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A70960 The anatomist, or, The sham doctor written by Mr. Ravenscroft ; with The loves of Mars and Venus, a play set to music, written by Mr. Motteux ; as they are acted together at the New Theatre in Little Lincolns-Inn-Fields. Ravenscroft, Edward, 1654?-1707.; Motteux, Peter Anthony, 1660-1718. Loves of Mars and Venus.; Finger, Godfrey, ca. 1660-1730.; Eccles, John, d. 1735. 1697 (1697) Wing R326; ESTC R22443 29,579 48

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Gerald once more leave all to me I tell you I will do it that 's sufficient Exit Dr. Mar. Now Sir have you the same hopes you had of Marrying Mrs. Angelica You see her Mother 's an imperious Woman and will never give her consent to it The Doctor I confess is an able Physician an excellent man in his way but yet he has the fortune to be Hen-peck'd and must submit as many wise and learned men have done therefore you must not build upon his promises Besides I do not find you have got the Daughter's consent yet and that 's the main point of all O. Ger. You say true Martin I must think of that Stay is not that Crispin yonder Enter Crispin Cris O Sir your Servant I am glad I have found you Good morrow Martin Mar Good morrow Crispin O. Ger. What cause brings you to Town Cris Your Son my Master sent me in all haste O. Ger. For what Cris That Letter will inform you O. Ger. reads Honoured Father Hoping you are in good health as I am thanks be to God at the present writing hereof This is to let you understand that all my Money 's gone and my Cloaths worn so bare that you may as the saying is see my Breech thro my Pocket-holes Mar A fine Epistle O. Ger. This is not my Sons stile nor is 't his hand This is some Roguery of yours Sirrah Crisp To tell you the plain truth Sir I lost I know not how my Masters Letter on the Road and baiting at a little Village it hapned to be the Sextons house who sold a Cup of notable good Ale There I got him to write this Letter for me I know my Master sent for Money and Cloaths pray read the rest O. Gar. No I have read enough Mar. You dictated this Letter to the Sexton Crispin Crisp I did so what of that Mar. Nothing but that the stile is very eloquent Crisp I think so I have not been at the University with my Master 4 months for nothing O. G. Has my Son spent all his Money in so short a time he has been prodigal Cris He could not help it he was forc'd to treat at his first coming Sir I shall be his Steward for the future and manage matters better O. Ger. Look you do I have some business now about an hour hence come home to me Follow me Martin Ex. O. Ger. and Mar. Cris So far all 's well If I can screw a good summ out of him I do my Masters business the old Gentleman must not know he is in Town nor must my Master know I lost his Letter O here he comes Enter Young Gerald. Y. Ger. I sent you with my Letter to my Father why are you loytering here Cris 'T is done Sir Y. Ger. What is done Sir Cris Your business Sir is done effectually I met your Father here just in this place gave him your Letter he read it o're and o're and said the stile was admirable was overjoy'd to see how the University had improv'd you then I made him an eloquent Oration to let him see how I had profited This melted his hard heart made his old Eyes twinkle like flames in the bottom of two Sockets At last he bid me come home to him some half an hour hence by that time Sir the Money will be ready Y. Ger. Did he ask no questions how I had spent my Money what company I kept or how I behav'd my self in the University Cris He had no time for that when I come home to him perhaps he may Y. Ger. Be careful Crispin should he suspect Cris He shall pump nothing out of me I warrant you Y. Ger. But Martin is a notable fly youth Cris You think because I cannot write and read as he can that I have less wit than Martin I warrant you I 'll be upon my Guard I 'll deal well enough with him But now Sir let me question you a little how durst you venture abroad by day light Should your Father Y. Ger. I know it Crispin but as soon as you were gone Angelica sent her Maid to me bid me meet her here something of consequence has hapned to her and I 'm in pain to know the meaning of it See she is here Enter Angelica Y. Ger. My clear Angelica Ang. Mr Gerald I am glad my Maid found you you have made haste Y. Ger. Can you blame me for that My love was too impatient to wait I have a thousand doubts and fears why did you send for me what has happen'd Madam tell me my Angelica and ease my loaded heart Ang. I could not prevail upon my self to stay till you came O. Gerald 't will surprize you when I tell you your Father is in love Y. Ger. You mock me Madam Ang. No 't is too true he has askt me of my Father and my Mother offers to settle a large Joynture on me and Marry me without a Portion too These are proposals few Parents will refuse Y. Ger. The Laws of Nature tho not of Nations forbid such unequal Matches Ang. But Money Gerald what will not Money do Y. Ger. 'T is true for Money Mothers sell their Daughters Ang. Yes and for Money most Daughters sell themselves Y. Ger. A Beau for money will Marry an old wither'd Witch with rotten Lungs no Teeth one Eye and half a Nose Ang. For Money Soldiers sell their lives Y. Ger. And Priests their consciences But my Angelica your Father is a wise and learned Man he is not mercenary he won't sell you Ang. You are mistaken Sir he has given his promise to your Father Y. Ger. Then all my hope is vanish'd Ang. Not so you have no reason to despair You say my Father's wise and learned too now I say my Mother has no learning but more wisedom for she has positively refused to give him her consent Y. Ger. O you revive me my drooping Soul drinks up your words as the parch'd Earth does a refreshing shower what 's to be done Crispin Ang. I told you my Mother lov'd Musick most immoderately She is much pleased with it I will let her know that it was your contrivance and acquaint her with our love and try to make her of our party Stay here abouts if I succeed Beatrice shall give you notice Y. Ger. Do my dear Lov'd Angelica Good luck attend you Ex. Ang. Cris Has the Devil Lechery got possession of my old Master's head I am sure he left his Breeches long ago Let me see he has to my knowledge been bewitch'd about some 15 years Y. Ger. This was the cause I was remov'd and sent to the University Cris He shall quickly find we lost no time there we have studied hard studied Fortification we can Entrench if he can Mine Sir we can Countermine Y. Ger. Now go fetch the money from my Father instantly you shall find me hereabouts at your return Ex. Cris Well of all your Father's follies this is the worst When old
men fall in Love they 're surely curst SCENE II. A Hall in the Doctors House Enter the Doctor 's Wife Angelica and Beatrice Wife Is the Room in order Beatrice for the Musick to go on with the entertainment Bea. Yes Madam Wife 'T is very well Go see how long it will be to dinner Come my Angelica be free and merry Trust to thy Mother's conduct and her kindness Thy Father shall not sell thee while I live While you remain obedient and discreet It shall be all the study of my life To make you happy Child Ang. Oh my dear Mother Let me receive this blessing on my Knees If ever I am disobedient to you Or e're abuse this mighty goodness to you May I become the out-cast of your Family Disown'd by you dispis'd by all good Women And hated by young Gerald. Enter Young Gerald. Wife Here he comes You 're welcome Sir if mine is not sufficient You shall have her welcome too And that I hope will please you Y. G. Please me I more Than wealth to Misers freedom to a Slave Or a Reprieve to one condemn'd to die Ang. Oh Mr Gerald I have the most indulgent Mother living Your Father 's liberal offers to the Doctor Cannot prevail on her Y. Ger. How shall I thank you Madam as I ought How pay the mighty debt due to you both Due to your wisdom and her matchless love If all the duty the profound respect That ever pious Son paid his own Mother Can merit so much Happiness if deserve it The business of my life shall be to please her My truth my constancy and perfect love No time shall alter nor no chance remove Wife Do this my Son and Heaven will bless you both Enter Beatrice Beat. My Master Madam has sent word he can't be at home till dinner-time but wou'd have you go on with the Musick Wife Then we 'll loose no more time come let us seat our selves I long to hear more Here comes in the second Musical Entertainment After which they rise and speak Wife We 'll hear the rest after Dinner Beat. Desire the Gentlemen all to walk in Y. Ger. I must not be seen by your Husband therefore I 'll take my leave Wife I know it Mr Gerald. Your Servant Sir Ang. Sir your Servant Y. G. Adieu my Life my Dear Angelica Ex Wife Two things and only two Angelica I always lov'd and lov'd em passionately Ang. What were those Madam Wife My Husband and good Musick Ang. And in that Madam I follow your Example Wife Yes Child but take this rule along with you Discretion is a Womans safest guard She shuns Vain Glory Malice Strife and Pride When Reason and good Nature is her Guide End of the First Act. ACT II. SCENE I. Enter Doctor Dr. BEatrice I say where are you Enter Beatrice Beat. Here Sir here Dr. See all things are in order here in my Laboratory Many Virtuosi will be here to see my curious Dissection and hear the lecture I intend to read on a dead Body which every moment I expect to be sent in from the place of Execution Beat. Why do you choose this back Apartment at the end of the Garden You us'd to do it in the Great Hall formerly Dr. My Wife will have it so and that 's enough the body may be brought in privately at that back door for so I order'd it Besides the wrangling disputations of self-conceited obstinate Physicians who come to see my operation will at this distance less disturb the Neighbourhood they will maintain their notions with more noise than Betters in a Cock-pit Beat. 'T is observ'd you Doctors rarely agree in your opinions Sir which makes some affirm Physick itself is a very uncertain Science Dr. That 's true bur yet the fault 's not in the Art Bea. It most be in the Professors then Dr. And so it is but this is not your business Bea. I only speak my simple judgment sir. Dr. The Body will be here immediately let 'em carry it into the Vault 't is cooler there in the mean time I 'll make some visits to my Patients who are near Ha! Beatrice let me see what have you there Bea. Where Sir What do you mean Dr. There Sirrah there Let 's see those pretty Bubbies Bea. Eye Sir you make me blush Dr. Faith I will see 'em I and feel 'em too Bea. You old men have such odd fancies in you Dr. I am a Cock ' o' th' Game you little Rogue Bea. You strut and crow and clap your Wings indeed but all to little purpose Dr. Ah you unlucky Chitt I cou'd I cou'd Bea. But you forget your Patients Sir Dr. That 's true indeed ' well when I come again Ex. Dr. Bea. I find all Husbands old and young are still for variety which is a certain sign of an ill stomach well if ever it be my fortune to Marry one who serves me so I 'll say no more but that which is sauce for a Goose shall be sauce for a Gander too Enter Crispin Crispin What brings you hither now Cris I have been almost half an hour hankering about the back door I saw the Doctor come forth just now and then I ventur'd to slip in Bea. Secure that door then while I fasten this we will not'be surpriz'd now what 's the business Cris My Master poor man 's at his wits end he walks and starts then stops and muses then he walks again What Madam Angelica told him about his Father has distracted him I have a Letter for her Bea. Give it me Cris Stay Beatrice let me look on you a little what hast thou been doing to thy self I never saw thee so handsome in my life Bea. Indeed Cris No indeed thou hast stoln some of thy Lady's Wash it can't be natural come let me try Bea. Stand off you fool Cris Now I think on 't I have not had one kiss since I came from the University Bea. Keep your distance you had best I will not make you so familiar with me Cris Say you so Harkee Gentlewoman what made you here alone with Mr Doctor This place is very private at a convenient distance from the house too Bea. One who was hang'd this morning is to be Dissected here I must set every thing in order for it the Body will be sent in presently Cris We have prepar'd another Entertainment for your Lady Here let me out quickly Knocking Dr. within Open the door Bea. What shall I do it is my Master Cris Let me out I say Bea. Here come to the other door Knocking at the other door Wife within Where are you Beatrice Bea. O Heaven 't is my Mistress she 's at the other door Cris The Devil she is Bea. If she were not there I would let you down into the Vault Dr. within Ho Beatrice open the door I say Cris What will become or me Bea. Here here lay your self at length upon this Table I 'll say you are the
dead Body sent from the Gallows Cris Oh Beatrice Bea. No more do as I bid you Crispin lies at his full length on the Table Beatrice open the door Enter Doctor Dr. You made me wait sufficiently I had forgot some Medicines I prepar'd I must go up and fetch ' em Ex. Dr. Bea. Now I 'll let in my Mistress Enter Wife Wife How were you employ'd you could open the door no sooner Bea. I was busie in taking in this Executed Body I made all the haste I could Re-enter Doctor Dr. How now my dearest Love what make you here Wife I came to see if all things ' were in order as they should be Dr. 'T is very well Adieu I am in haste Exit Dr. Wife Beatrice set all his Instruments in order my Daughter and I will make a visit I do not love such sights they make me melancholy Bea. I 'll be careful in your absence Exit Wife Now Crispins is my invention good Crispin rises Cris You 've brought me bravely off but I 'll be gone for fear of an after-clap Dr. within Beatrice Beatrice open the door again Knocks Bea. 'T is my Master to the same postu●e quickly Cris The Devil take him Enter Doctor Dr. I think I am bewitcht to day I have taken the wrong Medicines What 's that there Bea. The Body from the G●●●ows Sir the fellows that brought it would not carry it into the Vault Dr. How came they to send him with his Cloaths on Bea. They 'll call for 'em to morrow Dr. 'T is very well Ha! the Body's warm I have a mind to make an experiment immediately Go Beatrice fetch me my Incision Knives Amputation Knife Dismembring Saw with the Threads Pins and all the other Instruments I laid ready in my Closet Bea. But Sir your Patients expect you now Dr. An hour or two hence will serve Bea. Should any of 'em dye in the mean time Dr. That 's not my fault if any of 'em are in so much danger my visit will do 'em no good now Bea. I have heard you say Sir a proper dose given at a lucky time Dr. Go bring me only my Incision Knife for while the natural heat remains I shall more easily come at the Lacteal Veins which convey the Chyle to the Heart for Sanguification or encrease of Blood Bea. But Sir you won't begin the Anatomy before the Doctors come Dr. Fetch it I say Bea. Well Sir since I must Exit Bea. Dr. He 's not ill shap'd nor is he very ill featur'd and yet his visage still retains much discontent and trouble Well all the Rules of Metoposcopy and Physiognomy are false if this was not a Rogue that very well deserv'd hanging This Incision pleases me extremely I 'll open his Besly from the Xiphoid Cartilage quite along to the Os ●ubis I feel his Heart pant yet If any of my fellow Physicians were here now especially those who doubt the Harveyan Doctrine I 'd let 'em plainly see the Circulation of the Blood thro the Systole and Diastole Enter Surgeon Sur. O Doctor I am glad I have found you My Lord is much worse since yesterday you must visit him immediately Dr. I 'll come anon I am very busie now Sur. My Lords so very ill you must go with all speed to him Dr. Go you before I say and let him blood I 'll be with him in an hour Sur. Sure Bleeding can't be proper in his circumstances Dr. I say let him blood Sure I know what I do Sur. His case is alter'd much Sir since you saw him Dr. Once more I say go bleed him Sur. But Sir Dr. Bleed him I say 'T is fine indeed when Surgeons shall teach Physicians Sur. I will not Bleed him I am sure it will be his death Let who will do it for me and so farewel Exit Sur. Dr. Farewel Sir if you won't another shall Enter Beatrice who was listning Bea. I have been looking all about Sir and cannot find your Incision Knife Besides Sir a fine Lady call'd at the door just now in a great Gilt Coach and charg'd me to send you to my Lord 's immediately Dr. Ha! Bea. In haste Sir in all haste Dr. Sayst thou Bea. He 's dying Sir he 's dying Dr. What shou'd I go for then Bea. You must go Sir you shall go you are sent for Dr. The Devil 's in the Wench She turns him round Bea. They are in haste in haste Sir Dr. Well I go then Let the Body be carry'd into the Vault Bea. It shall Sir but lose no more time be gone So joy go with you She turns him out Cris And I without more words will be gone presently Bea. Whither in such haste Cris Whither with a vengeance Let me out I say you must fetch the Incision Knife with a pox t' ye and all the other damnable Instruments to rip me up alive and make minc'd meat of me A curse on his Systol and Dyastole Bea. You are mistaken Crispin when I went out I did not go to fetch the Instruments I went to hide 'em where I was sure he cou'd never find ' em Cris I thought indeed you could not have the heart to see a man who loves you as I do so barbarously dismembred and therefore I lay still Bea. Well stay here a while I 'll run and give Angelica the Letter and return instantly Cris I beg your pardon I 'll stay no longer in this room Beat. Why so Cris The very thought of that damn'd Incision Knife puts me into a cold sweat I 'll stay for you in the street Beat. Away you sot Cris I had rather be a Sot than an Anatomy I will not have my Flesh scrap'd from my Bones I will not be hung up for a Skeleton in Barber-Surgeons-Hall Beat. Stay but a little Cris Yes in the street There I shall not be in danger of your damn'd Amputation Knife and your Dismembring Saw with a pox to him Beat Alas poor Crispin Cris Fear makes me think every thing I see an Instrument to rip me up from the Systole to the Dyastole Beat. He had a mind to be acquainted with your inside Crispin Cris The Devil pick his Bones for 't I shall never recover my self till I get out of this cursed place Knocking again Ah! The Spirit 's come again Open the door I 'll rush out like a Lyon Bea. Have a care or you 'll spoil all Cris If the Dr catches me here he will spoil all Amputation and Incision will spoil all Bea. Come lay your self upon the Table quickly he has no Instruments Cris Not I for ought I know he may have some about him his Pockets may be fill'd with Knifes Pins Threads Saws and the Devil and all Bea. Well thought on Here hangs my Master's Gown and Cap you shall strait put 'em on and tell him you are a Physician just come from the University and understanding a dead Body was to be dissected by him came to hear his Lecture Cris
you please Bea. Some times she hearkens to me O. G. Now if you will commend me to her often Bea. As how Sir O. G. As thus By telling her how rich I am and that I love her so I can deny her nothing 'T is true I have a Son an only Son but him I have remov'd on purpose to make way for her Bea. That was wisely done Sir O. G Ay was it not Tell her all Happiness consists in wealth that she may make me settle almost all I have on her and the Children I shall have by her Bea. And do you think you shall have Children by her O. G. Why not I am hale and very lusty Beatrice Well if thou dost this for me besides a hundred pounds I 'le give thee on the day I Marry her I 'le get thee with Child too give the a good Portion and Marry thee to an honest Shop-keeper Bea. Fye fye you offer me too much in conscience Sir but for my young Mistress Sir O. G. Ay am I sure of thy assistance there Bea. Yes Sir I 'le do my weak endeavour for you I 'le begin presently I 'le set you forth with commendations Sir O. G. How how my pretty Rogue Bea. Why thus Sir if I may be so bold to advise you Madam take Mr Gerald let him be your Husband says she presently which Mr Gerald meanest thou O Madam say I the Father certainly the Son 's a young extravagant idle fellow his Father means to disinherit him unless he mends his manners O. G. And so I do that of my Son was well put in Go on Bea. O but he 's old she cries true Madam say I but then he 's rich too very rich when e're he dies he 'll leave you wealth enough to make you a Lady O. G. That she may be before if she pleases me Bea. I 'le tell her so But she may say old men are cros and peevish no say I he 's mild aud humble a fine sweet temper'd Gentleman he 'll doat upon you he 'll never make you jealous he will not run after other Women as all young fellows do O. G. That was well thought on Bea. O Madam you know not what a fine thing it is to be an old Man's darling O. G. Good agen Beat. Says she his Teeth are naught O but his Breath is sweet his Eyes says sh● are sunk O but say I he sees without Spectacles says the he 's an old musty fusty stinking O. G. Enough enough When shall I see her Beatrice Bea. This very afternoon you cannot have a sitter opportunity you know the Dr is much abroad my old Mistress will be absent too If you 'll be walking about four a clock near our back Door I 'le let you privately into the Anatomy Room there she shall meet you Sir O. G. Hold up thy hand I 'le make the three broad pieces ten There will these incourage thee Bea. You are a wise Client Sir you will not starve a good Cause I see O. G. I scorn it Beatrice Bea. One thing I must advise you Sir be vigorous press your suit home to her for I must tell you there 's a young debauch'd lew'd fellow just such another as your own Son is who haunts her every where makes violent love to her watches all opportunities to speak to her is always making Presents sending Letters to her I 'le watch him narrowly I 'le spoil his sport I 'le manage Mr Gerald's Cause so well if I get not my young Mistress for him I 'le forfeit my Maidenhead O. G. Come hither I must kiss thee I will kiss thee thou art a pretty witty merry Rogue and I 'le provide for thee Bea. Farewel Sir remember four a clock if you brought some Jewels with you Necklaces Rings and Bracelets only to shew her Sir young Girls you know are mightily taken with such fine things O. G. I 'le do 't my Girl I 'le do 't I 'le home and pick out of my Cabinet the best of all my Pawns and bring 'em to her But first I 'le be spruc'd up I will be shav'd and wash'd and perfum'd too put on a clean Band and my best Bob-wig my new Hat and put a clean Handerchief in my Pocket and then at four a clock ay that 's the hour Ex. O. G. Bea. Madam come forth he 's gone Enter Angelica Now Madam let us laugh while our sides ake What would this old stinking fumbling fool do with a sweet young Wife When once love gets into an old man's head it teaches him as many tricks as a dancing Dog Ang. They say he 's very covetous How did you get that money out of him Bea. I tickled the old Trout in the right place see Madam here are the merry Spankers I 'le warrant you I 'le do his business for him Ang. You have engag'd me Beatrice instruct me how I shall come off with ●ime Bea. Trouble not your self about it leave that to my management I must go and find young Mr. Gerald out and Crispin too they must help to carry on the work You shall have nothing to do but to laugh at his folly and applaud our contrivance Ang. I 'le in and expect th' event Ex. Severally Enter Young Gerald and Crispin Cris Well Sir what think you now of my Adventures Y. G. Why truly they were extraordinary Cris A dead man a Doctor an Astrologer Y. Ger. You made your way thro many difficulties but for my sake you must once more go to the Doctor 's House Cris Who I Sir Y. Ger. Yes Cris I beg your pardon What to be dissected carv'd artificially Limb after Limb. No Sir I 'le have no more Dissection Amputation nor Incision You may go and venture your self Sir if you please Y. G. Should I go and be seen there by the Doctor I ruine our design and lose my Mistress he 'll tell my Father that I am in Town You run no hazard for he knows not you Cris No hazard call you it I hazard my Legs Arms Veins Arteries and Muscles and in the Doctor 's gibberish I hazard Incision Dissection Amputation and Circulation thro the Systole and Diastole Why Sir in such a case a Physitian cuts up a man with as little remorse as a Hangman carves a Traytor Y. G. For all that you must venture your pretious self once more When I get my Mistress I 'le make thee ample satisfaction Cris Well if I must I must I saw a Physitians Gown and Cap hang up at a Broakers Shop hard by to be sold Buy 'em or hire 'em for me I had rather appear before him in the shape of a Doctor than a dead Man That habit Pills and impudence brought me off then I 'le think of some other remedy now Y. G. While I secure the Habit step to my Father's and secure the Money Ctis I will but first Sir tell me what is Latin for I am a Doctor Y. G. Medicus Sum. Cris Medicus sum