'll have no counterfeit Geer about thee not I. See these are right as the Blushes on thy Cheeks and these as true as my Heart my Girl Go put 'em on and be fine gives 'em her Let. Believe me Sir I shall not merit this Kindness Sir Feeb. Go to More of your Love and less of your Ceremony give the old Fool a hearty Buss and pay him that Way he ye little wanton Tit I 'll steal up and catch ye and love ye adod I will get ye gone get ye gone Let. Heav'ns what a nautious thing is an old Man turn'd Lover Exit Leticia and Diana Sir Cau. How steal up Sir Feeble I hope not so I hold it most indecent before the lawful Hour Sir Feeb. Lawful Hour Why I hope all Hours are Lawful with a Man 's own Wife Sir Cau. But wise Men have Respect to Times and Seasons Sir Feeb. Wise young Men Sir Cautious but wise old Men must nick their Inclinations for it is not as 't was wont to be for it is not as 't was wont to be Singing and dancing Enter Ralph Ralph Sir here 's a young Gentleman without wou'd speak with you Sir Feeb. Hum I hope it is not that same Belmour come to forbid the Banes if it be he comes too late therefore bring me first my long Sword and then the Gentleman Exit Ralph Bea. Pray Sir use mine it is a travell'd Blade I can assure you Sir Sir Feeb. I thank you Sir Enter Ralph and Belmour disguis'd gives him a Letter he reads How my Nephew Francis Fainwood Embraces him Bel. I am glad he has told me my Christian Name Sir Feeb. Sir Cautious know my Nephew 't is a young Saint Omers Scholar but none of the Witnesses Sir Cau. Marry Sir the wiser he for they got nothing by 't Bel. Sir I love and honour you because you are a Traveller Sir Feeb. A very proper young Fellow and as like old Frank Fainwood as the Devil to the Collier but Francis you are come into a very lewd Town Francis for whoring and plotting and roaring and drinking but you must go to Church Francis and avoid ill Company or you may make damnable Havock in my Cash Francis what you can keep Merchants Books Bel. 'T has been my Study Sir Sir Feeb. And you will not be proud but will be commanded by me Francis Bel. I desire not to be favour'd as a Kinsman Sir but as your humblest Servant Sir Feeb. Why thou 't an honest Fellow Francis and thou' rt heartily welcome and I 'll make thee Fortunate But come Sir Cautious let you and I take a Turn i'th'Garden and beget a right Understanding between your Nephew Mr. Bearjest and my Daughter Dye Sir Cau. Prudently thought on Sir I ll wait on you Exit Sir Feeble and Sir Cautious Bea. You are a Traveller Sir I understand Bel. I have seen a little part of the World Sir Bea. So have I Sir I thank my Stars and have performed most of my Travels on Foot Sir Bel. You did not travel far then I presume Sir Bea. No Sir it was for my Diversion indeed but I assure you I travell'd into Ireland a-foot Sir Bel. Sure Sir you go by Shipping into Ireland Bea. That 's all one Sir I was still a-foot ever walking on the Deck Bel. Was that your farthest Travels Sir Bea. Farthest why that 's the End of the World and sure a Man can go no further Bel. Sure there can be nothing worth a Man's Curiosity Bea. No Sir I 'll assure you there are the Wonders of the World Sir I 'll hint you this one There is a Harbour which since the Creation was never capable of receiving a Lighter yet by another Miracle the King of France was to ride there with a vast Fleet of Ships and to land a hundred thousand Men. Bel. This is a swinging Wonder but are there Store of Mad Men there Sir Bea. That 's another Rarity to see a Man run out of his Wits Noy Marry Sir the wiser they I say Bea. Pray Sir what Store of Miracles have you at St. Omers Bel. None Sir since that of the Wonderful Salamanca Doctor who was both here and there at the same Instant of time Bea. How Sir Why that 's impossible Bel. That was the Wonder Sir because 't was impossible Noy But 't was a greater Sir that 't was believed Enter L. Fulb. and Pert. Sir Cau. and Sir Feeb. Sir Feeb. Enough enough Sir Cautious we apprehend one another Mr. Bearjest your Uncle here and I have struck the Bargain the Wench is yours with three thousand Pound present and something more after Death Which your Uncle likes well Bea. Does he so Sir I 'm beholding to him then 't is not a Pin matter whether I like or not Sir Sir Fee How Sir not like my Daughter Dye Bea. Oh Lord Sir dye or live 't is all one for that Sir I 'll stand to the Bargain my Uncle makes Pert. Will you so Sir you 'll have very good Luck if you do aside Bea. Prethee hold thy Peace my Lady's Woman L. Fulb. Sir I beg your Pardon for not waiting on you to Church I knew you wou'd be private Enter Let. fine in Jewels Sir Feeb. You honour us too highly now Madam presents his Wife who salutes her L. Fulb. Give you Joy my dear Leticia I find Sir you were resolved for Youth Wit and Beauty Sir Feeb. Ay Madam to the Comfort of many a hoping Coxcomb but Lette Rogue Lette thou wo't not make me free o'th'City a second time wo't thou entice the Rogues with the Twire and wanton Leere the Amorous Simper that crys come kiss me then the pretty round Lips are pouted out he Rogue how I long to be at 'em well she shall never go to Church more that she shall not L. Fulb. How Sir not to Church the chiefest Recreation of a City Lady Sir Feeb. That 's all one Madam that tricking and dressing and prinking and patching is not your Devotion to Heaven but to the young Knaves that are lick't and comb'd and are minding you more than the Parson ods bobs there are more Guckolds destin'd at Church than are made out of it Sir Cau. ha ha ha he tickles ye e-Faith Ladys to his Lady Bel. Not one chance look this Way and yet I can forgive her lovely Eyes Because they look not pleas'd with all this Ceremony And yet methinks some Sympathy in Love Might this Way glance their Beams I cannot hold Sir is this fair Lady my Aunt Sir Feeb. Oh Francis Come hither Francis Lette here 's a young Rogue has a Mind to kiss thee Puts them together she starts back Nay start not he 's my own Flesh and Blood My Nephew Baby look look how the young Rogues stare at one another like will to like I see that Let. There 's something in his Face so like my Belmour it calls my Blushes up and leaves my Heart defenceless Enter Ralph Ralph Sir Dinner 's on
â—…a poor trembling Mortal L. Fulb. Sir Feeble Faâ—…ood rise are you both mad Sir Cau. No no Madam we have seen the Devil Sir Feeb. Ay and he was as tall as the Mohnment Sir Cau. With Eyes like a Beacon and a Mouth Heav'n bless us like London Bridge at a full Tide Sir Feeb. Ay and rear'd as loud L. Fulb. Idle Fancys what makes you from your Bed And you Sir from your Bride Enter Dick with Sack Sir Feeb. Oh! that 's the Business of another Day a Mistake only Madam L. Fulb. Away I 'm asham'd to see wise Men so weak the Fantoms of the Night or your own Shadows the Whimseys of the Brain for want of Rest or perhaps Bredwell your Man who being wiser than his Master play'd you this Trick to fright you both to Bed Sir Feeb. Hum adod and that may be for the young Knave when he let me in to Night was drest up for some Waggery Sir Cau. Ha ha ha 't was even so sure enough Brother Sir Feeb. Ads bobs but they frighted me at first basely but I 'll home to Pupsey there may be Roguery as well as here Madam I ask your Pardon I see we 're all mistaken L. Fulb. Ay Sir Feeble go home to your Wife Exit severally SCENE the Street Enter Belmour at the Door knocks and enter to him from the House Phillis Phil. OH are you come Sir I 'll call my Lady down Bel. Oh haste the Minutes fly leave all behind And bring Leticia only to my Arms. A Noise of People Hah what Noise is that 'T is coming this Way I tremble with my Fears hah Death and the Devil 'T is he Enter Sir Feeble and his Men arm'd goes to the Door knocks Ay 't is he and I 'm undone what shall I do to kill him now besides the Sin wou'd put me past all Hopes of pardoning Sir Feeb. A damn'd Rogue to deceive me thus Bel. Hah see by Heaven Leticia Oh we are ruin'd Sir Feeb. Hum what 's here two Women stands a little off Enter Leticia and Phillis softly undre st with a Box. Let. Where are you my best Wishes Lord of my Vows and Charmer of my Soul Where are you Bâ—…ll Oh Heavens Draws his Sword half Way Sir Feeb. Hum who 's here My Gentlewoman she 's monstrous kind of the sudden But whom is 't meant to Aside Leâ—… Give me your Hand my Love my Life my all Alas where are you Sir Feeb. Hum no no this is not to me I am jilted couzen'd Cuckol'd and so forth Groping she takes hold of Sir Feeb. Let. Oh are you here indeed you frighted me with your Silence here take these Jewels and let us hast away Sir Feeb. Hum are you thereabouts Mistress was I sent away with a Sharn-Plot for this She can not mean it to me Let. Will you not speak will you not answer me do you repent already before Injoyment are you cold and false Sir Feeb. Hum before Injoyment that must be me Before Injoyment Ay ay 't is I I see a little merrily Prolonging a Womans Joy sets an Edge upon her Appetite Let. What means my Dear Shall we not haste away Sir Feeb. Hast away there 't is again no 't is not me she means what at your Tricks and Intrigues already yes yes I am destin'd a Cuckold Let. Say am I not your Wife can you deny me Sir Fee Wife adod 't is I she means 't is I she means Merrily Let. Oh Belmour Belmour Sir Fee starts back from her Hands Sir Fee Hum what 's that Belmour Let. Hah Sir Feeble he would not Sir have us'd me thus unkindly Sir Fee Oh I 'm glad 't is no worse Belmour quoth a I thought the Ghost was come again Phill. Why did you not speak Sir all this while my Lady weeps with your Unkindness Sir Fee I did but hold my peace to hear how prettily she prattled Love But fags you are nought to think of a young Fellow adsbobs you are now Let. I only said he wou'd not have been so unkind to me Sir Fee But what makes ye out at this Hour and with these Jewels Phill. Alas Sir we thought the City was in Arms and pack't up our things to secure 'em if there had been a Necessity for Flight For had they come to Plundring once they wou'd have begun with the rich Aldermen's Wives you know Sir Sir Fee Adsbobs and so they would but there was no Arms nor Mutiny where 's Francis Bel. Here Sir Sir Fee Here Sir why what a Story you made of a Meeting in the Hall and Arms and a the Divel of any thing was stirring but a couple of old Fools that sat gaping and waiting for one anothers Business Bel. Such a Message was brought me Sir Sir Fee Brought thou' rt an Ass Francis but no more come come le ts to Bed Let. To Bed Sir what by Day-light fot that 's hasting on I wou'd not for the World the Night wou'd hide my Blushes but the Day wou'd let me see my self in your Embraces Sir Fee Embraces in a Fidlestick why are we not marry'd Let. 'T is true Sir and Time will make me more familiar with you but yet my virgin Modesty forbids it I 'le to Diana's Chamber the Night will come again Sir Fee For once you shall prevail and this Damn'd Jant has pretty well mortified me a Pox of your Mutiny Francis Come I 'le conduct thee to Diana and lock thee in that I may have thee safe Rogue Wee 'l give young Wenches leave to whine and blush And fly those Blessings which â—ads bobs they wish The End of the third Act. ACT IV. SCENE I. Sir Feeble's House Enter Lady Fulbank Gayman fine gently pulling her back by the Hand and Ralph meets ' em L. Fulb. HOw now Ralph Let your Lady know I am come to wait on her Exit Ralph Gay Oh why this needless Visit Your Husbands safe at least till Evening safe Why will you not go back And give me one soft Hour though to torment me L. Fulb. You are at Leisure now I thank you Sir Last Night when I with all Loves Rhetorick pleaded And Heaven knows what last Night might have produc'd You were ingage'd False Man I do believe it And I am satisfi'd you love me not Walks away in scorn Gay Not love you Why do I waste my Youth in vain Pursuit Neglecting Interest and despisng Power Unheeding and despising other Beauties Why at your Feet is all my Fortune laid And why does all my Fate depend on you L. Fulb. I 'll not consider why you play the Fool Present me Rings and Bracelets Why pursue me Why watch whole Nights before my senceless Door And take such Pains to show your self a Coxcomb Gay Oh! why all this By all the Powers above by this dear Hand And by this Ring which on this Hand I place On which I 've sworn Fidelity to Love I never had a Wish or soft Desire To any other Woman Since Julia
and commend me I 'll give thee a new Point Cravat Dia. He looks as if he cou'd not speak to me Bea. Not speak to you yes Gad Madam and do any thing to you too Dia. Are you his Advocate Sir In Scorn Bea. For Want of a better Stands behind him pushing him on Bred. An Advocate for Love I am And bring you such a Message from a Heart Bea. Meaning mine dear Madamâ—… Bred. That when you hear it you will pitty it Bea. Or the Devils in her Dia. Sir I have many Reasons to believe It is my Fortune you pursue not Person Bea. There 's something in that I must confess Behind him But say what you will Ned Bred. May all the Mischiefs of despairing Love Fall on me if it be Bea. That 's well enough Bred. No were you born an humble Village Maid That fed a Flock upon the neighbouring Plain With all that shining Vertue in your Soul By Heaven I wou'd adore you love you wed you Tho'the gay World were lost by such a Nuptial Bea. looks on him this I wou'd do were I my Friend the Squire Recollecting Bea. Ay if you were me you might do what you pleas'd but I 'm of another Mind Dia. Shou'd I consent my Father is a Man whom Interest sways not Honour and whatsoever Promises he'as made you he means to break 'em all and I am destin'd to another Bea. How another his Name his Name Madam here 's Ned and I fear ne'er a single Man i'th'Nation What is he what is he Dia. A Fop a Fool a beaten Ass a Blockhead Bea. What a damn'd Shame 's this that Women shou'd be sacrific'd to Fools and Fops must run away with Heiresses whilst we Men of Wit and Parts dress and dance and cock and travel for nothing but to be ta me Keepers Dia. But I by Heaven will never be that Victim But where my Soul is vow'd 't is fix't for ever Bred. Are you resolv'd are you confirm'd in this Oh my Dima speak it o'er again Runs to her and embraces her Bless me and make me happier than a Monarch Bea. Hold hold dear Ned that 's my part I take it Bred. Your Pardon Sir I had forgot my self But time is short what 's to be done in this Bea. Done I 'll enter the House with Fire and Sword d' e see not that I care this but I 'll not be fob'd off what do they take me for a Fool an Ass Bred. Madam dare you run the Risk of your Father's Displeasure and run away with the Man you love Dia. With all my Soul Bea. That 's hearty and we 'll do 't Ned and I here and I love an Amour with an Adventure in 't like Amadis de Gaul harky Ned get a Coach and six ready to Night when 't is dark at the back Gate Bred. And I 'll get a Parson ready in my Lodging to which I have a Key through the Garden by which we may pass unseen Bea. Good Mun here 's Company Enter Gayman with his Hat with Money in 't Sir Cautious in a Rage Sir Feeble Lady Fulbank Leticia Captain Noysey Belmour Sir Cau. A hundred Pound lost already Oh Coxcomb old Coxcomb and a wise Coxcomb to turn Prodigal at my Years whe ' I was bewitch'd Sir Feeb. Sho 't was a Frolick Sir I have lost a hundred pound as well as you My Lady has lost and your Lady has lost and the rest what old Cows will kick sometimes what 's a hundred Pound Sir Cau. A hundred Pound why 't is a Sum Sir a Sum why what the Devil did I do with a Box and Dice L. Fulb. Why you made a shift to loose Sir And where 's the harm of that We have lost and he has won anon it may be your Fortune Sir Cau. Ay but he could never do it fairly that 's certain Three hundred Pound why how came you to win so ummercifully Sir Gay Oh the Devil will not loose a Gamester of me you see Sir Sir Cau. The Devil mark that Gentlemen Bea. The Rogue has damn'd Luck sure he has got a Fly Sir Cau. And can you have the Conscience to carry away all our Money Sir Gay Most assuredly unless you have the Courage to retrieve it I 'll set it at a Throw or any Way what say you Gentlemen Sir Feeb. Ods bobs you young Fellows are too hard for us every Way and I am engag'd at an old Game with a new Gamester here who will require all an old Mans Stock L. Fulb. Come Cousin will you venture a Guinny Come Mr. Bredwel Gay Well if no Body dare venture on me I 'll send away my Cash They all go to play at the Table but Sir Cau. Sir Feeb. and Gay Sir Cau. Hum must it all go a rare Sum if a Man were but sure the Devil wou'd but stand Neuter now Aside Sir I wish I had any thing but ready Money to stake three hundred Pound a fine Sum Gay You have Moveables Sir Goods Commodities Sir Cau. That 's all one Sir that 's Moneys worth Sir but if I had any thing that were worth nothing Gay You wou'd venture it I thank Iyou Sir I wou'd your Lady were worth nothing Sir Cau. Why so Sir Gay Then I wou'd set all this against that Nothing Sir Cau. What set it against my Wife Gay Wife Sir Ay your Wife Sir Cau. Hum my Wife against three hundred pounds What All my Wife Sir Gay All your Wife Why Sir some part of her wou'd serve my turn Sir Cau. Hum my Wife why if I shou'd loose he cou'd not have the Impudence to take her Aside Gay Well I find you are not for the Bargain and so I put up Sir Cau. Hold Sir why so hasty my Wife no put up your Money Sir what loose my Wife for three hundred pounds Gay Loose her Sir why she shall be never the worse for my wearing Sir the old covetous Rogue is considering on 't I think what say you to a Night I 'll set it to a Night there 's none need know it Sir Sir Cau. Hum a Night three hundred pounds for a Night why what a lavish Whore-master's this we take Money to marry our Wives but very seldom part with 'em and by the Bargain get Money for a Night say you gad if I shou'd take the Rogue at his word 't wou'd be a pure Jest. Aside Sir Feeb. You are not Mad Brother Sir Cau. No but I 'm wise and that 's as good let me consider Sir Feeb. What whether you shall be a Cuckold or not Sir Cau. Or loose three hundred pounds consider that a Cuckold why 't is a Word an empty Sound 't is Breath 't is Air 't is nothing but three hundred pounds Lord what will not three hundred pounds do You may chance to be a Cuckold for nothing Sir Sir Feeb. It may be so but she shall do 't discreetly then Sir Cau. Under favour you 'r an Ass Brother this is the discreetest
the Table Sir Feeb. Come come let 's in then Gentlemen and Ladys And share to day my Pleasures and Delight But Adds bobs they must be all mine own at Night The End of the first Act. ACT II. SCENE I. Gayman's Lodging Enter Gayman in a Night-Cap and an old CampaignCoat tyed about him Very melancholy Gay CUrse on my Birth Curse on my faithless fortune Curse on my Stars and curst be all but Love That dear that charming Sin tho t' have pull'd Innumerable Mischiefs on my Head I have not nor I cannot find Repentance for No let me dye despis'd upbraided poor Let Fortune Friends and all abandon me But let me hold thee thou soft smiling God Close to my Heart while Life continues there Till the last Pantings of my vital Blood May the last spark of Life and Fire be Love's Enter Rag. How now Rag what 's a Clock Rag. My Belly can inform you better than my Tongue Gay Why you gormandizing Vermine you what have you done with the Three-pence I gave you a Fortnight ago Rag. Alas Sir that 's all gone long since Gay You gutling Rascal you are enough to breed a Famine in a Land I have known some industrious Foot-men that have not only gotten their own Livings but a pretty Livelihood for their Masters too Rag. Ay till they came to the Gallows Sir Gay Very well Sirrah tâ—…se'y dy'd in an honourable Calling but hark'y ' Rag I have Business very earnest Business abroad this Evening now were you a Rascal of Docity you wou'd invent a way to get home my last Suit that was laid in Lavender with the Appurtenances thereunto belonging as Perriwig Cravat and so forth Rag Faith Master I must deal in the black Art then for no Humane Means will do 't and now I talk of the black Art Master try your Power once more with my Land-lady Gay Oh! Name her not the thought on 't turns my Stomach a Sight of her is a Vomit but he 's a bold Hero that dares venture on her for a Kiss and all beyond that sure is Hell it self yet there 's my last last Refuge and I must to this Wedding I know not what but something whispers me this Night I shall be happy and without Julia 't is impossible Rag. Julia whose that my Lady Fulbank Sir Gay Peace Sirrah and call a no Pox on't come back and yet yes call my fullsome Landlady Exit Rag. Sir Cautious knows me not by Name or Person And I will to this Wedding I 'm sure of seeing Julia there And what may come of that but here 's old Nasty coming I smell her up hah my dear Landlady Enter Rag and Land Quite out of Breath a Chair there for my Landlady Rag. Here 's ne'er a one Sir Land More of your Money and less of your Civility good Mr. Wastall Gay Dear Land-Lady Land Dear me no Dears Sir but let me have my Money Eight Weeks Rent last Friday Besides Taverns Ale-houses Chandlers Landeresses Scores and ready Money out of my Purse you know it Sir Gay Ay but your Husband does not speak softly Land My Husband What do you think to fright me with my Husband I 'd have you to know I am an honest Woman and care not this for my Husband Is this all the thanks I have for my Kindness for patching borrowing and shifting for you 't was but last Week I pawn'd my best Petticoat as I hope to wear it again it cost me six and twenty Shillings besides Making then this Morning my new Norwich Mantue follow'd and two postle Spoons I had the whole Dozen when you came first but they dropt and dropt till I had only Judas left for my Husband Gay Hear me good Landlady Land Then â—…'ve past my Word at the George-Tavern for forty Shillings for you ten Shillings at my Neighbour Squabs for Ale besides seven Shillings to Mother Suds for washing and do you fob me off with my Husband Gay Here Rag run and fetch her a Pint of Sack there 's no other way of quenching the Fire in her flaber Chops but my dear Landlady have a little Patience Exit Rag. Land Patience I scorn your Words Sir is this a place to trust in tell me of Patience that us'd to have my Money before Hand come come pay me quickly or old Gregory Grimes House shall be too hot to hold you Gay Is 't come to this can I not be heard Land No Sir you had good Cloaths when you came first but they dwind'ld dayly till they dwindl'd to this old Campaign with tan'd-colour'd Lining once red but now all Colours of the Rain-bow a Cloak to sculk in a-Nights and a pair of Piss-burn'd shammy Breeches Nay your very Badg of Manhood's gone too Gay How Landlady nay then i-Faith no Wonder if you rail so Land Your Silver Sword I mean transmogrified to this two-handed Basket Hilt this old Sir Guy of Warwick which will sell for nothing but old Iron In fine I 'll have my Money Sir or ifaith Alsatia shall not shelter you Enter Rag. Gay Well Landlady if we must part let 's drink at parting here Landlady here 's to the Fool that shall love you better then I have done Sighing drinks Land Rot your Wine d' e think to pacifie me with Wine Sir She refusing to drink he holds open her Jaws Rag throws a Glass of Wine into her Mouth What will you force me no give me another Glass I scorn to be so uncivill to be forc'd my Service to you Sir but this shan't do Sir She drinks he imbracing her sings Ah Cloris 't is in vain you scold Whilst your Eyes kindle such a Fire Your railing cannot make me cold So fast as they a Warmth inspire Land Well Sir you have no Reason to complain of my Eyes nor my Tongue neither if rightly understood weeps Gay I know you are the best of Landladys As such I drink your Health drinks But to upbraid a Man in Tribulation fie 't is not done like a Woman of Honour a Man that loves you too She drinks Land I am a little hasty sometimes but you know my good Nature Gay I do and therefore trust my little Wants with you I shall be rich again and then my dearest Landlady Land Wou'd this Wine might ne'er go through me if I wou'd not go as they say through Fire and Water by Night or by Day for you She drinks Gay And as this is Wine I do believe thee he drinks Land Well you have no Money in your Pocket now I 'll warrant you here here 's ten Shillings for you old Greg'ry knows not of Opens a great greasie Purse Gay I cannot in Conscience take it good Faith I cannot besides the next Quarrel you 'll hit me in the Teeth with it Land Nay pray no more of that forget it forget it I own I was to blame here Sir you shall take it Gay Ay but what shou'd I do with Money in these damn'd Breeches No
and take away our Wives So so my Cap Francis Bel. And do you think this Marriage lawful Sir Sir Feeb. Lawful it shall be when I 've had Livery and Seisin of her Body and that shall be presently Rogue quick besides this Belmour dares as well be hang'd as come into England Bel. If he gets his Pardon Sir Sir Feeb. Pardon no no I have took care for that for I have you must know got his Pardon already Bel. How Sir got his Pardon that 's some amends for robbing him of his Wife Sir Feeb. Hold honest Francis what dost think 't was in Kindness to him no you Fool I got his Pardon my self that no body else should have it so that if he gets any Body to speak to his Majesty for it his Majesty crys he has granted it but for want of my Appearance he 's defunct trust up hang'd Francis Bel. This is the most excellent Revenge I ever heard of Sir Feeb. Ay I learnt it of a great Politician of our Times Bel. But have you got his Pardon Sir Feeb. I 've don 't I 've don 't Pox on him it cost me five hundred pounds tho here 't is my Solicitor brought it me this Evening Gives it him Bel. This was a lucky Hit and if it scape me let me be hang'd by a Trick indeed Sir Feeb. So put it into my Cabinet safe Francis safe Bel. Safe I 'll warrant you Sir Sir Feeb. My Gown quick quick t'other Sleeve man so now my Night-Cap well I 'll in throw open my Gown to fright away the Women and jump into her Arms. Exit Sir Feeble Bel. He 's gone quickly Oh Love inspire me Enter a Footman Foot Sir my Master Sir Cautious Fulbank left his Watch on the little Parlor-Table to Night and bid me call for 't Bel. Hah the Bridegroom has it Sir who is just gone to Bed it shall be sent him in the Morning Fooâ—… 'T is â—…ery well Sir your Servant Exit Footman Bel. Let me see here is the Watch I took it up to keep for him but his sending has inspir'd me with a slidden Stratagem that will do better than Force to secure the poor trembling Leticia who I am sure is dying with her Fears Exit Bel. SCENE changes to the Bedchamber Leticia in an Undressing by the VVomen at the Table Enter to them Sir Feeble Fainwou'd Sir Feâ—… WHat 's here what 's here the prating Women still Ods bobs what not in Bed yet for shame of Love Leticia Let. For shame of Modesty Sir you wou'd not have me go to Bed before all this Company Sir Feeb. What the Women why they must see you laid 't is the Fashion Let. What with a Man I wou'd not for the World Oh Belmouâ—… where art thou with all thy promis'd Aid Dy. Nay Madam we shou'd see you laid indeed Let. First in my Grave Diana Sir Feeb. Ods bobs here 's a Compact amongst the Women High Treason against the Bridegroom therefore Ladies withdraw or adod Ill lock you all in Throws open his Gown they run all away he locks the Door So so now we 're alone Letioia off with this foolish Modesty and Night-Gown and slide into my Arms She runs from him H'e ' my little Puskin what fly me my Coy Daphne He pursues her Knocking Hah who 's that knocks who 's there Bel. 'T is I Sir 't is I open the Door presently Sir Feeb. Why what 's the matter is the House o-fire Bel. Worse Sir worse He opens the Door Belmour enters with the Watch in his hand Let. 'T is Belmour's Voyce Bel. Oh Sir do you know this Watch Sir Fâ—…b This Watch. Bel. Ayâ—… Sir this Watch Sir Feeb. This Watch why prethee why dost tell me of a Watch 〈◊〉 Sir Fulbank's Watch what then what a Pox dost trouble me with Watches Offers to put him out he returns Bel. 'T is indeed his Watch Shâ—… and by this Token he has sent for you to come immediately to his House Sir Sir Feeb. What a Devil art Mad Francis or is his Worship Mad or does he think me Mad go prethee tell him I 'll come to him to Morrow Goes to put him out Bel. To Morrow Sir why all our Throats may be cut before to Morrow Sir Feeb. What sayst thou Throats cut Bel. Why the City 's up in Arms Sir and all the Aldermen are met at Guild-Hall some damnable Plot Sir Sir Feeb. Hah Plot the Aldermen met at Guild-Hall hum why let 'em meet Vll not lose this Night to save the Nation Let. Wou'd you to bed Sir when the weighty Affairs of State require your Presence Sir Feeb. Hum met at Guild hall my Cloaths my Gown again Francis I 'll out out what upon my Wedding night no I 'll in Putting on his Gown pausing pulls it off again Let. For shame Sir shall the Reverend Council of the City debate without you Sir Feeb. Ay that 's true that 's true come truss again Francis truss again yet now I think on 't Francis prethee run thee to the Hall and tell 'em 't is my Wedding-Night d' ye see Francis and let fome body give my Voice for Bel. What Sir Sir Feeb. Adod I cannot tell up in Arms say you why let 'em sight Dog fight Bean mun I 'll to Bed go Let. And shall his Majesty's Service and his Safety lie unregarded for a slight Woman Sir Sir Feeb. Hum his Majesty come hast Francis I 'll away and call Ralph and the Footmen and bid 'em Arm each man shoulder his Musket and advance his Pike and bring my Artillery Implements quick and let 's away Pupsey bâ—…u'y Pupsey I 'll bring it a fine thing yet before Morning it may be let 's away I shall grow fond and forget the Business of the Nation come follow me Francis Exit Sir Feeble Belmour runs to Leticia Bel. Now my Leticia if thouâ—…e'r didst love If ever thou design'st to make me blest Without delay sly this Adulterous Bed Sir Feeb. Why Francis where are you â—…nave Sir Feeb. within Bel. I must be gone lest he suspect us I 'll loose him and return to thee immediately get thy self ready Let. I will not fail my Love Exit Belmour Old man forgive me thou the Agressor art Who rudely forc'd the Hand without the Heart She cannot from the Paths of Honour rave Whose Guide's Religion and whose End is Love Exit Scene changes to a wash-House or out-House Enter with Dark-lanthorn Bredwel disguis'd like a Devil leading Gayman Bred. Stay here till I give notice of your coming Exit Bredwel leaves his Dark-lanthorn Gay Kind Light a little of your Aid now must I be peeping tho my Curiosity should lose me all hah Zouns what 's here a Hovel or a Hog-sty hum see the Wickedness of Man that I should find no time to Swear in but just when I 'm in the Devils Clutches Enter Pert as an old Woman with a Staff Old Woman Good Even to you fair Sir Gay Ha desend me
Wedding-night a short Thanksgiving or so but Prayers quoth a ' Sbobs you 'll have time enough for that I doubt Let. I am asham'd to undress before you Sir go to Bed Sir Feeb. What was it asham'd to shew its little white Foot 's and its little round Bubbys well I 'll go I 'll go I cannot think on 't no I cannot Going towards the Bed Belmour comes forth from betmeâ—…n the Gurtains his Coat off his Shirt bloody a Dagger in his hand and his Disguise off Bel. Stand Sir Feeb. Hah Let. and Phil. squeak Oh Heavons why is it Belmour Aside to Phil. Bel. Go not to Bed I guard this Sacred Place And the Adulterer dies that enters here Sir Feeb. Oh why do I shake sure I 'm a Man what art thou Bel. I am the wrong'd the lost and murder'd Belmour Sir Feeb. O Lord it is the same I saw last Night oh hold thy dread Vengeance pity me and hear me oh a Parson a Parson what shall I do oh where shall I hide my self Bel. I' th' utmost Borders of the Earth I 'll find thee Seas shall not hide thee nor vast Mountains guard thee Even in the depth of Hell I 'll find thee out And lash thy filthy and Adulterous Soul Sir Feeb. Oh! I am dead I 'm dead will no Repentance save me 't was that young Eye that tempted me to sin oh Bel. See fair Seducer what thou 'st made me do Look on this bleeding Wound it reach'd my Heart To pluck my dear tormenting Image thence When News arriv'd that thou hadst broke thy Vow Sir Feeb. Oh Lord oh I 'm glad he 's dead tho Let. Oh hide that fatal Wound my tender Heart faints with a Sight so horrid seems to weep Sir Feeb. So she 'll clear her self and leave me in the Devil's Clutches Bel. You 've both offended Heav'n and must repent or dye Sir Feb. Ah I do confess I was an old Fool bewitcht with Beauty besotted with Love and do repent most heartily Bel. No you had rather yet go on in Sin Thou wou'dst live on and be a baffl'd Cuckold Sir Feeb. Oh not for the World Sir I am convinc'd and mortifi'd Bel. Maintain her fine undo thy Peace to please her and still be Cuckol'd on believe her trust her and be Cuckold still Sir Feeb. I see my Folly and my Ages Dotage and find the Devil was in me yet spare my Age ah spare me to repent Bel. If thou repent'st renounce her fly her sight Shun her bewitching Charms as thou wouldst Hell Those dark eternal Mansions of the dead Whither I must descend Sir Feeb. Oh wou'd he were gone Bel. Fly be gone depart vanish for ever from her to some more safe and innocent Apartment Sir Feeb. Oh that 's very hard He goes back trembling Belmour follows in with his Dagger up both go out Let. Blest be this kind Release and yet me-thinks it grieves me to consider how the poor Old man is frighted Belmour re-enters puts on his Coat Bel. He 's gone and lockt himself into his Chamber And now my dear Leticia let us flye Despair till now did my wild Heart invade But pitying Love has the rough Storm allayd Exeunt SCENE II. Sir Cautious his Garden Enter two Porters and Rag bearing Gayman in a Chest. Set it down he comes forth with a dark Lanthorn Gay SEt down the Chest behind yon' Hedge of Roses and then put on those Shapes I have appointed you and be sure you well-favourd'ly bang both Bearjest and Noysey since they have a Mind to see the Devil Rag. Oh Sir leave 'em to us for that and if we do not play the Devil with 'em we deserve they shou'd beat us But Sir we are in Sir Cautious his Garden will not he sue us for a Trespass Gay I 'll bear you out be ready at my Call Exeunt Let me see I have got no ready Stuff to banter with but no Matter any Giberish will ferve the Fools 't is now about the Hour of ten but Twelve is my appointed lucky Minute when all the Blessings that my Soul cou'd wish Shall be resign'd to me Enter Bredwel Hah who 's there Bredwel Bred. Oh are you come Sir and can you be so kind to a poor Youth to favour his Designs and bless his Days Gay Yes I am ready here with all my Devils both to secure you your Mistress and to cudgel your Captain and Squire for abusing me behind my Back so basely Bred. 'T was most unmanly Sir and they deserve it I wonder that they come not Gay How durst you trust her with him Bred. Because 't is dangerous to steal a City Heiress and let the Thest be his so the dear Maid be mine Hark sure they come Enter Bearjest runs against Bredwell Who 's there Mr. Bearjest Bear Whos 's that Ned Well I have brought my Mistress hast thou got a Parson ready and a License Bred. Ay ay but where 's the Lady Bea. In the Coach with the Captain at the Gate I came before to see if the Coast be clear Bred. Ay Sir but what shall we do here 's Mr. Gayman come on purpose to shew you the Devil as you desir'd Bea. Shoh a Pox of the Devil Man I can't intend to speak with him now Gay How Sir d' ye think my Devil of so little Quality to suffer an Affront unreveng'd Bear Sir I cry his Devilships Pardon I did not know his Quality I protest Sir I love and honour him but I am now just going to be married Sir and when that Ceremony's past I 'm ready to go to the Devil as soon as you please Gay I have told him your Desire of seeing him and shou'd you baffle him Bea. Who I Sir Pray let his Worship know I shall be proud of the Honour of his Acquaintance but Sir my Mistress and the Parson waits in Neds Chamber Gay If all the World wait Sir the Prince of Hell will stay for no Man Bred. Oh Sir rather then the Prince of the Infernals shall be affronted I 'll conduct the Lady up and entertain her till you come Sir Bea. Nay I have a great Mind to kiss his Paw Sir but I cou'd wish you 'd shew him me by Day-light Sir Gay The Prince of Darkness does abhor the Light But Sir I will for once allow your Friend the Captain to keep you Company Enter Noysey and Diana Bea. I 'm much oblig'd to you Sir oh Captain Talks to him Bred. Haste Dear the Parson waits To finish what the Pow'rs design'd above Dia. Sure nothing is so bold as Maids in Love They go out Noy Pshoh he conjure he can fly as soon Gay Gentlemen you must be sure to confine your selves to this Circle and have a Care you neither swear nor pray Bea. Pray Sir I dare say neither of us were ever that Way gifted A horrid Noise Gay Cease your Horror cease your Hast. And calmly as I saw you last Appear Appear By thy Pearls and
beruns out I am convinc'd last Night I was with Julia. Oh Sot insensible and dull Enter softly Sir Cautious Sir Cau. So the Gandle's out give me your Hand Leads him softly in SCENE Changes to a Bed-Chamber Lady Fulbank supposed in Bed Enter Sir Cautious and Gayman by Dark Sir Cau. Where are you my Dear Leads him to the Bed L. Fulb. Where shou'd I be in Bed what are you by Dark Sir Cau. Ay the Candle went out by Chance Gayman signs to him to he gone he makes grimaces as loath to go and Exit SCENE drâ—…ws over and represents another Room in the same House Enter Parson Diana and Pert drest in Diana's Cloaths Dia. I 'll swear Mrs. Pert you look very prettily in my Cloaths and since you Sir have convinc'd me that this innocent Deceit is not unlawful I am glad to be the Instrument of advancing Mrs. Pert to a Husband she already has so just a Claim to Par. Since she has so firm a Contract I pronounce it a lawful Marriage but hark they are coming sure Dia. Pull your Hoods down and keep your Face from the Light Diana runs out Enter Bearjest and Noysie disorder'd Bea. Madam I beg your Pardon I met with a most divellish Adventure your Pardon too Mr. Doctor for making you wait but the Business is this Sir I have a great Mind to lye with this young Gentlewoman to Night but she swears if I do the Parson of the Parish shall know it Pars. If I do Sir I shall keep Counsel Bea. And that 's civil Sir come lead the Way With such a Guide the Devil 's in 't if we can go astray SCENE changes to the Anti-chamber Enter Sir Cautious Sir Cau. NOw cannot I sleep But am as restless as a Merchant in stormy Weather that has ventur'd all his Wealth in one Bottom Woman is a leakey Vessel if she should like the Young Rogue now and they shou'd come to a right Understanding why then am I a Wital that 's all and shall be put in Print at Snow-hill with my Effigies o'th'top like the Sign of Cuckolds Haven hum they 'r damnable silent pray Heaven he have not murder'd her and rob'd her hum hark what s that a Noise he has broke his Covenant with me and shall forfeit the Money how loud they are Ay ay the Plots discover'd what shall I do Whythe Devil is not in her sure to be refractory now and peevish if she be I must pay my Money yet and that wou d be a damn'd thing sure they 're coming out I 'll retire and harken how 't is with them Retires Enter Lady Fulbank undrest Gayman half undrest upon his Knees following her holding her Gown L. Fulb. Oh! You unkind what have you made me do Unband me false Deceiver let me loose Sir Cau. Made her do so so 't is done I 'm glad of that Aside peeping Gay Can you be angry Julia Because I only seiz'd my Right of Love L. Fulb. And must my Honour be the Price of it Cou'd nothing but my Fame reward your Passion What make me a base Prostitute a foul Adulteress Oh be gone be gone dear Robber of my Quiet Weeping Sir Cau. Oh fearful Gay Oh! Calm your Rage and hear me if you are so You are an innocent Adulteress It was the feeble Husband you enjoy'd In cold Imagination and no more Shyly yon turn'd away faintly resign'd Sir Cau. Hum did she so Gay Till my Excess of Love betray'd the Cheat. Sir Cau. Ay ay that was my Fear L. Fulb. Away be gone I 'll never see you more Gay You may as well forbid the Sun to shine Not see you more Heavens I before ador'd you But now I rave And with my impatient Love A thousand mad and wild Desires are Burning I have discover'd now new Worlds of Charms And can no longer tamely love and suffer Sir Cau. So I have brought an old House upon my Head Intail'd Cuckoldom upon my self L. Fulb. I 'll hear no more Sir Cautious where 's my Husband Why have you left my Honour thus unguarded Sir Cau. Ay ay she 's well enough pleas'd I fear for all that Gay Base as he is 't was he expos'd this Treasure Like silly Indians barter'd thee for Trisles Sir Cau. Oh treacherous Villain L. Fulb. Hah my Husband do this Gay He by Love he was the kind Procurer Contriâ—…'d the Means and brought me to thy Bed L. Fulb. My Husband My wise Husband What Fondness in my Conduct had he seen To take so shameful and so base Revenge Gay None 't was filthy Avarice seduc'd him to 't L. Fulb. If he cou'd be so barbarous to expose me Cou'd you who lov'd me be so cruel too Gay What to possess thee when the Bliss was offer'd Possess thee too without a Crime to thee Charge not my Soul with so remiss a Flame So dull a Sense of Vertue to refuse it L. Fulb. I am convinc'd the Fault was all my Husbands And here I vow by all things Just and sacred To separate for ever from his Bed Kneels Sir Cau. Oh I am not able to indure it Hold oh hold my dear He kneels as she rises L. Fulb. Stand off I do abhor thee Sir Cau. With all my Soul but do not make rash Vows They break my very Heart regard my Reputation L. Fulb. Which you have had such Care of Sir already Rise 't is in vain you kneel Sir Cau No I 'll never rise again Alas Madam I was meerly drawn in I only thought to sport a Dye or so I had only an innocent Design to have discover'd whether this Gentleman had stol'n my Gold that so I might have hang'd him Gay A very Innocent Design indeed Sir Cau. Ay Sir that 's all as I 'm an honest man L. Fulb. I 've sworn nor are the Stars more fixt than I Enter Servant Serv. How my Lady and his Worship up Madam a Gentleman and a Lady below in a Coach knockâ—… me up and say they must speak with your Ladyship L. Fulb. This is strange bring 'em up Exit Servant Who can it be at this odd time of neither Night nor Day Enter Leticia Belmour and Phillis Let. Madam your Vertue Charity and Friendship to me has made me trespass on you for my Lives Security and beg you will protect me and my Husband Points at Belmourâ—… Sir Cau. So here 's another sad Catastrophe L. Fulb. Hah does Belmou live is 't possible Believe me Sir you ever had my Wishes And shall not fail of my Protection now Bel. I humbly thank your Lady ship Gay I 'm glad thou hast her Harry but doubt thou durst not own her nay dar'st not own thy self Bel. Yes Friend I have my Pardon But hark I think we are pursu'd already But now I fear no force A noise of some body coming in L. Fulb. However step into my Bed-chamber Exeunt Leticia Gayman and Phillis Enter Sir Feeble in an Antick manner Sir Feeb. Hell shall not hold thee