spoke of I 'll try Well Madam to show you that I have an art that goes beyond unriddling any thing I do positively know by the Stars those Propitious Stars to me that you are not Married nor engag'd That you have not been in Town above six days That the Gentleman's Name your Cousin is to Marry begins with a W. and that you lodge now Mar. Tell me that and you 're a Conjurer Jun. Weal That you lodge now Let me fee At the Lady Sly's in Covent Garden ha do you start I'gad I am right Mar. And pray Sir how came you to know this Jun. Weal Art Black Art Madam therefore at your own Proposals I claim you or at least the honour of being further acquainted Mar. Why Sir if you are Master of your Art 't will be in vain to deny you that after having seen me when you were so well acquainted with me before I saw you Jun. Weal That 's true indeed Madam but granted favours are much sweeter than stolen Fruits Besides Madam there is really a necessity I should see you again for should I at the first sight tell you a Romantick Tale of Flames and Darts tho you may well suspect your eyes yet you would not be apt to believe me Mar. You are in the right indeed Sir ha ha ha Jun. Weal Therefore Madam since you are prejudic'd against my first Essay you ought in honour to allow a second unless you mistrust the Justice of my Cause may prevail upon you Mar. Nay if you grow serious upon business adieu Jun. Weal And dare you venture to leave me thus after avowing this passion then I declare open War against you and all those little dancing Cupids in your eyes Assisted by the Spirits I command those that inform'd me where you live when you came shall dance eternally Attendance and wheresoe're among the numerous train of Fops your fancy settles him they shall Plague By one of these the nice shap'd youth that dances with you at Balls shall have his Legs broke The Sonniteer that chants his Amorous Notes shall have his pretty mouth drawn to his Ears whilst every Fop that levels dressing at you shall certainly be tumbled in the Mire Mar. Till at the last for want of better choice I must take up with you Bless us a Conjurer certainly I am a most unfortunate Creature tho London I was told was a lewd place to light upon the Devil at the first dash Jun. Weal Therefore keep friends with him whilst you may Enter the Widdow spys him and pulls out her Handkerchief 'Sdeath the Widdow I know the sign that curst Handkerchief a plague on the Flag of Truce When I was just giving Battel to the dear little Creature Ay ay shake on I can't see it yet Soph. Cousin will you go I have bought what I design Mar. I wait you Sir your Servant Jun. Weal The honour Madam to wait you to your Coach. The Widdow crosses'em and drops her Handkerchief Wealthy takes it up Madam your Handkerchief Widd. Not to trouble you Sir. Soph. Jack here take these things and put 'em in the Coach. Mar. Upon my life this is an Appointment she 's jealous by her answer O that I were alone with her I might disappoint her Sir the Lady's going Jun. Weal Not whilest you are here Madam or till I see you in the Coach. Soph. 'T will be a trouble Sir and our Coach is just at the Door Jun. Weal You shall be obey'd when I see you next I may challenge the honour of your acquaintance on other terms Till then fair one Cross your self ev'ry Night or my Spirits will play tricks with you Mar. None that can fright me I 'll watrant you Exeunt Jun. Weal Now for my Widdow by that time I have appeased her it will be time to meet Mrs. Spruce and by that time I have appear'd Mrs. Spruce it will be time to take a Bottle and by that time I have that in my head I shall think I have manag'd my time very well For tho on my Conscience I cou'd forsake Whoring to gain that dear little Creature 't is not like a wise man to leave off one Trade without a certainty of living better on another Your Servant Mrs. Spruce Exit SCENE III. Mr. Shamtown is discover'd sitting by his Bed in his Night-Gown Sham. Jack has it Rung at Convent-Garden yet Jack Sir 't is past five Sham. Pox on this Drinking 't is no matter tho for I look so filthily puddled I durst not have gone out Lord I am extravagantly hot Jack step where you know tell 'em I keep my Chamber this afternoon and shou'd be glad to see ' em Jack This is one of my masters high Intreagues if Don Quixot's Dulcinea did not come of a better Family I 'll be hang'd Sham. I shou'd be very loth the Town shou'd know half what I am forc'd to trust this Rascal with I have been now these 25 years a damn'd long time to own the chief Intreaguer of the Town made such a figure rais'd such emulation I have been still the peak of every Poet down from Sir Foplin to Sir Nice the Beau There 's not one Beauty fam'd in all the Town to whom I have not paid some Gallantry and thus much I must own I never made address in all my life where I was yet refus'd to make the address indeed but that was all The speculative part has still been mine and my misfortunes have been gaily drest Celia indeed no sooner broke her Vow but Cloe entertain'd me as her own and married with my Rival in a month Yet still I kept my Reputation up and wheresoe're I came fresh Billett Deux on Billet Deux receiv'd sent by my self Heav'n knows unto my self on my own Charges yet now my Fate gives me a fairer prospect and beautiful Sophia will be kind I have been well receiv'd and will go on And tho I fight for once once and no more I 'll venture Mr. Wealthy's surly temper But wou'd my man wou'd come for this is all but Speculative too and I must Practise Enter a Boy Boy Sir Mr. Littlegad's below and bid me tell you he is come to wait on your Coushee Sham. 'Sdeath my Brother Beau and in the Intrigue with me I must speak with him tho he must not stay to see my Paramour Wait on him up I must maintain my Character with him Enter Mr. Littlegad Littl. Sir your Servant good Night to you were now the properest What reading of a Secret Sham. No a Trifle you may read it if you please I just receiv'd it from a teazing poor Romantick Girl I promis'd Marriage to I pity her she writes a pretty stile Littleg Reads Dear faithless man Poor fool For still you must be dear dear to my Eyes dear to my longing Heart ah why wou'd you betray me into Love Why wou'd you promise me a Heaven in you and take that Heaven away Curse of her Eyes who have estrang'd
be a Lady ride in an Aldermans great Iron-workt ratling guilt Coach and laugh at every body on foot Sham. Which of these three's Sophia I can't guess but that in the Nuns Habit by her Stature must be Maria on and prosper my dress may plead for me Oh my sad heart Eld. Weal Which of the Coxcombs is this a pretty way to tell his Passion and I must witness to 't Pox of all their Masking to this dumb piece of Courtship and may be to my Mistriss I shall make that heart bleed afresh if it aim there and he goes right for that I 'm sure is she Sop. Was ever so ridiculous a sight this must be my Lover and sure that Jealous Spaniard must be Tom. Good Sir how many hearts have you left whole if a young Country Virgin should unfortunately Love you Or is your Mistriss Cruel you look so pale on it Sham. Ah! Fair one Let this Emblem of grief speak what I dare but think Eld. Weal Madam the man 's in Love can you not guess Sop. Good churlish Sir who are you And why in this Spanish Habit Eld. Weal It suits my temper best Madam I hate ridiculous Fops that change their fashions to Court their Mistress in variety I am still the same constant and ever loving but if provok'd as Jealous as Usurpers I 'de stab more hearts than Cupid has of his and lay them bleeding at my Mistriss Feet Nor is 't unjust to think the man that Loves like me beyond a man should if once wrong'd do things beyond his reason This Madam whosoe're you are's my Character and yet there lives not such a Slave as I am Sop. 'T is a good one less Jealousie tho' were better for I would choose a life wholly retired from all the World but that dear man I lov'd where there were left no room for Jealousie or groundless fears to interrupt our Love but live long and happy days and dye together Sham. Ah Fair one Would the Goddess I adore Speak but such words my Wounds would bleed no more Eld. Weal Good bloody Bones keep off Sop. Fye Spaniard do not over Act your Part. Sham. This must be VVealthy I 'll take a fitter time Littleg Cruel Devotress will you rob the World of the but one sweet Angel they have left to add to those vast Millions are above Let me prevail throw off this Garb of sorrow shine out the Glorious Princess of the Earth in every Princes Court I 'll sing your Praise and with my Sword immortalize your Name The stubborn'st Knight alive shall own your Beauty Transcendent o're the Mistriss of his heart Mar. Oh Vanity Be gone you Court that Honour which your Sword must win more than the Mistriss you pretend to fight for and I have bid adieu to all the World. VVidd. That Nun must be Maria and she I 'll swear belys her inclinations that Villain VVealthy knows it That Phantastick thing must be Mr. Shamtown but which of them is VVealthy which Mr. Littlegad I cannot guess that must be Spruce but where is Old Sir William Enter Sir William like a Huntsman Sir Will. Ye la ho ho hey Jouler oux ther oux hey Ranter hey Mar. Sir William Sir William All. Ha ha ha Sir Will. Who are you what my little eyes little Nose little mouth What a Pox a Nun is that thy Choice then I 'll build Churches Sham. How came it your Dogs are not in Masquerade too Sir Will. What a Pox is here with all these bloody hearts Oux oux there ye la ho. Littleg I wonder a man of your years should Hunt in Ladies Chambers Sir Will. Ye la ho oux there oux too Mar. He may follow the scent but can never keep up with his Game Sir Will. What all upon me nay then take off your Dogs Enter Young Wealthy Masqu'd Jun. Weal What the Devil 's the meaning of this are they all mad Nuns Aldermen Huntsmen Heroes Milk-maids Ladies And what a Pox the man in the Almanack I 'll mix in the Crowd and look out for my little one Eld. Weal Ladies if you 'll be pleas'd to seat your selves here 's one will entertain you with a Song Sop. Mar. Widd. With all our Hearts SONG Every now and then Sir William hollows and Interrupts them Eld. Weal Nay Sir Sir you spoil the Song Sir Will. Pox o' th' Song there 's more Musick in this let us Dance Widd. Agreed agreed but what Dance Sir Will. Why the Frier upon the Nun Where 's my little Nun Who are you Sir Jun. VVeal Your Servant Sir. Sir VVill. My Servant Sir Mar. Bless me who is it I never saw him before Let us reckon our number how many should we be VVidd. Mind Sir VVill. One two three four five six seven eight nine The Devil the Devil this fellow will run away with half the House Ounds Sir who are you If you are the Devil tell us so that we may open the Doors and Windows and give you free passage it must needs be the Devil I have heard of such a business Ay ay 't is the Devil Jun. VVeal No Sir I am no Devil but your Son. Sir VVill. You lye you Dog you 're worse than the Devil Thieves Murder Rogues I am undone Lock up my Doors call a Constable I am undone Eld VVeal Nay nay Father for shame before all this Company Widd. Sir William fye consider Sir Will. A Rogue he 's come to rob me what the Devil does he here else Jun. Weal With your leave you do me wrong I am neither come to beg borrow nor steal as you may see for your five hundred pounds I 'am able to pay you and then I owe you nothing but your begetting me and may be I repent that as much as you and so Sir good b'y I came to have ask'd your blessing had you pleas'd Now will he call me back Sir Will. Who 's that my Son Frank Jun. Weal Yes yes this is your Son Frank. Sir Will. Frank why come hither you Rascal you Jun. Weal O the blessing of a kind Father Your blessing Sir. Sir VVill. Ah thou hast been a Rogue Frank but I forgive thee Jun. VVeal Then the Debt's paid Sir VVill. What say you Jun. VVeal I thank you Sir. Sir VVeal But where didst thou get this money Frank is it all Current Let 's see Frank. Jun. VVeal Brother I am heartily glad to see you I hear you are to be married Pray which of all these fair Ladies will honour me with the Name of Brother Eld. VVeal This and she does indeed Jun. VVeal Joy to you both Eld. VVeal This is her Cousin Brother Jun. VVeal All lovely kindred faith with your leave sweet one Mar. Cousin Soph. Nay I pity you Jun. VVeal Madam I hope you 'll pardon this Intrusion VVidd. On any account but this Jun. VVeal Your Servant Mrs. Spruce Spr. Ah smack her Mr. VVealthy Sir VVill. Ay ay smack he 'll smack her ah 't is a Dog a
how will you get out Sir Jun. Weal What 's that to thee Impertinence prithee go tell thy Brother I 'd Perish if I were within his Power rather than yield him up a thought of her Mar. But why are you so stubborn when to my Face I see you were ingag'd to cross his just desires Jun. Weal Why how now Child though that pretty face does plead for thee be gone or I shall use the scurvily Mar. You 'll not Resign her then Jun. Weal I 'll rip his heart thine and my own too up first therefore be gone Mar. Then Sir to shew he does as much deserve her as your self I have Orders here to give you Liberty if you dare meet him behind Southampton-House within this half hour alone where he declares no Quarter must be given but one of you must dye upon the Spot Takes his Sword from the Gaoler gives him his Sword. Jun. Weal Sir this obligation 's great and I 'll return it to your Brothers heart Mar. Guard your own Sir If you please Points to the door Jun. Weal Sans Ceremony faith Sir from a Prison Exeunt Enter Mr. Shamtown with a black Scarf at one Door and Mr. Littlegad at the other Sham. Mr. Littlegad my Friend and Champion how do you Littleg Wholly Devoted still to Mr. Shamtown and if there be no dangerous Deaths Wound lyes beneath that Noble Escutheon of your Honour I wish you Joy of such a Manly mark and by my faith I could have wish'd the like to have signaliz'd my self You are for the Coffee-house no doubt I 'm sorry I am engag'd The first surprizes the many questions how when and with whom where at Southampton-house Sham. With this short Sword. Littleg And how bravely t'other fought you too be sure mark that that adds to you you know then you disarm'd him Sham. Accident in fight where the brave draw their Swords the Combat's doubtful Littleg If they ask who were Seconds Sham. Fester my Wound Sir if I do you wrong will you go with me Littleg Damn it how Love and Honour wrack my mind Why for a Woman should I rob my self of all I fought for Pox of Visiting and yet I must Said each there 's no danger now to second you and yet there 's real Honour to be got But early in the morning I 'll be there farewel Sir. I envy you the Honour you must meet But go to lay mine at my Coelia's feet Exeunt severally SCENE the Fields Enter young Wealthy Jun. Weal Not come yet this is the place surely this Villain does design to Murder me or else fought booty with me the last time No Seconds to so furious a Challenge I shall have my Throat Cut here in the Woods and be Buried like the Children in the Ballad by the Robin Red-breasts Enter Maria in Mans Cloaths Mar. Sir your Servant you 're as good as your word Jun. Weal That 's more than your Brother dare why is he not here And why are you Sir Mar. Sir the hurt he receiv'd in his Arm has unexpectedly disabled him but he has sent his Sword by me Jun. Weal Give it me Child indeed I should have took it had he come Mar. What mean you Sir I came to do him Justice maintain his Merit is to be preferr'd to yours Jun. Weal 'Sdeath does he take my Mistriss for a Prize for Boys to Box for Mar. Boys Sir Draw. Jun. Weal Ha ha Mar. Flout not Sir we 'll try who is the strongest Enter two like Russians Jun. Weal Ay this is something you young White-liver'd Dog. Mar. Will you resign your Mistriss or dye upon the Spot Jun. Weal Not till I 've ript thy little Guts up Fight me but one by one The 1st No thank you Sir we can Murder you a better way Mar. Speak or we strike Jun. Weal Hold. Mar. Stand this and take me quick Jun. Weal Smooth-face stand off though thou' rt the very'st Rascal I e're saw methinks I 'd save thy Life to tell my Story Thou 'st such a lying wheedling face thou canst not fail to work upon a Woman when at this time methinks I could forgive thee Mar. I speak for you Jun. Weal Yes tell her how I fought or if I perish tell her how I fell tell her how much beyond my life I lov'd her without the least security of hers The Name the Pride the Honour of my Love thou shalt in softning Eloquence relate and though thou art a very Villain look as thou dost speak as thou wou'dst for him and win her to my Bed or to my Grave Mar. I must try him further yet though my heart akes with love and tenderness Am I so much oblig'd to Nature Sir Look then despair and dye 'T was my own Jealousie that drew me here the other was a meer Pretension I love Maria too above my life and therefore dare not at an equal hazard expose my life I follow'd her to Town abandoning my Family and Friends Mad with my Love and Resolute to win her Tho' for your Generosity which thus far in a Rival I can pitty since you believe I cou'd prevail for you with looking speaking flattering any thing You cannot doubt the Conqnest for my self yet still Renounce her and I 'll spare thy life Jun. Weal I 'll not return that Complement to you there is no safety if I let you live therefore prepare and if thou hast one grain of Honour left venture me one fair thrust among the Crowd and I 'll forgive thee yet Mar. Hold for I 'll Rival you in Honour too Be gone there 's your Reward You 'll bate the Murder I 'll thrust my single Arm in such a Cause and dye or else deserve her The two Ruffians go off Jun. Weal Dye or deserve her 'Sdeath thou 'lt win her from me Prithee contrive some way we may be friends I wou'd not nip such Honour in the bud thou art too young to think of Marrying Gad thou shalt be her Page I 'll give thee leave to own thy Passion Ogle thy Heart out tell her pritty Tales she 'll listen to the Musick of thy Voice and give thee sigh for sigh Put up thy Sword 'Sdeath thou holds it like a Girl Mar. Ha! ha Jun. Weal By Heaven and look'st like one Where were my Eyes Mar. Pox on your Eyes Sir Damme will you fight Jun. VVeal Yes Damme thus thus and thus Mar. Now where 's that cruel Creature upon Earth that cou'd deny so Generous a Lover Jun. VVeal If there be such she lives among the Bears and never came in Christian Company She never said her Prayers sigh'd shed a Tear or play'd with Boys or Babys in her Life Mar. Then I am won Jun. VVeal By Heav'n and fairly too Mar. What will you do with me now Jun. VVeal E'ne Marry thee my Dear Mar. And beat me Jun. VVeal No live and dye with thee by Jove Put up thy Sword and trust thy Eyes alone To those bright Planets I my
and I a truant to my Mistress Adieu Don't fail Frank for she is so much of thy temper I dare almost promise thee success Exeunt SCENE II. Enter Lady Sophia and Maria. Mar. Well Cousin this London's a delicate place oh foh upon Sir William's old nasty House in the Country If e're you catch me there agen I did pennance enough in my Dads days I 'll no more of your Baing Cackling and Crowing in a morning if I must be wak'd out of my sleep it shall be with the dear Rattling of Coaches that if I look out I may see some gay thing fit to divert my eyes without that eternal prospect of Beasts and bare Fields Soph. Thou art a mad Girl and this mad fancy will soon be cloy'd but if you are resolv'd to stay after our return to the Country with what Reputation will you live here a single young Woman expos'd to the malice of this Rascally Town Mar. Not so fast good Cousin A single young Woman may be otherwise if she please and I am under no Vows that I know unless this now That the first young Gentleman that I like if he has good manners enough to like me shall have the spending of this ten thousand pounds of mine rather than I 'll dye of the Pip to leave it to you and your Heirs Soph. Well then if you are upon choice what think you of the two fine dress'd Gentlemen we came acquainted with at Church There 's danger indeed in looking on them Mar. Oh foh filthy old Effeminate Fools Danger in them none on my Conscience I dare swear it if they were to be try'd though indeed my dear Cousen I observ'd you a little over civil to Mr. Shamtown who receiv'd it with all the good manners in the World. Soph. Well Girl since you are resolv'd to Marry I 'll give you some advice this Gentleman this Mr. Wealthy is the man on Earth bait but his sin of Jealousie I 'd choose which I am resolv'd to cure if possible e're I resign my self to what I wish For after that Maria the Salique Law 's in force against us all and then adieu to Government for ever Our frowns no more can kill nor smiles revive The humblest Lover makes a Lordlike Husband Mar. I apprehend you then you mean to write the folly of his Jealousie so plain in the two faces of these Amorous fools that he may Read it there Soph. Right Girl but you must joyn in this great Plot for sure you must discern what Love and Languishment my Lovers friend exprest to you Mar. To me upon my life he hardly ever spoke and then so softly I cou'd hardly hear he lookt indeed and sight and set his Cravat-string and sight agen and Comb'd his Perriwig sight a third time and then took snuff I guess to show the whiteness of his Hand And all the speech he made to all this Action was Renounce me Madam but you are very handsome expecting I suppose the same return Soph. Well this is making Love the very newest way of making Love and yet that Wealthy can so slightly weigh my Judgment or my Love to think me fond of such a nauseous Fop but I 'll Revenge my self this very way I 'll point my whole discourse to him like every thing he does praise him to Wealthy's face and ask his Judgment of him and as I find the ill-natur'd Fit work in him I 'll treat my new acquaintance Mar. And I must sigh I judge too with my Lover Well I do hate a sneaking whining crying lying dying Fellow of all things in Nature Give me the airy sprightly free Gallant such a one as they report young Wealthy to be I long to see him but this old Sir William will not suffer him they say to come into the House yet as ill-natur'd as he is to his own flesh he has a great inclination for mine for he can hardly ever keep his hands from my bosome And what way shou'd he take to make love to me but by railing at youth especially his Son Frank who shall starve he says e're he get a Groat from him Soph. And you may believe him for he 's the gripingst old Jew living Frank too made bold with five hundred pounds of his which he can never forgive But see here comes my Lord and Master Ah Tom wou'dst thou but quit that Jealous humour tho 't is bred of Love 't is nurs'd by Folly Love Honour and Obey shou'd be my Song for ever Enter Eldest Wealthy Weal Ladies good day to you what not for Church this morning Ladies Methinks tho your Zeal may be somewhat allay'd so much good Company as meet there might invite you to Prayers Soph. O goes it there teaze him Cousen Mar. Well Mr. Wealthy I 'll swear you are in the Right there is the finest Company the finest Ladies and the finest Gentlemen 't wou'd do a bodies heart good to look upon them Upon my life they spoil'd all my Devotion 't was well for you my Cousen made her choice before she saw these fine things had you been in Love with me you had been undone Soph. You speak but your own Opinion on that Maria though truly Mr. Shamtown and Mr. Littlegad are the civilest best bred men I ever saw especially Mr. Shamtown he is the pleasantest Creature so good humour'd and so Witty he is three in Company at any time Weal Nay Madam I will allow him a fine Person and a pleasant Creature and three in Company but for Wit indeed Madam 't is much more your goodness than his desert Mar. Well I won't answer for Mr. Shamtown but I 'll swear Mr. Littlegad has Wit and more than that he is in Love with me Weal I doubt not that Madam but has he told you so Mar. No but he has sigh 't and that 's all one besides he set his Perriwig and Cravat-string for fear I shou'd not like them Pho I know he is in Love with me and for ought I know I am in Love with him too Weal Very fortunate fellows these a poor Country Lover shall ride you twenty miles a day only to play a Game at Lantrelew and go every Night home in the dirt and the dark and shall hardly be believ'd to be in Love though he break a Limb by the way whilst one of these pleasant Creatures by a new fancy'd Dress or nice ty'd Knot shall conquer a young Lady in a trice Soph. But then you must consider Invention is the labour of the brain and exceeds that of the body Mar. And what signifies your Country Fools twenty mile a day to please his Mistress when one of these shall sit you twenty hours together almost distracting his dear Head to find new fashions out to delight us Ladies Soph. And should not we be grateful Mr. Wealthy to these who as if they were of a Religious Order abandoning and renouncing all your lewd Debaucheries of Wine wholly devote themselves to us and
one but he 's fuddl'd but how open soever his Eyes are I cast a Mist before 'em as easily as his understanding At Nine the Garden gate shall be open but don't fail let me believe you think on me sometimes by your not forgetting this Weal By this and this I will not Kisses Enter Spruce Spr. Ha ha ha My Friend Topknot wou'd have been at the Top of the House with half this Jealous Coxcomb Come my Dear will you come to Dinner Another Fool wou'd have been Jealous of this now I warrant a civil Salute ha ha ha Weal Ha ha ha Mrs. Spr. Ha ha ha Spr. But what makes you laugh so Prithee tell me Weal Why this was your VVifes own Contrivance to try to make you Jealous you rail'd so at Mr. Topknot VVe have been Kissing ever since you went out for fear we shou'd not be Kissing as you came in Spr. Have you so ha ha ha Mrs. Spr. 'T is true Spouse faith Spr. VVell do if you can but the Dinner cools Mr. Wealthy Weal Lead on Sir. May all thy Follies on thy Tribe attend And ev'ry VVhoremaster have such a Friend Exeunt ACT II. SCENE I. Enter the Lady Sly Sophia and Maria. Soph. 'T Is vain I fear to urge you further for your good Compapany to the Exchange Madam since your Reasons as well as Inclinations seem so averse to it Widd. Alas Madam I hope you 'll excuse my incivility in not waiting on you since really Madam I am so terrify'd at any thing may touch my Reputation and the gravity of my Habit I dare not appear there tho in so very good Company Mar. VVell Heaven forgive me I can't think Charitably of thee Cousin since we must venture by our selves into this bug-bear place among Men Monsters and Scandals If we must suffer Heaven have Mercy on our better part I hope we shall have your Ladyship's Prayers and for Mr. Wealthy I declare if we are Ravisht he deserves no better a Lover and go about Business with an old doating fellow of a Father rather than wait upon his Mistress VVere he to be mine I wou'd not Marry him this Fortnight tho' I gnaw'd my Sheets to pieces Widd. Indeed Madam I doubt you wou'd relent for Mr. Wealthy is really a very fine Gentleman and the better he settles his Affairs now tho' he robs himself of the Satisfaction of his Ladies Conversation the more Enjoyment he proposes to himself afterwards as all wise men do in so grand an Affair as Marriage Mar Indeed Madam I am not come to those years of Discretion to like a wise man for on the contrary he is naturally my Aversion and I dare avow for young Mr. VVealthy whom I never yet saw has more VVit in one of his Mad Frollicks than his Brother's Spanish Gravity can be capable of Soph. Heaven send you may meet for if what be true I have heard of him by what I know of you you might be excellent Company and very fit for each others humours Pray have you never heard of him Madam Widd. Yes Madam and seen him at a distance a handsome young Gentleman indeed he is but very Debauch'd or very much wrong'd Enter a Servant Boy Madam the Coach is at the Door Soph. Madam your humble Servant we 'll try our Fancies by your Judgment when we come back Widd. Ladies your Servant Mar. Your Ladiships humble Servant no farther adieu Madam Exeunt Widd. Betty make haste and lay me out the Mantua and Petticoat I wore the other day and take care to get a Hackney Coach to the Door when the Ladies are gone Betty Yes Madam Widd. Certainly if I should meet them in the Change they can never know me my greatest fear is lest young Wealthy who is fond of every new face should meet them and then I am undone for 't will be hard to lure him from so tempting a quarry to a game I fear he is already cloy'd with yet he knows the sign and in good manners must obey it tho against his Inclination SCENE II. The Exchange Discovers Mrs. Spruce in her Shop Enter Young Wealthy Jun. Weal I doubt I have over-stay'd my time 't is past Three and the Widdow is not here or else gone which wou'd be a curst misfortune at this time For to morrow I must make a visit to the old Gentleman whatever comes of it And his house of late has always been to me like a Tavern or a Baudy-house bring but Ready Money and you shall be well lookt after Besides the 10000 l. runs strangely in my head There sits this nights diversion a Cordial of the Widdows will make it much more agreeable Ha! she 's here I think by this light a brace of handsome Women Enter Sophia and Maria. Mrs. Spr. Ribbonds or Gloves Madam Gloves or Ribbonds Jun. Weal Ha! they go to Mrs. Spruce's have among you I faith Ladies If the Widdow catch me these are Cousins nigh Relations Mar. Show us some of your newest fashion Ribbonds Jan. Weal Mrs. Spruce your Servant are the things I bespoke done Madam Mrs. Spr. What things does he mean O the Devil fetch him Aside No Sir not yet but if you 'll send your man in the morning or to night to my house he shall have ' em Here Ladies do you like this Ribbond or this Soph. Cousin what say you you don't mind ' em Mar. Cousin what 's the matter with my heart Certainly the Devil 's in that young fellow or in me Soph. Ha ha ha have you met with your man think you Jun. Weal I have a strange Romantick thought in my head what if I should fall in love with this young Creature at first sight a pretty account I should give of my self to my Friends I must find some opportunity to speak to her Mar. O fye these are too grave for our occasion they must be for a young Ladies Wedding favours the gayest thing you have Jun. Weal If a stranger may so far presume not for your own I hope Madam Mar. Why Sir wou'd you forbid the Banes Jun. Weal Had I the same Interest as Inclination to it Madam you wou'd be in danger of it indeed Mar. O Lord Sir why are you in Love with me already Jun. Weal Quick as her eyes I'gad Why look you Madam plain Dealing 's a Jewel Let me first know what hopes my heart may have to build upon whether you are a Predestinated Wife or not and accordingly expect an answer from your humble Servant Mar. No no no Demonstration's no direct answer to any thing I am resolv'd to be a Riddle to all my Lovers They that can find the meaning of me take me I must talk with this young fellow Cousin take your own Fancy as you have done already I like none of ' em Jun. Weal As you have done already O then she 's the Bride your Servant for that 't is kind and cunningly told ha I'gad these may be the two Ladies my Brother
your Heart but O in vain in vain I Curse the happiest Woman living Pardon this trouble Sir it is the last Boast you have broke a fond young Woman's heart that lov'd too well to live and live without you Adieu A very sad story What no Superscription no Direction Sham. 'Sdeath I had forgot to write it Aside No it came inclos'd I am pester'd strangely with these idle things I 'm glad you 're come for tho I must beg your leave to receive a visit from a Lady of Quality that will be here presently I must acquaint you with my design I can prevail easily with the Widdow who loves Dancing to have a Ball at her House to morrow 'T will give us fresh opportunity to talk with the Ladies and no small occasion to please them in our Dancing You 'll pardon if I beg your leave a while at night I 'll meet at Wills and order all I 'm much asham'd of this but Littleg O Sir the reason 's Irresistible no Complement at Will 's Sham. At eight Enter Jack Jack Sir she Sham. Rascal Jack Sir she says 't is Washing day and she cann't come Sham. Damn her go down Mr. Littl. What disappointed Sham. She begs my pardon 't is her day of receiving Visits A Pox of all Quality 'sdeath I 'll Marry and oblige no more Sophia shall engross my heart for ever and now we have time Mr. Littlegad tell me your mind our time is short our Reception has been extraordinary Will you resolve at this Ball to slip Notes into their hands that shall declare our honourable intentions Mr. Littl. I wou'd do much for beautiful Maria but Love has so much awe upon my Soul besides if they refuse we 're undone if they betray us worse a Quarrel follows Sham. Sir you 're my friend I 'll trust you with my temper By others want of manners in the Town I have suffer'd in my Reputation and therefore wou'd prevail upon my self to venture once The Cause I 'm sure deserves it and Mr. Wealthy I have oft discern'd forces his temper to be Civil to me Mr. Littl. Well Sir you 've been open with your friend show me the Note you write I 'll show you mine For why should she asham'd or angry be To be belov'd by me Exeunt SCENE the Back-Garden Enter young Wealthy Jun. Weal My matters go swimmingly faith I have appeas'd my Widdow made my self half drunk and fill'd my Pockets with money To morrow will I rise with the Sun and out-shine the Sun wait on my Father like a Son and if I can but set like the Sun in that dear little Thetis's lap I shou'd make a very good day on 't However since I am resolv'd to make honourable Love I 'll take my leave of Whoring to Night This is Mrs. Spruce's back-door and the fatal hour draws on in which I must graft a fresh Branch on my friends Forehead Ha! the Door shut It us'd always to be open upon such occasions I 'll venture three gentle taps however there may be a Scout nigh Enter Mrs. Nanny Nanny Who 's that Mr. Wealthy Jun. Weal Dear Mrs. Nanny A Maidenhead I'gad a pox of her mistress Nanny My mistress has expected you this half hour she 's alone in the Parlour Jun. Weal With all my heart But have you waited all this while in the Cold. Nanny Indeed I thought it long before you came Jun. Weal But you 'd have thought it longer had you staid for one you Love. Nanny Yes if they came on purpose to see me Jun. Weal Pretty little Rogue The Child comes rarely on Nanny O fye Sir what do you mean Nay pray Sir. Jun. Weal What do I mean To kiss those pretty little lips Nanny O dear Sir my mistress Enter Mrs. Spruce Jun. Weal O Madam now I hope you 'll own I am as good as my word Mrs. Spruce Somewhat better methinks Nanny go in So Termagant Mr. Wealthy that you cou'd not have patience to walk in I suppose my Maid told you I expected you in the Parlour Jun. Weal Yes yes you 'l cool my Courage Fye Madam I was only Coaxing her for fear when you vex'd her at any time she shou'd tell your Husband Mrs. Sp. You know Mr. Wealthy my Husband is not so easily perswaded but however you boast of being as good as your word I find without a Bottle you durst not have ventur'd Jun. Weal Durst not that word was never spoke to Spaniard yet but forfeited a kiss that gave him it Now Madam since our time is short and consequently very precious pray let me have the honour to lead you into your own House Mrs. Spr. No I 'll swear you 'll be Rude Jun. Weal No I 'll Swear I wont but I 'll be very Civil when do you expect your Husband Mrs. Spr. Not these two hours O Lord indeed I am afraid I shall catch cold the Night 's very raw Jun. Weal I'gad you 're in the right Come along my dear Exeunt Enter Old Sir William and his Son. Sir VVill. Whereabouts are we Tom 't is somewhat dark Eld. VVeal Very nigh Covent Garden Sir we shall be at home presently Sir VVill. This Lawyer is a smart fellow Tom he has drawn up these Writings concisely and full Ah that Rogue Frank he might have done this if he had follow'd his Studies an idle Rogue and sav'd me this Charge But he must be fine he must be a Wit a Beau Pox on him Eld. VVeal Sir I believe it is yet in your power to reclaim him he has seen the Vices of the Town and no doubt is sick of them Cou'd he but get a Competence to live Sir VVill. Well Sir and you 'll have me settle an Estate upon him I 'll settle him in Newgate first a Vagabond Eld. VVeal Nay pray Sir hear me Sir VVill. No Sir thank God I 've taken care of you I 've settled you I 'll part with no more money Eld. VVeal Sir you shall not part with a Groat Sir VVill. How 's that Eld. VVeal Upon my word you shant and yet make him happy Sir VVill. He has been a Rebellious Boy but the tenderness of a Father Well tell me how for I wou'd do him all the kindness I cou'd without Charges Eld. VVeal Sir give him the liberty of your House Countenance him as your Son and let him address himself to young Maria. Sir VVill. Here 's a Snake in my bosom what throw away my little pretty Maria with 10000 l. too No thank you Sir I 'll find a better match what betray my trust Marry her to a Ranting Roaring Bully What give her the Pox Ah Sirrah What if I have a mind to marry her my self Eld. VVeal Sir you 'll pardon me if I say methinks you are too old to think of marriage Sir VVill. No Sirrah not so old as the young debauch'd Rascals of the Town rotten before they are ripe Sirrah provoke me any more speak of this match any more
I 'll Marry get a Child and disinherit you both and so come along Eld. VVeal Sir I 'll follow you and shall watch you too for shou'd he marry a Child may be got without his help Sir VVill. What Sirrah do you mutter Eld. VVeal Mutter no Sir. Sir VVill. No Sir come along Exeunt The Scene draws and discovers the Garden-door Enter young Wealthy and Mrs. Spruce Jun. VVeal Adieu dear Mrs. Spruce you 'll send that Linnen I bespoke to morrow early Mrs. Spr. Yes but not by my Maid Enter Mr. Spruce Drunk My Husband if ever he is Jealous 't is in his Drink Dear Mr. Wealthy adieu how will you escape him Jun. Weal How the Devil do I know 'Sdeath I 'll stand against this Pump Mr. Spr. Whereabouts am I Is not this my back door I am somewhat Drunk 't is a beastly thing above once a month and that 's my stint but I 'll please her with the Song I learnt Tell me no more of Glory or Story She loves a soft Song Tell me no more of Glory No Canary pox of that slip I have all dirted my face Jun. Weal 'Sdeath I think I had best run for it now Pox of his Agility he 's up already if he comes to the Pump i 'm undone Mr. Spr. Let me see here 's a Pump hereabouts Jun. Weal Wou'd it were in your Guts Mr. Spr. I must clean my self that I may not disgust my Wife and make her think indifferently of my Person Pox on 't they have taken away the handle O here it is Gropes up and down and takes hold of Mr. Wealthy's hand instead of the Pump Jun. Weal If he discovers me I 'll knock him down and then I shall pass for a Thief The Dog will pull my Arm off Mr. Spr. Zounds the Pump's dry Jun. Weal 'Sdeath I have a Bottle of Orange Flower Water his Wife presented me Spirts the Orange Flower Water in his face Mr. Spr. O does it come delicate Water faith So now for my Wife Let me see where 's the Key Tell me no more of Glory too to Court Exit Jun. Weal A sensless drunken Dog not know a man from a Pump this was a good scape I shou'd have been loth to have Convinc'd him that he was a Cuckold Let him doat on 't is late shall I go home so sober I shall Dream of the Devil all Night no the other Bottle Good Wine does all our Satisfaction bring But t'other Bottle is a Glorious thing Exit ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Maria alone in the Garden Mar. WHat would I give to know whether I am really in Love with that young fellow or not let me examine my self I am very angry with that Woman that came to meet him methinks I could beat her yet I could not beat him I long to see him again too and I am afraid I should be loth to part with him Mercy upon me these are very ill Signs Enter Sophia Sop. What Musing Maria Good morning to your serious Meditations Pray your Thought Mar. If you 'll promise not to laugh at me Sop. What the pretty young fellow reigns still in your fancy What four and twenty hours together On my Conscience you are constant ha ha Mar. Laugh on laugh on Who was caught first Sop. But fye upon you I thought you would have reserved your heart for young Mr. Wealthy and this Gentleman you saw was engag'd Mar. Would I knew where I 'd plague her however but if he should be in Love with her I 'm undone Sop. To clear that doubt Girl I 'll tell thee News shall make thee bless me for it That Lady your Rival Madam is our Individual Grave Formal Hippocritical Widdow Mar. Impossible or how should you know it Sop. Walking last Night in the Balcony-room somewhat impatient of Mr. Wealthys return I heard a Hackney-Coach stop whence bolted out the very Figure we saw in the Change and my Curiosity found afterwards to be the Widdow Mar. O this Ephesian Dame shall she devour my Souldier no I 'll vex every vein of her Heart I 'll Dog her every day that when she meets him next I 'll meet him too and turn her to her proper use Procuring I 'll trace the old Fox till I find out her Young ones Sop. Poor Girl she 's sar gone Mar. A Witch Pardon me Ladies if I dare not go to a place that so ill becomes the Gravity of my Habit. Musick within the Garden VVhat Serenading Fools are these Sop. You 're strangely out of humour what if it should be a morning Serenade from our two Church-men in order to the Ball we are to have this Evening You remember the Part you are to Act. Mar. Iudeed you must pardon me I shall be out Sop. I grow sick of mine too but heark a Song Song after it Enter Eldest VVealthy Sophia Mr. Wealthy do we owe our thanks to you Eld. VVeal This Madam as the gentlest way I cou'd I chose to let you know my bold request Musick and Beauty seem so nigh a kin such equal charmers sure what one desires the other can't deny to morrow be the day joyn to that natural goodness of your Soul your kind endearing Promises and Vows put on the Deity you are to me descend and perfect all my hopes to morrow Soph. Sir I confess it is a fault to blush in answering what I have so often promised but you must pardon both since I must confess so soon you have surpriz'd me I own you Conquerour o're all my heart but beg as yet you would not use your power allow my Virgin fears some time to fly I shall in honour yield without surprize Eld. Weal Allow for all my Wracks of Passion for all my broken hours and nights of rest Allow for the Impatience of my Love that counts all hours Ages till to morrow and put this in the ballance with your fears If it be yet too light I 'll kneel to beg a blessing great as this Kneels Enter Sir William Wealthy Sop. Sir Sir Will. What a Pox is the fellow going to Prayers or to say Grace to to morrows Feast Child Child time is short all things settled and London's a Wicked Place therefore prepare to look the Parson boldly in the face and in grace of peace I 'll see you married and then Soph. But Sir William Sir Will. Stop her mouth Boy she 'll cry 't is too soon or some mischief or other Where 's my little Maggot this morning she 'd put off such a business I warrant you uh 't is a parlous Quean Mar. Well I will plague the Widdow and this old fellow Good morning to you Sir William you see they 're got together with a villanous design to make you a Grandfather and then you 'll look so old Sir William 't is a pity for now you look brisk enough for the youngest Maid in Town methinks I could fall in Love with you my self Sir Will. Think you so my
matter goes Jun. Weal What Smart-money Tom Well if I light upon a Surgeon that has any grace a man may get a small Clap cur'd into the bargain Eld. Weal You 'll find if I should fall a hundred more in this Right Fob Don't let those Rascals plunder me For should they lay my Money out in Perriwigs and Cravat-strings 't would grieve my Ghost worse than my Death I have order'd Horses for us not far off Damn 'um the morning wastes what mean these Loyterers prethee look out Jun. Weal Stand to your Arms Tom your Enemy draws on Enter Mr. Shamtown and Mr. Littlegad Eld. Weal Sir you 're something late in doing your self Justice unless you 're sensible you deserv'd the blow I gave you But this is no place for Parley Draw. Jun. Weal By your leave but 't is Dear Tom a moments Temper Sir since these Gentlemen know what they fight for 't were something fit that you and I did too for I suppose if you dare own it Sir that you were charg'd with a damn'd white-powder'd Bullet-Deux to have shot the other Lady without any Report Littleg I scorn to disavow a passion Sir for beautiful Maria But Jun. VVeal But your Servant Sir. Draw Draw both Traytors Tom fall on They Fight Thrust lower Tom my Gentleman Dances They fall the two Brothers upon them St. George I'faith Tom. Your Sword Sir. Eld. VVeal Your Life Sham. I own it Jun. VVeal Your Sword Sir. Littleg Take it Rises Eld. VVeal Then take it as my gift Whene're I see you where this Quarrel arose I 'll take the forfeiture Jun. VVeal Art thou hurt Tom. Eld. VVeal No Frank nor in danger of it Jun. VVeal There Sir your Sword again The Lady 's mine Your Servant Gentlemen You know on what conditions you live Farewel Exeunt Sham. Come let 's be drest Pox on the Ladies We have done enough to talk of in the Coffee-house this month and there 's some comfort still I 'm glad 't is over Enter Sir William Mr. Spruce Guards Constable and VVatch. Mr. Spruce Ha who 's here 't is they One of them bleed Sir VVill. Bloody too Son Toms blood Zounds Son Toms blood Draw Dog draw where 's my Son Tom you Son of a Whore. Fall on fall on Sham. For Heavens sake Gentlemen he 's just there just yonder unhurt just gave us both our lives Sir VVill. Say you so Hold them fast tho Runs to the side of the Stage So ho Tomme Son Tomme They move further My Dear Tomme There 's Frank Was Frank hurt at all Littleg No Sir. Sir Will. No Pox on him he fights every day Re-enter both the Wealthy's Ah my dear Son Tom Runs and falls upon his Neck Here they come here they come Oh my dear Son Tommy Ah my poor Tommy Eld. Weal Good Sir how came you hither with all this Rabble and Guards about you Jun. Weal 'Sdeath Brother the Old fellow has seiz'd upon the Gentlemen Eld. Weal Gentlemen you may go we are sorry for this mistake Sir Will. Ay ay you may go and the Devil go with you Eld. Weal But good Sir how came you hither Sir Will. O Pox Tom I could not sleep a wink I have been at all the Slaughtering Fields I could name about the Town at Barn-Elms and at Putney-Common and Chelsey-Fields and Red-Lyon-Fields at all the Golgatha's about the Town And Mr. Spruce I thank him went along with me before it was quite Day he 's a damn'd Coward but he 's a very Honest Man. Mr. Spr. Indeed Mr. Wealthy my heart ak'd for you And if my young Mr. Wealthy had been kill'd 't wou'd have broke my Molly's Heart she has such a tenderness for him Sir Will. Faith he speaks true I dare swear his heart ak'd for he started at every Bush he came nigh but I am glad to see thee my dear Tom and Frank Frank's a good Boy too Eld. Weal Sir I thank you for your Tenderness but would not for a thousand Worlds you had prevented us Frank Sir this is your Son my Brother and my Friend I beg you would entertain him in your Heart Sir Will. Who Frank Frank's one ' I always lov'd till he play'd the Rogue and Robb'd me Frank Frank that was a filthy business But no matter I 'm so o're-joy'd I will give thee let me see what shall I give thee Jun. Weal Ay wou'd I cou'd see it Sir Will. I will give thee now I will give thee I will forgive thee now Frank and there 's a Gift for thee Jun. Weal That all I thank you Sir I thought to have paid you now Sir Will. What say'st thou Boy Jun. Weal I thank you Sir. Sir Will. O Tom my joy to see thee has been so great I forget to tell thee sad News your Mistress Tom. Eld. Weal What of her Sir Sir VVill. O she 's blind by this time Eld. VVeal What mean you Sir Sir VVill. She has cry'd her Eyes out Man. The little naughty Girl too that never cry'd but just when she was born has been shuffling ever since Jun. VVeal Now if that were for me agad I 'd cry too No no it must be for me Eld. VVeal I 'll fly to comfort her my dear Sophia Sir Will. Fly Yes Tom you may fly fly your Country if you please Ounds she swears she 'll never see you more You have betray'd her Honour lost her Reputation undone her quite and fixt her in the Rank of loose-tail'd Ladies whose good Name must be fought for or be lost Eld. Weal Cou'd she say this Sir Will. More more man she 'll go into the Country too night but if you were kill'd she swore she 'd not out-live you Eld. Weal There 's love and life in that Curse on my Temper what wrong could such a Dog have done to me What Honour too to fight so poor a Creature Did she not slight and scorn him to my face O my Sophia Pardon this last ill-natur'd Tempest here Receive me with the Arms of Tenderness and there becalm my Soul and thine for ever Come Sir Brother Jun. Weal I wait on you Sir Will. There there 's Money for you thank you Friends thank you My dear Tomme Servants Thank you Sir. Exeunt all but Mr. Spruce and Jun. Weal Spruce Well I 'll tell her what a kindness you have for her And I 'll assure you Mr. Wealthy there 's no Love lost I have heard her speak as kind things of you as of any body except me and me you know Jun. Weal O 't is impossible she should love that is love so far as to lye with any body but you Spruce Indeed Mr. Wealthy I must say I believe I have been no small satisfaction to her since I marry'd her she knows when she 's well I warrant you she wou'd not change me for any man. I won't keep you Sir I 'll tell her how you love her Jun. Weal So do Mr. Spruce You need not fear Rivals Spruce Adieu Jun.
drest On Wealthy's breast you 'll find but poor support upon thy buried Honour lean thy head Bath in the tears shed for that satal loss Curse my dear VVealthy's Eyes cry out thy own Blind with thy miseries renounce the Day and in eternal howlings waste the Night By Heaven thou art betray'd VVealthy's my Husband Married just now before thy cheated Eyes Poor fool thou art a witness to the Match and hall Contriver of thy own Destruction Enter young Wealthy Jun. VVeal So so the Rival Queens have been at it i'faith VVidd. Speak VVealthy e're my heart breaks with my wrongs Have you betray'd me Are you such a Villain Jun. VVeal Faith Widdow not to keep you in suspence on second thoughts I could not be so rash therefore to save your Reputation still own you were in th' design and laugh with us Here comes the old Man and the Parson now the Plot thick'ns or the Devils in 't Enter Sir William and the Parson Sir Will. Come my Girl answer before this man of God. Wilt thou be my Lawful Wife Mar. As Lawsul as that Gentleman can make me Sir Will. God a mercy Come Sir to work to work Pars Indeed and that 's not very Lawful Madam Sir Will. What a Pox ails the Fellow Why what Sir 't is not against the Law for an Old Man to marry a young VVoman is it Pars No Sir but sure 't is to Marry your Daughter Sir Will. He 's mad My Daughter Sir. Pars Yes if that Gentleman 's your Son. Jun. Weal Good faith Sir even so Sir Will. I 'll hang you I 'll drown you I 'll murder you I 'll poyson you I 'll blow you up I 'll bury you alive I 'll Cuckold you you Dog. Jun. Weal I 'll hold you a Guinea on 't Sir Will. Ah you Devil Mar. I should have Cuckolded you Sir VVilliam 't is better as 't is I shall love now my none dear Daddy VVidd. Come come be patient Sir VVilliam you 're happy in your Sons match though I am curst and though I burst must bear it Sir VVill. My Son he 's a Son of a Whore I 'll prove it and I 'll fight him Jun. VVeal Hark you Sir if I am not your Son it follows naturally you're not my Father And gad Sir if you abuse my Mother I shall Sir VVill. Murder me Very well I 'll have you hang'd Mar. Think better Sir VVilliam How could you think that I with that disparity of years could ever love you I do love your Son and in your Son love you Sir VVill. Come you 're a baggage Shakes his Head at her Mar. I 'm your Daughter Sir VVilliam I 'll be tender of you Jun. VVeal I 'm your Son and Dutiful I 'll renounce the follies of the Town i 've tasted them and weigh them all at this VVe will forsake this hole of Sin and Sea-coal and make you merry in a better Air. Come Spouse Your blessing Sir. Sir VVill. Pox take him he talks as if he had some Grace he made a long Speech too without swearing but I can't say Amen to it VVidd. Indeed Sir William I think you 're Happy if you knew when Sir Will. Zoons but I 've lost a Wife Mar. No no Sir William if we had been married you 'd have made no more on 't Widd. There 's your Obligation of five hundred pound to me and truly I think Wisely sav'd Sir Will. Five hundred pound on second thoughts is a round summ Hum you 're a Rogue but rise rise and take my blessing since I can't help it But pox on 't where 's Tom Has no body stole his Wife And where are these fellows that I may see if any thing can make me laugh Jun. Weal O Sir I warrant you Sir VVill. What a Pox it was not you and your Brother Tom I saw Marry'd was it Jun. Weal Even so faith Sir but here comes our Fortune-Hunters Enter Mr. Shamtown as a Chair-man bringing in Mr. Littlegad in Womens Habit. Sir Will. Hey day what 's here Who 's in this Chair Another damn'd Plot. Jun. Weal Set down the Chair friends who would you speak with ha Sham. We were call'd Sir to carry this Lady she lives in this house Jun. Weal Ha! Shou'd not I know that Face Mr. Shamtown Indeed I always mistrusted your Shapes but never yet really knew you were a Chair-man This I suppose is a Plot for my Brothers Lady pray Heaven it be not her Sir. Sir Will. So so more Plots here Tom shall deal with you Sham. Gentlemen I beg you would not Murder me and Madam I hope you 'll stand to your Note and own me and my love Littleg Ay me i 'm undone and shall be laugh'd to Death Enter Elder Wealthy and Sophia Sham. 'Sdeath who is this Betray'd oh Hell and the Devil where shall I run Jun. VVeal Hey day what here and there too Tom you 're obliged to this Gentleman he only came to steal your Lady Eld. VVeal I shan't be backward in my thanks Sham. I shall be kick'd to Death Jun. VVeal But who are you Come unmask Lady nay by Heaven you must pritty Mrs. Littlegad Omnes Mr. Littlegad Sir VVill. Two Fools well met i'faith Littleg Upon my Faith I meant it purely for your diversion pray Pardon me I wou'd give a hundred Pound for a Whirlwind to remove me Eld. VVeal Sir this is a base return for giving you your life but here call up my Footmen Sham. Gentlemen do not mistake I am a Gentleman and since I am betray'd into your House defenceless which was cruel of the Ladies I beg I may be safe when next I am in my Primitive Equipments Jun. VVeal What Sir without a Shirt Sham. No Sir I 'll give your Brother satisfaction Jun. VVeal Shut up the Doors Poor Fool he Pardon 's any thing he scorns and you shall share the Graces And Gentlemen if you lov'd these Ladies you cannot but stay Dinner and after Dance at their Weddings I am sure Mr. Spruce Enter Mr. Spruce and Mrs. Spruce Name but a Dance and up starts Mr. Spruce Mr. Spr. Mr. VVealthy I am glad you are inlarg'd and faith Sir I came only to have serv'd you Jun. VVeal I must thank your Lady for that I presume Mr. Spr. Gad she loves you dearly Mrs. Spr. I can't deny 't indeed Mr. VVealthy though before my Husbands face Jun. VVeal I thank you Madam Sir Will. Frank I begin to love you already Sirrah you are a lucky Dog make much of her and I forgive you and God bless you all four Soph. Fairly spoken Sir William Jun. Weal We 'll deserve it but come I have provided an Entertainment A Dance Come Gentlemen you are the only dejected here but bear up And don't too much the Accident Regret For two by two we 're all but Fools well met Epilogue WHat would our Author give you 'ld go away Half so well pleas'd as you came here to day That he meant well is all he has to plead Faith then be kind and let his Play succeed And take for once the good Will for the Deed. He don't presume to justify his Play Vouch it for good or if you lik't you may A humbler way for your good word he takes You 're welcom would 't were better for your sakes Therefore to damn him were very hard Two Fools well met's the Play and in a word Forgive him for he owns himself the third SONG HOw shall I my Rivals meet They are too Mighty Rich and Great How can I my Celia win A Shepheard I and she Divine Or how can such a VVorld of Charms Be Circled in these humble Arms Ah Celia If the Man that Loves thee most Cannot deserve thee by it I am lost I am lost I am lost Ah Celia c. Propose me Wonders for my Task To be thy Slave is all I ask is all I ask c. The Rich may afterwards Ropine They would have thee I would be thine Nor scorn me that I am not great Since then canst with a Smile create Let not Oh let not then the Man be lost For what a Smile can give who loves thee most Let not Oh let not then the Man be lost c. SONG MY Amarillis scorns the Man That does her Eyes adore Though I immortaliz'd her Name And Sainted her with Power But now the Goddess to that height is grown Sh 'as quite forgot 't was I that made her One. Sh 'as quite forgot c. Books Newly Printed for James Knapton at the Crown in St. Paul's Church-Yard A Congratulatory Poem on His Highness the Prince of Orange's coming into England By Tho. Shadwell A Congratulatory Poem to the Most Illustrious Queen Mary upon Her Arrival into England By Tho. Shadwell The Squire of Alsatia A Comedy Acted by their Majesty's Servants Written by Tho. Shadwell The True Widow A Comedy Acted by their Majesty's Servants Written by Tho. Shadwell Bury-Fair A Comedy Acted by Their Majesty's Servants Written by Tho. Shadwell The Forced Marriage or The Jealous Bridegroom As it is Acted by His Majesty's Servants Written by A. Behn The Female Prelate Being a History of the Life and Death of Pope Joan A Tragedy As it is Acted at the Theatre Royal. The Wanton Fryar or The Irish Amour A Novel in Twelves The History of the Inquisition as it is Exercised at Goa Written in French by the Ingenious Monsieur Dellon who laboured five years under those Severities with an Account of his Deliverance Translated into English Quarto Price 1 s. Some Observations concerning the Regulating of Elections for Parliament found among the Earl of Shaftsbury's Papers after his Death and now recommended to the Consideration of this Present Parliament In Quarto price 3 d. Quadriennium Jacobi or the History of the Reign of King James II. from his first coming to the Crown to his Desertion FINIS