so restless as it gives no time for content Spightfull The truth is content only lives in words but never lives in deeds for I never heard or saw any one truly content in my life Tell-truth The truth is Content is like the Shadow of a Substance or the Thought of an Act and therefore let us leave it as we would idle or vain Thoughts or vading or vanishing Shadows Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Monsieur Heroick and Monsieur Phantasie PHantasie Sir it is reported you are a Servant to my Mistriss Heroick I am a Servant to the whole Effeminate Sex and to her if she be a woman Phantasie Yes she is a woman and the fairest of her kind Heroick Why then I am her Slave Phantasie I desire you will inslave your self to some other and not to her Heroick You must pardon me if she be the fairest for I am bound to the absolutest Beauty Phantasie Draw Heroick Nay I am not so rash for by your favour I will view her with mine own Eyes and take the opinion of my own Judgment and not venture my life on your bare word Phantasie I say draw Heroick I shall but know I only fight in mine own defence not for her Beauty unless I saw her and approved her such as you affirm her to be for though I am Servant to all yet t is impossible all should be an absolute Beauty Phantasie Know I account all those my Enemyes that question it besides you give me the lye in doubting the truth Heroick I perceive it is your violent passion that perswades you or rather forces you to fight and not your Reason and if your passion were to be counselled I would counsel you to stay untill we choose our Seconds to witness how we fought not in a furious rage but when our spirits are fresh and cool our Minds as equal temper'd as our Blades and that our valours are not ashamed to own the quarrel so shall we sight on just and honest grounds and honour will be the purchase we shall gain Phantasie He hear no more but fight Heroick Nature I ask thy pardon I must ingage thee to a furious rage of sudden fit or frantick humour which are for thee to scorn and flight and not to fight Exeunt Scene 7. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Poverty NObilissimo Monsieur Poverty shall I never have the honour of your Company Poverty My Poverty will disgrace you my Noble Lord Nobilissimo I were no noble Lord if virtuous Poverty could disgrace me Poverty Howsoever your Servants Friends and Acquaintance will forsake you if I should wait upon your Lordship Nobilissimo They may be my Acquaintance but neither my Friends nor Servants that will forsake me for the sake of virtuous Poverty for though I would not have thee intail'd to my line and posterity nor to live constantly in my family yet I am neither ashamed nor afraid to shake thee by the hand as long as thou art an honest man and I desire to take Plenty in own hand but to serve Poverty with both hands Poverty May Plenty be always your Lordships Hand-Maid Nobilissimo And your Reliever Sir Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Madamoiselle Amor and her Sister Madamoiselle La Belle MAdamoiselle La Belle Sister be not jealous of me for I have no design to rob you of your Servant I study not those Amorous allurements for I would not be otherwise known unto the Masculine Sex than Angels are to one another yet I may respect honour and admire without a doteing fondness or a surprized affection or an incaptivated love Madamoiselle Amor Yes Sister when I consider your Virtue I cannot be Jealous of you but when I look on your Beauty I cannot be Confident of my Servant for Beauty is victorious and most commonly triumphs in all hearts binding the Passions and leading the Affections as Prisoners and the Thoughts run a-long as Slaves and Constancy if it be not kill'd in the Battell yet it is sore wounded and if it should recover yet never to the former strength again Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo Madamoiselle La Belle My Lord what say you hath your Mistriss my Sister Amor any reason to be Jealous Nobilissimo Yes if my Mistriss were any other but her self Madamoiselle I thank you for I had rather be kill'd with civill although dissembling words than live with rude Inconstancy Nobilissimo Why do you think I speak not truth Madamoiselle Amor I hope your words are marks of truth for all belief to shoot at Nobilissimo But Hopes are built on Doubts and Fears and do you Doubt and Fear my Love Madamoiselle Amor How can I love without attending Fear being inseparable Nobilissimo Pray do not fear for though there is none that seeth your Sister La Belle but must confess she is most beautifull yet all fancy not Beauty alike but were she above what she is as much as Heaven to Earth or Gods to Men yet I am fixt and not to be remov'd no more than is Eternity Exeunt ACT III Scene 9. Enter Madamoiselle Esperance very fine and her Cousin Madamoiselle Tell-truth MAdamoiselle Esperance Am not I very fine to day Tell-truth Yes very fine Madamoiselle Esperance Do I look handsome to Day Tell-truth Yes very handsome Madamoiselle Esperance If I were a Stranger should I attract your Eyes to take notice of me Tell-truth As you are my Cousin and intimate Friend and known acquaintance and see you every day yet I cannot choose but look on you and take notice of your rich Garments but why do you ask for you do not use to make such questions Madamoiselle Esperance I will tell you when I was new Married my Husband took so much notice of my Dress that the least alteration he observed nay he grew jealous at it and thought each curl a snare set to catch Lovers in after I had been Married some little space of time he condemned me for carelessness and desired me to various dresses and now drest or undrest he never observes for were I drest with splendrous light as glorious as the Sun or Clouded like dark Night it were all one to him neither would strike his Sense yet I observe he doth observe my Maids as that one hath a fine Pettycoat and another hath handsome made Shooes and then he pulls up their Pettycoats a little way to see what stockings they have and so views them all over and commends them saying they are very fine when all these Garments he commends on them were mine which I had cast off and given to them when those Garments though fresh and new when I did wear them he never took notice of besides when my Maids do come into the Room where he and I are he strives to talk his best as if he wisht and did indeavour their good opinion when only alone with me the rubbish of his discourse doth serve the turn Tell-truth Madam I perceive you do begin to be Jealous
is the truth of it Sir Roger Exception Pray Madam let us go and not stay to anger this young Lady as we do Lady Wagtaile Farewell friend Sir Humphry Bold and I will visit your Lady to morrow As they were all going away the Lady Wagtaile turnes back again Lady Wagtaile Pray what may I call your name Reformer My name is Reformer Lady Wagtaile Good Mrs. Reformer I am heartily glad to see you well Reformer I thank you Ladyship All goeth away but Sir Serious Dumb and he stayes a little time to look upon the Lady Bashfull and then goeth out Ex. The Lady Bashfull Sola and after they were all gone she stretches up herself Lady Bashfull O in what a torment I have been in holl is not like it Exit Scene 5. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance LAdy Orphant Have you got the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Yes but I have seen handsomer men in my opinion than this Picture doth represent The Lady Orphant takes the Picture and views it with a stedfast eye Lady Orphant I perceive you have no judgment in the Originall nor skill in the Copy for this Picture is most naturally penselled the Painter hath drawn it so lively That one may perceive his noble Soul to appear through his lovely and lively Countenance do but observe it well and you will see as much as I Mrs. Acquaintance That is impossible unless I had your heart for though my skill of the Copy or shadow may be as much as yours yet my affections to the Originall is less which makes my eyes not partiall Lady Orphant What will the owner take for that Picture Mrs. Acquaintance She will not sell it at any rate Lady Orphant I wish she would for I would buy it at any price Mrs. Acquaintance She prizes it as highly as you loving him as much or well as you do Lady Orphant How know you that Mrs. Acquaintance Because I know she hath given him proofs of her love which I believe you never did Lady Orphant You mistake lust for love ambition for merit I love not for the bodyes sake but for the soules pure spirit Ex. ACT II. Scene 6. Enter two Merchants 1. MErchant I hear the Lord Singularity hath given the Turkes a great defeat he is both a wise prudent and valiant man 2. Merchant Methinkes our Nation should not suffer such a person as he to hazard his life in the service of other Countryes 1. Merchant O it is an honour to our Nation to let the world know what gallant men it breeds besides our Nation is in peace with all the world and he being active hates to live idly and dully at home although he have a great estate and is well beloved in his Country 2. Merchant What command doth the Venetians give him 1. Merchant He is a Generall for he commands a great Army 2. Merchant Is he marryed 1. Merchant No and it is reported he never will marry but he loves Mistrisses well which all Souldiers doth for the most part 2. Merchant Then Italy is the best Countrey in the world for a souldier there being the greatest store and most variety of Curtezans for many of the Italians are as many are in other Nations rather Carpet-Knights then fighting souldiers they have more skill in setting musicall notes than pitching a battle in kissing a Mistrisses hand with a good grace than shooting of a Cannon bullet with a great courage they can take better aime at a window than of an enemy And though they often receive woundes yet they are from fair Venus not from cruell Mars 1. Merchant But Mars souldiers when they skirmish in loves duels receives woundes as often from fair Venus as other men and Italy hath as many gallant valliant men bred and born in her as any other Nation and there are as many Carpet-Knights in other Nations as in Italy and if valiant and gallant men be indued with vertue they are not the less to be esteemed and as for Curtizans all Nations is stored as much as Italy but they do not so openly prefess it as those in Italy doth 2. Merchant For my part I cannot think they are so good Souldiers as they were in Caesars time 1. Merchant That may be for there is no such souldiers as Caesars souldiers were no not in the world that is there are no men so patient obedient carefull industrious laborious daring adventurous resolute and active in these Warrs in this age as the Romans were in Caesars time and of all the souldiers Caesars souldiers were the best and of all commanders Caesar himself yet those warriers was not less courtly to the feminine sex than these of this age and if you did talk with an understanding Souldier he would tell you that Amors gave an edge to courage and that it is a mark of a gallant man and a brave souldier to be an Amarato and as for the Curtizans of Italy if there can be an honest act in a dishonest life it is that the Curtizans in Italy professes what they are so that men are not deceived by them nor betrayed into marriage wherein other Nations men are cozened with counterfeit modesty and drawn into marriage by pretended chastity and then dishonoured by soul adultery or shamed by marrying a private Curtizan not knowing she was so 2. Merchant I perceive by thee that Merchants loves a Mistris as well as a Souldier 1. Merchant Surely by thy talk thou art ignorant of thy own profession which is to trade and traffick into all Nations and with all sorts but yet Merchants may be Souldiers if they will and Souldiers may be Merchants if they please but the truth is all men in the world are Merchants 2. Merchant No beggers are not 1. Merchant But they are for they traffick with prayers and praises for almes 2. Merchant The best Merchants I know are Priests for they trade into Heaven and traffick with Iove 1. Merchant That makes them so poor for heavens commoditie are not saleable on earth Ex. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Orphant Nurse Fondly Foster Trusty LAdy Orphant Dear Nurse and Foster Father grant to my desires and assist my designs Nurse Fondly What to let you wander about the world like a Vagabond besides it is against the modesty of your Sex Lady Orphant Are holy Pilgrimes Vagabonds or is it immodest for the bodies of devout soules to travell to the sacred Tombe to offer penetentiall tears Nurse Fondly Why you are no Pilgrime nor is your journey to a godly end Lady Orphant My journey will be to an honest end for though I am loves Pilgrime yet I shall travell to an honest heart there to offer my pure affections Nurse Fondly To a deboist man there to offer your Virginity Lady Orphant Mistake me not for though I love beyond a common rate even to an extream degree yet I am chastly honest and so shall ever be my grave shall witness my constancy The Lady Orphant weeping Ex. Foster
Satyrical alone SAtyrical I am resolv'd yet being a Criminal how to address my Sute I am in doubt To ask pardon for my faults were to make my faults seem greater than they are to excuse them were to make my judgment seem weaker than I think it is to justifie them were to condemn her Well I will neither ask pardon nor make excuse nor yet justifie them but in plain language declare my pure Affections honest Desires and honourable Requests if she believes the first approves the third and consents to the second I hope to be happy if not I must be content for it is a folly to mourn when it brings no remedy Exit Scene 35. Enter Bon' Esprit Portrait Faction Ambition Superbe Mother Matron FAction The Lady Variety now she is a Widow she tricks and dresses up her self in her Mourning and is more fond of the company of men than we that are Maids Bon' Esprit 'T is a sign she knows by Experience that the Masculine Sex are better and more pleasurable company than any of her own Sex which Maids do not know by reason they are for the most part restrain'd Portrait Why should you find fault with Widows when maried Wives indeavour by all the Arts they can to get the company of men and do strive by inticements to allure them to Courtships as much as Widows or Maids to lawful and honest Mariage Ambition One would think that maried women by their neglect and disrespect to their Husbands they loved not the company of men Superbe They may love the company of men though not the company of one man as their Husbands Matron Come come Ladies Maids are always spiteful to Maried Women because they be preferred in Mariage before them and are jealous of Widows for fear that they should get their Servants and Suters from them Faction I should sooner be jealous of a Widow than spightful to a Maried Wife for most Wives are in a condition to be pity'd rather than envy'd but Widows have such a magnetick power as one Widow will draw away the Servants and Suters from a dozen Maids Bon' Esprit Indeed Widows are very prevalent for a poor widow shall have more Suters and better Choice than a rich Maid and an ill-favour'd Widow than a handsome Maid an old Widow than a young Virgin Ambition I wonder at it Faction Why should you wonder at it since they know the humours weaknesses and strengths of men better than Maids do by which they know how to work and draw them to their bent and design Bon' Esprit No that 's not the Cause Faction What 's the Cause then Bon' Esprit Why men think VVidows wiser than Maids as being more known and experienc'd Portrait Indeed they have more knowledge than Maids or else they have very ill luck Ambition VVhy Maids are more desirous to marry VVidowers than Batchelours Superbe VVhat is the reason of that Bon' Esprit I know not except it be the former reason Faction No no it is because it is said that VVidowers love their second wives better than the first Portrait And what their third wife Faction I suppose Love increaseth with the number Ambition But women 't is said love their first husband better than the second Superbe That 's only an excuse to marry a third and so a fourth Husband Bon' Esprit Indeed Death and Hymen are great friends to VVidows and VVidowers for if once a woman buries her husband or a man his wife they never leave marying and burying until they have had five or six husband and wives Faction If it were always so I would I had been maried and had buried my husband O what a Gossipping life should I have had Gossipping at my husbands Funerals and Gossipping at my Maried Nuptials besides the pleasure of being woo'd Bon' Esprit But you would have more trouble and vexation in the time between your Mariage-day and your Husbands Death than pleasure betwixt your Husbands Death and Mariage-day Faction O no for I suppose if Death be a friend he will take away every Husband as soon as that time is past they call Hony-moneth Enter Monsieur Inquisitive Inquisitive Ladies I will tell you News Portrait What News Inquisitive The young Widow the Lady Variety hath the Small Pox Faction That 's no Newes for all sorts of Diseases are too frequent to be News If they were it would be happy for all animal creatures if diseases were strangers Inquisitive But it is News that she should have them Faction It is in respect of a new face or otherwise not for all mankind in these parts of the World have that disease at one time or other if they live to 't Inquisitive Truly I pity her Ambition I hope she is not in such a condition to be pitied for pity is a kin to scorn as near as Cousin-germans for reproach and shame are brother and sister and scorn is the son of reproach and pity is the daughter of shame But although the Small Pox may set marks of deformity they set none of dishonour they only mark the Body not the Soul and that is only to be accounted shame and to be asham'd of as the infirmities of the Soul for which they may be pitied Inquisitive That deserves scorn Ambition Baseness only deserves scorn and not infirmities loss or misfortunes but there is a difference betwixt infirmities losse misfortunes baseness and wickedness Infirmities proceed directly from Nature Losse from Possession Misfortunes from Interpositions Baseness from that creature called Man and Wickedness from Devils The first is caused by the carelesness of Nature the second by the lack of Power the third by the necessity of Fate the fourth by the corruption of Man the last by the perswasion and temptation of the Devil The first second and third are not to be avoided the fourth not to be practised the fifth not to be followed nor fostered The first is to be pitied the second to be grieved for the third to be lamented for the fourth to be scorned and the fifth to be hated and abhorred Thus we may grieve for the loss of her Beauty but not pity her having no natural defect in the Soul which is the Understanding and the Rational part Inquisitive But Sickness is a natural defect Ambition No Sickness is no more a natural defect than Time or Death Life or Growth for they are only Natural Effects but not Natural Defects Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Madamoiselle Pleasure Wanton Surfet Idle Excess her Maids They all weep ALl speak Pray turn us not out of your Service for one fault Pleasure Why you are the ground wherein all Mischief is sown and whereon all Vice grows besides you are the only Bawds for Adultery Wanton No indeed the chief Bawds to Adultery are publick Meetings of all kinds either Divine Customary Triumphant or Recreative Also Bravery whether Ceremonious Gallantry or Magnificency Likewise Beauty Wit Diligence Observance and rich Presents besides Jealousie and
so gravely together in Councel Portrait Our chief Design is Wit Sensuality A witty Design But really what are you doing Temperance They are idly Rhyming Sensuality Hang idle Rhyming give me Reason Ambition Although our Rhymes are not good yet they are not foul by reason they are made on fair and pure Subjects Sensuality Why what are the Subjects they are made on Portrait They are made of the several Seasons and Moneths of the Year Sensuality By your favour Lady there be some of the Seasons and Months very foul Pleasure But we have Rhym'd of none but the fair Months as yet Sensuality Then let me advise you to stop your Poetical Vein for if you go farther you will meet with foul weather and rain They all speak Out out of our company Faction Do you come here to rail at our Rhymes and yet Rhyme your self and worse than any of the company Sensuality I only Rhyme to make my self Free of the Company though not of the Wits Inquisitive So you will call us fools by and by Sensuality No faith your Rhymes have named you already and so prevented me Portrait Why this is worse and worse Faction Let us seek a revenge Ambition What revenge shall we take Pleasure We will tye him to an Asses head Superbe No we will tye him to a Foxes tail Sensuality Ladies tye me to what you please so you do not tye me to a Horn Faction Yes to Altheas Horn the Horn of plenty Sensuality 'T is a sign Althea is a Woman that she gives her gifts in a Horn but I had rather starve than receive plenty in such a thing Exit Portrait Let us transform him as Acteon did Faction And follow him as his hounds did Temperance Young Ladies be not so wilde and fierce to be the hounds your selves to follow in pursuit Portrait No no we will be as Diana that transformed him Temperance Then you must be liable to the same Censure which is to be thought cruel Superbe The more Cruel our Sex is the more Chaste we are thought to be Exeunt FINIS EPILOGUE OUr Auth'ress bids me tell you She thought fit For to divide this Fair CABAL of WIT For one Play 't was too long which was her sorrow The other half if come you 'l see to morrow You 'l thank her then dividing it to make You rise with Appetites no Surfets take WIT'S Surfet 's dangerous Take the Fruition Of new-born Fancies without Repetition But hold your hands as you are men to day And as our Friends to morrow Clap our Play The Marquiss of Newcastle writ this Epilogue The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillitous Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's nailing-maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamoiselle Ambition Faction Pleasure Superbe Portrait and Mother Matron enters as meeting them MAtron O Ladies there is the rarest Beauty come to the City out of the Countrey that ever was seen she surpasseth Hellen of Troy or AEneas Mother Queen Venus Pleasure If she surpasseth their Appetites as you say she doth their Beauties she may chance to fire this City with flames of Love or cause a War to destroy it Portrait Have you seen her Mother Matron Matron No but a friend of mine hath seen her Faction Perchance your friend 's a fool and knows not how to judge Matron Indeed my friend 's a woman and women have none of the best judgments Ambition But there is more probability that she hath a surpassing beauty if a woman praise her than if a man had praised her for men have a partial love to the Effeminate Sex which multiplies their beauties to their sight and makes a candle in the night seem like a Blazing Star Matron In truth and Love is dark for 't is said he is blind Portrait But Envy is quick-sighted and therefore I am afraid the Lady you speak of is surpassing since those of her own Sex can find no blemish or imperfection to cloud her from a praise Enter Monsieur Busie Busie Ladies I am come to give you intelligence of a rare Beauty that is come to this City Ambition Her Fame hath out-run your Intelligence Sir but have you seen her Busie No Lady not I Enter Monsieur Inquisitive Inquisitive Ladies there is a rare Beauty come to this Town to increase the number of your Cabal Superbe Our Cabal is of Wit not of Beauty Inquisitive It 's a Cabal of both Lady Faction Have you seen her Inquisitive No Lady but I have heard of her Beauty Enter Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality Ladies there is such a Beauty come to Town that now or never you will be out-shin'd Portrait Iupiter bless us and grant that she may not ingross to her self all Mankind and so leave all the rest of her Sex destitute and forlorn Sensuality It is to be hoped she will humble you as to bring you to be more complyant to us men than you have been Ambition Have you seen her Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality No not I Ambition Why then she is a Miracle that every one hears of but no body seeth Faction May she continue a Miracle still for I had rather that she should only be heard of than be visibly seen Sensuality But I will do my indeavour to see her Busie So will I Exit Men Pleasure I long to see her as much as the men do Ambition So do I Faction And I Superbe And I Portrait And I Ambition But how shall we compass the sight of her Portrait Faith let 's go to a Play I 'll warrant you she 'll be there Pleasure If she be we shall only see her Mask not her Face for at the common Play-houses all the Effeminate Sex sit mask'd and muffl'd Portrait Why then let us go to that Church which is most frequented as where some Famous Preachers preach and certainly if she be such a Beauty she will be there Besides there our Sex sit to the full View to Attract the Eyes of the Gods Matron No no Lady they sit to the full View to tempt the Appetites of men for they think not on the Gods nor care the Gods should think of them Pleasure Fie fie Mother Matron you will make Women damnable creatures if they could be made so by your Description But Women go to Church to present their prayers of Request and praises of Thanksgiving and not to shew themselves to men nor to tempt their Appetites as you say Matron Come come Ladies search your own Consciences and you will find I have spoke the truth for if you only went to present your prayers to the
House Nan I will not go Madam Mal. No but you shall She speaks to her other Maid Go you and call one of those servants I brought with me The maid goes out and enters a man-servant Here take this wench and put her out of the Gates Exit Lady Nan You Rogue touch me and you dare I shall have one to defend me Man I desie your Champion The man takes her up and carries her she shreeks or cries out Monsieur Malateste enters Monsieur Mal. VVhat you Villain will you force her set her down Man I did no more than what I was commanded Monsieur Mal. VVho commanded you Man My Lady Sir commanded me to carry her out of the gates Monsieur Mal. Pray let her alone until I have spoke with my wife Man I shall Sir Exit man She cries Monsieur Mal. VVhat 's the matter Nan Nan Only my Ladies dislikes of my person for it could not be through any neglect of my service or faithful diligence or humble duty but through a passionate humour because she hath heard you were pleased heretofore to favour me Malateste But now we are very honest Nan Nan Yes the more unkind man you to win a young Maid to love and then to turn her away in disgrace Malateste I do not turn you away Nan Yes but you do if you suffer my Lady to turn me away Malateste How should I help that for she hath such a strong spirit as not to be controlld Nan O Sir if you bridle her you may guide her as you will Malateste How should I bridle her Nan VVhy put her to her allowance and take the government of your Family out of her hands as you did to your former Lady Malateste My other wife was born with a quiet obedient nature and this with a high and turbulent nature and if I should cross her high working spirit she would grow mad Nan VVhy then you would have a good excuse to tie her up Malateste Her Friends would never suffer me besides the world would condemn me and account me a Tyrant Nan Why it is better to be accounted a Tyrant than a Fool Malateste O no for men ought to be sweet and gentle-natur'd to the Effeminate Sex Nan I see by you that the worse that men are us'd the better Husbands they make for you were both unkind and cruel to your other Lady neither could you find or at least would not give such Arguments for her Malateste Will you rebuke me for that which you perswaded me unto by dispraising your Lady unto me Nan Alas Sir I was so fond of your company that I was jealous even of my Lady and love is to be pardon'd wherefore Dear Sir turn me not away for Heaven knows I desire to live no longer than when I can have your favour and I wish I were blind if I might not be where I may see you and my heart leaps for joy whensoever I hear your voice wherefore good Sir for loves sake pity me She seems to cry Malat. Well I will speak to my wife for you Exit Monsieur Malateste Nan alone Nan Well if I can but get my Master but dance once to kiss me again which I will be industrious for I will be revenged of this domineering Lady I hope I shall be too crafty for her Exit Act V. Scene 31. Enter Monsieur Frere and Madamoiselle Soeur Soeur Brother speak no more upon so bad a subject for fear I wish you dumb for the very breath that 's sent forth with your words will blister both my ears I would willingly hide your faults nay I am asham'd to make them known but if you do persist by Heaven I will discover your wicked desires both to my Father and Husband Frere Will you so Soeur Yes that I will Frere Well I will leave you and try if Reason can conquer your evil desires or else I 'll die Soeur Heaven pour some holy Balsom into your fester'd soul Exeunt Scene 32 Enter Monsieur Malateste and Madam Malateste his Wife MOnsieur Mal. Wife I am come an humble Petitioner to you in the behalf of Nan she hath been a servant here ever since I was first maried to my other Wife Madam No no Husband I will have none of your whores in the house where I live if you must have whores go seek them abroad Monsieur Pray let not your jealous Passion turn away a good servant Madam Had you rather please your servant a whore or me Monsieur Why you Madam Then turn her away Monsieur But surely Wife you will let me have so much power as to keep an old servant Madam No Husband if your old servant be a young lusty wench Monsieur But I have pass'd my word that she shall stay Madam And I have sworn an Oath that she shall go away Monsieur But my promise must be kept wherefore she shall not goe away Madam I say she shall go away nay more I will have her whip'd at the end of a Cart and then sent out of doors Monsieur As I am Master I will command none shall touch her and let me see who dares touch her Madam VVho dares touch her why I can hire poor fellows for money not only to whip her but murder you Monsieur Are you so free with my Estate I will discharge you of that Office of keeping my money Madam If you do I have Youth and Beauty that will hire me Revengers and get me Champions Monsieur Will you so Madam Yes or any thing rather than want my will and know I perfectly hate you for taking my Maids part against me Monsieur Nay prethee Wife be not so cholerick for I said all this but to try thee Madam You shall prove me Husband before I have done Exeunt Scene 33. Enter Madam Soeur alone Soeur Shall I divulge my Brothers Crimes which are such Crimes as will set a mark of Infamy upon my Family and Race for ever or shall I let Vice run without restraint or shall I prove false to my Husbands bed to save my brothers life or shall I damn my Soul and his to satisfie his wilde desires O no we both will die to save our Souls and keep our Honours clear Exit Scene 34. Enter Monsieur Frere alone FRere The more I struggle with my Affections the weaker do I grow for to resist If Gods had power they sure would give me strength or were they just they would exact no more than I could pay and if they cannot help or will not help me Furies rise up from the infernal deep and give my Actions aid Devils assist me and I will learn you to be more evil than you are and when my black horrid designs are fully finish'd then take my soul which is the quintessence of wickedness and squeeze some venom forth upon the World that may infect mankind with plagues of sins There multitudes will bury mine Or count me as a Saint and offer at my Shrine Exit Scene 35.
with their hats off he leading in the Bride his Princess and a great many Ladies waiting on her The Prince and Princess sit in two Chairs and the rest of the company on each side of them to see an Anti mask presented to them When the Antick-maskers had danced a Song was sung These Songs following the Lord Marquiss writ Song VErtue and Honour you did take And Beauty scorn'd as vading Thus you a Godess it doth make Rove mortal Ladies trading They love the Body you the Soul They Shape but you the Mind Your Love those grosser loves controll Which shews their Love is blind His wooden Leg is thrown away The black Patch for the blind The Bunch on 's back asswag'd to day As hansome as his Mind This now is your reward Sweet Madam The Gods they are not lath To give you one handsome as Adam And thus enjoy them both Then the Maskers dance again and after their Dance another Song Song Loves Miracles not ceased be The Lame to walk the Blind to see The Crooked is made straight 't is true And these Loves Wonders made by you His Body metamorphos'd is By your Ambrosia sweeter kiss Such power hath Love when you do sip The Gods pure Nectar from your Lip All Ioys attend you night and day Be each to other fresh as May Renewing pleasures every hour And sweeter than the sweetest Flower The Maskers dance again and after another Song Song Envious Ladies now repine Since you are crost In having lost A Prince so handsome and so fine Mourn in black patches for your sins Despair each Curl And every Purl And throw away your dressing-pins Lay by your richer Gowns of State For now you 'l faint For all your paint When think of your unhappier Fate For these Love-pitfals they are stale And all despise Your glancing Eyes For all forc'd Arts in Love they 'l fail Now let your specious gliding pass Or your Lips fed With biting red Despair and break each Looking-glass Here ends my Lord Marquis his writing Then the Maskers dance again and so goe out the Prince and Princess and the Company goes out all but a Matron and some young Ladies who stay and look upon each other very sadly without speaking to each other Matron What Ladies are you Thunder-struck with the Princes Honour or are you blasted with the Lightning of his Splendor or crush'd with the wheel of her good Fortune Parle Lord Lord how blindly Fortune throws her gifts away Matron One would think she had clear Eyes when she bestow'd her Favours upon the Princess Vanity She is become so proud since she is become a Princess as she will not look on us that were her companions and she thinks scorn to speak to us for she said not one word to any of us Matron She had no occasion to speak to you but I am confident If you speak to her you will find her as civil and obliging as ever she was Fondly 'Faith we care not for we can live without being oblig'd to her Parle They are not the happiest that have the greatest Titles Trifle Pride will have a Fall Matron I perceive it is hand to get the good opinion of the World for you rail'd at her Course laugh'd at her Choise condemn'd her Mariage and now you envy her good Success Parle We envy her you are mistaken for she must be of greater value and we less worthy than we are to raise an Envy Matron Nay Ladies if you are angry I will leave you Parle Then we shall be rid of a pratling fool Exit Matron Enter three or four old Ladies the Mothers to the young Ladies 1 Old Lady O wisedome in youth is a wonder 2 Old Lady Happy is that Parent that hath a discreet Child 3 Old Lady Such Children give their Parents Honour in their Graves 4 Old Lady Pray let us Petition that a Law may be Enacted for this Publick Wooing 1 Old Lady We shall not need to Petition for the Princess I dare warrant you will get the Prince to Enact a Law for this Publick Wooing for her Fame she being the only first that hath been wooed so So they all speak together Old Ladies Well Daughters make her your Pattern Exeunt Old Ladies Trifle Yesterday that was the Wedding-day my Parents did condemn the Bride calling her Fool and saying she was mad and forbid me to imitate her Parle 'T is no wonder our Natures are so various when as our Education are so inconstant for we are instructed to imitate Fortune which is to be restless and to spoil that good we have done Vanity Or to better the worse Parle No 'faith for I perceive Fortune hath more power to do hurt than good for Fortune ruines or at least disturbs Virtuous Acts and frustrates Wisedom's Counsels Enter a Messenger Messenger Ladies the Princess desires your company to dance Parle Pray excuse me Sir for I have so great a pain on my left side as I can hardly fetch my breath Vanity And I have such a pain in my head as I dare not dance for fear it should ake more Trifle And truly I have so streight a shooe as it is a pain for me to tread a step Fondly And I am not well in my stomach wherefore excuse us Sir to the Princess Exeunt Scene 44. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion and the Lady Gosling PArrot God give you Joy I have not seen you since you were maried Minion You are welcome into the maried Society Gosling I thank you Madam Truly I am so tyr'd Parrot With what Madam Gosling With helping my Neighbour the Lady Breeder to hold her back Minion VVhy is she in Labour Gosling She is brought to Bed but on my word she hath had a hard bargain for she hath had a sore Labour Parrot VVhat hath God sent her Gosling A lusty boy Indeed it is one of the goodliest children that ever I saw Minion But how chance she did not send for me to her Labour Gosling She came on such a sudden as she had hardly Time to send for the Midwife but she was mightily troubled you were not there she doubts you will take it ill Parrot We have reason for if we could not have come time enough to her Labour we might have come time enough to the cup of Rejoycing Gosling But she will bid you to the Christening Minion That 's some amends But this hard labour of the Lady Breeders will fright you Gosling No for I have as much courage as other maried Wives have though truly Sir Anthony Gosling my Husband was very loth I should goe for said he to me prethee sweet Duck do not go I answer'd and said to him my hony-love I must go for it is the part of one wife to help another besides a gossipping company doth help to ease the womens pains and if I go not to their Labour they will not come to mine Minion Why are you with Child Gosling No but I
Heaven is not made known to all neither can the gloryes be suddenly comprehended by weak Mortals Detractor Good Lord if she hath such an infinite Beauty that it cannot be comprehended it is obscure Phantasie But those that comprehend least will be astonish'd and struck with deep amaze Detractor I believe you are struck with Love which makes you Blind or Mad that makes you think you see your own imaginations wherefore fare you well untill you are sober The Ladies goe out Monsieur Phantasie alone Phantasie I am struck indeed for I am wonded deeper than Swords can pierce or Bullets shoot at Exit Scene 11. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and many Gentlemen with him 1 GEntleman Your Lordship rid to day beyond Perseus on his Pegasus Nobilissimo No Monsieur he went if Poets speak truth in higher Capreols than ever I shall make my Horse go 2 Gentleman He might go higher my Lord but never keep so just a time and place as to pitch from whence he riss his feet in the same Circle his leggs in the same lines and your Lordship in the same Center Nobilissimo The truth is my Horses went well to day they were like Musical Instruments fitly strung and justly tun'd 3 Gentleman And your Lordship like a skillfull Musician played rarely thereon Nobilissimo Come Gentlemen let us to Dinner for I have uncivilly tyred your Stomacks with a long fast Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 12. Enter Monsieur Phantasie as in a muse sometimes Sighing sometimes strikes his Brest and sometimes turns up his Eyes and at these postures Enters Madamoiselle Bon at her approach he starts MAdamoiselle Bon. Sir you may very well start to see me here I do not use modesty pardon me to be so bold to visit Men it is the first visit I ever made your Sex and hope it will be the last but I am come since neither Letter nor Messenger could have access to be resolved by your own Confession whether you have forsaken me or not Phantasie No I have not forsaken you Bon. But your affection prefers another before me Phantasie If I should say I did not I should belly Truth which baseness I abhor Bon. I am glad for your own sake you keep so much Honour though sorry that you are no constanter and more sorry for the Oaths you took and Vows you made to me since they became the witnesses of your perjury I was not suddenly nor easily brought to draw a Supreme Love to one for before such time my Love was placed on you my affections run equally in purling Brooks of Pitty and Compassion and clear fresh Rivulets of Charity and Humanity from the pure Springs of good Nature and Religion and hard it will be for me to turn this River to each stream again if not yet I shall be a rest 't will overflow my heart and drown me The Lady goes out Monsieur Phantasie alone Monsieur Phantasie Oh I must curse my Fortune and my Fate lament my own condition to love without return and only pitty what I loved most Exit Scene 13. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience GRand Esprit Great Mercury to thee I now address Imploy thy favour help me in distress Thou God of Eloquence so guide my tongue Let all my words on even sense be slrung And let my Speech be tun'd to every Ear That every Ear each several word may hear That every passion may in measure move And let the figure of the Dance be Love Noble and Right Honourable I will discourse at this time of Love not of the superfluous Branches or wither'd leaves or rotten fruits but of the Root of Love which is Self-love It is the Root and Original Love in Nature it is the Foundation of Nature it is the Fountain from whence issues all the several Springs Self-love was the cause of the Worlds Creation for the Gods out of love to themselves caused Creatures to be Created to worship them thus all Creatures being created out of self-love and their chief being proceeding out of self-love is the cause that every particular Creature loves themselves in the first place and what Love is placed on any other or to any other from any particular is derived from self-love for we love the Gods but out of self-love as believing the Gods love us we adore the Gods but out of self-love because we think we proceed from them or were produced by their commands we pray to the Gods but out of self-love because we hope the Gods will help us in distress we bless the Gods but out of self-love because we do verrily believe the Gods will exalt and Crown us with everlasting glory and to shew that we Love the Gods not as they are Gods but for our own sakes as believing they will or can do us good is that we are apt to murmure at the Gods when we have not our own desires we are apt to accuse the Gods when any wordly thing crosses us we are apt to curse the Gods at ill Accidents Misfortunes or Natural losses we are apt to forget the Gods in the midst of pleasure we are apt to think our selves Gods in the pride of prosperity we strive to make our selves Gods in the hight of worldly power and we do not only strive to make our selves equal with the Gods but to raise our selves above the Gods taking or commanding to our selves more worship than we give unto the Gods nay those that are accounted the most holy and devout Servants of the Gods belie the Gods taking the name of the Gods to cover their own follies as for example whensoever any eminent person hath had ill success either in or after their Foolish Ambitious and Vain-glorious actions they charge the Gods Decrees and pleasure as it was the Gods will it should be so like as she that Vaingloriously had her two and only Sons to draw her Chariot like two Horses or Dogs or Slaves and being both found Dead the next day she had prayed to the Gods to reward them with that which was best for them and being both dead she said the Gods accounted Death as the best reward when they no doubt dyed with over heating themselves striving beyond their natural power and strength yet these two Sonns that drew the vain Mother in a Chariot drew and died out of self-love either like as vain Sonns like their vain Mother vaingloriously to get a fame or believing the Gods would reward them for their Act either with extraordinary prosperity power or blessedness in the Life to come and many the like examples may be given for how ordinary is it in these our times and in former times for the politicks to perswade the people with promises from the Gods or to tell them it is the Gods commands they should do such and such acts even such acts as are unnatural wicked and most horrid thus Men bely the Gods to abuse their fellow Creatures But most Noble and Right Honourable my explanation of
with what they send forth for Eyes are not only passages to let Light Coulours Forms and Figures in but to let Passions Affections Opinions out besides the Eyes are not only as Navigable Seas for the Animal Spirits to Traffick on and Ports to Anchor in but they are the Gardens of the Soul wherein the Soul sits and refreshes it self and Love the Sun of the Soul sends forth more glorious Rayes than that Sun in the Sky and on those objects they do shine they both comfort and give a nourishing delight but yet when the light of love doth reflect the heat doth increase by double lines and quickness of motion which causes many times a Distemper of the Thoughts which turns to a Feavor in the Mind but to conclude most Noble and Right Honourable Eyes are the Starrs which appear only in the Animal Globe to direct the life in its Voyage not only to places that life knows but to new discoveryes and these Animal Starrs do not only guide the Animal life but have an influence and various effects on the Soul and are not only to view the Beauties of all the other works of Nature but are the chiefest Beauties themselves and if that Reason that is the Educator of the Life and chief Ruler and Commander of the Soul did not cross and hinder the influence of these Animal Starrs they would prove very fatal to many a one Wherefore Right Honourable my Application is that you obey Reason and pray unto it as to a Deity that it may divert the Malignant influences and cause them to point to a Happy Effect For which my good wishes shall attend you That the Gods of these Starrs may defend you Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 14. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Heroick NObilissimo Brother I may bid you welcome home for I have not seen you these two years methinks between Brothers as you and I are should never be absence Heroick No faith Brother for we never have good fortune when we are asunder for since I patted I hear you are to be Marryed and I must tell you I am like to be Hanged Nobilissimo Heaven forbid you should be hanged Heroick And do not you make the same Prayer against your Marriage Nobilissimo No for that prayer would prove a Curse if Heaven should grant it but I hope Brother you speak of this but merrily and not as a truth to believed that you are like to be hanged Heroick Yes faith I met with a man that was resolv'd to fight with the next he met I think for he forced a quarrel and we fought and I fear I have killed him Nobilissimo What was the cause of the quarrel Heroick Why about a Beauty that none must admire but himself and yet they must maintain she is the absolutest Beauty of her Sex and such a Beauty I hear of every where but I cannot see her any where Nobilissimo Let me tell you Brother she is worth the seeing Heroick And is she worth the blood and life that is lost and spilt for her Nobilissimo Yes if it had been to maintain her Beauty against rude Despisers or her Virtue against base Detractors or her Honour against wicked Violators for her Soul hath as many beautifull graces and Virtues and her mind as many noble qualities as her body hath beautifull Parts Lineaments gracefull Motions pleasing Countenances lovely Behaviour and courteous Demeanors Heroick Certainly Brother you are very well acquainted with her that you know her so well as to speak so confident of her Nobilissimo Yes Brother I do know her very well for she is Sister to my Mistriss Heroick So I thought she had some relation to you that you spake so much in her praise this self-Self-love bribes all our Tongues but Brother you have so fired my Spirits as I am almost as mad as the Gentleman I fought with before I see her meerly with the report and since I must lose my Wits with the rest of Mankind for I find all are mad that come within the list of her Name pray let me part with my Wits on Honourable terms as at the view of her Beauty Nobilissimo I shall make it a request to her that you may see her and she being a person who is very obliging I make no question but she will receive your civil and humble respects Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Monsieur Esperance and his Wife Madamoiselle Esperance MAdamoiselle Esperance Husband do you love me Monsieur Esperance Yes Madamoiselle Esperance Better than any other Woman Monsieur Esperance I can make no comparison Madamoiselle Esperance Why do you then neglect me so much as to take no notice whether I be fine and brave or ragged or patcht or ilfavoured or handsom and yet you take notice of every other woman from the stranger abroad to the Kitchin-Maid at home Monsieur Esperance By my troth Wife I do so just as I would do of a Tree or a Bush or a Stone or a Brake or a Fox or an Ass and no otherwise Madamoiselle Esperance Yet it is a sign you have them in your mind and I had rather be hated than forgotten wherefore pray let me be sometimes in your thoughts although as a Bryar and not to be flung out Root and Branch Monsieur Esperance Heaven forbid Wife you should become a Thorn in my Mind but thou art there as my Soul nor do I love you at a common rate for were thy person more deformed than ever Nature made either by Sickness or Casualty I still should love thee for thy Virtuous Soul and though your person is very handsom yet I consider not your Beauty but your Health so you be well I care not how you look for my love is at that height as it is beyond the body grown for should I only love you for your Beauty when that is decayed my love must of necessity dy if Beauty were the life Madamoiselle Esperance So then I am only your spiritual love and you will chuse a temporal one elsewhere Monsieur Esperance Prethee be not Jealous of me because I am become assured of your Chastity for know I could sooner hate my self than love or amorously affect any other woman but thy self and when I prove false to you may Iupiter cast me to Plutoes Court there to be tormented Eternally Madamoiselle Esperance Well pardon this fit of Jealousy for I shall never question your affection more nor doubt your Constancy Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Madamoiselle La Belle and her Sister Madamoiselle Amor MAdamoiselle La Belle To quarrel and fight for me is strange for as for the one I never saw and the other I have no acquaintance with but had I favoured the one or affronted the other or had favoured them both it might have raised a dispute from a dispute to a quarrel from a quarrel to a duell but many times men make a seeming love the occasion to shew their courage to get
love Solitariness and there will be too much Company Censurer There may be a great resort but their Conversation is by single Couples Examination You are a wag Lady Censurer Exeunt Scene 22. Enter four Gentlemen 1 GEnt. If I were to chuse a Wife I would chuse the Lady Solitary 2 Gent. Why 1 Gent. Because those that are Solitary love not much Company and being alone love not much noise and loving no noise love silence and loving silence love not to talk so as in having of her I shall have a Solitary Peaceable Quiet Silent Wife 3 Gent. And if I were to chuse I would chuse the Lady Censurer for she would let nothing pass her judgment for she will give her opinion of all things persons and actions so in having her to my Wife I should have a general Intelligencer or at least her opinion of all things 2 Gent. But if her Judgment were not good her opinion would be erroneous 3 Gent. I care not it would serve to pass an idle time with 4 Gent. And if I might chuse I would chuse the Lady Examination for a Wife 2 Gent. Why 4 Gent. Because she knows most humours and passages of every body and their affairs so by her I should be entertained with news from all places as of all actions done opinions held words spoke or thoughts thought 2 Gent. I would I could have my wish as easily as you might have your choice 1 Gent. What would you wish 2 Gent. I would wish to be unmarried for if I were I would never be troubled with a Wife again but let me advise you for I love to have married Companions that you three should go a woing to those three Ladyes they cannot nor will not deny your Sute being all three of you rich young and handsome All three We will take your Counsel Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES The Lord General Seigneur Valeroso Monsieur la Hardy Monsieur Compagnion Monsieur Comerade Monsieur la Gravity Captain Ruffell Captain Whiffell and several other Gentlemen Doctor Educature Doctor Comfort Stewards Messengers and Servants Lady Victoria Madam Jantil Madam Passionate Madam Ruffell Madam Whiffell Doll Pacify Madam Passionates Maid Nell Careless Madam Jantils Maid other Servants and Heroickesses THE FIRST PART OF BELL IN CAMPO ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You hear how this Kingdome of Reformation is prepaparing for War against the Kingdome of Faction 2 Gent. Yea for I hear the Kingdome of Faction resolves to War with this Kingdome of Reformation 1 Gent. 'T is true for there are great preparations of either side men are raised of all sorts and ages fit to bear Arms and of all degrees to command and obey and there is one of the gallantest and noblest persons in this Kingdome which is made General to command in chief for he is a man that is both valiant and well experienced in Wars temperate and just in Peace wise and politick in publick affairs carefull and prudent in his own Family and a most generous person 2 Gent. Indeed I have heard that he is a most excellent Souldier 1 Gent. He is so for he is not one that sets forth to the Wars with great resolutions and hopes and returns with maskerd fears and despairs neither is he like those that take more care and are more industrious to get gay Clothes and fine Feathers to flant in the Field and vapour in their march than to get usefull and necessary provision but before he will march he will have all things ready and proper for use as to fit himself with well-tempered Arms which are light to be worn yet musket proof for he means not to run away nor to yield his life upon easy terms unto his Enemy for he desires to Conquer and not vain-gloriously to shew his courage by a careless neglect or a vain carelessness also he chooses such Horses as are usefull in War such as have been made subject to the hand and heel that have been taught to Trot on the Hanches to change to Gallop to stop and such Horses as have spirit and strength yet quiet and sober Natures he regards more the goodness of the Horses than the Colours or marks and more the fitness of his Saddles than the Imbrodery also he takes more care that his Waggons should be easy to follow and light in their carriage than to have them painted and gilded and he takes greater care that his Tents should be made so as to be suddenly put up and as quickly pull'd down than for the setting and Imbrodering his Arms thereupon also he take more care to have usefull Servants than numerous Servants and as he is industrious and carefull for his particular affairs so he is for the general affairs 2 Gent. A good Souldier makes good preparations and a good General doth both for himself and Army and as the General hath showed himself a good Souldier by the preparations he had made to march so he hath showen himself a wise man by the settlement he hath made in what he hath to leave behind him for I hear he hath setled and ordered his House and Family 1 Gent. He hath so and he hath a fair young and virtuous Lady that he must leave behind him which cannot choose but trouble him 2 Gent. The wisest man that is cannot order or have all things to his own contentment Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord General and the Lady Victoria his Wife GEneral My dear heart you know I am commanded to the Wars and had I not such Wife as you are I should have thought Fortune had done me a favour to imploy my life in Heroical Actions for the service of my Country or to give me a honourable Death but to leave you is such a Cross as my Nature sinks under but wheresoever you are there will be my life I shall only carry a Body which may sight but my Soul and all the powers thereof will remain with thee Lady Victoria Husband I shall take this expression of love but for feigning words if you leave me for 't is against Nature to part with that we love best unless it be for the beloveds preservation which cannot be mine for my life lives in yours and the comfort of that life in your Company Lord General I know you love me so well as you had rather part with my life than I should part from my honour Lady Victoria 'T is true my love perswades me so to do knowing fame is a double life as infamy is a double death nay I should perswade you to those actions were they never so dangerous were you unwilling thereunto or could they create a world of honour fully inhabited with praises but I would not willingly part with your life for an imaginary or supposed honour which dyes in the womb before it is Born thus I love you the best preferring the best of what is yours but I am but in the second place in your affections for you
of quality But some will say if it would work such effects why are not mercenary Players benefited so thereby I answer that they only Act for the lucre of Gain and not for the grace of Behaviour the sweetness of Speech nor the increasing of Wit so as they only Act as Parrots speak by wrote and not as Learning gives to Education for they making not a benefit of the wit but only by the wit receive it not neither into their consideration understanding nor delight for they make it a work of labour and not of delight or pleasure or honour for they receive it into the memory and no farther than for to deliver it out as Servants or Factors to sell and not keep it as purchasors to their own use that if the reason that as soon as the Play is done their wit and becoming graces are at an end whereas the nobler sort that Act not for mercenary Profit but for Honour and becoming would not only strive to Act well upon the Stage but to practise their actions when off from the Stage besides it would keep the youths from misimploying time with their foolish extravagancies deboist luxuries and base Vices all which Idleness and vacant time produceth and in my opinion a publick Theatre were a shorter way of education than their tedious and expensive Travels or their dull and solitary Studies for Poets teach them more in one Play both of the Nature of the World and Mankind by which they learn not only to know other men but their own selves than they can learn in any School or in any Country or Kingdome in a year but to conclude a Poet is the best Tutor and a Theatre is the best School that is for Youth to be educated by or in M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS I Know there are many Scholastical and Pedantical persons that will condemn my writings because I do not keep strictly to the Masculine and Feminine Genders as they call them as for example a Lock and a Key the one is the Masculine Gender the other the Feminine Gender so Love is the Masculine Gender Hate the Feminine Gender and the Furies are shee s and the Graces are shee s the Virtues are shee s and the seven deadly Sins are shee s which I am sorry for but I know no reason but that I may as well make them Hee s for my use as others did Shee s or Shee s as others did Hee s But some will say if I did do so there would be no forms or rules of Speech to be understood by I answer that we may as well understand the meaning or sense of a Speaker or Writer by the names of Love or Hate as by the names of he or she and better for the division of Masculine and Feminine Genders doth confound a Scholar more and takes up more time to learn them than they have time to spend besides where one doth rightly understand the difference a hundred nay a thousand do not and yet they are understood and to be understood is the end of all Speakers and Writers so that if my writings be understood I desire no more and as for the nicities of Rules Forms and Terms I renounce and profess that if I did understand and know them strictly as I do not I would not follow them and if any dislike my writings for want of those Rules Forms and Terms let them not read them for I had rather my writings should be unread than be read by such Pedantical Sholastical persons M. N. TO THE READERS NOBLE READERS T Is likely you will condemn my Playes at being dull and flat by reason they have not the high seasoning of Poetical Salt but Suger is more commonly used amongst our Sex than Salt But I fear my Wit is tastless which I am sorry for for though a Satyrical Speaker is discommendable being for the most part abusive for Bitter reproofs only are fit for rigid Pedants Censuring and back-biting sit for pot Companions and sharp replies is a wit for mean persons being in a degree of scolding a Ralery Wit for Bussions and jesters which abuse under the Veil of Mirth Familiarity and Freedome whereas a generous discoursitive Wit although it be free yet it is sweet and pleasing thus as I said Satyrical Speakers are discommendable yet Satyrical Writers are highly to be praised as most profitable because those reprove only the generality as the general Vices Follies and errors of Mankind pointing at no particular and the sharpest Writers are most commonly the sweetest Speakers But I have observed one general Folly amongst many which is that it is expected by most Readers that the Writers should speak as they write which would be very ridiculous as for example a Lyrick Poet should speak nothing but Sonnets a Comedian or Tragedian Poet should speak nothing but set Speeches or blanck Verse or such Speeches which are only prover to present such and such humours which in ordinary discourse would be improper and though Virgil whose greatest praise is Language yet I do verily believe he did not speak in his ordinary Conversation in such a stile forms and Speeches nor in such high fine and choice Latin nor in such high and lofty expressions nor apt similitudes nor the sence of his discourse wrapt in such Metaphors as in his writings nay Eloquent Speakers or Orators do not alwayes speak Orations but upon an occasion and at set times but their ordinary Conversation is with ordinary discourses for I do verily believe the greatest and most Eloquents Orators that ever were in the World in their ordinary Conversation converst and spoke but as other men Besides in Common and ordinary Conversations the most Wittiest learnedst and Eloquentest Men are forced to speak according to the Wit Learning Language and Capacities of those they are in Company and Coversation with unless they will speak all themselves which will be no Conversation for in Conversation every particular person must have his turn and time of speaking as well as hearing yet such is the folly of the World as to despise the Authors of Witty Learned and Eloquent Writings if their Conversations be as other mens and yet would laugh at them or account them mad if they should speak otherwise as out of this ordinary way but the greatest talkers are not the best writers which is the cause women cannot be good Writers for we for fear of being thought Fools make our selves Fools in striving to express some Wit whereas if we had but that power over our selves as to keep silence we perchance might be thought Wits although we were Fools but to keep silence is impossible for us to do so long as we have Speech we shall talk although to no purpose for nothing but Death can force us to silence for we often talk in our Sleep but to speak without partiality I do not perceive that men are free from this imperfection nor from condemning us although they are guilty
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
But if you should meet him perchance you will not know he was he Lady Orph. O yes for his extraordinary charity made me take particular notice of him Enter the Trades-man as returning back Lady Orph. Most charitable and Trades-man What boy wouldst thou have the other peny Lady Orph. Most Noble Sir I have received from a bountifull hand a summe of money and since you were so charitable to divide the half of your store to me so I desire I may do the like to you Trades-man No boy keep it for thy self and thy old Father I have a Trade and shall get more Lady Orph. Pray take it for luck-sake otherwise I shall never thrive Trades-man Faith I finde boy thou art not as most of the World are the more riches they get the more covetous they grow Lady Orph. Sir pray take this Trades-man What do you give me here a piece of Gold Lady Orph. Yes Sir Trades-man That were extortion to take a pound for a peny Lady Orph. No it is not extortion since I can better space this pound now than you could your peny when you gave it me wherefore it is but justice Trades-man Well I will keep it for thee and when you want it come to me again and you shall have it I live in the next street at the signe of the Holy-lamb Lady Orphant Pray make use of it for I may chance never to see you more Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Sir Studious and the Lady Ignorance his Wife SIr P. Studious Faith Wife with sipping of your Gossiping-cups I am half drunk Lady Ignorance Lord Husband There were some of the Ladies that drank twice as much as you did and were not drunk and to prove they were not drunk was that they talked as much before they drunk as after For there was such a confusion of words as they could not understand each other and they did no more when they had drunk a great quantity of Wine Sir P. Studious That was a signe they were drunk that they talked less but how chance that you drank so little Lady Ignorance Truly Wine is so nauseous to my taste and so hatefull to my nostrils as I was sick when the cup was brought to me Sir P. Studious I know not what it was to you but to me it was pleasant for your Ladies were so gamesome merry and kind as they have fired me with amorous love ever since Enter the Lady Ignoranc's maid Maid Madam the Lady Wagtail and other Ladies have sent to know if your Ladyship were within that they might come and wait upon you Sir Peaceable Studious chiks the maid under the Chin and kisses her Sir P. Studious Faith Nan thou art a pretty wench Lady Ignorance What Husband Do you kiss my maid before my face Sir P. Studious Why not Wife as well as one of your sociable Ladies in a frollick as you kiss me I kiss Nan Lady Ignorance So and when Nan kisses your Barber he must kiss me Sir P. Studious Right this is the kissing frollick and then comes the stricking frollick for you strike Nan Nan gently strikes me and I justly beat you and end the frollicks with a Enter the Lady Wagtail and other Ladies of the Societie with the Lady Amorous Lady Wagtail What a man and his Wife dully alone together Fie for shame Lady Amorous Lawfull love is the dullest and drouziest companion that is for Wives are never thought fair nor Husbands witty Sir P. Studious Your Ladyship is learned in loves Societies Lady Amorous Yes that I am for I have observed that if there be a match'd company every man having a woman their conversation is dull every mans tongue whispering in his Mistriss eare whilst the women are mute listening to that which is whispered unto them but let there be but one man amongst a company of women and then their tongues runs races striving with each other which shall catch that one man as the only prize when the weaker wits runs themselves straite out of breath Sir P. Studious And must not one man run against them all Lady Amorous O yes and many times his wit beats them all Sir P. Studious Faith Lady They must not be such strong winded wits as yours is which is able to beat a dozen Masculine wits out of the field Lady Amorous You are pleased to give me a complement The Lady Ignorance seems melancholly Lady Wagtaile The merry God have mercy on you What makes you so melancholly Lady Ignorance I am not well to day Lady Wagtail If you are troubled with melancholly vapours arising from crude humours you must take as soon as you wake after your first sleep a draught of Wormwood-wine then lye to sleep again and then half an hour before you rise drink a draught of Jelly-broth and after you have been up an hour and half eate a White-wine-caudle then a little before a dinner take a Toste and Sack and at your meals two or three good glasses of Clarret-wine as for your Meats you must eate those of light digestion as Pheasant Partridges Cocks Snipes Chickens young Turkies Pea-chickens and the like And in the After-noon about four or five a clock you must take Naples-bisket dip'd in Ippocrass which helps digestion much and revives the spirits and makes one full of discourse and not only to discourse but to discourse wittily and makes one such good company as invites acquaintance and ties friendship The whilst the Lady Wagtail talks to the Lady Ignorance the eyes her Husband who seems to court the Lady Amorous Lady Amorous Faith I will tell your Wife what you say Lady Wagtail That is fowl play and not done like one of the Society especially when my Lady is not well Lady Amorous What Is she sick I lay my life she hath eate too much Branne Sturgeon or Sammon without muskadine or Sack or Neats-tongues Bakon and Anchoves Caveare or Lobsters without Rhenish-wines or Oysters or Sausages without Clarret-wine or hath she eaten Potatoe-pies without dates Ringo-roots Marrow and Chestnuts have you not i saith confess Lady Ignorance No indeed Lady Amorous Why I hope you have not taken a surfeit of White-meats those childish meats or with Water-grewel Ponado Barley-grevvel those Hodge-podgely meats Lady Ignorance Neither Lady Amorous Why then you have over-heated your self with dancing or fretting and vexing your self at your ill fortune at Cards or your Tayler hath spoiled some Gown or your Coach-man was out of the way when you would go abroad is it not so Lady Ignorance No Lady Amorous Why Then your Husband hath crost some design or hath angered you some other way The Lady Ignorance blushes They all laugh and speak at one time She blushes She blushes Lady Wagtail Faith Amorous thou hast found it out Sir Peaceable Studious you are to be chidden to anger your Wife wherefore tell us how you did anger her when you did anger her and for what you did anger her Sir P. Studious Dear sweet fine fair Ladies
Studious How not to go nor to go no more would you desire me from that which you perswaded me to Nay so much as I could never be quiet disturbing my harmless studies and happy mind crossing my pleasing thoughts with complaining words but I perceive you grow jealouse and now you are acquainted you have no more use of me but would be glad to quit my company that you may be more free abroad Lady Ignorance No Husband truely I will never go abroad but will inancor my self in my own house so you will stay at home and be as you were before for I see my own follies and am ashamed of my self that you should prove me such a fool Sir P. Studious Do you think me so wise and temperate a man as I can on a sudden quit vain pleasures and lawfull follies Lady Ignorance Yes or else you have studied to little purpose Sir P. Studious Well for this day I will stay at home and for the future time I will consider Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Servants of the Generals I. Servant This boy that came but the other day hath got more of my Lords affection than we that have served him this many years 2. Servant New-comers are alwaies more favoured than old waiters for Masters regards old Servants no more than the Imagerie in an old suit of Hanging which are grown threed-bare with time and out of fashion with change Besides new Servants are more industrious and diligent than old but when he hath been here a little while he will be as lazie as the rest and then he will be as we are I. Servant I perceive my Lord delights to hear him talk for he will listen very a tentively to him but when we offer to speak he bids us to be silent 2. Servant I wonder he should for when we speak it is with gravity and our discourse is sententious but his is meer squibs Enter Affectionata Affectionata Gentlemen my Lord would have one of you to come to him I. Servant Why I thought you could supply all our places for when you are with him he seems to have no use of us Affectionata It shall not be for want of will but ability if I do not serve him in every honest office I. Servant So you will make some of us knaves Affectionata I cannot make you knaves unless you be willing to be knaves your selves 2. Servant What do you call me knave Affectionata I do not call you so Ex. 2. Servant Well I will be revenged if I live Ex. Scene 21. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam I have inquired what this Sir Serious Dumb is and 't is said he is one of the finest Gentlemen in this Kingdom and that his valour hath been proved in the wars and that he is one that is very active and dexterous in all manly exercises as riding fencing vaulting swimming and the like Also that he is full of inventions and a rare Poet and that he hath a great Estate only that he is dumb and hath been so this twelve years and upwards Lady Bashfull Reformer What makes you so industrious to inquire after him surely thou art in love within Reformer In my conscience I liked him very well when he was to see you Lady Bashfull The truth is he cannot weary you with words nor anger you in his discourse but pray do not inquire after him nor speak of him for people will think I have some designe of marriage Reformer I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata He strokes Affectionata's head LOrd Singularity Affectionata Thou art one of the diligent'st boys that had Affectionata How can I be otherwise Sir since you are the Governour of my soul that commands the Fort of my passion and the Castle of my imaginations which are the heart and the head Lord Singularity Do you love me so much Affectionata So well my Lord as you are the archetectour of my mind the foundation of my thoughts and the gates of my memories for your will is the form your happiness the level and your actions the treasurie Lord Singularity Thy wit delights me more than thy flattery perswades for I cannot believe a boy can love so much Besides you have not served me so long as to beget love Affectionata I have loved you from my infancy for as I suck'd life from my Nurses breast so did I Love from fames drawing your praises forth as I did milk which nourished my affections Lord Singularity I shall strive boy to require thy love Affectionata To requite is to return love for love Lord Singul. By Heaven I love thee as a Father loves a son Affectionata Then I am blest Exeunt Scene 23. Enter two Souldiers 1. SOuldier What is this boy that our General is so taken with 2. Souldier A poor Begger-boy 1. Souldier Can a poor Begger-boy merit his affections 2. Souldier He is a pretty boy and waites very diligently 1. Souldier So doth other boys as well as he but I believe he is a young Pimp and carries and conveys Love-letters 2. Souldier Like enough to for boys are strangely crafty in those imployments and so industrious as they will let no times nor opportunities slip them but they will find waies to deliver their Letters and messages Exeunt Scene 24. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page and Sir Serious Dumb who gives a Note to the Page to read PAge Sir I dare not direct you to my Lady as you desire me in this Note and if I should tell her here is a Gentleman that desired to visit her she would refuse your visit Dumb gives the young Page four or five pieces of Gold Page I will direct you to the room wherein my Lady is but I must not be seen nor confess I shewed you the way Page and Sir Serious Dumb Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Come Affectionata sit down and entertain me with thy sweet discourse which makes all other company troublesome and tedious to me thine only doth delight me Affectionata My Noble Lord I wish the plat-form of my brain were a Garden of wit and then perchance my tongue might present your Excellencies with a Posie of flowery Rhethorick but my poor brain is barren wanting Lord Singularity Thou hast an eloquent tongue and a gentle soul Affectionata My Noble Lord I have hardly learn'd my native words much less the eloquence of Language and as for the souls of all mankind they are like Common-wealths where the several vertues and good graces are the Citizens therein and the natural subjects thereof but vices and follies as the thievish Borderers and Neighbour-enemies which makes inrodes factions mutinies intrudes and usurps Authority and if the follies be more than the good graces and the vices too strong for the vertues the Monarchy of a good life falls to ruine also it is indangered by Civil-wars amongst the passions Lord Singularity What
sit down or to bid him leave her company and surely they must needs be both very weary of walking but sure he will leave her when it is time to go to bed Reformer It is to be hoped he will Enter the Lady Bashfull and Sir Serious Dumb following her Reformer Madam you will tire your self and the Gentleman with walking about your house wherefore pray sit down Lady Bashfull What! To have him gaze upon my face Reformer Why your face is a handsome face and the owner of it is honest wherefore you need not be ashamed but pray rest your self Lady Bashfull Pray perswade him to leave me and then I will Reformer Sir my Lady intreats you to leave her to her self Sir Serious Dumb writes then and gives Reformer his Table-book to read Reformer He writes he cannot leave you for if his body should depart his soul will remain still with you Lady Bashfull That will not put me out of countenance because I shall not be sensible of its presence wherefore I am content he should leave his soul so that he will take his body away He writes and gives Reformer the Book Reformer reads He writes that if you will give him leave once a day to see you that he will depart and that he will not disturb your thoughts he will only wait upon your person for the time he lives he cannot keep himself long from you Lady Bashfull But I would be alone Reformer But if he will follow you you must indure that with patience you cannot avoid Sir Serious Dumb goeth to the Lady Bashfull and kisseth her hand and Ex. Reformer You see he is so civil as he is unwilling to displease you Lady Bashfull Rather than I will be troubled thus I will go to some other parts of the World Reformer In my conscience Madam he will follow you wheresoever you go Lady Bashfull But I will have him shut out of my house Reformer Then he will lye at your gates and so all the Town will take notice of it Lady Bashfull Why so they will howsoever by his often visits Reformer But not so publick Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the General and Affectionata Lord Singularity Affectionata Thou must carry a Letter from me to my Mistriss Affectionata You will not marry her you say Lord Singul. No Affectionata Then pardon me my Lord for though I would assist your honest love by any service I can do yet I shall never be so base an Instrument as to produce a crime Lord Singul. Come come thou shalt carry it and I will give thee 500. pounds for thy service Affectionata Excuse me my Lord Lord Singularity I will give thee a thousand pounds Affectionata I shall not take it my Lord Lord Singul. I will give thee five thousand nay ten thousand pounds Affectionata I am not covetous my Lord Lord Singularity I will make thee Master of my whole Estate for without the assistance I cannot injoy my Mistriss by reason she will trust none with our Loves but thee Affectionata Could you make me Master of the whole World it could not tempt me to do an action base for though I am poor I am honest and so honest as I cannot be corrupted or bribed there-from Lord Singularity You said you loved me Affectionata Heaven knows I do above my life and would do you any service that honour did allow of Lord Singularity You are more scrupulous than wise Affectionata There is an old saying my Lord that to be wise is to be honest Exeunt Scene 32. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and meets his Ladies maid Sir P. Studious Where is your Lady Maid In her Chamber Sir Sir P. Studious Pray her to come to me Maid Yes Sir Sir P. Studious Exit Enter another Maid to the first 1. Maid Lord Lord What a creature my Master is become since he fell into his musing again he looks like a melancholy Ghost that walks in the shades of Moon-shine or if there be no Ghost such as we fancie just such a one seems her when a week since he was as fine a Gentleman as one should see amongst a thousand 2. Maid That was because he kiss'd you Nan 1. Maid Faith it was but a dull clownish part to meet a Maid that is not ill-favoured and not make much of her who perchance have watch'd to meet him for which he might have clap'd her on the cheek or have chuck'd her under the chin or have kiss'd her but to do or say nothing but bid me call my Lady was such a churlish part Besides it seemed neither manly gallantly nor civilly 2. Maid But it shewed him temperate and wise not minding such frivilous and troublesome creatures as women are 1. Maid Prithy it shews him to be a miserable proud dull fool 2. Maid Peace some body will hear you and then you will be turn'd away 1. Maid I care not for it they will not turn me away I will turn my self away and seek another service for I hate to live in the house with a Stoick Scene 33. Enter the General and Affectionata AFfectionata By your face Sir there seems a trouble in your mind and I am restless until I know your griefs Lord Singularity It is a secret I dare not trust the aire with Affectionata I shall be more secret than the aire for the aire is apt to divulge by retorting Echoes back but I shall be as silent as the Grave Lord Singul. But you may be tortured to confess the truth Affectionata But I will not confess the truth if the confession may any wayes hurt or disadvantage you for though I will not belye truth by speaking falsely yet I will conceal a truth rather than betray a friend Especially my Lord and Master But howsoever since your trouble is of such concern I shall not with to know it for though I dare trust my self yet perchance you dare not trust me but if my honest fidelity can serve you any wayes you may imploy it and if it be to keep a secret all the torment that nature hath made or art invented shall never draw it from me Lord Singul. Then let me tell thee that to conceal it would damn thy soul Affectionata Heaven bless me But sure my Lord you cannot be guilty of such sins that those that doth but barely hear or know them shall be damned Lord Singul, But to conceal them is to be an Actor Affectionata For Heaven sake then keep them close from me if either they be base or wicked for though love prompt me to inquire hoping to give you ease in bearing part of the burthen yet Heaven knows I thought my love so honourable placed on such a worthy person and guiltless soul as I might love and serve without a scandal or a deadly sin Lord Singularity Come you shall know it Affectionata I 'l rather stop my ears with death Lord Singul. Go thou art a false boy Affectionata How false a boy howsoever you think me I have an
cozens us by reason one effect may be produced from many several causes and several effects proceeds from one cause Lord Singularity But thy tears seems as if they were produced from some passion Affectionata Indeed they are produced from passions and appetites for passions are the rayes of the mind and appetites the vapour of the senses and the rayes of my mind hath drawn up the vapour of my senses into thick moist clouds which falls in showering tears Lord Singularity Tell me thy griefs and thy desires that I may help the one and ease the other Affectionata Alas my Lord I cannot for they lye in the conceptions and conceptions ariseth like mysts and my thoughts like clouds lyes one above another Lord Singularity Come come let reason the Sun of the soul verifie those misty conceptions and disperse this dull humour that the mind may be clear and the thoughts serene Affectionata I will strive to bring in the light of mirth Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous and Sir Humphry Bold LAdy Wagtail Good Sir Humphry Bold carry us to the Court of Iudicatures to hear the great Tryal which is said to be to day Sir Humphry Bold You would go to hear the condemnation of an old man and his old wife Lady Wagtail No we would go to hear the confessions as whether they have murthered the young Lady that is missing or not Sir Humphry bold Why that you may hear from other relations as well as from their own mouths and so save you so much pains and trouble as you will have to get a place and to stand so long a time as the examining accusing confessing freeing or condemning which will require so long a time as Ladies will find great inconveniencies and be put mightily to it Lady Wagtail But I long to hear and see the manner of it Sir Humphry Bold I will wait upon you but you will be very much crouded Lady Amorous I had rather see them hanged if they be guilty than hear them judged and condemned Sir Humphry Bold Why a condemning Judge is the chief Hang-man for he hangs with his word as the other with a cord Lady VVagtail Will the Lord Singularity be there Sir Humphry Bold Yes certainly for he is the man that doth accuse them Lady Amorous And will his Son be there Sir Humphry Bold I know not that Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Iudges and Iury-men as in a Court of Judicature the Lord Singularity Foster Trusty and Nurse Fondly and many others to hear them JUdges Who accuses these persons of murther Lord Singularity I my Lord Foster Trusty We beseech your Honours not to condemn us before you have found us guilty Lord Singularity It is a proof sufficient my Lord they cannot clear themselves or produce the party that was delivered to their trust and care Iudges Jurie do you find them guilty or not Iuries Guilty my Lord Iudges Then from the Jurie we can Enter Affectionata drest very fine in her own Sexes habit and stops the Iudges sentence Affectionata Hold condemn not these innocent persons for their fidelity constancy and love I am that maid they are accused to murther and by good circumstances can prove it All the Assembly Iudges and Iurie seems as in a maze at her beauty and stares on her The Lord Singularity as soon as he seeth her starts back then goeth towards her his eyes all the time sixt on her speaking as to himself Lord Singularity Sure it is that face He takes her by the Hand and turns her to the light are not you my Affectionata whom I adopted my Son Affectionata Shame stops my breath and chokes the words I should utter Lord Singularity For Heaven sake speak quickly release my fears or crown my joyes Affectionata My Lord pray pardon loves follies and condemn not my modesty for dissembling my Sex for my designs were harmless as only to follow you as a servant For by Heaven my Lord my only desire was that my eyes and my eares might be fed with the sight of your person and sound of your voice which made me travel to hear and to see you But since I am discovered I will otherwise conceal my self and live as an Anchoret from the view of the World Lord Singularity Pray let me live with you Affectionata That may not be for an Anchoret is to live alone Lord Singularity If you will accept of me for your husband we shall be as one Affectionata You have declared against marriage my Lord Lord Singularity I am converted and shall become so pious a devote as I shall offer at no Alter but Hymens and since I am your Convert refuse me not Affectionata I love too well to refuse you He kneels down on one knee and kisses her hand Lord Singularity Here on my knee I do receive you as a blessing and a gift from the Gods He riseth Affectionata Most Reverend Judges and Grave Jury sentence me not with censure nor condemn me to scandals for waiting as a Man and serving as a Page For though I dissembled in my outward habit and behaviour yet I was alwaies chaste and modest in my nature Exeunt Scene 37. Enter the Lady VVagtail and Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Now Lady Amorous is your mind a Mirtel-grove and your thoughts Nightingals to entertain the Idea of your Adonas Lady Amorous Her discovery hath proved the boar that kill'd him but I desire much to be army Adonas Funeral which is the Lady Orphants wedding Lady Wagtail I am acquainted with some of the Lord Singularity's Captains and Officers and I will speak to some of them to speak to the Lord Singularity to invite us Lady Amorous I pray do for since my Adonas is dead I will strive to inamour Mars which is the Lord Singularity himself Lady Wagtail Faith that is unfriendly done for I have laid my designs for himself Lady Amorous I fear both of our designs may come to nothing he is so inamoured with his own She-Page or female Son Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Nurse Fondly and Foster Trusty NUrse Fondly O Husband This is the joyfullest day that ever I had in my whole life except at mine own wedding Foster Trusty Indeed this day is a day of Iubile Nurse Fondly Of Iuno say you but Husband have you provided good chear and enough for here are a world of Guests come more than was invited and you being Master Steward will be thought too blame if there be any thing wanting Foster Trusty If you be as carefull to dress the Brides Chamber as I to provide for the bridal Guest you nor I shall be in a fault Nurse Fondly I saith if you have done your part as I have done my part we shall deserve praise Foster Trusty I saith we are almost so old that we are almost past praise Nurse Fondly None can merit praise but those in years for all Worthy Noble and Heroick Acts requires time to do them and who
was ever wise that was young Foster Trusty And few are praised that are old for as fame divulgeth merits so time wears out praise for time hath more power than fame striving to destroy what fame desires to keep The truth is time is a Glutton for he doth not only strive to destroy what fame divulgeth but what himself begets and produceth Exeunt Scene 39. Enter the Lord Singularity and the Lady Orphant as Bride and Bride-groom and a company of Bridal-guests Enter Musitians and meets them MUsitioners We desire your Excellence will give us leave to present you with a Song written by my Lord Marquiss of New-Castle Lord Singularity Your present could have never been less acceptable by reason it will retard my marriage Lady Orphant Pray my Lord hear them Lord Singularity Come come dispatch dispatch He seems not to listen to them All the time his eyes fixt on the Bride SONG Love in thy younger age Thou then turn'd Page When love then stronger grew The bright sword drew Then Love it was thy fate To advise in State My Love adopted me His childe to be Then offered was my hap A Cardinals Cap Loves juglings thus doth make The Worlds mistake Lord Singularity By Heaven Musitioners you are all so dillotarie with your damnable and harsh prologue of tuning before you play as the next Parliament will make it felony in Fidlers if not treason when your Great Royal Eares begin with a Pox to you Musitians Why my Noble Lord we have done Lord Singularity By Heaven there spake Apollo Give them ten Pieces Musitians Madam an Eppilanian we have more to express our further joy and then we will pray for blessings on you both Lord Singularity O! It will be my funeral song you rogues know all delays doth kill me and at this time your best Musick sounds harsh and out of tune Lady Orphant Pray let them sing that one song more so ends your trouble of them Lord Singularity Begin quick quick SONG O Love some says thou art a Boy But now turn'd Girl thy Masters joy Now cease all thy fierce alarms In circles of your loving arms Who can express the joys to night 'T wil charm your senses with delight Nay all those pleasures you 'l controul With joyning your each soul to soul Thus in Loves raptures live till you Melting dissolv into a dew And then your aery journey take So both one constellation make The Song done the Musick playes as the Bride and Bridegroom goeth FINISH The women in the mean time squeeks Gives him the two swords The Comedy named the Several Wits The wise Wit the wild Wit the cholerick Wit the humble Wit The Names of the Persons MOnsieur Generosity Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Perfection Monsieur Importunate Monsieur Bon Compaignon Monsieur Profession Monsieur Comorade Monsieur Discretion Monsieur Compliment Doctor Freedom a Doctor of Physick Madam Mere Madamosel Caprisia Madamosel Doltche Madamosel Solid Madamosel Volant A Grave Matron Madamosel Doltches Nurse Two Maid-servants PROLOGUE THis Play I do present to Lady wits And hope the wit each several humour fits For though all wit be wit as of wit kind Yet different be as men not of one mind For different men hath different minds we know So different Wits in different humours flow The cholerick Wit is rough and salt as brine The humble Wit flows smooth in a strait line A wise Wit flows in streams fresh pure and clear Where neither weeds nor troubled waves appear But a wild wit in every ditch doth flow And with the mudde doth soul and filthy grow THE COMEDY NAMED THE SEVERAL WITS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and her maid MAID Madam Monsieur Importunate is come to visit you Madam Caprisia Did not I tell you I would receive no visits to day Maid I did tell him that you desired to be excused but he said he would not excuse you for he must see you Madam Capris. Go tell him I have taken Physick Maid I did tell him so but he said he would stay untill it had done working Madam Capris. I would it were working in his belly Ex. Scene 2. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Lady hearing of your great wit I am come to prove report Madam Volante You will find him a lyer Sir Bon Compaignon I had rather report should be a lyer than I a Lover Madam Volante Why then we agree in a mind for I had rather be thought a fool than to be troubled with a fools company Bon Compaignon You need not be troubled with that for love is strongest absented Madam Volante O! but there is an old Proverb that love will break thorough stone-walls wherefore if you be in love you will haunt me like a Fairy no locks nor bolts will keep you out for fairy love will creep thorough a creavice Bon Compaignon Faith Lady I find now that love is the Queen of Fayries for it hath crept thorough the key-hole of my eares and hath got into my head and their dances such roundelayes as makes my brain dissie Madam Volante If once your brain begins to be dissie your senses will stagger and your reason will fall down from its feat and when the reason is displaced and the wit is distemper'd the mind become mad and to prevent the mischief that may follow I will depart in time Ex. Scene 3. Enter Madamosel Caprisia as at the door meets Monsieur Importunate he stops her passage MOnsieur Importunate You shall not pass untill you have paid me a tribute Madam Caprisia What Tribute Monsieur Importunate A kiss Madam Capris. I will pay no such tribute for I will bring such a number of words armed with such strong reasons as they shall make my way Monsieur Importunate Your words will prove poor Pilgrims which come to offer at the Altar of my lips Madam Capris. Nay rather than so they shall come as humble Petitioners and as it were kneeling at your heart shall with innocency beg for gentle civility Monsieur Importunate I will shut the gates of my ears against them and my lips as a bar shall force them back being a precise factious rout Madam Capris. Satire shall lead my sharp words on break ope those gates and anger like consuming fire shall both destroy your will and base desire Monsieur Importunate I will try that Madam Capris. But I will rather make a safe retreat than venture least your rude strength might overcome my words She goeth back he follows her Monsieur Importunate I will march after at the heels of you Ex. Scene 4. Enter Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Compliment DOltche Sir you prayse me so much as I may doubt or rather believe you flatter me for it is not possible to be so rare a creature as you express me to be unless I were something divine perchance I may be worthy of some of your inferiour Prayses but not all your high and mighty ones Monsieur Compliment You are more
rudely to contradict you Bon Compaignon It is neither erroneous nor vain to believe a truth Lady Doltche Nor civil to make a doubt Sir but I am obliged unto you for that you help to cover my defects and wants in nature with your civil commendation and your kind estimation of me Ex. Scene 11. Enter Monsieur Importunate and Madamosel Caprisia IMportunate My fair wit you look as if you were angry with me Capris. You dwell not so long in my mind as to make me angry my thoughts are strangers to your figures She offers to go away and he holds her from going Importunate Nay faith now I have you I will keep you perforce untill you pay me the kiss you owe me Capris. Let me go for I had rather my eyes were eternally seal'd up my ears for ever stopt close from sound than hear or see you I care not whether you hear or see me so you will kisse me Capris. Let me go or otherwise my lips shall curse you and my words being whetted with injurie are become so sharp as they will wound you Importunate I will keep you untill your words begs for mercy in the most humblest stile and after the most mollifying manner Capris. Hell take you or Earth devoure you like a beast never to rise Importunate Love strike your heart with shooting thorough your eyes Capris. May you be blown up with pride untill you burst into madnesse may your thoughts be more troubled than rough waters more raging than a tempest may your senses feel no pleasure your body find no rest nor your life any peace Importunate May you love me with a doting affection may I be the only man you will imbrace and may you think me to be as handsome as Narcissus did himself Capris. You appear to me in all the horrid shapes that fancy can invent Enter Madam Mere Madam Mere Why how now daughter alwayes quarreling Capris. Can you blame me when I am beset with rudeness and assaulted with uncivil actions Madam Mere Let her alone Monsieur Importunate for she is a very Shrew Importunate Well go thy wayes for all the Shrews that ever nature made you are the cursest one Ex. Scene 12. Enter Madamosel Volante and a Grave Matron Volante I am not of the humour as most vvomen are vvhich is to please themselves vvith thinking or rather believing that all men that looks on them are in love vvith them But I take pleasure that all men that I look on should think I am in love vvith them vvhich men vvill soon believe being as self-conceited as vvomen are Matron But vvhere is the pleasure Lady Volante Why in seeing their phantastical garbs their strutting postures their smiling faces and the jackanapesly actions and then I laugh in my mind to think vvhat fools they are so as I make my self merry at their folly and not at my own Matron But men vvill appear as much Jackanapeses when they are in love vvith you as if they thought you vvere in love vvith them for all Lovers are apish more or less Volante I grant all Lovers are but those that think themselves beloved appears more like the grave Babboon than the skipping Iackanapes for though their actions are as ridiculous yet they are vvith more formality as being more circumspectly foolish or self-conceitedly vain Matron Well for all your derisions and gesting at men I shall see you at one time or other shot vvith Cupids arrovv Volante By deaths dart you may but never by loves arrovv for death hath povver on me though love hath none Matron There is an old saying that time importunity and opportunity vvins the chastest She vvhen those are joyned vvith vvealth and dignity but to yield to a lawfull love neither requires much time nor pleading if the Suiters have but Person Title and Wealth which women for the most part do prize before valour wisdom or honesty Volante Women hath reason to prefer certainties before uncertainties for mens Persons Titles and Wealths are visible to their view and knowledge but their Valours Wisdoms and Honesties doth rest upon Faith for a coward may fight and a fool may speak rationally and act prudently sometimes and a knave may appear an honest man Marrons They may so but a valiant man will never act the part of a coward nor a wise man prove a fool nor an honest man appear a knave Volante There can be no proof of any mans Valour Wisdom or Honesty but at the day of his death in aged years when as he hath past the danger in Wars the tryals in Miseries the malice of Fortune the temptations of Pleasures the inticements of Vice the heights of Glory the changes of Life provokers of Passion deluders of Senses torments of Pain or painfull Torments and to chose a Husband that hath had the Tryals and experiences of all these is to chose a Husband out of the Grave and rather than I will marry death I will live a maid as long as I live and when I dye let death do what he will with me Ex. Scene 13. Enter Monsieur Profession in mourning then enters his Friend Monsieur Comorade MOnsieur Comorade Well met I have travelled thorough all the Town and have inquired of every one I could speak to and could neither hear of thee nor see thee Profession It were happy for me if I had neither ears nor eyes Comorade Why what is the matter man He observes his mourning and then starts Gods-me Now I perceive thou art in mourning which of thy Friends is dead Profession The chiefest friend I had which mas my heart For that is dead being kill'd with my Mistress cruelty and buryed in her inconstancy Comorade I dare swear not the whole heart for every mans heart is like a head of Garlick which may be divided into many several cloves Wherefore cheer up man for it is but one clove that death or love hath swallowed down into his Stomach to cure him of the wind-cholick and since thy heart hath so many cloves thou mayst well spare him one and be never the worse But if it be buryed as you say in your Mistresses inconstancy it is to be hop'd it will be converted into the same inconstant humour and that will cure the other part of thy heart Profession O! She was the Saint of my thoughts and the Goddesse of my soul Comorade Prethee let me be thy moral Tutor to instruct thee in the knowledge of Truth and to let thee know that vertue is the true Goddesse to which all men ought to bow to and that youth beauty and wealth are sixt to be forsaken when vertue comes in place and vertue is constant both to its principals and promises Wherefore if thy Mistresse be inconstant she cannot be vertuous wherefore let her go Monsieur Profession fetches a great sigh and goes out without speaking a word Comorade alone Comorade I think his heart is dead in good earnest for it hath no sense of what I have
Solid O you are welcome Doctor Freedom Doctor If I be not welcome now I shall never be welcome Volante Why Doctor what Present have you brought us that can make you so acceptable is it perpetual youth or undeniable beauty or everlasting life But prethee Doctor what is it that will make thee so welcome Doctor Why my self here being so many young Ladies together and not a man amongst them Volante Thy self Doctor why thou art not worth the dregs of an Urinal of a sick water if it were not for our charity and generosity more than thy merit ability or service you would have but a cold entertainment and a rule welcome Doctor Well my young wity saterycal Patient you will take a surfeit of fruit milk puddings pyes or sweet-meats one of these dayes and then you will flatter me Volante You say right Doctor but now I speak truth and is not that better than to flatter or dissemble For there is none but sick and deprav'd souls that will deliver Truth with a quarter half or three quartred face like Merchants or mechanick that would sell off their ill commodities with a broken light but a noble and healthfull soul shews the full face of Truth in a clear light wherefore the sick and base will flatter but the noble and free will speak truth Doctor VVell I am sure you think better of me in your thoughts than your words expresses Volante Let me tell you my words and thoughts are so well acquainted as they never dissemble and there is such a friendship betwixt them as they never move several wayes but runs even together But let me tell thee Doctor I have such a spleen to thy Sex as I desire to kill them at least to wound them with spitefull words and I wish I had beauty enough for to damn them causing them to be perjured by forsaking other women they were bound by sacred vows and holy bonds Enter Monsieur Discretion Discretion It is well Master Doctor that you can be priviledg'd amongst the young Ladyes at all times when such as I that have not your Profession are oftentimes shut and lockt out Doctor Faith if you have no better entertainment than I have had since I came it were better you were from them than with them for their tongues are as sharp as needles Volante 'T is a sign we want work when we are forc'd to stitch our wit upon you Discretion How dare you anger the Doctor when your life lyes upon his skill Volante O! His skill lyes upon chance and it is a chance whether he kills or cures is it not Doctor Doctor No for I can kill my Patients when I will although not cure them when I will Volante VVell then Doctor when I would dye I will send for you but not when I would live Discretion Your Servant Ladies Monsieur Discretion goeth out Doctor Good Lady Wit follow Monsieur Discretion he will make you a wise Lady and make your wit discreet as it should be Volante O Doctor how you mistake for wit cannot be made it is a Creator and not a Creature for wit was the first Master or Mistress of Arts the first Husband-man Granger Gardiner Carver Painter Graver Caster and Moulder Mason Joyner Smith Brasier Glazier the first Chandler Vintener Brewer Baker Cook Confectioner the first Spinster VVeaver Knitter Tayler Shoo-maker and millions the like also wit was the first Navigator Architector Mathematician Logitian Geometrician Cosmografir Astronomer Astrologer Philosopher Poet Historian and Hearold also wit made the first Common-wealth invented Laws for Peace Arms for VVars Ceremonies for State and Religion also musick dancing dressing masking playing for delight and pleasure wit divides time imployes time prevents time and provides for time it makes Heavens and Hells Gods and Divels Doctor VVell go thy wayes for though thou hast a heavenly mind and an angelical beauty yet thou hast a devilish wit Volante It shall be sure to torment thee Doctor but do you hear Doctor pray present my service to Monsieur Discretion and tell him it was a signe he lik'd not our company he made so short a stay Doctor He perceived by your usage of me that if he stayd you would beat him out of your company with your two edged tongues but I will tell him what a Rallery you are Volante I hope you will give me a good report for I have fully charged you Doctor You have over-charged me and therefore it is likely I shall break into exclamations Ex. ACT IV. Scene 28. Enter Monsieur Importunate and Madamosel Caprisia IMportunate Lady if I may not be your Husband pray let there be a friendship between us Capris. What kind of friendship would you make for there are so many and of such different natures as I know not which you would be as some friendship is made by beauty some by flattery some by luxurie some by factions others by knavery and all for interest Importunate None for love Capris. No but some are made by lust but they last not long Importunate And is there no friendship made by vertue Capris. O no for vertue may walk all the World over and meet never a friend which is the cause she lives alone for all the World thinks her too rigid for Society which makes mankind adhere to her enemie vice Importunate Doth not marriage make a friendship Capris. Very seldom for marriage is like a Common-wealth which is a contract of bodyes or rather a contract of interest not a friendship betwixt souls and there is as much Faction and oftener civil Wars in marriage than in publick Common-wealths Importunate I desire our friendship may be Platonick Capris. That is too dangerous for it oftimes proves a Traytor to Chastity Ex. Scene 29. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo Madamosel Doltche and her Nurse NUrse Sir you must give me leave to chide you for staying so long with my Nurse-child as you keep her from her dinner either go away or stay and dine with her Nobilissimo Good Nurse be patient for though I am engaged to dine with other company yet her discourse is such charming musick as I have not power to go from her as yet Doltche If my discourse sounds musical 't is only when you are by but when you are absent the strings of my voice or speech is as if they were broken for then my tongue is out of Tune and my wit is out of humour Nobilissimo My dearest and sweetest Mistress may your merits be rewarded by Fame your vertue by Heaven your life by Nature and all your earthly desires by Fortune Doltche And my love by the return of yours Nobilissimo When I forsake you may Hell take my soul and Divels torment it for ingratitude and perjury Ex. Scene 30. Enter Madamosel Volante and a Grave Matron MAtron Madamosel Doltche seems to be a very fine sweet Lady well-behav'd sober modest discreet and of a gentle nature Volante Most commonly every one seems best at the first sight
expresse himself in such high poetical Raptures for his discourse is plain and ordinary Nobilissimo Nay sometimes his discourse is extraordinary as when he hath Wars but Nurse thou art old and the fire of love if ever thou hadst any is put out by old Father Times extinguisher Doltche True love never dyes nor can time put it out Nobilissimo 'T is true but Nurse seems by her speech as if she had never known true love for true love as it alwaies burns clear so it alwaies flames high far infinite is the fewel that feeds it Nurse Well well young Lovers be not so confident but let me advise you to ballance reason on both sides with hopes and doubts and then the judgement will be steady Nobilissimo But in the scales of love Nurse nothing must be but confidence Nurse Yes there must be temperance or love will surfeit and dye with excess Doltche Love cannot surfeit no more than souls with grace or Saints of Heaven Ex. Scene 37. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. My smiles shall be as Baits my eyes as Angels where every look shall be a hook to catch a heart I 'l teach my tongue such art to plant words on each heart as they shall take deep root from whence pure love shall spring my lips shall be as flowery banks whereon sweet Rhethorick grows and cipherous fancy blows from which banks love shall wish to gather Posies of kisses where every single kisse shall differ as Roses Pinks Violets Primroses and Daffidillies and the breath therefrom shall be as fragant as the touch soft thereon and as the Sun doth heat the Earth so shall my imbraces heat my Lovers thoughts with self-conceit which were before like water frozen with a dejected and despairing cold Hay ho Ex. ACT V. Scene 38. Enter Monsieur Profession and Madamosel Solid PRofession Dear Mistress you are the only She that is fit to be crown'd the sole Empresse of the World Solid Let me tell you Sir I had rather be a single Shepheardesse than the sole Empress of the World for I would not be a Mistress of so much power to be as a Servant to so much trouble Profession But put the case Alexander were alive and would crown you Empress of the World you would not refuse that honour but accept of it for the sake of renown Solid Yes I should refuse it for if I could not get renown by my own merits I should wish to dye in Oblivion for I care not Nay I despise such honours and renowns as comes by derivations as being deriv'd from another and not inherent in my self and it is a poor and mean renown that is gain'd or got only by receiving a gift from a fellow-creature who gives out of passion appetite partiality vain-glory or fear and not for merit or worthsake wherefore no gifts but those that comes from the Gods or Nature are to be esteem'd or received with thanks but were to be refused had man the power to chose or to deny Profession Sweet Mistress nature hath crown'd you with beauty and wit and the Gods hath given you a noble soul Solid I wish they had for the Gods gifts are not like to mans and natures crown is beyond the golden crown of Art which are greater glories than Power Wealth Title or Birth or all the outward honours gain'd on Earth but I desire the Gods may crown my soul with reason and understanding Heaven crown my mind with Temperance and Fortitude Nature crown my body with Health and Strength time crown my life with comely and discreet age Death crown my separation with peace and rest and Fame crown my memory with an everlasting renown thus may my creation be to a happy end Profession Gods Fortune and Fates hath joyned to make me happy in your love and that which will make me absolutely happy is that I shall marry you and imbrace you as my wife Solid The absolute happiness is when the Gods imbraces man with mercy and kisses him with love Ex. Scene 39. Enter Madamosel Caprisia CApris. Hay ho who can love and be wise but why do I say so For reason loves wisely 't is only the mistaken senses that loves foolishly indeed the sense doth not love but fondly and foolishly affects for it 't is an humoursome and inconstant appetite that proceeds from the body and not that noble passion of true love which proceeds from the soul But O! what a ridiculous humour am I fallen into from a cholerick humour into an amorous humour Oh! I could tear my soul from my body for having such whining thoughts and such a mean submissive croaching feigning flattering humour and idle mind a cholerick humour is noble to this for it is commanding and seems of an heroick spirit but to be amorous is base beastly and of an inconstant nature Oh! How apt is busie life to go amisse What foolish humours in mans mind there is But O! The soul is far beyond the mind As much as man is from the beastly kind Ex. Scene 40. Enter Madamosel Volante and Doctor Freedom DOctor Are you weary of your life that you send me for you said you would not send for me untill you had a desire to dye Volante True Doctor and if you cannot cure me kill me Doctor In my conscience you have sent for me to play the wanton Volante Why Doctor If I do not infringe the rules and laws of modesty or civility I cannot commit wanton faults Doctor Yes faith your tongue may play the wanton Volante Indeed Doctor I had rather tell a wanton truth than a modest lye Doctor Well what is your disease Volante Nay that you must guesse I can only tell my pains Doctor Where is your pain Volante In my heart and head Doctor Those be dangerous parts but after what manner are your pains Volante On my heart there lyes a weight as heavy as the World on Atlas shoulders and from my melancholly mind arises such damps of doubts as almost quenches out the fire of life did not some hope though weak which blows with fainting breath keep it alive or rather puffs than blows which intermitting motions makes my pulse unequal and my bloud to ebbe and flow as from my heart unto my face and from my face unto my heart again as for my head it feels drousie and my spirits are dull my thoughts uneasily doth run crossing and striving to throw each other down this causes broken sleeps and frightfull dreams and when I awake at every noyse I start with fears my limbs doth shake Doctor VVhy this disease is love wherefore I cannot cure you for love no more than wit can neither be temper'd nor yet be rul'd for love and wit keeps neither moderate bounds nor spares diet but dyes most commonly of a surfeit Volante O yes discretion can cure both Doctor Then send for Monsieur Discretion and hear what he sayes to you for your disease is past my skil Volante By your industry
Doctor help may be found in giving directions and ordering the cordial Doctor So I understand you would have my counsel what you should do and my industry to order and get a meeting between Monsieur Discretion and you and to make the match betwixt you Volante You understand me right Doctor VVell I will study the means and trye if I can procure thee a man Volante Good fortune be your guide Doctor And Monsieur Discretion your Husband Ex. Scene 41. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. Thoughts be at rest for since my love is honest and the person I love worthy I may love honourably for he is not only learned with study experienced with time and practice but he is natures favourite she hath endued his soul with uncontrouled reason his mind with noble thoughts his heart with heroick generosity and his brain with a supream wit Besides she hath presented his judgement and understanding with such a clear Prospective-glasse of speculations and such a Multiplying-glass of conception as he seeth farther and discerns more into natures works than any man she hath made before him She slops a little time then speaks But let me consider I have us'd this worthy Gentleman uncivilly nay rudely I have dispised him wherefore he cannot love me for nature abhors neglect and if he cannot love me in honesty he ought not to marry me and if I be not his wife for certain I shall dye for love or live a most unhappy life which is far worse than death Hay ho Enter Madam la Mere her Mother Mere What Daughter sick with love Capris. O Mother love is a Tyrant which never lets the mind be at rest and the thoughts are the torments and when the mind is tormented the body is seldom in health Mere Well to ease you I will go to this Lord Generosity and pray him to give you a visit Capris. By no means Mother for I had rather dye with love than live to be despised with scorn for he will refuse your desires or if he should come it would be but to express his hate or proudly triumph on my unhappy state Madamosel Caprisia goes out Madamosel Mere alone Mere She is most desperately in love but I will endeavour to settle her mind Ex. Scene 42. Enter Doctor Freedom and Madamosel Volante DOctor Am not I a good Doctor now that hath got you a good Husband Volante Nay Doctor he is but a Suiter as yet Doctor Why do not you woe upon the Stage as the rest of your Comorades doth Volante O fye Doctor Discretion never whines our love in publick Doctor So you love to be in private Volante Why Doctor the purest love is most conceal'd it lyes in the heart and it warms it self by its own fire Doctor Take heed for if you keep it too tenderly and close it may chance to catch cold when it comes abroad Volante True love ought to keep home and not to gossip abroad Enter a Servant-maid Servant-maid Madam Monsieur Discretion is come to visit you Volante Come Doctor be a witnesse of our contract Doctor I had rather stay with your maid Volante She hath not wit to entertain you Doctor Nor none to anger me Volante Pray come away for no wise man is angry with wit Doctor I perceive if I do not go with you that you will call me fool Ex. Scene 43. Enter Monsieur Comorade and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Comorade what cause makes you so fine to day Comorade I am going to two weddings to day Bon Compaignon Faith one had been enough but how can you divide yourself betwixt two Bridals Comorade I shall not need to divide my self since the Bridals keeps together for they are marryed both in one Church and by one Priest and they feast in one house Bon Compaignon And will they lye in one bed Comorade No surely they will have two beds for fear each Bride-groom should mistake his Bride Bon Compaignon VVell I wish the Bride-grooms and their Brides joy and their Guests good chear Comorade VVill not you be one of the Guests Bon Compaignon No for a Bon Compaignon shuns Hymens Court neither will Hymen entertain him But who are the Brides and Bride-grooms Comorade Monsieur Nobilissimo and Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Perfection and Madamosel Solid Bon Compaignon Is Monsieur Profession a Guest there Comorade No for he swears now that he hates marriage as he hates death Bon Compaignon But he loves a Mistress as he loves life Ex. Scene 44. Enter Monsieur Generosity and Madamosel Caprisia he following her GEnerosity Lady why do you shun my company in going from me praystay and give my visit a civil entertainment for though I am not worthy of your affection yet my love deserves you civility Capris. I know you are come to laugh at me which is ignobly done for heroick generous spirits doth not triumph on the weak effeminate Sex Generosity Pray believe I am a Gentleman for if I loved you not yet I would never be rude to be uncivil to you or your Sex But I love you so well as when I leave to serve you with my life may nature leave to nourish me fortune leave to favour me and Heaven leave to blesse me and then let death cast me into Hell there to be tormented Capris. I am more obliged to your generous affections than to my own merits Generosity The ill opinion of your self doth not lessen your vertues and if you think me worthy to be your Husband and will agree we will go strait to Church and be marryed Capri. I shall not refuse you Ex. FINIS PROLOGUE THE Poetress sayes that if the Play be bad She 's very sorry and could wish she had A better plot more wit and skill to make A Play that might each several humour take But she sayes if your humours are not fixt Or that they are extravagantly mixt Impossible a Play for to present With such variety and temperiment But some will think it tedious or find fault Say the Design or Language is stark naught Besides the loose unsetled brains she fears Seeth with squint eyes and hears with Asses ears But she is confident all in this round Their understandings clear and judgements sound And if her Play deserves not praise she knows They 'l neither scoff in words nor preposterous shows Without disturbance you will let it dye And in the Grave of silence let it lye Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet THE FIRST PART 1. THe Lord de L'amour 2. Sir Thomas Father Love 3. Master Comfort Sir Thomas Father Loves Friend 4. Master Charity the Lord de L'amours Friend 5. Adviser the Lord de L'amours man 6. A Iustice of Peace 1. The Queen Attention 2. The Lady Incontinent Mistriss to the Lord de L'amour 3. The Lady Mother Love wife to Sir Thomas Father Love 4. The Lady Sanparelle daughter to Sir Thomas Father and Lady Mother Love 5. The Lady Innocence the affianced Mistriss
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
out Here ends my Lord Marquesses FINIS This written by my Lord Marquess THE SECOND PART OF Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet ACT I. Scene 2. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour seems to appear angry LAdy Innocence My Lord what makes you frown on me surely I never willingly offended you Lord de l'Amour But the report I hear of you offends me Lady Innocence I hope my behaviour is not lyable to any aspertion or evil censure for as you have used me civily so I have behaved my self modestly Lord de l'Amour I perceive you are a subtil insinuating young Lady Lady Innocence Think me not subtil for being so brod as not to slight your Love not so uncivil as to scorn your noble favours but strive to merit your worthy affections but if I have erred in my endeavours pray pardon me and if you please to tell me my errour I shall rectify it Lord de l'Amour I hear you will speak more lyes than tell truths Lady Innocence Truly I am too strict a Votary to truth to tell a lye Lord de l'Amour I should be glad you were vowed one of her Order Lady Innocence I am so and have taken the habit of sincerity upon me Lord de l'Amour Tell me truly do you never use to lye Lady Innocence If you have opinion that I never or seldome speak truth let me say what I will you will still believe it is a lye but truly I did never tell a lye as I do know of but did alwayes speak truth Lord de l'Amour I hear to my great grief you have many faults pray mend them Lady Innocence I am sory there are so many ill reports or rather aspersions laid on me as to grieve you but surely youth cannot commit many faults but Age that hath had time to commit faults in but if you can believe my faults surmounts not all accounts I shall desire to know them Lord de l'Amour Examine yourself and you will find them Lady Innocence I shall call a particular Councel and make a General search and what thoughts words or actions I can find guilty or prove Criminal I shall condemn and sacrifice them on the Altar of Repentance and crave mercy and forgiveness Lord de l'Amour Pray do so Ex. Lady Innocence alone 'T is strange his humour should be so suddenly changed from loving professions kind expressions and pleasing smiles to sharp words and angry frowns and that he should seem to love me as much as he did now to believe me so little as it seems he doth I hope it is only the superfluities of his affections that runs into the indiscretion of jealousie Ex. Enter Sanspareile and her Audience As soon as she hath taken her standing place A Messenger Enters Messenger The Queen of Attention is come to be one of your Audience The Company makes a bustle Enter the Queen of Attention and her Train Sir Thomas Father Love kneels down and kisses her hand Queen I am come to hear and see your Daughter whom fame reports to be the wonder of this Age Father It had been more proper and fit for my Daughter to have waited at your Court-Gates untill your Majesty had comanded her into your presence than for your Majesty to come hither to hear and see her but she being a plain bred girle durst not be so bold Queen If your Daughters wit be answerable to her beauty she is a wonder indeed Sanspareile comes off from the place where she stands and makes 3. Obeysances and coming near kneels down and kisses the Queens hand Lady Sanspareile Madam this gracious honour and honourable grace is beyond the management of my young years the evil of my weak confidence and the compass of my little wit and my obscure breeding hath made me so Ignorant that I know not in what manner I should behave or address myself towards your Majesty but if I commit faults in misbehaviour pray impute it to my ignorant youth and not to disobedience Queen I see nothing yet in your behaviour but that you may be not only a pattern for young but also for grave Age to take example from Sanspareile Madam the generosity of your Maiesties Nature the Magnificence of your Majesties mind and the Charity of your Majesties disposition gives an overflowing commendation like to the goodness of the Gods that gives more to the Creature than the Creature can deserve Queen Let me tell you young Lady your speeches are as pleasing to the eare as your beauty is delightfull to the eye Sanspareile Your Majesty is like a Deity can turn or translate words like poor Mortals into a glorified sence like as into a glorified body Queen Sir Thomas Father Love if your Daughter speak at all times and alwayes so eloquently I should not wonder you let her speak in publick Father I beseech your Majesty that you will rather judge me an over fond Father which is natural than a vain opiniatour in that I give her liberty to speak in publick Queen If it were a vanity it might be well forgiven but pray let me hear her speak Sanspareile makes three obeysances as she steps back from the Queen to her standing-place and then ascends Sanspareile Great Queen I nor no other should offer or dare to speak before or to such Supreme persons as your Majesty without a sore premeditation for the words and behaviours of speakers should be fitted to the degrees and qualities Powers Offices and Authorities of the Auditory But your Majesties commands makes that an obedient duty that would otherwayes be a presumption wherefore on the ground of duty I speak at this time before your Majesty but the Royalty of your person the brightnesse of your beauty the fame of your vertues and the glorious splendour of your Majestical Grandeur hath so amazed me that my understanding is as it were blind which will cause my tongue to stagger and my words to run stumbling out of my mouth but I hope your Justice will pardon them For as Divine Justice belongs to the Gods moral Justice to Nature so humane Justice to Monarchial Princes which justice is weighed and measured out according to merit or desert be they good or bad For which Justice Gods and Princes are both feared and loved and Justice is the chief Pillar or upholder of Monarchical States and Common-wealths for without Justice there can be no Government and without Government there can be no Rule and without Rule there can be no peace and where peace is not there will be warrs and warrs causeth ruine and destruction But for the most part those Kingdomes that have arrived to the height of Glory declines or falls to ruine The reason is that a low condition is necessitated and weak wherefore they seek for help to strengthen themselves which makes or rather forces every particular person to associate unite either by Laws of Covenants to which they submit
the Lawyers she will plead for them gratis 1 Gent. It is a pious and Noble Act 2 Gent. Also her Father hath challenged all the eloquent Oratours of our Nation to make Orations extemporately likewise he hath challenged the most famous Schollars and learned men to dispute with her 1 Gent. Her Father is most doatingly fond of her 2 Gent. He hath reason and out of love to her he is building a very fine Library to lay in all her Works for they say she writes much and hath writ many excellent Works 1 Gent. She deserves a Statue for her self as well as a Library for her Works Ex. Scene 9. Enter the Lady Innocence and Adviser the Lord de l'Amours Man ADviser Madam my Lord and the Lady Incontinent hath sent me to tell you you must come to be examined about the Chain Lady Innocence I am so shrunk up with fear that methinks I could thrust my self into a Nut-shell to hide myself Adviser Faith if you could it would not conceal you for they would crack the Nut-shell and find you out Adviser goes out Lady Innocence alone O that Innocency should tremble as much as guilt with fear but if they did but know how little I value the riches of the world they would not believe I should steal so frivolous a thing Enter as to the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour the Lady Incontinent and a Iustice and the Ladies two Maids Informer and Falshood Lord de l'Amour The Lady Incontinent hath brought a Iustice who hath power to make you confesse She falls a shaking Lady Incontinent You may perceive her guilty she trembles and shakes looks so pale Lady Innocence Pray judge me not guilty by my countenance bring it not as a witnesse against me for the childish fears in my heart causeth a trembling which like an Earthquake shakes my body and makes my breath as pent up Air that pants for passage striving to get forth and my innocent bashfulnesse or my bashful innocency makes my eyes like perturbed lights that see nothing cleerly my words to flow like rough and broken streams for my mind is so troubled and my passions in such a storm as my words can neither flow easie nor free Lady Incontinent Here be two that will witnesse that she stole the Chain Falshood I will swear she took the Chain of Pearl and put it in her pocket and so went out of the room with it Lord de l'Amour Why did not you follow her and take it from her Falshood I thought she would bring it again for I never suspected she would deny it Lord de l'Amour And will you witnesse the same Informer Informer I will witnesse I saw it in her hand looking on it Lord de l'Amour What say you for your self Lady Innocence Lady Innocence I say my accusements doth not make me guilty of a crime but I confess I took the Chain in my hand out of a curiosity and trial of my judgment or skill to see whether I could find any defect in somuch valued esteemed and high-prized a thing as Pearl but not any wayes out of a covetous Appetite as to steal it nor had I any tempting thoughts thereto nor wisht I that or the like should be lawfully given me Lord de l'Amour What did you with it when you had done viewing it Lady Innocence I laid it on the Table from whence I took it off Lady Incontinent But here are those that will swear you carried it away with you Maids Yes that we will Lady Innocence I cannot alwayes avoid a false accusation Lord de l'Amour Will you swear you did not Lady Innocence Yes If my Oath will be taken Lady Incontinent Well you did take it that is certain wherefore you were best confess it or you shall be wrackt to make you confess it Lady Innocence I will never bear false-witness against my self I will dye first Lady Incontinent My Lord pray let her be carried away and be whipt until the be forced to confess it Lady Innocence Let me killed first for to be whipt is base and is only fit for Gally-slaves or those that are born from Slaves but to be kill'd is Noble and gives an Honourable triumph Iustice. Young Lady you are heer accus'd by two Witnesses and unless you can bring Evidence to clear you you are liable to punishment Lady Innocence Truly Sir I have but two invisible Witnesses Conscience and Innocency to plead for me and Truth my Judge who cannot be brib'd although it may be over-powr'd by false and slanderous reports Iustice. But it is imagin'd by your best friends you are guilty Lady Innocence Neither my friends nor enemies can create me a Criminal with their Imaginations Lord de l'Amour But speak are you guilty Lady Innocence To what purpose should I speak for what can I say to those that make it their delight to accuse condemn and execute or what justice can I expect to have where there is no equity wherefore to plead were a folly when all hopes are cut off to desire life a double misery if I must indure Torments but silence and patience shall be my two Companions the one to help me in my suffering the other to cut of impertinencies She goes out from them Lord de l'Amour What think you Justice is she guilty Lady Incontinent Why should you make a question when it hath been proved by Witnesses Come Justice Come and drink a Cup of Sack and give your opinion then The Lady Innocence comes as passing by alone Lady Innocence I am so confidently accus'd of this Theft as I am half perswaded I did take the Chain but that Honour and Honesty sayes I did not Ex. Scene 10. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love at one door and a servant-Maid at the other door SIr Thomas Father Love Where is your Mistriss the people do flock about the house to see her as I think they will pull it upon my head if she shews not her self to them wherefore call her The Maid goes out Enter the Lady Sanspareile Sir Thomas Father Love Come Come Child there are such expectations without for thee but what makes thee to look so heavy Lady Sanspareile Truly Sir I am not well Sir Thomas Father Love Not well Heaven bless thee where art thou Sick Lady Sanspareile I cannot say I am very sick or in any great pain but I find a general alteration in me as it were a fainting of spirits Sir Thomas Father Love Prethee say not so thou dost so affright me but thou art not very sick art thou Lady Sanspareile I hope I shall be better Sir Sir Thomas Father Love My dear Child go to bed whilst I send for some Doctors to thee Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Innocence alone TO whom shall I powre out my sad complaint for all do them a Melancholy mind O Gods how willingly would I be buried in the grave with dust and feast the worms rather than live amongst
mankind Oh! Oh! that these Melancholy damps arising from my afflicted Soul could extinguish the Lamp of life or that my sad and grieved thoughts that feed upon my troubled Spirits could bite with sorrows teeth the thread of life asunder She sits down on the ground leaning her Cheek on her hand and weeps Enter to her her Maid Passive Passive My sweet Mistriss why do you weep Lady Innocence The spring of grief doth send forth streams of tears to wash off my disgrace and the foul spots which slandring tongues have stain'd or rather slain'd my reputation for which my eyes did they not weep would seem unnaturally unkind but my dead reputation is imbalm'd with salt tears bitter groans shrowded in sorrows and intomb'd in misery Passive My dear Lady you are imbalm'd with the pretious gums of Virtue and sweet spices of wit wrapt up in youth and beauty and are intombed or rather inthroned in honest hearts wherefore waste not your self with grief for certainly the world will condemn your Accusers and not you Lady Innocence Those feeble hopes cannot my spirits uphold they give no light of comfort to my mind for black despair like Melancholy night mustles my thoughts and makes my Soul as blind O but why do I thus mourn in sad complaints and do not curse Fortune Fates and destiny their Wheels there spindel threads and Chains She heaves up her hands and lifts up her eyes May Nature great turn all again to nought That nothing may with joy receive a thought She goes out in a very Melancholy posture Passive alone She is deeply Melancholy Heavens ease her mind Ex. Scene 12. Enter 2. or 3. Doctors 1. DOctor The Lady Sanspareile cannot live for the hath no pulse 2. Doctor No she is descending to the grave 3. Doctor But had we best tell her Father so 1. Doctor No by no means as yet 2. Doctor Why not he will know when she is dead Enter the Lady Mother Love as to the Doctors Lady Mother Love Mr. Doctors What do you mean to let my Daughter dye will you not prescribe something to give her 1. Doctor Madam we shall do our best you may be confident Lady Mother What if you prescribed a Glister or a Purge 1. Doctor I shall not need Madam Lady Mother Why if any one be sick they ought to have some remedies applyed to them 2. Doctor We shall consider what course is best to be taken Lady Mother Love For Gods sake do not neglect her Ex. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love to the Doctors Sir Thomas Father Love Mr. Doctors what is your opinion of my Daughter 1. Doctor Truly Sir she is very dangerous sick Sir Thomas Father Love I can find no pulse she hath 2. Doctor Nor we Sir that makes us doubt her Father Love Pray consult about her what is best to be done 1. Doctor We shall Sir Ex. Scene 13. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence LOrd de l'Amour What makes you look so gastly pale Lady Innocence I am so ashamed of my accusation as my bashfullness is beyond all blushing as greatest griefs are beyond all tears it causes my limbs to tremble face look pale like Death's assault making my courage fail Lord de l'Amour Perchance you are asham'd to confess so base a crime you may confess to me for I shall strive to hide your faults and cover them with some excuse wherefore confess for though it be a fault to steal yet it is a double fault to hide it with a Lye and by these crimes you do offend the Gods nor will their anger be remov'd unless you confess and ask pardon Lady Innocence Your Doctrine is very good and Application well applied had I been Guilty but being Innocent they are vainly uttered Lord de l'Amour I hope you will agree to resign the interest you have to me if I should desire you Lady Innocence Saints never offred up their Souls to God more willingly than I all interest to you not but that I love you yet I should be loath to be bound to one that hath so ill an opinion of me as you have Lord de l'Amour The World would condemn me if I should marry you to stain my Posterity with your Crimes Lady Innocence O Heavens is my scandal of so deep a dye as to stain Predecessors and Posterity yours may avoid it but my Predecessors are spotted all over She goes out weeping Lord de l'Amour I cannot chuse but love her although I fear she is guilty but I perceive she is resolv'd not to confess as being asham'd of it Ex. Scene 14. Enter the Lady Sanspareile in a bed as being sick the bed drawn on the stage and her Father kneels by the bed-side whilst she speaks as dying SAnspareile Let spotless Virgins bear me to my grave and holy Anthems sing before my Herse and soft-toucht Instruments to play the while and keep just time with tears that trickling fall from the sad eyes of my most sorrowful friends and one my Coffin spread upon a covering of smooth Sattin white to signify here how I lived a Virgin pure I lived and dyed and let my works which I have wrought and spun out of my brain be given to times Library to keep alive my name And set a Lilly-Garland on my Herse On every leaf therein stick on a verse And when my Coffin to the grave you bring Let Poets on my Herse some verses fling For whilst I liv'd I worship'd Nature great And Poets are by Nature favoured I in the Muses Arms desire to Dye For I was bred up in their Company And my request 's to them when I am dead I may amongst them be remembered But death drawes near my destiny is come Father farewell may time take up my years which death cuts off and add them to your life Peace keep your mind and Comfort give you rest He weeps But why do you weep dear Father my life 's not worth your tears yet Heavens doe weep and mingle with dull earth their Cristal streams and earth 's refresht thereby so is not death for death is ever dry Father O Child O Child my heart will break Sanspareile Sir why do you sigh and groan and grieve that I must dye life is perpetual and death is but a change of shape Only I wish that Death may order it so That from your rootes I may your flower grow I fear not Death nor am I loath to dye Yet I am loath to leave your Company But O the Muses stay my dying lips to close Farewel Dyes Her Father starts up from her Bed-side and stares about the Bed and the dead Lady is drawn off the stage Father What art thou sted dear Soul where dost thou goe stay and I will bear thee Company Stares about Where art thou Soul why mak'st thou such great haste I pray thee stay and take thy aged Fathers Soul along with thee left it should wander in the dark and gloomy
several way Also her life was like a Monarchy where Reason as sole King did govern al her actions which actions like as Loyal Subjects did obey those Laws which Reason decreed Also her life was like Ioves Mansions high as being placed above this worldly Globe from whence her Soul looked down on duller earth mixt not but viewed poor mortals here below thus was her life above the world because her life prized not the Trifles here Perchance this Noble Company will think I have said too much and vainly thus to speak That Fathers should not praise their Children so Because that from their Root and Stock did grow Why may not Roots boast if their Fruites be good As hindering worth in their own Flesh and blood Shall they dissemble to say they are naught Because they are their own sure that 's a fault Unpardonable as being a lye that 's told Detracting lyes the baser lyes I hold Neither can strangers tell their life and worth Nor such affections have to set them forth As Parents have or those that 's neer of Kin Virtuous Partiality sure that 's no sin And virtue though she be lovliest when undrest Yet she is pleas'd when well she is exprest But Oh! my words have spent my stock of breath And Life 's commanded forth by powerful Death When I am dead this company I pray The last rites done me by my daughter lay And as her soul did with the Muses flye To imitate her in her a verse I dye He falls back in his Chair and is dead Mr. Comfort Noble Friends you heard his request which was to be buryed in his daughters grave and whilst you show your charity in laying the Corps of his daughter in the grave I will carry out his body and put it into a Coffin and then lay him in the same grave The Company said Do so Goes out with the body The whilst the Virgins take up the Lady Sanspareiles Herse and whilst they are putting it into the grave this Song following was sung Tender Virgins as your Birth Put her gently in the earth What of Moral or Divine Here is lapt up in this shrine Rhetorick dumb Philosophy Both those arts with her did dye And grieved Poets cannot choose But lament for her their Muse When she was putting into the Grave this Song following was sung Her Tomb her Monument her Name Beyond an Epitaph her Fame Death be not proud imbracing more Now than in all thy reign before Boasting thy Triumphs since thou must But justly glory in her dust Let thy Dart rust and lay it by For after her none 's sit to dye After this her Peal is Rung on Lutes by Musicians And the Company goes out Scene 23. A Tomb is thrust on the Stage then the Lord de l'Amour enters LOrd de l'Amour Now I am free no hinderance to my own Tragedy He goeth to the Tomb This Tomb her sacred Body doth contain He draws his Sword then he kneels down by the Tomb and then prayes Dear Soul pardon my crimes to thee they were crimes of ignorance not malice Sweet gentle Spirits flye me not but stay And let my Spirits walk thy Spirits way You lov'd me once your Love in death renew And may our soules be as two Lovers true Our Blood 's the Bonds our wounds the Seals to Print Our new Contract and Death a witnesse in 't He takes his Sword Had I as many lives as Poors in skin He sacrifize them for my ignorant sin As he speaks he falls upon his Sword Enter his Friend Master Charity He seeing him lye all in blood almost dead runs to him and heaves him up Friend I did fear this which made me follow him but I am come too late to save his life O my Lord speak if you can Lord de l'Amour Friend lay me in this Tomb by my affianced Wife for though I did not usher her to the grave I will wait after her Dyes EPILOGUE Noble Spectators now you have seen this Play And heard it speak let 's hear what now you say But various judgements various sentences give Yet we do hope you 'l sentence it may live But not in Prison be condemn'd to lye Nor whipt with censure rather let it dye Here on this Stage and see the Funeral Rites Which is to put out all the Candle lights And in the grave of darknesse let it rest In peace and quiet and not molest The harmlesse soul which hopes Mercury may Unto the Elizium fields it safe convey But if you sentence life the Muses will Attend it up unto Parnassus Hill If so pray let your hands here in this place Clap it as an applause the triumph grace FINIS These Verses the Lord Marquesse writ This Song the Lord Marquesse writ This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse of New-castle The first Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Experience Traveller Sir Fancy Poet Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir Vain Complement Sir Humphrey Interruption Mr. Adviser Doctor Practise and other Gentlemen Tom Purveyer Roger Farmer Old Humanity Servants and others The Lady Contemplation The Lady Conversation The Lady Visitant The Lady Ward The Lady Virtue Lady Amorous Mrs. Troublesome Mrs. Governesse the Lady Virtues Attendant Nurse Careful Nurse to Lady Ward Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred the daughter Nan Scape-all Maid to the Lady Virtue The first Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant VIsitant What Lady Contemplation musing by your self alone Contemplation Lady Visitant I would you had been ten miles off rather than to have broken my Contemplation Visitant Why are you so godly to be so serious at your Devotion Contemplation No faith they were Contemplations that pleas'd me better than Devotion could have done for those that contemplate of Heaven must have death in their mind Visitant O no for there is no Death in Heaven to disturb the joyes thereof Contemp. But we must dye before we come to receive those joyes and the terrifying thoughts of Death take away the pleasing thoughts of Heaven Visitant Prethee let me know those pleasing thoughts Contemplation I did imagine my self such a Beauty as Nature never made the like both for Person Favour and Colour and a Wit answerable to my Beauty and my Breeding and Behaviour answerable to both my Wisdome excelling all And if I were not thus as I say yet that every one should think I were so for opinion creates more and perfecter Beauties than Nature doth And then that a great powerful Monarch such a one as Alexander or Caesar fell desperately in love with me seeing but my Picture which was sent all about the world yet my Picture I did imagine was to my disadvantage not flattering me any wayes yet this Prince to be inamoured with this shadow for the substance sake Then Love perswaded
you will pay me my half years wages that is due to me Poor Virtue Truly Nan I am not able for not only my Estate but all the Money Jewels Plate and other goods you know was seized on all that my Father left or had a right to unless it were my single self and if you will take my service for half a year for payment I will be very honest dutiful and diligent Nan Scrapeall No by my troth for you have been bred with so much attendance curiosity and plenty as you will rather prove a charge than a payment but if you can get means by your youth and beauty I shall come and claim what is owing me Poor Virtue When I am able you shall not need to challenge it for I will pay you before you ask Nan Scrapeall goes out and Poor Virtue sits down as in a deep study Enter an old gray headed man namely Humanity who seeing her in so Melancholy a Posture falls a weeping Poor Virtue Why weepst thou old Humanity Humanity For the ruine of your noble family I came a boy to your Grandmother the great and rich Lady Natures service she being then newly married to your Grandfather the Lord Propriety from whence sprung your Father the Lord Morality your Grandfather and Grandmother dying I served your Father who soon after married your Mother the Lady Piety they living whilst she lived with Peace and Tranquillity but she dying left you only to your Father as a pledg of their loves and indeed you are so like them both as all must confess they were your Parents although they knew not your Birth and yet none can tell which you resembled most thus have I lived to see your Grandfather and Grandmother and Father and Mother dead and Peace and Tranquillity fled and you sweet Virtue left dessolate and forlorn both of friends and fortune but sweet Lady comfort your self for I have a little fortune which I got honestly in your Fathers service and as long as that lasts you shall not want Poor Virtue I thank you but you are old Humanity and ready to go upon Crutches and age and infirmities are shiftless wherefore keep it for thy own use Humanity Why so is unexperienced youth both shiftless and strengthless Poor Virtue T is true yet youth hath an encreasing advantage for time carryes youth up but time pulls Age down wherefore I will not take that from thee that will cause thee to be the poorer or hazard you to want I shall only desire your advise what I shall do and what course I shall follow Humanity Alas sweet Lady necessity will drive you into many extremities Poor Virtue I shall have fortitude to arm me but what Counsel will you give me Humanity The best way for you will be to get into some great Ladies service and in such a place or office as to attend upon her Person there you may live with honour and respect Poor Virtue I had rather shrow'd my honest Poverty in a thatcht house than live in a Palace to be pointed at for my misfortunes for in this Age misfortunes are accounted crimes and poverty is condemned as a thief and hang'd in the Chains of scorn wherefore if I could get a service in an honest poor Farmers house I might live happy as being most obscure from the World and the Worlds Vices for vice encreases more in Palaces than in Cottages for in Palaces Pride Plows Faction Sowes Riot Reaps Extortion Threshes Covetousness Whoords up the grain or gain there youth is corrupted with Vanity Beauty catcht with Flattery Chastity endangered with Power and Virtue slandered by Envy besides great Persons use their Servants too unequally making them either Masters or Slaves where in an humble Cottage the industrious and laborious Masters command their Servants friendly and kindly and are obeyed with love wherefore good Humanity seek me out such a Place to live in to serve Humanity I will for I will never forsake you as long as I live or at least so long as I have leggs to goe Poor Virtue When you cannot visit me I will visit you for I shall never be ungrateful Ex. Scene 6. Enter the Lady Conversation and Sir Experience Traveller COnversation Sir Experience Traveller you that have been so great a traveller pray tell me what Nations have the rarest Beauties and which the greatest Wits Sir Experience Traveller In all my travels the rarest Beauty that I have seen and the greatest Wit that I have heard of is your self sweet Lady Conversation Conver. Then you have lost your labour for you might have seen my Beauty and have heard my Wit at lesse Charges and more ease Experience Tra. T is true Madam had I only travelled to see a fair Lady and hear a witty discourse Conver. Why many travel to lesse purpose Experience Tra. T is true Madam for some travel meerly to learn to make a leg or congy with a good grace and to wear their cloaths or acouster themselves fashionably But I have observed in my travels that very cold Countries and very hot Countries have neither so many Beauties nor so much Wit at lest not so much as more temperate Countries have Conver. What is the reason of that Exper. Trav. I cannot conceive the reason unlesse the extream coldnesse of the Climate should congele their Spirits and stupifie their Brains making the Spirits unactive to get and the Brain too barren to breed and bear Wit Conversation So then you make the Spirits and the Brain the Parents to Wit Exper. Trav. Yes Madam Conver. And what reason give you for the scarcity of Beauties in very cold Climates Exper. Trav. Beauty Madam is as tender and fading in the growth as a Flower although it be fresh and sweet and the more delicate it is the more subject to be nipt with the hard Frost and to be withered with raw colds Conver. Then hot Countries should produce good store Exper. Trav. No Madam for extream heat dryes up Wit as water in a Spring and Sun-burns beauty Conver. But hot Brains are thought to produce the greatest VVits Expe. Trav. Yes if they be equally tempered with moisture for as heat in moisture are Generators of all Creatures so of Wit but if the moisture exceed the heat the Brain or Mind becomes stupid if the heat exceeds the moisture the Brain or Mind becomes mad Conver. VVhat Nation hath the best Language Expe. Trav. There are but three commendable things in Language those are to be significant copious and smooth and the English tongue hath the perfection of all there being an oyle or butter made of the cream of all other Languages Thus what with the Temperature of the Climate and the soft smooth spreading Language England produces rarer Beauties and eloquenter Orators and finer Poets than any other Nation in the world and the Nobility and Gentry live not only in greater grandeur than in other Nations but naturally appear or look with a more splendid Greatnesse
proud and carry the out-side of a Gentleman will do so La. Ward Certainly Nurse they are but Bastard Gentry or else they are degenerated Nurse Careful An incipid Branch may spring from a sound Root many a withered and rotten Plum may hang on a good Tree La. Ward And do Wives play the Bauds for their Husbands as the Husbands play the Pimps for their Wives Nurse Care Most often for they will make Gossiping meetings on purpose for their Husbands to Court other women for they know when their Husbands minds are fill'd with amorous love they will not muse upon their actions nor examine their wayes besides when as the Husband would take his liberty without disturbance he will wink at the liberty his wife takes and so will be procures for each other and the Ladys acquaintance are Confidents La. Ward Confidents what is that Nurse Nurse Careful Why it is thus two Ladies make friendship or at least call Friends and if any man desires to be a Courtly Servant to one of them he addresses himself to the other and expresses what Passions and Affections he hath for her friend and so makes his complaints and affections known to her whereupon she recommends his addresses and service to her Friend thus doing a friendly Office by carrying and declaring his professions and returning her Friends civil answers appointing places for each others love-meetings the other will do as much for her La. Ward Why this is a Baud Nurse Care O peace Child for if any body heard you say so they would laugh at you for a Fool but 't is a sign you never was a Courtier for I knew a young Lady that went to Court to be a Maid of Honour and there were two young Ladies that were Confidents to each other and a great Prince made love to one of them but adddrest himself to the other as being her Friend this young Maid askt why he did so it was answered she was the Princes Mistresse Confident and just as you ask me what said she is a confident a Baud whereupon the whole Court laught at her and for that only question condemned her to be a very Fool nay a meer Changling La. Ward VVell Nurse say what you will Confident is but a Courtly name for a Baud Ex. Scene 20. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Mall Mean-bred SIR Effeminate Lovely Those wandering Stars that shine like brightest day are fixt on me the Center of your love This following Scene was writ by the Lord Marquess of New-castle Mall Mean-bred O Heavens Sir Effem. Lovely Happy to touch those Lillies in your cheeks mingled with Roses loves perfumed bath Mall Mean-bred They grow forsooth in our Garden Sir Effem. Lovely You are the Garden of all sweets for love your blushing lips of the Vermillion die and those twin cherries give me leave to taste Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I understand no Latin but I will call our Vicar to you and he shall expound Sir Effem. Lovely No dearest Dear my lovely Dear my dearest Love my lovelyest Dear Mall Mean-bred I never cost you any thing as yet Sir Sir Effem. Lovely Why then no Lady of Arcadie bred Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir this is as our Vicar saith like Hebrew without poynts to be read backwards say any thing forward in Notthingham-shire speak that I may guess at and I will answer your VVorship though truly it is as fine as ever I understood not Effem. Lovely Why then sweet heart I love you and would gladly enjoy you Mall Mean-bred O fie enjoy is a naughty word forsooth if it please you Effem. Lovely It would please me your thoughts of what you mince Mall Mean-bred Thoughts are free forsooth and I love whole joints without mincing Effem. Lovely Why then in plain English I would have your Maiden-head Mall Mean-bred O dear how will you get it can you tell Truely truely I did not think such naughty words would come forth of so fine a Gentlemans mouth Effem. Lovely But tell me truely do you think me fine Mall Mean You will make me blush now and discover all so fine cloaths the Taylor of Norton never made such and so finely made unbottoned and untrust doth so become you but I do hang down my head for shame and those Linnen Boot-hose as if you did long to ride do so become you and your short Coat to hang on your left arm O sweet O sweet and then your Hat hid with so fine a Feather our Peacocks tailes are not like it and then your hair so long so finely curled and powder'd in sweets a sweeter Gentleman I never saw My love 's beyond dissembling so young so fresh so every thing I warrant you O Sir you will ravish me but yet you cannot Effem. Lovely O how you have made me thankfulnesse all over for this your bounty to me wherefore my earthly Paradise let us meet in the next Close there under some sweet Hedge to tast Loves aromatick Banquet at your Table Mall Mean O Sir you blushes I consent farewel do not betray me then you must not tell Farewell my sweetest granting of my sute Shall still inslave me and be ever mute Here ends my Lord Marquesse's Scene Ex. Scene 21. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches following her Golden Riches Stay lovely Maid and receive a Fortune Poor Virtue I am Fortune proof Sir she cannot tempt me Gold Rich. But she may perswade you to reason Poor Virtue That she seldome doth for she is alwayes in extremes and Extremes are out of Reason's Schools That makes all those that follow Fortune Fooles Gol. Rich. What do you Rime my pretty Maid Poor Virtue Yes Rich Sir to end my discourse Golden Riches I will make you Rich if you will receive my gifts Poor Virtue I love not gifts Sir because they often prove bribes to corrupt Gold Rich. Why what do you love then Poor Vir. I love Truth Fidelity Justice Chastity and I love obedience to lawful Authority which rather than I would willingly and knowingly infring I would suffer death Gold Rich. Are you so wilful Poor Vir. No I am so constant Gold Rich. But young Maid you ought not to deny all gifts for there are gifts of pure affection Love-gifts of Charity gifts of Humanity and gifts of Generosity Poor Virtue They are due debts and not gifts For those you call gifts of pure Love are payments to dear deserving friends and those of Charity are payments to Heaven and those of Humanity are payments to Nature and those Generosity are payments to Merit but there are vain-glorious gifts covetous gifts gifts of fear and gifts that serve as Bauds to corrupt foolish young Virgins Gold Rich. Are you so wise to refuse them Poor Vir. I am so virtuous as not to take them Ex. ACT V. Scene 22. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Lady Visitant Visitant What still musing O thou idle creature Contemp. I am not idle for I busie my self with my own fancies Visitant Fancies are like
a servant to my Mr. and Mrs. I must be dutiful and careful to their commands and on their employments they have put to me wherefore I must leave you Sir and go fold my sheep Lord Title I will help you Exeunt Scene 24 Enter Sir Golden Riches and Mall Mean-bred GOlden Rich. Sweet-heart I have no Sonnets This Scene was written by my Lord Marquiss of Newcastle Songs or stronger Lines with softer Poesie to melt your Soul nor Rhetorick to charm your Eares or Logick for to force or ravish you nor lap 't in richer cloaths embalm'd in Sweets nor Courtly Language but am an Ancient Squire by name Sir Golden Riches which hath force in all things and then in Love for Cupid being blinde he is for feeling and look here my Wench this purse is stuff'd with Gold a hundred pounds Mall Mean-bred Let me see poure it on the ground Gold Rich. I will obey thee Look here my Girl He poures it on the ground Mall Mean-bred O dear how it doth shine forsooth it almost blinds mine eyes take it away yet pray let it stay truly I know not what to do with it Gold Rich. No why it will buy you rich Gowns ap'd in the Silk-worms toyls with stockings of the softer silk to draw on your finer legs with rich lace shooes with roses that seem sweet and garters laced with spangles like twinckling Stars embalm your hair with Gessimond Pomaetums and rain Odoriferous Powders of proud Rome Mall Mean-bred O Heaven what a Wench shall I be could I get them But shall we have fine things of the Pedlar too Gold Rich. Buy all their packs and send them empty home Mall Mean-bred O mighty I shall put down all the Wenches at the May-pole then what will the Bag-piper say do you think Pray tell me for he is a jeering knave Gold Rich. Despise the Rural company and that windy bag change it for Balls with greatest Lords to dance and bring the Jerkin Fiddles out of frame Mall Mean-bred Then I shall have a Mail-Pillion and ride behind our Thomas to the dancing Gold Rich. No you shall ride in rich gilt Coaches Pages and Lacquies in rich Liveries with Gentlemen well cloath'd to wait upon you Mall Mean-bred And be a Lady then I will be proud and will not know Thomas any more nor any Maid that was acquainted with me Gold Rich. You must forget all those of your Fathers house too for I 'll get a Pedigree shall fit you and bring you Lineally descended from Great Charlemain Mall Mean-bred No I will have it from Charls wayn my Fathers Carter but I would so fain be a Lady and it might be I will be stately laugh without a cause and then I am witty and jeer sometimes and speak nonsense aloud But this Gold will not serve for all these fine things Gold Rich. Why then we will have hundreds and thousands of pounds until you be pleas'd so I may but enjoy you in my Arms Mall Mean-bred No Maid alive can hold our these Assaults Gold is the Petarr that breaks the Virgins gates a Souldier told me so VVell then my Lord Title farewel for you are an empty name and Sir Effeminate Lovely go you to your Taylor make more fine cloaths in vain I 'll stick to Riches do then what you will The neerest way to pleasure buy it still Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lady Ward alone LAdy Ward Why should Lord Courtship dislike me Time hath not plowed wrinkles in my face nor digged hollows in my cheeks nor hath he set mine eyes deep in my head nor shrunk my sinews up nor suck'd my veins dry nor fed upon my flesh making my body insipid and bate neither hath he quenched out my wit nor decay'd my memory nor ruin'd my understanding but perchance Lord Courtship likes nothing but what is in perfection and I am like a house which Time hath not fully finished nor Education throughly furnished Scene 26. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches meets her comming from Mall Mean-bred Golden Riches Sweet-heart refuse not Riches it will buy thee friends pacifie thy enemies it will guard thee from those dangers that throng upon the life of every creature Poor Virtue Heavenly Providence is the Marshal which makes way for the life to pass through the croud of dangers and my Vertue will gain me honest friends which will never forsake me and my humble submission will pacifie my enemies were they never so cruel Gold Rich. But Riches will give thee delight and place thee in the midst of pleasures Poor Virtue No it is a peaceable habitation a quiet and sound sleep and a healthful body that gives delight and pleasure and 't is not riches but riches many times destroy the life of the body or the reason in the soul or at least bring infirmities thereto through luxury for luxury slackens the Nerves quenches the Spirits and drowns the Brain and slackned Nerves make weak Bodies quenched Spirits timorous Minds a drowned Brain a watry Understanding which causeth Sloth Effeminacy and Simplicity Gold Rich. How come you to know so much of the world and yet know so few passages in it living obscurely in a Farmers house Poor Virtue The Astronomers can measure the distance of the Planets and take the compass of the Globe yet never travel to them nor have they Embassadors from them nor Liegers to lie therein to give Intelligence Gold Rich. How come you to be so learnedly judicious being so young poor and meanly born and bred Poor Virtue Why Fire Air Water and Earth Animals Vegetables and Minerals are Volumes large enough to express Nature and make a Scholar learn to know the course of her works and to understand many effects produced therefrom And as for Judgment and Wit they are brother and sister and although they do not alwayes and at all times agree yet are they alwayes the children of the Brain being begot by Nature Thus what Wit or Knowledge I have may come immediatly from Nature not from my Birth or Breeding but howsoever I am not what I seem Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant Visitant What makes you look so sad Contempl. Why Monsieur Amorous's visit hath been the cause of the death of one of the finest Gentlemen of this Age Visitant How pray Contempl. Why thus my Imagination for Imagination can Create both Masculine and Feminine Lovers had Created a Gentleman that was handsomer and more beautiful than Leander Adonis or Narcissus valianter than Tamberlain Scanderbeg Hannibal Caesar or Alexander sweeter-natur'd than Titus the delight of mankinde better-spoken and more eloquent than Tully or Demosthenes wittyer than Ovid and a better Poet than Homer This man to fall desperately in love with me as loving my Vertues honouring my Merits admiring my Beauty wondring at my Wit doting on my Person adoring me as an Angel worshipping me as a Goddess I was his Life his Soul his Heaven This Lover courted
my affection with all the industry of Life gifts of Fortune and actions of Honour sued for my favour as if he had sued to Heaven for mercy but I as many cruel goddesses do would neither receive his obligations nor regard his vowes nor pity his tears nor hearken to his complaints but rejected his Sute and gave him an absolute denyal whereupon he was resolved to dye as believing no torments could be compared to those of my disdain and since I would not love him living he hoped by dying his death might move my pity and so beget a compassionate remembrance from me wherupon he got secretly neer my chamber-door and hung himself just where I must go out which when I saw I starred back in a great fright but at last running forth to call for help to cut him down in came Monsieur Amorous which hinderance made me leave him hanging there as being ashamed to own my cruelty and he hath been talking or rather prating here so long as by this time my kind Love is dead Visitant O no for Lovers will hang a long time before they dye for their necks are tuff and their hearts are large and hot Contempl. Well pray leave me alone that I may cut him down and give him Cordials to restore life Visitant Faith you must let him hang a little time longer for I have undertaken to make you a sociable Lady this day wherefore you must goe abroad to a friends house with me Contempl. Who I what do you think I will goe abroad and leave my Lover in a twisted string his legs hanging dangling down his face all black and swelled and his eyes almost started out of his head no no pray goe alone by your self and leave me to my Contemplation Visitant Well if you will not goe I will never see you nor be friends with you again Contempl. Pray be not angry for I will go if you will have me although I shall be but a dull companion for I shall not speak one word for wheresoever I am my thoughts will use all their Industry to cut the string and take him down and rub and chafe him against a hot fire Visitant Come come you shall heat your self with dancing and let your Lover hang Contempl. That I cannot for active bodies and active brains are never at once the one disturbs the other Visitant Then it seems you had rather have an active brain than an active body Contempl. Yes for when the brain doth work the understanding is inriched and knowledge is gained thereby whereas the body doth oft-times waste the life with too much exercise Visitant Take heed you do not distemper your brain with too much exercising your thoughts Contempl. All distempers proceed from the body and not from the minde for the minde would be well did not the humours and appetites of the body force it into a distemper Visitant Well upon the condition you will goe you shall sit still and your wit shall be the Musick Contempl. Prethee let me rest at home for to day the strings of my wit are broken and my tongue like a fiddle is out of tune Besides Contemplative persons are at all times dull speakers although they are pleasant thinkers Exeunt FINIS Written by my Lord Marquess of New-castle The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Fancy Poet Sir Experienced Traveller Sir Humphry Interruption Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir John Argument Sir Vain Complement Master Inquirer Doctor Practice Old Humanity Roger Farmer Thom. Purveyor 2. Beadles Gentlemen and others Lady Amorous Lady Ward Lady Contemplation Lady Conversation Lady Visitant Poor Virtue Mistris Troublesome Mistris Gossip Mistris Messenger Lady Amorous's woman Nurse Careful Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred their daughter Mistris Troublesomes maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfeminate Lovely Sweet-heart you are a most Heavenly Creature Poor Virtue Beauty is created and placed oftner in the fancy than in the face Effem. Lovely 'T is said there is a Sympathy in likeness if so you and I should love each other for we are both beautiful Poor Virtue But 't is a question whether our Souls be answerable to our Persons Effem. Lovely There is no question or doubt to be made but that loving souls live in beautiful persons Poor Virtue And do those loving soules dye when their beauties are decayed and withered Effem. The subject pleads it self without the help of Rhetorick for Love and Beauty lives and dies together Poor Virtue 'T is Amorous Love that dies when Beauty is gone not Vertuous Love for as Amorous Love is bred born lives and dies with the appetite so Vertuous Love is Created and shall live with the Soul forever Effem. Lovely You may call it what love you please Poor Virtue It is no love but a disease Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship Why did you leave the Lady Amorous company so uncivilly as to go out of the room leaving her all alone Lady Ward I heard your Lordship was coming then I thought it was fit for me to withdraw for I have heard Lovers desire to be alone Lord Courtship Do you desire to be alone with a man Lady Ward I am no such Lover for I am too young as yet but I know not what I shall or may be wrought or brought to but time and good example may instruct and lead me into the way of amorous love Lord Courtship May it so Lady Ward Why not for I am docible and youth is apt to learn Lord Court But before I marry you I would have you learn to know how to be an obedient wife as to be content and not murmure at my actions also to please my humour but not to imitate my practice Lady Ward If I might advise your Lordship I would advise you to take such a Portion out of my Estate as you shall think just or fit and then quit me and choose such a one as you shall like for I shall never please you for though I may be apt to learn what will please my self yet I am dull and intractable to learn obedience to anothers will nor can I flatter their delights Lord Court I finde you have learned and now begin to practice how to talk for now your sober silence seems as dead and buried in the rubbish of follish words But let me tell you a talking wife will never please me wherefore practise patience and keep silence if you would enjoy the happiness of peace The Lord Courtship goes out Lady Ward alone Lady Ward There can be no peace when the mind is discontented Exit Scene 3. Enter Lord Title and Poor Vertue POor Virtue Why do you follow me so much as never to let me rest in peace and quiet alone Is it that you think I have beauty and is it
like a disorder'd multitude only the one offends the ear as the other offends the eyes and there can be no pleasure but in harmony which harmony is Quantity Quality Symmetry and Unity and though quality quantity and symmetry are brought by the Senses yet Unity is made in the mind Thus Harmony lives in the minde for without the minde the senses could take no delight Exeunt ACT II. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Ward and Doctor Practice DOctor Practice How do you Lady Lady Ward Why very well Doctor how do you Doctor Prac. Why I was sent as being believed you are mad Lady Ward Troth Doctor that 's no wonder for all the world is mad more or less Doctor Prac. Do you finde any distemper in your head Lady Ward My head will ake sometimes Doctor Pract. I mean a distemper in your minde Lady Ward My minde is troubled sometimes Doctor Pract. That is not well let me feel your pulse Lady Ward Why Doctor can you know the temper of my mind by the feeling of my pulse Doctor Pract. There is a great Sympathy between the Minde and the Body Lady Ward But I doubt Doctor your learned skill is many times deceived by the pulse you will sooner find a mad distemper in the tongue or actions than in the wrists Doctor Pract. In troth Lady you speak reason which those that are mad do not do Lady Ward O yes Doctor but they doe as you cure Diseases by chance Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lord Title alone LOrd Title O Love dissembling love that seem'st to be the best of passions and yet torments the soul He walks in a melancholy muse Enter Master Inquirer Master Inquirer What makes your Lordship so melancholy as to shun all your friends to walk alone Lord Title I am in Love Master Inqui. There are many remedies for love Lord Title I would you could tell me one Master Inqui. May I know the Lady you are in love with Lord Title The Lady say you she is a poor Lady Master Inqui. Your Lordship is so rich as you may marry without a portion Lord Title O I could curse my fate and rail at my destiny Master Inqui. For what Lord Title To make me fall in love with one I am asham'd to make her known Master Inqui. Is she so mean and yet so beautiful Lord Title O she hath all the Beauties and Graces that can attract a soul to love for surely Nature sate in Councel to make her body and the Gods sate in Councel to compose her mind Master Inqui. May not I see her Lord Title Yes Master Inqui. Where may I find her Lord Title Upon the next Plain under a bush that bends much like a bower there she most commonly sits to watch her sheep but I will goe with you Master Inqui. Your Lordship is not jealous Lord Title All Lovers think their Beloved is never secure enough Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Nurse Careful as in a fright unto the Lady VVard Nurse Careful O my Child I am told that on a sudden you turned mad Lady Ward Surely Nurse your fear or what else it may be you seem to me to be more mad than I can find in my self to be Nurse Caref. That shews you are mad Lady Ward If I am mad I suck'd the madness from your brest Nurse Caref. I do confess Child I have not had those mad vagaries since I gave suck as I had before Lady Ward 'T is a signe you are grown old Nurse Nurse Caref. I confess Youth is oftner mad than Age but dear Child tell me art thou mad Lady Ward Prethee Nurse lest thou shouldst become mad goe sleep to settle thy thoughts and quiet thy mind for I remember a witty Poet one Doctor Don saith Sleep is pains easie salve and doth fulfil All Offices unless it be to kill Nurse Careful cries out as in a great fright Nurse Caref. O Heaven what shall I do what shall I do Enter Doctor Practice Doctor Pract. What is the matter Nurse what is the matter you shreek out so Nurse Caref. O Doctor my Child is mad my Child is mad for she repeats Verses Doctor Pract. That 's an ill signe indeed Lady Ward Doctor did you never repeat Latine Sentences when you have read Lectures nor Latine Verses when you did Dispute in Schools Doctor Pract. Yes Sweet Lady a hundred times Lady Ward Lord Doctor have you been mad a hundred times and recovered so often Nurse Caref. Those were Latine Verses those were Latine Verses Child Doctor Pract. Faith Lady you pose me Lady Ward Then Doctor go to School again or at least return again to the University and study again and then practise not to be posed Doctor Pract. Nurse she is not well she must be put to a diet Lady Ward But why Doctor should you think me mad I have done no outragious action and if all those that speak extravagantly should be put to a diet as being thought mad many a fat waste would shrink in the doublet and many a Poetical vein would be dryed up and the flame quench'd out for want of radical oyl to prolong it Thus Wit would be starved for want of vapour to feed it The truth is a spare diet may make room in a Scholars head for old dead Authors to lie in for the emptyer their heads are of wit the fuller they may be fill'd with learning for I do imagine old dead Authors lie in a Scholars head as they say souls do none knows where for a million of souls to lie in as small a compass as the point of a needle Doctor Pract. Her brain is hotly distemper'd and moves with an extraordinary quick motion as may be perceiv'd by her strange fancy wherefore Nurse you had best get her to bed if you can and I will prescribe some medicine and rules for her Exit Doctor Nurse Caref. Come sweet child let me put thee to bed Lady VVard I will go to bed if you would have me but good Nurse believe me I am not mad it 's true the force of my passion hath made my Reason to erre and though my Reason hath gone astray yet it is not lost But consider well Nurse and tell me what noble minde can suffer a base servitude without rebellious passions But howsoever since they are of this opinion I am content to cherish it if you approve of it for if I seem mad the next of my kindred will beg the keeping of me for the sake of my Estate and I had rather lose my Estate and be thought mad than lose my honour in base offices and my free-born liberty to be inslaved to whores and though I do not fear my honest youth can be corrupted by ill example yet I will not have my youth a witness to wicked and base vice Nurse Caref. By no means I do not approve of these strange wayes besides you are a Ward to a gallant man and may be Mariage will alter his humour for most commonly
will be neither quiet it self always ebbing and flowing nor let any thing be at rest on it I know not what the Fishes are that are in it but for any thing I can perceive to the contrary they live in a perpetual motion So doe Ladies for their Passions and Affections ebb and flow from object to object for one while they flow with love then ebb with hate sometimes they are rough with anger and stormy with rage then indifferent calm with patience but that is seldome But in the Spring-tide of Beauty they overflow all with pride and their thoughts like Fishes are in a perpetual motion swimming from place to place from company to company from one meeting to another and are never at rest Frisk Thou deserv'st to die the death of Orpheus Satyrical 'T is likely I shall by reason I am a Satyrical Poet and Women hate Satyre in Poetry although not Wood or Forrest Satyrs and the most extravagant and maddest Actions that ever were done were done or acted by Women and the truth is Women are not only Batchelling some parts of the year but all their life-long for they drink vanity and are mad-drunk with wantonnesse Frisk Let me tell you that if I should be brought as a Witnesse and should declare the truth there were no hopes of mercy for thee Satyrical I grant it if Women were to be my Judges Exeunt Scene 11. Enter Excess VVanton Idle and Surfet Excess Where shall we go for pastime to day for our Lady hath left us to our own pleasures to day Idle Let us go and swim in a Boat upon the River Wanton That is but a watrish Recreation besides it is very dangerous for many have been drowned in their idle pastimes Surfet If you will take my Counsel let us go to the Lodge in the Park and drink Sullybubs Wanton Yes let us go for the Lodge puts me into a good humour and Sullybubs make me merry Idle You have reason for it is a cheerly Cup and a Cup of good fellowship for we may all eat and drink together Surfet Yes by spoonfuls Excess I love to be drunk by spoonfuls for then I am drunk by degrees and not at one draught as a pinte or a quart at a draught as men do besides though it be allowable for the sobrest noblest Women to be drunk with Wine-caudles Sullybubs Sack-possets and the like so it be by spoonfuls yet it were abominable and most dishonourable for Women to be drunk with plain Wine and great draught as men are besides in great draughts there is not that pleasure of taste as in a little at a time Idle I believe that is the reason that Flemmings love to sip their Wine because they would have the pleasure of Taste Wanton No question but they learn'd that of the Effeminate Sex who love to taste of every thing Surfet I do believe it for all women love spoon-meat Excess 'T is true and to drink in spoons Idle Talk no more of eating and drinking but eat and drink without talking and afterwards talk to digest it Excess And after it is digested let 's eat and drink again Wanton So we shall do nothing but eat drink and talk Surfet Women do nothing else all their life-long Wanton By your favour but we do Excess Come come let us go Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Ambition alone AMbition O that I might enjoy those pleasures which Poets fancy living in such delight as nature never knew nor that all Poets did write of me not only to express their Wit but my Worth and that I might be praised by all mankind yet not vulgarly as in a croud of others praises but my praises to be singularly inthron'd above the rest and that all others commendations might have no other light but what proceeds from the splendor of my Fame Also I wish that Nature had made me such a Beauty as might have drawn the Eyes of the whole World as a Loadstone to gaze at it and the splendor thereof might have inlightned every blind eye and the beams therefrom might have comforted every sad heart and the pleasing Aspect therein might have turned all passions into love then would I have had Nature Fortune and the Fates to have given me a free power of the whole World and all that is therein that I might have prest and squeezed our the healing Balsomes and sovereign Juices and restoring Simples into every sick wounded and decayed body and every disquieted or distemper'd mind Likewise that I might have been able to have relieved those that were poor and necessitous with the hidden riches therein and that by my power I might not only have obliged every particular creature and person according to their worth and merit but to have made so firm a peace amongst mankinde as never to be dissolved Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Monsieur Inquisitive INquisitive I wonder you should be an Enemy to Women Satyrical I am so far from being an Enemy to the Effeminate Sex as I am the best friend they have for I do as a friend ought to do which is to tell them truth when other men deceive them with flattery Inquisitive But they complain and say you exclame and rail against them Satyrical Their complaints proceed from their partial Self-love and Luxury for they love pleasing flattery as they do Sweet-meats and hate rigid truth as they do a bitter potion although the one destroys their health the other prolongs their life Inquisitive But they are so angry as they all swear and have made a vow to be revenged on you Satyrical Let them throw their spleens at me I will stand their malice or dart forth Amorous glances they will not pierce my heart for Pallas is my Shield and Cupid hath no power Inquisitive If they cannot wound you with their Eyes they will sting you with their Tongues for Women are like Bees Satyrical If they are like Bees their stings lie not in their Tongues Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mother Matron Bon' Esprit Portrait Faction Ambition Pleasure MAtron I can tell you News Ladies Portrait What News Mother Matron Matron Why there is a rich young Heir come to Town Superbe Some foolish Son of a miserable Father who hath spared from his back and belly to make his Son vain and prodigal But what shall we be the better for this rich Heir Matron Why marry if you can get him you will be so much the better as a rich Husband can make you Ambition He will first be got by the Cheats in the Town which Cheats have more subtilty and will be more industrious to get him than the youngest and beautifullest and wittyest Lady of us all so as there is no hopes of gaining him until he is so poor as he is not worth the having Faction But if he could be had whilest he were rich it were no great victory for I dare say his Mothers Landry-maid might be as soon a Conqueress
are not madly drunk nor drunkly mad for they poor creatures drink nothing but water Portrait Perchance if they did drink strong drink it might make them soberly in their right wits Enter Mother Matron as partly drunk Matron Where is Monsieur Frisk O that Monsieur Frisk were here Faction What would you have with Monsieur Frisk Matron I would challenge Monsieur Frisk Ambition What to sight Matron Yes in Cupids Wars Portrait By Venus I swear thou hast been Cashier'd from Cupids Wars this thirty years Matron Come come Ladies for all your frumps you are forced to make me General to lead up the Train and Generalissimo to set the Battalia so that though I am too old to be a common Souldier I am young enough to be a Commander Superbe Thou art at this time but a drunken Commander Matron If I am drunk I am but as a Commander ought to be or as a Commander usually is Ambition Pray do not accuse Mother Matron for though her Brain may be a little disturb'd yet her Reason is sober and governs her Tongue orderly Matron O sweet Monsieur Frisk Exit Mother Matron Faction If her Reason governs her Tongue I do not perceive it governs her Humour Faction Her Humour say you you mean her Appetites Exeunt ACT II. Scene 7. Enter Madamoiselle Pleasure and Monsieur Tranquillitous Peace PLeasure Passions are begot betwixt the Soul and the Body the Reason and the Sense and the Habitation of the Passions is the Heart which is in the midst of man as betwixt the Rational part the Head and the Sensual Part Tranquill What part is that Madam Pleasure The bestial part Tranquill What part is the bestial part for I cannot perceive but beasts and men are alike in most parts Pleasure I am not a Lectural Reader of parts Tranquill One would think you were by your former Discourse Pleasure Why I may mention parts without Preaching on parts Tranquill But if Women would Preach of the parts of the Body and leave Preaching of the Spirit and Soul it would be better for themselves their Husbands Friends and Neighbours than it is And if men would do the like it would be better for themselves their wives and neighbours But they preach altogether of the Soul and yet know not what the Soul is Pleasure How would you have them preach of the Body Tranquill First as for themselves if they would consider for they must consider before they Preach which is to Teach If they would consider I say how frail the parts of Mankind are how tender and weak every part of the body is how apt they are to sickness diseases how they are subject more to pain than to pleasure how difficult it is to keep the body from harm how soon the body withers decays and dies If Mankind did consider this of the body they would study what was the guard and the preservation of every part of the body in which study they would find Temperance the only preservation of parts and life of pleasure for in Excess pleasure dies and pains possess the body Thus we can destroy the body sooner by Excess and preserve it longer by Temperance than otherwise it would be Secondly for those that are maried temperance keeps both man and wise chaste patient and healthful because gluttony debauchery and intemperate anger hurts the body and destroys the body Thus temperance keeps the place of Wedlock for a Wife being patient the Husband lives peaceably being chaste he lives honourably being healthful he lives comfortably and the Husband being temperate he will neither be a Glutton a Drunkard an Adulterer nor Gamester for gaming hurts the body with vexing at the losses and sitting still which hinders the Exercise of the body or keeping unseasonable hours which is pernicious to the health of the Body as to the quiet of the Mind and waste of their Estates Thus a man and wife lives free from jealousies and fear of poverty Thirdly for their Neighbours If they be temperate they will neither be covetous quarrelsome nor envious which will keep them from doing injury or wrong and will cause them to be friendly and kind for if they covet not their neighbours goods they will not strive to possess their neighbours right if they be not envious they will be sociable and helpful to each other as good neighbours ought to be thus they will not vex each other with Law-sutes and quarrelling Disputes nor Adulteries and the like And if men live peaceably it is good for the Common-wealth as being free from faction and tumult Besides Peace and Love are the ground whereon all the Commands of the Gods are built on Pleasure You may preach temperance but few will follow your Doctrine Tranquill Yes Pleasure will for without temperance there can be no lasting pleasure Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Idle and Ease EAse Yonder 's Mother Matron so metamorphos'd as at first I did not know her Idle How metamorphos'd is she Ease Most strangely attir'd for her Age and as strangely behav'd Idle How for Iupiters sake Ease Why she hath a green Sattin gown on but it is of an ill-chosen green for it is of the colour of goos-dung and an Orange-yellow Feather on her head Idle I hope she is not jealous Ease Then is she beset with many several colour'd Ribbons as Hair-colour Watchet Blush-colour and White Idle What to express her Despair Constancy Modesty and Innocence Ease I think she may despair but for her constancy I doubt it and for modesty I dare swear she never had any but if she had it was so long since as she hath quite forgot it as for her innocence I will leave it to the Examination or Accusation of her own Conscience Idle But how is her behaviour Ease Why she simpers and draws the deep lines in her face into closes and her wrinckles are the quick-set hedges then she turns her Eyes aside in coy glances and her Body is in a perpetual motion turning and winding and wreathing about from object to object and her Gate is jetting and sometimes towards a dancing pace besides she is toying and playing with every thing like a Girl of fifteen and now and then she will sing quavering as a Note or two betwixt a word or two after the French and Courtly Mode Idle Surely she is mad Enter Wanton Wanton Who 's mad Idle Mother Matron Wanton No otherwise than all Amorous Lovers use to be Idle Why is she an Amorous Lover Wanton Yes a most desperate one Ease Who is she so amourously affected with Wanton With Monsieur Frisk Idle Why he is not above one and twenty years of Age Wanton That 's the reason she 's in love with him for it is his youth and his dancing she amourously affects him for for she swears that the very first time she saw him dance Cupid did wound her and shot his golden Arrows from the heels of Monsieur Frisk Ease Why she is threescore and ten
his first Wife either for goodness or badness Ease For my part I would not be kept in remembrance by one in my room but howsoever I shall love my self better than I 'm sure I shall love my Husband and therefore I desire to live long for I had rather live and have him in remembrance than die and to forget him and I had rather remember than be remember'd Enter Grave Temperance Pleasure O Temperance I heard say that you have seen the rare Beauty Madamoiselle la Belle Portrait And is she so handsome as she is reported to be Temperance Truly she is a pretty young Lady Faction Is she only a pretty Lady Bon' Esprit Why she is young and those that are very young are only pretty but those that are at full growth are beautiful and handsome and those in their Autumnal years are Lovely and those that are old are ill-favour'd Temperance No no those Women that have been once handsom never grow ill-favour'd Pleasure Well setting aside old women what say you to the young Lady Temperance I say she is handsomer at a distance than neer-hand Superbe That 's well for then her praises will be only at a distance Temperance No by 'r Lady she hath Beauty enough to be praised to her face Portrait I had rather appear handsomer at a distance than at a near view than seem worse at a distance and handsomer at a near view Ambition Why so Portrait By reason there is no Woman but is seen more by strangers than acquaintance besides whole streets of people view Ladies as they passe through in their Coaches when perchance not above half a dozen neighbours and acquaintance see them near hand Faction So you may have many Admirers but few Lovers Portrait Faith the rarest Beauties that ever were the more they were known and seen the less Esteem'd and Admir'd they were for an unacquainted face appears or at least pleaseth better although but an indifferent Beauty than a common face although it excels with Beauty Pleasure Did you not hear Madamoiselle la Belle speak Temperance No faith she may be dumb for any thing I know Bon' Esprit How is she behav'd Temperance After the Country Mode Ambition What manner of Woman is her Mother Temperance A Country Lady Faction Faith if Madamoiselle la Belle hath neither Wit nor Behaviour her Beauty will be dim'd for the want of either for Wit and Behaviour are the Polishers of Beauty otherwise Beauty is but like a Diamond unfil'd or unpolish'd or like gold untry'd or unresin'd Temperance Nay Ladies she may have a great Wit for all that I know for she did not express either simplicity or ignorance whilst I was in her company she spake not one word Superbe Let us examine no more but let us go see her and then discourse with her Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Mother Matrons Maid and Monsieur Frisk FRisk Pretty Maid would you speak with me Maid Yes and if 't please your Worship Frisk From whom come you Maid From my Mistris Frisk Who is your Mistris Maid Mother Matron Frisk What Message hath Mother Matron sent to me Maid She hath sent your Worship a Letter and desires your Worship to send her an Answer Frisk Go and stay within and I will give you an Answer Exit Maid Frisk This Letter is concerning some of the young Ladies that are in Love with me He kisseth the Letter Blessed Letter that art the Messenger of Love the Presenter of Youth Beauty and Wit and the Inviter to Pleasure He opens the Letter and reads it aloud as to himself The Letter Sweet Monsieur Frisk O Dear Monsieur Frisk since I last saw you and heard you speak so wisely as that you would wait upon the Ladies and proffer so kindly as to proffer me a kiss meeting you in the Lane called Loves Folly O that Lane that fortunate or unfortunate Lane for as my wishes succeed the Lane proves good or bad for since that time of meeting I have loved you or rather I may say I have been in Love with you or rather I may say I have Fancy'd you beyond all other young Gentlemen and I hope you will return the like to me For though I am not in my blooming Beauty yet I am not quite decay'd but there remains some fresh colour wherewith a young Gentleman may take delight and let me tell you the Autumn is more pleasant than the Spring for the Spring is raw and cold the Autumn is warm and comfortable wherefore let me perswade you sweet Monsieur Frisk to chuse the Autumnal fruits and reject the Springing buds which are incipid and tasteless Ripe fruit's are better than green and VVinter-fruits more lasting than the fruits of the Summer Staid Gravity is more happy to live with than wilde Inconstancy the wisedome of Age is more profitable than the follies of Youth not that I say I 'm old nor pray think me not so but that I am as wise as Age can make me and VVisedome is not a portion that is given to every one yet what wisedome I have I will impart to you sweet Monsieur Frisk you shall be the Receiver the Treasurer and the Disposer also with my wisedome I give my heart with my heart I give you my person which wisedom heart and person is not to be despised for by my wisedome you will receive Counsel with my heart Love and with my person that Beauty Time hath left me who like a cheating knave hath rob'd me of some but yet there is enough left dear Monsieur Frisk to delight your view for although I am not like Hellen of Greece yet I am like Hellen when she was Hellen of Troy for then by my faith she was in her Autumnal years as I am which was about fifty or by'r Lady somewhat more and then she was as dear to her Paris witness Troy and as much desired of her of witness the Greeks as when she was but fifteen Wherefore dear Frisk let me be thy Hellen and be thou my Paris and let our Loves be as bright as the fire of Troy but not so consuming but if thou deny'st me I shall consume in mine own flames and be buried in mine own ashes which will fly in the face of thy cruelty to revenge me thy Languishing Lover namely Mother Matron Frisk A pox of her luxurious Appetite to be Amorous at fourscore one might have thought nay sworn that Cupids fire had been put out with Times Extinguisher but I perceive by Mother Matron that time hath no power over that Appetite but I am forty time hath made her such a creature as not to be capable of curses for she is her self a curse beyond all I could give her but if she were capable I would bury her under a mountain of curses for raising up my hopes to the height of young beautiful Ladies by the outside of the Letter and then frustrating my expectation by the inside causing me to fall
from the bower of bliss into the grave of life the habitation of death from a young Beauty to an old doting Woman Oh I will tear this letter that hath deceived me but stay I will keep this letter to make sport amongst the young Ladies which sport may perchance insinuate me into some favour with the young Ladies for as idle and ridiculous pastime or means as this is hath got many times good success amongst Ladies wherefore I will for their sport-sake jestingly Court Mother Matron and in the mean time of the Progress write her a letter Exit ACT III Scene 11. Enter Madamoiselle Ambition and Monsieur Inquisitive INquisitive I hear Madamoiselle Ambition you are to marry Monsieur Vain-glorious Ambition No for I am too honest to marry one man and love admire and esteem another man beyond him but when I marry I will marry such a one as I prize honour love and admire above all other men or else I will never marry Inquisitive What man could you esteeem honour and love most Ambition He that I thought had the noblest Soul and had done the most worthyest Actions Inquisitive But put the case that man that were as you would have him were so ingag'd as you could not enjoy him in lawful mariage Ambition I could lawfully enjoy him although I could not lawfully marry him Inquisitive As how Ambition As in Contemplation for I could enjoy his Soul no otherwise if I were maried to him for if I were maried I could but contemplate of his Merits please my self with the thoughts of his Virtues honour his generous Nature and praise his Heroick Actions And these I can do as much although I should live at distance from him nor never be his Wife for the mariage of Bodies is no enjoyment of Souls Inquisitive This would only be an opinion of delight but no true enjoyment of pleasure for though an Opinion may affright the Soul yet the Opinion cannot pleasure the Body But say an Opinion could delight the Soul without the Senses yet the pleasures of the Senses are to be preferred before the delight of the Soul for the truth is that the spirits of life take more delight in sensual pleasures than in the Souls imagination for life lives in the Senses not in the Soul for were there no Senses there would be no Life Ambition By your favour there is life in the Soul when Death hath extinguish'd the Senses Inquisitive That 's more than you know you believe it only upon report but who hath had the trial or experience of the truth of it So that the report is upon an unknown ground and your belief is built upon an unsure Foundation Ambition What belief is for my advantage I will strive and indeavour to strengthen it on what foundation soever it 's built upon Exeunt Scene 12. Enter Monsieur Frisk and Mother Matrons Maid FRisk You will pardon me pretty Maid for causing you to stay so long for an Answer of your Mistris's Letter Maid There requires no pardon Sir for I have been very well entertain'd by your man I thank him Frisk I perceive my man hath had better fortune than his Master for he hath had youth to entertain but I hope if you receive the mans entertainment so thankfully you will not refuse the Masters Maid My Mistris would be jealous of your Worship if you should entertain me Frisk Why doth your Mistris love me so much Maid So much as she cannot sleep quietly for dreaming of you nor lets me sleep for she wakes me every night to tell me her dreams Frisk What dreams she Maid One dream was she dream'd that she was Diana and you Acteon Frisk What to set horns on my head Maid No my Mistris said that she in her dream did more as a Godess ought to have done than Diana did for she was generous in her dream and not cruel for instead of horning you she invited you into her Bath Frisk I hope you were one of her Nymphs Maid Another time she dream'd you were Mercury and she Herce and another that she was Venus and you Adonis but the last night she awaked out of a fearful dream Frisk What dream was that Maid She dream'd that she was Queen Dido and you the Prince AEneas and when you were ship'd and gone away she stab'd her self Frisk If she were Dido I should prove AEneas Maid On my Conscience she fetch'd as many sighs when she awak'd and made as many pitious complaints and lamentations as if her dream had been true and she really bad been Queen Dido insomuch as I was afraid that she would have killed he self indeed and was running forth the Chamber to call in company to hinder her but that she commanded me to stay saying that it was but the passion of her dream for she hoped that you would prove a more constant and faithful Lover than to leave her to despair Frisk The next time she is in the same passion tell her I will be like AEneas meet her in Hell In the mean time carry her this Letter Maid Lord Lord she will be a joy'd woman to receive a letter from you and I shall be a welcome Messenger unto her and the letter will be worth a new gown to me Frisk I wish it may be a gown of price to thee Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit BOn Esprit How shall I pacifie my companions or qualifie their spleens who will be in a furious rage when they perceive and know my real love to you for they made me as their hook to the line of their Angle and hope to catch you like a Gudgion Satyrical All that Angle do not catch yet you have drawn me forth of the salt Satyrical Sea Bon' Esprit But their desire is that you should lie gasping on the shore of Love Satyrical Would they be so cruel as not to throw me into a fresh River Bon' Esprit No for they joy in the thought of your torments and their general prayers are to Cupid imploring him to wound you with a golden-headed Arrow and she you love with an Arrow headed with lead As for their particular prayers they are after this manner One prays you may sigh your self into Air and the Air so infectious as it may plague all the Satyrical of your Sex Another prayeth you may weep tears of Vitriol and that the sharpness of those tears may corrode your soul Another prays that your passion of love may be so hot as it may torment you as Hell-fire doth the damned but Mother Matron besides saying Amen to all their prayers makes her prayers thus That she for whose sake you must endure all these torments may be the oldest and most ill-favour'd deform'd woman that ever Nature Accident and Time made Satyrical She would have me in Love with her self it seems by her prayer Bon' Esprit If she did hear you she would die for want of Revenge
Satyrical But Mistris what prayer made you for me Bon' Esprit Not a cursing prayer for though Mother Matron would have carried me up to the top of the Hill of Rage and instead of a prayer for you there to have made curses against you yet she could neither force me up the one nor perswade me to the other for I told her I would give a blessing instead of a curse and for fear of that she left persisting Satyrical I perceive I had been in danger had not you sav'd me and like a merciful Godess kept me from their fury but I 'm afraid that for my sake they will curse you now Bon' Esprit No doubt of it but the best of 't is that their cursing prayers or prayers of curses go no farther than their lips Satyrical For all their furious rage self-conceit perswades me that if I had addrest my self as a Suter to any one of them they would have been more merciful than to have deny'd my sute Bon' Esprit I can think no otherwise for I shall judge them by my self Satyrical Pray let 's go and invite them to our Wedding Bon' Esprit By no means for they will take that as ill as if you did indid invite them to a poyson'd Banquet But if I may advise it is not to tell them our Design but let them find it out themselves Satyrical I shall agree to your Counsel Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mother Matron and her Maid Matron Come come I have watch'd and long'd for your Return above two hours I may say above two years for so the time did seem to me O Venus thou Fair and Amorous Godess send me a comfortable Answer if 't be thy will Maid I have brought you a Letter from Monsieur Frisk but for my part I know not what comfort he hath sent you Matron O Cupid O Cupid be my friend She opens the Letter and reads it aloud The Letter Amorous Mother Matron THough Time hath made you sit for Heaven having worn out your body a substance for Love to work upon converting or translating it all into Soul an incorporeal shadow which none but the Gods can imploy to any use yet since you Esteem and Love me as a God to resign up that incorporality I can do no less than return you thanks although I never did merit such a gift But my sins I confess are many and deserve great punishments yet I hope the Gods will be more merciful than to leave me void of reason or to suffer Nature to make me to have extravagant appetites or Heaven to leave me to extravagant appetites but howsoever as occasions fall out I shall shew reverence to your Motherly Gravitie and in the mean time rest Your Admirer FRISK Matron I know not by this Letter whether he will be my Lover or not yet I will kiss it for his sake She kisses the Letter O sweet Letter thou happy Paper that hast receiv'd the pressure of this hand What did he say when he gave you this letter to bring me Maid He talk'd of Pluto and of Hell Matron How of Hell Maid Yes but it was concerning AEneas and Dido Mother Matron fetches a great sigh Matron I hope he will not make me such an Example as Queen Dido nor himself so false a Lover as AEneas but if he should I will cry out O thou my cruel AEneas hast slain me Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Superbe Portrait Faction and Pleasure FAction Now I have seen Madamoiselle la Belle I perceive Fame gives more praise than Nature Beauty Superbe To some she doth Portrait Nay faith for the most part to all Enter Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality O Ladies there is the greatest loss befallen me that ever befell man Portrait What loss Sensuality Why Madamoiselle la Belle is gone Pleasure How gone Is she maried or dead Sensuality Faith she 's as bad as dead to me and worse than if she were maried for if she were a Wife there would be some hopes but her careful Father hath carry'd her away into the Country being jealous of the much company that came to visit her Faction It seems he knew she was apt to be catch'd that he durst not trust her But how came you to receive a greater loss than the rest of the Masculine Visiters Sensuality Because I had greater hopes than I perceive the rest had Portrait Why had you a design to get her for a Wife Sensuality No faith mine was a better design which was to get her for a Mistris Superbe But it was likely she would never have been your Mistris Sensuality It was likely she would have been my Mistris for she was fair and foolish kind and toyish and had an inviting Eye Pleasure Why you may follow her into the Country Sensuality No the City is so well stored as I shall not need to put my self to that trouble as to journey after her Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Mother Matron alone Matron O Love thou tormenter of soft hearts or a melter of hard ones soften the hard heart of Monsieur Frisk and ease my soft and tender heart inflame his spirits to love and refresh mine with his kindness O Venus perswade thy Son in my behalf and consider me by thy self Ha ho Exit Scene 17. Enter Temparance Faction Portrait Pleasure Ambition and Superbe TEmperance I would never have an extraordinary Beauty seen but once and that should be in a publick Assembly Pleasure It is a sign Temperance your beauty is past for would you have an extraordinary Beauty to be buried in oblivion Temperance No for I would have all the World see if it could be shewn to the whole World but I would have it shewn but once and no more Superbe Why so Temperance Because what is common is never highly priz'd but rather despis'd or at least neglected by continuance for that which is at first admir'd as a wonder when it comes to be as domestick is not regarded for it is an old saying That the greatest wonder lasts but nine days Portrait But there is such a sympathy betwixt beauty and sight that as long as beauty doth last sight will take delight to look thereon and the Design End or Fruition of Beauty is to be gaz'd upon for from the sight it receives Praise Love and Desire and by reflection sets all hearts on fire Faction O that I had such a Beauty as would burn every Masculine heart into cinders Temperance Why are you so cruel Lady to wish such a wish to the Masculine Sex Faction My wish proceeds out of love to my self and mercy to men First out of love to my self for as I am a woman I naturally desire Beauty and there is no woman that had not rather have beauty although attended with an unfortunate life than be ill-savour'd to enjoy prosperity The last wish is out of mercy to men for their hearts are so false and foul as no way but burning can purifie them Ambition That were
Enter Monsieur Malateste and his Maid Nan MAlateste Nan you must be contented for you must be gone for your Lady will not suffer you to be in the house Nan Will you visit me if I should live near your House at the next Town Malateste No for that will cause a parting betwixt my Wife and me which I would not have for all the World wherefore Nan God be with you Nan May your House be your Hell and your Wife be your Devil Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Madam Malateste and her Maid MAid What will your Ladyship have for your Supper Madam Whatsoever is rare and costly Exit maid Enter Steward Steward Did your Ladyship send for me Madam Mal. Yes for you having been an old servant in my Fathers House will be more diligent to observe and obey my commands wherefore go to the Metropolitan City and there try all those that trade in vanities and see if they will give me credit in case my Husband should restrain his purse from me and tell them that they may may make my Husband pay my debts The next is I would have you take me a fine house in the City for I intend to live there and not in this dull place where I see no body but my Husband who spends his time in sneaking after his Maids tails having no other imployment besides solitariness begets melancholy and melancholy begets suspition and suspition jealousie so that my Husband grows amorous with idleness and jealous with melancholy Thus he hath the pleasure of variety and I the pain of jealousie wherefore be you industrious to obey my command Steward I shall Madam Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Madamoiselle Amor as to her Father Monsieur Sensible MAdam Amor Good Sir conceal my Passion left it become a scorn when once 't is known for all rejected Lovers are despised and those that have some small returns of Love yet do those saint Affections triumph vaingloriously upon those that are strong and make them as their slaves Sensible Surely Child thy Affections shall not be divulged by me I only wish thy Passions were as silent in thy breast as on my tongue as that he thou lovest so much may lie as dead and buried in thy memory Amor There 's no way to bury Love unless it buries me Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Monsieur Malateste and Madam Malateste MOnsieur Mal. I hear Wife that you are going to the Metropolitan City Madam Yes Husband for I find my self much troubled with the Spleen and therefore I go to try if I can be cur'd Monsieur Why will the City cure the Spleen Madam Yes for it is the only remedy for melancholy must be diverted with divertisements besides there are the best Physicians Monsieur I will send for some of the best and most famous Physicians from thence if you will stay Madam By mo means for they will exact so much upon your importance as they will cost more money than their journey is worth Monsieur But Wife it is my delight and profit to live in the Country besides I hate the City Madam And I hate the Country Monsieur But every good Wife ought to conform her self to her Husbands humours and will Madam But Husband I profess my self no good Wife wherefore I will follow my own humour Exit Madam He alone Monsieur Malateste I finde there is no crossing her she will have her Will Exit Scene 39. Enter Monsieur Marry and Madam Soeur MOnsieur Marry Wife I am come to rob your Cabinet of all the Ribands that are in it for I have made a running match betwixt Monsieur la Whips Nag and your Brothers Barb and he faith that he shall not run unless you give him Ribands for he is perswaded your Favours will make him win Soeur Those Ribands I have you shall have Husband But what will my Brother say if his Barb should lose the match Marry I ask'd him that question and he answer'd that if he lost he would knock his Barbs brains out of his head Soeur Where is my Brother Marry Why he is with your Father and such a good companion he is to day and so merry as your Father is so fond of his company insomuch as he hangs about his neck as a new-maried wife But I conceive the chief reason is that your Brother seems to consent to marry the Lady Amor Soeur I am glad of that with all my soul Marry But he says if he doth marry her It must be by your perswasons Soeur He shall not want perswading if I can perswade him Marry Come Wife will you give me some Ribands Soeur Yes Husband I will go fetch them Marry Nay Wife I will go along with you Exeunt Scene 40. Enter Madamoiselle Amor alone as in a melancholy humour MAdam Amor Thoughts cease to move and let my Soul take rest or let the damps of grief quench out lifes flame Enter Monsieur Sensible Sensible My dear Child do not pine away for Love for I will get thee a handsomer man than Monsieur Frere Amor Sir I am not so much in love with his person as to dote so fondly thereon Sensible What makes you so in love with him then for you have no great acquaintance with him Amor Lovers can seldome give a Reason for their Passion yet mine grew from your superlative praises those praises drew my Soul out at my Ears to entertain his love But since my Soul misles of what it seeks will not return but leave my body empty to wander like a ghost in gloomy sadness and midnight melancholy Sensible I did mistake the subject I spoke of the substance being false those praises were not current wherefore lay them aside and fling them from thee Amor I cannot for they are minted and have Loves stamp and being out increases like to Interest-money and is become so vast a summ as I believe all praises past present or what 's to come or can be are too few for his merits and too short of his worth Sensible Rather than praise him I wish my Tongue had been for ever dumb Amor O wish not so but rather I had been for ever deaf She goes out He alone Sensible My Child is undone Exeunt Scene 41. Enter two servants of Monsieur Malateste's 1 SErvant My Master looks so lean and pale as I doubt he is in a Consumption 2 Servant Faith he takes something to heart whatsoever it is 1 Servant I doubt he is jealous 2 Servant He hath reason for if my Lady doth not cuckold him yet she gives the World cause to think she doth for she is never without her Gallants 1 Servant There is a great difference betwixt our Lady that is dead and this Enter Monsieur Malateste Malateste Is my Wife come home yet 1 Servant No Sir Malateste I think it be about twelve of the Clock 1 Servant It is past one Sir Malateste If it be so late I will sit up no longer watching for my Wives coming
home but I will go to bed for I am not very well 1 Servant You do not look well Sir Malateste Indeed I am sick Exeunt Scene 42. Enter Madam Soeur and Monsieur Frere MAdam Soeur Lord Brother what is the reason you are come back so soon Hath not your Barb run the Race Frere No Soeur What makes you here then Frere To see you Soeur To see me why I shall give you no thanks because you left my Husband behind you Frere I do not come for your thanks I come to please my self Soeur Prethee Brother get thee gone for thy face doth not appear so honest as it uses to do Frere I do not know how my Face doth appear but my Heart is as it was your faithful Lover Soeur Heaven forbid you should relapse into your old disease Frere Let me tell you Sister I am as I was and was as I am that is from the first time I saw you since I came from Travel I have been in love with you and must enjoy you and if you will imbrace my love with a free consent so if not I 'll force you to it Soeur Heaven will never suffer it but cleave the Earth and swallow you alive Frere I care not so you be in my Arms but I will first try Heavens power and struggle with the Deities He takes her in his arms and carries her out she cries help help murther murther Exeunt Scene 43. Enter Monsieur Malateste as being not well and his Wife Madam Malateste MOnsieur Mal. Wife Is this the way to cure melancholy to sit up all night at Cards and to lose five hundred pounds at a sitting or to stay all night abroad a Dancing and Revelling Madam O yes for the Doctors say there is nothing better than good company to imploy the Thoughts with outward Objects otherwise the Thoughts feed too much upon the Body besides they say that Exercise is excellent good to open Obstructions and to disperse melancholy Vapour and the Doctors say there is no Exercise better than Dancing because there are a great Company meet together which adds Pleasure to the Labour Monsieur My other Wife did not do thus Madam Wherefore she died in her youth with melancholy but I mean to live while I am old if mirth and good company will keep me alive and know I am not so kind-hearted to kill my self to spare your Purse or to please your Humour The Lady goes out and he goes out after sighing Scene 44. Enter Madam Soeur alone as ravished Soeur Who will call unto the Gods for aid since they assist not Innocency nor give protection to a Virtuous Life Is Piety of no use or is Heaven so obdurate no holy prayers can enter Heaven-gates or penitential tears can move the Gods to pity But O my sorrows are too big for words and all actions too little for his punishment Enter Monsieur Frere all unbutton'd and his sword drawn in his hand Frere Sister I must die wherefore you must not live for I cannot be without your company although in death and in the silent grave where no Love 's made nor Passion known Soeur It 's welcom News for if death comes not by your hand my hand shall give a passage unto life Frere There is none so sit to act that part as I who am so full of sin want nothing now but murther to make up measure He wounds her to death Soeur Death thou are my griefs Reprieve and wilt unlade my Soul from heavy thoughts that miserable life throws on and sinks me to the Earth Brother farewel may all your crimes be buried in my grave and may my shame and yours be never known Oh Oh dies Frere Now she is dead my Mind is at rest since I know none can enjoy her after me but I will follow thee I come my Mistris Wife and Sister all in one Monsieur Frere falls upon the point of his sword then falls clos'd by Madam Soeur and lays his Arm over her then speaks You Gods of Love if any Gods there be O hear my prayer And as we came both from one Womb so joyn our Souls in the Elizium out Bodies in one Tomb Oh oh oh dies Scene 45. Enter Monsieur Malateste upon a Couch as sick of a Consumption his Friend Monsieur Fefy sitting by him Then enters Madam Malateste to her sick Husband MOnsieur Mal. Wife you are very unkind that you will not come to see me now I am sick nor so much as send to know how I do Madam I am loth to trouble you with unnecessary visits or impertinent questions Monsieur Is it unnecessary or impertinent to see a Husband when he is sick or to ask how he doth Madam Yes when their visits and questions can do them no good But God be with you for I must be gone Monsieur What already Madam Yes for I doubt I have staid too long for I have appointed a meeting and it will be a dishonour for me to break my word Fefy But it will be more dishonour to be dancing when your Husband is dying Lady Madam What will you teach me go tutor Girls and Boys and not me Monsieur Let her go friend for her anger will disturb me Exit Lady Fefy I know not what her anger doth you but her neglect of you doth disturb me And for my part I wonder how you can suffer her Malateste Alas how shall I help or remedy it But Heaven is just and punishes me for the neglect I used towards my first Wife who was virtuous and kind Fefy She was a sweet Lady indeed Malateste O she was But I Devil as I was to use her as I did making her a slave unto my whore and frowns conjecturing all her Virtues to a contrary sense for I mistook her patience for simplicity her kindness for wantonness her thrist for covetousness her obedience for flattery her retir'd life for dull stupidity and what with the grief to think how ill I used her and grieving to see how ill this Wife uses me wasting my Honour and Estate she hath brought me into a Consumption as you see But when I am dead as I cannot live long I desire you who are my Executor to let me buried in the same Tomb wherein my Wife is laid for it is a joy to me to think my dust shall be mixt with her pure ashes for I had rather be in the grave with my first Wife than live in a Throne with my second But I grow very sick even to death wherefore let me be removed Exeunt Scene 46. Enter Monsieur Pere and his Son-in-law Monsieur Marry MOnsieur Pere Son-in-law did your Brother say he was very ill Marry He said he had such a pain on his left side as he could not sit on his horse but must be forced to return home again Pere Heaven bless him for my heart is so full of fears and doubts as if it did Prognosticate some great
visit me first Parrot Because I know no reason but that he should visit me before you Minion Why my place is before yours Parrot But the love and esteem I have for him is to be preferr'd before your place Minion How do you know but that I have as much Affection for him as you have And I am sure I have and more Parrot Don't you believe her Sir Henry Courtly for 'faith she said but even now that you were the veriest Whoremaster in all the Town and cry'd Out upon you Minion And she said she would forbear the Lady Gravitie's company by reason you did visit her which was scandalous Parrot What do you betray me in your own house when you said the same and if I be not mistaken before me Minion If you tell what I say I will tell what you say Courtly Ladies whatsoever you have said or will say of me I shall take it well for it is an honour to be mentioned by fair Ladies although in the severest sense or manner or sharpest words Parrot What do you take her part against me Minion No no I perceive well enough that he takes your part against me for which he is a most unworthy man Parrot No he partially takes your part which is base Courtly I will assure you Ladies it is not my nature or disposition to delight in your displeasures but my desire is to please all your Sex and I indeavour in my practice and behaviour to that end wherefore if I cannot please it is not my fault Minion So you make us Women strange creatures as not to be pleased Courtly No Madam men want those excellent Abilities or good Fortunes which should or could please you Parrot Faith Madam he will have much to do to desend himself against us both Minion Nay if you will joyn with me we shall be too hard for him Parrot That I will and help to beat him with Arguments Courtly For fear I should argue my self more out of your favours than I am already I will take my leave of your Ladyships for this time They both follow him and say nay stay slay Exeunt Scene 13. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Courtier They take their places and the Assembly about them COurtier Lady you are the Sun of Beauty from whence all your Sex receive a light which without that would sit in darkness you only give them lustre you are the only Godess men adore and those men which do not so if any such men be they are damned to censure As for my self Ladies have judged me handsom and for my persons sake have given me favours nay they have wooed my love with great Expences maintained my Vanities and paid my Debts ruin'd their own and Husbands Honour and Estate and all for love of me yet do I sue to you with great Humility though many of your Sex have courted me and let me tell you fair Lady that Courtiers Wives have freer Access to Masks Plays Balls and Courtly Pleasures than other Ladies have who beg and strive and often are beaten back in rude disgrace All which fair Lady if you summ up right You 'l find a Courtiers Wife hath most delight Prudence Fair Sir could Person Courtship Garb or Habit win my love you should nor could not be deny'd But since my Affection is not to be won by any outward Form or Courtly Grace I cannot grant your sute besides the lives that Courtiers live agree not with my humour for I had rather travel to my Grave with ease than inconveniently Progress about tiring my body out lying in nasty lodgings feeding on ill drest meat that 's got by scrambling but at the best a Courtiers life to me is most unpleasant to sit up late at Masks and Plays to dance my time away in Balls to watch for Grace and favour and receive none to gape for Preferments Offices and Honours but get none to waste my Estate with Fees Gifts and Braveries to run in debt prodigally to receive Courtships privately to talk loud foolishly to betray friendship secretly to profess friendship commonly to promise readily to perform slowly to flatter grosly to be affected apishly no Prudent Brain or Noble Heart would interweave the thred of life with such vain Follies and unnecessary Troubles besides I had rather be Mistris of my own House were it a Cottage poor than serve the Gods if Gods were like to men Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mistris Parle and Mistris Vanity VAnity My dear Comrade what thinkst thou will the Gentleman we met at Madam Gravities lodging marry me think you Parle I know not Vanity I verily believe he will Parle What reason have you to believe he will Vanity A very good reason which is he look'd upon me two or three times and at one time very stedfastly Parle If a man should marry all the women he looks on he will have more Wives than Solomon and the great Turk adding the number of their Concubines But the more earnestly the Gentleman look'd on you the greater sign he thought not of you for thoughts are buried in fix'd eyes Vanity You speak out of spight because I am thought handsomer than you Parle I had rather your Beauty should lie in your own others thoughts than it should be visible to the view of the World or to be inthrown on a multitude of Praises but howoever I am not spightful and therefore pray think not so for telling you my opinion of your no-lover Vanity You love your Jest better than your Friend Parle That 's an old saying but I love a plain truth better than a flattering lye Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Bashful Suter and his Friend Mr. Spokesman and the Assembly The Suter makes two or three legs wipes his lips and blows his nose with his handkerchief hems twice or thrice and trembling begins to speak BAshfull Suter Madam Madam Madam This Scene the Lord Marquiss writ Prudence Speak Sir what is 't you would say Spokesman Madam his Love and Modesty doth check his speech Prudence Then speak you for him His Friend goes and stands behind him and speaks the dumb Gentleman the while acts his Speech Spokesman Madam your Presence with you sparkling Eyes Hath dazel'd him and struck him dumb with Love Like to a bottle too much fill'd I doubt Though 's mouth 's turn'd downward nothing will come out Or like a Bag-pudding in love he 's curst So stuff'd so swell'd and yet he cannot burst Or like a glass with Spirits of high price No drop can fall when 't is congeal'd to Ice Sweet Lady thaw him then take him apart And then his Tongue will tell you all his Heart And gush it forth with more force far than those Who dribble all their love away in Prose Prudence I 'm all for Publick Wooing so no stain Upon my Reputation will remain With a dumb Husbands curse I 'll ne'r be caught But a dumb Wife a blessing may be
will come a wooing to me therefore I desire thee to instruct me how I shall receive his Addresses Parle Do you know who he is Trifle No Parle Nor where he dwells Trifle No Parle Nor from whence he came nor whither he will go Trifle No Parle What makes you think he will be a Suter to you then Trifle Because he comes so often thorough our street and by our door and hath look'd up to my Chamber-window and these are sufficient Reasons to believe it for you may be sure he comes thorough our street for my sake Parle Truly I know not what counsel to give you but as occasion shall offer it self I shall think of you Trifle Prethee do but I am in haste and therefore cannot stay with you any longer wherefore farewel Exit Enter Mistris Fondly Fondly O my sweet Parle I was told thou wert not at Home and I have been at all my Acquaintances Louses to seek thee out to tell thee a secret Parle What secret Fondly Why there hath been a Gentleman this day at my Fathers house to Treat with my Father about marying me and when I marry I 'll bid thee to my Wedding Parle You must bid me before you are maried if you will invite me to your Wedding Fondly Yes so I will I 'll warrant thee for I will not forget thee of all my Acquaintance But prethee tell me what my Wedding-Gown shall be of Parle Of white Sattin or cloth of Silver But of what quality is the person whom you shall marry Fondly I cannot tell Parle What Estate hath he Fondly I know not Parle How often hath he been with your Father Fondly He never was with my Father before this morning Parle Hath your Father concluded the match with him Fondly I cannot tell Parle Hath your Father spoke to you of him Fondly No Parle Then how came you to know he came to Treat of Mariage Fondly My Fathers man told me he thought the Gentleman came about such a business because my Father and he were very earnest in their Discourse and in private Parle If you know no more perchance it is about some other business Fondly It cannot be about any thing else because they were earnest and private Parle Perchance it was about borrowing of money and borrowers use to be earnest and desire their desires may not be known wherefore they draw aside and whisper out their wants Fondly No no I am confident it was about me Parle I wish you may do well Fondly I thank thee for thy good wishes and I hope he will prove a good Husband Exeunt Scene 19. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Lawyer They take their places and the Assembly about them LAwyer Madam although there is a certain and set Form of making Deeds Wills and Leafes and a Form of Mariage yet I know no certain nor set form of VVooing but every one wooes after what manner or form he pleases or thinks best having no set rules to wooe by But I am come here to wooe and so to plead my own cause at the Bar of Affection and you as the Judge are to give the Sentence and to determine the Sute But as all other Judges are to be free from partiality or self-interest as neither to be overswayed with either fear pity love or covetousness or the like yet such a Judge as you and in the like Causes as mine may have the freedome of partiality or self-interest wherefore if no other plea can perswade you take me for pity for I am miserably in Love manacled in Cupids Fetters bound with his Bow-strings and wounded with his golden Arrows from which nothing but your favour and compassionate sentence can release me otherwise I must lie under the Arrest of a wretched life till such time as Death set me free or cast me into Oblivion Prudence VVorthy Sir as there is no certain nor set form of wooing so there is no certain nor set form for the wooed to give a direct Answer And though pity may move a Judge to give a favourable sentence yet there is no Judge will or ought to make himself a slave to set a prisoner free but if such a chance should be it must be by a stronger motive or passion than pity to make them yield up their liberty And Mariage is a bondage especially when as Sympathy doth not match the pair and if Cupid hath wounded you with his golden Arrows he hath shot me with those that are headed with lead from which wounds proceed nothing but cold denials But howsoever I shall give you part of your desires which is I shall pity you although I cannot perswade my Affections to love you so much as to consent to marry you Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Sir Henry Courtly and his Wife the Lady Jealousie LAdy Iealous Husband I hear you have a Mistriss but I do not wonder at it for you have taught me although not by the former yet by your present practice to foresee the future event First our loves have grown to their full maturity and therefore in Nature as Vegetables must shed their leaves or like Animals at such a growth their strength decays and in old age dyes thus we may guesse by Natures Revolution the revolution of our love though at first we could not dream but we must discover our dreams to each other and whatsoever we had heard or seen in each others absence when we met we recounted to each other each object and repeated each subject and discourses that our Senses had presented to our knowledge and not only what our Senses had presented but what our Conception had conceived or our Imaginations had created Also we took delight to confer in our Houshold Affairs and we were unquiet uneasie and restless until we met and had discoursed thus unto each other and if either of us had been sick or had perceived the least distemper in each others health our grief was exprest by our tears and by our sighs which from our Hearts did rise and flow'd with grief which poured through our eyes But now we begin to cast shadows of dissimulation which shews our love is in an Ecclipse and from a pretence of the confidence and assurance we have of each other we begin to be careless of each others discourse or action giving our selves freedom and liberty to wander not only from our Home-affairs but from our profest Affections to seek for pleasures and delights abroad and only a seeming affection and delight remains at home And thus by a juggling deceit and false-glac'd love we shall in the discovery become enemies and by a seeming wisedom we shall become fools and our follies as well as our crimes will destroy the unity of Love and the peace of Matrimonial Government And though we should not break out into open War yet we shall live factious and our servants will be as Commoners siding with each Party But it seems your Mistris hath learn'd your mind so
perfectly and knows your humour so exactly and can match your appetites with pleasure so justly as she hath work'd out her designs skilfully which is to displace me and to place her self in your Affections by which she can make a subtil advantage of your Estate and Fortune I mean good Fortune for in bad Fortune she may chance nay 't is most likely she will desert you for those that will and do forsake Virtue Chastity and Honour are not likely to stick to misfortunes as to follow Banishment or to live with Poverty to bear injury to endure Scorn and to die in Misery True Love may do it but for those Affections that are produced by Incontinency and not bound to Honesty and setled by Constancy will change more often than the wind wavering from person to person Courtly Wife I confess the Amorous Addresses I have made to other Women but though I have strayed in my Actions yet not in my Affections for my love is unalterably constant to you as believing you are unalterably virtuous and I do not only love your Chastity prize your Virtue honour your noble Soul and sweet Disposition but I take delight in your Wit am pleas'd with your Humors admire your Beauty and esteem and believe you to be the most perfect and best of your Sex But Wife know that my Appetites and not my Affections seek after variety for the kissing of a Mistris lessens not the Love to a Wife but rather increases it comparing the falseness and beastliness of the one to the Virtue and Purity of the other Iealousie And shall my Virtue and Chastity be only rewarded with your good Opinion Courtly Virtue Wife is a sufficient Reward in it self and the Chastity of your Sex is crown'd with Honour but the Reward I give you is the free use as a Co-partner of my Estate and the Mistris of my Family Besides I make you the chief care of my Industry the chief subject or object of my Valour the Treasure of my Life the only Possessor of my Heart and for your sake I shall neither refuse Death or Torment Thus you are the Soul of my Soul and since you have my whole soul to you self you may be well contented to lend my person to your Neighbours Wife Daughter Sister Neece or Maid Iealousie And will you be contented that I shall likewise borrow of your Neighbour Courtly No Wife for you can neither lend nor borrow without the loss of Honour Iealousie Nay rather than lose so great a loss as Honour I 'll strive to be content Husband Courtly Do you so Wife and I will strive and indeavour to be contented with my own Wife Exeunt ACT III Scene 21. Enter the Lady Prudence with two Suters a Citizen and a Farmer who both Plead or Wooe and she Answers The Assembly about them CItizen Madam although I cannot Wooe in Eloquent Orations or Courtly Solicitations or Learned Definitions being only bred to Industrious actions thrifty savings gainful gettings to inrich me with worldly wealth and not to studious Contemplations Poetical Fictions Divine Elevations Philosophical Observations State-Politicians School-contradictions Lawes Intrications by which perchance I might have gained Fame but not Wealth But Fame neither cloaths the naked nor feeds the hungry nor helps the distressed neither doth it maintain a Wife in Bravery where if you will be mine you shall sit in a shop all furnish'd with gold and great summs shall be brought you for exchange of my Wares and while you sit in my shop all street-passengers will stand and gaze on your Beauty and Customers will increase and be prodigal to buy whilst you sell not for the use of what they buy but for the delight to buy what you sell besides of all saleable curiosities varieties that are brought to the City you shall have the first offer and the first fruits and meats each Season doth produce shall be served to your taste your cloaths though of the City-fashion yet they shall rich and costly be besides to every Feast the City and each Citizen doth make they will invite you and place you as their chiefest guest and when you by your Neighbours doors do pass their Prentice-boys and Journey-men will leave their shop-boards and run to view you as you go Thus shall you live if you will be mine in Plenty Luxury Pride and Ease Prudence Rich Sir I may sit in your shop and draw Customers but shall get no honour by them I may sell your Wares but lose my Reputation I may be ador'd worship'd sought and pray'd to as for and to a Mistris but shall never be counted as a Saint I may be rich in wealth but poor of the Worlds good Opinion I may be adorn'd with silver and gold but blemish'd with censure and slander I may feed on luxurious Plenty yet my good name starve for want of a good Fame for a Citizens Wife is seldom thought chaste and the men for the most part accounted Cuckolds I know not whether it be a Judgment from Heaven for their Cozening or decreed by the Fates for their Covetousness or bred by a natural Effect of their Luxury which begets an Appetite to Wantonness but from what cause soever it comes so it is wherefore I will never be a Citizens Wife though truly I do verily believe there are as many virtuous and chaste women and understanding men that belong to the City as in the Country and were it not for the Citizens wealth more Antient Families would be buried in poverty than there hath been where many times a rich City-widow or daughter gives a dead Family a new Resurrection wherefore it is more prudent for men to marry into the City than it is advantagious for women especially such women that esteem a pure Reputation before wealth and had rather live in poverty than be mistrusted for dishonesty Then the Citizen goeth from the Standing-place and the Farmer takes it The Lady Prudence keeps her place all the while Farmer Madam although I cannot draw a Line of Pedigree from Gentility yet I can draw a Line of Peasantry five hundred years in length and if Antiquity is to be esteemed my Birth is not to be despised As for my wealth I am not poor but rich for my degree and quality and though it is not fit I should maintain my Wife in silver and gold yet I may maintain her with plenty and with store cloath her in fine smooth soft cloth spun from the fleeces of my Flocks But if you will be mine you shall be crown'd with Garlands made of Lillies Roses Violets Pinks and Daffidillies and be as Queen of all these Downs where all the Shepherds and Shepherdesses shall give you homage and worship you as Godess of the Plains bringing you Offerings of their mornings Milk their Butter Curds and soft prest Cheese and various Fruits fresh gather'd off their Trees also my Kids and Lambs shall sport and play and taught to know your voice
and to obey and every Holyday you shall in Arbors sit shadow'd from hot Sun-beams whilst Country Maids and Country Men which Lovers are shall dance upon the grassy Green to the sound of the Horn-pipe Bag-pipe and such breathing Musick whose pleasant Strains and plain-set Notes rebound in Ecchos from the high-cast Banks the lofty Hills hollow Woods and murmuring Streams besides other Rural sports to entertain your Eyes and Ears and recreate your Minde with Mirth and harmless Plays to pass your Time withall No life so pleasant as the Country Life No woman so happy as the Farmers VVife Prudence Honest Friend could I as easily perswade my Affections to your Person as I could to the condition of a Shepherdesses life or Farmers wife you should be the only man I would choose but since I cannot I must only return you thanks for your good liking in that you have preferr'd me in your choise for which may neither nipping Frost nor burning Sun nor blasting winds nor weeds nor snails nor worms destroy your Labours nor ravenous Wolves nor crafty Foxes nor Polcats Weesels Kites or any such like Vermin fright or rob you of your young tender breed may all your grounds and flocks increase a treble-fold your fleeces long and thick your corn firm and full-car'd your grass sweet and broad-bladed your trees so full of fruits that every branch may bow under its load and may your plenty store all the Kingdom that neither want nor famine may be fear'd or felt may all your Country Neighbours and labouring Swains respect you as their Chief obey you as their Lord and worship you as their God Pan Exeunt Scene 22. Enter Sir William Holdfast meeting the Lady Mute she seeming as in a studious Thought HOldfast Lady you are in a serious Contemplation Pray what are you thinking of Mute I have heard that thoughts are free but I perceive they cannot pass without questioning Holdfast I would not boldly intrude upon them my humble desire is I might partake of the Excellency of them Mute I suppose you think my Contemplation is of Heaven and not of the World for there is no subject which can make Thought excellent but what is Divine for the World corrupts them Nature deceives them and Speech betrays them Holdfast If your speech never betrays more than it doth now which only expresses your Wit you may well pardon it but I now finde you are not so ignorantly simple as you are thought to be through your silence Mute I confess I have practis'd silence for I am of years fitter to learn than to talk and I had rather be thought ignorantly simple for being silent than to express folly by too much speaking Holdfast But I wonder you will suffer you self to be laugh'd at for a Natural Fool when your wit is able to defend you from scorns and scoffs and is able to maintain its own Arguments Mute If I had Wit there would be no Honour in the Arguing no more than for a Valiant man to fight with Cowards so wit to dispute with fools But I had rather they should laugh at me than I should weep for my self yet there were none in that company that laugh'd at me but were older than I and the older they are the more faults they have committed and if they laugh at me for my little wit I will scorn them for their many faults and hate them for their vices Holdfast The truth is 't is only fools that commit many faults and take delight in their own follies and do themselves hurt with their own errors and not those that have Wit for they have Ingenuity and Prudence to foresee and so escape errours and the mischiefs that may follow But you appear by not expressing your self to your disadvantage and your silence doth you wrong Mute I care not how I appear in my outward Aspect so my Life be honest my Actions just my Behaviour modest my Thoughts pure and that I obey to the utmost of my power the Laws and Customs of Duty Morality Divinity and Civility But 't is a sign of a foolish Age when silence is thought ignorant simplicitie and modesty accounted a crime when in Antient Times Youth was taught sober Attention and it was impos'd upon Scholars to keep silence five years before they were suffer'd to speak that they might afterwards be able to Teach and not always live to learn as School-boys which they would always be if they spent their time in words and not study and observe And silence is a discretion that few women practise being more apt to talk than men for women are fuller of words than thoughts but words should be weighed by Judgment in the ballance or scales of Sense and deliver'd by the tongue through the lips by Retail which cannot be if they throw them out so fast for there is required Reason Time and Understanding besides unstopped Ears to hear them But though mine Enemies laugh at me for a Fool yet I have so much Honesty Innocencie and Modesty to guard and defend my Reputation as they cannot wound that with their sharp words nor laughing faces Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Prudence and her strange Wooer a man that had a wooden Leg a patch on his Eye and Crook-back'd unhandsome snarled Hair and plain poor Cloaths on He takes the Wooers place and the Assembly about gazing with smiling faces at the sight of such a Wooer Strange Wooer Lady I come not now to plead with flourishing Rhetorick to make that which is false to appear like truth or paint a foul cause with fair smooth words But my cause of request is honest and what I shall speak is truth nor do I strive to hide my Deformities or Vices As for my outward deformities they are visible to your Eyes but Vices live in the Appetites Passions and Affections which are only exprest by the Actions and therefore the easier may be dissembled from the most part of the World yet not from Heaven to whom I am to make a just account And since my sins are only to the Gods and not you fair Godess I shall not at this time make a publick confession of them but I am come here to present you with my love which love is as pure as unspotted Angels it hath no by-respects unto your Wealth Beauty or Birth but barely and meerly to your Virtue in truth I come a wooing to your Soul not to your Body but yet mistake me not I would not have them parted I cannot say my Estate or Birth deserves you nor have I merits equal to your worth but since my love is as pure as your virtue it will be an equal Match And though you see my body a deformed bulk yet I am not asham'd of it because the owner which is my Mind is honest for I never betray'd my King or Country Mistris or Friend nor any Trust that was impos'd unto me by any although a Foe I never shut my
purse nor sheath'd my sword from helping the distress'd nor turn'd my back upon my assaulting Enemy I never stole good Fame nor rob'd good Names nor stab'd Innocency with slander I never scorn'd those below my self nor envy'd those above me I never infring'd the Laws of Honour nor disturb'd civil Society and though I cannot suffer an injury patiently yet I never did omit a duty willingly As for the truth of what I say I have none to witness for me as being a stranger but my own words from which this company perchance may think self-self-love and great desire hath brib'd my Tongue but if they do their thoughts make Truth no less no more than Eyes that are blind Ears that are deaf can rob you of your Wit and Beauty for though your Wit they do not hear nor Beauty see yet you passess them no less their want only robs you of their Admiration not of the Possession and say I am blind of one eye my other eye doth see and I have Hearing perfectly which doth inform my Knowledge and Understanding with that which makes my Admirations and Adorations perfect and sound within my Heart wherein your Picture is printed on which my Soul doth view and gazing kneels with wonder and astonishment that so much Wit Wisedom and Virtue should be in one so young fair And if you cannot love me despise me not for my pure Love is Divine as being divinely placed on you and it would grieve my Soul to have the zealous fire and immaculate flame of my Affection extinguish'd with your neglecting Thoughts and rak'd up in the ashes of your Forgetfulness But if any of my Sex shall seem to jest or scorn me for my outward form or shape My Courage and my Sword shall take my bodies part To cut their Limbs or thrust them through their Heart Prudence Worthy Sir you must excuse me from answering you at this time for I am taken on the sudden very sick Strange Wooer I wish you health although it were to be only purchas'd by my death Exeunt Scene 24. Enter Mistris Trifle and a Grave Matron MAtron What is the cause you weep Trifle Because my Father will not get me a Husband and Mistris Fondly will have a Husband before I shall have one for I hear she is to be maried she is happier in her Parents than I am for my Parents are unnatural and take no care how to get me a Husband and to see me maried Matron You may marry soon enough to repent Trifle I am sure I shall not repent for to be a Wife is a condition I am most desirous of and cannot be happy any other way Matron And Wives think Maids only happy because they are not vex'd nor troubled with a Husband Trifle Such women deserve no Husbands for certainly a Husband is a joy and a comfort as being a companion and a friend Matron But Husbands seldome keep in the company of their Wives and many times instead of a friend prove an enemy Enter a Servant Trifle What have you been at Mistris Fondly's House Servant Yes Trifle And have you inquir'd of her Maid as I bid you whether the Report is true that her Mistris is to be maried Servant Yes Trifle And what said she Servant She said that a Gentleman did Treat with her Mistrisses Father but they could not agree for the Gentleman would have more portion than her Father would give whereupon the Match is broke off Trifle I am glad of that for I would not have her maried before me for all the World But did you not see mistris Fondly Servant No for her Maid said her Mistris at the breaking off her Mariage almost broke her heart for she hath so afflicted her self and hath so wept and sigh'd as she is fallen sick and keeps her Chamber Trifle Alas good Friend I pity her extremely but I will go with her and try if I can comfort her Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lady Prudence to give her Answer to her Suter the Stranger The Assembly standing about the Lady and Suter take their places PRudence Noble Sir the Wit wherewith Nature Time and Education hath endu'd my tender brains is like new kindled fire that sparkling flies about the fuel being green and newly laid to burn there is more smoke than flame But since the time I heard you speak a newer fire is kindled in my Heart which equally doth burn with your profess'd Affections and though your Person is none of Natures exactest Peeces yet your Mind doth seem to be compos'd with all her best Ingredients and sure your Thoughts set notes of Honour Honestly and Love by which your Tongue plays Harmony 'T is not the sattin Skin that 's painted white and red nor near-carv'd Bodies can win my Love nor Wealth Titles Birth nor crown'd Power but Truth Sincerity Constancy Justice Prudence Courage and Temperance by which as Magistrates your life seems to be governed which life I wish the Gods may Crown with happy days and in Fames Tower long live your praise I will not ask you from whence you came nor what you are For though you seem but poor and mean Your Soul appears to me sublime Stranger And will you chuse me for your Husband Lady Prudence I shall be proud to be your Wife Sir Stranger The Gods are just to my pure Love rewarding it with your acceptance but I must beg your leave for some short time of Absence and then I shall return and claim your Promise Prudence You have the liberty Sir Exit Strange Wooer The Lady Gravity speaks to the Lady Prudence Gravity Lady surely you are in a High Feaver Prudence Why Madam Gravity As to do so extravagant an Action as to marry a man you know not what he is nor from whence he came and may prove as deformed in Mind as in Body as mean of Birth as poor in Parse as beggars that live on cold dry Charity Prudence If he be poor my Estate will make him rich if humbly born his Merits make him Honourable from whence he comes I do not care and where he will have me go I will wait upon him never questioning to what place Exit Lady Prudence Gravity Her Courage is beyond her Wit Liberty For the Example of this Lady I would have a Law made that there should be no more Publick Wooing Parle She hath cast away her self Minion Who can help it The Assembly go out holding up their hands as at a wonder Scene 26. Enter the Lady Mute as being in a melancholy Humour Enter Sir William Holdfast as meeting her HOldfast Lady why seem you so melancholy Mute My melancholy disposition is apt to catch hold on my evil Fortunes and both joyning together help to multiply my sad thoughts Holdfast Why should you be sad Mute How can I be merry when I am left destitute of Friends and unacquainted with Experience Holdfast Nature hath furnish'd you with all store you need none Mute If she
had yet all the good seeds that Nature and Education hath sown in me and sprouted forth in bud are nipt with Misfortunes wither'd with Sorrows blasted with Sighs and drown'd in Tears Holdfast For what Mute For being inslav'd unto an unworthy person who neither loves Virtue nor values Honour but laughs at my youth and flings scorns on my Innocency which makes me almost murmur at Heaven and apt to think the Gods unjust to let Fortune betray me to Power and Tyranny Holdfast Trouble not your self for certainly your bondage may be taken off if it be discreetly handled for he seems willing to part with you upon easie terms for you heard him offer to sell you Mute I wish I were worth your Purchase Holdfast Would you willingly change him for me Mute I cannot be worse and you seem so noble a person as perswades me to hope I may be happy Holdfast And if I had the whole World I would give it for you rather than not have you and I should think my self more inrich'd by the enjoyment than if the Gods made new Worlds to present me Mute I have heard Heaven protects the Innocent defends the Harmless and provides for the Helpless which if it doth the Gods will give me you Exeunt Scene 27. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Trifle Mistris Fondly Mistris Vanity and one of the Matrons PArle Ha ha ha Is this the young wife Lady that all the World admir'd for her Prudence and Judgment Vanity Faith her Judgment hath err'd in her choise Fondly I am glad for now I may marry to whom I will for I cannot choose worse and my Father and Mother did bid me nay charged me to imitate her Trifle So did mine Vanity And mine Parle Well for my part I rejoyce for now we shall have the old way of Wooing again to imbrace and kiss in corners to hear amorous and wanton discourse Fondly That way of wooing is best Vanity You say true for I hate this way of wooing there is no pleasure in it Parle No saith to stand gazing and prating a mile asunder Matron You make short miles Parle Why two inches is a Lovers mile and three a long league Trifle It was not likely she should choose well or ever be happily married Matron Why so Trifle By reason she was curs'd by all the maids back-holders widows and widowers in the Town Matron But she had the prayers of all the maried women Parle But she had the curses of all the maried men for they croud in amongst the back-holders sometimes Exeunt Scene 28. Enter Sir Thomas Letgo and the Lady Liberty LEtgo Sweet Madam you are the Godess which my Thoughts adore Liberty You flatter Letgo Love cannot flatter for Lovers think all their praises truth Liberty The Lady Mute is your Godess Letgo If there were no other Godess of your Sex but she I should become an infidel to love nay an Atheist believing there were no such Deity as Love Exeunt Scene 29. Enter the Lady Prudence and Intelligencer her Woman INtelligencer Madam all the Town condemns you Prudence And do you condemn me too Intelligen. No Madam for I am bound as being your servant to submit to your will liking and pleasure Prudence Why the choise is honest for they may swear I am not enamour'd with his Person But had he been a fair Youth or known to be a debanch'd Man they might have justly condemn'd me either for my fond Affection and amorous Love or wilde Choice Intelligencer 'Faith they may think your Choise is wilde by reason you have chosen out of a Labyrinth not knowing where his beginning or end is Prudence Why Virtue is the Beginning and Happiness I hope will be the End Intelligen. I wish it may prove so Madam Prudence But pray tell me Did you ever hear me speak worse than I did to him Intelligen. How do you mean Madam in that you gave your self away Prudence No in that I did not present my self more Eloquently Intelligen. Methought your Speech did not flow so smooth as it was us'd to do as if your Tongue did know you did commit a fault in granting to his Sute Prudence No truly for my desire did out-run my speech for desiring to speak best to him I loved most obstructed my Tongue which made my words run unevenly Intelligen. That 's a common misfortune for when any one strives to speak wisely they most often speak foolishly Prudence 'T is true for strife is an enemy to speech for those that speak not free and easie never speak well For when as Passion wrestles with the Tongue The Sense is weak and down the words are slung Exeunt Scene 30. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman 'T is strange the Lady Prudence that is so beautiful rich and nobly born and hath so great a wit should chuse a man so poor and mean and so ill-favour'd 2 Gentlem. In my opinion it is not strange for certainly there is a sympathy between the spirits of virtuous souls which begets love although in deformed persons And this is the true Love for that which proceeds from Covetousness or Ambition or is produced by the Senses is rather an Appetite which is apt to surfet or dies as soon as enjoy'd or turns with Fortunes wheel 1 Gentlem. Well I wish for the Ladies sake who is known to be Virtuous her Husband may prove as Virtuous as she Exeunt Scene 31. Enter a Grave Matron Mistris Fondly Mistris Vanity Mistris Trifle and Mistris Parle MAtron Ladies do you hear the News Parle VVhat News Matron VVhy Mistris Simple is gone very early this morning out of Town with Sir Anthony Gosling and 't is said they will be maried before they return Vanity I cannot believe it for she was the most unlikely to be maried of any of us all Parle I perceive that Maid that can have Fortune to be her friend shall not want a Husband Fondly You say true and Fortune is a better friend than our Parents are for our Parents are contented we should live Maids all the time of our lives when Fortune most commonly gives Maids Husbands at one time or other Matron Ladies why do you complain of your Parents for their wary care who would not have you marry but to such Husbands as you may be happy withall and therefore are cautious how to chuse when Fortune makes Matches at Random Fondly I had rather marry at Random than not marry at all Matron Why then perchance in stead of a worthy person you may marry a base fellow and in stead of a rich husband a beggar Parle Those women that are curious in their Choise may chance to die old Maids Matron 'T is better to die an old Maid than to live a miserable life which will be if an unhappy Wife Vanity There is no misery like being an old Maid She sings a piece of an old Song O that I were so happy once to be a wedded Wife I would fulfil my Husbands will all the
Love than you want love to give Desert Sage Prethee VVife be not griev'd nor angry for 't is natural for Love to be suspicious wherefore pray forgive my doubts Chastity My nature is to forgive and not to bear a grudge or spleen in minde Sage Then we are friends again Chastity My love is still the same not to be alter'd Exeunt Scene 7. Enter Mistris Single the Lady Jealousies sister and Raillery Jester the Fool MIstris Single Fool How many degrees is there in Understanding Iester Three Single Distinguish them Iester There is a Coelestial Understanding a Terrestrial Understanding and an Understanding betwixt both as an Airestial Understanding Those that are Coelestial are wise men those that are Terrestrial are fools and those that are betwixt both as Airestial are half-witted men Single I thought you would have said that those that were Terrestrial were beasts Iester O no for beasts are one degree above wise men two degrees above half witted men and three degrees above fools Single But how will you make that good that beasts are wiser than wise men Iester By all their actions for beasts for the most part are more industrious prudent temperate and peaceable than the best of men neither do they trouble their heads nor break their sleeps about the trifles of the World but govern their Affairs easily and live orderly every several kind agreeing amongst themselves besides we are taught to imitate the Serpent and the Dove and Examples are Principles and the Original is to be preferr'd before the Copy the Sample before the Pattern Thus a Beast is preferr'd before a Wise man by reason all Men must learn of Beasts to be wise and of Birds to be virtuously honest as to be harmless Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid Joan. MAid Ioan. Certainly Madam you will starve your self with eating so little Hypocon. Why a little serves Nature Ioan. Yes but there are great differences betwixt Natures for mankind requires more food than some kind of beasts or birds for a man would be starv'd if he should eat no more than a Dormouse or a Camelion or a Sparrow Hypocon. But a Sparrow cannot eat so much as an Eagle nor an Eagle so much as an Estrich Likewise as it is with Bird-kind so it is with Mankind some would starve with that proportion another would surfet on Ioan. But surely there are none that could surfet with your diet as with Water and Air nay most commonly nothing but Air Camelion-like for you oft times for a week together neither eat bit nor drink a drop and that which makes me wonder more is that you naturally have a very good stomach and can eat when you please very heartily and it thrives well with you but my greater wonder is that when you do fast eating now and then a bit week after week nay moneth after moneth yet you are not so lean as to appear a Skeleton nor so weak but you can walk two hours without resting or being very weary Hypocon. Oh Custome is a second Nature Ioan Ioan. I would have your Ladyship accustome your self to live without eating and then you will be set in a Chronicle Hypocon. Who would strive for that since most think Chronologers are Artificers and that their Chronicles are false Ioan. Why some will believe it and it were better to live in the memory of a few than to die to all memory and to live by nothing Hypocon. I would have my Fame live only by singular and transcending Merits not by singular and melancholy Follies I know my Errors though I cannot mend my Faults Exeunt ACT II. Scene 9. Enter the Lady Procurer and the Lady VVanton PRocurer Well Madam you are to give me thanks for bringing you acquainted with Monsieur Amorous for he is as fine a Gentleman as any our Nation hath Wanton Indeed he is the most obligingst person as ever I met with but pray Madam what said he of me Procurer O he raves in your praise He says you are the finest sweetest fairest and kindest Lady that ever was but did not your Husband examine you when you came home Wanton No 'faith not much some slight questions he ask'd but come into my Chamber and there let us discourse of Monsieur Amorous Exeunt Scene 10. Enter the Lady Jealousie beating her Maid Nan JEalousie I will make you humbler than to give me such unmannerly words What had you to do in my Husbands your Masters Chamber Nan I went to speak with Tom my Masters barber Iealousie What had you to do with your Masters barber I am sure you had no use for him but I will beat you so as you shall not be able to stir much less to go frisking into your Masters Chamber so often as you do Falls a beating her again Nan runs crying from her Lady her Lady follows her Enters Raillery Jester the Fool Fool. What a Volly of words their gun-powder breath and the fire-lock of their anger hath shot into my Ears giving me no warning to baracade them up but hath surprized my brain by their sudden assault and hath blown up the Magazines of my Contemplations but all creatures love to make a noise beasts vocally men verbally and some actually in boysterous deeds Enter Mistris Single Single How now Fool what 's the matter Fool. Why this is the matter fool thy Sister fool hath beaten her Maid fool for kissing her Master fool Single For kissing her Masters fool say you Fool. Nay by'r Lady if she had done so she had been wise for if she had kiss'd me she had not been beaten but she did not kiss me Ergo she 's a fool Exeunt Scene 11. Enter the Lady Hypocondria and Sir VVilliam Lovewell her Husband HYpocondria Husband why seem you so sad Lovewel My love to you makes me sad Hypocondria To me Heaven bless me what do you see in me to make you sad Lovewel Why for these passions and frights that you fall into like one in an Epilepsie and now you look as pale as if you were ready to fall down dead Hypocon. Alas Husband consider it is a timorous effect of Love which is to be pardon'd since it proceeds from the kindness I have to my Friends it is honourable to the World and no dishonour to you but only troublesome to my self and to those I naturally love as Husband Children Father Mother Brothers and Sisters And though fond Love and vain Fears may be produced from the melancholy Spleen yet those fears that proceed from my firm true and honest Affection are created in the Soul for noble and honourable and honest Fears are the natural Issues of pure Love Lovewel But Reason the chief Magistrate of the Soul and Governour of the Passions should temper the Excess Hypocon. O Husband when Love comes to be temper'd it loses or quits the essential part and the vertical strength for true Love is pure like gold which is debased with an allay
your Sute despises your Person and hates your Humour Amorous Pluto take all your sex Procurer If he should you would whiningly follow them to Hell rather than miss their Company refusing Heaven for effeminate Society Amorous They torment men more than Devils do Exeunt Scene 33. Enter Master Makepeace and Master Perswader MAster Makepeace Now Sir Humphrey Disagree and his Lady are made good friends they are become a loving Couple Perswader Heaven keep them so Makepeace Truly I begin to believe they will for they seem very sensible of their errors and they laugh at their one follies to see what ridiculous frivolous and small matters their quarels are built with and upon Exeunt Enter Sir Humphrey Disagree and his Lady Sir Humphrey Disagree Look you Wife here is the Priest that hath new married us and our friend that hath joyned us in a loving friendship again Lady Disagree And I will celebrate this Union with a Feast to which I will invite my good friends as to my wedding day Humphrey Disagree I perceive we shall be merry pray let us have Fidlers and Dance Lady Disagree That we will Exeunt Scene 34. Enter Sir VVilliam Lovewell upon a Couch as being weak and his Lady following him SIr William Lovewell Come come Wife you are not so kind as you were wont to be for you did use to watch my looks my sleep and how I fetcht my breath in my sleep and what I did eat and how much I did eat for fear I should be sick and no help unsought to cure me But I perceive you are as all other women are inconstant for now you do neglect me and seldom come near me but when I send for you Hypocondria I dare not for fear my diligence may prove loves indiscretion and so my service become a burthensome trouble Enter one of the Men Sir William fought with and beat with a Pistol in his hand the Lady Hypocondria sees him and on the sudden runs to the Man and snatches the Pistol out of his hand the whilst the Man was in amaze at it She Shoots him with his own Pistol the noise of the Pistol brings in the Servants Hypocondria You Cowardly Rogue do you take the advantage of sickness to work your revenge do you come when my Husband is not able to defend himself The Man falls and sayes O I am kill'd Hypocondria Kill'd if you had a thousand lives my single life would kill them all rather than suffer my Husband to be murdered The Servants all the while stand at a distance as being all afrighted Hypocondria You Company of dull dead statues move for shame and bear away this Villain this murderous Villain Servants Where should we carry him Madam Hypocondria Why any where cast him into a Ditch there let him ly and rot like Beasts without Buriall The mean while Sir William Lovewell having recovered his breath which was spent in striving to get up from his Couch but being very weak he could not Lovewell Carry him to a Justice and bid the Justice dispose of him as he thinks fit telling him of his crime Servants Let us search him to see if he hath never another Pistol Lovewell Go you Cowards and carry him away The Servants and Man goes out O this effeminate sickness hath disgraced me O how like a worm a sick man is which lyes so low and is so shiftless that any beast treads out his life Hypocondria Why had you been in health and strength it would have been no Honour to beat a Coward Lovewell He seem'd not such a Coward but that he had some courage or otherwise he would not have adventur'd himself alone into a House wherein were many persons which would have been his Enemies but I am glad that you have the honour of his wounds but it is a miracle to me to see how valiantly you did behave your self and yet by nature is so fearfull Hypocondria Mistake not Love for true Love is only afraid when it cannot help but when it hath hopes to rescue what it loves Mars is not Valianter Lovewell Well Wife I owe my life to your love and I shall account you as Pallas that hath defended me with a prudent courage Hypocondria If you think I have done you service worthy a reward pray give me a request Lovewell That I shall if it be that life you have defended what is it Hypocondria It is to set love free from the Chains of discretion and Jailer of temperance for it is impossible to confine love but either it will dy or break out in revenge Lovewell VVell VVife hereafter I will never oppose loves wayes Exeunt Scene 35. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant and Monsieur Disguise MOnsieur Disguise Sir did you hear what your Lady said Francis Inconstant Yes I heard her say she would poyson me in a mess of broath Disguise VVhat will you do to prevent it Inconstant Leave that care to me I shall be my own Sentinel to discern the aproaching Poyson Sir Francis goes out Monsieur Disguise alone Disguise Their Deaths will be my triumph and my Death a reprieve Exit Scene 36. Enter Monsieur Amorous and the Lady Procurer LAdy Procurer I am come to invite you to a Collation for the Lady Wanton for whom you at first made costly Collations is forced to invite you now to the like Amorous Faith Madam I am so squezy stomacked that the very sight of a Banquet will put me into an Apoplexy as with an obstructed Surfit Procurer If you should deny her you would lose you reputation amongst our Sex for ever Amorous Well I will go upon condition that you carry a message from me to another Lady Procurer Most willingly so it be not to the Lady Chastity Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Mistriss Single and Raillery Jester the Fool MIstriss Single Prethy Fool give me advice as how to choose a Husband Fool. Faith you are wise to take a Fools Counsel for Fools have for the most part best Fortune either in their Counsel or Choice Single Why are Fools Fortunes favourites Fool. Yes for by Fools Fortune plainly shews her power when wise men usurp it striving to take her power from her Single Then Fortune direct thee to direct me Fool. Fortune is giddy and directs by chance which causes so many misfortunes Single Then by your direction I may be unfortunate but I will venture wherefore tell me how to choose Fool. VVhy then you must choose a Husband by the Ear Single By the Eye you mean Fool. No faith those that would be happily match'd must choose a Husband or VVife by the Ear and not by the Eye for though report is oft-times false yet it seldom flatters nay for the most part it is so far from giving merit its due Praises as it detracts therefrom Single But Fortune carries worthless men upon the tongue of fame Fool. 'T is true but Fortune being giddy is apt to stagger and so to stumble and oft-times flings those worthless men
in foul disgrace Single But hopes and fears bribe or force the VVorld to praise a worthless He or Shee Fool. 'T is true hopes of gain are bribes and fear of punishments are threats for to perswade or force the tongue to flatter yet none but Gods and Kings are subject to this flattery and you are not to marry either the one nor yet the other for Gods joyn not to Mortals and Kings are far too proud to marry Subjects nor were it good for you if that they would as that you were matcht to a King for happiness lives in equallity Single Faith thou art too wise to wear a Fools-Coat wherefore cast it oft Fool. And faith I should be more Fool than my profession makes me if I should cast it off therefore I will keep it on Exeunt ACT V. Scene 39. Enter the Lady Inconstant and Monsieur Disguise LAdy Inconstant O my Dear love I have such an opportunity that Fortune could never have given me a better for my Husband is fallen Sick and if I Poyson him now the VVorld will say and think it was his Sickness that kill'd him and that will secure me Disguise I he be Sick perchance he may dye and that will save you the labour and hazard of poysoning Inconstant O But if he should recover again then I were undone wherefore I will not venture to rely upon his Sickness Disguise Use your discretion but t is not fit we should be seen together wherefore I will kiss your hands and leave you for a time Inconstant And I hope the next time we meet we shall be rid of the obstructor of our loves Exeunt Scene 39. Enter the Lady Wanton and the Lady Procurer LAdy Wanton Madam did you give Monsieur Amorous the present I sent you to give him Procurer Yes there was Shirts Caps and Handkerchiefs of each two dozen Wanton There were so Procurer They were of the finest Holland and Flanders Lace that ever I saw what might the present cost you Wanton Not much above five hundred pounds Procurer You speak as if it were but a slight present but if your Husband knew of it he would think it were too much by four hundred ninety and nine pound nineteen shillings eleven pence halfpeny farthing Wanton But what said Monsieur Amorous when you presented that present as from me Procurer At the first he would not receive the present saying it was too costly and that he could not return enough thanks for it and so should seem as ungratefull against his will but at last upon my perswasion he took your present and to Morrow he will come and give you thanks Wanton I had rather meet him in some other place than receive his visit at home where my Husband is Exeunt Scene 40. Enter the Lady Poverty weeping and two or three Children following her Then Enters her Husband LAdy Poverty Husband how shall these Children live Spendall By Heavens Providence Wife Poverty I fear they will starve unless your providence feeds them Spendall It was imprudently done to get them Poverty But now they are got they must be provided for Spendall Yes as Beggers provide for their Children put them to the Parish Poverty The Parish will not keep them Spendall Then sell them to Animal Merchants they will Traffick with them into the Barbadoes or Barmudes or Virginy or the like places Poverty And how shall I live Spendall Why you may go along and be their Nurse Poverty And the Merchants Whore Spendall As you can agree for he may sell you at as great a prize after as if you were honest besides your Children will prove you to be fruitfull for which they will give a double or trebble price for you and if you thrive send me word and I will come to you if I cannot live here Poverty I thank you Husband for you have made me miserably unhappy by your mispendings yet you would feed upon my good fortune if it can be call'd good fortune to thrive with dishonesty Spendall Faith Fortune hath undone me but may be she will be charitable to you Poverty I hope so for Fortune never befriends those whom Vices besots and though your deboysteries have undone you I hope my Virtues will help to save me Spendall But I never perceived your virtue to do you any good but for any thing I perceive to the contrary you are like to starve for all your virtues Poverty I hope when I am parted from you and your wickedness Heaven will powre down some mercy on me Exeunt Scene 41. Enter the Lady VVanton and the Lady Procurer LAdy Wanton Pray Madam inform me where Monsieur Amorous is for I have sent two or three times to his Lodging and my Messenger is answered still he is from home Procurer He is a wanderer Wanton I think he is wandred into some other parts of the World for after he went from us I sent a dozen Letters whilst I staid in the Country and received not one answer Procurer Faith Madam Monsieur Amorous is one of the lasiest of Mankind Wanton I am resolv'd when I see him to chide him for I could not conveniently do it when he came to give me thanks for my present Enter Sir Thomas Cuckold Procurer Sir Thomas Cuckold you are welcome to the Town for though I have had the Honour to see your Lady two or three times yet I could not got a sight of you never since you came out of the Country Cuckold My Wife did wish for your Company whilst we were in the Country a hundred times Procurer I should be glad to be in any place to do my Lady Service Cuckold I was abroad even now where I met Monsicur Amorous who lookt upon me as if he knew me not or rather as if he did despise me Procurer Perchance he did not know you Cuckold His memory must be very short if he could forget me so soon Wanton Perchance Husband you lookt strangely upon him Cuckold Truly Wife I went to imbrace him as I was used to do with kind love and he crost the street to shun me Wanton I dare lay my life it is some mistake Husband Procurer Friends Sir Thomas must never be exceptious Cuckold I am not apt to be exceptious I will assure you Madam no Man is freer from that humour than I am Exeunt Scene 42. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant as sick upon a Couch he being alone SIr Francis Inconstant This feigned Sickness shall serve as a snare to catch my Wives design Enter the Lady Inconstant Lady Inconstant My dear heart how are you Francis Inconstant Very Sick so Sick as I fear Heaven doth envy my happiness and will part us by Death Lady Inconstant The Gods forbid I hope you will live so long as to Crown your Virtuous life with aged years Francis Inconstant O no I find my life draws towards an end and Death will separate us from each other but you being young Wife will soon forget me placing
Surfet your affection I would hang about your Neck as the Earth to the Center and as you move should bear me still about you but I am afraid if overfond you should be weary of me and account me a trouble and I had rather starve all my delights than make you loath my Company Monsieur Esperance This is but an excuse Wife Madamoiselle Esperance Why are you Jealouse that you think my words speak not my thoughts have I behaved my self so indiscreetly or have my actions been so light as you believe I shall be wanton Monsieur Esperance No I do not fear your Virtue Madamoiselle Esperance Do you fear my Indiscretion Monsieur Esperance I hope you will give me no cause to fear although Husbands are oftner dishonoured by their Wives Indiscretions than their Inconstant affections Madamoiselle Esperance Pray be confident that I shall have a greater care of your Honour than of my own Life Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman The Lady Natures three Daughters namely Wit Beauty and Love are the sweetest and most Virtuous Ladies in the VVorld 2 Gentleman I have heard so much of their fame as I have a great desire to see them 1 Gentleman You may see the Lady VVit for she doth discourse often in publick but for the other two Sisters they are somewhat more retired 2 Gentleman How shall we know the time that the Lady VVit discourses in publick 1 Gentleman I am now going to see if I can get a place where I may 2 Gentleman I will go with you if you will give me leave 1 Gentleman VVith all my Heart Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Poverty MOnsieur Poverty My Noble Lord I am a Gentleman one that is ruin'd by Fortunes spight and not by my own Carelesness Vanity Luxury or Prodigality for my Poverty is honest but though my Poverty hath an honest face yet it is ashamed to appear in the open sight of publick knowledg which makes me whisper my wants to your Lordships private Ear Monsieur Nobilissimo Sir if your necessities can conceal themselves they shall never be divulged by me and what I can honestly give you out of my Estate and not very imprudently from my self I shall freely and secretly distribute to you and such as are in your condition Monsieur Poverty Your Lordships Servant Exeunt Scene 5. Enter Madamoiselle Amor alone MAdamoiselle Amor The mind is the best Tutor and ought to instruct the Senses how to choose for the Senses are but as the working Labourers to bring Lifes materials in but O my Senses have betrayed my mind in bringing through my Ears and Eyes Beauty and VVit which like as creeping Serpents got passage to my heart and winding round about with flattering imbraces yet sting the peace and quiet of my mind raising therein blisters of discontent causing an anguish of restless thoughts which work and beat like pulsive pain But O had I been born both Deaf and Blind Then might I scape this Hell tormenting mind His Wit like various Musick pierc'd my Ear Some being solemn and some pleasant were And when he spake his person did appear Like to the Sun when no dark Clouds were neer Fame of his valour like a trumpet sound Through Ears from Heart unto the Eyes rebound And then his person like Mars did appear Yet so as when fair Venus Queen was neer O Love forbear use not this cruelty Either bind him or give me liberty Enter Monsieur Adresser Monsieur Adresser VVhat are you all alone sweet Mistriss Amor No Sir I have the Company of thoughts Adresser Those are Melancholy Companions Amor Indeed mine are so at this time yet thoughts with thoughts may discourse wittily and converse pleasantly together without articulate words Adresser Certainly your thoughts must needs be pleasant your words are so witty Amor No truly for my thoughts lie in my brain like a Chaos in a confused heap and my brain being young hath not enough natural heat to disgest them into a Methodical order neither hath Time cookt them ready for the Mind to dish out or the Tongue to carry to the Ears of the hearers Adresser The oftner I hear and see you the more I wonder at you Amor Why I hope Sir I am no Monster Adresser No for you seem to me something divine Amor Then you should rather admire me for Admiration proceeds from things excellent Wonder from things strange and unusuall Adresser So you are strange and unusal for things divine are not common and certainly you are a thing illuminated beyond Natures Art and are the only delight of Mankind Amor Men take no worldly delight in Coelestial Creatures but with Earthly wherefore the most refined and illuminated is oftenest rejected Adresser No Lady they are not rejected but as Angels they will not reside with us Amor Sir for fear I should lose the Angelical opinion you have of me I will depart soon as Angels do Exeunt ACT II. Scene 6. Enter Madamoiselle Detractor Madamoiselle Spightfull Madamoiselle Malicious and Madamoiselle Tell-truth TEll-truth Come will you go to hear the Lady Wit discourse Spightfull Not I Tell-truth Will you go Detractor I will not go to hear a prating preaching woman Malicious O that all the Masculine Sex would say as much Tell-truth Let us go to learn Wit Spightfull I had rather be a Dunce all my Life Detractor So had I if I must have none but a Woman instructor Malicious Indeed women should learn not teach Detractor It 's a sign Men want VVit when they go to hear a VVoman preach Spightfull But let us go if it be but to censure for an hundred to one but she will say something which may be contradicted Malicious Then let us agree to be her contradictors for whatsoever she saith we will confute Tell-truth Nay by your favour that you cannot do for though you may contradict any argument yet not confute it for though Envy and Spight have bred Sophistry yet Envy and Spight cannot confute the Truth Spightfull Well let us go howsoever if it be but to see and be seen of those men as will be there to hear her All Content Exeunt Scene 7. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience She takes her place and then speaks GRand Esprit Great Fortune I at this time do implore That thou wilt open every hearing door Which are the Ears let not my Wit be lost For want of bearing nor my words be crost Nor yet destructed by a busling noise Or gazing or observing some light toyes But let their Ears be sixt as if their sight Did view my words till on their Ears they light Noble and Right Honourable I shall take my discourse at this time out of Ignorance which discourse I shall divide into Five Parts the Gods Fates Nature the VVorld and Man for although Ignorance be obscure and hard to be discovered yet it is printed in a general Language being
spread and communicated over all the VVorld I begin with the First and prime Creature Ignorant Man Man takes himself to be the most knowing Creature for which he hath placed himself next to the Gods yet Man is ignorant for what Man is or ever was created that knows what the Gods are or how many there are Or what power they have or where they reside What Man did ever know the Mansions of Glory the Bowers of bliss or the Fields of pleasure What Man ever knew whether the Gods were Eternal or bred out of infinite or rule or govern infinite Eternally Secondly the Fates What Man is or ever was that knows the Fates As whether they are Gods or Creatures or whether the Fates are limited or decree as they please Or what Man is or ever was that knows the decrees of Fate the links of Destiny or the chance of Fortune or the lots of Chance Thirdly What Man is or ever was that knows what Nature is or from whence her power proceeds As whether from the Gods or Eternity or infinite or from the Fates Or whether the Gods or Fates proceed from her Or what at first set her to work Or whether her work is prescribed or limited Or of what she works on Or what instruments she worketh with Or to what end she works for Or whether she shall desist from working or shall work Eternally Or whether she worked from all Eternity Or whether her work had a beginning or shall have an ending What Man knows the beginning of Motion or the Fountain of Knowledge or the Spring of Life or Gulph of Death Or what Life is Or what Death is Or whether Life Motion and Death had a beginning or shall have an ending Fourthly the World VVhat Man is or ever was that knows how the VVorld was made Or for what it is made Or by whom it was made Or whether it had beginning or shall have end The Fift and last is Man VVhat Man is or ever was that knows how he was formed or of what composition or what is that he calls a Rational Soul VVhether it is imbodyed or not imbodyed VVhether it is Divine or Mortal VVhether it proceeds from the Gods or was created by Nature VVhether it shall live for ever or shall have a period VVhether it shall live in Knowledge or ly in Ignorance VVhether it be capable of pain or pleasure VVhether it shall have a residing place or no certain place assigned Or if it have none where it shall wander Or if it have where that residing place is As for the Body who knows the perfect Sense of each Sense or what mistake or illusions each Sense is apt to make or give or take VVhat Man knows how the Body dissolves or to what it shall dissolve VVhat Man knows whether there be Sense in Death or not VVhat Man knows the motion of the thoughts or whether the thoughts belong only to the Soul or only to the Body or partly to both or of neither VVhat Man is there that knows strength of passion As what Faith may beget Or what Doubts may dissolve Or what Hopes may unite Or what Fears may disorder Or what Love can suffer Or what Hate can act VVhat Man is there that knows the Circumpherence of Admiration the rigour of Adoration the hight of Ambition or the bottom of Covetousness Or what Man knows the end of Sorrow or beginning of Joy And as for the Appetites what Man knows the length and bredth of desire As for the Senses what Man is there that knows the true Sense of Pleasure or the uttermost bounds of Pain VVho can number the varieties of Tast Sent Touch Sound and Sight VVhat Man knows the perfect effects of each Sense Or what Man is there that knows any thing truly as it is Yet certainly there cannot be an Athest for though men may be so irrelligious as to be of no Religion yet their can be none so willfull and utterly void of all Sense and Reason as not to believe there is a God for though we have not the true light of knowledge yet we have as it were a perpetual twilight Man lives as at the poles of knowledge for though we cannot say it is truly day yet it is not night Man may perceive an Infinite power by the perfect distinctions of all particular varieties by the orderly production of several Creatures and by the fit and proper shapes of every several kind of Creature by their orderly Births by the times and Seasons to produce flourish and decay by the distinct degrees qualities properties places and motions of all things and to and in every thing by the exact form of this VVorld by the prudent seperations and situations of the Heavens and Earth by the Circumferent lines and poyzing Centers by their bounds and limits by their orderly and timely motions by their assigned tracts constant Journies convenient distances by their intermixing and well tempering of the Elements by the profitable Commerce betwixt the Heavens and the Earth by the different kinds several sorts various Natures numerous numbers of Creatures by their passions humours appetites by their Sympathies and Antipathies by their warrs and parties by the Harmony that is made out of discord shews that there is onely one absolute power and wise disposer that cannot be opposed having no Copartners produces all things being not produced by any thing wherefore must be Eternall and consequently infinite this absolute wise and Eternal power Man calls God but this absolute power being infinite he must of necessity be incomprehensible and being incomprehensible must of necessity be unknown yet glimses of his power is or may be seen yet not so but that Man is forced to set up Candels of Faith to light them or direct them to that they cannot perfectly know and for want of the clear light of knowledge Man calls all Creations of this mighty power Nature his wise decrees Man calls Fates his pointed will Man calls Destiny his several Changes Man calls Fortune his Intermixing Man calls Life his seperating Man calls Death the Sympathetical and Antipathetical motions of the Senses and their Objects Humours and their Subjects Man calls Pleasure and Pain the interchanging motions in Man Men call Sense and Knowledge the seperating motions Man calls Ignorance Stupidity and Insensibility my application is that this absolute Power wise Disposer and decreeing Creator hath created himself Worship in making Creatures to worship him and it is probable Truth decreed Judgment Punishment and Bliss to such of his Creatures as shall omit or submit thereunto my exhoration to you is to bough humbly to pray constantly to implore fervently to love truly to live awfully to the worship of this incomprehensible power that you may injoy bliss and avoid torment Exeunt ACT III Scene 8. Enter Monsieur NObilissimo and three or four Gentlemen Nobilissimo I wonder who brought up that careless fashion to go without their Swords and I wonder
this discourse is that since Self-love is the Fountain of and in Nature from whence issue out several Springs to every several Creature wherein Mankind being her chiefest and Supreme work is filled with the fullest Springs from that Fountain which is the cause that Mankind is more industrious cruel and unsatiable to and for his self ends than any other Creature he spares nothing that he hath power to destroy if he fears any hurt or hopes for any gain or finds any pleasure or can make any sport or to imploy his idle time he melts metalls distills and dissolves plants dissects animals substracts and extracts Elements he digs up the bowels of the Earth cuts through the Ocean of the Sea gathers the winds into Sails fresh waters into Mills and imprisons the thinner Ayre he Hunts he Fowls he Fishes for sport with Gunns Nets and Hooks he cruelly causeth one Creature to destroy another the whilst he looks on with delight he kills not only for to live but lives for to kill and takes pleasure in torturing the life of other Creatures in prolonging their pains and lengthning their Deaths and when Man makes friendship of Love it is for his own sake either in humouring his passion or feeding his humour or to strengthen his party or for Trust or Counsel or Company or the like causes if he dies for his friend it is either for fame or that he cannot live himself happy without his friend his passion and grief making him restless if Man loves his Children Wife or Parents t is for his own sake he loves his Parents for the honour he receives by them or for the life he received of them if he loves his Wife or the Wife the Husband it is for their own sakes as their own pleasure as either for their Beauties Wits Humours or other Graces or for their Company or Friendships or because they think they love them if they love their Children it is for their own sakes as to keep alive their memory and to have their duty and obedience to bow and do homage to them If Masters love their Servants it is for their own sakes because they are trusty faithfull and industrious in their affairs imployments or for their own profit or ease and if Servants love their Masters it is for their own sakes as either for their power to protect them or for the regard they have to them or for the gain they get from them or for their lives that are nourished and maintained by them if Amorous Lovers love it is for their own sakes as to please the Appetite and to satisfy their desires if Subjects love their Soveraigns it is for their own sakes as that they may have Law and Justice Peace and Unity If Sovereigns love their Subjects it is for their own sakes because they bear up his Throne with their Wealth and Industry and fight to maintain or get him power My Application most Noble and Right Honourable is that since we do all and in every act for our own sakes we should indeavour and study for that which is best for our selves and the ground of our indeavour is to learn and know our selves every particular person must learn and know himself not by comparative as observing others for every man is not alike but by self study reading our own Natures and Dispositions marking our own Passions mours and Appetites with the Pen of Thought and Ink of Examination and let the Truth be the Tutor to instruct you in the School of Reason in which you may Commence Master of Art and go out Doctor of Judgment to practise Temperance for Temperance keeps in its full strength prolongs Beauty quickens Wit ripens Youth refreshes Age restores Decayes keeps Health maintains Life and hinders Times ruines but Temperance is not only a Doctor of Physick a Physician to the Body but a Doctor of Divinity a Divine for the Soul It preaches and teaches good Life it instructs with the Doctrine of Tranquillity and guides to the Heaven of Happiness also Temperance is the Doctor of Musick it tunes the Senses composes the Thoughts it notes the Passions it measures the Appetites and playes a Harmonious Mind Thus Most Noble and Right Honourable I have proved that Self-love is the Fountain of Nature and the Original Springs of her Creatures and that Temperance is the strongest Foundation of Self-love although few build thereupon but upon Intemperance which is a huge Bulk of Excess the substance of Riot worm eaten with Surfers rotten with Pain and sinks down to death with Sickness and Grief not being able to bear and uphold Life wherefore build your Lives upon Temperance which is a strong and sure Foundation which will never fail but will uphold your Lives as long as Time and Nature permits them and your Souls will dwell peaceably and happily therein Exeunt ACT V. Scene 14. Enter Madamoiselle Amor alone as musing to her self alone then speaks MAdamoiselle Amor I will confess to him my Love since my designs are Noble but O for a woman to woo a man is against Nature and seems too bold nay impudent only by a contrary custome but why should not a woman confess she loves before she is wooed when after a seeming coyness gives consent as being won more by a Treaty than by Love when her obscure thoughts know well her heart was his at first bound as his prisoner and only counterfeits a freedome besides it were unjust although an antient custome if dissembling should be preferred before a Modern Truth for length of Time and often practices makes not Falshood Truth nor Wrong Right nor Evill Good then I will break down Customs Walls and honest Truth shall lead me on Love plead my Sute and if I be deny'd My heart will break and Death my Face will hide Exit Scene 15. Enter Monsieur Esperance and his Wife Madamoiselle Esperance MOnsieur Esperance Wife whither do you go when I come near you you always turn to go from me Madamoiselle Esperance I saw you not for I had rather be fixt as a Statue than move to your dislike Monsieur Esperance Why do you blush surely you are guilty of some crime Madamoiselle Esperance 'T is said blushing comes unsent for and departs without leave and that it oftner visits Innocency than guilt Madamoiselle Esperance weeps Monsieur Esperance What do you weep Madamoiselle Esperance How can I otherwise choose when my Innocent Life and True Love is suspected and all my pure affections are cast away like dross and the best of all my actions condemn'd as Traytors and my unspotted Chastity blemish'd with soul Jealousy and defamed with slandering words Monsieur Esperance Prethy Wife do not weep for every tear wounds me to Death and know it is my extreme Love which creates my fears but you might have had a Husband with more faults Madamoiselle Esperance 'T is true but not so many noble qualities as you have which makes
me weep doubting you Love me not you are so Jealous Monsieur Esperance By Heaven I love thee beyond my Soul wherefore forbear to weep if thou canst stop thy tears Madamoiselle Esperance Tears may be stopt unless they flow from an unrecoverable loss which Heaven forbid mine should yet sorrow oft doth stop the Spring from whence tears rise or else the Eyes do weep themselves quite blind Monsieur Esperance Pray dry yours Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Madamoiselle Bon alone MAdamoiselle Bon. O Man O Man How various and Inconstant are you all how cruell to betray our faint and unexperienced Sex bribing our Judgments with flattering words obscure our reasons with Clouds of Sighs drawing us into belief with protestations bind us with promises and vows forcing us to yield up our affections then murther us with scorn and bury us in forgetfullness but O how happy was I before I was betrayed by Love my heart was free my thoughts were pleasant and my humour gay but now my mind is a Garrison of cares my thoughts like runaways are wanderers Grief on my heart his heavy taxes layes Which through my Eyes my heart those taxes payes Exit Scene 17. Enter Madamoiselle Amor and at a distance seeth Monsieur Nobilissimo she speaks first as to her self MAdamoiselle Amor Love and Discretion sight duels in my mind one makes me Mute the other doth perswade me to prefer my Sute but why should I be nice to speak or be ashamed to woo with words when all our Sex doth woo with several dresses and smiles each civil courtesy doth plead Loves Sute then I will on Love give me Courage and Mercury guide my tongue She goeth as towards the Lord Nobilissimo Amor Noble Sir impute it rather as a folly to my Sex and Youth and not any impudence of Nature if that my Innocency discovers my passion and affection not having Craft or subtilty to conceal them but I must plainly tell you no sooner did I see you and hear you speak but loved but yet mistake me not I dote not on your person but your mind for sure your Noble Soul shot fire through my Eyes into my Heart there flames with pure affection but for this confession perchance you will set me as a mark of scorn for all to shoot their scofs at and in derision pointing will laugh and say there is the Maid that wooed a Man Nobilissimo Is this to me Lady Amor It cannot be to any other Nature could make but one and that was you Nobilissimo If this be real you do profess the Gods should they have sent an Angel down to offer me their Heavenly Mansion it had not been so great a gift as your affection Amor Do you not hate me then Nobilissimo Nothing I Love so well Amor And will you Love me ever Nobilissimo Yes ever for when my Body is dissolved Love shall live in my dust in spight of Death Amor And will you love none but me Nobilissimo An intire and undivided affection can be placed but upon one and that is you Amor May your constancy be as firm as my Love pure Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Madamoiselle La Belle and her four Suters Admiration Ambition Vainglory and Pride ADmirat Dear Mistriss stay that I may gaze upon you Then bow my knee as to the rising Sun Heave up my hands as when to Heaven I pray But being amaz'd know not one word I say Yet superstitiously I shall adore As my chief Goddess shall thy love implore And being worship'd you are deifi'd Your Godhead in your Beauty doth recide Vainglory Thou absolute Beauty for thy dear sake Of Lovers hearts a foot-stool shall be made A Cushion soft with Hopes fill'd full then laid For thee to stand and triumph on fair Maid And Lovers Souls shall from their bodyes fly For thee a Couch when weary on to ly Pride Thy Lovers tears for to invite thy rest In murmuring streams fall on thy marble brest And gentle sighs like whispering winds shall blow And fan thy Cheeks that Poets fire may glow Loves Melancholy thoughts like Clouds of night Like as thy Curtains drawn before thy sight For fear the Sun should trouble out of spight Thy Eyes repose being the greater light Ambition Sweet Beauty thou in a glorious Throne shall set The spangled Heaven seems but thy Counterfeit Thy Charriot shall be stuck with Eyes all gazing And oyld with Eloquent tongues that runs with praysing Drawn by large strong well shapt Commendations Guided by Fame about two several Nations La Belle Admiration Vainglory Pride and Ambition Why do you woo Beauty that is Deaf and Dumb That hears no praise nor adoration It seeth no hands heav'd up nor tears that fall It hath no tongue to answer Love withall It hath no Life no Soul where passion lies It neither gives nor takes instructions wise It is no solid Body you admire No substance but a shadow you desire FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Heroick his Brother Monsieur Esperance Monsieur Phantasie Monsieur Amy. Monsieur Poverty and other Gentlemen Madamoiselle Esperance Madamoiselle La Belle Madamoiselle Amour Madamoiselle Grand Esprit Madamoiselle Bon Madamoiselle Tell-truth Madamoiselle Spightfull Madamoiselle Malicious Madamoiselle Detractor THE SECOND PART OF NATURES three DAUGHTERS Beauty Love and Wit ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit and her Audience GRand Esprit Great Fame my Prayers I direct to thee That thou wilt keep me in thy memory And place my Name in the large brazen Tower That neither Spight nor Time may it devour And write it plain that every age may see My Names inscrib'd to live eternally Let not Malice obstruct my Wit with spight But let it shine in its own clear light Noble and Right Honourable I divide my discourse into three parts as namely Vanity Vice and Wickedness Vanity lives in the Customs and Manners of men and Wickedness in the Souls of men Vices in the Senses of men as vain habits evill appetites and wicked passions as for Vanity and Vice they are commodities that are sold out of the Shops of Idleness Vice is sold by wholesale but Vanities are sold by retail the Buyers of these Commodities are Youth the Merchants are evil Customs and ill examples the Masculine youth buyes more Vice than Vanity and the Effeminate youth buyes more Vanity than Vice but they all buy as salt as they can be sold they will spare for not cost and will give any prices although it be their Healths Lives Fortunes or Reputations as for Wickedness it is inlayed into the soul like as Mosaick work and so close it is wrought therein as it makes it appear to be the soul it self but evill Education and Custome are the Artificers of this work and not natural Creation or divine infusion or inspiration from whence the Soul proceeds or is produced for neither the Gods nor Nature is the Author of Wickedness but Vanity Vice and
Wickedness are soon catcht and like the Plague they infect all they come near and Vanity Vice and Wickedness is soon learn'd when Virtue Goodness and Piety are hard Lessons for though Divines and natural Philosophers Preaches and so teaches them yet they are seldom understood for if they were the benefit would be known and men would pious and virtuous be for profits sake for Common-wealths that are composed and governed by Virtue Religion and good Life they are so strongly united by honest love as they become inpregnable against Forein Foes or home factions or temptations so live in peace and plenty which breeds both pleasure and delight for life doth never truly injoy it self but in rest ease and peace but to conclude most Noble and Right Honourable the Soul Sense and Education should be plain with Truth smooth with Virtue and bright with Piety or Zeal that the Body may live Easily the life Peaceably and that the Soul may be blessed with Everlasting Glory Exit Scene 2. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and three or four Gentlemen 1 GEntleman The Ladies of this Age are as inconstant as a fevourish pulse and their affections have more fainting sits than those are troubled with Epilepses 2 Gentleman Faith they will hang about ones neck one hour and spit in his Face the next 3 Gentleman That is because they would have variety for they respect Strangers more than friends for they will entertain Strangers with the civillest Behaviours fairest Faces and costliest Garments they have and make them welcome with their best Cheer when as their best Friends lovingest Servants and oldest Acquaintance they will neglect despise scorn command and rail against and quarrel with Nobilissimo O Gentlemen brave Cavaliers as you all are you must never complain discommend not condemn the Actions of the Effeminate Sex for that we are apt to call their Cruelty is their Justice our Sex meriting not their favours and whensoever we receive the least favours from that Sex we ought to give thanks as proceeding from a compassionate Goodness gentle Nature sweet Dispositions and generous Souls and not as a due or a debt for our service for we are bound by Nature not only to be their Servants but their Slaves to be lasht with their frowns if we be not diligent to their commands present at their calls industrious in their service and our neglects ought to be severely punished for we wear our lives only for their sakes as to defend their Honours to protect their Persons to obey their Commands and to please and delight their humours also the Estates we manage is theirs not ours we are but their Stuards to Husband and increase thier Stores to receive their Revenues and lay out their Expences for we have nothing we call our own since we our selves are theirs wherefore it is enough for us to admire their Beautyes to applaud their Wit to worship their Virtues and give thanks for their Favours Exeunt Scene 3. Enter Monsieur Esperance and his Wife Madamoiselle Esperance MOnsieur Esperance Wife why art thou all undrest to day Madamoiselle Esperance The truth is I am become negligent in dressing since you only esteem my Virtue not my Habit Monsieur Esperance I would have you change into as many several dresses as Protheus shapes for it is not the dress can make me Jealous now for I am confident no Vanity can corrupt thy Virtue but that thy Virtue can convert Vanity to a pious use or end Madamoiselle Well Husband I shall study to form my self and fashion my dress both to your fancy and desire Monsieur Esperance Do so Wife Monsieur Esperance goes out Madamoiselle Esperance alone Madamoiselle Esperance Ha is my Husband so confident of me it is an ill sign from extreme Jealousy to an extreme Confidence the next will be a Carelessness and then a Neglect and there is nothing my Nature doth more abhor than neglect for Jealousy proceeds from Love but Neglect proceeds from a despising if not a hating besides he desires variety of dresses which shows my Beauty is vaded or he is weary in viewing of one object often but I find his humour is wandring and seeks for change if he should prove false O how unhappy should I be for I am naturally honest also my birth and education hath been honest besides my affections are so fixt as not to be removed thus I am tyed and cannot take liberty which other women do for no divert the sorrows of my heart or to revenge my wrongs but I shall mourn and weep my self to Water and sigh my self to Ayre Exit ACT II. Scene 4. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Madamoiselle Amor and Madamoiselle La Belle comes and peeps through the Hangings and sees them NObilissimo The bond of our Love is written in large profession but not sealed with the contracting kiss yet Monsieur Nobilissimo salutes his Mistriss Madamoiselle Amor her Sister Madamoiselle La Belle comes forth from behind the Hangings Madamoiselle La Belle So Sister are not you asham'd Madamoiselle Amor No truly for my love is so honest and the subject of my love so worthy as I am so far from being ashamed to own it as I glory in my affection Madamoiselle La Belle I only wonder that with so small acquaintaince such a familiar friendship should be made Madamoiselle Amor You have no cause to wonder for Innocency is easily known t is craft and subtilty that is obscure and treacherous falshood with leering Eyes doth at a distance stand when honestly and truth straight joyns in friendships bonds Nobilissimo My Sweet Innocent Virtuous Wise Mistriss Kisseth her hand Exeunt Scene 5. Enter Madamoiselle Detractor Madamoiselle Spightfull Madamoiselle Malicious and Madamoiselle Tell-truth TEll-truth I pitty poor Madamoiselle Bon Spightfull Why so Tell-truth Because she is forsaken Spightfull I cannot pitty a Fool Tell-truth Why she is no Fool Spightfull Yes Faith but she is to be constant to an unconstant man Malicious The truth is I think that woman wisest that forsakes before she is forsaken Tell-truth But how and if she meets with a constant man Detractor That she cannot do for there is no man constant for they are all false and more changing than women are Malicious If any should prove unconstant to me I would Pistoll him Tell-truth Yes with the Gunpowder breath the Bullets of words and the Fire of anger which will do them no hurt Spightfull The best revenge I know against an Inconstant Man is to despise him Tell-truth He will not care for your despisements but Patience Patience is the best remedy for then a woman will be content although she hath not her desires Malicious Can any Creature be content without the fruition of desire Tell-truth Those that cannot must be unhappy all their Life Detractor Then all Mankind is unhappy for I dare I swear there is not any that can be content without the fruition of desire for desire is
Daughter Mistriss Odd-Humour Two Fathers of the Church Gentlemen Maid-Servants Men-Servants A Nurse THE RELIGIOUS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Maid-Servants Kate and Joan. KAte My Masters Nephew and my Ladyes Daughter are the kindest lovers for so young ones as that ever I knew Ioan. I believe you never knew such young ones for she is not above ten years of age and he but thirteen or fourteen Kate He addresseth himself in that Country manner and pleads his Love-sure with such affectionate respect and she gives Audience with such modest attention as one would think they were older by a douzen years a-piece than they are Ioan. They have been bred together and they have not been acquainted with the Vanityes and Vices of the World which makes love the more pure Kate My Lady desires my Master that he would give consent his Nephew may marry her Daughter Ioan. She hath reason for he is the only Son of his Father my Masters Brother the Lord Dorato who is very rich and is in great favour with the Arch-Prince of the Country Kate Why so is my Ladyes Daughter the only Child of her Parents and she is Heir to her Fathers Estate Ioan. Yes but her Father left so many Debts when he dyed as the Estate will not be so great as it is thought to be Kate But by that time she is of Age the Debts may be paid Ioan. But my Lady hath a great Jointure out of it that will be a hindrance to the payment ôf Debts Kate Well I believe whether they have their friends consent or not they will marry they love so very much each other Ioan. Perchance so and then repent when they come to elder years that they marryed so young Kate Faith that they may do if they were double their Age for few marry that repent not Ioan. Well come away and leave them to repentance Kate Nay stay they are not married yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Pray Husband give your Nephew leave to marry my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity Time enough Wife they are young and may stay this seven years and indeed they are so young as it is not fit they should marry besides I have not absolute power to dispose of my Nephew for though my Brother left him to my care and breeding when he went Ambassadour to the Emperour because his Wife was dead and none so fit to leave him with as I yet to marry him without his Fathers Knowledge or Consent will not be taken well nay perchance he may be very angry Lady Come come he will not displease you with his anger for fear he may lose that you have power to give from him which is your Estate which you may leave to him or his Son having no Children of your own wherefore pray Husband grant my request Sir Thomas Gravity Well wife I will consider it Lady Nay if you consider you will find so many excuses as you will deny my request with excuse Sir Thomas Gravity Faith if I do consent to this marriage it will be to be rid of my Nephews and your importunity Lady You may be sure we will never let you be quiet Sir Thomas Gravity I believe you Exeunt Scene 3. Enter MIstriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour Nan give me my work and my little armed Chair The Maid goeth out and strait enters with a little low wicker armed Chair she sits in it but is forced to crowd her self into it the Chair being too little for her seat Nan Lord Mistriss you take great pains to crowd into that Chair I wonder you can take delight to sit so uneasily Mistriss Odd-Humour O custome is a second Nature for I using to sit in this Chair from my Childhood I have a Natural Love to it as to an old acquaintance and being accustomed to sit in it it feels easier She works the whilst she sits and speaks than any other seat for use and custome makes all things easy when that we are unaccustomed to is difficult and troublesome but I take so much delight to sit and work or Sing old Ballads in this Chair as I would not part from it for any thing Nan Yes you would part with your little old Chair for a proper young Husband who would set you on his knees Mistriss Odd-Humour By my faith but I would not for I should find more trouble and less case on a young Husbands knees than on my old Chairs Seat Nan But if you should sit in this Chair when you were marryed your Husband must kneel down if he would kiss you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why then this Chair will learn a Husband humble submission and obedience which Husbands never knew but Nan prethee fetch me some of my old Ballads to sing for I am weary of working One calls Nan in another room Nan Mistriss your Mother calls you She strives to get out of the little Chair hitching first on one side and then on the other side wringing her self by degrees out the whilst speaks Mistriss Odd-Humour I had as lieve be whipt as stir Nan You have reason you labour so much and ring your self so hard as whipping would be less pain for your Chair is now sitter for your Head than your Britch Mistriss Odd-Humour Not unless to break my head for a Chair is not a fit rest for the head for then the heels would be upwards and so I might be thought a Light-heeld wench for light things fly or ly upwards Nan Why the head that is the uppermost part of the body is not light Mistriss Odd-Humour Yes when 't is mad or drunk Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lord Dorato Ambassador and a Man with Letters LOrd Dorato How doth my Brother and my Son Man Very well my Lord The Lord reads a Letter Lord Dorato How is this my Son marryed to my Brothers Wives Daughter without my Knowledge or Consent to a Girl whose Estate hath more Debts than Lands and who knows how she will prove when she is a woman and my Son to marry a wife before he hath wit to govern a wife to put a clog to his heels to hinder his Travell for Knowledge sure my Brother is mad dotingly mad to be perswaded by a foolish woman his wife for I know it was her insinuating perswasions that made him agree to the marriage O I could curse the time I sent my Son to him and my self for trusting him to educate and govern him who hath bred him to be as foolish as himself O foolish Son and more foolish Brother by how much being older but I will break the marriage-knot asunder or disinherit my Son or marry and get another that may prove more wise and happy to me Do you know of my Sons marriage Man Yes Sir for t is much talk'd of and of the extraordinary love betwixt the young couple Lord Dorato A couple of young Puppyes and their Unckle an old Al 's O the
he should hate you as first to love you for your virtue and sweet disposition next for the honour dignity and Kingdome he hath got by his marring you for he hath no right to the Dukedome but by your Highness and by your Highness he is become an absolute Prince and injoyes a rich Kingdome Unfortunate Dutchess But he hath taken the power from me and strives to disposess of me of my right Woman He cannot the Kingdome will never suffer him for your title is so just as he can make no pretence to disposess your Highness from your Princely Throne Unfortunate Dutchess But I being his Wife he takes the power of a Husband and by that power the power of my Kingdome and those that have the power can frame their titles as they please none dare oppose them Woman The truth is Madam that might overcomes right Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Factions and divisions that are in this Kingdome will be a means to deliver it into the power of the Enemy 2 Gent. This Duke is young wild deboist and inconstant wherefore there is but little hopes it should be better governed 1 Gent. But the Dutchess who is the true owner of it is discreet wise and virtuous and having more years than he she might help to rule and order state affairs 2 Gent. But neither her discretion wisdome nor virtue hath power for marriage hath inthralled her for she is become her Husbands Slave who ought to be his Soveraign but he laughs and doth despise her because she is somewhat elder than himself 1 Gent. Heaven will revenge her wrongs Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman DUke Inconstancy Have you been with the Lady I sent you to Gentleman Yes Duke Inconstancy And doth she listen to Loves Sute Gentleman She seems well pleased to hear her Beauty praised but will not hear of Amorous imbracements as yet Duke Inconstancy But it is a good Omen when as a Lady will nimblingly bite at a bait of flattery but did you see her Husband Gentleman No Sir Duke Inconstancy Well you must go again and present her with a Letter and a present from me for Ladies must be plied though they deny yet most do yield upon a treaty they cannot long hold out loves fierce assaults Gentleman Indeed the Female Sex is tender and weak although they are delicate and sweet Duke Inconstancy They are false and oft betray themselves Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Unfortunate Dutchess and her Woman then enters another as running in haste 1 WOman O Madam Madam news is come that the Enemy hath got into the heart of the Kingdome wherefore sweet Lady fly for they will possess themselves of this City soon Unfortunate Dutchess I will not fly for I cannot meet a worse Enemy than the Duke himself should worse than Mankind Conquer it but I wish my Sister were safe Woman The young Princess I hear is fled to the Dukes Brother Unfortunate Dutchess I am glad of it for he is discreetly temperate although his Brother is not Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir what will your Highness do Duke Inconstancy I will go and oppose the Enemy Gentleman Alass Sir you have no forces to oppose them withall you may go to be destroyed but not to destroy wherefore you with your small forces had better fly than fight Duke Inconstancy Whither shall I go Gentleman To any Prince that will receive you into pay by which you may maintain your self and live with some respect and fame abroad though you have lost your Kingdome whereas if you stay you will lose your self and Kingdome too Duke Inconstancy Your Counsel I will take Gentleman But what will your Highness do with your Dutchess Duke Inconstancy Let her do what she will with her self I care not now for since her Kingdome is lost I have no use of her Gentleman Not as concerning the Kingdome Sir but yet she is your Highnesses Wife and as a Husband you ought to regard her Duke Inconstancy She will follow me for Wives stick so close to their Husbands as they cannot be shaken off Exeunt Scene 6. Enter the Creating Princess and her Woman VVOman Pray Madam do not marry so much below your self Creat Princess Why what matter whom I marry since I can create my Husband to Honour Woman But Madam that Honour will do him no good nor will it take off your disgrace for none will give your Husband if he be an inferiour person the Place and Respect that is due to Great Princes Titles Creat Princess No but he shall take Place and my Servants shall give him the Respect and Homage that is due to great Titles For I will make him a Prince and who dare call him any other but Prince Woman There is none will call him Prince unless your own Servants and none will give him Place that are above the degree of his Birth no nor he durst not take it of Gallant Noble Men for if he offers thereat they will beat him back and force him to give way and to be only a Prince in his own House and not abroad is no better than to be a Farmer nay a Cobler or a Tayler or any the like are Kings in their own Houses although they be but thatch'd if they have but a Servant subject or Subject Servant Creat Princess Well say what you will I will make him a Prince Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir doth not your Highness hear that your Dutchess is gone with your Enemies into the Countrey Duke Yes and though I might curse my Enemies for dispossessing me of the Kingdom I injoyed yet I give them thanks for carrying my Wife away with them for now I have more room and liberty to Wooe and Court my Mistress Enter another Gentleman Gent. Sir the Lady Beauties Husband 's dead Duke So I perceive Fortune will be my Friend some waies although she is my Foe other waies for she will Crown me with Love although she uncrowns me with Power wherefore return presently back to my Mistriss and tell her that now her Husband is dead and my Wife gone into another Country We may marry Ex. 1. Gent. But your Highness cannot marry as long as the Dutchess is alive Duke I mean to be like the Great Turk have many VVives 1. Gent. VVhy the Great Turk hath but one chief VVife the rest are but as Concubines for only the Sons of that chief Queen shall be Successors to the Emperor unless she hath none neither can his other Children inherit unless he be Right and Lawfull Emperor So that unless your Highness had been Duke by Inheritance as an Inhereditary Duke no Children by any other Lady can be Inheritors nor indeed Princes unless they were begot on the Right Owner to that Title Duke VVell since I have no Power but only an empty Title I cannot
or Councel the designer of the smooth Plays of Peace is a Poet or a chief Magistrate but the difference of these Plays Acted on each Theatre is the one is real the other feigned the one in earnest the other in jest for a Poet only feigns Tragedies but the Souldiers do truly act Tragedies on the Poetical Theatre I will only insist for this Theatre belongs more to our persons and is a more fitter Subject for the discourse of our Sex than Warr is for we delight more in Scenes than in Battels I will begin first with Poets who are the Authors and makers of these kind of Plays Fame hath spoke loud both of antient and modern Poets as for the antient Poets they are a length out of the reach of my Judgement so as my opinion will hardly reach so far but as for our Modern Poets that have made Plays in our Modern times although they deserve praise yet not so much nor so high Applause as is given them for most of their plots or Foundation of their Plays were taken out of old Authors as from the Greeks and Romans Historians and Poets also all the Modern Romances are taken out of these Stories and many Playes out of these Romances Matron Lady give me leave a little while to instruct you as to tell you that all Romances should be so for the ground of a right Romance is a true story only falshood is intermixt therein so that a Romance is a compound of Truth and Falshood Lady Speaker Give me leave to answer you that in my opinion a right Romance is Poetical Fictions put into a Historical Stile but for Plays the true Comedy is pure Love and Humours also the Customes Manners and the Habits and inbred qualities of mankind And right Tragi-Comedies are the descriptions of the Passions which are created in the Soul And a right Tragedy is intermixt with the Passions Appetites and Humours of men with the influence of outward actions accidents and misfortunes but as I said some Poets take the Plots out of true History others out of feigned Historie which are Romances so as their Plots for the most part are meer Translations and oft times the VVit is also but a translated VVit only metamorphosed after their own way but the truth is that some of them their VVit is their own and their Plots were stoln or plainly taken and some their Plots are their own but the VVit stoln but of all theft VVit is never confest and some neither the Plot nor Wit is their own and other both Plots and VVit are truly their own These last Poets although but very few are the true Sons of Nature the other but as adulterate issues But for the most part our Modern Plays both Plots and VVit are meer translations and yet come out as boldly upon the Stage as if the Translators were the Original Authors thinking or at least hoping that the alteration of the Language conceals the theft which to the unlearned it doth but the learned soon find them out and see all their Bodies VVings Leggs Tail and Feathers although they hide their head in the Bush of Ignorance I speak not in discommendation of these Translations nor Translators for Translations are so far from being condemned as they ought to be much nay very much commended and highly praised if it be such as is praise worthy for old Authors may in some expressions be more profitable and good both for VVit and Examples than the modern and the Translators may be commended both for their Judgement and Learning besides very good Translators must have a sympathetical Genius with the Original Author but their Condemnation proceeds from the Translators unjust owning of it upon themselves or in translating it to the Authors prejudice Matron Lady let me interrupt you once again to ask your opinion how you like the Italian and French Plays Lady Speaker As well as I can like any thing that is a strain beyond Nature or as I may say Natures Constraint for the truth is in their discourse or rehearsals they do not only raise their Voice a Note or two too high but many Notes too high and in their actions they are so forced as the Spectators might very easily believe the Actors would break their Sinew-strings and in their Speech they fetch their breath so short and thick and in such painfull fetches and throws as those Spectators that are Strangers might verily believe that they were gasping for life Matron But Lady all know Love which is the Theam or Subject of Plays is a violent passion which forces the Players to an Elevation of Action and Speech Lady Speaker Most Reverend Matron my opinion is that though it be commendable and admirable for the Poet to be elevated with a Poetical Divine Inspiration to outdo Nature yet for the Actors their best grace is to Play or Act in the Tracts or Paths of Nature and to keep within Natures bounds and whensoever they go awry or transgresse therefrom they are to be condemned and to be accounted ill Actors and as for the Passions of Love certainly the strongest Love is like the deepest VVater which is most silent and least unnecessarily active they may sometimes murmur with winds of sighs but never roar they neither foam nor froth with violence but are composed into a heavy body with a setled sadnesse But in short the Italian and French Players act more Romantical than Natural which is feign'd and constrain'd but to conclude with the Poet he delights the Ear and the Understanding with the variety of every thing that Nature hath made or Art invented for a Poet is like a Bee that gathers the sweet of every Flower and brings the Hony to his Hive which are the Ears and Memory of the Hearers or Readers in whose Head his VVit swarms but as Painters Draw to the life so Poets should VVrite to the life and Players Act to the life Exeunt Scene 13. Enter three Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Academy of Ladies take no notice of the Academy of Men nor seem to consider what the men say for they go on thier own serious way and edifying discourses 2 Gent. At which the men are so angry as they have sworn to leave off talking and instead thereof they will sound Trumpets so loud when the Ladys are in their discoursings as they shall not hear themselves speak by which means they hope to draw them out of their Cloyster as they swarm Bees for as Bees gather together at the sound of a Basin Kettle or such like metled thing so they will disperse that swarm of Academical Ladies with the sound of brazen Trumpets 3. Gent. Why the Ladies look through their Grate upon the men whilst the men are speaking and seem to listen to what they speak as the men do on and to the Ladies 2. Gent. That is true but they take no notice of them in their literal Discourses as what the men have said for they
offer life to gain Some lazie lye and pampred are with ease And some industrious are the World to please Some are so quick their thoughts do move so fast They never stay to mold or to forecast Some take great pains to get and yet are poor And some will steal for to increase their store Some brains know not what Subjects for to chuse And with considering they their wit do lose Some only in designs do spend their time And some without designs do only rhime And some do take more pains a Plot to lay Than other some to plot and write a Play As for Ben Johnsons brain it was so strong He could conceive or judge what 's right what 's wrong His Language plain significant and free And in the English Tongue the Masterie Yet Gentle Shakespear had a fluent Wit Although less Learning yet full well he writ For all his Playes were writ by Natures light Which gives his Readers and Spectators sight But Noble Readers do not think my Playes Are such as have been writ in former daies As Johnson Shakespear Beamont Fletcher writ Mine want their Learning Reading Language Wit The Latin phrases I could never tell But Johnson could which made him write so well Greek Latin Poets I could never read Nor their Historians but our English Speed I could not steal their Wit nor Plots out take All my Playes Plots my own poor brain did make From Plutarchs story I ne'r took a Plot Nor from Romances nor from Don Quixot As others have for to assist their Wit But I upon my own foundation writ Like those that have a little patch of Land Even so much whereon a house may stand The Owner builds a house though of no shew A Cottage warm and clean though thatch'd and low Vitruvius Art and Skill he doth not take For to design and so his house to make Nor Carpenters nor Masons doth not hire But builds a house himself whole and intire Materials none from forein parts are brought Nor hath he Stone and Timber with art wrought But some sound Tree which on his ground did grow Which he cuts down with many a labouring blow And with his hatchet and his saw he cuts His Tree in many parts those parts he puts In several places beams posts planchers layes And thus a house with his own stock doth raise He steals nor borrows not of any Neighbour But lives contentedly of his own labour And by his labour he may thrive and live To be an old rich man and then may leave His Wealth to build a Monument of Fame Which may for ever keep alive his name Iust so I hope the works that I have writ Which are the buildings of my natural wit My own Inheritance as Natures child But the Worlds Vanities would me beguild But I have thriftly been houswiv'd my time And built both Cottages of Prose and Rhime All the materials in my head did grow All is my own and nothing do I owe But all that I desire when as I dye My memory in my own Works my lye And when as others build them Marble Tombs To inurn their dust and fretted vaulted Rooms I care not where my dust or bones remain So my Works live the labour of my brain I covet not ae stately cut carv'd Tomb But that my Works in Fames house may have room Thus I my poor built Cottage am content When that I dye may be my Monument AN INTRODUCTION Enter 3. Gentlemen 1. Gentleman Come Tom will you goe to a play 2. Gentleman No 1. Gentleman Why 2. Gentleman Because there is so many words and so little wit as the words tire me more than the wit delights me and most commonly there is but one good part or humour and all the rest are forced in for to enterline that part or humour Likewise not above one or two good Actors the rest are as ill Actors as the parts they Act besides their best and principle part or humour is so tedious that I hate at last what I liked at first for many times a part is very good to the third Act but continued to the fifth is stark naught 1. Gentleman The truth is that in some Playes the Poets runs so long in one humour as he runs himself out of breath 3. Gentleman Not only the Poet but the humour he writes of seems to be as broken-winded 1. Gentleman I have heard of a broken-winded Horse but never heard of a broken-winded Poet nor of a broken-winded Play before 3. Gentleman I wonder why Poets will bind themselves so as to make every humour they write or present to run quite through their Play 2. Gentleman Bind say you they rather give themselves line and liberty nay they are so far from binding as for the most part they stretch the Line of a humour into pieces 3. Gentleman Let me tell you that if any man should write a Play wherein he should present an humour in one Act and should not continue it to the end although it must be stretched as you say to make it hold out he would be condemned and not only accounted an ill Poet but no Poet for it would be accounted as ill as wanting a Rhime in a Copie of Verses or a word too short or too much in a number for which a Poet is condemned and for a word that is not spell'd right he is damned for ever 1. Gentleman Nay he is only damned if he doth not write strictly to the Orthographie 3. Gentleman Scholars only damne Writers and Poets for Orthographie but for the others they are damned by the generality that is not only all readers but all that are but hearers of the works 1. Gentleman The generality for the most part is not foolishly strict or rigid as particulars are 3. Gentleman Yes faith they are led by one Bell-weather like a company of silly Sheep 1. Gentleman Well if I were to write a Play I would write the length of a humour according to the strength of the humour and breadth of my wit Let them judge me and condemn as they would for though some of the past and present ages be erroniously or malitiously foolish in such cases yet the future Ages may be more wise and better natur'd as to applaud what the others have condemned But prithy Tom let us goe 2. Gentleman No I will not goe for the reasons before mentioned which is they tire me with their empty words dull speeches long parts tedious Acts ill Actors and the truth is there 's not enough variety in an old play to please me 1. Gentleman There is variety of that which is bad as you have divided it but it seemes you love youth and variety in playes as you doe in Mistresses 3. Gentleman Playes delights Amorous men as much as a Mistris doth 1. Gentleman Nay faith more for a man and his Mistris is soon out of breath in their discourse and then they know not what to say and when they are at
a fame but what fame soever men get the woman loses as being thought either too kind or cruell Madamoiselle Amor Sister this Gentleman never saw you only fought in his own defence he desires you would give him leave to come and kiss your hands he is a very gallant man and an experienced Souldier Madamoiselle La Belle A Souldier why he never lead an Army nor pitcht a Field nor fought a Battel he never Intrencht nor Incampt he never guarded kept nor took Fort Town or City perchance he hath studied as most Gentlemen do so much of Fortification as to talk of Trenches Lines Ramparts Bullworks Curtains Wings Faces Forts Centries And of Amunition Cannon Muskets Carabines Pistols Slings Bowes Arrows Darts Pikes Bills Halbards Bolts Poleaxes Swords Cimeters Shot Bullets Powder Drums Trumpets Waggons Tents and the like and for Arms Pot Back Breast Gantlets corslets Gorgets and the like thus they learn the Names but seldome practice the use Madamoiselle Amor Yes this Gentleman hath lead Armies pitcht Fields fought Battels where those he won were won by his Prudence and Conduct and those he lost were by Fortunes spight whose changing power and inconstant humour no Mortal can withstand Madamoiselle La Belle Nay Sister if he be so gallant a person I shall not refuse his visits nor deny my self his Company but entertain him as civilly as he may deserve Exeunt ACT V. Scene 17. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Well met I was going to your Lodging 2 Gent. Faith if you had gone to my Lodging you had mist of my Company 1 Gent. But howsoever I should have been entertained by thy old Landlady for she makes me welcome in thy absence 2 Gent. The truth of it is that my Landlady as old as she is loves the Company of men especially of young men for if a young man will trouble himself to stay in her Company and talk to her she is so pleased as she makes more wrinckles with her smiles than Time hath made and she will simperingly put in her Chin as if she were but fifteen 1 Gent. Faith I commend women for they will never yield to ages humours though they are forced to yield to ages infirmities for their minds are always young though their bodyes be old 2 Gent. Indeed their minds are Girls all their life time but leaving old women will you go see Monsieur Phantasie 1 Gent. Is he so well as to admit of Visiters 2 Gent. Yes for he is in a recovering condition and state of Health 1 Gent. Come let us go then Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Monsieur Heroick and Madamoiselle La Belle MOnsieur Heroick Madam the fame of your Beauty and Virtue hath drawn me hither to offer my service on the altar of your commands Madamoiselle La Belle You are so great a favourite to Nature and Fortune and are so splenderous with their gifts as you are able to put the confidence of our Sex out of Countenance especially I that am by Nature bashfull wherefore it is unlikely I should command you Monsieur Heroick I had rather be commanded by you Lady than to command the whole World and should be prouder to be your Slave than to be that sole Monarch Madamoiselle La Belle I should be sorry so gallant a man as fame reports you to be should have so sick a Judgment and so ungoverned a Passion as to yield up your liberty to a woman and to ty your life to her vain foolish humours Monsieur Heroick It is impossible that in so heavenly a form a foolish Soul should be for I perceive by your beautifull person Nature hath out-wrought her self having not Art or skill to make a Second and what man would not be proud to serve the only she Madamoiselle La Belle O Sir take heed you wrong not your noble worth and merit in being over civill for complements are all dissembling and dissembling runs in the ways of perjury Monsieur Heroick Pray Madam conster not my love-service and admiration to an idle Visit a vain Discourse and false Profession for if you appear not so beautifull to all the World as you appear to me yet I dare boldly tell the world I think you so and will maintain it with my life Madamoiselle La Belle I believe then I am more beholding to your Eyes that have contracted me into a beautifull form than unto Nature that hath made me of a vulgar shape Monsieur Heroick Your Tongue Lady hath the power of Circes wand to charm the Senses and transform the shape making all men it speaks to either to appear Monsters or Gods Madamoiselle La Belle You have Inthroned me with your Favours and Crowned me with your Commendations Monsieur Heroick My desire is that you will Crown me with your Love Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Madamoiselle Detractor Madamoiselle Malicious and Madamoiselle Tell-truth TEll-truth I hear that Madamoiselle Bon shall marry her unconstant Servant Monsieur Phantasie Detractor Faith that is a comfort that any woman can get a Husband whilst the Graces are young and in being Tell-truth The Graces never grow old Detractor Let me tell you Time decays and withers all things Tell-truth No not the Gods Detractor But Time doth waste Devotion wears out Religion burns up the Sacrifice of Praise puts out the Lamp of Charity and quenches out the Vestal fire of Zeal Malicious But then there are new Religions brought in the place or room of the old Detractor Yes and new Gods with new Religions and new Religions and Opinions are like young beautifull Ladyes when they appear first to the view of the World they are followed admired worshiped sought sued and prayed to but when they grow old all their Servants and followers forsake them and seek out those that are younger so the last and newest Opinions and Religions are accounted the best and stuck to for a time the closest and followed by the greatest numbers and have most zealous supplicants thus the Gods dy in effect Tell-truth The truth is that all things that are young are Strong Vigorous Active and Flourishing and whatsoever is old is VVeak Faint Sick and witheringly dyes Enter Madamoiselle Spightfull Spightfull I can tell you news Tell-truth VVhat news Spightfull VVhy Monsieur Nobilissimo to is marry Madamoiselle Amor and his Brother Monsieur Heroick is to marry her Sister Madamoiselle La Belle Tell-truth And who is to marry the third Sister Madamoiselle Grand Esprit Spightfull She is resolved to live a single life Detractor I am glad they have chose Husbands out of the numbers of there Suters for when they are married I hope out of the number of there remainders we may have some offers for Husbands Malicious For my part I shall despair unless the third Sister Madamoiselle Grand Esprit would marry also for the whole bulk of Mankind will sue to her and never think of any other woman whilst she is undisposed of Tell-truth But she it seems hath