are gone out that were once kindled in me All the Fruit and Leaves and Boughs are stript from me there are all things to doe beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my Corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have It it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet Communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and Soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. IX I. I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesness under judgements fruitlesness under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulness of mine one wayes and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sins of unkindness to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy Mercies from me I have heard and read the great Mystery of my Redemption of his being Scourged and Crowned and Nailed of his Bleeding and Dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. X. Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my Soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch Evidences and signs from actions done many years since My prayers and other holy Duties were Matter of more joy when I did them than now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace Oh my lost Joyes and my lost Duties where I shall find you I know not the Joyes I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from prayer with a sad heart and a hard heart My prayers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy Motions and the Joyes of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me Why do I walk in this Valley of Tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my Soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but carnal tears and one great cause of my grief and part of my misery is that I can weep no more sometimes indeed tears stand in mine eyes when I consider these things Lord give me Faith O give me Faith I feel a deal of Atheism in my heart Mine heart is so full of Corruption of all kind and all Degrees that I can feel no bottom of this stinking Ditch Mine imagination is divers times a through-fare for Satans blasphemous thoughts which my Soul abhors I may even sit down and spend the remainder of my wicked life in weeping and wailing and wringing of my hands and tearing off the hairs of my head My sad Soul may say to my God Art thou quite gone from me have all my hopes of thee been as dreams and empty shadows unto me and hast thou shown me so much of heaven and wilt thou make hell more terrible and bitter to me Shall thy sweet Mercies be turned into the Gall of Aspes to me not only to be bitter but deadly I have cause I have cause Lord to mingle my drink with my tears to water my couch with weeping Thou art too great a God to be dallyed withall and what do I else As our dearest Friends though we never so much delighted in their company while they were living yet we are afraid to be alone with them they are a terrour to us after the Souls have left their Earthly Tabernacles So my prayers while they were living prayers were a great comfort to my poor soul but now my prayers are without life and my Supplications are dead they are a terrour to me they look gashly upon me and I upon them Meditat. XI My dear God thou art not moved with words if we had the tongue of Men and Angels if we could speak as never man spake if our hearts meant no more than they do what would our vain words do I am ever weary of my life because of my Corruptions I can go no where nor do any thing but my coruptions follow me and tire me even out of my patience O that I could weep over my prayers to see how dead they are which way to turn I know not I have prayed a thousand times for another heart and yet mine heart is as hard as a stone and so full of hypocrisie Lord shall I cast away my confidence and lay down my weapons and put off mine armour because my corruptions are so strong and impetuous and deaden my very soul But alass what am I weary of not of my sins but of the accusations of my conscience that will not let me alone blessed be thy Name that I am troubled that I do not live holily Lord mine heart is entangled in the snares of the world blessed Saviour thou which hast overcome the world deliver me from the cares and love of the world Alass what good do my tears do me Dost thou bottle up such tears such puddle water in thy bottles let the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee towards my poor soul. it is full of sin but my sin is my sorrow though my sorrow itself is sinful if thou standest as a stranger to me I must give over my self for lost then I may say farewell prayers better to say farewel then to add to my former sins a greater guilt by defiling my prayers that are as Chariots to carry out my soul into the bosome of God What am I to stand against corruption or temprations I am no more able to overcome nay to resist them than to remove Mountains I have sinned away my joyes and sinned away mine hopes and even my God if thy mercies be not greater and what remains for my poor soul to do but to sit down in sorrow and even to mourn until my Soul be heavy unto Death It had been better for me that I had not been one to shew the way to others Nay but Oh my God that is best
Worm nay a Viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of Providence and not shake thee off into Hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a Worm to death If we see an Adder or such a venomous Creature we go out of out way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sins and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out arms to imbrace thee Are not these Miracles of Mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatness of his Mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou had just cause to say also O my Soul The Mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are far greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be called the Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Son that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodness of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldest so regard him What am I that am the worst of men Why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my blood to the loathing of my person thou said'st unto me in my blood Live nay not only when I was weltering in my own Blood but in the Blood of Christ thou said'st unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those Mercies or what have I or can I do to require them As thy glorious Name so thy Metcies are extolled above all praises 2 Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellious for mâ— Mercies Hath God heaped upon me many glowings coals of love mercy and is my heart still â—ozen Must God on y be a looser by his blessings If mâ—n who is bound to do me good when iâ— lies in his power â—eâ—â—o vs a small coâ—rtesie on me how do I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one dayes food then I am now for a years Are his Mercies less because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prâ—ze them while we have them and thâ—â— there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction up 〈◊〉 us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful we have enjoyed it so â—ong and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the Mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his Mercies but this that we should love him with all our Heart Soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to Praise and thansgiving Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies Not love God not not praise God O my Soul why what could God require less at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sin he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalms the oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happiness of heaven I should find so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the Mercies and Love of God His Mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these Coâ—ls of Mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and prase of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the Mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickneth else Mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy Soul again and again awâ—ken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy â—outh and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no wâ—nt of mâ—ttâ—r and Motives of praise in the Truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what Truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwilingly from this Duty Meditat. III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2 Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors Sin and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they loathe God Zec. 11. 8. and God by his Prophet cryeth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God prosess his hatred of Sin if one should spit in a mans face or lay Toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as Sin is to God he hates it more then we hate hel how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare Dish of Meat which he loved
all Eternity maynifying admiring and adoring God that ever he gave thee leave and grace to serve him then shalt thou see and so thy experience shall make thee confess with joy and wonder that the light afflictions and labours of love that thou endurest in this life are not worthy to be compared to the joyes that shall be revealed in thee VVhen at any time thou beginnest to be weary look to the price of thine high calling and when thou comest to heaven thou shalt admire when thou seest how abundantly thou art over recompensed and thou wilt have just cause to say Lord what is this that thou hast done for me alas what were the things that I either did or suffered in thy service what were my filthy rags that thou shouldest give me such a Robe and Crown of Glory O my Soul what if we do weep now the time is at hand when God will wipe all tears from our eyes O my son these things cannot be believed and slighted and understood and neglected If thou dost not believe them what is the reason Are they too glorious things for God to bestow upon such wretched sinners why dost thou set bounds to the goodness of God and say Hitherto thou shalt go and no further nay doubtless since God hath said that he will do that which shall glorifie his goodness to his people the incredibility of it makes it more credible but if thou art convinced of the truth why art thou not affected with the Excellencies of these Joyes dost thou not relish them well For the time to come I will meditate more of these things I will by giving to the poor lay up my Treasures in Heaven I will part with such and such vain delights for it I will spend more time and communion with God in praising admiring and adoring of him that if it be possible by frequent performing of these Duties I may at last taste and relish the incomprehensible sweetness of them that I may be enamoured more of heaven and because all my endeavours are in vain if the Lord reveals not these things unto me therefore I will beg of God that he will discover the riches oâ— his goodness to me I have not been careful enough nor sensible enough of Sins of Omission when I have had no just thing to take up â—y thoughts yet I have not thought of thee henceforth when my heart is affected with thy Excellencies thy love thy mercies I will praise thee when it is not I will pray to thee that it may and for my master-Master-sin mine iniquity I will be most frequent in those duties that are most contrary to it I will especially in my reading of Scripture take notice of and write down those places and those examples that are most proper for the cure I will speak against my iniquity that if it may be I may thereby the more engage my self to leave it Meditat. VII Of the Excellencies of Christ. 1. BE convinced of and affected with the prefence of God 2. Desire of him who only can to manifest the Excellency of Christ unto thee Considerations 1. Consider that if the holiest man that ever lived lived near thee what high expectations wouldest thou have of his carriage and conference when thou sawest his zeal and patience c. But no man lived ever without Sinne Therefore suppose an Angel should take upon him humane Nature and live amongst us with what enflamed expressions and affections would he speak of God of Heaven and every thing that is Spiritual But alas his carriage his holiness his wisdom where as nothing in comparison of Christs For there was not any word or action that eyer Christ spoke or did that if all the Angels of heaven had studied and set down how it ought to have been done or they themselves should have been to have done it they could not have equalled it nay even God the Father had he taken our Nature he would not have spoke or done any word or thinÌ„g which should have had in respect of it self or any circumstance more holiness or wisdom then Christs words and actions had so that certainly in this respect he that saw Christ saw the Father as he himself saith 2. Consider the wonderful wisdom of Christ Certainly he was greater then Solomon For though he was the humblest man that ever lived yet he himself said so nor did it any more argue pride in Christ to say that he was wiser then Solomon then it would have argued in Solomon that he knew more then a New-born Babe VVhen his most malicious and cunning Adversaries came to eâ—snare him in his words so that they thought it were impossible for him to say I or No to their Questions without extraordinary prejudice to himself yet he Answered with such admirable wisdom and innocence that they went away ashamed of their Folly Nay when Satan himself came and set upon him with his subtilest Temptations that he could possibly find out yet our Saviour without Deliberation and Study immediately answered him so fully that he could not so much as reply but was fain to fly to another Temptation and no marvel for he was the Wisdom of the Father 3. Consider the wondeful and exceeding holiness of Christ when he was in the height of all his Agonies and Sufferings he abated not any thing of his Love and confidence in God For his Sufferings did not make him forget or diminish any thing no not in the least circumstance of his Graces or of any thing that the Law required at his hands To be so freely willing 〈…〉 that Agony continue which was unspeakable and as the Torments of hâ—ll â—f his Father pleased was more then if those in hell should freely submit to endure the Torments they suffer The holiness of those in heaven is not comparably so much greater then the weakest Saint on earth As the holiness of Christ was greater whilest he lived on earth then that of those in heaven Nay all the Saints on Earth are fil'd from his fulness For he is the Fountain that conveyes to his Saints as they are able to receive the infinite Ocean of the holiness of the God-head No marvel that the Angels when they saw his glory cryed out Holy Holy Lord God of Sabbaths 4. Consider that not withstanding all these infinite Excellencies in Christ he thought it no robbery to be equal to the Father yet how exceedingly did he humble himself and how gracious was he The poorest man or woman in the Word nay the greatest Sinner that truly repented with what love did he receive them He was the Son of Righteousness from whom the Angels receive their Glory and yet he disdains not to shine upon such Dunghills as we are It is strange O my soul to consider how willing Christ was to please every one only provided it was in things that were not for their hurt that desired them Many times nay most times when others were with him when he
of thy Spirit to blow upon a Garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy Free grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breath upon such a Dunghil as I am that sends forth such unisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my Salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thy everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me read thee Counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in Heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joyes of my Espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldest thou with-hold thy love the Manifestations of thy love Can thy love be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the Discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every Prayer to see thee come leaping on the Mountains and skipping upon the Hills as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not Why dost thou put a Spark of Love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy Mantle upon me and when I low after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then Wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small Sparks and relishes of thy Love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly Manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowing be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnal and Worldly Joyes undone Lord it is not my unworthiness that should hinder me nor will hinder me from bestowing Lord help my unbelief VVell Lord if I must walk in darkness and see no light yet give me thy Grace that I may stay my self upon my God My life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my Soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travel for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to find the fire at last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greatter is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilâ—st I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulness of thy Presence and Greatness of thy Manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my Prayers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I find thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my prayers and call lowder and yet my prayers are as the wind that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to suffer and thou didst suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sons of Men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is soon out it hath not substance enough to nourish and maintain what it begets For Creature-Excellencies are not strong enough to keep up the delight we take in them but thou Lord art love and thou art such a treasure of excellencies that the poor soul makes new discoveries of those treasures every day To all Eternity thou art enough to keep alive and in full strength all the love and joys and praises of Saints and Angels Lord thou art enough to answer thine own love but what am I that I should speak of thee thou art so glorious that I am afraid to speak of thee Meditat. XXXIV Lord I call and thou dost not answer I am even tired out if thou dost not support I sink under the burden I long and look to see thy beauty but I cannot behold nor perceive one glympse that thou art excellent I see by the eye of faith but excellencies do not affect me All my prayers are turned unto this Lord shew me Christ and him whom my soul loveth for I have heard of him and the same of his excellencies have come unto me yet mine eyes have not seen him I think with my self Surely Christ manifesting himself and to be filled with all the fulness of God and to have a conversation in Heaven must needs signifie more then ever I have experienced in my self For such poor things as I have found wrought in my soul cannot fill up those expressions Then I hear of those whose lives are spiritual and Christ-like not glorious in out ward mortifications Thou art blameless that way speaking of such things which God hath wrought for them and in them which I have not found but are the very same things which are in my view and I follow after to attain but cannot Then from their relation of the Lords dealings with them I perceive that God did humble them more before he did discover himself unto them then ever he hath as yet humbled me so that I find no rest day nor night in my spirit and yet though I am thus restless in seeking after something which I cannot know what is it I seek for I cannot discern any true sincere constant love to Christ. He neither lets me know that he lovesme nor that I love him so that I stand amazed and know not what
of Gods knowledge it self but thus that God is much more offended with us if our carriage and frame of heart be more irreverent and unholy in the time of prayer and Meditation then at such times as we are in the works of our particular calling 3. We may consider with our selves that Christ doth actually behold us especially in these duties of holiness for it is not the distance of place that doth hinder Christs knowledge and exact observing of us Little did Nathanael then think that Christ saw him under the Fig-tree Nathonael did not see Christ nor was he corporally present then yet Christ beheld Nathanael when he prayed so Christ beheld Stephen before the heavens were opened and the opening of the heavens was not that that thereby Christ might be enabled the better to behold Stephen but that Stephen might thereby be the better enabled to see that Christ looked on him without all controversie God knows and observes with what reverence faith love c. we pray for else our prayers would be in vain and our faith also vain for how could he give us according to our faith if he knew not how much our faith were If the inward frame of our hearts were not observed by him then an hypocrite that hath better expressions should get more by his prayers then a true Nathanael that hath a better heart 4. Suppose that thou hadst lived in Christs time or suppose that Christ were now in England consider with what joy reverence and confidence thou wouldest go to him for the pardon of thy sins or for any other mercy thou stoodest in need of Thou maist go so to him now his distance from thee in respect of corporal presence doth not make him less able to know thy wants or hear thy prayers nor his being now glorified makes him less willing to grant them then if it were bodily present in the room with thee in the form of a servant as he was once at Jerusalem the glory of Christ doth not hinder his love and goodness for Christ is the express Image of his Father and Gods Attributes do not not hinder one another The Majesty of God doth not set bounds unto his goodness and make that finite nor doth his goodness make his Majesty less glorious his goodness makes his Majesty more amiable and his Majesty makes his goodness more wonderful So neither doth the exaltation of Christ cause him to abate any thing of his goodness unto his people but if any way his Love be altered it is by being made more then it was and when Christ was upon earth you must have come to him by Faith or you could obtain no mercy from him and by faith though he be in heaven you may obtain any mercy now You may consider any one or two or more of these considerations until your heart be so convinced of and affected with the presence of God that you may thereby be the better fitted for the carrying on the duty of Meditation more effectually CHAP. VIII Concerning the Preparatory Prayer that is to be used before Meditation THE next Preparatory consideration is Prayer and it is to be performed in these words or to like purpose Lord my design in this Duty of Meditation is not to be an hour sequestred from Worldly Employments for that were to be idle an Hour and to encrease my Sinnes not my Graces but my Business at this time is to be so convinced and affected with those spiritual Truths revealed in thy Word that I may fully resolve by thy strenghth and power to reform my Life because I can neither understand the things that belong to my peace nor understanding them be convinced of the certainty and truth of them Nay Lord though my understanding be enlightned yet without thee mine affections cannot be enflamed I can neither know resolve nor perform what is good without thee for from thee comes both the will and the deed of thy good pleasure I beseech thee Lord that thou wouldest give me thy grace to make conscience of performing this duty with my whole strength and not carelesly and perfunctorily And Lord do thou enlighten me with and convince me of thy Truths and so affect my heart with the love of holiness and hatred of sin c. that I may thereby be enabled fully firmly notwithstanding all the opposition that the flesh world or devil can make to run the wayes of thy Commandements with joy and with speed and when thou hast wrought in me the will so to do give me also the deed and that I may not trust to the strength of my resolutions but to the continual gracious assistance of thy Spirit for the performance of those things that through thee I shall resolve to do Holy and blessed God Christ hath sent me wishing me to come to thee in his Name for any mercies I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts Learning or by the strength of Grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own Souls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more Sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the Air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be Eclipsed then to say though our Hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his Love we shall do well enough by our own strength for at the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but Fewel Matter to Meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not count it a Burthen but a Mercy and Priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwayes to draw strength from him CHAP. IX Several Rules for managing the Duty of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of meditation being the affecting of our heart and resorming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversial and doubtful For the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much less should our considerations be Curious and Nice Speculations or if we choose any
Discourse and said Well by the blessing of God I will never swear more and though he was a common Swearer before he was never since heard to swear one Oath to this day 2. Let thy Resolutions be for the time present not for the future Do not say Well I do intend to leave my drinking but for the present I am engaged in such a meeting and for that time I will do as I have done but after that I will think of it and take some order for the mending of it This is but one of Satans wiles whereby he cosoneth thee of the whole life by dayes which he could not do by years If Satan should say unto thee Thou shalâ— never repent never leave thy drunkenness it may be it would startle thee and he would be in danger of getting nothing of thee by asking so much but he tempting thee only to let it alone this week and afterwards for a week longer c. he obtains the same thing at several times which he could not obtain at once 3. The third Rule Let thy resolutions be not only against thy sin but against the means occasions and temptations to it for it is better to discern Satan if it may be then to put a Sword in his hand and say thou canst well enough defend thy self against him This is Solomons advice He doth not say to him that would fly Adultery You may talk with a Harlot but Be not inticed by her words to uncleanness he will not give thee leave to go into her house or so much as by her door Pro. 5. 8. So when he diswadeth the Drunkard from drunkenness he wisheth him not so much as to look upon the Wine For as the beauty of a Harlot so the colour of Wine will enflame our desires after it Prov. 23. 31. after this manner did Job resolve I have made a covenant with my eyes that I will not look upon a woman and he resolved not onely against the sin it self but against the beginnings and temptations to the sin Job 31. 1. and God forbidding the Nazarites Wine forbad them to eat Grapes least by that they should be enticed to drink Wine Now that I may press this Rule I shall answer an Objection which generally wicked men are subject to make as thus When we perswade a Drunkard that he would leave his Drunkenness that he would for two or three Moneths resolve not to go into a Tavern or an Ale house he cries out of preciseness and saith What do you count it a sin to drink in Tavern or Ale-house I answer therefore 1. That when our hearts are affected with the sinfulness of sin and wrought up to a hatred of it we do as when we exceedingly hate any man we avoid all those places where we are likely to meet him I may bid such an one ask God why he forbids the adulterer to walk by the doors of the Harlot May he not say Why she lives in a street and as honest and godly men walk that way as in any other place in the City 2. Consider that Licitis perimus omnes is a good saying we generally perish by lawful things for in things that are unlawful we are generally more watchful 3. Know this that though to be tempted be not a sin yet when we have found by experience that going to a Tavern c. hath been a Snare and temptation that hath generally prevailed over us then to be tempted with such a temptation is a sin though one yields not because by going into temptation which we need not we sin for if one shall say I resolve that though I do speak with the Harlot I will not consent though thou dost so and resisteth all her Enticements thou sinnest notwithstanding for thou plainly breakest the Command Pro. 5. 8. 5. But suppose that it were lawful for thee to drink Wine in a Tavern that thou hast been so often ensnared by it yet one effect of true repentance is an holy revenge by debarring our selves those things which are lawful taking Gods part against our selves 2 Cor. 7 11. 6. Consider that if thy hatred of sin and love of God be not strong enough to stop thee from the beginnings and keep thee from the occasions of sin how canst thou expect that it should keep thee from committing the Sinne it self when it hath got some advantage over thee He that cannot stop himself at first will much less when he hath rolled down a steep hil half way be able to stop himself for then he falls with more violence and the same strength to hold will not serve then which would at first therefore I shall continue the advice to resolve not only against the sin but against the occasion c. But I must give you one Caution that though you finde your heart never so much resolving against and abhorring of any sin yet take heed that you build not upon the strength of resolutions but beg of God that he would enable you by his strength and that as he hath given you the will so he would give you the deed also It was well observed by one as follows In effect it is true that we do understand many things by experience which we should not understand by knowledge as this I having oftentimes determined to do many things the one more pious holy and Christian then another and having seen for the most part the issue and effect to be quite contrary to what I determined and on the contrary observing that other pious and Christian things were done by me without my praedetermination or forecast I stood as it were confounded in my self not understanding in what this secret did consist I did not wonder that in things which I determined as a man the contrary should come to pass of that which I would but I did wonder that in the things which I determined as a Christian the same should befall me and finding my self in this Confusion it came to pass that I read that Resolution of Saint Peter Though I should die with thee yet will I not deny thee and considering that though the Resolution was pious holy and Christian the contrary of that which he resolved befel him I understand that my determinations had not their issue and effect according to my desire because I did not well consider mine own utter disability to perform any holy and good work So that I understood by experince that although God punished my inconsiderateness in not suffering that to come to pass which I intended yet on the other side he satisfied my general desire of doing good by suffering that to came to pass which I did not procure nor hope nor pretend unto whence I have gathered that the will of God is that I should depend on him in such manner that I should determine or propound nothing without holding him before mine eyes shewing unto him my good will and referring unto him the issue and success of my
desires and endeavours CHAP. XII Directions for Vows NOw because Vows do very frequently especially in young beginners follow upon resolutions and because that very many pious and religious persons have been ensnared by rash Vows and after Vows it is not fit to make enquiry therefore I shall set down some Cautions of and Directions for Vows 1. As we have said concerning Resolutions let your Vows be rather against the occasions of sinne then against sin it self 2. When the subject of your Vows is of things indifferent in themselves 1. Take heed of making any perpetual Vow for the reason why you make any Vows against any indifferent thing as in drinking Wine c. It is because then it was a snare unto you but in process of time it may cease to be a snare unto you nay it may be a very great Snare and occasion Sickness or death not to drink it as in some cases hath happened 2. Let all Vows concerning indifferent things be Conditional and let these two constantly be two of the Conditions First That you will abstain from such a thing or do such a thing unless you shall be otherwise advised by some godly Minister or private Christian. I knew a Religious woman that had Vowed to Read many Chapters every day when she was unmarried she made this Vow but afterwards in the time of her lying in and other Weaknesses the Chapters were so many that the did much endanger the losse of her sight and the neglect of all other duties when her poverty and family grew great Now had she added this Caution to her Vow she might have been delivered out of that snare and though it be true that in many cases a Vow may be dispensed withall when we cannot keep it without sin as in this case one hath vowed a weekly secret Fast ones Health or Child with which one goes will certainly be destroyed by it yet if it be but an inconvenience though a very great one it will not release one from ones Vow Now the reason why I add that condition unless some Minister or for want thereof some other godly Christian shall otherwise advise is because the several cases that may happen are so various that it is impossible to specifie them all or think of them all and very difficult to judge of them all when we make the Vow And moreover if we should leave it to our selves we should be too partial for as when our Consciences are much touched for our sins we are subject to be too violent in our spiritual revenge so in a little time when that pang is over we are subject to be too indulgent to our selves therefore it is better to say thus Lord I do vow unto thee that I will keep every week a day of Humiliation or that I will not drink any Wine this three moneths next following unless some such occasion shall be That if it had then been or then thought of when I made my Vow that such or such or some other godly Minister would had I consulted with him then wisht me not to make that Vow then to say I will do this or that unless some such occasion be that were the Vow to be made again I would not make it 2. Add this Caution viz. If I remember it I will not drink Wine this moneth the reason is because if you drink Wine though you did not think of it you sin if your Vow be absolute but if it be with that condition it is not a sin and yet by adding that condition we give our selves no liberty since it is not in our power to forget it The next Caution concerning Vows in indifferent things is this add a penalty upon the breach of your Vow which penalty is not added by way of hope of Satisfaction that 's gross ignorance and Superstition but it must needs run thus I will spend half an hour an hour a day in Prayer for the Church to the end of this moneth or else give so much to the poor and in such a case if we do either we sin not the reason why we should add a penalty to it because some inconveniencies may be so great that it would bring some very great mischief upon us and then we have liberty to take the other part of the Vow viz. And now this penalty must 1. Not be two light and trivial but it must be of such consequence that it may be a Tye upon us and yet not of so great weight as if it should happen it might prove some great inconvenience to us For a rich man to say he will give 6 d. to the poor is not considerable and yet the same may be to heavy a Burthen for one that is very poor to give The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwayes of something that is Materially good as giving to the Poor spending some time in reading of Scripture for as for Popish Penances as whipping Pilgrimages and such like they are unprofitable and ridiculous The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwaies some holy Duty that is most contrary to thy Master sin as if thy Master sin be Covetousness let it be Alms if it be voluptuousness let it be fasting with prayer or abstaining wholly for a time from that wherein thou most delightest c. The next Rule is Let your vows be rather against the outward then the inward acts of sin rather against speaking angrily then being angry for though inward acts of sin are worse yet they are not so much in our power The next Rule is if your vows are concerning doing holy duties it is better to vow to spend some time in reading holy Scripture or such like then to read so many Chapters for thou wilt be tempted to read them over too fast that thou maist have ended whereas if it be so much time that thou hast resolved to spend thou wilt not be so subject to this temptation CHAP. XIII Rules for the concluding of Meditation 1. THou art earnestly to beg of God strength to perform whatever thou hast resolved to do in his service This must be done fexvently though briefly and humbly proceeding from an earnest desire to do what thou hast promised and resolved and also from an humble sense of thine ability to perform it 2. The second Duty is Thanksgiving if thou shalt perceive any heavenly warmth of love or Spiritual hatred of sin or any other Spiritual effect wrought in thy heart thou art to give God the glory and not to rejoyce in thy self but in the Lord but thou art to rejoyce with trembling knowing that if thou art puft up though thou hast the will to do good wrought in thee yet if thou provokest him he can stop it that thou shalt never be able to do what thou resolvest to do The first is an humble acknowledgement of our failings in the performing of this duty For if we were not green wood that love which is now but a
our selves of the Scope of the words that so we may the more fully understand their drift and aim and we are not to let the truth pass until we have by effections examination or resolution some wayes advantaged our selves in the most holy Faith or some wayes else benefitted our souls by a general view taken of the words of the Text we may see the abundant sweetness and fragrancy of the Word of God as we do the odour of flowers by senting them Now Meditation draweth forth the Honey of the Flowers into our bowels and nourisheth us thereby the beauty and Odour of Flowers are very delightful but they nourish not so bare understanding of the words themselves do rather delight then profit us and if we go no further it is but so much on in order to Solemn Divine Meditation I look upon it as one of the greatest sins of the Professors of England That the reading studying and meditating upon Scripture is so much neglected hence people grow not in knowledge I have writ the great things of my Law and they are strange things unto you saith God Hos. 8. 12. Doth any man let the Letters of his friends lye by him and never read them If Lawvers should never read Law Books but have them in their Studies it would be very absurd how wonderful would they be to seek in the resolving of case if upon the thousand part so good grounds as we have that the Scripture is the Word of God we should hear of some Prophecy from God setting down what would be the doom of England and all these publick Transactions would not every one be industruous to get it and read it We have a more sure word of Prophecy and that which teacheth of matters of far greater concernment then the temporal welfare of this Nation and yet it lyeth by us as a thing forgotten The Rules for Meditating upon the Scripture are either those which highly concern the matter of Meditations or the right Manner of them For the right Manner of our Meditations let it be with all Reverence and Humility and sense of Gods Majesty upon our Spirits and how utterly unable we be to understand the VVord of God without the Spirit of God if any one in the pride of his heart shall think by the strength of his Gifts and Parts Savingly to understand the Mysteries of Salvation he will find himself quite mistaken For as God sendeth the Rich empty away so he will send the Wise and the Prudent ignorant away It seemeth a strange carriage in Christ to rejoyce in the Spirit that God had hidden the Mysteries of the Gospel from the Wise and Prudent It is wonderfull Arrogance for any one to think he can know God without his leave whether he will or no or think to see God by any Light but by his own He may as well see the Sun without the Sun one put a question why Christ came not as Moses or as a Prince but in the form of a Servant nor as John the Baptist in an outward austear way but came eating and drinking he was answered among many other things especially for this that he might deceive the reason of man For had he come in the outward Form and Manner of a Prince then humane reason might have something to build upon that he was the Messias Outward Mortification is in high esteem with the World but inward Mortification and to be inwardly holy without proclamation is most sincere The second thing for the manner of your Meditation if you would meditate aright is to come with an indifferent mind and take heed of bringing the Creature to your mind but bring your mind to the Scripture and hear what the Lord will say unto you Thirdly Let your Meditations upon Scripture be very serious we are to know God as well as to love him with all our mind strength We may do the things of the World well enough and yet mingle many thoughts of God with our worldly Employments but we cannot mingle the things of God and the World together Fourthly Let the end of your Meditations be to raise holy affections and to have stronger resolutions for God then ever you had before not only to know more of but that we may have a greater love to God or else 't is not Meditation but study CHAP. XV. Several Rules for the Subject of our Spiritual Meditation 1. THe first Rule to be observed in the choice of a Subject for your Meditation is this viz To choose those places of Scripture to meditate upon as are most suitable to your Master Sin as if your Master Sin be Pride choose those Scriptures to Meditate upon which is most in speaking against Pride and set down Gods hatred and Detestation of it or his severe Judgements executed upon it And all his Threatnings against it as you may see in several places that set down the Evil Nature or Effects of it and so of any other Sinne that is not thy Master Sinne for it is of great concernment and a sure sign of Sincerity to keep our selves from our own iniquity Thus you find David speaking of himself that he kept himself from his own iniquity Psal. 18 23. 2. Meditate upon those Scriptures which you find suitable to the dispensation of Gods Providences as when the Church is in danger of persecution Then meditate upon those Scriptures which either command you to have or do commend the Saints of God for having a sence of the Saints sufferings upon their Spirits set down the places that make Promises to those that are sensible of the sufferings of the Saints and also those places that do set out Gods love to his people and promises of support and deliverance to them in the time of their adversity meditate also upon the Histories of Gods deliverance of his people in their great straights and also of the way and Method of his deliverance of those Prayers also that prevaileth with God for their deliverance in such cases 3. Meditate upon those Scriptures which are suitable to mens personal providences as if thou art rich then meditate upon those Scriptures that set down the danger and the duty of the rich If thou art afflicted with sickness poverty or disgrace imprisonment meditate upon those places which set down thy Duty in those Conditions and those Promises that set down comfort for thee in those conditions Meditate upon those Scriptures which set down the carriage of Saints in thy Condition and how God supported them and at last Delivered them 4. Let your Meditation be upon Scriptures suitable to your Temptation As if you are tempted to uncleanness as Joseph was then meditate upon those Scriptures which speak against uncleanness It is fit to meditate of the hainousness of sin in such cases and not of those Scriptures that may increase your Temptations but of those that may remove them as a person under Desertion is not to meditate of those Scriptures
which do speak of the sinfulness of sin or of the Majesty of God and his terrible Wrath executing judgements upon sinners all which serve rather to terrifie a poor drooping Soul then to comfort it but let him rather Meditate upon those Scriptures which do speak of the merciful nature of God of the full satifaction of Christ and of his great love to poor sinners as to Paul Manasses Mary Magdalen and some such other great sinners whom God hath pardoned 5. Let your meditations be suitable to the Ordinances that you are to be made partakers of as if you are to receive the Sacrament Then meditate upon your preparatory concomitant and subsequent duties Meditate upon the love of God the Father upon the love of God the Son Jesus Christ consider the excellency of his person the greatness of his sufferings and how valid they be to the satisfaction of Gods Justice and so likewise to consider of the excellency nature and use of the Sacrament So if thou hast a Child to be baptized consider the Duties and promises of belonging to that Ordinance the Duties thereof belonging to thee for the present but to the Child for the future 6. The Scripture is not to be meditated on as it is to be read There is no part of the Scripture but what is to be read by us but there is a great deal of Scripture which cannot be a fit Suject for us to meditate upon but such as I shall mention though there be many parts of Scripture besides which may be fit proper Subjects for us to meditate upon but these most especially as the Psalms of David many Chapters of the Proverbs of Solomon some choice places of the Canticles most of the Holy Gospels and most of the Epistles Something of the Revelation and then all promises in general and that for two Reasons The one is because the Promises themselves put us upon the Duty and then the promises bring Comfort Far be it from us to despise the Consolations of our heavenly Lord Meditate also upon the holy and blessed Commands of God and the Examples of Saints and let this be your Meditation to say thus within your selves Why should Abraham love God or David love God more then I Why should the Angels love God more then I God hath forgiven me thousands of Iniquities and transgressions but never forgave the Angels one When thou readest holy Examples of the Old Testament you may see that not only such and such things are feasible but that with far less help it was done then now we in these Gospel times have to do it with 7. Let Christ be very much the Subject of your Meditation when I consider the whole business of the worship of God from the beginning of the World to Christ and how God doth acquiesse in Christ and that the highest Angels desire to know him I fully conclude that Christ is wonderfully worththy to take up our thoughts our chiefest love and our greatest joy so that the question will not be whether Christ be worthy of our love but rather whether our love be worthy of Christ and as the other so this is unquestionable and of doubt that it is not Instances OF Solemn Divine MEDITATION Meditation I. ALas my God I am in a sad condition mine afflictions grow daily upon me and that which is mine unsupportable misery my corruptions grow faster upon me then my affliction What before made me weep will not now make me sigh The heavy burthen of a great abomination doth not lie upon me so much as before I was oppressed with a vain thought in my prayers Alas Lord alas I am undone alas my Corruptions have almost made me love them and make me weary of Duties and careless of Graces My joyes are gone and my sorrows are gone that were suitable to thy Word and now my joys are but the laughter of Fools and my sorrows are Carnal Sensual and more of Hell in them then of Heaven and as now I can scarce tel my sorrows so have I scarce any sorrow to tell I have sate down and wept to consider the great decayes of holiness in me but now I can see my God going from me and when as now he is even out of sight mine eyes are as dry as my heart is hard Alas Lord if thou wilt not return thou wilt lose a poor Soul that hath loved thee and is somewhat troubled Now poorsad Soul that it is so wicked as it is Meditat. II. Lord thou seest the strange distempered temper of mine heart and Spirit ah blessed God I should take more comfort if I should see my heart-blood running forth before mine eye then to see mine eyes so dry and my heart so hard I have worn out almost all Motives to holiness they now take no impression in me which before were too strong for me to bear they ravisht me which now do not move me I scarce ever go to Prayer but I have enough and too many Spiritual complaints to employ it to express If every day I had not just cause to bewail a continued decay of Grace I might have some respite of my griefs But what shall I now do VVhen every day shall bear witness against me and every night my sin shall go to bed with me and lie in my bosome and rise in the morning more strong then at night Ah when my former holy life shall be more terrible then others wicked lives when my former prayers shall be like the Gall of Asps unto me VVhen those Duties which should be my comfort are my terrour Alas what can my poor Soul do when my present sins and my past duties which of them are the heaviest burthen unto me I do not know what shall I do When I consider these things then the thoughts of the affliction that lies upon me makes me weep a tear or two and my vain heart my deceitful heart would perswade me that I weep for my sins Those in desertion are in a blessed condition to me they are sad and I am miserable I am guilty of that which their Consciences do but accuse them off Alas have I my communion with God my sweet Communion and the power I had to prevail with him for any mercy almost that I prayed for now I can pray and pray and pray and go away without a blessing I can almost be content to be wicked Thou knowest mine heart or else my tears would deceive thee as well as me If they are worldly thoughts that have estranged me from thee thou knowest how to cure me if mine utter impoverishings will cure me let me be as poor Job if thou wast not such a Physician as thou art I was past cure Meditat. III. Lord I am come now to power out my soul before thee and my tears in thy bosome to tell thee the sad thoughts and sorrows of my heart Ah my God in this bitterness of my Soul and with tears in mine eyes and pride
that I must say if God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me Oh that my heart was ravisht with his love Oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who dyed for the love of me Oh that I could not be stayed but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pittiful as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy word hath made known to us of him I read not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever begged any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in Heaven makes thee not less like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee to give me thy poor hard-hearted servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine heart my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend hath he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a careless temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much ado to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the sudden my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joyes of thy Spirit but with worldly business or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VII To confess my sins without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetness of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant withme and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good if the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alass my hear is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sin brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the silthiness that is in fin thy blessings are more lovely in my eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thouart the father of mercies Oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. VIII Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest Cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sin nor doth the Sacrament of the body and blood of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears if my fears and griefs were not Carnal would they were more but my Carnal joyes eat out my Spiritual grief and my joyes also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my Soul Go cast thy self into the arms and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maiest be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-blood upon thy poor soul for his hear boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh infidelity thou art the poyson of my Soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mâ—ne heart and keep'st it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to believe Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ Oh love me so much as to give me saith to believe it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first Principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames
man what injury soever he doth me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my Tongue And that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next Communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I read the Story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those dayes that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yield to the abominable Idolatry and Superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is less trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects For I chose Martyrdom not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption if I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not Charity it would profit nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate and fight against his corruptions Alas O my Soul how weary are we of our Spiritual Fight and we would fain find some other way to Heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the World yet while we know something better we shal not think so We talk much of the Vanity of the World but who believes that the World is Vanity and vexation of Spirit Or who is sensible of this Truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon wanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saints Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldest do it for me take my Soul and my Body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last Day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand Worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the Tongue and writ with the Pen of Men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand Worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my Estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little Spiritual or Experimental To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their Seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know that I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldom My dear God deliver me from the business of the World Suits of Law and such things they undo me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my dayes are turned into the shadow of Death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickedness I have committed against thee makes me not able to believe almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and less against thee I shall easilier believe thy loves or rather when thy Spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and Mourn and Weep over my poor Soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let My Tears prevail with thee Pity pity have pity upon a poor languishing Soul that is even gasping out his last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in Hell and by thy Mercy I may never come thither but I am running thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for Mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitableness of my Spirit to them and mine unthankfulness for them brings more sadness upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporal Mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my business I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my poor heart is the same still and is as hard and as stony not willing to yield it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy Mercy Medit. XXXI Accept of my poor prayers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and cold and my Desires shall be known and thy goodness shall be admired in hearing such prayers as mine are For the light of thy Countenance to shine upon and the Breathings
to do and still by the help of God I will not cease to cry and call upon him for whom my soul I doubt not but would love if he discover his beauties and love unto me and work them on my heart I seek for one who I cannot tell who he is before I find him then I shall know and shall tell to all who he is and set forth his excellencies though they shall as little understand me a I do them who declare the things that God hath wrought for them Medit. XXXV There is not such an one in the world as I am that I know Publicans and harlots I justifie them I in the midst of ordinanees and mercies in the midst of the flames of love nay when thou layest on me that affliction that is now fresh bleeding in mine eyes or rather despised and forgotten I should have learnt obedience by things I suffered and I have done as if I were to learn to sin by them Thou hast chastised me with rods and I have put the sting of sin into them and have made them scorpions Thou sendest them for Antidotes and I have turned them into poyson Lord teach me what it is wherein thou art so offended to leave me thus Lord I believe thou hast pardoned me but small is my comfort when thou pardonest sin but subduest it not Meditat. XXXVI Lord I do so evidently find my self unable to judge of truths or to resist temptations that I almost nay altogether lye at the mercy of every temptation and to be carried about with the wind of every vain doctrine if thou dost not stand by me what should I tell thee the secret puddle of my heart I am weary of the stench and filthiness of it there is not a prayer but they meet me at it and lye as a talent of lead upon me if my heart were all on fire with thy love these things could not be I sometimes have thoughts rising in my heart that are wicked proud and foolish thoughts I begin to be offended that I begging for the manifestations of thy love yet have them not but those thoughts no sooner begin to arise but I consider what am I that thou shouldest give me thy love sand how can I expect the manifestations of thy love when I will not give thee my love but let it run wast upon the creature How many times do I chuse to do anything rather then spend my time in Meditation and Prayer nay to do nothing and be idle for although thou lovest us first yet thou dost not usually discover thy thoughts of love to a Soul before she hath made over her love and her self unto thee then I think thou canst by the power of thy Spirit bring in my heart my Soul and my love and that usually ere thou dost ravish the soul with the discoveries of thy love this I know and let all the world know it that whatsoever wicked thoughts do arise in my weak heart which I cannot answer I know that all thy wayes are holy just and good Lord what shall I give for the sheddings abroad of love in my heart that which should be given for it were it at the utmost parts of the world I could fetch it thence But Lord the price of it already paid 't is near unto thee even at thy right hand O thou most High he hath paid for this Mercy by his blood long ago and my Prayers thou requirest not as a price Lord fill me with these Spiritual Supplications that I may give thee no rest nor take any rest my self until I have found him whom my soul loveth Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXVII O Lord beat me and drive me with storms and Tempests I am come unto thee like the Prodigal Son for all but that which most of all I should have a Spiritual Sorrow ragged and tatter'd and undone My Sins and Misery are like his not my sorrow For me to see my self languishing my Graces daily grow weaker my love colder and even almost to be speechless in prayer Alas the Sorrow that I have is rather bewailing my Misery then my Sin I know not what it is Lord but thou dost Sure I am my condition is sad and I am sad and my sadness is all the poor remains of Comfort that I have and yet I no sooner begin to take any comfort in my grief but I perceive so much hypocrisie in my Grief that the poor Spark of Comfort that I have is put out Alas Tears of Blood were fitter for me then dry eyes O Lord must every trifle steal away my heart from thee Thine Excellencies are too high for me Wisdom is too high for Fools O that thou wouldest take me out of my own hands and deliver me from my self and howsoever my heart is not importunate enough now I shall thank and praise thee to all Eternity if thou wilt make me thine Thou hast done as much to draw me with the Cords of love even to wonder Lord do thou snatch me as a Fire brand out of the firâ— if thou shouldst stay till I am willing without thy making me so I am lost For I shall never part with these painted Vanities for all the glory in heaven except thou givest me the eye of Faith to see it and a Spiritual palat to relish it Meditat. XXXVIII O Lord wilt thou let a poor sinner lie gasping out his last breath at thy feet and die in thine arms I have aboundance of love for the world O that thou hadst it all I am sure I am not and shall never be at quiet untill thou hast it nor would I sleep until I am in thine arms of love My dearest God how comes it to pass that my heart cannot give it self to whom it will Had I a thousand worlds I would give all for thee that I might be thine O my soul why should we stand consulting and contriving what to do God is ten thousand times more then all things Why should we weigh a Talent of Lead and a Feather together to see which is heaviest O Lord My soul hath chosen thee long ago I have abundance of experience of the Truth of those things which I have believed I am thine and thou art my God Thou hast chosen me and I have chosen thee Is I should be so vain at any time as to leave thee thou art the same and thy choice fails not Thou Lord which mad'st me chuse thee whilest I had no experience of thy love wilt make me continue my choice Lord that any one should choose hell beforâ— thee It makes thee not to be less glorious Lord must my Blasphemies praise thee I find so much hell in my heart that it is not troubled in any proportionable Measure that there is so much hell in it When I set apart an hour for Meditation and Prayer then I kept my heart somewhat close But at other times I am little careful to improve what I read
O my Soul how comes it to pass that we thought of these things no sooner 'T is a strange thing that our hearts and the world should so far deceive us that we should prefer every trifling thing before that which concerns us more then ten thousand worlds we have served the world which was not made but to serve us 1. Abhor thy life past Well I am resolved to leave you ye vain and sinful pleasures I will no longer dote upon you you have but too long bewitcht my soul. I might have had a thousand holy thoughts and prayers and Treasures of Alms laid up for Eternity which I am sure I should not have repented of when I come to die and you vanities have took up my time and stole away my heart and thoughts from these things Well I have enough of you I have done with you for the rest of my strength and dayes I will give unto my God 3. Turn thy self to God and say Blessed God wilt thou accept of the service of a poor wretch that hath spent so much of his time and strength upon base lusts vanities Nay surely Lord If thou wilt accept of such a wretch as I am such a heart such love such service as I have I will give to thee and for the time to come thou shalt be the very joy of my Soul and the deliciousness of my thoughts and dost thou indeed entreat and importune me to be reconciled how wonderful is thy Mercy that notwithstanding I provok't thee hitherto daily to thy face yet that thou shouldest follow after me to embrace me whereas what could be expected but that thou shouldest pursue me to destroy me Resolutions Well by the blessing of God I am resolved that though heretofore I have spent whole dayes in such and such like recreations which at best are but vanities for this moneth I will either not use such and such recreations at all or at least spend no more time any day in them then I do in Prayer and Meditation and I hope one day the Lord will work in me such a heavenly frame of Spirit that Prayer and Meditation shall be in stead of a thousand recreations David was of that temper for he saith that he will go to God his exceeding joy and that the Law of God was dearer to him then thousands of Gold and Silver and that his heart was ready to break for the very desires and longings that he had after God O my Soul that will be a rare time when it shall be thus with us Why should David love â—od more then we â—e forgave David much but he hath forgiven us more wâ—ll O my soul if thou wilt pray hard and follow hard after God thou little knowest what he will doe for thee and the joyes that he hath laid up for them that love him even in this world are unspeakable and glorious Conclusion 1. Pray Lord thou knowest the deceitfulness of my heart the strength of my corruptions and the multitude of Snares and Temptations which encompass me on every side especially when I am in worldly employments in company thou knowest how subject holy flames are to go out therefore be thou pleased by the holy breathings of thy Spirit to keep these holy fervours of love from being quench't 'T is not the strength of my resolutions that can enable me to resist temptations if I am not kept by the mighty power of thee my God I am lost 2. Praise God blessed be thou O God for an heavenly Motion or Desire that hath been wrought in me thou might'st have suffered me as thou dost thousands I have provoked thee as much as they never to be convinced of or affected with these Truths 't is thy wonderful Mercy that thou didst make me for such a blessed end as the enjoyment of thy self and much greater Mercy that thou hast let me know so much but most of all that thou hast given me a heart to desire and endeavour after it Bless the Lord O my Soul 3. Acknowledge thy failings alas Lord whatsoever is wrought in me that 's good had been far greater but that I am green wood to the sparks of thy love Lord pardon the iniquity of my holy services My highest and most inflamed thoughts of thee are unworthy of thee It is well that I have thee to love whom I need not fear loving too much After the Meditation is ended 1. Think with thy self which of these Truths or what passage of this Meditation did most warm thy heart and affect thee and fix it and treasure it up in thy thoughts keeping it as it were a Nosegay in thy hand to smell unto all the day 2. Set down this that thou hast resolved to spend no more time in such a Recreation then thou shalt spend in Prayer and Meditation 3. Go unwillingly from this duty and do not rush into worldly businesses but look to thy heart which is a slippery deceitful thing Meditat. II. Of the Mercies of God 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray beg of God that he would put such considerations and thoughts into thy heart that thou maist be so convinced of and affected with his goodness that thou maï'st love praise and serve him Considerations 1. Consider how much thou art engaged to God for bodily Mercies he hath given thee thy senses sight hearing and other parts of thy body It thou did'st want thy sight what woulst thou give for it if thou wast Emperour of the world How many thousand pound wouldst thou give A Diamond is not therefore worth no more then 6 d because a poor man can give no more if thou shouldst reckon up what thy hands feet health liberty were worth to what a vast Sum would they arise Thou hast all these things from God thou hast not them from thy Parents they know not before thou wert born whether thou shouldest be Male a Female thou maâ—'st say to God as David did In thy Book were all my members written 2. Consider what faculties of Soul God hath given thee What a miserable condition are mad men in those that are born Natural Fools Thou art well and thousands are sick thou hast plenty when thousands beg their bread 3. Consider what spirituality of Mercies God hath given thee how many thousand poor ignorant Heathens are there which never heard of God and of Christ who were born and bread where the Gospel is not preached but worship the Devil but thou dwellest in the Sunshine and under the droppings of the Gospel and are not these great Mercies and unvaluable If thou dost not value them it argues so much the greater goodness in God to bestow them upon thee nay hath not God made thee to know him he hath not only given thee the light of the Gospel but eyes to behold it 4. Consider the greatness of God why should he look after thee nay why doth he not destroy thee Thou art but a
above any thing in the world and because there was some small crum of another meat which he had an antipathy against he should fling all with violence and detestation away were not this enough to satisfie you that he abhorred that meat a crum whereof made him abhor that which he so much loved Suppose you should see one take a Watch whose wheels and all the rest were cut out of intire Diamonds and spying some little small and almost undiscernable Spider in it should fling it to the ground with so much violence that he should break it all to pieces it would evidently argue how much he detested a Spider What excellent Creatures are Angels and yet because a Sin though but of thought was found in them how doth it cast them like lightning into Hell Suppose further thou shouldest see the meekest wisest man lovingest Father in the world taking his Son and scourging of him with rod after rod until that he were all of gore blood from head to foot and though he cried out and begged of his Father to spare yet he would not spare him but scourged him to death Would you not say that the Son had done somewhat that the Father did wonderfully abhor Hath not God dealt thus with Christ Did he not chastise him until he shed blood from the Crown of the head to the sole of the feet Did not Christ die under his correcting hand did not Christ cry out again and again Father if it be possible let this cup pass from me And did he not love Christ more then any Father loved his Son and all this because Christ was guilty of Sin though but as a surety these things are not inventions of wit or rhetorick but real Truths If the dostroying of Sodom Gomorrha Jerusalem Angels and the most part of Adams posterity and the whole world save eight persons If the Sufferings of Christ be not enough to satisfie thee of Gods hatred of sin then thou maist go on to thy own destruction but know this that it will be bitterness at the last 2. Consider what thou dost when thou sinnest every sinner doth virtually put Heaven and Christ and God and his favour and loving-kindness and all his promises in one scale and that pleasure profit or honour which sin promiseth with a wouded conscience the torments of hell the wrath of God in the other scale and doubtless virtually a sinner chooseth sin with all these mischiefs before the service of God with all his mercies It is as if a sinner should say rather then I wilâ— not satisfie my base lust I will part with God with Christ with heaven and all I will suffer his wrath let God do his worst I will have my will Every obstinate sinner doth in his heart say thus and though now thou 〈◊〉 imaginest it yet at the day of judgment this will be made manifest to thee as iâ— it were writ with a beam of the Sun things that now seem less consequent shall then be made evident A wicked wretch that sees one of Gods people hungry naked imprisoned and doth not releive him he little thinks that is all one as if he had seen Christ so and not relieved him but at the day of judgment Christ will make it manifest unto him 3. Consider how often thou hast sinned against God every unconverted man doth nothing else his plowing is an abomination All his imaginations are only evil and that continually Nay though thou art one of Gods people yet David cries out that his sins are more in number than the hairs on his head and dost thou think thy sins are fewer then Davids how many years hast thou lived how many dayes hours minutes thy sins are more The Hour-Glass that runs hath not so many sands in it as the sins that thou committest in that hour If thou dost not beleive this consider that there is not one of thy thoughts words actions but is polluted with abundance of sins If thou sayest Our Father since thou dost not speak it with that reverence attention fervency faith love joy confidence admiration of his goodness and many other which we are engaged to have when we call God by the Name of Father thou becomest guilty of all the contrary sins and many more that are not named in speaking that one word in thy prayer not as thou oughtest Fear not making thy sins seem greater or more then then they are 4. Consider further for what trifling vanity nay for what base things that thou wilt be ashamed to own before men thou hast lost God lost thine own soul if thou returnest not and hast brought on thy self more miseries than the tongue of man can express or the heart of man concieve theâ—e is nothing thou â—â—â—st with thy eyes or hearest with thy eares or fâ—â—lest with thy hands is more certainly true than this But alass bâ—â—ause thou hâ—st heâ—rd iâ— so â—ftâ—n and God or his â—â—finâ—te goodness and patience hath noâ— made thee yet to feel the stroak of his justice and the misery due to sin thou wilt not believe 〈◊〉 though his threaâ—nings be never so clearly for down and with much earnestness 5. Consider against what precious mercies what sweet love what blessed experience holy inspirations what abundance of means strong resolutions 〈◊〉 promises clear light c. â—hou hast â—inned Affections 1. Pray to God to help to a further sense of the sinfulnesse of sin Blessed God must all these considerations pass as a Serpent on a stone without making any impression upon my soul Lord give me an affecting knowledge of the sinfulness of sin and not have such slight thoughts of sinne as I have had but grant that I may esteem of Sinne as thou esteemest it 2. Talk with thine own Soul about this matter O my Soul are these considerations true or false If thou thinkest them false bring thy objection shew wherein the errour lies which thou canst never do but if they be true as certainly they are how comes it to pass that we have made nothing of sin 't is vain for us to put off the sence of our sins until it be too late 3. Be confounded and ashamed in the presence of God Alas O Lord my God as a thief is ashamed when he is taken or as a woman is ashamed when her adulteries are found out by her loving husband so a thousand times more I desire to be confounded and ashamed in thy presence when I consider how abominable my life hath been and how that I have committed my abominations even in thy sight and provok't thee to thy face and had not thy patience and mercy been infinite thou could'st never have stood out against so many provocations I had been in hell roaring and blaspherning long before this day and then I had been past prayers and past mercies and past pardon What shall I say unto thee O thou preserver of men to excuse my sins I cannot I have nothing but
profits and pleasures so much to be valued as for them to dwell in devouring fire and are the pleasures of Sin that are but for a season to much worth that for them we should dwell in everlasting burnings have we not had frequent experiences that the sorrows we have had for committing of Sin have far exceeded the pleasures that we have had in committing of it and surely the terrors of an awakened conscience are not to be compared with the horrors of the damned and other insupportable and endless miseries of that place of torment Come O my Soul let us not deceive and flatter our selves with vain and false hopes of the mercies of God It is true God is very merciful to them that fear him and we may be sure of this that if we do sincerely desire and endeavour to serve him that we shall find his mercies as much above our thoughts and expectations of them as the heavens are above the earth but if we slight them and are careless of his service and turn his grace into wantonness let us not deceive our selves with vain words for because of these things comes the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience and those that live so shall surely find that at that day the mercies of God will not serve at all to mitigate but abundantly to Justifie the wrath and fury of God that he shall pour out upon the wicked then they shall pay for every Mercy they have received and the riches of his despised goodness shall but increase the Treasures of his wrath therefore O my Soul since these things are so what are we to do why do we not fear him that can cast both body and soul into hell The Prophet Habaccue when he did but think but of some temporal Judgements that God had threatned rottenness entred into his bones If indeed the love of God did constrain us so that we did from a principle of love make conscience of Sin so that we never offend God it were well but since we plainly find that it is not strong enough alone let us not fear to call in and improve the consideration of the Torments of Hell to defer us from Sin the Motive is imperfect but not Sinful our great work we have to do in the world next to the glory of God is to avoid hell and obtain heaven and to resist our now three great enemies the World the Flesh and the Devil who endeavour day and night to drive us headlong into Perdition If any one in the World much more if the Devil should appear to us and offer us such a sum of money if we would give him our Souls that we might be dam'd we think we should abhor him and his offer but alas doth not every one that useth by extortion and violence either getteth or keepeth what is not his do the same thing his damnation is as certain and as infallible though more secretly and invisibly contrived by Satan as if Satan should visibly appear to him and he make a contract with him therefore O my Soul let us take heed of the wiles of Satan for he generally works by the world and the flesh to deceive us therefore let us now resolve by the blessing of God to look upon the world and the flesh to be as dangerous and implacable enemies as Satan himself let us not endeavour to please the World by vain Discourses by omitting what God commands or doing what he forbids Let us not be troubled but rather rejoyce when we are reviled and scorned for righteousness sake For the time to come when I am to do any Religious Duty I will not so much as consider what men will judge or say of me nor endeavour to make the world my Friend since God himself hath set enmity between us and as for the flesh I am sure we are no debtors unto that we have paid it far more then ever we owed it therefore for the time to come I will rather abstain from lawful then use unlawful pleasures and I will take heed not only of those pleasures that are unlawful in kind but those also that are unlawful in degree and that I may better avoid unlawful pleasures I will sometimes abstain from those that are lawful and having seriously considered I am convinc'd of this that I have not made conscience enough in the matter of sleep I have not redeemed the time from that nor have enough considered the Sinfulness of it but like the Sluggard that Solomon speaks of have turned upon my bed as a door upon the hinges therefore henceforth I shall endeavour to get as much time from sleep as the health and strength of my body will permit and bcause I am confident that if the damned were in their natures changed and were to live again on earth they would think it a blessed change to change their howlings into singing of Psalms and their roarings into Prayers nay if they were to live Methuselahs age upon the rack Therefore whensoever I am at any time tempted to be weary of this labour of love that is to be undertaken in the hardest duties of Religion I will endeavour to shame my self out of that temptation by thinking thus with my self that Hell is so much worse then we can suffer in this world either in Gods service or for Gods service that it were not only a desperate wickedness but madness for the avoiding of the one to fall into the other For the conclusion of this Meditation observe the Directions and Instances of former Meditations Meditat. VII Of Heaven 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray to God to assist and enable thee in the work Considerations 1. Consider O my soul the wonderful greatness and incomprehensibleness of those joyes For 1. Consider what great things God hath given to wicked men in this work what vast dominions power wisdom learning Majesty and indeed as to the things of the world as much as their hearts can desire if God gives such things to Doggs and Swine what may we think are the dainties of that banquet which God feasts his children withal 2. Behold the Earth and the Heavens in the height of the beauty of the Spring and in the strengh of the glory of the Sun how delightful a sight is it to behold the works of Gods Creation here below the commonness of this sight much abates the delight and wonder of it but doubtless if a man that were born blind should when he had attained to the full perfection of his age and understanding be placed in a Paradise as Adam was and should see as soon as his eyes were opened the earth adorned with all manner of curious Flowers and Trees laden with all manner of Fruits and Sun shining in its full strength how wonderfully delightful would such a fight be and if the foot stool of God be so rich how glorious is his throne 3. Consider the wondeful manifestations
in respect of himself only would have done otherwise yet he did as their desires required Rom. 15. 3. The Apostle saith even Christ pleased not himself many times when he was hungry If any came to him that needed Instruction or if he were sleepy and any came to him that needed Consolation he would abstain from Meat and Sleep that he might do them good it is not so with great men but it was so with Christ who was the great God Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the Excellencies of Christ O blessed Saviour Thou art the chiefest of ten thousand Thou art altogether lovely Thou hast a Name above all Names That at thy Name every knee should bow Thou Lord art set at the right hand of the Father in the heavenly places Far above all Principality Power and Might and Dominion and every Name that is named not only in this World but also in that which is to come Thou art the brightness of thy Fathers Glory and the express Image of his Person Consider O my Soul what can these words mean Surely if God commanded all the Angel to worship him when he brought him into the VVorld how much more should we for whom he hath done much more admire and adore him in Spirit and in Truth Be confounded and ashamed that thou art no more affected with these things Doubtless O my Soul It is not for want of excellency in Christ for he is the Lord of Glory but for want of a clearer Faith in thee to behold his Excellencies If the Scripture had not spoke the thousandth part of Christ as it doth how could thy thoughts have been lower of him then they are how could thy heart be more senceless It is a shame that every vanity should steal away our hearts from Christ much more abominable is it that our very sins that murthered him should ever prevail with us in the least Pray Blessed God 't is not in man by all his wisdom and industry to know or be affected with the Excellencies of Christ if thou dost not reveal them If I had a thousand worlds they were too small a price for so great a Mercy O shew me thy self and thy Son and it sufficeth And now O my Soul are the Excellencies of Christ nothing unto us Do we indeed admire them Surely all is but meer words and vain thoughts if we do not strive as far as we may to imitate him in those Excellencies for which we pretend to admire him Are we as patient as he was Meck Humble Holy who when he was reviled reviled not again c. We do but deceive our own souls in giving Glorious Titles and speaking high things of Christ and in the mean while not endeavour to transform into his Image It is impossible we should love him for his patience and holiness and not love patience and holiness nor yet never care to practise and get them Therefore for the time to come the Life of Christ shall be the Example whereby I shall endeavour to frame mine And that I may the better do so I will read over especially the New Testament and observe in every particular what Christ did how he spoke to his friends to his enemies how he demeaned himself in every action whether civil or natural or Religious how in all his Relations And when I have written them down I shall often peruse them and shall endeavour in every action that I do and word that I speak to remember if I can whâ—ther there be any parallel instance in the life of Christ if there be I shall make that my pattern and do likewise but if there be none that I can think of then I would do that which in my conscience I think Christ would have done in like case For the Conclusion I refer you to the Directions and Instances of former Meditations The Conclusion of the whole I Found a great deal of difficulty in Writing this small Treatise of Meditation not into the Doctrinal or Directory Part because Christian experience and study are things by which that party is managed but in the setting down of instances and examples therein I found the difficulty to lie For Meditation is an harder work then to give directions thereunto and I have generally found it easier to study a day then to Meditate an hour but of all the kinds of Meditation whereof Instances are set down in this Book I found the greatest difficulty in those of Solemn Meditations they consisting for the most part of Prayer which the devout Soul when it hath ended forgets so that if one might gain a world when the heart is overwhelmed with Grief or inflamed with Love or ravished with Joy one could not remember the powrings out of the Soul In such cases one may say of such Meditations as Saint Paul speaks of those Glorious things which he saw when he was wrapt into the third Heavens they are neither lawful nor possible to be uttered many times the secrets in our communion with God are of that nature that it is not lawful by reason of that scandal nor possible to utter because the affections being so intensly employ'd Invention Memory and intellectual actings of the Soul during that time do almost quite cease and indeed whosoever goes about to invent Instances of Meditation if it be only a Learned Man and not holy his Studies may exceed his Actings that way but if it be an holy experienced Christian as his inward thoughts of Love Joy Grief and admirings of God are above all that his Tongue doth or can utter so those secret expressions which he useth between God and his own Soul when his thoughts are full of heaven and of God are much beyond what he can invent or by study expresseth Therefore since those Meditations that are fullest of Devotion cannot be remembred to set down Instances of Meditations except one should take them from some Saint as he was powring out his soul before God in secret one can never set them fully down in secret I say For the Soul is never so free nor may be before others as with God alone and the truth is if I had not had these Instances of Solemn Meditation by me I think I should hardly have set down any of that kind I should only have referred him to the Psalms It was so that I wrote these from the mouth of one to whom these unseen I was oft-times so near that I could hear his secretest Devotions if uttered though but with an ordinary voice I am very confident for his part he thought that none but God and his own Soul were privy to his Prayers I have sometimes considered it as a case of Conscience whether it was lawful by stealth to hear and afterwards to publish the private Meditations of others but considering how much advantage it may bring to others and how the party himself can suffer nothing in it his Name being concealed by me I resove to publish them
besides I very well know as I said before that the Spiritual expressions between God and ones own Soul in secret are forgotten almost as soon as ended It is very unlikely that any should remember then ten years after as the most of these are I thought good to give an account of this matter lest I should be thought to have that holy frame of heart which many of the expressions in these Meditations argues that he had that used them and arrogate to my self that which is farre from me If any shall be offended at the brevity and shortnesse of my Directions of this great and weighty businesse of Meditation I shall onely say thus much as to that 1. That I am not willing to overcharge or affright New Beginners for for such I do very much intend this Treatise with too great a Number of Particulars 2. I would not have this swell above the bigness of a Manual for I have often observed that when one hath perswaded some to buy some Book and told them it hath been but a small price it hath been almost as strong a Motive the smallness of the price as the goodness of the Book and I would not be willing that both these Motives should be wanting to the buying of this Book As for the plainnesse of the Sâ—ile or Matter I shall thus excuse it if it ought to be excused I wrote this for the meanest and ignorantest sort of Christians that they might buy and understand it that they might buy it I have made it a Manaul that they might understand it I have made it plain and spoke to them in their own Language and to the Learned I say if any such shall read this Treatise Indocti rapiunt coelum and though I highly prize Learning yet I know that as to Prayer and Meditation and all other acts of Devotion wherein we keep a strict Communion with God and watch over our own Souls and experimental knowledge and acquaintance with and inflamed affections towards God will more avail us then all the Learning in the VVorld and doubtless it is not generally Ignorance in those that live under Ordinances but the Non-improvement of the Truths we know that will undo us if we do but improve these plain Truths viz that God is that there will be a Day of Judgement that we must die that we ought to love God with all our Heart with all our Soul with all our Mind with all our Strength that we should do as we would be done to I say if we did but improve these into practice we should attain to more holiness then if we knew a thousand times more and left those Truths as generally men do by them as things forgotten I doe very much think that the Truths of Religion have been spun into too fine a Thred of late dayes and some have observed that fewer have been converted of late years then formerly when fundamentals have been Plainly Powerfully and Practically prest upon the Conscience it is an Errour to think that Notions so they be Spiritual cannot be two accute or Speculative I have one thing to entreat of the Christian Reader and it was one end of publinging this Treatise that I might with it publish thâ—se my desires The thing that I am to request of you will neither be charge nor trouble It is your frequent serious servent Prayers that I desire of you I know it is used too much as a Complement among Christians to desire prayers of their Christian friends and they are too often Superficially promised and too seldom conscienciously performed Nor would I have thee whosoever thou art that fearest God account this my Request a thing of course and that it is at thy Liberty to grant it or no for suppose a poor Distressed Man overwhelmed almost swallowed up with the sense of his Miseries and wants should with Tears and strong importunities beg relief of thee Dost thou think it were an Arbitrary thing when it was in thy power to relieve him or not Mightest thou not justly expect that the next time thou wentest to pour out thy Soul before God that he should keep by him the denial that thou gavest that poor man and give it thee when thou in the distressed thoughts of thy heart makest thy prayer to him and dost thou think that the Lord will hold thee guiltless when one whose afflictions are many Corruptions strong Temptations to undergo shall in the anguish and bitterness of his Spirit desire thy prayers and thou refuse or neglect Consider whether at the day of Judgment thou wilt have any sufficient excuse to plead I have sometimes thought that the Bills that have publickly been put up for the prayers of the Congregation have been too little regarded it may be they have been too customarily and formally put up it may be â—o but it is not good for us to be Judges of evil thoughts little do we know what Terrours and Fears and Anguishes of Spirit overwhelm them while they are so little regarded by us O that we were sensible of others afflictions and sorrows whether spiritual or Temporal as they themselves are and as we would have them to be of ours were our Souls in their Souls stead And if the Lord should so by his providence order it as to bring us into those straits which we saw our brother in and would not afford him so much as our Prayers may we not justly expect that the next time that we our selves are in streights our consciences should take up a Parable and Taunting Proverb against us and say as Josephs brethren did we are verily guilty concerning our brother in that we saw the anguish of his soul when he besought us and we would not hear therefore is all this distress come upon us And that which I would desire thee to beg of God for me is That he would give me sincerely to aim at his Glory in all my actions but especially those that belong to my Ministry that I might not be as a broken vessel and that he would give me greater Discoveries of and love to himself and the Lord Jesus Christ and that he would give me gifts and strength and wisdom opportunity and a heart to serve him and mercies suitable to my wants that my afflictions may be sanctified my Temptations conquered and my Corruptions mortified One thing more I am to request of thee that is to do what I know is too much neglected by my self and I fear by others Thou art to pray for a blessing upon thy self when thou readest this Treatise and that God would make it a blessing unto others also into whose hands it shall come I desire you that you would help me with your prayers in this particular When we do but take our ordinary daily bread we crave a blessing how much more when we doe things that concern our eternal good When we take a Book to that end Spiritually to benefit by it do we