THE Second Part OF MERRY DROLLERY OR A COLLECTION Of Jovial Poems Merry Songs Witty Drolleries Intermix'd with Pleasant CATCHES Collected by W.N. C.B. R.S. J.G. Lovers of Wit LONDON Printed by J.W. for P.H. and are to be sold at the New Exchange Westminster Hall Fleetstreet and Pauls Church-Yard To the Reader Courteous Reader WE do here present thee with the Second part of Merry Drollery not doubting but it will find good Reception with the more Ingenious the deficiency of this shall be supplied in a third when time shall serve In the mean time Farewel The Second Part of Merry Drollery The indifferent Lover NO man Love's fiery Passions can approve As either yielding pleasure or promotion I like a mild and lukewarm zeal in love Although I do not like it in devotion For it hath no coherence with my Creed To think that Lovers mean as they pretend If all that said they died had died indeed Sure long e e this the World had had an end Some one perhaps of long Consumption dried And after falling into love might dye But I dare swear he never yet had died Had he been half so sound at heart as I. Another rather than incur the slander Of true Apostate will false Martyr prove I 'll neither Orpheus be nor yet Leander I 'll neither hang nor drown my self for love Yet I have been a Lover by report And I have died for Love as others do Prais'd be Great Jove I died in such a sort As I revived within an hour or two Thus have I liv'd thus have I lov'd till now And ne'r had reason to repent me yet And whosoever otherwise shall do His courage is as little as his wit Loves Torment VVHen blind God Cupid all in an angry mood And Cythera the fairest Queen of Love Did leave Sylvanus pleasant shadowed woods And mounted up into the Heavens above Even then when Sol Even then when Sol In water set his bed Did seek to hide Did seek to hide His golden shining head Like Philomel all in a doleful wise I pass the silent-coloured night in woe No rest nor sleep can seize upon my eyes Oh cruel beauty that did torment me so No one can tell No one can tell How I in sorrows dwelt Save only she Save only she That hath like Passions felt The night is past all and Aurora red Begins to shew her ruby-coloured face Leaving old Tytan and his aged head The cloudy darkness from the skies to chase Ah my poor heart Ah my poor heart In flames of fire doth fry I live in love I love and live I live and yet I dye Each pretty little bird injoys his Mate And gently billing sits upon a Tree And on the verdant shadowed woods do prate Chirping their Notes with pleasant harmony I wish my Love I wish my Love My pretty bird may be To ease my grief To ease my grief And cure my malady The Rebell Red-coat COme Drawer come fill us about more wine Let us merrily tipple the day is our own We 'll have our delights let the country go pine Let the King and the Kingdom groan For the day is our own and so shall continue Whilst Monarchy we baffle quite We 'll spend all the Kingdoms Revenue And sacrifice all to delight 'T is power that brings us all to be kings And we 'll be all crowned by our might A fig for Divinity Lecture and Law And all that to Royalty do pretend We will by our Swords keep the Kingdoms in aw And our power shall never have end The Church and the State we 'll turn into liquor And spend a whole town in a day We 'll melt all their Bodkins the quicker Into Sack and so drink them away We 'll spend the demeans o' th Bishops and Deans And over the Presbyter sway The nimble St. Patrick is sunk in a bog And his Country-men sadly cry Oh hone Oh hone St. Andrew and 's Kirk-men are lost in a fog And we are the Saints alone Thus on our superiours and equals we trample Whilst Jockey the stirrop shall hold The Citie 's our Mule for example While we thus in plenty are roll'd Each delicate Dish shall but answer our wish And our drink shall be cordial Gold Love lies a bleeding In Imitation of Law lies a bleeding LAy by your pleading Love lies a bleeding Burn all your Poetry and throw away your reading Piety is painted And Truth is tainted Love is a reprobate and Schism now is sainted The Throne Love doth sit on We dayly do spit on It was not thus I wis when Betty rul'd in Britain But friendship hath faultred Loves Altars are altered And he that is the cause I would his neck were haltred When Love did nourish England did flourish Till holy hate came in and made us all so currish Now every Widgeon Talks of Religion And doth as little good as Mahomet and his Pidgeon Each Coxcombe is suiting His words for confuting But heaven is sooner gain'd by suffering than by disputing True friendship we smother And strike at our Brother Apostles never went to God by killing one another Let Love but warm ye Nothing can harm ye When Love is General there 's Angels in the Army Love keeps his quarters And fears no tortures The bravest fights are written in the Book of Martyrs Could we be so civill As to do good for evill It were the only happy way to o'rcome the devil The Flowers Love hath watred Sedition hath scattred We talk with tongues of holiness but act with hearts of hatred He that doth know me And love will shew me Hath found the nearest noble way to overcome me He that hath bound me And then doth wound me Wins not my heart doth not conquer but confound me In such a condition Love is the physitian True Love and Reason makes the purest politician But strife and confusion Deceit and delusion Though it seem to thrive at first will make a sad conclusion Love is a fewel A pretious Jewel 'T is Love must stanch the blood when Fury fights the duel Love is a loadstone Hate is a bloodstone Heaven is the North Point and Love is the Loadstone Though fury and scorn Loves Temples have torn He 'll keep his Covenant and will not be forsworn His Laws do not border On strife and disorder He scornes to get his wealth by perjury and murder What falshood drew in Grace never grew in Love will not raise himself upon anothers ruine He can present ye With peace and plenty Love never advanceth one by throwing down of twenty Where Love is in season There Truth is and Reason The soul of Love is never underlaid with Treason He never doth quarrel For princely apparel Nor ever fixed a chair of state upon a barrel Love from the dull pit Of Follies full pit Never took an Anvil out and put it in a pulpit Love is no sinker Truth is no slinker In mending breaches Love did never play the tinker
every Thus I retire salute and sit down by her There do I fry in frost and freeze in fire Now nectar from her lips I sup And though I cannot drink all up Yet I am fox'd with kissing of the Cup For her lips are two brimmers of Clarret Where first I began to miscarry Her breasts of delight are two bottles of White And her eyes are two cups of Canary Drunk as I live dead drunk beyond reprieve For all my secrets dribble through a sive About my neck her arms she layeth Now all is Gospel that she saith Which I lay hold on with my fudled faith I find a fond Lover's a Drunkard And dangerous is when he flies out With hips and with lips with black eyes white thighs Blind Cupid sure tipled his eyes out She bids me rise tells me I must be wise Like her for she 's not in love she cries This makes me fret and fling and throw Shall I be fettered to my foe I begin to run but cannot go I prethee sweet use me more kindly You were better to hold me fast If you once disengage your Bird from his cage Believe it he 'll leave you at last Like Sot I sit that fill'd the Town with wit But now confess I have most need of it I have bèen fox'd with Duck and Deer Above a quarter of a year Beyond the cure of sleeping or small beer I think I can number the Months too July August September October Thus goes my account a mischief light on 't But sure I shall go when I 'm sober My legs are lam'd my courage is quite tam'd My heart and all my body is enflam'd As by experience I can prove And swear by all the Powers above 'T is better to be drunk with wine than love For 't is Sack makes us merry and witty Our foreheads with jewels adorning Although we do grope yet there 's some hope That a man may be sober next morning Thus with command she throws me from her hand And bids me go yet knows I cannot stand I measure all the ground by trips Was ever Sot so drunk with sips Or can a man be overseen with lips I pray Madam fickle be faithful And leave off your damnable douging Then do not deceive me either love me or leave me Or let me go home to my lodging I have too much and yet my folly is such I cannot hold but must have t'other touch Here 's a health to the King how now I 'm drunk and speak treason I vow Lovers and Fools say any thing you know I fear I have tired your patience But I 'm sure 't is I have the wrong on 't My wits are bereft and all I have left Is scarce enough to make a Song on 't My Mistris and I shall never comply And there 's the short and the long on 't A Present to a Lady LAdies I do here present you VVith a token Love hath sent you 'T is a thing to sport and play with Such another pretty thing For to pass the time away with Prettier sport was never seen Name I will not nor define it Sure I am you may devine it By those modest looks I guess it And those eyes so full of fire That I ned no more express it But leave your fancies to admire Yet as much of it be spoken In the praise of this love-token 'T is a wash that far surpasseth For the cleansing of your blood All the Saints may bless your faces Yet not do you so much good Were you ne'r so melancholly It will make you blithe and jolly Go no more no more admiring When you feel your spleen 's amiss For all he drinks of Steel and Iron Never did such cures as this It was born in th' Isle of Man Venus nurss'd it with her hand She puffed it up with milk and pap And lull'd it in her wanton lap So ever since this Monster can In no place else with pleasure stand Collossus like between two Rocks I have seen him stand and shake his locks And when I have heard the names Of the sweet Saterian Dames O he 's a Champion for a Queen 'T is pity but he should be seen Nature that made him was so wise As to give him neither tongue nor eyes Supposing he was born to be The Instrument of Jealousie Yet he can as Poets seign Cure a Ladies love-sick brain He was the first that did betray To mortal eyes the milky way He is that Proteus cunning Ape That will beget you any shape Give him but leave to act his part And he 'll revive your saddest heart Though he want legs yet he can stand With the least touch of your soft hand And though like Cupid he be blind There 's never a hole but he can find If by all this you do not know it Pray Ladies give me leave to shew it A Combate of Cocks GO you tame Gallants you that have the name And would accounted be Cocks of the Game That have brave spurs to shew for 't and can crow And count all dunghill breed that cannot shew Such painted Plumes as yours that think no vice With Cock-like lust to tread your Cockatrice Though Peacocks Wood-cocks y' are not for me I of two feather'd Combatants will write He that to th' life means to express the fight Must make his ink o' th' bloud which they did spill And from their dying wings borrow his quill No sooner were the doubtful people set The matches made and all that would had bet But straight the skilful Judges of the Play Bring forth their sharp-heel'd Warriours and they Were both in linnen bags as if 't were meet Before they dy'd to have their winding-sheet With that in th' pit they are put and when they were Both on their feet the Norfolk Chanticleere Looks stoutly at his ne'r-before seen foe And like a Challenger begins to crow And shakes his wings as if he would display His warlike Colours which were black and gray Mean time the wary Wishich walks and breaths His active body and in fury wreaths His comely crest and of then looking down He whets his angry beak upon the ground With that they meet not like that coward breed Of Aesop that can better fight than feed They scorn the dung-hill 't is their only prize To dig for Pearl within each others eyes They fight so long that it was hard to know To th' skilful whether they did fight or no Had not the bloud which died the fatall floor Born witness of it yet they fight the more As if each wound were but a spur to prick Their fury forward lightning's not more quick Nor red than were their eyes 't was hard to know Whether it was bloud or anger made them so And sure they had been out had they not stood More safe by being fenced in by blood Yet still they fight but now alas at length Although their courage be full tried their strength And bloud began to ebbe
saving and the thriving waies To be the Mules of power If they 'l reform the Church or State We 'll ne'r be troubled much thereat Let each man take his opinion If we don't like the Church you know Taverns are free and there we 'll go And if every one will be As clearly unconcern'd as we They 'l ne'r fight for domination The Indifferent VVHat an Ass is he Waits a womans leisure For a minutes pleasure And perhaps may be Gull'd at last and lose her What an ass is he Shall I sigh and die ' Cause a maid denies me And that she may try me Suffer patiently O no! Fate shall tye me To such cruelty Love is all my life For it keeps me doing Yet my love and wooing Is not for a Wife It is good eschewing Warring care and strife What need I to care For a womans favour If another have her Why should I despair VVhen for gold and labour I can have my share If I fancy one And that one do love me Yet deny to prove me Farewel I am gone She can never move me Farewel I am gone If I chance to see One that 's brown I love her Till I see another That is browner than she For I am a lover Of my liberty Every day I change And at once love many Yet not tied to any For I love to range And if one should stay me I should think it strange What though she be old So that she have riches Youth and Form bewitches But 't is store of Gold Cures lascivious itches So that Criticks hold A West-country Mans Voyage to New-England MY Masters give audience and listen to me And streight che will tell you where che have be Che have been in New-England but now c ham come o're Itch do think they shall catch me go thither no more Before che went o'r Lord how voke did tell How vishes did grow and how birds did dwell All one mong t'other in the wood and the water Che thought had been true but che find no such matter When first che did land che mazed me quite And 't was of all daies on a Satterday night Che wondred to see the strong building were there 'T was all like the standing at Bartholmew Fair. Well that night che slept till near Prayer time Next morning che wondred to hear no bells chime And when che had ask'd the reason che found 'T was because there was never a Bell in the Town At last being warned to Church to repair Where che did think certain che sho'd hear some prayer But the Parson there no such matter did teach They scorn'd to pray they were all able to preach The virst thing they did a Zalm they did sing I pluckt out my Zalm book which with me did bring Che was troubled to seek him cause they call him by name But they had got a new Song to the tune of the same When Sermon was done was a Child to baptize About sixteen years old as volk did surmise And no Godfather or Godmother yet 't was quiet and still The Priest durst not cross him for fear of his ill will A Sirra quoth I and to dinner che went And gave the Lord thanks for what he hd sent Next day was a wedding the brideman my friend He kindly invites me so thither I wend. But this above all to me wonder did bring To see a Magistrate marry and had ne'r a ring Che thought they would call me the woman to give But che thick he stole her for he askt no man leave Now this was new Dorchester as they told me A Town very famous in all that Country They said 't was new building I grant it is true Yet me thinks old Dorchester as fine as the new Che staid there among them till che was weary at heart At length there came shipping che got leave to depart But when all was ended che was coming away Che had threescore shillings for swearing to pay But when che saw that an oath more che swore Che would stay no more longer to swear on the score Che bid farewel to those Fowlers and Fishers So God bless old England and all his well wisher A medicine for the Quartan Ague THe Aphorisms of Galen I count but as straws Profound Pispot-peepers be you all mute The old quartan feaver breaks all Physick-Laws To help to cure it I think it is boot Perusing of late a wormeaten book Brought hither from Cinthia down in Charles's wain A curious Medicine out thence I took To cure the quartan Feaver again First choose a Physitian that will not exceed Probatum est speaking more than he knows Who hath more skill in his tongue than his head Who his Potions on Patients gratis bestows Three Midsummer moons in one let him pray To Apollo and the Moon being full in the wane And Scola Selerna twice backward to say And it will cure the quartan Feaver again His Patients water then let him cast In a pure Urinal of old August Ice And die thim strictly no gross meats to eat But feed him with fancies and antick device To walk every morning some eight miles or more Before Phoebus rises in the sunshine And before he be up to be seen without door And 't will cure c. Then let him take from him nine drops and a half Of purified bloud but pierce not the skin Only open a vain in the heel of the calf Some half a year before the fit do begin To sweat eleven minutes in an Oven let him lye Heat with a North wind and a shower of rain And sleep every night with one half of an eye And it will cure c. To keep his body alwaies soluble and loose That he shall never fear to be subject to be bound Let him drink Woodcocks water in the quill of a Goose And alwaies untruss when he goes to ground Thus being prepared let the Doctor proceed With all other ingredients to conquer his pain And profess more Art than ere he did read To cure the quartan c. Then let him take the wind of the wing of a Crane As he flies over Caucasus hill With the precious stone was in Gyges his Ring Mix these with three turns of an honest Windmil Boyl these all together from a pint to a quart In a Travellers mouth whose tongue cannot feigne And having new din'd give him this next his heart And 't will cure c. Then three handful take of Popes holy shadow When Sol is new entred into the dog-daies Three skreeches of an Owl four kaws of a Jackdaw With the brains and the heads of three ninepenny nailes Fry these together within a meal-sive With the sweat of the south-side of a French bean And this to his Patient Morn and Even let him give And 't will cure c. Take three merry thoughts of a Bride the first night She 's to lye with her Groom to purge melancholly Three gingles of the silver spur of a field Knight Four
Vulcans head with a hoâ—â— And this will cure you But if no gold nor women can Nor wine nor Song make merry man Let the Batt be your mate and the Owle Let the pain in the brain make you howl Let the Pox be your friend and the Plague be your end And this will cure you New England described AMong the purifidian Sect I mean the counterfeit Elect Zealous bankrupts Punks devout Preachers suspended rabble rout Let them sell all and out of hand Prepare to go to New England To build new Babel strong and sure Now call'd a Church unspotted pure There Milk from Springs like Rivers flows And Honey upon hawthorn grows Hemp Wool and Flax there grows on trees The mould is fat it cuts like cheese All fruits and herbs spring in the fields Tobacco it good plenty yields And there shall be a Church most pure Where you may find salvation sure There 's Venison of all sorts great store Both Stag and buck wild Goat and Boar And all so tame that you with ease May take your fill eat what you please There 's Beavers plenty yea so many That you may buy two skins a penny Above all this a Church most pure Where to be saved you may be sure There 's flight of Fowl do cloud the skie Great Turkies of threescore pound weight As big as Estriges there Geese With thanks are sold for pence a piece Of Duck and Mallard Widgeon Tease Twenty for two-pence make a meale Yea and a Church unspotted pure Within whose bosome all are sure Loe there in shoals all sorts of fish Of the salt seas and water fresh Ling God Poor-John and Haberdine Are taken with the Rod and Line A painful fisher on the shore May take at least twenty an houre Besides all this a Church most pure Where you may live and dye secure There twice a year all sorts of Grain Doth down from heaven like hailstones rain You ne'r shall need to sow nor plough There 's plenty of all things enough Wine sweet and wholsome drops from trees As clear as chrystal without lees Yea and a Church unspotted pure From dregs of Papistry secure No Feasts nor festival set daies Are here observed the Lord be prais'd Though not in Churches rich and strong Yet where no Mass was ever Sung The Bulls of Bashan ne'r met there Surplice and Cope durst not appear Old Orders all they will abjure This Church hath all things new and pure No discipline shall there be used The Law of Nature they have chused All that the spirit seems to move Each man may choose and so approve There 's Government without command There 's unity without a band A Synagogue unspotted pure Where lust and pleasure dwells secure Loe in this Church all shall be free To Enjoy their Christian liberty All things made common void of strife Each man may take anothers wife And keep a hundred maids if need To multiply increase and breed Then is not this Foundation sure To build a Church unspotted pure The native People though yet wild Are altogether kind and mild And apt already by report To live in this religious sort Soon to conversion they 'l be brought When Warrens Mariery have wrought Who being sanctified and pure May by the Spirit them alure Let Amsterdam send forth her Brats Her Fugitives and Runnagates Let Bedlam Newgate and the Clink Disgorge themselves into this sink Let Bridewell and the stews be kept And all sent thither to be swept So may our Church be cleans'd and pure Keep both it self and state secure The insatiate Lover COme hither my own sweet duck And sit upon my knee That thou and I may truck For thy Commodity If thou wilt be my honey Then I will be thine own Thou shalt not want for money If thou wilt make it known With hey ho my honey My heart shall never rue For I have been spending money And amongst the jovial Crew I prethee leave thy scorning Which our true love beguiles Thy eyes are bright as morning The Sun shines in thy smiles Thy gesture is so prudent Thy language is so free That he is the best Student Which can study thee With hey ho c. The Merchant would refuse His Indies and his Gold If he thy love might chuse And have thy love in hold Thy beauty yields more pleasure Than rich men keep in store And he that hath such measure Never can be poor With hey ho c. The Lawyer would forsake His wit and pleading strong The Ruler and Judge would take Thy part were 't right or wrong Should men thy beauty see Amongst the learned throngs Thy very eyes would be Too hard for all their tongues With hey ho c. Thy kisses to thy friend The Surgeons skill out-strips For nothing can transcend The balsome of thy Lips There is such vital power Contained in thy breath That at the latter hour 'T would raise a man from death With hey ho c. Astronomers would not Lye gazing in the skies Had they thy beauty got No Stars shine like thine eyes For he that may importune Thy love to an embrace Can read no better fortune Then what is in thy face With hey ho c. The Souldier would throw down His Pistols and Carbine And freely would be bound To wear no arms but thine If thou wert but engaged To meet him in the field Though never so much inraged Thou couldest make him yield With hey ho c. The seamen would reject To sayl upon the Sea And his good ship neglect To be aboard of thee When thou liest on thy pillows He surely could not fail To make thy brest his billows And to hoyst up sayl With hey ho c. The greatest Kings alive Would wish thou wert their own And every one would strive To make thy Lap their Throne For thou hast all the merit That love and liking brings Besides a noble spirit Which may conquer Kings With hey ho c. Were Rosamond on earth I surely would abhor her Though ne'r so great by birth I should not change thee for her Though Kings and Queens are gallant And bear a royal sway The poor man hath his Talent And loves as well as they With hey ho c. Then prethee come and kiss me and say thou art mine own I vow I would not miss thee Not for a Princes Throne Let love and I perswade thee My gentle suit to hear If thou wilt be my Lady Then I will be thy dear With hey ho c. I never will deceive thee But ever will be true Till death I shall not leave thee Or change thee for a new We 'll live as mild as may be If thou wilt but agree And get a pretty baby With a face like thee With hey ho c. Let these perswasions move thee Kindly to comply There 's no man that can love thee With so much zeal as I Do thou but yield me pleasure And take from me this pain
But that she 's a devilish backbiter With Souldiers she 's often comraded And often does them much good She 'l save them the charge of a Surgeon In sickness for letting them blood Corruption she draws like a horse-leech Growing she 'll prove a great breeder At night she will creep in her cottage By day she 's a damnable feeder She 'l venture as much in a battel As any Commander may go But then she 'l play Jack on both sides She cares not a fart for her Foe She knows that alwaies she 's shot-free To kill her no sword will prevaile But if she 's taken prisoner She 's prest to death by the naile She doth not esteem of your rich men But alwaies sticks close to the poor Nor she cares not for your clean shifters Nor for such as brave cloaths wear She loves all such as are non-suited Or any brave fellow that lacks She 's as true a friend to poor Souldiers As the shirt that sticks close to their backs She cannot abide your clean Laundress Nor those that do set her on work Her delight is all in foul linnen Where in narraw seams she may lurk From her and her breed God defend me For I have had their company store Pray take her among you Gentry Let her trouble poor souldiers no more The Concealment I Loved a maid she loved not me But that was a maids infirmity She wore her Garter above her knee But that was a secret bravery I plaid with her paps she gave me some raps But what did you else beside Nay that were a folly the Fox is unholy And yet he hath grace to hide Her feet were little her fingers small Her hips did wear no Farthingal Her body streight her belly round The whale-bone use there was not found I hall'd her I pull'd her I kiss'd her I cull'd her But what did you c. I wrung her hands she wrung mine again God bless such wringing as breeds no pain I look'd on her face and I gave her dance She dimmed my sight with a coloured glance I hung on her neck she gave me a check But what did you c. When each man had danced with his maid Then down behind a tree we staid My knees against her knees I thrust She cry'd sweet heart let be and blusht But yet at the last I grasped her fast But what did you c. Behind my ear I wear her lock And she my favour next her smock She loves me more if more you mark Since last we tumbled in the dark She was so kind-hearted she wept when we parted But what did you c. But by this kissing and this feeling These gentle foes were soon brought to yielding It cost me more in sope and candle Than all the Gold that e'r I did handle Though I deny'd it she could well hide it But what did you else beside Nay that were a folly the Fox is unholy And yet he hath craft to hide A Catch VVHat Fortune had I poor Maid as I am To be bound in eternal vow For ever to lye by the side of a man That would but knows not how Oh can there no pity Be in such a City Where Lads enough are to be had Unfortunate Girl that art wed to such woe Go seek thee a lively Lad And let the poor that hath nothing to shew Go seek for another as bad Then call for no pity Thou dwelt in a City Where Lads enough were to be had Advice to Batchelors HE that intends to take a Wife I 'll tell him what a kind of life He must be sure to lead If she 's a young and tender heart Not documented in Loves Art Much teaching she will need For where there is no path one may Be tir'd before he find the way Nay when he 's at his treasure The gap perhaps will prove so straight That he for entrance long may wait And make a toyl of 's pleasure Or if one old and past her doing He will the Chamber-maid be woing To buy her ware the cheaper But if he chuse one most formose Ripe for 't she 'l prove libidinous Argus himself sha'nt keep her For when those things are nearly drest They 'l entertain each wanton guest Nor for their honour care If any give their pride a fall Th'have learn'd a trick to bear withal So you their charges bear Or if you chance to play your game With a dull fat gross heavy Dame Your riches to encrease Alas she will but jeat you for 't Bid you to find out better sport Lie with a pot of grease If meager be thy delight She 'l conquer in venerial fight And waste thee to the bones Such kind of girles like to your Mill The more you give the more crave they will Or else they 'l grind the stones If black 't is ods she 's dev'lish proud If short Zantippe like too loud If long she 'l lazy be Foolish the Proverb saith if fair If wise and comely danger 's there Lest she do Cuckold thee If she bring store of money such Are like to domineer too much Prove Mistris no good wife And when they cannot keep you under They 'l fill the house with scolding thunder What worse than such a life But if her Dowry only be Beauty farewel felicity Thy fortunes castaway Thou must be sure to satisfie her In belly and in back-desire To labour night and day And rather than her pride give o'r She 'l turn perhaps an honoured whore And thou'lt Acteon'd be Whilst like Acteon thou maist weep To think thou sorced art to keep Such as devour thee If being noble thou dost wed A servile creature basely bred Thy Family it defaces If being mean one nobly born She 'l swear t' exalt a Courtlike horn Thy low descent it graces If one tongue be too much for any Then he who takes a wife with many Knows not what may betide him She whom he did for learning honour To scold by book will take upon her Rhetorically chide him If both her Parents living are To please them you must take great care Or spoyl your future fortune But if departed th' are this life You must be patent to your wife And father all be certain If bravely drest fair fac'd and witty She 'l oft be gadding to the City Nor may you say her nay She 'l tell you if you her deny Since women have Terms she knows not why But they still keep them may If you make choice of Country ware Of being Cuckold there 's less fear But stupid honesty May teach her how to sleep all night And take a great deal more delight To milk the Cows than thee Concoction makes their blood agree Too near where 's consanguinity Then let no kin be chosen He loseth one part of his treasure Who thus confineth all his pleasure To th' arms of a first Cozen. He 'll never have her at command Who takes a wife at second hand Then chuse no widdowed mother The first cut of that bit you love If others had why mayn't you prove But taster to another Besides if she bring children many 'T is like by thee she 'l not have any But prove a barren Doe Or if by them she ne'r had one By thee 't is likely she 'l have none Whilst thou for weak back go For there where other gard'ners have been sowing Their seed but ne'r could find it growing You must expect so too And where the Terra incognita S'o'rplow'd you must it fallow lay And still for weak back go Then trust not to a maiden face Nor confidence in widdows place Those weaker vessels may Spring-leak or split against a rock And when your Fame 's wrapt in a smock 'T is easily cast away Yet be she fair foul short or tall You for a time may love them all Call them your soul your life And one by one them undermine As Courtizan or Concubine But never as married wife He who considers this may end the strife Confess no trouble like unto a Wife A Catch IF any so wise is that Sack he despises Let him drink small beer and be sober Whilst we drink Sack and sing as if it were spring He shall droop like the Trees in October But be sure if over night this dog do you bite You take it henceforth for a warning Soon as out of your bed to settle your head Take a hair of his tail in the morning And be not so filly to follow old Lilly For there 's nothing but Sack that can tune us Let his Ne-assuescas be put in his cap case And sing bi-bi-to vinum Jejnnus A Mock Song VVHen I a Lady do intend to flatter Oh how I do begin to chatter I swear and vow How much I 'd do That I might once get at her I say to kiss her only is a Feast A Cupids Beaver at the least Whilst silly she Beleeveth me And thinks I love her best With those fair phansies which most comely are I oft her Ladiship compare I say the Rose And Lilly when it blowes Are nothing near so fair Yet gazing on her face I 've spent some hours Consulted with each cheek and all its powers But there none grow Unless below In pleasures garden-spring her flowers Oft have I call'd her Jewel oft have I Call'd true the false pearls of her eye Yet precious stone She will have none Untill with me she lie With what pure whiteness is her bosome blest Oft cry I yet I do but jest For sure I 'm still She never will Untill If her have a milk white breast Then tell her by the rowling of her eyes I guess her secret rarities Swear he who enjoyes Those pleasant toyes Ought much to esteem the prize Thus Ladies have I learn'd in Cupids schools My Master Ovid's Grammer Rules Thus can I prove I am in love And thus I make ye fools FINIS