as we may read 1 Sam. Chap. 1. reflect now upon your self and see whether your outward mercies come this way if they do O how sweet and comfortable will they be to you you shall never look considerately upon them but your heart shall be warmed with the love of God Here you may say is a mercy and there is a blessing which I pull'd out of the bosome of divine Love as it were with mine own hand this child and that child this crumb of bread and that drop of drink are all pledges of Gods love to me these are divine influences and sparks of the flames of Gods loving-kindnesses What Adamantine heart would not such discoveries melt into love towards God what soul would not such chains of gold enravish which were both made and put about its neck with the lovely fingers of Christs hands What soul would not such a Cordial comfort which is compounded of love and goodness Mine heart is enravish'd within me whiles I think of this love and every thought that I have of it bespeaks admiration this is that which Angels admire and in which glorified Saints are immers'd these are the Chrystal streams which run before the throne of the Lamb every drop of which presents a jewel of inestimable price It is a thing rather to be admir'd than talk'd of here I could be content to dwell to eternity but I am call'd off to the second mark to discover this love in outward mercies and that is this Ask your soul this Question Whether it hath been drawn out in praises for that which you have received of God Can you say that you love God the more for them and do they engage you to serve God more if they do you may assure your self that Gods love is in every mercy you receive Thirdly Can you see them given to you upon the account of Christ Can you say that God loves you in Christ therefore God gives you this and that mercy this is one of the highest attainments of a Saint on this side glory This speaks fulness of comfort O! how sweet is it to see a reconciled Father hold forth his hand full of mercies to hear him come and say Child take this mercy and that mercy and when ever thou lookest upon them remember that I love thee O how pleasant is such a voice This cannot but work up the soul to love God and to breathe after God more than ever It is hard to distinguish betwixt an holy waiting upon God for the answer of our prayers and a kind of security which is apt to seize upon mens souls after prayer Now for answer consider this That waiting doth not impair breathings of
for thee and wilt thou love thy friend the worse because he shares in sorrow with thee for thou canst not but know that he came from Heaven to take to himself a Spouse on Earth and if I was one that he loved and grieved for to see my stubborn heart so hard to yield was this the cause he wanted beauty Oh such a want as this is lovely and methinks my heart could have cleaved the closer to him There was no beauty or comeliness in him and what of that my ugly and deformed soul deserves more loathing my righteousness the comeliest part about me is but rags or a menstruous cloth if there were no more desirableness in him than in me Oh had I loved him then and left all for him it were no wonder but that he should love me I rather stand amazed There was no beauty in him it may be so but could it be otherwise expected from him who came to work in fire and smoke who came to quench the flames of Hell and to satisfie Gods wrath and justice to pull out filthy souls from the jaws of lustful sensual flesh and blood it was not beauty but strength that was here needful A glance of an amorous eye would not have wounded Satan and made him fall from Heaven like a flash of Lightning A comely countenance could not have inchanted and unbar'd Hell-gates and made them fall and break before him into shatters What need a fair hand to touch our filthy rotten souls and take them up in menstruous blood and wash them clean or what need such clean hands to clasp about the rusty iron gates wherein I and all the world lay bound in chains and to pull them down to take our cankered bolts and knock them off to take us by the hand to help us up and lead us out Alas there needs no such eye face or hand for such a work It is powerful all-conquering strength that is here required It was a powerful victorious arm that here was needed and such a one he had But what should he do with a beauteous body that must be so abased and abused as his was an uncomely face will serve where it must be spit on What must he do with a fair soft delicate tender hand which must be pierced another kind of hand is good enough to knock a nail into And what needs his body be of a clear white thin transparent skin will not any serve that body that must be bruised and wounded as his was nay as it was necessary his should be But why thus necessary either he must be thus dealt with or else my sin cannot be pardoned Either he must be despised of men or I must be of God Oh he must drink up this bitter cup with all its dregs or else I must have drunk it up my self It was I that sinned and I must have suffered this cursed proud and earthly heart of mine rebelled and broke the Laws and should have suffered and born the punishment had not he stept in and born the stroke off from me I had been now burning in everlasting flames and have been lingering out this time in torment which I am now spending in the sweet thoughts of my escape And is not this all true speak out my soul hath not the Prophet said as much Surely saith he he hath born our griefs and carried our sorrows he was wounded for our transgressions he was bruised for our iniquities the chastisement of our peace lay upon him and by his stripes we are healed All we like sheep are gone astray we are every one turned to his own way and the Lord hath laid upon him the iniquities of us all He was oppressed he was afflicted yet he opened not his mouth he was brought as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before the shearers was dumb so he opened not his mouth He was taken from prison and judgment and who shall declare his generation for he was cut off from the land of the living And for the transgression of my people was he smitten Thou seest thy debt and thy Saviours payment of it these are no fictions thou hast just now read a sure word of Prophecy that hath confirmed it Those wounds those stripes those bruises which thou readest of he bore for thee and which were due to thee It was thou that shouldst have been led from prison to judgment from prison to the Judgment-seat of the great God who should have sat as Judg he should have arraigned thee sentenced thee and have sent thee to the slaughter-house of Hell where thou shouldst have been weeping and wailing and gnashing of thy teeth But Oh amazing love and grace the Son of God that loved me better than his life stept off his Throne and took my nature on him and became a man like to me only sin excepted he came and bid me comfort my trembling heart he would put himself in my condition and become the prisoner and if my sin would cost his life he would freely part with it Methinks I feel my bowels turn my spirits melt within me was ever love like to his love he was a stranger to me why did he not let me die It was his Father I did wrong why did he not let me suffer What if my punishment was as great as Hell surely I did deserve it What if my pains and screeches were eternal Ah! I was a creature a worm a fly a nothing to him and what need he have cared but he loved me and could he love a prisoner at the Bar I was a sinner a vile polluted one methinks he should have loathed me but he did wash thee and make thee clean again I but I was his Fathers enemy and so no friend to him or would he love an enemy or did he not know so much but how could that be when he saw my heart and the enmity that was in it yes he did and yet he loved thee even while we were enemies he died for us But why did he love an enemy or how could he do it I know not why it is past my reason to imagine it Oh inexpressible love Oh love past thought I cannot fathom thee with my reason thy ways are unaccountable he loves because he will love And though his love displeaseth us yet it pleaseth him to love us What ails my heart I cannot find it stir What dead under the reviving thoughts of thy dearest Redeemer I just now said he loved thee though an enemy and when thou lovedst not him I see the enmity is not quite remov'd thou canst not love him yet Arise shake up thy self and look about thee thou dost not sure see thy mercy surely thou understandest not what thou oughtest to understand Come away Oh come away lift up thy drowsie head I will make thee look and love while I set thee all on burning and make thee ere I leave thee confess thou lovest him Think think Oh my soul
that thou hadst just now sinned and broke that law which threatned death and upon the breach doth find thee guilty Think that thou sawest a flaming Cherubim a messenger of the Court of Heaven flirt in at that door and arrest thee for High treason and give thee a summons to rise from the seat thou sittest on to make a sudden answer for thy life Look then my soul Ah! I lookt just now I see that door wide open What 's this a spirit Ah me I am undone for I have sinned I think the room shakes under me or else 't is my heart that 's trembling What 's this I hear I must now answer for my life Oh what shall I say I know not what I have sinned my Conscience tells me that I have sinned the witness within will cast me I see the Inditement writ with blood on my heart the pride sensuality and the earthliness of which I am charged with I am not able to deny one tittle Oh for a mountain to cover me Oh whither shall I go whither shall I fly That Bed these Curtains this Closet cannot hide me My Mother Father Wife or Child cannot help me O who then shall I run whither I know not vengeance will find me out where ever I go Oh cursed and subtil Satan are all thy fair promises and inticements come to this O my wicked cursed foolish heart that ever I should believe him before my Creator that told me the day I sinned I should surely die Oh that for a little simple transient pleasure I should so madly hazard my eternal life and now I must be cast to Hell to bear the punishment of my folly Think once again think that this were the day and this the very place in which God should come and sit in Judgment on thee Methinks I see the Heavens bow themselves Oh what a crackling do I hear in the Clouds look yonder see who comes it is my Judg his countenance is as a flame of fire he utters his voice like Thunder the mountains skip or rather shake or rather tremble Now now is the time of my utter destruction near at hand Oh how shall I look him in the face his looks do already affright me I shall not say one word and I have not one friend that will say one word for me It 's true I see a terrible glorious Troop of Angels that do attend him but they are all his friends and therefore all my enemies I dare not speak a word to them and alas if I should they are all but his servants and fellow-creatures with my self alas they cannot yea they will not help me It 's true there is one that one that seems as one with God the beams of whose countenance are far brighter than all the Host of Heaven Besides if God have a Son it may be it is he methinks he is a mirrour of his Fathers Glory but this I know not be what he will he cannot pity me a sinner the doors of hope are all shut up and now as a miserable wretch I must prepare to hear my sentence the Judg is set and with trembling heart and joints I stand a prisoner at the bar for my life and now I must attend his call God speaks Sinner where art thou The Sinner answers Lord here am I. God speaks How darest thou thus abuse my Grace and kindle up my zeal against thee that now as stubble it will consume thee Is this the thanks that thou hast returned for all the love that I have shewed to thee Must I make a whole world and give it to thee and as if that was too little I bid thee freely take my self and all and would not this content thee Was I not as a father to thee the time thou lovedst me and didst obey me Did I not make thy seat a Paradise and strewed thy paths with pleasure Did I not rejoice over thee as a young man over his bride What evil hast thou found in me that thou shouldst thus rebelliously revolt and break my Laws and for a trifle sell my favour and hazard my eternal pleasures Speak sinner was it not so The Sinner answers My God these weeping eyes and bended knees confess so much God speaks Had I not told thee that sin would have cost thee thy life then thou hadst had some excuse have I said it and will the great God change Sinner thou must die I told thee so before and now I tell thee again the God of Heaven cannot lye Get thee gone thou cursed wretch into eternal flames and keep that Devil company in chains and torments with whom thou hast rebelled against me and go see what pleasure thou hast in sinning The Sinner answereth Thou great God and terrible Judg I do confess thy sentence just but if there be any bowels of mercy in thee pity me or I die for ever Mercy mercy Lord for I am thy creature the workmanship of thy hands If there be any thing in the trembling heart and hands and knees of this thy sentenced prisoner that will move compassion Oh pity pity a condemned sinner God speaks What! stays he longer to trouble my patience I say be gone thou cursed though thou art my creature know that my wrath hath kindled on better creatures than thou art get thee to Hell and the howling Devils will tell thee as much The Sinner speaks Ah wo wo wo to me for ever cursed I am and cursed must I go for ever My Righteous Judg and ye Glorious Angels adieu for ever Live live for ever blessed and happy in his love I might have lived and joyed and gloried in that God that made both ye and me but like a wretch that I am wo that ever I was born I sold his favour and so my eternal life for a thing of nought a vain lust a sinful pleasure that lasted but for a season and I go I go into eternal flames What says my heart to this Methinks the very thoughts of it do make my heart to quiver and my flesh to shake all round about me I feel no strength in all my joints God speaks So so I am glad something moves thee But think again that the Devil did take hold of thee and drag thee from the place thou sittest on to Hell suppose the Father frowning on thee and all the Angels shouting thee down to Hell and glorying in thy damnation but think again thou sawest when all were joying to see thee sentenced to Hell that he that sat just by the Judg whom thou thoughtest even now to be his Son but knewest it not Look look methinks I see him rise off his Throne see see how the Angels fall to adore him methinks he is a coming near thee Oh how my heart doth tremble Oh what will he torment me before my time Ah me my doom is great enough already Sinner speaks Thou wilt not send me to a worser place than Hell my Judg hath passed my
i' nt that I Do fear thou canst not save Nothing can hinder if thou please Nor Devil Hell nor Grave Nor do I doubt but 't is thy will To save some such as I For as vile wretches as I am Thy Son did freely die In the deep Seas of thy rich love Blaspheming Paul did swim He though thy Saints he sought to kill Yet thou didst pardon him The Harlot Mary Magdalen Who deeply ran on score Who did ten thousand talents owe Yet that debt-bond was tore A swearing cursing Peter thou Didst to thy mercy take That Son whom he did fear to own Thou pardon'st for his sake This makes me confident my God That Heav'n may be my place If thou would'st please to grant to me Maries or Peters Grace Give me O God to go aside And in some corner creep That there with Peter bitterly In dolors I may weep Give me but sinful Maries love Love shall my ointment be Which I upon my Lords feet will Pour out as well as she But ah my God! this is my fear Their faith and love I want My carnal proud and sensual heart Speaks me no penitent This only Lord I have to plead Those lusts my heart doth hate I long I wish to be set free From this sad sinful state Sure Lord I am no enemy To holiness within Thou seest my soul contend and strive To beat down every sin When that perchance my foot doth slip And thee I do offend Doth not my sin make me to mourn And don 't I strive to mend Had not I faith why should I fear The threatenings of thy Law Why should I dread thy Majesty And of thee stand in awe Had I not faith why should I long Thy face above to see Why should I praying sue so hard To get my liberty Did not I love thee why should I My loved self forsake Why should I loath my loved sins For thy beloved's sake Did I not love why don 't the shell Of duties me suffice In Sacraments and pray'rs why do I thus thy presence prize Did I dissemble to be seen Of men why doth my sin Which none knows but my self alone Me trouble that 's within Did I dissemble then my tears My sighs in company Would more be heard and seen then when My God alone stands by It 's true I love thee not enough Nor is my faith so strong But that with grief I do confess Thy faithfulness I wrong But Lord remember I 'm but dust In weakness here I live That little which I have thou gav'st The rest above shalt give Did not those Stars that now do shine With thee in Heav'n above While living on the earth complain Of want of faith and love Nay Lord do not I read that thou The hungry soul didst bless And it that thirsts for righteousness Such am I I confess But Lord remember he that thirsts And hungry is for grace He some degree of grace must want And I am in that case If he is blessed why not I My hung'rings thou dost see If thou hast said he shall be full Why sha'nt that word reach me I sin I sin but thou hast place't The righteous Christ on high To advocate and plead his cause That at his feet doth lye Lord there a sinner I do lye Thy promise I will trust For pardon and for love will hope Till I fall to the dust The Welcome I. WElcome my child on high Heaven joys to see thee here Be not afraid it is thy Fathers house And thy Saviour bought it dear It was for this he bled And his soul ' n offering did make When my Son thou didst accept this Jointure he thee made Now possess it for his sake Whyart thou asham'd come behold me behold me I have forgot thy sin And made thee clean within Now thou' rt arrived here above Of nought think but of love I shall ne're be angry with thee agen II. My servants that attend Put on his best attire Set a Crown on his brow in brightness that out-shines The clearest flames of fire Spread out that cloth of Gold His foot-cloth it must be If you have him drest come bring him set him here He must keep me company Have you done if you have bid him welcome bid him welcome He was our friend on earth And royal in his birth For whilest he lived I saw he Forsook all to love me And did truly serve me to his his death III. A child a bride a wife Ragg'd and adorn'd so soon From the Dungeon to the Throne how quickly am I rais'd And my midnight turn'd to noon Even now on my death-bed I sigh'd I sob'd I groan'd I weeping cri'd my God hath me forgot And by all my friends was moan'd What they think now on earth I do not know I do not know Nor for't do I much care What a weeping though they are Of little do they think I Do possess such glory That I 'm made so much-of here above IV. This is Jerusalem Pav'd o're with slates of Gold Her rows of houses like to towers stand It 's more stately than was told Here 's not a street but 's strow'd With flowers of Paradise Not a step that I tread but such sweetnesses I pownd More rich than Arabian spice Walls that her inclose are far brighter far brighter Than th' oriental flame Or a thing that wants a name Her sparkling gates are well known To be made up of such stone That the richest Diamonds doth excel V. Blest shades that here do dwell These mansions that possess I never till now a place or people saw That the God of Heaven doth bless Here 's not a look speaks care No sign of tear or grief Not a sigh or a groan through all the streets I hear Nor a beggar that wants relief All yet that I 've met are like Angels like Angels In clearness they surpass A Star or chrystal-glass Whose unsoil'd beauty doth seem To out-vye a Sun-beam Far Oh far more splendid than all these VI. Their locks like curls of light Their Lilly-necks hang o're Bedeckt with Ribbonds richer than of Gold I ne're saw such before Sweetness of spirit blooms And blossoms all the week In smiles of joy and love that do adorn In their flowrings on each cheek In mantles as white as the fair Moon the fair Moon They walk about each street And embrace all that they meet I never saw friends so love As they do here above Oh! I could lie at any of their feet VII I am where I would be In the City of my King This is the place I have desir'd to see And to hear the cherubs sing What lofty strains are these I ne're heard voice so lavish Not a note that I hear but melts me into joy And my heart doth in me ravish In the close when they shout Hallelujah Hallelujah Glory to God on high And the Lamb that below did die There 's warmth methinks in these names That melts me into
daily conversant in Philosophical Exercises but did frequently meet to promote the great business of real godliness and growth in grace and to make experiments on their own hearts of that Religion they should be called to impart to others And it seems he began betimes to impart what he had received of the grace of God for not long after he had been of the Colledg he observ'd a young Scholar of good parts and a good humour but having nothing of real godliness whom he would often seek and single out and talk with to draw him off from vanity and to engage him to mind the concerns of his precious soul and as it pleased God in some short time that same Scholar fell sick unto death and upon his Death-bed sent for this young Mr. Wadsworth as his spiritual Father to whom he declar'd he was much affected with what he had formerly spoken to him in his health giving him hearty thanks for the love he had shew'd to his soul and bewailing his own folly in his formerly declining such an ones company and importuning his earnest prayers to God with him and for him Whereupon this early spiritual Father dealt freely and most compassionately with him in farther instructing and then comforting of that spiritual penitent who gave good evidence that he had a true work of grace wrought upon his heart was a new creature and died very comfortably to the great rejoicing of the instrument V. Whom we find in a piece of his own Journal or Note-book Aug. 8. 1650. on a day of Thanksgiving to God for his mercies in exalting the Throne of Christ in the Land the Vniversity and Colledg to which he did then relate recording the frame of his heart That it was pretty spiritual in the former and later part of the day but in communion of some choice Servants of Christ whom he and his Associates had invited to Supper he was exceedingly rais'd in joy so full that his mouth could not express his heart and so was another of his friends then but he observ'd that the Devil did suggest to him there was much carnalness in his joy which made him afraid though still he was persuaded there was much spiritual joy mixt with it for he adds Oh! how sweet was the Communion of Saints to me Truly it was so pleasant that I remember I wisht I could have always liv'd in that state and was loth to leave this company The next day reviewing the temper of his spirit he notes he was very freely carried out for the good of Saints Whereupon he resolv'd first to mortifie carnal joy in which he had been before immers'd in that he found it very destructive to his spiritual comfort and secondly to be more active for God in the company to select some out and discourse with them to inflame their souls in love to God in Christ and to the Children of God praying for strength thereunto from Heaven VI. The next Lords-day after he records to the exaltation of the riches of Gods grace That he appeared very clearly to him as a Father in Christ I may truly say I never found such a discovery of the mortification of carnal joy and carnal love as then when I was exceeding melted with a sense of love and with the remembrance of Gods dealings with me Further VII If any would have me distinguish 'twixt carnal love and spiritual let them first consider that spiritual love is carried out only to a Saint as the image of God appears in him now carnal love to a Saint appears when it is upon account of a sweet disposition humility meekness and loveliness of body usually accompanied with a propensity to laughter and lightness of spirit but spiritual love is accompanied with abundance of seriousness of spirit and composedness of mind as I found at that time Carnal love and carnal joy in Saints is a great rock against which they are very apt to run You shall have Saints sometimes so extasied with joy that they know not why nor for what and it is commonly in meltings of soul 'T is true there may be the spirit there working as he is often and likewise there is the flesh mixed with it therefore 't is good to consider that rapture of St. Paul carried into the third Heavens where were things unutterable There was joy with an high discovery of God but thou wast joyful and may be sawest nothing Whence may be this Inference VIII That the more discovery of God and thine own nothingness take them together the joy comming in upon such discovery is the more spiritual but the less the discovery of those things the more carnality in that joy 'T is true it is the common complaining of Saints Oh I want comforts joys discoveries of love and these they daily pray for but because they have them not so given in as they us'd to be they wonder Alas they little conceive that there is some lust some corruptions that they cherish in their bosom which supplies the room of grace and comfort and therefore note God doth or would do thee a greater kindness to subdue thy corruption than in giving thee in the comfort thou prayest for IX As to carnal love mark whether thy love to other Saints comes from discovery of grace in them or from the sweetness of their dispositions for the carriage and sweetness of their natural temper is excellent and be sure the more love doth arise from the sweetness of their natural dispositions the more that love is carnal because such is common to any carnal man And as to the effect that love which ariseth from their carriage doth decay and flag upon more familiarity with them but spiritual love decays not yea it increaseth by more acquaintance And again spiritual love to Saints is accompanied with a composedness and serenity of soul and doth not so much express it self in other outward joy as in merriness of the countenance The same may be said of that spiritual love in soul to God it is not so much carried out in joy which is external but in the inward man and the more thy love is spiritual and thy joy spiritual as to God the more it is accompanied with a discovery of self-emptiness and self-vileness and this kind of love is masculine and far more durable than that love which ariseth from the apprehensions of Gods love and a less of self-vileness These are Truths much discovered to me Aug. 12. 1650. X. On the 14th saith he I cannot but remember that being drawn out then as two or three days before for a discovery of the Majesty of God to keep me from sin I had such a strong persuasion set home upon my soul that if God should have answer'd my prayers in such a measure as I beg'd I should not have endur'd his presence for that glimpse I had then though it was but confus'd and vail'd it put me into a kind of fear And I could then say If
well why only if it was for any thing it was to read of the Controversie of Mr. Goodwin Yet as it prov'd by the all disposing Providence it was indeed for another business For as soon as I was in my Chamber I was exceedingly melted for those former sins Oh happy time Oh blessed spirit that led me not with my Saviour into the Wilderness to be tempted but to the Table of my Lord to feed on his fat things Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name On Friday before Easter 1651 I had no small joy in prayer never to my remembrance found I such a spirit of indefatigability before O praise God my soul and hie to God! And elsewhere he writes I have found in the various dispensations of Gods love and his dealing with me such a temper as this I have gone to prayer and laboured under such indisposition of soul and hardness of mine heart that I could not tell how to speak to God all sparks of faith as to the casting of my soul upon God seem'd to be extinct all breathings after God and Christ seem'd to be dead sin seem'd as nothing I sought to lay them to my charge yea and according to their aggravations I laboured to set Hell as to its torments before me that by them I might be startled Mine heart was so hard sin and its aggravations did as it were rebound back and convictions would not stick Methought Hell and its torments in this case no more frighted me than a sword at a blind mans throat would startle him I sought indeed that mine heart might be softned yet then but in word desires came not kindly from mine heart and in such a case I left praying this being night The next morning I went to duty again with a perhaps God will be gracious but found my soul hard as before and having pray'd a while and finding no comfort in it I was thinking to break off and so I should had not God prevented me by putting such an argument into my mouth as this Lord canst thou that hast said thou art a Father of such tender bowels suffer thy poor child thy poor creature to plead thus with thee for a broken heart and thou with hold it so stifly from him Upon this mine heart was exceedingly full and broken dissolved even into tears Oh ye Saints remember that Gods workings are arbitrary XXV As he records the failings and comforts he had before in and after prayer so we have him noting It is a good means to keep a mans soul up in a constant frame If he every day call his soul to a question How he hath walked with God that whole day And those sins he finds he hath fallen into that day let him resolve to watch against more strictly the next day and beg strength against them and by doing of this he shall quickly find a growth in grace and victory over his corruptions He adds When thou art ever pleading with God against sins remember that they are Gods enemies as well as thine Tell God he hates sin and wickedness and these are the enemies that thou art conflicting with and assure thy self God will not stand as a neuter but will take thy souls part as David in the fifth Psalm And again consider that thy soul is as a Common-wealth Christ the King thy corruptions the enemies now you know that the King is as much or rather should be more engag'd against the enemies of his Kingdom than the subjects are because the destruction of them or their victory strikes more upon his honour XXVI It is an hard thing to believe that a mans prayers are heard except he finds some warmings in his spirit in prayer either in solid joy or an hearty mourning Here these cases came to be resolv'd viz. Seeing the Children of God are often drawn out in prayer at By times a poor soul begins to reflect upon his own experiences and finding no such matter perform'd by himself is apt to be discouraged and to doubt whether God ever loved him First Thou must know though such dispensations are ordinary yet not necessary The Spirit can work without them as doubtless he doth in many Secondly Perhaps it hath not been Christs want of love to thee but thy negligence towards him He hath knocked and thou hast not opened Oh! this is a repulse to the King of Glory a sad dealing with thy Jesus with a Christ that was all a-sweat for thee and had his sides running out water and blood for thee to let him stand and knock without and give him no lodging Object Yea but the soul may say I have often watcht mine heart and markt the breathings of my soul whither they tended Godward or no but alas I was hard and blind a sottish creature Ans First Let such a consideration as this serve to humble thee but not to deject thee Know that there is a time when God will not be found and that is upon thy slighting of his former tenders Oh! when ever thou findest thy self in such a case forementioned Go and bewail before God thine hard and rough dealings with him Secondly Consider that upon such a reflexion on thy self and finding thine heart dead and listless to prayer it is very probable that the Spirit of God calls thee out at that time to prayer against thine hardness thy listlesness and blindness as to the discoveries of thy self and Gods love towards thee Oh! take heed of slighting such a tender as this Perhaps thou maist never have more of such tenders as these are and that thou maist wrestle a blessing out of Gods hand urge God with his own promises in the 54th Chapter of Isaiah it is a most spiritual and raising Chapter Here it may be Queried How to know that God hides himself out of love to me This to me is a strong evidence that God hides himself out of love to me after some miscarriage of soul 1 When God by my fall into a sin makes me more cautious of that sin for the future 2 God by that sin discovers my base heart to me 3 When God draws out my soul to beg earnestly for strength of him against it But a man after he hath fallen into some sin may take up resolutions against it and yet fall into it again 'T is true there is scarce a Saint but hath experienc'd this very thing and the reasons of it are not dark 1 On Gods part he will make his Saints to know that resolutions nor prayers nor any duty else can conquer sin He would have them acknowledg when corruptions are subdued it came from God that so they may put the crown of mortification upon his head 2 On our part let us examine our selves whether we did resolve in the strength of Christ If not it 's no wonder if we fall If we say we did Let 's examine our souls whether we did apply our selves to God
faith neither of these places mention I answer That we have no reason in the world to say that God will hear any prayer so as to answer it except it hath been put up in faith and the reason is clear which is this because we can receive no mercy but through Christ and can have no interest in Christ except we believe and so can receive nothing from God but through faith mediating therefore because they did receive a mercy to wit the return of prayers from God we must conclude that they did believe XXX I have oftentimes been exceedingly raised in spirit and on a sudden cast down again in an instant as I may so say and have been as far to seek for comfort as ever Now upon enquiry into the causes of this I have found them to be of this kind First God did let me fall because I lookt too much upon mine inraisements as to the establishing of my soul whereas I should have liv'd above them and should have cast my soul immediately upon Christ Secondly God may cast-down upon the questionings in the soul concerning the reality of those inraisements and God may do it upon this account because a doubting soul mistrusting the reality of Gods mercies and not knowing whether they came from God or his own natural strength the soul knows not on whose head he shall put the Crown and because God will advance himself in all Gospel-designs he lets thy soul fall that it might know that all its raisements are from God and here God shews abundance of love to the soul and makes it more firm in its joys the next time And for direction in such a case when a soul is at a loss for the discovery of God it will be its best way to wait patiently upon God and in an humble acknowledgment of his own unworthiness that he deserves ever to be low and if at any time he is rais'd it is from Gods free grace And if thou hast found God in former time coming into thy soul after such a sudden dejection let that experience of Gods love be a stay to thy soul in this case and then conclude that Gods anger lasts but for a moment Object I but saith such a soul I could make indeed my former experiences of Gods love a ground of my faith now if I were but certain that they were then real but I am afraid they were but flashes and I ground it upon this that I see mine heart as wicked as ever as much pride as much deadness to the things of God as much carnalness as ever in a word I find no through mortification in my soul I answer 1 That thou being in a state of temptation and of carnal reasoning art no competent judg of thy mortification for it is 〈◊〉 such a soul in this case as with a man in a passion whiles he is in such a case he can judg of nothing aright for his reason is clouded with his passion But 2 it is most certain that corruptions may be in the soul and yet grace too although as a spark it is cover'd with dead embers Therefore I advise thee to wait patiently upon God till the spark flames till the day star arise in thine heart 2 Pet. 1.19 And there it is very remarkable that the Apostle compares grace to an immortal seed which God puts in the heart Now a seed you know may lie a long time under clods before it appear wait then patiently upon God until the Sun of Righteousness arise in thy soul and make this seed to sprout up to bud forth blossome and bring forth fruit to the glory of God XXXI Object It is true indeed wait patiently upon God I would and live in expectations of a return to my soul again but by reason of my treacherous dealings with him after receits of mercy discoveries of love I have sinned and am afraid that for this God will write bitter things against me Answ Let not sin discourage thee in thy faith but be sure withall to keep a watch over thine heart and join prayer to this watch that thy sin may be mortified Object I but says the soul all that I have done as to the conquest of my corruptions hath been by prayer and this prayer too slightly performed neither hath it been accompanied with diligent endeavours For alas I can remember such a temper that I have gone it may be ten times or more to prayer at mornings and evenings against some one sin and yet after every one of those prayers I have rushed into that particular sin can God be gracious to me Ans It is true thou hast a most wicked heart but I would that thou wouldest but make use of a Parable which our Saviour put forth What King says he will go to war before he hath sate down to consider what the war will cost him And shall we think that the All-wise God who foresaw all the thoughts of mans heart all his pride c. knowing full well what an heart he had to deal with before he sent Christ into the world to die for sinners can be put by his work surely if it could but have kept God from shewing and discovering himself to the soul he had never prosecuted that Gospel-design and now he is resolv'd to carry the soul through all oppositions neither pride nor carnalness shall hinder him in it We are therefore said to be kept by the power of God unto Salvation Truly this very thing spoke abundance of comfort to my soul and establisht me exceedingly when I was once poring on my manifold corruptions XXXII God in his dealings with his Saints sometimes leaves them to carnal reasonings whereby they do in some sort reason themselves out of grace and in this case Satan is very busie and if such a soul should say unto me what shall I do in such a case Ans First Beware of entring the lists with Satan if you do 't is a thousand to one but you are foiled or at least cast into abundance of trouble and disquietments of soul as I have known one to wit O. who hath for that time been unfit either for the service of God or man He could not follow his private calling for it Indeed 't is exceding dangerous For if you give way to one carnal reasoning you shall presently have it backt with an hundred more as for instance in calling into question the reality of thy grace thou maist have most hard and strange thoughts of God Secondly Pray to Christ that he would answer thine objections for thee and truly this is the readiest way to get rid of them in getting Christ to rebuke them And let every awakened Saint that is not troubled with such reasonings know that it was because Christ did answer them to the Devil and establish the soul in his answers or else he might assure himself that he should not have been freed from them O Saints admire the love of Christ to
A man hath power over h imself in the expression of spiritual joy to order it well but he hath no power to refrain from or regulate this laughing even then when he well knew he ought not to laugh Fourthly Spiritual pleasantness is acceptable to all that are wise to salvation but a civil discreet man would be exceedingly offended to see Christians so unreasonably transported to laugh and know not wherefore Fifthly Spiritual joy and cheerfulness is not only every way regular but well-grounded too Now of this same laughter above describ'd a man can give no rational account at all Sixthly The last inconvenience which should cause an utter extirpation of this wild kind of laughing as that which stands in opposition to spiritual cheerfulness is non-edification The spirits of Saints are more cold and flat and indisposed by it Reflexion strikes conscience for it as vain but true Christian mirth joy and cheerfulness hath contrary effects with Saints From the premises for the determination of the case I thus judg 1. Christians smiling at their first congress if conscience suggest not some sufficient ground or spiritual account thereof must needs be some degree of vanity aforesaid as proceeding from the lightness of their spirits especially if their meeting be spiritual and deeply serious in which cases the vanity of heart in Christians doth oftentimes bubble up and should be check'd 2. One of the best ways for a Christian to discern both in the point of Congress and the whole continuance of converse whether his smiling or laughter be vain or spiritual consequently lawful and commendable is his having power over his heart therein so that he can restrain it if he thinks fit still keeping spiritual liberty to the exercise of other spiritual duties which vain laughter and smiling alloweth not XLVII Saints often times in the midst of their spiritual enjoyments are apt to meet with this tentation the Devil suggesting such thoughts as these Surely this joy will not last always one time or other thy sins will provoke God to leave thee utterly For dost thou think that he can ever look upon sin and not punish it seeing he is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity but with detestation Know that in such a case God would have thee to live by faith I mean as to thy during joys And of this we have an excellent Type in Exod. 16.25 God would have the Israelites to gather Manna only for the present day and to cast off all solicitousness as for the morrow And God doth this and suffers such injections of Satan to try thy faith as he did theirs which you may observe in all Gods methods of grace towards them He brought them into the Wilderness where they were to trust him for provision into the Red-sea that they might trust him with their lives And truly upon a serious consideration we shall find his methods the same in these Gospel-times Get therefore to live by faith Here may be confuted a scruple of many a poor soul being not yet come up to discover its Saintship Whether it may laugh or be merry seeing it knows not but it may be in a state of Damnation The Devil by such a temptation or injection works much upon a scrupulous soul Let such an one argue thus with himself There is no more reason for this that I should not laugh being as yet ignorant of mine eternal happiness than that I should not study or work or follow my calling in such a case for one helps me as to my spiritual state as the other But again Let such an one know this that he must exceedingly watch over his heart in such a condition for perhaps it 's joy is too carnal and by embasing of that joy he may want of spiritual comfort For he that regards the least iniquity in his heart the Lord will not hear him And perhaps this is thy bosom-pleasure pray therefore that thine heart may be moderated to such pleasures and mortified more to the world There is a temper of spirit in some Saints at sometimes although very rarely that being in a raised frame they are so full of divine love that every verse of Scripture they have read hath begotten a new extasie of joy and they have been thus for a while together yea so long that they have been weary of rejoycing this excelling sensation is too strong many times for the body and by reason of the weakness of the flesh there is not a sufficiency of spirits to fluctuate about the heart for a long time but by degrees they decay and weaken or as Mr. Lockier says Gods consolations are as your Aqua Vitae is and the Saints of a weak brain quickly turn'd with the reception of them So that God in wisdom gives us in comfort by measure lest our weak vessels should break XLVIII Consonant to that Christian cheerfulness for the describing distinguishing and regulation of which as we have had his thoughts once and again and his friends were refresh'd with this well-regulated temper in their conversation with him So in his preparatory experimental Theology we find him resolving and recording some things concerning the raising of a Christians affection and carriage with reference to the praising of God Where he notes Many souls are troubled in the examinations of themselves about their affections whether they are set more upon God or things here below and are exceeding apt to conclude against themselves Upon which observation he resolves First Thou art not to think that thine heart is to be ever actually set upon God in the midst of thy worldly affairs and therefore if thou art in thy studies or employments of any other honest particular calling If heavenly thoughts come in thou art not so to entertain them as immediately to leave off the business of thy particular calling and fall to spiritual exercises therefore one comparing the thoughts of man saith some are like to a friend others like to strangers coming to visit another man Now the friend coming at the door he will turn his friend into the door and make him tarry a while till he hath done with his stranger but the stranger being gone he will return then to his friend and he shall lodg with him perhaps all night The Application of this is very sweet you your selves may apply it But Secondly If thou canst but willingly and freely part with the world with thy corruptions and desire heartily of God that he would deaden thine heart to creatures and give in more of himself it is a sure evidence that thou takest more delight in the things of God than of the world And of this we have an example which the Apostle gives us in the Patriarchs Heb. 11.13 14. These all died in or according to faith not having received the promises but having seen them afar off and were perswaded of them and embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth for they that say
sentence thou canst not send me into worser than flames or punish me longer than everlastingly Christ answers Oh how my bowels turn this sinner knows not what is in my heart he thinks I am his enemy Sinner shake off thy fears and wipe thine eyes thou shalt not die The Sinner speaks again Oh thou glorious God or Angel or I know not what to call thee do not delude or deride a poor Caitiff wretch in the midst of misery Why wilt thou raise me to such a pinacle of hope to cast me down and make my fall the greater My Judg hath passed the sentence I must die and who can reverse the doom Ah! I must go see my prison-door wide open the smoke and flashes come to meet my despairing soul half way Christ speaks And now my heart begins to break my love can keep no longer in how causelesly doth this wretch torment his heart he knows not who I am I must reveal my self Sinner I love thee I say thou shalt not die Come feel my heart and pulses how they beat and tell how strong my love within doth act them Dost thou not see I have left my Throne and am come down to the Bar where thou standest condemned But why dost thou weep Come let me wipe thine eyes and bind up thy bleeding and despairing heart I tell thee thou shalt not die If Heaven will have blood it shall have mine so it will but spare thine Sinner if thou knewest who I am thou wouldst not doubt one tittle I tell thee I am his Son his only Son that but now condemned thee I know he is just and justice must be fatisfied But do not thou fear if one of us must die it shall be I I will pour out my blood a sacrifice for sin and appease his wrath and make you friends again Ye innumerable company of Angels yet servants at my Fathers will why do ye rejoice to see my prisoner sent to Hell this cursed soul over whom in glory you do now triumph I do resolve to die for and to buy her to my self a Spouse and to make her blessed with your selves and give her a Princess's place on a Throne that is by my self Sinner speaks Is this a dream or am I waking the goodness greatness glory of this sudden unexpected blessed change tempts me to doubt whether it be true or whether it be some unruly fancy that doth delude this wretched heart of mine What! for the Son of God to debase himself so low as to take my nature and so my cause and become the prisoner What! and though he knows he shall be cast Will he hear the sentence and quietly bear bolts and shackles and chains which should have fettered me Yet more than this Doth he know it is impossible to get a reprieve from his Father and Judg and that he must most assuredly drink the bitterest dregs of Death more bitter than Devils or damned souls in Hell as yet ever tasted of For it is impossible the Cup should pass And can he will he dare he venture But stay I must be a Spouse to be exalted from this Dunghil to be a Princess to the Son and Heir of Glory Hold hold here 's enough it is a Dream an idle fancy of a distempered brain I shall never find a heart to believe one syllable But yet methinks if it be a dream 't is a Golden one Is it possible that such a damned wretch as I could harbour such silken gilded thoughts of such love grace mercy and tenderness of the Son of God Oh my heart if they were not true how came they into my mind or how came they to stay or could they if but meer fictions make such a change in my heart Could they so victoriously conquer all my fear silence all my doubts allay the heats of a scorched and be helled Conscience But why a dream poor wretched heart Didst thou not see him step off his Throne Was it a time to dream or sleep in when thou wert before the Judgment-seat while God was frowning and the Devils dragging thee to and fro to get thee away to Hell Oh then just then he stept down drew near and took thee by the hand and spoke these reviving words to thee Doubt this and doubt thy judgment But why a dream I am not now in Hells torments whither I was just now sentenced My heart is now at ease and quiet surely something must be the reason why the Devil that but now had hold of me hath left me Where is the Conscience that but now was burning in me But Oh cannot the presence of the Lord put me out of doubt Do not his words that were so kind his tender dealing with me doth not his stooping to me taking me by the arm and the gentle lifts that he gives to my drooping soul speak him present Oh! do not my head eyes arms heart breast and the ease of every joint and limb about me witness the same A way my unbelieving heart what a stir is here to make thee believe a thing so evident Doubt my mind and freely doubt I'â—e give thee leave when thou hast any occasion or reason for it But why should I doubt that which is past all doubt May I not believe my senses I both saw and heard him speak the words or shall I misdoubt his faithfulness I know he is the Son of God he cannot lye But is it true yet my God I pray thee be not angry with my scrupulous heart thou seest in tears I make the doubt let it be an argument to me of sincerity I do not ask that question as one that would be fain perswaded it's true Canst thou think my Lord that I would not be reconciled and cheerfully accept of Grace when thou so freely offerest it Oh but Lord speak these words to my heart which thou hast already spoke to my ear and thou wilt melt it into love and thankfulness and I shall never doubt it more Object But yet but what can Heaven love so much Answ Thou silly worm how idly dost thou question must Heaven and so its love be bound up to so narrow and contracted thoughts as thine are What can God love no more than thou canst Love is a perfection and God is infinitely perfect so must be infinitely and incomprehensively loving Thou fool go found the Sea and tell me its greatest depths give me the height of yonder Stars this possibly thou maist do for the Seas are not so deep but they have a bottom nor the Stars so high but they may by art be known But Oh the heights and depths and breadths and lengths of the love of our Redeemer He is God and his breasts are so full of love that they flow and overflow with love they have no bottom Do but try my soul cast thy self into this bottomless lovely Ocean into this endless Bosom and when thou hast been sinking millions of millions of years tell me whither
you come to ground Ye glorious Angels and ye blessed spirits of just men made perfect that live above you that have been wading downward these five thousands of years do ye feel a bottom or are ye near one Away away my foolish heart if this be all thou hast to plead he may redeem thee and take thee for his Spouse and betroth thee to himself notwithstanding all this Object But Oh this filthy loath some fleshly self this base unthankeful earthly heart that can prefer a dunghill dross and dirt before him that can freely lay out his love to a creature like my self But Oh how hard and stiff and unrelenting am I to my God But Oh he will slight me because I have often put him off and slighted him he cannot love and die for such a one as I am Answ Cease fool thy reasonings he cannot love an enemy because thou canst not he cannot die because thy cowardly heart will not suffer thee Why should he fear the grave that had power over it And what though thou art unworthy of his love if he will have thee and make thee worthy Thy heart is base and what of that if he will mend it thy filthy rotten and polluted soul he intends to wash and cleanse it till it is without spot and wrinkle or any such thing Thy stubborn proud earthly and lustful heart he can make humble tender soft and yielding And when he hath made thee as he would why may not he take thee to himself and lay thee next his heart and delight over thee everlastingly Object But will his Father yield to this I am too poor a match for the Son and heir of all things But will he can he suffer his Son to die to buy such a beggarly thing to himself as I am Answ Away these silly simple childish thoughts how like an inhabitant of this earthly sensual world dost thou reason thou wilt not under-match and therefore will not God his Son Thou fool thou wilt not because thou canst find another equal But dost thou not know that God can find none equal to his Son he must stoop or else go without It 's true he might have gone without but what if he would not why should not Heaven have its will as well as thou Thou hast no dowry and he doth need none and yet thou arguest as if Heaven would make traffick with his Son and his love as we filly worms do here but we are beggars and so are Angels and all the glorious Hosts above they are his Creatures hang and depend upon him and cannot subsist one moment happy without supplies and helps of his Grace and why may he not bring a beggarly man as near to himself as a beggarly Angel if so it pleaseth him Object But doth it so please him Answ How often have I told thee it doth please him and hast thou not believed Come if thy hearing will not satisfie let thy seeing do it Look if thou hast eyes Come tell me doth not Heaven look as though it was pleased with the offer of his Son What cloud or darkness dost thou see about the Throne what sign or token of displeasure canst thou at all discover Open thine eyes view the God of Glory Do his looks bespeak him to be thy Father or thy Judg And canst thou not read both Husband Father and Lord and all in his countenance What not see it surely thou art blind If he had not told as much from his own mouth his eyes and looks bespeak his love and favour loud and clear enough to thee But doth he not tell thee to put thee out of all doubt this is my well beloved Son hear him hear him what 's that believe him whatsoever he says why what saith he O dull and stupid heart hast thou forgot already He said he will pay his life for thine and doth not his Father bid thee hear him He said he would reconcile thee love thee and make thee friends again And is it not comfort when the Father bids thee believe him he said he will pardon wash and cleanse thee and take thee to himself and betroth thee to him for ever and after all will give thee to see his Glory even the same Glory which he had before the world And the Father is willing to all this for he tells thee his Son is his well-beloved Son and bids thee believe him and misdoubt not one syllable And canst thou after all this doubt that the Father is not willing But do not his Angels likewise who are ministring spirits with voice and looks proclaim as much that Heaven is well pleased with the Son and with his Death and Passion and so with thee in him Do not the Angels admire the mystery of Redeeming Grace that makes them so desirous to peep into it Why did they proclaim his coming into the world and sing for joy that there was good-will in Heaven to men on earth or why do they so diligently attend thee by night and by day Thou seest them not keep guard about thy Chamber-door and round about the curtains of thy bed Why do they attend thee from room to room and follow thee down stairs and out of doors if it were not but that thou art some great Princess nearly allied to their Lord and Master Thou dost not see this blame then thine eyes and the infidelity of thy heart shall it be less true because thy base infidelity cannot digest it Thou might doubt God Heaven and every thing else on that score but hast thou not it from his own mouth that the Angels are ministring spirits for the heirs of glory Come tell me I say tell me quickly I must have an answer Can this and all this be true and Heaven yet not be pleased If God with his Son and Angels be all content that thou shouldst be restored and so exalted to such dignities as to be heir unto the Crown of Heaven if these be pleased who is there in Heaven that can else be displeased What saith my heart what not yet one word Oh how long shall I be troubled and pestered with thy unbelief Oh my God strike chide and break this flint reprove this stubborn and unbelieving heart I cannot perswade it that thou lovest me or art willing to love me I urge thy word and my best reason to prove it but I cannot make it yield Oh break I pray thee this Flint or Adamant upon thy downy breast of love strike and one blow of thine will make it fall in pieces and confess at length that thou art well pleased with thy Son and fully satisfied that he should bleed and die for me But let me try thee once again if thou hast lost thine ears and eyes I 'le see if thou hast lost thy feeling too Thou sayest thou canst not believe that God is willing to accept the Son for thee or that thou so vile a wretch canst be accepted of by the Father
refuse the seal thereof I know I am vile I am vile but thou hast pardoned me Lord I have abused thy love a thousand times refused thy offered self and withstood the tenders of thy Grace but thou hast covered all my sins thou hast freely justified me by thy Grace and made a full attonement for me by thy blood this is that thou freely biddest me take and I have freely drunk it Never was Wine so full as this is Never was Bowl so full of pleasure as this I have swallowed down my life and pardon at one draught I took it from my Saviours hand it was a cup of his own preparing If ever drink was sugared this was I never tasted better rellisht Wine in all my life The richest Cordials cannot match this draught Divine Spirits of pearls dissolved would but dead this Wine Oh when my hopes but kist the purple dews they hung and cleaved so As if they were loth to let thee go They strove and strugled to get near my heart As if intending there to take a part I dare not say them nay blood from that bowl May the best room command within my soul What a sudden strange yet happy alteration do I find within my languid spirits are revived my winter is over Methinks I feel my life and joy to spring amain My Aarons Rod a dry stick but now doth bloom and flourish My newly ingrafted soul is full of Infant-clusters Blood at the root of Vines They say produceth richest Wines Oh! if my Lord will undertake to dress this Vine and trickle down his blood into my root then draw it up into each branch of Grace by the warming beams of his reviving love then let my Dearest come let him come as he hath promised and bring my Father and his Father with him and sup both with me and in me Let them come and I will bid them a welcome I shall have a fruit to present them with which they themselves shall say is pleasant I shall not send my Father away now so oft complaining I came to seek for grapes and fruit but behold wild ones The Conclusion Oh! how unwillingly do I rise methinks I could sit here and feast my heart and eyes for ever What running-Banquets doth my Lord afford me here surely he should not need to fear that I should surfeit on himself But alas I must be gone what shall I do in yonder hungry soul-starving world again I have been feeding on my Paschal Lamb and now I must go and eat my sowr herbs but if it be his will I must obey if it be so I must arise I know thou hast prepared the endless feast above where I shall ever sit and enjoy thy love and glut my hungry eye and heart on the Banquet of thy everlasting self As yet I am now on earth my toil and work lyes heavy on my hands I have yet an afternoon to labour out God knows my work is hard too hard for me my self to perform I scarcely should have lasted out so long but that sometimes at such seasons as this is he repaired my sinking spirits by pouring in the Cordials of his Blood Now I must go and perhaps find as sharp conflicts with my self as ever I know the World and Hell have been laying their snares and gins to catch my new-fledg'd soul and all conspire against my welfare Now it is well if I escape a fall a bruise a breaking of my bones in which sad plight I have so often lain that my Lord might have took me for dead but that my groanings told him loudly I lived Lord must I leave this feast must I go Take me then by the hand and lead me if I must walk let me see thee by me that I may know I walk with my God Lead me away and I will go with thee and let me not go till thou bringst me hither again I cannot will not live without thee And do thou Lord say I must not shall not If both our hearts in love so well agree What then shall separate my Christ from me A Meditation on the Death of Christ Preparative to the Sacrament Pen'd for his private use BUT is he dead Oh sad yet joyful news how strangely is my soul amazed and diversly mov'd and troubl'd by these contrary passions methinks I could pull up the floodgates of my sorrow and vent it out in tears but something bids me hold Shall I mourn for him that 's just now past his state of mourning He 's dead and what of that And so are all his griefs his bloody sweats his sighs and groans concluded He hath drunk on the brook in the way bitter while they were in his mouth and he was living but sweet now they have sunk into his belly and and he in Heaven Sweet to him because it was his work and he hath finisht it and sweet to me because it was the potion of sorrow death hell that I must have taken And canst thou mourn methinks if thou didst love thine heart should rather sympathize with his He is singing and shalt thou be sighing He is joying that his work is done and now is welcoming into Heaven by God his Father and shouting up by Angels voices as the great Conquerour of the hearts of men on earth and that now in triumph he is returned And will a mournful weed a wet eye and a cloudy brow become thee at these times of Festivals Shall the Heavenly Angels be joyful and thou sad How strangely will this be construed Will it not be said thou dost not love him or thou dost envy his recovered glory that he had left and now again hath taken Or that thou canst not endure to see him wear his Princes Crown in Heaven that for a time he had laid aside to come down to the earth to fetch thee thence to Heaven But ah my Lord thou wilt not sure interpret sorrow thus thou hast not sure forgot to give a meaning unto tears to teach a sigh to speak and then to know its language Hath my Lord forgot so suddenly that he was on earth and that he sweat and groan'd and wept and bled as well as I do now What though now all tears and sorrow and sighing is done away and he ceaseth to be any longer subject to our infirmities yet sure he knows it is not thus with us I am not yet in Heaven nor am I yet quite past the vale of sorrow and it cannot then be strange to him if he sees sometimes our faces look of a sadder hue than those that are in Heaven But why should thus my tears be check'd and my throbbing heart be chidden were it for a thing of nought I might be counted fool or child but shall my Saviour die and vent his soul in a stream of blood and all in love to me and shall he thus forsake the world and die and then be laid in the grave and I be denied the liberty of following
him thither as a mourner Shall it be said of the Prince of glory that he died and had the burial of an ass because there was none to sorrow forth those words of Ah my Lord What! shall it be granted to a Wife to mourn for the death of a beloved Husband and to a Child at the burial of a beloved Father Shall not such be blamed but rather pitied And shall their friends come in and confess the loss and the ground of their sorrow just and rather sit them down and bear them company in their grief And must I of all be thus censur'd Away with an Husband Wife or Child to me Is he not more to me than ten Husbands Might I not have had an hundred that would have never done half so much for me as he hath done That first left his glory for my sake and then laid down his life and took the stroke upon himself that I my self deserved and all because he lov'd me Was ever friend like this friend and ever love like this love Many waters cannot quench love but neither waters blood death nor many deaths could quench his love to me But shall he love and die in love and thus be forc'd to leave me because he lov'd me and I not mourn the absence of my best Beloved How unreasonably may any this deny me But ah what a bitter-worded check did I even now receive as if my sorrow would arise from the envying of his now glorious state and not from any love I bear him Oh! what needle-pointed words are those methinks they have pierc'd mine heart in every part and from each prick hath started forth a drop that hath set it o're with a bloody dew But how can it once be thought that envy should get a room in an heart that 's full of love with which it swells it bubbles up and runs all over it cannot be Bear witness heavens I do not grieve that you contain him but that I on earth have lost him Oh my God! I am not sorry that thy Son hath past his sufferings and is arriv'd to rest and got again into thy bosom his ancient nest of love and pleasure Oh you blessed Orders of Seraphims and Cherubims and you innumerable company of the spirits of the just men made perfect I do not envy that you have my Lord with you that you see his face and live and walk and joy in the light of his countenance Alas we your poor Brethren could not make him so welcome here on earth as you can there we lov'd him as sincerely as you and believ'd in him and took delight too in him but yet nothing near so much as you You know him better than we do for you know him as you are known and therefore know better how to prize him We know him but in part and the value price and love could but be in the like proportion He is therefore far much better there than here and how shall I then either envy him or you And what my soul should I wish him back again what if I thought I could prize and love him more and could promise the like for all his beloved disciples I could not alike engage for the wicked envious malicious unbelieving world I could not promise he should meet with no other Herod to seek his life or that the hard-hearted Jews would give him better entertainment whom they dare yet curse with the name of Conjurer though Moses and their Prophets bore witness to him and though they received a seal from Heaven in voices thunders signs and an innumerable company of real Miracles Oh no! my Lord though I could wish to fee thy face again on earth yet not in such a state of misery in the midst of a den of Bears and Lions as not long since thou wast Ah! thou knowest I took no delight to hear that traiterous news of thine own Apostle that had betray'd thee and that it fill'd mine heart with anguish to hear how shamefully and scornfully thou wast abused Thou sawest me blush when I heard thy face was spit on my head did ake when thine was crowned with thorns Anguish and indignation did loose my nerves and with a palsie shook mine hands when thine had a mock-Scepter put into them a reed and a scoff Hail Jesus King of the Jews And did not mine heart break and bleed to hear that thine was pierced Ah my Lord and shall I yet find an heart to wish thee here again No no I am glad thou hast escap'd their bloody hands and now got quite without their reach I am glad thou hast got to perfect ease and rest and know'st no pains nor griefs nor sorrows Oh! take a full possession of thy Fathers breast and sit thee down upon his Throne Thou art a King for ever And take delight in these thy soul-did travel die and bleed for on earth I will repine at nothing that shall advance thy glory But Oh! thou cruel bloody unbelieving world you wicked murtherous bloody Jews though I rejoice my Lord is safe arrived home and quietly landed within his haven yet from you I cannot hold mine anger that made his Sea a Sea of blood and drain'd his heart to make it deep and fill'd his sails with sighs and groans that caus'd his voyage to be so doleful What good got you to stand and laugh to see him sorrowful to scoff and jeer to hear his lamentations what cursed rage was that to make such hast to fetch him vinegar and gall to prolong his life to lengthen out his dolors How could you find such barbarous hearts to triumph over a bleeding dying lamb that was so innocent How could you taunt at him when you heard him praying for you Father forgive them and so tenderly excusing you for they know not what they do Methinks that kindly harmless carriage should have pierced your hearts those melting words should have dissolv'd them and instead of piercing him I should have thought you pierced And ah but that I know an unbelieving heart my self and understand what hardness means I should stand and wonder Oh! it 's too hard an Adamant for downy words and doleful sounds and tender carriages to break and shatter How often have I outstood all those my self And when I served my flesh how little did I mind them And when they have been presented to me in the Gospel or in a Sermon told that all these tortures he endur'd for me and I in part believed it too yet was I not as a man bereft of my senses and I was no more mov'd in mine heart as if I had not heard or understood and were quite bereav'd of sense and reason But had I thus continued in my senseless unbelieving state and as I liv'd so died yet how deservedly should I have born the wrath of God and have been sent to Hell as a recompence of mine unbelief And yet you careless secure Jews can you think to escape when
a deformed one but a Virgin without wrinkle without spot when the Church is sanctified by the Spirit of Christ and nothing in your hearts but love fear and holiness then you have this beauty that is without spot or wrinkle sin does sully the soul but grace taketh away spots and wrinkles Likewise 2. The Church is compared to a Woman for her affection their affections ordinarily are more strong 'T is said of Jonathan his love did exceed the love of women The Holy Ghost compareth the Church to a Woman to signifie that all the members of Christ have a very ardent love and affection to Christ No love so strong as the love of a Saint to Christ and therefore 't is said That many waters cannot quench it There are few will be beggered for the sake of another or banished or hanged upon a Gallows for the sake of another burnt at a stake for anothers sake and yet the love of a Saint maketh nothing of all this it rejoiceth to see its goods spoil'd for Christ to think it self worthy to be whipt for Christ to go up a ladder and to be thrown down with a rope about its neck for Christ Water cannot quench a Saints love neither can fire hinder a Saint from Christ neither things present or things to come can sepaparate from Christ You would all be of this Church pray look that you have affections suitable for Christ You may have a time to try your affections if you want affections you are none of this Woman 3. The Church is compared to a Woman for her fruitfulness the Church of Christ is a fruitful Church that is the society of the Lord Jesus do bring forth daily children to God and as like the Father as they can look The Church does meet together to preach the Gospel and to pray and praise God together and God does so bless them with the Ordinances that they do convert sinners unto God they bring souls that were aliens in their mind they bring them to acquaintance with God The Church is always travelling and bringing forth and God does bless her to bring Sons and Daughters to himself and when they are born they are like Christ patient as Christ was patient meek as he was meek humble as he was humble and heavenly as he was heavenly Whoever pretend to be a Son or Daughter of this Woman and do not bear the Image of the Lord Jesus Christ they are bastards Barrenness under the Law 't was counted a very great curse So take this note to find out the Church of Christ upon earth and in England look upon the several societies professing the name of Christ see which look the most like him have they affections to Christ is there a beauty in their lives are they barren do they convert sinners to them Some cry with a loud voice The Temple of the Lord are we but I pray see if they are fruitful Are they travelling and bringing forth and have they Sons and Daughters brought forth daily to them or little conversion among them they are not fruitful they have not Sons and Daughters born to Jesus Christ and by that you may know where to find Christs Church Lastly The Church is compared to a Woman because of her weakness the Woman is the weaker sex she is not made for fighting but in case of danger for flying for this is the nature of the Church it is not of a domineering boisterous spirit but a womanly spirit modest humble and meek Where you see a people pretend to be this Woman pouring out malice and wrath a domineering people are they like this Woman that flyeth in time of danger but not from Christ vers 3. And there appeared another great wonder in Heaven behold a great red Dragon and that 's the Devil and the Dragon stood before the woman to devour her child as soon as it was born But what was the end did she fight no there were Angels stood to contend for her she took up no arms thought not upon fighting but presently the Angel rescued her vers 7. And there was war in Heaven Michael and his Angels fought against the Dragon and the Dragon and his Angels fought and prevailed not That is the host of Angels did contend with the Devil and his Angels and would not permit him to destroy her and she fled into the Wilderness vers 6. And she fled into the wilderness where she hath a place prepared of God that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days She fled into a Wilderness but in a secure state she was secur'd in her Wilderness and God lookt after her and we are in this thousand two hundred threescore days She is a weak Church but strong in Christ and if so my brethren though you be weak and meek as a sheep and compared to a Woman the weaker sex yet notwithstanding fear not for I cannot stand to speak of all the things in this Chapter Great wings were given her to fly with the whole earth stept out to help her and swallowed up the flood which the Dragon cast out of his mouth and the Angels helped her Well now let us come to the attire I have shewn you the reasons why she is compared to a Woman and we will begin at her head and so come down to her foot On her head a Crown of twelve Sâ—arâ— and her body was clothed with the Sun and under her foot the Moon What was this Crown of twelve Stars if you do but mark the H. Ghost through this book of the Revelations you will find him take a great deal of pleasure in this number twelve and he does always use it when he speaketh of the true Church the new Jerusalem it had twelve Gates and the Tree of life in the midst of this new Jerusalem this Tree of Life bore twelve sorts of fruits this you have in the last Chapter And in the midst of the streets of it and of either side of the river was there the tree of life which bare twelve manner of fruits and yielded her fruit every month and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the Nations Why twelve Gates for the City and twelve fruits upon the tree and twelve Stars upon the Crown of this Church what is the meaning of this I will tell you what it is You know Jesus Christ when he went about to gather this Church out of the world he did chuse twelve men that were his Apostles and these twelve men he did acquaint with the whole mystery of the Gospel all the things that he would have them teach the world he gave them in commandment and they were to be under him the Fathers to beget this Church And Christ calleth them lights Ye are the lights of the world because they were to deliver forth this Doctrine of the Gospel this light from Heaven these truths that lead men like tapers through this dark Dungeon
man would have done it 2 And was not God himself slighted by those that were invited to the feast Was not Christ worse than slighted and was not Paul called a Babler and the Gospel foolishness 3 But consider further Is not the Gospel and the God of it slighted in thee the message thou knowest is not thine but his that sent thee 4 And think is it not natural for the carnal mind to have unsavoury dark foolish thoughts of the Gospel was it not always so did not Christ wonder seeing their unbelief 5 But think it 's God in Christ or the strictness and spiritualness of the Gospel that they undervalue and think nothing of the excellency of They say it 's thou speakest nothing they would say the other but they dare not speak out and so they cast it on thee and art thou not willing rather to suffer than it wouldst not thou have interposed thy face to Christ to have received the spittle and kept it from him and thine head to have been crowned with thorns and what dost thou shrink in taking of this 6 But think what reason have they to charge thee with a nothingness and impertinency in preaching what mean so many to follow thee they may hear nothings and impertinencies nearer home Wherefore go on chearfully and boldly in thy work and regard not what some few scoffers say when thou art carrying on that work for the good of souls which the Lord will own and bless HYMN I. WHat ails my soul to look so wan My vitals they are fled What faintings do I feel within My heart as 't were is dead Love-beams do shine full in my face From off the throne above They sparkle glories round my soul Yet yet I cannot love I see the Heavens open wide My Lord upon his throne I see his Saints all cloth'd in gold Bedeckt with glittering stone I fee a Crown held in his hand To set upon my head If once I were laid low in grave Yet yet my heart is dead What my distemper is God knows It 's cause I can unfold My heart lay down upon the earth And there it caught a cold This this alone had been enough My health to overthrow But I of flesh a surfeit took Which made my grief to grow Lord what compassions in thy looks What pearls stand in thine eye Like a kind friend thou turn'st away As loth to see me die No cordials can my sp'rits revive Those glorious sights do'nt move Oh I am lost there is no hope I see yet cannot love My God! my God! don 't me forsake If I must needs then die Whil'st I am breathing out my last Oh! do but thou stand by Help help thou great soul-curing God In languishments I lye Speak but the word my heart revives Oh yet I shall not die I find my native heat restor'd My wonted joys return I love thee Lord I love thee now With love my heart doth burn Oh what are all the things below What toys they seem to me When shall I leave them and come up To dwell my Lord with thee HYMN II. The Souls Farewell to her Body TIr'd with a body now at last In travel on my road I must take Inn and rest my self I must of flesh unload I see my prison-walls fall down And mold'ring into dust I feel my chains of flesh break off As eaten up with rust Oh! I am going help my God! A little respite give Reverse thy sentence add some years That I on earth may live Ah! foolish soul how fond of life Dost thou thy self betray Why a few minutes more dost thou With tears for life thus pray Are not the years enough thou ' st been A Pilgrim here below Thy Father calls bids come away Ah! fool thou wilt not go What seest thou in this wicked world That thus delights thine eye A father brother or dear friends Thou ' lt find them all on high Thy Saviour hath a Palace there Imbost about with Gold Thine's but a den where now thou dwell'st Whose walls scarce keep out cold What canst thou see more than thou hast The same Sun runs its round The rivers ebb and flow alike No new thing can be found The pleasant faces of thy friends Thou feest but o're again The sweets of meats and drinks thou tasts Are but the very same Yet these sweet and beloved things Have thorns been in thy side Their Prickles have so torn thy heart Thou scarce could'st them abide But Oh thou lump of Gold my Soul How full of dross and tin Thy Father would but melt thee now And purge thee of thy sin Thou art my Soul a ball of light Here in dark lanthorn place't God in a golden socket would Thee set to burn not waste Arise my Soul come shake thy plumes Prepare thy self for flight Like a fledg'd Eagle mount aloft And bid the world Good-night Farewell then dearest friends farewell Farewell fond world I say Lord now I come Oh take me up With sighs and groans I pray HYMN III. The Resurrection of our Blessed Lord. ON Golgotha that fatal day While Christ on Cross did bleed The whole Creation groan'd they say To see that bloody deed The Earths big heart with sorrow swells Which burst out in earth-quakes The Sun his eye hides in a cloud The lowring Heaven shakes The bodies of the dead arise Most ghastly look and wonder Because mens hearts nor garments rent The Vale doth tear asunder Yet one thing do I admire more To see a God-man dead His breathless royal trunk they took And laid in grave deaths-bed Like conquer'd captive there he lies In th' prison of a grave Three days the tyrant death him holds In fetters like a slave So long said he I 'le lye then cry'd Hell grave death do your worst Fast tye me bind me chain my hands I 'le all your fetters burst Rowl rowl a stone upon his tomb The Jews of Pilate pray Set watch and ward lest that his friends By night steal him away With bills and lanthorns there they stand With scoffs they him deride See how he riseth jeeringly They flout one very side At length the third days morn doth dawn Our Lord begins to ' wake Whilest the hard stony Cover-lid Away the Angel takes Look look the watch-men see they run As frighted hark their crys The buried Jesus he is risen We saw him with these eyes Shout shout for joy ye Saints of his This is your Saviour dear When you this wretched life must leave Graves Coffins do not fear This day a perfect conquest he Of grim-lookt death hath made Your moulder'd rotted bodies he Can raise as he hath said HYMN IV. Of our Lords Ascension into Heaven I Sometime wondred why thou Lord Those forty-days didst stay On earth betwixt thy Grave and Crown Or thy Ascension day It seems most like a Captain great After some bloody fights Who walks to shew his friends he lives And puts his Host to rights Thus all things