youe neuer run bare before them Nan Neuer we sir Fle. Whither are you going Sus. Sir we want a service end are going to get a Master Fle. Come come I le preferre you both thou shalt serue a Countrey-man of mine hee s going to trauaile shalt goe with him thou shalt serue one of my Ladies Su. We would willingly serue two nere friendes because we are brothers and indeed two twins and therefore are loath to be parted Fl: Two twins that 's all one come come you shall serue 'am Nan You shall pardon vs sir Enter Flor Sparke Felec Ruffell Piso Knight and Fromaga Flor. I hope you le not condemne me for my loue Sp: I haue no reason Lady Flo I offered you vnaskt Sp: That with a number oft hath bought Flo Partlie they haue and partlie not for I would haue you know my function seldom sels affection what though I haue euill liu'd repentant teares can wash away my sin which I le poore foorth like droppes of winter raine and now hencefoorth euer I le this life abhor and to the earth my knees I le dayly bow to get mercy from heauen loue from you Nan O the deuill take impudencie she courts him Sp. Madam the loue that I may giue you fully doe inioy but I haue sworne with other loue then as a Brother doth a sister neuer to loue any Fel. O sir my fortunes are not fellowes with my birth they make me stoope to base deiected courses but would you loue me I would as swift as thought flie this life and leaue lusts fowlest sinne for fleshlye beastes to sleepe and wallow in Su: Shame to thy sex no more Ruff: Lady in all the honest offices that friendship may commaund commaund me still but yet I haue not seene the face to which I owe so much of loue as may iustly arrest my affections and when I doe I le pay so due a debt without imprisonment Pis: Methinkes yond Lady growes fayrer much then she was wont me thinks her feature mendes her comely gesture much hath drawne my heart to loue her O but shee 's a whore Nan Gentlemen doe you lack a Boy Sp. No Nan O God I am vndone Su: Sir do' y want a Seruant Ruff: No Su: O Lord what shall I doe Pis: What canst doe Na: Any thing that a Boy should doe Kni. Woot dwell with me Su: T is partly as you le vse me Kni: I le vse thee well Su: Well Pis: Tell me are you both content to dwel with vs two Both As please you two Pis. Then thou shalt liue with me Kni. And thou with me Sp: Come Gentlemen will you bee going Both We attend you sir Sp. Ladies our occasions cals vs hence and I am sorrye we must leaue you Exeunt manent Piso and Nan Flo. Gentlemen you all both haue and euer shall bee welcome Pis: Lady I will leaue you much affection more then I thought to lend you but I deale on vse and haue much interest Flei: Caught I hope hold hooke and line hee 's fast by heauen Flo. My Lord what you lend me with much interest shall be repaide Pis. Adew Flo. Fare you well refusd Fel. Contemn'd Flo Disdain'd Fel: Abus'd Flo Adyes Fel, A shall not liue Flor. Disdaine the Daughter of such a Signior Fel, Condemne a Ladie borne sister we are wrong'd Flo But if you le consent I haue a proiect laid that in requitall both of them shall die Fel. You make my soule sweet harmony come le ts about it then Exeunt Finis Act Secundi Actus Tertius scena prima Enter the Ladies each with a Letter and Fleire aside Flo. Are we in priuate Fel, We are Flo Pray Sister what moouing lines of loue has your Knight toucht your affection with Fel. Faith his stile is plaine onely a little courtlike silken phrase it has but I hope your lord hath sent rich words like iewels for your eares against your nuptiall day Flo. Faith a woes with lines that might perswade another thought not mee which I le lend your eyes vpon the like receiued curtesie from you Fel. With all my heart Change Letters Flo. What haue we heere Reade Lady I know the noblenes of your disposition defends you from the least Sparke of basenesse wherefore I inuocate euerie particular vertue of yours to be mediators to your best iudgement for my better estimation in your loue my affection is zealous my intent honorable my desire mariage thus desiring your resolued answere I rest Euer at your disposure lacke Haue-little Knight Vpon my life some friend did pen it for the foole Fel. Let me see what 's this Reade You the vnderstanding spirit of a woman let the splender of your Beautie with some heate of your affection shine vpon the creature that adores yee and with the heauenlye comfort of your loue melt and thaw dispaire from in dying heart which if it liue it liues to loue it dye if it dyes in loue but howsoeuer t is your's t was made for you liues by you and dies without you Yours in the moste affectionate degree of affection Don Piso De Florence Sister vpon my life this is sonne and heire to Duke Piso that now is Flo O would hee were but whosoere he bee a must bee made a match to giue fire to the hell blacke pouder of our reuenge yet your loue the wise Knight and he are two in one there are no such friendes as they Fle. Then let them march both hand in hand in one way Flo Then shall be thus these two being earnest suters for our loues wee le graunt vpon condition that suddenly they murther Sparke and Ruffell but first to take the Sacrament if euer it be knowne as knowne 't will be to keep our names vnspotted in the action this being done Fel. Let them challenge vs wee and our loues are won but say they should reueale vs Flo. O none will breake a Sacrament to heape vp periury on other sinnes when death hel stands gaping for their soules Fel. But say they raile on vs Flo. If they doe t is knowne we lou'd Sparke and Ruffel and men will thinke they kild a'm for our loues since they liu'd in our fauour these in disgrace Fel, I like it well come le ts hasten it For this is euen as true as er'e was text Plots are but dreames vntill they take effects Exeunt Fle. O God I think the path to hell that women tread is broder then the way men goe how they walke by couples to the Deuill Enter Piso. Pis. O that I should loue a whore a very common Cocatrise my thoughts are drown'd in a gulf of sinne shee 's a very Canniball which doth deuoure mans flesh and a Horse-leach that sucks out mens best blouds perfection a very prisoners box that 's ope for euery mans beneuolēce and I am Heire vnto a Duke yet loue her doth any man heere loue a whore I who I I I t is I an
our best esteemed friends Maister Spark and Maister Ruffell Fel: Our good wishes euer waite vpon our best belooued friendes Maister Ruffell and Maister Sparke Ambo Wee both are much indebted to your Ladiships Fle: Looke yee signior that 's she whose loue meanes to assault your braines since you haue blowne vp your owne sconce with Tobacco Pet. As I am truely generous shee 's modest Faire Mistris you are so wise that neither time nor age could euer cousen you of beautie and I sweare euen by the Alpes high heauen-touching tops the trauelers narrowe passage and by the towring head of high mount Chiego the Sea-mās southward marke by these the witnesses vnto my trauell I doe vow that you are passing fayre From: If I be not faire sir I must be foule Pet A Foule Lady what bird might that be Fro: A foule Ladie y' are a sawcy Iacke to call mee so that you are Pet. O be not angry for I protest I cannot but commend the whitenes of your skin From: Mary muffe I thinke a be a Tanner and meanes to buy me for my skin Pet Gods mee shee 's angrie what shall I doe now Signior Fle. To her agen man doe not leaue her the Moone is now vpon change she will turne Pet I pray you Ladie knowe mee by the title of some kindenes From. Kindenes faith sir you are mistaken in mee you must seeke your flurts some other where and I pra'y come not to make a foole of me alas man though I am a waiting-woman do not think I spend my time in nothing but tempering of colours working of drawn-worke warming of Smockes and pinning in of ruffes faith yes Fle: And you come to her Signior you must come to her as countrie Gentlewomen doe into the fashion that is in the taile and latter end on 't From, Faith I and ye come to begin your knauerie on me I le take you down I am none of your young simpering waiting-women that are asham'd to be counted proud therefore suffer euerie Seruingman to vse them at their pleasure Pet. Now on my conscience Mistresse my loue is honest and I desire marriage Fro. Indeed if you meane mariage I am content to beare the more with you but I pra'y sir when shal we be maried by my troth I aske you because I haue beene so often deceiued I warrant you I haue bin promised dealt vpon promises in the way of mariage aboue an hundred times Pet. At our next meeting we wil set down a day for the effecting of it Flo. Gentlemen we haue some small discourse which a little requires secrecie therefore if it please ye to walke in and make vse of our better roomes wee will not long be absent from you Sp. Ruf With all our heartes Exeunt Manent two Ladies the Lord and Knight Felicia and the two Wenches disguised hide themselues Flo. Worthy Lord doe not thinke immodestie in mee though contrarie to the bashfull habite of my sexe I am inforc'd by loues almightie power to reueale the secretes of my heart Your Letters haue so much preuailed with mee that in a worde I must confesse I loue you Fel. Worthie Knight I would my wordes had but the power so worke in you that which your lines haue done in me then should the happie consolation of my life dwell euer in your loues embracements Kni. Assure ye Ladie your gift of loue to mee shall bee deserued though nothing but my liues deare breath requite its Piso. And I will rather die a shamefull death then liue a hatefull life which I must do vnlesse I find a meanes that may deserue your loue Flo. No we your tongue goes like a well tuned Instrument and makes my heart within my bosome daunce with ioy to heare such large requitall of my loue but durst you to maintaine this your affection although it were with some daunger of your life Piso. Durst I I vowe euen by my soules eternitie I durst Flo Alas if you knew all t' is your owne good not mine and yet I lie t' is my good too since my life depends vpon your safetie Piso. What is 't deare Ladie although it be the death of man if it be pleasing vnto you I le doo 't Flo O let me embrace so deare a spirit in so deare a bosome and since you haue bound your selfe by promise I will be plaine there are two that hate you two because wee loue you and often haue perswaded vs by giftes and large protestations to haue vs loue them if they kil'd you Piso What vs Kni: Who wee Flo Nay t' is too true for while you liu'd they said there was no hope for them to looke for any loue from vs nowe wee poore sillie women fearing least they without consent of vs should doe that which their hatred doth intend wee thinke it fitte preuention first be vsed by giuing them to drinke of what themselues haue brude Piso First murther them Fel. True so shall ye then be sure T' inioy our loues we yours and liue secure Piso. But what are they Ladies Flo. Sparke Fel. And Ruffell Pis: They die for 't though they were my fathers sons Kni. They shall not liue Piso Let little children feare the shallow Brookes for I can swim though 't be through Seas of blood let foolish feare goe dwell with women for bloodie resolution shall not part from me I le kill them both euen with mine owne hands I le doo 't Flo. O no I le reueale it then vnlesse you first do swear and take a Sacrament what euer hap to keepe our names vntoucht Piso Vntoucht wee le doo 't Fel. Then for the meanes Kni: Wee le stabb them Piso Wee le fight with them Flo No so you may misse them and they kill you Fel: Giue them a Figg Flo Make them drinke their last Fel. Poyson them Piso But for the meanes Flo You two shall make a banquet and in a cuppe of Wine a health shall passe Piso In which I le mingle mingle such a dram as they shall ride to heauen in post vnlesse they misse the way Kni. But where shall we get the poyson because you knowe t' is daungerous and will breede suspect where ere wee buy it Piso. I haue a Countrey-man in towne an Apothecarie one Signeur Aluino a fellow that is well stor'd and will sell me of the best Nan If a were of my minde a would thinke no poyson too good for you Flo Come then I would haue you goe about the preparation of the feast Exeunt Fle, Now boyes you haue a couple of goodly maisters Nan I Fleir and thou hast a couple of vertuous Mistresses O they are a couple of damn'd peeces that will plot or counsell the death of two such worthie Gentlemen Su. For one of them the earth did neuer beare a worthier creature Nan Which is that Su, Which is that Why sister haue you so oft confest that his all perfection'd spirit poyntes him out for vertue
a deales with him as a does with his Tailor goes vpon trust and meanes to pay them both at the latter day Flo But does not the Gentlemen iest at him Sp, Yes one of them asked if he were a celestriall or a terrestrial Knight he very ignorant lie asked what Knights they were your terrestriall Knight quoth she is of a grosse element and liues vppon landes of his owne but your celestrial Knight hee liues by the Heire that is by his elder Brother He it was was Knighted when so few scapt the sword and he it is that now liues by the sword Fl, And what said the Knight what said he Sp, Faith as some Courtiers doe laugh at that he did not vnderstand and swore an oath or two of the new fashion as by my conscience Ladie you haue a verie good spirit so after two or three Court complements beseech'd the Ladies retaine him still in their good graces kist his hand and went his way Fl, Faith mee thinkes your English Ladies were verie gallant Creatures had they not one fault Sp, VVhat 's that Fl, I haue hend say they will rise sooner and goe with more deuotion to see an extraordinarie execution then to heare a Sermon Sp, O signor condemne not all for some indeede I must confesse there haue been Ladies at executions Fl, I and they sat bare fac't too for feare the little fleet holes of their maskes should not giue their eyes roome ynough for such a prospect one Ladie thrust her head so far out at a windowe with greedy desire to see all that the whole body was like to followe making a forked tree with her head downe had nother Gentleman Vsher contrarie to the nature of his office catcht hold of her behinde Sp, A forked tree why what tree doost thou thinke shee would haue made Fl: O sir a Medler-tree a Medler-tree Sp, But Fleire how does the Gentleman Vsher liue with thy Ladies Fl. Faith sir in the nature of a Munkie that flatters and fawnes and shakes his taile in his Mistres lap but yfaith Gallants whether are you two bound now Sp. We are euen readie for your two Ladies Signeur Fle, Faith and you shall finde my two Ladies as readie for you two Come come I le put you in the way of all flesh I le send you to Graues-ende I le see you in the Tilt-boat When you are there ship your selues in in in Ex. Spe. Ruf. Enter Piso and Knight Piso How is 't Fleir Fle. O my Lord you are a welcome man Kni. Saue you O signeur Fleir: O my gracious knight and whither are you two bound now Piso. Faith een to your two Ladies signeur Fle, Yea and will you to the South-ward yfaith will you to the confines of Italie my Gallants take heede how ye goe Northwardes t is a daungerous Coast ieast not with 't in Winter therefore goe Southwardes my Gallants South-wards hoe I haue shipt two Gallants in a storme I feare they haue spent their maine Mastes by this time and are comming home agen but if you will Southwards my hearts of golde I le shippe you in pompe I le sende yee vnder the verie line where the Sunn 's at hottest Piso. But come shall we goe see thy Ladies Fleir Fle. I I I Come but my good Lord you le bee a welcome man for I haue heard her often sweare that had she such a Husband a man so richly deckt in vertuous ornaments shee woulde forsake this life her-selfe nay her verie being to be your's O my good Lord shee loues you deerly Piso. Pheu but I cannot requite it Fle. Why my good Lord Piso. Shee s a common thing Fle. But say she may turne my Lord Piso. Shee has beene so much worne shee s not worth the turning now Fle. O my Lord penitence doth purge a spotted soule and better leaue sinne late then not at all and I doe knowe my Lorde that for your loue from her immodest life shee l turne Piso. I I I doubt not but shee le turne but t' will bee like a Buzzard Hawke that turnes her tayle to her game Kni: Fleir is the gentleman vsher that I preferd to your Ladies in any fauour with them Fle. Great great a kisses his hand with an excellent grace and a will leire and fleire vppon am hee 's partly their Phisitian a makes am Suppositories and giues am Glisters Kni: And how liues he with am Fle: Faith like Thisbe in the play a has almost kil'd himselfe with the scabberd but hearke you Knight you 'l bee a welcome man to my yonger Ladie I protest shee thinkes worthily of you Kni: Signeur I must confesse I am beholding to your Ladie and to tell you truly I haue much affected her since I first saw her Fle: Vpon my worde sir to my knowledge she is an honest Gentlewoman yet the worlde may chance speake ill of her Why I haue heard some say Penelope was a Puncke hauing no reason to suspect her but because shee set vp late a nightes when t' was but to vndoe that which shee did by day I haue heard some say Hercules was a coward because hee did not fight at single Rapier like a gallant but with a Club Kni: Nay I haue no reason to thinke the worse of her for the report of the worlde for the world signeur perchance speakes ill of you or me Fle: Why y' are int h right I haue heard some say you were a verie needie Knight and that you had but one shirt to your backe when you came first to this towne Nay more when your Lackie carried it to the Laundresse it was founde to bee a womans smocke that you had borrowed but what shoulde my Ladie or I beleeue this nowe Kni. I hope shee doth not Fle. No no no Piso Come Fleir shall we see thy Ladies Fle. I I hoe whos 's within there Enter Seruingman Seru. What would you haue maister Fleir Fle: Prethe shewe these Gentlemen vp into the great Chamber and giue my Ladies notice of their being here haue a little businesse my Lordes Hee le conduct yee yee shall finde a couple of your acquaintance there Exeunt manet Fleir Could I but worke Lord Piso and my eldest daughter to make am both affect and loue each other that marriage might vnite their hearts togither O then there were assured hope wee might redeeme our honours lost and regaine our right in Florence And for this Knight though hee bee poore yet would hee married were vnto Felicia For of a louing husbands awfull eye Sets right the womans steps that went awrie Heauen I know has grace ynough in store To make most chaste a most lasciuious whore Enter the two wenches in boyes apparell How now who haue we there a couple of footmen Su. You see sir we are not a horsebacke Fle: Howe nowe my little fire-workes of witte what flashes and flames tell me true were you neuer Vshers to some great mans Coach-mares did
and sit downe Pis. I graunt it Nan And I am sure my Lord where ere the bodie comes the taile first takes his place and sits downe and therefore I hope t is the worthiest part of the body Pis. O that I had the reason of a Sailor to knowe her like a rocke that I might saile from her and auoide her or as a vertuous man knowes sinne to loath and leaue it And yet shee 's wondrous faire I would she were as honest kinde vsage may reclaime her from her sinne and make her stoupe vnto her Husbands will as doth a wel-mand Hauke vnto the lure Na: O I shee has bin man'd alreadie she knowes the lure and will come to any call Pis. O but her beautie may excuse the folly of her youth t is want of maintenance hath ouerthrowne her want and pride are two notorious bawdes want makes the noblest creature sell her soule for golde and pride doth make the gallants stoope to lust Na. And often sels pure honestye to clad her taile in glittering brauerie Pis. And t is well done let euerie member weare that which it won why shold the head studdy to maintaine the foote Nan Or the foote trot to maintaine the head Pis. Why should not euery member like a mechanicke man in a common-wealth labour in his own trade to maintaine it selfe then since euery thing must liue I wil no more condemne beautie for being clad in luxurye but hencefoorth I will loue her and let my passion smoothly swimme along the streame of loues affection hencefoorth I will no more with foule and hated thoughts abuse so rare a creature whose behauiour and discourse inchantes the eares of men and driues the world into a wonder ay me Na. Faith my Lord you l nere win a woman by sighing crossing your armes and crying aye mee the onely way to wiN them is to care little for am when they are sad doe yee sing when they sing and are merrie then take your time put am too 't if they will so if not let them snick vp if you will walke in my Lord I le shew ye manie principles I learn't of my Mother they may doe your lordship good Pis. Go go I will but O vnhappie fate When youth and weakenes must support our state Exeunt Enter Fleire one way Sparke Ruffell and Petoune another way Sp: How now Fleire Ruff: Saue you Fleire Flei, Saue ye Gallants O Signior Petoune shall you and I be friendes agen Sp: Why are ye enemies Fle, No great enemies a quarrell rose betweene vs Pet I doe not like such quarrels a struck mee sir and I protest and sweare to you sir by this Trinidado had I not taken the box on my cheeke a had broke my Pipe Sp: Why didst not strike him agen Ruff: O no his Father 's a Iustice Flei, Nay if the Father be of the peace I see no reason the Sonne should fight Ruff What a Coward Signior fye a coward Fl. A Coward why that 's his onely vertue for a Coward abuseth no man but a makes him satisfaction for if a wrōg all men a giues al men leaue to beate him hee 's like a whetstone he sets an edge on another yet a wil not cut himselfe Ruff. Come come we must needes haue you friendes thou 'st doe him some good offices Fl. Who I with all my heart but what i' st sir what i' st Ruff: Thou shalt commend his loue to Madā Fromaga Fl: His loue to her what Signior in loue with my Ladies Antient Sp: Why her Ancient Fl: Because shee carries her colours for her but t is in a box but signior you shall haue a good match on 't though she be not rich yet shee 's an ancient woman and is able to get her liuing by midwiferie and I can tell yee t is not the worst trade going considering how young and olde and all doe their good wils to set them a worke and t is a good hearing better they gette then the Lawyers for your midwiues liue by the agreement betweene partie and partie the falling in of louers but the Lawyers liue by the falling out of friendes Pet I pray sir what may she be worth Flo. Worth let me see shee hath three yellow perewigs of her own she hath a Fan with a short siluer handle about the length of a Barbors siringe she has a Looking-glasse too but that has plaid the prodigall Cittizen with her t is broken and much other goods of the same nature Sp. But come Signior how will you woe her Pet. I will tell her she is so wise that neither age nor time could cousen her of beautie Fl, And by my faith that will doe well Pet. I will tell her that I loue her most for the whitenes of her skin Fl: But you may not say the sweetnes of her breath for that stinks Pet. I will praise the smallness of her fingars Fl. But I assure you you may better praise the length of her nailes Pet. I am affraide that being olde shee has a drye hand Fl, That 's certaine but she has a very moiste nose you may praise her for that but my Gallants why are ye such strangers at our little Court Sp: Because thy Ladies liue like the Beadles of Bridewell Fl, How 's that sir Sp: By the sinnes of the people Ruff. They say the Lord Piso hath bin a good Clyent to thy elder Ladie of late Fl, The more foole hee why your good Client is but like your studdie gowne sits in the colde himselfe to keep the Lawyer warme Sp. And what fees hast thou out of their trade Fl, Faith my fee's are like a puny Clarkes a penny a sheete Sp, How a peny a sheete Fle, Why if any lie with them a whole night I make the bed i th' morning and for that I haue two pence and that 's a peny a sheete Ruff, What Gallants vse to come to your house Fl: All sortes all nations and all trades there is first Maister Gallant your Britaine Maister Metheglins your Welchman Mounsieur Mushroome the Frenchman Signior Fumada the Spaniard Maister Oscabath the Irishman and Maister Shamrough his Lackey O and Maister Slopdragon the Dutchman Then for your Trades-men there comes first Maister Saluberrimum the Phisitian Maister Smooth the Silk-man Maister Thimble the Taylor Maister Blade the Cutler and Maister Rowell the Spurrier but Maister Match the Gunner of Tower-hill comes often he has taught my Ladies to make fire-workes they canne deale in Chambers alreadie as well as all the Gunners that make am flye off with a traine at Lambeth whē the Maior and Aldermen land at Westminster but come Signior you haue Tobacco and I le giue you a Cup of Muld-sacke and wee le ene goe drinke a health to our Mistresses Exeunt Finis Act. Tertii Actus Quartus Enter the two Ladies Piso and Knight and Fromaga one way Sparke Ruffell Petoune and Fleire another way Flo Health to