off by sunne-set will not fit him down or lay himself to sleep but get on horse-backe and be riding onward on his way and he that hopes to liue long will not starue himselfe but vse the best diet for preseruing his life 4. It makes me fit my selfe by holinesse for that which I hope for namely the full fruition of the glorious ous presence of the perfectly-pure and holy God in heauen according to that of the Apostle Å¿ 1 Ioh. 3.3 Euery one that hath this hope in him purifieth himselfe euen as God is pure not vnlike to one who hoping to get accesse into the presence of the King with his petition doth addresse himselfe in all sutabe manner both in apparell behauiour and speech for the presence of his Soueraigne Min. It appeares your hope is found and good euen that t Rom. 5.4 which maketh not ashamed and the God of hope fill you therewith and grant that you may abound therein through the Holy Ghost But by what other signe doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. I finde in my heart a true loue of God now I haue learned out of the word that the Lord hath promised the crowne of life to them that loue him c. I make no question but hee will bee as good as his word who neuer failed therein since the world began therefore I know that the crowne of life is mine Min. All say they loue God and professe great friendship to him neuerthelesse most flatter him with their mouth and lye vnto him with their tongues for their heart is not right with him How know you then that you loue him in truth Con. 7. Notes of true loue of God Whereas there are three things in loue affection to the thing beloued a desire of coniunction with it and a well-pleasing contentment taken in the enioying of it all these I find in some measure in mee toward my God so that I know I loue him truly which I further proue by these notes First because I prize and estimate him aboue all worldly things yea mine owne life so that I can truely say with that blessed Martyr Ignatius Eus l. 2. c. 36. I esteeme no visible thing nor yet inuisible so that I may haue Christ u Phil. 3.8 yea doubtlesse I count all things but losse in comparison of him and do count them but dung that I may winne him Neither is this a mercenarie loue hired with the wages of reward for though there were no heauen O Lord I would loue thee but seeing there is a heauen I will account of it and labour to obtaine it yet still will I loue thee for thy goodnesse sake O Lord for thou thy selfe art reward enough though there were no more Secondly I am carefull and vnfainedly desirous to please the Lord in all things euen as we see that men are loth to crosse or displease those whom they entirely loue and affect Heerupon I giue my selfe to loue that which hee loueth and to hate that which he hateth * Ps 45.7 He loueth righteousnes and hateth wickednes and so doe I though not in equality for that is impossible yet in similitude and conformity for it is required and expected as the Prophet saith * Ps 9.10 They that loue the Lord hate euill thus I endeuour my selfe y 1 Ioh. 4.17 as God is euen so to bee in this worldr Thirdly a man may knowe his loue to any thing by the zeale and heat of affection whereby he is carried to that thing which hee loueth Thus euery man is transported and as it were eaten vp with one zeale or other some with the zeale of pleasure as Esau was who for a messe of pottage sould his birth-right some with the zeale of honour as Absalom was who for to gette a kingdome sought to draw bloud of his owne father some with the zeale of money as Iudas was who for his thirty peeces sold his Lord Sauiour By my zeale I know my loue to God for tho I bee not eaten vp with zeale as z Ps 69 9. Dauid was oh I would I were so too yet I feele it burning within mee as a Ier. 20.9 Ieremiah did my heart is hot within me and the fire kindled my zeale carrieth mee to God Fourthly I loue his b Ps 119.97 Qui diligit legem diligit regem word and sacraments prayer and all other holy exercises whereby as I haue gracious intercourse and heauenly conference with the blessed Trinity so in especiall with Christ my wel-beloued who therin causeth mee to heare his sweet voyce and to see his louely countenance for which cause I also loue the house of God so that I can no lesse heartily than merrily sing the note of the Prophet Dauid O Lord I haue loued the habitation of thine house and the place where thine honour dwelleth and another of the same O Lord of Hostes how amiable are thy tabernacles my soule longeth yea euen fainteth for the Courts of the Lord my heart and my flesh cryeth out for the liuing GOD. Fiftly I loue his c Mat. 10.40 messengers and embassadors the Preachers of his word which are sent vnto mee from God to treat about conclusions of peace beseeching mee in Christs stead to bee reconciled to God O how beautifull are the feete of him that bringeth these good tidings that publisheth peace that bringeth good tidings of good that publisheth saluation to me Sixtly I long for the comming of Christ not as though I could no longer beare for impatiencie the miseries of this life which are but light in comparison of the weight of glory but that I might bee married for euer vnto Christ my Loue in perfect ioy and harts delight being now but espoused onely to him and that I might be perfectly freed from all sinne whereby I grieue both him and my selfe and alwaies praise his name in heauen How long Lord how long thou hast d Re. 22.20 said Surely I come quickly Amen Euen so come Lord Iesus Min. Thus it appears that the loue of God will warrant a man as it doth you no les than heauen but what say you now of loue to Gods people may not that bee ranked among the euidences of your saluation Conuert Yes without doubt For The tenth signe of saluation taken out of 1 Ioh 3.14 heereby we know saith S. Iohn that he haue passed from death vnto life because we loue the brethren these doe I loue that is the children of God and such as are godly and these will I loue for euer knowing that loue is such a debt as I shall be alwaies owing and yet I must and will bee euer paying I will striue to be rather a creditour than a debtor heerin and will not only returne to the Saints of God the loue of loue the same measure that I receiue from them but euen vsury and aduantage of loue and I would to God there
wee know that sicke folkes are not competent or meet iudges of themselues for they sometimes feele nothing but paine or sicknesse whereas others know that there is in them more health then sicknesse or at least some health Minist Now then to come to your selfe for it is the part of euery wise man to be best acquainted with his own estate Let mee a little examine your Euidences haue you some good assurance that you shall bee saued Con. Yes I praise God else how could I haue any comfort else my very meat should be turned into gall teares should bee my drinke well might my eyes refuse all rest and my soule all comfort knowing none other but that I should p Iob. 18.14 goe to the king of feare into a Land darke as darknesse it selfe And sure I am that the q Mark 8 36. whole World with the r Eccles 2.11 best of all earthly things cannot affoord true sound and substantiall comfort to the quieting of the conscience reioycing of the heart Min. How doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. First by that mother-grace from whence all other sauing graces flow namely true iustifying faith a sparke of this pious faith I find is kindled in me whereupon this I build GOD hath promised The first signe of saluation taken out of Iohn 3.36 that hee which beleeueth shall be saued Now then seeing I belieue that is am truly perswaded that Christ is my Sauiour that hee died for my sinnes and fulfilled the Law to procure mee perfect righteousnes therefore I know I shall be saued Min. It is nothing to say you beleeue but let mee heare if you can proue it how know you that yours is true faith and not meere mocke-faith which is so rife in the world Con. Because it hath beene rightly bred and begotten in me and that by the spirituall seede of Gods word according to that saying of the Apostle f Rom. â—0 17 Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God Thus then I came by Faith first by hearing the doctrine of the Law preached I saw my selfe to be in a damnable conditioÌ„ by nature a wretched sinner yea wholly sinful and therefore accursed by the iust sentence of Gods most righteous Law deseruing nothing but the horrible wrath of God and lying open to the vengeance of eternal fire so that there was nothing betweene me and hell but onely a poore simple crasie tottering life which I knew not how soone or suddenly it might be surprised by death the consideration whereof wrought in mee terror of conscience dread of hell and condemnation despairing of any hope or helpe in my selfe Min. And what then did you rest quiet in the sight of this your wofull miserie Con. Oh it was not possible my poor distressed soule should find any rest in this estate nay if I had heard no better tidings I should haue bin swallowed vp of despair but then in the next place I came * This is the cape of good hope in sayling to heauen to vnderstand that God hath anointed and sent his own sonne to t Isa 61.1 Luk. 4.18 preach good tidings vnto the poore recouering of sight to the blind to binde vp the broken hearted and set at liberty such as are bruised more plainly I learned by the doctrine of the Gospell that God of his rich mercie hath giuen his sonne Christ Iesus very God and man to be a Sauiour vnto sinfull men euen to as many as beleeue in him and hath u Ioh. 3.16 not excluded mee out of the number of those that shall be saued by him but hath offered him vnto mee amongst others which are weary and heauy laden with their sins saying * Mat. 11.28 Come vnto mee all euen all such and hath also x Ioh. 3.23 commanded yea euen y Cor. 5.20 intreated mee to beleiue in him Thus my heart was drawne and wonne to take him and apply him a Sauiour to my owne soule thinking my selfe bound in conscience to yeeld obedience to the holy commandement and gracious inuitation of Almighty God and what a beast were I if I should not accept of so free a profer of his Sonne as he hath made vnto me Min. Thus you haue shewed mee well how you came by faith and I see you haue come honestly by it whereby it appeares that it is not like Iacobs venison too quicklie found to bee of the right kinde nor like Ionahs gourd too suddenlie sprung to continue long but like the z 2 Sam. 23.15 16. water of Bethlehem much longed for hardly obtained now shew mee further how you vse it since you got it what fruites doth it bring forth whereby you may know more easily whether it be true and a 1 Tim. 1.5 Faith vnfained Con. As fire may bee discerned by heat 6 Notes of true faith and life by motion so may my faith by the fruites thereof For first it enableth me to b Eph. 6.16 quench the fierie darts of that euil one to resist not without some comfortable victories the suggestions of Sathan wherwith he buffets me and more particularly that same temptation of doubting whether the promises of God belong to me or no for that I am not ouercome of this doubting and sunke vnder it but struggle and wrestle with it and with vnbeliefe that is by the power of faith Secondly it makes mee earnestly desire to bee more and more reconciled to God that is more fullie assured of his fauour that I am at peace with him and hee well pleased with mee to whom by nature I was an vtter enemy it makes mee crie c Ps 106.4 remember mee O Lord with the fauour of thy people d Ps 84.5 release thy anger toward mee turne thy fac vnto mee e Ps 31.16 cause thy face to shine vnto thy seruant and saue mee through thy mercy Thirdly my faith makes mee labour to please God though it bee with displeasing my selfe and to doe the will of God yea eueÌ„ in those things which crosse my owne will as it caused Abraham to f Gen. 22.10 offer his dearely beloued Isaac though otherwise it would haue gone ful sore against his heart and heereby Enoch was g Heb. 11.5 reported of that had had pleased God Fourthly by it my heart is in some measure purified from noysome lusts and affections as secret pride self-selfe-loue hypocrisie carnal confidence wrath malice and the like in that they are distastfull yea loathsome to mee so that the spirit within me fighteth against the flesh that is grace resisteth and subdueth corruption Fiftly it makes me long after Christ to tast more fully of his sweetnesse and to bee h Can. 1.2 kissed with the kisses of his mouth that is to haue a greater measure of heauenly graces and greater and more liuely tokens of his loue communicated to mee whom and whose loue I do preferre aboue the
carnall ioy is which causeth men to reioyce onely or chiefly in their corne and their wine their wealth and their honours their pleasures and their profits this nature affords vnto them But I finde in me a supernaturall ioy in things diuine and spirituall which corrupt nature can take no liking of much lesse delight therein therefore it hath been wrought in me by a power diuine that is the fruit of Gods holy spirit 5. Whereas the ioy of the wicked is slight and short a flash and away no better then the chirping of birds in a sunne-shine day mine is firme and durable not like summer-fruit which holds good but for a time for the summer-season of prosperity but my ioy is lasting fruit which still holds good yea euen in the hardest winter of greatest aduersity Ro. 5.3 I can ioy in tribulations 6. It is a victorious ioy for when as griefe like lead lies heauy on my heart pressing it downe then doth this ioy lift vp my heart in faith together with my hands eyes and voyce vpward to the heauens aboue the mountaines from whence my helpe commeth wherby appeares it ouercommeth griefe and getteth victorie ouer tentation thus I haue that which is the very life of life true ioy for life without this is hardly worthy the name of life Min. This pawne of heauen which the Lord hath put into your heart I may not nor cannot except against therefore proceed vnto another signe of your salution Con. Patience vnder the crosse may not bee left out nor forgotten no more then it may bee cast off or forgone well it deserues a roome among this good company of witnesses all which giue in euidence that heauen is mine The thirteenth sine of saluation taken out of Iam. 1.12 That this is a sure signe of saluation S. Iames proues it when he saith Blessed is the man that endureth temptation for when he is tryed hee shall receiue the crowne of life and that it is in me my conscience proues it therefore I am blessed but more blessed shall I bee when I receiue the crowne Minist Well may the crowne indeed be set vpon the head of patience so noble and so conquering a grace for christian * Nobile vinceÌ„di genus est patientia vincit qui patitur suffring is a noble kinde of conquering and hee that so suffereth no lesse than conquereth And if you haue also found this gemme in you happy are you prouided alwaies that it be true patience how prooue you that Con. 1. 5. Notes of true patience Because I doe not onely finde out but also finde fault with any inclination or disposition toward impatiency I check and controul my selfe for it when it begins to stirre I begin to stifle it before it gather strength or get to head 2. I doe not goe about to prescribe to GOD the measure of afflicting me nor yet the manner meanes or time of helping easing and deliuering mee I can bee content with the grace of God in the forgiuenesse of my sinne and sanctification of his Spirit tho I want other things and can receiue the loue of God with good contentment though it come alone or attended with the crosse 3. I more feare to doe the euill of sinne than to suffer the euill of punishment for sinne * Malum parti maluÌ„ non est maluÌ„ facere malum est for to suffer affliction is not euill but to commit sinne is euill and I can be content still to beare the punishment so that the sinne may bee taken away oh I would not for any thing that the rod of God should be remoued before the Cure bee throughly wrought 4. My patience goes accompanied with a profiting vnder the correcting hand of God for first it brings forth e Rom. 5.4 experience both of the care and loue and gracious dealing of God towards me as also of my owne estate and cariage toward him and thus I come to haue better acquaintance with God with my selfe it also increaseth my loue toward him makes me cleaue and cling faster to him as a childe doth to his parent when hee turneth away from it and maketh as though he would goe away and leaue it to the wolfe it strengtheneth my faith and causeth me to relie more stedfastly on God in distresses for time to come and a dram of tried faith is better then a pound of vntried Lastly it worketh in me reformation I am not like wicked AhaZ f 2 Chr. 28 22. who in the time of his distresse did yet trespasse more and more against the Lord. For I can truely say with the holy Prophet g Ps 119.67 Before I was afflicted I went astray but now haue I kept thy word ô God Thus by patience I reforme my self and thus in patience I possesse my soule therefore it is true patience Min. By what other certain signe are you perswaded of your euerlasting saluation Con. They which haue receiued the Earnest of the Spirit in their hearts The fourth signe of saluation taken out of 2. Cor. 1.22 Eph. 4.30 Ro. 8.16.17 are thereby sealed vnto the day of redemption this haue I receiued to wit the infallible testimony of GOD's holy spirit which beareth witnesse with my spirit that I am the child of God and so an heyre of glory seeing God who cannot lye tels me by his spirit I shall be saued I hold it as I am bound for a necessary and a most vndoubted truth Min. Thousands of vngodly ones haue a perswasion that they shall be saued and none seeme more confident than they and yet it is but presumption and the illusion of the deuill in them for they haue no more true right to saluation than dogges to the childrens bread yea and though they sweare to it too as that they are ready enough to doe yet you neede not credit them vnlesse you will and if you doe it is but a lye as if a woman that had a child should swear she were a maid or one that had a plague-sore on him should sweare that hee were cleere would you beleeue either of them for all their facing of the matter sure you would not how know you then that yours is the testimony of Gods Spirit and not presumption which is nothing else but the lying spirit of Sathan in the mouthâ—s and hearts of all his children Conuer 5. Notes of the true testimony Gods of spirit First I proue it by the birth of it for it hath been wrought and planted in me contrary to nature by the word of God heard read meditated vpon and the like good meanes whereas presumption like a stinking weed growes of it owne accord out of the ranke soyle of Nature 2. As Iacob may bee knowne by Iacobs voyce from Esau so may this be knowne by its voice for it doth not barely tell mee I shall be saued but proues it to me and perswades mee by all these former signes which
I haue alledged and diuers others whereas presumption doth only suggest that conceit vnto men but proues it not so that when they are asked why they thinke they shall bee saued they are not able to alleage any sound sufficient reason for the same 3. The witnes within me speaks the same that the word of God doth without me both being the voice of the self-same spirit of God which cannot contradict it selfe but presumptuous presumption speakes contrary to Gods word for whereas the Scripture saith h Mat. 18.13 Vnlesse a man bee conuerted hee cannot enter into the kingdome of God and i 1 Cor. 6.9 the vnrighteous shall not inherit the kingdome of God and k Heb. 12.14 without holinesse no man shall see the Lord and that the Lord will take l 1 Thes 1. vengeance on them that know him not and obey not the Gospell of our Lord Iesus Christ yet presumption beares men in hanâ— they shall be saued howsoeuer and is ready to buzze into their eares â—alas good Sir pitie your selfe these things shall not bee vnto you 4. Gods spirit doth as well m Rom. 8.27 make intercession for mee as witnes to me and therefore brings mee to God making me pray earnestly and feruently to him from a sense and feeling of my manifold sinnes with groanings which cannot be vttered but presumption driues men further from God neither worketh any such feruent prayer in them 5. Gods spirit brings forth the fruits of the Spirit in mee as loue ioy peace long-suffering gentlenes goodnes c. Gal. 5.22 whereas presumption as it is of the flesh so it yeelds the fruits of the flesh as adultery fornication vncleannesse wantonnesse hatred variance wrath strife enuyings murders drunkennesse reuellings and such like Gal. 5.19 and these are the common fruits of these daies which grow more commonly in townes and houses then crabs doe in woods and hedgrowes They which bring forth such fruits as these giue heede to the witch that speakes within them the spirit of Sathan who tells them they shall bee saued as as soone as the best and they beleeue him but I will heare what God the Lord will speake for hee will speake peace vnto his people and to his Saints Yea O Lord let mee heare this thy voyce within mee speake lowder that I may heare thee better O say vnto my soule I am thy saluation Min. There may appeare as manifest a difference betweene the witnesse of Gods holy spirit and the lying suggestion of the Diuell to such as are not wilfully blinde as is betweene light and darknesse truth and falshood But lest I be burdensome to you name one signe more of your saluation and that shall suffice Con. It is no whit irkesome to the men of this world to looke on their gold and siluer their deedes and leases nay they take a meruailous pleasure and delight therein why then should it be burdensome to the children of God to view and looke ouer the markes of their saluation seeing these are much more precious then gold that perisheth But for as much as you require but one signe more I will endeauor to comprehend all vnder one In summe then I perceiue that I am one of those whom God hath faithfully promised in his word to saue The fifteenth signe of saluation for though a number of men yea the greatest number thinke to get heauen though they haue neither scrip nor scrole to shew for it yet I haue both Gods word and his writing to shew or rather his word in writing that heauen belongs to me Now the Scripture is a true copie and draught of the booke of life taken out of the court of heauen by Gods owne hand so that there can be no error in it Hereby I know that my name is written in the booke of life because I finde my selfe enroled in Gods holy scripture among those to whom he hath promised eternall life Min. Indeede If you be of that number there is no doubt but you shall be saued For n 2. Tim. 2.13 he abideth faithfull hee cannot deny himselfe but are you sure that you are such a one Con. Though all that I haue hitherto said and the signes which I haue produced drawne out of Scripture and grounded thereon doe verifie the same yet if you will giue mee leaue I will further proue it by other expresse texts of Scripture though the same for the most part in substance with that I haue already said that as you haue seene my speciall euidences truely taken out of the graund copie so now you may also see the grand copy it selfe in the volume of which book I finde it written of me and that in sundry places that I shall bee saued Min. This would I gladly see proceed then to shew it Con. God in his word hath promised that o Ps 34.8 hee will bee nigh vnto them that are of a broken heart and that hee will saue such as hee of a contrite spirit he himselfe hath vndertaken the cure of such p Psal 147 Hee healeth those that are broken in heart and bindeth vp their wounds as it is in the Psalme and a wonderfull cure indeede he will work vpon them euen then when all helps do vtterly giue them ouer hee like the good Samaritane will binde vp their wounds and poure in the oile of comfort and wine of gladnesse hee will take them in his armes and bring them q Can. 1.4 into his Chambers hee will take the care of them and worke the cure on them for none can doe it but hee none can cure throughly the heart-wound and such as are sicke thereof but onely God Such a one am I I am bruised and broken in heart and spirit and distressed in conscience for my sinfulnesse and wretchednesse hauing by my sinnes O my sins so many great and grieuous deserued no lesse then the heauy wrath of God O wretched man that I am who shall deliuer mee from sin that vnwelcome guest nay that deadly enemy I thanke my God through Christ for by him I haue deliuerance Oh still vouchsafe deere God to visite mee thy poore patient and though I be not worthy with the Centurion that thou shouldst come vnder my Roofe yet farre bee it from mee to say as Peter r Luk. 5.8 Lord depart from mee for I am a sinful man nay rather therefore come to me for I haue the more neede of thee the whole neede not the Physition but the sicke as I am thou lookest for such a Patient sweet Iesus and I lacke such a Physition as thou art Oh bee pleased to come home vnto mee poure forth some more of thy precious oyle into my wounded heart Oh spread a plaister of thine owne heart blood and apply it to my soule r Can. 2.5 Stay me with thy flagons and comfort mee with thy apples for I am sick of loue My heart is wounded within mee but seeing thou hast
nethermost hell it is so high that b Ps 36.5 it reacheth to the heauens it is of such admirable length bredth that it c Ps 103.12 remoueth our fins as farre from vs as the East is from the West And the cause why the sinnes of all the world are not pardoned is not because Gods mercy cannot pardon them but because they cannot repent that they might bee pardoned So then I make no doubt but that God of his mercy is able to forgiue my sinnes bee they what they will bee yea and further vpon my vnfained repentance hee will forgiue them if I repent he will forgiue for wee cannot be so sinfull as hee will be mercifull if for our sinnes wee bee heartily sorrowfull For this hee hath promised and by this his promise is become indebted to vs whereas we onely by our sinnes were debtors to him so that now he is not only a mercifull creditor to vs content to release the debts of our sinnes but also by his promise become our debtor vpon our repentance to giue vs a pardon and vpon our pardon to giue vs heauen O vnspeakable mercy Well sure I am he is a true debtor and will pay what he hath vndertaken therefore I am perswaded hee will forgiue my sins for seeing when hee knew all the sinnes that euer I should commit hee would notwithstanding in loue send his sonne to be my Sauiour whereas he hath now by his death made full satisfaction for them shall I thinke the Lord will stick at the pardon of them Now as concerning the hardnes of my heart I see I neede the lesse to feare it in regard I haue a sight and sense thereof and vnfainedly bewaile the same For like as it is with a greene wound if it bleede well when it is made there is the lesse feare of rankling more good hope of curing so for as much as I feele my heart bleed in bewayling the hardnes of it I see there is the lesse dāger of festering inwardly to the destruction of my soule For my weaknes in the seruice of God though Sathan would hereby take occasion to keep me from the word prayer and Sacraments perswading mee that I doe but take the name of God in vaine and prophane his worship and increase my own condemnation yet I am resolued to try masteries with him and not to neglect Gods seruice and these holy exercises at any hand for if hee could once get mee at this bay hee would triumph indeed and I further consider to my comfort that God measureth the obedience yeelded to him rather by the * Deus magis delectatur affectu quam effectis desire and will to obey than by the large and exact performance thereof Though therefore I doe not all the good I would yet seeing in loue I desire to doe it and though I bee not wholly rid of all the euill I hate yet seing in hatred thereof I desire to be rid of it God will accept of that which I doe and will impute vnto me that which I desire Min. What is it else that doth disquiet your minde and interrupt your peace Con. Sometimes I feare that all the grace which I haue conceiued to bee in me Doubting proceeding from fear of hypocrisie answered and all that I do at any time in the seruice and worship of God and the holinesse which I make shew of is but all in hypocrisie which my conceit growes the stronger on mee because I see sometimes some who haue been accounted very rare Christians farre excelling mee in knowledge seeming-zeale forwardnesse and other gifts and yet haue fearefully fallen away from the grace of God and so fowly discouered themselues that it hath appeared euidently they neuer had the soundnes of grace in them Min. This is a slie temptation indeed for thus the Diuell transformes himselfe into an Angell of light as though hee loued sincerity and would haue men sincere whereas hee hates nothing more and therefore while hee thus goes about to condemne you of hypocrisie hee shewes himselfe a damned hypocrite but how deale you with this subtile suggestion Con. First I see I haue no warrant to take so neere to heart the fearefull examples of backsliding hypocrites as to question mine owne estate therefore for tho some earthy comets and muddie meteors are drawne aloft sometimes and make a great blaze than the true starres of light but after a short time vanish away yet the true stars must not therefore nor will not leaue their place or shining and though the wolues somtimes goe in sheeps clothing * Non debet ouis pellensuam deponere quod lupi aliquādo se ca cōtegāt Aug. yet must not the sheepe therefore forgoe their clothing and thinke themselues to bee wolues Secondly I consider that to see feare and shun hypocrisie is to bee sincere Whiles then I feare it I haue the lesser cause to feare the danger of it and am the further from it Thirdly I desire rather to be good than to seem to be so and to do good rather than to seeme to doe it therefore I am not an hypocrite for hee desires the contrary he lookes chiefly to the outside I to the inside to my heart I haue an eye to that to keepe it in good temper The good temper of the heart especially in two respects 1. Supple and soluble that is alwaies humble for else I cannot bee long in spirituall health and 2. alwaies hungry keeping in my heart an appetite vnto Christ by faith and vnto all good things in loue thereof and for the maintaining of my heart in this good temper I vse a daily good diet of the soule namely watchfulnes meditation prayer reading conference c. I am chiefly desirous and carefull to know how my estate indeed stands before God and therefore take paines to examine my selfe soundly and throughly and am very willing to bee tryed by others this working thorow-stitch the hypocrite cannot brooke 4. The hypocrite doth not vse to goe to God in d Mat. 6.5.6 secret by prayer when hee thinks none knowes sees or heares him and that in conscience being acquainted with the distresse of his owne soule and priuie to his owne corruptions to bewaile them to God and to cry for grace but this I doe neither yet would I haue once mentioned this my practice vnto you for feare of vaine-glory but that I now stand vpon my triall and must in this case produce all the witnesses I can Fiftly I finde in my selfe that I should bee full sorie that all should be but in hypocrisie in me O I would not for all the world it should be so yea I desire from my very heart that it may be in sincerity hereby I am perswaded that it is not in hypocrisie but in sincerity Min. You say well how else doe you withstand this temptation Con. I may perceiue in my greatest feare and doubting that some of the signes
of saluation are in me in truth as first hatred of sin for though there were no hell as I haue said before I would not commit those sinnes which some doe though nature corrupt doe relish them very well my soule goes against them Secondly I make conscience of lesser sinnes which the world count no sins as wel as of those great and grosse sinnes which stare vs in the face and though some would shrinke vp sinne into a narrow scantling and faine would bring it to this that none doe euill but they which are in gaoles yet I haue learned otherwise to iudge of sinne to e 1 Thes 5.22 abstaine from all appearance of euill holding it a point of wisedome to looke to sinne in time lest it fester and eat in infect more and at length breake forth into a running sore Thirdly I loue the godly in sincerity not for feare of hell that cannot make mee loue them nor for any sinister respects but because they are godly Fourthly when I go to the word preached sacraments prayers and all other holy exercises of religion I heartily desire to vse them not for forme or custome as the manner of most is but with profit and therfore lift vp my heart to the Lord crauing his blessing in the vse thereof for the edifying of me in grace and for the ripping vp of my corrupt heart an hypocrite doth nor thus Fiftly though the Lord should condemne mee which hee neuer will and throw mee into hell which in regard of his faithfull promise hee neither will nor can yet I finde my heart so affected that sure I should neuer blaspheme his holy name with the Diuels and damned spirits but euen out of the bottome of the lowest pit should I praise him yea out of the very f Iona. 2.2 bellie of hell as the Prophet Ionah speaketh should I pray vnto him so that I see I loue the honour of God neither for feare nor fauour but in sincerity whereby I also gather and conclude that I am sincere and not an hypocrite Min. Be there yet any more euill spirits of Sathan sent of him to vexe you that put you in feare and would make you beleeue lies Con. Sir it is not for nothing that their name is Legion for they are many there is another which doth not seldome molest me for when I cannot deny vpon a right tryall taken of my selfe but that the grace of God is in some measure begun in mee yet then sometimes steps in a shamelesse messenger of Sathan Doubting of perseuerance answered much like his maister that hath sorsworne all shame truth thinking to out-face mee and beare me down by maine strength hee will needs face mee downe that I shall not continue in grace the way to heauen so straight and difficult my skill so little my weaknesse so great my enemies so many mighty crafty resolute and malicious that it is not possible for mee to hold out to the end that I might be saued Min. Dare you looke this Goliah in the face or enter cōbat with him Con. Yes that I dare and doe and will doe all my dayes because hee blasphemeth the liuing God as though he could lye or did repent but I doe not trust in my owne bow neither can my sword saue me I do not betake my selfe to my owne strength good mind and meaning free-will c as blinde Papists and others doe for these are weapons of Sathans owne making and be sure hee will make none to hurt himself withall therefore I take vnto mee the g Eph. 6.17 sword of the spirit which is the word of God this I brandish against the tempter and tell him as it tells me that h Ier. 31.3 the loue of God is an euerlasting loue and i Ioh. 13.1 whom Christ loueth hee loueth to the end and k Io. 10.28 none can plucke mee out of his hand neither men nor diuels and l Ro. 8.39 nothing can separate mee from the loue of God in Christ neither life nor death height nor depth things present nor things to come no not sin it selfe which is most likely of any thing for that lyes pining and wasting in mee in as much at the first instant of conuersion it fell into a deepe consumption and that incurable all the drugs of that old Empirick the Diuell can neuer restore it to perfect strength againe therefore I shall endure to the end and in the end bee saued for all that Secondly for the better animating of me to perseuere m He. 12.2 I looke vnto Christ the author and finisher of my faith he held out to the end in suffering for mee why should not I then hold out to the end in seruing of him he would not leaue me in hell fire why then should I leaue him in the heat of temptation or in the cold bleake winde of affliction well I am n Phil. 1.6 confident of this verie thing that hee which hath begunne the good worke in me will performe it vntill the day of our Lord Iesus Christ Min. What is there else which doth perplex your minde Con. Doubting of presuming answered I am now and then grieuously affraid that I doe but presume in being perswaded that I shall be saued by Christ partly because I am so very sinfull and my vnworthinesse is so great and partly because mee thinks I doe not grieue enough for my sins Min. What helpe do you vse against this shaking fit Con. First I consider that it is but spirituall pride in the habite and shew of great humility to feare to beleeue because of our great sinfulnesse and vnworthines for thus wee shew wee would haue some thing of our owne to bring to God or else we dare not trust him we would spie some righteousnesse and worthines in our selues before we bee perswaded of saluation and so not to be beholding to God this proceeds from the poysonfull root of pride and naturall popish desire of meriting at the hands of God Secondly I must not hang off from beleeuing till I finde that I grieue enough for my sinnes for this were to set the cart before the horse In as much as godly sorrow for sinne proceeds from faith therefore I must not stay to beleeue till I finde more godly sorrow but I must beleeue more that I may grieue more for my sinnes for the more faith the more godly sorrow Thirdly indeed if I had bin neuer humbled in the fearefull sight of my sinnes and a sense of the heauy load thereof then I should presume if I did perswade my selfe in that estate to bee saued but now I see and feele my sinnes and misery and what extreme neede I haue of Christ God calls me as verily as if it were by name Matth. 11.28 to come vnto Christ that is to beleeue in him therefore there can be no danger in so doing I can not sinne or presume in being perswaded that I
well nigh slipt for I began to thinke that these were Gods darlings at lest my selfe none of Gods beloued ones for the rod of God is not on them but neuer off from me Min. What meanes doe you vse to be preserued against the violence of this assault Con. I presently take sanctuary and so am safe I y Ps 73.17 goe into the Sanctuary of God and consult with his word and then I vnderstand their end I see a man may goe through a faire City to execution and contrariwise through a narrow stumbling lane to a feast or coronation I see well why it is that the wicked doe so prosper and fare so well for why doe men set vp their Oxen a-fatting is it not against the day of slaughter so the z Iob. 21.30 Wicked are reserued to the day of destruction they shall bee brought forth vnto the day of wrath the seruants of God are kept at hard commons but they haue their keeping of free cost the wicked which are strangers from the wombe and none of Gods houshold haue larger cates and farre better but they shall pay sweetly for it in the end when the reckoning comes so that all things considered I see small reason why I should heaw a stumbling-blocke out of the prosperity of the wicked to my owne ouerthrow Secondly I labour in time of affliction to spie out the loue of God shining vnto mee through some little peep-hole or other at length I finde that euen then I loue God heereby I discerne that hee loues mee for so he saith a Pro. 8.17 I loue them that loue mee and indeede his loue to mee is the cause of my loue to him so that it is impossible for mee to loue him in the time of my affliction but hee must needs loue mee much more Thirdly I consider that it is for want of wit in a childe to thinke that his father cannot abide him because when need is hee vseth the rod to correct him for they which are of discretion can tell that the father loues the child neuer the worse for all that but the better yea this very dealing of God towards mee is an euident token of his loue vnto mee for b Heb. 12.6.7 whom the Lord loueth hee chasteneth and scourgeth euery sonne whom hee receiueth if therefore wee endure chastening God dealeth with vs as with sonnes for what sonne is hee whom the father chasteneth not So that the Lord commeth to me with fire in the one hand water in the other the fire of affliction to melt out the drosse of my corruptions and the cooling water of comfort and assurance of his fauour to allay the heate thereof lest I should bee ouermolten with heauinesse and sorrow but indeed sometimes he holds this behind him that I see it not but I must not bee so vnwise as to thinke because I see it not therefore hee hath it not because I see not his loue or at least not so as I would that therefore he loues mee not farre bee it from mee so to thinke though I am too ready so to thinke in my distresse but it is my infirmity For as verily as he doth afflict mee and I feele it so certainly doth hee loue mee though I feele it not Fourthly I consider that this is the cup c Mat. 26.39 27.46 which Christ himselfe dranke of hee drank it off to the very bottome which made him cry out of the bitternesse of it My God my God why hast thou forsaken me whereas I doe but drinke a littie of the vppermost but seeing Christ my Sauiour hath begun to mee therein d Mat. 20.23 needs must I pledge him though it be but to kisse the cup which is also a cup of Gods owne tempreing and therefore very good and wholsome though not so toothsome hee knowes all the ingredients perfectly that go into it and there is not one drop or dram of bitter aloes in it more than hee sees must needs bee put in or else it would do vs no good which also is skilfully corrected and sweetely qualified with those heauenly sweets that farre surpasse the hony and the hony-combe as peace of conscience tranquilty of minde patience and ioy of each a dramme and the hope of heauen a maruelous sweet thing which it selfe alone mee thinks might well allay the tartnesse and sharpnesse of affliction this is my comfort in time of griefe my friend in time of neede my best Phisicke in time of sicknesse and present remedy against all maladies and I dare vndertake that one dramme of this well taken of a sicke man shall doe him more good at heart than twenty pounds-worth of the most precious Apothecaries stuffe O it is a most soueraigne restoratiue and happy is he that is neuer without some of it in his heart It is of such singular vse at all times and vpon all occasions Now seeing afflictions are thus sweetned to vs properlie to speake they deserue no worser name than bitter-sweets whether wee respect inward distresses or outward calamities truth indeed the Lord layes more vpon some than hee doth vpon others and more vpon vs at one time than he doth at an other hee sometimes strikes an heart-veyne when an other will not serue and that wee cannot bleede well at it with godly sorrow yet this I dare auouch hee neuer puts vs to more paine than needs must for our profit and benefit Fiftly I enter into serious meditation of the manifold good which commeth by affliction according to that of the holy Prophet e Psal 119.71 It is good for me that I haue been afflicted this is the physicke that God doth minister to his seruants and it is both purging phisicke and strengthning physicke for the former of these it pleases the Lord hereby sometimes to discouer and bring to our sight the disease of some sinne wherewith wee are infected whereof wee had taken no notice before and then to bring vs to humiliation for it so to worke the remoueall thereof sometimes hee doth hereby preuent some sinne whereto hee sees vs very subiect by purging out the ill humors of self loue couetousnesse pride lukewarmnesse which else in time would break forth into dangerous yea incurable diseases and thus he works a miracle vpon vs turning the serpent sinne into the rod of affliction as f Exod. 4.4 Moses his rod was turned alas how ready are wee to run out at randome after these earthlie things to set our affections too much vpon them and to be taken vp too much with them to grow not onely wanton but euen wilde with the things here below and how easie a matter is it for a man to lose both himselfe and heauen too in running vp and downe in the maze of this sinfull world which that we may not doe the Lord that good Sheepherd vseth his g Ps 23.4 rod and staffe when wee straggle too farre on the pleasant green pastures of worldly
promised I know thou wilt performe it that thou wilt cure mee that thou wilt saue me being thus perplexed in my soule for my sinnes Min. How else can you proue your selfe to bee such a one as God hath promised to saue Con. Hee hath promised to t Re. 21.6 giue to him that is athirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely that is hee which earnestly desires the fauour of God through Christs righteousnesse to the inheriting of eternall life shall bee assured thereof to the allaying of the scalding heat of his boyling conscience and to the endlesse comfort and saluation of his soule thus I doe thirst I doe no lesse truely then earnestly desire saluation 3 Notes of the true desire of saluation First in the right place preferring it before all things in the world Secondly to the right end that I might bee wholly freed from sinne and perfectly glorifie God in Heauen And thirdly in the right manner as well desiring the meanes that leade therto as the end whereto they leade Heerevpon it is that the more grace I receiue the more I hunger after and that I haue alwayes such a spirituall drought and vnsatiable thirst after Christs most precious bloud and perfect righteousnesse that my sinfull soule may bee clothed with this fine white garment and gorgeous attire and oh how I long after the fauour of God and like as the Disciples said vnto our Sauiour when hee told them of the bread of Heauen u Ioh. 6.34 Lord euermore giue vs this bread so I hauing tasted the sweetnesse of Gods fauour cannot choose but pray Lord giue me euermore to enioy this thy fauour yea Euen as the Hart panteth after the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee O God my soule thirsteth for God for the liuing God like to the thirsty Land Well yet his word is good u Ps 107. hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungry soule with goodnesse and this is my comfort Min. Whom else hath God promised to saue Con. x Mat. 5.3 1. Blessed saith our Sauiour are the poore in spirit for theirs is the Kingdome of heauen and Blessed are they that mourne for they shall be comforted These poore ones and these mourners are they which are humble lowly in spirit seeing feeling their spirituall wants and pouerty their sinnes and misery being heartily sorry for and bewailing the same and so despairing as touching any goodnesse of their owne betake themselues wholly to the mercy of God in Christ which mercy of God is like the y Act. 3.2 beautifull gate of the temple whereat poore creeples lye yea lazers a multitude of impotent folke blinde halt withered spirituall beggers wofull creatures poore sinners humble crauing an almes at the hand of so pitifull a God And well doth Gods mercy deserue to bee called the beautifull gate of heauen for heereby onely doe penitent sinners enter into the presence of God to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enioy his blessed vision for euer in heauen Thus doe a poore creature lye dayly at Gods beautifull gate knocking crauing crying z Ps 57. 51. 86. Haue mercy vpon me O God haue mercy vpon mee according to the multitude of thy compassions put away my iniquities incline thine eare O Lord heare me for I am poore and needy O bow downe thine eare and heare open thine eyes and see for my heart is smitten and withered like grasse and I am in great misery a Psa 25.16 18. O turne thy face vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee for I am desolate and afflicted looke vpon my affliction and my paine and forgiue all my sinnes O turne vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee heale my soule for I haue sinned against thee b Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare O Lord forgiue O Lord hearken and doe deferre not for thine owne sake O my God Thus am I poore in spirit and thus doe I mourne and therefore the promise of blessednesse belongs to mee and I haue as good right vnto it as any poore sinner whatsoeuer for the poorer the sinner is in spirit and the greater begger hee is the better right he hath heereunto so then I am blessed according to Christs owne words because I shall be blessed Min. Whom else hath God said he will saue Con. c Ro. 10.13 Whosoeuer shall call vpon the name of the Lord shall bee saued as witnesseth the Apostle that is whosoeuer not onely in outward miseries but also and that especially in spirituall distresses shall pray vnto the Lord in faith both as concerning his power and will to helpe and and yet more whosoeuer fearing that hee hath not faith nor any sauing grace that he is not in the fauour of God nor his sinnes pardoned and that his soule shall not bee saued if hee can but finde a heart to pray vnto the Lord for these things with an honest vpright minde as sure as the Lord is true he shall bee saued and that by vertue of this promise of God Whosoeuer shall call vpon his name shall be saued for thus he flyeth vnto this strong Tower where hee shall be preserued serued safe a while and after shall be remooued by the guard of good Angels to the Palace of None-such in the Kingdome of Heauen which is a priueleged place where sinne Sathan the flesh and the world haue nothing to doe and therfore he shall not bee there molested by any of them in the least measure Now I am one of them that doe thus call vpon the name of the Lord and that dayly when I feele my selfe oppressed by sinne and Sathan and can finde very small or to my thinking sometimes no grace at all in mee yet then can I heartily pray vnto the Lord for his helpe and sauing grace that I may be saued therefore I shall bee saued Min. To whom else hath God promised saluation in his word Con. Christ hath promised that e Reu. 3.21 hee which ouer commeth shall sit with him in his Throne that is hee that holds out to the end continually resisting and fighting against his spirituall enemies the world the flesh and the Diuel shall haue though not equall glory yet fellowship with Christ in glory euerlasting thus do I daily fight that I may ouercome First I account my selfe a spirituall soldier bound sworn to my Captaine the Lord Iesus of whom I haue also taken presse-mony the Sacrament of Baptisme and weare his colours the profession of Christianity and know there is martiall Law eternall death for mee if I should flye from my Captaine Secondly I take notice of the manifold traines and plots of my forreign enemies the world and the Diuell and the treasons and treacheries of my domesticke foes the flesh that Rebell my headstrong passions and vnruly lusts those traytors I see and obserue how they euery where lay snares for mee and spread nettes in my path-way and