or pleasure that made thee a stranger to him O who then will bring thee to him seeing what hee hated most divorc'd thee from him O none but thy selfe deare Saviour O draw me after thee and I will follow thee O too much hold has the present world had in mee the cares whereof tooke mee quite from thee Let it henceforth have no interest in mee that I may bee wholly possessed of thee O inflame mine heart with a love of thee that I may live with thee for live I cannot unlesse I enjoy thee And since I cannot live here and see thee let mee dye that I may see thee CHAP. 60. Taste A Dams posterity had beene blessed had hee only seene the fruit and never tasted O how sweet is the taste of sinne to the palat but how cold in the stomacke Though it shew a cheerfull welcome it ever leaves us with a sad farewell Thou hast had a free and full taste of this unhappy Pilgrim in preferring a messe of pottage before an inheritance In feeding so greedily on the Huskes of vanity and preferring them before those wholesome Viands in thy fathers family Yet what were all these compared to those spirituall dainties that incorruptible food but as chaffe to wheat branne to bread Onions and Garlicke of Egypt to the heavenly Manna yet behold my misery Though daily observed how the world was full of troubles perplexities tumults and confusions how such onely had the beâ— part in it who had the leaâ— to doe in it how the Great One had ever some Corrivall to oppose him the little one had fome Great One to crush him How honour like Hamans halter brought the unhappy Enjoyer of it unto ruine How Greatnesse pretending priviledge for guiltinesse brought the Land to mourning How there was nothing in the world but shouldring one another labouring to advance themselves even by their nearest friends dishonour How the world was an empty Sponge outwardly flourishing fruitlesly promising rarely prospering How it was wholly set on mischiefe and how there was none that did good no not one How there was a world of men but a wildernesse of good men How many times vertue bare vices livery While vice became so innocently cloathed as it past current for downe right honesty Yet though I say I considered these things I never treasured them in mine heart I went along with the multitude for my taste it was so inured to sinne as I tooke most delight in that which impoysoned my soule My liquorish taste my luscious tooth brought mee to fare deliciously with the rich Glutton and to carouse deeply in Balthasars cups I feared no more the deluge of sinne then those before the Flood did that deluge of waters before it came O consider then thou ungracious sense seeing every one must bee punished wherein hee has been delighted what shal thy portion be in the Lake where every impenitent sinner is to receive the wages of his mis-spent life Woe is me who will deliver me or take thee off from accusing me Even thou my gracious Redeemer who as thou hast discovered to mee how bitter the world is wilt bring mee to taste and see how sweet the Lord is O lead mee forth to thy greene pastures neare those Rivers of sweet waters where I may taste of the fulnesse of thy pleasures and drinke of those heavenly waters for evermore CHAP. 61. Touch. SOme things were not to be touched for their exceeding sanctity and holinesse other things were not to be touched for their impurity and uncleannesse The Arke was not to bee be touched because of its holinesse and Pitch is not to bee touched because of its uncleannesse Evill conversation is a spirituall infection There be sundry evilâ— concupiscences which though they touch not the outward faculties of the body yet they touch the very life and well-being of the Soule Which though they wound yet are the wounds to a worldling so infinitely pleasing as nothing delights him more then to bee wounded nothing displeaseth him more then to be cured The fish Torpedo is the very Embleme of the world Shee is ever sure to take him by whom she is taken Some things wee shall every where meet withall which for their pollution beare in their fore-head this Prohibition Looke not taste not touch not handle not Least the eye of the soule become blemished the whole inward man infected the powers or faculties of the intellectuall part wholly disordered But how hast thou poore miserable Pilgrim observed this Lesson How hast thou employed this peculiar sense but to satisfie thy concupiscence Easie it was for any one if they touched thee never so gently to move thee to passion but not so easie it was for any object of charity to touch thy bowels of compassion Long might poore sicke Lazarus lye at thy Gate before thou wer 't touched with remorse or moved with pitty to relieve him Long might that way-faring man lye wounded by the way side before thou were 't touched as that tender hearted Samaritan was to minister least comfort to him O how insensible were 't thou of poore Iosephs misery but how quickly touched at the least smart which fame or fortune might dart on thee nor was it any wonder thou insensate sense that thou shouldst grow thus obdurate seeing thy Chambering and Wantonnesse spirituall Fornication and Drunkennesse thy trampling of Gods word under feet thy murmuring and discontent in every estate thy partiall and corrupt love to thy selfe made thee wholly forgetfull of all others but thy selfe Meane time thou little knew how thou were 't thine owne Enemy in not seeking to cure that mortall infirmity which by processe of time became so much more incurable as thou of thine owne malady were 't grown insensible For howfoever they seemed to cherish thee and so delude thee these were Ismalites thy mortall enemies who sported with thee Thus have I loosely rioted and fearefully transgressed in the abuse of every sense and by obeying the lusts of the flesh hatefully sinned against mine owne own soule Deare Lord thou who breathest the spirit of life into every living soule and from whom if thou take away thy breath they dye Breath into my soule new affections rectifie my disordered and mis-employed Senses O give unto mee thou invisible light such a sight as may see thee Create in me a new smell O thou breath of life that I may runne after thee in the smell of thy sweet oyntments cheerfully Heale thou my taste that I may taste know and discerne how great is the multitude of thy sweetnesse O Lord which thou hast laid up in thy heavenly Treasury for those who are full of thy charity Sanctifie thou mine eare that it may bee edified by thee and so direct it that my heart may be inflamed by it to the practise of piety Quicken my touch with compassion to thy little ones and so order every Sense that they may perform their proper offices to the good both
shouldst enter in he with-held thee How often hast thou drawne neare even to the gates of death and lest they should take thee in hee preserv'd thee Thus hath hee delivered thee from all evill and yet for all this good which hee has done thee thou hast requited him with evill And now thou concludest For thine is the Kingdome power and glory for ever and ever Amen Oh how ready thou art here to acknowledge his power and yet to deny it in thy life But confesse thou must his power not onely with mouth but heart and practise of a good life if ever thou meanest to partake with him in the Kingdome of glory O my sweet Saviour as thou â—ast taught mee by this absolute forme of Prayer how I am to make my prayer and hast promised 〈◊〉 grant me my request if I 〈…〉 that no place may be left for distraction Here thou hast taught how and in what manner I am to pray O let me not lose the benefit of it by losing my selfe wheâ—â— I pray CHAP. 64. He renders a private account of his Faith and in every article of the Creede hee finds a fainting failing weaknesse and want I Beleeve in God the father Almighty maker of heaven and earth This first Article of our Beliefe was made by Christs first Apostle Saint Peter And herein thou professest that thou believest But that is not enough The Devils doe beleeve and tremble Thou must not onely believe God but believe in God and that he is thy God Againe thou art not only to believe God and believe in God but solely love God and wholly live to God For as wee are to believe with heart unto righteousnesse and confesse with mouth unto salvation so are we to bring forth fruits hereof in an holy and blamelesse conversation O how much hast thou failed in the first what then may wee looke for at the last And in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord. Of this second Article was Saint Iohn the Evangelist Author one who was right deare in the eyes of his Master our blessed Saviour and one who leaned on his bosome at his last Supper And here thou confessest Iesus Christ the second person in the blessed Trinity to be the Sonne of God to be our Lord. But hast thou by a contrite heart regenerate life made him thy Lord Thou saist thou dost beleeve in him but dost thou love him in whom thou believest And how shouldst thou be lesse then his Lover so long as thou beleev'st him to be thy saviour But wher be any Signes of this love O if thou didst truly love him in who thou believ'st thou wouldst rather leave to live then leave to love him in whom thou believest Which was conceived by the Holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary This third Article S. Iames the Greater composed whereby thou art taught to beleeve all sanctification to be included in his Conception all humility in his Nativity But dost thou as every Christian should do seriously consider for whose sake this Virgin was conceived for whose sake thy sweet Saviour became so humbled that the Son of God should become the son of Man that the Son of Man might become the son of God that the immortall should become mortall that the mortall might become immortall that the living Lord should dye that the dying man might live that the free should become bound that the bound might become free that God should descend from heaven to earth that he might draw us from earth to heaven that God should become humbled that Man might be exalted that He should become poore that we might be enriched and reckoned amongst the transgressors that we amoÌ„gst his Saints might be numbred Hast thou I say meditated of this how he was borne for thee that thou mightst be re-borne in him O I feare thou hast beene more ready to partake of this benefit then by acknowledgeing it to bee thankefull for it Suffered under Pontius Pilat was crueified dead and buried This fourth Article Saint Andrew framed wherein thou seest and perhaps admirest the unjust proceedings of a wicked Iudge for thou hearest one and that an odious and malicious one pronouncing the sentence of death upon the Lord of life and inclining to the voice and vote of the people delivering a murdring delinquent to murder the innocent Nay pronouncing a sentence against his owne Conscience for hee washed his hands but not in innocence Againe thou hearest and beleevest that hee was crucified and yet it grieves thee not to crucifie him afresh with new sinnes Thou beleevest that hee died and was buried and yet thou daily diest not to sin but in sin and hast now not three dayes but many yeares laine buried in them He descended into hell This fifth Article Saint Philip added and thou beleevest in it Hee dâ—cended that thou mightst ascend to the place whereto hee is ascended Yet where be there any tokens of thy desire to ascend unto him Ascend unto him thou canst not unlesse thou descend into thy selfe for whom he so humbly descended The third day he rose againe from the dead This sixt Article Saint Thomas annexed An Article proper for Thomas who touching Christs Resurrectioâ— was so incredulous And here thou seest that late crucified man now acquit himselfe of death like a victorious Lord. And hence thou rejoycest but unlesse thou â—ise from sinne and live to righteousnesse Christâ— Resurrection shall afford thee small comfort in the bed of thy sicknesse Hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the father Almighty This seventh Article Saint Barthol omew penned And by this thou beleevest that hee is now ascended who for thy sake descended And as from his rising came the hope of thy Resurrection so from his ascending the hope of thy glorification But thou must rise with him before thou canst reigne with him rise with him who was free from all sin from the Grave of sin that thou maist reigne with him who dyed for thy sin in his heavenly Sion And as hee sitteth on the right hand of God the father Almighty where he offers up his prayers for thee sheweth those glorious scars of his precious wounds to his Father for thee per forms the faithfull office of a loving Mediator for thee So art thou in thy prayers to remember the necessity of his Saints upon earth But cold is thy charity in performing such a duty From whence he shall come to judge both the quick and the dead This eight Article was by S. Matthew published and by this thou believest how he who was judged unjustly shall judge the whole world in Equity For the Father judgeth none but hath given up this judgement unto his Son in whose brest are laid up all the treasures of wisdome and knowledge And this thou beleevest and tremblest and reason thou hast to tremble for how shalt thou be able to stand in his presence before whom even the
greedinesse I had committed had sent forth their cry to the clouds they were of no inferior nature but suchas derogated highly from the honour of my Maker What may I then expect but that those Viols of his wrath should be poured forth even to the bottome if hee did not looke upon me with his eye of fatherly compassion It is true my deare Lord it is true No sinner ever exceeded me in number and nature yet comming to thee with an humble contrite heart receive me loving Father for one of thine Though my sinnes might justly make a partition wall betwixt my soule and thee my sweet Spouse for ever yet hast thou promised to be a Saviour to every penitent sinner O Lord looke upon me in thy mercy for my soule is sore vexed within me CHAP. 19. His Contempt of the Third in playing the Wanton IS it time to feast and play the Wanton when the Flood is comming Every houre ushers me to my Grave yet am I still farre off from receiving the motions of Grace Woe is me that my Dalilah has rob'd mee of my strength What a long time of youth did I lead as if that Spring would ne're have done How strongly nay how strangely have I beene taken with a whorish behaviour as if there had beene no well-beseeming beauty but what was accompanied by impudence How often have I taken delight in the count'nance of a strange woman How desirous have I beene to take how ready to bee taken That Belcâ—ne could not open nor in her opening discover the feature of a woman which my wanton eye did not fixe on Forbidden fruit and stolne waters were ever sweetest Lightnesse had got such possession of mee as were it in action or discourse there was nothing which took mine eare more or made the houre lesse tedious I had read how that the Adulterer and Whore-monger God would judge How that the pleasure of fornication was short but the punishment of the Fornicator eternall And sometimes I had the grace to consider with my selfe what thing this Eternity was And the more I begun to consider it the further I was from it yet I found it to bee such a thing as admitted no end and yet I unfortunately made a forfeiture of it for a moments pleasure Pleasure shall I call it no that cannot be properly called a pleasure but a torture which dams the soule for ever I found the deceitfulnesse of this sinne with what resolves I made hourely to become a true and unfeined Penitent never to returne to my vomit I consider'd how a continent soule was the precioust treasure how God would not dwell in that heart that was infected with this sinne All this I applyed to my heart but alas how long did it remaine uncorrupt No sooner was there an occasion of temptation offered then my vaine heart quite forgot what shee had resolved The thought of Eternity was presently choaked with an haplesse desire of enjoying what was lighter then vanity Woe is me that any reasonable soule should bee so deluded That neither the promises of a better life nor the shame of this present life could decline mee from working such iniquity I found how all bread was sweet unto the Adulterer How none was more estranged from his love then whom hee was bound most to love Thus I perished with open eyes for I knew well how the Harlot would bring a man even to a morsell of bread How her paths were full of deceipt and how her foot-stepps led unto death And I understood how there was nothing to be compared to a vertuous Woman and what felicity I enjoyed in such a Choice With what pious Obsequies I solemniz'd her Funeralls whom I once enjoyed with what purposes I entertained to remaine a constant Widdower after such time as I was deprived of her Yet though ripenesse of yeares had nipped in mee the blossoms of of youth nay though age had writ deepe furrows in my brow yet found I youth enough in my doating fancy For I am ashamed to thinke with what an unbeseeming lightnesse I encountred a strange face How soone I could gather by the wandring motion of her eye the disposition of her heart Thus in my declining age begun I to renue my acquaintance with light love and to practise that which did least become me So dangerous is the custome of sinne when it has taken full seazure or possession of the soule O my sweet Iesu clense me from my secret sinnes and give mee grace to remember these things with heavinesse of heart Let me goe all the day mourning and with teares of hearty contrition move thy tender heart to compassion O cuâ—e this bloody issue of my sinne apply unto my bleeding wounds a present cure As thou lookt upon Magdalen and made her an holy Saint of an hainous sinner so looke upon mee with the eye of pitty that I may find thee in the day of my visitation a gracious Saviour CHAP. 20. His breach of the Fourth in his cunning defeating of his Neighbour MY conscience hath oft-times told me and woe is mee that I remembred it not how there were many other kinds of Theft besides purloyning or imbezling of my Neighbours goods In defeating him of what was due unto him nay in finding what I knew to bee his and not restoring it unto him this even this convinc'd my conscience of guilt and that I was a Robber of him These seeme but light sinnes and of such easie digestion as they seeme no sinnes at all But these must not be forgotten for they are writ in his Booke with a pen of steele and are not to be wiped away but with the soft Spunge of his mercy I have often thought out of the foolishnesse of mine heart that privily to take away or defeat any one of small toyes or trifles as I accounted them was no sinne because they were of small or no weight whereas if I had knowne the quality of sinne aright I would have confest that it was not the value of the thing but the intention of the heart that made the sinne It skils not much whether the substance be vile or precious which is unjustly procuted or injuriously required so as the affection bee to either of these equally corrupted Though they be of different dammage in respect of him from whom they are taken yet bring they equall detriment to him by whom they were taken O with what sighes with what teares did that devout Father bewayle his breaking into an Orchard though hee was then a Boy and therefore pardonable These are now so easily dispenc'd with as they are held but tricks of youth But hee could cry forth in the anguish of his spirit I have had a desire to perish O Lord I have had a desire to perish O how the sense of sinne makes the least seeming sinne appeare heavy O what may I thinke of my selfe who have gloried in these things A graine of sand though it
â—â—count him the best friend who was aptest to forget what hee had given or in expecting what hee should receive And now by meanes of those worldly Lectures which hee had by my direction so gravely and effectually read unto mee I became such a Proficient in Mammons Schoole as those who long time had beene nursed and nusled in it could not come neare mee in the Practick part of a Worldling Though I knew nothing more pretious then time yet made I small account of the sale of time for the gaine of gold I begun to dispence with my nights rest and to weaken nature by abridging her reliefe chusing rather to starve then impoverish my state What others of my Meniâ—y enjoyed I though the Master of the Family wanted Nothing might eate while I slept meane time while I slept I gave way to strangers to eate up my strength Thus came my cares to be increased while my fortunes multiplied Yet what comfort found I in these The richer I grew in state the poorer I grew in content Though I outwardly surfeted I became inwardly starved Thirsty were my desires ever labouring of most emptiness when in reason they might have bin fullest And yet how I hugged mine owne affliction Every day I understood how I was neerer and neerer to my dissolution and yet still farther and farther from content I had heard likewise how riches would not deliver mee in the day of wrath yet did I treasure up vengeance against the day of Wrath. I considered how bitter death would be unto that man that put his trust in his substance And yet noo sooner came mine old Guest unto mee then his worldly Rhetoricke prevailed with me driving all other divine considerations quite out of my memory Deare Lord give mee grace to leave the love of the world before I leave the world to leave my fancying of it before I depart from it that in a pious contempt of it I may learne this Lesson of that elect vessell I have learned in all things to be contented So shall my hope bee in thee planted my herrt on thee â—ixed and my horne by thee filled CHAP. 51. Lechery BY this time I had received sufficient instructions from two of my Guests how to thrive in the world as likewise how to reserve a port or proud posture in the world And howsoever Pride and Covetousnesse seemed to bee of different conditions and of such dis-consorting humours as these two never tooke liking to any Musicke but what was full of discord yet me thought they agreed well enough together under my roofe yea I I bestow'd them in the very next lodging to mee that I might enjoy the benefit of their Company more freely But having now broke off my discourse with that Guest of mine a man wholly made of earth and looking aside I might perceive a fresh youthfull Consort entring the room where wee conversed By his habit gate and fashion I could scarcely distinguish him whether hee were man or woman So strangely effeminate and to light discourses so affected as hee breathed nothing but amorous Songs and Sonnets loose love was the line by which hee directed the whole course of his life His bosome was farced full of amorous Knights adventures His morning Lectures were Boccace and Alcaeus His evening Anthems were Ariosto and Reginus For his person he was of a promising constitution but of pale complexion a quick piercing eye a nimble perswasive tongue and of such a wooing winning action as no expression came from him which would not enforce affection I must confesse I no sooner saw him then I found a glowing heat within mee towards him yea I begunne mee thought to conceive better of him then either of the two with whom I had before conversed so full of delightfull variety was his discourse so melodious his voyce so affectionately moving and compleate in every part I desired much to know his descent and Countrey and hee resolved mee readily that his first plantation was neere to the banks of that famous River Sybaris where he erected a Schoole for love afterwards richly endowed by such eminent proficients as had beene Schollers in it but desiring much to see forraine Countries not onely to improve his own knowledge but observe her commands to whose service he stood obliged Hee coasted along by Paphos where his Mother the Soveraignesse of every loyall Lover then kept Court And from thence with merry gale hee came to Cyprâ—s and some few moneths after to renowned Latium Where hee found such entertainment as neither care nor cost were awanting to procure his liking I importun'd him much to heare some of those Lessons which he had formerly taught and wherein I desired much to become his Scholler but small importunity needed seeing his owne desires were thereto directed so as taking me apart from the rest of the Company hee imparted to mee such directions as nothing became more pleasing to me then the embraces of folly Wanton Pictuâ—es light amorous Poems loose licentious meetings luscious Feastings seazed so strongly on my deluded fancy as love became both my Ditty and Deity For hee advised me to walke by the twi-light and and to engage mine honour to an Harlot Thus was I drawn by the cords of vanity made â— slave to sinne an enemy to my owne soule and in the end a by-word to the people O my beloved what may I answer in defence of my lost honour woe is mee miserable wretch to lose that without all hope of recovery which I should have preserved perpetualâ—y O incomparable and inconsolable losse to loose that which is not onely the losse of all goodnesse but the purchase of all torments O thou pretious treasure of a continent soule how unhappily am I robbed of thee O my soule my beloved how art thou now to bee loathed O my soule no more my solace but my anguish O my deare how art thou now becoms my despaire whether art thou falne how hast thou left me nay how hast thou reft mee of those comforts which I expected from thee To what a sinke of all filth and pollution hast thou O lust of my flesh drawne mee How may I hope for pardon in playing so impudently the wanton Even by thy mediation my sweet Saviour O offer up my poore petition unto thy Father that I may become thy devout Saint and Servant who was sometimes a servant to sinne in every member CHAP. 52. Envy HAving thus freely enjoyed the conference of these three Guests in whose familiarity I took much content For as the first and third had recommended to mee Rules of State and motives to pleasure so had the Second taught mee a thriving way how to cram my Coffers that I might more fully maintaine the port both ofth ' one and th' other holdding my selfe satisfied in these I resolved to enter into treaty with the rest so as walking one day very early I chanced to meet with one but the unbeseeming'st one of all my
cheerefully encounter it and so prepare my selfe for that judgement which shall come after it O make me walke in thy light now while I have light to walke in and to worke out my salvation now while I have time to worke in For time will come unlesse wee walke here as Children of light when we shall have neither light to walke in nor time to worke in O inflame mine heart with thy love and teach me thy judgements and my soule shall live CHAP. 68. Hell HEare how the damned say while they were here on earth they lived better then thou and yet they are damned And so they taxe Gods mercy and indulgence towards thee of injustice and partiality Such is those damned soules charity Meane time thou livest securely feedest deliciously and puttest the thought of the evill day from thee by walking foolishly in the ways of vanity Little desire then maist thou have O thou sinfull Pilgrim to see death having so little hope of life after Death O had some of those damned ones who are now lost for ever received those many sweet visits motions and free offers of his grace those opportunities of doing good those many meanes of eschuing evill no doubt but they would have beene as ready to entertaine them as thou hast been to reject them O thinke with thy selfe how happy had that rich Glutton beene if hee had rewarded poore Lazarus with some few crummes from his Table O had it not beene farre better for him to have given to the poore all that even hee had to have stripped himselfe to his shirt and to have made exchange of his purple raiments with rags of poverty then to fry in hel-fire eternally O how happy had that rich man in the Gospel bin if in stead of inlarging his Barns he had inlarged his Bowels to the poore Little knew hee how soone his soul should be taken from him when hee addressed his care for so needlesse a provision His thoughts were so taken up with inlarging his Barnes as hee never thought How Tophet was ordnined of old how it was made deepe and large the pile thereof fire and much wood and how the breath of the Lord like a streame of brimstone doth kindle it Tophet was large enough though his Barnes were not But turne unto thy selfe for whom canst thou find in more danger of falling into that place of horror then thy selfe How hast thou bestowed thy time how hast thou employed thy Talent O hast thou not put it up in a napkin or done worse by employing it to some worser end have not many bindamned for lesse then thou hast committed and did it repent thee of what thou hadst done that so thou mightst not bee condemned O no many a wretched soule lyes there tormented for lesse offences then ever thou acted and hast thou yet turned to the Lord that thou maist bee pardoned It is written in what houre soever the Righteous committeth iniquity his righteousnesse shall not bee had in remembrance Now if the righteousnesse of him shall bee forgotten by committing iniquity who leaveth what he once loved relinquisheth what hee once professed what may we thinke of the repentance of that sinner who returnes againe to that whereof hee repented O how many have ascended even up to heaven and amongst the starres have built their nests and yet have suddenly falne from that glory by glorying in their own strength and so drench'd themselves in endlesse misery And whence came all this but because they ascended unto that Mountaine to which the first Angel ascended and as a Divell descended And canst thou excuse thy selfe of being one of these Hast thou not sometimes shewn to the world great arguments of piety Hast thou not beene sometimes like the Kings Daughters all glorious without but how soone becamest thou stript of this glory Thou fell from that seeming sanctity or holy hypocrisie into open prophanenesse and impiety Woe is mee what shall become of me The wages of sinne is death a death that never dieth but liveth eternally Where nothing shall bee heard but weeping and wayling groaning and howling sorrowing and gnashing of teeth O how grievous then shall bee mine anguish how endlesse my sorrow and sadnesse when I shall bee set apart from the society of the just deprived of the sight of God deliver'd up unto the power of the Devils and to goe along with them into eternall fire where I am to remaine without end in grieving and groaning when I shall be banished from that blessed Countrey of Paradise to bee tormented in Hell perpetually where I must never see so much as one small beameling of light nor the least drop of refreshment but be tormented in Hell for thousand-thousand years and so tormented as never to be thence delivered wher neither the tormentors become wearied nor they dye who are tormented O my deare Lord looke upon the price of thine owne blood Thou hast bought mee for a great price O deliver thy Darling from the Dags remember her in mercy whom thou hast bought O let her not goe downe into the Pit neither let the Depth swallow her up For who shall praise thee in the Depth O my good God hough the terrors of Death and torments of Hell encompasse me yet art thou my Succour and wilt deliver me and my soule shall live to prayse thee CHAP. 69. Heaven O How should I looke up unto thee that have so provoked thee O thou Mansion of the Saints thou portion of the just thou Citie of the great King thou heavenly and most happy kingdome where thy blessed Inhabitants are ever living never dying wher thy glorious state is ever flourishing and never declining I must confesse to my great griefe and shame that I have no interest in thee I have lost thee unhappily lost thee in losing my selfe in losing my soule by selling it to vanity I sometimes resolved to play the part of a â—ise Merchant and to sell all I had for the purchase of one pearle But I held the purchase too deare and therefore have I deservingly lost it Foolish Pilgrim couldst thou find any thing more fitting to entertaine thy best thoughts or bestow thy care then the salvation of thy soule Didst thou thinke it so easie a taske to get Heaven as to purchase it by making thine Heaven on earth yet hadst thou but taken halfe so much pains to get heaven as thou hast done to get Hell thou mightst have challeng'd more interest to Heaven then now thou canst Many summer days long winter nights have thy follies taken thee up and these seem'd short unto thee because thou tookst delight in those pleasures of vanity But to bestow one short houre upon devotion O how many distractions did that suffer and how long and tedious seem'd that houre because that task was wearisome to thee and thy mind was elsewhere wandring and would not stay with thee and canst thou now thinke that so rich a kingdom
O my deare Saviour looke upon mee who have lost my selfe by looking and longing after what was unlawfull for me O though I be not worthy by lifting up mine eyes to Heaven to pray unto thee yet am I not unworthy by blinding mine eyes with teares to weepe before thee O doe not turne away thine eyes from mee I am wholly lost if thou despise mee but I shall renue as the feathers of an Eagle if thou vouchsafe but to looke upon mee O may my delight be in thy Law my Object thy Crosse my conscience my feast Righteousnesse my Crown CHAP. 58. Hearing VVOuld any one thinke that man the noblest of Gods creatures nay to whom hee has given dominion over all his creatures man I say endued with a reasonable soule should make that sense which was given him for edification the instrument of his perdition And yet behold the Man with a sense accompanying and corrupting Man Faith commeth by Hearing And yet how have I broken my faith by Hearing I had sometimes vowed though not my selfe yet by such as undertooke for mee that I would forsake the Devill and his Workes with the pomps and vanities of the flesh but where was my performance Have I not defamed my Neighbour or heard him defamed And what have I answered for him nay have I not delighted in hearing him defamed or inlarged his disgrace with some new reproach Have I enter'd Gods Temple the House of the most High with a sanctified eare Nay have I not come thither rather to traduce then usefully heare Have I not laboured to catch at this doctrine Or admit I came there with an Heart prepared for devotion and with an eare ready to receive instruction did not the Eye practise with the Heart to surprize the Eare and by that meanes decline it from doing what it intended by giving eare to that which might distract it Nay let mee come a little nearer thee thou loose dissolute and unprepared Eare. Hast thou heard so much as a Psalme in the Church without distraction Did not those sweet ayres of spirituall devotion so farre transport thee that thou gavest better eare to the note how sweetly it was sung then to the end for which it was sung Didst not take more delight in the voyce then the matter and by that meanes in the eare of thy Maker become an unfitting Quirister Didst thou not by breaking a Note to please thy fancy conceive more content in the melody of the voyce then purity of the heart Nay didst not preferre the very measure or composure of it before his honour for which it was penned nay has not God spake unto thee in a Psalme and thou unto him yet didst thou consider whose Psalme it was or for whom it was when thou didst sing it to him Againe shall wee leave the Church and goe into the world Tell mee O tell mee how didst thou there employ thine hearing Didst not take infinite delight in a filthy song Did not a wanton light tune bring thee to thinke of thy light Mistresse or did it not suggest to thee some loose thoughts provoking fancy or some other heavy melancholly thoughts egging thee on to some desperate act of revenge or fury O yes Thus didst thou employ it and thus didst thou perish by it How then should'st thou come to bee instructed having beene by thy best instructing sense thus wofully distracted By thee my blessed Master dâ—e I hope to be instructed that the follies of my youth may bee at last reformed O sanctifie the Eare of mine heart that I may turne it away from vanity turne it wholly unto piety O let mee bee no such Hearer as is the deafe Adder which stoppeth her eares charme the Charmer never so wisely O let me be none of those who will not heare because they would not understand nor of those who heare but will not understand nor of those who heare but will not observe what they both heare and understand but give mee an humble Eare to heare and a conceiving heart to understand what I heare that hearing humbly understanding fully and practising faithfully I may sing alleluia to thee in the Kingdome of glory CHAP. 59. Smell MVst that fresh and fragrant Garden of all divine graces with all those precious odours of Christian vertues and holy duties be abandoned those saintly examples of devout and religious men bee neglected and instead of these must those hatefull weeds of vices be cherished which were they disposed of as they deserve are for no other use then to be throwne over the wall of Gods Seed-plot or to be burned Must that inclosed Garden I say embrodered and beautified with all spirituall flowers be plowed up by wild beasts of the Forest Must those red Roses of charity those white Lillies of chastity those sweet violets of humility lose their beauty Have those constant Martyrs chaste Virgins and humble Confessors deserved no reverence nor imitation from thee Must their memory sleepe in the dust and have no followers after death O consider how all these deceiving pleasures of this world are but like Beane-flowers when you are farre from them they smell sweet unto you but when you draw neare them they distaste you The pleasures of sinne ever cloze with an heavie surfet But returne unto thy selfe and see how thou hast employed this sense It is but a little one and yet it has an Office to attend which neglected it must bee accountable and receive due punishment Come then and tell mee what thou hast done Hast thou followed thy sweet Saviour in the smell of his sweet oyntments Hast thou followed him though a farre off to his Crosse Hast thou sought to bee embalmed with his odours Hast thou lived as hee prescribed or loved that which he professed O no thou in the Garden slept while hee prayed Thou in the Hall stood warming thy selfe while hee was condemned thou scarcely durst approach the Mount where hee suffered and was this to follow him in the smell of his sweet oyntments and in his sufferings to be comforted His blessed life was as a bundle of myrrhe the whole course of his conversation a spirituall confection Every action our instruction And how were thy feet prepared to follow him O slowly too too slowly Thou hadst either a Father to bury or a Wife to marry or a yoake of oxen to try or a Farme to buy Some excuse or other must be pretended long may his Feast bee prepared and often maist thou bee invited before thou be ready to come unto it and when thou commest twenty to one thou art excluded because thou hast not on thy wedding garment without which never looke to bee entertained O but tell mee what was it that first hindered thee to follow the savour of his sweet oyntments who so truly lov'd thee as hee gave himselfe up unto death to save thee O it was the smel of worldly gaine that divided thee from him or the love of honour