you ask me the true reason that ought to make us desire the propagation of Mankind the duration of States and the Conservation of Families It is nothing else but the Subsistence of the Church which is infinitely more excellent than the World and all its Societies This ought to be the chiefest end of all our Vows and all our Cares How ought a Christian do you think to endeavour the advancement of this Mystical Empire of Jesus Christ the exaltation of his Reign the Subsistence of his Church He may Sir acquit himself of this Duty in a double manner both by Passion and by Action First he must suffer he must mortify himself In the Second place it is necessary that he labour and put himself in action for her Now of all the Actions that may contribute to this end Marriage is without doubt the principal Since it is the natural and material cause of the faithful without which all moral causes would be absolutely useless When Moses built his Tabernacle the Men and Women contributed voluntarily and with great Zeal all that was necessary for its construction What scandal would it be for Christians not to do for the Truth what the Jews did for the Figure Those people dispossessed themselves with pleasure of the most precious things they had in order to enrich that ancient Tent of the Desart What should not we perform then for the glory of this Divine Tabernacle which God has planted and not Man But Sir the question here is neither of Gold nor Silver precious Stones or fine Linnen Purple or Scarlet The Tabernacle of the Church is not composed of dead and insensible things Brutal and Inanimate Stones enter not into its construction There must be living ones for that end There must be faithful Men. There must be reasonable creatures There must be Christians sanctified by the aspersion of the blood of Christ How glorious is it for a Father or Mother to contribute a great number of these living Stones for the Edification and Conservation of the Church Marriage is the only quarry 1 Pet. 1 2.16 from whence they must be had God allows of no other Indeed they are not in a condition proper to build this holy structure My Mother conceived me in sin and brought me forth in iniquity says David If we refer our selves even to the Satyrick Poet he will likewise instruct us in what the Scripture every where tells us that all Men are born with Sin Nam vitijs nemo sine nascitur Horat. Serm. L. 1. Sat. 3. But here Grace is added to Nature Marriage makes Men And of these men God makes his Elect. Insomuch that it is ever true to say in a certain sense that Marriage makes the Elect which are members of the Church since it is the Organon of Nature to bring them into the world and that Grace whfch regenerates them acts upon them only as upon works of this very Nature In this prospect it is scarce possible to express the excellency of Marriage and what strong engagements men are under to marry Philosophers say that a Being may destroy it self two ways by Substraction and by privation of means either in doing things contrary to its Subsistence or in omitting those things which are necessary to it Pharaoh destroyed the Church of Israel in the first manner And those who live unmarried now a days destroy the Christian Church in the second That barbarous King by causing all the Male Children of the Jews to be thrown into the Nile rendred their propagation fruitless and those who remain in the state of single men as far as they can make it impossible So that the Church is not beholding to them for its subsistence This Doctrine is even conformable to the expressions of Scriptute which says that he who doth not prevent a mans death by furnishing him with means to live kills him If this Theology be true as we must not question it I can hardly conceive how all those obstinate and professed Batchelors should not be amazed thereat What greater misfortune could arrive to them than not only to have performed nothing for the Glory and Advantage of this undefiled Spouse of our Saviour which cost him his life but also to have laboured for its destruction by not doing what is capable to preserve it Where is the State where is the Family where is the Society more worthy to subsist than the Church All the rest is supported only for her sake Columna est Orbis Ecclesia The World this unhappy World which so outragiously persecutes her would be destroyed without this daughter of Heaven It is preserved only to give place to the fulness of the Elect. So soon as they are all in the Essence of things adieu to the world Heavens What afflictions should not those old Batchelors undergo for not having contributed to its conformation But Sir one of those things which ought methinks to be most prevailing with you for Marriage is that you will infallibly marry at one time or other Sooner or later you will be inclined to it It is with Marriage as with new fashions At first they appear insupportable But by little and little the eyes are accustomed to them and at length one submits to them with others How many men likewise do we observe who after having long declamed against Marriage fail not to confine themselves under its laws Are you ignorant that those who speak of it as of a solly say that it must be done once in a mans life That Poet so knowing in the Art of Love whom I have already cited so often tells us with a grace that Venus never loses her rights and that all men are tributary to her Et Venus ex tota gente tributa petit Ovid. Ep. 4. Venus claims Tribute from all the amorous Race If you are not in Love whilst you are young you must necessarily love being old If not to day you must of Course to morrow Catul. Privil Ven. Cras amet qui nunquam amavit The same Ovid observes likewise what is very true that the later Love appears the more violent it is Venit amor graviùs quo seriùs Ep. 4. Would you Sir deferr your Marriage to a time wherein you 'll be unfit to marry to a time wherein passion is as it were unactive to a time wherein the blood is congealed in the Veins If Marriage is a sort of solly 't is certainly a double one in that decrepit age wherein a man is good for nothing but to bewail the dismal Wast of years wherein by the weakness of Nature he cannot walk without the support of a Stick wherein a defenceless impotence confines him to the Empire of a young wife Sponso Seni mulier juvencula imperat Wherein the Body being crack'd by the severe Efforts of age is no longer able to support its members to speak with another Poet. Vbi jam validis quassatum viribus aevi Lucret. L.
3. Corpus obtusis ceciderunt viribus artus Who makes a doubt that marriage in this case is not a real punishment If it be true then that you are destin'd for Marriage If your Inclination must dispose you to it one day If you are unable to avoid its yoak as a thousand Examples and a thousand Reasons seem to perswade Is it not for your interest Sir as well as Prudence to defer the duty of it no longer why should you not do that to day which you necessarily must to morrow why should you drive off to the end of your life a thing which that I may so speak ought to be fulfilled in the beginning I could make this appear to you Sir in a very convincing manner by the consideration of the great advantages that a happy Marriage brings to man but as it is a Subject which I have enlarged upon in my first part I will not make this of a longer extent The single reflection that I shall add is that it has always been â—f universal belief that a good and verâ—uous Wife is the rarest of all treasures â—nd the sweetest of possessions Nihil O Cyrene suavius uxore bonâ There is nothing O Cyrenus more charming than a good wife Solomon says of this man that he has â—ound a mighty good and received of God â— singular Favour He assures him that it â—s the only advantage he ought to esteem â—n this life and the sweetest recompence of all his disquiets To make an end of convincing you shall I alledge yet that the life of the wisest Batchelor comes much nearer to Libertinism than that strict Wisdom which is the essential character of an honest man and which has rendred the Socrates's and the Cato's so famous in the Greek and Roman Histories He that is without a Wife will ramble here and there Who would confide in a man that has no Nest Eccl. c. 36. and that lays him down wheresoever the Night comes upon him It is certain that Marriage is of extream service to retain a man in his Duty and that it makes him avoid a thousand occasions to remove himself from it which are very ordinary with Batchelors As I have said we naturally love the Society of Women So that if a man has not one of his own he without difficulty perswades himself to go and seek out others abroad He sees them he courts them he endeavours to get himself beloved by them and oftentimes he succeeds but with too much easiness The handsomer they are the greater is the danger for both Our Ecclesiastical Author says that many have been seduced by the Beauty of the wife From whence come all those Domestick Disorders which render the condition of so many Husbands and Fathers unhappy and which is owing to the wantonness of these wicked Batchelors who by frequent Visits and criminal inventions have found out a means to corrupt the vertue of their Wives and Daughters How many of them are there whose conversations are still much more infamous and who make no scruple of frequenting all those nasty places which are unfit to be named in order to satisfy their Lusts with those professed Whores who ridicule them after they have obtain'd their money and of whom a Poet so well expresses Te tenet Tibull L. 1. El. 7. absentes alios suspirat amores If it be true that they are capable of loving For if we believe St. Chrysostom Meretrix amare nescit There is none Sir but a real wife that knows really how to love and whose love is permanent and solid Amor perennis Conjugis castae manet Sen. Octav. Act. 1. Add that nothing is moere unworthy of a reasonable creature of the King of Animals of the Companion even of Angels than this filthy conduct of the greatest part of single men Add that Marriage which usually frees men from it is equally excellent and necessary Add that since they cannot forbear to love the Sex that man is very happy who is possess'd at home and not abroad of what he loves as Terrence so well declares Terent. Phorm O fortunatissime Cui quod amas domi est Add in a word that Lactantius has reason to exhort all those to marry who cannot overcome their passion to the end that they may innocently enjoy what they cannot without offence under Celibacy Quisquis affectus illos frenare non potest cohibeat eos intra praescriptum â—legitimi Thori Vt illud quod avidè expetit assequatur tamen non in peccatum incidet I cannot better conclude this third part Fourth Part. Where the Objections which are made against Marriage and the false Reasons which are alledged to live Unmarried are answered I Enter Sir into the greatest and most formidable battel that was ever given To make no doubt hereof you are only to consider the Subject the Parties and the Arms. Marriage is the Subject The business is to know whether it be useful and advantagious for Man and conducive to his Happiness A Question infinitely important since it extends to the decision of the Fate of all Mankind The Parties I have to engage with are well near all men There are but few on my side the greatest part are combin'd against this holy Society have conceiv'd so strong an aversion against it that they cannot bear to hear it commended nor forbear to say all that 's ill concerning it Never was Combat more unequal My adversaries are a thousand to one Non unius urbis sed universi orbis iniquam sententiam sustinet says Tertullian It is not only in one place in one City in one Kingdom that Marriage is exclaim'd against it is throughout all the Universe As to the Arms of those with whom I have to deal they are composed of less Reason than Passion and savour more of Invective than of Justice But yet they are so much the more dangerous as they are favoured both by the temper of men and the appearance of things When a man reflects upon the sweetness of Liberty the sad perplexities of Marriage and all those evil managements which afflict Society who would not say that all our Detracters ought to depend on victory in the dispute I undertake against them But Sir if Caesar discourages me St. Bernard on the other side enlivens me When the occasion of the battel is just says he one cannot fail of succeeding in it with advantage Si bona fuerit causae pugnantis belli excituus malus esse non poâ—erit Was there ever a cause juster than that which I defend It is for the interest of all Men all Families and all Nations It is likewise for a thing of great Consequence whereon depends their happiness and without which it is impossible for them to subsist In a word it is not for a Subject contrary to Law or Reason It is for a Subject approved of God always recommended by wise Men required by true Reason agreeable to
either loves or hates Avoid then as you would death a woman in whom you see no disposition to love you Admit her to be exquisitely fair unmeasurably rich extreamly virtuous she is not fit for you Of what service is all that to you if you are the object of her aversion This evil Sir is almost without remedy What cares soever you may take to win the heart of a wife who is only yours by the force of paternal Authority you will find it extreamly difficult to go through with it Never have any thoughts for marriage Sir unless you resolve to practise all these precepts I could add still many others But these are the chief and they suffice to make a good marriage The mischief is that people do not stop here and that almost all those who marry act herein by motives disengaged from the subject they look after The person which they take is a thing of the least regard with them They are determined by particular considerations This enters into their design but by accident and after the rest If she has a Fortune If she can draw me out of necessity If she belongs to persons who by their Credit are able to advance me it is enough says one I demand no other advantage If besides all this she is handsom well shaped and vertuous so much the better It is a double happiness for me But in case this doth not appear the rest remaining I shall not fail to marry her What destruction of Maxims and good Sense Now certainly to choose a wife with whom one may propose to live happily a man is only to consider if she pleases him If she be deserving and if she be derived from honest parents Whether she be rich or poor it imports not Dummodo morata veniat Dotata est satis This without dispute is the directest way of reasoning After having given you precepts for the attaining to a happy Marriage it is at present necessary to afford you some in order to live happily therein They all consist in the practice of two sorts of Duties towards two sorts of Persons The one regard the wife and the others refer to the Children The good or evil of marriage proceed alone from these two parts There was reason to say Est uxor aut tutum refugium aut penale tormentum She is also as another Author has it either the ruine or safety of the Family Mulier domi damnum est aut Salus On another side the wise man informs us that Children are the Joy or sorrow of their parents according as they are well or ill inclined This renders the matter which remains to be treated of in order to fullfil the design of this work very important It is Sir so much the more in that by acquitting your self of the duties whereof I shall discourse you will make your wife be a blessed Fountain to you at all times to speak with Solomon All the world is not happy enough to meet with this advantage The Precautions which one takes for this end are I confess sometimes unprofitable But it is almost infallible that a wife who by nature is not very reasonable shall become so if the Husband rules himself with relation to her according to my Instructions I begin them by declaring to you that if you would be happy in Marriage you must necessarily be loved of your wife You cannot be beloved of her if you do not love her Therefore be sure to love her This is the first Lesson a Husband ought to learn It comes from St. Paul Hushands Eph. 5.25.28 says he love your Wives as Christ loved his Church c. Would you know the reason Husbands ought to love their Wives as their own Bodies He that loves his wife loves himself No body ever hated his own Flesh By consequence the Husband ought to love his Wife for his wife is his own flesh They are no more two but one flesh What is more reasonable than this duty what ought to be more precious to us than our selves We ought then in the first place to love our wives by a motive of self-self-love since we cannot love our selves but we must love them being that I may so speak a part of our own substance Horat. Animae dimidium meae What a prodigious thing would it be to see a man declare himself an enemy to himself and to have an aversion for his own person St. Paul assures us that it was never seen and insinuates to us that it is a thing not to be seen in the order of Nature It is notwithstanding what arrives to all those who love not their wives A man ought in the second place to love his wife by a Motive either of personal Interest or pure acknowldgment Either she loves you or she doth not love you If she loves you you cannot without ingratitude forbear to love her On the other side if she loves you not you ought to love her to the end that she may be won to love you This Maxim of Seneca is of absolute necessity in Marriage Si vis amari ama Love is gain'd only by Love It is not to be obtain'd by Force or Violence Amor extorqueri non potest says Seneca Naturally we love those who love us If we did otherwise we should be less reasonable than Brutes Amore dicimus vinci feras Sen. Trag. We say that the very Brute Beasts are overcome by Love A Philosopher of old time made these Questions and Answers What is most insupportable in life To love without being beloved What is the most unjust thing in the world To be beloved without loving What is most mortifying to a man To see himself compelled to hate what he has loved Iâ— a word what is most dreadful to him A love converted into hatred which becomes so much the more implacable as the other was passionate Semper bonus amicus gravis irascitur Our best Friends are always the mosâ— angry with us All this Sir is true and these are Axioms which make so many certaiâ— principles in the Morality of Men. A Husband that doth not love or who loves without being beloved is equally unhappy The true secret to supporâ— patiently the inconveniences of Marriage and to live happy therein is to love Miserable is he who marries without determining to love his wife and proposes only to embrace her Riches Meipsum igitur amare oportet non mea si veri amici futuri simus There is not a wife but has a right of using such language to her Husband nor a Husband but ought to observe the same to his wife After this Rule I cannot give you a better than to afford your self for an Example to your wife Of all the Maxims of the Christian Morality the most equitable and most certain is undoubtedly this to do to others what we would have done to our selves Would you be beloved of your wife Love her Would you have her wife
and all sorts of Nations that what is practised by those very people who prohibit it to others should be a sin What is more ordinary and of more general use more extensive and more constant than the sport of love Vitium commune omnium est Gerent in Adelph 'T is the common vice of all Men. Certainly say they this cannot pass for a sin and if it be one it is at most but a venial sin which of its nature is not damnable In a word they are so desperate to say that the worst which can happen to them is that if they are damned it is with company O madness worthy of Hell Is it not very amazing that persons of this opinion should dare to call themselves Christians and that they should be impudent enough to dishonour every day by their presence the Sanctuaries and Alters of the God of Holiness Methinks there needs but a little good sence if they had no other helps to convince these detestable incontinents of the most prodigious blindness that ever was Shall custom be able to change the nature of things and to make that become a good which is of it self an evil If we were in the Persian Climate should we be under an obligation to adore the Sun under pretence that it is the mode and Religion of the Country Must we of necessity ruine our selves because others do the same we may 't is true be sometâ—mes deceived in the Judgment we make of things we may take that for a virtue which is but a vice at bottom Fallit enim vitium specie virtutis umbra Juv. Sat. 14. Vice deceives with the borrowed shape of virtue But when we are once persuaded that what we do is a sin and we don't cease to commit it under pretence that it is publick and of common use nothing can ever excuse us We are worthy of the utmost punishments What shall we say then of those wretches who upon this foundation abandon themselves to the dissolution of Lust That is to say to what Cicero himself as much Pagan as he was looks upon as the greatest of all evils Nihil est malum nisi quod turpe aut vitiosum est There is nothing ill but what is base and vicious Cicer. Tuscul We shall observe in the sequel a little more particularly the vanity of all these illusions and the enormity of the crime of all these kinds of Libertines But before we leave them be pleased to remark Sir that this filthy debauchery which is the subject thereof is a many-headed Monster and a spring which divides it self into several rivolets To speak properly the men of the world acknowledge no other incontinence than that of the Body which is accomplished by the union of Sexes But the Gospel whose morality is infinitely more holy than that of men establishes four others besides that which it likewise affirms to be very criminal to wit that of the heart that of the eyes that of the mouth and that of the hand The incontinence of the heart is nothing else but the Concupisence of Women and a violent desire of being joyned with them through the sole principle of a sensual pleasure Naturally we find a satisfaction in the thoughts of a handsome Woman and we revolve agreeably in our minds the remembrance of what we have seen aimable in them When that blind Boy whom Paganism yet more blind has made a God has once pierc d the heart with one of his in venom d Arrows he produces there immediately all the motions of his immodest mother Then it is Man becomes Frantick and void of sense All his conduct is but a pure extravagance He is no more himself but the object 's that inflames him It is a shadow that pursues him every where His continual thought day and night His watchings and his dreams are full of it his imagination represents to him continually the Image of her whom he adores Her idea is always present with him and he imbraces it with the same pleasure as if he held her effectually in his Arms. Hanc specto tenecque sinu pro conjuge vera Ovid in Leodamia Her I behold and as my real Wife embrace This infemous love so captivates all the sences and all the faculties that the principal end the Soul proposes to it self is to satisfie the passion Need one be amazed after this that Actantius assures us with St. Paul that nothing is so disagreeable to God as an impure mind and a lustful Soul Nihil est tam invisum Deo quam mens incesta animus impurus There is nothing so hateful to God as an incestuous and impure mind You will admire perhaps that I give to the eyes a particular fornication But Sir without doubt you have not forgot what Jesus Christ says That a Man who looks upon a Woman with an eye of Concupisence has committed adultery with her in his heart Mat. 5. You know likewise that St John speaks of the lust of the eyes And you are not ignorant that nothing is more common in the world than this sort of wantonness I dare even affirm that the eyes corrupt the heart and the one would be innocent if the others were not faulty In effect the eyes are the Gates or Windows of the Soul It is by them that objects enter into it and these objects exite therein the motions of Concupisence from whence comes this common Axiom Objecta movent sensum 'T is for this Quintilian regards the eyes as the path which leads Vice into the Soul Vitijs nostris in animo pâ—r oculos via est Quintil. Decla n. 1. That St. Austin says a lascivious eye is the messenger of an immodest heart Impudicus oculus impudici cordis est nuncius and that the Athenian Oraters would have us judge of the manners of men by their eyes Oculi morum indices The eyes are the interpreters of the inclinations and manners One cannot sufficiently aggravate the disorders of the sight By that was sin admitted into the world and by sin death and by death the end of all men The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge was fair to see says the Scripture Eve beheld it She desir'd it She eat of it She sinn'd One may say that a fine Woman is this prohibited fruit But where is he that is not pleas'd to look upon it The best of men cannot refrain They do it oftentimes without any design to offend God They propose nothing to themselves if you will but to admire the excellency of the Workman in considering so curious a work But the Devil more ingenious than they makes use of this sight to kindle in their hearts the fire of concupisence Si nescis oculi sunt in amore duces Propert. L. 2. El. 12. If you know it not the eyes are the first guides to love They come at last to desire this fruit Their flesh is tickled with hopes of possession
that 's no sooner gone but she is valued no longer Her sight fatigues the Eyes and as much as she was loved being handsom so much is she disregarded when she is deprived of such a charm What Mortification is it to a husband when he finds himself compell'd to dislike a Companion with whom he ought to pass all his days It is then certain that he should not fix his utmost bliss in Beauty since it may be lost every momemt Nevertheless it must be granted that nothing is more amiable in nature nor more proportion'd to the heart of man to speak with Plato I have told you more than once that the Gods themselves have been affected with them Beauty has been always reverenced The greatest Barbarians have sacrificed upon its Altars If according to Juvenal it can hardly consist with wisdom Rara est adeò concordia formae Atque pudicitiae Juv. Sat. 10. It is because 't is too much lov'd by men and is continually in prospect to irregular passion for otherwise far from being of it self a Vice it seems to give a new lustre to Vertue Gratior pulchro veniens è corpore virtus Virg. Eneid L. 5. I will add yet something more that in a fair body is generally lodg'd a noble soul It is uncommon enough to see a handsom person absolutely wicked Sweetness and Honesty seem to be inseperable from Beauty Thus it well deserves that man should give it the preference and that he should search after it with some care when he is inclined to marry What satisfaction is it to have a wife whose sight alone is capable of delighting you and whom you judge worthy of your love even when she has deserved your hatred Facta merent odium Ovid. amor L. 3. El. 10. Facies exorat amorem I confess all women are not handsom and that the number of those who are so is small in comparison of those who are not But Sir by a very particular Providence in this as well as in all other things every one has his fancy That which displeases one is pleasing to another All men do not respect women with the same eye nor in the same manner Nothing is more various than the Judgment they make of them If some pay their vows to the fair person how many are soonest reconciled to the brown Some men are most affected with a fat Beauty whilst others conser the Laurel upon the slender one Several will imagine those unhandsom who will appear agreeable to others If one can â—ccommodate himself only to a finish'd Beauty another shall be satisfied with a good meen Thus every one finds wherewithal to indulge himself according to his inclination and the Ideas which he â—rames of the Sex If it imports that the Wife should please the Eyes it imports still more that she should please the mind It is not sufficient for her to be Handsome â—or of a good meen she ought chiefly â—o Sympathize with your humour and â—hat her Manners be conformable to yours Vxor vade foras Mart. L. 11. aut moribus utere nostris Without that you will always disagree You will be in eternal disputes Your Marriage will be a sort of Sepulcher wherein you will be interred alive Luctus Non lectus Tumulus non thalamus fuerit It is a thing 't is true wherein one is often deceiv'd by reason of that Art of fiction which is so natural to the Sex It is an ordinary saying That there never was a wicked Maid because they know how to appear good when they are not so St. Chrisostom remarks that Horses and other Beasts are always bought upon trial but that it is not so with a Wife Sola uxor non ostenditur ne antè displiceat quam ducatur If she be violent hasty proud infirm whatsoever vice she has we never find it till the Nuptials are over He would insinuate hereby that one runs a great hazard in Marrying and I deny it not But without having recourse either to that proof of six Months practis'd in Herodotus by certain people of the Earth before Marriage or to the Letter of divorce amongst the Jews and Romans which are things directly contrary to the purity of Christianity it is not impossible to conduct ones self in this important Affair with some kind of assurance by the means of several precepts of wisdom That which Aristotle gives is to Marry a young Wife and one that is a Virgin in order to the more easie forming of her into good Manners He affords this reason elsewhere Juvenes non sunt maligni moris sed facilis propterea quod nondum viderunt nequitias It is undoubted that young Women are much more easie to modify than others As they have not yet contracted any evil habits you may without difficulty inspire them with good ones Being scarce acquainted with evil they may so much the better suck in the good Dum faciles animi juvenum Virg. 3. Georg. dum mobilis aetas In effect it is easie to imprint upon a heart the Maxims of Vertue when it is void of the Maxims of Vice It were better for a Wife to be wanting in some of the qualities necessary for the Conduct of a House than to have those which are capable of making a Husband unhappy The one may be obtained with Years but Years do but fortify the others If this advice be good that of Hesiod is no less He would have the person who is to Marry take a young Woman of his Acquainâ—ance and Neighbourhood I don't know any precept Sir more important for practice than this Why do Marriages ordinarily succeed so ill It is because the parties Marry without knowing one another and without distinguishing whether one be the make of the other One being inchanted with a beauty which perhaps he never saw but once is so transported with his love that he can only sigh and live for her without examining whether she has besides what a Woman ought to have in order to live contented with her and without considering any thing else but to satisfy his foolish Passion he Marries her The other through a desire of being Rich will most willingly accept of such a Person who is the worst shap'd and the least reasonable in the World provided he may have wherewith to make his Fortune The greatest part of Marriages are made either by the interposition of another or for reasons of wordly interest One regards the out-side without a thought of what relates to the inward part A man examines the possessions of a Woman and is utterly unacquainted with her Manners This without dispute is the reason why so many people are unhappy in the choice they make The principal thing then is to study well the humour and conduct of a Woman in order to know if she has a conformity with yours and if you could live peaceably together For this end you must not go to seek her in a Country