withdrew with thee to consult about our Deliverance Clara. I have no prospect of Deliverance let me stay here or go into the Country I must be for ever miserable I am in love to madness to utter madness Euge. No sure it cannot be did not I hear a certain young Lady say she would not fall in love with a wild man of the Town tho he could joynture her with the East Indies Clara. Oh Eugenia 't is against my will I sooner would have chosen to have been blasted with Lightning Love struck as fiercely through my heart and as little could I resist it But prithee do not triumph over my Misfortune Euge. Misfortune why Loves the greatest blessing upon Earth Life is nothing but a Shadow Love is the Substance Methinks I should be nothing but a moving clod without it Besides he loves thee as furiously too what wouldst thou have Clara. Not him of all the world Euge. Nor I the other till I see a full Reformation in his Life and Manners If they think us worth that they will soon shew the change if they do not sure we shall have the sense to think them not worthy of us Clara. These wild young men like Tinder soon take Fire and as soon 't is out again they 'll never change nor has Love left me any sence but of my Misery She weeps Euge. Poor Clara What dost weep poor Girl thou art a Maudlin Lover This comes of Romances I could never wean thee from 'em for my part I am resolv'd to keep up my Spirit come what will Clara. Prithee do not laugh at me to be a Jest is the vilest and most miserable of Conditions Euge. And that thou wilt deserve ifthou wilt not do any thing towards thy own Freedom thou art like those unreasonable craven Fellows that would do nothing towards the Deliverance of England and yet would have all the benefit of the change nay would keep those that did out of the Government Clara. Prithee don't draw a Simile upon me I am resolv'd to do any thing Reason or Honour will allow Euge. In the first place you resolve to choose my Uncle Rant your Guardian Clara. I do Euge. Secondly to be rul'd by him he is a just vertuous and honourable man and of great Humanity Clara. I will wholly resign my self to him Euge. Thirdly and lastly thou wilt take the first opportunity of honourably and prudently running away Clara. I will Euge. Thy hand upon 't Clara. Done Eug. Now let my brain work what has our Jaylor been at the Door Clara. T was very silently Pris. unlocks the Door and lets in Whachum Euge. Are you there old Mrs Turnkey Pris. Yes and you are like to be there I can tell you while I am so Whach. Ladies I am your most humble Footstool to command we have had a smart bout on 't with these Gallants to say the Truth on 't they are as fine Gentlemen as e're the Sun shin'd on Eug. But how came you to enter here sweet Sir Whac. Sweet Sir good aside By your Lady Mothers Command dear sweet Madam I have an affair to communicate to you Madam Eugenia But it must be in private your Ear sweet Madam Clara. You need not whisper I 'll into the Closet Whach. Now Madam Cozen if I may be so bold but I hope to be nearer of Kin to you Eug. What you have bought my Sister for 5000l I hear Whach. Yes that I have of your Lady Mother but as Gad save me I think my Lady 's too dear she is a very Iew she has no Conscience and to tell you the Truth Madam as I am an honest man betwixt you and I I don't like the bargain I had rather buy you Gold to Silver Eug. To tell you Truth I don't like that bargain Whac. You are a Wag Madam but I am for your aery brisk gay wild young Filly such as you are there 's your Lady for my Money and if you will be rul'd by me we 'll save the 5000l and mump my Lady Faith what say you hah hum Eug. My Lady shall have no 5000l there I 'll be rul'd by you Whac. Sweet Madam I kiss your hands Come come I know your heart as well as if I were in you as the saying is come you love a brave mad Fellow such as I am Sniggs I am one of the maddest Fellows about the Town I sing roar serenade bluster break Windows demolish Bawdy-houses beat Bawds scower the Streets and the like as well as any he that swaggers in the Town ha Lady Eug. A very pretty ingenious Fellow aside Whach. Ay Madam I am all Frolick how many Knockers of Doors do you think I have at home now that I twisted off when I scower'd guess now Eug. T is impossible to guess Whac. Why above two Hundred ha hum is not that very well O my Conscience this morning I beat 20 Higling women spread their Butter about the Kennel broke all their Eggs let their sucking Pigs loose flung down all the Peds with Pippins about the streets scower'd like Lightning and kick'd fellows like Thunder ha ha ha Eug. Very well Whach. Ay wast not ha ha ha I wip'd out all the Milk scores at the Doors nay I went about serenading with six Fidlers in a Dung-cart Ha ha there was a Frolick ha ha there 's a mad fellow for you and you talk of a mad Fellow 't is true Sir William and his Companions are pretty men very pretty men But I wou'd you saw me scower Eug. You a mad Fellow and talk of scowring why don't you break open the door and beat our old sawcy Governess for locking us up Whach. Ha now you put me in mind of it I vow and swear I 'll do 't presently for I love and honour you and if you don't look upon me I shall hang my self Eug. No no but you are in a pretty fair way for another to do it for you Whac. Well Madam but I 'll show you what a mad Fellow I am this Night I 'll scower Soho Square I gad you shall see such scowring 't will rejoyce your heart Eug. Can you drink hard Whac. Oh bloodily if you could but see me at the Popes-head no merry gang can be without me there I laugh and roar and sing and am exceeding witty the purest Company never stir they swear I have more wit than any of the Poets Eug. That may very well be by the late Plays I have read but all this while we are Prisoners VVhac Odsookers that 's true Here where are you old damn'd old she Jaylour I 'll break open the door He bounces at the Door Pris. What means this uproar Enter Priscilla VVhac Come on Mrs. Tawdry Old Trigrimate I will make thy dry bones rattle within the old tan'd Hide of thee I 'll swinge thee Mother Damnable what dost thou lock up these pretty Ladies Drab Pole-cat Pris. Help help Murther murther He hales and turns her about and kicks
lye rough and seldom go to bed Sir Humph. Have they read the Year books Whac. Read all all Ding The Devil o' bit read quoth he Bluster Year books I never read any thing but Gazettes those are the week books Sir Humph. Well Gentlemen de' e hear any news ◠I hear the Pope and the King of France are agreed Ding We hard Students never mind News but that 's very good Sir Humph. Hold I see one that owes me Money stay I 'll come to you here and tell you more I hope we are all honest Whach. Oh aye Sir Humph. Do you and they come dine with me then Exit Sir Hump. Whac. A pox on him he has hindered us observing these fine Gentlemen let 's walk we shall lose them Exeunt Whachum Dingboy and Bluster Enter Lady Maggot after her Tope Lady Magg Are there no Gallants left poor gentle love is now neglected and all mens heads lye towards Knavery and Business I have walk'd the whole length of the Mall alone on purpose for an amorous Adventure and met none nor have had any observe me except this old Red nos'd better'd Drunkard and yet my shape and habit are enough inviting besides some Jewels which I seem to conceal and yet take care to expose shew my Wealth and Quality sufficiently Enter Sir Humphry Tope What solitary adventure is this she is richly laden I 'll lay her on board with my two Pounders and my Patercras Sir Hump. That must be my sweet Duckling I know her by her pretty waddle in her Gate besides I have had a sight of her Rump Jewel I know it my Dear my Chicken I know thee well enough Lady Mag. Unlucky Omen for a Lady to be pick'd up by her own musty Husband first How now what old Fellow art thou Sir Humph. Come Chicken don 't think to bob thy own Dear don't I know that Jewel Tope Ha! This is the Aldermans Wife I 'le cuckold him that 's certain I have not cuckolded an Alderman these 7 years If honest Iack Tope 〈◊〉 live to be kept in his old Age Hah La Mag. Well Sneak-goose what then what do you come poking hither for Sir Humph. Come Chicken I 'le take a walk with thee La. Mag. With me I faith but you shall not when did you ever see a Lady of my Quality walk with her own Husband well I shall never reach a Citizen manners I warrant you think you are in Moor-Fields seeing Haberdashers walking with their whole Fireside Sir Hum. Prithee Chicken be appeas'd La. Mag. Chicken you are very familiar what you would have the world believe you Jealous Sir Hum. Who I Jealous Heaven forbid La. Mag. Besides a Lady of my Quality that have so many great people of kin to me to be seen with a pitiful mechanick Alderman I have disgrac'd the Ancient Noble Family of the Rants enough already in marrying you Be gone I say out of the Park Sir Humph. Well Chicken thou wilt have thy own way be not offended no more I am gone Exit Sir Humphry Tope So now have at her pray Heaven she be sound she's of Quality hah may be ne're the founder for that neither Hail solitary Damsel by thy pensive-walking I find thou art in Distress and being a true Knight Errant come to offer thee the succour of my person L. Mag. Not in so much distress neither Tope These Vizards have all gotten a road of talking pertly and impudently they learn it of the Beaux come I know what 't is thou want'st I am ready to pay a Bill at sight L. Mag. What do you think I have a mind to drink a Bottle or two Tope No thou pervese creature thou knowst my meaning well enough if thou wilt have me speak broad I can bear it have at thee L. Mag. Hold hold methinks you seem to be an Ancient Gentleman Tope Ancient Gad take me I am tough and well season'd All this last Generation were but half gotten and have the Rickets L. Mag. Do not grow troublesome Tope Troublesome Sweet-heart be not foolish Ah! thou knowst not what 's in me L. Mag. Yes I suppose last Nights lewd Dose and two Bottles this Morning That an old Gentleman with one foot in the Grave should be thus lewd Tope Ounds I cou'd find in my heart to kick her she has provok'd my choller more than ever she can raise my love But I will dissemble a whore she is my whore I 'll make her that I may revenge the indignity and use her scuryily Come my Dear thou dost not take me for a Milk-sop to accept of one denial Have at her Women born to be controll'd Stoop to the forward and the bold La. Mag. Old Gentleman be civil Tope Old agen you women are for the young stripling that switch and spur a short race like Citizens on May-day in the Park but we solid Lovers are for the whole course come come I know what you come for and you shall not go without it I 'le carry you to a Friends Lodging and I gad I 'll I 'll no more to be said La. Mag. You are a sawcy old Fool and I 'll have you kickt Tope Come come you shall go no matter for that La. Mag. Help help help Enter Wildf. Wild. A Lady in Distress Do you want my assistance I am at your service How now Iack what Ravishing La. Mag. I see you are a man of Honour a thousand thanks for delivering me from the Assaults of this Libidinous Goat He is the finest Gentleman I ever saw Aside Wild. So fine a Lady shall never want any Service I can do her La. Mag. Sweet Sir really your manner is so obliging Tope These damn'd young Fellows like Dutch Capers will snap up all Adventurers they have the better of us at cruising we have no game to play at but ready Whore ready Money Wild. You do me too much honour La. Mag. O I am charm'd with him aside You have so infinitely oblig'd me that Sir I assure you I shall be always proud of it and hope to see you at my house in Soho Square Wild. You make me blush at my little service Alas that Gentleman may say what he will he puts on a rough outside but he is a very harmless man to a Lady as can be Tope Prithee now I see her Face take her and make your best on 't La. Mag. Was there ever so rude a Person Wild. You know where you are Sir Tope What Sir Wild. Prithee Iack Tope dissemble a little there 's a trick in 't it shall turn to thy good Tope Pox on her I care not if she were hang'd Exit Tope Lady Mag. Sir I beseech you engage not your Person in my Quarrel if any hurt should come on 't I should for ever hate and curse my self Wild. Not on my honour this is Maggot the Aldermans wife she has two pretty Daughters come to Town and great Fortunes besides tho she is declining she is but
not live who have done this Tope Oh Madam Ladies should not kill but with their Eyes Lady Mag. This Wildfire promised me assistance to send my vile rebellious Daughters into the Country and sent for me telling me all was ready Tope He was not you see but you shall find me so Lady Mag. Oh Belzebub incarnate I am confident he is a man of Honour thou hast betray'd him see in what Confusion I am in aside Tope He is a man of Honour and knowing the great Passion I have for your Ladyship contrived this Opportunity Lady Mag. What pimp for thee and a man of Honour Tope Pimp is a foul word Pimps are Rogues but men of Honour assist one another in these necessary matters and take it for a point of Honour Lady Mag. Where 's the Key then let me out thou old decrepit Tost Tope Hold there I have some urgent business with you here Lady Mag. Had I a Dagger or a Bodkin I would dispatch my self and him Tope And for old if I don't convince you have at you Lady Mag. Ah ah murther help help He runs at her kisses her Tope She squeaks like one of Sixteen if she could but look so too I should be more sharp set Come sweet Madam let us be more familiar He puts down his Sword Lady Mag. Stand off thou driveling Drunkard or I 'll scratch thy eyes out Tope I can make love like a man but not like a Cat I can't caterwaul Tope catches hold on her Hand Lady Mag. Oh vile perfidious Villain Wildfire Tope Look you sweet Lady I can secure my Eyes against your Hands ah could I have as well defended my poor Heart against your Eyes you had not visited this place Lady Mag. Villain let go my Hands Tope Madam let go my Heart in short Madam I am in Love here 's an Opportunity and I will not be baffled we must come to a close fight Lady Mag. Avoid thou worst of Devils Tope If Ladies will be civil Iack Tope can be so too but if not though he uses not his Hands yet he can use his Tongue and publish Frailties on so consider be not perverse come come nay don't put me to wrestle if you put me to two Exercises I may fail you at one They struggle she gets loose and runs to the Sword draws it runs at him Lady Mag. Oh impudent old Devil Tope Hold hold Sword and Eyes are too much for my single Weapon Fare you well He runs out and locks her in Lady Mag. Oh Heaven and Earth he has lockt me in Oh damn'd Villain Villain Wildfire let me see if I can make any body hear out of the Window I shall run mad Confusion seize these Rascals Exit towards the Window SCENE Sir Humphry Maggots House Enter Eugenia Clara Mr. Rant and Sir VVilliam Eug. Why Sir do you make this so nice a point of Honour when you may save us two from Ruin Clara. Sir on my Knees I beg your Protection Mr. Rant takes them up Eug. And I on mine or I by all that 's good will fling my self on any one that will defend me from my Tyrant Mother Clara. I cannot will not bear her Cruelty Sir Will. Can so much Beauty be deny'd Sir Enter Wildfire hastily Wildf. Ladies your humble Servant Mr. Rant Who is this Son Sir Will. Mr. Wildfire you knew his Father a man of Quality and of great Estate who is a convert to that Lady as I am made to this Mr. Rant I knew him well he was a sober honest Gentleman Enter Tope Tope Sober and honest Gad take me that 's impossible Mr. Rant My old Acquaintance Mr. Tope your Servant Tope Mr. Rant a Miracle who thought to have seen you here Mr. Rant You will have your Jest still Tope No faith I am in earnest I have known an honest man that could not but I never knew one honest that would not drink Knaves durst not trust themselves with drink it draws the Scene and discovers them Wildf. How the Devil came you here Tope You left me with the Devil she whipt out my Sword and if I had not run away had run me through but I left her safe here 's the Key Eug. Good sweet Uncle consider our sad case and give an Answer Wildf. Ladies now is the time your Mother's absent and is safe for some time if you will take this opportunity there 's a Coach and Six and half a score men well armed and mounted Sir Williams and my Servants that will conduct you where you please Clara. We are obliged to you Sir but I fear the Reputation of such an Escape would be worse than our Confinement Sir Will. Sir I beseech you consider and accept of their Guardianship Eug. Now Sir or never make us happy in your care of us for let my Sister be as scrupulous as she will I will lay hold on these Gentlemens favour and fly any where so it be from my Mother but Gentlemen we must not have you with us Mr. Rant Well my fair Nieces I 'll protect ye on my honor be it Clara. We fling our selves wholly on you Sir Eug. We trust your Honour and will in every thing obey you Mr. Rant I never will command but what you please Wild. Now Madam you are happy will you not pity my case who still am miserable Clara. Would you wish me to love any man till I am assured he loves himself you now are your own greatest Enemy Wildf. Since I hope you will now be more easy of access I shall with the greatest Duty and Respect I can make approaches regularly and show you I am become another man Clara. E're I shall have the Impudence to beg one Favour of you I shall be glad to hear of your amendment Sir Tope Why Tom Tom this is a vile repenting strein as if thou wert showing thy parts at the Gallows why dost thou not lay this Lewdness upon Sabath breaking Wildf. And ill Company Iack Old Seducers and Corrupters Sir Will. Will you be still hard hearted this is a day of Jubilee and you should do some generous Act of Mercy Euge. No there is a great deal to be said and a great deal to be done I must see a Sample of your New Life Sir Will. My Life is in your Hand dispose of it and direct it as you please Tope You call this Love now all Cant Cant and sillyer than Gypsies Cant what a Pox you are none of you in Earnest Enter Sir Humphry his Clerk Sir Hump. Oh Brother good morrow how do you I was typsied last night but they tell me you were disturb'd with Roysters and scowreing Rogues I protest and vow I never heard them but the Constable has brought them before me here in the House I 'll order them Hah Gentleman he does not mean you are you brought by the Constable Oh here he is Enter Constable Guard with Whachum Bluster Dingboy with black Patches upon their Wounds Const.