only Politick Arts Civil and Combining Arts Profitable and necessary Arts Military Arts and Ceremonious Arts but there were Superstitious Arts Idolatrous Arts false factious and mischievous Arts destructive and wicked Arts base and mean Art foolish childish vain superfluous and unprofitable Arts Upon all these Arts the Muses made good sport for at some they flung jests scorns and scoffs and some they stripp'd naked but to others they were cruel for some they stayd their skins off and others they made very Skeletons of dissecting them to the very bones and the truth is they spared not the best of them but they had one saying or other to them But when all the Arts departed they took me and carry'd to the Well of Helicon and there they threw me in over head and cares and said they would Souse me in the Liquor of Poetry but when I was in the Well I thought verily I should have been drown'd for all my outward Senses were smother'd and choak'd for the water did blind my eyes stop'd my ears and nostrils and fill'd my mouth so full as I had not so much space as to spout it forth besides all my body was so numb as I had no feeling insomuch as when they took me out of this Well of Helicon into which they had flung me I seem'd as dead being quite senseless Whereupon they all agreed to take and carry me up on Parnassas Hill and to lay me on the top thereof that the Poetical Flame or Heat therein might dry and warm me after which agreement they took me up every one bearing a part of me or was industrious about me for some carried my Head others my Legs some held my Hands others imbraced my Waste another oiled my Tongue and others powr'd Spirits into my Mouth but the worst-natur'd Muse pinch'd me to try if I was sensible or not and the sweetest and tenderest natur'd Muse wept over me and another was so kind as to kiss me but when they had brought me up to the top of the Hill and laid me thereupon I felt such a heat as if they had laid me on AEtna but after I had layn some time I felt it not so hot and so less and less until I felt it like as my natural heat just like those that goe into a hot Bathe at first crie out it is insufferable and scalding hot yet with a little use will finde it cool enough But whilest I lay on Parnassus Hill I began to make a Lyrick Verse as thus Bright Sparkling hot Poetick sire My duller Muse Inspire Unto thy Sweeter Lyre My Fancies like as Notes all sit To play a Tune of VVit On well-strung Numbers fit But your unfortunate Visit hath pull'd me so hastily down from the Hill that the force of the speed hath crack'd my Imaginary Fiddle broke the Strings of my Wit blotted the Notes of Numbers so spoil'd my Song Lady Visit. Prethee there is none that would have taken the pains to have sung thy Song unlesse some blind Fidler in an Alehouse and then not any one would have listen'd unto it for the fume of the drink would stop the sense of their ears Besides Drunkards love not nor delight in nothing but beastly Nonsense but howsoever I had done thee a friendly part to fetch thee down from off that monstrous high Hill whereby the vastnesse of the height might have made you so dizzy as you might have fallen there-from on the sharp stones of Spite or at least on the hard ground of Censure which might have bruised if not wounded the Reputatio of thy Wit Lady Contempl. Let me tell you you had done me a Courtesie to have let me remain'd there some time for if you had let me alone I might there have improv'd the Stature of my Wit perfected the Health of my Judgment and had nourished the Life of my Muse Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue Cloathed like her Self LOrd Title Still I fear my fault is beyond a Pacification yet the Gods are pacified with submissive Actions as bended knees repentant tear imploring words sorrowful Sighs and dejected Countenances all which I gave to thee Lady Virtue Though there is always in my minde an obedient respect to Merit yet a scorn is a sufficient cause to make a rebelling of thoughts words and actions for though I am poor yet I am virtuous and Virtue is to be preferr'd before Wealth or Birth were I meanly born But howsoever true Love like a great and powerful Monarch soon disperses those rebellious passions and quiets those factious thoughts and all murmuring speeches or words are put to silence banishing all frowning Countenance returning humble looks into the eyes again Lord Title Then you have pardon'd me Lady Vertue Yes Lord Title And do you love me Lady Virtue As Saints do Heaven Lord Title kisses Lady Virtues hands Lord Title Your Favours have rais'd my spirits from the grave of Melancholy and your pure Love hath given me a new Life Lady Virtue So truly I love you as nothing but death can destroy it my I am of that belief that were I dead and turned to ashes my dust like firm and lasting steel would fly unto you as to the Loadstone if you were at such distance as nothing might oppose Lord Title Thus Souls as well as Bodies love Exeunt Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Amorous LAdy Amorous Since I cannot have the happinesse of your Lordships company at my House I am come to wait upon you at your House Lord Courts Your Ladyship doth me too great an honour Lady Amorous Your Lordship is grown very Courtly Pray how comes our familiar friendship so estranged and set at distance with Complements Lord Courts Madam my wilde manners have been so rude to your Fair Sex as I am become a scorn and shame unto my self Lady Amorous I hate Civility and Manners in a man it makes him appear sneakingly poorly and effeminate and not a Cavalier Bold and free Actions become your Sex Lord Courts It doth so in a Camp amongst rude and rough Souldiers whose Breeding never knew Civility nor will obey gentle Commands submitting only to rigorous Authority But to the fair tender effeminate Sex men should offer their service by their admiring Looks civil Discourses and humble Actions bowing as to a Deity and when they are pleased to favour their servants those Favours to be accounted beyond the Gifts of Iove Lady Amorous Have I Cuckolded my Husband dishonour'd my Family defam'd my self for your sake and am I thus rewarded and thrown aside with civil Complements O basest of men Lord Courts I am sorry I have wronged your Husband but more sorry I have dishonour'd you and what satisfaction a true repentance can make I offer upon the Altar of a Reformed Life Lady Amor Do you repent O false man May you be cursed of all your Sex and die the death of Orpheus Lady Amorous goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord
Studious How not to go nor to go no more would you desire me from that which you perswaded me to Nay so much as I could never be quiet disturbing my harmless studies and happy mind crossing my pleasing thoughts with complaining words but I perceive you grow jealouse and now you are acquainted you have no more use of me but would be glad to quit my company that you may be more free abroad Lady Ignorance No Husband truely I will never go abroad but will inancor my self in my own house so you will stay at home and be as you were before for I see my own follies and am ashamed of my self that you should prove me such a fool Sir P. Studious Do you think me so wise and temperate a man as I can on a sudden quit vain pleasures and lawfull follies Lady Ignorance Yes or else you have studied to little purpose Sir P. Studious Well for this day I will stay at home and for the future time I will consider Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Servants of the Generals I. Servant This boy that came but the other day hath got more of my Lords affection than we that have served him this many years 2. Servant New-comers are alwaies more favoured than old waiters for Masters regards old Servants no more than the Imagerie in an old suit of Hanging which are grown threed-bare with time and out of fashion with change Besides new Servants are more industrious and diligent than old but when he hath been here a little while he will be as lazie as the rest and then he will be as we are I. Servant I perceive my Lord delights to hear him talk for he will listen very a tentively to him but when we offer to speak he bids us to be silent 2. Servant I wonder he should for when we speak it is with gravity and our discourse is sententious but his is meer squibs Enter Affectionata Affectionata Gentlemen my Lord would have one of you to come to him I. Servant Why I thought you could supply all our places for when you are with him he seems to have no use of us Affectionata It shall not be for want of will but ability if I do not serve him in every honest office I. Servant So you will make some of us knaves Affectionata I cannot make you knaves unless you be willing to be knaves your selves 2. Servant What do you call me knave Affectionata I do not call you so Ex. 2. Servant Well I will be revenged if I live Ex. Scene 21. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam I have inquired what this Sir Serious Dumb is and 't is said he is one of the finest Gentlemen in this Kingdom and that his valour hath been proved in the wars and that he is one that is very active and dexterous in all manly exercises as riding fencing vaulting swimming and the like Also that he is full of inventions and a rare Poet and that he hath a great Estate only that he is dumb and hath been so this twelve years and upwards Lady Bashfull Reformer What makes you so industrious to inquire after him surely thou art in love within Reformer In my conscience I liked him very well when he was to see you Lady Bashfull The truth is he cannot weary you with words nor anger you in his discourse but pray do not inquire after him nor speak of him for people will think I have some designe of marriage Reformer I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata He strokes Affectionata's head LOrd Singularity Affectionata Thou art one of the diligent'st boys that had Affectionata How can I be otherwise Sir since you are the Governour of my soul that commands the Fort of my passion and the Castle of my imaginations which are the heart and the head Lord Singularity Do you love me so much Affectionata So well my Lord as you are the archetectour of my mind the foundation of my thoughts and the gates of my memories for your will is the form your happiness the level and your actions the treasurie Lord Singularity Thy wit delights me more than thy flattery perswades for I cannot believe a boy can love so much Besides you have not served me so long as to beget love Affectionata I have loved you from my infancy for as I suck'd life from my Nurses breast so did I Love from fames drawing your praises forth as I did milk which nourished my affections Lord Singularity I shall strive boy to require thy love Affectionata To requite is to return love for love Lord Singul. By Heaven I love thee as a Father loves a son Affectionata Then I am blest Exeunt Scene 23. Enter two Souldiers 1. SOuldier What is this boy that our General is so taken with 2. Souldier A poor Begger-boy 1. Souldier Can a poor Begger-boy merit his affections 2. Souldier He is a pretty boy and waites very diligently 1. Souldier So doth other boys as well as he but I believe he is a young Pimp and carries and conveys Love-letters 2. Souldier Like enough to for boys are strangely crafty in those imployments and so industrious as they will let no times nor opportunities slip them but they will find waies to deliver their Letters and messages Exeunt Scene 24. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page and Sir Serious Dumb who gives a Note to the Page to read PAge Sir I dare not direct you to my Lady as you desire me in this Note and if I should tell her here is a Gentleman that desired to visit her she would refuse your visit Dumb gives the young Page four or five pieces of Gold Page I will direct you to the room wherein my Lady is but I must not be seen nor confess I shewed you the way Page and Sir Serious Dumb Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Come Affectionata sit down and entertain me with thy sweet discourse which makes all other company troublesome and tedious to me thine only doth delight me Affectionata My Noble Lord I wish the plat-form of my brain were a Garden of wit and then perchance my tongue might present your Excellencies with a Posie of flowery Rhethorick but my poor brain is barren wanting Lord Singularity Thou hast an eloquent tongue and a gentle soul Affectionata My Noble Lord I have hardly learn'd my native words much less the eloquence of Language and as for the souls of all mankind they are like Common-wealths where the several vertues and good graces are the Citizens therein and the natural subjects thereof but vices and follies as the thievish Borderers and Neighbour-enemies which makes inrodes factions mutinies intrudes and usurps Authority and if the follies be more than the good graces and the vices too strong for the vertues the Monarchy of a good life falls to ruine also it is indangered by Civil-wars amongst the passions Lord Singularity What
was ever wise that was young Foster Trusty And few are praised that are old for as fame divulgeth merits so time wears out praise for time hath more power than fame striving to destroy what fame desires to keep The truth is time is a Glutton for he doth not only strive to destroy what fame divulgeth but what himself begets and produceth Exeunt Scene 39. Enter the Lord Singularity and the Lady Orphant as Bride and Bride-groom and a company of Bridal-guests Enter Musitians and meets them MUsitioners We desire your Excellence will give us leave to present you with a Song written by my Lord Marquiss of New-Castle Lord Singularity Your present could have never been less acceptable by reason it will retard my marriage Lady Orphant Pray my Lord hear them Lord Singularity Come come dispatch dispatch He seems not to listen to them All the time his eyes fixt on the Bride SONG Love in thy younger age Thou then turn'd Page When love then stronger grew The bright sword drew Then Love it was thy fate To advise in State My Love adopted me His childe to be Then offered was my hap A Cardinals Cap Loves juglings thus doth make The Worlds mistake Lord Singularity By Heaven Musitioners you are all so dillotarie with your damnable and harsh prologue of tuning before you play as the next Parliament will make it felony in Fidlers if not treason when your Great Royal Eares begin with a Pox to you Musitians Why my Noble Lord we have done Lord Singularity By Heaven there spake Apollo Give them ten Pieces Musitians Madam an Eppilanian we have more to express our further joy and then we will pray for blessings on you both Lord Singularity O! It will be my funeral song you rogues know all delays doth kill me and at this time your best Musick sounds harsh and out of tune Lady Orphant Pray let them sing that one song more so ends your trouble of them Lord Singularity Begin quick quick SONG O Love some says thou art a Boy But now turn'd Girl thy Masters joy Now cease all thy fierce alarms In circles of your loving arms Who can express the joys to night 'T wil charm your senses with delight Nay all those pleasures you 'l controul With joyning your each soul to soul Thus in Loves raptures live till you Melting dissolv into a dew And then your aery journey take So both one constellation make The Song done the Musick playes as the Bride and Bridegroom goeth FINISH The women in the mean time squeeks Gives him the two swords The Comedy named the Several Wits The wise Wit the wild Wit the cholerick Wit the humble Wit The Names of the Persons MOnsieur Generosity Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Perfection Monsieur Importunate Monsieur Bon Compaignon Monsieur Profession Monsieur Comorade Monsieur Discretion Monsieur Compliment Doctor Freedom a Doctor of Physick Madam Mere Madamosel Caprisia Madamosel Doltche Madamosel Solid Madamosel Volant A Grave Matron Madamosel Doltches Nurse Two Maid-servants PROLOGUE THis Play I do present to Lady wits And hope the wit each several humour fits For though all wit be wit as of wit kind Yet different be as men not of one mind For different men hath different minds we know So different Wits in different humours flow The cholerick Wit is rough and salt as brine The humble Wit flows smooth in a strait line A wise Wit flows in streams fresh pure and clear Where neither weeds nor troubled waves appear But a wild wit in every ditch doth flow And with the mudde doth soul and filthy grow THE COMEDY NAMED THE SEVERAL WITS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and her maid MAID Madam Monsieur Importunate is come to visit you Madam Caprisia Did not I tell you I would receive no visits to day Maid I did tell him that you desired to be excused but he said he would not excuse you for he must see you Madam Capris. Go tell him I have taken Physick Maid I did tell him so but he said he would stay untill it had done working Madam Capris. I would it were working in his belly Ex. Scene 2. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Lady hearing of your great wit I am come to prove report Madam Volante You will find him a lyer Sir Bon Compaignon I had rather report should be a lyer than I a Lover Madam Volante Why then we agree in a mind for I had rather be thought a fool than to be troubled with a fools company Bon Compaignon You need not be troubled with that for love is strongest absented Madam Volante O! but there is an old Proverb that love will break thorough stone-walls wherefore if you be in love you will haunt me like a Fairy no locks nor bolts will keep you out for fairy love will creep thorough a creavice Bon Compaignon Faith Lady I find now that love is the Queen of Fayries for it hath crept thorough the key-hole of my eares and hath got into my head and their dances such roundelayes as makes my brain dissie Madam Volante If once your brain begins to be dissie your senses will stagger and your reason will fall down from its feat and when the reason is displaced and the wit is distemper'd the mind become mad and to prevent the mischief that may follow I will depart in time Ex. Scene 3. Enter Madamosel Caprisia as at the door meets Monsieur Importunate he stops her passage MOnsieur Importunate You shall not pass untill you have paid me a tribute Madam Caprisia What Tribute Monsieur Importunate A kiss Madam Capris. I will pay no such tribute for I will bring such a number of words armed with such strong reasons as they shall make my way Monsieur Importunate Your words will prove poor Pilgrims which come to offer at the Altar of my lips Madam Capris. Nay rather than so they shall come as humble Petitioners and as it were kneeling at your heart shall with innocency beg for gentle civility Monsieur Importunate I will shut the gates of my ears against them and my lips as a bar shall force them back being a precise factious rout Madam Capris. Satire shall lead my sharp words on break ope those gates and anger like consuming fire shall both destroy your will and base desire Monsieur Importunate I will try that Madam Capris. But I will rather make a safe retreat than venture least your rude strength might overcome my words She goeth back he follows her Monsieur Importunate I will march after at the heels of you Ex. Scene 4. Enter Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Compliment DOltche Sir you prayse me so much as I may doubt or rather believe you flatter me for it is not possible to be so rare a creature as you express me to be unless I were something divine perchance I may be worthy of some of your inferiour Prayses but not all your high and mighty ones Monsieur Compliment You are more
Doctor help may be found in giving directions and ordering the cordial Doctor So I understand you would have my counsel what you should do and my industry to order and get a meeting between Monsieur Discretion and you and to make the match betwixt you Volante You understand me right Doctor VVell I will study the means and trye if I can procure thee a man Volante Good fortune be your guide Doctor And Monsieur Discretion your Husband Ex. Scene 41. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. Thoughts be at rest for since my love is honest and the person I love worthy I may love honourably for he is not only learned with study experienced with time and practice but he is natures favourite she hath endued his soul with uncontrouled reason his mind with noble thoughts his heart with heroick generosity and his brain with a supream wit Besides she hath presented his judgement and understanding with such a clear Prospective-glasse of speculations and such a Multiplying-glass of conception as he seeth farther and discerns more into natures works than any man she hath made before him She slops a little time then speaks But let me consider I have us'd this worthy Gentleman uncivilly nay rudely I have dispised him wherefore he cannot love me for nature abhors neglect and if he cannot love me in honesty he ought not to marry me and if I be not his wife for certain I shall dye for love or live a most unhappy life which is far worse than death Hay ho Enter Madam la Mere her Mother Mere What Daughter sick with love Capris. O Mother love is a Tyrant which never lets the mind be at rest and the thoughts are the torments and when the mind is tormented the body is seldom in health Mere Well to ease you I will go to this Lord Generosity and pray him to give you a visit Capris. By no means Mother for I had rather dye with love than live to be despised with scorn for he will refuse your desires or if he should come it would be but to express his hate or proudly triumph on my unhappy state Madamosel Caprisia goes out Madamosel Mere alone Mere She is most desperately in love but I will endeavour to settle her mind Ex. Scene 42. Enter Doctor Freedom and Madamosel Volante DOctor Am not I a good Doctor now that hath got you a good Husband Volante Nay Doctor he is but a Suiter as yet Doctor Why do not you woe upon the Stage as the rest of your Comorades doth Volante O fye Doctor Discretion never whines our love in publick Doctor So you love to be in private Volante Why Doctor the purest love is most conceal'd it lyes in the heart and it warms it self by its own fire Doctor Take heed for if you keep it too tenderly and close it may chance to catch cold when it comes abroad Volante True love ought to keep home and not to gossip abroad Enter a Servant-maid Servant-maid Madam Monsieur Discretion is come to visit you Volante Come Doctor be a witnesse of our contract Doctor I had rather stay with your maid Volante She hath not wit to entertain you Doctor Nor none to anger me Volante Pray come away for no wise man is angry with wit Doctor I perceive if I do not go with you that you will call me fool Ex. Scene 43. Enter Monsieur Comorade and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Comorade what cause makes you so fine to day Comorade I am going to two weddings to day Bon Compaignon Faith one had been enough but how can you divide yourself betwixt two Bridals Comorade I shall not need to divide my self since the Bridals keeps together for they are marryed both in one Church and by one Priest and they feast in one house Bon Compaignon And will they lye in one bed Comorade No surely they will have two beds for fear each Bride-groom should mistake his Bride Bon Compaignon VVell I wish the Bride-grooms and their Brides joy and their Guests good chear Comorade VVill not you be one of the Guests Bon Compaignon No for a Bon Compaignon shuns Hymens Court neither will Hymen entertain him But who are the Brides and Bride-grooms Comorade Monsieur Nobilissimo and Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Perfection and Madamosel Solid Bon Compaignon Is Monsieur Profession a Guest there Comorade No for he swears now that he hates marriage as he hates death Bon Compaignon But he loves a Mistress as he loves life Ex. Scene 44. Enter Monsieur Generosity and Madamosel Caprisia he following her GEnerosity Lady why do you shun my company in going from me praystay and give my visit a civil entertainment for though I am not worthy of your affection yet my love deserves you civility Capris. I know you are come to laugh at me which is ignobly done for heroick generous spirits doth not triumph on the weak effeminate Sex Generosity Pray believe I am a Gentleman for if I loved you not yet I would never be rude to be uncivil to you or your Sex But I love you so well as when I leave to serve you with my life may nature leave to nourish me fortune leave to favour me and Heaven leave to blesse me and then let death cast me into Hell there to be tormented Capris. I am more obliged to your generous affections than to my own merits Generosity The ill opinion of your self doth not lessen your vertues and if you think me worthy to be your Husband and will agree we will go strait to Church and be marryed Capri. I shall not refuse you Ex. FINIS PROLOGUE THE Poetress sayes that if the Play be bad She 's very sorry and could wish she had A better plot more wit and skill to make A Play that might each several humour take But she sayes if your humours are not fixt Or that they are extravagantly mixt Impossible a Play for to present With such variety and temperiment But some will think it tedious or find fault Say the Design or Language is stark naught Besides the loose unsetled brains she fears Seeth with squint eyes and hears with Asses ears But she is confident all in this round Their understandings clear and judgements sound And if her Play deserves not praise she knows They 'l neither scoff in words nor preposterous shows Without disturbance you will let it dye And in the Grave of silence let it lye Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet THE FIRST PART 1. THe Lord de L'amour 2. Sir Thomas Father Love 3. Master Comfort Sir Thomas Father Loves Friend 4. Master Charity the Lord de L'amours Friend 5. Adviser the Lord de L'amours man 6. A Iustice of Peace 1. The Queen Attention 2. The Lady Incontinent Mistriss to the Lord de L'amour 3. The Lady Mother Love wife to Sir Thomas Father Love 4. The Lady Sanparelle daughter to Sir Thomas Father and Lady Mother Love 5. The Lady Innocence the affianced Mistriss
proud and carry the out-side of a Gentleman will do so La. Ward Certainly Nurse they are but Bastard Gentry or else they are degenerated Nurse Careful An incipid Branch may spring from a sound Root many a withered and rotten Plum may hang on a good Tree La. Ward And do Wives play the Bauds for their Husbands as the Husbands play the Pimps for their Wives Nurse Care Most often for they will make Gossiping meetings on purpose for their Husbands to Court other women for they know when their Husbands minds are fill'd with amorous love they will not muse upon their actions nor examine their wayes besides when as the Husband would take his liberty without disturbance he will wink at the liberty his wife takes and so will be procures for each other and the Ladys acquaintance are Confidents La. Ward Confidents what is that Nurse Nurse Careful Why it is thus two Ladies make friendship or at least call Friends and if any man desires to be a Courtly Servant to one of them he addresses himself to the other and expresses what Passions and Affections he hath for her friend and so makes his complaints and affections known to her whereupon she recommends his addresses and service to her Friend thus doing a friendly Office by carrying and declaring his professions and returning her Friends civil answers appointing places for each others love-meetings the other will do as much for her La. Ward Why this is a Baud Nurse Care O peace Child for if any body heard you say so they would laugh at you for a Fool but 't is a sign you never was a Courtier for I knew a young Lady that went to Court to be a Maid of Honour and there were two young Ladies that were Confidents to each other and a great Prince made love to one of them but adddrest himself to the other as being her Friend this young Maid askt why he did so it was answered she was the Princes Mistresse Confident and just as you ask me what said she is a confident a Baud whereupon the whole Court laught at her and for that only question condemned her to be a very Fool nay a meer Changling La. Ward VVell Nurse say what you will Confident is but a Courtly name for a Baud Ex. Scene 20. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Mall Mean-bred SIR Effeminate Lovely Those wandering Stars that shine like brightest day are fixt on me the Center of your love This following Scene was writ by the Lord Marquess of New-castle Mall Mean-bred O Heavens Sir Effem. Lovely Happy to touch those Lillies in your cheeks mingled with Roses loves perfumed bath Mall Mean-bred They grow forsooth in our Garden Sir Effem. Lovely You are the Garden of all sweets for love your blushing lips of the Vermillion die and those twin cherries give me leave to taste Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I understand no Latin but I will call our Vicar to you and he shall expound Sir Effem. Lovely No dearest Dear my lovely Dear my dearest Love my lovelyest Dear Mall Mean-bred I never cost you any thing as yet Sir Sir Effem. Lovely Why then no Lady of Arcadie bred Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir this is as our Vicar saith like Hebrew without poynts to be read backwards say any thing forward in Notthingham-shire speak that I may guess at and I will answer your VVorship though truly it is as fine as ever I understood not Effem. Lovely Why then sweet heart I love you and would gladly enjoy you Mall Mean-bred O fie enjoy is a naughty word forsooth if it please you Effem. Lovely It would please me your thoughts of what you mince Mall Mean-bred Thoughts are free forsooth and I love whole joints without mincing Effem. Lovely Why then in plain English I would have your Maiden-head Mall Mean-bred O dear how will you get it can you tell Truely truely I did not think such naughty words would come forth of so fine a Gentlemans mouth Effem. Lovely But tell me truely do you think me fine Mall Mean You will make me blush now and discover all so fine cloaths the Taylor of Norton never made such and so finely made unbottoned and untrust doth so become you but I do hang down my head for shame and those Linnen Boot-hose as if you did long to ride do so become you and your short Coat to hang on your left arm O sweet O sweet and then your Hat hid with so fine a Feather our Peacocks tailes are not like it and then your hair so long so finely curled and powder'd in sweets a sweeter Gentleman I never saw My love 's beyond dissembling so young so fresh so every thing I warrant you O Sir you will ravish me but yet you cannot Effem. Lovely O how you have made me thankfulnesse all over for this your bounty to me wherefore my earthly Paradise let us meet in the next Close there under some sweet Hedge to tast Loves aromatick Banquet at your Table Mall Mean O Sir you blushes I consent farewel do not betray me then you must not tell Farewell my sweetest granting of my sute Shall still inslave me and be ever mute Here ends my Lord Marquesse's Scene Ex. Scene 21. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches following her Golden Riches Stay lovely Maid and receive a Fortune Poor Virtue I am Fortune proof Sir she cannot tempt me Gold Rich. But she may perswade you to reason Poor Virtue That she seldome doth for she is alwayes in extremes and Extremes are out of Reason's Schools That makes all those that follow Fortune Fooles Gol. Rich. What do you Rime my pretty Maid Poor Virtue Yes Rich Sir to end my discourse Golden Riches I will make you Rich if you will receive my gifts Poor Virtue I love not gifts Sir because they often prove bribes to corrupt Gold Rich. Why what do you love then Poor Vir. I love Truth Fidelity Justice Chastity and I love obedience to lawful Authority which rather than I would willingly and knowingly infring I would suffer death Gold Rich. Are you so wilful Poor Vir. No I am so constant Gold Rich. But young Maid you ought not to deny all gifts for there are gifts of pure affection Love-gifts of Charity gifts of Humanity and gifts of Generosity Poor Virtue They are due debts and not gifts For those you call gifts of pure Love are payments to dear deserving friends and those of Charity are payments to Heaven and those of Humanity are payments to Nature and those Generosity are payments to Merit but there are vain-glorious gifts covetous gifts gifts of fear and gifts that serve as Bauds to corrupt foolish young Virgins Gold Rich. Are you so wise to refuse them Poor Vir. I am so virtuous as not to take them Ex. ACT V. Scene 22. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Lady Visitant Visitant What still musing O thou idle creature Contemp. I am not idle for I busie my self with my own fancies Visitant Fancies are like
Enter Monsieur Malateste and his Maid Nan MAlateste Nan you must be contented for you must be gone for your Lady will not suffer you to be in the house Nan Will you visit me if I should live near your House at the next Town Malateste No for that will cause a parting betwixt my Wife and me which I would not have for all the World wherefore Nan God be with you Nan May your House be your Hell and your Wife be your Devil Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Madam Malateste and her Maid MAid What will your Ladyship have for your Supper Madam Whatsoever is rare and costly Exit maid Enter Steward Steward Did your Ladyship send for me Madam Mal. Yes for you having been an old servant in my Fathers House will be more diligent to observe and obey my commands wherefore go to the Metropolitan City and there try all those that trade in vanities and see if they will give me credit in case my Husband should restrain his purse from me and tell them that they may may make my Husband pay my debts The next is I would have you take me a fine house in the City for I intend to live there and not in this dull place where I see no body but my Husband who spends his time in sneaking after his Maids tails having no other imployment besides solitariness begets melancholy and melancholy begets suspition and suspition jealousie so that my Husband grows amorous with idleness and jealous with melancholy Thus he hath the pleasure of variety and I the pain of jealousie wherefore be you industrious to obey my command Steward I shall Madam Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Madamoiselle Amor as to her Father Monsieur Sensible MAdam Amor Good Sir conceal my Passion left it become a scorn when once 't is known for all rejected Lovers are despised and those that have some small returns of Love yet do those saint Affections triumph vaingloriously upon those that are strong and make them as their slaves Sensible Surely Child thy Affections shall not be divulged by me I only wish thy Passions were as silent in thy breast as on my tongue as that he thou lovest so much may lie as dead and buried in thy memory Amor There 's no way to bury Love unless it buries me Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Monsieur Malateste and Madam Malateste MOnsieur Mal. I hear Wife that you are going to the Metropolitan City Madam Yes Husband for I find my self much troubled with the Spleen and therefore I go to try if I can be cur'd Monsieur Why will the City cure the Spleen Madam Yes for it is the only remedy for melancholy must be diverted with divertisements besides there are the best Physicians Monsieur I will send for some of the best and most famous Physicians from thence if you will stay Madam By mo means for they will exact so much upon your importance as they will cost more money than their journey is worth Monsieur But Wife it is my delight and profit to live in the Country besides I hate the City Madam And I hate the Country Monsieur But every good Wife ought to conform her self to her Husbands humours and will Madam But Husband I profess my self no good Wife wherefore I will follow my own humour Exit Madam He alone Monsieur Malateste I finde there is no crossing her she will have her Will Exit Scene 39. Enter Monsieur Marry and Madam Soeur MOnsieur Marry Wife I am come to rob your Cabinet of all the Ribands that are in it for I have made a running match betwixt Monsieur la Whips Nag and your Brothers Barb and he faith that he shall not run unless you give him Ribands for he is perswaded your Favours will make him win Soeur Those Ribands I have you shall have Husband But what will my Brother say if his Barb should lose the match Marry I ask'd him that question and he answer'd that if he lost he would knock his Barbs brains out of his head Soeur Where is my Brother Marry Why he is with your Father and such a good companion he is to day and so merry as your Father is so fond of his company insomuch as he hangs about his neck as a new-maried wife But I conceive the chief reason is that your Brother seems to consent to marry the Lady Amor Soeur I am glad of that with all my soul Marry But he says if he doth marry her It must be by your perswasons Soeur He shall not want perswading if I can perswade him Marry Come Wife will you give me some Ribands Soeur Yes Husband I will go fetch them Marry Nay Wife I will go along with you Exeunt Scene 40. Enter Madamoiselle Amor alone as in a melancholy humour MAdam Amor Thoughts cease to move and let my Soul take rest or let the damps of grief quench out lifes flame Enter Monsieur Sensible Sensible My dear Child do not pine away for Love for I will get thee a handsomer man than Monsieur Frere Amor Sir I am not so much in love with his person as to dote so fondly thereon Sensible What makes you so in love with him then for you have no great acquaintance with him Amor Lovers can seldome give a Reason for their Passion yet mine grew from your superlative praises those praises drew my Soul out at my Ears to entertain his love But since my Soul misles of what it seeks will not return but leave my body empty to wander like a ghost in gloomy sadness and midnight melancholy Sensible I did mistake the subject I spoke of the substance being false those praises were not current wherefore lay them aside and fling them from thee Amor I cannot for they are minted and have Loves stamp and being out increases like to Interest-money and is become so vast a summ as I believe all praises past present or what 's to come or can be are too few for his merits and too short of his worth Sensible Rather than praise him I wish my Tongue had been for ever dumb Amor O wish not so but rather I had been for ever deaf She goes out He alone Sensible My Child is undone Exeunt Scene 41. Enter two servants of Monsieur Malateste's 1 SErvant My Master looks so lean and pale as I doubt he is in a Consumption 2 Servant Faith he takes something to heart whatsoever it is 1 Servant I doubt he is jealous 2 Servant He hath reason for if my Lady doth not cuckold him yet she gives the World cause to think she doth for she is never without her Gallants 1 Servant There is a great difference betwixt our Lady that is dead and this Enter Monsieur Malateste Malateste Is my Wife come home yet 1 Servant No Sir Malateste I think it be about twelve of the Clock 1 Servant It is past one Sir Malateste If it be so late I will sit up no longer watching for my Wives coming
with their hats off he leading in the Bride his Princess and a great many Ladies waiting on her The Prince and Princess sit in two Chairs and the rest of the company on each side of them to see an Anti mask presented to them When the Antick-maskers had danced a Song was sung These Songs following the Lord Marquiss writ Song VErtue and Honour you did take And Beauty scorn'd as vading Thus you a Godess it doth make Rove mortal Ladies trading They love the Body you the Soul They Shape but you the Mind Your Love those grosser loves controll Which shews their Love is blind His wooden Leg is thrown away The black Patch for the blind The Bunch on 's back asswag'd to day As hansome as his Mind This now is your reward Sweet Madam The Gods they are not lath To give you one handsome as Adam And thus enjoy them both Then the Maskers dance again and after their Dance another Song Song Loves Miracles not ceased be The Lame to walk the Blind to see The Crooked is made straight 't is true And these Loves Wonders made by you His Body metamorphos'd is By your Ambrosia sweeter kiss Such power hath Love when you do sip The Gods pure Nectar from your Lip All Ioys attend you night and day Be each to other fresh as May Renewing pleasures every hour And sweeter than the sweetest Flower The Maskers dance again and after another Song Song Envious Ladies now repine Since you are crost In having lost A Prince so handsome and so fine Mourn in black patches for your sins Despair each Curl And every Purl And throw away your dressing-pins Lay by your richer Gowns of State For now you 'l faint For all your paint When think of your unhappier Fate For these Love-pitfals they are stale And all despise Your glancing Eyes For all forc'd Arts in Love they 'l fail Now let your specious gliding pass Or your Lips fed With biting red Despair and break each Looking-glass Here ends my Lord Marquis his writing Then the Maskers dance again and so goe out the Prince and Princess and the Company goes out all but a Matron and some young Ladies who stay and look upon each other very sadly without speaking to each other Matron What Ladies are you Thunder-struck with the Princes Honour or are you blasted with the Lightning of his Splendor or crush'd with the wheel of her good Fortune Parle Lord Lord how blindly Fortune throws her gifts away Matron One would think she had clear Eyes when she bestow'd her Favours upon the Princess Vanity She is become so proud since she is become a Princess as she will not look on us that were her companions and she thinks scorn to speak to us for she said not one word to any of us Matron She had no occasion to speak to you but I am confident If you speak to her you will find her as civil and obliging as ever she was Fondly 'Faith we care not for we can live without being oblig'd to her Parle They are not the happiest that have the greatest Titles Trifle Pride will have a Fall Matron I perceive it is hand to get the good opinion of the World for you rail'd at her Course laugh'd at her Choise condemn'd her Mariage and now you envy her good Success Parle We envy her you are mistaken for she must be of greater value and we less worthy than we are to raise an Envy Matron Nay Ladies if you are angry I will leave you Parle Then we shall be rid of a pratling fool Exit Matron Enter three or four old Ladies the Mothers to the young Ladies 1 Old Lady O wisedome in youth is a wonder 2 Old Lady Happy is that Parent that hath a discreet Child 3 Old Lady Such Children give their Parents Honour in their Graves 4 Old Lady Pray let us Petition that a Law may be Enacted for this Publick Wooing 1 Old Lady We shall not need to Petition for the Princess I dare warrant you will get the Prince to Enact a Law for this Publick Wooing for her Fame she being the only first that hath been wooed so So they all speak together Old Ladies Well Daughters make her your Pattern Exeunt Old Ladies Trifle Yesterday that was the Wedding-day my Parents did condemn the Bride calling her Fool and saying she was mad and forbid me to imitate her Parle 'T is no wonder our Natures are so various when as our Education are so inconstant for we are instructed to imitate Fortune which is to be restless and to spoil that good we have done Vanity Or to better the worse Parle No 'faith for I perceive Fortune hath more power to do hurt than good for Fortune ruines or at least disturbs Virtuous Acts and frustrates Wisedom's Counsels Enter a Messenger Messenger Ladies the Princess desires your company to dance Parle Pray excuse me Sir for I have so great a pain on my left side as I can hardly fetch my breath Vanity And I have such a pain in my head as I dare not dance for fear it should ake more Trifle And truly I have so streight a shooe as it is a pain for me to tread a step Fondly And I am not well in my stomach wherefore excuse us Sir to the Princess Exeunt Scene 44. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion and the Lady Gosling PArrot God give you Joy I have not seen you since you were maried Minion You are welcome into the maried Society Gosling I thank you Madam Truly I am so tyr'd Parrot With what Madam Gosling With helping my Neighbour the Lady Breeder to hold her back Minion VVhy is she in Labour Gosling She is brought to Bed but on my word she hath had a hard bargain for she hath had a sore Labour Parrot VVhat hath God sent her Gosling A lusty boy Indeed it is one of the goodliest children that ever I saw Minion But how chance she did not send for me to her Labour Gosling She came on such a sudden as she had hardly Time to send for the Midwife but she was mightily troubled you were not there she doubts you will take it ill Parrot We have reason for if we could not have come time enough to her Labour we might have come time enough to the cup of Rejoycing Gosling But she will bid you to the Christening Minion That 's some amends But this hard labour of the Lady Breeders will fright you Gosling No for I have as much courage as other maried Wives have though truly Sir Anthony Gosling my Husband was very loth I should goe for said he to me prethee sweet Duck do not go I answer'd and said to him my hony-love I must go for it is the part of one wife to help another besides a gossipping company doth help to ease the womens pains and if I go not to their Labour they will not come to mine Minion Why are you with Child Gosling No but I
consent makes a happy marriage wherefore I desire your free consent but know if you refuse it t is in my power to have you without your consent either for a Mistriss or for a Wife Lady Perfection You have no power the power lives within my self for I can take away my life and a dead Mistriss or a dead Wife would neither be conversable nor pleasurable death is not amiable 't is rather a terrour than a delight Arch-Prince I will leave my Sute to your consideration ponder on it well and take good advice my Sute is honest and just a deniall may inveterate my passion and turn my pure love into a raging flame Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Melancholy he walks about the Room with his Hat pull'd over his forehead his Arms foulded his Eyes bent towards the ground then enters his Father to him the Lord Dorato LOrd Dorato Why how now Son shall I never find you with Company but always alone in a musing Melancholy posture Lord Melancholy I never did love much Company Sir Lord Dorato But methinks in honesty you might love the Company of your Wife Lord Melancholy Were my liberty equal to my Love I should not be often from her Lord Dorato Why who bars you from that liberty Lord Melancholy The Laws Sir Lord Dorato So I perceive you are discontented because you are barr'd from your Whore Lord Melancholy You are my Father but should another man have said so much I would make him prove it with his blood Lord Dorato Why the Laws have proved it Lord Melancholy Oh Heavens that Fathers should be so cruell have not you made me unhappy by forcing me to those actions that neither Conscience Honesty nor Honour can approve of and yet will you disturb my Life trouble my Thoughts and torture me with words Lord Dorato No no I love you so well as I would have you so happy as to be delighted with mirth and not to bury your self in Melancholy and despise those blessings Heaven bestows upon you as Wealth and Honour besides the blessing of Posterity for your Lady proves to be fruitfull being big with Child Lord Melancholy I am so unhappy my self I desire none but to please you Lord Dorato Come come pray let me perswade you to go to your wife the Princess and sit and talk with her for she is displeased she hath no more of your Company she complains and sayes she seldome sees you Lord Melancholy Her humour and mine are so different that we are happyest when we are fardest asunder Lord Dorato Let me tell you Son that all women love to be flattered and when they are not they are peevish cross and froward and therefore you must flatter her Lord Melancholy I must have a Tutor first to teach me Sir for I understand not the Art of flattery I never practise it Lord Dorato Time and Company Ambition and Covetousness will teach you that but the best Tutor is Cupid and the best Tutoress is Venus and you have been a lover Son Lord Melancholy Yes Sir in Hymens Court and there they use not much flattery Lord Dorato Not so much as in Venus and Cupids Courts but yet there are flatterers enough in Hymens both Male and Females but pray Son go to the Princess your wife Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Lady Perfection and her Nurse LAdy Perfection Nurse I hear the Arch-Prince is resolved to have me if not by fair perswasions by force Nurse And what woman would not be perswaded to be an Arch-Princess they need no inforcement Lady Perfection Not I unless I could be perswaded to be an Arch-Whore and if you went about to perswade me you would be an Arch-Bawd Nurse Come come there is none durst call you so is you were the Arch-Princesses nor call me Bawd neither Lady Perfection But they would think me so and think you a Bawd Nurse Thoughts are free and every one may think their pleasure and therefore let me perswade you in spite of thoughts to be an Arch-Princess Lady Perfection If I thought you did not speak in jest I should hate you in earnest Nurse What for giving you good Counsel Lady Perfection No for giving me wicked Counsel but I will give you better Counsel and my self too Nurse What Counsel is that Lady Perfection To forsake the World and to go to Heaven Nurse Faith I would not go to Heaven unless the Gods call me I love this World very well I have been long acquainted with it and I would not willingly part from an old friend Lady Perfection The World did never befriend any Body besides thou art so old as thy friend the World is run away from thee Nurse But howsoever I will stay in it as long as I can The Nurse goes out Enter the Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter I am come to perswade you not to reject a good fortune for Fortunes favours are not profered every day Lady Perfection Nor are her favourites surer to continue in her favour long Lady Gravity But if I should command you to receive the Arch-Princes addresses and to consent to be his wife I hope you will not be less obedient to me than the Lord Melancholy hath been to his Father Lady Perfection If he to obey his Father forgot or neglected his obedience to Heaven you must pardon me if I do not follow his precepts not that I accuse him for perchance his Conscience hath acquitted him and set him free from fault and so from blame but mine doth not acquit me wherefore dear Mother do not perswade me against my Conscience I have had misfortunes enough to trouble my life I shall not need to add the guilt of Conscience and what can outward Title do me good what pleasure can I take when that my Mind or Soul is tortured with black guilt Lady Gravity No Heaven forbid I should perswade you against your Conscience but how will you avoid or escape the Princes inforcement Lady Perfection I have thought of a way that best suits with my Condition and Disposition which is to take a Religious habit and enter into a Religious Order for though I cannot vow Virginity nor a single life having a Husband and been used as a VVife yet I can vow Chastity and retirement and if I could be permitted into an Nunnery as perchance I cannot yet I would not go into any of them for there is too much Company in ordinary Nunneryes and I love solitariness wherefore I will live a kind of a Hermits life only my Nurse and I and that- little Tower my Father built for pleasure shall be my Cloyster and before it is publickly known I will send or go to the Fathers of the Church and acquaint them and strait Incloyster my self and there I shall be safe for the Prince dares not commit Sacrilege for Gods and men would rise against him if he did Lady Gravity Nor I dare not oppose your holy design Lady Perfection Dear Mother
not be seen unless to some particular persons or neer friends 1 Lady And how doth she become her Religious Habit 2 Lady So handsomely as she is far handsomer in her Pease habit than when she was drest with all the Arts of Vanityes 1 Lady What manner of Habit is it 2 Lady Somewhat like the Normetanes but much more becoming 1 Lady Well I will go to the Lady her Mother and intreat her to let me go with her to see her Daughter Exeunt Scene 28. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman 'T is said that now the Lady Perfection is incloystered that the Treaty goeth on betwixt the Arch-Prince and the Emperor Enter a Gentleman running as by they stay him 2 Gent. What 's the matter you run so hastily 1 Gent. I am running to give the Arch-Prince notice that his Neece is in labour and is so ill she is like to dy 2 Gent. We will not stay you then Exeunt Scene 29. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour It 's said the Lady Perfection hath entered into a Religious Order she is happy would I were so Nan It is a question whether you would think your self so if you were as she is Mistriss Odd-Humour I think the happiest life is to be a Devote Nan Faith Mistriss you wish to be a Devote not so much out of a devotion as for a change in life as many wish to be marryed out of a desire to alter their course of life and when they are marryed they wish to be unmarried again so would you do if you were a Devote Mistriss Odd-Humour Oh no for though those that are married wish to be unmarried by reason Marriage is the most troublesome unquiet life that is but a Devotes life is the most peaceable and quiet life that is so as there is as much difference in the course of a Married life and an Incloystered life as between Heaven and Hell Nan Then the most part of the World prefers Hell before Heaven for more are Married than are Incloystered Mistriss Odd-Humour Truly by the course of the VVorld and the action of men one would think there would be more Devils in Hell than Saints in Heaven Exeunt Scene 30. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You hear the news of the Princess delivery and her Death 2 Gent. Yes I heard she died as soon as delivered but she hath left a Son and Heir to her sorrowfull Husband 1 Gent. I do not believe her Husband is much troubled or grieved for her Death as his Father is 2 Gent. Indeed I think the young Lord had no great affections for her 1 Gent. No surely for he loves the Lady he was first married to so well as he could spare no love for any other woman 2 Gent. If that Lady had not entered into a Religious Order he might have remarried her but now he cannot 1 Gent. I believe that if the other Lady had known the Princess should have died so soon she would not have been so Religious as to have Incloystered her self from the VVorld and to ha' bard up her liberty with Vows 2 Gent. 'T is like when she hears of the Princesses Death she will repent the acts of devotion 1 Gent. Then Repentance is not always for acts of evill but sometimes of good 2 Gent. There is Repentance of all sorts and degrees and there are more enter into Religious Orders out of Discontent than for Love to God 1 Gent. That is an uncharitable opinion 2 Gent. Nay 't is not a bare Opinion that may be proved nor uncharitable to speak the truth Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 31. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour Oh Nan I am undone for ever Nan As how Mistriss Mistriss Odd-Humour Why by your neglect and carelessness for your not watching my Fathers coming home to give me notice my Father hath found my Chair for I hearing him come run to hide a-way my Chair he coming and seeing me scuttle about the room imagined I desired to hide something from him for which he searches all my Chamber over at last he went and looked into the Cole-hole where I had flung my Chair and finding it he carried it a-way in one hand and led me a-long in the other hand and causing a fire to be made of the Chair made me stand by to see the Martyrdome whereat I was so afflicted as I lost my fight in tears which tears I let run on the fire hoping to quench it out but they were so brind with grief as they did rather augment the fury of the fire than abate the rage of the flame so that which I thought would have been a preserver did hasten the destruction Nan Faith Mistriss it is none of my fault for your Mother sent me of an errand and whilst I was absent by your Mothers commands it seem'd your Father came home Mistriss Odd-Humour This is an excuse Nan You may believe it 't is no excuse but truth for I that ventured the loss of my Soul by telling a lie to save your Chair would not neglect the watch had not I been commanded away Mistriss Odd-Humour I am of an opinion you were brib'd to betray the life of my Chair and bribes are so powerfull as they corrupt promises and vows even the Soul its self though the Soul makes no use of bribes yet it will venture to be damn'd for a bribes sake Nan Well Mistriss since a mistrust is all my reward you shall tell the next lie your self Mistriss Odd-Humour No prethee Nan let us be friends for I shall never get a Servant that will so readily tell lyes for me as you do wherefore let us shake hands and be friends They shake hands Nan VVell Mistriss let me tell you that my hand and tongue is at your service the one to work the other to lie for your service Mistriss Odd-Humour I thank you Nan for many Servants will lie but few will work Exeunt Scene 32. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Lord Melancholy hath such a sober sad Countenance as I never saw any young man have the like 2 Gent. Indeed I never saw him smile in my life 1 Gent. I askt a Gentleman that waits on him whether his Lord did ever smile he said he never saw him smile since he parted from his first Lady 2 Gent. Then he hath not smiled this nine years for so long it is since he parted from his first Lady 1 Gent. If the siege last one year more it will be as long a siege as the siege of Troy 2 Gent. Indeed the causes of either siege resembles each other as both for the love of fair Ladyes I know not whether the effect will prove alike as whether it will be the destruction of his heart as the siege of Troy was the destruction of Troy 1 Gent. But the Lord Melancholy is rather like Hellen than Menelaus for he hath had two wives and the Lady Perfection is as Menelaus for her
Husband is taken away from her as his wife was from him but leaving this siege let us return to our own homes Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lord Melancholy as the Grate of the Cloyster of the Lady Perfection then she draws the Curtain before the Grate and appears to him LOrd Melancholy Madam yesterday when you were pleased to speak with me as now through this Grate you were pleas'd to tell me your Vows were so binding as they could not be dissolved wherefore I am not now come to examine or perswade nor to trouble your Devotions or to hinder your Meditations but to take my last leave for I shall never see you more at least not in this VVorld Lady Perfection Are you going to Travel Lord Melancholy I cannot say my body is going a far Journey I know not what my Soul may do Lady Perfection Shall not they go together Lord Melancholy No Death will make a divorce as the Law did betwixt you and I Lady Perfection Are you resolved to dye Lord Melancholy Yes Lady Perfection VVhy so Lord Melancholy To be at rest and peace for know that ever since I was last married my life hath been a Hell my Mind was tortured with thoughts of discontent and though I am releast from what I did dislike my mind is restless still for what it would enjoy this resolution is not new it hath been long considered for since I cannot live with that I love better than life I le try whether the passions of the Soul doe with the Body dye if so Death will be happy because it hath no sense nor feeling Lady Perfection How long have you been resolved of leaving life Lord Melancholy I have pondered of it ever since I was last Married but was not resolved untill you enter'd into this Order Lady Perfection Can I not perswade you to live Lord Melancholy Not unless you break your Vow Lady Perfection That I may not do Lord Melancholy Nor can I perswade you for I love your Constancy Lady Perfection Will you grant me one request before you dy Lord Melancholy Yes any thing but what may hinder my dying Lady Perfection Swear to me you will Lord Melancholy I swear by Heaven and Love I will Lady Perfection Then the time you are resolved to dye come hither and dye here that I may bear you Company dying the same minute if I can that you do Lord Melancholy How Lady Perfection Nay you have sworn it and if it be best for you it will be so for me for when you are dead I shall possess those torments that you in life feel now and if you love me so well as you express you do you will not desire to leave me to endure that you cannot suffer Lord Melancholy 'T is fit you should live to be a President to the World Lady Perfection Were I a President fit for the World to follow yet the World would not practice my precepts it is too bad to follow what is good and since my life cannot better the World and Death will ease my life of that which will trouble and afflict it I am resolv'd to dye And in the grave will bear you Company Lord Melancholy I do accept of thy dear Company Heaven so joyn our Souls they never may be separated and to morrow we will leave the World Lady Perfection Let me advise you concerning the manner of our Deaths get a Sword pointed sharp at both ends and when we are to dye put one end of the Sword through this grate and just when you set your heart to the end towards you I will set mine to the end towards me and thrusting forward as to meet each other the several points will make several passages or wounds into our several or rather our own united hearts and so we dye just together Lord Melancholy I shall follow your advice and be here to morrow at the time Which time will seem to me like as an Age Till that our Souls be fled forth from their Cage Lady Perfection My Soul will fly your Soul to imbrace And after Death may hope a resting place Exeunt ACT V. Scene 34. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You here the match is concluded betwixt the Emperors Daughter and our Prince 2 Gent. Yes and I hear that the Lord Dorato was a great Instrument to help the match forward 1 Gent. Methinks they should need no other Instrument to forward the match than the Princes interest 2 Gent. 'T is true but the Princes affection being placed upon another Lady it was hard first to draw off those affections and then to place them anew besides the Death of his Neece was some hinderance 1 Gent. All great Princes doe soon cast off all Funeral sadness but the Lord Dorato methinks takes the Death of his Daughter to heart 2 Gent. 'T is a doubt whether he will continue in such great favour with the Prince now his Neece is dead 1 Gent. There is no likelyhood he should be in less favour since the Princess Death for it was the favour he had with the Princess that caused the match with his Son besides he hath left a Son which the Prince no doubt will favour the Grandfather the more for the Childes sake 2 Gent. I wonder whether the Lord Melancholy the Princesses Husband will marry again for he had ill fortune with his Wives 1 Gent. Methinks he hath had good Fortune for the Laws have quitted him of one and Death of the other but that Husband hath ill fortune that neither Law nor Death will free him from Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lord Melancholy at the Grate the Curtains open and appears the Lady Perfection he takes the Sword out of the sheath LOrd Melancholy Sweet here 's that will quit us of all trouble Lady Perfection Indeed life is a trouble and nothing is at rest but what lyes in the grave Lord Melancholy Are you not affraid of the sight of a murthering Sword Lady Perfection No more than you are affraid of the sight of the glorious Sun Lord Melancholy You seem to have a courage above you Sex Lady Perfection My love is above Life as far as my Courage is beyond Fear I neither fear Death nor consider Life but can imbrace the one and fling away the other for Loves sake Lord Melancholy Then dear Wife for so you are my heart did never own another I wish our breaths and bloods might intermix together and as Deaths Ceremonies might joyn our Souls Whilst he speaks he puts one end of the Sword through the Grate she takes hold of it Lady Perfection They 'r joyned already by love and Death's sufficient to bring them both together and our bloods 't is like will run in trickling streams upon this Sword to meet and intermix Whilst he holds the Sword in one hand he unbuttons his Doublet with the other hand so she unties her Cord about her Gown Lord Melancholy These Buttons are like troublesome guests at
love Solitariness and there will be too much Company Censurer There may be a great resort but their Conversation is by single Couples Examination You are a wag Lady Censurer Exeunt Scene 22. Enter four Gentlemen 1 GEnt. If I were to chuse a Wife I would chuse the Lady Solitary 2 Gent. Why 1 Gent. Because those that are Solitary love not much Company and being alone love not much noise and loving no noise love silence and loving silence love not to talk so as in having of her I shall have a Solitary Peaceable Quiet Silent Wife 3 Gent. And if I were to chuse I would chuse the Lady Censurer for she would let nothing pass her judgment for she will give her opinion of all things persons and actions so in having her to my Wife I should have a general Intelligencer or at least her opinion of all things 2 Gent. But if her Judgment were not good her opinion would be erroneous 3 Gent. I care not it would serve to pass an idle time with 4 Gent. And if I might chuse I would chuse the Lady Examination for a Wife 2 Gent. Why 4 Gent. Because she knows most humours and passages of every body and their affairs so by her I should be entertained with news from all places as of all actions done opinions held words spoke or thoughts thought 2 Gent. I would I could have my wish as easily as you might have your choice 1 Gent. What would you wish 2 Gent. I would wish to be unmarried for if I were I would never be troubled with a Wife again but let me advise you for I love to have married Companions that you three should go a woing to those three Ladyes they cannot nor will not deny your Sute being all three of you rich young and handsome All three We will take your Counsel Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES The Lord General Seigneur Valeroso Monsieur la Hardy Monsieur Compagnion Monsieur Comerade Monsieur la Gravity Captain Ruffell Captain Whiffell and several other Gentlemen Doctor Educature Doctor Comfort Stewards Messengers and Servants Lady Victoria Madam Jantil Madam Passionate Madam Ruffell Madam Whiffell Doll Pacify Madam Passionates Maid Nell Careless Madam Jantils Maid other Servants and Heroickesses THE FIRST PART OF BELL IN CAMPO ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You hear how this Kingdome of Reformation is prepaparing for War against the Kingdome of Faction 2 Gent. Yea for I hear the Kingdome of Faction resolves to War with this Kingdome of Reformation 1 Gent. 'T is true for there are great preparations of either side men are raised of all sorts and ages fit to bear Arms and of all degrees to command and obey and there is one of the gallantest and noblest persons in this Kingdome which is made General to command in chief for he is a man that is both valiant and well experienced in Wars temperate and just in Peace wise and politick in publick affairs carefull and prudent in his own Family and a most generous person 2 Gent. Indeed I have heard that he is a most excellent Souldier 1 Gent. He is so for he is not one that sets forth to the Wars with great resolutions and hopes and returns with maskerd fears and despairs neither is he like those that take more care and are more industrious to get gay Clothes and fine Feathers to flant in the Field and vapour in their march than to get usefull and necessary provision but before he will march he will have all things ready and proper for use as to fit himself with well-tempered Arms which are light to be worn yet musket proof for he means not to run away nor to yield his life upon easy terms unto his Enemy for he desires to Conquer and not vain-gloriously to shew his courage by a careless neglect or a vain carelessness also he chooses such Horses as are usefull in War such as have been made subject to the hand and heel that have been taught to Trot on the Hanches to change to Gallop to stop and such Horses as have spirit and strength yet quiet and sober Natures he regards more the goodness of the Horses than the Colours or marks and more the fitness of his Saddles than the Imbrodery also he takes more care that his Waggons should be easy to follow and light in their carriage than to have them painted and gilded and he takes greater care that his Tents should be made so as to be suddenly put up and as quickly pull'd down than for the setting and Imbrodering his Arms thereupon also he take more care to have usefull Servants than numerous Servants and as he is industrious and carefull for his particular affairs so he is for the general affairs 2 Gent. A good Souldier makes good preparations and a good General doth both for himself and Army and as the General hath showed himself a good Souldier by the preparations he had made to march so he hath showen himself a wise man by the settlement he hath made in what he hath to leave behind him for I hear he hath setled and ordered his House and Family 1 Gent. He hath so and he hath a fair young and virtuous Lady that he must leave behind him which cannot choose but trouble him 2 Gent. The wisest man that is cannot order or have all things to his own contentment Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord General and the Lady Victoria his Wife GEneral My dear heart you know I am commanded to the Wars and had I not such Wife as you are I should have thought Fortune had done me a favour to imploy my life in Heroical Actions for the service of my Country or to give me a honourable Death but to leave you is such a Cross as my Nature sinks under but wheresoever you are there will be my life I shall only carry a Body which may sight but my Soul and all the powers thereof will remain with thee Lady Victoria Husband I shall take this expression of love but for feigning words if you leave me for 't is against Nature to part with that we love best unless it be for the beloveds preservation which cannot be mine for my life lives in yours and the comfort of that life in your Company Lord General I know you love me so well as you had rather part with my life than I should part from my honour Lady Victoria 'T is true my love perswades me so to do knowing fame is a double life as infamy is a double death nay I should perswade you to those actions were they never so dangerous were you unwilling thereunto or could they create a world of honour fully inhabited with praises but I would not willingly part with your life for an imaginary or supposed honour which dyes in the womb before it is Born thus I love you the best preferring the best of what is yours but I am but in the second place in your affections for you
of the same fault but we have this advantage of men which is that we know this imperfection in our selves although we do not indeavour to mend it but men are so Partial to themselves as not to perceive this imperfection in themselves and so they cannot mend it but in this will not or cannot is as one but this discourse hath brought me to this that if I have spoke at any time to any person or persons impertinently improperly untimely or tediously I ask their pardon but lest I should be impertinently tedious in this Epistle and so commit a fault in asking pardon I leave my Readers to what may be more pleasing to them M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS I Make no question but my Playes will be censured and those Censurors severe but I hope not malicious but they will perchance say that my Playes are too serious by reason there is no rediculous Iest in them nor wanton Love nor Impossibilities also 't is likely they will say that there are no plots nor designs nor subtil Contrivances and the like I answer that the chief Plots of my Playes were to imploy my idle time the designs to please and entertain my Readers and the contrivance was to join edifying Profit and Delight together that my Readers may neither lose their time nor grow weary in the reading but if they find my Playes neither Edifying nor Delightfull I shall be sorry but if they find either I shall be pleased and if they find both I shall much rejoyce that my time hath been imployed to some good use M. N. TO THE READERS WORTHY READERS I Have heard that such Poets that write Playes seldome or never join or sow the several Scenes together they are two several Professions at least not usual for rare Poets to take that pains like as great Taylors the Master only cuts out and shapes and his Iourny-men and Apprentices join and sow them together but I like as a poor Taylor was forced to do all my self as to cut out shape join and sow each several Scene together without any help or direction wherefore I fear they are not so well done but that there will be many faults found but howsoever I did my best indeavour and took great pains in the ordering and joining thereof for which I hope my Learned Readers will pardon the errors therein and excuse me the worker thereof M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS MY Lord was pleased to illustrate my Playes with some Scenes of his own Wit to which I have set his name that my Readers may know which are his as not to couzen them in thinking they are mine also Songs to which my Lords name is set for I being no Lyrick Poet my Lord supplied that defect of my Brain with the superfluity of his own Brain thus our Wits join as in Matrimony my Lords the Masculine mine the Feminine Wit which is no small glory to me that we are Married Souls Bodies and Brains which is a treble marriage united in one Love which I hope is not in the power of Death to dissolve for Souls may love and Wit may live though Bodies dye M. N. I Must trouble my Noble Readers to write of one thing more which is concerning the Reading of Playes for Playes must be read to the nature of those several humours or passions as are exprest by Writing for they must not read a Scene as they would read a Chapter for Scenes must be read as if they were spoke or Acted Indeed Comedies should be read a Mimick way and the sound of their Voice must be according to the sense of the Scene and as for Tragedies or Tragick Scenes they must not be read in a pueling whining Voice but a sad serious Voice as deploring or complaining but the truth is there are as few good Readers as good Writers indeed an ill Reader is as great a disadvantage to wit as wit can have unless it be ill Acted for then it 't is doubly disgraced both in the Voice and Action whereas in Reading only the voice is imployed but when as a Play is well and skillfully read the very sound of the Voice that enters through the Ears doth present the Actions to the Eyes of the Fancy as lively as if it were really Acted but howsoever Writings must take their Chance and I leave my Playes to Chance and Fortune as well as to Censure and Reading M. N. To the Lady Marchioness of Newcastle upon her Playes TErence and Plautus Wits we now do scorn Their Comick Socks worn out in pieces torn Only their rags of Wit remain as toyes For Pedants to admire to teach School Boyes It is not time hath wasted all their Fame But your high Phancies and your nobler flame Which burnt theirs up in their own ashes lies Nor Phoenix like e'r out of those will rise Old Tragick Buskins now are thrown away When we read your each Passion in each Play No stupid block or stony heart forbears To drown their Cheeks in Seas of salter Tears Such power you have in Tragick Comick stile When for to fetch a tear or make a smile Still at your pleasure all our passions ly Obedient to your pen to laugh or cry So even with the thread of Natures fashion As you play on her heart-strings still of passion So we are all your Subjects in each Play Unwilling willingly still to obey Or have a thought but what you make or draw Us by the power of your wits great law Thus Emperess in Soveraign power yours fits Over the wise and tames Poetick wits W. Newcastle A General Prologue to all my Playes NOBLE Spectators do not think to see Such Playes that 's like Ben Johnsons Alchymie Nor Fox nor Silent Woman for those Playes Did Crown the Author with exceeding praise They were his Master-pieces and were wrought By wits Invention and his labouring thought And his Experience brought Materials store His reading several Authors brought much more What length of time he took those Plays to write I cannot guess not knowing his Wits flight But I have heard Ben Johnsons Playes came forth To the Worlds view as things of a great worth Like Forein Emperors which do appear Unto their Subjects not 'bove once a year So did Ben Johnsons Playes so rarely pass As one might think they long a writing was But my poor Playes like to a common rout Gathers in throngs and heedlesly runs out Like witless Fools or like to Girls and Boyes Goe out to shew new Clothes or such like toyes This shews my Playes have not such store of wit Nor subtil plots they were so quickly writ So quickly writ that I did almost cry For want of work my time for to imploy Sometime for want of work I 'm forc'd to play And idlely to cast my time away Like as poor Labourers all they desire Is to have so much work it might them tire Such difference betwixt each several brain Some labour hard and
passions indangers it most Affectionata Anger malice and despair Lord Singularity Were you never angry Affectionata I am of too melancholly a nature to be very angry Lord Singularity Why are melancholly persons never angry Affectionata Very seldom my Lord for those that are naturally melancholly doth rather grieve than fret they sooner wast into sighes than fly about with fury more tears flows thorough their eyes than words pass thorough their lips Lord Singularity Why should you be melancholly Affectionata Alas nature hath made me so Besides I find there is not much reason to joy for what we love perchance it loves not us and if it doth we cannot keep it long for pleasures passeth like a dream when pains doth stay as if eternal were Lord Singularity Thou art composed with such harmonie as thy discourse is as delightfull musick wherein the soul takes pleasure Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lady Bashfull Sir Serious Dumb following her where Reformer her Woman meets them REformer Madam now the Gentleman is here you must use him civilly and not strive to run away from him wherefore pray turn and entertain him The Lady Bashfull turns to him but is so out of countenance and trembles so much as she cannot speak but stands still and mute All the while he fixes his eyes upon her Reformer Pray speak to him Madam and not stand trembling as if you were like to fall Lady Bashfull My spirits is seized on by my bashfull and innocent fears insomuch as they have not strength to support my body without trembling Reformer Sweet Madam try not speak to him Lady Bashfull Honourable Sir give me leave to tell you that my bashfullness doth smother the senses and reason in my brain and chokes the words in my throat I should utter but pray do not think it proceeds from crimes but an imperfection of nature which I have strove against but cannot as yet rectifie Sir Serious Dumb Civily bows to her and then gives Reformer his Table-book to read She reads Madam He hath writ here that had his tongue liberty to speak all that he could say would be so far below and inferiour to what might be said in your praise as he should not adventure to presume to speak Lady Bashfull I will presume to break my brain but I will invent some ways to be rid of his company He follows her Exeunt ACT. V. Scene 27. Enter the General and sits in a melancholly posture Enters Affectionata and stands with a sad countenance The General sees him LOrd Singularity What makes thee look so sad my boy Affectionata To see you sit so melancholly Lord Singul. Clear up thy countenance for it s not a deadly melancholly though it is a troublesome one Affectionata May I be so bold to ask the cause of it Lord Singul. The cause is a cruel Mistriss Affectionata Have you a Mistriss and can she be cruel Lord Singularity O! Women are Tyrants they daw us on to love and then denies our suits Affectionata Will not you think me rude If I should question you Lord Singul. No for thy questions delights me more than my Mistriss denials grieves me Affectionata Then give me leave to ask you whether your suit be just Lord Singul. Just to a Lovers desires Affectionata What is your desire Lord Singul. To lye with her Affectionata After you have married her Lord Singularity Marry her saist thou I had rather be banish'd from that Sex for ever than marry one and yet I love them well Affectionata Why have you such an adversion to marriage being lawfull and honest Lord Singul. Because I am affraid to be a Cuckold Affectionata Do you think there is no chaste women Lord Singularity Faith boy I believe very few and those that are men knows not where to find them out for all that are not married professes chastity speaks soberly and looks modestly but when they are marryed they are more wild than Bachalins far worse than Satyres making their Husbands horns far greater than a Stags having more branches sprouts thereon Affectionata And doth he never cast those horns Lord Singul. Yes if he be a Widower he casts his horns only the marks remains otherwise he bears them to his grave Affectionata But put the case you did know a woman that was chaste would not you marry her Lord Singul. That is a question not to be resolved for no man can be resolved whether a woman can be chaste or not Affectionata fetches a greater sighe Lord Singul. Why do you sighe my boy Affectionata Because all women are false or thought to be so that wise men dares not trust them Lord Singularity But they are fools that will not try and make use of them if they can have them wherefore I will go and try my Mistriss once again Exeunt Scene 28. Enter the Lady Ignorance and her Maid She hears a noise LAdy Ignorance What a noise they make below they will disturb my Husbands study go and tell those of my Servants that I will turn them away for their carelesness as that they cannot place set or hold things sure but let them fall to maké such a noise Maid I shall maid Ex. Lady Ignorance It shall be my study how to order my house without noise wherefore all my Servants shall be dumb although not deaf and I will take none but such as have corns on their feet that they may tread gently and all my Houshold-vessel shall be of wood for wood makes not such a noise when it chance to fall or is hit against a wall as metal doth which rings like bells when it is but touched neither will I have Houshold-vessels of Earth for earthen-pots pans and the like when they fall and break sounds as if a stonewall fell Ex. Scene 29. Enter the General and three or four Commanders GEneral On my soul Gentlemen the boy is an honest boy and no wayes guilty of this you tax him for Commanders Pardon us my Lord for giving your Excellence notice that the States are jealouse of him for a Spie but we do not any wayes accuse him General Will the States examine him say you Commanders So we hear my Lord General Well Gentlemen pray leave me for this time and I will take care the boy shall be forth-coming whensoever the State shall require him Commanders Your Lordships humble Servants Commanders Ex. The General solus General A Spie it cannot be for he is neither covetous nor malicious revengefull nor irreligious but I will try him Exit Scene 30. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Chamber-maid and Mrs. Reformer her Gentlewoman CHamber-maid Mrs. Reformer pray tell me who that handsome Gentleman is which follows my Lady about Reformer He is one that is Noble and Rich and is in love with my Lady Chamber-maid Truly it is the strangest way of wooing that ever was for my Lady goeth blushing out of one room into another and he follows her at the heels In my conscience my Lady is ashamed to
sit down or to bid him leave her company and surely they must needs be both very weary of walking but sure he will leave her when it is time to go to bed Reformer It is to be hoped he will Enter the Lady Bashfull and Sir Serious Dumb following her Reformer Madam you will tire your self and the Gentleman with walking about your house wherefore pray sit down Lady Bashfull What! To have him gaze upon my face Reformer Why your face is a handsome face and the owner of it is honest wherefore you need not be ashamed but pray rest your self Lady Bashfull Pray perswade him to leave me and then I will Reformer Sir my Lady intreats you to leave her to her self Sir Serious Dumb writes then and gives Reformer his Table-book to read Reformer He writes he cannot leave you for if his body should depart his soul will remain still with you Lady Bashfull That will not put me out of countenance because I shall not be sensible of its presence wherefore I am content he should leave his soul so that he will take his body away He writes and gives Reformer the Book Reformer reads He writes that if you will give him leave once a day to see you that he will depart and that he will not disturb your thoughts he will only wait upon your person for the time he lives he cannot keep himself long from you Lady Bashfull But I would be alone Reformer But if he will follow you you must indure that with patience you cannot avoid Sir Serious Dumb goeth to the Lady Bashfull and kisseth her hand and Ex. Reformer You see he is so civil as he is unwilling to displease you Lady Bashfull Rather than I will be troubled thus I will go to some other parts of the World Reformer In my conscience Madam he will follow you wheresoever you go Lady Bashfull But I will have him shut out of my house Reformer Then he will lye at your gates and so all the Town will take notice of it Lady Bashfull Why so they will howsoever by his often visits Reformer But not so publick Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the General and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Thou must carry a Letter from me to my Mistriss Affectionata You will not marry her you say Lord Singul. No Affectionata Then pardon me my Lord for though I would assist your honest love by any service I can do yet I shall never be so base an Instrument as to produce a crime Lord Singul. Come come thou shalt carry it and I will give thee 500. pounds for thy service Affectionata Excuse me my Lord Lord Singularity I will give thee a thousand pounds Affectionata I shall not take it my Lord Lord Singul. I will give thee five thousand nay ten thousand pounds Affectionata I am not covetous my Lord Lord Singularity I will make thee Master of my whole Estate for without the assistance I cannot injoy my Mistriss by reason she will trust none with our Loves but thee Affectionata Could you make me Master of the whole World it could not tempt me to do an action base for though I am poor I am honest and so honest as I cannot be corrupted or bribed there-from Lord Singularity You said you loved me Affectionata Heaven knows I do above my life and would do you any service that honour did allow of Lord Singularity You are more scrupulous than wise Affectionata There is an old saying my Lord that to be wise is to be honest Exeunt Scene 32. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and meets his Ladies maid Sir P. Studious Where is your Lady Maid In her Chamber Sir Sir P. Studious Pray her to come to me Maid Yes Sir Sir P. Studious Exit Enter another Maid to the first 1. Maid Lord Lord What a creature my Master is become since he fell into his musing again he looks like a melancholy Ghost that walks in the shades of Moon-shine or if there be no Ghost such as we fancie just such a one seems her when a week since he was as fine a Gentleman as one should see amongst a thousand 2. Maid That was because he kiss'd you Nan 1. Maid Faith it was but a dull clownish part to meet a Maid that is not ill-favoured and not make much of her who perchance have watch'd to meet him for which he might have clap'd her on the cheek or have chuck'd her under the chin or have kiss'd her but to do or say nothing but bid me call my Lady was such a churlish part Besides it seemed neither manly gallantly nor civilly 2. Maid But it shewed him temperate and wise not minding such frivilous and troublesome creatures as women are 1. Maid Prithy it shews him to be a miserable proud dull fool 2. Maid Peace some body will hear you and then you will be turn'd away 1. Maid I care not for it they will not turn me away I will turn my self away and seek another service for I hate to live in the house with a Stoick Scene 33. Enter the General and Affectionata AFfectionata By your face Sir there seems a trouble in your mind and I am restless until I know your griefs Lord Singularity It is a secret I dare not trust the aire with Affectionata I shall be more secret than the aire for the aire is apt to divulge by retorting Echoes back but I shall be as silent as the Grave Lord Singul. But you may be tortured to confess the truth Affectionata But I will not confess the truth if the confession may any wayes hurt or disadvantage you for though I will not belye truth by speaking falsely yet I will conceal a truth rather than betray a friend Especially my Lord and Master But howsoever since your trouble is of such concern I shall not with to know it for though I dare trust my self yet perchance you dare not trust me but if my honest fidelity can serve you any wayes you may imploy it and if it be to keep a secret all the torment that nature hath made or art invented shall never draw it from me Lord Singul. Then let me tell thee that to conceal it would damn thy soul Affectionata Heaven bless me But sure my Lord you cannot be guilty of such sins that those that doth but barely hear or know them shall be damned Lord Singul, But to conceal them is to be an Actor Affectionata For Heaven sake then keep them close from me if either they be base or wicked for though love prompt me to inquire hoping to give you ease in bearing part of the burthen yet Heaven knows I thought my love so honourable placed on such a worthy person and guiltless soul as I might love and serve without a scandal or a deadly sin Lord Singularity Come you shall know it Affectionata I 'l rather stop my ears with death Lord Singul. Go thou art a false boy Affectionata How false a boy howsoever you think me I have an
one after another Reformer Your best way were to have 20. Husbands at one time so that your Ladyship might not be a day without Lady Wagtail O fie If women might have twenty Husbands they would have no room for courtly Servants but prithy help Sir Humphry Bold and take his offer and let me speak with the Lady my self Reformer That your Ladyship cannot at this time for my Lady is not well Lady Wagtail Then pray remember my most humble service and tell her I will come to morrow and if she be sick I will talk her well Lady Wagtail Ex. Reformer alone Reformer Dead you would talk her for thou hast an endless tongue Oh! what man is so miserable that is her Husband Reformer Exit Scene 6. Enter two or three Commanders 1. COmmander It is reported that our Generals Page hath behaved himself so handsomly spoke so wittily defended his cause so prudently declared his innocence so clearly and carried his business so wisely as the Venetian States have not only quitted him freely but doth applaud him wonderfully extolls him highly and offers him any satisfaction for the injurie and disgrace that hath been done him but he only desires that the man that had accused him which man was one of the Generals men should be pardoned and not punished 2. Commander I hope our General is well pleased that his beloved boy is not only cleared but applauded 1. Commander O! He doth nothing but imbrace him and kiss him as if he were his only son yet he did gently chide him that he asked pardon for his accusers for said he if all false accusers should be pardoned no honest man would escape free form censure 3. Commander But I hear the States have given order to our General to meet the Turkes again for it is reported by intelligences that they have recruited into a numerous body 2. Commander Faith I think the Turkes are like the tale of the Gyant that when his head was cut off there rise two in the place 1. Commander I think they are like the vegetable that is named threefold the more it is cut the faster it growes 3. Commander I would the Devil had them for me 2. Commander We do what we can to send them to Hell but whether they will quit thee I cannot tell Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity My Affectionata I wonder you could suffer an accusation so patiently knowing you were accused falsly Affectionata The clearnesse of my innocency needed not the fury of a violent passion to defend it neither could passion have rectified an injury Lord Singularity T is true yet passion is apt to rise in defence of innocency and honour Affectionata And many times passion my Lord destroye the life in striving to maintaine the truth and defend the innocent but I find a passionate sorrow that your Lordship must go to indanger your life in the warrs again Lord Singularity The warrs is pastime to me for I hate idlenesse and no imployment pleases me better than fighting so it be in a good cause but you shall stay Affectionata Why my Lord are you weary of my service Lord Singul. Know I am carefull of thy safety thy rest and peace for shouldst thou not come near danger yet the very tragical aspect will terrefie thee to death thou art of so tender a nature so soft and sweet a disposition Affectionata Truly my Lord if you leave me behind you the very fear of your life will kill me where if your Lordyship will let me go love will give me courage Lord Singul. Then let me tell you you must not go for I have adopted you my Son and I have setled all my Estate upon thee where if I am killed you shall be my Heir for I had rather vertue should inherit my Estate than birth yet I charge thee take my Name upon thee as well as my Estate unto thee Affectionata My noble Lord I should be prouder to bear your name than to be Master of the whole World but I shall never be so base to keep my self in safety in hope of your Estate wherefore must intreat your leave to go with you Lord Singul. I will not give you leave but command you to the contrary which is to stay Affectionata I cannot obey you in this for love will force me to run after you Lord Singul. I will have you lash'd if you offer to go Affectionata Stripes cannot stay me Lord Singul. I will have you tyed and kept by force fectionata By Heaven my Lord I 'l tear my flesh and break my bones to get lose and if I have not legs to run I 'l creep thorough the Earth like worms for though I shall move but slowly yet it will be a satisfaction to my soul that I am travelling after you Lord Singularity Affectionata You anger me very much Affectionata Indeed my Lord you grieve me more than I can anger you Affectionata weeps Lord Singularity What do you crie and yet desire to be a souldier Affectionata A valiant heart my Lord may have a weeping eye to keep it company Lord Singularity If no perswasion can stay you you must go along with me Affectionata bows as giving his Lord thanks Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous Sir Humphry Bold Sir Timothy Compliment to the Lady Bashfull who hangs down her head as out of countenance LAdy Wagtail Faith Lady Bashfull we will have you abroad to Balls and publick meetings to learn you a confident behaviour and a bold speech Fie You must not be bashfull Lady Amorous Our visiting her sometimes hath made her so as she is not altogether so bashfull as she was Enter Sir Serious Dumb who bows first to the Lady Bashfull then to the rest of the Company and then goeth behind the Lady Bashfull and stands close by Mistriss Reformer Lady Amorous Surely Sir Serious Dumb is a domestick servant here he stands and waits as one He bows with an acknowledging face Sir Humphry Bold If she wil entertain such servants as he she is not so modest as she appears Lady perchance if I had come privately alone I had been entertained with more freedom and not have had my suit denied and my person neglected with scorn and he received with respect Sir Serious Dumb comes and gives him a box on the eare they both draw their swords all the women runs away squeeking only the Lady Bashfull stayes and runs betwixt their swords and parts them Sir Timothy Compliment looks on as affraid to stir Lady Bashfull For Heaven sake fight not here to affright me with your quarrels Sir Humphry Bold I will have his heart-bloud Lady Bashfull Good Sir Serious Dumb and Sir Humphry Bold leave off fighting Sir Serious Dumb draws back Lady Bashfull Pray Sir Humphry Bold give me your sword that I may be sure you will not fight Sir Humphry Bold What yield my sword up I will dye first Enter the Ladies
again All speak at one time who is kill'd who is kill'd Sir Humphry Bold presses towards Sir Serious Dumb. Lady Bashfull Good Ladies hold Sir Humphry Bold and I will try to perswade Sir Serious Dumb They hold Sir Humphry Bold Lady Wagtail What you shall not stir I am sure you will not oppose us women Lady Bashfull Noble Sir to give me an assurance you will not fight give me your sword Sir Serious Dumb kisses the hilt of his sword then gives it her Sir Humphry Bold gets lose from the Ladies and goeth to assault Sir Serious Dumb He being an armed the Lady Bashfull seeing him steps betwixt them and with Sir Serious Dumb's sword strikes at Sir Humphry Bold and strikes his sword out of his hand Lady Bashfull What are you not ashamed to assault an unarmed man Sir Humphry Bold runs to take up his sword she also runs and sets her foot upon it Lady Bashfull Let the sword alone for it is my prize and by Heaven if you touch it I will run you thorough with this sword in my hand Sir Humphry Bold runs and catcheth Sir Timothy Compliments sword and offers to make a thrust at Sir Serious Dumb who puts the sword by and beats it down with one hand and with the other strikes it aside then closes with him and being skillfull at Wrestling trips up his heels then gets upon him and having both his hands at liberty wrings out Sir Humphry Bold's sword out of his hand then ariseth and gives the sword to the right owner who all the time trembled for fear and never durst strive to part them Sir Humphry Bold Hell take me but I will be revenged Lady I hope you will give me my sword again Lady Bashfull Never to fight against a woman but my victorious spoils I will deliver to this gallant Gentleman who delivered up his life and honour into my hand when he gave me his sword and I indangered the loss of both by taking it for which my gratitude hath nothing to return him but my self and fortunes if he please to accept of that and me Sir Serious Dumb bows with a respect and kisses her hand Lady Bashfull Sir I wish my person were more beautifull than it is for your sake and my fortune greater with more certainty of continuance as neither being subject to time or accident but this certainly I will promise you which is my chaste and honest life Now Sir pray take these two swords this was yours fear gave me confidence this I won love gave me courage Sir Serious Dumb leads out his Mistriss Exit Sir Humphry Bold I will be revenged Omnes Exeunt ACT II. Scene 9. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singul. Affectionata I hear thou hast bought Arms I am sure thou canst not fight Affectionata I am sure I will do my indeavour my Lord Lord Singularity Why the very weight of thy Arms will sink thee down Affectionata O no my Lord my desire shall beat them up Lord Singul. Alas thou hast no strength to fight Affectionata What strength my active body wants my vigorous spirits shall make good Lord Singul. Prethee my boy do not adventure thy self but stay in my Tent Affectionata That would be a shame for me and a dishonour to you since you have adopted me your son wherefore the World shall never say you have bestowed your favour and your love upon a coward Lord Singularity I well perceive I have adopted a very willfull boy Affectionata Indeed my Lord I have no will but what doth follow you The General strokes Affectionata on the cheek Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Sir Serious Dumb and his Mistriss the Lady Bashfull SIr Serious Dumb. The time I vowed to silence is expir'd and though my thoughts not gloriously attired with Eloquence for Rhetorick I have none yet civil words sit for to wait upon a modest Lady and to entertain an honest mind with words of truth though plain For 't is not Rhetorick makes a happy life but sweet society that 's void of strife Lady Bashfull Sir Rhetorick is rather for sound than sense for words than reason Sir Serious Dumb. Yet my sweet Mistriss I wish my voice were tuned to your eare and every word set as a pleasing note to make such musick as might delight your mind Lady Bashfull Your words slow thorough my ears as smooth clear pure water from the spring of Hellicon which doth not only refresh but inrich my dull insipid brain Scene 11. Enter a Captain and his Corporal COrporal The Turks never received such a blow as they have this time Captain A pox of them they have made us sweat Corporal Why Captain sweating will cure the Pox and though you curse the Turks yet it is we that live in Italy that is diseased with them Captain The truth is we lost more health in the Venetian service than we gain wealth Corporal Nay faith Captain we do not only lose our health but wast our wealth for what booties we get from the Turks the Courtezans gets from us Captain For that cause now I have gotten a good bootie I will return into mine own Country and buy a Corporal A what Captain Captain An Office in civil Government Corporal But you will never be civil in your Office Captain That needs not to be for though all Magisterial Offices bears a civil Authority yet the Officers and Magistrates therein are more cruel and ravenons than common souldiers Corporal Verily Captain I think common Souldiers are more mercifull and just than they Captain Verely Corporal I think you will become a Puritan Preacher Corporal Why should you think so Captain Captain First because you have got the Pox and that will make you Preach in their tone which is to speak thorough the nose the next is you have left the ranting Oaths that Souldier's use to swear and use their phrases as verily my beloved brethren which brethrens souls they care not for nor thinks thereof for though they speak to the brethren they Preach to the sisters which edifies wonderfully by their Doctrine and they gain and receive as wonderfull from their female Hocks for those Puritan Preachers have more Tithes out of the Marriage-bed than from the Parish-stock Corporal If it be so beneficial Captain I had rather be a Puritan Preacher than an Atheistical States-man Captain Faith Corporal I think there is not much Religion in either but if there be it lies in the States-man for he keeps Peace the other makes War Corporal If they make wars they are our friends for we live by the spoils of our enemies Captain 'T is true when as we get a victory or else our enemies lives on the spoil of us for though we have no goods to lose yet we venture our lives neither do we live on the spoil of our enemies but only in forreign wars for in civil wars we live by the spoil of our Friends and the ruining of our Country Corporal Then
protestations and it is generous to cherish their health to attend them in their sickness to comply with their harmless humours to entertain their discourses to accompany their persons to yield to their lawfull desires and to commend their good graces and that man which is a Husband and doth not do thus is worthy to be shamed and not to be kept company with which is not called an Uxorious Husband for said I an Uxorious Husband I understand to be a honest carefull and wise Husband Lady Ignorance And what said they after you said this Sir P. Studious They laugh'd and said my flowery Rhetorick was strewed upon a dirty ground I answered it was not dirty where I lived for my wife was beautifull chaste and cleanly and I wished every man the like and after they perceived that neither the railing nor laughing at good Husbands could not temper me for their palats they began to play and sport with one another and sung wanton songs and when all their baits failed they quarreled with me and said I was uncivil and that I did not entertain them well and that I was not good Company having not a conversable wit nor a gentle behaviour and that I was not a gallant Cavalier and a world of those reproches and idle discourses as it would tire me to repeat it and you to hear it Lady Ignorance Pray resolve me one question more what was it you said to the Lady Amorous when she threatned to tell me Sir P. Studious I only said nature was unkind to our Sex in making the beautifull females cruel Lady Ignorance Was that all I thought you had pleaded as a courtly Sutor for loves favours Sir P. Studious No indeed but let me tell you and so inform you wife that those humour'd women take as great a pleasure to make wives jealouse of their Husbands and Husbands jealouse of their wives and to seperate their affections and to make a disorder in their Families as to plot and design to intice men to court them Cuckold their Husband also let me tell you that much company and continual resort brings great inconveniences for its apt to corrupt the mind and make the thoughts wild the behaviour bold the words vain the discourse either flattering rude or tedious their actions extravagant their persons cheap being commonly occompanyed or their company common Besides much variety of Company creates amorous luxurie vanity prodigality jealousie envie malice slander envie treachery quarrels revenge and many other evils as laying plots to insnare the Honourable to accuse the Innocent to deceive the Honest to corrupt the Chaste to deboyst the Temperate to pick the purse of the Rich to inslave the poor to pull down lawfull Authority and to break just Laws but when a man lives to himself within his own Familie and without recourse after a solitary manner he lives free without controul not troubled with company but entertains himself with himself which makes the soul wise the mind sober the thoughts industrious the understanding learned the heart honest the senses quiet the appetites temperate the body healthfull the actions just and prudent the behaviour civil and sober He governs orderly eats peaceably sleeps quietly lives contentedly and most commonly plentifully and pleasantly ruling and governing his little Family to his own humour wherein he commands with love and is obeyed with duty and who that is wise and is not mad would quit this heavenly life to live in hellish Societies and what can an honest Husband and wife desire more than love peace and plenty and when they have this and is not content 't is a sign they stand upon a Quagmire or rotten Foundation that will never hold or indure that is they are neither grounded on honesty nor supported with honour Lady Ignorance Well Husband I will not interupt your studies any longer but as you study Phylosophie Wisdom and Invention so I will study obedience discretion and Houswifery Omnes Exeunt ACT III Scene 15. Enter the General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Affectionata Were you never bred to the Discipline of War Affectionata Never my Lord but what I have been since I came to you Lord Singularity Why thou didst speak at the Council of War as if thou hadst been an old experienced souldier having had the practice of fourty years which did so astonish the grave Senators and old Souldiers that they grew dumb and for a while did only gaze on thee Affectionata Indeed my Lord my young years and your grave Counsel did not suit together Lord Singularity But let me tell thee my boy thy rational and wise speeches and that grave counsels was not mis-match'd Affectionata Pray Heaven I may prove so as your favours and your love may not be thought misplaced Lord Singularity My Love thinks thee worthy of more than I can give thee had I more power than Caesar had Exeunt Scene 16. Enter some Commanders 1. COmmander I hear that the Duke of Venice is so taken with our Generals adopted Son as he will adopt him his Son 2. Commander Hay-day I have heard that a Father hath had many Sons but never that one Son hath had so many Fathers but contrary many Sons wants fathering 3. Commander 'T is true some Sons hath the misfortune not to be owned but let me tell you Lieutenant there be few children that hath not many such Fathers as one begets a childe a second owns the childe a third keeps the childe which inherits as the right Heir and if a fourth will adopt the childe a fift or more may do the like if they please 1. Commander So amongst all his Fathers the right Father is lost 3. Commander Faith the right Father of any childe is seldome known by reason that women takes as much delight in deceiving the World and dissembling with particular men as in the cuckolding their Husbands 2. Commander The truth is every several Lover cuckolds one another 1. Commander Perchance that is the reason that women strives to have so many Lovers for women takes pleasure to make Cuckolds 3. Commander And Cuckolds to own children Exeunt Scene 17. Enter Affectionata then enters to him two or three Venetian Gentlemen as Embassadors from the Duke of Venice 1. GEntleman Noble Sir the great Duke of Venice hath sent us to let you know he hath adopted you his Son and desires your company Affectionata Pray return the great Duke thanks and tell him those favours are too great for such a one as I but if he could and would adopt me as Augustus Caesar did Tiberius and make me master of the whole World by Heaven I would refuse it and rather chose to live in a poor Cottage with my most Noble Lord 2. Gentleman But you must not deny him Besides he will have you Affectionata I will dye first and rather chose to bury my self in my own tears than build a Throne with ingratitude 1. Gentleman But it is ungratefull to deny the Duke
Come fellow-souldiers are you ready to march 2. Commander Whether 1. Commander Into our own native Country for our General is sent sol home 3. Commander Except there be wars in our own Country we cannot go with him 1. Commander I know not whether there be wars or peace but he obeys for he is preparing for his journey 2. Commander Who shall be General when he is gone 3. Commander I know not but I hear the States offers to make our young Lieutenant-General General but he refuseth it 2. Commander Would they would make me General 3. Commander If thou wert General thou wouldst put all method out of order 1. Commander Faith Gentlemen I would lead you most prudently and give you leave to plunder most unanimously 1. Commander And we would fight couragiously to keep what we plunder 2. Commander Come let us go and inquire how our affairs goeth Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Now Affectionata we have taken our leave of the States I hope thy mind is at peace and freed from fears of being staid Affectionata Yes my my Lord Lord Singularity They did perswade thee much to stay Affectionata They seemed much troubled for your Lordships departure Lord Singularity Truly I will say thus much for my self that I have done them good service and I must say thus much for them that they have rewarded me well Affectionata I have heard my Lord that States seldom rewards a service done wherefore I believe they hope you will return again and sees you for that end Lord Singularity I shall not be unwilling when my Country hath no imployment for me Affectionata Methinks my Lord since you have gotten a fame abroad you should desire to live a setled life at home Lord Singularity A setled life would seem but dull to me that hath no wife nor children Affectionata You may have both If you please my Lord Lord Singularity For children I desire none since I have thee and wives I care not for but what are other mens Enter a Messenger with a Letter to the Lord Singularity Lord Singularity From whence comest thou friend Messenger From Rome my Lord Lord Singularity If you please to stay in the next room I shall speak to you presently Messenger Exit The Lord Singularity breaks up the Letter and reads Lord Singularity Affectionata From whence do you think this Letter comes Affectionata I cannot guess my Lord Lord Singularity From the Pope who hath heard so much of thy youth vertue wit and courage as he desires me to pass thorough Rome im my journey home that he might see thee Affectionata Pray Heaven his Holynesse doth not put me into a Monastery and force me to stay behind you Lord Singularity If he should I will take the habit and be incloistered with thee but he will not inforce a youth that hath no will thereto Affectionata Truly my Lord I have no will to be a Fryer Lord Singularity Indeed it is somewhat too lazie a life which all heroick Spirits shames for those loves liberty and action But I will go and dispatch this Messenger and to morrow we will begin our journey Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Faith Amorous it had been a victory indeed worth the bragging off if we could have taken Sir Peaceable Studious Loves prisoner and could have infettered him in Cupid's bonds Lady Amorous It had been a victory indeed for I will undertake to inslave five Courtiers and ten Souldiers sooner and in less time than one studious Scholar Lady Wagtail But some Scholars are more easily taken than the luxurious Courtiers or deboist Souldiers Lady Amorous O no! for Luxurie and Rapine begets lively Spirits but a study quenches them out Lady Wagtail One would think so by Sir Peaceable Studious but not by some other Scholars that I am acquainted with Lady Amorous But confess Lady Wagtail do not you find a studious Scholar dull company in respect of a vain Courtier and a rough Souldier Lady Wagtail I must confess they that study Philosophy are little too much inclined to morality but those that study Theologie are not so restringent Lady Amorous Well for my part since I have been acquainted with Sir Peaceable Studious I hate all Scholars Exeunt Scene 24. Enter three Men as the Inhabitants of Rome 1. T Is a wonder such a youth as the Lord Singularity's Son is should have so great a wit as to be able to dispute with so many Cardinals 2. Man The greater wonder is that he should have the better of them 1. Man 'T is said the Pope doth admire him and is extreamly taken with him 2. Man If Iove had so much admired him he would have made him his Ganimed 1. Man He offered to make him a living Saint but he thanked his Holyness and said he might Saint him but not make him holy enough to be a Saint for said he I am unfit to have Prayers offered to me that cannot offer Prayers as I ought or live as I should then he offered him a Cardinals hat but he refused it saying he was neither wise enough nor old enough for to accept of it for said he I want Ulisses head and Nestors years to be a Cardinal for though less devotion will serve a Cardinal than a Saint yet politick wisdom is required 3. Man Pray Neighbours tell me which way and by what means I may see this wonderfull youth for I have been out of the Town and not heard of him 2. Man You cannot see him now unless you will follow him where he is gone 1. Man Why whether is he gone 2. Man Into his own Country and hath been gone above this week 3. Man Nay I cannot follow him thither Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata as being in the Country Lord Singularity Affectionata you have promised me to be ruled by me in every thing so that you may not part from me Affectionata I have my Lord and will obey all your commands so far as I am able Lord Singularity Then I am resolved now I am returned into my own Country to get thee a wife that thy fame and worthy acts may live in thy Posterity Affectionata Iove bless me a wife by Heaven my Lord I am not man enough to marry Lord Singul. There is many as young as you that have been Fathers and have had children Affectionata If they were such as I am they might father Children but never get them Lord Singularity Thou art modest Affectionata but I will have you marry and I will chose thee such a wife as modest as thy self Affectionata Then we never shall have children Sir Lord Singul. Love and acquaintance will give you confidence but tell me truly Affectionata didst thou never court a Mistriss Affectionata No truly Sir Lord Singularity Well I will have you practice Courtship and though I will not directly be your Band or Pimp yet I
to their several Offices Affectionata Then the common Servants are like the common Souldiers Lord Singularity They are so and are as apt to mutiny if they be not used with strickt discipline Thus if a Master of a Family have the right way in the management of his particular affairs he may thrive easily have plenty live peaceably be happy and carry an honourable port with an indifferent Estate when those of much greater Estates which knows not nor practices the right method or rules and governs not with strictness his servants shall grow factious mutinous and be alwaies in bruleries by which disorders his Estate shall waste invisible his servants cozen egregiously he lives in penurie his servants in riot alwaies spending yet alwaies wanting forced to borrow and yet hath so much that if it were ordered with prudence might be able to lend when by his imprudence he is troubled with stores yet vex'd with necessity Affectionata I should think that no man ought to be a Master of a Family but those that can govern orderly and peaceably Lord Singularity You say right for every Master of a Family are petty-Kings and when they have rebellions in their own small Monarchies they are apt to disturb the general Peace of the whole Kingdom or State they live in for those that cannot tell how to command their own Domesticks and prudently order their own affairs are not only uselesse to the Common-wealth but they are pernicious and dangerous as not knowing the benefit and necessity of obedience and method Exeunt Scene 29. Enter the Lady VVagtail and the Lady Amorous Lady Wagtail The Lord Singularity hath brought home the sweetest and most beautifullest young Cavalier as ever I saw Lady Amorous Faith he appears like Adonas Lady Wagtail Did you ever see Adonas Lady Amorous No but I have heard the Poets describe him Lady Wagtail Venus and Adonas are only two poetical Ideas or two Ideas in poetical brains Lady Amorous Why Ideas hath no names Lady Wagtail O yes for Poets christens their Ideas with names as orderly as Christians Fathers doth their children Lady Amorous Well I wish I were a Venus for his sake Lady Wagtail But if you were only a poetical Venus you would have little pleasure with your Adonas Lady Amorous Hay ho He is a sweet youth Lady Wagtail And you have sweet thoughts of the sweet youth Lady Amorous My thoughts are like Mirtle-groves to entertain the Idea of the Lord Singularity's Son Lady Wagtail Take heed there be not a wild-boar in your Mirtle Imagenarie Grove that may destroy your Adonas Idea Lady Amorous There is no beast there only sweet singing-birds called Nightingals Exeunt Scene 30. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata AFfectionata Pray my Lord what Lady is that you make such inquiry for Lord Singularity She is a Lady I would have thee marry One that my Father did much desire I should marry although she was very young and may be now about thy years I hear her Father is dead but where the Lady is I cannot find out Affectionata Perchance she is married my Lord Lord Singularity Then we should find her out by hearing who she hath marryed Affectionata But if she be not marryed she being as old as I I am too young for her for Husbands should be older than their wives Lord Singularity But she is one that is well born well bred and very rich and though thou art young in years yet thou art an aged man in judgment prudence understanding and for wit as in thy flourishing strength Affectionata Perchance my Lord she will not like me as neither my years my person nor my birth Lord Singularity As for thy years youth is alwayes accepted by the effeminate Sex and thy person she cannot dislike for thou art very handsom and for thy birth although thou art meanly born thou hast a noble nature a sweet disposition a vertuous soul and a heroick spirit Besides I have adopted thee my Son and the King hath promised to place my Titles on thee and hath made thee Heir of my whole Estate for to maintain thee according to those Dignities Affectionata But I had rather live unmarried my Lord if you will give consent Lord Singularity But I will never consent to that and if you be dutifull to me you will marry such a one as I shall chose for you Affectionata I shall obey whatsoever you command for I have nothing but my obedience to return for all your favours Lord Singularity Well I will go and make a strickt inquiry for this Lady Lord Singularity Exit Affectionata alone Affectionata Hay ho what will this come to I would I were in my Grave for love and fear doth torture my poor life Heaven strike me dead or make me this Lords wife Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Amorous How shall we compass the acquaintance of the Lord Singularity's Son Lady Wagtail Faith Amorous thou lovest boys but I love men wherefore I would be acquainted with the Lord Singularity himself Beside his adopted Son was a poor Beggar-boy 't is said and I cannot love one that is basely born Lady Amorous His birth may be honourably though poor and of low and mean descent for if he was born in honest wedlock and of honest Parents his birth cannot be base Lady Wagtail O yes for those that are not born from Gentry are like course brown bread when Gentry of ancient descent are like flower often boulted to make white mancher Lady Amorous By that rule surely he came from a Noble and Ancient Race for I never saw any person more white and finely shap'd in my life than he is and if fame speaks true his actions have proved he hath a Gentlemans soul But say he were meanly born as being born from a Cottager yet he is not to be despised nor disliked nor to be lesse esteemed or beloved or to be thought the worse of for was Lucan lesse esteemed for being a Stone-Cutter or his wit lesse esteemed or was King David lesse esteemed or obeyed for being a Shepheard or the Apostles lesse esteemed or believed for being Fisher men Tent-makers or the like or the man that was chosen from the Plough to be made Emperour I say was he lesse esteemed for being a Plough-man No he was rather admired the more or was Horace esteemed or his Poems thought the worse for being Son to a freed man which had been a slave or was Homer lesse admired or thought the worse Poet for being a poor blind man and many hundred that I cannot name that hath gained fame and their memories lives with Honour and Admiration in every Age and in every Nation Kingdom Country and Family and it is more worthy and those persons ought to have more love and respect that have merit than those that have only Dignity either from favour of Princes or descended from their Ancestors for all derived Honours are poor and mean in
cozens us by reason one effect may be produced from many several causes and several effects proceeds from one cause Lord Singularity But thy tears seems as if they were produced from some passion Affectionata Indeed they are produced from passions and appetites for passions are the rayes of the mind and appetites the vapour of the senses and the rayes of my mind hath drawn up the vapour of my senses into thick moist clouds which falls in showering tears Lord Singularity Tell me thy griefs and thy desires that I may help the one and ease the other Affectionata Alas my Lord I cannot for they lye in the conceptions and conceptions ariseth like mysts and my thoughts like clouds lyes one above another Lord Singularity Come come let reason the Sun of the soul verifie those misty conceptions and disperse this dull humour that the mind may be clear and the thoughts serene Affectionata I will strive to bring in the light of mirth Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous and Sir Humphry Bold LAdy Wagtail Good Sir Humphry Bold carry us to the Court of Iudicatures to hear the great Tryal which is said to be to day Sir Humphry Bold You would go to hear the condemnation of an old man and his old wife Lady Wagtail No we would go to hear the confessions as whether they have murthered the young Lady that is missing or not Sir Humphry bold Why that you may hear from other relations as well as from their own mouths and so save you so much pains and trouble as you will have to get a place and to stand so long a time as the examining accusing confessing freeing or condemning which will require so long a time as Ladies will find great inconveniencies and be put mightily to it Lady Wagtail But I long to hear and see the manner of it Sir Humphry Bold I will wait upon you but you will be very much crouded Lady Amorous I had rather see them hanged if they be guilty than hear them judged and condemned Sir Humphry Bold Why a condemning Judge is the chief Hang-man for he hangs with his word as the other with a cord Lady VVagtail Will the Lord Singularity be there Sir Humphry Bold Yes certainly for he is the man that doth accuse them Lady Amorous And will his Son be there Sir Humphry Bold I know not that Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Iudges and Iury-men as in a Court of Judicature the Lord Singularity Foster Trusty and Nurse Fondly and many others to hear them JUdges Who accuses these persons of murther Lord Singularity I my Lord Foster Trusty We beseech your Honours not to condemn us before you have found us guilty Lord Singularity It is a proof sufficient my Lord they cannot clear themselves or produce the party that was delivered to their trust and care Iudges Jurie do you find them guilty or not Iuries Guilty my Lord Iudges Then from the Jurie we can Enter Affectionata drest very fine in her own Sexes habit and stops the Iudges sentence Affectionata Hold condemn not these innocent persons for their fidelity constancy and love I am that maid they are accused to murther and by good circumstances can prove it All the Assembly Iudges and Iurie seems as in a maze at her beauty and stares on her The Lord Singularity as soon as he seeth her starts back then goeth towards her his eyes all the time sixt on her speaking as to himself Lord Singularity Sure it is that face He takes her by the Hand and turns her to the light are not you my Affectionata whom I adopted my Son Affectionata Shame stops my breath and chokes the words I should utter Lord Singularity For Heaven sake speak quickly release my fears or crown my joyes Affectionata My Lord pray pardon loves follies and condemn not my modesty for dissembling my Sex for my designs were harmless as only to follow you as a servant For by Heaven my Lord my only desire was that my eyes and my eares might be fed with the sight of your person and sound of your voice which made me travel to hear and to see you But since I am discovered I will otherwise conceal my self and live as an Anchoret from the view of the World Lord Singularity Pray let me live with you Affectionata That may not be for an Anchoret is to live alone Lord Singularity If you will accept of me for your husband we shall be as one Affectionata You have declared against marriage my Lord Lord Singularity I am converted and shall become so pious a devote as I shall offer at no Alter but Hymens and since I am your Convert refuse me not Affectionata I love too well to refuse you He kneels down on one knee and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Here on my knee I do receive you as a blessing and a gift from the Gods He riseth Affectionata Most Reverend Judges and Grave Jury sentence me not with censure nor condemn me to scandals for waiting as a Man and serving as a Page For though I dissembled in my outward habit and behaviour yet I was alwaies chaste and modest in my nature Exeunt Scene 37. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Now Lady Amorous is your mind a Mirtel-grove and your thoughts Nightingals to entertain the Idea of your Adonas Lady Amorous Her discovery hath proved the boar that kill'd him but I desire much to be army Adonas Funeral which is the Lady Orphants wedding Lady Wagtail I am acquainted with some of the Lord Singularity's Captains and Officers and I will speak to some of them to speak to the Lord Singularity to invite us Lady Amorous I pray do for since my Adonas is dead I will strive to inamour Mars which is the Lord Singularity himself Lady Wagtail Faith that is unfriendly done for I have laid my designs for himself Lady Amorous I fear both of our designs may come to nothing he is so inamoured with his own She-Page or female Son Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Nurse Fondly and Foster Trusty NUrse Fondly O Husband This is the joyfullest day that ever I had in my whole life except at mine own wedding Foster Trusty Indeed this day is a day of Iubile Nurse Fondly Of Iuno say you but Husband have you provided good chear and enough for here are a world of Guests come more than was invited and you being Master Steward will be thought too blame if there be any thing wanting Foster Trusty If you be as carefull to dress the Brides Chamber as I to provide for the bridal Guest you nor I shall be in a fault Nurse Fondly I saith if you have done your part as I have done my part we shall deserve praise Foster Trusty I saith we are almost so old that we are almost past praise Nurse Fondly None can merit praise but those in years for all Worthy Noble and Heroick Acts requires time to do them and who
expresse himself in such high poetical Raptures for his discourse is plain and ordinary Nobilissimo Nay sometimes his discourse is extraordinary as when he hath Wars but Nurse thou art old and the fire of love if ever thou hadst any is put out by old Father Times extinguisher Doltche True love never dyes nor can time put it out Nobilissimo 'T is true but Nurse seems by her speech as if she had never known true love for true love as it alwaies burns clear so it alwaies flames high far infinite is the fewel that feeds it Nurse Well well young Lovers be not so confident but let me advise you to ballance reason on both sides with hopes and doubts and then the judgement will be steady Nobilissimo But in the scales of love Nurse nothing must be but confidence Nurse Yes there must be temperance or love will surfeit and dye with excess Doltche Love cannot surfeit no more than souls with grace or Saints of Heaven Ex. Scene 37. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. My smiles shall be as Baits my eyes as Angels where every look shall be a hook to catch a heart I 'l teach my tongue such art to plant words on each heart as they shall take deep root from whence pure love shall spring my lips shall be as flowery banks whereon sweet Rhethorick grows and cipherous fancy blows from which banks love shall wish to gather Posies of kisses where every single kisse shall differ as Roses Pinks Violets Primroses and Daffidillies and the breath therefrom shall be as fragant as the touch soft thereon and as the Sun doth heat the Earth so shall my imbraces heat my Lovers thoughts with self-conceit which were before like water frozen with a dejected and despairing cold Hay ho Ex. ACT V. Scene 38. Enter Monsieur Profession and Madamosel Solid PRofession Dear Mistress you are the only She that is fit to be crown'd the sole Empresse of the World Solid Let me tell you Sir I had rather be a single Shepheardesse than the sole Empress of the World for I would not be a Mistress of so much power to be as a Servant to so much trouble Profession But put the case Alexander were alive and would crown you Empress of the World you would not refuse that honour but accept of it for the sake of renown Solid Yes I should refuse it for if I could not get renown by my own merits I should wish to dye in Oblivion for I care not Nay I despise such honours and renowns as comes by derivations as being deriv'd from another and not inherent in my self and it is a poor and mean renown that is gain'd or got only by receiving a gift from a fellow-creature who gives out of passion appetite partiality vain-glory or fear and not for merit or worthsake wherefore no gifts but those that comes from the Gods or Nature are to be esteem'd or received with thanks but were to be refused had man the power to chose or to deny Profession Sweet Mistress nature hath crown'd you with beauty and wit and the Gods hath given you a noble soul Solid I wish they had for the Gods gifts are not like to mans and natures crown is beyond the golden crown of Art which are greater glories than Power Wealth Title or Birth or all the outward honours gain'd on Earth but I desire the Gods may crown my soul with reason and understanding Heaven crown my mind with Temperance and Fortitude Nature crown my body with Health and Strength time crown my life with comely and discreet age Death crown my separation with peace and rest and Fame crown my memory with an everlasting renown thus may my creation be to a happy end Profession Gods Fortune and Fates hath joyned to make me happy in your love and that which will make me absolutely happy is that I shall marry you and imbrace you as my wife Solid The absolute happiness is when the Gods imbraces man with mercy and kisses him with love Ex. Scene 39. Enter Madamosel Caprisia CApris. Hay ho who can love and be wise but why do I say so For reason loves wisely 't is only the mistaken senses that loves foolishly indeed the sense doth not love but fondly and foolishly affects for it 't is an humoursome and inconstant appetite that proceeds from the body and not that noble passion of true love which proceeds from the soul But O! what a ridiculous humour am I fallen into from a cholerick humour into an amorous humour Oh! I could tear my soul from my body for having such whining thoughts and such a mean submissive croaching feigning flattering humour and idle mind a cholerick humour is noble to this for it is commanding and seems of an heroick spirit but to be amorous is base beastly and of an inconstant nature Oh! How apt is busie life to go amisse What foolish humours in mans mind there is But O! The soul is far beyond the mind As much as man is from the beastly kind Ex. Scene 40. Enter Madamosel Volante and Doctor Freedom DOctor Are you weary of your life that you send me for you said you would not send for me untill you had a desire to dye Volante True Doctor and if you cannot cure me kill me Doctor In my conscience you have sent for me to play the wanton Volante Why Doctor If I do not infringe the rules and laws of modesty or civility I cannot commit wanton faults Doctor Yes faith your tongue may play the wanton Volante Indeed Doctor I had rather tell a wanton truth than a modest lye Doctor Well what is your disease Volante Nay that you must guesse I can only tell my pains Doctor Where is your pain Volante In my heart and head Doctor Those be dangerous parts but after what manner are your pains Volante On my heart there lyes a weight as heavy as the World on Atlas shoulders and from my melancholly mind arises such damps of doubts as almost quenches out the fire of life did not some hope though weak which blows with fainting breath keep it alive or rather puffs than blows which intermitting motions makes my pulse unequal and my bloud to ebbe and flow as from my heart unto my face and from my face unto my heart again as for my head it feels drousie and my spirits are dull my thoughts uneasily doth run crossing and striving to throw each other down this causes broken sleeps and frightfull dreams and when I awake at every noyse I start with fears my limbs doth shake Doctor VVhy this disease is love wherefore I cannot cure you for love no more than wit can neither be temper'd nor yet be rul'd for love and wit keeps neither moderate bounds nor spares diet but dyes most commonly of a surfeit Volante O yes discretion can cure both Doctor Then send for Monsieur Discretion and hear what he sayes to you for your disease is past my skil Volante By your industry
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
Lord de l' Amour and the Lady incontinent LAdy Incontinent Have I left my Husband who was rich and used me well and all for love of you and with you live as a VVanton by which I have lost my esteem and my honest reputation and now to be forsaken and cast aside despised and scorned O most base for what can be more unworthy than for a man to profess friendship to a Lady and then forsake her Lord de l' Amour Madam you do me wrong for my heart is as firmly yours as ever it was and burns with as clear a flame as ever it did Lady Incontinent It is not like it will continue so since you now are resolved to marry Lord de l' Amour The reasons are so powerfull that perswades me by reason there is none lest of my Family besides my self and my Fathers commands so terrifying and my vows so binding as I know not how to avoid it Lady Incontinent But since your Father is dead what need you fear his commands and for your vows those may be dispenced with for a summe of money to the Church for the poor Lord de l' Amour But would you have me cut off the line of my Posterity by never marrying Lady Incontinent Perchance if you marry you may have no children or your wife may prove barren or if you have children they may prove fools for she you are affianced to is none of the wisest Lord de l' Amour That is none of my fault Lady Incontinent But why will you marry so soon Lord de l' Amour I will not marry yet for my affianced is young and well may stay two or three years Lady Incontinent But if you will not marry her this two or three years why must she come to live with you in your house Lord de l' Amour By reason her Father is newly dead and hath left her to my protection as having right to her and by her to her estate Lady Incontinent And when she comes I must deliver up the rule and government of your house and Family to her for I suppose you will make her the Mistriss to command dispose and order as she pleaseth Lord de l' Amour By no means for you that are the Mistriss of my heart shall also be Mistriss of my Estate Lady Incontinent Then pray give her to my charge and education for I hear she is of a high spirit and a proud heart being spoyled with self-will given her by the fondnesse of her Father Lord de l' Amour Pray order her as you think good she shall be your hand-maid Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Lady Sanspareille repeating some verses of her own making SAnspareille Here flows a Sea and there a sire doth flame Yet water and fire still is but the same Here the sixt earth and there the aire streams out All of one matter moving round about And thus the earth and water sire and aire Out of each others shapes transformed are Enters her Mother and hears her last verse Mother I am sure you are transformed from what you should be from a sober young maid to a Stage-player as to act Parts speak Speeches rehearse Verses sing Sonets and the like Sansp. Why Madam Stages and publick Theaters were first ordained and built for the education of noble youth where they might meet to practise how to behave themselves civily modestly gently comely gracefully manly and majestically to speak properly timely fitly eloquently elegantly tunably tonably readily sagely wittily Besides Theators were not only Schools to learn or practise in but publick patterns to take example from Thus Theaters were profitable both to the Actors and Spectators for as these Theaters were publick Schools where noble principles were taught so it was the dressing rooms of vertue where the Actors as her Servants did help to set her forth Also these Theaters were as Scaffolds whereon vices were publickly executed and Madam if you please but to consider you will perceive that Thrones are but glorious Theaters where Kings and Princes and their Courtiers acts their parts likewise places of Judicature are but places where Judges and Lawyers acts their parts Nay even Churches are but holy Theaters where the Priest and People acts their devout parts But Madam you mistake making no difference betwixt the noble and base the generous and mercenary for shall all noble persons that fights dewels of honour be call'd Fencers or shall a King when he runs at the Ring or Tilt shall he be called a Jockey or Post when he rides horses of Manage shall he be a Quirry or a Rider or shall Kings Princes or noble Persons that dances sings or playes on Musick or presents themselves in Masks be thought or called Dancers or Fidlers Morris-dancers Stage-players or the like as in their masking attire No those are Riders Fencers Dancers Fidlers Stage-players and the like that are mercenary setting Vertuosus to sale making a mercenary profit and living thereof but if such opinions should be held then no Vertuosus should be learn'd of noble Persons because there are mercenary Tutours and Teachers nor no arts understood because of Mechanicks nor no Sciences understood because of Pedants nor no manners nor gracefull behaviours practised because of Players nor none must write because of Clerks nor none must pray because of beneficed Priests nor there must none understand the Laws or plead their own causes because of feed Lawyers if these opinions or rules were followed all the nobler and better sort would be boars clowns and fools nor no civility good manners nor vertues would be known amongst them Mother Well well I will have you shew your self and be known and I known by you for why should not I be as ambitious to be praised in your beauty as your Father in your wit but by that time you have gotten a sufficient stock of wit to divulge to the World your beauty will be dead and buried and so my ruines will have no restoration or resurrection Sansp. Madam I do humbly and dutifully acknowledge that what beauty or wit I have it was derived from my Parents Mother Wherefore you ought to do as your Parents will have you and I say I will have you be a Courtier Sansp. Would you have me go to live at the Court Madam Mother Yes marry would I Sansp. And to do as Courtiers do Mother Yes marry would I Sansp. Alas Madam I am unpractised in their arts and shall be lost in their subtle and strange waies Mother Therefore I would have you go to learn them that you may be as expert as the best of them for I would have you shoot such sharp darts thorough your eyes as may wound the hardest and obduratest hearts Sansp. Amorous affections Madam and wanton glances are strangers to my eyes and heart neither can I perswade nor command them to be otherwise than they are Mother Why I would not have you either wanton or amorous but to be kind and
out Here ends my Lord Marquesses FINIS This written by my Lord Marquess THE SECOND PART OF Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet ACT I. Scene 2. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour seems to appear angry LAdy Innocence My Lord what makes you frown on me surely I never willingly offended you Lord de l'Amour But the report I hear of you offends me Lady Innocence I hope my behaviour is not lyable to any aspertion or evil censure for as you have used me civily so I have behaved my self modestly Lord de l'Amour I perceive you are a subtil insinuating young Lady Lady Innocence Think me not subtil for being so brod as not to slight your Love not so uncivil as to scorn your noble favours but strive to merit your worthy affections but if I have erred in my endeavours pray pardon me and if you please to tell me my errour I shall rectify it Lord de l'Amour I hear you will speak more lyes than tell truths Lady Innocence Truly I am too strict a Votary to truth to tell a lye Lord de l'Amour I should be glad you were vowed one of her Order Lady Innocence I am so and have taken the habit of sincerity upon me Lord de l'Amour Tell me truly do you never use to lye Lady Innocence If you have opinion that I never or seldome speak truth let me say what I will you will still believe it is a lye but truly I did never tell a lye as I do know of but did alwayes speak truth Lord de l'Amour I hear to my great grief you have many faults pray mend them Lady Innocence I am sory there are so many ill reports or rather aspersions laid on me as to grieve you but surely youth cannot commit many faults but Age that hath had time to commit faults in but if you can believe my faults surmounts not all accounts I shall desire to know them Lord de l'Amour Examine yourself and you will find them Lady Innocence I shall call a particular Councel and make a General search and what thoughts words or actions I can find guilty or prove Criminal I shall condemn and sacrifice them on the Altar of Repentance and crave mercy and forgiveness Lord de l'Amour Pray do so Ex. Lady Innocence alone 'T is strange his humour should be so suddenly changed from loving professions kind expressions and pleasing smiles to sharp words and angry frowns and that he should seem to love me as much as he did now to believe me so little as it seems he doth I hope it is only the superfluities of his affections that runs into the indiscretion of jealousie Ex. Enter Sanspareile and her Audience As soon as she hath taken her standing place A Messenger Enters Messenger The Queen of Attention is come to be one of your Audience The Company makes a bustle Enter the Queen of Attention and her Train Sir Thomas Father Love kneels down and kisses her hand Queen I am come to hear and see your Daughter whom fame reports to be the wonder of this Age Father It had been more proper and fit for my Daughter to have waited at your Court-Gates untill your Majesty had comanded her into your presence than for your Majesty to come hither to hear and see her but she being a plain bred girle durst not be so bold Queen If your Daughters wit be answerable to her beauty she is a wonder indeed Sanspareile comes off from the place where she stands and makes 3. Obeysances and coming near kneels down and kisses the Queens hand Lady Sanspareile Madam this gracious honour and honourable grace is beyond the management of my young years the evil of my weak confidence and the compass of my little wit and my obscure breeding hath made me so Ignorant that I know not in what manner I should behave or address myself towards your Majesty but if I commit faults in misbehaviour pray impute it to my ignorant youth and not to disobedience Queen I see nothing yet in your behaviour but that you may be not only a pattern for young but also for grave Age to take example from Sanspareile Madam the generosity of your Maiesties Nature the Magnificence of your Majesties mind and the Charity of your Majesties disposition gives an overflowing commendation like to the goodness of the Gods that gives more to the Creature than the Creature can deserve Queen Let me tell you young Lady your speeches are as pleasing to the eare as your beauty is delightfull to the eye Sanspareile Your Majesty is like a Deity can turn or translate words like poor Mortals into a glorified sence like as into a glorified body Queen Sir Thomas Father Love if your Daughter speak at all times and alwayes so eloquently I should not wonder you let her speak in publick Father I beseech your Majesty that you will rather judge me an over fond Father which is natural than a vain opiniatour in that I give her liberty to speak in publick Queen If it were a vanity it might be well forgiven but pray let me hear her speak Sanspareile makes three obeysances as she steps back from the Queen to her standing-place and then ascends Sanspareile Great Queen I nor no other should offer or dare to speak before or to such Supreme persons as your Majesty without a sore premeditation for the words and behaviours of speakers should be fitted to the degrees and qualities Powers Offices and Authorities of the Auditory But your Majesties commands makes that an obedient duty that would otherwayes be a presumption wherefore on the ground of duty I speak at this time before your Majesty but the Royalty of your person the brightnesse of your beauty the fame of your vertues and the glorious splendour of your Majestical Grandeur hath so amazed me that my understanding is as it were blind which will cause my tongue to stagger and my words to run stumbling out of my mouth but I hope your Justice will pardon them For as Divine Justice belongs to the Gods moral Justice to Nature so humane Justice to Monarchial Princes which justice is weighed and measured out according to merit or desert be they good or bad For which Justice Gods and Princes are both feared and loved and Justice is the chief Pillar or upholder of Monarchical States and Common-wealths for without Justice there can be no Government and without Government there can be no Rule and without Rule there can be no peace and where peace is not there will be warrs and warrs causeth ruine and destruction But for the most part those Kingdomes that have arrived to the height of Glory declines or falls to ruine The reason is that a low condition is necessitated and weak wherefore they seek for help to strengthen themselves which makes or rather forces every particular person to associate unite either by Laws of Covenants to which they submit
none Company but Cowards and Fools and slothful conscientious Persons neither is she usefull but for indifferent imployments for what is of extraordinary worth Patience doth but disgrace it not set it forth for that which is transcendent and Supreme Patience cannot reach Wherefore give me Fury for what it cannot raise to Heaven it throwes it straight to Hell were you never there Friend No nor I hope shall never come there Father Love Why Sir I was there all the last Night and there I was tortured for chiding my Daughter two or three times whilst she lived once because she went in the Sun without her Mask another time because her Gloves were in her Pocket when they should have been on her Hands and another time because she slep'd when she should have studied and then I remember she wept O! O! those pretious tears Devil that I was to grieve her sweet Nature harmless Thoughts and Innocent Soul O how I hate my self for being so unnaturally kind O kill me and rid be of my painful life Friend He is much distracted Heaven cure him Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gentleman The Miracle is deceas'd the Lady Sanspareile I hear is dead 2. Gent. Yes and it 's reported her Statue shall be set up in every College and in the most publick places in the City at the publick charge and the Queen will build a Sumptuous and Glorious Tomb on her sleeping Ashes 1. Gent. She deserves more than can be given her 2. Gent. I hear her death hath made her Father mad 1. Gent. Though her death hath not made every one mad like her Father yet it hath made every one melancholy for I never saw so general a sadness in my life 2. Gent. There is nothing moves the mind to sadnesse more than when Death devours Youth Beauty Wit and Virtue all at once Ex. Scene 19. There is a Hearse placed upon the Stage covered with black a Garland of Ciprus at the head of the Herse and a Garland of Mirtle at one side and a Basket of Flowers on the other Enter the Lady Innocence alone drest in White and her hair hound up in several coloured Ribbons when she first comes in speaks thus LAdy Innocence O Nature thou hast created bodies and minds subject to pains torments yet thou hast made death to release them for though Death hath power over Life yet Life can command Death when it will for Death dares not stay when Life would passe away Death is the Ferry-man and Life the waftage She kneels down and prayeth But here great Nature I do pray to thee Though I call Death let him not cruel be Great Jove I pray when in cold earth I lye Let it be known how innocent I die Then she rises and directs her self to her Herse Here in the midst my sadder Hearse I see Covered with black though my chief Mourners be Yet I am white as innocent as day As pure as spotlesse Lillies born in May My loose and flowing hair with Ribbons ty'd To make Death Amorous of me now his Bride Watchet for truth hair-colour for despair And white as innocent as purest Ayre Scarlet for cruelty to stop my breath Darkning of Nature black a type of death Then she takes up the Basket of Flowers and as she strews them speaks Roses and Lillies 'bout my Coffin strew Primroses Pinks Violets fresh and new And though in deaths cold arms anon I lye weeps I 'le weep a showr of tears these may not dye A Ciprus Garland here is for my head To crown me Queen of Innocence when dead A Mirtle Garland on the left side plac't To shew I was a Lover pure chast Now all my saddest Rites being thus about me And I have not one wish that is without me She placeth her self on her Herse with a Dagger or pointed knife in her hand Here on this Herse I mount the Throne of death Peace crown my soul my body rest on earth Yet before I dye Like to a Swan I will sing my Elegie She sings as she is sitting on the Herse thus Life is a trouble at the best And in it we can find no rest Ioyes still with sorrows they are Crown'd No quietnesse till in the ground Man vexes man still we do find He is the torture of his kind False man I scorn thee in my grave Death come I call thee as my slave Here ends my Lords Writing And just then stabs her self In the mean time the Lord de l'Amour comes and peeps through the Curtain or Hanging and speaks as to himself whilst she is a dying Lord de l'Amour I will observe how she passes away her time when she is alone Lady Innocence Great Iove grant that the light of Truth may not be put out with the extinguisher of Malice Lord de l'Amour How she feeds her melancholy He enters and goeth to her What are you acting a melancholy Play by your self alone Lady Innocence My part is almost done Lord de l'Amour By Heaven she hath stabb'd her self Calls Help Help Lady Innocence Call not for help life is gone so farr t is past recovery wherefore stay and hear my last words I die as judging it unworthy to out-live my honest Name and honourable Reputation As for my accusers I can easily forgive them because they are below my Hate or Anger neither are worthy my revenge But you for whom I had not only a devout but an Idolatrous Affection which offered with a zealous Piety and pure Flame the sincerity of my heart But you instead of rewarding my Love was cruel to my life and Honour for which my soul did mourn under a Veil of sadnesse and my thoughts covered with discontent sate weeping by But those mourning Thoughts I have cast off cloathing my self with Deaths pale Garments As for my pure Reputation and white Simplicity that is spotted with black Infamy by Hellish slander I have laid them at Heavens Gates just Gods to scoure them clean that all the World may know how innocent I have been But Oh! farewel my fleeting Spirits pure Angels bear away Lord de l'Amour O speak at the last Are you guilty or not Lady Innocence I am no more guilty of those crimes laid to my charge than Heaven is of sin O Gods receive me Oh! Oh! Dies Lord de l'Amour Great Patience assist me Heart hold life in Till I can find who is guilty of this sinn Ex. The Herse drawn off the Stage Scene 20. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love brought in a Chair as sick his Friend by him Mr. Comfort Friend How are you now Father Love O Friend I shall now be well Heaven hath pitty on me and will release me soon and if my Daughter be not buryed I would have her kept as long out of the Grave as she can be kept that I might bear her company Friend She cannot be kept longer because she was not unbowelled Father Love Who speaks her
you will pay me my half years wages that is due to me Poor Virtue Truly Nan I am not able for not only my Estate but all the Money Jewels Plate and other goods you know was seized on all that my Father left or had a right to unless it were my single self and if you will take my service for half a year for payment I will be very honest dutiful and diligent Nan Scrapeall No by my troth for you have been bred with so much attendance curiosity and plenty as you will rather prove a charge than a payment but if you can get means by your youth and beauty I shall come and claim what is owing me Poor Virtue When I am able you shall not need to challenge it for I will pay you before you ask Nan Scrapeall goes out and Poor Virtue sits down as in a deep study Enter an old gray headed man namely Humanity who seeing her in so Melancholy a Posture falls a weeping Poor Virtue Why weepst thou old Humanity Humanity For the ruine of your noble family I came a boy to your Grandmother the great and rich Lady Natures service she being then newly married to your Grandfather the Lord Propriety from whence sprung your Father the Lord Morality your Grandfather and Grandmother dying I served your Father who soon after married your Mother the Lady Piety they living whilst she lived with Peace and Tranquillity but she dying left you only to your Father as a pledg of their loves and indeed you are so like them both as all must confess they were your Parents although they knew not your Birth and yet none can tell which you resembled most thus have I lived to see your Grandfather and Grandmother and Father and Mother dead and Peace and Tranquillity fled and you sweet Virtue left dessolate and forlorn both of friends and fortune but sweet Lady comfort your self for I have a little fortune which I got honestly in your Fathers service and as long as that lasts you shall not want Poor Virtue I thank you but you are old Humanity and ready to go upon Crutches and age and infirmities are shiftless wherefore keep it for thy own use Humanity Why so is unexperienced youth both shiftless and strengthless Poor Virtue T is true yet youth hath an encreasing advantage for time carryes youth up but time pulls Age down wherefore I will not take that from thee that will cause thee to be the poorer or hazard you to want I shall only desire your advise what I shall do and what course I shall follow Humanity Alas sweet Lady necessity will drive you into many extremities Poor Virtue I shall have fortitude to arm me but what Counsel will you give me Humanity The best way for you will be to get into some great Ladies service and in such a place or office as to attend upon her Person there you may live with honour and respect Poor Virtue I had rather shrow'd my honest Poverty in a thatcht house than live in a Palace to be pointed at for my misfortunes for in this Age misfortunes are accounted crimes and poverty is condemned as a thief and hang'd in the Chains of scorn wherefore if I could get a service in an honest poor Farmers house I might live happy as being most obscure from the World and the Worlds Vices for vice encreases more in Palaces than in Cottages for in Palaces Pride Plows Faction Sowes Riot Reaps Extortion Threshes Covetousness Whoords up the grain or gain there youth is corrupted with Vanity Beauty catcht with Flattery Chastity endangered with Power and Virtue slandered by Envy besides great Persons use their Servants too unequally making them either Masters or Slaves where in an humble Cottage the industrious and laborious Masters command their Servants friendly and kindly and are obeyed with love wherefore good Humanity seek me out such a Place to live in to serve Humanity I will for I will never forsake you as long as I live or at least so long as I have leggs to goe Poor Virtue When you cannot visit me I will visit you for I shall never be ungrateful Ex. Scene 6. Enter the Lady Conversation and Sir Experience Traveller COnversation Sir Experience Traveller you that have been so great a traveller pray tell me what Nations have the rarest Beauties and which the greatest Wits Sir Experience Traveller In all my travels the rarest Beauty that I have seen and the greatest Wit that I have heard of is your self sweet Lady Conversation Conver. Then you have lost your labour for you might have seen my Beauty and have heard my Wit at lesse Charges and more ease Experience Tra. T is true Madam had I only travelled to see a fair Lady and hear a witty discourse Conver. Why many travel to lesse purpose Experience Tra. T is true Madam for some travel meerly to learn to make a leg or congy with a good grace and to wear their cloaths or acouster themselves fashionably But I have observed in my travels that very cold Countries and very hot Countries have neither so many Beauties nor so much Wit at lest not so much as more temperate Countries have Conver. What is the reason of that Exper. Trav. I cannot conceive the reason unlesse the extream coldnesse of the Climate should congele their Spirits and stupifie their Brains making the Spirits unactive to get and the Brain too barren to breed and bear Wit Conversation So then you make the Spirits and the Brain the Parents to Wit Exper. Trav. Yes Madam Conver. And what reason give you for the scarcity of Beauties in very cold Climates Exper. Trav. Beauty Madam is as tender and fading in the growth as a Flower although it be fresh and sweet and the more delicate it is the more subject to be nipt with the hard Frost and to be withered with raw colds Conver. Then hot Countries should produce good store Exper. Trav. No Madam for extream heat dryes up Wit as water in a Spring and Sun-burns beauty Conver. But hot Brains are thought to produce the greatest VVits Expe. Trav. Yes if they be equally tempered with moisture for as heat in moisture are Generators of all Creatures so of Wit but if the moisture exceed the heat the Brain or Mind becomes stupid if the heat exceeds the moisture the Brain or Mind becomes mad Conver. VVhat Nation hath the best Language Expe. Trav. There are but three commendable things in Language those are to be significant copious and smooth and the English tongue hath the perfection of all there being an oyle or butter made of the cream of all other Languages Thus what with the Temperature of the Climate and the soft smooth spreading Language England produces rarer Beauties and eloquenter Orators and finer Poets than any other Nation in the world and the Nobility and Gentry live not only in greater grandeur than in other Nations but naturally appear or look with a more splendid Greatnesse
desire to be your Shepheard and you my fair Shepheardess attending loving thoughts that feed on kisses sweet folded in amorous arms Poor Virtue My mind never harbors wanton thoughts nor sends immodest glances forth nor will infold unlawful love for chastity sticks as fast unto my Soul as light unto the Sun or heat unto the fire or motion unto life or absence unto death or time unto eternity and I glory more in being chast than Hellen of her beauty or Athens of their learning and eloquence or the Lacedemonions of their Lawes or the Persians of their Riches or Greece of their Fables or the Romans of their Conquests and Chastity is more delightfull to my mind than Fancy is to Poets or Musick to the Ears or Beauty to the Eyes and I am as constant to Chastity as truth to Unity and Death to life for I am as free and pure from all unchastity as Angels are of sin Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title alone Lord Title I wonder not so much at Fortunes gifts as Natures curiosities not so much at Riches Tittle and power as Beauty VVit and Virtue joyn'd in one besides she doth amaze me by expressing so much learning as if she had been taught in some famous Schools and had read many histories and yet a Cottager and a young Cottager t is strange Ex. Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and Mr. Adviser ADviser My Lord doth my Counsel take good effect Lord Courtship Yes faith for she seems to take it very patiently or elce she is so dull a Creature as she is not sensible of any injury that 's done her Adviser How doth she look when you adress and salute your Mistriss Lord Courtship She seems to regard us not but is as if she were in a deep contemplation of another world Adviser I think she is one of the fewest words for I never heard her speak Lord Courtship Faith so few as I am in good hope she is tongue-tyed or will grow dumb Adviser That would be such a happiness as all married men would envy you for Lord Courtship They will have cause for there is nothing so tedious as talking women they speak so constraintly and utter their Nonsence with such formality and ask impertinent questions so gravely or else their discourse is snip snap or so loud and shrill as deafs a mans ears so as a man would never keep them Company if it were not for other reasons Adviser Your Lordship speaks as if you were a woman-hater Lord Courtship O Pardon me for there is no man loves the Sex better than I yet I had rather discourse with their beauty than their wits besides I only speak of generalities not particularities Ex. Scene 16. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady pray make me partaker of some of your conceptions Contempl. My conceptions are like the tongue of an extemporary Oratour that after he hath spoke if he were to speak upon the same subject he could hardly do it if it were not impossible just to speak as he did as to express the same subjects in the same expressions and way of his natural Rhetorick for the sense may be the same but the expressions way of Rhetorick wil hardly be the same but 't is likely will be very different and so differing as not to be like the same but the same premeditated Rhetorick will many times serve to many several designs or preaching pleading or speaking the Theam or cause being altered This is the difference betwixt extemporary Oratory and premeditated Oratory the one may be spoke as many times as an Orator will and make the same Oratory serve to many several Subjects the other being not fixt but voluntary vanishes out of the remembrance the same many times do my conceptions Interrup. But I hope all are not vanished some remain wherefore pray expresse or present any one of your conceptions after what manner of way you please Contempl. Why then I will tell you I had a conception of a Monster as a Creature that had a rational soul yet was a Fool It had had a beautiful and perfect shape yet was deformed and ill-favoured It had clear distinguishing senses and yet was sencelesse It was produced from the Gods but had the nature of a Devil It had an eternal life yet dyed as a Beast It had a body and no body Interrup. What Monster call you this Contempl. I call him Man Interrup. This is a Man of your own conception Contemp. A man of Natures creating is as monstrous for though man hath a rational soul yet most men are fools making no use of their reason and though Man hath a beautiful and perfect shape yet for the most part they make themselves deformed and ill-favoured with antick postures violent passions or brutish vices and man hath clear distinguishing Senses yet in his sleep or with fumes or drink he is sencelesse Man was produced immediately from the Gods yet man being wicked and prone to evil hath by evil wickednesse the nature of a Devil Man 't is said shall live for ever as having an eternal life yet betwixt this life and the other he dyes like a Beast and turns to dust as other Creatures do but the only difference between the man Nature creates and the man my Conceptions create is that Natures man hath a real substance as a real body whereas my conceptive man is only an Idea which is an incorporal man so as the body of my concepted man is as the soul of Natures created man an incorporality Ex. Scene 17. Enter the Lord Title and Mall Mean-bred LOrd Title Well I have lost my first Course in Love and now like an angry bloody Gray-hound I will down with the first I meet were she as innocent as a Dove or as wise as a Serpent down she goes Enter Mall Mean-bred But soft here 's Loves game and I le flye at her Fair One for so you are Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I am but a Blouse Lord Title Think better of your self and believe me Mall Mean My Father hath told me I must not believe a Gentleman in such matters Lord Title Why sweetest I am a Lord Mall Mean A Lord Lord blesse your Worship then but my Father gave me warning of a Lord he said they might nay say and swear too and do any thing for they were Peers of the Realm there was no medling with them he said without a Rebellion blesse me from a Lord for it is a naughty thing as they say I know not Lo. Title Do you value me so little when I can make you an Apocryphal Lady Mall Mean The Apocrypha forsooth is out of my Book I have been bred purer than to meddle with the Apocrypha the Gods blesse us from it and from all such ill things Lo. Title Well in short will you love me Mall Mean I am so ashamed to love a Lord forsooth that I know not how to behave my self Lo. Title
I will teach you Mall Mean If your Honour will take the pains to teach a poor ignorant Country Maid I will do the best I can to learn forsooth but will it not be too much pains for your Honour do you think Lo. Title No no it will be both for my Honour and my pleasure and for the pleasure of my Honour Mall Mean-bred Blesse us how the Lords doe It backward and forward at their pleasure the finest that ever was but what would your Honour have of me Lo. Title By this kiss I le tell you He goes to kiss her she seems nice and coy Mall Mean O fie fie good your Honour do not scandalize your lips to kisse mine and make me so proud as never to kisse our Shepherd again He offers Mall Mean No fie Lo. Title I will and must kisse you He strives Mall Mean-bred Nay good your Honour good your Honour He kisses her What are you the better now But I see there is no denying a Lord forsooth it is not civil and they are so peremptory too the Gods blesse them and make them their Servants Lo. Title This kisse hath so inflamed me therefore for Loves sake meet me in the Evening in the Broom close here Mall Mean I know the Close forsooth I have been there before now Lo. Title Well and when we meet I will discover more than yet I have done Mall Mean So you had need forsooth for nothing is discovered yet either on your side or mine but I will keep my promise Lo. Title There spoke my better Angel so adiew Mall Mean An Angel I will not break my word for two angels and I hope there will be no dew neither God shield you forsooth Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquesse Scene 18. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely following Poor Virtue Sir Effeminate Lovely Fair Maid stay and look upon my person Poor Virtue Why so I do Effem. Love And how do you like it Poor Vir. As I like a curious built house wherein lives a vain and self-conceited owner Effem. Love And are not you in love with it Poor Vir. No truly no more than with a pencilled Picture Effem. Love Why I am not painted Poor Vir. You are by Nature though not by Art Effem. Love And do you despise the best and curiousest Works of Nature Poor Vir. No I admire them Effem. Love If you admire them you will admire me and if you admire me you will yield to my desires Poor Vir. There may be admiration without love but to yield to your desires were to abuse Natures VVorks Effem. Love No It were to enjoy them Poor Vir. Nature hath made Reason in man as well as Sence and we ought not to abuse the one to please the other otherwise man would be like Beasts following their sensualities which Nature never made man to be for she created Virtues in the Soul to govern the Senses and Appetites of the Body as Prudence Justice Temperance and Conscience Effem. Love Conscience VVhat is that natural fear Poor Vir. No it is the tenderest part of the Soul bathed in a holy dew from whence repentant tears do flow Effem. Love I find no such tender Constitution nor moist Complexion in my Soul Poor Vir. That is by reason the Fire of unlawful Love hath drunk all up seared the Conscience dry Effem. Love You may call it what Fire you will but I am certain it is your Beauty that kindles it and your Wit that makes it flame burning with hot desires Poor Vir. Pray Heaven my Virtue may quench it out again Poor Virtue goes out Lovely alone Effem. Love I am sure Nature requires a self-satisfaction as well as a self-preservation and cannot nor will not be quiet without it esteeming it beyond life Ex. Scene 19. Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful Lady Ward I wonder my Lord Courtship he being counted a wise man should make me his Baud if he intends to make me his Wife and by my troth Nurse I am too young for that grave Office Nurse Careful How ignorantly you speak Child it is a sign you have been bred obscurely and know little of the world or rather it proves your Mother dyed before you could speak or go otherwise you would be better experienced in these businesses Lady Ward My Mother Nurse Heaven rest her soul she would never have made me a Baud Nurse Careful No why then she would not do as most Mothers do now a dayes for in this age Mothers bring up their daughters to carry Letters and to receive messages or at lest to watch at the door left their Fathers should come unawares and when they come to make some excuse and then the Mother laughs and sayes her daughter is a notable witty Girle La. Ward What for telling a lye Nurse Careful Yes when it is told so as to appeare like a truth Lady Ward But it is a double fault as to deceive the Father and be a Baud to the Mother Nurse Careful Why the Mother will execute the same Office for the daughter when she is marryed and her self grown into years for from the age of seven or eight years old to the time they are maryed the Daughter is a Baud to the Mother and from the time of their marriage to the time of their Mothers death the Mother is a Baud to the Daughter but if the Mother be indifferently young and hath a young tooth in her head as the old saying is they Baud for each other Lady Ward But why doth not the Mother Baud for her Daughter before she is marryed Nurse Care O there is reason for that for that may spoil her fortune by hindering her marriage for marriage is a Veile to cover the wanton face of adultery the like Veil is Baud-mothers and Baud-daughters for who would suspect any lewdnesse when the Mother and the Daughter is together La. Ward And are not Sons Pimps for their Fathers as Daughters are for their Mothers Nurse Careful No saith Boys have facility or ingenuity as Girles have besides they are kept most commonly so strictly to their Bookes when Girles have nothing else to do but when they have cast away their Books and come to be marryed men then they may chance to Pimp for their Wives Lady Ward O fie Nurse surely a man will never play the Pimp to Cuckold himself Nurse Care O yes if they be poor or covetous or ambitious and then if they have a handsome woman to their wife they will set her as a bait to catch their designs in the trap of Adultery or patient quiet simple fearful men will if they have a Spritely wise they will play the Pimp either for fear or quiet for such men to such wives will do any thing to please them although it be to Cuckold themselves La. Ward But surely Nurse no Gentleman will do so Nurse Gare. I know not who you call Gentleman but those that bear up high and look big and vant loud and walk
that you are in love with why to cure your disease I will deform it or do you think I have wit to cure that Imagination I will put my tongue to silence I am sure it cannot be my Vertue that inflames you to an intemperance for Vertue is an Antidote against it But had you all the beauty in Nature squeez'd into your form and all the wit in Nature prest into your brain and all the prosperities of good fortune at your command and all the power of Fate and Destiny at your disposal you could not perswade me to yield to your unlawful desires for know I am honest without self-ends my virtue like to Time still running forward my chastity fix'd as Eternity without circumferent lines besides it is built on the foundation of Morality and roof'd and ciel'd with the faith of Religion and the materials thereof are Honour which no subtil Arguments can shake the one nor no false Doctrine can corrupt or rot the other neither is the building subject to the fire of unlawful love nor the tempestuous storms of torments nor the deluge of poverty nor the earthquakes of fear nor the ruines of death for so long as my Soul hath a being my Chastity will live But were you as poor as I even to move pity or so lowly and meanly born at might bring contempt and scorn from the proud yet if your mind and soul were endued with noble qualities and heroical vertues I should sooner embrace your love than to be Mistris of the whole World for my affection to merit hath been ingrafted into the root of my Infancy which hath grown up with my yeares so that the longer I live the more it increases Lord Title You cannot think I would marry you although I would lie with you Poor Virtue I cannot but think it more possible that you should marry me than I to be dishonest Lord Title Thou art a mean poor wench and I nobly descended Poor Virtue What though I am poor yet I am honest and poverty is no crime nor have my Ancestors left marks of infamy to shame me to the world Lord Title Thy Ancestors what were they but poor peasants wherefore thou wilt dignifie thy Race by yielding to my love Poor Virtue Heaven keep them from that dignity that must be gained by my dishonesty no my chastity shall raise a Monumental Tomb over their cold dead ashes Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title alone Lord Title What pity it is Nature should put so noble a soul into a meanborn body Exit Scene 4. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Pray go visit the Lady Amorous and if her husband be absent deliver her this letter Lady Ward Excuse me my Lord Lord Courts Wherefore Lady Ward I am no Carrier of Love-letters Lord Courts But you shall carry this Lady Ward But I will not Lord Courts Will you not Lady Ward No I will rather endure all the torments that can be invented Lord Courts And you shall for I will torture you if you do not for I will have you drawn up high by the two thumbs which is a pain will force you to submit The Lady Ward falls into a passion Lady Ward Do so if you will nay scrue me up into the middle-Region there will I take a Thunderbolt and strike you dead and with such strength I 'll fling it on you as it shall press your soul down to the everlasting shades of death Lord Courts Sure you will be more merciful Lady Ward No more than Devils are to sinful souls there will I be your Bawd to procure you variety of torments for I had rather be one in Pluto's black Court caused by my own revenge than to be a Bawd on earth which is a humane Devil Lord Courts You are mad Lady Ward Might every word I speak prove like a mad dogs bite not only to transform your shape and turn your speech to barks and howlings but that your soul may be no other than the souls of beasts are Lord Courts You are transformed from a silent young Maid to a raging Fury Lady Ward May all the Furies that Hell inhabites and those that live on earth torment your minde as racks do torture bodies and may the venom of all malice spleen and spight be squeez'd into your soul and poyson all content your thoughts flame like burning oyl and never quench but be eternally a fiery Animal and may the fire feed onely on your self and as it burns your torments may increase The Lady Ward goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord Courts She is mad very mad and I have only been the cause Exit Scene 5. Enter the Lord Title and Poor Virtue LOrd Title Fairest will not you speak Poor Virtue My words have betrayed my heart as discovering the secrets therein wherefore I will banish them and shut the doors of my lips against them Lord Title What for saying you love me Sweet why do you weep Poor Virtue weeps Poor Virtue Tears are the best Cordials for a heart opprest with grief Lord Title I should hate my self if I could think I were the cause But pray forbear to weep Poor Virtue Pray give my grief a liberty my tears are no disturbance they showre down without a ratling noise and silent fall without a murmuring voice but you disturb me Wherefore for pity-sake leave me and I will pray you may enjoy as much prosperity as good fortune can present you with and as much health as Nature can give you and as much tranquillity as Heaven can infuse into a mortal creature Lord Title Neither Fortune Nature nor Heaven can please me or make me happy in this world without you Poor Virtue O you torment me Exit the Lord follows her Scene 6. Enter Sir Humphry Interruption to the Lady Contemplation SIr Humphry Inter. Surely Lady Contemplation your thoughts must needs be very excellent that they take no delight but with themselves Lady Contempl. My thoughts although they are not material as being profitable yet they are innocent as being harmless Sir Humphry Inter. Yet your thoughts do the world an injury in burying your words in the grave of silence Lady Contempl. Let me inform you that sometimes they creep out of their graves as Ghosts do and as Ghosts walk in solitary places so I speak to my solitary self which words offend no ears because I speak to no ears but my own and as they have no flatterers to applaud them so they have no censurers to condemn them Sir Humphrey Inter. But you bury your life whilst you live retir'd from company Lady Contempl. O no for otherwise my life would be buried in company for my life never enjoys it self but when it is alone and for the most part all publick societies are like a discord in Musick every one playing several contrary parts in their actions speaking in several contrary notes striking on several contrary subjects which makes a confusion and a confused noise is
like a disorder'd multitude only the one offends the ear as the other offends the eyes and there can be no pleasure but in harmony which harmony is Quantity Quality Symmetry and Unity and though quality quantity and symmetry are brought by the Senses yet Unity is made in the mind Thus Harmony lives in the minde for without the minde the senses could take no delight Exeunt ACT II. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Ward and Doctor Practice DOctor Practice How do you Lady Lady Ward Why very well Doctor how do you Doctor Prac. Why I was sent as being believed you are mad Lady Ward Troth Doctor that 's no wonder for all the world is mad more or less Doctor Prac. Do you finde any distemper in your head Lady Ward My head will ake sometimes Doctor Pract. I mean a distemper in your minde Lady Ward My minde is troubled sometimes Doctor Pract. That is not well let me feel your pulse Lady Ward Why Doctor can you know the temper of my mind by the feeling of my pulse Doctor Pract. There is a great Sympathy between the Minde and the Body Lady Ward But I doubt Doctor your learned skill is many times deceived by the pulse you will sooner find a mad distemper in the tongue or actions than in the wrists Doctor Pract. In troth Lady you speak reason which those that are mad do not do Lady Ward O yes Doctor but they doe as you cure Diseases by chance Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lord Title alone LOrd Title O Love dissembling love that seem'st to be the best of passions and yet torments the soul He walks in a melancholy muse Enter Master Inquirer Master Inquirer What makes your Lordship so melancholy as to shun all your friends to walk alone Lord Title I am in Love Master Inqui. There are many remedies for love Lord Title I would you could tell me one Master Inqui. May I know the Lady you are in love with Lord Title The Lady say you she is a poor Lady Master Inqui. Your Lordship is so rich as you may marry without a portion Lord Title O I could curse my fate and rail at my destiny Master Inqui. For what Lord Title To make me fall in love with one I am asham'd to make her known Master Inqui. Is she so mean and yet so beautiful Lord Title O she hath all the Beauties and Graces that can attract a soul to love for surely Nature sate in Councel to make her body and the Gods sate in Councel to compose her mind Master Inqui. May not I see her Lord Title Yes Master Inqui. Where may I find her Lord Title Upon the next Plain under a bush that bends much like a bower there she most commonly sits to watch her sheep but I will goe with you Master Inqui. Your Lordship is not jealous Lord Title All Lovers think their Beloved is never secure enough Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Nurse Careful as in a fright unto the Lady VVard Nurse Careful O my Child I am told that on a sudden you turned mad Lady Ward Surely Nurse your fear or what else it may be you seem to me to be more mad than I can find in my self to be Nurse Caref. That shews you are mad Lady Ward If I am mad I suck'd the madness from your brest Nurse Caref. I do confess Child I have not had those mad vagaries since I gave suck as I had before Lady Ward 'T is a signe you are grown old Nurse Nurse Caref. I confess Youth is oftner mad than Age but dear Child tell me art thou mad Lady Ward Prethee Nurse lest thou shouldst become mad goe sleep to settle thy thoughts and quiet thy mind for I remember a witty Poet one Doctor Don saith Sleep is pains easie salve and doth fulfil All Offices unless it be to kill Nurse Careful cries out as in a great fright Nurse Caref. O Heaven what shall I do what shall I do Enter Doctor Practice Doctor Pract. What is the matter Nurse what is the matter you shreek out so Nurse Caref. O Doctor my Child is mad my Child is mad for she repeats Verses Doctor Pract. That 's an ill signe indeed Lady Ward Doctor did you never repeat Latine Sentences when you have read Lectures nor Latine Verses when you did Dispute in Schools Doctor Pract. Yes Sweet Lady a hundred times Lady Ward Lord Doctor have you been mad a hundred times and recovered so often Nurse Caref. Those were Latine Verses those were Latine Verses Child Doctor Pract. Faith Lady you pose me Lady Ward Then Doctor go to School again or at least return again to the University and study again and then practise not to be posed Doctor Pract. Nurse she is not well she must be put to a diet Lady Ward But why Doctor should you think me mad I have done no outragious action and if all those that speak extravagantly should be put to a diet as being thought mad many a fat waste would shrink in the doublet and many a Poetical vein would be dryed up and the flame quench'd out for want of radical oyl to prolong it Thus Wit would be starved for want of vapour to feed it The truth is a spare diet may make room in a Scholars head for old dead Authors to lie in for the emptyer their heads are of wit the fuller they may be fill'd with learning for I do imagine old dead Authors lie in a Scholars head as they say souls do none knows where for a million of souls to lie in as small a compass as the point of a needle Doctor Pract. Her brain is hotly distemper'd and moves with an extraordinary quick motion as may be perceiv'd by her strange fancy wherefore Nurse you had best get her to bed if you can and I will prescribe some medicine and rules for her Exit Doctor Nurse Caref. Come sweet child let me put thee to bed Lady VVard I will go to bed if you would have me but good Nurse believe me I am not mad it 's true the force of my passion hath made my Reason to erre and though my Reason hath gone astray yet it is not lost But consider well Nurse and tell me what noble minde can suffer a base servitude without rebellious passions But howsoever since they are of this opinion I am content to cherish it if you approve of it for if I seem mad the next of my kindred will beg the keeping of me for the sake of my Estate and I had rather lose my Estate and be thought mad than lose my honour in base offices and my free-born liberty to be inslaved to whores and though I do not fear my honest youth can be corrupted by ill example yet I will not have my youth a witness to wicked and base vice Nurse Caref. By no means I do not approve of these strange wayes besides you are a Ward to a gallant man and may be Mariage will alter his humour for most commonly
Pot and Gantlet all being made light according as my strength would bear In my hand I carried my Sword for being not accustomed I could not wear a sword by my side as men do but whensoever rested I tyed it to my Saddle-bow and on my Head-piece I wore a great Plume of Feathers As for my Horse he was cole-black only a white star on his fore-head and three white feet my Saddle was crimson Velvet but so imbroidred with silver and gold as the ground could not be seen But when I was mounted I spoke as following unto the common souldiers Worthy Friends and laborous and valiant Souldiers you may justly wonder to see a Woman thus Accoutred like a man and being one of the tender female Sex to be arm'd as a souldier and in a posture to fight a Battel Also you may fear the successe of my Command by reason I am young and unexperienced as also unpractised in the Wars But fear not the gods are with me and will assist me and have promised to give you victory by my Conduct for they will conduct me But the Gods suffer'd the other Battel to be lost because many Victories had made you proud and conceited of your selves and your own valours trusting more to your own strength than to their favours or powers whereupon the Gods destroy'd many of you but since they have taken pity of you drawn to it by your humility whereupon the Gods have commanded me to Lead and Conduct you and they have also commanded me to tell you That if you trust in them and fight couragiously that you shall have Victory and rich Spoils for I heard the common people of which common souldiers were of were apt to be superstitious and to believe in any new reports as also to believe in Miracles Prophecies and the like and withall very covetous all which made me feign my self to be commanded immediately from the Gods and to be sent as from the Gods to command them and to declare such promises to them for all the common souldiers sight for Spoils not for Honour Lady Visitant O but it is not good to dissemble Lady Contempl. Pardon me for without policy which is deceit there can be neither government in peace or war wherefore it is a vertue in a States-man or a Commander to be a dissembler although it be a vice in any other man but you have put me out as you always do and therefore I will tell you no more Lady Visitant Nay pray make an end Lady Contempl. I will not but I could have told you how I kill'd the General of the Enemy with my own hand and how I releas'd my Husband and of such gallant Acts as you never heard the like of Lady Visitant O pray tel me Lady Contempl. Which if I do let me never contemplate more which would be worse than death to me by reason it is the onely pleasure of my life Exeunt ACT III Scene 11. Enter Poor Vertue alone POor Vertue O Love though thou art bred within the Soul yet by the Senses thou art begotten or else by some Opinions for Virtue is but the Tutor or Guide for to instruct or lead thee in a perfect way but though I lead Love right yet may it meet Opposers Exit Scene 12. Enter the Lord Courtship and Doctor Practice LOrd Courts How do you find my Ward Doctor Pract. Truly she is somewhat distemper'd for her wit is very quick Lord Courts That 's it for she being naturally of a dull disposition and of a milde humour and her brain slow of conceits as also unpractis'd in speaking should of a sudden fall into high raptures Doctor Pract. You say true my Lord and it is to be fear'd this distemper will increase Lord Courts Pray Doctor have a regard and care to her distemper for I would not willingly have a Wife that is more mad than natural women are Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Lord Title and Master Inquirer LOrd Title She is not here Enter Poor Virtue with a sheephook in her hand Lord Title O yonder she comes Master Inqui. She hath a garb not like a Farmers Maid but rather one that 's nobly born and her garments though mean sit nearly on her body Master Adviser goeth to her Fair Shepherdess it is a melancholy life you lead Poor Virtue It is a course of life suits best to my condition Master Inqui. You may change this condition if you please Poor Virtue I had rather lie honoured in death than by dishonour raised to glorious state of life Master Inqui. But here you live like a creature not produced by mankind amongst beasts having no conversation by discourse Poor Vir. Want of Speech makes not beasts beasts but want of Reason want of Reason makes a man a beast and speech rather disturbs than benefits the life when silence and pure thoughts make men like Angels whereas speech sometimes expresses men like Devils blaspheming Heaven and God fomenting factions amongst their kind betraying trust friendship cozening innocency flattering vice reproaching virtue and with distractions strives to pull down honour from its feat where silence refines the thoughts elevates the fancy quickens wit strengthens judgment allays anger sweetens melancholy and collects the Reason Master Inqui. Thou art a wonder and for this one Speech I doe adores thee Poor Virtue I should be sorry so worthy a person and so noble a Gentleman as you seem to be should adore my Speech when it might be chance that did produce it and not wit or judgment Master Inqui. Thy speech is like to Orpheus Harp it charms all ears that hear it Poor Virtue I wish my Speech were like a Loadstone to draw the iron hearts of men to pity and compassion to charity and devotion Poor Virtue offers to be gone Lord Title Pray stay and choose me for your Love and let me go along with you Poor Virtue An Amorous Lovers as I believe your Lordship is never walks in sober pace nor hath a constant and assur'd minde for Amorous Lovers run with might and main as if desires were catch'd with haste Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title follows her Master Inquirer alone Master Inqui. I perceive Farmers breed pretty Maids and honest as well as Lambs and Doves and witty and well-behav'd Maids as well as Courts and Cities do O that I were unmaried that I might wed this Sweet Fair Country-maid Enter Mall Mean-bred with a pail in her hand Master Inqui. But stay here comes another by my troth a very pretty Lass but yet her garments sit not so neat nor becoming nor is her behaviour so graceful as the other Maids was Sweet Mistris Mall Mean-bred Pray keep your jeers to your self I am no Mistris Master Inqui. You may be my Mistris if you please and I will be your servant Mall Mean-bred What to do Master Inqui. What you please Mall Mean-bred I am seldome pleased and an idle fellow will anger me more Master Inqui. I
pure Gold and Innocency as Marble white and Constancy as undissolving Diamonds and Modesty as Rubies red Love shall the Altar be and Piety as Incense sweet ascend to Heaven Truth as the Oil shall feed the Lamp of Memory whereby the flame of Fame shall never goe out Exit Sir Golden Riches alone Sir Gold Rich. And is She gone are Riches of no force Then I wil bury my self within the bowels of the Earth so deep that men shall never reach me nor Light shall find me out Exit Scene 22. Enter Mistris Messenger and the Lady Amorous's woman and Lord Courtship MIstris Messenger My Lord my Lady the Lady Amourous remembers her Service to you and sent me to tell you her Husband is gone out of Town and She desires to have the happiness of your company Lord Courtship Pray present my Service in the humblest manner to your Lady and pray her to excuse me for though I cannot say I am sick yet I am far from being well Mistris Messen. I shall my Lord Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lord Title and then enters a Servant to him SErvant My Lord there is an old man without desires to speak with you Lord Title Direct him hither Servant goes out Enter Old Humanity Lord Title Old man what have you to say to me Old Humanity I am come to desire your Lordship not to persecute a poor young Maid one that is friendless and your Lordship is powerful and therefore dangerous Lord Title What poor Maid do you mean Old Human. A Maid call'd Poor Virtue Lord Title Do you know her Old Human. Yes Lord Title Are you her Father Old Human. No I am her servant and have been maintain'd by her Noble Family these threescore years and upwards Lord Title Ha her Noble Family what or who is She Old Humanity She is a Lady born from a Noble Stock and hath been choisely bred but ruin'd by misfortunes which makes her poorly serve Lord Title Alas he weeps Who were her Parents Old Human. The Lord Morality and the Lady Piety Lord Title Sure it cannot be But why should I doubt her Beauty Wit and sweet Demeanour declares her Noble Pedigree The Lord Morality was a Famous man and was a great Commander and wise in making Lawes and prudent for the Common Good He was a Staff and Prop unto the Common-wealth til Civil Wars did throw it down where he fell under it But honest friend how shall I know this for a truth Old Human. Did not your Lordship hear he had a Child Lord Title Yes that I did an only Daughter Old Human. This is She I mention and if Times mend will have her Fathers Estate as being her Fathers Heir but to prove it and her Birth I will bring all those servants that liv'd with her and with her Father and all his Tenants that will witness the truth Lord Title When I consider and bring her and her Actions to my minde I cannot doubt the truth and for the news thou shalt be my Adopted Father and my Bosome-friend I 'll be a staff for thy Old Age to lean upon my shoulders shall give strength unto thy feeble limbs and on my neck shalt lay thy restless head Old Human. Heaven bless you and I shall serve you as my Old Age will give me leave Exit Lord Title leading him forth Scene 24. Enter Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Thou Celestial Creature do not believe that I am so presumptuous to ask thy love I only beg thy pardon that when my body lies in the silent grave you give my restless soul a pass and leave to walk amongst sad Lovers in dark and gloomy shades and though I cannot weep to shew my penitence yet I can bleed He offers her a Dagger Here take this Instrument of Death for only by your hands I wish to die Give me as many Wounds as Pores in skin That I may bleed sufficient for my sin Lady VVard It seems strange to me that you a wise man or at least accounted so should fall into such extreams as one while to hate me to death and now to profess to love me beyond life Lord Courts My Debaucheries blinded my Judgment nor did I know thy worth or my own errour until thy wise wit gave the light to my dark understanding and you have drawn my bad life and all my unworthy actions therein so naturally in your discourse as now I view them I do hate my self as much as you have cause to hate me Lady VVard I only hate your Crimes but for those excellent Qualities and true Virtues that dwell in your Soul I love and honour and if you think me worthy to make me your Wife and will love me according as my honest life will deserve your affections I shall be proud of the Honour and thank Fortune or Heaven for the Gift Lord Courts Sure you cannot love me and the World would condemn you if you should and all your Sex will hate you Lady VVard The World many times condemns even Justice her self and women for the most part hate that they should love and honour Lord Courts But can you love me Lady VVard I can and do love you Lord Courts How happy am I to enjoy a world of Beauty Wit Virtue and sweet Graces Leads her forth Exeunt Scen. 25. Enter the Lord Title and Roger Farmer and Maudlin Huswife his Wife LOrd Title Honest Roger and Maudlin I present you with a kind Good-morrow Roger Present me Bless your Lordship I should present you with a couple of Capons Lord Title 'T is a salutation when you salute but how do you then Roger Very well I thank your Honour How do you Lord Title Well enough of Complements I am come with a Petition to you Roger What is that is 't please your Honour Lord Title A Sute Roger Byrlaken I have need of one for I have but poor and bare cloathing on Lord Title No Roger it is a request and desire I have you should grant Roger Grant or to Farm let no Sir I will not part with my Lease Lord Title Roger you understand me not therefore let me speak with Maudlin your Wife Roger There she is Sir spare her not for she is good metal I 'll warrant your Honour wipe your lips Maudlin and answer him every time that he moves thee and give him as good as he brings Maudlin were he twenty Lords hold up your head Maudlin be not hollow Maudlin I 'll warrant you Husband I 'll satisfie him Lord Title Honest Maudlin Maudlin That 's more than your Lordship knows Lord Title Why then Maudlin Maudlin That 's my name indeed Lord Title You have a maid here in your house Maudlin I hope so forsooth but I will not answer for no Virgin in this wicked world Roger Well said Maudlin Nay your Honour will get nothing of my Maudlin I 'll warrant you Lord Title Well this supposed Maid is Poor Virtue that 's her name
Gods you would go as humble petitioners or sorrowful penitents cloathed in sackcloth and ashes on your head and not attir'd in gold and silver painted patch'd and curl'd unless you think the Gods are like to men to be delighted and enamour'd with Vanity Beauty and Bravery for you make the Church a Masking-room rather than a place of Devotion Portrait No we rather strive to make it like Heaven which is glorious and splendrous and the Heavenly Society is said to be beautiful Matron Yes such a Heaven where Maskers are instead of Saints Faction Why Angels are describ'd by Painters to have fine-colour'd wings and by Preachers to hold fine gold branches in their hands and the Heavens are described to us to be most gloriously adorn'd with Diamonds Rubies Pearl Emeralds Gold and Crystal which shows the Gods delight in braveries Wherefore we to delight the Gods make our selves fine and gay Matron No no Ladies you strive not to delight the Gods but to be Ador'd and Worship'd as Goddesses by the Masculine Sex whom you would have to be your Saints Superbe I know not whether we desire to be Goddesses or not But I am sure if women be as irreligious as you make them to be they will prove Devils Faction And Mother Matron here will prove the chief She-Devil amongst our Sex Matron No no Lady I 'm devour for I say my prayers every night and every morning Ambition May be so you do and all the time you are saying your prayers you are thinking of your snarl'd Periwig or how you shall trim up your old Gown that was given you by some of our Cabal Matron Faith I must confess I have had some such thoughts when I have been at my prayers God forgive me for 't Portrait And for all you exclame against young Beauties for there is your spight now your beauty is gone yet I have observed that when you are at Church you will cast your eyes about and mop and mew and simpering bridlde in your Chin in hopes to catch some beardless boy and when you look up on the Preachers face if he be a young Lecturer it is not out of Attention of what he preaches but in hopes to perswade him to marry you as thinking he would imagine you would make a good Vertuous Religious woman sit to make a Parsons Wife Matron No faith I will never be a Parsons Wife for Preachers are given so much to Contemplation as they seldom speak but in the pulpit but if they do it will be of subjects I understand not as of such subjects as they have read out of dead Authors Superbe Why then you will have the more liberty to speak your self if your Husband speak but seldom Matron That 's true but those which love to speak much are like drunkards which is they love company for Questions and Answers are like drinking and pledging and Arguing is like drinking Healths and quarrels and friendships and friendships and quarrels proceed from the one as often as from the other Faction Then it seems you are both kind and quarrelsome both in your talk and drink for you speak very experienc'd of both Matron So much experience I have living long in the World as to know that drink makes one talk and talking makes one dry Pleasure Well leaving this dry discourse Mother Matron you must find out some way or means whereby we may be acquainted with the rare Beauty which every one talks of Matron I will do my indeavour and imploy the wisedom of my brain to compass it Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit and her Maid enters soon after MAid Madam there is Monsieur Satyrical come to visit you Bon' Esprit Cupid and Venus possess him and Pallas guard me Conduct him hither Enter Monsieur Satyrical Bon' Esprit Monsieur Satyrical you appear like a Comet to our Sex Satyrical If all your Sex had been like you I should have been as conversant as one of the Planets Bon' Esprit I hope you have not that Influence on our Sex as the Planets have on Earthly Creatures Satyrical I wish I had for then I might cast such an Influence of Love as might cause you to love me Bon' Esprit But you are like the Planet of Saturn and not of Venus for you frown when Venus smiles Satyrical I shall not do so when you smile Bon' Esprit You will when I quarrel with you Satyrical I hope you will not quarrel with me but if you do I will receive your anger as subjects receive the punishments of Laws obediently although it ruins me Bon' Esprit I will make you Judge of the Cause as of the Laws Have I not reason to quarrel with you when I Challeng'd you to an Honourable Fight and you return'd my Challenge back with scorn and slight Satyrical Whatsoever my Answer was I confess I am conquer'd and yield my self your prisoner to dispose of me as you please But if you will take a Ransome of current Love which I have brought you in the Chest of my Heart wherein it is so fast lock'd that nothing but your Acceptance can open it Bon' Esprit If it be capable of being taken forth I may leave your heart empty Satyrical Your Virtue will still furnish it with more Your pure Chastity increase the store Bon' Esprit Your Wit is very apt to take your part To keep your own yet strives to steal my heart But if you do not use it nobly well It will complain to Gods the truth will tell Satyrical May I be curs'd my Wit be quenched out If I give you a cause my Love so doubt Or I your Virtues highly not admire Preferring them before a loose desire May all the Gods their vengeance on me cast And may their punishments for ever last Bon' Esprit I was in jest at first but since I find Your Love so honest and your words so kind I cannot doubt nor yet my self deny The union Friendship in firm bonds to tye Of everlasting love and if I break May Gods be deaf when I in pray'rs do speak Satyrical Madam the Poetical Duel hath ended in Friendship and if you please in Mariage Bon' Esprit I consent but do not prize me the less for being soon won for I loved you before you asked my Love and being ask'd I could not deny you Satyrical I value your love as Saints do Heaven and prize it as highly as Gods their power and for my crimes committed against you and your Sex I offer up my heart on the Altar of Repentance as a sacrifice to you my Goddess for an Atonement of your Anger Bon' Esprit I accept of thy Offering and shall receive it as a Trophy of my Victory Satyrical I am your slave Exeunt Scene 3. Enter Superbe Ambition Faction Pleasure and Portrait AMbition It is said that Women are the greatest Conquerors because they conquer conquering men and make them become slaves For it is said that Women have conquer'd
Reason when there are so many seeming reasons as the right cannot be known 1 Virgin Seeming reasons are like seducing flatterers perswade 't is truth when all is false they say 2 Virgin Let us talk of Justice 4 Virgin Justice to the Generality hath a broad full face but to particulars she hath but a quarter and half-quarter face and to some particulars she veils it all over Wherefore to talk of Justice is to talk blindfold 2 Virgin Let us talk of Bashfulness 3 Virgin What should we talk of our own disgrace Matron A Grace you mean Lady 3 Virgin No surely a distemper'd Countenance and a distorted Face can be no grace 1 Virgin Let us talk of the Passions 2 Virgin It is easier to talk of them than to conquer and govern them although it is easier to conquer the perturbed passions of the Mind than the unruly Appetites of the Body for as the Body is grosser than the Soul so the Appetites are stronger than the Passions 4 Virgin Let us talk of Gifts 5 Virgin There are no Gifts worth the talking of but Natural Gifts as Beauty Wit good Nature and the like 4 Virgin Let us talk of Wit that is a Natural Gift 1 Virgin Nature gives true Wit to very few for many that are accounted Wits are but Wit-leeches that suck and swell with wit of other men and when they are over-gorg'd they spue it out again besides there are none but Natural Poets that have variety of Discourses all others talk according to their Professions Practice and Studies when Poets talk of all that Nature makes or Art invents and like as Bees that gather the sweets of every flower bring honey to the Hive which are the Ears of the Hearers wherein Wit doth swarm But since we are not by Nature so indu'd Wit is a subject not fit to be pursued by us 5 Virgin Let us talk of Beauty 3 Virgin Those that have it take greater pleasure in the Fame than in the Possession for they care not so much to talk of it as to hear the praises of it Matron Come Ladies let us go for I perceive your Wits can settle upon no one subject this day Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Monsieur Frere alone as being melancholy FRere O how my Spirit moves with a disorder'd haste my thoughts tumultuously together throng striving to pull down Reason from his throne and banish Conscience from the Soul Walks as in a melancholy posture Enter Monsieur Pere Pere What Son Lover-like already before you have seen your Mistris Well her Father and I am agreed there 's nothing wanting but the Priest and Ceremony and all is done Frere Sir there are our Affections wanting for we never saw one another Wherefore it is not known whether we shall affect or nor Pere I hope you are not so disobedient to dispute your Fathers will Frere And I hope Sir you will not be so unkind as to force me to marry one I cannot love Pere Not love why she is the richest Heiress in the Kingdom Frere I am not covetous Sir I had rather please my Fancy than increase my Estate Pere Your Fancy Let me tell you that your fancy is a fool and if you do not obey my will I will dis-inherit you Frere I fear not poverty Pere Nor fear you not a Fathers curse Frere Yes Sir that I do Pere Why then be sure you shall have it if you refuse her Frere Pray give me some time to consider of 't Pere Pray do and consider wisely you had best Exeunt Scene 17. Enter two Servants I SErvant I doubt my Lady will die 2 Servant I fear so for the Doctor when he felt her pulse shook his head which was an ill sign 1 Servant It is a high Feaver she is in 2 Servant The Doctor says a high continual Feaver 1 Servant She 's a fine young Lady 't is pity she should die 2 Servant My Master puts on a sad face but yet me thinks his sadness doth not appear of a through-die Exeunt Scene 18. Enter the Sociable Virgins and two Grave Matrons MAtron Come Ladies how will you pass your time to day I Virgin Pray let us sit and Rhime and those that are out shall lose a Collation to the rest of the Society All speak Agree agreed I Virgin Love is both kind and cruel As fire unto fuel It doth imbrace and burn Gives Life and proves Deaths Urn 2 Virgin A lowring Sky and Sunny wrays Is like a commendation with dispraise Or like to Cypress bound to Bays Or like to tears on Wedding days 3 Virgin A flatt'ring Tongue and a false Heart A kind Imbrace which makes me start A beauteous Form a Soul that 's evil Is like an Angel but a Devil 4 Virgin A woman old to have an Amorous passion A Puritan in a fantastick Fashion A formal States-man which dances and skips about And a bold fellow which is of countenance out 5 Virgin A Scholars head with old dead Authors full For want of wit is made a very gull 1 Virgin To laugh and cry to mingle smiles and tears Is like to hopes and doubts and joys and fears As sev'ral passions mixes in one mind So sev'ral postures in one face may find 2 Virgin To love and hate both at one time And in one person both to joyn To love the man but hate the crime Is like to sugar put to brine Matron Ladies you had better tell some Tales to pass your time with for your rhymes are not full of wit enough to be delightfully sociable 3 Virgin Agreed let us tell some Tales 4 Virgin Once upon a time Honour made Love to Vertue a gallant and Heroick Lord he was and she a sweet modest and beautiful Lady and naked Truth was the Confident to them both which carried and brought love messages and presents from and to each other 2 Matron Out upon beastly truth for if she goeth naked I dare say she is a wanton Wench and Virtue I dare swear is little better than her self if she keeps her company or can behold her without winking and I shall shrewdly suspect you Ladies to be like her if you discourse of her but more if you have any acquaintance with her And since you are so wilde and wanton as to talk of naked truth I will leave you to your scurrilous discourse for I am asham'd to be in your company and to hear you speak such Ribauldry O fie O fie naked Truth Iove bless me and keep me from naked Truth as also from her sly Companion Virtue out upon them both She goes out and the Sociable Virgins follow her saying Stay or else Truth would meet her and cloath her in a fools coat Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Madam Soeur and Monsieur Frere MAdam Soeur Now you have seen your Mistris Brother tell me how you like her Frere It were a rudeness to your Sex if I should say I dislike any Woman Soeur Surely Brother you cannot dislike her
visit me first Parrot Because I know no reason but that he should visit me before you Minion Why my place is before yours Parrot But the love and esteem I have for him is to be preferr'd before your place Minion How do you know but that I have as much Affection for him as you have And I am sure I have and more Parrot Don't you believe her Sir Henry Courtly for 'faith she said but even now that you were the veriest Whoremaster in all the Town and cry'd Out upon you Minion And she said she would forbear the Lady Gravitie's company by reason you did visit her which was scandalous Parrot What do you betray me in your own house when you said the same and if I be not mistaken before me Minion If you tell what I say I will tell what you say Courtly Ladies whatsoever you have said or will say of me I shall take it well for it is an honour to be mentioned by fair Ladies although in the severest sense or manner or sharpest words Parrot What do you take her part against me Minion No no I perceive well enough that he takes your part against me for which he is a most unworthy man Parrot No he partially takes your part which is base Courtly I will assure you Ladies it is not my nature or disposition to delight in your displeasures but my desire is to please all your Sex and I indeavour in my practice and behaviour to that end wherefore if I cannot please it is not my fault Minion So you make us Women strange creatures as not to be pleased Courtly No Madam men want those excellent Abilities or good Fortunes which should or could please you Parrot Faith Madam he will have much to do to desend himself against us both Minion Nay if you will joyn with me we shall be too hard for him Parrot That I will and help to beat him with Arguments Courtly For fear I should argue my self more out of your favours than I am already I will take my leave of your Ladyships for this time They both follow him and say nay stay slay Exeunt Scene 13. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Courtier They take their places and the Assembly about them COurtier Lady you are the Sun of Beauty from whence all your Sex receive a light which without that would sit in darkness you only give them lustre you are the only Godess men adore and those men which do not so if any such men be they are damned to censure As for my self Ladies have judged me handsom and for my persons sake have given me favours nay they have wooed my love with great Expences maintained my Vanities and paid my Debts ruin'd their own and Husbands Honour and Estate and all for love of me yet do I sue to you with great Humility though many of your Sex have courted me and let me tell you fair Lady that Courtiers Wives have freer Access to Masks Plays Balls and Courtly Pleasures than other Ladies have who beg and strive and often are beaten back in rude disgrace All which fair Lady if you summ up right You 'l find a Courtiers Wife hath most delight Prudence Fair Sir could Person Courtship Garb or Habit win my love you should nor could not be deny'd But since my Affection is not to be won by any outward Form or Courtly Grace I cannot grant your sute besides the lives that Courtiers live agree not with my humour for I had rather travel to my Grave with ease than inconveniently Progress about tiring my body out lying in nasty lodgings feeding on ill drest meat that 's got by scrambling but at the best a Courtiers life to me is most unpleasant to sit up late at Masks and Plays to dance my time away in Balls to watch for Grace and favour and receive none to gape for Preferments Offices and Honours but get none to waste my Estate with Fees Gifts and Braveries to run in debt prodigally to receive Courtships privately to talk loud foolishly to betray friendship secretly to profess friendship commonly to promise readily to perform slowly to flatter grosly to be affected apishly no Prudent Brain or Noble Heart would interweave the thred of life with such vain Follies and unnecessary Troubles besides I had rather be Mistris of my own House were it a Cottage poor than serve the Gods if Gods were like to men Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mistris Parle and Mistris Vanity VAnity My dear Comrade what thinkst thou will the Gentleman we met at Madam Gravities lodging marry me think you Parle I know not Vanity I verily believe he will Parle What reason have you to believe he will Vanity A very good reason which is he look'd upon me two or three times and at one time very stedfastly Parle If a man should marry all the women he looks on he will have more Wives than Solomon and the great Turk adding the number of their Concubines But the more earnestly the Gentleman look'd on you the greater sign he thought not of you for thoughts are buried in fix'd eyes Vanity You speak out of spight because I am thought handsomer than you Parle I had rather your Beauty should lie in your own others thoughts than it should be visible to the view of the World or to be inthrown on a multitude of Praises but howoever I am not spightful and therefore pray think not so for telling you my opinion of your no-lover Vanity You love your Jest better than your Friend Parle That 's an old saying but I love a plain truth better than a flattering lye Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Bashful Suter and his Friend Mr. Spokesman and the Assembly The Suter makes two or three legs wipes his lips and blows his nose with his handkerchief hems twice or thrice and trembling begins to speak BAshfull Suter Madam Madam Madam This Scene the Lord Marquiss writ Prudence Speak Sir what is 't you would say Spokesman Madam his Love and Modesty doth check his speech Prudence Then speak you for him His Friend goes and stands behind him and speaks the dumb Gentleman the while acts his Speech Spokesman Madam your Presence with you sparkling Eyes Hath dazel'd him and struck him dumb with Love Like to a bottle too much fill'd I doubt Though 's mouth 's turn'd downward nothing will come out Or like a Bag-pudding in love he 's curst So stuff'd so swell'd and yet he cannot burst Or like a glass with Spirits of high price No drop can fall when 't is congeal'd to Ice Sweet Lady thaw him then take him apart And then his Tongue will tell you all his Heart And gush it forth with more force far than those Who dribble all their love away in Prose Prudence I 'm all for Publick Wooing so no stain Upon my Reputation will remain With a dumb Husbands curse I 'll ne'r be caught But a dumb Wife a blessing may be
service to you Sir Cuckold Sir I am your most humble Servant and shall strive by all the ways I can to appear worthy your favours The Ladies speak familiarly Wanton Lord Lady Procurer how are you drest to day in a most careless fashion Procurer It is the mode it is the mode to go undrest Cuckold Wife this is not a fit room to entertain this noble Gentleman Sir will you be pleas'd to walk into another room Amorous All rooms are fine Sir where you and your Virtuous Lady are Exeunt Sir Thomas Cuckold and Monsieur Amorous Procurer 'Faith if I had not come running in before your Husband he had catch'd you Lady Wanton claps the Lady Procurer on the cloaths VVanton 'Faith Procurer thou art such another Lady-wag as all the Town cannot match thee Procurer I was I was but now I am grown old I am grown old but I was born to do good Offices Exeunt Scene 34. Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverty 's 1 MAid I wonder my Lady is able to stay in the room with my Master his vomiting hath so fumed the room as there is such a stink that by my troth I am almost strangled with the smell of the corrupted drink 2 Maid Alas poor Lady she is forc'd to stay for fear he should be outragious in his drunken humour for if she stirs or speaks he swears as if he would draw the Devils out of Hell 1 Maid Hell is not so bad as to be where he is now he is drunk Enter another Maid 3 Maid My Master is asleep and my Lady would have you make lesse noise and not to talk so loud for fear you should awake him 1 Maid If he be asleep we may make what noise we will or can make he will not wake until such time as the fume or vapour of wine be out of his head no sound can enter But I wonder my Lady will take such care of him when he hath no respect to her but transforms himself from man to beast every day indeed she sees him only a beast not a man for before he is wholy sober he rises to go to a Tavern to be drunk again 2 Maid If my Master transforms himself into a beast ere that he comes to my Lady he imitates Iove for he transform'd himself into a Bull for the sake of fair Europa 1 Maid But not into a drunken roaring Bull as my Master is 3 Maid 'Faith if I were my Lady I would hold by his Horns and then let him roar and drink and whore as much as he will 1 Maid Yes so she might chance to be drench'd in a Bathing-tub as Europa in the Sea Exeunt Scene 35. Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Chamber-maid and her Master Sir Henry Courtly meets her and kisses her Enter the Lady Jealousie and sees him LAdy Iealousie So Husband I perceive Nan is in your favour Nan runs out of the room Courtly 'Faith Wife Nan is a careful and industrious Wench for she strives to serve us both for she makes you candles and feeds me with kisses Lady Iealousie Or rather Husband you feed Nan and Nan feeds me Courtly Faith the truth is I need you both Lady Iealousie But Nan hath the greatest share that makes her so proud and I so sickly But since you are so liberal to her and so sparing to me I will board elsewhere and so as I may carve where I like best Courtly Sure Wife you will not Lady Iealousie Surely Husband I will do my endeavour Courtly What to be a Whore Lady Iealousie Yes if being a whore will make you a Cuckold Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid LAdy Hypocondria My Husband hath been a long time abroad pray Iove he be safe if he should chance to have a quarrel and fight a hundred to one but he is killd for otherwise he would have come home do you think he is well Ioan Maid You need not fear for my master is of so civil a behaviour and of so sweet a disposition as he can have no enemies Lady Hypocon. O But he is a man that is very valiant and one that is very sensible of disgrace and affronts Maid Truly I believe you have no reason to fear Lady Hypocon. Do you but believe so nay then you doubt and therefore I know he is kill'd and I will go and find out the murtherer and kill him my self The Lady Hypocondria offers to run out of the room as in a frighted passion the maid stops her Maid My Noble Lady do not run in this passion for all the idle men and women and boyes and girles will run after you as thinking you mad for they make no difference betwixt melancholy and madnesse Lady Hypocon. I am not able to overcome this fear I shall die Maid Pray stay and send out one of our men to inquire where he is Lady Hypocon. Call Roger Trusty The Maid goes out The Lady alone Lady Hypocon. O You defendant Gods assist my Husband Enter Joan and Roger Trusty Lady Hypocon. Trusty go presently and seek out your master and bring me word where he is and how he doth and be sure if you see a grim look't fellow near him that you stir not from your Master but wait upon him home for fear some trechery should beset him Trusty Who shall bring you word of his health or sicknesse life or death Lady Hypocon. Death do you say O you have heard he is kill'd Trusty By Pluto I have heard no such thing Lady Hypocon. Why do you talk of death then Trusty Because you send me to know whether he be dead or alive Lady Hypocon. That is true wherefore let one of the Foot-boyes go along with you to bring me an answer but be sure you stay with your Master Trusty I shall Lady Hypocon. Make all the haste you can to find him Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity SIr Hen. Sage Is the Lady Procurer a Baud say you Lady Chastity A perfect one I think for she pleaded as earnestly as Lawyers for a fee Sir Hen. Sage No doubt but she hath as much reason for sure she doth it for gain not out of love to wicked basenesse but I believe poverty perswades her or rather inforces her Chastity No surely it is an inborn or at least an inbred baseness for neither death nor torments can inforce nor riches nor preferrments allure a noble mind to such base acts but some are so unworthy or rather wicked as to delight to intice and to pervert all they can get acquaintance with Sir Hen. Sage And some doe it to hide their own faults thinking to bury them under the vices of others or smother them in the presse of a multitude but let me advise you not to entertain her company any more Chastity I believe she will not visit me again Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Lady Sprightly and one of her women LAdy Sprightly Lord Lord this nasty love or
Heaven is not made known to all neither can the gloryes be suddenly comprehended by weak Mortals Detractor Good Lord if she hath such an infinite Beauty that it cannot be comprehended it is obscure Phantasie But those that comprehend least will be astonish'd and struck with deep amaze Detractor I believe you are struck with Love which makes you Blind or Mad that makes you think you see your own imaginations wherefore fare you well untill you are sober The Ladies goe out Monsieur Phantasie alone Phantasie I am struck indeed for I am wonded deeper than Swords can pierce or Bullets shoot at Exit Scene 11. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and many Gentlemen with him 1 GEntleman Your Lordship rid to day beyond Perseus on his Pegasus Nobilissimo No Monsieur he went if Poets speak truth in higher Capreols than ever I shall make my Horse go 2 Gentleman He might go higher my Lord but never keep so just a time and place as to pitch from whence he riss his feet in the same Circle his leggs in the same lines and your Lordship in the same Center Nobilissimo The truth is my Horses went well to day they were like Musical Instruments fitly strung and justly tun'd 3 Gentleman And your Lordship like a skillfull Musician played rarely thereon Nobilissimo Come Gentlemen let us to Dinner for I have uncivilly tyred your Stomacks with a long fast Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 12. Enter Monsieur Phantasie as in a muse sometimes Sighing sometimes strikes his Brest and sometimes turns up his Eyes and at these postures Enters Madamoiselle Bon at her approach he starts MAdamoiselle Bon. Sir you may very well start to see me here I do not use modesty pardon me to be so bold to visit Men it is the first visit I ever made your Sex and hope it will be the last but I am come since neither Letter nor Messenger could have access to be resolved by your own Confession whether you have forsaken me or not Phantasie No I have not forsaken you Bon. But your affection prefers another before me Phantasie If I should say I did not I should belly Truth which baseness I abhor Bon. I am glad for your own sake you keep so much Honour though sorry that you are no constanter and more sorry for the Oaths you took and Vows you made to me since they became the witnesses of your perjury I was not suddenly nor easily brought to draw a Supreme Love to one for before such time my Love was placed on you my affections run equally in purling Brooks of Pitty and Compassion and clear fresh Rivulets of Charity and Humanity from the pure Springs of good Nature and Religion and hard it will be for me to turn this River to each stream again if not yet I shall be a rest 't will overflow my heart and drown me The Lady goes out Monsieur Phantasie alone Monsieur Phantasie Oh I must curse my Fortune and my Fate lament my own condition to love without return and only pitty what I loved most Exit Scene 13. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience GRand Esprit Great Mercury to thee I now address Imploy thy favour help me in distress Thou God of Eloquence so guide my tongue Let all my words on even sense be slrung And let my Speech be tun'd to every Ear That every Ear each several word may hear That every passion may in measure move And let the figure of the Dance be Love Noble and Right Honourable I will discourse at this time of Love not of the superfluous Branches or wither'd leaves or rotten fruits but of the Root of Love which is Self-love It is the Root and Original Love in Nature it is the Foundation of Nature it is the Fountain from whence issues all the several Springs Self-love was the cause of the Worlds Creation for the Gods out of love to themselves caused Creatures to be Created to worship them thus all Creatures being created out of self-love and their chief being proceeding out of self-love is the cause that every particular Creature loves themselves in the first place and what Love is placed on any other or to any other from any particular is derived from self-love for we love the Gods but out of self-love as believing the Gods love us we adore the Gods but out of self-love because we think we proceed from them or were produced by their commands we pray to the Gods but out of self-love because we hope the Gods will help us in distress we bless the Gods but out of self-love because we do verrily believe the Gods will exalt and Crown us with everlasting glory and to shew that we Love the Gods not as they are Gods but for our own sakes as believing they will or can do us good is that we are apt to murmure at the Gods when we have not our own desires we are apt to accuse the Gods when any wordly thing crosses us we are apt to curse the Gods at ill Accidents Misfortunes or Natural losses we are apt to forget the Gods in the midst of pleasure we are apt to think our selves Gods in the pride of prosperity we strive to make our selves Gods in the hight of worldly power and we do not only strive to make our selves equal with the Gods but to raise our selves above the Gods taking or commanding to our selves more worship than we give unto the Gods nay those that are accounted the most holy and devout Servants of the Gods belie the Gods taking the name of the Gods to cover their own follies as for example whensoever any eminent person hath had ill success either in or after their Foolish Ambitious and Vain-glorious actions they charge the Gods Decrees and pleasure as it was the Gods will it should be so like as she that Vaingloriously had her two and only Sons to draw her Chariot like two Horses or Dogs or Slaves and being both found Dead the next day she had prayed to the Gods to reward them with that which was best for them and being both dead she said the Gods accounted Death as the best reward when they no doubt dyed with over heating themselves striving beyond their natural power and strength yet these two Sonns that drew the vain Mother in a Chariot drew and died out of self-love either like as vain Sonns like their vain Mother vaingloriously to get a fame or believing the Gods would reward them for their Act either with extraordinary prosperity power or blessedness in the Life to come and many the like examples may be given for how ordinary is it in these our times and in former times for the politicks to perswade the people with promises from the Gods or to tell them it is the Gods commands they should do such and such acts even such acts as are unnatural wicked and most horrid thus Men bely the Gods to abuse their fellow Creatures But most Noble and Right Honourable my explanation of
Daughter Mistriss Odd-Humour Two Fathers of the Church Gentlemen Maid-Servants Men-Servants A Nurse THE RELIGIOUS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Maid-Servants Kate and Joan. KAte My Masters Nephew and my Ladyes Daughter are the kindest lovers for so young ones as that ever I knew Ioan. I believe you never knew such young ones for she is not above ten years of age and he but thirteen or fourteen Kate He addresseth himself in that Country manner and pleads his Love-sure with such affectionate respect and she gives Audience with such modest attention as one would think they were older by a douzen years a-piece than they are Ioan. They have been bred together and they have not been acquainted with the Vanityes and Vices of the World which makes love the more pure Kate My Lady desires my Master that he would give consent his Nephew may marry her Daughter Ioan. She hath reason for he is the only Son of his Father my Masters Brother the Lord Dorato who is very rich and is in great favour with the Arch-Prince of the Country Kate Why so is my Ladyes Daughter the only Child of her Parents and she is Heir to her Fathers Estate Ioan. Yes but her Father left so many Debts when he dyed as the Estate will not be so great as it is thought to be Kate But by that time she is of Age the Debts may be paid Ioan. But my Lady hath a great Jointure out of it that will be a hindrance to the payment ôf Debts Kate Well I believe whether they have their friends consent or not they will marry they love so very much each other Ioan. Perchance so and then repent when they come to elder years that they marryed so young Kate Faith that they may do if they were double their Age for few marry that repent not Ioan. Well come away and leave them to repentance Kate Nay stay they are not married yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Pray Husband give your Nephew leave to marry my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity Time enough Wife they are young and may stay this seven years and indeed they are so young as it is not fit they should marry besides I have not absolute power to dispose of my Nephew for though my Brother left him to my care and breeding when he went Ambassadour to the Emperour because his Wife was dead and none so fit to leave him with as I yet to marry him without his Fathers Knowledge or Consent will not be taken well nay perchance he may be very angry Lady Come come he will not displease you with his anger for fear he may lose that you have power to give from him which is your Estate which you may leave to him or his Son having no Children of your own wherefore pray Husband grant my request Sir Thomas Gravity Well wife I will consider it Lady Nay if you consider you will find so many excuses as you will deny my request with excuse Sir Thomas Gravity Faith if I do consent to this marriage it will be to be rid of my Nephews and your importunity Lady You may be sure we will never let you be quiet Sir Thomas Gravity I believe you Exeunt Scene 3. Enter MIstriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour Nan give me my work and my little armed Chair The Maid goeth out and strait enters with a little low wicker armed Chair she sits in it but is forced to crowd her self into it the Chair being too little for her seat Nan Lord Mistriss you take great pains to crowd into that Chair I wonder you can take delight to sit so uneasily Mistriss Odd-Humour O custome is a second Nature for I using to sit in this Chair from my Childhood I have a Natural Love to it as to an old acquaintance and being accustomed to sit in it it feels easier She works the whilst she sits and speaks than any other seat for use and custome makes all things easy when that we are unaccustomed to is difficult and troublesome but I take so much delight to sit and work or Sing old Ballads in this Chair as I would not part from it for any thing Nan Yes you would part with your little old Chair for a proper young Husband who would set you on his knees Mistriss Odd-Humour By my faith but I would not for I should find more trouble and less case on a young Husbands knees than on my old Chairs Seat Nan But if you should sit in this Chair when you were marryed your Husband must kneel down if he would kiss you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why then this Chair will learn a Husband humble submission and obedience which Husbands never knew but Nan prethee fetch me some of my old Ballads to sing for I am weary of working One calls Nan in another room Nan Mistriss your Mother calls you She strives to get out of the little Chair hitching first on one side and then on the other side wringing her self by degrees out the whilst speaks Mistriss Odd-Humour I had as lieve be whipt as stir Nan You have reason you labour so much and ring your self so hard as whipping would be less pain for your Chair is now sitter for your Head than your Britch Mistriss Odd-Humour Not unless to break my head for a Chair is not a fit rest for the head for then the heels would be upwards and so I might be thought a Light-heeld wench for light things fly or ly upwards Nan Why the head that is the uppermost part of the body is not light Mistriss Odd-Humour Yes when 't is mad or drunk Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lord Dorato Ambassador and a Man with Letters LOrd Dorato How doth my Brother and my Son Man Very well my Lord The Lord reads a Letter Lord Dorato How is this my Son marryed to my Brothers Wives Daughter without my Knowledge or Consent to a Girl whose Estate hath more Debts than Lands and who knows how she will prove when she is a woman and my Son to marry a wife before he hath wit to govern a wife to put a clog to his heels to hinder his Travell for Knowledge sure my Brother is mad dotingly mad to be perswaded by a foolish woman his wife for I know it was her insinuating perswasions that made him agree to the marriage O I could curse the time I sent my Son to him and my self for trusting him to educate and govern him who hath bred him to be as foolish as himself O foolish Son and more foolish Brother by how much being older but I will break the marriage-knot asunder or disinherit my Son or marry and get another that may prove more wise and happy to me Do you know of my Sons marriage Man Yes Sir for t is much talk'd of and of the extraordinary love betwixt the young couple Lord Dorato A couple of young Puppyes and their Unckle an old Al 's O the
Marriage Nuptials but are you ready Wife for our second Marriage Lady Perfection I am now ready to go into the Bed of Earth Enter two Fathers which take hold of the Lord Melancholy and pull him gently from the Grate Religious Father Hold and stain not this sacred places with murderers blood Lady is this the Devotion profess wickedly to murther your self Lady Perfection Father know I accounted self Death no wickedness and I will venture on my own belief Religious Father But the Church hath power to absolve you now if you desire personly to meet Lady Perfection Yes such power as the Laws had to dissolve our Marriage but the Churches absolving can no more acquit my Conscience from my Devoted Vow than the Laws could from my Marriage Vow Religious Father Pray give us leave to plead Lady Perfection Take it Religious Father You have vowed Chastity and a retir'd Incloystered life Lady Perfection I have so Religious Father Why then marry this Lord again and let him make the same Vow and enter into the same Cloyster and into the same Religious Order of Chastity and being Man and Wife you are but as one person so that if you be constant and true to your selves you keep the Vow of Chastity for what is more Chast than lawfull Marriage and Virtuous Man and Wife Lady Perfection Husband are you willing to make the Vow of Chastity and to live an Incloystered life Lord Melancholy I am all will to that Vow and life for so I shall enjoy thy Soul and Body and good Father re-marry us and then I will thank you for Life and Wife Religious Father First you shall make your Vow then take a Religious Habit and then be re-married and go along with us and we will order you fixt for to enter into this Religious Order of Chastity and if you be both happy in life as sure you will thank your Nurse who hearing your cruell and as I may say irreligious design informed us and placing us within a Loby we heard you and saw you though you knew not that we did so for you had barr'd the outward Door but being within we were ready to come forth and hinder you as we did Lord Melancholy Well Father since you have hindered our Deaths pray make me sit to enjoy Life my Heaven of Life or Life of Heaven Religious Father Come then Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour weeps NAn Why do you weep Mistriss Mistriss Odd-Humour Because my Father will have me marry Nan Many young Maids weep because they cannot get Husbands but few weep to enjoy one Mistriss Odd-Humour I do not cry because I shall have a Husband but because I shall have a Foot to my Husband Nan There are few wise Husbands and fewer wise Men Mistriss Odd-Humour What difference is betwixt a wise Husband and a wise Man Nan Why a wise Husband is to rule and govern his Wife well but a wise Man is to rule and govern himself well and there is more that can tell how to rule and govern others than themselves like as there may be good Kings and not good Men and good Men and not good Kings or as there may be good Teachers as Preachers and not good practisers so this Gentleman you are to marry may be a wise Husband although not a wise Man Mistriss Odd-Humour But he will be both a foolish Husband and a foolish Man Nan If he prove a foolish Husband you have no reason to cry for then you will have the more Liberty Mistriss Odd-Humour The more liberty to be a Fool you mean Nan Indeed liberty to women makes them rather foolish than wise for women know not how to use liberty discreetly for when they have liberty they run beyond the bounds of discretion Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith if I marry this same Gentleman that my Father sayes I shall I shall run beyond the bounds of Matrimony Nan That is to run into your Neighbours Bed Exeunt Scene 37. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Do you hear of the new Religious Order 2 Gent. What new Religious Order 1 Gent. Why the Order of Chastity in marriage 2 Gent. That 's a new Order indeed never heard of before at least not practised but this Order if it continue will make marriage as Religious in life as the marriage of Saints 1 Gent. Why the marriage of men and women is a type of the marriage of Saints 2 Gent. But the type often commits Adultery and for my part I would not be one of that Religious Order 1 Gent. No for on my Conscience I believe you would disorder the Order 2 Gent. But who hath brought up this foolish new Order 1 Gent. The Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection who are re-married and have both vowed Chastity in marriage and an Incloystered life and have taken a Religious Habit 2 Gent. The more unwise they that will bind themselves so strictly 1 Gent. So honestly 2 Gent. I hate honesty that way or that way of honesty 1 Gent. You hate that way of honesty because you love the wayes of Adultery Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lord Dorato as at the Grate the Curtain is drawn and there appears the Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection his Wife as two Religious Devotes both in Religious Habits like to the Normitans they bow like the Religious with their heads downwards and bodyes bent forward ARch-Prince I come not to complain nor reprove your Chast wife for denying my Sute nor am I come only to give you joy of your new marriage but your new Religious Order of Chastity in marriage which Order I believe that few besides your self will enter into Lord Melancholy Then few will be so happy Sir as we are Arch-Prince Indeed happiness lives more in Cloysters than in Courts or Cities or private families but my Lord Dorato your Father here will want the comfort of your Company which should be a Partner with him in the Rule and Government of his Family and Fortunes Lord Melancholy I have left him a Grand-Son Sir to be a comfort to him in my absence and I wish he may prove as obedient to him as I have done Lord Dorato Faith Son the first time of your marriage was without my knowledge or consent but howsoever now I wish you joy and for your sake I will never cross Matrimonial Love whilst I live and I hope God will bless you both so as that you may beget a Religious Generation Arch-Prince All the Children they beget and bring up must be of the Religious Orders Lord Dorato If they will follow their Parents purities and precepts they will Arch-Prince There may proceed from these two a great Generation which may spread all over the World and be famous for Piety and Acts of Devotion Lord Melancholy I hope your Highnesses words are Prophecies of what is to come Arch-Prince I wish they prove so farewell all happiness dwell
is my Secretary Secretary Here Madam Madam Iantil. Read the Will I caus'd you to write down The Will read I Jantil the Widow of Seigneur Valeroso do here make a free gift of all these following Item All my Husbands Horses and Saddels and whatsoever belongs to those Horses with all his Arms Pikes Guns Drums Trumpets Colours Waggons Coaches Tents and all he had belonging to the War to be distributed amongst his Officers of War according to each degree I freely give Item All his Library of Books I give to that College he was a Pupill in when he was at the University Item To all his Servants I give the sum of their yearly wages to be yearly paid them during their lives Item I give two hundred pounds a year pension to his Chaplin Doctor Educature during his life Item I give a hundred pound a year pension to his Steward during his life Item I give fifty pound a year pension to his Secretary during his life Item I give a hundred pound per annum for the use and repair of this Tomb of my dead Husbands Item I give a thousand pounds a year to maintain ten religious persons to live in this place or House by this Tomb Item I give three thousand pounds to enlarge the House and three thousand pounds more to build a Chapell by my Husbands Tomb Item Two hundred pounds a year I give for the use and repair of the House and Chapell Item I give my Maid Nell Careless a thousand pound to live a single life Item I give the rest of my Estate which was left me by my Husband Seigneur Valeroso to the next of his name These following Speeches and Songs of hers my Lord the Marquess of Newcastle writ Iantil. So 't is well O Death hath shakt me kindly by the hand To bid me welcome to the silent grave 'T is dead and nuns sweet Death how thou doest court me O let me clap thy fallen Cheeks with joy And kiss the Emblem of what once was lips Thy hollow Eyes I am in love withall And thy ball'd head beyond youths best curl'd hair Prethee imbrace me in thy colder Arms And hug me there to sit me for thy Mansion Then bid our Neighbour worms to feast with us Thus to rejoyce upon my holy day But thou art slow I prethee hasten Death And linger not my hopes thus with thy stay 'T is not thy fault thou sayest but fearfull nature That hinders thus Deaths progress in his way Oh foolish nature thinks thou canst withstand Deaths Conquering and inevitable hand Let me have Musick for divertisement This is my Mask Deaths Ball my Soul to dance Out of her frail and fleshly prison here Oh could I now dissolve and melt I long To free my Soul in Slumbers with a Song In soft and quiet sleep here as I ly Steal gently out O Soul and let me dy Lies as a sleep SONG O You Gods pure Angels send her Here about her to attend her Let them wait and here condoul Till receive her spotless Soul So Serene it is and fair It will sweeten all the Air You this holy wonder hears With the Musick of the spheres Her Souls journey in a trice You 'l bring safe to Paradice And rejoice the Saints that say She makes Heavens Holy-day The Song ended she opens her Eyes then speaks Death hath not finish'd yet his work h 'is slow But he is sure for he will do 't at last Turn me to my dear Lord that I may breath My last words unto him my dear Our marriage join'd our flesh and bone Contracted by those holy words made one But by our Loves we join'd each others heart And vow'd that death should never us depart Now death doth marry us since now we must Ashes to ashes be mingling our dust And our joy'd Souls in Heaven married then When our frail bodyes rise wee 'l wed again And now I am joy'd to lie by thy lov'd side My Soul with thy Soul shall in Heaven reside For that is all my In this last word she dies which when her Servants saw they cryed out she is dead she is dead Here ends my Lord Marquesses writing Doctor Educature sayes thus Doctor Educature She is dead she is dead the body hence convey And to our Mistriss our last rights wee 'l pay So they laid her by her Husband upon the Tomb and drawing off the Tomb goe out Exeunt ACT V. Scene 20. Enter Citizens Wives and their Apprentices 1 CItizens Wife Where shall we stand to see this triumphing 2 Citizens Wife I think Neighbour this is the best place 3 Citizens Wife We shall be mightily crouded there 2 Citizens Wife For my part I will stand here and my Apprentice Nathaniel shall stand by me and keep off the croud from crouding me Nathaniel Truly Mistriss that is more than I am able to do 3 Citizens Wife Well Neighbour if you be resolved to stand here we will keep you Company Timothy stand by me Timothy If you stand here Mistriss the Squibs will run under your Clothes 3 Citizens Wife No matter Timothy let them run where they will They take their stand 1 Citizens Wife I hope Neighbour none will stand before us for I would not but see this Lady Victoria for any thing for they say she hath brought Articles for all women to have as many Husbands as they will and all Trades-mens Wives shall have as many Apprentices as they will 2 Citizens Wife The Gods bless her for it Enter a Croud of people She is coming she is coming Officers come Stand up close make way Enter many Prisoners which march by two and two then enter many that carry the Conquered spoils then enters the Lady Victoria in a gilt Chariot drawn with eight white Horses four on a breast the Horses covered with Cloth of gold and great plumes of feathers on their heads The Lady Victoria was adorned after this manner she had a Coat on all imbrodered with silver and gold which Coat reach'd no further than the Calfs of her leggs and on her leggs and feet she had Buskins and Sandals imbroidered suitable to her Coat on her head she had a Wreath or Garland of Lawrel and her hair curl'd and loosely flowing in her hand a Crystall Bolt headed with gold at each end and after the Chariot marched all her Female Officers with Lawrel Branches in their hands and after them the inferiour she Souldiers then going through the Stage as through the City and so entring again where on the midst of the Stage as if it were the midst of the City the Magistrates meet her so her Chariot makes a stand and one as the Recorder speaks a Speech to her VIctorious Lady you have brought Peace Safety and Conquest to this Kingdome by your prudent conduct and valiant actions which never any of your Sex in this Kingdome did before you Wherefore our Gracious King is pleased to give you that which was never granted nor
honest soul and heart that is ready to serve you in any honest way but since I am deceived and couzened into love by false reports finding the best of man-kind basely wicked and all the World so bad that praise nothing good and strives to poyson vertue I will inancor my self and live on Antidotes of prayers for fear of the infection Lord Singul. And I will not you pray for me Affectionata I cannot chose my Lord for gratitude inforces me First because I have loved you next because I have served you and give me leave to kiss your hand and then there drop some tears at my departure Weeping kneels down and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Rise you must not go away until you have cleared your self from being a spie Affectionata I fear no accusations Exeunt FINIS THE SECOND PART OF LOVES ADVENTURES THe Lord Singularity Sir Serious Dumb Sir Timothy Compliment Sir Humphry Bold Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty Collonels Captains Lieutenants and Corporals Petitioners Officers Messengers Iudges Iuries Servants The Lady Orphant Lady Bashfull Lady Ignorance Lady Wagtail Lady Amorous Nurse Fondly Mistriss Reformer Lady Bashfulls woman Chamber-maids EPILOGUE NOble Spectators you have spent this day Not only for to see but judge our Play Our Authoress sayes she thinks her Play is good If that her Play be rightly understood If not 't is none of her fault for she writ The Acts the Scenes the Language and the Wit Wherefore she sayes that she is not your Debtor But you are hers until you write a better Of even terms to be she understands Impossible except you clap your hands THE SECOND PART ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Chamber-maid and Mrs. Reformer her woman REformer This dumb Lower is the most diligent'st servant that ever was and methinks my Lady is somewhat more confident than she was for she will sit and read whilst he sits by Maid Doth she read to him Reformer No she reads to herself Maid There comes abundance of Gallants to visit my Lady every day and they have all one answer that is she is not willing to receive visits and they all go civilly away unless Sir Humphry Bold and he rails horribly Reformer I have received from several Gentlemen above 20. Letters a day and as fast as they come she makes me burn them Maid But she reads them first Reformer No I read them to her Maid And doth she answer all those Letters Reformer She never answered one in her life and I dare swear she never will The Lady Bashfull calls as within another Room Reformer Madam Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Hast thou forgiven me my fault of doubting of thy vertue so much as to put it to a Tryal Affectionata My Noble Lord have you forgiven my facility and wavering faith that could so easily and in so short a time believe you could be wicked although you did accuse your self Lord Singularity Nay Affectionata I did not accuse my self though I did try thee Affectionata Then I have committed a treble fault through my mistake which requires a treble forgiveness Lord Singularity Thou art so vertuous thou canst not commit a fault and therefore needs no forgiveness Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Sir Humphry Bold SIr Humpry Bold Madam You have been pleased to profess a friendship to me and I shall desire you will do a friendly part for me Lady Wagtail Any thing that lyes in my power good Sir Humphry Bold Sir Humphry Bold Then pray Madam speak to the Lady Bashfull in my behalf that I may be her Husband Lady Wagtail I will Sir Humphry but she is bashfull yet I was there Yesterday and she entertained me indifferently well but seemed to be wonderfull coy but howsoever I will do my poor indeavour Sir Humphry Sir Humphry Bold Pray do Madam Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Affectionata walking in a melancholly posture his Hat pulled over his brows and his arms inter-folded To him enters the Lord Singularity LOrd Singularity My Affectionata Why walks thou so melancholly He pulls of his Hat to his Lord and Bows Affectionata The cause is not that I lye under an aspersion by reason I lye not under a crime But truly my Lord I am troubled that I am threatened to be tormented for I would not willingly indure pain though I could willingly receive death but as for the aspersions I am no wayes concerned for I make no question but my honest life my just actions and the truth of my words will so clear me at the last as I shall appear as innocent to the World as Angels doth in Heaven Lord Singularity Comfort your self for I will rather suffer death than you shall suffer pain Affectionata Heaven defend you my Lord whatsoever I suffer Ex. Scene 5. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Mistriss Reformer LAdy Wagtail Pray Mistriss Reformer be Sir Humphry Bold's friend to thy Lady and I protest to thee he shall be thy friend as long as he and you live and I do not see any reason your Lady should refuse him for he is both as proper and stout a man as any is living this day in the Land Reformer Indeed Madam I dare not mention it to my Lady for she is so adverse against marriage as she takes those for her enemies as doth but mention it Lady Wagtail Then surely she is not a woman for there is none of the effeminate Sex but takes it for a disgrace to live an old maid and rather than dye one they will marry any man that will have them and the very fear of not marrying is so terrible to them as whilst they are so young as they are not fit to make wives they will miserably cast away themselves to the first that makes a proffer although they be poor base or mean rather than venture to try out their fortunes Reformer But my Lady is not of that humour Lady Wagtail Come come I know thou canst perswade thy Lady if thou wouldst and if you will Sir Humphry Bold will give thee 500 l. to buy thee a Husband for thou hast lived too long a maid I faith Reformer I am not a maid Madam I am a widow Lady Wagtail What a musty widow Reformer I know not whether I am musty but I am a widow Lady Wagtail Let mee tell thee that it is as great a disgrace to live a widow as an old maid wherefore take thee 500 l. to get thee a second Husband Reformer Truly I would not sell my Lady for all the World much less for 500 l. neither would I marry again if I were young and might have my choyce Lady Wagtail Lord bless me and send me out of this house least it should infect me for let me tell thee were my Husband dead to morrow I would marry the day after his Funeral if I could get any man to marry me and so I would serve 20. Husbands
I do esteem of such Riches as Money as I do of Marriage and in my nature I do hate them both for a man is enslaved by either wherefore I would shun them if I could and turn them out of doors but that some sorts of necessity and conveniency inforce me to entertain them the one for Posteritie sake the other for subsistence of present life besides convenient pleasures Lady Am. The Lady Ward who is to be your wife seems of a very dull disposition Lord Court She is so but I like her the better for that for I would have a deadly dull Wife and a lively Mistresse such a sprightly Lady as you are Lady Am. In truth my Lord I am of a melancholy Nature Lord Court Certainly Madam you onely know the Name not the Nature for your Nature is alwayes fresh and sweet and pleasant as the Spring Lady Am. O no my mind is like to VVinter and my thoughts are numb and cold Lord Court If your thoughts were so cold your words would be as if they were frozen between your lips all your discourse would melt by drops not flow so smoothly and swiftly into mens eares as they at all times do Lady Am. T is true I am merry when I am in your company but in your absence I am as dull as a cloudy day and as melancholy as dark night Lord Court I cannot believe so well of my self as that my company can be the light of your mirth but I know that your company is the Sun of my life nor could I live without it Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lord Title Sir Effeminate Lovely and Sir Golden Riches LOrd Title This is a barren Country for in all this progresse I have not seen a pretty Country wench Effeminate Lovely Nor I Golden Riches Nor I Lord Title If an person can tell it is Tom Purveyer Enter Tom Purveyer Now Tom Purveyer are there no pretty wenches in this part of the Countrey Tom Purveyer Yes that there are an it please your Lorship and not far off two as pretty wenches as are in the Kingdome and no dispraise to the rest They all speak All Where where Tom Purveyer Hard by here at a Farmers House the one is his Daughter the other is his Servant-Maid All Prethee Tom show us the house Tom Purveyer Not all at once but one after another All Nay faith Tom let us all see them at once but we will Court them apart Tom Purveyer Content Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Conversation and Sir Fancy Poet LAdy Conversation What is the reason that Mercury is feign'd to be the patron of Thieves Sir Fancy Poet That is to be the patron of Scholars for Scholars are the greatest Thieves stealing from the Authours they read to their own use Lady Convers. And why are Scholars counted the greatest Thieves Sir Fancy Poet Because that they steal the Spirits or life of renown out of the treasury of Fame when all other sorts of Thieves steal but the goods of Fortune which is nothing but a Corporal dross Convers. And why is he feigned the talkative God Sir Fancy Poet Because Scholars talk more than other men and most commonly so much as they will let none speak but themselves and when there is a Company of Scholars together they will be so fierce in disputes as they will be ready to go to cuffs for the Prerogative of their opinion Convers. The Prerogative of the tongue you mean but why are Scholars apt to talk most Sir Fancy Poet Because they overcharge their heads with several Authors as Epicures do their Stomacks with variety of meats and being overcharged they are forced to vent it forth through the mouth as the other through the gut for the tongue as a Feather tickles the throat of Vainglory vomiting out the slime of Learning into the ears of the hearers but some heads as Stomacks which are naturally weak are so grip'd by reason it doth not disgest well as they vent nothing but windy Phrases and other brains which are hot and moist by reason of a facil memory disgest so fast as they do nothing but purge loose Sentences and other brains that are too dry and Incipid are so costive as their restringency strains out nothing but strong lines Convers. What is that Non-sense Sir Fancy Poet Indeed they are hard words without sense Convers. What makes a good Poet Sir Fancy Poet A quick Fancy Convers. What makes a good Oratour Sir Fancy Poet A ready Tongue Convers. What makes a good Physician Sir Fancy Poet Much Practice Convers. What makes a good Divine Sir Fancy Poet A Holy Life Convers. What makes a good States-Man Sir Fancy Poet Long experience great observance prudent industry ingenuous wit and distinguishing judgment Convers. What makes a good Souldier Sir Fancy Poet Change of Fortune Courage Prudence and Patience Convers. What makes a good Courtier Sir Fancy Poet Diligence Flattery and time-serving Convers. VVhat makes a good Prince or Governour Sir Fancy Poet Justice Clemency Generosity Courage and Prudence mixt together Convers. VVhat makes a good VVoman Sir Fancy Poet A Poet Convers. VVhy a Poet Sir Fancy Poet By reason the Poetical wits convert their natural defects into sweet graces their follies to pure innocencies and their Vices into Heroick Virtues Convers. By these descriptions you make as if women were more obliged to Poets than to Nature Sir Fancy Poet They are so for where Nature or Education makes one good or beautiful VVoman Poets make ten besides Poets have not only made greater numbers of beautiful women but perfecter beauties than ever Nature made Convers. Then let me tell you that women make Poets for women kindle the masculine brains with the fire of Love from whence arises a Poetical flame and their Beauty is the fuel that feeds it Sir Fancy Poet I confess were there no women there would be no Poets for the Muses are of that Sex Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 13. Enter Roger Farmer and Maudling his Wife MAudling Huswife Truly Husband our Maid Poor Virtue is a very industrious Servant as ever I had in my life Roger Farmer Yes wife but you were angry with me at first because I perswaded you to take her Maudling Huswife VVhy she seem'd to be so fine a feat as I thought she would never have setled to her work Roger Farmer Truly VVife she does forecast her business so prudently and doth every thing so orderly and behaves her self so handsomely carryes her self so modestly as she may be a Pattern to our Daughter Maudling Huswife I am a better Pattern my self Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Poor Virtue with a Sheephook as comming from tending her sheep and the Lord Title meets her LOrd Title Fair Maid may I be your Shepheard to attend you Poor Virtue I am but a single Sheep that needs no great attendance and a harmless one that strayes not forth the ground I am put to feed Lord Title Mistake me not fair Maid I
my affection with all the industry of Life gifts of Fortune and actions of Honour sued for my favour as if he had sued to Heaven for mercy but I as many cruel goddesses do would neither receive his obligations nor regard his vowes nor pity his tears nor hearken to his complaints but rejected his Sute and gave him an absolute denyal whereupon he was resolved to dye as believing no torments could be compared to those of my disdain and since I would not love him living he hoped by dying his death might move my pity and so beget a compassionate remembrance from me wherupon he got secretly neer my chamber-door and hung himself just where I must go out which when I saw I starred back in a great fright but at last running forth to call for help to cut him down in came Monsieur Amorous which hinderance made me leave him hanging there as being ashamed to own my cruelty and he hath been talking or rather prating here so long as by this time my kind Love is dead Visitant O no for Lovers will hang a long time before they dye for their necks are tuff and their hearts are large and hot Contempl. Well pray leave me alone that I may cut him down and give him Cordials to restore life Visitant Faith you must let him hang a little time longer for I have undertaken to make you a sociable Lady this day wherefore you must goe abroad to a friends house with me Contempl. Who I what do you think I will goe abroad and leave my Lover in a twisted string his legs hanging dangling down his face all black and swelled and his eyes almost started out of his head no no pray goe alone by your self and leave me to my Contemplation Visitant Well if you will not goe I will never see you nor be friends with you again Contempl. Pray be not angry for I will go if you will have me although I shall be but a dull companion for I shall not speak one word for wheresoever I am my thoughts will use all their Industry to cut the string and take him down and rub and chafe him against a hot fire Visitant Come come you shall heat your self with dancing and let your Lover hang Contempl. That I cannot for active bodies and active brains are never at once the one disturbs the other Visitant Then it seems you had rather have an active brain than an active body Contempl. Yes for when the brain doth work the understanding is inriched and knowledge is gained thereby whereas the body doth oft-times waste the life with too much exercise Visitant Take heed you do not distemper your brain with too much exercising your thoughts Contempl. All distempers proceed from the body and not from the minde for the minde would be well did not the humours and appetites of the body force it into a distemper Visitant Well upon the condition you will goe you shall sit still and your wit shall be the Musick Contempl. Prethee let me rest at home for to day the strings of my wit are broken and my tongue like a fiddle is out of tune Besides Contemplative persons are at all times dull speakers although they are pleasant thinkers Exeunt FINIS Written by my Lord Marquess of New-castle The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Fancy Poet Sir Experienced Traveller Sir Humphry Interruption Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir John Argument Sir Vain Complement Master Inquirer Doctor Practice Old Humanity Roger Farmer Thom. Purveyor 2. Beadles Gentlemen and others Lady Amorous Lady Ward Lady Contemplation Lady Conversation Lady Visitant Poor Virtue Mistris Troublesome Mistris Gossip Mistris Messenger Lady Amorous's woman Nurse Careful Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred their daughter Mistris Troublesomes maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfeminate Lovely Sweet-heart you are a most Heavenly Creature Poor Virtue Beauty is created and placed oftner in the fancy than in the face Effem. Lovely 'T is said there is a Sympathy in likeness if so you and I should love each other for we are both beautiful Poor Virtue But 't is a question whether our Souls be answerable to our Persons Effem. Lovely There is no question or doubt to be made but that loving souls live in beautiful persons Poor Virtue And do those loving soules dye when their beauties are decayed and withered Effem. The subject pleads it self without the help of Rhetorick for Love and Beauty lives and dies together Poor Virtue 'T is Amorous Love that dies when Beauty is gone not Vertuous Love for as Amorous Love is bred born lives and dies with the appetite so Vertuous Love is Created and shall live with the Soul forever Effem. Lovely You may call it what love you please Poor Virtue It is no love but a disease Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship Why did you leave the Lady Amorous company so uncivilly as to go out of the room leaving her all alone Lady Ward I heard your Lordship was coming then I thought it was fit for me to withdraw for I have heard Lovers desire to be alone Lord Courtship Do you desire to be alone with a man Lady Ward I am no such Lover for I am too young as yet but I know not what I shall or may be wrought or brought to but time and good example may instruct and lead me into the way of amorous love Lord Courtship May it so Lady Ward Why not for I am docible and youth is apt to learn Lord Court But before I marry you I would have you learn to know how to be an obedient wife as to be content and not murmure at my actions also to please my humour but not to imitate my practice Lady Ward If I might advise your Lordship I would advise you to take such a Portion out of my Estate as you shall think just or fit and then quit me and choose such a one as you shall like for I shall never please you for though I may be apt to learn what will please my self yet I am dull and intractable to learn obedience to anothers will nor can I flatter their delights Lord Court I finde you have learned and now begin to practice how to talk for now your sober silence seems as dead and buried in the rubbish of follish words But let me tell you a talking wife will never please me wherefore practise patience and keep silence if you would enjoy the happiness of peace The Lord Courtship goes out Lady Ward alone Lady Ward There can be no peace when the mind is discontented Exit Scene 3. Enter Lord Title and Poor Vertue POor Virtue Why do you follow me so much as never to let me rest in peace and quiet alone Is it that you think I have beauty and is it