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A37025 Trick for trick, or, The debauch'd hypocrite a comedy, as it is acted at the Theatre-Royal by His Majestie's servants / written by Tho. Durfey. D'Urfey, Thomas, 1653-1723.; Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. Monsieur Thomas. 1678 (1678) Wing D2789; ESTC R451 51,197 69

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with me Val. Why it may be he that went with thee the Bully of Covent-Garden Mad Tom of Covent-Garden Hyl. Why what a Plaguy guess hast thou 'faith thou art in the right Mad Tom Mounsieur Thomas is return'd ' gad I believe thou art a Conjurer Val. No no I have only a small Familiar well I hope he has brought the same Virtues home with him that he carried out Hyl. Ah more Val more he was but a Puny before he went But now he 's grown Arts Master 't is strange he has not been here told me the first thing he did shou'd be to Visit thee Val. I have not seen him yet but I hear he has a Father in Town I suppose duty carries him thither first Hyl. He has so why do'st thou not know him Sir Wilding Frollick his own Father to a hair didst thou never hear his Character Val. No prithee what is 't Hyl. 'Faith a pleasant one why Sir the Old Knight is three times more debauch't than he encourages him in it and provides him Tutors to teach him the Arts of Playing Drinking and Wenching sent him to Travel to learn Experience he had like to have dis inherited him t'other day for breaking his assignation with an Old Whore that was rotten seven years before and was then under the Surgeon's hands ha ha Fra. A very hopeful Family Enter Sabina and Cellide Hyl. By St. Christopher rare Creatures ah ye little fleering Quean you Pox on her what an Eye she has Sabin Brother pray let me desire you to receive my Cousin Sir Peregrine Goodall's Daughter a worthy person and one that is pleas'd to give me the honour of her Love and Acquaintance Val. She shall command here as my self Madam your humble Servant Salutes her Hyl. I must have a touch too fair Saint your most devoted ah how it hangs about my Lips Aside Val. I hope your Father 's well Madam Cell He was three dayes since I have his Letter for ye will give you full satisfaction Val. This Favour makes me much his Debtor Reads Lor'd Madam what does Sir Peregreene mean by all these Ceremonies he desires you may lodge here with my Sister till he comes to Town and does it here with so many reiterated expressions of Obligations receiv'd that it far exceeds the poorness of the courtesie I thought he had known Madam that his Commands rather than Intreaties had been honours to me Sister pray see all things provided for my Cousin and once more welcome to my house Cell You 'l find me a bold Guest Sir but I am no stranger to your generous temper Sabin For my part I am glad for my own sake for now I shall have some Company to go and see a Play now and then Fra. Your Friend Val. is struck dumb prithee speak to him he 's in a fit sure Val. Heark ye Iack Prithee what think'st thou of this Lady Is she not tight cleanly shap'd and well rigg'd ha Hyl. Ay ay wou'd I had her in a Sack at my Lodging I desire no better Company Val. But which of e'm do'st like best deal faithfully Hyl. Why 'faith to be free with thee I like e'm both best I tell ye I 'm a right Rover I never bestow all my passion upon one Woman if there be another in the Company I don't hold it for good manners Val. Why merry be thy heart what now Sirrah Enter Servant Servant Sir Monsieur Thomas is below and desires to kiss your hands Val. Wait on him up so now for the Entertainment Sabin Heark there Madam does not that Sound rejoyce your heart Monsieur Thomas your old Gallant that us'd to Court ye with Songs Serenades Masques Fiddles Fa-la's and the Devil and all is return'd from Travel full of the same Virtues he carried with him and has found you out already Cell I know it for I unluckily met him just as I was coming out of the Coach and he wou'd not let me go till I told him where I was to lodge I know I shall be troubled with his former Impertinencies but if I do not fit him Sabin Heark he 's coming up if you han't a mind to see him 'T is but stepping here to this Closet and you may unknown to him hear what he sayes Cell With all my heart Hyl. Madam will my company breed your diversion 'faith I 'm in Earnest desire to appear serviceable to your Ladyship Cell Your Wit Sir will be better imploy'd another way Come Cousin let 's go listen to the Gentleman no doubt we shall find a great reformation Hyl. Why look ye Gentlemen this is alwayes my damn'd luck Pox on 't they won't allow me so much as a Leere but hush here comes the Monsieur Enter Monsieur Thomas and Launce Tho. Dear Val let me have thee in my arms and there give me leave to tell thee thou art my best of Friends What Iack my Noble Friend and fellow-Traveller art thou here too and my dear Franck nay then let us incorporate and make one body our hearts I know are united already and let me boldly now confess I 'm proud to mingle with such worth and honour Val. Here 's your Courtier Gentlemen but prithee Friend let 's have no more of this Ceremony among Friends betrayes as little Love as Jesting among 'em thou know'st I love thee Tho. 'Faith I believe thou dost Well Gentlemen what news then You that live here in this free thriving Climate I 'm sure you can never want that Fra. I hear the King of Poland has receiv'd a considerable loss in a Pitch't Battel but new Succours lately coming in 't is thought he will adventure once more Hyl. The Grand Signior they say is sick too Tho. Is he why let him be damn'd too prithee what a Devil have thou and I to do with the Grand Signior or with the King of Poland's fighting Why Gentlemen you mistake me when I spoke of News I did not mean what Accidents or what Battels have been fought but what Wine what merry Songs what good Company what Women are abroad there lyes my Province T'other is fitter for a Grocer and stinks so of a Coffee-house I hate it Val. Mad Tom still I see heark ye Iack Hylas there can help thee to Twenty Women he 's one of their Counsel Hyl. I saw two not long ago that Val. Hush Pox on thee thou wilt discover all but my dear mad Rogue prithee what exploits hast thou perform'd since thou hast been absent I 'm sure that story must needs be divertive come impart Tho. Not I'faith I have more modesty than to speak things so much in my own praise I thank ye-but if thou knew'st all Val Cou'd I but infuse into thee the Intrigues the Rambles the Serenades the Quarrels and the punishment attending 'em which most valiantly and 'faith I think much like a Gentleman I have undergone and attempted 't were enough to put thee into a Feaver therefore in pity to thee I 'll desist
Rogue I love thee heartily for this Enter a Servant Servant Sir the Young Ladie sent me to see what Company ye had with ye and whether they may make a Visit Fra. Pray tell 'em with all my heart they 'l much honour me in 't You see my Company Tho. Come hither Crab is not my Mistress one of ' em Servant Yes Sir Hyl. And who else Servant Madam Sabina Tho. Oh heark Sirrah not a word of my being here Take that and Mum. Servant You have ty'd my Tongue up Sir Enter Valentine Val. Ah nay if you look so brisk farewel the Fever Friend Fra. Nay I am much better thank my Dear Tom here Val. The Game is ready to begin your Mistress is coming Tho. I know it therefore sit still good Franck and not a word of me till you hear from me then as you find my humour follow it You two come with me and let us stand close unseen I warrant thee I catch her Exeunt Enter Cellide and Sabina Sab. How d ee' Sir Fra. The favour of this Visit from you Madam gives me strength to tell ye That my Enemy has done his worst I am growing well agen Cell I am glad to hear it Were you ever sick before Sir Fra. Of Love Madam not else Cell Of Love Alas for ye but you had good hopes of your side You know 't was no Epidemick distemper for 't is as impossible a man shou'd dye by Love as that he shou'd live by it and either of these are Miracles this Climate never produces Tho. within No no I have no hope nor is it fit Friend my life has been so lewd my loose condition which I repent too late so abominable That nothing but despair stands now before me Cell Who 's that Sir another Sick Man Tho. In all my Courses shameless disobedience Sabin Sure I shou'd know his voice Pray Sir who is 't Fra. One that you little thought to have seen in such a condition 'T is the Wild Monsieur Cell Who my Monsieur Monsieur Thomas ha ha ha this is some trick Fra. You 'l think better when you see him he was seiz'd yesterday with a strange distraction a perfect madness Cell That 's like enough he has been seiz'd with that ever since I knew him Fra. Not in this Nature Madam he is now since he came to himself much afflicted in 's mind he came hither to ask pardon of me for some things done long since which his distemper made to appear like wrongs but 't was not so Cell Sure that is not possible Fra. Here he comes Pray observe him Enter Thomas as distracted Valentine Hylas Hyl. Come Sir be comforted Tho. To what end Gentlemen when all is perish't upon a wrack Is there a hope remaining the Sea that never knew sorrow shou'd be pitiful my Comfort 's gone my Life has made me Wretched Nor is it possible were I to live Ten Ages Ever to recall the least part of my Follies Val. Oh you despair too much Madam you see his condition One word from you may yet recover him Cell I know not what to do nor what to think I am amaz'd 'twixt pity and admiration Sabin If it be real 't is no Jesting matter a Man is not so soon made Cousin Tho. What are these Ladyes I had a Sister once a Virtuous Sister But I abus'd her poor Soul I wrong'd her a Mistress too a Kind sweet Beauteous Mistress Val. Now Madam now 's your time now he 's talking of ye Cell I 'll do any thing rather than see him thus Tho. I wrong'd her too I sent her a damn'd Letter full of Oaths Wrack't her poor Innocent Ears with Damms and Devils Wo worth the time I did so Val. Now Madam speak or never Cell By Heaven I will ah little do you know how my heart bleeds for him Hyl. Ha ha ha she comes apace the Rogue counterfeits rarely Tho. Oh my fortune But 't is but Just I be despis'd and hated Val. Despair not 't is not Manly Now Madam Cell How d ee' Sir pray be comforted give me your hand you us'd to meet this kindness with more haste I swear I pity ye Tho. By Heaven 't is she oh goodness not to be equall'd let me thus low implore thy pardon I have been wild and wicked I confess it but ah dear Saint consider on our frailties Youth often wanders from the way and Cell Indeed Sir you shan ' not kneel Tho. Not kneel oh name it not my Crimes are many and nothing but repentance low repentance Iack. Hyl. I I mind ye proceed and she 's thy own Boy Cell Nay then I 'll kneel too for I have faults too many I shou'd beg your pardon too all things consider'd Tho. Precious Dearest Lovely Charming Ah Kisses her all my whole lifes service cannot merit half half this blessing Enter Launce running Launce Where where 's my Master oh Sir the Fidler Sir is not at leisure yet but he will be about half an hour hence But I have got Sir according to your order a couple of the finest Black fat Whores yonder ' gad the Jades do so tumble about ha ha both start Tho. Damn'd Dogg Kicks him Cell How 's this Hyl. ' S'death this damn'd dull Rogue will spoil all what what 's that you say Sirrah who wou'd you speak with ha Tho. Ay an Impudent Dog who wou'd he speak with here 's no body here knowes him Kick him out o' doors there Launce What not know Launce I am Launce Sir and a Pox take me if I have not two of as fine fat Whores as a man wou'd desire to lay his Leg over Cell Oh Heaven I 'm betray'd and this was onely a design upon me I find it now 't is so Cousin oh I cou'd curse my self now for being so credulous this was a Plot betwixt 'em and now by chance discover'd stand off and touch me not Base Fellow Come let 's away Farewel Sir and when you are mad next let your fat Whores administer Sab. Ha ha ha this was a pleasant Jest. Exeunt Tho. Come ye hither Sirrah and lay your head down on this Chair I 'll be merciful to ye I 'll onely cut your Ears and Nose off Your head shall scape doo 't quickly Rogue or I will hew thee into Mammocks Launce Oh for Heavens sake Sir what mean ye You know I did nothing but what you bid me Tho. Ah Insipid Whelp Fra. Hang him let him wear his Nose a little longer 'T will spoyl the fashion of his face else Val. Though 't was unluckily 't was Ignorantly done and let him live to make amends Tho. Pox on 't when I had bent her like a twigg brought her to my hand made her quite sure my own with art and Industry and to be bubbled of her in the very last moment by the negligence of a Dog a Hound a Son of a Whore a plague Prithee Val let me have but one pass through his Guts and I 'll
Wit on you Sirrah my Lying Pimping Ugly Impudent Varlet There 's for ye Sir Launce Oh! wou'd my Master had been hang'd seven years ago rather than I had come to this oh Lucill Again Rogue agen ah 't is gone Goes to pull him and le ts fall the Rope Launce Oones I am deliver'd by Miracle Look up Sir look up I am free Nay 'faith Madam I beg your pardon I must be Porter now Runs and stands in the Door Tho. How free nay then Fate is mine agen Sirrah lock the Door and take out the Key Launce 'T is done Sir Tho. Come then unbind me quickly Cellid Cur'st Accident Catch't agen help help Sabin Help help Tho. Ay Faith I 'll help ye presently Your humble Servant and Devoted Lover Madam is making what haste he can Sir Per. How at Liberty Nay then 't is time to help indeed Sir Wild. By Bacchus Sir but you shall not now 't is my turn to be Porter Now Son Thomas now Cock of Four now Rogue now Tho. Sirrah for this piece of Service there 's a Lady for ye Sabina Take her be thankful and multiply Launce Ha ha with all my heart 'faith come Madam ' gad I have not had a touch a great while Tho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha what think ye now Madam Where 's your Wit now Did I not tell you what a stubborn denyal must come to ' gad if thou scap'st me now let me be recorded an Ass and my Story put into a Ballad Goes to undress her Cellid Nay do not dishonour me good Sir if you love me I 'm sure you will not I confess I have wrong'd ye Tho. Dam Confessions Madam do that when the business is done and then I 'll confess with ye Launce And I must confess too Cellid Kind Dear Sweet Sir help help Sir Wild. Well sed Tom Well sed Tom to her agen Son Thomas to her agen Boy ha ha ha Sir Per. Rascal Villain Debauch'd Villain thou wilt not ravish her wilt thou Tho. No no Sir upon my Faith not I I ll onely lye with her that 's all Sir Per. Why thou wilt not lye with her before my face Tho. Yes but I will tho' and before my own Father's face too But for your sake Sir I ll use her as kindly as I can Launce ' Gads noones this is sport Knock at the Door Sabin Savage Barb'rous Villain oh Heaven what sin have I committed to undergo this punishment help help help Cellid Rather kill me Sir than do it Help help Knock within Tho. Apox on 'em they have taken the Alarm I see ' gad I must dispatch I find I shall be hinder'd else Takes her in his Arms and carries her to the Closet Cellid Help help I 'm undone else help help Enter Valentine Val. ' S'death What Barbarity is this what were you going to do with the Lady Sir ha Tho. Why I was going to teach her a new Dance Val. Val. Ay I believe 't was a Dance indeed Enter Sir Peregreene Sir Wilding Franck Hylas Sir Per Kill him kill him let him be murder'd let me come to him Val. Hold hold Sir this must not be in my house Sir Per. I ll lay the Statute of Ravishment against him I 'll have him hang'd I 'll take the Law on him Sir Wild. You take a Coxcomb will you Tom give me thy hand Fifteen hundred a year is thy own for this dayes work And now talk of the Law Sir if you dare Tom and I will swinge ye Tho. Now Madam cou'd not you have sav'd all this and been willing Cellid Impudent Man cou'd no entreaty prevail with ye Well from this instant I 'll shun thee as I wou'd the Plague and if I do speak of thee it shall be with Scorn and Derision to curse thy ill Nature and Ingratitude to which purpose I this Moment banish all sparks of Love and do here solemnly vow Never to see thee more Sabin Nor I unless it be to revenge this baseness Exeunt Tho. A Pox on 't this comes of Interruption if they had but stay'd a little longer that I might have had earnest of her all had been sure but one Weeks humble Address shall make all well agen shall it not Sir Sir Per. No Sir Not believe I 'll put up this affront so tamely You shall hear from me assure your self Exit Sir Wild. Ah let him go Tom the Old Fool frets ha ha Launce A Pox on 't I have had the greatest Loss for methought my Nymph began to be willing Sir Wild. Thou wilt Tho. I warrant ye Sir And now to you my Friends first Val. I beg thy pardon for offering this in thy house Prithee forget all and from this Minute assure thy self I am thy Friend indeed Val. Well Sir having some Interest in the rest of your Frollicks I have the more reason to bear with this especially since 't was onely a Design But had you gone through with your Dance You and I shou'd have made but a kind of a scurvy Salutation Tho. For thy sake onely I am glad it hapned otherwise Dear Franck give me thy hand too Fra. With all my heart and believe I share a great deal of content in seeing you two friends for when I came in first I guest it wou'd be otherwise Tho. I believe thou did'st What Iack art thou behind here come forth and give me thy hand too Come all is forgot Thou art a damn'd Inconstant Rogue I believe thou wilt confess it but let that pass We have all our failings Hyl. We have so but this Kindness in thee has so oblig'd me that I am resolv'd to desert my Roaring Humour and turn all into Friendship for thee Sir Wild. Well sed Cock of Four ' gad I like it well Come Gentlemen Pray let me Invite ye to my house I 'll provide a Collation and we 'l be heartily merry Tho. Come you shall go 'faith for I am resolv'd to give my farewel to Intrigues with a free and merry heart and 't is fit that you that are my Friends shou'd be now my Witnesses as you shall be when I go through the t'other Gate Marriage And tho' this kind of life is least troublesome t'other is certainly most safe especially if a Man can change his Temper else 't is a Plague to him For Marriage to a Debauchee is a second Purgatory It gives him onely a Prospect of Joy or Torment without knowing which he shall arrive to But I hope I know my self better than to venture without great Consideration to such Uncertainties Loose Love like a thin Garment serves us ill And though wee 'r pleas'd with it we shiver still But I 'm confirm'd let th' Age be what it will What ever Nature in a Miss design'd Wives only are the Blessing of Mankind EPILOGUE By Mr. Mohun THat I have been a Mad Old Fool to Night I need not tell you but to set all right The Poet now makes me a Parasite Sends me to flatter ye and beg Excuse For the Insipid Errors of his Muse He bids me say the less to show his Guilt On the Foundation Fletcher laid he built New drest his Modish Spark fit to be shown And made him more Debauch'd t' oblige the Town Drink Rant and Sing he now takes pains to be A perf●●t and accomplish'd Debauchee But Criticks you that never yet were known To think there could be Sence above your own You that do surfet on the Spoyles of Witt And still have less to shew the more you get Like barren Ground that swallowes up the Rain Yet is by th' Industrious Hand Manur'd in vain Will in your Censures your Ill Natures show And with your Weeds choak up the Grain we sowe I know you 'l cry Confound this tedious Stuff He has not made the Spark half mad enough He should have been all Air and th' Mode pursue That is keep Miss kick Wise and Run Men through Ashore you give good proofs of this each day Pray Heav'n you hold and prove as mad at Sea But that I think there 's none can doubt or fear No Witt 's a greater Plague to you than Warr. Witt that is now us'd like a Common slave Both by those have none as well as those that have Therefore against such to procure defence Not doubting th' Aid of all the Men of Sence The Poet now the Ladies help do's Crave That with a frown or smile can damn or save And as the Mighty God of Witt shines clear And shines upon his Fav'rites once a Year From them that Sacred Influence let him find That he may say he Once found Beauty kind FINIS