it being in the morning will have an influence upon the whole day but this is not an Universal Rule for we read that Isaac went forth in the Evening to Meditate Gen. 24. 36. and in case the subject of your Meditation be a Sermon then it may be the best time is immediately after the hearing of it before your affections cool or your memory fail you 2. For the how long considering the parts of Meditation are so many viz. Preparation Considerations Affections Resolutions c. and none of them are to be past slightly over for Affections are not so quickly raised nor are we to cease blowing the fire as soon as ever it beginneth to flame until it be well kindled half an hour may be thought to be the least for beginners and an hour for those that are versed in this Duty But there are two Rules in this Particular especially to be observed 1. That as we ought not to leave off our prayers before that temper and frame of heart is wrought which is suitable to the matter of our prayers viz. we should not leave off the confession of sin till our hearts are made sensible of and humble for our sins nor should we leave off our praises until our hearts are filled with holy admirings and adorings of God and inflamed with his love So the end of Meditation being affections and resolutions we should not leave off until those are wrought 2. As in private Prayer so long as we finde our hearts enlarged by the pourings of the Spirit of Supplication upon us we are not to leave off unless by our continuance in that duty we must omit another duty to which we were more particularly obliged at that time So in meditation as long as we find the heart affected we are to continue it But this Caution must be given that in such enlargements we must not continue them longer generalâ—y then while they come freely and without much straing and compulsion for that hony that comes freely of it self from the Comb is pure but that which is forced by heat and pressure is not so well relished but this Caution is for extraordinary enlargements for if the heart be dead we must use all means to awaken it But as fire must be blown till it be well kindled but afterwards blowing hinders the boyling of any thing that is set over it So when once our hearts are inflamed and enlarged with holy affections in an extraordinary manner 't is but a hindrance of our affections to return to the Meditation of those Points that raised them CHAP. VI. Rules for the Subject of Solemn Meditation 1. BY no means let it be Controversie for that will turn Meditation into Study 2. Nor nice Speculations for they be sapless without nourishment Besides being so light they float in the brain having no weight to sink them down into the heart and indeed were they there they have nothing in them to affect the heart withall 3. Let the Subject of Meditation be the plainest powerfullest and usefullest Truths of God as Death Hell Heaven Judgement Mercies of God our own sins the Love and Sufferings of Christ c. 4. Let the Subject of your Meditation be that that is most suitable to your Spiritual wants as in time of desertion meditate most of the love and mercies of God c. Rules for meditation it self they are of three sorts 1. Preparatory 2. For the body of the Duty 3. For the Conclusion Two things by way of preparation besides the choice of the Subject the first is be convinced of and to be affected with the presence of God The second is Prayer for assistance from God 2. For the body Meditation it self It consists of three parts The first I call Consideration which is nothing but the convincing our hearts of several Truths that do belong to that Subject whereof we Meditate As if the Subject of our Meditation be Death the Considerations may go thus Alas O my Soul how and when and where we shall die we know not generally men die sooner then they expect and certain it is whensoever that hour comes we must bid adieu to honors pleasures riches friends and at last our own bodies c. The second part is affections whether it be love of God or Christ or spiritual things despising of the world admiring of God or any other spiritual affection The third part are Resolutions to do this or that or leave this or that Now this is the most proper and genuine way of Meditation appears by this 1. Because it is not artificial and such as requires Learning as those Directions are which wish us to consider the efficient final formal material cause of death the adjuncts concomitants c. which though they may somewhat help the learned yet such hard words and artificial methods fright the ignorant â— This is the very method of those Meditations by which every one that is brought home to God is converted For the first thing in conversion is our being convinced of some Truths which conviction raiseth affections for if the truths of God end in conviction and go no no further nay if they end in affections only and never come to resolutions of shunning evil and doing good conversion can never be perfected as for example One is convinced that he is a miserable undone wretch by reason of Original and Actual abomination Upon this conviction fear and sorrow are raised yet if these do not work in us a firm resolution of leaving those sins we are yet in our sins and unconverted 3. There are several things for the concluding of Meditation as shall appear CHAP. VII Directions for the working of our hearts to be convinced of and affected with the presence of God FOR being convinced of and affected with the presence of God it may thus be wrought 1. We are to consider that God is present every where as truly really and essentially as he is in Heaven For God did not create Heaven to continue still but to manifest his presence for the Heaven of Heavens are not able to contain him for God is neither included by nor excluded from any place and though Jacob saith Surely the Lord was in this place and I knew it not Gen. 28. 16. yet we must not imagine that Jacob was ignorant of that Truth but did not actually consider it but David in the 139 Psalm is clear in explaining and clearing up the omnipresence of God 2. We must consider that God doth more peculiarly observe his people while they are performing of heavenly duties whether it be while they are speaking unto him or he speaking unto them he doth then more especially observe the motion and frame of their hearts as when we are in any company we do more especially look upon and observe those to whom we speak or who speak to us yet this is to be understood not as if God did observe us more at one time then another in respect
that I must say if God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me Oh that my heart was ravisht with his love Oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who dyed for the love of me Oh that I could not be stayed but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pittiful as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy word hath made known to us of him I read not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever begged any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in Heaven makes thee not less like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee to give me thy poor hard-hearted servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine heart my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend hath he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a careless temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much ado to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the sudden my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joyes of thy Spirit but with worldly business or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VII To confess my sins without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetness of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant withme and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good if the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alass my hear is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sin brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the silthiness that is in fin thy blessings are more lovely in my eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thouart the father of mercies Oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. VIII Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest Cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sin nor doth the Sacrament of the body and blood of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears if my fears and griefs were not Carnal would they were more but my Carnal joyes eat out my Spiritual grief and my joyes also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my Soul Go cast thy self into the arms and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maiest be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-blood upon thy poor soul for his hear boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh infidelity thou art the poyson of my Soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mâ—ne heart and keep'st it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to believe Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ Oh love me so much as to give me saith to believe it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first Principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames
man what injury soever he doth me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my Tongue And that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next Communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I read the Story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those dayes that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yield to the abominable Idolatry and Superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is less trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects For I chose Martyrdom not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption if I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not Charity it would profit nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate and fight against his corruptions Alas O my Soul how weary are we of our Spiritual Fight and we would fain find some other way to Heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the World yet while we know something better we shal not think so We talk much of the Vanity of the World but who believes that the World is Vanity and vexation of Spirit Or who is sensible of this Truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon wanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saints Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldest do it for me take my Soul and my Body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last Day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand Worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the Tongue and writ with the Pen of Men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand Worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my Estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little Spiritual or Experimental To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their Seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know that I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldom My dear God deliver me from the business of the World Suits of Law and such things they undo me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my dayes are turned into the shadow of Death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickedness I have committed against thee makes me not able to believe almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and less against thee I shall easilier believe thy loves or rather when thy Spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and Mourn and Weep over my poor Soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let My Tears prevail with thee Pity pity have pity upon a poor languishing Soul that is even gasping out his last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in Hell and by thy Mercy I may never come thither but I am running thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for Mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitableness of my Spirit to them and mine unthankfulness for them brings more sadness upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporal Mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my business I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my poor heart is the same still and is as hard and as stony not willing to yield it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy Mercy Medit. XXXI Accept of my poor prayers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and cold and my Desires shall be known and thy goodness shall be admired in hearing such prayers as mine are For the light of thy Countenance to shine upon and the Breathings
of thy Spirit to blow upon a Garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy Free grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breath upon such a Dunghil as I am that sends forth such unisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my Salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thy everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me read thee Counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in Heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joyes of my Espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldest thou with-hold thy love the Manifestations of thy love Can thy love be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the Discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every Prayer to see thee come leaping on the Mountains and skipping upon the Hills as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not Why dost thou put a Spark of Love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy Mantle upon me and when I low after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then Wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small Sparks and relishes of thy Love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly Manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowing be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnal and Worldly Joyes undone Lord it is not my unworthiness that should hinder me nor will hinder me from bestowing Lord help my unbelief VVell Lord if I must walk in darkness and see no light yet give me thy Grace that I may stay my self upon my God My life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my Soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travel for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to find the fire at last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greatter is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilâ—st I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulness of thy Presence and Greatness of thy Manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my Prayers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I find thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my prayers and call lowder and yet my prayers are as the wind that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to suffer and thou didst suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sons of Men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is soon out it hath not substance enough to nourish and maintain what it begets For Creature-Excellencies are not strong enough to keep up the delight we take in them but thou Lord art love and thou art such a treasure of excellencies that the poor soul makes new discoveries of those treasures every day To all Eternity thou art enough to keep alive and in full strength all the love and joys and praises of Saints and Angels Lord thou art enough to answer thine own love but what am I that I should speak of thee thou art so glorious that I am afraid to speak of thee Meditat. XXXIV Lord I call and thou dost not answer I am even tired out if thou dost not support I sink under the burden I long and look to see thy beauty but I cannot behold nor perceive one glympse that thou art excellent I see by the eye of faith but excellencies do not affect me All my prayers are turned unto this Lord shew me Christ and him whom my soul loveth for I have heard of him and the same of his excellencies have come unto me yet mine eyes have not seen him I think with my self Surely Christ manifesting himself and to be filled with all the fulness of God and to have a conversation in Heaven must needs signifie more then ever I have experienced in my self For such poor things as I have found wrought in my soul cannot fill up those expressions Then I hear of those whose lives are spiritual and Christ-like not glorious in out ward mortifications Thou art blameless that way speaking of such things which God hath wrought for them and in them which I have not found but are the very same things which are in my view and I follow after to attain but cannot Then from their relation of the Lords dealings with them I perceive that God did humble them more before he did discover himself unto them then ever he hath as yet humbled me so that I find no rest day nor night in my spirit and yet though I am thus restless in seeking after something which I cannot know what is it I seek for I cannot discern any true sincere constant love to Christ. He neither lets me know that he lovesme nor that I love him so that I stand amazed and know not what
to do and still by the help of God I will not cease to cry and call upon him for whom my soul I doubt not but would love if he discover his beauties and love unto me and work them on my heart I seek for one who I cannot tell who he is before I find him then I shall know and shall tell to all who he is and set forth his excellencies though they shall as little understand me a I do them who declare the things that God hath wrought for them Medit. XXXV There is not such an one in the world as I am that I know Publicans and harlots I justifie them I in the midst of ordinanees and mercies in the midst of the flames of love nay when thou layest on me that affliction that is now fresh bleeding in mine eyes or rather despised and forgotten I should have learnt obedience by things I suffered and I have done as if I were to learn to sin by them Thou hast chastised me with rods and I have put the sting of sin into them and have made them scorpions Thou sendest them for Antidotes and I have turned them into poyson Lord teach me what it is wherein thou art so offended to leave me thus Lord I believe thou hast pardoned me but small is my comfort when thou pardonest sin but subduest it not Meditat. XXXVI Lord I do so evidently find my self unable to judge of truths or to resist temptations that I almost nay altogether lye at the mercy of every temptation and to be carried about with the wind of every vain doctrine if thou dost not stand by me what should I tell thee the secret puddle of my heart I am weary of the stench and filthiness of it there is not a prayer but they meet me at it and lye as a talent of lead upon me if my heart were all on fire with thy love these things could not be I sometimes have thoughts rising in my heart that are wicked proud and foolish thoughts I begin to be offended that I begging for the manifestations of thy love yet have them not but those thoughts no sooner begin to arise but I consider what am I that thou shouldest give me thy love sand how can I expect the manifestations of thy love when I will not give thee my love but let it run wast upon the creature How many times do I chuse to do anything rather then spend my time in Meditation and Prayer nay to do nothing and be idle for although thou lovest us first yet thou dost not usually discover thy thoughts of love to a Soul before she hath made over her love and her self unto thee then I think thou canst by the power of thy Spirit bring in my heart my Soul and my love and that usually ere thou dost ravish the soul with the discoveries of thy love this I know and let all the world know it that whatsoever wicked thoughts do arise in my weak heart which I cannot answer I know that all thy wayes are holy just and good Lord what shall I give for the sheddings abroad of love in my heart that which should be given for it were it at the utmost parts of the world I could fetch it thence But Lord the price of it already paid 't is near unto thee even at thy right hand O thou most High he hath paid for this Mercy by his blood long ago and my Prayers thou requirest not as a price Lord fill me with these Spiritual Supplications that I may give thee no rest nor take any rest my self until I have found him whom my soul loveth Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXVII O Lord beat me and drive me with storms and Tempests I am come unto thee like the Prodigal Son for all but that which most of all I should have a Spiritual Sorrow ragged and tatter'd and undone My Sins and Misery are like his not my sorrow For me to see my self languishing my Graces daily grow weaker my love colder and even almost to be speechless in prayer Alas the Sorrow that I have is rather bewailing my Misery then my Sin I know not what it is Lord but thou dost Sure I am my condition is sad and I am sad and my sadness is all the poor remains of Comfort that I have and yet I no sooner begin to take any comfort in my grief but I perceive so much hypocrisie in my Grief that the poor Spark of Comfort that I have is put out Alas Tears of Blood were fitter for me then dry eyes O Lord must every trifle steal away my heart from thee Thine Excellencies are too high for me Wisdom is too high for Fools O that thou wouldest take me out of my own hands and deliver me from my self and howsoever my heart is not importunate enough now I shall thank and praise thee to all Eternity if thou wilt make me thine Thou hast done as much to draw me with the Cords of love even to wonder Lord do thou snatch me as a Fire brand out of the firâ— if thou shouldst stay till I am willing without thy making me so I am lost For I shall never part with these painted Vanities for all the glory in heaven except thou givest me the eye of Faith to see it and a Spiritual palat to relish it Meditat. XXXVIII O Lord wilt thou let a poor sinner lie gasping out his last breath at thy feet and die in thine arms I have aboundance of love for the world O that thou hadst it all I am sure I am not and shall never be at quiet untill thou hast it nor would I sleep until I am in thine arms of love My dearest God how comes it to pass that my heart cannot give it self to whom it will Had I a thousand worlds I would give all for thee that I might be thine O my soul why should we stand consulting and contriving what to do God is ten thousand times more then all things Why should we weigh a Talent of Lead and a Feather together to see which is heaviest O Lord My soul hath chosen thee long ago I have abundance of experience of the Truth of those things which I have believed I am thine and thou art my God Thou hast chosen me and I have chosen thee Is I should be so vain at any time as to leave thee thou art the same and thy choice fails not Thou Lord which mad'st me chuse thee whilest I had no experience of thy love wilt make me continue my choice Lord that any one should choose hell beforâ— thee It makes thee not to be less glorious Lord must my Blasphemies praise thee I find so much hell in my heart that it is not troubled in any proportionable Measure that there is so much hell in it When I set apart an hour for Meditation and Prayer then I kept my heart somewhat close But at other times I am little careful to improve what I read
or hear to enflame my heart I had better not set an hour apart and give thee all the day by thinking alwayes of thee Lord I do now acknowledge for then I shall not but if thou shouldest leave me I should be too much given to blaspheme thee Nay blâ—ssed God let that never be Lord it shall never be When I consider the desperate hypocrisie of my heart I may every Morning expect that thou shouldst give me up to a râ—probate sense to commit sin with greediness when I think of these things I pour out my soul within me To think with my self I shall lose my Estate a little troubles me to think I shall lose such a friend it affects me more but to think I shall lose my God and become an Apostate that 's a hell unto me I have begged of thee as for my life that thou wouldest not leave me and now I beg O forsake me not utterly To have such a heart that will neither inflame my words nor be inflamed by them is that which hath not been so Lord except thou wilt follow one that will not stay when thou callest and overtake one that runs from thee when thou followest I am lost Well I am sure my froward and careless carriage will justifie thy justice if thou condemn me and magnifie thy Mercy if thou savest me Meditat. XXXIX Lord this day is thine own and by being thine is the more mine I must now burn without coals about me The time hath been when if I had been cold and dull the Society Exprâ—ssions and Examples of others in dayes set apart to thee would have inâ—lamed me Now the company I have is water and snow Wo is me that I am constrained to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and yet Lord thou art never wanting Thou sendest forth thy beams of light and heat if I bring not Clouds over mine own head I may have enough light from thee Lord when will these dayes of sin be ended and the time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord come I come into thy presence but when I am come I am silent and deaf neither able to speak to thee nor hear the sweet whisperings of thy Spirit O that I had a heart to give my self unto thee or that thou wouldest take these poor longings of my Soul for a Gift and thereupon take possession of my Soul My dayes of leaping for joy to think of thee are gone and now my dayes of sorrow to see mine own vileness are come My tears are now my Meat and Drink O that I had more of them so they were more Spiritual I am a poor creature but thou art the rich God My poor heart why dost thou not speak why art thou silent what saist thou Is not God a good God what relish or sweetness is there in these words if thou dost not set to thy seal Lord to thy glory though not to my comfort be it spoken Thou hast been a good God to me but I have no comfort from this truth if I never relish it yet if mine heart will be so wicked and vile and base as not to acknowledge it yet my hand shall write that which shall witness for my God against my self Thou art good patient and Merciful unto me enough to make earth and heaven to wonder at thy goodness and my vileness Ah my God my God must my words go beyond my thoughts of love to thee Lord thou art enough for heaven enough for thy self and art thou not enough for me Try O my Soul try thou wilt never trust before thou knowest this by experience thou knowest abundantly that the creature hath told thee It is not in me this thou knowest by experience and by faith thou knowest it is in God Well then lay all thy weight and strength upon him and none upon the Creature Hold upon him with both hands or else thou wilt attribute the greatest failing unto God For as he that stands upon never so strong a place if he lean against a rotten wall he shall fall and one that is asleep when he falls will not know whether fail'd him and so if we do but lean to our own wisdom we shall happily think that God fails Lord I wait I long for thine appearance Thou art enough Lord I know not what to say I am undone without thee Lord I hear the poor fly oh how it flies up and down Now it is warmed and revived with the warmth of the Sun yesterday it lay still as dead surely Lord if thou wilt shine upon my Soul I should be active and chearful in thy service No marvel heaven is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them The Crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and shares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God Pride and Despair divide my life When I find any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be pust up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions My Sinnes doe me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet Natural conscience draws one way and Natural Corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and supply our wants which makes us joyn the Creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy heart Lord my heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall run after thee Lord heâ—e's my poor soul it lies at thy feet groveling and gasping for life the Creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still woes me and follows me for my love unless thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fill'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my prayers have been more servent and frequent of
O my Soul how comes it to pass that we thought of these things no sooner 'T is a strange thing that our hearts and the world should so far deceive us that we should prefer every trifling thing before that which concerns us more then ten thousand worlds we have served the world which was not made but to serve us 1. Abhor thy life past Well I am resolved to leave you ye vain and sinful pleasures I will no longer dote upon you you have but too long bewitcht my soul. I might have had a thousand holy thoughts and prayers and Treasures of Alms laid up for Eternity which I am sure I should not have repented of when I come to die and you vanities have took up my time and stole away my heart and thoughts from these things Well I have enough of you I have done with you for the rest of my strength and dayes I will give unto my God 3. Turn thy self to God and say Blessed God wilt thou accept of the service of a poor wretch that hath spent so much of his time and strength upon base lusts vanities Nay surely Lord If thou wilt accept of such a wretch as I am such a heart such love such service as I have I will give to thee and for the time to come thou shalt be the very joy of my Soul and the deliciousness of my thoughts and dost thou indeed entreat and importune me to be reconciled how wonderful is thy Mercy that notwithstanding I provok't thee hitherto daily to thy face yet that thou shouldest follow after me to embrace me whereas what could be expected but that thou shouldest pursue me to destroy me Resolutions Well by the blessing of God I am resolved that though heretofore I have spent whole dayes in such and such like recreations which at best are but vanities for this moneth I will either not use such and such recreations at all or at least spend no more time any day in them then I do in Prayer and Meditation and I hope one day the Lord will work in me such a heavenly frame of Spirit that Prayer and Meditation shall be in stead of a thousand recreations David was of that temper for he saith that he will go to God his exceeding joy and that the Law of God was dearer to him then thousands of Gold and Silver and that his heart was ready to break for the very desires and longings that he had after God O my Soul that will be a rare time when it shall be thus with us Why should David love â—od more then we â—e forgave David much but he hath forgiven us more wâ—ll O my soul if thou wilt pray hard and follow hard after God thou little knowest what he will doe for thee and the joyes that he hath laid up for them that love him even in this world are unspeakable and glorious Conclusion 1. Pray Lord thou knowest the deceitfulness of my heart the strength of my corruptions and the multitude of Snares and Temptations which encompass me on every side especially when I am in worldly employments in company thou knowest how subject holy flames are to go out therefore be thou pleased by the holy breathings of thy Spirit to keep these holy fervours of love from being quench't 'T is not the strength of my resolutions that can enable me to resist temptations if I am not kept by the mighty power of thee my God I am lost 2. Praise God blessed be thou O God for an heavenly Motion or Desire that hath been wrought in me thou might'st have suffered me as thou dost thousands I have provoked thee as much as they never to be convinced of or affected with these Truths 't is thy wonderful Mercy that thou didst make me for such a blessed end as the enjoyment of thy self and much greater Mercy that thou hast let me know so much but most of all that thou hast given me a heart to desire and endeavour after it Bless the Lord O my Soul 3. Acknowledge thy failings alas Lord whatsoever is wrought in me that 's good had been far greater but that I am green wood to the sparks of thy love Lord pardon the iniquity of my holy services My highest and most inflamed thoughts of thee are unworthy of thee It is well that I have thee to love whom I need not fear loving too much After the Meditation is ended 1. Think with thy self which of these Truths or what passage of this Meditation did most warm thy heart and affect thee and fix it and treasure it up in thy thoughts keeping it as it were a Nosegay in thy hand to smell unto all the day 2. Set down this that thou hast resolved to spend no more time in such a Recreation then thou shalt spend in Prayer and Meditation 3. Go unwillingly from this duty and do not rush into worldly businesses but look to thy heart which is a slippery deceitful thing Meditat. II. Of the Mercies of God 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray beg of God that he would put such considerations and thoughts into thy heart that thou maist be so convinced of and affected with his goodness that thou maï'st love praise and serve him Considerations 1. Consider how much thou art engaged to God for bodily Mercies he hath given thee thy senses sight hearing and other parts of thy body It thou did'st want thy sight what woulst thou give for it if thou wast Emperour of the world How many thousand pound wouldst thou give A Diamond is not therefore worth no more then 6 d because a poor man can give no more if thou shouldst reckon up what thy hands feet health liberty were worth to what a vast Sum would they arise Thou hast all these things from God thou hast not them from thy Parents they know not before thou wert born whether thou shouldest be Male a Female thou maâ—'st say to God as David did In thy Book were all my members written 2. Consider what faculties of Soul God hath given thee What a miserable condition are mad men in those that are born Natural Fools Thou art well and thousands are sick thou hast plenty when thousands beg their bread 3. Consider what spirituality of Mercies God hath given thee how many thousand poor ignorant Heathens are there which never heard of God and of Christ who were born and bread where the Gospel is not preached but worship the Devil but thou dwellest in the Sunshine and under the droppings of the Gospel and are not these great Mercies and unvaluable If thou dost not value them it argues so much the greater goodness in God to bestow them upon thee nay hath not God made thee to know him he hath not only given thee the light of the Gospel but eyes to behold it 4. Consider the greatness of God why should he look after thee nay why doth he not destroy thee Thou art but a
Worm nay a Viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of Providence and not shake thee off into Hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a Worm to death If we see an Adder or such a venomous Creature we go out of out way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sins and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out arms to imbrace thee Are not these Miracles of Mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatness of his Mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou had just cause to say also O my Soul The Mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are far greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be called the Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Son that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodness of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldest so regard him What am I that am the worst of men Why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my blood to the loathing of my person thou said'st unto me in my blood Live nay not only when I was weltering in my own Blood but in the Blood of Christ thou said'st unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those Mercies or what have I or can I do to require them As thy glorious Name so thy Metcies are extolled above all praises 2 Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellious for mâ— Mercies Hath God heaped upon me many glowings coals of love mercy and is my heart still â—ozen Must God on y be a looser by his blessings If mâ—n who is bound to do me good when iâ— lies in his power â—eâ—â—o vs a small coâ—rtesie on me how do I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one dayes food then I am now for a years Are his Mercies less because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prâ—ze them while we have them and thâ—â— there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction up 〈◊〉 us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful we have enjoyed it so â—ong and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the Mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his Mercies but this that we should love him with all our Heart Soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to Praise and thansgiving Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies Not love God not not praise God O my Soul why what could God require less at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sin he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalms the oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happiness of heaven I should find so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the Mercies and Love of God His Mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these Coâ—ls of Mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and prase of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the Mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickneth else Mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy Soul again and again awâ—ken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy â—outh and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no wâ—nt of mâ—ttâ—r and Motives of praise in the Truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what Truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwilingly from this Duty Meditat. III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2 Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors Sin and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they loathe God Zec. 11. 8. and God by his Prophet cryeth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God prosess his hatred of Sin if one should spit in a mans face or lay Toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as Sin is to God he hates it more then we hate hel how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare Dish of Meat which he loved
soul loved Yet to have an opportunity to hear one of the 〈◊〉 Saint in the World in their sâ—â—ret addresses unto God is not less desireable then the former when Saints pray with others they refrain from several expressions for fear of scandal either of pride or hypocrisie There is that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that liberty of speech in secret which is not lawful if possible to be uttered except by a Soul in secret when no one heareth but God alone To hear a poor soul in desertion bemoaning it self like Ephraim to hear it fetch such sighs and groans for one glympse of Gods smiling countenance such sighs and groanes I say as never any one yet heard the sorrowfullest in the world fetch for the loss of a dying or new dead friend or child or Husband nay such groanes as never any in the agonies of death or in the midst of the greatest torments ever fetched O how you would be affected to hear such sighs and such groanes as some of the people of God fetch and such sighs they have Rom. 8. 26. they might and were actually expressed if indulgent Parents had them when they dyed or men in torment had any equal to them But the Holy Ghost saith that he helpeth the infirmities of his people with sighs and groanes that cannot be expressed To hear a man sigh as if his heart would break because he could not enjoy the ordinances of God Oh how would it make one say alass alass I was never thus affected because I could not enjoy the Ordinances of God 1. Oh how would it have affâ—cted you could you have heard David in his secret addresses unto God See how affectionately he speaketh in the 119. Psalm and the 20th verse My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy Judgment at all times This was no strain of Rhetorick David would not lye to the holy Ghost and tel God his heart was ready to break if it was not for he well knew God knew his heart nay for this to be constant when ever he thought of such things then for his very soul to break gives a sufficient testimony to the truth of what I have asserted Doubtless hypocrites cannot in their actings of love or joy come up to the real affections of some of Gods people I say therefore to hear the expressions of Gods people in their secret addresses unto God their love-sick pangs in their extasies of joy were worth our hearing for they would wonderfully affect This very thing is done in the book of Psalms where we have David writing his secret devotions for abundance of the Psalms are Davids secret addresses unto God upon severall occasions as by the titles of several of his Psalms doth appear CHAP. 2. A short explanation of the words together with some short Observations upon the same BEcause the first Verse is part of the description of the blessed man and an Introductory also to the following words I shall speak something to them The words of the first verse are far more emphatical then they are rendred in our English Translarion For indeed our English Dialect will not bear to be translated exactly according to the Hebrew but as near as it can be take it thus O blessed is the man or he man i. e. whoever he be rich or poor noble or ignoble that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly nor standeth in the way of sinners nor sits in the seat of the scornfu But his will is in the Law of the Lord or of Jehovah and in his Law he doth meditate in the day and by the night Give me leave to gather up the Pearles that lye in the way to the Text. Let me a little consider the greatness and excellency of the righteous mans blessedness He is blessed 2. He is blessedness made up o' blessedness blessed in his body blessed in his soul blessed in health blessed in sickness blessed in every state and condition 3. He is blessedness blessed in the highest degree For the plural number is sometimes put for the Superlative or else blessedness signifieth all manner of blessednesses temporal spiritual and eternal if riches be a blessing he shall have them if poverty be a blessing he shall have that for sometimes poverty is a blessing sometimes riches whatsoever is a blessing he shall have 4. A Saint is not only blessed blessed even to admiration It is brought in here with an interjection or note of admiration O! blessedness is the man 5. Saints admire the Saints blessedness and it is no small matter will make the Saints admire The glory and happiness of the world they despise which the men of the world admire at and they despise the happiness of the Saints 6. See the goodness of God he gives the Saints happiness beyond their understanding f God should send the Saints a book as large as Heaven and bid us write down what we would have we should be losers by the bargain for the happiness and blessedness of Saints putteth the Saints to a stand and makes them silent for admiration is Silentium intellectus When the understanding perceiveth that there is more in the object then it is able to comprehend it leaves off making notions of the subject it then falleth to admiring of it The Platonists say of God that he is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 visibile invisible by reason of his excellency and abundance of light God may be praised well by many words but better by few and best of all by none but by silence admiration and extasies of love and indefatigable desire after everlasting enjoyments of him So I say of the blessedness of Saints surely as Adam in his best estate was altogether vanity Psal. 39. So the Saint the man whosoever he be is in his lowest condition altogether blessed I shall pass by the gradation of the words as walk stand sit counsel way seat wicked sinner scornful though one may observe by the way one groweth wicked by degrees but I forbear yet this I shall observe from the coherence of these words with the former viz. That negative divinity damneth thousands is is Luthers expression though we must first cease to do evil before we can do good yet it is not enough so cease to do evil but we must also do good for as sins of commission poyson the soul so sins of omission starve the soul. From that his will is in the law of Jehovah we may observe that we should have no will of our own the Law of God should be our will if you would know the will of a Saint you may find it in Gods Law Saints will is the transcript of the Law written by the finger of God Jer. 31. 33. I will put my Law in their inward parts saith God and write in their hearts if any would know what a Saint will do in such or such a case you need not go to ask him but see what God commandeth he willeth nothing but what
24. 63. That this was a solemn Meditation is evident because he went out into the field to perform it and had no other business there but this 'T is not said when he was in the field he meditated as if it were occasiona but to shew that it was a set duty 't is said that he went out to meditate 2. 'T is commanded Josh. 1. 8 and this duty of meditation is set down as a chief means to be sanctified of God for the keeping of the Law 3. It is as a Characteristical difference between a wicked man and a Saint 4. To consider in Scripture and to meditate are Synonima's and the necessity of it appears in this because that the cause of sin is the want of consideration and not want of knowledge Isa. 1. 3. and 't is not much for us to hear Sermons nay though we be neverso attentive it will not serve the turn Psal. 41. 12. It is more then to know for who is there almost in the world that knows not that he must dye but few are there that consider it Deut. 32. 29. 5. The necessity of Meditation appeares in this that no man is converted without Meditation for every one that is converted the method is this 1. He heares the truths of God 2. He is convinced of them 3. He considers and meditates upon them and sees how much they concern him 4. He is affected with them 5. Being thus affected it raiseth holy resolutions of better obedience But it will be objected alass I am not book learned how shall I perform this duty of Meditation This is rather for Ministers c Ans. 1. I may say of Meditation as 't is said of the Mathematicks he that is a rational man and doth but improve his reason though he hath neither tongues nor art to help him may understand grow to an extraordinary excellency in those Arts So he that hath grace if he doe but exercise and improve it though he hath not learning will excell the learnedest man in the world that hath not grace in the duty of Meditation 't is not learning but devotion that enables a man to this duty 2. Can a man be a blessed man without Learning then he may meditate without it Psal. 12. Obs. But 't is a very hard duty Ans. 1. That shews it to be an excellent duty for the harder any duty is the more excellent the hardness consists in this that 't is contrary to our corruptions and the more contrary any thing is to that which is bad 't is so much the better 2. Can you expect any duty should be easie at first Is there any thing so of temporal things which are of any excellency as Writing playing on a Lute c. 3. Because 't is so powerful to mortifie corruptions sweet things nourish and bitter things purge therefore if you will only perform those duties that are delightful they will nourish not purge out corruption 4. Get but your hearts inflamed with the love of God then this duty will not only be easie and delightful but it will be a duty that you cannot tell almost how to avoid for it is as hard not to think of what one loves as to think of what one hates bid the covetous man not think of his money or bid him think of the things of God and he will find an equal difficulty in both Indeed the love of God and desire of heavenly things are got by meditation but when once our hearts are enflamed by Meditation then our Mediattions are enflamed by love As an Oven is first heated by fewel and then it sets the fewel on fire and as with the fewel you must put in fire and blow it but afterwards it kindleth of it self so the difficulty of Meditation is at first When there is but as it were a spark of love in the heart it will cost him some pains by meditation to blow it up to a flame but afterwards the heart will be so heated with these flames of love that it will so inflame all the thoughts that it will make us not only easily but necessarily to meditate on the things of God 5. The people of God generally have found a great deal of difficulty in praying without a form at first Many godly Ministers used a set Form of Prayer before their Sermons not many years since and when they and privaâ—â— Christians came to pray at first without a Form they found a strangeness and an unreadiness thereunto So it is in Meditation Christians being not used to it it will seem a strange and difficult work unto them but I may say of it as is said of the yoke Christ Gravè cum tollis suave cum tuleris thou wilt find it very delightful or at least very profitable Ob. But if it be such a necessary duty how comes it to pass that it hath been so generally neglected by the people of God Ans. It hath been practised by the people of God both in Scripture as is proved and it is evident that the Psalmes of David are frequently nothing but Meditations though not in this Method and by many in our dayes 2. It being a private Closet-duty the omission nor performance of it could be taken notice of and so the omission of it could not be reproved nor performance observed 3. The Directions and Instructions for Meditation have been generally very abstruse and intricate CHAP. V. Preparatory Directions for the Circumstances of solemn Meditation 1. FOR the place that must be private remote from company and noise Isaac went into the fields our Saviour into a Garden and David wisheth us to enter into our chamber and be still Psal. 4. 4. and our Saviour bids us enter into our Closet and shut the door the place must be such as must be remote from noise and company or any thing which might distract us in the duty and such a place that we may not be interrupted or forced to break off before the duty be ended it must be also private and remote from the observation of others so that we may neither be he heard nor seen because there are divers gestures and expressions which are not convenient for any one but God and ones own soul to be privy to Which of those places you find to be most advantagious to you in the matters of Meditation you may choose 2. For the time when The best is in the morning 1. Because it is the first-fruits of the day and the first-fruits being holy all the rest are fanctified 2. Because our thoughts being then not soyled with worldly business will not be so subject to be distracted 3. Because the body it self is more serene then after Meals and this Duty needs an empty stomack not only because the head will be more clear and fit for Meditation but also because many passages of Meditation require so much intention of the mind and fervency of affection that they do hinder Digestion 4. Because that
of Gods knowledge it self but thus that God is much more offended with us if our carriage and frame of heart be more irreverent and unholy in the time of prayer and Meditation then at such times as we are in the works of our particular calling 3. We may consider with our selves that Christ doth actually behold us especially in these duties of holiness for it is not the distance of place that doth hinder Christs knowledge and exact observing of us Little did Nathanael then think that Christ saw him under the Fig-tree Nathonael did not see Christ nor was he corporally present then yet Christ beheld Nathanael when he prayed so Christ beheld Stephen before the heavens were opened and the opening of the heavens was not that that thereby Christ might be enabled the better to behold Stephen but that Stephen might thereby be the better enabled to see that Christ looked on him without all controversie God knows and observes with what reverence faith love c. we pray for else our prayers would be in vain and our faith also vain for how could he give us according to our faith if he knew not how much our faith were If the inward frame of our hearts were not observed by him then an hypocrite that hath better expressions should get more by his prayers then a true Nathanael that hath a better heart 4. Suppose that thou hadst lived in Christs time or suppose that Christ were now in England consider with what joy reverence and confidence thou wouldest go to him for the pardon of thy sins or for any other mercy thou stoodest in need of Thou maist go so to him now his distance from thee in respect of corporal presence doth not make him less able to know thy wants or hear thy prayers nor his being now glorified makes him less willing to grant them then if it were bodily present in the room with thee in the form of a servant as he was once at Jerusalem the glory of Christ doth not hinder his love and goodness for Christ is the express Image of his Father and Gods Attributes do not not hinder one another The Majesty of God doth not set bounds unto his goodness and make that finite nor doth his goodness make his Majesty less glorious his goodness makes his Majesty more amiable and his Majesty makes his goodness more wonderful So neither doth the exaltation of Christ cause him to abate any thing of his goodness unto his people but if any way his Love be altered it is by being made more then it was and when Christ was upon earth you must have come to him by Faith or you could obtain no mercy from him and by faith though he be in heaven you may obtain any mercy now You may consider any one or two or more of these considerations until your heart be so convinced of and affected with the presence of God that you may thereby be the better fitted for the carrying on the duty of Meditation more effectually CHAP. VIII Concerning the Preparatory Prayer that is to be used before Meditation THE next Preparatory consideration is Prayer and it is to be performed in these words or to like purpose Lord my design in this Duty of Meditation is not to be an hour sequestred from Worldly Employments for that were to be idle an Hour and to encrease my Sinnes not my Graces but my Business at this time is to be so convinced and affected with those spiritual Truths revealed in thy Word that I may fully resolve by thy strenghth and power to reform my Life because I can neither understand the things that belong to my peace nor understanding them be convinced of the certainty and truth of them Nay Lord though my understanding be enlightned yet without thee mine affections cannot be enflamed I can neither know resolve nor perform what is good without thee for from thee comes both the will and the deed of thy good pleasure I beseech thee Lord that thou wouldest give me thy grace to make conscience of performing this duty with my whole strength and not carelesly and perfunctorily And Lord do thou enlighten me with and convince me of thy Truths and so affect my heart with the love of holiness and hatred of sin c. that I may thereby be enabled fully firmly notwithstanding all the opposition that the flesh world or devil can make to run the wayes of thy Commandements with joy and with speed and when thou hast wrought in me the will so to do give me also the deed and that I may not trust to the strength of my resolutions but to the continual gracious assistance of thy Spirit for the performance of those things that through thee I shall resolve to do Holy and blessed God Christ hath sent me wishing me to come to thee in his Name for any mercies I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts Learning or by the strength of Grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own Souls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more Sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the Air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be Eclipsed then to say though our Hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his Love we shall do well enough by our own strength for at the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but Fewel Matter to Meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not count it a Burthen but a Mercy and Priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwayes to draw strength from him CHAP. IX Several Rules for managing the Duty of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of meditation being the affecting of our heart and resorming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversial and doubtful For the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much less should our considerations be Curious and Nice Speculations or if we choose any
in my heart and sencelesness upon my Spirit I speak these things Ah Lord thou hast scourged me with scorpions for my sins do encrease as well as my afflictions these afflictions to me are scorpions to me they have poyson in them and at once I am scourged and stung with them a sad ease it is when my punishment is heavier than I can bear and yet notwithstanding I go from the presence of God too and that more and more My tears dry up in mine eyes and my love goes out of my heart as soon as kindled When the Candle of the Lord shined upon my Tabernacle in my first conversion when the fire of thy love was kindled in my heart I have had some discourses of devotion that I was not able to bear the ravishment that the remembrance and meditation of them brought to my soul now almost as full of sadness as then of joy after those times as those after the Flood my joyes and the acts and workings of my grace grace grew very short liv'd in comparison of what they were before then they were Methusalems for age and Sampsons for strength to what they are now before though I fell spiritually sick and my strength and comfort was gone yet I was sensible of my weakness it was a pain and a grief unto me that I could not walk into the delightful Garden of the Spouse and to the sweet bed of his Spices I could weep for want of tears if not I could mourn for sorrow but now like a man that groaned and strugled so long that he can struggle no longer but grown senceless can hardly be perceived to breathe or live If the sweetest Musick should be plaid by him or the dearest friend in the world should come and ask him with tears in his eyes Dear Husband or Dear Wife how do you the poor sick one doth not so much as open the eye to see who it is that speaks or if open them they being presently heavy with death fall down again and he dies So is it with my poor Soul sometimes I can hear my Saviour as it were saying unto me for sometimes methinks I see him about my sick Soul Ah poor Soul how dost thou do Is my Joseph yet living But alas Lord thou knowest I have scarce strength or life to lift up mine eye to thee Lord Can these dry bones live Can these dry eyes weep Can this frozen Heart be enflamed Meditat. IV. Lord I am ashamed to consider what I know of thee when I think what I do for thee Ah my God the cares of the world lie heavy upon me Resolutions though never so strong are too weak to overcome my corruptions Alas I can scarce say any more then I have said in the confessing and bewailing my sad spiritual condition though I have said nothing to what I should say Have I not told thee Lord with tears in mine eyes and with a sad heart that I found my Corruptions get ground of me my prayers my tears my resolutions and some endeavours do resist but cannot overcome them these keep them from prevailing so soon but not from prevailing I humbly confess or desire so to do that I may complain to thee but I should add to mine abominations exceedingly if I should complain of thee Mine heart doth alwayes tempt me to it when I consider what I was and what I am it is a Talent of lead upon my soul yet since my preaching thou art glorified and thy people edified more then if I should spend all my time in private Meditation I am willing to submit only I do humbly beseech thee with tears in mine eyes that though I have less time to spend in such private duties yet that my poor Soul may not lose her love to them and though I perform fewer duties I may not perform them worse then I did when I performed more Meditat. V. I do much wonder at my self and at many nay some what at all Christians upon dayes of humiliation but most at my self to hear the tongue of a poor Christian confessing and his eyes weeping for his sins and speaking of them with such expressions and such fighs that one would think Surely this Christian keeps a strict communion with God surely he would not sin for a world surely God is in all this mans thoughts And yet stay but whil'st he hath done his prayer and you find in him such strong thoughts words and actions that are almost incredible loose and idle words and vain thoughts I but too often experience it and makes it even past hope it should be otherwise with me If any Town that was straightly besieged with cruel enemies should send for aid to such or such and when they came they should send out most of the Town to joyn with the enemy against those that came to help them What should we say of such people Lord just thus are we We have a world of corruptions and temptations Sin and Hell and Satan all beset us and violently assault us we pray for the help of God against them day after day We send our prayers to heaven for assistance Well God doth send his holy Spirit to helpt his poor Soul in the Ministery of the Word tells us what we should do to overcome these enemies and sending many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us we will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of â—he world to come O thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and hear and sigh and confess these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost not thou see how sin and corruption do as it were lye gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the World what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodness because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtless I shall not go so swiftly down the stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alass is it come to this O my soul
are gone out that were once kindled in me All the Fruit and Leaves and Boughs are stript from me there are all things to doe beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my Corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have It it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet Communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and Soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. IX I. I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesness under judgements fruitlesness under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulness of mine one wayes and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sins of unkindness to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy Mercies from me I have heard and read the great Mystery of my Redemption of his being Scourged and Crowned and Nailed of his Bleeding and Dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. X. Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my Soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch Evidences and signs from actions done many years since My prayers and other holy Duties were Matter of more joy when I did them than now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace Oh my lost Joyes and my lost Duties where I shall find you I know not the Joyes I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from prayer with a sad heart and a hard heart My prayers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy Motions and the Joyes of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me Why do I walk in this Valley of Tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my Soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but carnal tears and one great cause of my grief and part of my misery is that I can weep no more sometimes indeed tears stand in mine eyes when I consider these things Lord give me Faith O give me Faith I feel a deal of Atheism in my heart Mine heart is so full of Corruption of all kind and all Degrees that I can feel no bottom of this stinking Ditch Mine imagination is divers times a through-fare for Satans blasphemous thoughts which my Soul abhors I may even sit down and spend the remainder of my wicked life in weeping and wailing and wringing of my hands and tearing off the hairs of my head My sad Soul may say to my God Art thou quite gone from me have all my hopes of thee been as dreams and empty shadows unto me and hast thou shown me so much of heaven and wilt thou make hell more terrible and bitter to me Shall thy sweet Mercies be turned into the Gall of Aspes to me not only to be bitter but deadly I have cause I have cause Lord to mingle my drink with my tears to water my couch with weeping Thou art too great a God to be dallyed withall and what do I else As our dearest Friends though we never so much delighted in their company while they were living yet we are afraid to be alone with them they are a terrour to us after the Souls have left their Earthly Tabernacles So my prayers while they were living prayers were a great comfort to my poor soul but now my prayers are without life and my Supplications are dead they are a terrour to me they look gashly upon me and I upon them Meditat. XI My dear God thou art not moved with words if we had the tongue of Men and Angels if we could speak as never man spake if our hearts meant no more than they do what would our vain words do I am ever weary of my life because of my Corruptions I can go no where nor do any thing but my coruptions follow me and tire me even out of my patience O that I could weep over my prayers to see how dead they are which way to turn I know not I have prayed a thousand times for another heart and yet mine heart is as hard as a stone and so full of hypocrisie Lord shall I cast away my confidence and lay down my weapons and put off mine armour because my corruptions are so strong and impetuous and deaden my very soul But alass what am I weary of not of my sins but of the accusations of my conscience that will not let me alone blessed be thy Name that I am troubled that I do not live holily Lord mine heart is entangled in the snares of the world blessed Saviour thou which hast overcome the world deliver me from the cares and love of the world Alass what good do my tears do me Dost thou bottle up such tears such puddle water in thy bottles let the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee towards my poor soul. it is full of sin but my sin is my sorrow though my sorrow itself is sinful if thou standest as a stranger to me I must give over my self for lost then I may say farewell prayers better to say farewel then to add to my former sins a greater guilt by defiling my prayers that are as Chariots to carry out my soul into the bosome of God What am I to stand against corruption or temprations I am no more able to overcome nay to resist them than to remove Mountains I have sinned away my joyes and sinned away mine hopes and even my God if thy mercies be not greater and what remains for my poor soul to do but to sit down in sorrow and even to mourn until my Soul be heavy unto Death It had been better for me that I had not been one to shew the way to others Nay but Oh my God that is best
rather weep and mourn for mine offending thee then enjoy all delights in the world Those salt waters are more precious then their Wine Meditat. XVII Lord I beseech thee to order all mine affairs by thy wisdom thou knowest what afflictions are needful for me I murmure oftentimes when thou afflictest me although I have again and again desired thee to direct all things that belong unto me but blessed God let not my Murmurings so provoke thee as to leave me to mine own self Give me not what I desire but what I want my judgement in judging what is good or bad for me is little worth for many times I have judged such a thing to be for my hurt yet it hath proved much for my good and so on the contrary but then I have by experience found it evidently for my good when I have yielded my self wholly to be guided by thee all things Lord make me know my self I am a poor Creature with teares in mine eyes and hypocrisie in my heart Meditat. XVIII Lord it fares with me as it fares with one that hath been a long time from his friend he hath many things to tell him of several particulars that befell him since their last being together so Lord I have been a stranger to thee and I have much to say to thee much have I suffered from mine own corruptions and little have I done I have a heart will let me do nothing for thee Lord I am but a Child pardon my bablings I have none to make my complaint to no not one Thou hast caused me to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and if thou Lord wilt supply the want of those Christian friends I am now deprived of Lord my heart is so deceitful that I have much a do to know whether I ever was or am yet thine I know Lord how I have spent dayes sometimes whole weeks together in Prayer and Meditation and reading Devotionary Bookes to Prepare my self for the Communion and yet then I had gross sailings for there was a World of Covetousness in me and thirsting after Humane Learning exceedingly and little prizing the knowledge of Christ in my Sermons I did little aim at thy glory but to preach my self Now in these things I find some healings but my duties are fewer and now there is far more wanting in comparison of what I should be then was then of what I am now Nay Lord thou only knowest I shall be a gainer but alas if now I am alone I shall have no more fire of thy love then I had when I lived in the midst of Glowing Coals of Devotion how can I but go out now since I had much ado to burn then When I think of serving thee then my heart is so perverse as to put in a Carnal Motive and saith If thou dost so then God will bless thee in such or such a temporal blessing and my heart closeth with that Motive Meditat. XIX O my God as thou art my Father so let me know that thy love to me being known by me may put Wheels to my Obedience that now goes so heavily that it may make mine obedience more pure that now is so full of insufficiency I am fain to be glad almost of any Motive to make me serve thee but yet it is my burthen that fear should make me do that which love should make me do for besides that such obedience is painful that which is worse it is impure also Alas I am a stranger too much unto thee and in being so an enemy to my self Lord this is the first day I have given thee this great while it doth appear it is so by the poor and weak duties I perform my poor soul is like a poor desolate Widdow that hath lost her dear Husband every one trampleth upon her and oppreiseth her Meditat. XX. Lord where are those sweet embrances and manifestations of thy love that thou hast bestowed on me in former times when I have gone unto the treasury of thy mercies and fetched any mercy from thence that I wanted Thou hast given unto my prayers my dear Brother who went forth a blasphemer or at least a common swearer and came home I seeking thee for him a convert after thou gavest me his life and the life of my Mother and indeed Lord what was it but I had of thee thou didst almost miraculously restore one of my Sisters to comfort But now when I cry and shout thou shuttest out my prayers and art almost as if I never had any acquaintance with thee Lord I know that the fault is mine own indeed Lord I then was scarce ever from thee or out of thy thoughts For were I but as I have been so often keeping dayes of humbling before thee it could not be that my duties should be such as they are but Lord thou seest the tears thâ—se thoughts cause me to shed they are thine do thou encrease them but take away this dulness and deadness of heart that is the just reason why I shed them and if thou shalt once purifie and inflame mine heart by faith and love I shall shed abundant more tears for my wandring thoughts in prayer then now I do for all the abominations I am guilty of Alas Lord the ordinary dayes of thy Saints are far more holy then the dayes I set apart for special service of thee and their thoughts in the midst of their worldly businesses are more devout and zealous then my thoughts in my prayers were alwayes with thee I scarce did any thing though almost of never so small Moment but the reason why I did it this or that way was because it was some way or other more for thy glory Lord it is not thy fault for thou dost wait to shew Mercy whether my wretched heart will consent to it or no This I do set down as an infallible truth and let all the world give thee the glory of it all thy ways are holy just and good and thou dost stretch out thine arms to embrace us it is our fault that we do not run into thy bosome the infidelity and other corruptions that are in our bosomes make us think that thou art not willing to receive us or imbrace us and so we not coming we want that experimental knowledge of thee that would if we had it make us not so timorous of coming to thee as we are Meditat. XXI Before I begin to write I know I have more cause to Write in blood or tears then in ink Can a Mother forget her Child It is not Can a Child forget the Mother nor is it Can a Mother her Child if the Child forget her or Can there be any case wherein the Mother can forget her Child Lord do thou awaken my heart for it is a sleep Lord do thou raise mine heart for it is dead Do thou thaw my heart for it is frozen Lord thou art that Celestial fire
such continual storms troubles as are in mine there are new corruptions appear such as I may term them nothing so fitly as sparks of of the fire of Hell to have ones heart rise against God when the continual desire of ones soul and prayer is that one might be inflamed with the love of God Lord while I am working my heart to a serious thought of thee endeavouring to have my heart full of admiration of thee and affiance in thee before I pray unto thee that if it may be my prayers may be as an Arrow drawn up to the head but when I go about to pray and send up my petitions my thoughts of thy Glory and Goodness slack and it fares with me oh my Soul as sometimes it doth with one that is tying knots when one hath pulled the first very hard yet it slacks before one can tye the second it I keep but a strict communion with thee and did as thou desirest Lord why shouldest thou desire us alwayes to be with thee how should we be acquainted with thee far more then we are and if we knew thee more how shoould we love thee more and if we loved thee more how should we know thee more For thou revealest thy self to them that love thee Alas O my Soul why should not we alwayes be with God since he gives us leave How gracious art thou to invite such sinners as we are to come to thee For thee to wash our souls clean with the Immaculate blood of the Lord Jesus Christ Alas Lord I am Mine own enemy nay I see it and know it and it cannot be otherwise Lord I am so tired out with my corruptions that I am even weary of my life and almost weary of my Duties Lord even at this present how when my â—oul was so troubled that mine 〈…〉 were ready to weep there 〈◊〉 a thought of a poore worldly business into my Soul and my thoughts and sorrows for heavenly Matters are gone Meditat. XXIII O my God how coldly without love how doubtingly without faith do I call thee my God! Lord how careless am I in thy service how very careless How long Lord holy and true shall I be thus laden with corruptions Nay which is my greatest Misery I am not but very little sensible of my own vileness that makes me that I do not hunger after righteousness Blessed Lord I do humbly prostrate my Soul before thee and do with all the weak power of my soul importune the Merits of my dear Saviour I pray thee to look upon me in Mercy When the poor wounded Man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho lay half dead and speechless in the way though he was not sensible of his Misery yet the good Samaritan was though in his Tongue did not could not call for pity yet his wounds opened their Mouthes wide and spake aloud to the Samaritan Though his eyes shed no tears yet his heart wept blood at his wounds and mov'd compassion Like to that poor wounded Man I am so weak so sick that I am scarce sensible of mine own desperate condition Lord though my heart be not full of love it is full of wounds Lord thou knowest my Miseries I humbly beseech thee to pity me not according to my Prayers but according to My Wants Lord that I do not desire to serve thee that I do not hunger nor thirst after righteousness it is the greatest Misery that I have Meditat. XXIV Oh how terrible is the thought of Death to me is it not so much for want of Faith as holiness and indeed I find that I can never with comfort think on death but when I have liv'd very holily before for what will Faith in that case help Me without holiness for Faith without holiness is not faith but presumption Oh how sweet how dear how excellent a thing is holiness Oh how full of peace and joy is my Soul when I am full of that and yet Lord how careless am I of thy service how many times in the day when I might think of thee without any hindrance of My Studies do I choose rather to think of vanity O wean my Soul O God from every thing that is not thee Fill my heart with thy self dwell in me my dear God! Why do I call thee dear when I prefer every trifle before thee O most glorious Lord God whom ten thousand Worlds cannot sufficiently praise nor love which art thy self and canst be no more nor canst be no less how easie Lord is it for thee to change My Heart Mine heart of Stone for an Heart of Flesh Lord as long as I have this heart of stone there is no hope that I should serve thee with any chearfulness or any constancy Lord hear my prayer Meditat. XXV O blessed God if the way of thy Providence be such that thou wilt not give so much Grace as to make me through the abundance of it almost whether I will or no to serve thee yet to whom thou dost give so much grace as to desire more grace O let not this desire which is of thy own infusing be in vain if there be any thing in the whole world that I desire more then thy grace then let me want grace to desire it any more Lord if the reason why thou deniest my prayer be because I do not desire as I ought I humbly beseech thee to grant that I ask aright alas my afflictions lie heavier on me then ever they did and I am more wicked or at least less holy then ever since my conversion I was how little am I affected with any thing that belongs to thy service nor yet doth it affect me that I am not affected Lord if there were any in heaven or in earth that could help me besides thee then considering my Manifold Sins I should I but Lord I would not thy Mercies are so great go to any other Now Lord now is the time to have Mercy upon me I am like the Man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho wounded naked and half dead I cannot call for help O let my wounds move thee to compassion if I could bewail my sinful Misery with tears of Repentance I know thou wouldest deliver me but I cannot weep nay hardly mourn Oh saint faint is my grief and cold is my love What wilt thou do Lord with one that scarcely from his heart desires to serve thee Alas what canst thou do for me more or less then to make me desire to serve thee Accept I must or for ever be lost What a low degree of goodness am I come unto a soul full of sadness and empty of goodness To morrow Lord I am to receive thee into my Soul thee my blessed Saviour Lord thou knowest I did not use to have a heart so empty of goodness when I expected thee to come next day Meditat. XXVI Lord now I do resolve to serve thee and in this particular especially I will not speak evil of any
above any thing in the world and because there was some small crum of another meat which he had an antipathy against he should fling all with violence and detestation away were not this enough to satisfie you that he abhorred that meat a crum whereof made him abhor that which he so much loved Suppose you should see one take a Watch whose wheels and all the rest were cut out of intire Diamonds and spying some little small and almost undiscernable Spider in it should fling it to the ground with so much violence that he should break it all to pieces it would evidently argue how much he detested a Spider What excellent Creatures are Angels and yet because a Sin though but of thought was found in them how doth it cast them like lightning into Hell Suppose further thou shouldest see the meekest wisest man lovingest Father in the world taking his Son and scourging of him with rod after rod until that he were all of gore blood from head to foot and though he cried out and begged of his Father to spare yet he would not spare him but scourged him to death Would you not say that the Son had done somewhat that the Father did wonderfully abhor Hath not God dealt thus with Christ Did he not chastise him until he shed blood from the Crown of the head to the sole of the feet Did not Christ die under his correcting hand did not Christ cry out again and again Father if it be possible let this cup pass from me And did he not love Christ more then any Father loved his Son and all this because Christ was guilty of Sin though but as a surety these things are not inventions of wit or rhetorick but real Truths If the dostroying of Sodom Gomorrha Jerusalem Angels and the most part of Adams posterity and the whole world save eight persons If the Sufferings of Christ be not enough to satisfie thee of Gods hatred of sin then thou maist go on to thy own destruction but know this that it will be bitterness at the last 2. Consider what thou dost when thou sinnest every sinner doth virtually put Heaven and Christ and God and his favour and loving-kindness and all his promises in one scale and that pleasure profit or honour which sin promiseth with a wouded conscience the torments of hell the wrath of God in the other scale and doubtless virtually a sinner chooseth sin with all these mischiefs before the service of God with all his mercies It is as if a sinner should say rather then I wilâ— not satisfie my base lust I will part with God with Christ with heaven and all I will suffer his wrath let God do his worst I will have my will Every obstinate sinner doth in his heart say thus and though now thou 〈◊〉 imaginest it yet at the day of judgment this will be made manifest to thee as iâ— it were writ with a beam of the Sun things that now seem less consequent shall then be made evident A wicked wretch that sees one of Gods people hungry naked imprisoned and doth not releive him he little thinks that is all one as if he had seen Christ so and not relieved him but at the day of judgment Christ will make it manifest unto him 3. Consider how often thou hast sinned against God every unconverted man doth nothing else his plowing is an abomination All his imaginations are only evil and that continually Nay though thou art one of Gods people yet David cries out that his sins are more in number than the hairs on his head and dost thou think thy sins are fewer then Davids how many years hast thou lived how many dayes hours minutes thy sins are more The Hour-Glass that runs hath not so many sands in it as the sins that thou committest in that hour If thou dost not beleive this consider that there is not one of thy thoughts words actions but is polluted with abundance of sins If thou sayest Our Father since thou dost not speak it with that reverence attention fervency faith love joy confidence admiration of his goodness and many other which we are engaged to have when we call God by the Name of Father thou becomest guilty of all the contrary sins and many more that are not named in speaking that one word in thy prayer not as thou oughtest Fear not making thy sins seem greater or more then then they are 4. Consider further for what trifling vanity nay for what base things that thou wilt be ashamed to own before men thou hast lost God lost thine own soul if thou returnest not and hast brought on thy self more miseries than the tongue of man can express or the heart of man concieve theâ—e is nothing thou â—â—â—st with thy eyes or hearest with thy eares or fâ—â—lest with thy hands is more certainly true than this But alass bâ—â—ause thou hâ—st heâ—rd iâ— so â—ftâ—n and God or his â—â—finâ—te goodness and patience hath noâ— made thee yet to feel the stroak of his justice and the misery due to sin thou wilt not believe 〈◊〉 though his threaâ—nings be never so clearly for down and with much earnestness 5. Consider against what precious mercies what sweet love what blessed experience holy inspirations what abundance of means strong resolutions 〈◊〉 promises clear light c. â—hou hast â—inned Affections 1. Pray to God to help to a further sense of the sinfulnesse of sin Blessed God must all these considerations pass as a Serpent on a stone without making any impression upon my soul Lord give me an affecting knowledge of the sinfulness of sin and not have such slight thoughts of sinne as I have had but grant that I may esteem of Sinne as thou esteemest it 2. Talk with thine own Soul about this matter O my Soul are these considerations true or false If thou thinkest them false bring thy objection shew wherein the errour lies which thou canst never do but if they be true as certainly they are how comes it to pass that we have made nothing of sin 't is vain for us to put off the sence of our sins until it be too late 3. Be confounded and ashamed in the presence of God Alas O Lord my God as a thief is ashamed when he is taken or as a woman is ashamed when her adulteries are found out by her loving husband so a thousand times more I desire to be confounded and ashamed in thy presence when I consider how abominable my life hath been and how that I have committed my abominations even in thy sight and provok't thee to thy face and had not thy patience and mercy been infinite thou could'st never have stood out against so many provocations I had been in hell roaring and blaspherning long before this day and then I had been past prayers and past mercies and past pardon What shall I say unto thee O thou preserver of men to excuse my sins I cannot I have nothing but
and joyes that God hath bestowed upon his people in this life they are unspeakable and glorious Some have cried out Lord either with-hold thy comforts or enlarge the Vessel for I am not able to bear my joys We read of Daniel that the Manifestations that God gave him drunk up his Spirit and made him sick some dayes after Dan. 8. 27. Such joyes have been so great that they have sweetned the bitterest persecutions they have made them clap their hands for joy in the mid'st of flames and cry out in the ravishment of their spirits O ye Papists you talk of miracles but here is a miracle I am in the midst of these flames as in a bed of Roses But alas what are the joyes that God communicates to his people in this life they are but as the drop of the bucket to the whole Ocean the Apostle tells us that it doth not appear what wâ— shall be We would give it we had it a thousand worlds one would give all to enjoy these spiritual sanctifying ravishments of spirit one day If these then are so sweet what are those things that thou hast laid up for them that love thee 4. Consider that God hath prepared these joyes on purpose to glorifie his goodness and power and wisdom in preparing joyes for his people worthy of his magnificence and love he doth it for that end that he may be glorified and admired in all his Saints and what cannot infinite power and wisdom and what will not infinite Love and Goodness do when they set themselves to prepare an entertainment and to bestow a reward that may set forth their greatness what do Kings do in such cases that which is accounted a Feast amongst poor people is a rich mans fast If the strength of this consideration were drawn forth it would wonderfully affect us 2. Consider wherein these joys consist for the negative part of them There will be no sickness no pain no death no temporal misery or imperfection nay there shall be no Sin no Temptations nor corruptions no Desertions no imperfections of Graces or Duties or Comforts What would a poor 〈…〉 from this body of Sin and Death there we shall see God clearly fully everlastingly there our enjoyments shall be incomprehensible our union wonderful and inseparable and all shall be eternal What a world of difference is there betwixt a dead Carcass and the same body when he liv'd when it is dead it is sensless gaâ—â—ly filthy how beautiful how active how many rare endowments had â—â— when it liv'd and all these prâ—ceeded from the union of the soâ—â— with it and if the soul which but a poor creature by its union doth communicate such rare things to the body what do we imagin will be communicated both to the body and the soul when God shall be more neerly united to them then they are one to another when they shall be made more capable of receiving and God will be more abundant in communicating Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the love and goodness of God O blessed God from the beginning of the World men have not perceived by the hearing of the ear nor have they seen with their eyes nor have any understood save only thou O God what thou hast prepared for them that love thee how hast thou commended thy love to us that we are thy Sons but it doth not yet appear what we shall be O the length and breadth and hâ—igth and depth of thy love that cannot he known Lord what are our duties or what are our persons that thou shouldest so highly reward them and us our best righteousness is as filthy rags and for us we are worms nay a generation of Vipers Is it not enough that thou dost not shake us off from thine hand of providence into Hell fiâ—e but that thou shouldest lay such Vipers in thy bosome and warm us with thy love Is it not enough for thee to forgive us our rebellions but that thou shouldest give us such blessings were it not a miracle of bounty and goodness for thee to bid us seriously to consult and think what to ask of thee and thou wouldest give it us though it were to the half of thy Kingdom but that thou shouldest set thy wisdom on work in preparing and thy liberality in bestowing such incomprehensible reward that we could neither ask no think but as far as the heaven is above the earth so are thy thoughts of love above our thoughts For thee to give thy Kingdom thy Christ thy self these are acts of goodness that are infinitely above us yet worthy of thee that delightest to magnifie thy goodness that rejoycest over thy people as the Bridegroom rejoyceth over his Bride Despise the World What are the things of this World O my Soul what is there here to be desired but Sin and Misery Snares and Temptations Vanity of vanities and vexation of Spirit one hours communion with God and the joyes of the holy Ghost that he hath given to his people in this world are worth more then the world can know of Why do we spend our strength and money for that which is not bread and our labours for that which doth not satisfie O vain world God hath out bidden thee thou offerest trifles he offers me Heaven for my love and service though my love be unworthy too little for him yet it is too much too good for thee 3. Long for and breathe after Heaven As the Hartpanteth after the Water-books so panteth my Soul after thee O God My Soul thirsteth for God for the living God when shall I come and appear before God when shall I be delivered from my absence from thee and from mine ignorance of thee Make hast O my beloved and be thou like a Roe or a young Hart upon the Mountains of Spices The Spirit sath Come and the Bride saith Come and the Bridegroom sath Surely I Come quickly even so come Lord Jesus come quickly 4. Encourage and stir up thy felt to the love and service of God Come O my Soul Let us be steadfast and unmovable alwayes abounding in the work of the Lord forasmuch as we know that our labour is not in vain in the Lord Let us not be weary of well doing nor of the labour of love for we shall reap if we faint not We have known and in some measure endeavoured to serve God thus many years were it not a sad thing for the want of continuing one year one month it may be but one week or one day more I should lose all my hopes and expectations of glory God forbid O my Soul Let us encourage our selves in the Lord we are not kept by our own but by the mighty power of God through Faith to Salvation and be thou assured of this that the first minute thou art in Heaven thou shalt have such full measure pre'st down heapt up and running over that thou shalt break forth in the Songs of joy and praise to
all Eternity maynifying admiring and adoring God that ever he gave thee leave and grace to serve him then shalt thou see and so thy experience shall make thee confess with joy and wonder that the light afflictions and labours of love that thou endurest in this life are not worthy to be compared to the joyes that shall be revealed in thee VVhen at any time thou beginnest to be weary look to the price of thine high calling and when thou comest to heaven thou shalt admire when thou seest how abundantly thou art over recompensed and thou wilt have just cause to say Lord what is this that thou hast done for me alas what were the things that I either did or suffered in thy service what were my filthy rags that thou shouldest give me such a Robe and Crown of Glory O my Soul what if we do weep now the time is at hand when God will wipe all tears from our eyes O my son these things cannot be believed and slighted and understood and neglected If thou dost not believe them what is the reason Are they too glorious things for God to bestow upon such wretched sinners why dost thou set bounds to the goodness of God and say Hitherto thou shalt go and no further nay doubtless since God hath said that he will do that which shall glorifie his goodness to his people the incredibility of it makes it more credible but if thou art convinced of the truth why art thou not affected with the Excellencies of these Joyes dost thou not relish them well For the time to come I will meditate more of these things I will by giving to the poor lay up my Treasures in Heaven I will part with such and such vain delights for it I will spend more time and communion with God in praising admiring and adoring of him that if it be possible by frequent performing of these Duties I may at last taste and relish the incomprehensible sweetness of them that I may be enamoured more of heaven and because all my endeavours are in vain if the Lord reveals not these things unto me therefore I will beg of God that he will discover the riches oâ— his goodness to me I have not been careful enough nor sensible enough of Sins of Omission when I have had no just thing to take up â—y thoughts yet I have not thought of thee henceforth when my heart is affected with thy Excellencies thy love thy mercies I will praise thee when it is not I will pray to thee that it may and for my Master-sin mine iniquity I will be most frequent in those duties that are most contrary to it I will especially in my reading of Scripture take notice of and write down those places and those examples that are most proper for the cure I will speak against my iniquity that if it may be I may thereby the more engage my self to leave it Meditat. VII Of the Excellencies of Christ. 1. BE convinced of and affected with the prefence of God 2. Desire of him who only can to manifest the Excellency of Christ unto thee Considerations 1. Consider that if the holiest man that ever lived lived near thee what high expectations wouldest thou have of his carriage and conference when thou sawest his zeal and patience c. But no man lived ever without Sinne Therefore suppose an Angel should take upon him humane Nature and live amongst us with what enflamed expressions and affections would he speak of God of Heaven and every thing that is Spiritual But alas his carriage his holiness his wisdom where as nothing in comparison of Christs For there was not any word or action that eyer Christ spoke or did that if all the Angels of heaven had studied and set down how it ought to have been done or they themselves should have been to have done it they could not have equalled it nay even God the Father had he taken our Nature he would not have spoke or done any word or thinÌ„g which should have had in respect of it self or any circumstance more holiness or wisdom then Christs words and actions had so that certainly in this respect he that saw Christ saw the Father as he himself saith 2. Consider the wonderful wisdom of Christ Certainly he was greater then Solomon For though he was the humblest man that ever lived yet he himself said so nor did it any more argue pride in Christ to say that he was wiser then Solomon then it would have argued in Solomon that he knew more then a New-born Babe VVhen his most malicious and cunning Adversaries came to eâ—snare him in his words so that they thought it were impossible for him to say I or No to their Questions without extraordinary prejudice to himself yet he Answered with such admirable wisdom and innocence that they went away ashamed of their Folly Nay when Satan himself came and set upon him with his subtilest Temptations that he could possibly find out yet our Saviour without Deliberation and Study immediately answered him so fully that he could not so much as reply but was fain to fly to another Temptation and no marvel for he was the Wisdom of the Father 3. Consider the wondeful and exceeding holiness of Christ when he was in the height of all his Agonies and Sufferings he abated not any thing of his Love and confidence in God For his Sufferings did not make him forget or diminish any thing no not in the least circumstance of his Graces or of any thing that the Law required at his hands To be so freely willing 〈…〉 that Agony continue which was unspeakable and as the Torments of hâ—ll â—f his Father pleased was more then if those in hell should freely submit to endure the Torments they suffer The holiness of those in heaven is not comparably so much greater then the weakest Saint on earth As the holiness of Christ was greater whilest he lived on earth then that of those in heaven Nay all the Saints on Earth are fil'd from his fulness For he is the Fountain that conveyes to his Saints as they are able to receive the infinite Ocean of the holiness of the God-head No marvel that the Angels when they saw his glory cryed out Holy Holy Lord God of Sabbaths 4. Consider that not withstanding all these infinite Excellencies in Christ he thought it no robbery to be equal to the Father yet how exceedingly did he humble himself and how gracious was he The poorest man or woman in the Word nay the greatest Sinner that truly repented with what love did he receive them He was the Son of Righteousness from whom the Angels receive their Glory and yet he disdains not to shine upon such Dunghills as we are It is strange O my soul to consider how willing Christ was to please every one only provided it was in things that were not for their hurt that desired them Many times nay most times when others were with him when he
in respect of himself only would have done otherwise yet he did as their desires required Rom. 15. 3. The Apostle saith even Christ pleased not himself many times when he was hungry If any came to him that needed Instruction or if he were sleepy and any came to him that needed Consolation he would abstain from Meat and Sleep that he might do them good it is not so with great men but it was so with Christ who was the great God Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the Excellencies of Christ O blessed Saviour Thou art the chiefest of ten thousand Thou art altogether lovely Thou hast a Name above all Names That at thy Name every knee should bow Thou Lord art set at the right hand of the Father in the heavenly places Far above all Principality Power and Might and Dominion and every Name that is named not only in this World but also in that which is to come Thou art the brightness of thy Fathers Glory and the express Image of his Person Consider O my Soul what can these words mean Surely if God commanded all the Angel to worship him when he brought him into the VVorld how much more should we for whom he hath done much more admire and adore him in Spirit and in Truth Be confounded and ashamed that thou art no more affected with these things Doubtless O my Soul It is not for want of excellency in Christ for he is the Lord of Glory but for want of a clearer Faith in thee to behold his Excellencies If the Scripture had not spoke the thousandth part of Christ as it doth how could thy thoughts have been lower of him then they are how could thy heart be more senceless It is a shame that every vanity should steal away our hearts from Christ much more abominable is it that our very sins that murthered him should ever prevail with us in the least Pray Blessed God 't is not in man by all his wisdom and industry to know or be affected with the Excellencies of Christ if thou dost not reveal them If I had a thousand worlds they were too small a price for so great a Mercy O shew me thy self and thy Son and it sufficeth And now O my Soul are the Excellencies of Christ nothing unto us Do we indeed admire them Surely all is but meer words and vain thoughts if we do not strive as far as we may to imitate him in those Excellencies for which we pretend to admire him Are we as patient as he was Meck Humble Holy who when he was reviled reviled not again c. We do but deceive our own souls in giving Glorious Titles and speaking high things of Christ and in the mean while not endeavour to transform into his Image It is impossible we should love him for his patience and holiness and not love patience and holiness nor yet never care to practise and get them Therefore for the time to come the Life of Christ shall be the Example whereby I shall endeavour to frame mine And that I may the better do so I will read over especially the New Testament and observe in every particular what Christ did how he spoke to his friends to his enemies how he demeaned himself in every action whether civil or natural or Religious how in all his Relations And when I have written them down I shall often peruse them and shall endeavour in every action that I do and word that I speak to remember if I can whâ—ther there be any parallel instance in the life of Christ if there be I shall make that my pattern and do likewise but if there be none that I can think of then I would do that which in my conscience I think Christ would have done in like case For the Conclusion I refer you to the Directions and Instances of former Meditations The Conclusion of the whole I Found a great deal of difficulty in Writing this small Treatise of Meditation not into the Doctrinal or Directory Part because Christian experience and study are things by which that party is managed but in the setting down of instances and examples therein I found the difficulty to lie For Meditation is an harder work then to give directions thereunto and I have generally found it easier to study a day then to Meditate an hour but of all the kinds of Meditation whereof Instances are set down in this Book I found the greatest difficulty in those of Solemn Meditations they consisting for the most part of Prayer which the devout Soul when it hath ended forgets so that if one might gain a world when the heart is overwhelmed with Grief or inflamed with Love or ravished with Joy one could not remember the powrings out of the Soul In such cases one may say of such Meditations as Saint Paul speaks of those Glorious things which he saw when he was wrapt into the third Heavens they are neither lawful nor possible to be uttered many times the secrets in our communion with God are of that nature that it is not lawful by reason of that scandal nor possible to utter because the affections being so intensly employ'd Invention Memory and intellectual actings of the Soul during that time do almost quite cease and indeed whosoever goes about to invent Instances of Meditation if it be only a Learned Man and not holy his Studies may exceed his Actings that way but if it be an holy experienced Christian as his inward thoughts of Love Joy Grief and admirings of God are above all that his Tongue doth or can utter so those secret expressions which he useth between God and his own Soul when his thoughts are full of heaven and of God are much beyond what he can invent or by study expresseth Therefore since those Meditations that are fullest of Devotion cannot be remembred to set down Instances of Meditations except one should take them from some Saint as he was powring out his soul before God in secret one can never set them fully down in secret I say For the Soul is never so free nor may be before others as with God alone and the truth is if I had not had these Instances of Solemn Meditation by me I think I should hardly have set down any of that kind I should only have referred him to the Psalms It was so that I wrote these from the mouth of one to whom these unseen I was oft-times so near that I could hear his secretest Devotions if uttered though but with an ordinary voice I am very confident for his part he thought that none but God and his own Soul were privy to his Prayers I have sometimes considered it as a case of Conscience whether it was lawful by stealth to hear and afterwards to publish the private Meditations of others but considering how much advantage it may bring to others and how the party himself can suffer nothing in it his Name being concealed by me I resove to publish them
that enflames all thine Angels with love I have no way but to come before thy presence in hope that at the last shall be thawed if not inflamed thou wilt not put out the smoaking snuff of a Candle I am such an one enlightned and enflamed though now I send forth nothing but an unsavoury stench What shall I stand imperfect as I am thus speaking what I may and what I have to lay to my God Lord. Thou hast commanded in thy Word that if an Adulterer defile a Woman and she cry not out then he shall be put to death Lord Infidelity Hypocrisie and Vain-glory are come to undo me to defile my Soul and they have almost perswaded my Soul not to cry out To be ravished is a great affliction but to embrace the Adulterer is an abomination If I cry to Men for succour if I go to Ordinances Alas the Adulterer is a strong Man he hath locked the Doors of my Soul and none can break them open but thou only Lord do not thou stand knocking at the Door of my heart for the strong man will not and I am kept so fast by my corruptions I cannot come to let thee in Lord break open the Doors and come in to help me before I am utterly undone as it was with the Levites Concubine so will it be with my poor Soul Corruption after Corruption and Sinne after Sinne will so abuse her that she will be at last dead Alas me thinks I look upon my poor Soul as one looks upon a Ship tossed among Rocks in the Seas one sees it and pities it but knows not how to help it there comes a Wave and carries it with violence amongst the mid'st of the Rocks and makes it reel and stagger like a drunken Man and then all in the Ship are fain to pump and toil to save their lives at last it was dasht in pieces and all fain to get upon broken pieces of the Ship to swim to the shore if it may be My Soul is even labouring for life Lord what wilt thou do wilt thou be as a Man astonish't and as a Mighty Man that cannot help then I am undone then I may say if thou wilt not then farewel all my Duties farewel all my Graces and all my Comforts which I have had in the dear embraces of my God Ah must I not pray but with my Tongue Mast I have no more Comforts but what poor Creatures can give me Lord if I must perish let me perish in thy way let me convert many unto thee Though I know my Damnation shall be greater if I perish for living so contrary to mine owne Doctrine Lord I am a poor Miserable Man and a more Miserable Christian thou art I cannot possibly imagine what but I hope Lord I shall know these dayes of ignorance and sin will not alwayes last when my change comes I shall nomore sin and repent and repent and sin as I do now Oh my corruptions I hope one day I shall leave you all in the Grave behind me The day is coming when while I am praising God you shall not come and lie as a Talent of Lead upon my Soul and hinder my flight Come Lord Jesus come quickly Come while my Soul is filled with joy to think of thy coming O my God thou art enough for me for my Soul can hold no more Lord I am afraid of the joyes sometimes I have to think of thee Tears for my sins are fitter for me then tears of joy yet I dare not refuse them nay I cannot if I would they are so sweet so sweet Heaven is but a greater Measure of them Lord thou art enough enough for them that love thee Meditat. XXII To see a dead Man arrayed with all the Richest Clothes still there is more horrour to behold him then delight So my poor Soul looks gashly in all the Duties I perform I have a cold and dead soul for all them and more terrour there is in the deadness then there is comfort in the Multitude of them this I know by experience yet Christ is not sweet unto me My dear Saviour to whom I was so dear Lord Jesus give me a heart that may feel thy sweetness I am convinced that thou art so but my poor heart hath not enough tasted the sweetness of this Truth That all things are Dross and Dung in comparison of Christ Lord here is Mine Estate Mine Health My Life My Liberty and all that I have and had I more I would freely give all give but such a heart as I desire and the same will I consecrate unto thee in Spiritual affections all my dayes now I think thus with my self When I was most desirous of and addicted to Humane Learning it was wonderful delightful to me to be instructed in some new truth or to have some difficult question clearly resolved To read the Mathematicks was wonderful delightful because they prove such strange things then I have recourse to the Word of God and by that I am assured that all the Treasures of Wisdom and knowledge are hid in Christ and in his Gospel then further I have recourse to the experience of the people of God in the Word of God and in particular to Paul who being a Learned Man yet accounted all things as Dross and Dung in comparison of Christ I have also recourse to the experience of several godly persons I know of the abundant sweetness and excellency of the knowledge of Christ therefore Lord though I have not at this present the power and ravishing feelings of Christs Excellency yet assuring my self all these wayes whereby I fully do assent to that truth That it is life eternal to know thee and Jesus Christ I do beseech thee O Lord to give me a fuller knowledge of thee in Christ I beseech thee I beseech thee Let not my undervaluing of this knowledge cause thee to deny it I shall more value it if I had more of it Lord I know if thou shouldest look in me and my life to see what thou canst find to hinder the granting of this request thou maist find enough nay I that know my self not so well as thou dost know enough and enough nay I know nothing to move thee in my self except something I have had from thee those things I have so abused that I know they may be swift witnesses against me But Lord if thou shouldest give me this knowledge of them I might do great things for thee Lord hear me Alas Lord my desires to know Christ do even die while I am praying to know him Alas Lord such an heart as I have is fit for none but thee for none in the world can tell what to do with it but thou only It is past the skill of all in Heaven and Earth but thee it is not in the power of Ordinances and Duties if thou shouldst not set in I would pity the Soul of my greatest Enemy if I should see it in