CHOICE EXPERIENCES OF The kind dealings of God before in and after CONVERSION Laid down in six general Heads Together with Some brief Observations upon the same Whereunto is added a description of true E X P E R I E N C E. By J. TURNER wife to Cap. John Turner PSALM 66. 16. Come and hear all ye that fear God and I will declare what he hath done for my soul LONDON Printed by H. Hils and are to be sold at the Black spread-Eagle and the Three Bibles at the West end of Pauls 1653. To the Churches of Christ who worship God in spirit and truth according to the holy Commandments of Jesus Christ especially those my dear Brethren at Newcastle Barwick and Scotland with whom I have taken sweet counsel in the house of God for several years past grace mercy truth and peace be multiplied from the Lord Jesus Christ. PRECIOUS and dearly beloved Brethren I know it would seem very strange to you if this following Treatise should come to your hands without my publick owning of it as indeed well it might considering my neer relation to the Author it is no small joy to my heart that the Lord is pleased in these our daies any way by any means to put his People in mind of that which they are so prone to forget namely the various workings of God in their poor hearts which you will find in this small Treatise in these three generall heads viz. before in and since Conversion we find the Lord in Scripture often calling upon his People to remember their unconverted state Isaiah 51. 1. Look unto the Rock whence ye are hewen and to the holy of the Pit whence ye are digged And the Lord knowing our great inclination to forget it he is pleased to mind us of it as in Eph. 5. 8. 1 Cor. 6. 10 11. Tit. 3. 3. Eph. 2. 1 2 3. c. The right remembrance of our unconverted state will be a means to engage our hearts to be much in the thoughts of and highly to prise that unspeakable love and grace of our God through Iesus in quickning us who were dead in trespasses and sins in translating us from the Kingdome of darkness into the Kingdome of his dear Son the serious pondering of these things in our hearts will sweetly force us to break forth into admiration with the Apostle 1 Ioh. 3. 1 2. Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us that we should be call'd the sons of God c. but when we forget the two former we lose our communion with God in a great measure and cannot prise and improve the kind dealings of our God with us since Conversion neither walk holily and obediently before the Lord in all his holy appointments as we ought but leave an open door for Satan to deceive us with his manifold tentations by which we suffer much harm My hearts desire and prayer to the Lord is that he would give all his people more care and diligence in watching their own hearts and waies for the increase of their spiritual strength and growth in grace lest they being led away for a time with the error of the wicked fall from their own stedfastness 2 Pet. 3. 17 18. as many have done to their greatest grief and loss Beloved Brethren you have here the labours of one of the weakest sex which I trust will occasion you the more to give glory to God in that his strength appears in weakness were it not for the relation I should have much room to speak of the Author and this Her work but I shall only say Let Her works praise Her only I have this that I cannot but say it was not Her desire to publish it Her reasons She hath expressed Secondly So far as one can speak for another I can say for my Wife in this vvork she hath had little help from men or things but I believe much from the Lord and as the Lord hath ovvned and much assisted her in these her great labors I trust the same povver vvill accompany each precious heart into vvhose hand it may come to make it very profitable to them At my first sight of it which was when it was neer finished though I believe I was the first that saw it next Her self I was so surprized knowing nothing of it before that I knew not what to say of it but upon consideration and reviewing of it I was very much pressed in spirit to publish it and the more in that the oftner I read it the more I was ingaged to it I can say through mercy it hath been usefull and profitable to me I hope it will be so to many more It is no small mercy nor low attainment to be indeed an experienced Christian it is easier to have fine words than a treasure in the heart but seeing the kings daughter is all glorious within and that our treasure there doth increase by the blessing of the Lord upon our diligent using that means ordained for that end this I trust will be a faithfull remembrancer and helper of us in this great work in which I hope the Lord will have much glory and his people comfort which hath been is and I trust ever shall be the earnest desire of Your poor unworthy Brother in the Gospel JOHN TURNER To the Reader Reader THou wilt find in this little Book something suitable to those various changes and differing conditions that ordinarily poor souls are in both before in and after conversion only excepting a high degree of visible profaness and excess of riot with heart hand and tongue blaspheming the holy One of Israel in an unconverted State The Author was kept from that great degree of wickedness as you will find in the beginning of Her book If this shall come into the hāds of any that yet live in those pollutions and abominable corruptions the Lord teach them to consider that if Civility and Morality be too low and too little to stand the Soul in any stead in that day when God will judge the secrets of all men by Jesus Christ Surely then sin and profaness will be a miserable covering This little Treatise is not intended principally for such Ishmaelites but rather for those who have their faces Zion ward enquiring the way thither as also to such as have a name and place where the honor of God dwells to all such I may say as an incouragement to peruse this little Treatise First as to the nature of it its that which hath been digested and it may well be called Experience it may be likned to the Wine that Christ made of water at the end of the Mariage-Feast being last it was better than the first though doubtles the first wine was good So I hope thou wilt find these few lines though good at the first yet better at the latter end it being the privilege of Saints to have their last works best and as they grow in years to grow
the same though in our Judgement we cannot so own them which is a plain contradiction in our principles we say they are not Churches and Ministers of Christ by our practice we say they are as hath been minded Secondly As it is a contradiction of our own principles so it hath had such effects which are too visible and remains unto this day I must confess in my most serious thoughts I have wondered what should be the reason that any in the house of God should desire to be elsewhere I am sure there is no reason to be given for it neither from Scripture nor experience therefore I conclude it s either from ignorance so persons in their practice cross their own principles and not know it or else it s from corrupt principles or else they are overcome by some violent temptations As to the 1. of these I trust there are not many in the house of God so ignorant As to the 2. it is the desire of my soul that God would reprove shew them the evill of such principles and recover them out of such snares As to the 3. Let them take heed lest having put their hand to the plow and looking back they become unfit for the Kingdom of God Luke 9. 62. and let them likewise take heed of pleasing men or halting between two opinions but if God be God follow him if Baal follow him 1 Kings 28 21. This may seem harsh language to some but I am satisfyed that what I have written hath not been from a censorious spirit to Judge of the final State of any or to question the grace of God in any where it doth appear in the least measure and therefore let none say that because I cannot own any to be true Churches or Ministers of Christ but such as are in the same order with us that therefore I say there is nothing of God or Truth in them or that none shall be saved but our selves or that we love none but those of our own Judgement which if any do so think or speak of us it is a very great mistake for if I may speak for others as I have already said I do upon a godly account love and delight in some who are not in our Churches and do wait for the accomplishment of those glorious promises when they and we shall have a pure language shall call upon the Lord serve him with one consent and when we shall have one heart and one way and there shall be one Lord and his name one Zeph. 3. 9. Jer. 32. 39. Zach. 14. 9. In the mean time Let none under a pretence of waiting for the accomplishment of such promises as these grow cold and indifferent in the great things of God For none can truly wait for the accomplishment of Promises but such as do wait in a close walking with God according to that measure of light received and so those that have but a little of the knowledge of God let them follow on to know the Lord Hosea 6. 3. and let those that are in the faith earnestly contend for it Jude 3. and such as are in Gospel Churches let them stand fast in one Spirit with one mind striving together for the faith of the Gospel Phil. 1. 27. and let every one that names the name of Christ depart from iniquity 2 Timothy 2. 19. and those that love the Lord hate evil Psalm 97. 10. And as I desire that none may slight grow cold or indifferent in the great things of God under a pretence of waiting for high enjoyments or discoveries which shall be in the later daies so I desire likewise that none may plead against the Truth under a pretence of Love as many do in these daies labouring to confound light with darkness truth with error and to make an agreement where God hath made none Let such know that true spiritual love as it is wrought in the heart by the Spirit of God so it is bounded within the limits of Truth Love and Truth go hand in hand it is so fixed upon God that it Loves all in and for him spiritual Love must have a spiritual object and as the obiect is more or less visible so is that Love it cannot love every thing alike nay it works as well by hatred of evill as approving that which is good Psa 101. Psa 97. 10. Rev. 2. 6. Psa 119. 122 128. It loves that which God loves and hates that which he hates it loves the Word of God the Ordinances of God and the people of God and hates all that is in opposition to these it rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth 1 Cor. 13. 6. This is true spiritual love in which we are to receive every truth and by which faith worketh 2 Thes 2. 10. Gal. 5. 6. and I dare affirm whatever persons may pretend of spiritual love that is not of this nature it is a meer delusion and that all that fear the Lord ought to take heed of it The fift Note of Experience concerning Notions and Pretended Spiritualities in which Satan transforms himself into an Angel of light and how far I was deceived by it and how the Lord was pleased to recover me out of it BEing now through much mercy brought out of Babylon into Sion to partake of those dainties which the Lord hath prepared for his people there Satan that grand Enemy of mankind who goeth about like a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour 1 Pet. 5. 8. envies my happiness and waites his opportunitie to catch me as a fish in the water covering his hook with a bait of mystery and spirituality who though I had escaped him in all his former appearances as a devill yet now transforms himself into an Angel of light if it were possible for ever thereby to beguile and deceive me knowing that those that are so deceived are the fittest Agents to promote his Kingdome and that many times he prevailes this way when he can prevail no other way drawing persons to that by degrees through corrupt principles which they would have trembled at the thoughts of before they had such principles but God was pleased not onely to keep me from such things but also discover to me the way by which persons are brought to such things that so to the praise of his Grace I might avoid those waies and also forewarn others to avoid them likewise But before I was brought to discover Satan under these veiles by hearkning to the voice of the Tempter in the thoughts of which I desire ever to be humbled in the presence of God I was deceived and beguiled by him in some particular things and that after this manner after we had lived some time in London walking with the Church in the practice of the Gospel it pleased God to remove our habitation into the Country where we had not that privilege and after a while my Husband being in the Army it occasioned our
For doubtless though its one of the last yet it s not the least trial that after we have in a great measure overcome the world the devil and our own hearts we should meet with lets and discouragements from one another It s that indeed which is suitable to an imperfect state in which we are and by which we may learn as to live more singly on God so also to presse after and long for that perfect State in which we shall be at the appearance of our Lord Jesus Christ I might enlarge much in this matter but I intend only to hint at things desiring the Lord to stir up the hearts of some more able to enlarge upon it knowing there is great need that Saints should be exhorted to this duty namely not to discourage but to incourage one another in all good things I desire that we may set before us that exhortation of the Apostle Gal. 5. 26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory provoking one another envying one another From whence I observe that to be desirous of vain glory makes way for a spirit of envy and so to provoke and grieve one another The consideration of that Scripture with Jam. 4. 5. may through the blessing of God be very usefull to Saints for this purpose for questionles a slighting of the gifts and grace of God in others doth many times arise off a desire of vain glory and a spirit of envy The first Note of Experience of the good Providence of God towards mee in a state of Ignorance and Darkness before Conversion IT pleased the Lord I was civilly brought up from a child and kept from such gross evills as persons meerly civil do not allow but otherwaies very vain and that which instrumentally kept me from such things as I conceived was together with my civil education a desire of happiness and a fear of misery having a general notion that sinne was attended with misery for I remember when I had done any thing that I thought was sin I was presently under great fear and terror to take off which and also to attain happiness in the end I thought I was to be exercised in some kind of religion but being very ignorant I made no inquiry what religion was but took it for granted that that was religion which was then in force from King and Bishops and so going on I grew very superstitiously zealous in all things suitable to the service Book or a Cathedrall kind of Worship and I thought the more I abounded in fasting book prayer and observation of daies and times mourning and afflicting my self for sin the better it was so that I think I did exceed most that I knew in that way for blind zeal and superstitious devotion yet at this very time I thought my self far from Popery and did alwaies oppose that with much zeal and I am sure with much ignorance Then being acquainted with some who were then called Puritans I began to perceive that there was some difference betwixt that which I practised and that which was done by them and my observation of their carriages and hearing them speak such language as I was altogether a stranger to did so far work upon me that I began to question my own condition and oft times when I had done my long book prayers though I had scarce ever heard of praying without a book yet I would in a poor broken manner complain to God that I was in some fear that what I did was not according to his will and if it were not I did beg of him that he would bring me to the knowledge of the truth whatever I did undergo for attaining of it But then sometimes I thought my condition good enough and though I was never given to rail or speak evil of such persons yet I thought they made more ado than they need to have done and that God did not require so much strictnesse as they seemed to plead for But hearing them speak much of knowledge and of the danger of ignorance and knowing my self to be very ignorant I began to be more frequent in reading the Scriptures and hearing sermons but my understanding not being yet opened it was to little effect for I remember I was at this time like a stock or stone as to the true understanding of that which I read or heard that I can truly say as the Prophet in Psal 73. 22. So foolish was I and ignorant even as a Beast before thee and yet at this time I was something in affection as when I heard any thing of the judgements of God against sin I should tremble and when any thing of the mercy and goodness of God or the love and sweetness of Jesus Christ my heart would melt as I thought yet I understood nothing so as to have it seated in the understanding and judgement This in general I do remember as to that state Some brief Observations from this note of Experience FIrst concerning my being kept from sin by a desire of happiness and fear of misery From thence I observe That in the daies of ignorance before we have received grace to restrain us from sin it s a mercy to be restrained by something else And truly to me its a mercy so considerable that I desire to bless the Lord for it as long as I live Secondly concerning my seeking after and framing to my self some kind of Religion from thence I observe That its naturall for persons to make after some kind of Religion and rather than they will worship nothing they will worship Samaritan like they know not what John 4. 22. Thirdly concerning my opposing Popery when my self lived in the practice of the same thing for the nature of it from thence I observe That a person may oppose an error and yet live at that time in the same error for the nature of it though in a lower degree and not know it And that not only persons totally ignorant but Saints also if they take not good heed for I have experienced this more times than once Fourthly concerning my complaint and prayer to God in relation to truth from thence I observe That a person before conversion may for ought I know truly pray and that from a secret work of God upon the heart And therefore though I cannot from Scripture-rule exhort such to pray so neither from ence can I forbid them but rather reioyce to see the hearts of any run out in such a way Fiftly concerning my being so much affected with truth though I understood it not from thence I observe That ignorant persons in hearing truth may have their reason so far touched that they may assent to it and be much affected with it and yet understand nothing so as to have it seated in the heart and judgement and because it is not seated in the heart and iudgement that I conceive is the reason why ignorant persons are so uncertain and so unconstant in their thoughts
would save or damn me at last I knew not neither did I think it possible for me ever to have known that except it were by some extraordinary way which very few did attain unto But by degrees I began to stay upon some promises through such considerations as these first I thought it could not stand with the goodness of God to damn a poor soul that had such heart-workings and desires after him as I had having much in my thoughts those words of Sampsons Mother Judges 13. 23. I thought that if he did intend to destroy me he would never have given me such desires after him preserved me till now and then that promise Mat. 5. 6. did much support me for I thought that if ever poor creature did hunger and thirst after righteousness I did these promises and considerations with some confused apprehensions that I had concerning the Lord Jesus did much raise me the thoughts I had of him were such as these I did believe that the Justice of God must be satisfied for sin and that nothing could satisfy his justice but a perfect righteousnesse now I thought I was to be very strict and circumspect in all my waies if it were possible to perform such a righteousnesse but what I could not do Christ had done for me and when I had done any thing that I thought was sin I could not apply Christ till I had repented that was till I had mourned fasted and prayed afflicting my self in such a measure as I thought might stand with the not destroying or prejudicing nature for there God would have mercy rather than sacrifice and Jesus Christ would make up that which was wanting so that Christ was my stay though it was through a very carnal and wrong apprehension But though I thought I must be so qualified and fitted for Christ before I could receive him and be made happy by him yet I knew there was no mercy to be found without him nor no life but in him In this conditiō I lived some years more and grew very cheerful confident as I think it was possible to be under such an apprehension but yet my confidence was alwaies more or lesse as I was more or less strict in my waies and sometimes though I had been never so strict yet I was subject to fear left I had not done as much as it was possible for me to do for otherwaies I thought Christ would be nothing at all to me yet my hopes were greater than my fears and I was resolved if I perished I would perish here at the feet of Christ and now I did not only see that possible which before I thought impossible but I had great hopes and much confidence most times This apprehension though it be that which is far below the glory of the free grace of God in the Gospel yet it did present Christ very lovely to me and did produce in me a real love to him as I dare not but so judge considering how I stood affected to and delighted in whatever I knew to be his will Though I must confess I think at the first the great wheel that carryed all about was my own good yet I am very confident that at this time I had a real love to delight in the Lord Jesus Christ and his commandements were not grievous to me but I did approve of them to be the most excellent things because approved of by the Lord and I well remember I was so far taken off from delighting in sin that I think I may say I did hate it with a perfect hatred as that which was in it self the only object of hatred as it was against God and all my delight was to be with those that I thought did excell in vertue and I could not bear wicked persons but their waies and practices were odious to me yet still I say my condition at this time was a condition of extreme bondage and below the Gospel I shall say no more of it but only this that what I have here written I think I may say is not the hundredth part of the labors and travells of my soul whiles I lived in that condition and if I should go about to write it all I know not how nor when to make an end But God was pleased in mercy to free me from that bondage by the manifestation of his love and grace through his Son to whom be all praise and glory for ever more Amen Some brief Observations from this second note of Experience FIrst Concerning the person by whom my experience in these things began which was one as I iudge not rightly called or sent to preach the Gospel he not being related to a true Church though otherwise I hope a godly man according to that measure of light he had received From whence I observe That it is possible for a godly man in times of ignorance and darkness to be a Minister of a false Church Secondly I observe That though it be not the work of a false Ministery neither is it the way of God to convert souls by yet accidentally or providentially somthing may be done that way by them especially in times of persecution where there is not a true Ministry abroad as indeed I am much inclined to own the work of conversion to be begun in me at this time and that for these reasons First because now was the day of Gods power no◠only to make me willing but there was some change wrought in the whole soul and every faculty of it which before was dead had now some life and motion in things relating to God and godliness as the understanding was opened so the will was changed and made willing to submit to truth and to imbrace the waies of life though it were through the greatest difficulty yet in much darkness and then the affections were taken and though there were but a little glimps of truth appeared yet there was a love to it and delight in it and a great hatred of the contrary all which I apprehend could not be but from some seeds of the Gospel though through false teaching there was not that blessed fruit of ioy and peace in believing also the Memory was active and busie to retain truth so that here was some change wrought in the whole soul as aforesaid A second reason is because when I lay under conviction of sin by the Law and was ready to sink under my burthen that which did suport and uphold my spirit was the Lord Jesus Christ though my apprehensions of him were not according to the Gospel as to the glory of the free grace therein contained A third reason is from the consideration of that fruit which did appear at that time which was an intire love to Christ and a conversation suitable thereunto according to the light then received For there was not only a doing good but a love to it and delight in it and there was not only a forbearing evil
meerly by their words that I durst read it no further but sent it home again resolving to stick to my old principles and so resolved I was that I judged it my duty and accordingly did praise the Lord that I had escaped that snare and stumbling block which it was like to be to me till about half a year after these forementioned Ministers not being satisfyed to speak against those books in private only but brought them into their Pulpits reading particular passages which as they read and applyed it was contrary to the sense of it and sometimes I thought they spake more than was true which did occasion me to desire the book again for my better satisfaction but they not being allowed to be sold at that time it was hard to get any of them but through mercy I got one and then I found they did not deal faithfully but did wrest and draw false con sequences contrary to the drist and scope of it all which occasioned serious thoughts in me remembring when I first read it I laid it aside meerly from a spirit of fear and prejudice occasioned by their words and not that I was able to disprove it from Scripture grounds then remembring those words of the Apostle I Thes 5. 21. Try all things and hold fast that which is good I thought it my duty to lay aside all slavish fear and prejudice and to try it exactly by the Scriptures believing that as it was Gods way to try so he would assist me in it which he was pleased to do and as I read I began to be much affected and I thought it was glad tidings and good news if it were true but I thought it was too good to be true for I could not then believe that God was so free of his Christ as to give him to any other sinners but to such as were qualified fitted and prepared for him or that the way to glory was so easy as he seemed to mak it for if it were so then all that labour and travel which I had been a long time in was nothing which I could by no means yield to at that time For as Christ once said to the Jews that Publicans and Harlots enter into the Kingdom before them Mat. 21. 31. so truly I found it so hard to lay down my own legal righteousness and to submit to the righteousness of God by Faith according to Rom. 10. 3. that I was like to stick here when such as were more profane might receive the truth sooner But seriously weighing these with some other such like Scriptures as Rom. 4. 4. and 5. 8. Ephe. 2. through grace I was in a great measure convinced and brought to see that I had been exceedingly mistaken in my understanding and applying of Jesus Christ and whereas I thought I had attained a good degree of knowledge I now saw my self to be very ignorant and must begin again to learn the first principles of the oracles of God which to suffer so much loss was very hard to me at the first but God was pleased by degrees to strip me of all and to shew me such a beauty and excellency in the Lord Jesus above it that I was made not only willing but joyous to lay down all at his feet and I trust could truly say with the Apostle That what was gain to me I counted loss for Christ yea doubtless and I count all things but losse for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and do count them but dung that I may win Christ and be found in him c. Phil. 3 7 8 9 c. and as God had exalted Christ to be a Prince and a Saviour Acts 5. 31. and had chosen him as the only excellent one in whom he had placed life and salvation for people Mat. 12. 18. so my soul did approve of it to be the most excellent way and I trust could truly say with the Spouse he is the chiefest of ten thousand ye he is one and there is not another Cant. 5. 10. Act. 4. 12. and the more I came to apprehend the glory of the Gospel in the free tenders and invitations of Christ to sinners the more still I was affected with it and did admire it and seeing the tenders of grace so free and the invitations so general that whosoever would come might come and take of the water of life freely Esay 55. 1. Revel 22. 17. and that whosoever came to Christ he would in no wise cast out John 6. 37. by which word come I understood believing vers 40. and then considering the nature of the covenant that it is a covenant of grace free and without all conditions on the creatures part and that the conditions stand only between God and Christ as I then understood by these Scriptures Esay 53. 10. Psal 89. Through these considerations I was not only encouraged but the abounding love of Christ did compell and constrain me to cast my self upon him for life and salvation in a way of believing and not in a way of working and to the praise of his grace as I desire never to forget it I did at this time receive the assurance of the love of God in believing the free and full pardon of all my sins That God had laid them all upon Christ and beholding the travel of his soul was satisfyed Esay 53. 11. and well pleased with me in him Mat. 3. 17. and that they were all carried into the wildernes of forgetfulness and buried in Oblivion according to that type of Christ Levit. 16. 21 22. and that they were washed away in his blood Revel 1. 5. and that God would remember them no more Heb. 8. 12. and 10. 17. These Scriptures with some others of the like nature were by the Spirit of God set home so powerfully upon my heart at that time that truly I cannot express the joyfulness and sweetness of my condition not being able to contain my self from calling to others to tell them what God had done for my soul how he had brought me out of bondage into the glorious liberty of adoption and filled me with joy and peace in believing yea with joy unspeakable and full of glory Rom. 15. 13. 1 Pet. 1. 8. and I remember for a long time after I did delight to be almost continually speaking or meditating of the glory of the free grace of God in the Gospel and of his bounty and goodness to poor sinners and to me the chief of sinners for I know more evill by my self than I do by any other yet doubtless I can say as it was once said of the Thessalonians The Gosspel came not to me at that time in word only but in power and much assurance and joy in the Holy Ghost 1 Thes 1. 5. and whereas formerly I thought that to receive such a principle was the ready way to be loose and carnal I did
condition and what the Lord had done for me who as I have formerly hinted was much in the same condition with me who also declared that he had in a measure received the like mercy which did much increase my joy Then I remember he desir'd we might seek the Lord by prayer and praise his holy name for these and all his mercies In which duty the Lord was pleased so abundantly to manifest himself to us thereby testifying his acceptance of us that for a while we sate in admiration neither of us scarce being able to speak for tears and truly it was such a mercy that I trust we shall for ever admire it at least in these five particulars First that God should deal so faithfully with us in relation to his promise that when we were ready to turn to the right hand or to the left he caused us to hear his voice behind us saying this is the way walk in it Esay 30. 21. Secondly that when we were straying from truth that the Lord should keep us that we straied no further that we did not run to the hight of those notions denying the Churches and Ordinances of Christ and blaspheming the truth as very many did in those times even denying the Lord that bought them Thirdly that the Lord should deal so fatherly and tenderly in his restoring of us that it was not by any extraordinary affliction or chastisement neither were we at any time a trouble to the Churches or grief to any Saint I know of Fourthly that the Lord should be pleased to bring us off so clearly from those things for many are brought off from them and yet there is still so much confusion remaining upon their spirits that it is hard to discern whether they are brought off or no. Fiftly that the Lord should vouchsafe this mercy to both of us that at one the same time and that at our return he should manifest such a sweet acceptance of us melting our hearts into tears of joy to our mutual comfort in the Lord and in each other and so that stream of our hearts being now turned from running after lying vanities the Lord was pleased to re-establish and confirm us every day more and more in the truth turning this sad yet blessed Experience to his praise and our great advantage the remembrance of which I trust shall be a mercy that shall stand us in stead at times of need whiles we live which the Lord grant it may be so to the honour and praise of his great name and our own peace and happines in himself Amen Some further Considerations relating to this part of my Experience it being that which I judge so considerable I cannot omit the reviewing of it AND the Lord grant I may review it daily so as to have my heart raised to an holy admiration of the goodness and faithfulness of God towards me in it and that it may allwaies lie as a strong engagement upon my heart to love and obey him in all things which in consideration of his unspeakable mercy is but my reasonable service Rom. 12. 1. And as I desire for ever to bless the Lord that he was pleased to deliver me from these deceits so it shall be my prayer that all the Lords people may be delivered from them and that the rather because I am perswaded that errors of that nature are the worst of all others and doubtless they are the greatest mystery of iniquity that ever Satan had on foot in the world But because I am not willing to pass my sentence without grounds and because every thing that is reproved is made manifest by the light and that which doth make manifest is light Ephes 5. 13. I desire according to that light of truth which God hath given to me farther to consider not only in general that those kind of errors are the worst of all others but more particularly how they are so First I conceive they are the worst of all others in that they do naturally tend and lead to the highest degree of evill and that both as they take with gracious hearts and as they take with carnal hearts First as they take with gracious hearts they do naturally interrupt the souls communion with God and exposeth it to great temptations bringing it to straits and extremities and into the greatest confusion that can be possible so far as they prevail and for the truth of this besides my own experience I appeal to any experienced Christian if it be not so Secondly as they take with carnal hearts they lead by degrees to the greatest evil both in a spiritual and 〈…〉 vil sense for such hearâ—â— not being seasoned wiâ—â— grace they run from onâ— notion to another till they run so high as to stand directly in opposition to Christ and his Gospel For when they come to be confounded and at a loss in their Judgements and meet with such Temptations which those errors naturally lead to they are overcome by them and under a pretence of living above Ordinances they deny the Ordinances of Christ and by degrees the whole Word of God calling it literal and carnal â—â—d under a pretence of spiâ—â—â—uality blaspheme the name â—f Christ calling him A fleshly Christ and so denying the Lord that bought them 2 Pet. 2. 1. and going against such strong convictions and cleer manifestations of light and knowledge as some have done doubtless they have fallen into that unpardonable sin expressed in Heb. 10. and so come at last to jeer and scoff at all appearance of godliness and it makes way for the highest degree of wickedness also in a civil sense having given themselves up to work all uncleanness with greediness Esay 4. 19. and so breaking all bonds though they had escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of our Lord yet being again entangled therein their latter end is worse than the beginning 2 Pet. 2. 20. according to that Mat. 13. 43 44 45. When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest and findeth none then he returns and taketh seven other spirits more wicked than himself and they enter in and dwell there and the last state of that man is worse than the beginning he is now far more wicked than ever this is the nature and these are the effects of those kind of notions as they take with carnal hearts and that it is so I appeal to the times in which we live if we have not seen it so with many who had escaped the pollutions of the world and that evil spirit seemed to be gone out of them and they have made large professions of the power of truth in their hearts but they are turned with the dog to his vomit and with the sow that was washt to her wallowing in the myre glorying in their shame and doing that without any reluctancy which they would have trembl'd at the thoughts of before they had those