with I mean your Jewels and Money which it seems she has Sir Man What 's that to you Sir Free Pardon me whatsoever is yours I have a share in 't I 'm sure which I will not lose for asking tho' you may be too generous or too angry now to do 't your self Fid. Nay then I 'll make bold to make my claim too Both going towards Olivia Man Hold you impertinent officious Fops How have I been deceiv'd Aside Free Madam there are certain Appurtenances to a Lover's heart call'd Jewels which alwayes go along with it Fid. And which with Lovers have no value in themselves but from the heart they come with our Captain's Madam it seems you scorn to keep and much more will those worthless things without it I am confident Oliv. A Gentleman so well made as you are may be confident us easie Women cou'd not deny you any thing you ask if 't were for your self but since 't is for another I beg your leave to give him my Answer An agreeable young Fellow this And wou'd not be my Aversion Aside Captain your young Friend here has a very persuading Face I confess yet you might have ask'd me your self for those Trifles you left with me which heark you a little for I dare trust you with the secret you are a Man of so much Honour I 'm sure I say then not expecting your return or hoping ever to see you again I have deliver'd your Jewels to Aside to Man Man Whom Oliv. My Husband Man Your Husband Oliv. Ay my Husband for since you cou'd leave me I am lately and privately marry'd to one who is a Man of so much Honour and Experience in the World that I dare not ask him for your Jewels again to restore 'em to you lest he shou'd conclude you never wou'd have parted with 'em to me on any other score but the exchange of my Honour which rather than you 'd let me lose you 'd lose I 'm sure you self those Trifles of yours Man Triumphant Impudence but marry'd too Oliv. O speak not so loud my Servants know it not I am marry'd there 's no resisting one's Destiny or Love you know Man Why did you love him too Oliv. Most passionately nay love him now tho' I have marry'd him and he me which mutual love I hope you are too good too generous a Man to disturb by any future claim or visits to me 'T is true he is now absent in the Countrey but returns shortly therefore I beg of you for your own ease and quiet and my Honour you will never see me more Man I wish I never had seen you Oliv. But if you shou'd ever have any thing to say to me hereafter let that young Gentleman there be your Messenger Man You wou'd be kinder to him I find he shou'd be welcome Oliv. Alas his Youth wou'd keep my Husband from suspicions and his visits from scandal for we Women may have pity for such as he but no love And I already think you do not well to spirit him away to Sea and the Sea is already but too rich with the spoils of the shore Man True perfect Woman If I cou'd say any thing more injurious to her now I wou'd for I cou'd out-rail a bilk'd Whore or a kick'd Coward but now I think on 't that were rather to discover my love than hatred and I must not talk for something I must do Aside Oliv. I think I have given him enough of me now never to be troubled with him again Aside Enter Lettice Well Lettice are the Cards and all ready within I come then Captain I beg your pardon You will not make one at Hombre Man No Madam but I 'll wish you a little good luck before you go Oliv. No if you wou'd have me thrive Curse me for that you 'll do heartily I suppose Man Then if you will have it so May all the Curses light upon you Women ought to fear and you deserve first may the Curse of loving Play attend your sordid Covetousness and Fortune cheat you by trusting to her as you have cheated me the Curse of Pride or a good Reputation fall on your Lust the Curse of Affectation on your Beauty the Curse of your Husbands company on your Pleasures and the Curse of your Gallant 's disappointments in his absence and the Curse of scorn jealousie or despair on your love and then the Curse of loving on Oliv. And to requite all your Curses I will only return you your last May the Curse of loving me still fall upon your proud hard heart that cou'd be so cruel to me in these horrid Curses but Heaven forgive you Ex. Oliv. Man Hell and the Devil reward thee Free Well you see now Mistresses like Friends are lost by letting 'em handle your Money and most Women are such kind of Witches who can have no power over a Man unless you give 'em Money but when once they have got any from you they never leave you till they have all therefore I never dare give a Woman a farthing Man Well there is yet this comfort by losing one's Money with one's Mistress a Man is out of danger of getting another of being made prize again by love who like a Pyrat takes â—ou by spreading false Colours but when once you have run your Ship aground the treacherous Picaroon looss so by your ruine you save your self from slavery at least Enter Boy Boy Mrs. Lettice here 's Madam Blackacre come to wait upon her Honour Man D' ye hear that let us be gone before she comes for hence forward I 'll avoid the whole damn'd Sex for ever and Woman as a sinking Ship Ex. Man and Fid. Free And I 'll stay to revenge on her your quarrel to the Sex for out of love to her Jointure and hatred to business I wou'd marry her to make an end of her thousand Suits and my thousand engagements to the comfort of two unfortunate sorts of people my Plaintiffs and her Defendants my Creditors and her Adversaries Enter Widow Blackacre led in by Major Oldfox and Jerry Blackacre following laden with green Bags Wid. 'T is an arrant Sea-Ruffian but I am glad I met with him at last to serve him again Major for the last service was not good in Law Boy Duck Ierry where is my Paper of Memorandums give me Child so Where is my Cousin Olivia now my kind Relation Free Here is one that wou'd be your kind Relation Madam Wid. What mean you Sir Free Why faith to be short to marry you Widow Wid. Is not this the wild rude person we saw at Captain Manly's Ierr. Ay forsooth an 't please Wid. What wou'd you what are you Marry me Free Ay faith for I am a younger Brother and you are a Widow Wid. You are an impertinent person and go about your business Free I have none but to marry thee Widow Wid. But I have other business I 'd have you to know
How welcome were that kind word too if it were not for another Womans sake Aside Man What won't you speak You prevail'd for me at last you say Fid. No Sir Man No more of your fooling Sir it will not agree with my impatience or temper Fid. Then not to fool you Sir I spoke to her for you but prevail'd for my self she wou'd not hear me when I spoke in your behalf but bid me say what I wou'd in my own tho' she gave me no occasion she was so coming and so was kinder Sir than you cou'd wish which I was only afraid to let you know without some warning Man How 's this Young man you are of a lying age but I must hear you out and if Fid. I wou'd not abuse you and cannot wrong her by any report of her she is so wicked Man How wicked had she the impudence at the second sight of you only Fid. Impudence Sir Oh she has impudence enough to put a Court out of countenance and debauch a Stews Man Why what said she Fid. Her tongue I confess was silent but her speaking Eyes gloted such things more immodest and lascivious than Ravishers can act or Women under a confinement think Man I know there are whose Eyes reflect more Obscenity than the Glasses in Alcoves but there are others too who use a little Art with their looks to make 'em seem more beautiful not more loving which vain young Fellows like you are apt to interpret in their own favor and to the Lady's wrong Fid. Seldom Sir pray have you a care of gloting Eyes for he that loves to gaze upon 'em will find at last a thousand Fools and Cuckolds in 'em instead of Cupids Man Very well Sir but what you had only eye-kindness from Olivia Fid. I tell you again Sir no Woman sticks there Eye-promises of Love they only keep nay they are Contracts which make you sure of ' em In short Sir she seeing me with shame and amazement dumb unactive and resistless threw her twisting arms about my neck and smother'd me with a thousand tasteless Kisses believe me Sir they were so to me Man Why did you not avoid 'em then Fid. I fenced with her eager Arms as you did with the grapples of the Enemy's Fireship and nothing but cutting 'em off cou'd have freed me Man Damn'd damn'd Woman that cou'd be so false and infamous And damn'd damn'd heart of mine that cannot yet be false tho' so infamous What easie tame suffering trampled things does that little God of talking Cowards make of us but Fid. So it works I find as I expected Aside Man But she was false to me before she told me so her self and yet I cou'd not quite believe it but she was so that her second falseness is a favor to me not an injury in revenging me upon the Man that wrong'd me first of her Love Her Love a Whores a Witches Love But what did she not kiss well Sir I 'm sure I thought her Lips but I must not think of 'em more but yet they are such I cou'd still kiss grow to and then tear off with my teeth grind 'em into mammocks and spit 'em into her Cuckolds face Fid. Poor man how uneasie he is I have hardly the heart to give him so much pain tho' withall I give him a cure and to my self new life Aside Man But what her Kisses sure cou'd not but warm you into desire at last or a compliance with hers at least Fid. Nay more I confess Man What more speak Fid. All you cou'd fear had pass'd between us if I cou'd have been made to wrong you Sir in that nature Man Cou'd have been made you lie you did Fid. Indeed Sir 't was impossible for me besides we were interrupted by a visit but I confess she would not let me stir till I promis'd to return to her again within this hour as soon as it shou'd be dark by which time she wou'd dispose of her visit and her servants and her self for my reception which I was fain to promise to get from her Man Ha! Fid. But if ever I go near her again may you Sir think me as false to you as she is hate and renounce me as you ought to do her and I hope will do now Man Well but now I think on 't you shall keep your word with your Lady What a young Fellow and fail the first nay so tempting an assignation Fid. How Sir Man I say you shall go to her when 't is dark and shall not disappoint her Fid. I Sir I shou'd disappoint her more by going for Man How so Fid. Her impudence and injustice to you will make me disappoint her Love loath her Man Come you have my leave and if you disgust her I 'll go with you and act Love whil'st you shall talk it only Fid. You Sir nay then I 'll never go near her You act Love Sir You must but act it indeed after all I have said to you Think of your Honour Sir Love Man Well call it Revenge and that is Honourable I 'll be reveng'd on her and thou shalt be my second Fid. Not in a base action Sir when you are your own Enemy O go not near her Sir for Heav'ns sake for your own think not of it Man How concern'd you are I thought I shou'd catch you What you are my Rival at last and are in Love with her your self and have spoken ill of her out of your Love to her not me and therefore wou'd not have me go to her Fid. Heav'n witness for me 't is because I love you only I wou'd not have you go to her Man Come come the more I think on 't the more I 'm satisfi'd you do love her those Kisses young Man I knew were irresistible t is certain Fid. There is nothing certain in the World Sir but my Truth and your Courage Man Your Servant Sir Besides false and ungrateful as she has been to me and tho' I may believe her hatred to me great as you report it yet I cannot think you are so soon and at that rate belov'd by her tho' you may endeavor it Fid. Nay if that be all and you doubt it still Sir I will conduct you to her and unseen your Ears shall judge of her falseness and my Truth to you if that will satisfie you Man Yes there is some satisfaction in being quite out of doubt because 't is that alone with-holds us from the pleasure of Revenge Fid. Revenge What Revenge can you have Sir Disdain is best reveng'd by scorn and faithless Love by loving another and making her happy with the others losings which if I might advise Enter Freeman Man Not a word more Freem What are you talking of Love yet Captain I thought you had done with 't Man Why what did you hear me say Freem Something imperfectly of Love I think Man I was only wond'ring why Fools Rascals and desertless Wretches shou'd
us to deny a Woman any thing since we are so newly come on shore 1 Sail. We 'll let no old Woman come up though it were our Trusting Landlady at Wapping Man Wou'd you be witty you Brandy Casks you you become a jest as ill as you do a Horse Be gone you Dogs I hear a noise on the Stairs Ex. Sailors Free Faith I am sorry you wou'd let the Fop go I intended to have had some sport with him Man Sport with him A pox then why did you not stay you shou'd have enjoy'd your Coxcomb and had him to your self for me Free No I shou'd not have car'd for him without you neither for the pleasure which Fops afford is like that of Drinking only good when 't is shar'd and a Fool like a Bottle which wou'd make you merry in company will make you dull alone But how the Devil couâ—d you turn a man of his Quality down Stairs You use a Lord with very little Ceremony it seems Man A Lord What thou art one of those who esteem men onely by the marks and value Fortune has set upon 'em and never consider intrinsick worth but counterfeit Honour will not be current with me I weigh the man not his title 't is not the King's stamp can make the Metal better or heavier your Lord is a Leaden shilling which you may bend every way and debases the stamp he bears instead of being rais'd by 't Here again you Slaves Enter Sailors 1 Sail. Only to receive farther instructions an 't like your Honour What if a man shou'd bring you money shou'd we turn him back Man All men I say must I be pester'd with you too you Dogs away 2 Sail. Nay I know one man your Honour wou'd not have us hinder coming to you I 'm sure Man Who 's that speak quickly Slaves 2 Sail. Why a man that shou'd bring you a Challenge for though you refuse Money Iâ—m sure you love Fighting too well to refuse that Man Rogue Rascal Dog Kicks the Sailors out Free Nay let the poor Rogues have their Forecastle jests they cannot help 'em in a Fight scarce when a Ship 's sinking Man Dam their untimely jests a Servant's jest is more sauciness than his counsel Free But what will you see no Body not your Friends Man Friends I have but one and he I hear is not in Town nay can have but one Friend for a true heart admits bâ—t of one friendship as of one love but in having that Friend I have a thousand for he has the courage of men in despair yet the diffidency and caution of Cowards the secresie of the Revengeful and the constancy of Martyrs one fit to advise to keep a secret to fight and dye for his Friend Such I think him for I have trusted him with my Mistress in my absence and the trust of Beauty is sure the greatest we can shew Free Well but all your good thoughts are not for him alone I hope pray what d' ye think of me for a Friend Man Of thee Why thou art a Latitudinarian in Friendship that is no Friend thou dost side with all Mankind but wilt suffer for none Thou art indeed like your Lord Plausible the Pink of Courtesie therefore hast no Friendship for Ceremony and great Professing renders Friendship as much suspected as it does Religion Free And no Professing no Ceremony at all in Friendship were as unnatural and as undecent as in Religion and there is hardly such a thing as an honest Hypocrite who professes himself to be worse than he is unless it be your self for though I cou'd never get you to say you were my Friend I know you 'll prove so Man I must confess I am so much your Friend I wou'd not deceive you therefore must tell you not only because my heart is taken up but according to your rules of Friendship I cannot be your Friend Free Why pray Man Because he that is you 'll say a true Friend to a man is a Friend to all his Friends but you must pardon me I cannot wish well to Pimps Flatterers Detractors and Cowards stiff nodding Knaves and supple pliant kissing Fools now all these I have seen you use like the dearest Friends in the World Free Hah hah hah What you observ'd me I warrant in the Galleries at Whitehall doing the business of the place Pshaw Court Professions like Court Promises go for nothing man But faith cou'd you think I was a Friend to all those I hugg'd kiss'd flatter'd bow'd too Hah ha Man You told 'em so and swore it too I heard you Free Ay but when their backs were turn'd did I not tell you they were Rogues Villains Rascals whom I despis'd and hated Man Very fine But what reason had I to believe you spoke your heart to me since you profess'd deceiving so many Free Why don't you know good Captain that telling truth is a quality as prejudicial to a man that wou'd thrive in the World as square Play to a Cheat or true Love to a Whore Wou'd you have a man speak truth to his ruine You are severer than the Law which requires no man to swear against himself you wou'd have me speak truth against my self I warrant and tell my promising Friend the Courtier he has a bad memory Man Yes Free And so make him remember to forget my business and I shou'd tell the great Lawyer too that he takes oftner Fees to hold his tongue than to speak Man No doubt on 't Free Ay and have him hang or ruine me when he shou'd come to be a Judge and I before him And you wou'd have me tell the new Officer who bought his Employment lately that he is a Coward Man Ay. Free And so get my self cashiered not him he having the better Friends though I the better Sword And I shou'd tell the Scribler of Honour that Heraldry were a prettier and fitter Study for so fine a Gentleman than Poetry Man Certainly Free And so find my self maul'd in his next hir'd Lampoon And you wou'd have me tell the holy Lady too she lies with her Chaplain Man No doubt on 't Free And so draw the Clergy upon my back and want a good Table to Dine at sometimes And by the same reason too I shou'd tell you that the World thinks you a Mad-man a Brutal and have you cut my throat or worse hate me What other good success of all my Plain-dealing cou'd I have than what I 've mentioned Man Why first your promising Courtier wou'd keep his word out of fear of more reproaches or at least wou'd give you no more vain hopes your Lawyer wou'd serve you more faithfully for he having no Honor but his Interest is truest still to him he knows suspects him The new Officer wou'd provoke thee to make him a Coward and so be cashier'd that thou or some other honest Fellow who had more courage than money might get his place the Noble Sonneteer wou'd trouble thee
the World Free No common Beauty I confess Fid. Or else sure he wou'd not have trusted her with so great a share of his Fortune in his absence I suppose since his late loss all he has Free Why has he left it in her own custody Fid. I am told so Free Then he has shew'd Love to her indeed in leaving her like an old Husband that dyes as soon as he has made his Wife a good Jointure but I 'll go in to him and speak for you and know more from him of his Olivia Exit Manet Fidelia sola Fid. His Olivia indeed his happy Olivia Yet she was left behind when I was with him But she was ne'r out of his mind or heart She has told him she lov'd him I have shew'd it And durst not tell him so till I had done Under this habit such convincing Acts Of loving Friendship for him that through it He first might find out both my Sex and Love And when I 'd had him from his fair Olivia And this bright World of artful Beauties here Might then have hop'd he wou'd have look'd on me Amongst the sooty Indians and I cou'd To choose there live his Wife where Wives are forc'd To live no longer when their Husbands dye Nay what 's yet worse to share 'em whil'st they live With many Rival Wives But here he comes And I must yet keep out of his sight not To lose it for ever Exit Enter Manly and Freeman Free But pray what strange Charms has she that cou'd make you love Man Strange Charms indeed She has Beauty enough to call in question her Wit or Virtue and her Form wou'd make a starved Hermit a Ravisher yet her Virtue and Conduct wou'd preserve her from the subtil Lust of a pamper'd Prelate She is so perfect a Beauty that Art cou'd not better it nor Affectation deform it yet all this is nothing Her tongue as well as face ne'r knew artifice nor ever did her words or looks contradict her heart She is all truth and hates the lying masking daubing World as I do for which I love her and for which I think she dislikes not me for she has often shut out of her conversation for mine the gaudy fluttering Parrots of the Town Apes and Echoes of men only and refus'd their common place pert chat flattery and submissions to be entertain'd with my sullen bluntness and honest love And last of all swore to me since her Parents wou'd not suffer her to go with me she wou'd stay behind for no other man but follow me without their leave if not to be obtain'd Which Oath Free Did you think she wou'd keep Man Yes for she is not I tell you like other Women but can keep her promise tho' she has sworn to keep it but that she might the better keep it I left her the value of five or six thousand pound for Womens wants are generally their most importunate Solicitors to Love or Marriage Free And Money summons Lovers more than Beauty and augments but their importunity and their number so makes it the harder for a Woman to deny ' em For my part I am for the French Maxim if you wou'd have your Female Subjects Loyal keep 'em poor but in short that your Mistress may not marry you have given her a Portion Man She had given me her heart first and I am satisfi'd with the security I can never doubt her truth and constancy Free It seems you do since you are fain to bribe it with Money But how come you to be so diffident of the Man that sayes he loves you and not doubt the Woman that sayes it Man I shou'd I confess doubt the Love of any other Woman but her as I do the friendship of any other Man but him I have trusted but I have such proofs of their faith as cannot deceive me Free Cannot Man No but I know that generally no Man can be a great Enemy but under the name of Friend and if you are a Cuckold it is your Friend only that makes you so for your Enemy is not admitted to your house if you are cheated in your Fortune 't is your Friend that does it for your Enemy is not made your Trustee if your Honour or Good Name be injur'd 't is your Friend that does it still because your Enemy is not believ'd against you Therefore I rather choose to go where honest downright Barbarity is profest where men devour one another like generous hungry Lyons and Tygers not like Crocodiles where they think the Devil white of our complexion and I am already so far an Indian but if your weak faith doubts this miracle of a Woman come along with me and believe and thou wilt find her so handsom that thou who art so much my Friend wilt have a mind to lie with her and so will not fail to discover what her faith and thine is to me When we 're in Love the great Adversity Our Friends and Mistresses at once we try Finis Actus Primi ACT. II. Scene 1. Olivia's Lodging Enter Olivia Eliza Lettice Oliv. AH Cousin what a World 't is we live in I am so weary of it Eliz. Truly Cousin I can find no fault with it but that we cannot alwayes live in 't for I can never be weary of it Oliv. O hideous you cannot be in earnest sure when you say you like the filthy World Eliz. You cannot be in earnest sure when you say you dislike it Oliv. You are a very censorious Creature I find Eliz. I must confess I think we Women as often discover where we love by railing as men when they lye by their swearing and the World is but a constant Keeping Gallant whom we fail not to quarrel with when any thing crosses us yet cannot part with 't for our hearts Lett. A Gallant indeed Madam whom Ladies first make jealous and then quarrel with it for being so for if by her indiscretion a Lady be talk'd of for a Man she cryes presently 'T is a Censorious World if by her vanity the Intrigue be found out 'T is a prying malicious World if by her over-fondness the Gallant proves unconstant 'T is a false World and if by her nigardliness the Chambermaid tells 'T is a perfidious World but that I 'm sure your Ladyship cannot say of the World yet as bad as ' t is Oliv. But I may say 'T is a very impertinent World Hold your peace And Cousin if the World be a Gallant 't is such as one as is my aversion Pray name it no more Eliz. But is it possible the World which has such variety of Charms for other Women can have none for you Let 's see first what d' ye think of Dressing and fine Cloaths Oliv. Dressing Fie fie 't is my aversion But come hither you Dowdy methinks you might have open'd this Toure better O hideous I cannot suffer it d' ye see how 't sits Eliz. Well enough Cousin if Dressing be
in Wapping nay and you 'd be scouring amongst my Trees and make 'em knock down one another like routed reeling Watchmen at midnight Wou'd you so Bully Free Nay pr'ythee Widow hear me Wid. No Sir I 'd have you to know thou pitiful paltry lath-back'd Fellow if I wou'd have marry'd a young Man 't is well known I cou'd have had any young Heir in Norfolk nay the hopefull'st young Man this day at the Kings-Bench Bar I that am a Relict and Executrix of known plentiful Assits and Parts who understand my self and the Law And wou'd you have me under Covert Baron again No Sir no Covert Baron for me Free But dear Widow hear me I value you only not your Jointure Wid. Nay Sir hold there I know your love to a Widow is covetousness of her Jointure And a Widow a little stricken in Years with a good Jointure is like an old Mansion-house in a good Purchase never valu'd but take one take t'other And perhaps when you are in possession you 'd neglect it let it drop to the ground for want of necessary repairs or expences upon 't Free No Widow one wou'd be sure to keep all tight when one is to forfeit one's Lease by dilapidation Wid. Fie fie I neglect my Business with this foolish discourse of love Ierry Child let me see the List of the Jury I 'm sure my Cousin Olivia has some Relations amongst ' em But where is she Free Nay Widow but hear me one word only Wid. Nay Sir no more pray I will no more hearken again to your foolish Love motions than to offers of Arbitration Ex. Wid. and Jerr Free Well I 'll follow thee yet for he that has a pretension at Court or to a Widow must never give over for a little ill usage Old Therefore I 'll get her by Assiduity Patience and Long-sufferings which you will not undergo for you idle young Fellows leave off Love when it comes to be Business and Industry gets more Women than Love Free Ay Industry the Fool 's and old Man's merit but I 'll be industrious too and make a business on 't and get her by Law Wrangling and Contests and not by Sufferings And because you are no dangerous Rival I 'll give thee counsel Major If you Litigious Widow e'r wou'd gain Sigh not to her but by the Law complain To her as to a Baud Defendant Sue With Statutes and make Iustice Pimp for you Exeunt Finis Actus Secundi ACT. III. Scene 1. Westminster-Hall Enter Manly and Freeman two Sailors behind Man I Hate this place worse than a Man that has inherited a Chancery Suit I wish I were well out on 't again Free Why you need not be afraid of this place for a Man without Money needs no more fear a croud of Lawyers than a croud of Pick-pockets Man This the Reverend of the Law wou'd have thought the Palace or Residence of Justice but if it be she lives here with the State of a Turkish Emperor rarely seen and besieg'd rather than defended by her numerous black Guard here Free Methinks 't is like one of their own Halls in Christmas time whither from all parts Fools bring their Money to try by the Dice not the worst Judges whether it shall be their own or no but after a tedious fretting and wrangling they drop away all their Money on both sides and finding neither the better at last go emptily and lovingly away together to the Tavern joining their Curses against the young Lawyers Box that sweeps all like the old ones Man Spoken like a Revelling Christmas Lawyer Free Yes I was one I confess but was fain to leave the Law out of Conscience and fall to making false Musters rather chose to Cheat the King than his Subjects Plunder rather than take Fees Man Well a Plague and a Purse Famine light on the Law and that Female limb of it who drag'd me hither to day but pr'ythee go see if in that croud of dagled Gowns there thou canst find her Pointing to a croud of Lawyers at the end of the Stage Exit Freem Manet Manly How hard it is to be an Hypocrite At least to me who am but newly so I thought it once a kind of Knavery Nay Cowardice to hide ones faults but now The common frailty Love becomes my shame He must not know I love th' ungrateful still Lest he contemn me more than she for I It seems can undergo a Womans scorn But not a Mans Enter to him Fidelia Fid. Sir good Sir generous Captain Man Pr'ythee kind Impertinence leave me Why shou'dst thou follow me flatter my Generosity now since thou know'st I have no Money left if I had it I 'd give it thee to buy my quiet Fid. I never follow'd yet Sir Reward or Fame but you alone nor do I now beg any thing but leave to share your miseries You shou'd not be a Niggard of 'em since methinks you have enough to spare Let me follow you now because you hate me as you have often said Man I ever hated a Coward 's company I must confess Fid. Let me follow you till I am none then for you I 'm sure will through such Worlds of dangers that I shall be inur'd to 'em nay I shall be afraid of your anger more than danger and so turn valiant out of fear Dear Captain do not cast me off till you have try'd me once more do not do not go to Sea again without me Man Thou to Sea to Court thou Fool remember the advice I gave thee thou art a handsom Spaniel and canst faun naturally go busk about and run thy self into the next great Man's Lobby first faun upon the Slaves without and then run into the Ladies Bed-chamber thou may'st be admitted at last to tumble her Bed go seek I say and lose me for I am not able to keep thee I have not Bread for my self Fid. Therefore I will not go because then I may help and serve you Man Thou Fid. I warrant you Sir for at worst I cou'd beg or steal for you Man Nay more bragging dost thou not know there 's venturing your life in stealing Go pr'ythee away thou art as hard to shake off as that flattering effeminating mischief Love Fid. Love did you name Why you are not so miserable as to be yet in Love sure Man Noâ— no pr'ythee away be gone or I had almost discover'd my Love and Shame well if I had that thing cou'd not think the worse of me or if he did no yes he shall know it he shall but then I must never leave him for they are such secrets that make Parasites and Pimps Lords of their Masters for any slavery or tyranny is easier than Love's Aside Come hither Since thou art so forward to serve me hast thou but resolution enough to endure the torture of a secret for such to some is insupportable Fid. I wou'd keep it as safe as if your dear precious life depended on 't
still have the better of Men of Merit with all Women as much as with their own common Mistress Fortune Freem Because most Women like Fortune are blind seem to do all things in jest and take pleasure in extravagant actions their love deserves neither thanks or blame for they cannot help it 't is all sympathy therefore the noise the finical the talkative the cowardly and effeminate have the better of the brave the reasonable and Man of Honour for they have no more reason in their love or kindness than Fortune her self Man Yes they have their reason First Honour in a Man they fear too much to love and Sence in a Lover upbraids their want of it and they hate any thing that disturbs their admiration of themselves but they are of that vain number who had rather shew their false generosity in giving away profusely to worthless Flatterers than in paying just Debts And in short all Women like Fortune as you say and Rewards are lost by too much meriting Fid. All Women Sir sure there are some who have no other quarrel to a Lovers merit but that it begets their despair of him Man Thou art young enough to be credulous but we Enter 1. Sailor 1. Sail. Here are now below the scolding daggled Gentlewoman and that Major Old old Fop I think you call him Freem Oldfox pr'ythee bid 'em come up with your leave Captain for now I can talk with her upon the square if I shall not disturb you Man No for Iâ—ll be gone Come Voluntier Freem Nay pray stay the Scene between us will not be so tedious to you as you think besides you shall see how I have rigg'd my Squire out with the remains of my shipwrack'd Wardrobe he is under your Sea-Valet de Chambre's hands and by this time drest and will be worth your seeing Stay and I 'll fetch my Fool. Man No you know I cannot easily laugh besides my Voluntier and I have business abroad Ex. Manly Fidelia on one side Freeman on t'other Enter Major Oldfox and Widow Blackacre Wid. What no body here Did not the Fellow say he was within Oldf. Yes Lady and he may be perhaps a little busie at present but if you think the time long till he comes Vnfolding Papers I 'll read you here some of the fruit of my leisure the overflowings of my fancy and Pen. To value me right she must know my parts Aside Come Wid. No no I have reading work enough of my own in my Bag I thank you Oldf. I Law Madam but here is a Poem in blank Verse which I think a handsom Declaration of one's Passion Wid. O! if you talk of Declarations I 'll shew you one of the prettiest pen'd things which I mended too my self you must know Oldf. Nay Lady if you have us'd your self so much to the reading of harsh Law that you hate smooth Poetry here is a Character for you of Wid. A Character Nay then I 'll shew you my Bill in Chancery here that gives you such a Character of my Adversary makes him as black Oldf. Pshaw away away Lady But if you think the Character too long here is an Epigram not above 20 Lines upon a cruel Lady who Decreed her Servant shou'd hang himself to demonstrate his Passion Wid. Decreed if you talk of Decreeing I have such a Decree here drawn by the finest Clerk Old O Lady Lady all interruption and no sence between us as if we were â—awyers at the Bar But I had forgot Apollo and Littleton never lodge in a head together If you hate Verses I 'll give you a cast of my Politics in Prose 't is a Letter to a Friend in the Countrey which is now the way of all such sober solid persons as my self when they have a mind to publish their disgust to the Times tho' perhaps between you and I they have no Friend in the Countrey And sure a Politic serious person may as well have a feign'd Friend in the Countrey to write to as well as an idle Poet a feign'd Mistress to write to And so here is my Letter to a Friend or no Friend in the Countrey concerning the late conjuncture of Affairs in relation to Coffee-houses or the Coffee-man's Case Wid. Nay if your Letter have a Case in 't 't is something but first I 'll read you a Letter of mine to a Friend in the Countrey call'd a Letter of Attorney Enter to them Freeman and Jerry Blackacre in an old gaudy Suit and Red Breeches of Freeman's Oldf. What Interruption still O the plague of Interruption worse to an Author than the plague of Critics Aside Wid. What 's this I see Ierry Blackacre my Minor in Red Breeches What hast thou left the modest seemly Garb of Gown and Cap for this And have I lost all my good Inns of Chancery breeding upon thee then And thou wilt go a breeding thy self from our Inn of Chancery and Westminster-hall at Coffee-houses and Ordinaries Play-houses Tennis-courts and Baudy-houses Ierr. Ay ay what then perhaps I will but what 's that to you here 's my Guardian and Tutor now forsooth that I am out of your Hucksters hands Wid. How thou hast not chosen him for thy Guardian yet Ierr. No but he has chosen me for his Charge and that 's all one and I 'll do any thing he 'll have me and go all the World over with him to Ordinaries and Baudy-houses or any where else Wid. To Ordinaries and Baudy-houses I have a care Minor thou wilt infeeble there thy Estate and Body do not go to Ordinaries and Baudy-houses good Ierry Ierr. Why how come you to know any ill by Baudy-houses You never had any hurt by 'em had you forsooth Pray hold your self contented if I do go where Money and Wenches are to be had you may thank your self for you us'd me so unnaturally you wou'd never let me have a Penny to go abroad with nor so much as come near the Garret where your Maidens lay nay you wou'd not so much as let me play at Hotcockles with 'em nor have any Recreation with 'em tho' one shou'd have kist you behind you were so unnatural a Mother so you were Freem Ay a very unnatural Mother faith Squire Wid. But Ierry consider thou art yet but a Minor however if thou wilt go home with me again and be a good Child thou shalt see Freem Madam I must have a better care of my Heir under age than so I wou'd sooner trust him alone with a stale Waiting-woman and a Parson than with his Widow Mother and her Lover or Lawyer Wid. Why thou Villain part Mother and Minor Rob me of my Child and my Writings but thou shalt find there 's Law and as in the Case of Ravishment of Guard Westminster the Second Oldf. Young Gentleman Squire pray be rul'd by your Mother and your Friends Ierr. Yes I 'll be rul'd by my Friends therefore not by my Mother so I won't I 'll choose him for my
will not meet in the way justle and clash together Enter Fidelia and Manly treading softly and staying behind at some distance So are you come but not the Husband-bucket I hope again Who 's there my dearest Softly Fid. My life Oliv. Right right where are thy lips here take the dumb and best Welcomes Kisses and Embraces 't is not a time for idle words In a a Duel of Love as in others Parlying shews basely Come we are alone and now the Word is only Satisfaction and defend not thy self Man How 's this Wuh she makes Love like a Devil in a Play and in this darkness which conceals her Angels face if I were apt to be afraid I shouâ—d think her a Devil Aside Oliv. What you traverse ground young Gentleman Fidelia avoiding her Fid. I take breath only Man Good Heav'ns how was I deceiv'd Aside Oliv. Nay you are a Coward what are you afraid of the fierceness of my Love Fid. Yes Madam lest its violence might presage its change and I must needs be afraid you wou'd leave me quickly who cou'd desert so brave a Gentleman as Manly Oliv. O! name not his Name for in a time of stol'n joys as this is the filthy name of Husband were not a more alaying sound Man There 's some comfort yet Aside Fid. But did you not love him Oliv. Never How cou'd you think it Fid. Because he thought it who is a Man of that sence nice discerning and diffidency that I shou'd think it hard to deceive him Oliv. No he that distrusts most the World trusts most to himself and is but the more easily deceiv'd because he thinks he can't be deceiv'd his cunning is like the Coward 's Sword by which he is oftner worsted than defended Fid. Yet sure you us'd no common Art to deceive him Oliv. I knew he lov'd his own singular moroseness so well as to dote upon any Copy of it wherefore I feign'd an hatred to the World too that he might love me in earnest but if it had been hard to deceive him I 'm sure 't were much harder to love him A dogged ill-manner'd Fid. D' ye hear her Sir pray hear her Aside to Manly Oliv. Surly untractable snarling Brute he a Masty Dog were as fit a thing to make a Gallant of Man Ay a Goat or Monky were fitter for thee Aside Fid. I must confess for my part tho' my Rival I cannot but say he has a Manly handsomness in 's face and meen Oliv. So has a Saracen in the sign Fid. Is proper and well made Oliv. As a Drayman Fid. Has Wit Oliv. He rails at all Mankind Fid. And undoubted Corage Oliv. Like the Hangman's can murder a Man when his hands are ty'd He has Cruelty indeed which is no more Corage than his Railing is Wit Man Thus Women and Men like Women are too hard for us when they think we do not hear 'em and Reputation like other Mistresses is never true to a Man in his absence Aside Fid. He is Oliv. Pr'ythee no more of him I thought I had satisfi'd you enough before that he cou'd never be a Rival for you to apprehend and you need not be more assur'd of my aversion to him but by the last testimony of my love to you which I am ready to give you Come my Soul this way Pulls Fidelia Fid. But Madam what cou'd make you dissemble Love to him when 't was so hard a thing for you and flatter his Love to you Oliv. That which makes all the World flatter and dissemble 't was his Money I had a real passion for that Yet I lov'd not that so well as for it to take him for as soon as I had his Money I hastened his departure like a Wife who when she has made the most of a dying Husband's breath pulls away the Pillow Man Damn'd Money it's Master 's potent Rival still and like a fancy Pimp corrupts it self the Mistress it procures for us Oliv. But I did not think with you my life to pass my time in talking Come hither come yet stay till I have lock'd a door in the other Room that might chance to let us in some interruption which reciting Poets or losing Gamesters fear not more than I at this time do Exit Oliv. Fid. Well I hope you are now satisfi'd Sir and will be gone to think of your Revenge Man No I am not satisfi'd and must stay to be Reveng'd Fid. How Sir You 'll use no violence to her I hope and forfeit your own life to take away hers That were no Revenge Man No no you need not fear my Revenge shall only be upon her honour not her life Fid. How Sir her honour O Heav'ns Consider Sir she has no honour D' ye call that Revenge Can you think of such a thing But reflect Sir how she hates and loaths you Man Yes so much she hates me that it wou'd be a Revenge sufficient to make her accessary to my pleasure and then let her know it Fid. No Sir no to be Reveng'd on her now were to disappoint her Pray Sir let us be gone Pulls Manly Man Hold off What you are my Rival then and therefore you shall stay and keep the door for me whil'st I go in for you but when I 'm gone if you dare to stir off from this very Board or breathe the least murmuring Accent I 'll cut her Throat first and if you love her you will not venture her life nay then I 'll cut your Throat too and I know you love your own life at least Fid. But Sir good Sir Man Not a word more lest I begin my Revenge on her by killing you Fid. But are you sure 't is Revenge that makes you do this how can it be Man Whist Fid. 'T is a strange Revenge indeed Man If you make me stay I shall keep my word and begin with you no more Exit Manly at the same door Olivia went Manet Fidelia Fid. O Heav'ns is there not punishment enough In loving well if you will have 't a Crime But you must add fresh Torments daily to 't And punish us like peevish Rivals still Because we fain wou'd find a Heaven here But did there never any love like me That untry'd Tortures you must find me out Others at worst you force to kill themselves But I must be Self-murd'ress of my love Yet will not grant me pow'r to end my life My cruel life for when a Lover's hopes Are dead and gone life is unmerciful Sits down and weeps Enter Manly to her Man I have thought better on 't I must not discover my self now I am without Witnesses for if I barely shou'd publish it she wou'd deny it with as much impudence as she wou'd act it again with this young Fellow here Where are you Fid. Here oh now I suppose we may be gone Man I will but not you you must stay and act the second part of a Lover that is talk kindness to her Fid.
's here more strange things Observing Fidelia's hair unty'd behind and without a Peruke which she lost in the scuffle What means this long Womans hair and face now all of it appears too beautiful for a Man which I still thought Womanish indeed What you have not deceiv'd me too my little Volunteer Aside Oliv. Me she has I 'm sure Man Speak Enter Eliza and Lettice Eli. What Cousin I am brought hither by your Woman I suppose to be a witness of the second vindication of your Honour Oliv. Insulting is not generous You might spare me I have you Eli. Have a care Cousin you 'll confess anon too much and I wou'd not have your secrets Man Come your blushes answer me sufficiently and you have been my Volunteer in love To Fidelia Fid. I must confess I needed no compulsion to follow you all the world over which I attempted in this habit partly out of shame to own my love to you and fear of a greater shame your refusal of it for I knew of your engagement to this Lady and the constancy of your nature which nothing cou'd have alter'd but her self Man Dear Madam I desir'd you to bring me out of confusion and you have given me more I know not what to speak to you or how to look upon you the sense of my rough hard and ill usage of you tho' chiefly your own fault gives me more pain now 't is over than you had when you suffer'd it and if my heart the refusal of such a Woman Pointing to Olivia were not a Sacrifice to prophane your love and a greater wrong to you than ever yet I did you I wou'd beg of you to receive it tho' you us'd it as she had done for tho' it deserv'd not from her the treatment she gave it it does from you Fid. Then it has had punishment sufficient from her already and needs no more from me and I must confess I wou'd not be the onely cause of making you break your last nights Oath to me of never parting with me if you do not forget or repent it Man Then take for ever my heart and this with it Gives her the Cabinet for 't was given to you before and my heart was before your due I only beg leave to dispose of these few Here Madam I never yet left my Wench unpaid Takes some of the Iewels and offers 'em to Olivia she strikes 'em down Plausible and Novel take 'em up Oliv. So it seems by giving her the Cabinet L. Plaus These Pendents appertain to your most faithful humble Servant Nov. And this Locket is mine my earnest for love which she never paid therefore my own again Wid. By what Law Sir pray Cousin Olivia a word What do they make a seizure on your Goods and Chattels vi armis Make your demand I say and bring your Trover bring your Trover I 'll follow the Law for you Oliv. And I my revenge Exit Oliv. Man to Ver. But 't is my Friend in your consideration most that I wou'd have return'd part of your Wives portion for 't were hard to take all from thee since thou hast paid so dear for 't in being such a Rascal yet thy Wife is a Fortune without a Portion and thou art a man of that extraordinary merit in Vilany the World and Fortune can never desert thee tho' I do therefore be not melancholy Fare you well Sir Ex. Vernish doggedly Now Madam I beg your pardon Turning to Fidelia for lessening the Present I made you but my heart can never be lessen'd this I confess was too small for you before for you deserve the Indian World and I wou'd now go thither out of covetousness for your sake only Fid. Your heart Sir is a Present of that value I can never make any return to 't Pulling Manly 〈◊〉 company but I can give you back such a Present as this which I go◠by the loss of my Father a Gentleman of the North of no mean Extraction whose onely Child I was therefore left me in the present possession of Two thousand pounds a Year which I left with multitudes of Pretenders to follow you Sir having in several publick places seen you and observ'd your actions throughly with admiration when you were too much in love to take notice of mine which yet was but too visible The name of my Family is Grey my other Fidelia the rest of my Story you shall know when I have fewer Auditors Man Nay now Madam you have taken from me all power of making you any Complement on my part for I was going to tell you that for your sake onely I wou'd quit the unknown pleasure of a retirement and rather stay in this ill World of ours still tho odious to me than give you more frights again at Sea and make again too great a venture there in you alone But if I shou'd tell you now all this and that your virtue since greater than I thought any was in the World had now reconcil'd me to 't my Friend here wou'd say 't is your Estate that has made me Friends with the World Free I must confefs I shou'd for I think most of our quarrels to the World are just such as we have to a handsom Woman only because we cannot enjoy her as we wou'd do Man Nay if thou art a Plain-dealer too give me thy hand for now I 'll say I am thy Friend indeed And for your two sakes tho' I have been so lately deceiv'd in Friends of both Sexes I will believe there are now in the World Good-natur'd Friends who are not Prostitutes And handsom Women worthy to be Friends Yet for my sake let no one e're confide In Tears or Oaths in Love or Friend untry'd Ex. Omnes FINIS