time The Name of God is to be Preached and Proclaim'd that he is gracious to graceles ones and mercifull to miserable ones and long-suffering and abundant in goodnesse and truth e Exod. 34. 6. to them that have abundance of sin and he would that repentance and remission of sins should be published in his Name f Luk. 24. 47. When he gives you a glimpse of his love you are apt to bely the Lord as Judah did and to say it is not he unlesse it comes with a full perswasion to you yet this hindred not the Lords coming in and healing them Though not a person but the Land was fild with sin against the Holy One of Israel yet Israel hath not been forsaken g Jer. 51. 5. He said I am forsaken and not onely forsaken but forgotten Zion said so and Israel said so yet he is not forsaken For a farewell she said Go and Beleeve the Lord Jesus makes you whole and so Go in peace beleeving its Christ must make you whole and none els May 28. A maid in deep despair came to her The Relator being present writ then also After other expressions the Maid said as followeth Maid It hath been sad with me since it was said to me Repentance is hid from thine eyes and wo unto them when they depart from the living God S. Ans. The Lord saith I le put my feare in their hearts that they shall not depart from me h Je. 32.40 Maid But I have departed from him therefore I am none of his people S. There saith he where it was said i Hos. 1. 12. They are not my people there it shall be said they are the children of God Maid I am without God an enemy to him S. Well let it be so you are without God in the world a stranger an enemy yet such hath he reconciled by the death of his Son k Ephes. 2. 12. all the want is you cannot see it so Maid I am far off from him S. He gives peace peace to them that are far off Maid I had a great deal of light and I departed from it S. So did Judah they departed from the living God and went to dead Idol Gods yet he would marry them Maid I have done so S. So did they before you and yet he married them Maid But I have rejected him S. You can doe nothing els but reject him but your greatest rejecting is to reject * Thus leading her to the root sin that looked at branches more so did shee often a promise from God when he holds one out to you then you say it is not to me Thus I find as you doe in rejecting promises and that was my greatest sin Maid Your sin was not like mine S. No sin was like mine as I judged Mine was against such light that I judged I had sin'd against the Holy Ghost Maid That word terrifies me that was said to me Repentance is hid from thine eyes S. That word when I read it I was ready to teare it out of my book There were three other Scriptures that were terrible to me He that beleeves not is condemned already l John 3. 18. was one Another was He that beleeveth not the Son the wrath of God abides on him m v. 36. A third was He that made them will not have mercy on them n Is. 27. 11. no mercy none at all But above all this Repentance o Hos. 13. 14. is hid from mine eyes Maid Was it so with you and then said The Discoveries of Christ and promises are more terrible to me then the curses of the Law S. Sometimes it was so with me salvation was turnd into condemnation to me promises that were never so sweet were terrible to me Maid When he would have healed me I resisted and would not S. Who hath resisted his will Here is Gods mercy to you that by his Spirit he hath convinced you of sin when you might have gone without any sight of it Maid I have not the light of it S. You see you are in darkenesse Christ came to be light to them that are in darkness p Lu. 1.79 Christ would not unbottome you of your selfe but to bottome you on himselfe q Hos. 2.7.14 Hos. 14.3 Maid He that overcometh to him will he give to sit on his Throne r Re. 3.21 and to eat of the hidden Manna s Re. 2.17 One may goe farre and not overcome He that endures to the end shall be saved t Mat. 24.13 but I fear I shal not S. He saith u 2 chr 20.15 feare not nor be dismayed for the battel is not yours but the Lords you lye down in your shame but he is your strength your al in al. Maid Better never to have known the Truth and holy Command then having known it to depart w 2 Pet. 2. 21. as I have departed S. All the Scriptures you bring are to bring you off from your sandy foundation you would build on something you would finde in your selfe and feed on husks your prodigals portion x Lu. 15.16 Christ is unbottoming you of your own righteousnesse y Phil. 3.7 and of all evill to make known himself his righteousnes to you and to set you on that Rock that is higher then you Maid Not one glimmering light of him have I. S. Ans. Had you these eight yeers enjoyed such light and comforts as you would have had you would have rested in them But God would not have you rest short of himselfe z Isa. 55. 1 2 3. 8. Maid I have sin'd against all the meanes and light he hath given me S. You will the more prize his mercy and the more love him when you shall see his love to you notwithstanding all this a Mic. 7. 18. 1 Tim. 1. 13-17 Maid Iudas after his sin he repented I have not so much as he had S. He had a naturall Repentance you wait for Repentance from Christ b Act. 5. 31. who is sent to give Repentance to them that have no Repentance Maid I have sin'd with Iudas But he saith Returne And I have not returned S. Doth he expect they should returne in their own strength No. But he turns them and they are turned c Je. 31.18 Judah was given over to reproach and to treachery and whoredome and to all manner of sin Their sinnes were such as could not be numbred They would none of God but were weary of him d Isa. 43.24 yet he would not forsake them e Jer. 51.5 but would have mercy on them and would love them freely and would forgive them and blot out their sins for his own sake f 25. that they might not boast of their own righteousnes g 1 Co. 1.29 but glory in the Lord onely Maid I go on in sin and what hope for such S. Ephraim feeds on wind and the house of Israel
Ordinances in hearing the word as formerly you did A. God will dispose me to that that shall be for his glory and my good But I look on Ordinances as tokens of Gods love to his people and representations of Christ that should neither be idolized nor slighted but they should be us'd and God lov'd above them To M r. Sp. shee said As the spouse in the Canticles sets out her beloved by similitudes of him so are Ordinances similitudes of him by which he sets out himselfe to us for our good If Iesus Christ himselfe should preach to the soule every day and give not out of himselfe the Ordinance would be empty to it But he comes in to his people in Ordinances and there he fils the empty soule with good things Lady Whether doe you not desire to live to declare the great mercy that God hath express'd to you A. I desire nothing but his will which doth order all things to his own glory and his Creatures good Lady whether have you thoughts of the Church of God and of the condition it is in in the parts that you know A. I wish with Paul if it were possible that all Israel might be sau'd M ris Bri. Doe you not wish that all differences were compos'd and made up among the Saints Answ. Yes Lady What meanes doe you thinke would be most effectuall to compose them A. The beholding a reconciled God seen by all God was in Christ reconciling the world to himselfe There is need of such a dayes-man as Christ to reconcile the world to God Suitable to what Mr. St. Marshall gathered from Isa. 57. 19. I create the fruit of the lips peace peace viz. 1. That the peace and the healing of Gods people is Gods own worke a worke of his creating power 2. Though it be so yet the speciall way whereby he effects it is the preaching of the Gospell of peace Her face being covered as daily It us'd to be since April 6 one spake of the great weaknes of her eyes Ans. Christ hath done a great miracle upon me he hath made the blind to see and the deafe to heare and the damb to speake he hath done it upon many and he hath done all upon one poore wretch Formerly her selfe was slow of speech that now hath such freedome speaking as with a new tongue M r Sp. Doe you think to have it alwayes day with you Ans. I know there may be clouds that the soule cannot so apprehend the light of Gods countenance at David said Restore to me the joy of thy salvation a Ps. 51. 12. and why hidest thou thy face from me But Christ the Sun of righteousnesse will arise againe b Mat. 42. He will break through all these things My times and my refreshings are in Gods hands c Ps. 31 15. to refresh the weary soule which he will doe freely M r Sp. I would be glad to heare which way the Lord came in to refresh you Ans. It was revealed to me that Christ was crucified for me even for me the chiefest of sinners I never had a glimpse of Christ before and then I admired him I saw it plainly My greatest sin was unbeliefe and I saw I was in unbeliefe and that the wrath of God abode upon me I was damned already And not for any thing in me but when unworthinesse was in me for his own worthinesse even for his own Names sake that he forgave all my sinnes His Name is Mercifull Gracious long suffering c Exo. 34 67 M r Sp. What counsell would you give to one in that condition of darknes A. To wait on God that hids himselfe Isa 8. 17. My temptations were the saddest of any to beleeve there was no God nor Heaven nor Hell but what I felt my soul remain'd in terror continually M r Sp. You knew the Scripturs before that comfort you now wherein then is your comfort What 's the difference A. The Letter did but kill it could not comfort but God hath refreshed me in his love God was the same to me in his love formerly that he is now But in his fulnes of time he manifested that which was before I doe not beleeve that he hated me before and loved me after but all my affliction was in his love and very faithfulnes The glory of God doth as much appeare in supporting a soule under terror as in delivering it out of terror It s said in Isai. 24. 16. Glorifie God in the fires Though the soule sees it not then yet when the Lord brings it out then he sees that God did glorifie himselfe in the afffliction Question What doe you think of the POWRINGS out of his spirit in the last dayes S. Ans. Then and since being put together The Name of Christ is powred forth by the spirit on his people and will be still and thereby we love him when he hath shewed that love to us and drawne us Question wee have some drops of his spirit now but are the powrings out now Act. 2.17.31 38. S. Ans. There are many that love him now and why doe they love him its not said because of some Drops but because thy name is Oyntment powred out Therefore it is that any soule loves him Cant. 1. 3. Quest. But doe you not think there will be a time when God will powre out more of his Spirit upon his sonnes and daughters then now is usuall S. Ans. Though his love is powred out into the hearts of his people by the spirit now or els we could not love him yet this is personall to a few but I doe verily beleeve it will be more generall to many and in a greater measure This is but a tast now of what shall be M r. Spr. Doe you take no food S. Ans. Yes I feed on Iesus Christ he is my daily food he feeds me with himselfe and hee is full of satisfaction Ioh. 6. 35. 51. 55. M. Spr. But I speake of bodily food Doe you think it s no temptation on you to forbeare bodily food S. Ans. No. I would eate if I could but I connot If I try it makes me worse His word is my meat and delight In my trouble I oft could not eat he fed me with bitternes and worme wood I sed on terror that was my meat and now the Lord makes answerable to it his feeding me now with promises this marrow and fatnes a Psal. 63. 5. he refresheth me continually with his love which is better then b Cant. 1. 2. wine May 21. One asked her Doe you sleep A. These three nights I slept not till three of the clocke but I lye still I stir not but am content and that 's better Quest. How is that better S. Ans. Content is better then abundance is it not And Christ is never idle he is alwayes doing somewhat in the soule One speaking of hopes of her life S. Ans. To be willing to live is the hardest lesson to
to him Heb. 11. 6â— Quest. What judge you about GENERALL REDEMPTION and the consequence thereof FREE-WILL FALLING AWAY c. Seing you hold out to all that come troubled to you that Christ hath redeemed them and that it onely wants manifestation to themselves Answer The Gospel is to be held out to all the world to the chiefest of sinners And this is Gospel That Christ was sent of God to them to turne them all from their sins a Act. 3 26. Act. 17. 38. 46 Act. 5. 31. Lu. 24. 46. 47. and to justifie and Pardon them and to give b Luk. 10. 5. Act. 10. 36. peace to them that are a far off and that God is not c 2 Pe. 3. 9. Ezek. 33. 11. Luk. 13. 34. willing that any should perish but that all should repent and live Gods willingnes to d 2 Cor. 5. 18. reconcile the world to himself it to be held out to all And those that I thus speake to are afflicted and affliction is the portion of those that he loves And he had loved such and Christ had redeemed them whilst they were in the furnace of affliction though they knew it not it only wanted the manifestation to them and when this fulnesse of time is to draw them it is not because God then began to love them but he loved them with an everlasting love therefore it is that in tender mercy he draws any souls Jer. 31. 3 There is his free choice and his mighty power in drawing such as were dead in sins which no power of man could doe none can come to Christ except the Father draw him e Jo. 6. 44. 63. And having loved his own he loves them to the end f Joh. 13. 1. and none can pull them out of his Fathers hand Who shall separate us from this loves g Ro. 8. end neither men nor sinne nor Satan Another added as follows 1. Iesus Christ saith Preach the Gospel to every creature say Peace be to this House Thus the Disciples did to the worst Peter Act. 3. 26. Paul 1 Cor. 15. 1. 3 4. with 1 Cor. 6. 9-11 Chap. 2. 2. Hereby they received the Spirit Gal. 3.5 2 Pet. 1.4 Which alone convinceth effectually of sin righteousnesse and judgement Iob 16. 8. and melts the hard heart Zach. 12. 10. Isa. 53. 5. Gods choice was not used to be preached to all but for the comfort of them that knew they beleeved Eph. 1. 3 4. 2 Tim. 1. 9. In preaching of the Gospel light motion and power goes out to all which men resist and such are destroyed not because they could not beleeve but because they resist and will not obey and so die Act. 7. 51. Luk. 13. 34. Ezek. 33. 11. Hos. 13. 9. 2. All the Redemption or freedome that all have from temporall and from hellish torments at present and all the good to heart body or state that they enjoy all is by the redemption of Jesus Christ who saveth all both men and beasts especially them that beleeve thus 1 Tim. 4. 10. Psal. 36. 6. 3. The time must be when every promise of God must be fulfilled Ioh. 10. 35. Mat. 5.17 18. And therefore the time cometh when in the seed of Abraham that is in Jesus Christ all the a Gen. 22. 18 Gen. 18. 18. Nations b Act. 3. 25. kindreds c Gen. 28. 14. families d Psal. 67. 5. people of the earth even to the e Vers. 6. ends or utmost corners thereof shall be blessed When the stone in Daniel that smites the feet of the mighty image shall become a f Dan. 2. 34 35. 45. MOVNTAIN and fill the whole earth g Dan. 7. 27. Then the kingdome and dominion and greatnesse of the kingdome under the whole Heaven shall be given to the Saints of the most High whose kingdome is for ever or for an age and all Dominions of Rulers h Psal. 72 11-17 all Kings and i Psal. 100. 1-4 people shall serve and obey him This was never yet fulfilled and therefore we may rejoyce that as God is true as this shall be performed H. G. Whether doth the Lord at any time PUNISH or chasten his people FOR SIN S. Ans. He saith For this cause some are sick and weak among you k 1 Cor. 11. 30. But I cannot call it a * Amos 3. 3. Hebr. is visit upon you not punish So Ier. 46.28 and elsewhere punishment for sin to his people for Christ hath paid their debt already and bare their sinne into land of forgetfulnesse Thou forgavest the punishment of my sinne If the punishment for the least sin were taken away it would presse them down to Hell and then what would their greatest sin doe But Christ hath satisfied to take away the punishment But yet he hath fatherly chastisements for them For whom he loves he chastens What sonne is he whom the Father chastens not l Revel 3. 19. Heb. 12. 7. He chastens them to love and they see it and that makes them sorry for sin as sin or els they would never be sorry for sin as sin but that they see his love It s his love that he will correct them and then he deales with them as with one of his own It is in love what ever he doth to his in all afflictions though the soule may not see it till afterwards For All things are for good to his people May 26. 1647. There came to her a wife that being past her reckoning thought her Pangs of Travell were come upon her but as shee said those being as nothing to the pangs and terrors her soule was in having been with M ris Sarah before shee came now running to her bewailing that in this her extremity shee had no God to goe unto M ris Sarah's eyes that had been so very ill by her cruell beating them and by oft bruising her head against walls in her terrors to have beat out her braines being now somewhat better beheld the sadded woman coming in and had presently cast in a word to speak to her which was this Iudah shall be saved and Jerusalem shall dwell safely m Je. 23.6 and who were more sinfull then they Yet God hath made a promise to them If you were as bad as you are as bad by nature yet look upon that promise which was cast upon me as you came in That you even you shall be saved and dwell safely under the shadow and protection of the Almighty which is a safe shelter indeed from what stormes soever they be Those sins that are crimson-sins and of a scarlet dye yet God hath pardon'd doubtles he hath lov'd you freely and pardon'd you not for any thing in you but for his Name sake You say you are weary of your sins and you desire nothing but Christ Therefore the promise is to you Woman mourning said as the Relator then wrote it I am in unbeliefe S. Ans. It s rather
because I have not been above two moneths so violently troubled May 31. Being Munday came to her the Lady Willoughbie of Parham with D r Coxe Physician and M rs Cox M r and M rs Adderley of the Charter-house c. Having heard of her great comforts Dr. Cox put severall Questions to her Which with her Answers were to this effect 1. D r Cox Some say of your Comfort that it is but a Delusion some say it is not Q. How do you know t is no Delusion S. Ans. You cannot know what my comforts are except you knew what my terrors were But I beleeve the Lord did not keep me in them and carry me through them and deliver me from them not foon one but from all my fears and give mee comfort to delude me with his comfort For nothing could satisfie in those Terrors but Christ therefore it is apparent that it is Christ because nothing else could do it to free me from one of my terrors much lesse to free me from all Could any thing keep me from such great temptations but the power of God then shee told of some of her Temptations Q. How know you it was the power of God Ans. Because it was the bare arme of God that brought salvation to me Isa. 59.16 nothing else could and nothing els did it I went about seeking rest and could sind none till he gave me rest Q. How know you this working in you is the Spirit of God A. Where the Spirit of God is there is libertie he d 1 Cor. 3 17. sets the soul at liberty that was in bondage for I was in bondage The other is a Spirit of Error this is the Spirit of Truth the other is the Spirit of darknes this is the Spirit of light This is the Spirit of Truth and not of Error because he leads the soul into all Truth e Ioh. 1 13. and he set me at liberty that I am no under the Law but under Grace f Rom. 6.14 2. Q. How or in what sense are you not under the Law S. Ans. Because the Spirit of life in Christ Iesus hath made me free from the law of sin and of death For what the Law could not doe being weak c. Rom. 8. 2. 3. It was weak to pardon my sinne and to carry it into the land of forgetfulnes therefore God sending his Son condemns sin and saves the sinner even me the chiefest of sinners 3. Q. Whether have you SIN in you A. Yes a thorn in the flesh as Paul had to humble me but not to condemne me 2 Cor. 12. 7. Q. Whether doe you think that others judge of your condition now that it is but in hypocrisie A. They that saw or knew me in my Terrors when I could not be ruled might well know that nothing but the Peace of God which passeth all understanding could so rule me which was as Ephraim an untamed heifer Phil. 4.7 Ier. 31.18 she spake this very low 4. Q. Why do you speak no louder are you weaker with your joyes then you were with your Terrors Ans. I had more cause in my Terrors when I abus'd my body but I never felt it till now I beat my head oft against the wall and took my flesh in my teeth and the more and ofter I did it the lesse I felt it And when I had an opportunity against my life and did not take it then I beat my self for it most of all because it took not effect Or if I spake any thing that was offensive to any with me or did that I should not when it was brought to mind afterward then I abused my body for it most of all And that I did so then is the cause why I lie here now For now that he hath brought me to my self now I feel it He did not onely bring my soul to hell and brought it back again but my body to the grave that he might raise it up again if he see it good 1 Sam. 2.6,7 5. Qu. Why do you not eat Why do they now get things for you that you may rise again Ans. I do eat But its meat to eat that the world knows not off but those that taste of it His words were a Jer. 15. 16. found and I did eat them His words are the joy and rejoycing of my heart his words of mercy and love and joy in the holy Ghost which sill an empty soul indeed as I was which is meat indeed both to soul and body at the present Qu. Whether do you not refuse the creatures our of temptation An. No for I would eat if I could my stomach was then sild with terror that I could not eat now with joy If I could I would take the Creatures but for the present I cannot But if he see it best for his glory and my good I wait for a power from him for this as well as for the rest that he hath done for me for I know that all power is in his hand and all my times are in his hand therfore I desire to wait on him Q. Whether could you endure to be mock'd and skoff'd and jeered at in the world if some should say This is she that was mad or that counterfeited could you endure it Ans. It s no more then my Lord and Master was before me They said he was mad and had a Devil and the Souldiers mock'd him Let me undergo the uttermost I do but follow his a 1 Pet. 2. 22. steps And if I will be one of Christs I must do so b Luke 14. 26. He suffered it but for such a one as I though he was the Son of God yet he made himself of no reputation c Phil. 2. 7,8 And what was it for but to die for me the the chiefest of sinners that I might live to have life from him that I might live to him d 2 Cor 5. 14 15. 7. Q. Whether could you be content with Christ alone now and take no comfort in any thing in the world but be satisfied with him alone Ans. Yes very well for he is a satisfying Christ for having him I have enough I have all things Therefore I desire not to look after pleasures in the world for I have enough in him e Phil. 4.11 12. For he is full of satisfaction and I have tasted of that fulness Grace for Gr..ce. f Io. 1.16 8. Q. Whether do you love God now more then ever you did before Ans. I know not that ever I lov'd him at all before For I had no love at all g Tit. 3.3 neither to the Creator nor to the creature for all were enemies All the sight of God I had then was that he was an enemy I saw no excellency nor beauty h Isa. 53.2 nor comliness in him to be desired at all It must be one that hath attained to great love that can love a deformed creature God is
they beleeved not and what great need they have of Christ and till then they never rightly beleeve I have found it hath been so with me No sin is like the sin of unbeliefe The enemy is the Grand enemy of the soul that sin is the Grand sin of the soul. Though it be the great sin of all and the damning sin That yet Iesus Christ should not onely bid such a one beleeve but give it to beleeve it is to be admired 2. Quest. Whether many are not worse by hearing the Gospel of Grace in Christ to the ungodly and chiefest of sinners S. Ans. Many are worse and many are better The y 1 Pet. 1. 25. Word by the Gospel is to be preached to the world of sinners that is the Word which became flesh z Joh. 1. 14. That Christ came not to be ministred unto but to minister and to give his life a ransom for many a Mar. 10 45. He is not to be ministred unto by workes of our righteousnesse or our preparing our selves first for him or any worthinesse in our selves but to minister that is to supply our wants first the Spirit and therewith righteousnesse peace and joy which make an empty soule full indeed and to give his life not so sell it to them that haue money but to give it to them that have none his life no lesse price a ransome for us bondslaves that were in bondage to Satan sin and corruption for many for a numberles number that none can number so they are indeed if all be gathered together though but a few in comparison of the rest for many are called but few are chosen b Mar. 20. 16. It s there for many here for few Many are called by the word to Beleeve and to Repent all where the Gospel comes but few are called out of their sinfull state Iune 10.47 It being now above 75. dayes since she did eat at all and full 65. dayes since shee did sip or drink two dayes together her drink being onely fair water for about twenty dayes and since that some small beer and both these onely at once still in two three or four dayes of late in four or five dayes once and then no more till about so long after shee having never been able to stirre out of bed since April 6. being 65. dayes through her great weaknesse especially in her head by her so beating it against walls in her Terror and now shee being very weak unlikely to live unlesse shee took somewhat except he who so miraculously had upheld her so long should hold out the same great power and goodnes still unto her shee not having taken so much as a sip of any thing at all for four or five dayes last nor so much as moistened her mouth or lips in all that time and had enjoyed very little rest for a week together or more The Relator perceiving it now as from time to time formerly spake to her about eating or drinking somewhat S. Ans. I am not hungry nor thirsty Rela I have sometime neglected my body till I saw I must not wrong the Temple of the Holy Ghost c 1 Cor. 3. 17. and then I durst not but eat though I had no mind to it because t is an ordinary means of preserving life and health S. Ans. I cannot do it I do not abstain out of wilfulnesse for I would if I could nor have I any command or temptation in my spirit against it as if I should not but it is because I cannot When I have tried I am the worse by it I cannot digest it and the smell of it hurts me The Relator durst not then further urge her and being ready to depart Shee entreated his visiting some of the despairing soules that had been with her and to pray for them and for her selfe that shee might quietly submit to the will of God to live or dye for she found not such contentednesse to live as she desired but rather longing to be dissolved to be with Christ which was best of al for her Phil. 1. 23. So lie left her more drooping weak and pensive then at any time shee now to the eye of man drawing neer to death as he apprehended and was much affected with it spake of it to some ☞ But yet remembring some expressions of Faith that she had uttered before touching the raising up of her body as well as her soule pag. 33. 35. he had hopes the Lord would yet raise up her body to the praise of his Name and the refreshing of others that are despairing disconsolate soules And now behold and see the LORDS doing for it is marvailous and worthy to be remembred That day and untill about ten of the Clock at night all that week before-going especially on since Tuesday beforesaid she had these words following her and still as it were spoken to her again again viz. With long life will I satisfie him Ps. 91. 16. At first she took it to be meant of Eternall life in glory and rejoyced in it But when it was opened to her to be also of long life here Shee thought that would not satisfie her and therefore she would not regard it being so desirous to be absent from the body and to be present with Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 5.8 a little glimpse of him that shee felt was so sweet shee so desired the full fruition of him that shee was not so contented to live as was meet and as now having a sight of it shee desired prayer for her that shee might be and that she might quietly lie down at the feet of God to do with her as he would that shee might not be so weary of the condition the Lord allotted to her About ten at night this came in as if it had been whispered to her soule from God Thou hast not wearied me with thy sacrifices but thou hast wearied me with thy sins Yet I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine owne Names sake a Isa. 43.22.25 and will remember them no more for ever no not for ever Thou art mine my b Cant. 7. 10. desire is towards thee I will c Hos. 14. 4. heal thy backslidings I love thee freely I forgive all thy sins for my Names sake as though they had never been committed Come and see how I have loved thee How I have ever loved thee Behold and admire this love of mine Fathom this sea of my love if thee canst which drownes the multitude of thy sins and see how I have ever loved thee from eternity with an endlesse boundlesse and everlasting d Jer. 31 3 love the number of thy sins and multitude of thy transgressions against me shall never be able to seperate the e Ro. 8 35-39 union that I have made between thee me This manifestation exceedingly melted her heart and the more abased her soule before him And shee said Lord
the Auditors Office and of the Exchequers Office Son to old M r Wight of Daintry Her earthly dwelling is now with her faithful Mother M ris Mary Wight widdow in Lawrence Pountney Lane by Caning-street in LONDON Whose Father was M r Edward Purcel Esquire of Ansloo neer Shrewsbury and whose former Husband was M r Edward Vaughan Esquire the Kings Receiver and Surveyer for Northampton-shire and for Rutland-shire by whom shee had her Sonne M r Ionathan Vaughan now of Alsoules in Oxford Who not long since writ thence a Consolatory Letter to this his sorrowfull Sister SARAH therein saying thus Doest thou despaire because thy Temper is a Lyon for his strength Behold the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah Christ the mighty God who can and will deliver thee out of his paw A fountain laid open for sin and for uncleannesse I verily beleeve that although for the present you lie among the pots of no use yet thy God will make thee a Vessell of Honour an instrument fit for thy Masters use whereby he will square sinners to his own glory c. Thin in his Letter is now fulfilled and fulfilling Shee that was born of flesh and bloud borne in sinne and that was by Nature a childe of wrath is now borne from above borne of God having given to her Faith and Love and hath Jesus Christ to her a Mat. 12. 50. Rom. 8. 17. Brother and God to her b 1 Joh. 3. 2. Father and her c Psal. 90. 1. dwelling place He d 1 Jo. 4.12.16 dwelling in her and shee in him Let him and her that glorieth not glory in the flesh but in the Lord e 1 Co. 1.29.31 Jer. 9. 23. alone II. Touching her Education In the time of her Mothers deep afflictions of Spirit and sore Temptations shee was well trained up in the Scriptures by her godly faithfull Grand-mother M ris Wight of Daintree And when the Lords time of Love was that he vouchsafed to manifest his Grace in Christ to her Mothers soule then the Lord brought her home to her shee being then about nine yeares old Shee gave her selfe much to read and study the Scriptures Which though shee then understood not aright yet the Lord by his Holy Spirit brought to her remembrance and opened to her since her restoring what formerly shee had read for great comfort and soul-refreshing to her selfe and to many others as hereafter followeth Which is a great encouragement to all that feare God to train up ther children in the holy Scriptures as 2 Tim. 3. 15. Chap. 1.5 Prov. 22. 6. Deut. 6. 6 7. Gen. 18. 19. III. Touching her afflictions From her childhood she was of a tender heart and oft afflicted in Spirit Her Temptations were not so great till shee was about twelve yeares old since which they have continued with more violence till April 6. 1647. it being about foure yeares Shee is not sixteen yeares old as her Mother saith till September following The beginning of her more violent Temptations was thus Her superiour bid her doe a small thing judging it meet and lawfull Shee did it doubtingly fearing it was unlawfull and as shee did it a great Trembling in her hands and body fell upon her being condemned in her selfe About a moneth after returning home having been abroad she had lost her hood and knew shee had lost it Her Mother asked her for her hood Shee suddenly answered My Grand-mother hath it Her heart condemned her instantly and trembled againe exceedingly And these were the first chiefe occasions of her deep despaire And upon this shee had cast into her Conscience that shee was both a thiefe and a lyar and was terrified ever since that shee was shut out of Heaven and must be damn'd damn'd damn'd In the last four yeares shee was oft in such extremities shee could beleeve nothing but Hell and Wrath to be her Portion and other times that there was no heaven nor no hell but in our Conscience and that shee was damn'd already being an unbeleever and therefore if shee could but dispatch this life of hers there was an end of her sorrows A subtle deceit of the old Serpent Hence shee oft attempted wickedly to destroy her selfe as by drowning strangling stabbing seeking to beat out her eyes and braines wretchedly bruising and wounding her selfe The chiefe cause of such weaknesse since Many particulars whereof follow in her own Relations But the Lord who is her life and loved her then in her bloud he wonderfully prevented her destruction many wayes Sometimes by one or other at that instant sometimes staying her in the acting when no creature was by Sometimes by bringing to her minde some choice Scripture as this No weapon form'd against thee shall prosper Isa. 54.17 or this None shall take them out of my hand or out of my Fathers hand Ioh. 10.28 29. This stop'd her sinfull act but the comfort stayed not Many precious Ministers came to comfort her In London these M r Thomas Goodwin M r Barker M r Lockyar M r Palmer lately their Minister in Lawrence Pountney M r Sprigge M r Iohn Simpson and others And these came to her in or neer Shrewsbury M r Hildersham of Felton M r Paget Father of D r Paget now of London M r Wright of Wellington M r Smith M r Fisher M r Blake M r Morgan Floyd M r Moston All these and many moe godly Ministers and precious Christians being acquainted with her sad condition endeavoured to comfort her and shee gladly would have received comfort but it was then hid from her Some glimpse shee had especially by meanes of her kinsman M r Iohn Browne of Shrewbury a faithfull and loving man and by one whom he brought with him viz. M r Daniel Floyd but it was soon ecclipsed againe and shee remained in grievous horror day and night concluding shee was a Cast-away a Reprobate walking daily in the midst of fire and brimstone as one in Hell already Till the Lord who had loved her with an everlasting love and in loving kindnesse prevented her ruine at last restored comforts to her and to those that had prayed and mourned for her Isa. 57. 18. And since that her much prayed-and hoped-for deliverance amongst many that have visited her were these Ministers M r Palmer M r Sprigge and M r Simpson beforesaid M r Peters M r Charnock of London M r Atherley of the Charterhouse with his wife M r Hide of Wighton in Yorkshire and the Relator Also the Lady Willoughby of Parham the Lady Renula and the Lady Clotworthy her sister the Lady Vermuiden with her daughters M ris Sarah and M ris Katharine Sir Ric Philips and his Lady daugh to D r Oxenbridge Sir Rich Saltonstall with his Lady Capt. Price with his wife D r Coxe D r Debote D r Worsley D r Paget Physicians Also M ris Fines wife to my Lord Says eldest Sonne and M ris Harrison wife to the Chamberlain of London Col. Langhams wife
loved me That that I admire most is that Iesus Christ should dye for such a one e Rom. 5 6-8 9. Then being sensible of her bodily ilnesse having kept her bed since April 6. Shee said I am sore from the crown of the head to the foot but t is nothing t is nothing When Iesus Christ was in the world he cured bodies and not bodies onely but soules too Then turning her selfe in the bed shee said Now I have my desire I desired nothing but a crucified Christ and I have him I desired nothing but a crucified Christ and I have him a crucified Christ a naked Christ I have him and nothing els I am sore all over I can neither heare nor see I desired him so and I have him so and I have nothing els And said Wee should be as well content to beare he crosse of Christ as the crown f Gal. 6. 14. Act. 2â— 24. For he was made perfect by suffering g Heb. 2. 10. and he had no sin it was for us Therefore wee should be contented to beare the Crosse h 1 Pet. 2. 21 22. Hah Had I known this I would not have been in such a condition as I was meaning it seems in murmuring and not waiting patiently the Lords time But Gods time is the best time to reveale himselfe and to open mine eyes to see and mine ears to hear and he gives power to wait Was I afraid to name the Devill Nothing but free Grace makes the difference between me and the Devill All 's free mercy free and goodnesse free and love free The Lord proclaimed his own Name he cald himselfe Gracious Mercifull Long-suffering i Exod. 34. 6. Ah how sick am I at the heart what a stitch I have Soon after shee said I thank you for giving me the water Iesus Christ hath given you water He hath given you and he will give you more Shee said also God hath two thrones one is in the highest Heavens the other is in the lowest hearts He dwels as truly in the lowest hearts as in the highest Heavens in the poorest contemptible heart k Isa. 66. 2. When Solomon built a Temple he said The Heavens of Heavens cannot contein thee and how shall this house that I have built l 1 King 8. 27. But God builds a house for himselfe to dwell in and he dwels in it for ever for ever for ever Doe not you know that God hath two Thrones The highest Heavens and the lowest hearts Happy is that people that is in such a case whose God is the Lord whose joy is their strength m Psal. 144. 15. And so saying shee smiled her eyes being still fast closed So shee lay still and was not heard to speake any more from that Tuesday till Thursday following Thursday April 15. 1647. This day about 7 of the clock in the morning shee began thus Daniel in the Lyons den the three children in the siery farnace n Dan. 6. end Dan. 3.26 28. the Lord delivered them and so he doth me Then calling for water to drink shee said again as formerly Christ hath given you water to drink freely give me water freely so shee drank three or foure times her little cup full of water And shee still remaining deaf and with her eyes fast closed up shee said Have not I a Mother some where I pray you pray her to pardon me the murmurings against her For nothing els troubles me God hath pardoned Hath the Creator pardoned and shall not the Creature Thus speaking the teares ran fast down her checks for a great while and shee said When the prodigall came home his earthly father pardon'd him o Luk. 15. 20. 32. and his heavenly Father pardon'd him And will not my Mother pardon me If shee should it s not that will doe me good If shee will not it lyes heavy upon me But God hath pardon'd mee Another time when many were present shee said thus with teares trickling down If any did know what it is to murmure against a God and against a Parent and felt for it what I have felt they would never doe it Nothing more burdens me then my murmurings and disobedience against my Mother This shee spake weeping What a warning is this to all children that have murmured or been disobedient against father or mother to repent in time and seek pardon and mercy for helpe against it least it be as heavy a burthen to them when they are in trouble as it hath been to this hand-maid and to divers others Yet she said her disobedience was not wilfull but shee was hurried to it in the violence of temptation Then shee desired her mother might come to her to testifie that she had pardon'd her yet could shee then neither heare nor see but said I know a Iacob from an Esau. Her mother came to her and took her daughters hand and put it to her own neck where her daughter felt a skare that was there through the enemy whereby her daughter knowing her cast her head into her mothers bosome and wept greatly and kissed her and stroaked her face and said I know you mother and I love you with another love then I loved you before Then shee asked for water to wash her EYES desiring she might now see her Mother also and that shee might heare her mother speak and tell her that shee had pardon'd her disobedience And water being brought her eyes were wash'd and they being still fast folded up M ris Dupper her neighbour in Lawrence Pountney-lane held open her eyes and shee saw and knew her mother and then immediately her EARES also were opened that shee might heare her mother speake to her and shee testified to her that shee had pardon'd her and lov'd her as her own soule And then her heart was at rest shee was satisfied Her bearing then continued about halfe an houre viz. till shee ceased then to speake and then it was againe taken from her and her eyes were presently closed up again In this time of her hearing her mother told her that her Brother was come viz. M r Ionathan Vaughan her mothers son by her former husband Who being then a Student of Alsoules Colledge in Oxford having remained there severall yeares was now come to London to see his Mother and Sister and other friends and was to return thither again shortly From thence he had lately writ a Consolatory Letter to his Sister expressing his confidence that Iesus Christ the Lyon of the Tribe of Iudah both could and would deliver her c. Of which her Mother also was perswaded and waited for by which the Lord the more enabled her to bear this sad affliction that bad so long continued Shee was glad to hear of her Brother that had mourned and pray'd for her that he was now come at such a time and shee desired to see and hear him But at that time he was abroad And before he came shee had
doe what the Lord will The Cup that my Father gives me to drinke shall I not drink it Whether to live or to dye Her eyes still being weak and closed shee asked whether it was night or no it was answered her it was night Shee said There will be a day when there will be no night but the Lord and the Lamb shall be the light and walk in the midst of it a Rev. 21. 23. 25. 3. The Lord hath delivered me from my enemy from the roaring of the Lyon that roared over me b 1 Pet. 5.8 the Lord hath triumphed over him And speaking of this to her mother shee said Doe you not say t is well mother And praise the Lord He is able to save to the uttermost all that come to the Father by him c Heb. 7.25 You may trust me now Mother and not be afraid of me meaning of hurting her self with knife or water as formerly shee oft had attempted for if no body look to me the Lord will keep me And the good Samaritan that heal'd my soule d Luk. 10.33 will heale my body too ☜ To Hannah Guy that looked to her and watched with her shee said The Lord will reward all your labour of love So shee lay down and spake no more till the next day at night April 20. at night there being divers neighbours and loving friends come together to see her M ris Collet M ris Caron M ris Dupper the Relator and divers others about twelve or moe which greatly desired to heare her speak being greatly refreshed with what they had heard of her expressions the Lord having been praised in her behalfe both in that Parish and in Ab-Church their neighbour-Parish and els-where where prayers had been put up in her behalfe shee now lying still and had not spoken two dayes together since April 6. These desiring if the will of God were so that they might heare her selfe speak shee lying with a linnen cloth over her eyes which were very weak the maid told her M r Iessey was there he being in the company neer to her she then began to speak to him and said O magnifie the Lord with me for he hath delivered me from all my feares not from one but from all my feares a Psal. 34.4 This shee spake as all that follows with a low voice in a humble modest melting manner her teares sometimes stopping her speech He and the rest listned and were greatly affected in hearing her It cannot affect so much in hearing it at second hand as if you had heard her selfe with such brokennes of heart uttering it Shee proceeded on thus which presently was writ down He hath regarded the low estate * Luk. 1.48 the base b Luk. 1.48 estate of his hand-maid I rejoyce in him I mourn over him whom I have pierced c Zach. 12. 10. It was not Judas or Souldiers so much as I that pierced him I thought I was the bad Theef but he hath said to me as to the good Theef d Luk. 23.43 Thou shalt be with me in Paradise The earthly Paradise was a Type of the Heavenly Paradise That was fading and lost but this endures for ever O praise the Lord with me for he hath heard mee and looked on me the vilest of sinners the worst the chiefest of sinners On me that was rebellious disobedient unthankfull unholy a murmurer as much as ever the children of Israel in the wildernesse the teares oft trickling down and she stopping through her weeping and their murmuring kept them out of Canaan e 1 Cor. 10.10 but though I have so murmured he hath saved me I was at the very pits brink at the very brink of hell and the Lord fetch'd me out And is not he worthy of praise The Lamb is worthy to open the Book For none in Heaven nor earth neither men nor Angels could open these brazen gates this iron door this hard heart of mine but he putting her hand to her own breast When I confest my sin he forgave me the punishment I could never confesse my sin til now that he made known his mercy to me though I sought it diligently to confesse it Being asked when was this that see confest her sin Shee said Now since I saw his mercy And now he hath made knowne to me his mercy Nothing but the sense of his mercy could ever bring me to confesse my sin f Luk. 15.18 indeed I would faine have got comfort by mine own workings my own doings or from a Creature and I spake to men but I never could get comfort by the creature but the Lord himselfe did it I could not love him till he made known his love to me g 1 Joh. 4.19 to me the chiefest of sinners If all the sins in all the world were in one party I thought it was all nothing to mine I could not finde any in all the Scriptures that obtain'd mercy that was in my case Yes he hath shew'd mercy to me the chiefest of sinners h 1 Tim. 1.15 O that he should come from the bosome of the Father to dye for sinners for me the chiefest of sinners If all the men in the world should have told me that Christ dyed for me that my sins were pardon'd I could not have beleev'd them But now if all the men in the world Angels Devils should tell me they are not forgiven I would not beleeve them What pains did I take in going to men to have them speak comfort to me they could not doe it But Christ did it in a moment They that know his Name will trust in him they cannot but trust in him i Psal. 9.10 If the world knew him they could not but love him He is the chiefest of ten thousands k Can. 5.10 He is more to be desired in his lowest estate then millions of worlds if millions of worlds were all in one Behold O daughter of Jerusalem Thy King comes meek that he might teach his people meeknesse He came on an Asses Colt not on a horse finely trim'd to an untam'd heiser unaccustom'd to the yoke to me that was ungodly unprepared to Ephraim that was as a wild Asses colt Surely after I was turned I repented l Jer. 31. 18 19. I could not turne to him nor love him till he shew'd his love to me and turn'd me Praise the Lord with me that hath shew'd mercy on one in so desperate a case as I was in I could set nothing before me but curse and hell and wrath night and day O that others may be are what God hath done for such a one Ps. 66.16 I would none may DESPAIR of Gods mercy that hath done thus for me If any did know what it is to murmure against God and against a Parent as I have done and felt what I have felt they would never doe it A like warning is pag. 24. The Relator having heard shee now
hands were clinch'd up together and so were her feet as if it were by the Cramp and her mouth was drawn up as a purse and her eyes were with the eylids folded up and closed and her hearing was taken from her and shee had no motion nor desire of any good Mine own eyes said shee pittied not my selfe and just then was the time of love a Ezek. 16. 8. And then the Good Samaritane then Iesus Christ came and powr'd in wine and oyle when I had most need I may well shy He is a refuge b Psal. 46. 1. a very present help in time of Trouble May 7. Was another Conference between her and the Maid before mentioned April 24. which was at that present taken by the Relator M ris Sarah W. How doe you Have you not found him yet whom your soule loveth Maid told how long shee had been thus and yet was no beter and how sad her case was M ris Sarah I have been in as sad a condition ever since I was about nine yeers old And that daughter of Abraham whom Satan had bound loe those eightteene yeers c Luk. 13. 11. yet Christ healed Maid But he will destroy me M ris Sarah How dare you say so when Christ saith He came not to destroy d Luk. 9. 56. sinners but their sin but to save them such as you and I. Maid Hee 'l save them he hath chosen but I am none of them M ris Sarah Dare you enter into Gods secrets Who made you of his secret Counsell c Rom. 11. 34. Deut. 29. 29. Secrets belong to God Maid Aye but I would not hearken M ris Sarah It s neither in him that willeth nor in him that runneth but in God that sheweth mercy f Rom. 9. 16. Maid But I resisted when he would M ris Sarah Your time was not come for if his time had been to have come it s not all your power that could hinder his power Maid I put out the light and I walked contrary to his way M ris S. You were not in the light nor true way till you have Christ. He is the light c Jo. 1.9 the way Maid I can doe nothing as I should M ris S. If you had done all yet you might be but as the young man in the Gospel that said All this have I done Yet he wanted one thing So you want one thing the sealing of his love to your soule You must lye low before God It s Christ that both throws down Christ that raiseth up d 1 Sam. 2. 6. He did both to me Maid My heart is desperate M ris S. The heart of man is deceitfull above all things and is desperately wicked e Jer. 17.9 It s the depth f Ps. 130. 1. of misery cryes to the depth of mercy Maid I am blind and see not the depth M ris Sarah Your eyes are blind yet and Christ came to open the eyes of the blind not of them that see but that are blind g Luk. 4. 18. It s Christ must wash you with cleane water He must give it and he will work h Isa. 43. 13. and who shall let him Maid But I resisted and such must be willing M ris S. But that 's in the day of his power then they shall be willing i Ps. 110. 3. My body is weak to speak to you but my Spirit is willing k Mat. 26. 41. because he hath made it willing in the day of his power Maid I have gone many a weary step to get comfort but can get none M ris Sarah Christ was weary for you to sympathize with you The strong man possess'd me till Christ came who is stronger and dispossess'd him l Luk. 11. 21. And so will be do to you Maid I am in depths of misery M ris Sarah It s not depths of mercy that cals for depths of misery but its depths of misery cals for depths of mercy m Ps. 130. 1. Now God would root you and establish you and now Satan is most busie with you Maid I am puld up by the roots M ris Sarah Christ will root you out of your sin and root you out of your selfe and plant you in himselfe He will doe it Maid I saw God full of Glory in the firmament M ris Sarah He will make you and me to see him as he is and we shall be like him in Glory n 1 Joh. 3.2 Maid But I cannot beleeve M ris Sarah I lay in unbeliefe and could beleeue nothing but that there was no God and no Devill and no Hell till he made me beleeve in himselfe and the same power that did it for me the same will doe it for you for he is yesterday and to day and the same for euer o Heb. 13. 8. for he is unchangeable Maid I had a glimpse of God but I have backslidden from him M ris Sarah Say thus to God Turn me and I shall be turned the Lord saith I le heale your backslidings and love you freely p Hos. 14.4 I le love you though you have backslidden and heale your backslidings Maid He speaks it not to me M ris Sarah Why not to you when t is free to backsliders And he is found of them that sought him not q Isa. 65. 1. What can you say to this Maid That 's to one in the first work M ris Sarah It s in the first work and the second work too He takes pleasure to work both the will and the deed r Phil. 2. 13. Maid The Lord forewarnd me and I hearkened not to him and now he is gone M ris Sarah This is nothing but sin and Satan to hinder you from closing with the Scriptures that are set before you Say to God s Job 34.31 Hos. 14.2.4 Ps. 41.4 Heale me I have sinned Heale my backslidings Maid I am no better for saying it when I have no heart or Spirit to pray ☞ M ris S. Say it though you be no better because God bids you say it Say it and say it againe till he heale you It may be he will come in when you say it if you can but say it with your lips the everlasting arms of God can reach you when you cannot reach him his are everlasting armes He reach'd Ephraim are you more wild than he that was at a bullock unaccustom'd to the yoke Ephraim an untam'd heiser t Jer. 31. 18 19. that snuf'd up the wind Yet God tames him and he saith Turne thou me and I shall be turned Say you so to God M ris Sarah having still kept her bed from April 6 till this May 7 and neither eat nor drunk all this while but according to the proportion beforesaid and being very weak and faint the Maid was desired to forbear speaking any more then unto her and to come againe another time May 9. Being the Lords day after
both Sermons these came to see her M r and M ris Liggon the Relator M ris Dawson a Ministers widow M ris Berny of Norfolk and many others amongst which was a Gentlewoman in sad despair that hearing of her came to have speech with her and had The Relator writ then what was said after he came thither The Conference followeth Gentlewoman The Devill Rules in me M ris Sarah Christ will fetch you from him he will dispossesse him and possesse himselfe Gentle I am under sin M ris Sarah Shall sin separate from the love of Christ God hides himselfe from the house of Jacob though dear to him Shee speaking low one asked the Gentlewoman if shee did heare M ris Sarah O that you might heare a Joh. 5. 25. Eph. 4. 20 21. Christ speak to you Gentle I cannot beleeve I am justified for such are sanctified and so am not I. M ris Sarah You speak of sanctifying It s against the scope of the Scripture to put sanctifying before justifying You should beleeve that God justifieth the ungodly b Ro. 4.5 that 's for you to beleeve now and thence would arise your sanctification And that you cannot come to him except he draw you c Jo. 6.44 10.29 That all power is in his hand He is greater then all and none can pull you out of his hands Devils nor Angels nor sin can keep from him when he will draw you Gentlew. None knows my condition how desperate it is M ris Sarah The heart is deceitfull above all things and desperately wicked who can know it d Jer. 17. 9. He that hath Balme of e Jer. 8. 22. he and he alone can heale it None can wound the soule but himselfe and none can heale it but himselfe I found that everlasting armes were under me and kept me though I knew it not He taught Ephraim to goe though he wist it not f Hos. 11. 3. Gentlew. I am rebellious against him M ris Sarah He ascended and gaue gifts to men even to the rebellious g Ps. 68.18 The great gift he gives them is himselfe and from that great gift are all other gifts as all the streames are from the fountaine If thou knewest that gift of God thou wouldst aske it and he would give it h Joh. 4. 10. Shee had a vaile before her heart but he took it away and he gave her to aske shee could not aske till then I found that no other sin separates from Christ but unbeliefe and did he come to finde faith in earth in earthen hearts i Luk. 18. 8. there 's nothing but death and unbeliefe and envy and rebellion and all manner of evill till Christ came and he gaue faith to me he found it not Qu In what manner was his giving faith to you M ris Sarah At first I saw cleerly Christ crucified for my sins It was neither Judas nor Pilate nor Herod nor any other so much as my sins That he was the skape-goat that bare them all away into the Wildernesse of forgetfulnesse never to be remembred any more k Levit. 16.21 I cannot tell my misery how great it was and I cannot tell the mercy that a full Christ came to such an empty creature to such a one as I that was as Ephraim an untamed heiser unaccustomed to the yoke Then his Name was proclam'd to me that he was a Saviour to save sinners mercifull gracious long-suffering abounding in goodnesse and abounding in truth to fulfill all that mercy and goodnesse and he is the way to the Father Ah! that he should love such a one and marry such a one that was a murmurer disobedient unholy Such a one God was pleasd to make an object of mercy There 's an end of my misery though I thought there was no end of it but there 's no end of his mercy my misery was the misery of a creature but his mercy is the mercy of a God and there 's no end of it I was brought as low at the lowest hell The gates were open to receive me that then mercy should come to shut them that Christ came to fetch me out He is good and doth good not to them that are good but he makes good nor to fill them that are full but to fill them that are empty I le leave in them an afflicted and poore people and they shall trust in the Name of the Lord they that are afflicted and poore it s they shall trust in his name l Zeph. 3. 12. And what 's his Name but forgiving iniquity transgression and sin I made thee rest from thy hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve hard bondage and made to serve this hard bondage m Isa. 14. 3. Yet God delivered when none els could In the first verse the LORD will have mercy on Jacob and will yet choose Israel I had no will nor no desire to him nothing but perversnesse and wretchednesse as in Israel I might speak and speak a long time dayes and weekes and moneths and not able to tell all my misery The Lord loved me and he chastend me as he saith to Laodicea As many as I love I rebuke and chasten n Rev. 3. 19. Gentlew. All afflictions are for good to them that love God but they bring me no good at all M ris Sarah I warrant you David could not say His afflictions were good for him when he said They are gone over my head my heart failes mee o Psal. 40. 12. But it was afterwards that he said It is good for me to be afflicted The Prodigall whilst he was in his sin and misery could not say it was best for him But how did his Father friends rejoyce afterwards p Luk. 15.32 I desire all the Saints might rejoyce as much for me as they did for him Christ came to seek and to save that that was lost I found it so I read God is good to them that are of a pure heart and I was troubled at it for mine was not pure q Psal. 73. 1. That heart is pure that he makes pure he finds it not pure but he makes it pure When I read I read the promises over and over but I could remember nothing of them but if I reade but a tittle of the judgements that remained with me I could remember the verse where they are At last the promises terrified me most of all because they were for others but not for me None could burst these brazen gates but Christ alone I was worse then a Beast Beasts praise God in their kinde But I dishonoured him But all this hindred not his love to me Would you love God first or would you have him love you first Gentlew. I doe not love him M ris Sarah We are by nature far from loving him wee are enemies to him God reconciles enemies q Rom. 5. 8-10 It s wee were enemies to God `not God an
LOVE it self i Io. 4.16 yet he is pleased to look on such a deformed creature as I none more then I. Therefore he shews t is great love indeed that he loved me withall Therefore I love him with the same love that he loved me k 1â— first I was a childe of wrath dead in trespasses and sins a stranger from the Covenant of promise without God without hope far off from God indeed I was an enemy to God Yet he was pleased to reconcile enemies therefore its free love to love such a one to quicken such a one to bring such a one neer that was so far off It was love indeed that made me love him It was this that made me to see a beauty and excellency in him which made me love him above ten thousand worlds if all the glory of them were in one and given to me I see more to besired in him in the least glimpse of him then in them all Therefore I look on him above them all When I saw him as an enemy to mee I could not love him But now I see him a reconciled God in Iesus Christ to such an enemy as I even I the chiefest of sinners Which constraines me to love him 2 Cor. 5. 14. 9. Q. Whether do you PRAY Ans. I do pray but t is that the Lord would give submission to his will As long as I am in the body I have cause to pray I cannot forget to pray for troubled soules that come hither to me But for my selfe my chiefest work is now to PRAISE the Lord for what he hath done to my soul. For Praises wait for God in Zion And for what waits it but for Zions deliverance from her hand bondage Zion was a Wildernesse desolate forsaken forgotten of God for the present in her owne apprehension And when God is pleased in fulnes of time to manifest himself and to shew his love to Zion freely and to marry her to himself such a one as I was and to establish Zion on a sure foundation that is upon himself that though the mountains and hills depart yet his loving kindnesse shall not depart then PRAISES wait for God in Zion for Zion then hath answer of her prayers Ps. 65 .1 10. Q. Whether finde you a tickling of pride or hypocrisie when so many people and some great ones come to see you Do you not ask who were the Great people when they are gone and take pride in it A like Question and her Answer to it was before Another time when a Noble Lady sate on the bed by her and she was not moved at it one whispered to her that this was a great Lady She answered Its no more to me then if it were such a one naming a meaner woman troubled in Spirit that oft came to her And now to this Question she answered No it s far from me For if I were in a Wildernesse where none came to me I should take as much glory there as in such abundance comming to me in this place n Ioh. 5.44 For the Saints of God will give thanks for me in general though they know me not in particular And unless it were some that I knew before I know not any that come and I look not upon them unlesse it be on some troubled people that come for I enquire after these but I enquire after none els 11. Q. How know you those that come hither that they are truly troubled for sin For many will make as though they were so but are not Ans. None knows the secrets of God but himselfe And those to whom he reveals his secrets to by their own experience they may guess at it who is and who is not a 1 Cor. 2.16 One that is indeed burthen'd for sin it s not an easy burden for them to ly under they would be out in it if they could These are weary of their sin and anything else can content them but a glimps of the love of God in the face of Iesus Christ b Rom. 7.24.25 So far I guess then to be really troubled for sin 12. Q. How put you a difference in the Trinity between the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost Ans. These three do all agree in one and they differ not in working a New Creation in the soul. They are three in manifesting their workings For None can come to the Son except the Father who gave them to him draw them There 's the Fathers worke is give and draw them c Ioh. 6. 44. For these the Son lays down his life and receives them All that thou hast given me shall come unto me d 37. I have kept them and lost none It s the work of the Spirit to unite the soul and Christ together to make of twain one c 1 Cor. â— 17. Thus their three works are manifested to the soule Yet these three agree f 1 Iohn 5.7 Complut Plant. in one Iune 3. The Relator asked her further about this Mystery of Three in one S. Ans. The Father Son and Spirit are in Vnion These three agree in one and so ther 's no disagreeing or differences therein But there are various dispensations to the creatures capacity so there are three First the Father that in his love sent the Son g Ioh. 3 16. Rom. 5. 8.10 to reconcile sinners to himself Secondly the Son the Word h Ioh. 1.1 who was sent that took our Nature to redeem us from all iniquity and to bring us to the Father i 14. Heb. 2 14. Thirdly the holy Spirit who was sent by the Father in Christs name k Ioh. 14. 16. 26. to manifest this love of the Father and of the Son to the Creature which the Creature could not know but by the Spirit of God l 1. Cor. 2.9.10 Tit. 3.5 Ioh 3. 3. 5. who quickens them that were dead in sin m Rom. 8.10.11 and he teacheth and leads the soul into all truth n Ioh. 16.13 15. 13. Q. May 31. was Whether is any thing revealed to you how it shall go with the Church of God Ans. I know and verily beleeve it shall go o Isa. 3.10 well with those that fear the Lord. Q. How mean you in spirituall or in outward things Ans. Specially in spirituall I mean and so far as it is for their good in outward things God will dispose of them 14. Q. She having said that her sanctification as well as her justification did proceed from Christ M r Adderley asked her how the proved it Ans. I beleeve that out of the side of Christ did issue both blood and water p Ioh. 19.34 Blood to take away the guilt of my sin and water to wash away the filth of my sin q 1 Ioh. 5.6 8. So that from my Lord Iesus Christ doth issue both my justification and my sanctification He r 1 Cor. 1.30 is made to me Wisdom Righteousnes
ruling power of Satan and utter darknes to his everlasting light k Act. 16.18 to turn a Prodigall to himself even me that was a bad or rather worse yet he hath turned me It was his work to turn me therefore he deserves the praise of his own work To cloath Legion in his right mind l Mat. 5.15 set him at his feet yea in his bosom It was his love indeed to such a one as I. This I say that Christ may have the Praise of his own work and none els because he does it alone This was what shee said at that time to those from Westminster and many mo being there is the room and her voice through her weaknes being very low whether some heard her speak but put of the words beforesaid or some that her speech was related unto God knoweth but some did distract from and wrested her Expressions and then raised an ill report If the receiver be as bad as the Thiefe one had need bee wary lest hee receive prohibited goods Some other false reports some have made and others have spread already but this may be an Item to all to take heed what they hear and of whom and to warn all that are professed Christians not to come short of Aristide a professed Heathen who us'd to lend but one eare to a party present that inform'd him against one absent and to lay his hand on his other ear signifying to the reporter that hee would reserve one ear for the party absent and not judge the case till he heard the other also Shall not Aristides and heathen Foestus rise in judgement against many in our generation and condemne them When we see how Foestus also would not passe judgement against Paul being absent though he had information against him not by one or two but by many and those also being of his own * Act. 26. 5 6 7. 22. sect and Religion in the main and of special note and strictnes among them yet being desired by them he refused it saying It is not the manner of of the Romanes to deliver any man to n A good name is better then great riches Pro. 22. 1. Pro. 25. 18. Therefore it is worse to rob or wrong one in this then in the other dy so to judge him before that he which is accused have the accusers face to face and have licence to answer for himselfe concerning the crims laid against him m Act. 25 15 16. Iune 3. 1647. She told the Relator how the Lord prevented her ruine about Feb. last viz. That one night she watched till her Mother was asleep and then stole out softly from her taking the key of the buttery doore which shee opened went in and locked it to her taking the key with her so to make surer her dispatch without lett and there being a window to the House-tiles she crept out to do like Iudas so cast her self down to dissolve her selfe and in the dark she saw there a fire and Satan as a roaring Lyon in it yet still being perswades through his delusion there was no other hell but that she felt in her conscience she went within a quarter of a yard of the edge being ready to leap down when none should see or hear her and nor was no creature to hinder then was this spoken to her distinctly Thou shalt not fall down and burst asunder as Judas did and so dishonour God that make thee Vpon this the sight vanished as if it never has been and she fell not down being thus kept from it and sate down by the chimney there and after a while beat her head against it till it sweld abundantly and the more she dashed it then and at other times the lesse she felt it Her tender Mother awaking missed her and sought about and cause one to breake open that buttery door and cry out and there found her Daughter who has not power then to leape downe from her but when her Mother would have her come in at the windovv she tumbled down her head falling on the bricks which with other such hurts before and after she oft so beating her head was one occasion of her head and eyes so great weaknesse of late After that desparate attempt she had secretly got a knife and hidde it to dispatch her selfe withall and then was she glad and not so troubled so that her Mother hoped shee was now better And on a Munday morning shee desired of her Mother to heare the Lecture at night by M r Carter at Fish-street-hill and first entreated shee might goe see a neighbour which her Mother granted hoping she now might trust her to goe That neighbour not being within it was cast in her mind to go to Lambeth-Marsh which shee had also purposed in the morning there to dispatch her selfe and therefore had shee taken the knife with her Over the bridge shee thus went and quickly came to Lambeth-Marsh There shee went towards the Trees and saw them dry without leaves or fruit and thought so was her soule as they She sate down by a ditch and studied whether she should drown her selfe in Thanies or there and concluded there because there it was more private that none might hinder her Then shee thought as shee had often thought on the like sad occasion shee must like Iudas first repent then * Mat. 27. undo her selfe as if that would serve Whilst shee was about this two that seem'd to be Ministers saw her sitting there alone came to her and asked her how shee did for now they saw her weeping and why shee sate there Shee had no power to conceale it but said I am not well I am as sad a Creature as any on earth I see my condemnation and nothing els I cannot be well till I have taken away my life Min. Whither were you going S. Ans. I had thoughts of hearing M r Carter in Fish-street-Hill Min. This is not a place for such a one to sit in and by Gods help we will bring you thither So thither they brought her But as shee went It was put in her minde to goe thence that night to the Dog-house shee had heared of in Moorfields there to offer her selfe to the Dogs to eate her up that her Mother might never heare of her more But at the Sermon her Mother seeking her espied her and shee againe hid her selfe beyond others but her Mother againe found her and had her home This was but about a Moneth before April 6. beforesaid of her deliverance Iune 8. being Tuesday the Lecture-day there where M r Ed Richardson of Yorkshire the Relators friend was desired to preach upon occasion of two Passages in his Sermon two Questions were put to her Her answers were suitable to his resolutions Qu. 1. Whether persons that rightly beleeve in Christ doe not first feel their great need of him S. Ans. The Gospel is the Ministery of the Spirit He convinceth of sin because
a token you have some Faith though you see it not The Corn that is sown in the Ground is first hid then the n Mar. 4. 28. blade and growth appeares You are wounded it s not you that wound your selfe but he saith I wound and I heale Therefore he saith to one o Mar. 5. 34. Goe in Peace thy faith hath made thee whole Thou beleevest I can heale thee This faith in me hath made thee whole So for you though yet you see it not you beleeve Christ can heale you Desire he would but speak the word and manifest it to your soule Another asked her Doe you think Christ is willing you should beleeve Woman Yea But there are Mountaines in the way S. Behold he comes leaping over the p Cant. 2. 8. Mountain of Opposition that are in the way Woman If the world knew the worth of the glimpse of faith they would prize it who cannot beleeve Quest. What is faith S. A beleeving Christ is a sure and strong Rock and refuge to fly too q Heb. 6.18 Had it not befor him you had been swallowed up Would you rest on our own righteousnesse on any thing in you Woman I am much looking at that to feele something in me S. That 's but filthy rags r Isa. 64.6 and he will take them away and cloath you with change of raiment s Eze. 16 10.-14 as Josephs t Gen. 41.14 rags were taken away and he was cloath'd with better raiment Woman When I was troubled about my condition about ten years agoe one day as I mused a voice said plainly to me Marie thou shalt dye and live againe and thou shalt glorifie God greatly Thy ways are not my ways nor thy thoughts my thoughts This fild me with joy unspeakable and I said Yea Lord let it be as thou wilt I was perswaded it was an Answer from God Then I could not but send for my friends that they might heare what God had done for me and I told them of this Then I presumed that I had faith and I looked that God would doe great things for me that he had thus spoken to me and done so much for me I was carried on thus for a time But after this I was led to sin againe and I fear'd I should sinne and I said Lord shall I sin againe it went to my heart The voice answered me Though thou doe thy sins are buried in the bottome of the Sea They are bound in a bundle and cast into the depth of the Sea I was not led to sin by this But I forgate Gods goodnes and I fell into sin by little and little and now I have been a backslider S. Here are backslidings He saith I have seen his wayes and I le heale him and restore comforts to him I le heale their backslidings I le love them freely mind that What joy is it to a Shepherd when he finds a lost sheep more joy then over all the rest You are the lost sheep he will joy over you u Hos. 14. â— Woman Legions of sins are before me S. Legions of Devils were within me not before me but within me Yet he hath cloathed me and câ—â— out Legion Mat. 8. end Who came Christ for Was it for the righteous w Mat. 9. 13. You are an alien without God without Covenant of promise Woman I am confident that 's my case S. God drawes such souls Christ dyed to reconcile such soules the Spirit ties both ends together he tied them and Christ together uniting them to Christ. So did he with those Ephesians They were dead in sinne and trespasses strangers from God without God far off twaine but these had he made neer Such does God draw and makes up the breaches See the condition they were in Eph. 2. 12. and Hosea the first and second Chapters He said They are not my people and then it shall be said now they are the children of the living God Hos. 1. 12. Before not people as now not onely people but children before they were dead people now they are living children the living God gives them new life They have life from God that they may live to God In Ephes. 2. a Eph. 2. 1. 5-8 10. You that were dead hath he quickned and by Grace yee are saved through Faith not of works least any should boast We would boast if we did any thing in it He works Faith and he builds up still he builds higher and higher till his work be finished We are his workmanship Woman My condition is very dangerous and hopeles S. How is it Woman I have an evill heart of unbeliefe in departing from God S. Have you departed from him then you had him How have you departed from him if you never had him Woman I never had him S. What if now you shall have him and you be a childe not onely a servant but a childe an heir of God Woman I should admire it S. He will shew mercy to be admired He will come and be admired in his Saints that beleeve b 2 Thess. 1.10 He raiseth up a bondslave to be with him in glory It is a faithfull saying though the soule doubt of it and its worthy of all acceptation though the soul would not accept it That Jesus Christ came to save the chiefest of sinners c 1 Tim. 1. 15. The Lord will deliver you of two Burthens the burthen of sin and your other burthen also Your extremity is Gods opportunitie In him Judah shall be saved Woman In my prosperity a poor woman came to me that had her son in slavery and she beg'd of me to give her somewhat towards her son's release But I thought all was little enough for my selfe my sister gave her somewhat but I would give her nothing the woman wept And now I think on my d An Item to all wisely to coÌ„sider the poores cry Prov. 21. 13. Psal. 41. 1-3 unmercifulnes when now my soule is in slavery my self his slavery is nothing to mine S. Christ came to deliver them that are captives and bond-slaves e Luk. 4. 18. not them that are at liberty The Son makes free f Joh. 8. 36. not them that were free but them that were in bondage Woman I am without hope of mercy and my heart failes and gives up all S. Some refused g Psal. 77.2 to be comforted and would not be heal'd yet he heales them He looks after the Out-casts h Ps. 147.2 that none look after Woman That 's my case S. Yet there was mercy for them and why is this written but for our instruction and comfort i Rom. 15. 5. that we might have hope Woman Not one word will abide with mee that 's spoken S. The time was not yet come For in the appointed time it will surely speak and not lie it will speak truth and peace lasting peace abundant mercy and love Wait therefore for that