or pleasurable meane but by meere sympathy which is farre the more pure and noble cement of union then what else so ever Nay in the very sencelesse creatures is to be seene this amity and neerenesse that as some have an antipathy each to other as the shadow of the walnut is noxious to other plants so the elme and the vine doe naturally so entwine and embrace each the other that it s called the friendly elme who can tell why much more then in reasonable creatures it must be so And hence those heathens that could goe no further make the very constellations of heaven under which two are borne to be the cause and influence of their accord I know not what starre saith one hath temperd my nature so fitly to thine that we should be so united And another scoffing at one he distasted tells him I love thee not certainly and yet I cannot tell why for thou never hurtest me but this I am sure of that I love thee not What wonder then if God for the preserving of that band which is neerest of all durablest of all and the most fundamentall of all hath much more caused a secret sympathie of hearts to live in the brests and bosomes of some men and some women that are to live in the married estate whereof no reason can bee given save the finger of God whereby I say their hearts and affections doe consent together of two to become one flesh the most inward union of all Whence is it that all others set aside sometimes more amiable in themselves more rich better bred and the like yet through this instinct of sympathie an hidden and unknowne cause two consent together to become husband and wife Surely by this it appeares that by how much lesse reason can be given of this temperament so much the more God is in it as purposing by a more pretious and uniting band then ordinary to knit them together whom he purposeth to maintaine in such a league as must endure and cannot be dissolved when once it is made So that we see marriage love is oftime a secret worke of God pitching the heart of one party upon another for no knowne cause and therefore where this strong lodestone attracts each to other no further question need to be made but such a man such a womans match were made in heaven and God hath brought them together But because the finger of God is not so manifest in all matches as by a secret inspiration to unite them and because man being a reasonable creature is led in affections not to live by sensuall appetite as a beast but by rationall motives and inducements therefore providence discovers it selfe herein also even framing the matter so that oftimes where this naturall inclination failes and where in likely hood some antipathie and contrariety of spirits would appeare yet by some accidentall endowments of religion of education of eminent naturall parts of sweet disposition even that party pleases best who yet were as likely to displease as much as any in the generall I say this is a providence more generall then the former so ordering things that where meere sympathy failes yet another band may proove to some persons as pleasing and lasting when as they see that one defect is recompenced with another eminencie and perfection Who but God hath so accorded it that many a woman of exquisite beauty and person like to attract love enough in a mutuall way of man should yet come short of inward wiâ— wisedome and abilities Surely he who doth all so well that nothing can bee found out after him better then he hath made it hath thus appointed it lest if all perfections should concurre in one impotent subject the heart would be too big for the bosome and swell into an excesse of pride and selfelove And on the other side who hath so ordred it that oftentimes where beauty failes where â—ther person is ordinary there yet these uncomely partes should be cloathed with greater honour of vertue understanding industry providence and other qualities of worth and all for this universall end that there might be an equality So that whereas the person in some regards might be an object of disdaine yet in others might be to a rationall and wise man a meet object of esteeme her gifts drowning her defects and so sustaining the poore creature from contempt and scorne Thus doth God by his wisedome so order contraires that being brought by his own skillfull hand to a due temperature they might cause a most pleasing harmony so that oftimes a nimble wit joyned with a more slow a phlegmatique temper with a sanguine a melancholique with a merry a cholerique with a mild and patient temper might behold the workmanship of God herein with such admiration that the frame of spirit which in the generall might seeme most repugnant yet in respect of the necessarie usefulnesse and commodity thereof might find most favour And why surely because similitude of distempers might breed a confusion in the married estate wheras the one quality alaying the other might reduce the body to a sweet harmony and correspondence So that still we see God hath an hand in this union of hearts in the married and although some unite through a secret sympathy others from some confessed good and amiable object in the party loved yet God is in them both that by a strong marrimoniall knot the married couples might eike out that love and affection towards each other which else neither the need of each other no nor religion it selfe could alone maintaine and preserve And so much for this second branch By all I have said it may be perceaved that by conjugall love here I meane not onely Christian love a grace of Gods spirit for marriage borders much what upon nature and flesh nor yet a carnall and sudden flash of affection corruptly enflamed by Concupiscence rather brutish theâ— humane but a sweete compounde of both religion and nature the latter being as the materiall the former as the formall cause therof properly called Marriage love And this love is not an humor raysed suddenly in a pang or thoade of affection ebbing and flowing sometymes when the parties are set upon the stage abroad among company and strangers where they woulde acte a parte for their Credit for family and place where they live ought to be their true stage of Action but an habited and settled love planted in them by God wherby in a constant equall and cheerfull consent of spirit they carry themselves each to other each hollow companion wil exceed at an od time and put downe true lovers who if they were tryed by their uniforme love would be tired as jades betray themselves to be counterfeits whatsoever is according to God is equall though but weake So is this of the love of couples no union of imagination mixture nor yet bare affection but an effect of divineinstitutioÌ„ betweene two for polygamy is
and let the woman shunne all uncomely boldnesse and taking upon her with authority in the carriage of her love towards him it becomes him to play the Captaine and lead this service of love and it beseemes her to tread the same steps and follow This is the wisest contention whether shall love other with the most cordiall affection in a true way Vse 1 I come to some use of the point And first it much condemneth the course of such as beare any stroake in the marriages of others who are so eager and peremptory in striking through the match that they omit the tying of the knot sure which is the maine point and so â—ecome the occasions of forced matches empty of love Alas you little consider of time to come and what a sad entrance you make into an estate of life which needs the mutuall improovement of a stocke which you never care to procure them at the first And even so are couples themselves herein excedingly to blame in that they set the cart before the horse dragging in a sort as he those oxen he had stollen into his denne by the tailes so they the wives which by head and shoulders they have gotten into their bosomes the contrary way Sympathy of heart or amiable qualities which should attract love towards their persons and cover any such defect as a carnall curious eye would stumble at these they set not in the first ranke but as the kite upon the prey so fall they eagerly upon something in the woman neither praise worthy nor amiable for as the Philosopher saith who praises any for wealth or that which is without but either profitable or sensually pleasing these they thinke will carrie love after it But by that time they have tried at leasure and found that love is not compelled but a thing which must be perswaded and extracted by some deservingnesse of the qualities in the partie loved then finding no such thing in the party married they perceive how preposterous they have beene and would amend their choice if possible with the forfeit of much other commodity But it s too late for what shall a man give for the recompence of love if absent or what shal it profit a man to have won a wife with all other advantage in whom is no true amiable thing to winne affection what a sad bondage is it to be tied for ever to one thou canst not love An object of discayne of hatred of loathsomnesse of stinch a thing wherin there is no dramme of that which is desireable How wofull a burlen wereit to have a dead carcasse bound with cordes to thy oacke to go with thee every where whoÌ„ thy heart tels thee thou knowest no one woman or man of an hundred whom thou canst not as well find in thine heart to love as her So that in all the companies wherin thou comest darest utter thy thoughts this must bee the first complaint Thou wert compelled to marry her or him whom in thine heart thou never couldst set thy love upon so that thou wert driven into the net and taken as a birde in a snare Oh if love bee one of those joint duties which the married should continually nourish what shall become of them who never joyned together before marriage to compasse it at all what is this but to prepare for themselves perpetuall vexation should I call it or desolation And secondly how doth this reproove such as although first entred not without some affection each to other yet through a vaine emptie and base spirit neglect the chary keeping of such a jewell as love is Tush they thinke that will keepe it selfe although they live at randon and hang it upon every hedge If love say they bee the matter you talke of let us alone I warrant you we love each other as much as any body there is no love lost betweene us we have one anothers heart as it were in a boxe Heare mee I pray what kind of love is that you meane Is it a meer carnall and brutish appetite or a vertous and religious love which I have spoken of perhups for the present thou supposest thy selfe enamoured with some externall thing which thou seest in her not yet comparing that one with ten other most odious qualities which in time will weare out the humorous conteÌ„t and doting delight thou hast in that one As yeares come on sicknes and crosses alas that insufficient one object beeing blasted and no other object comming in the roome to holde thee satisfied how needes must thy affection quaile sterve in thy bosome thou shouldst first have layd the ground of thy love in such adefired obiect of vertue modesty and worth as might have held water and not shrunke in the wetting The most resolute loves vanish in a short tyme where the fuell of love faileth But to goe backe put case thou hadst groundes of first love to thy companion what then thinkest thou that this edge will holde without dayly whetting when thou foolishly slightest the due attendance of this love dost thinke it a toile to nourish it nay darest cast water upon this sparkle as never fearing it wil be quenched dost thou wonder if this thy darling is lost on the suddeine for lacke of looking to No no thou must fixe thine eyes upon those first objects which won thy love to thy companion not run up and downe into all places with unsavorie compliants of husbandes and wives Not looking at the partes of others to estrange thine hearte at home Love is a birde with winges soone gone out of the cage of thy bosome if it be carelessely set open Thou sayst thou hast it in a boxe but what if thou loose box and all Therfore shunne those compleints which fools make Oh! if my husband had the qualities of such a man were hee of such understanding religion parts of speech and memory tendernes and amiablenesse that such and such a one is how coulde I love him Then comes in hee with the like if my wife had the properties of such a woman so chast so kind so wise so able to keep her tongue and observe the lawes of silence or of speech so zealous provident and the like as other women have how worth were she of love Dare you thus dally in so weightie a busines dare you like the gnat fondly fly about the candle as secure of burning Oh unworthie of love each from other should you looke out abroad upon obiects which belong not unto you hurtfull not helpful to encrease emulation and envie not affection what are you the neerer Poare upon your owne husband and his parts let him be the vaile of your eies as Abimelec told Sara and looke no further let her bee your furthest object thinke you no vertues in any beyonde hers those that are but small yet make them great by oft contemplation those that are greater esteeme and value at their
houre of temptation which shall come for a triall upon all flesh Hee shall uphold thee in six troubles and the seventh shall not come neere thee The floods of great waters with all those plagues which God hath denounced against these shall not come neere thee Be cheerefull in the Lord therefore and still thou and thy wife cleave and cling to him deny your owne wils and carnall reason and trust to his eternall strength buckle with the worke of God faithfully and walke in his ordinance humbly till hee come and then he shall bring healing in his wings at last and in the meane time hee shall cause a voyce to sound behinde saying This is the way walke in it Hee shall order your pathes resolve your doubts prevent dangers and so preserve the soules of his Saints that thousands shall fall at his right hand and ten thousands at your left you going safe in the middest and so be brought safe and well through all extremities at last So much for Comfort and for this first Chapter CHAP. II. More full explication in what the honour of marriage consists being the ground of the Treatise ensuing viz. entrance and continuance Entrance first in marrying in the Lord handled BVT because there be many more Vses to be made of this point ere I come to them I desire further to open this truth and in particular to shew what the honour of this marriage is and in how many things it consists Honourable we see it is by that which hath bin said but the question is How married couples may attaine this honour To which I answer by two maine duties First procure it Secondly preserve it Procure it first by laying the foundation of it in honour for as the root is so will the branches be either honourable or reproachfull seeke therefore to enter into that estate according to God and his rules And then secondly having entred well into it manage it well also nourish the honour of it carefully and warily for it s no whit lesse vertue to keepe well then to seeke aright and many begin with great shew of honour who yet end in shame Touching the former of these there is a double rule of the word first to marry in the Lord secondly to marry aptly in the Lord. This is the ground of an honourable marriage when as thou art content to be taught by him who first put honour upon it to maintaine it For the former to marry in the Lord is to use our uttermost discreet diligence to seeke out such companions as in charity and likelihood are either already espouzed to the Lord Iesus their husband by faith and in token thereof sit close to him in obedience or an endeavourer thereto that is such as are in a faire and hopefull way of inclining to it These two I confesse differ but be ware lest thou attempt any marriage in which neither of these can be perceived To open my selfe a little they that are indeed actually married to Christ have bin truely drawne to him by his Elezier's and spokesmen by whose embassage God hath treated with them about this spirituall union betweene himselfe and them They have well digested the offer and with Abigail when sent for to be Davids wife confesse themselves to be so farre from worthinesse to be his Consorts and to taste of his marriage contents and benevolence that they are unworthy even to be fellow-servants with his children doorekeepers in his house or to wash and wipe the feet of his houshold So vile God hath made them in the sight of their owne eyes shewing them by his pure Law the basenesse of that conversation of theirs wherein they have walked as the doore alway rolling one way upon her hinges so they alway living in the same vices soked upon their old dregs that hereby he emptieth them of themselves dasheth that pride and vanity which puffed them up before so that alas they rather thinke that he is throwing them out of his presence for ever then marrying them in faithfulnesse to himselfe By this humiliation they come to be further acquainted with his pleasure That even to such wofull ones who have defiled their fathers bed worse then Reuben yea defaced his image yet to these most forlorne harlots and children of adulterers he is willing to be reconciled yea to seeke them out as that Leuite did his concubine yea after just cause of Divorce Iorem. 2. 1 2. to admit them to his bed againe themselves seeking no favour but fleeing from him as she from her Lord. By this unheard of love hee hath broken their whorish hard heart and forehead of brasse melted them into teares to see his bottomlesse and causelesse compassions as Zachary in chap. 10. ver 12. cals them especially while they by rejecting or sleighting it yea shutting him out and abhorring his love deserved to have his heart hardned and love to turne jealousie against them And now they consult whether they were better perish in their desolate courses or venture upon his love for a second reconciling At length seeing his scope to be to get himselfe a name in turning an harlots heart as bad as Mary Magdalen to her husband againe a thing which no man can doe to an whorish wife yea to make her more loyall and tender to him then she ever was ere she forsooke him I say at length she is convinced and casting her selfe downe at his feet as one that is loath to dishonour that love which she so much abused with a trembling and selfe-despairing heart begins to touch the hem of his garment to apprehend him to speak as he meanes and so becomes one againe with him neerer in covenant then ever bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh Striving from that second renuing of love towards him to draw mighty encouragement and resolution not onely never to be faithlesse to him in her conjugall affections any more but also to returne the fruit of his deere love into his bosome againe to walke in all subjection to his lore and will to delight in denying her selfe that so she may be wel-pleasing in his sight whether in doing or suffering for him Thus abiding faithfull to him in the uttermost service she can doe she waits patiently for his coming that he may finde her in peace and well occupied at his coming and then make her glorious and like himselfe without spot or wrinkle This is a short description of a spouse of Christ and a sonne or daughter of Abraham and such an one in measure more or lesse is each soule married to Christ and of such no question needs to be made but they are in this first respect meet husbands and wives for each other But lest my words prove snares to any who come short of these and yet are loth to be debarred from marriage I adde that there
passe on a most uncomfortable time of marriage more dismall then to live in a wildernesse because the necessity of an unwelcome chaine makes it doubly wearisome And as themseves so they who were the authors of such matches do live together at deadly feude at continuall sutes the one striving to revenge himselfe upon the other till both their estates be ruined I doe not hereby exclude Guardians from that due respect which the law affordeth when their care and respect to their orphans welfare is sutable to the calling of a Governour But whatsoever the law allots the conscience of one that feares God should be so tender that themselves being no losers in respect of the charge which they have bin at they should deale with the orphan mercifully in all other respect of advantage which a man of no conscience would encroach upon Such as looke at their own peace and the honour of their profession will be wary in such undertakings to make their retreat sure that nothing may after be cast upon them which might crocke their name or religion or give occasion to others either to stumble at the practice or to make it at a president for the like impiety To conclude I say this to all parents who will be ruled by the word boast not of your honour and priviledge to doe hurt with Shunne all those base distempers of which I have treated at large as the infamies and reproaches of bad parents or governours Sinne not on either hand ether on the right or left neither by base sluggish neglect and contempt of this charge nor yet by any abusing of your liberty to the prejudice of your children But walke in the cleere way of duty To which end consider your prerogative is allotted you by God no otherwise then that you might undertake the duty more cheerfully Be circumspect painfull wife and helpfull to your children so farre as your meanes will admit with a free beteaming heart God tries your love and integrity by this occasion Times are now growne such that the best parents cannot improve their love and affection to their well deserving children as were to be wished the world is at such an high rate that they whose estates are not very great can hardly light upon a comely sutable match especially for daughters there being none so meane now adaies but looke for as good portions as in our predecessors time would have beene thought a very good portion for men thrice above their fashion And it is the disease as well of the children of God as of men to flight good matches where excesse of portion attends not yea I am perswaded it s the cause why Gods hand is so manifest in the ill successe of most matches because God was never so little looked at in marriages as now But as for these things let both good parents and children count it their affliction beare it meekely and leave it to God Let your love be neverthelesse to doe them the good you can It is not in your power to do all you would God will have somewhat left to himselfe Smaller matches with Gods presence and blessing for ought I see may in short time equall farre greater in successe Doe that for your children both in your education meanes counsell prayers providence which is in your power to doe and as for the the rest remember marriages are made in heaven and thence must expect their happinesse you can doe no more then you can And for this whole argument viz. consent of parents thus much CHAP. V. Touching a contract What it meanes The substance of it Answer to some questions about it COncerning this argument the first enquirie will be about the word contract how and in what sense we here use it Then touching the necessity or indifference thereof Thirdly concerning the performance and act of contracting Fourthly touching such reasons or respects as whereupon it may seeme to be reasonably practised And then shall want such quaeres as are or may be made against it or about it Lastly we will conclude with some use of the point For the former of these we here make a contract a relative word importing an antecedent act betweene two parties who intend marriage that is to say a private mutuall free unconditionall promise having past between these two persons to marry each other and no other But here this contract is not ment but a more solemne and open binding expression of this former promise made that it may be ratified and strengthned as becommeth a businesse of so great consequence So that before we come to any other consideration we must needs premise a little touching marriage promises made in private betweene the single parties it being presupposed that they be not within degrees prohibited and further that they be without all exception of inconvenience or ill report and scandall as in the case of cozen Germans is manifest and the nature thereof For we must know that although an explicite or expressed contract hath in it the greater force externall before men to tye the parties to marriage yet the mutuall promises of them both joyntly made either at the first or afterwards doe as deepely binde them both before God and in court of conscience as the other doth And indeed the difference betweene them is not formall but accidentall and both are true reall contracts or covenants the one as the other and if there be somewhat in the expressed contract which is not in the other in respect of outward obligation then may there be truly said to be somewhat in the former which is not in that in respect of essence For the being of the expressed contract rests in the former viz. in the deliberate voluntarie mutuall and honest resolutions of the parties among themselves which being past give the essence to marriage before the other came and is the foundation and ground of the latter For else it might be said that any passage of expression betweene two before witnesse falling from parties though in rashnesse or in sport or upon a question demanded might carry the force of a contract which no man of any sense can imagine to wit because the expressed contract before witnesse implieth a former mutuall consent betweene them not now to be questioned but yet for speciall causes to be more solemnly and publiquely testified for avoyding of great inconvenience And this appeares plainly by the effect which a contract or promise produceth and that is a great alteration in the parties who before such promise were their owne and had the stroke in their owne hand to dispose of themselves as they please But after their mutuall promise they cease to be their owne and passe over themselves not their money or corne or goods but themselves each under God to the other so that now each hath power over other and onely one over the other In so much that whatsoever other promise should possibly be made by both
governors as David saith how your fellowship with the good encreases what new blessings are fallen upon you in persons names trades posterity Marke also well where Satan most insuleth and where the hedge is lowest with you what corruptions as old sores breake out in their seasons which yet seemed to be quasht before what lustes of the heart lust of the eie or pride of life bubbles up from within Looke not each into him or her selfe but each into other as having interest deeply planted yet doe it not with curiosity but simplicity By this meanes both abundant matter and manner as oile to the lampe will offer themselves to nourish this ordinance all lust of sloth all rust of ease wearinesse will be filed off And a free heart to make God the umpire of your differences if any be as how can it be avoided but a roote of bitternesse within will lesse or more breake out the composer of your hearts the granter of your requests and the gracer of your marriages will be obtained And feare not lest this course should in time wearie you or alienation each from other should grow to distast this duty for the Lord who hath founded it will owne it and can blesse it and keepe out disorder and the sweet fruit of this service will so both prevent attend and follow you in all your waies that you shall feele your selves to walke each before other and both before God lesse loosely moresoundly and safely For why how can it otherwise be when both of you remember whom you use to goe to as to the oath and covenant both in your confessions on which you shame your selves for your faylings and in your requests craving pardon and purging and where you have done wel to praise him for support and to be thankfull for that administration and protection of his under which as his beloved you have bin all the day long I conclude therefore goe to God more jointly then ever hold and pull more hard and close together so oft as you go to the throne of grace especially when as with that good Jacob you are resolved not to cease wrastling till you be blessed compell him to send you away with your request else you cannot be answered Goe by a promise in your Advocate and say now Lord this new state of ours requireth new manners new selfedeniall new faith new life a donble portion of grace begge it therefore as Elisha did all that belong to you require a new part in you And who is sufficient for these Make your selves nothing and God all in all who can satisfie you Seperate not your selves in these duties as others doe in Congregations or others in boord and bed but say come let us pray together confesse give thanks I am as thou art my people as thine my horses as thine my thoughts affections members as thine By this meane love shall so grow that it shall outgrow all distempers you shall say of each other I never thought my wife had the tithe of that grace in her heart or that my husband had halfe that humblenesse compassion faith which now I perceive Those evills those infirmities which would for ever have estranged some and caused distast I see in him in her breed so much the more love to my soule sympathy and mercy This from this welspring of joint worship shall flowe streames of hony and butter as Iob speakes into all the lifeâ— Especially when crosses and streights shall befall you then shall God be neerest of all unto you and be afflicted with you in all because you have made him the God of your mounteynes he wil bee the God of you valleys also whenas others who never thus traded with him shal be sent to their Idolls and to shifte for themselves And as touching the first duties of mutuallnes viz. of these fowre jointnesse of religion and worship thus much CHAP. VII The second mutuall duty of the Married viz. Conjugall love handled I Now proceed to the second mayne and joint duty of the marryed which is conjugall Love For the better handling wherof it will not be amisse first to premise somewhat touching the nature of it and then to shew some reasons why it should bee jointly preserved adding some meanes wherby it may bee done and so concluding with use That infinitely and onely wise God who both upholdeth by his providence all his creatures in their kindes and subsisting and hath by one soule of harmony and consent accorded each with other for their mutuall ayde and support much more hath his hand in the accorde of reasonable creatures their fellowship and league together as without which they could not well continue in their welfare prosperity And therefore for the more sweete reconciling and uniting of the affections of one to another in every kinde of league and fellowship both the more generall and common standing in outward commerce and the more neer close as in friendship and marriage he hath accordingly planted in every nature sexe and person more or lesse Simpathy that the one not possibly beeing able to subsist without the other might by this tye each love the other and be knit to the other in union and affection This appeares even in the most remote contracts of buying and selling borrowing and lending wherin although the league stand rather in things then in persons yet even there is seene a generall kinde of love each man chusing to trade and traffique with them whose spirit and frame is most sutable to their owne When God meant to enrich the Israelites by the bounty of the Egyptians he darted in for the time such a sympathie into their hearts that they found favour in their eies so that nothing was then too deare for them jewels and gold and silver till they had impoverisht themselves And in those combinations of men which are grounded in law and civill order in commonwealths and corporations although there be a necessary bond to keepe all sorts within order and government yet there is to be observed between those members a more peculiar bond betweene some then others through a suteablenesse of disposition that is in them whereby for speciall causes the one doth more tenderly affect some one or other then the common body can affect it selfe This yet doth much more appeare in the league of friendship wherin we see God doth so order it that by a secret instinct of love and sympathy causing the heart of the one to incline to the other two friends have beene knit so close to the other that they have beene as one spirit in two bodies as not only wee see in Jonathan and David but in heathens which have striven to lay downe their lives for the safeguard of each other And that the finger of God is hert appeares by this that oftimes a reason cannot be given by either partie why they should be so tender each to other It being caused notby any profitable
the Corruption of marriage not to be dissolved till death except uncleannes divorced it This love is as the eccho to the voice the vitall spirit and heart blood of this Ordinance causing a voluntary and practique union of two without which union alone by vertue of Gods institution is but a forced necessitie For then hath this ordinance her perfection when this soder of love beeing added thereto maketh that union wâ—â— cannot be broken to become such a willing one as to chuze woulde not be broken Else friendship were a better one-ship then marriage because that may be dissolved when it waxes a burden wheras this holdes bee it never so wearisome But then is it happy when the lover and the loved enjoy each other else the fellowship of those maried ones whose love is degenerat into bitter hatred were as good as the best for the worst marriage is such that till one cease to bee it cannot cease to bee a knitting of two in one no time no distance of place no sin except adultery breaking it of but how miserable a necessity is that which hath no law no remedie Hence God hath allowed so many respects and liberties in the choise of husbands and wives because he would streighten none but that they might live lovingly except the fault bee their owne So that as he who marrieth for other ends religion beeing neglected offendeth chiefly so doth hee also who shall marry one religious without due caution of other things which might strengthen love even hee shall sin against the comfort of his owne life And its certaine that longer then love compounded of the forenamed causes doth last marriage is but a carcasse voyde of life And the stronger the tie is the irkesomer is marriage beeing frustrate of that pretious thing for which it should love groundedly Let me adde some reasons why this so joint a bond should bee carefully preserved First nothing is so pretious among men in worldly respects as that for which the husband loveth and desireth the wife and shee him no union so strong as this no ioy in any outward union so contentfull as this nor able to wish well to the thing loved as this For though I must love my neighbour as my selfe yet I am bound to love my wife otherwise for both kind and measure then my neighbour yea and in some sence better then my selfe And it s truely observed that this rule of loving our neighbour is rather to be expounded privatively or negatively then positively forbidding rather to doe any hurt to my neighbour which I would not doe to my selfe then commanding to do him so much good as to my selfe sithence by this meane I should be bound to feed and cloath him as my selfe which were abused But my wife I am bound to love as my selfe in both respects as my selfe both in the negative and affirmative sense Hence is that of the Apostle No man ever hated his owne flesh but nourisht and cherisht it even so ought a man to love his wife as himselfe not onely in distresse for so am I bound to love mine enemy If thine enemy hunger feed him c. but constantly and at all times Hence is the generall rule urged mutually upon both husband love your wives as Christ loved his Church and gave himselfe for it to purge and wash it that it might bee without spot and the like hee professeth upon the wife to him wives love your husbands c. nothing is to be a reciprocall duty But yet this I must adde that this so mutuall a duty is yet required of both in a different manner For the more cleere understanding whereof observe that as the love wherewith Christ loves his Church is a more abundant and bountifull love then that whereby she loves him againe yea her love is as her other grace fetcht from his fulnesse which he commun cates unto her by his spirit so is the womans love in the carriage thereof to the mans And as the dimme light of the Moone borrowed from that principle of light the Sunne so by proportion the love of the wife is as borrowed from the love of the husband He is the fountaine of the relation she followes as the correlative her love is the streame issuing from his spring Love must decend from him as the oile of Aarons head descended downe to his beard and his cloathing So that the manner of this imparting love must be orderly the husband is to offer to bestow and communicate himselfe first to his wife in a free bountifull full love she is not so much bound to vie upon his love or to love bountifully and actively as to reflect and returne upon himselfe his owne love and that in a reverent amible and modest maner Thence is it that as oft as Paul useth the charge of husbands loving their wives which is very frequent yet he very seldome and but once urgeth the woman to love her husband but as if he would have them their love and all to be drowned in their subjection he presseth them to be subject to their husbands wives submit your selves and let the wife reverence her husband Noting that although the married estate be an equall estate yet the carriage of both must not be the same but the love of the one must be conveyed with royalnesse without tiranny the other in loyall sweet subjection without slavery So then as the head and other inferior members are equally parts of one body yet the head in a different and more singular maner then the rest so ought the case to be betwixt husband and wife And hence it is that according to the custome of all Nations the husband seeketh the wife the wife loveth after she is loved except is be here and there in some odde person noted for folly or immodesty The mans authority mixed with the womans midnesse his activenesse with her passivenesse and acceptance makes the sweet compound As the Sun exhaling vapours out of the earth draweth them up into the aire and having altered their groster quality sends them downe againe with more foyson and fatnesse to refresh the earth as with her owne store so the lovely disposition of a vertuous wife drawing love from her husband into her owne heart sweeteneth the vapour and returnes his owne upon him againe with a double pleasing grace and comlinesse And as we see that the meate which the stomack receaveth except it be cold or hot scarcely admits kindly digestion because being luke warme it cannot worke upon that meate which is like her owne temper so if you take away this temper of natures love is loathsome in one maner and fulsome For what is more loathed by a discreet man then a woman mannishly qualited And what is more yrkesome to a loving woman then a man effeminate Therfore let the man keepe his liberty in loving avoiding all base uxoriousnesse softnesse and nice affection of his wife
he bids it who better knows the use of it the danger of the contrary then such silly ones as we Commands of God are folemne things especially such as serve for a trench for a fortresse a fence to hedge in an ordinance He that dares violate it shall pay for it sweetly Therefore set your heart to obey this rule and say its life or death It s the crutch of your lame limbs if that faile you must fall if the shores breake the house ruines Obey God out of love discerne his sovereignty in this charge love him and love one another If thou love me feed my sheepe saith Christ to Peter If you love me keepe my commandes saith he to them all And if you love me love each other saith the same voice to couples Doe not dally with such edge tooles Say not oh man what shall I loose my liberty and tie my selfe to a woman nor she shall I forgoe my will and tie my selfe to an husband is not the world broad and large yes but as full of sorrow and woe as its wide and broad without this preservative It is a good hard theame I grant to handle I will therefore reach out one or two motives in particular to each party and because arguments for time past as former covenants made great affections in the first heat of youth like May bees file away and are soone forgot I will mention such as afford themselves daily to couples in the course of their life To the man I say thy wife is bone of thy bone and flesh of thy flesh She is another selfe woman made of man taken out of thee a glasse to behold thy selfe in when the Lord brought this Modell of Adams selfe unto him consider how naturall how pretious how welcome she was what is not thy wife as naturall an object to thee Secondly thy wife so oft as thou lookest upon her is a deserving object of love and compassion she hath done that for thy sake which thou wouldst not have done for her for she hath not onely equalled thee in forsaking her father and mother and family that she might be one flesh with thine but she hath forgone her name and put all her state and livelyhood into thine hand if thou stick to her she is well if thou forsake her she hath put her selfe out of all her other succours Her subsisting is imperfect in her self it s wholy substantive and real under God in thee As the Lord Iesus speakes of the eie that all the sight of the body is within it if therfore that be darke how great is that darknesse So if thou desert thy poore shiftlesse wife and leave her mends in her own hands how great is that desertion Thirdly consider how much labour is put upon a weake vessell daily in diligence in stirring up the commodities of the house in attendance upon children and family and such providence as is required of her Her trouble is great in the peculiar acts of marriage great are her paines in conception in her bearing in her travaile and bringing forth in her nurcery and bringing up till they be out of hand at least and some women exceed others in this kind for some shift off this work carelesly and commit their babes to strangers as if they were too good to nurse them when as yet their breasts are full and their bodies strong whereas others put forth themselves to the uttermost and therefore deserve double affection Consider oh man if not the drudgery of thy wife in this kind if there were not a command and promse to make it sweet then that finger of God and providence disposing so that a weake one should doe that with patience and cheerefulnesse as a worke of her place which all thy strength were not able to turne thy hand unto Love her for that impression of divine wisedom which thou seest stamped upon her what man were able to endure that clamor annoiance and clutter which she goes through without complaint among poore nurslines clothing feeding dressing and undressing picking and clensing them what is it save the instinct of love which enableth her hereto Who hath taught the poore bird even a seelie Wren to make her so curious a neast as exceedes all art of man to effect Is it not the naturall instinct which love hath put in her so oughtst thou to nourish that love in thy wife which puts her forth to all her marriage service If God were not in her spirit she would cast it offten times ore she would goe through stitch with it as she doth It s the best requitall which can be given her from man to helpe digest so many sowre morsels sad businesses all too little For it must bee the Lord who must tell her That although she beare her punishment in her childbearing yet it shal be sweetened by mercy for shee shal be saved therby obteyne more glory therby through faith patience then shee who beares not But above all the grace of God in so fraile a creature the wisedome of the spirit shining in her wordes counsells actions examples should bee most admirable of all and the chiefe loadstone to draw affection from the husband as in Davids esteeme of Abigail in that kinde may appeare The like may be sayde of the man to draw respect and honor from the woman if she bee not degenerate and to love her husband For why In him may shee beholde yet more manifest steppes of Gods image then in her selfe They say there is in some kindes as much of the Creator in the Ant as in the Lyon in the former excellent skilfulnes in the other power and majesty So here In the man shines out more authority government forecast soveraignty then in the woman By the man as shee at first received her being so still she enjoyes from him countenance protection direction honor in a worde under God light and defence To these adde They entred their league solemnly but they shall part sadly A time there is to embrace but there shall bee a time farre from embracing Improve it well therefore love live and leave Bitter else will the review bee of a life past representing the fruits of a lovelesse marriage a tedious pilgrimage whereas the memorie of a loving husband or wife shall allay the bitternes of death to the survivor And indeed if that indenture which couples first make solemnly to God to keepe this sacred knot inviolable and unstayned were well kept this darling would grow up in the house as that poore mans onely lambe did wherof Nathan tells David which eate with him at the Table slept with him in his bosome and was to him as one of his children so Bathsheba and Vrya are described so deare I say should this pledge bee to them both and through it they each to other strongly fenced before hande against all occasions of the contrarie for that which preserves
the most is Our selves who write and ours are poore and unsutable to our Rules Bowbeit not contrary not wilâ—â—ly opposite where there is but endeavor God will accept Give Lord power to do as thou directest and command what thou wilt Speake and spare not upon these teâ—nes for thy servants handmayds mouring for their deafe â—ares and dead herts desire to hearken and to obey Looke not at what is ours its vile but at that which is thine in us which is pretious In which happy desire I conclude the Treatise The End of the Treatise THE APPENDIX to the treatise Discovering the just vengeance of God upon all uncleane ones especially Defilers of Marriage Hebr. 13. 5. But Whooremongers and Adulterers God will judge ITwas no part of my Purpose good Reader to have used this text any further then as I have already treated upon it The occasion of adding this Discourse upon the latter part was the private request of a friend to utter my minde unto him and to satisfie his spirit touching the haynousnes of uncleannes whereof he desired his soule might throughly be convinced as blessed bee God it was through mercy concurring both with this and other helps used to that purpose which service I considering seriously of tooke the latter part of my Text as a ground of my project even then purposing since God brought it by that occasion to hand to annexe it to my marriage Treatise as foreseeing not only it would satisfy some to have the equall handling of both members of the Text but that it might not be impertinent as a spurre to helpe the Application of the former treatise and as a disswasive to as many in this debauched age who shall haply come to the reading of it if they bee not imperswasible and hardned in the sinne to weigh well their Estate and repent That so God speaking peace to them they may no more return to folly In which hope I begin Doctr. 2 The wordes as you see are But whoore-mongers and adulterers God will judge Explicat Which addition and denunciation fitly attends the wordes going before I have opened the words in the beginning all comes to this effect God will blesse them that honor marriage but such as violate and defile it by what means soever God will judge them The course may seeme strange perhaps which here God takes speaking to his church so to threaten and to worke rather by downe right stroakes then by oile and promises of love to allure to Obedience But even our God marke the word â— he sayth not the wicked mans revenging God but even our God is a consuming fire And our God sees it meet even to appeare to his owne sometymes in this hieu and in bloody colors when their spirits grow base and sensuall as this sin of Vncleannes of all other infatuates the spirit most and makes it insensible of commands except the Lord should take up weapons and flash hell fire in mens faces That stupor of spirit wherewith David was led a whole yeere together after he had committed this sin notwithstanding it were accompanied with such killing circumstances as to make a man drunk and to murther him because he would not cover the sin these might alone have wounded him to death if the sinfull sweetnes of it had not bewitcht him so deeply and the like we see in Sampson with Delila and we know how terribly God threakens both and pursues them Elija himselfe if stoute must have thunders and lightnings Jonah must have a tempest mingling heaven and sea in one and the jawes of a whale to gape for him Iob must have affrightings by Leviathan and Behemoth and Nahuâ— and Habbakuk must present God to the hard hearted Iews in jealous wrath fierce rending the rockes in such a voice as makes the lips to quiver the bones to be blasted with rottennes and all too little who is a God like to our God saith Mica sweetly who passeth by the sins of his remnant But if all should use such pleasing wordes cursed flesh would say That God is like themselves There is use of sweetnes when the heart is wounded with sin and flayted with feares But rare is the man who is alway fitte to feed upon such honey without surfet Too propense is not onely a base heart of the godlesse but the baser part of a Godly heart to turne grace into wantonnes There is a slave within us which must have a whip although the free borne be drawne by love Each must have her diet the one lest it grow too ranke of Presumption the other lest it be overwhelmd with Despaire The Apostle Paul mixes threats and promises to the choisest whom he writes unto For this cause comes the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience Be not deceaved No whoremongers Adulterers c. shall inherit the Kingdome of heaven And such were ye why addes he this To shew us that even Gods people had need to be put in minde what they were what they have still a disposition to to keepe them therby in some awe So againe let no man defraude his brother for the Lord is the Avenger of all such Many other such places there are All to shew us that God must sometime whip us to duty and gaster us from evill aswell as entise and draw us to or fro Therfore even so he urgeth these Hebrews to Chastity saying Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge The sin of adulterie then is hence concluded to bee a great one Object But here some may object that charge of God to Hosea the Prophet bidding him to take to himselfe a fornicatresse to wife and so defile himselfe by getting children by her Answ But I answere it was onely done in vision and in protestation before the Israelits If was onely typicall and parabolicall neither agreeing to the Lord who charged nor the Prophet who obeied By the Prophets assuming to himselfe such a person in Gods steed he would teach the Iewes how woful dultery they were guilty of in forsaking God for Idolls The libertie taken by the Patriarkes in the point of many wives and concubines was for a time in the first furnishing of the Church with posterity Else from the beginning as Malach. 2. speakes it was not so Nay this Command against pollution hath herein a peculiar restraint from some other that wheras in some cases it was lawfull to take the goods of Egyptians from them by dispensation in this no such is granted it being in no case or respect lawfull to commit uncleannes no more then murther And we see this point verified in Scripture at large Reade these places Levit. 20. 10. Deuter. 22. 22. for temporal plagues and for eternall to all sorts of impure ones Rom. 1. 29. 32. 1. Cor. 6. 9 10. Galat. 5. 19 20. 1. Tim. 1. 9 10. yea the greatest delinquents in these kindes even Kings and great persons
such evils were committed Vse 3 I proceed to a second use of Admonition and that is to all such as shall upon triall finde out their errors or else can entire and unstained Sundry are the feares and griefes I know of the weaks though religious couples when they looke backe to their beginnings some to consider how rawly they entred into this condition at first and since having found God to be more gracious to reclaim them home or the husband and wife that before was a verse yet when they also thinke how unthankefully they have requited God for it waxing light wanton worldly and loose they cannot chuse but they must be in bitternesse for it Others although they have entred into this estate with much zeale resolution and consent of heart to honour God to their uttermost in it yet alas when they come to weigh seriously how many dayes moneths and yeeres are come over their heads in a most unprofitable sort gray haires being upon them without any impression of fruit and growth in good able to say little for themselves either for religion walking betweene themselves praying for and with each other joynt care in education of their children yea that they have humored each other in their base corruptions bolstred each other in worldlinesse which hath eaten up their stocke not suffered grace to revive but to decay serving their turnes each of other onely for common and vanishing ends of their owne spent Sabbaths carnally and little delighted in them for Gods cause fruitlesse in hearing and Family duties oh much cause of griefe must needs be to such Be therefore admonished sleight not the care of maintaining of Religion in your marriage with all solicitous carefulnesse shunning that which might weaken it the honour and comfort of it Crownes of honour are tickle things and looke whatsoever it be that hath much honour put upon it hath withall much care anxiety and burden annexed Beware then scum not off the fat and sweet of the honor and content of marriage but as for the burden and service of it to seeke God to worship him joyntly to shun all occasions of ease carnall occasions of jollity unchaste company you are loath to take the paines surely you shall finde at last that repentance will be the best fruit of such sleghtnesse it is strange how little this is beleeved at first till experience have taught it but men thinke marriage to be a buckler to fence off all blowes so long as they love one another as they thanke God that they doe heartily though with a rotten love that will hold them in as the corner-stone doth the sides of an house Others take marriage to be an estate of loose liberty to live as they list and therefore observe no caution nor feare any danger till at last they be waile their folly when they see how by their rash improvidence they have brought a snare of poverty upon themselves others an habit of pleasures and expence till both time thrift and heart be all lost and past recall Others there are who by their froward peevish carriage have provoked each others to wearinesse impatience and discontent others have drowned themselves in lust and led each others by base example to follow them and instead of complainers of each others to be as deep in and overshooes therein as the other thereby heaping diseases and needlesse sorrow upon their heads And whereas for lacke of mature regard and prevention they have pierced through themselves with the fruit of their sinne then they cry out too late wishing they had bin wiser to keepe this crowne entire from staine and dishonour Kings and Emperours have so sleighted the due care of their crownes that they have brought ruine and misery upon themselves by running into excesse of contempt as in the example of Rehoboam wee see But when as for their loose exorbitant wayes they have come to see those sad effects which followed they have wisht their crownes againe upon condition of improving their honour with ten times more temperance and wisedome How much more then have married persons cause to abhor their carelesnesse in this kinde and to binde sare if they looke to finde sure that is to prop up the honour of this ordinance if they will enjoy the quiet fruit of righteousnesse by their good behaviour If a Minister or Magistrate haviâ—g more honour put upon them in their places then others should carry themselves the more disdainfully and beare themselves so upon their places that they care for no man nor baulke any bad courses doe they looke their honour should beare them out should not God say to them Those who honour me I will honour but such as reproach me I will make vile If private persons excelling others in gifts shall not attend to humility and fear of themselves shall not their glory end in their shame their gifts in barrennesle and their profession in revolt Even so is it here such as care not regard not their demeanour in marriage both to God themselves and their families by shunning offences jealousies losse or alienation of affections but thinke it will alway be hony-moone and a merry world with them is it not just that their unseasonable ruines should teach them repentance too late Therefore let all married oncâ— be warned hereby to be sober heedfull advised moderate in their affections loves and liberties rather walking on this side the brinke then otherwise alway fearing a change and saying What if my follies breed in my wife by Gods secret vengeance a loathing of me a fire of contention in my bosome a continuall dropping upon my head my content at home my repute abroad God keepe me within such bounds of marriage ' as I first â—owed to keepe at my entrance Thus much for the Admonition Next I proceed to comfort all such godly couples as have laboured to enhanse and uphold the honour of this Ordinance Try your selves then no doubt you shall meet with uncomfortable thoughts for your manifold failings and no doubt you thinke few religious mariages so ill managed and so poorely carried as your owne the many breaches and flawes of your marriages do cause you to mourne and complaine saying If indeed I had so inured and acquainted my selfe and my wife to prayer and close worshipping of God if I had wisdome and understanding enough to be Gods voyce to my wife to guide her if I had abstained from the snares and occasions laid in my way by Satan to overthrow me and my peace had I preserved bòth body and soule in that chastity and honour that was meet nourishing love and amity abhorring all occasions to the contrary I might behold the face of God with comfort I but now my burden is encreased by my errours in marriage viz. that with a slight heedlesse and regardlesse heart I have carried my self in a businesse of such consequence upon which the well or ill fare of my life
is a lesser degree of grace under this onely appearing in the seed tender and weake and that is of such as although they reach not so farre yet have their eye toward this bridegroome counting him one of ten thousand comparing selves with such as are married to him thinke themselves far inferiour wish their case were so happy abhorre their own treachery count the feet of such beautifull as wooe them to Christ thinke highly of the offer love to be such friends of the Lord Iesus and children of his Bridechamber full of tears affections and desires after it Even these are not to be excluded neither there is hope of such that they may come to be married to Christ in due time therefore it were unequall that for meere lacke of time and training they should be rejected rather if better faile in ordinary providence there being sufficient ground to hope that their little is in truth I dare not deny but a contract with such may be lawfull and the Lord may cover defects in mercy especially if the more forward party be industrious to improve a little to a greater measure in the other if the weaker party be teachable and in either of both there be a selfe-denying heart if God crosse their hopes to lye downe meekely at his feet humbled for sin the cause thereof and patiently taking up and bearing their crosse till God amend it By all this it appeares that Marrying in the Lord requires good consideration and that they who so marry have laid the foundation of future honour beforehand And who doubts but it had need be so for what hope is there that they who never sought it before should ever light upon it after Honour requires good breeding and it is a stud which except it subsist upon a good ground-cell will soone lye in the dust Rash and sudden attempts in this kinde doe but make way for shame and reproach onely marrying in the Lord prepares the soule for the worke it hath her tooles in readinesse to fall to the trade whereas the contrary is still to seek yea the very method of the Apostle in this Epistle shewes no lesse for he speakes of no marriage businesse before he have fully opened the doctrine of faith he layes that for the bottome and then comes in and tels such their Marriage is honourable Faith then is the hand and wheele which must frame a vessell for honour prepared as for all other so for this worke of marriage And in truth as it is all Religion upon point so it is the marriage ring which makes the soule one with the Lord and this ring is beset with many rich jewels all of them serving for the honour that is the well carrying and discharge of marriage duties One jewell is humility and selfe-denyall whereby the heart is tamed and humbled to this worke with all subjection and freed from that rudenesse and rebellion of spirit which makes it fit for nothing but it owne will and ends but this grace levels it to the obedience of this ordinance Another jewell is peace whereby the soule is so calmed and pacified within it selfe in the point of pardon and Gods favour that it can beare any affronts even as the shooes or brasse boots of the Souldier can walke upon rocks or pikes and feele no hurt so an heart well a paid in the Lord is calme and able to cleare the coast of all distempers and to goe through discontents and crosses such as an unquiet spirit cannot A third is purity which cleanseth the soule of many bad humours very unequall for marriage self-selfe-love pride disdaine wrath heart-burning jealousies and conceits and makes a man much fitter for marriage A fourth the last which I will name is righteousnesse that is the fellowship with Christs holy nature by which the soule partakes the properties of Christ qualifying it with wisedome influence strength meeknesse patience holinesse cheerfulnesse long-suffering and compassion which graces as they make him a meet head and husband for the Church so they make married couples meet heads and helpers for each other Faith I say doth draw from Christ all such abilities and graces as may prepare the soule to all the services which the marriage estate cals for Even as the spokes or staves of the wheele strengthen it for the good motion of it so doth faith strengthen this great master-wheele of conversation which is Marriage Reas 2 Againe except the honour of Marriage be forelaid in the entrance when the minde is free and impartiall how should it be like to be provided for in marriage it selfe Alas marriage hath her handsful of trial what grace is already wrought in the soule marriage will finde a gracious heart work enough at the best for it iâ— given to exercise grace It is not given to worke grace without singular mercy doe occasion it but to exerciâ—e it for what abundance of other distractions doe there fall out in this estate which as the Apostle tels us keepe off the soule from sitting close and comely to God The necessity of marriage-occasions are such as compell the parties each to please other in the matters of this life So that except single persons have well bethought themselves and fitted themselves with a stocke to live upon they will finde it an hard thing to act a true part on this stage upon the sudden rather they are like to finde except God alter it marriage to pul them from God to carry their spirits to worldlinesse unsetlednesse cares feares temptations lusts sometimes on the right hand by baits to carnall ease and jollity and otherwhiles on the left to snares and distempered passions of anger and impatience neither of which extremity favours religion but kils and damps it taking up all the time and leasure of the soul from attending the best things or at lest causing it to attend them lesser as good never a whit as we say as never the better Reas 3 Besides these reasons what hope have we that when we forsake Gods way he will be found of us in ours How just is it for him to forsake us and give us over to our owne by-ends and respects in our marriages and to suffer us to defile our selves more and more that as we entred badly so we should live worse and end worst of all As Paul saith The wicked waxe worse and worse deceiving and being deceived so may the Lord plague ungodly marriages by themselves and scourge them with their owne whip so that the husband should be deceived with the bad qualities of the wife and she by his one defiling the other more and neither doing any good to the other Wee see it thus daily uncleane men doe but teach their wives their trade that they might match them in their kinde carnall proud and bad wives draw their husbands to the like evils one must please another by concurring with
transcendent The world is now a dayes become a great snare each yong one scarce out of the shell tickles himselfe with the proposall of great hopes to himselfe and telling him His fortunes are great and he may marry in so and so high a degree and what is so high but his hopes may equall And thus not looking at his base beginnings and unlikelihoods of any thing but puffing up himselfe with offers with conceit of his owne worth he growes to thinke the world too narrow to chuse in And never I thinke was the spirit of the male-sex so vast as in this age wherein the multitude of the female sexe and the contempt thereof hath brought it to passe that every boy new out of his prentiship values himselfe by the scores and hundreths although scarce worth a groat besides his occupation And the most men deeme none be they never so religious which in our Fathers dayes would have bin counted rich matches fair or good enough for him except beauty and wealth in an higher degree then common make them so In so much that except parents overstraine and halfe exhaust themselves to dowre their daughters be they otherwise never so well brought up and deserving they lye by as no body Quest But what will some say Doe you envie our lot to be better now then in former times or is it unlawfull to marry to wealthy ones and our betters Answ I answer If God lay out a portion for you without your politicke ambitious seeking and such an one as whose portion in grace equals her estate yea such as in judgement desire you for your religion although you are inferiour otherwise I deny not but friends consenting it is lawfull God hath brought such a vantage to your hands But what is this to mens covetous and proud desires As one once said of his second match I will now have a gallant whatsoever it cost me and so he had such a one as he fancied But by that time he had wintred and summered her a while his bladder was so prickt that he sadly wisht he had one of his former wives sise and fashion as plaine as he then thought her to be I conclude thus overweene not your selves when there is little worth in you to equall the meanest women or husbands but moderate your spirits and marry in the Lord. Nothing hinders but the Lord and outward meanes may concurre as the case may stand and then the question is ended But if it be so that a match of 500. pounds be offred with the Lord and another of seven or eight hundreth without him or at least without any apparent hopes of him what then shall be done I answer other conditions being concurrent in any tolerable proportion despise the greater offer and take the lesser counting the misse of thy gaine happy and the gaine of her grace with that losse more happy Buy thy wife in such a case if thou be wise and let it appeare that Gods oracles are no tyes with thee If her price be above pearles I trow thou who wilt not part with a little gold or silver for it art well worthy for thy betraying her for a little pelâ—e to betray thy selfe to sorrow and to have bag and baggage and all Tell me in what marquet couldest thou traffique so well as to game a pearle for a little silver doubtlesse thy silver would not recompeâ—ce thy losse if thou shouldest chuse it with a farre lesse bargaine The times have bin wherein the man was to bring a dowry to the woman though I think they held not long I am sure Christs marriage is such to his beloved thinke thy selfe to be the man and aske thy selfe if not what thou wouldest give yet what thou wouldest forgoe for a good companion I thinke the dayes were never so rare for marriages in this kinde as now and yet the sorrowfull fruit of the contrary should bring this choyce into date againe It s a custome we know for men ambitious to buy honour rather then want it yea glad they are if they can so come by it Do you so Marriage is honourable buy it whatsoever it cost you and be glad you can get it so Let bad customes be no prescriptions and set a good one against a bad Fourthly let the Lord be much solicited by prayer both ordinary and extraordinary for this blessing beg hard for it rather then want I said before pay for it and now I adde pray for it pay and pray too and thinke it worth it Let the Lord see that your soule is deepely in love with it and will not be denied seeke to honour him for ever for it and count it not every mans case and you shall see what answer he will make you If prayer will not get it try if importunity will prevaile come for a wife as she Mat. 15. came for her daughter and refuse any nay this is the way to get it God will grant it thee rather then be wearied and yet he loves it with importunity Either God will heare you or else give you a reason which shall satisfie you which I adde because I beleeve that exceeding good marriage were not good for some that seeke it it would puffe them up and hurt them they rather need exercising marriages But this know God will not part with his jewels so easily as not to be sought to for them this blessing is like to that Ezek. 36. which the Lord so promised to give his people as yet he would besought too by them for it Commit thy way to Iehova and he shall effect it If thy wife be to thee as Samuel was a sonne to Hannah a wife of prayer thou maist the more rejoyce in her and say with Iacob Loe the wife which the Lord in mercy hath given his servant To the pure all are pure each gift is sanctified by prayer else if thou doe onely light well by accident as Nabal upon Abigail she shall be but a dry morsell to thee without favour or favour thou shalt finde her as he did a snare to thee 〈◊〉 helplesse helper God depriving thee of the staffe of â—read the true good of a good wife not onely a dry pit but even an encrease of thy judgement It is said Abraham called Eliezer his servant in this weighty businesse of chusing a wife for his son Isaac bidding him to put his hand under his thigh a solemn adjuration for assurance that he would not chuse him an heathenish wife but one of Terahs family the best which then could be had though not as it ought beyond the river how much more oughtest thou to put thy hand under the Lords in this case of thine owne marriage vowing that if he will provide a Rebecca for thee and make thy voyage prosperous thou wilt discerne as reall a providence as Eliezer saw in meeting of her at the well Is there never a wife for thee
his virgin that she is not necessitated to marry he may refuse or otherwise hee may yeeld he offends in neither But after one marriage is expired the widow is not so tyed because providence hath settled her upon her owne right Howbeit for the weaker sexe the case so falling out that shee may stand in as much need of counsell at last as at first yea of more this I say That it were the part of such widows to remember that they are children and to ascribe a reverentiall and honourable esteeme of their parents counsell out of wisedome and discretion although a precise command of God doe not absolutely urge it Lastly parents must still looke at the maine point that is the condition and state of a childe 's both body and minde For a parent understanding the case to be such that a childe cannot without deepe discontent of spirit and inconvenience of body propending strongly to marriage and shunning those continuall and noysome vexations which would attend the contrary I say cannot abstaine then his authority not being allowed him for the tyranny and hurt but the good and welfare of his childe he ought not unseasonably and rigidly to dispute his right or to hold it but tenderly and wisely to release it at the childes humble instance And this I might also presse in other cases as well as this But because they will occurre better upon objections brought against this point I will stop two gaps with one bush that is both lay downe the extent of this exception and also answer a question both in one For why here it is objected by sundry children as I toucht before that as neare as they can they observing the rules of God in religious and apt choice and being now to strike up the match they say The parents or guardians at least of one side wilfully withdraw their consent To whom I must answer with much caution for the safegarding of a parents honour First ye children beware lest you put any unjust affront upon your parents that may cause this rigour you complaine of and open their mouthes against you For if you doe their cause must be heard when you must stand by Put case that it fall out that your match be not faulty after your tryall of each other howbeit you upon the presumption thereof have beene your owne carvers and carried all with your owne wits leaving your parents to serve your turne after and hereupon the parent being offended looks not so much at the fitnesse of the match as at his owne contempt who can in such a case justifie you In this case especially if the parents be irreligious and unable to value the price of a good husband or wife I see not what course you should take but to humble your selves for your offence considering in your owne case how unwilling you would have beene to be so served Parents I grant should not only hearken to but runne and ride to seeke out good matches for their children if any occasion be offered and yet many of them are so stout peevish selfe-willed and envious that of all other matches they will crosse them most which are the best But yet you children crosse not them by forcing unequall conditions upon parents in consenting to your marriages Although you be granted to be religious yet it becomes not you to thinke so well of your selves that being unequall in state and stocke or in other respects you will force the marriage of one that hath great meanes under colour of religion For in this case a parent is not bound but hath his excuse If God should move a parent in this case considering how few are religious or thrifty to match their children under-foot for the world in respect of grace it is well and good embrace their good will thankfully But to obtrude your own worth upon their affections you ought not whether the parents bee religious or not The like I say if the disproportion lye in any other kinde This by way of digression that children bee sure of it that their matches be consonant and agreeable to the rule for they may be godly and yet not apt matches But to answer the question as it lyes If I say your matches be truly equall yet your parents will not yeeld Then first Let such children count it the crosse that they are fallen upon such parents let them not domineere over them and outshoote the divell in his owne bow of resolution and stomack but humbly submit to the parents as parents in generall seeking by all meanes to winne their love and respect first or last by your obedience and well-pleasing that they may see it and say My child â—s as carefull to give me content as to serve his owne turne And if need require let such friends be used by way of mediation as may best alay their opposite mindes shewing them the ill consequents thereof And lastly set on the Lord also to encounter their untractable hearts humbly supplicating that he would turne the hearts of fathers to the children to melt them and to give them the eies of Doves insteed of Crocodiles If all these prevaile not then the discipline of the Church being in force course ought to be taken to make complaint of such wrong viz. that a parent abuseth his or her authority to hurt and therefore implore the aide both of the Church and of the Magistrate to reduce parents into due order for they themselves must know that they are under Authority and no further made the Iudges over the children then as they can answer to God for their good carriage therein And so also to require such a childes portion from them as in such case is fit But if children cannot meet with such releefe I leave them under the crosse which God hath cast upon them to take it up meekly and beare it till God ease their chaine But if the father consent and the mother onely be obstinate they may with good conscience notwithstanding proceed yeelding all due respect to her So much for this Another question heer mooved is this Put case that two parties have got the affections of each other but the father on his deathbed dissent and forbid the marriage whether is the conscience of the child absolutely so tyed by those irrevocable words that he or she may not dare to attempt marriage I answer that child which out of an honourable respect shall wholy forbeare for feare of after scruples or shall piously encline to forbeare doubtlesse they bewray a very awfull heart to the counsell of their parent especially if they be convinced of an overruling providence determining the businesse But to affirme directly that a child is alway bound to obey in such a case I dare not Many circumstances must be observed next to the rule and therefore first I shall thinke it fit in this businesse that the parties resigne up themselves to the judgement
punished so to see good established when it may be so For in Moses his time the hardnesse of mens hearts was so great that they would be curbed by no law each mans will was his law But now law having got the upper hand mens wills must submit because better it is that one couple suffer then the law which is the bond of publique peace and welfare So that this authortie looks not at mens private contents or discontents But makes a voluntary consent which might have beene broken to become necessary and irrevocable And whereas its instanced as before in the point of comparison of incontinency committed before marriage not knowne till after with that in marriage I say I deny not but formerly and really both ought to dissolve it by the word yet as before I noted the wisedome of the Church putting difference is to be regarded neither is the sinne in every degree so extensive In this case therefore that speech availes Better admit a mischiefe then an inconvenience Better pull downe a smoking chimney then admit a continuall smoake in the eyes so better endure a bad marriage which is the lesser then a breach of law and right which is the bond of the whole body Besides before marriage the deserting of the one party inferres a liberty to desert another the forfeit of the time alotted to marriage by the errour of the one party may forfeit marriage it selfe in the will of the other Such a portion promised by parents in fraud and after withdrawne injuriously dissolves the marriage because its such a fault asopposeth the condition of the first consent The like I may say of any the like violations which yet after marriage it selfe hold not But let me not be mistaken in what I have said I would not be thought to make promises of no value because I make marriage of greatest strength and vertue For although we have a rule that is in the same power to breake a law that first made it yet it holds not in contracts without speciall warrant Not each pretended suddaine impotencie of body not each suborned infamous slander of the parties or either of them not every devised flim-flam of a giddy braine must be accepted to make a spouse breach for what were this but to open a wide doore to all basenesse and to expose the lawes of God and man to open contempt and mockery But such cases as I have mentioned if they can be sufficiently approved to those who are the witnesses of the contract so that all doubt of treachery and falshood be taken away then its free for the contracted parties to desist if they will Howbeit not without mutuall consent neither For put case that one of the parties pretend debility of body yet the other party knowing her selfe to be in a way of God and to be bound to trust God in his way either for the recovery of strength to the weake partie or for strength to waite upon God in the way of disappointment shall refuse to release the other then I affime that other partie is tied still by vertue of the contract to marry Gods weaknesse is stronger then mans strength as the Apostle speakes And whereas commonly rationalnesse and wisedome of the flesh doth step in here for Selfe ever crosses God and shall either out of disdaine self-selfe-love feare or other sinister respects say If hee will needs break off let him if she will needs break let her As good doe so as proceed with discontent And it shall be well seene I scorne him as much as hee scornes mee I answer No these are base trickes to shake off Gods way let that prevaile But if the unruly party will depart the innocent is discharged to marry another Quest I goe on Another Quaere may be Why is there a space or distance usually appointed between the contract and the marriage Answ I answer It is fit to bee so for this end among others that the parties might seriously and solidly both apart and together weigh and consider what the businesse is which they are entring upon For being now contracted and setled in their affections from starting each from other what remaines but that both conspire to this end that their knot may be as truly vertuous as it is necessary and that the necessity of it may not prove tedious for lacke of vertue and Religion If grace knit the knot then they shall bee as unwilling to be broken off as the band of marriage makes them knit so as they cannot when the strength of the band strives with the sweetnesse how delightfull is it And that it may be so both the parties should endevour as in the last use I shall presse more fully The space alotted them is not to prepare for fine cloathes to bid guests to provide good cheere nor I speake to the meaner sort to set themselves to seeke the best advantage of money at their offerings to hire for themselves a hole to thrnst their heads in or a farme to occupy All these things in a moderate way are usefull But God is the God of sea and land and all abundance and store is in his hand his are farmes and dwellings and sheep and cattell and the treasures of the earth hee can give to whom hee will and as Iob sayth although thy beginnings are but small yet hee can make thy increase great in due time Make thou no more haste then good speed Seeke the Kingdome of God and the righteousnesse of the same and make it not thy solemne care to plod upon great matters or to enter upon marriage with a feare of poverty that thou and thine shall prove beggars Plod both of you how this solemne estate may finde you well prepared and for other things cast your care upon him who careth for you and in well doing and meanes using commit your selves into the hands of a faithfull Creator This worke would be done even in the threshold of marriage Quest But a question here still ariseth What space is most convenient for contracted ones to abide so untill marriage Answer I answer Neither so large and long a space as might exceed and shatter those affections which have been setled so that the parties should now stagger in their stedfastnesse towards each other and wax weary through the prolonging of time Nor yet on the other side so short as should hinder their serious addressing towards marriage Both extreames are to be avoyded For the first we know in reason and experience that when a contract loses her ends through over-long protraction of time it taxes the doers for their hasty attempting of that which might have better delayed occasions are given thereby to take offence each at either that they should seeme formerly to make sure of that which lateward they seeme but indifferent unto Hence may grow secret pritches and surmises of heart tending to breach and division and so worse may follow that the one waxing looser
appeare Thirdly and more especially those severall duties of worship which in private and apart from the other family do concerne them which although they ought to performe alone also yet not alwaies but jointly and mutually as to conferre read pray confesse and give thanks Fourthly they must be joint in the duties of charity to the poore harberousnes to strangers reliefe of other both publique causes and private persons whom by occasion God offereth to their regard Fifthly that mutuall harmony in all religious relations both towards themselves as instruction reproofe advice admonition or encouragement or else others in the Communion of Saints of which reade more at large in my Catechisme Part 2. Artic. 4. or else in their generall and exemplary conversation in the sight of the world which when it is mutuall is resembled in the glasse of each others practice but if not then looses her beauty as we see in the opposition which the holy Ghost makes betweene Abigail and Nabal in that point E're I answer any questions about this I must ground and prove it by reasons and Scripture For the latter it needs not many proofes That of these two worthies Luc. 1. 6. may be sufficient of Zachary and Elizabeth that both were upright before God in all the Commandements and ordinances of the Lord without reproofe In which sentence most of those 5. particulers named before are touched That of the Apostle may be added that they defraud not each other except in the case of fasting least saith he your praiers be hindred that is your joint communion in religious worship Now if there must be such an entercourse in extraordinary duties how much more in ordinary But it s objected that Zachary cap. 12. bids them in their deepe humiliations to be apart this seemes to contradict jointnes I answer The phrase is not to be exclusively taken that they should alway be apart for the Prophets scope in the words is that there be singular uprightnesse in their humiliations for which cause he enjoines secrecy because he mournes truly who mournes without witnesse but this excludes not jointnesse in other times and cases because fervency being as well required in them as sincerity which is more stirred up by mutualnesse it is meete they should bee mutuall in that respect as apart in the other So that these two as occasion differs exclude not each other And there is speciall reason of this duty For first God is not now the God of them apart as before but jointly as married of them I say and of their seed and therefore now Reas 1 God must be sought jointly by them both not onely in severall as in their former estate Secondly the good things which they receive from God though they pertaine to their severall happinesse as their faith hope knowledge yet they reach to the furtherance of each others grace if they be bound then to trade with the whole body of Communion for the increace of grace how much more one with another Thirdly whatsoever they enjoy good or evill in a manner they enjoy it in common Their sinnes are common God may punish the one in the other their gifts and graces are common both blessed for the others sake their infirmities are common each being a fellow feeler of the other their blessings as health wealth successe are common their calling and businesse common tending to the common good of them and theirs their crosses common yea their punishments their posterity their dwelling their friends are common Shall their God then bee severall Shall their religion and worship bee disjointed No sure mutuall wants and needs must unite and reconcile them to one God with common consent Fourthly Religion is the golden Cement of all fellowships and unions both to knit and to sanctifie the same more firmely and closely together That union which is not thus fastened is but as the union of those foxes backward by firebrands in their tailes soone dissolved and very hurtfull The Iewes have a pretty observation upon the Ebrew name of the woman the first and last letters whereof make up the name Iah God which if they be taken from the middle letters leave all in a combustion for they signifie fire If God inclose not marriage both before and after and be not in the middest of it by this band of religious feare marriage is nothing save a fire a contentious and an unpeaceable condition But this consent of both in the Lord is the most firme and blessed of all Those tearmes are ever strongest and best agreed which agree in the best third or couple Now the Lord is the best and the safest band What a sweet glasse is it for husband and wife to see each others face yea heart in to be acquainted with each others graces or wants to be assured of each others love and loiall affection then to looke how they stand affected to the band of their union I meane fellowship in religion faith hope and the fruits Fifthly let us examine this truth but onely in one prime and chiefe act of religion and that is faith in the alsufficiencie of providence and that will teach us the rest What is the married estate save a very stage of wordly care to act her part Single persons never come to understand what care meanes till marriage come That 's the black oxe which treades heard upon them How shall this tread be borne except faith in the promise act another part of holy carelesnesse I meane in point of carking Surely as the fashion of some countries is to hang up a care-cloth in the Bride-chamber to coole the heat of other affections in the married and to put them in mind what an estate they are entring upon so well may this cloth of care ever hang in their chamber except faith take it downe and fasten their care upon him that careth for them cutting off all superflous carking Now this grace belongs jointly to both of them not only to the husband who followes the world hard to please his wife but also to the wife who as the Apostle saith is as ready to please him What a gulfe of care doe both implunge themselves into except the Lord vouchafe them his antidote What craft trickes coosenages dâ—ceits will they not find out to scrape and rake together all being fish that comes into their net What clamors discontents and brawles will arise if defeated of their wills What basenesse will utter it selfe upon any other expences then expected But let the Lord be their portion rocke and defence and what can distract them How sweetly will both draw in this yoake if as they have made God the God of the hilles so they can make him of the vallies I meane the God of their bodies as well as their soules Now if this one joint gift do so runne through all their life what will joint consent in all graces do as hope of salvation fitnesse to die
due rate that you may know them to the ful weight having weighed thē in the ballance This putting your sickle in your neighbours corne will prove too hot and heavie it will cause your owne to shale and perish the while It s a better worke of the two for you to thinke you see wonder in your own companions though there be little in either then to bee quicksighted in seeing the gifts of others bee they never so excellent at least its the farre safer error of the two It must be the mutuall reflexe and exchange of gratious and sweet vertues in and from each other rebounding as the sunbeames from the wall that only can holde you in an invincible league of amity The marking of each others goodnes compassion fidelity chastitie which must continue that first love which at the first they caused You need not quench love it s enough that you withdraw this fuell and looke upon the infirmities of each other the onely dampe and choakepeare of affection these alone will kill it And when other fuell failes as I sayde before let religion step in and make it up this will keep harmonie in other discord Reade over that divine songe of Salom. Setting out the blessed union betweene Christ and his spouse the Church wherin is most lively expressed what inward content and feeling ioy each partakes in other through the fight of each others perfections She in her heade because in him shee beholdes all fulnesse of wisedome and grace and hee in her because of the reboundings of those ornamēts and graces of the spirit wherwith he had furnished her So much forthis second Vse 3 Thirdly this must bee a serious caveat to all married couples to nourish this their love and to preserve it entire Which will the more easily be obteined if they shall consider those sad effects which come from the decay of it in the lives of couples As Salomon speaking of drunkennes saith whence are red eyes whence are woundes and quarrels Are they not from the red wine and St. Iames whence are warres and contentions among you Are they not from your lustes that fight in your members you seeke and enjoy not but miscarry in all your attempts see not whence your misery commeth So say I whence are those ende lesse debates differences betweene the married that they are alway seeking for blessing and longing after an happy life but still it goeth further and further from them Alas because they dreame still the fault is without doores in this and that bad servants ill successe improvidence and sometime in each other but never set the sadle upon the right horse the disease is within their bosomes they have lost their first love each to other they are waxen saplesse and unsavory in their spirit and affection one to another While that lasted all went forwarde in a sweet maner cart went well upon wheeles for the spirit of mutuall love made it slicke and trimme the oile of love set it forward but since this was exhausted and dried up all went to havocke the sinewes of society the band of peace and perfection of thrift and welfare beeing broken there is a dissolution of the frame and a shattering of all Children have no edge to do their duties servants have no joy to doe their worke lovelesse couples are livelesse unfortunate yea the salte having lost her favour is good for nought save to be trodden under the feete of contempt and scorne Whence are those Mock-divorces so frequent in the world wherby couples seperate from each others some from bed from board from house and so farre that one shire will not holde thē beeing barred of a real they please themselves in a locall content which yet lasts not the names of each others much more the companyes beeing odious Hence come those hideous presidents of conspiracies one against the life of another adulteries villanies yea murthers practized against husband and wife he who despizeth his owne life is soon Mr. of anothers and how can a man chuse but despise his life when he feeles it wearisome As those 4. Lepers sayd let us be desperate and rush upon thee Campe of Aram for what is our life worth we are but dead men wee cannot be worse so may lovelesse couples say whatsoever we doe we suffer we cannot be worse though we were not thēwe are A dead dog is as good as such a living lyon Hence againe come those manifold suites and pursuites abroad exclaming jealousies at home the treasure is stollen love is gone As he sayde of his Idolls so I of this love you have stollen my Gods and do you aske mee what ayleth thee The fence is broken the sluce is pulled up all goes to wracke and confusion There is as much use of a bone out of joint yea of a man out of his wits as of such a couple Fidelity modesty huswifery in a woman degenerate into carelesnesse of body of soule of state of name into meere vanity a woman not loving her husband will not stick to pull one eie of her owne to pull out both of her husbands as the fable tells rob and spoile her selfe of goods and good name that she might spoile him Nay many have devoted themselves to a defilement of their bodies to be revenged each of other meere hatred and spite hath drawne them to such sinne as lust alone would not have done This tast may be sufficient to warne all who be not forlorne to looke to themselves to beware how they embessel that sacred stocke which God hath inspired all such married ones withall whom he meanes to susteine in this state with integrity and honour Marriage is honourable keepe then the pledge of it entire which is love It s like that Image in the Capitall called the Paladium which if it ever came to be seene and profaned threatned ruine to their Commonwealth therefore they kept it in a most affected secrecy and safety God hath bestowed it to make the difficulties of the married life tolerable which else the multitude of them would make yrkesome and shall a man having but one string to his bow cut it in two or a city having but one engin to defend themselves cast it away Let it bee a warning to all sorts therefore Lastly this point must be exhortation to couples to practise and discharge faithfully this joint duty of marriage ove each to other Wheresoever thou art whithersoever thou goest whatsoever thou dost remember thou carriest about thee a precious pearle looke to it prise it and preserve it as thy life There be sundry motives to presle this upon willing couples as hammers to drive this naile home to the head and indeed I may say of it as he once said of one an honest man need not a dishonest man will not be warned The generall motive to both husband and wife is Gods charge to them live and love Both of you thinke thus
upon the former foundation both making up marriage to grow to an happy frame and building which who so behold can no other judge but those parties are well met and dwell commodiously But will better appeare in particulars how the one differs from other This then is the point that both married persons ought studiously to maintaine this grace of mutuall consent as a maine peece of that which must maintaine the honour of their marriage Reas 1 Such a thing is this of consent As may appeare both by the judgements of all those who either by wofull experience could never attaine it though their eager desire after it may proove it to be the crowne of marriage or the more happy experience of such as have atteined it according to their desire and found it to bee no lesse then I have spoken For the former of these who need to question it but that must needs be most honorable for lacke whereof the estate and contentation yea whole welfare of thousands have perished Who covets that with earnestnes which hath not some rare felicity in it And when a man hath with all his skill sought that which yet when all is done hee cannot atchieve yea is further off from what remedy but such a one must needes lie downe in sorrow If the deferring of the soules desire is the fainting of it what is the utter defeating of it when as not for the present only but for adoe for ought appeares a man foresees his own misery and must of necessity survive the funerall of his owne happinesse For the latter who doubts of the honour and price of that commodity unto which they who have enjoyed it doe esteeme all as meere drosse and dung Even all their wealth beauty and birth which yet doe much conferre to a comfortable life What shall it profit a man to winne all these and to lose his owne content in a sweet amiablenesse of conversation Or what shall a man give for a recompence of it if it should be in hazard Thus will every one speake of this blessing except he be a foole to whom the Sunshine is wearisome for the continuall shining of it and yet this faire wether may doe hurt so cannot consent or such as to whom nothing will seeme pretious save by the want of it As for all wise men they will affirme it That then which in both the confessions both of desirers and enjoyers makes so much for the honour of marriage justly deserve the joint consent of both parties to ensue and mainteine Reas 2 Secondly the very nature of this jewell the nobility the praise and price of it in generall is a signe of the worth and how it deserveth the joint care of couples to maintaine it It may challenge equality with the things of greatest price and excellency Oh thou sweet amiablenesse and concord what may not be said of thee Thou art the ofspring of God the fruite of Redemption the breath of the spirit Thou art the compound of contraries the harmony of discords the order of Creation the soule of the world without which the vast body thereof would soone dissolve it selfe by her owne burden as wearisome to it selfe and fall in sunder by peacemeale from each other By thee oh sweet peace and concord the heavens are combined to the earth by their sweet influence by thee the earth confines the unlimited waters within bounds both earth and waters nourish those inferior vegetables by thee those same creatures nourish the sensible by thee those sensible againe returne their food to the most noble members of the world the reasonable that so the spirituall part which is above the rest I meane the inner man and new creature might by them for them and in them all honour his Creator Oh thou divine consent the sweet temperature of bodily complexions the blessed union of soule and body the lawe of government to Commonwealths and societies the band of perfection in the Church the reconcilement of God with man the recollection and confederating of all things in one both in heaven and earth the life of the family the daughter of love sister of peace and mother of blessing Canst thou then who art the life of all things chuse but be the honour of marriage Shall all other creatures know no other marriage band and shall the truly married be without it Is it so sweet and good a thing to see brethren to dwell together in affection although they cannot alway in place and habitation and must it not needs be more sweet to them who are both in affection and habitation inseparable If in distance of bodies by necessity yet if it be so sweet what is it in the necessity of each others presence All this considered what a joint care ought there to bee in couples to nourish it How stupid doe they declare themselves to be who doe not feele it The Beasts the Birds the Plants are sensible of it and strive to put forth themselves to all mutuall offices of service each to other for the improving of it as loath to forge such a jewell and shall married Christians be senslesse and carelesse of it Reas 3 Thirdly that which is honorable both in the coherence and consequence of it deserves mutuall care in couples to preserve it betweene themselves But such is this consent For marke when love hath once combined and incorporated two to one what an instinct doth it breed and what influence doth it instill into each party for the usefull services belonging to their place Each Bee flies abroad to work and carry home to her hive being once appropriated to it Even so here Readinesse and willingnesse in each party to his and her office the man to toile without in weary labour and travaile and the woman within doores both without complaint these â—low from the geniall consent of each with other Hence nothing is thought too much benevolence providence forbearance patience fidelity secrecy all vertuous offices The husband complaines not that the burden lies all upon his shoulders the wife as weake as she is mutters not that her sicke husband lies upon her hand and spends all from her like to leave her in want Both cheerefully goe on acted by Providence to looke upon a promise and all because a secret accord of spirit puts them forward to the work The reason comes to this issue That which is as usefull and gainfull as its pleasant and contentfull is as the dew of Hermon and the oile upon the head of Aaron in both so much graces marriage deserves that the married should enshrine it in their bosomes and nourish it with joint endeavor Reas 4 Lastly this grace of consent is that which brings the Lord himselfe to rule and reigne in the family over the married themselves and all that pertaine to them then well doth it deserve the care of all married persons to joine themselves in the promoting
them in this no surely I know the sorrow which heerby you procure to your selves is punishment sufficient for your folly But you must not escape so but shame you for such contrariety of spirit Many men and women beeing so crosse each to other that they thinke this consent rather a weake and seely fruite of a pusillanimous spirit yea a shame rather then an honor to their Marriages And that then they have quit themselves best when they can whet their teene upon one another jarring and jangling and pleasing their froward and ill a payde spirits in displeasures and differences And can you or dare you neverthelesse board converse and bed together and goe to the house of God and there heare and partake the Sacrament of communion as if there were nothing amisse Can two walke together except agreed Or do you cast arrowes and darts and say you are in sport what villanous hypocrisie is this thus to habit your selves in sin that the custome of it should make you senslesse of it and cause a falling sicknesse of discord that you know not the way of geting in againe All day warre and deadly feud and yet lye down at night and wipe off each crum from the lips Nay what do such save make the Ordinances of God covers of their shame wickednesse I doubt whether such or these or they whose debates breake out into separation so that neither towne nor country can holde thē are the worse of the two I say in point of presumption though their sin bee not so exemplary What a pageant is this for the Devill to laugh at how out of measure sinfull is your sin Tygers and Beares have their agreement and shall such distempers reigne in the marriages of the religious Shall fraud and oppression bee found in the seate of justice or a froward waspish spirit in the proper element of peace and consent Where shall peace be looked for if you disagree in marriage If you war and contend who should agree Or who should go about the families of religious ones to seeke out matches when as such as these hatch up a brood by their lives and examples more fit for the Divell to governe in then the spirit of God which is peaceable Shall such as should one day judge the world if they bee as they seeme yet be faine to referre the desperate quarrels of wife and husband to the arbitrement of friends By which occasion matters growing to be ript up betweene you perhaps the coales of Iuniper are blowne to a greater heate then before by these bellowes and the hope of accord set further off then it was Surely as the corruption of the finest bodies is most loathsome so are the contentions of such as should bee most quiet commonly most tedious for sinne loves to bee out of measure sinfull So much of this first Vse 2 Secondly this should be abasement and deepe humbling to all such couples out of whose brests this sinne hath not chased away all remorse and tendernesse Oh man Remember the Lord hath created thee in his Image made thee as God to thy wife a man of more solid mould and frame able to beare impressions and occasions of discontent It s the honour of a man to passe by an offence The Lord abhorres thou shouldst weaken thy selfe by a wilful opposition of a weaker sex what a poore victory is that when thou hast matched a seely woman No thine honour stands rather in passing by her folly and weaknesse not in a currish blockishnesse not in a surly stoutnesse and pride of stomack not in a controlling imperious carriage and thwarting tongue This is to betray thy owne strength and to out-shoot the divell in his owne bow This is to smite all due honour out of thy wives heart and as oile to the flame to enflame and provoke her spirit to be sevenfold worse Rather doe in such a case as workmen in colepits use to do when the candle burnes blue they suspect the dampe to bee a comming which would stifle them and therefore they strive to get out who can get first and when the dampe is over then to worke againe So give place to this dampe and distemper of discord and contention and when it s over then returne to thy wonted course And in conclusion looke to find small fruit of violent striving For as Latimer said he that gets the victory here gaines sorrow and he that loses loses peace The gaines which thou gettest thou maist put in thine eye and see never the worse Thou shalt repent thee at leasure that thou diddest not redeeme thy peace upon harder termes then the curbing of a base appetite Thou shalt lose thy sweet words in thy bitternes thy liberty with God to lift up pure hands without wrath or doubting shall degenerate into feare barrennes and bondage thy praiers shall be choaked in thy throate and perish in the uttering which thou wert once wont to powre out purely confidently cheerfully Therefore obey this charge of God and prosper If the Lord blesse not thine endeavor yet it s better for thee to deny thy selfe and to waite the issue with patience then bootelesse to strive against the streame The like I say to thee oh woman Is this a life pleasing to thee alway to live like a Salamander in the fire Is this an Element so welcome to thee Consider poore wretch how thou degeneratest from thy creation Thou wert moulded by the hand of a wise workman to be a tender and yeelding nature the weaker vessell and doest thou delight in a spirit of contradiction wilt thou resist thy Maker and thy head both at once Shouldest thou thinke it an honour to thee to carry in thy bosome a proud wrathfull and shrewish heart and in thy head a stinging tongue Oh it were more agreeing to thee to be melting milde and overcome evill with good If this ought to be done to an enemy abroad that if he need thou shouldest cloath him feed him If to him who reviles thee thou shouldst returne good language if to him who would take thy cloake thou shouldst cast thy coate also to shew how meeke thou art that so thou mightst bee like to thy father who doeth good to the evill what then shalt thou doe to thy husband that thou mightst resemble the Lord Iesus his tendernesse to his Church whereof thy marriage is a shadow As thou wouldst that Christ should handle thee so do thou oh man handle thy wife and thou oh wife thine husband Goe together as once a couple did being convinced by their Ministers reproofe and breake heart each in others bosome confesse how farre you are off from your first frame what dishonour to the gospell you have beene and wofull joint enemies to that joint and mutuall peace which both of you should have hatched and nourished betweene you Beseech the Lord to shed his love and spirit into your bosomes his peaceable amiable quiet spirit
then it will seeme plesant Nourish and cherish and hate not thy owne flesh in this first respect as Nathans lambe in the true bosome of the Lord Iesus the tenderest husband that ever was Secondly this thy Respect and Tendernesse must reach to her person and that in her Safegard and Defence Thy wife walkes under God in the shaddow of thy wings and protection Thou must bee as a vaile to her eye to keep off the dint of all lust and strange desires as Abimelec told Sara of Abraham As the eyelid is made by nature a tender filme and very mooveable and watchfull to the body of the eye that no dust or mote fall into it to offend it so must the tender husband come betweene the least aspersion of reproach and infamy cast upon the name of his wife wrongfully And when thou art dead let her rest safe in the Ark of Gods protection by the benefit of thy living prayers before sent up for her to the throne of grace that God would be an husband to the widdow that so even when dead yet thou mayst speake But while thou art living thou must bee as a wall of fire to her let everie one that hath ill will to thy wife as many will have even for that which deserves honor knowe that they maligne thy selfe Nay herein love her better then thy selfe that thou wiltright some wrongs done to her which perhaps if done to thy selfe thou wouldst passe by more strongly Let her Name and honor bee as sweet oyntment unto thee The husband who shall content himselfe in the generall love of his wife beeing yet supinely negligent of her repute or enduring any within doores or without to disesteeme her without sharpe rebuke or to bee knowne himselfe to see any of her weaknesses with the least contempt is not worthie to have the comfort of her vertues or the love of a religious companion The like I say of her body both in health and sicknesse Whatsoever diet or warmth or shelter either at home or abroad by thy selfe or others thou seest necessary for the preserving her in health and vigor from the least assault or impression that neglect not keepe away wether distemper disease for her be as a Physitian according to the discretion thou hast and the knowledge of her bodylie frame and infirmities in the absence of better helpe Prevent all dangers from her which possibly might assault her and what soever sorrow or sad newes ill and sudden accidents thou deemest would disquiet her turne them away if it bee within thy power or keepe them from her notice lest they might overthrow her spirit or weaken her body Yea as our Lord Iesus did so do thou if a danger must needs ceaze upon thee provide it may not come to her knowledge or as little amaze and affright her as may bee In her diseasednesse neglect no meanes which either thy counsell purse or friends can helpe her to advise for soule physicke for body attendance and nursery to person Grudge not that shee lyes upon thine hand But as thou wouldst have I say not her but Christ himselfe to tender thee in thine so do thou her in her defects Let it appeare to her cleerly that her life is precious and her losse would be uncomfortable If the poore Shunamite seeing her child dead lockt it up in the Chamber hasting to the Prophet proventing al pudder to her husband aldisquiet in the family by taking it upō her selfe how much more should the husbands wisedome and tendernes reach to thy wife that no Sicknesse or Sorrow might ever ceaze upon her more deeply then needs must if thou canst keep it off Say not with unnaturall Nabals Thou tookest her not for sicknesse but for health for better not for worser knowing that good wives in their health lay up desert enough to be tendred in their sicknesse The wife is not for nothing sayd to bee under her husbands covert Doe thou as Boaz did to poore Ruth upon the cold floore in the chill night spread the lap of thy garment over thy beloved I charge you sayth the husband in the Canticles O yee danghters of Ierusalem watch by my spouse sit by her and keepe silence wake her not untill she please Good reason shee have more rest thē thou let thy waking be her security gaster her not up too early sluggish women will not good ones should not be waked too soone Shee is alway in griefe that for thee by thy meanes what day weeke moneth is she free through the yeer breeding bearing nursing watching her babes both sick that they might be well and well lest they be sicke If she lose a childe by the hand of God or by casualty her tender heart takes more thought for it in a day then thy manly spirit can in a moneth the sorrow of all lies upon her Shee had need to be eased of all that is easeable because she cannot be eased of the rest We reade in the fable that the male sparrow once accused the female for that she did not so much take paines in building of their nest as he did But she replied There was cause why shee should pleade exemption Shee had all the trouble of laying the egs of sitting of hatching feeding them and therfore some reason she should be spared in the building of the nest let him do that who did nothing else and she prevailed And shall not shee who alleageth for her selfe with more reason Get her asleep if thou can but awake her not till she please And tell mee shall not her ease be thine Or canst thou have any if she want Little dost thou thinke of those gripings checks pangs wherewith she walketh whē as thou goest through stitch with thy matters with an hardy courage If all wives be not so I speak not so much in their behalfe but the good wife is usually so yeeld her this fruite of tendernes it s all the milke thou givest Yea let thy hollow cheeks pale face sad heart be as a Calender in which others may read thy wives infirmities their number their measure and how long they have continued I speak not Rhetorique unto thee but Divinity As and husband must loath uxoriousnesse so much more Stoicall insensiblenes remembring who it is who sayth Erre in her love let thy soule know no other objects while shee lives let them be abhorred And when she hath breathed out her last yea even when she lyes by the walles yea in the mouldes yet then is there another honor due to her memory when shee is not even this that thy hand be upon thy side for the losse of another rib thy sweet companion Mourne not for her without hope like an heathen shee is not lost but sent before but yet as Abraham as Jacob so mourne thou even till the dayes thereof be accomplished Bee not as the horse as the
seeke further to get a part in Christs peculiar redemption of the Elect it shal be doubtlesse a double aggravating of their condemnation Reas 3 Now for the third reason of the point why the woman should for her part doe to the uttermost to grace improve the married condition by beeing subject to her husband appeares by this that by subjections she preserves the honor of her marriage in the integrity therof She is called the crowne of her husband The Crowne Royall we know is a rich thing and richly beset all to honour a true King when it s set upon his head in his coronation before all the people But a woman made of subjection is of a farre more pretious frame and mettall then a Crowne or any thing which goes to it and beeing set upon the head of her husband honoreth him not onely in the day of his marriage but all his life long in the eyes of all that behold her No crowne glads the heart of a King so as shee makes glad the heart of her husband He is her King and Lord though he should want this Crowne for it s not a wives rebellion which can devest him of his authority and honor in point of right he may he a poore pittyed King for lacke of this Crowne but in right he is a King neverthelesse having his Crowne deteined by violence from him and woe to them that deteyne the Crowne from the naturall Prince exposing the person of so sacred an one whom God hath made honorable to reproach and dishonor So here God will revenge it and make her that hath kept it backe to rue it and to pay full deerly for her presumption But when this Crowne is added to the heade of a lawfull King then is his honor made up to the full such honor is a wife subject to her husband Not as a Crown above but upon his head her honor is not in being a Crowne aloft but upoÌ„ for the husband She is no Crowne of her selfe but in respect of him whom she honors receving back as much honor from that head which she Crowns as she affoards unto it Neither is the honor of such a marriage betweene themsel alone for honor is rather in the power of the honorer then the honored but also it reacheth to many others we see it in Ruth married to Bâ—az All the children of my people knoweth thee to bee a vertuous woman and him an happy husband in her praying for them as indeed it fell out that they might do well in Ephratha be famous in Bethlem How can a marriage betweene an understanding head and a subject wife chuse but be honorable who can smoother the honor of such Couples or judge whether of the two is more succesfull in either or who wisheth not it were his owne case or the case of any whom he loveth to be married to a wife so qualified And well they may for as it is rare to meete with such couples so the Commodity which they procure each to other exceedes all commendation All this considered a woman should be much too blame to desert her duty in this case and to lay the honour of her Marriage in the dust What is then this subjection and wherin standes it For the former I say its such a convincement of spirit in the woman touching the equity of Gods ordinance and her Penalty in speciall as causeth both a falling downe of heart in humility to God and her husband and in her conversation to acknowledge practize all such reverence as be cometh her head By this description it may appeare in what particulars this subjection standes to wit cheefly in the spirit of the wife and nextly in her demeanure The former is that same wherof St. Peter speakes of The meeknes of the hiddeÌ„ man of the heart of an incorrupt and quiet spirit which with God is much set by He meaneth an inward principle of subjection of the heart which is first given up to God purged of selfe and Pride the seede of unsubjection and then to the husband for his sake Although a woman have all outward accomplishments this way yet if her outward subjection begins before her inward as many womens doth it will vanish at last as a lampe for lacke of oile No framing of a woman by most exquisite education outward forming of the bodie to delicate behavior and semblance of subjection can compasse this no more then an Ape can attaine the qualification of Reason No artificiall respectivenesse of the eye the curtesie of body the silence or composure of the tongue or the like can secure an husband of subjection except all these be acted from an heart of subjection through the conscience of the duty But if the principle be sound and an heart fearing God awed by a command issuing froÌ„ Christ his love a willing mind not from necessity credit or restreint which will go farre make a great shew then is this duty well planted wil endure What is al that Miâ—olls bewitching love to David which forced him to sende for her long after her separation to that one basenesse That shee despised him in her heart The woman then must set up her husband there and shrine him in the secret of her heart and then all her externall subjection will flowe sweetly fully constantly without grudging and sit comely as a garment fit for the body Object But it wil be objected There is no rule so generall but it admits exception Women confesse that as the case may stand and as the husband may deserve by his great learning wisedome gifts grace art experience or like abilities some woman might be content to resigne up her selfe to her husband and be subject to him as to her head But as for ordinary husbands whose deserts are small and their defects great perhaps in some or in most respects mentioned it would prove an hard taske for a woman so farre to deny her selfe Answer as to be subject To which I answere God is not the God of confusion he puts this burden of subjection upon no woman who takes not the yoke of marriage upon her selfe which the Lord doth force upon none but allowes each woman to be her owne Refuser and to chuse for her selfe if she can such a man as she can yeeld subjection unto for the excellencie of Gods image which shee beholdes in him And there is no more then needes in this caution to prevent that base and carnall disdaine which else might arise in her heart against her husband to wit when she shall meet with an object of dishonor and find little to provoke due respect towardes him I say the Lord who knowes that the spirit that is in man lusts after envie and scorne would have this disease prevented to the uttermost that so subjection might seeme not to come from necessity but from free will But yet still I say
s mine and given thee my deere mother to bee a nurse my nurse The subject wife stops not her eare to this call Shee seekes not brests in her husbands purse but in her owne bosome and according to her power takes her babe embraces and nurseth it Ruth gave her sonne Obed the brests though Naomi dry-nursed it When Pharaohs daughter had found poor Moses crying whom sent she for to nurse it rather whom sent God to it oh the mother to note Gods verdict No water like the owne no nurse to the mother As David of Goliahs sword so here its best of all None so tender so chary so carefull Physitians for a fee will be suborned to be at the request of an unaturall mother and to pronounce against the full brests and the milke thereof to advise the husband if you love your wife your child let her not nurse Another Physitian advises the contrary if you love your health nurse your child surely if the skale hang so even if you please let God cast it there being no apparant let A subject wife will bewray it this way as soone as any and the Apostle joynes it with subjection in the place so oft recited She will doe it if not for her husbands sake who lies in her bosome yet for that infants sake which lay in her wombe Though she have not such wages as Moses his mother had for her paines yet shee hath assurance of such pay from a better Master who promises her she shall bee saved that she will doe it for his sake though for neither husbands nor childes That fee and wages next to faith and love will cause her to looke upon her babe even in the worst pickle and hand that belongs to it with so sweet and smiling a countenance that she would not for the paine of many nursings forfeit it Oh thou coy woman what art thou richer then Sarah weaker then Rabel better then Rcbecca holier then Hanna then all those matrons of old who were honorable in this point of subjection whose daughter wouldst thou chuse to be theirs who nurse not or these And by these six branches mentioned judge oh yee women of the rest No one duty of many I know is lesse practised Consider what hath beene said and God give you understanding love made Jacob count all wethers welcome for Rahcl Let her thinke all service sweet for him Thus much for answer to the question wherein subjection consists Now to the uses breefly to finish withall Vse 1 And first let it bee for Admonition if yet my words may reach unto and pierce any such to all sad creatures unsubject soules in this kind to shun all Rebellion against their husbands If thou wilt hearken to thy corrupt will it will tell thee another tale and quash all my former counsell Oh it will say thou mayst winne the goale and get the upper hand of thine husband for ever if thou be damish and imperious It will make him to seeke thee not thou him But subjection will say that I get this way in the Hundreth I shall lose in the Shire If I lose the better end of the staffe with God what get I by getting it of a poore husband It s possible I may cone short too even of that but sure I am never was an unsubject woman powerfull or prevailing with God Therefore her voice is a body thou hast given me it s written in thy booke I shall doe thy will oh God! Loe here I am speake for thy servant heareth and cavills not and my soule answereth thy face will I seeke I will be subject A Zippora will throw the foreskin at her husband the meekest man upon earth Micol will say to the holiest man living even in the act of his zeale what a foole was my husband this day But a subject one will say I opened not my mouth because thou bidst so or if I have once have I spoken but I will say no more but will lay mine hand upon my mouth If I have erred teach me pardon me By crookednesse of spirit of tongue I shall lose honor gaine reproach yea hell too but by subjection as I shall honor mine head so shall he mee yea my yeelding is the way to honor mee more then all my recoylings and to winne that Authority in his heart which no usurping can ever obteine As is the shadow such is the husbands heart love fall downe upon it and thou maist overtake it if thou pursue it it flees further off So if thou contest with strong hand resist thy head he will be as a Lyon his courage wil not stoop But if thou shalt speak kindly to him win him by subjection thou hast conquered him for ever God hath appointed him to be over thee in seeking to be above him thou provokest him to Tyranny and to challenge his right but canst not subdue him by rebellion Remember thy sexe is crazy ever since Eve sinned sin is out of measure sinfull through the Law and Satans incensing loathes subjection affects impotency But oh thou woman that fearest God let that liberty with thine husband which thy subjection hath purchased satisfie thine heart seeke no more lest in catching at the shadow thou lose the Substance Let thy Birth thy Education estate endowments exceed his never so much yet the Ordinance of God hath subjected thee to thine husband with all thy perfections There is but one Law for all wives both poore and rich meane and great wise and foolish one and other that is to be subject No Pop◠no Prince much lesse the law of thine own lust cā exempt thee there were wives in Pauls time who because they beleeved could have shaken off their husbands that were Infidells But Paul meets them a going and turns them back with force upon their allegiance and subjection saying Except the separation begin from the unbeleeving party do not thou who beleevest desert the other As he saide Set meate before them and breake their hearts but smite them not so here winne them by all holy meanes but oppose not If subjection be due to heathens much more to Christians Vse 2 Lastly this is Exhortation to all wives who will stand to Gods barre Be ye subject to your husbands Let the spouse of Christ teach you she is subject to her head both in heart she gives it to him in eye she delights in his wayes she is so to him in all matters both of God and the world shee is so in her gesture speech abroad at home in all Bee thou so and prosper Without this none of thy inward abilities outwarde gifts nay the Graces of God wil be a Crowne to thy husband except it bee a Crowne of thornes No if thou wert never so huswifelike fruitfull in children rich in gold or jewells except thou adde Subjection all will not amount to the making of a crowne except this make it nothing else will All thy
insolencies of women not able to containe themselves within boundes of silence and subjection I am so farre from warranting that I here openly defie them as ungrounded and ungodly and I cannot but wonder that any should bee itching after novelties as being present in such assemblies especially themselves being publique persons and such as ought to discerne better betweene things that differ To both I say beware lest your pride of gifts carrying you beyond the bounds of your private condition and your curiosity in favouring and being led away with such vizored ostentation of graces doe not wrap you within in the sinne of Nadab and Abihu and Vzza and Vzzia who under pretext of holinesse adventured to profane hallowed things nay of Cora and his complices who murmured against Moses and Aaron opposing their calling and office If when you bee convinced by the word you will yet rebell take heed lest you perish in his contradiction as Saint Jude speaks teaching others by their fearfull example because they would take none themselves If such as these had beene from God the divell would not have let them alone so long quiet in their attempts But hee knowes distraction in opinions makes him reigne in the world And to these more impudent persons I adde all such undertaking women who either in families companies or in the private converse with their husband usurpe authority despising the graces of God in their husbands and others and taking upon them all the speech at the table to discourse of religion to debate matters in question in the Church to decide things of difficulty to spend all the time in hearing themselves talke of good things These although they thinke they have learned many things yet have not learned one great thing to wit wisely to judge what their sex and state will admit And therefore though haply what they speake is good yet it s not comely for them it s as a garment of good cloth but made into a garment very unfit for the body for lack of taking measure beforehand These are not helpers but hurters by their unseasonablenesse But I digresse not too farre No reason there is why the impudence of the Rebellious should prejudicate the gifts of an humble wife soberly improoved Neither doth the holy Ghost envie her the honour of her grace and helpfulnesse But as Bathsheba saith Prov. 31. 31. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her workes praise her in the gates Subjection and helpfulnesse enterfeer not one whit both may agree well Subjection caused the wife of Manoa when the Angell appeared to her with a sollemne message to distrust her selfe and to call her husband when God preferres her she modestly craves leave and preferres her husband and his judgement before her owne deriving her owne honour upon him Howbeit afterward wee see that the case so requiring when as upon the Angels departure from them Manoa was left in a carnall feare lest he should die having seene God his wife steps in with her helpfulnesse betweene him and his feares saying if the Lord would have slaine us doubtlesse he would not have revealed himselfe unto us in this sort to tell us we shall have a sonne and yet to kill us She saw further in this case then hee and therefore gives him advice what to settle himselfe upon What could more aptly have beene spoken how is that of Salomon verified A word in season is like Apples of gold and Pictures of silver And how is Abigail honored for her wise counsell to a man who for that her wisdome was so farre from disreputing of her that he sent for her to bee his wife shortly after So that when David was in the way of heate and resolution to shed Nabals and his families blood she encounters him saying let not my Lord doe such a thing as this It shall not grieve him when he shall sit upon his throne that he hath not shed innocent blood Oh! how comly a thing it is for Christian wives to come in thus with humble subjection somtimes with a soft word to allay wrath to stay the husband from prejudice against good persons and causes to enterpret all in the better part to observe him when the word kindles any affections in his soule and presently to follow them home not to suffer them to slip out and vanish to provoke him to mercy and compassion to draw him from a naturall course to a morrall from a morrall to a spirituall to perswade him to equalnesse and indifference towards such as are at controversie to debate and decide things peaceably to stay his hand from immoderate correction of children or servants when she sees passion prevaile against judgement yea and sometimes with the same meecknesse and mildnesse to convince him of an evill quality or pang as choler discontent worldlinesse censuring of others rashnesse and the like admonishing also to beware of the occasions which might lead thereto wherewith shee herselfe should receive the like from him Somtimes to win his adverse heart to a more entire love to Gods Sabbaths to his word preached to his faithfull Ministers and servants to affect them to associate them and to renounce all his old company and fellowship in evill To be alway darting some savour of that which they have heard in publique and prompting him with it that the world eat not up all Oh! these things come sweetly as the latter raine from a woman who counts it her happinesse to see her husband to bee brought home to Christ who mournes for his rebellion and rejoices to see his heart broken As Mordecai told Ester so should a good wife tell herselfe who knowes whether thou art come to thy place for such a season even to bring home one sheep to Christs fould Doubtlesse if Satan were not a professed foe to such helpfulnesse the worke would proceed with more ease and successe So much for the first branch The next head of the wives helpfulnesse is in matters of the world Salomon as truly said of this as of any other vertue of the wife that a wise woman buildeth her house For though it be little in comparison which a poore woman can add to the estate of her husband yet she must bee all in all for the preserving therof So that an improvident woman is next a waster in this only respect and loseth much But if she be also a spendthrift and really wastfull there is no end of her spoile till she have brought all to nothing and overthrowne both her husbands state and posterity She is the Moth yea Canker of the marrow and beauty of his estate and by insensible morsels devours at length the whole substance And because there bee many queazy women yet such as would be religious that thinke it a peece of religion to be no housewives let Bathsheba a Queene who might more stand upon her estate then the proudest Dame may upon her dowrie in
his bodily health next under God by keeping the pretious castle of his body in good estate for the health strength and vigor therof It s a Proverbe made in favour of a good wife that if the husband looke well they say I le hath a good wife Shee is his nurse to dresse and provide him savory meate such as his heart loveth she knowes his body to what ailes he is subject his diseases and distempers are knowne to her cheefly she must order his diet shee must disswade him from what is hurtfull present what is wholesome and that not in a seeming curiosity but in a reall and cordiall carefulnesse Shee must bee his welcomer to entertaine him from his wet and cold journies with warmth with harbour with comforts and refreshings For his heart trusts to her for it and no colds wets heates or ill jorneyes can be wearisome to him having so helpfull a yokefellow at home to receive him If he be sicke shee is his best messenger to the Phisitian best tenderest keeper under his Phisick best cook for kitchin Phisick at home and must be the best instrument for recovery For why she tooke him not only for health and prosperity wherin he can provide for himselfe but for sicknesse and disasters wherin he relies upon her helpfulnesse Agâ—ine she is as the shield of his pretious Name and good Report Suffers no fly of her own to light upon that oyntment is impotent to endure or put up any base aspersions upon it honors it and the merit and repute of it hath a speriall facultie to commence and procure an high esteeme of his vertues in the hearts of all especialy in the hearts of such as are worthie to honor a man and shuns all occasions which might cause the â—asest to defame him she hath alwaya covering readie to carry backward upon his nakednesses and blemishes such I say as are to be covered And such as shee is forced to confesse as Nabaâ—s churlishnes and folly by Abigail shee is rather haled thereto by necessity then prone to it with delight She abhorres them whose fingers alway itch at the disgrace of their husbands She chuseth to come betweene his folly and his shame by catching the wound upon her owne flesh and leaving her own bleeding rather then violate his for enduring others to derogate therfrom she puts no great oddes betweene the one or the other knowing that her owne cannot be entire if his be hurt much lesse thinking his losse to be her gayne Fifthly to his family shee is an absolute helper by necessity and cannot be spared not onely in point of housewivery but also in the dispencing the Affayres of it within She crosses not her husband in any labor and education of children she traynes and instructs the tender fry fittest for her hand till meeter for his oversight joines with him in his reproofes and corrections knowing that Satan reignes in the children by the division of parents holdes not his hand from due stroakes but bares their skin with delight to his fatherly stripes defendes neither hers nor his children in their sin And yet as the case requires playes the kinde Mediator alienating the extremity of both wordes and blowes lest they be discouraged yet by coÌ„sent for the breaking of their hearts She counts it her glory by her lenity and love with all innocency to keep accord betweene the children of divers broodes indifferently ensuing both their welfare if not with equal nature yet with the same conscieÌ„ce not seeking to derive the current of her husbands heart to her own but letting it have free passage to them who are equally his She is not in words but in truth not astepmother unto them as loth to betray the one as the other to their fathers wrath or to Gods rejoicing when they are furthest off the dinte of eyther Not as Eve who first had inevitably betrayed all her posterity to ruine together with her selfe ere her husband knew it and then himselfe Not looking at her owne mayntenance and holding the reine in her owne hand without respect what become of them or after the death of her husband unnaturally suffring them to perish while her cruell eies looke on Moreover she sticks close to him in all difficulties nay most then that like to God she may be most seene in the mounte aswell as when his successes are most prosperous In the affront of any ill newes losses discontents injuries she keepes off the dint of sorrow from his spirit wypes away the teares trickling downe his cheeks turnes off what might incense ensues what might satisfie and give him content and putting under her helping shoulders to beare any common burden which must be borne Although her own necke lie upon the blocke and she suffer under any speciall vexation lying on her spirit yet she abhorres to be moaned or eased by outcryes and dolours rather taking it to her selfe biting it in to her owne regret theÌ„ willing that for the sake of one the whole Family should bee in disquiet saying with that wise Shunamite God can reconcile all disproportions be quiet my soule bite not upon the bridle but wayte and all shal be well And as a branch heerof adde this in the last place that if God frowne upon their estate she makes no mutiny nor clamor against heaven or husband her lot and ill Chance for she knowes no such Goddesse as fortune But rather by her own example in submitting to providence to fare hardly to be attried homely when better supplie fayles she drawes her husbands spirit from impatience and unequalnes to equanimity and subjection In submitting of her soule to God even when his hand is sad and the rod is sharpe shee findes sensible ease wayting meekly til God turne the wheele with Naomi bring her home to her wonted welfare And this shall serve for a draught of the third branch of the womans helpfulnes in the conjugall conversation Vse 1 Now its time to finish the Chapter with some use And first of sharpe reproofe For to this end hath the Lord framed woman as I have sayd but shee hath found out new inventions and indeed shee was the first that set her wits on work in this kinde Alas how many women have wee helpfull to others with the hurt of their husbands others helpfull to their husbands with the hurt of others A third sort helpfull to themselves whatsoever hurt befall their husbands And lastly some neither helpfull to themselves nor to their husbands but hurtfull to all but still the helpfull wife is rare to come by And as we see that first helper of man created most perfect yet instantly degenerated and became the greatest hurt to him and his so her Grand-children still tread in her steps so that few husbands therebe but may say with Adam and much more justly The woman thou gavest mee hath undone me If it had been a stranger an Enemy I could have
she bee all blubberd with teares she loseth not her beauty but by the contrary doth commend it so although the occasions of her life are sad aswell as cherefull yet the cloud doth not disanull the sun but causes it to shine thorough with a more acceptable grace So farre I say as weake flesh mixt with much corruption wil admit And this forthe latter What shall I then say for Conclusion of this former part of my text that the married wives must honor their Marriage by this amiable behaviour Surely it instructeth us in and about the variety of couples in marriage The oddes is as great as the difference of the Prophets baskets of figs very good and very naught so that they could not be eaten The gratious wife is not only an helper to the Estate of her husband â—ut shee is a Coâ—fort and contentment to his mind and spirit shee lies in his bosome as a bag of sweet spices under his Aâ—meâ—olâ—s as a perfumed garment to his nostrils as the spikenard of the spouse in the Canticles which gave her savor to the beloved when he lay upon his bed Hence it is that Salomon compares her not onely to the most costly but especially to the most comely things which Nature hath made All her teeth her forhead lips necke bosome thighes legges yea even her very goings are pleasing in his eye he compares her to the lillies to the washed sheepe to the Roes of the Mountaines to the Doves to the Cedars to the Curtains of Salomon and every lovely amiable thing All to shew that amiablenesâ—e and gracefulnes is that principall excellency which commends a wife to her husbands esteem and affection without the which the rest were little worth In other things shee hath a mixture of her selfe but in this she resembles him who hath restored her to her first order and comelinesse in her creation A creation which no outward wealth or price can purchase nothing in the world can equall the reflexion of those graces and the savor of that report which came from her They are in her not for her as the flowers of a garden serve to garnish the house so these grow in her for his use her husbands to adorne and grace his person that he may be knowne in the gates All that City which knew Ruth to be a vertuous woman knew Booz to be an happy man in her himselfe thinking no lesse when he told her so Her vertues indeed shine within her owne sphaere and centre chiefly yet the influence therof is as that oile of Aaron which stayed not where it was first layd upon his head but wet the whole attire and earth about And as that box of costly oyntment though onely powred upon the feete of Christ yet made the whole house savor of it so the temper which ariseth of the simplieity meeknesse modesty of a good wife makes her amiable to such as never saw her face It s as the vices of the bad wife which like oile in the palme of ones hand cannot be hid Contrariwise an unhappy husband falles alone nor in himselfe so much as in his vitious wife who creates abroad dishonour at home discontent to him The best man thus plagued shall hardly avoid one of these imputations either that he is unworthy of a good one because he makes her no better or unhappy because she is no better the one is his sinne the other his shame both his sorrow She is neither comfort to him at home because he is an eie-witnesse of what he would not nor abroad being forced to stop his nose at the ill savour of he vices as Ahigail at Nabals churlishnesse Neither can hee be but as the body sitting upon a rolling stone which is never at rest but alway in conflict with himselfe with wrath and despaire yet there is no way to bee rid of such either in the getting or having except God shew a man favour that a man fall not into her hands So much for information But from this another use arises And that 's admonition to good wives and happy husbands thus much To the good wife this if God have thus graced thee enjoy it not thy selfe but set a Crowne upon thine husband expresse the temper of thy inward vertues in the amiablenesse of a loving and sweet carriag Forget it not even in affliction utter it even in the midst of bodily weaknesse Let thy pleasing influence breake through all opposition and sorrowes as the Sunne breakes through the thick mist or darke cloudes yea although eclipsed in part yet shine in part and let a glimmering appeare remember thou art a true friend made for the day of adversity it is not so thankeworthy for thee to cheere thine husband when he can cheere thee or himselfe without thee while the day of prosperity lasts but then to play the sweet orator and to make him merry when all other comforts have forsaken him in the sad season of sicknesse of sorrow this is better then all musique and melody Every base bird while summer lasts will chirp and chitter But to sing upon the bare bow or thorne bush when the leaves are gone and the cold winter approacheth this argues a wife truly gracefull truly amiable and cheerfull and next to the Soules peace with God is the greatest content under the Sunne I exhort no woman to play the hypocrite neither indeed can gracefulnesse be long acted by any apish imitator But I entreat her whom God hath thus graced to understand the use she serves for not concealing her selfe but to the uttermost to apply her selfe to the comfort of her husband And for himselfe this I say If God hath thus honored thee with such a wife understand oh man thine owne happinesse and digest it seriously with thanks to him who hath framed her so and brought her so framed into thy bosome Let her finde by good experience there is no love lost but let thy heart rest in her and trust to her seale her a bond of thy sure and faithfull respect againe and let her see she hath not a wearisome Nabal to do with who cannot value that which is pretious in her at a due rate Set her as a signet on thy right hand and let her be neerer thine heart then thy costliest jewell Let it not be enough that thou canst love one who hath honoured thee more then all thy wealth or birth could doe but procure her honour in all places and suffer none to eclipse her worth Give her of the worke of her hands and let her workes praise her in the gates And so much bee spoken for the use of this third Branch and so touching the meane to preserve the honour of Marriage by the duties which concerne each party in severall And thus having at last absolved this Taske which I undertooke to wit to shew how Matrimoniall honor may both bee purchased and preserved entire viz first
thou art old its ill ending it were better beginning with it in thy youth if God would Yet so it is many have beene faine to hang up the harpes of their youth upon the wislowes of sad marriage in old age and sing this new life requiâ—es other manners other abearing before I was carried upon Eagles wings now I must shift for my selfe my battels were once wont to bee fought to my hand but now I must knowe warre and fight my own Now I am tried indeed what is in my heart what patience what selfe-deniall is in it yea my best wits to please to conceale what I cannot amend and all too little Doe you wonder Who should have told you that a good wife was worth the thanks while you had her Or that she was any better jewell then you thought you deserved till she was taken away If nothing but wanting can convince your folly why should not medicine cure your maladie To end this former branch If your selves have sped well in a businesse of such hasard why doe you not guide others by your experience to make a good choice you will say marriage makings are thanklesse offices I grant it that if all I have premised be true I thinke some may con them small thanke who have holpen them to their marriages But as hard as the world goes and although all hopes must rest upon proofe yet by your leave some may give a shrewder guesse then others and say more touching aptnesse or unaptnesse howsoever I say to you as those Lepers having stored themselves with victualls and booty wee doe not well to suffer our brethren to starve And although the best care may miscarry yet the care is in no fault but rather much worse it must bee where Counsellors are wanting Secondly I say to all such good couples be wise lâ—ve love and leave What hath a man of all his sore labours under the Sunne or what profits it to spend our life in needlesse toile and vexation Live first in the joifull improovement of all those graces and blessings where with God hath endowed you Take and mutually possesse each others vertues grow by the helpe of others more inward holy usefull in the communion of Saints Let your streames flow to others enjoy not all to your selves Love secondly endeere your hearts in each other mutually Suffer not Satan to come betweene barke and tree and through a satiety of Blessings to turne all to wearinesse and fulsomenesse to grow estranged in your affections yea ready to take pritches at each other forgetting Gods love to you both If some had those advantages we have should you say of consent and peace oh what a close walking with God would it produce without separation whereas we vanish how would they settle religion and government of family which they would and cannot wee might and will not Leave lastly each other willingly and contentedly when God shall determine your short pilgrimage which will so much the easilier be if you have lived and loved before the parting will be bitter however yet much worse if all be to bee done at death Sweeter will the parting be upon experience of former marriage improovements then upon guilt of remedilesse errors But I say the time is short use the world as if you used it not buy as if you bought not marry as if you married not doe all moderately knocke off before unloose in season There hath beene a time of embracing there must come another far from it By that rejoicing you have had in Christ die daily and tell each it other in your best rejoicing I bid you not do as heathens set a scul before you on your marriage day with a Motto What I have bin thou art and what I am thou shalt be But know marriage happines is but the liberty of a prison Squeez it not too hard lest you force blood use it slightly and it will comfort you Say not its good being here build not Tabernacles Matth. 17. 4. Let not death knocke unawares Its pitty a man should be in love with shells on the shore as to forget the sip and be swept away or love the husband here forgetting Christ a carnall relation renonuncing an eternall Vse 3 This point also to conclude all is instruction to shadow out the priviledge of them who are united to Christ by the marriage of faith and the spirit It s a mystery as Paul calles it And as sometimes he teaches married persons their duties by the mutuall union of Christ and the Church so also another while he describes the true union and Amity of Christ and the spouse by the samenes of flesh which marriage causeth betweene husband and wife A word or two of both and first how Christ and his spouse meet For looke how Eliâ—zer was a spokesman between Isaac and Rebecca to draw her into a marriage knot with him and as he carryed the Bracelets and tokens sent in Isaac's name to allure her to him also declared the abundant wealth of Abraham in cattel gold and jewells all to bestow upon his onely son Isaac that so the richnesse and content fulnesse of the match might perswade Rebecca So doth the Lord by his spokesmen the Messengers reveale to his Church by his spirit all his wealth and Treasures of wisedome and knowledge all put into the flesh of the Lord Iesus and tells her 1. Cor. 1. all the goods which he hath giveÌ„ us in him that he may therby surprise her heart and gaine her to be his he sets out his son from head to foote in all amiablenesse of person and graces that his eyes and looks might wound her and steale her heart away from trash and toies of the world It is he who not only so but where as he found her unapt for himself an Amorite an Hittite in her blood a base Captive he shaves off her hayre pares her nailes washes her and makes her cleane he bestowes her dowry upon her not as men upon their wyves for they looke for it from them thinking them little without it he discovers the miserable desolate and forlorne life of her wofull vriginity wherin as an orphan she lay open to all enemyes all wrongs and injuries convinces her that her support and welfare is meerly from himselfe Nay tells her that shee was engaged before to a most cursed husband who would have undone her he undertakes to stab him and to make her way cleer for the marriage of himselfe the old contract being dissolved He becomes an earnest suiter an hot lover of hers and refuses no patience to winne her even till his locks be full of the dew of the night All to make her his owne his only one that having renounced not only base qualities but her own fathers house her selfe her name and all her owne happinesse he may be happy in her and she in him alone for he can endure no corryvall and
so be married without any feare of ever being divorced He causesher heart by this Attractive and these cords of a man to resolve upon the match Shee then enclines to him shee can say neither more nor lesse save that it is from the Lord she begins to chide herselfe for her so long ignorance of his worth unacquaintance with his excellencies little enquiring after such a person now he needs no arguments for shee cannot pardon her selfe that she knew him no sooner she casts off all her colors and covers of shame and resignes up her selfe fully freely and for ever to be his abhorring her selfe and wondring that such a person can love such a sorry spouse she compts all others as dung they all stinke unto her in comparison of him alone and therfore consents to his motion beleeving shee shall find no other of him then she hath apprehended him to bee This touching the meeting And upon this her consent Christ and his spouse live and love together for Christ takes her to himselfe from that day forward even home to himselfe and shewes her his dwelling making her glad in the tents of her mother as Isaac did Rebecca in Sara's tent he marries her to himselfe in righteousnes compassion faythfulnes and love he puts a robe about her and a ring upon her hand a tyre upon her head shooes upon her feet furnishes her with al his treasure killes the fat calfe makes her a roiall feast of all fat things of refined wines even his Sacraments he endowes her with all he hath takes her both for better to rejoice in her graces and for the worser to cover all her infirmities to make a great praise of her poorest vertues judging her by them and not the other undertaks for all her debts none may sue her but in his name who answers all sutes quarels gives her himself his heart and love and all which is meet for her for need and comfort for this life and a better for why She is his Hephziba and Beulah In all her sicknesses he assists and stands by her he is afflicted in all her afflictions his right hand saves sustains and redeems her Charges the daughters that they wake her not till she please and his love is her banner and defence And let none touch his beloved for he toucheth the Apple of his eye no wrong she receives of any but he makes it good an hundreth fold till shee be past all danger And sutable in measure is the spouses carriage towards Christ if shee bee not degenerate Shee againe most deerly loves him shee is in all things helpfull to him to his glory to his contents even as a wife of his desires Shee is reverently and meekly subject to him under all his commands with most loiall awe and yet with delight as under an easie yoke is most tender of his welfare yea is glad and thinkes not her selfe too good to wash the feet of his poorest servants if her goodnesse cannot reach to him she reaches it to his children whom in his absence she nourishes solaces her selfe in beholds him in them visits clothes and releeves them in their needs thinking them happy who may stand as servants in his presence shee thinkes her selfe more happy in him then if married to the greatest potentate upon earth The spokesmen who treated with her about this marriage are pretious in her eyes yea their feet are beautifull to her for the glad tidings they brought her Shee compts no labor too much no cost too deer for him Even the costliest oyntment is not good enough for his feet The reproaches of them that upbraid him goe into the bowells of her belly and dart to her heart she walkes not only not rebelliously and contumeliously but not uncomely not slightly But decks her selfe with all the gifts of the spirit humility wisedome and sweet tendernes of spirit yea the spirit of grace is in her lips that in all her behavior and converse shee may walke in and out gracefully and amially in his sight in al long suffring and welpleasing shee is faithfull to him in all his secrets keeps his counsell Dares not prostitute her selfe to any not only lusts but even liberties or companies which shee thinkes may bee distastfull to him yea but suspicious The tokens he sends her as pledges of his favor are most deere unto her She seeks no priviate welfare of her owne besides his She distrusts not his provision but trusts him confidently knowing shee shall not want denies her selfe for his sake rejoices that by this her loyall heart may be tried Thinkes never the worse of him because she suffers for him but rather the more he costs her the deerer he is to her No husband of other women can staine hers for hers is above all the cheef of ten thousand the fashions garish whorish attires paintings and spangles of harlots come not about her neck nor wrestes But shee frames her selfe to his contents in all chastity shee knowes his voice but abhorres a strangers Nothing greeves her but his absence All her longings desires and teares are that she might be with him where nothing may ever divide her from him Let it teach us in the midst of our marriage contents to raise up our affections to the joy of this spirituall union and in the midst of our discontents here to make supply with the happines of this And this may serve for these two generall uses also belonging to the whole discourse In a word therfore to conclude all If that which I have at large sayde about Marriage duties seeme to discourage any weake ones as if their oile and meale could not reach out so farre they shall never attayne to this measure I will not answere them as once a Poët answerd one that asked him why hee alway brought in women as very vertuous alway commending them but another presented them on the stage as vitious alway traducing them Oh saith he I present them as I would have them as they should bee but he brings them in as they are commonly So I might say my discourse doth not presuppose eyther all husbands or wyves as they are but as they should bee Ayme at it as a marke But I will answer as a learned heathen in his Epistle to his friend speakes when he had received a very short letter from him I have read over thy very short letter very often and so often that I have made it a very long one So here My large discourse may dismay some for comming so short of practice as they doe Beseech the Lord therfore to behold thy defects with a mercifull eye to read the short lines of thy obedience often over in the glasse and perspective of the Lord Iesus and so by his large interpreting and much looking upon thine honest endeavour it shal be esteemed as full and large God helpe Our discourses of these matters are far larger then the practice of
wil be said how may this wrath and Iustice of God against these whoremongers appeare Answer Answer By a particular induction of those punishments which he hath inflicted upon all uncleane ones Which by and by I shall number up but in the meane tyme let mee not forget to premise some Reasons why the Lord strives to put so odious an outside upon this sin of uncleannes and these reasons I desire may be marked for the whetting up of the Readers edge upon the matter ensuing I wil be short in all remembring that I am now onely adding a little to the former Argument Reason 1 First then this sin is a very â—eâ—r naturall and familiar corruption to our nature and as much nourisht and cherisht as any one a true Ruben the eldest child of old Adams strength bearing name of the Mother which is called in generall lust or concupiscence Heathens esteeme those vertues which carry the name of the kind â—o be eminent ones as fortitude because it s called vertue it s to be supposed to be Eminent and to have most of the kind of good in it So hath uncleannes the name and most of the kind because it s called lust eminently The Mother and Daughter are bawdes mutually to each other Now then the Lord seeing how hardly those evills are shamed and abhorred which lye so neer our heart and are so fomented by the influence of continuall corruption as the streame by her spring seeing that this sinne is bred and steepes in our bosome as our sonne doth so much the more set himselfe to deface and make it odious As a father beholding some more naturall evill lurking in the spirit of his childe pride drunkennesse doth all hee can to unmaske it to discover that blind folding self-selflove which maintained it and doth all hee can to bring it out of conceit with him and make him loath it Reas 2 Secondly men are marveilously given although they do see and grant it to be evill yet to blanch it over and make it as none or very small by their slighting and extenuating of it So much the more doth the Lord strive to point it out in lively colours and to aggravate it The heathens such as all were to whom Paul directs his Epistles had by ill custome so far dasht out that dimme twilight of conscence left in them that they deemed this sin among others a meere naturall necessary appetite and in a manner made as common of it as of eating and drinking In so much that in that Epistle to the Corinthians Paul hath much adoe to perswade them to see any shame in it Nay that they might adde drunkennesse to thirst lo they began to make the more bold with God in this kinde under pretended priviledge by the Gospell as if Christ had come to proclaime liberty to all petty sinnes for opposition to which unsavory basenesse the Apostle is faine to alledge the wrath of God against it even upon them who were his peculiar people the Iewes The more wee slight sinne the more is God faine to cast us in teeth and upbraid us with it Reas 3 Thirdly although we should come so farre as in words to confesse it a sinne yet the sensuality of our spirit and the tickling pleasure of the flesh being as the belly which hath no eares inflaming and bolstring up it selfe by the lewd generall practice of base times and the baites and objects of uncleannesse in every corner spred as snares by Satan is very propense is very apt to forget that face thereof which in the glasse of a royall law and the terror thereof were presented unto us Our carnall affections I say are so apt to take fire as dry gunpowder and to flash up that they doe bribe our judgements dangerously from a convinced perswasion of the loathsomnesse of it And the divell is never farre off but presents this butter in so Lordly a dish that the soule spies not the hammer and naile in his hand till hee have driven it into the temples Who should have perswaded David or Samson that those amiable objects and delights of their eies were so bainefull and odious as they found them Saint Jude tells us that those Idoll teachers were so defiled with the flesh that they bare downe their conscience in that which they knew to bee evill and like sensuall bruite beasts powred out themselves to their lust with greedinesse Such a charming Syren there is in the soule by this sinne lulling it a sleepe as upon Dalilas knees lest it should admit a thorough convincement thereof The dead flesh then of this soare being so great the corrasive had need bee smarty which should eate it out Reas 4 Fourthly no sinne is so ready to hide it selfe under cloakes and excuses as this none so fruitfull in devising shifts and tricks that it might not bee discovered or evasions that it might not be punished Whether we looke at the tricks and inventions which the committers themselves devise to cover it yea the many desperate waies which they have to cloake it from the sight of men or whether we looke at the covers which the divell hath fitted for these cups how many waies of commuting how many wayes of recrimination and turning the crime upon the accusers so that they are more snarled then the accused for vice is manifold vertue is simple how many waies of overthrowing witnesses for lacke of narrow testimony how many commutings dispensings and pardonings of this sin a very mocking of God and adding oile to the flame Look into the nature of the sin it selfe it s a worke of darkenesse and therefore as deepe as hell in the devising of waies to conceale it selfe Sleidan hath a story of an adulterous Duke in Germany who falling in love with his Dutchesses handmaide and thereof had in deepe jealousy by his wife devised a course politiquely to imbarque himselfe more deeply into his uncleannesse and to elude his wives suspicion He sent the harlot to a Castle as if hee meant to cast her quite off appointing a strait watch as he gave it forth that she might not be thought to escape and after some time caused a report to be given forth in the Country that she was deadly sicke whether of discontent or other disease after this had a while possessed his Dutchesse he caused it shortly after to be reported that shee was dead and left that might be suspected hee tooke a solemne course for her enterrement he hired women for the nonce to conduct the corpes appointed an Image such was the manner of the buriall to bee laid above the herse openly to be seene which should resemble to the eies of the beholders the pale and consumed face of his lemman as shee looked â—eeing dead also witnesses hee suborned such as had tended her to sweare it a solemne funerall and a sermon with a large dole to the poore all framed to give demonstration and assurance to
land to their penance with such impudence or disdaine Not to speake of such great ones as for their villany in some kndes not to be named with their owne flesh and forcers of their wives to yeeld to the lust of their servants have been brought to open execution is it not pitty that through the insolency of offendors the sacred censures of Gods Church should be vilified and exposed to scorne To end this reproach of the name it s an usuall saying that the sinnes of seed and pollution are punisht in the seed one way or other a tainted seed bewraying it selfe Saint Peter speakes of some sinnes derived by tradition from the fathers to their children among which this is one none of the pretious legacies as Iericho was built so is adultery plagued both in the eldest and youngest it goeth through the race till it have wasted all and made an utter consumption Some notorious monster in this kind being as he who puts a burning torch into a stacke of straw so violently burning that there is no quenching of it Thirdly God accurseth this sinne with beggery and rags wastings of state open or secret no man can tell how save that so it is and by this privy plague God hath discovered many wretches in the eies of them that else never should have suspected such One of them upon his death confessed both of this and of other evills I have spent many thousand pounds to damne my soule Alas poore soule it need not have cost thee a penny save that the divell loves to have his bored slaves outvie Gods servants and as one saith doe more for him that will shed their blood then Christs servants will doe for him that shed his blood for them When no cause I say hath appeared of such a mans wasting but yet wasted he is parsonage added to parsonage great portion in mariage to former inheritance great befallings of legacies by this meanes and that yet none will serve the turne but a canker fretting out the marrow of all no thriving in estate what doth it argue but that moth that eates out the foyson of all and that fire that melteth all as fat before the Sunne The sluggard and adulterer being commonly joined in one pertake of one plague of penury Goe over townes and countries tell the choice buildings lands and inheritances of them and aske whose these were all will tell you such a name such an house enjoy'd them but now all is gone and embezzeled away nor one acre remaining of foure or five thousand pound lands by the yeere And how Oh the fire of lust and burning concupiscence hath wasted all and driven them out of their dwellings as dogges or swine so that all who come by may say drunkennesse riot whoring idlenesse or malitious persecution of the Church of God have beene the meanes to roote out the most families of this greatnesse and wealth Truely methinkes when I passe by them they are as Theaters of vengeance and judgement of God against adulterers and fornicators Fourthly the judgement of God appeares in the snaring of the sinner by this sinne As is the whore so is the adulterer shee is a deep ditch to devoure and he is a vast gulfe of lust and concupiscence He is so drowned in his owne perdition and cannot get out snarled as a bird so that the more she struggles the worse shee is hampered would unwind her selfe but cannot Oh! then what a judgement is this neither to be able to be chast nor endure to be unchast As the Poet said of the Paramour to his harlot neither can I live with thee nor without thee So of this lust I cannot endure it it is so dogging so unsatiable that it wastes my marrow in my bones and causeth a perishing daily without death it s a tyrant to me forcing me to serve it beyond my strength And yet I cannot be without it neither it hath so prevailed against me by the false sweet and cursed habit of it that I cannot want it One in this kind was so addicted to it that even when he was spent to the very pith yet had appointed his harlot to meet him when death approached and could not beleeve he should die till want of breath intercepted his thoughts and trade The soule in this plight sinkes deeper and deeper one harlot makes way for another some one insatiable stallion in this kind having three foure yea seven harlots to exhaust him As he said merrily so I here such need no gout dropsie ague or consumption to bring them to their end they have provided a speedier course There is no end of sinning and he must needs go whom the divell drives Fifthly it s the divels nestegge and causes many sinnes to be laid one to and upon another Looke upon the wofull cheine of Davids lust how did one follow another the act urged the concealment the eagernesse thereof provoked a suborning of Vrijah that brought on the making of him drunk when that will not serve turne then the innocent must be murther'd any one of these odious in a wretch how odious then are all in a Saint How many secret murthers of infants have beene caused by Popish Votaries let the vaults privies fishponds belonging to their lawlesse houses testifie nay their owne Pope Gregory who tooke an order with them upon the observation of such villany I Oh the lies shifts perjuries purgings by forsworne men bribes given and taken policies and tricks to cover defend and make off such abominations So it must bee I wonder that a man should be so debauched as to be a whoremonger but being one I wonder not that he is as such a one must bee for can a bowle rolling downe the hill stop her owne course no more can hee who is in the power of his lust doe as hee would but as the force of ill custome and the prevailing sweetnesse of his lust necessitates him unto No sin goeth alone but to be sure uncleanesse cannot avoid many to accompany it Once over the shoes in this puddle rarely will Satan leave off till he have by degrees got thee over head and eares Sixthly what wofull consequences follow this sin As Salomon of the drunkard whence are red eies To whom are woundes blacke and blue cheeks So say I here To whom are quarrels Broyles blood shed Duells betweene Corrivalls of Harlots with a raging heart never at peace To whom To those whom the fury of harlots discontent hath incensed what will not such doe to gratify their Mistresse Nay where doe Robberies by the high waies and murthers and burghlaries begin Surely in the love of harlots as much as in any other roote It must be so love will not be maintaind with nothing this sin is and must be desperately wastfull The old speech is Venus must be nourisht with Ceres and Bacchus infinite is the luxury and Riot of such no end of expences in each
Ghost hath described it Read and ponder that Heb. 3. 12. where the Apostle in effect tells us that this is the nature of all sinne committed against the light and it hath these degrees as the words doe expresse Take heed lest there be in any of you an evill heart of unbeleefe to depart from the living God but exhort one another lest you be hardned by the deceitfulnesse of sinne Marke first there is an evill heart of aversnesse from God and enmity or alienation from God in each child of old Adam Thus David confesseth himselfe guiltie hereof in committing Adultery Secondly this being unsuâ—dued in the soule by the word breaketh out into outward and morrall evills as ill humors in the body into soares and botches So saith our Saviour an evill man out of the evill treasure of his heart brings forth evill things for out of the heart proceed all such draffe that 's the nest and forge of them all Both these make the heart an evill heart Thirdly this evill heart and these evill workes become evill workes of unbefeefe That is whereas God hath ordeined a blessed remedy of pardon and clensing of both loe the love of an evill heart to her evill workes will not suffer it to parte with them but chuseth rather to forsake mercy it selfe They that embracelying vanities forsake their owne mercy And our Savior plainly This is the condemnation of the world that light came into the world But loved darknes rather then light because their workes were evill Iesus Christ receaved by faith would have destroyd such workes But men loving them and that darkenes which nourisht them more then light they added drunkennes to thirst that is unbeleefe to morral sins And so sins which at the first were but dipped in the colour of Nature beeing died in graine by contempt of light became spirituall evills consisting in a treacherous refusall of grace that it might nouzle it selfe in sin more and more which by embracing of grace it might have beene rid of So that this unbeleefe defending it selfe in the practise of darknesse causeth the soule to be guilty of horrible villany against the grace of God and that spirit of Christ which offreth it selfe to purge and wash it from sin Fourthly by this meanes there followes a Delusion and Defilemen of the soule by the sweetnes and deceitfullnesse of sin That is a Desertion of the soule wherby it s left by the just hand of God to the errour of her own way choyce to bee as it desired to bee so that it becomes of avoluntarily a necessarily seduced heart thinking evill to be good feeding upon ashes as a perverted appetite will do upon coales or chalke it suffers conscience to be blindfolded and baffled and the accusing power thereof to become a defiled power so that though it know sin to be sin as this of Adultery yet beeing luld asleepe upon Dalilas lap it feeles no sting but dreames of ease as Samson and David who differd not in this from Balaam save onely in this that the spirit susteind and reserved their judegments that they sinned not upon the last practicall understanding and choice of free will but by prevention and temptation But to their owne sense they had shaken off the spirit Fifthly from hence proceeds hardning of heart in the sin against the recourse and checks of conscience Thus David beeing once defiled and snared so that he could go neither backward nor forward he grew so hardned that he resolved upoÌ„ al those waies wherby his sin might be concealed extenuated defended and that with odious Circumstances which what was it save as much as in him lay to put off the spirit of God and to fulfill his lust providing that he might not be unsettled And lastly in some uncleane ones although the Elect cannot goe so farre hence proceeds a departing from the living God a disabling of the spirit from returning back to him again through an heart which cannot mourne relent repent so finally a powring foorth of the heart to all other sin without controll or restreint yea some go so farre herein that they fight not only against the revealing light of the spirit but against the spirit it selfe out of malice And what wonder if the restreyning power of the spirit be taken from such as have despised the saving power of it Now to gather up all into one how wofull an hazard doe all they run as play the uncleane beasts under the cleere light of the Gospel How do they lay the stumbling blocke of their owne iniquities before themselves For although I deny not a possibility of returning so long as the spirit is greeved onely except it be despited also yet who knoweth how farre he may go in his descent beeing not able to stop himselfe And as for the Elect how many beare themselves upon it till they proove errant hypocrites This Meditation therfore let all such ponder deeply who are given to slight this sin what God may do for ignorant ones as Paul speakes I say not though we see but few of these repent But for them that sin wilfully after light it s far worse A second object of meditation against this sin is the Peculiarnesse of it from other sins That of the Apostle is notable for this fly fornication why All other sins parte from the bodie this abides in it what 's that Other sins of wrath theft swearing the like abide not in but passe away from the instrument acting them I say not in guilt but in act of cleaving But this of uncleannesse as it leaves no lesse scarre in the Body then they rather more so it leaves a far greater and more loathsome stayne in the body causing it to bee a more yrkesome dwelling for the spirit of God to bee more loathsome to it selfe and beares marke in the open sight of others of it owne filthines If God then have set such a mark of this sin upon the bodie as upon no other and now much more then when Paul speakes if other sins in comparison are without but this within it others by the body out of the body this by et and in it that is it is a more reall and bodily sin requiring more of a sinner for the perfecting of it then others yea forfeiting a peece of the body in the committing of it how odious is it Againe if it bee a more fulsome vice and hardlier washtout as before hath beene said If it shut God out of his Temple yea out of Poarch and all I conclude it behooves all to beware lest they conceive that a more slight sin then others which God hath branded with more peculiarnesse then others I do not here speake of that loathsomnesse which followes the act of that before But I say The Lord loathes these leprous walles what should such a one have to doe with Praier Reading Hearing Sacraments whose lips eys
so few backsteps comming from thenceward would thinke any other save that there they were devoured And who would dare to hasard himself upon such a point as whether he should come backe from thaâ—pit from which its ten to one if any at all returne That heathen Philosopher Xenocrates may teach us wisedome herein who was a Stoick of most exact chaâ—tity and morallity He having read to his scholers deep Lectures of austerity and abstinence from all pleasures seeming to his Scholers to speak more then he had strength to performe was attempted by them what he was they got an harlot of exquisit beauty and laid her in his bed to provoke him to folly But he according to his rules abhorring the temptation answered them he would not buy repentance at so deere a rate Surely if he who had no more to lose save his morrall conscience and feared lest the forfeit thereof would prove so irrecoverable what should we Christians say who have our soules to lose what should it profit to winne the world and lose them or what shall bee given in exchange of them And having no hope of recovering repentance any more how should they tremble at so great a losse In one word this I say that this sinne hath a wofull spirituall giddinesse and drunkennesse annexed unto it disabling the sinner from laying it to heart except strange mercie prevent him so that as Salomon speakes in comparing the two sexes so may I say in comparing these with other sinners I have seene of them one of a thousand to repent but of this scarse one of a thousand It s the Lords course to give over these sinners to their haunt and custome It s said of Queene Tomyris that having overcome Cambyses a bloody Tyrant in battell and surpris'd his person she cut off his head and sous'd in a barrell of blood saying satiate thy selfe with that whereof thou hast beene alway so insatiable So saith the Lord to the Adulterers since fleshly pleasure hath beene that which thou hast alway so hunted after fill thy selfe with it for ever Split thy soule against the rocke and stone-wall of my seventh Command at which thou hast so stumbled let that grind thee in peeces This curse of God sealing up the heart of the Adulterer gives him over to his owne sinfull sweetnesse so that the surfet thereof doth so wast and embezell the spirit of such an one that he walkes up and down staggering in the drunken pleasure of his uncleannesse he is quite a sleepe as Jona under the hatches If any of Gods Marriners Ministers I meane cry out Arise thou Adulterer call upon God and pray if possiâ—ly this tempest of wrath may bee prevented Alas hee is as that fellow upon the top of the mast ready to topple into the Sea and yet neither awakes nor feares any danger Once I knew and still there bee some alive who will beare me witnesse a most oâ—ious Adulterer of seventy yeare old who having long consumed his strength with harlots as he in the Proverbs wasted himselfe and all at last being laid in a barne good enough for him for no man could endure the vermin and savour which came from his rotten body was rèquested thus Potter so was his forename call upon God he replyed with his ordinary oathes Pox and woundes is this a time to pray thus he spake at death All his life long the season of Praier and Repenting was not come And now at his death lo it s gone As he merrily sayd of Marriage either it s not yet time or past time Oh! its just with God to bereave such of all list to apprehend any sound notion of their misery they are held off from capablenesse to mourne after God and in a following deceipt of sin even to death I heard once an Oxford man of worthy Memory in a Sermon relate of two students of eminent parts in that Vniversity who were sunke in a brutish Custome of Tobacco and Sacke and then into a loathsome habite of uncleane Pleasures and in time grew into such a slavish Impotency of spirit in those waies that when Necessity urged them to returne to their Chambers they could not there rest till they had pitcht a new meeting and so another till in time they grew so enfeebled and past all sense of Sobriety that with their pipes and Pots at their mouthes they were faine to be had into their beddes and so miserably died Alas no wonder If drinke and riot alone can do it how much more when lust is added to it as a threefold cord not easily broken Both streames meeting in one channel to overflow the bankes This is that Arrow of God shot through the livor of all such uncleane ones to be so enthralled to their lust that all sap of the spirit is dried up and a kingdome of uncleannes set up in their hearts and bodies to carry them beyond all hope of repenting Muse of this seriously if thou wouldest roote up the love of lust and kindle a deadly fewd with it never to be razed out Touching the outward Penalties what should I say Or what can I adde to that I have already said of Gods judgments against this sin Looke to the former doctrine Onely I adde this Exhortation Suffer not thy selfe when thou readest the judgments of God against the Name body person of an uncleane wretch to passe away without Meditation till they have wrought thy heart to a due abhorring therof yet lest I might seeme to mention this point for nothing let me adde one outward Penalty to all the former and that is That even Repentance it selfe is not able wholly to wast off the staine of this sin from the Committers of it Such is the wounde that those men give to the Name of God his religion and truth do suffer so deadly by their meanes that God in justice suffers them to expiate it by an outlasting infamy This was Gods threat to David Thou hast made the Enemies of God to blaspheme therfore lo the sword shall never depart from thy house nor reproach from thy name That same text which shall most eternize thee for a man according to Gods heart shall againe crocke thee saying Save in the matter of Bathsheba That 's a back blow yet just for he thought his secret conveyance would cover all but he saw not this That the thing he had done displeased the Lord therfore he must feele it to his smart His repenting God knew but yet that must not serve to quit him of a worke of sorrow as before I noted He that comitteth folly with a woman is destitute of understanding his blot shall never goe out Courts of men absolve such from all aspersions but when they are white and fayre in them they are foule and blacke in Gods No time no concealment of witnesses no dwelling farre off no oaths of purging no bribes must ever looke to doe it when as Repentance cannot do it Who
way of promise follow this worke hard It belongs to the hopelesse not to such as turne this hope to a snare Beg of the Lord to turne a terrified heart into a melting one that it is which must mould an uncleane soule to a cleane and chast one no hammer can doe this mercy must dissolve it in the fornace of grace Lin not till thou feele that heart which hath beene drencht in the sweetnesse of lust to bee steept in bitternesse over head and eares for thy wounding the Lord of life and his Virgin-pure flesh to death by thy unclennesse Looke not upon other sinners thy selfe wert murderer sufficient of his sacred person thou soughtest to destroy his Godhead as well as his flesh if it had beene in the power of thy sinne though there had been no other sinner in the world thou hadst beene enough And shouldst thou not care for thy base lust sake to kill not a man onely an innocent Vrija but the person of the Sonne of God If this melting spirit be wrought in thee by the spirit of grace thou shalt behold him ' as pierced willingly and of his owne accord for thee who didst as little deserve it as Judas the Traytor but yet seeing thou hast a melting heart which he wanted and canst with Peter weepe bitterly it s a signe that the curse shall turne to a blessing yea thou shalt see God so ordering the matter for thee and Christ so giving up his soule to the speares point of wrath for thee that thine eie shall behold another sight that is an enwrapped hope of forgivenesse in this satisfaction of his and of life in his Resurrection so that now thine horror shall turne to hope And know it only this glimpse of Sun-shine in thy dungeon of feare can dissolve thy hard heart and prepare thee for pardon Thirdly let this hope rip up all the seames of thine uncleane heart and all that filth which lay hid in the entralls thereof never like to have come to light had not God revealed it and uncased thee Let I say this seed of hope discover that which an habituall love of thy sinne would have smothered for ever For this opening and ingenuous confessing of thy sinne will make way for further mercy It s none of thy worke but the spirit of grace that makes way for it Now a franke heart is put into thee to be as open as ever thou wert close before yea and to take as much paines with thy selfe how thou maist give glory to God in a full confession and turning up that cursed poake of falshood from the bottome pouring out all thy sinne as ever thou tookest care before to sweare thine heart to an hellish secrecy It s with thee as with a woman who hath many old peeces of gold and jewells lying by her which she is loth to forgoe although shee might thereby make a summe for the purchase of faire house and land yet perhaps rather then quite forgoe the purchase she will fetch them all and poure them downe upon the table So when hope of mercy offers it selfe oh the pearle thereof exceeding all petty shreds wil make thee freely disburden thy soule of whatsoever loads it thy most beloved lusts I speake not now of abandoning the habits of them that 's mortification following after but of the cleere intention and meaning of thy heart to abandon without any base hollownesse Oh! thou desirest now to spare God a labour of proclaiming thy sin before men and Angells and if it were meet as it is where Gods ordinance may prevaile thou wouldest chuse that place ratherest to shame thy selfe in where the solemne presence of God his Angels and Church are gathered together Still I speake with caution if thy sinne have broken out publiquely but if thou hast kept it secret thou art not tied to make thy self publique nor to take witnesse except thy hard heart require it to confesse to others for the breaking thereof the reason is because the way of Church-correction for open sins is one and the Evangelicall correction of the spirit of Christ in private is another But usually these sinnes are open and therefore openly to be proclaimed in confession as in the committing If mercy have toucht thee at the heart never so little it will worke in thee as Gods voice in the Whale when she vomited up Jona upon the drie ground thou shalt no more take care what become of thy lust so thou maist be rid of it nor who shame thee so thou be shamed and sinne have her due Thou takest more care how God may be honoured in the abhorring of thy rebellion how others may be flaited from the like how thine owne heart may be melted upon melting not how thou may maist scape in an whole skinne and lie hardened in thy stie of uncleannesse No rather shall litter and whelpes and all be raked together and cast to the dunghill I tell thee of a sollemne thing rarely seene yet I will not say I have not seene such a confessing spirit Ephraim had it when shee smote upon her thie the Publicant the Prodgall the Theefe on the Crosse and here and there as a berry left upon the bush I have seene such as uâ—fained Penitent but when I did so I never pleased my selfe with any object like it I was almost ravisht with it and tooke it as a reall marke of the Lords pardoning of it in heaven which was so performed on earth And good cause for what shouldst thou care to nourish that in thy selfe which thou purposest for ever to be divorced from Therefore here on Lord say thou comes the most tainted Adulterer that ever lived These were my first allurements to silthinesse such and such companies I haunted such baites for my lust I maintained so many base harlots married or single I clave unto Such were the places I frequented the filthie Sonnets I sang the musique dauncings revellings and wantonnesse I was defiled withall yea such and such were the colors whereupon I hardned my heart in sinne such fees such bribes such perjuries such friends in Courts and Proctors I corrupted with mony and in this confusion I had lien for ever had not mercy cast an eie upon me No day no Sabbath or season of worship came amisse no light of conscience could beare downe my sinne no shame of world no patience of thine long winking at me no good education no hope of my friends no terror by thy judgments could disswade I sinned against all Here therefore I uncase my selfe oh Lord Against thee thee Lord have I done this villany in it selfe morall in me spirituall and in an high degree I was ever tainted even from the womb and this my sinne is but one of a thousand which the forge of my heart hath sent forth If for this thou hadst drown'd me in perdition even in the act burying mee up in the bed of my lust thou hadst beene
joine together closely in The causes why The duty opened urged 141. 143. 144. Counsels about it ibid. Forced and loveles marriages dangerous 154. and in what respects ibid. Howe farre the wife may undertake the service of God in her Family 268. Of choice of wives out of Bad Families see Wife Fornication a great sin 331. G. GOd is seldome found out of his way 26. Grace levels all disproportions in Marriage 27. Grace must be preserved yea all counted as drosse to Grace for a good Marriage 52. Good Marriages must be bought 53. Guardians and Governours and bound to looke to Orphans Marriages aswell as Parents to Childrens 73. How they fayle therein by sundry abuses 93. The wofull fruit of it 94. Gracefulnes a third peculiar duty of the wife to her husband 304. what this gracious virtue is ibid. Two things in it Matter and that is Grace Especially these 7. 1. Humility 2. Self deniall The 3. Faith both in the truth in the life of it A. 4. Innocency 5. Zeale and piety 6. Mercy and compassion 7. Confidence with others as cheerfulnes sincerity c. from 305. to 312. Secondly The Forme or temperature of it in what it consisteth ibid. graceles and bad Wives what miseries to their Husbands 314. Gracefull wives must expresse it to their Husbands 315. Husbands that are happy in the grace of their wives must returne the like ibid. Generall uses arising from the whole Treatise 316. Objection about degrees of Grace in either party of the Married 56. H. HEathen opinions of fornication 3. Honour of mariage upheld by two meanes viz. Good entrance and good continuance 21. Honour of mariage stands both in joint acts and several 128. Motives to the Husband to love his wife 160. To the wife to love him 162. Humiliation meet for all couples who have lived in dissention 192. the duty urged 193. Ill Husbandry what it is 233. Husbands especiall duty to bee a man of understanding 203. What that understanding is what particulars it stands in 1. In what not viz. Not in an high spirit 2. Not in a rash selfe-wildnesse 3. Not in knowledge without practice 4. Not in yeelding to good counsell without imbracing it 5. Not in giving counsell to others taking none our selves 204. 205. 206. Secondly in what it consists 1. In renouncing our owne understanding 2. To bee first subject to God and so to guide the wife 3. To be more sensible of a burthen then of an honour 4. To bee qualified with a spirit of Grace for all â—ccasions 206. 207. 208. Wastfull Heires overthrowers of their mariages 232. Vnnaturall Husbands language 244. Severall duties of the Husband to the wife Looke Wise Husbands though but meanly parted deserve subjection by the Ordinance 260. Mens Hearts not so tender as womens if they bee right vide Men. I. IEw confuted in his conceit of mariage 2. Joint acts of the maried 4. 1. Ioint Religion 2. Ioint Love 3. Chastity 4. Consent 128. Jealousie between couples most odious p. 182. Remedy for the wronged party ibid. The duty urged ibid. Idlenesse in a mans calling to be avoided 225. Ingrossing many farmes at once ill husbandry 234. Impudency in usurping wives in matters of God taxed 284. God deales with his owne by Judgements and threats and why 328. Godly persons have a slavish part in them as well as a free 329. Judgements of God greivous against uncleannesse In many Branches declared 1. Gods dearest servants not excluded from this sentence of punishment 2. The ofspring of the Adulterer excluded for many generations from the Tabernacle or Temple worship 3. The old penalty of Adultery death without Remedy 4. Severe Judgements executed upon Adulterers do shew it sundry of thâ—m in Scripture and from experience mentioned 5. Manifold markes of wrath upon uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 2. Vpon the Name When men have have failed God hath struck in 3. Beggery 4. Coherence of uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 5. It s the Divels Nest-egge 6. Consequences of mischiefe upon it 7. Vpon the Body 337. to 346. Instruction to men to bee subdued by the terrors of God against it 351. L. COnjugall Love the second mutuall duty of the maried handled 146. Love Matrimoniall being preserved causeth mariage to be honourable ibid. Love of the maried not onely bred by instinct but oftentimes also by other occasions outward inducements and motives 147. 148. Love conjugall neither onely a naturall nor yet a religious thing but a mixture of both 150. Love necessary for sundry reasons ibid. Love though a joint duty of both the parties yet hath a different carriage in either and what 152. Love will not nourish it selfe but must be nourished daily betweene couples 155. and by what meanes it may be so 156. Admonition to the joint practise of conjugall Love 157. Danger of the breach thereof 158. Exhortation to Love jointly 159. M. MAriage is honourable The maine doctrine proved and reasoned at large by 4. reasons 1. In respect of the party 2. The nature of mariage 3. The use of it 4. The sacrednes from p. 4. to the 9. Mariage abhorred by the base life of many couples 13. Mariage no buckler to fence off reproach in bad causes 15. Mariage no loose nor idle way of service 18. Encouragement to religious Maried couples 19. Miseries shunned by good couples ibid. Married couples must serve God in their time 20. Marying in the Lord what Some markes of it 1. Sight of unworthinesse of this favor 2. They see a reconciliation 3. Their hearts are broken by it 4. They being convinced of Gods ends beleeve it 5. From hence they are encouraged to obey Other lesser markes added 22. to 24. Rash Matches unblest 24. Iewels of the Marriage Ring 4. 1. Faith with humility and selfe deniall 2. Peace 3. Purity 4. Righteousnesse 25. Trials of Mariages many ibid. By ends in Mariage oft plagued by God 26. Objections concerning Mariage answered 28. 29. 30. 31. The Man having the leading hand in the onset of Mariage had need be the wiser in his choice 57. Touching Marying in the Lord three questions answered 58. Apt Marying is as necessary for entrance as Religious Marying 60. Mariage must bee honoured in preserving the same unsteined during the conversation of it 126. Maried persons who forsake their owne fellowship in worship and run to strangers with complaints faulty 136. Mariage dishonoured by base trades and courses of life 232. Mens hearts not generally so tender and zealous as womens if they be right 309. Mariage is a shaddow of the spirituall union of Christ and the Church p. 321. 1. In their meeting and Mariage it selfe and how 2. In their mutuall converse 1. What Christ is to his Church 2. What his Church is to him 322. 323. Doubts concerning Marying in the Lord answered eight of them p. 28. 1. Many do well wanting Religion 2. It may grow in time afterward 3. Many have failed in seking good wives 4. Many