both together in this you know they both did lie together and yet made you no cuckold Kni. Ha! mean'st so Wag. Euen so indeede sir Kni. Nay then I crie ye mercy wife yfaith shee yet may chance be honest Wag. O sir verie honest as a prettie Semsteris or a poore waiting Gentlewoman Kni. Well Wages if I be a Cuckold Wag. Why sir what will ye doe if ye be Kni. What will I doe I le make it knowne for I will bee a Cittizen and so be a Subiect for Poets and a slaue to my owne wife therefore followe mee Wages I will doo 't Exeunt omnes Enter the Lady alone Lad. O griefe how thou torment'st me it dwels in mine eyes feastes on my blood swimmes in my teares and lodges in my heart O heauen haue I deseru'd this plague O Husband why should'st thou vse mee thus was not my behauiour vnto thee as soft as Downe as smoothe as pollish'd christall I and my loue as cleere was I not like a hand-maide euen obedient to thy verye thoughts did not my nuptiall duetie like a shadowe followe the verie turning of thine eye Oh! thou once didst loue mee but thy loue was too hot and like to selfe consuming fire it burnt out and how soone t is turn'd to colde ashes therfore hencefoorth I le seeme iealious of him for since all indeuours faile I le now trye if Iealousie can driue out iealousie and here is fit occation for to work vpon Why how now Husband wooing of another wife before my death whence comes this in my conscience t is a plague that Cupid hath laine vppon mee for sleeping croslegd in your absence What are ye growne as wearie of your wife as of a foule shirt must ye be changing Peg. Good madam be patient La. Patient no you are his patient and he is your Phisitian a ministers to ye with a Morbus Gallicus take ye both I pray forsooth let mee bee your Butler and scrape your Trenchers since I am alreadye faine to liue of your leauinges Kni. Woman art Iellious La. I Kni. Why La. Because you giue me cause but man are you iealious Kni. I La. why Kni. Because thou giuest me cause La. T is false Kni. True false thou hast beene false indeed abusd my bed infected euen my verrie blood and made it growe to hard impostumes on my browes hast thou not wantonly chang'd naked imbracements with strangers abus'd thy nuptial vowe hath not thy vnsatiate womb brought forth the bastardie of lust to call me father but I le abandon thee disclaime that and hate ye both Nue. Do' y heare me sir vpon my conscience you doe wrong your Ladie Kn. If I wrong her you le doe her right I beare a blow of yours the which I neuer felt you are like a mans Taylor that workes with open shop for the Husband but if you chance to doe any thing for the wife you must doe it inwards inwards you are a good workeman I must needes say 't you haue fitted my wiues body how sa'y wife has a not La. Not but you can euen in my sight cast amorous glances on others you haue forsook my bed abhorred my presence and like a man past grace and shame strout like a pimpe before a wanton feather waging minkes at hie noone besides did not I finde thee kissing of thy Maide Kni. Did not I finde thee in priuate conference with my horsegroome Lad. Didst thou not offer thy maide a new gowne for a nights lodging Kni. Didst not thou giue a Diamond to the Butler Lad. Didst not thou send a bow'd Angel to thy Landressse Daughter Kni. No t is false Lad. Yes t is true and then when I told thee on 't thou swarest t was out of charitie because the Wench was poore her Father an honest man and her Mother a painful woman for these and these causes you were kinde vnto the Daughter great whil'st I was contented to beleue because I was vnwilling like a faint harted Soldier to looke of myne owne wounds vntill I saw thou daylie woundst my loue a new and slew'st thine one reputation Kni. Art mad Lad. No but a little Iealious like you I will no longer mantaine thy sanguine sin sooth lust with patience nor in broken singing language flatter thy folly as sweet hart do not wāder for I doe loue thee deare as doth a Goose her Gander a Goose indeed for if ought but a Goose I should a sought reuenge for wronges Kni. What art drunke La. No for I haue sufficiēt reason too much knowledge and sence enough to feele my wronges why should wee women bee slaues to your imperfections haue wee not soules of one mettall are we not as free borne as you are we not all Adams Of-spring did not you fall as well with him as wee and shall wee bee still kept downe and you rise Kni. Doost heare ye are a sort of vncertaine giddy wauering tottering tumbling creatures your affections are like your selues and yourselues like your affections vp downe like the tuckes on your Petticotes which you let fall and take vp as occasion serues I haue seene of your sex fall in loue with a man for wearing a hansome Rose on his shoe another fall into the passion of the heart to see a man vntie his pointe to make water a third fall into the shaking Ague for eating a bodie cherry with two stones and yet you l be fellowes euen with the verie image of your maker but wilt let me alone and yfaith I le be quiet La. A lone faith no Kni. Then I le leaue thee since I know t is folly beyond madnesse to make her pleasure cause of my sadnesse Exit Knight Nue. Beleeue it Lady this was well done and like a Lady of a hie birth make your husband know his aduauncement La. O shadow shadowe I would haue you knowe I would not wrong him for all the seas drown'd ritches for if my heart of bloud should doe it as hee supposeth it doth euen that bloud would like a traytor write my faultes with blushing redde vpon my cheekes but because I as all women and Courtyers doe loue good cloathes which his eyes weare yet hee abraides me swearing t is to please the multitude and that I spread gay raggs about mee like a nette to catch the hearts of strangers if I goe poore then hee sweares I am beastly with a loathed sluttishnesse if I bee sad then I grieue hee is so neare if merrie and with a modest wantonising kisse Imbrace his Loue then are my twistings more dangerous then a Snakes my lust more vnsatiate then was Messalinas Yet this from Iealiousie doth alwaies growe What moste they seeke they loth'st of all would knowe But now to you deare Cousen forgiuenesse let mee aske and pardon for my fained Iealousie and take but thus much of my counsaile Marrye not in hast for she that takes the best of Husbands puts but on a gouldē fetter for husbands are but like to
CVPIDS Whirligig As it hath bene sundry times Acted by the Children of the Kings Majesties Reuels LONDON Imprinted by E. Allde and are to bee solde by Arthur Iohnson at the signe of the white Horse nere the great North doore of Saint Paules Church 1607 The Actors names The Olde Lord Nonsuch Alderman Venter A Marchant Sir Timothy Troublesome a iealious Knight The Lady Troublesome The iealious Knights wife Maister Correction The Pedant Mistris Correction The Midwife Peg The Ladie Troublesomes Kinswoman Nan Old Venters Daughter Nucome The Welch Courtier Boy Nucomes Page The foure Schollers The young Lord Nonsuch a Begging Soldier Slacke a swaggering captaine Maister Exhibition The Ins-a-court man To his much honoured beloued respected and iudiciall friend Maister Robert Hayman SIR I must needs discharge two Epistles vpō you the one the Readers that should be like haile shot that scatters and strikes a multitude the other dedicatory like a bullet that aimes onely at your selfe if either doe strike you it shal bee at your choice whether I shall hit you in the head to let you vnderstand my meaning or in the heart to make you conceiue my loue yet I must confesse I had rather expresse my loue out of the flint then my meaning in any part of the shot I aime at you rather then the Reader because since our trauailes I haue bene pregnant with desire to bring foorth something whereunto you may be witnesse and now being brought a bed if you please to bee Godfather I doubt not but this childe shal be wel maintained seeing hee cannot liue aboue an houre with you and therefore shall intreat you when he is dead he may be buried deepe enough in your good opinion and he shall deserue this Epitaph Heere lies the Childe who was borne in mirth against the strict rules of all Childe-birth and to be quit I gaue him to my friend Who laught him to death and that was his end Yours while he is his owne E S The Prologue OVr Authors Pen loues not to swim in blood He dips no Inke from out blacke Acheron Nor suckes inuention from the depth of hell Nor crosseth Seas to get a forraine plot He taxes no Goddesses for foulest lust Nor doth disclose the secret scapes of Ioue He rips not vp the horred maw of hell To shew foule treasons hideous ouglie face Nor doth he touch the falles of mightie Kings No antient Historie no Shepheards loue No states-mans life no power of death he showes He onely striues with mirth to please each one Since laughter is peculiar vnto man and being sure freelie to speake can be no sinne If honest wordes haue honest consturing Therefore to flie the least cause of offence He onely findes but words you finde the sence Wherfore if ought vnto your eare taste tart Thank but your selues which good to ill conuert Yet this he ought hath stricktly charg'd me say That hee 's a slaue and of a base condition That doth but draw it to suspition That heere he priuately taxeth any man Since all the world yeeldes vice to play vppon What he intends action shall make you knowe I should fore-stall the play should I but showe CVPIDS Whirligig The Scene in London Enter Cupid VVIth feathered speede I pierc'd the Ayre The cloudes a sunder I did teare And thus with winges and bowe come I Newlie from Ioues hye Court in skie My mother kis'd me at our parting But did charge me leaue my darting And with a strict commaund did say Boy on a Whirligig goe play But such a round I le make him runne As he shall end where first begunne My scourg-stickes shall be made of Darts Fethered with sighes of Louers hearts Which made them flie with swiftest flight As lightning in tempestious night My scourge it selfe are golden tresses More ritcher far then chaines of Esses With which I le make some daunce a Iigge More rounder yet then ere did Gig. But time doth call me to be gone Yet first to all you lookers on Before I part I thus much tell That Gods can goe invisibell And though you do not all times eye me Yet know at all times I am by yee And be assur'd and doe not thinke But that you stand full nere the brinke Of my displeasure which if ye winne In loue I le make ye sinke or swimme Thus farwell all sit patient yet a while Least Cupid make your selues your selues beguile Enter the old Lord Nonsuch Alderman Venter Sir Timothy Troublesome Venter MY Lord you know your selfe and I haue long liu'd friends and shal we now with firme affection knit tie fast our friendship in our Of-springs loue conuey our cares in one our goods together and our loues in them and whiles the remnant of our aged daies doe last le ts do'ff all discontents cast by the worldes incombers and leaue the carefull burthen of keeping that was care enough to get vppon the youthfull hope of their more able strength Old Lord O Neighbour Venter doe you not knowe that to marrie a Childe is but to marre a man for hee that cuts a tender twig in springing both marres his length and spoiles his growing my sonne shall first see twentie yeares of age before my condesent shal once be giuen to make him father of a sonne Besides your daughter yet is very yong and though in Womens sex 't is alwaies seene desire to mariage rides alwaies in post yet in their Inne repentance is their host the fault of this is alwaies knowne to be through foolish husbands or such as are to young for Children to their wiues are like fruite halfe ripe they yeeld no taste nor giue no sweete delight Enter the young Lord Ven. Beholde heere comes my young Lord the verye modell of your selfe the Vigor of your youth and strength of all your future hopes Old Lord And hee is welcome what suddaine gust my Sonne in hast hath blowne thee hither and made thee leaue the Court where so many earth-treading starres adornes the sky of state or as the summers speckled flowry garment is spread about the seate of Maiestie what is the reason thou hast left this earthly Paradice to visite vs before our expectation Young Lord My loue deare Father to your faire wife hath made my houres of absence from this place seeme teadious yeares I could not but returne from whence I came as like to man the which of clay was framde at first did walke a while vpon the earth but in the end return'd to dust or like a Riuer which through the earth doth drawe his life and spring from out the sea Thus I that from you sprung haue runne my course awhile but now as to my sea returne to you againe Old Lord Thy answere with thy wisdome hath inrich'd thy welcome deare friendes I pray you set your handes to this my deed Exit olde Lord Ven. I doe my Lord with all deuoted loue Exit Ven. Kni. And I which hate my wife his mistris his welcome home
will breede my ill at home I breede my hornes as Children teeth with sicknesse and with paine and yet I will with as smoothe a face as my wife will giue me leaue make showe of welcome Sir I much reioyce to see you and doubt not but ere long you 'le come see where my poore house doth stand Young Lo. Or else I were vnworthie of your loue if I neglect the visitation of so kinde friends as your selfe and my deare mistris Visitation my wife 's not sick what visitation T is I am ill t is the horne plague I haue I am sure that 's not Gods visitation yet they are the Lords tokens for hee hath sent them me but marrie when you will I le trie and you bee a Chandler I le see if you 'le take your owne tokens againe wel but in the mean time I am marked for death yet hee 'l be in the pit before me O that I should bee a Cuckold a creature of the last edition and yet of the olde print Enter VVages VVag. O sir What make you heere when there 's a gallant Gentleman newly come from Court talking within with my Lady Kni. Yet more Courtiers more Gallants more Gentlemen now in a hūdred thousand horned diuils names what makes a there what is a gone to bed to your Lady doth a Cuckold mee in mine own house in mine own chamber nay in mine owne Sheets what he 's come to visite her to is a not ha But let me see I haue now found out a tricke to know if my wife make me a Cuckold I will geld my selfe then if my wife be with childe I shal be sure I am a Cuckold that will do braue yfaith God a mercie braine Enter Lady and Newcome La. Sir I am sorry that I cannot with that free scope of friendly entertainment giue welcome to your worth because a iealious spirit haunts my husband which doth disturbe vs all this diuill hath long vext him and hee as long vext me were I not compos'd of more then of an ordinarie female spirit the burthen of his wrongs would tyre me quite They meete and iustle Sir this is my husband Nuc. I cry ye mercy sir I did not see ye Kni. A man would thinke ye saw me for I am sure yee haue hit me right enough pointing to his browes Nuc. I pray sir be not angrie I haue not any way offended you nor would Kni. Nay nay though I be ye may be friendes again with me in spite of my teeth for looke ye sir my wife and I are but one and then though I fall out with you you may fall in with her Nuc. Sir I come not to offend you nor Kni. Nay nay ye may ye may yfaith ye may my wife is charitable and would bee glad by such a meanes to make vs friends Nuc. Sir then knowe I scorne my eyes should stand as witnesses vnto your Ladies wrongs and let you goe vnpunished slight see a sweet Lady abusde He drawes his sword Lad. Sir you shall not touch him husband you are to blame your madnesse makes you much forget your manners and wronges my his birth to make me the only cankerd and worme eaten braunch that sprung out of my fafathers noble stocke No no knowe that the tree from which I grew brought foorth good fruite to all not bad to you but hence foorth I le shake handes with mirth and entertaine a carelesse humor for looke ye sir the Diuell giues this iellousie to man as nature doth a taile vnto a Lyon which thinkes in heat to beate away the Flies when he doth moste inrage himselfe with it but come sir will ye bee my seruant my sipher my shadowe or indeede anye thing Nue. Your shadowe if you please and you my substance Lady With all my heart Kni. I I warrant her with al her heart and now must be doe as all shadowes doe when night comes creeps into the substance Lad. Say a doe do' y heere husband I heare doe vow before all the watchfull guard of heauen that I haue liu'd as true vnto thy bed chaste vnto thy loue as ere was Turtle to hir mate but hence forrth cerimonious custome shall not curbe me of delight let her be bridel'd by opinion whose weake desires cannot break her raines for my part I le make you know my will is like a flint smoothe and colde but being hardly strooken sparkles forth fire euen in the strikers eyes I am a sham'd that I haue sa'id thus much yet I may lawfully speake for why come sir will ye walke the prouerbe saies giue loosers leaue to talke Exeunt Lady and Newcome Kni. O wages wages O honest wages what other Gallants come to your Lady in my absence VVag. Truely sir sometimes there comes a proper yong Gentleman one Maister Woodlie Kni. Would lie with whome would he lie good Wages VVag. Why with my Lady sir and he could get her good will but he is a Gentleman I can assure yee sir for he walkes alwaies in bootes but in troth his gentility is something decaying his bootes are on their death-bed for their soules are vpon parting and I thinke he be a Souldier too for his sword and his hangers are more worth then all his cloathes and a is a verie proper man for he is as tall as one of the Guard and he wil come sometimes and take my Ladie by the hand and pumpe for witte halfe an houre together Kni. How doost meane pumpe ha VVag. Why sir thus he will take my Lady by the hand and wring it halfe an houre together and say nothing Kni. Is that pumping for wit VVag. O sir I for he that wringes a faire Lady by the hand and saies nothing doth but pumpe for witte that 's certaine Kni. A moste wittie exposition of what yeares VVag. Faith sir he 's indeede a man of no eares for a hath beene on the Pillarie Kni. But what makes the cropeard stallion with my wife then Wag. Alasse nothing but lies with her and shee lies with him would you haue any more Kni. More no too much by heauen nay then t wa's past suspisition past doubt past iealousie is not my haires turnd all to hornes am I not a monstrous and deformed Beast my wife 's a Goddesse though not Diana she can transforme I branch wages I brāch do I not am not I a goodly screene for men to hang their hats vpon VVag. Why sir ye are no Cuckold Kni. No no Cuckold he lies with your Ladie and your Ladie lyes with him yet I am no cuckold Wag. Why no giue me but attention and with a worde I le wipe away your hornes Kni: No no wordes are to weake to wipe them off when deede haue put them on Wag But heare me sir with open eares to swallow comfort Wag. I met my Ladie and he fast by the Garden wall asking for your iealious worship they both replide you were not iealious this spoke they