THE HEARTS EASE OR A Remedy against all Troubles To which is added a Consolatory Discourse against the loss of our Friends and those that are dear unto us By Symon Patrick B. D. Minister of Gods Word at Batersea in Surrey PSALM 94.19 In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul M. Antoninus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Happiness lyes in a very few things LONDON Printed by R. W. for Francis Tyton at the three Daggers in Fleetstreet neer the Inner Temple-gate 1660. To the Honourable Sr. Walter St. John Baronet and the Lady Johanna St. John his Wife The Author wisheth all the blessings of this life and that which is to come THE first occasion of these meditations upon these words of our Saviour to his Disciples John 14.1 is known only to my self and another person whose contentment I exceedingly desired But the occasion of their publication is known to more then your selves for whose use they were first transcribed a good while ago which I will not trouble the world so much as to take an account of For it will believe its like that it comes from my own proper motion and inclination to send them abroad and the ordinary reason from the importunity of friends can be understood by none but those who know that a friend can do more with us then we our selves But the reason why they address themselves to you is known best to my self For though you might know it if you pleased yet your goodness teaches you to forget the many obligations you laid upon me which I ought alwayes to remember So many they are that when I think how to discharge them it puts me in mind that there is one sort of trouble which I have made no provision against in this Treatise which is for want of ability both to pay what we owe to those that love us and also to express the sense which we have of their goodness But I consider that this is such a pleasing sort of trouble that one would not be willing that it should be cured We have no reason to find fault that our friends will do us more good then we deserve nor to complain that their goodness is greater then we can speak of And that ought not I know to be the occasion of my trouble which is your singular pleasure aad contentment And if this kind of acknowledgement will acquit me in any sort of ingratitude I am but beginning to discharge and exonerate my self For I had designed before the publishing of this was thought of to put a Treatise of another nature into your hands But I am well secured that I shall not trouble you by beginning my addresses to you with a discourse of troubles as if I did bode some evil to you because I believe that you desire rather to be prepared against any crosses then to have none befall you I confess I discern some defects in the first part of this Treatise which if I had penned with an intention to have sent abroad I think that I should have taken some care to have seen supplied But it will not be the less aceptable to you who are able I know out of the general truths here propounded to raise such principles as will be able to give you satisfaction in particular cases not here named Yet presuming that you will not be weary of reading any thing that comes from the hand of one whom you love so well I shall here take the liberty to instance in some things which would have deserved some particular consideration There is no greater trouble to some ingenuous souls then to be requited with injuries for the kindnesses they have done to others But they may soon consider that this befell our Master Jesus Christ himself And though it be in their power to do good to others yet it belongs not to them to make them good And if there be any way to beget love in them it is by love and there is no small contentment in loving those who have no love for us For this is the very height of love and love it self is a thing so sweet that it is its own reward But some perhaps have this addition of trouble that their own friends do not love them and those whom God and nature do command to be kind are ill affected towards them The same remedy will cure this disease And let them turn their love into pitty that any should be so unhappy as to be strangers to the rarest pleasures in the world which arise from loving of others And you may see from hence the necessity of one Rule which I have commended which is not to hope for any thing here below And particularly remember this that you may be disappointed if you look for any more satisfaction from your children then the pleasure of doing good to them and seeing them do good to themselves For the old saying hath had but few hitherto to cross it That love like your inheritances doth descend but useth not to ascend But there are others that may say they could easily brook any sufferings from others but that commonly it is the lot of those that suffer to be thought guilty of those crimes for which they innocently suffer Quae perferunt meruisse creduntur The world is so sottish that they commonly think men deserve that which they indure and we are deprived many times not only of our enjoyments but likewise of our fame and we are denyed not only our security but likewise all apology for our selves But who can keep the world from thinking what they please Who knows not that it sees but with half an eye if it be not stark blind And what shall we be the better if they think well of us seeing what they think either one way or other is with so little reason If we deserve not well their thoughts and speeches can do us no good and if we do God will take care that they shall do us no harm But there is a little number of good souls perhaps who are troubled for what others suffer and are afflicted with the misery of their neighbours There are so few that complain of this grief and it is a malady that men are so seldom sick of that I should scarce have thought it needfull to have prescribed any Physick for such a rare disease If the hurt do not touch us in our own bodies relations or friends we shall soon find comfort enough without any direction to alleviate the grief which we sustain for others how heavy soever it may happen to be But if any be oppressed with this sort of trouble Let them consider what is said in the ensuing Treatise that they do others no good but themselves harm by being troubled And therefore let-them be sensible of their miseries so far only as to pray for them and relieve them if they can and to make their hearts sensible of Gods mercies to them that by that joy
if we have not had this fore-handed care it is so much the harder to relieve us because possibly we cannot do or endure all things in which we are necessarily engaged yet let us resolve to do them as well as we can make a vertue of a necessity If it be not now in our liberty to chuse our condition yet let us now resolve to chuse all its inconveniences and make that light by patience and constancy which cannot otherwayes be amended And indeed it is the unhappiness of most men to be involved in many things before they either can or do consider whereby they are in danger to lead a life full of miseries unless for the time to come they be better advised before they chuse and find means to content themselves in regard of what is past CAP. VIII COmpare what thou hast not with what thou hast and see which is better This will keep thee from trouble for what thou wantest and thy desires shall not disquiet thee Tell all the joynts of thy body and compare them with the want of a finger or an eye or any such member Whether is a hundred or one more Thou art poor but thou art well and hast many good friends c. or perhaps thou hast none but thou hast all the host of Heaven the Sun Moon and Stars and all the Elements and the providence of God and the charity of all well disposed people as much as another man thou maist walk in thy neighbours field yea in thy enemies ground and enjoy all the pleasures of the morning and recreate thy self with all the sweet odours and behold the beauty of all Cods creatures and delight in that which God delights in Why then shouldest thou be so distracted Thou goest a journey and art disappointed of thy ends and dost lose thy labour but thou escapedst theeves and robbers or villains set upon thee but they saved thy life they have not robbed thee of thy land c. Thou hast lost a child perhaps but how many hast thou remaining or is not thy husband or wife well or if they be gone and thy estate also gone and thou thy self sick also and the case be supposed as bad as can be yet art thou not alive and what wouldst thou not part withall rather then die thou wilt not I know exchange thy hopes of staying in the world for all things else for they are nothing unto thee if thou beest not But you will say This is very cold comfort to consider that a man lives Think then further that there are thousands of good people that pray for thee every day and all thy good neighbours pitty thee and will strive to relieve thee or if this will not do consider that though thou wantest temporal things yet thou enjoyest spiritual Thou art sick but thy sins are pardoned for to Christs Disciples I speak or if they be not and I must say something to others then I say first I cannot blame thee that thou art troubled but then why dost thou trouble thy self that thou art poor or sick or any thing else but only this that thou art a condemned sinner What should a damned man do with riches why dost thou trouble thy self about such little things as the loss of a child when thou hast lost thy soul yea why art thou troubled more that thou art sick then that thou art not like to be saved What folly was it in the man that complained his stocking was rent and minded not the wound of his leg one would think the great trouble should swallow up the other though it cannot cure it and thou shouldst be most sollicitous how to get sin pardoned whether thou dost live or die But Secondly If thy sin be not pardoned and therefore thou desirest to be well yet it is a huge mercy that there is hopes it may be pardoned And if thou dost understand thy self thou wouldst not lose these very hopes for all the riches in the world and the best state of health thou canst imagine But to return suppose thou art a person truly fearing God but thou art troubled that thou hast not such sweet friends and good company and delightful society and art not so esteemed and regarded or hast not the fortune which attends upon others c. * Estne aliquid teips◠pretiosius Nihil inquies Igitur si tui compos fueris possidebis quod nec tu amittere velis nec fortuna possit auferre Boeth l. 2. de Consol But thou hast thy self and thou hast a good conscience and thou hast God and his Son and Holy Spirit and the promises of the Gospel and the hopes of heaven and joy in the Holy Ghost Which now dost thou judge greater thy wants or enjoyments Such a man who hath deserved of thee doth not love thee perhaps nor regard thee c. But what then he cannot take away the love of God nor the love of his children no nor thy love to him neither Now if it be thus in these and all other cases I pray tell me who will pitty him that hath many soft pillows whereon to lay his head and he will needs lay it on a stone that hath many pleasant places wherein to repose himself and none will serve him but he will sit upon a bush of thorns Surely they are in love with sorrow and melancholy who enjoy so many blessings and contentments and will forsake the pleasure of them to pine away in the company of their wants Consider I beseech you is there more cause to be troubled for the want of those or to rejoyce for the possession of these other or by what reason shall the absence of some things spoil all the sweetness of those that remain why should those be more able to comfort us if we had them then these we now have This is the most manifest cheat of our selves that can be * Quis est ille tam soelix qui cùm dederit impatientiae manus statum suum mutare optet Boeth No man likes that which is his own and yet every one thinks that he shall be well pleased in the condition of another man He thinks that he shall be contented with that wherein the other man is not contented himself By what argument I pray you is this concluded how foolishly do we suborn our desires and hopes to betray our duty and comfort If he be not contented in his condition but perhaps think ours to be better in which we also are not contented why should we think to find contentment in it But if he be content in his estate then so may we be in ours What any man is that every man may be Therefore if thou canst not cease complaining I must advise thee to handle thy self roughly and when thy mind is troubled whines and cries for such and such a bable do with it as we do by children when they cry they know not for what affright it with the
how hard it is to love those who bring us the tidings of the death of them that we love would never send such a message but by the hand of some condemned man whom they were never like to see again I am ready here to interrupt my discourse and in the very beginning to fall into a passion with my self when I think how patiently we can suffer our souls to be divided from God whom we pretend to love O love how great things should we do if we did but love how angry should we be at the temptation which would draw him from us whom our souls love Antonius Guevara had a Neece who was so passionately in love with a little Bitch that at the death of it she fell into a Feaver Epist ad samil pars 2a and was fain to keep her bed The good man did well rather to chide then to comfort her and to write a Satyr rather then a consolatory letter to her but yet in that strange passion of hers we may clearly see how incident it is unto us to take heavily the loss of what we love Now there is no greater love then that which is between near kindred and friends no man that knows the pleasure of it would disswade any from such love and yet it is necessary that we should not mourn for it as if we loved nothing else which will render it perhaps an acceptable piece of service unto some if I endeavour to ease them of this kind of sorrow and though I have touched but lightly upon other maladies in the foregoing Treatise yet I apply some particular plaisters to this great and general sore You must not think that it is in my design to take away your trouble §. 2. We may mourn moderately by taking you off from all love and friendship for that would be as ridiculous as his device to cure drunkenness by cutting up all the Vines I would not have a man to love none but himself out of a fear that he shall be troubled at the loss of them as much as at the loss of himself This would be to cure one evil by a greater and to ease men of a short trouble by letting them want the constant easement and sweetest comfort of our lives which is our friends Neither do I intend to write like a Stoick and stupifie all your passions so that you should not mourn at all for that is an impossible thing if we have any love Grace doth not root out nature nor quite dry up all our tears but it rather makes our hearts more moist and tender and causes it to express it self in a becoming affection unto others as David and that Lady may teach us They are sturdy not generous that are void of all grief they are rather hard then constant rather unexperienced then reasonable that forbid all sadness But it is my design to bring you to a moderation both in love and in sorrow that you may do as much as becomes good friends but no more then becomes good men Not to be sensible of evils is not to be men not to bear them patiently is not to be Christians It is neither to be hoped nor to be desired that we should shed no tears at all but it is both necessary and attainable that we should let them flow in measure Lacrymandum est Seneca Epist 63. sed non plorandum We may weep but we must not wail We must be natural but we must be also reasonable We must approve our selves both to men and unto God that they may see we are loving friends and that he may see we are his dutiful children Est enim quaedam dolendi modestia For there is a certain modesty even in mourning and it is unseemly to weep immoderately as it is not to weep at all And let none think that by this concession unto nature and decency the wound will be made incurable and that it is easier not to mourn at all then to mourn moderately These are but the dreams of heavy souls that think that none can stand still but they that are resolved never to stir It is said indeed that we may more easily abstain from a thing of which we never tasted then refrain from it after a little acquaintance But this must be understood of pleasure and not of grief When we have mourned a little we shal soon see that there is neither pleasure nor profit in our mourning Or if any one shall think it to be some pleasure yet it will notwithstanding be easily moderated because it is only the pleasure of being eased of our loads that oppressed us not of being satisfied with the pressure of any delightful object It is but the letting out of sadness not the bringing in of any pleasure and therefore when the heart is once eased of its burden it will soon be perswaded to mourn no more for that will be the bringing upon us a new burden But then on the other side as we may grant something unto nature so we must be sure not to let it work alone That we may weep moderately it will be necessary to make resistance to our sorrows and muster up all the consolatory arguments that are reposited in our minds Nature will do its part without our help We need not study how to weep enough nor use any arguments to perswade our selves into tears It is a superfluous imployment to strive to magnifie our loss for Fancy is apt to make it bigger then it is It is a foolish trouble to be careful how to mourn for tears will flow from us without any bidding All our work must be to stop their passage as fast as we can and to make them flow leisurely not gush forth with too great a violence Our Reason and Religion must be called up in all haste to make as strong a dam as we are able to our sorrow or else if it have its course it may overflow us He is a base Pilot that leaves his tackling in a storm and suffers his ship to run along with the tempest and no less ignoble and abject is his spirit that permits himself to the gusts and Haericans of his own passions and lets them drive him whether they and not whether he himself pleases But it is a degree of madness to use reason it self to make the blasts more terrible and when the storm is too furious by art and skill to conjure up more boisterous passions Who would pitty him that sets his reason against himself and studies how to be as miserable as his mind can make him We need not be so in love with grief as to create it to our selves Nature as I said knows how to mourn without our teaching We had need think rather how to bear our natural troubles then how to lay more upon our shoulders But if we will make any opposition we must begin before our passions are too strong They are too powerful of
then they say who could endure to hear his groans how sad was it to see him in the agonies of death If he die and speak nothing then they say O if he might but have told us his mind if he had left us any remembrances it would have been some comfort If he did speak then they tell his speeches to every one and say O my sweet child or friend I shall never forget thy words Would you have me put out of my mind his dying speeches and so those sayings are a perpetual nourishment and food to their grief If he die on a sudden then they lament because he was snatch rather then went away If he dye of a lingring sickness then they say he was nothing but skin and bone a meer Anatomy never any creature endured so much as he did and so they are sad they know not for what for they would not have had him gone away so fast And indeed men never want some causes or pretences for their grief but the true reason is that they would not have had them to have dyed at all Let us therefore digest these considerations well and so proceed to the next which shall be this Let us consider well who it is for whom we make our lamentations Who is it I say §. 5. II. We must consider who the persons are that die that death hath taken away from us Perhaps it is an Infant a poor little weakling newly crept into the light And this hath the least of wonder in it of all other things that such a little spark of life should be blown out Comforts against the loss of children A greater wonder it is that it was not strangled in the gate of the womb A little while ago it had no life and it is now but as it then was We were once content without it why cannot we be content without it now It never loved us nor was capable to shew any affection to us and therefore we may the better part with it It was scarce tyed to our heart and therefore it need not make the strings crack It was not unwilling to go out of the world and if it had lived longer death would have been more against its will It hath lost no great matter for it knew not the benefits of life It hath cost us nothing and we have been at a small charge about it and therefore we have lost nothing neither but only it a coffin and a winding sheet If it could have known the miseries of living and it had been put to its choise very likely it would not have chosen for to live but to be what now it is It hath not blotted its soul by any sin nor deflowred the Virgin purity wherein it was born If it have any thing to complain of it is only this that it was born And therefore let us be content for it is better perhaps for it and not much the worse for us If we weep so much for an Infant what shall we do for a man either let us now let down the sluce or else expect that we shall then be drowned If he had lived to be a man it might have done as we do miserably bewail the death of its children And therefore either let us not bewail it or else think that it is happy that it lived not to be so miserable as we think our selves and both ways our grief will be cured But suppose it be a child of a larger growth Unreasonable to mourn for one when we have more whose death extorts these tears from us Yet it is but one and we may have many more remaining Shall we lose all the content of a great many because we suffer the wants of one If the life of this one would have pleased us so much then how joyful should we be in the life of four or five If it be such a grief to lose a child then let us be thankful that we lie not under the miserable grief of losing them all But if we cannot take this patiently then I doubt we shall run mad with impatience if God should take them all away We must learn to part with more by parting willingly with this one for all must die too Can he bear a stone weight who cannot endure the load of one pound and yet how justly may we fear that all the rest should shortly follow seeing we fret so much at Gods hand in this Suppose that this was the most goodly child yet not fairer sure then all the rest put together Or if he was most beautiful yet some of the others may be more wise If this had all our love then we may learn now how to divide our love equally and take pleasure in loving more If he loved us most then he would have wisht us if he had thought of it not to make our selves miserable by mourning for him Dion Chryst Orat. 30. So Charidemus said to his friends when he was a dying It is Gods will that I should die and there can nothing that is hurtful come from him I am very willing to die and I beseech you believe me in what I say for I have a greater care to speak truth now then any of you can have Grieve not for me for I grieve not do not make your selves miserable for I think not my self to be so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As much as ever you are able refrain from all sadness for no sad thing hath befaln me Thus we should say to our friends if we love them and therefore their love to us should not make us sad because they would have all they love to be chearful If they could tell us their mind they would certainly bid us cease our mourning and therefore let us do that our selves which they would have us for to do But let it be supposed that it is an only child Or when we may have more yet are there not many hopes that you may have more who gave you this cannot he give you another hath not he that hath the keyes of the grave the keyes of the womb also If one die then as long as the world lasts another shall be born And if we desire children for the good of the world then so they be born it is no matter by whom But if for our own sake then we may have them as well as others but grief I will assure you is not the way to get them Or if God will give us none then we may adopt one Any child will love us as if it was our own if it know not that it is any bodies else Nay any one will love and serve us for what we have and in stead of one we shall have many that will thank us more then he perhaps to be our heirs but if we have nothing then why should we desire children for to leave them miserable But as I said why should we not hope for more and those better
I where the head of us all is and where we enjoy the light of his most blessed face I would not live if I might again no not for the love of thee I have no such affection to thy society once most dear unto me that I would exchange my present company to hold commerce with thee But do thou rather come hither as soon as thou canst And bid thy friends that they mourn not for thee when thou dyest unless they would wish thee to be miserable again If we should have such a short converse with one of our acquaintance what should we think what should we say Should we fall a mourning and crying again would it open a new sluce for our tears to flow out would we pray him to go to heaven no more but stay with us would we entreate him to beg of God that he might come and comfort us If not then let us be well content unless we can give a better reason for our tears then our love to him Holcoth reports of a learned man In 4. sap v. 7. that was found dead in his Study with a Book before him A friend of his was exceedingly amazed at this sight when he first came into the room But when he looked a little further he found his fore-finger pointing at this place in the book of Wisdom c. 4. v. 7. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Though the just be prevented with death yet shall he be in rest And when he observed this he was as much comforted as he was before dejected We have no reason to lament them who are made immortal and that live with God If we respect them only we should carry them forth as the Aegyptians did the great Prophet of Isis when he dyed Heliod l. 7. Aethiop not with howlings and sorrow but with hymns and joy as being made an heir 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with our Betters and gone to possess most glorious things The truth of it is if it were rational love to him that expresseth these tears then we should not begin them so soon nor make such a noise and cry when men are a dying For the sad countenances and the miserable lamentations wherewith we encompass sick mens beds make death seem more frightful to them then it is in it self What misery am I falling into may a man think that causes them to make such a moan What is this death that makes even them look so ghastly who are not like to die What a mischief is it to leave so many sad hearts behind me and to go my self it should seem by them to some sad and dismal place also I tell you a dying man had need have a double courage to look both death and them in the faces or else their indiscreet shrikes and lamentations will make a poor soul fall into such dark and cloudy thoughts Nor for our own sakes that are alive Men are fain therefore to say that it is indeed love to themselves that forces them thus to bemoan the death of their friends But what are you that cannot be contented one should be made much better by making of you a little worse Is this the great love you pretend to your friend that you are sorry he is gone to heaven are you a friend that look more at your own small benefit then at his great gain Was he not much beholden to you for your love that would have had him lived till you were dead that he might have been as miserable in mourning for you as you think now your selves to be But what is it I beseech you that you thus bemoan your selves for because that you are now miserable No it seems that you are not miserable enough and that makes you weep so much If you had some greater trouble befaln you that would put all your friends out of your mind If you were sick or in pains or had lost all your goods these things could take your mind off from this loss why then cannot the enjoyment of them When Joab did but threaten David that they all would leave him 2 Sam. 19.7 unless he would be comforted then he could wipe his face and appear in publick as a man well pleased Fear of losing his Kingdom put away the grief for the loss of his son And therefore let us not speak of our being miserable by this loss for at last we find it is not so Yea I must tell you that it is not meer self-love that begets these tears For suppose this person to have been at a great distance from us for some years Did we weep and mourn because he was not with us did not the meer thoughts that he lived comfort us was he not as good as dead when we neither saw nor felt nor heard him What help could he afford us at that distance and did we account our selves miserable all that time we are now as we were then in all things the same but only in the knowledge that he is dead But was he not dead as to us before did he do any thing for us at that time that he doth not now Let us be quiet then for the truth is it is not love to him nor love to our selves that makes us sometimes weep but a meer natural affection that stirs within us i. e. Men mourn oft-times they know not why but only it is natural so to do They think they are not as they were before They feel that there is something wanting as they imagine It is a thing of long acquaintance perhaps and so nature is loth to part with it Get a new nature then and that will mend all And yet it is not meer natural affection neither that makes us sad For we our selves shall soon forget it but the freshness and the presence of the object of our sadness Time will make us forget it or if our parents had dyed a little after we were born we should never have wept when we came of age to think that they were departed It is no hard matter then for a considerate person to cease his grief seeing it depends upon such small causes And if any one shall say that it is love to the good of the world that makes him mourn for the loss of an useful person He hath reason to rejoyce that he loves the good of men so much For then he will labour to do much good in the world himself and he will perswade all the friends he hath remaining that they would do all the good they can and repair that loss II. But let me further ask you Was thy friend Gods friend also Our friends if Good are not lost or was he not If he was the friend of God as well as a friend of thine why should not he have his company rather then thou If he was not Gods friend then he could not be thine neither No man can love us aright that doth not love God and if he do love God
by our prudence and observation and taking those occasions which are offered us and Gods grace assisting of us It is not in our power alwayes to be in health or to be rich c. but when sickness or poverty comes we can make a good use of it and turn it into health and riches otherwayes 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Plutarch de tranquill The life of man saith Plato is like to a game at Tables wherein two things are considerable the one within our power and the other without The chance is not in us but to play it well is When we cannot have a good cast it remains that by our skill and art we make a bad one good Si illud quod est maxime opus jactu non cadit illud quod cecidit fortè id arte ut corrigas Terent. What shall fall out is not within us to chuse but to mannage and improve that which happens and turn it to our advantage by the goodness and the grace of God is within our selves and nothing that is without us can intermeddle or be an impediment to us in it Zeno I remember having lost all his goods by shipwrack sought for no Port but Athens and betook himself from merchandize to the study of Philosophie and so he revenged himself on Fortune as he called it by becoming a Scholar and an honest man crying out Jam benè navigavi cùm naufragium feci Now I made a good voyage when I lost all Such a story Nicephorus tells us of one Cyrus a Courtier in the time of Theodosius the younger who through the envious accusations of some favourites being spoiled of his goods of a Pagan he became a Christian and of a Christian a Priest of God and at last attained the degree of a Bishop So true is that which a holy Father said Those things are good Bona sunt ista unde facias benè non quae te faciunt bonum c. August Conc. 236. not which can make thee good but by which thou maist do good not which can do good but by which good may be done i. e. all things are as we use them and even prosperity cannot do us good of it self but we may use it to our good Just so I may be bold to say of adversity it can do us no harm but we make it do us harm it is not an evil that can make us evil but by which we may do evil There is reason then we should be of good cheer since things are as we please We need not be troubled since what befals us to our cross may serve a better end then that which we pursued If we be made better men more holy and severe in our lives more certain of heaven and more desirous to be there if we learn to know the world better to place less confidence in it and to expect nothing from it then there is no reason that we should accuse our Fortune For who is a loser that parts with a friend and gets God for his Father and commits himself to his providence That loses a Husband or a Wife and dwels for ever after in the arms of God and is enflamed with a greater love of heavenly things The world perhaps doth not love us have we not reason to thank it if it make us to place our comfort and contentment in God and a pure conscience They are unkind whom we have most obliged but we repent not that we have done such ungrateful persons good we still love them and lay up hereafter our hopes and expectation above and then when we cast up our accounts we find that we are gainers by them Thus in all cases we may say as he did O happy Providence my good Master 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that teaches me better then I could do my self who not only invites me but compels me unto vertue Now I am well because I was ill I have lost one thing and gained many God vertue and my self I have not what I desired but I have what I ought to have desired Another hath done for me that which I should have done my self Trouble makes every sad accident a double evil and contentedness makes it none at all If we will it can do us no harm if we give way to it we also wound our selves and joyn with it to make our selves miserable There is a perfect Embleme of our folly in the story of a simple rustick who going home out of the field laid the plough upon the Asses back and then got up himself also and observing the poor beast to be oppressed could find no better way to ease her but by laying the plough upon his own shoulder so loading himself and not at all alleviating her of her burden Our bodies are compared by the Ancients to the beast 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the mind they call the man the Soul is our self When the body is oppressed with many miseries by cares and grief we think to ease it when as alas we take not the loads off from it but only lay them upon our selves The same burden remains upon the poor beast and the man also bears it upon his back Like a Bird in the lime-twigs the more we flutter the more we are entangled and that which was but a single mischief before by our own follies becomes two or a great many But if we stir not at all but be quiet and still then we are what we were before this evill came only our souls have the addition of the greatest joy and pleasure by the victory we have obtained For it hath no small effect upon our souls that we can be joyful when there is matter of sorrow and that we can overcome the world and depend upon nothing for our happiness but God and our own souls Let us not sin then against reason as well as God Providence and Religion nor make our selves more miserable then we need be When we lose our estates let us not lose our constancy and our cheerfulness too if thou hast lost thy health do not lose thy patience also if thou must die a little sooner then thou thoughtest do not die unwillingly if thou hast no friend be not also thine own enemy if others vex thee do not also vex thy self if thou be ill to day be not also solicitous for to morrow Mat. 6. ult sufficient for the day is the evil thereof which are almost the very words of Ben Syra who gives this reason against such vexatious thoughts Perhaps to morrow shall not be and so thou afflictest thy self for that which nothing belongs to thee We multiply our evils by our trouble and bring those upon our selves which perhaps were never intended for our portion But our quietness disappoints the enemy and will weary him in his assaults when he sees that we do but grow better by what befalls us and turn it into victory and triumph So a wise man
the preservation and continuance of it some way or other It is in vain likewise as I touched before in their opinion to be troubled Confilium ejus est qui nullum habet consilium and patience is his remedy who hath no remedy else It is also to be considered That it is no great proof of vertue not to trouble others but this is excellent quietly to bear the trouble they give to us CAP. IV. THese and such like Arguments I shall dismiss and proceed rather unto the second general part of my discourse which I propounded The rules we should observe to preserve us from trouble which I shall lay down after I have premised these two things 1. Let us seek for them in their right place where they are to be found And then 2. Let us firmly settle our selves upon such principles else we shall alwayes be shaking For the first that we may find out the truest rules for the obtaining peace and quiet let us resolve that Evil is not so much in things as in our selves and if the evil which disquiets us be not in outward things neither is the good which must give us rest to be found in them All unquietness arises from the mind and a plaister applyed to the stomach will as soon cure a wounded conscience as riches or any thing in the world heal a discontented mind All the earth quakes and shakings are begot within our own bowels and proceed not from the winds which blow without This therefore is the first thing we must do get acquaintance with our own hearts see the cause of all our grief for nothing will heal us without our selves Our Saviour seems to intimate this truth to us in that phrase in the Gospel Joh. 11.33 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 he troubled himself as the margent hath it which some think signifies the perfection of our Saviour that nothing could trouble him but it also shews whence properly trouble arises viz. from the motion of mans own spirit which our Saviour could compose but now he groaned even to the troubling and disturbing of himself For want of this easie observation it is that men labour for peace at endless expences both of pains money and time yet never purchase it Some seek for it in Company and cheerful society which they think can put away the melancholy but still they raind not that they carry the disease about them which cannot so be cured Others seek for it in a contrary way of a solitary life by quitting the affairs of the world and retiring from all company into a Closet but all this while they retire not into themselves and the evil spirit which is in them is not yet cast out So while they thought they had ended their trouble they did but change it while they shake off all they are disquieted because they have not shaken off themselves Their own foolish opinions appetites passions and desires remain unmortified and though they should never see man they will be vexation enough to themselves Others seek for it in travel and seeing forreign parts but this will not effect the business neither as long as they have themselves in company Motion will but stir and enrage the humor and make it more turbulent and unquiet Others leave off some evil practices which they find do disturb them but as long as the body of sin is remaining they are not setled Nam luctata Canis nodum arripit c. Pers sat 5. They are like the Dog who breaks his chain but a great part of it still he trails after him They retain their antient love and affection and so are the same men though they do not the same things And as some one I remember saith He that retires out of the world and thinks thereby to be at peace but yet desires the fame or the glory of the world or any thing else that is in it he hath only his arm and his legs out of it his heart and his mind is still in it Here therefore we must begin as I said in the mortification of our selves If we be not quieted within every thing in the world will make us miserable if we be then nothing can harm us If our false opinions unreasonable desires fond affection ungrounded hope c. be alive we are no longer quiet then the world pleaseth Our peace is at the mercy of every report of every mans mouth and all the several accidents of evil that are in the world If we be sick and are afraid to die if we be in pain and have no patience if we be scorned and are proud if we be lessened in our estates and are covetous c. then nothing can help us from being miserable but on the contrary if we do not fear death so much as an ill life if we think impatience and murmuring a worse disease then the Gout if we think pride to be the greatest reproach and the highest disgrace and take covetousness to be the greatest beggary and basest poverty there is no harm a man can feel by death or sickness or scorn or want when all the alterations in the world will not quiet us one alteration will and that is the change of our opinions concerning things and our estimate of them by this one more will be done then by ten thousand changes The Heathen could say That no man can make another a slave unless he hath first enslaved himself * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Arrian l. 3. cap 24. Be not enthralled to pleasure or pain to hope or fear to life or death and thou art free What he said in this case we may say in all other nothing can overcome him that is not first overcome by his own imaginations and passions Thou art poor perhaps and contemned what of that if thou hast not this beggarly thought also that riches and honour make a man Another hath a bad opinion of thee but what then if thou hast not also a foolish opinion then mens censures are not much to be minded In every thing rule but thy self and thou shalt be at ease because thou wilt be thy self but never wilt thou till then be eased For remember this as a true saying which may be added to the reasons foregoing A proud man hath no God an unpeaceable man hath no neighbour a distrustful man hath no friend and he that is discontented hath not himself Not the rich man or the wise man alwayes possesses himself but in your patience saith our Saviour possess ye your souls Luk. 21.19 We have found therefore where we must begin to lay a foundation for all our rules viz. in our selves But then secondly we must build and firmly seat our selves upon these principles for if we do not use them notwithstanding all that I can say we shall be troubled By the former discourse you may easily perceive that we cannot be at peace without our
of great wisdom to wonder at nothing 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and this is the way to it which thing alone the Poet thought was almost enough to make one happy and keep him so Nil admirari propè res est una Horat. Numici Solaque quae possit facere servare beatum But he will not cease to admire that knows not the nature of things and he knows nothing that doth not see they are constant only in inconstancy CAP. X. VVHat is without thee keep it without thee Let it not come in unto thee nor do thou go out to it i. e. Let it not into thy heart by love and let not thy heart go out to it by desire Make nothing to become a piece of thy self which is without thy self For if thou lovest any thing of which as I said before thou canst not be certain thou wilt be troubled at its loss or at its danger This rule may serve also to fortifie you against the same kinde of trouble among others for the relief of which I prescribed the former Keep but every thing there where it is and all is safe If the world change and alter that is nothing unto us if it be not within us If it have no hold of our hearts how are we concerned in its various mutations We shall never suffer together with the world if it be not a part of us But if we set open the door and entertain it if we embrace it and let it dwell in us by our love cleaving to it then we shall be as it is and nothing can give us a remedy but the casting of it out again and setting it where it was quite out of our selves It is a true rule that no good can bring us any pleasure but that against whose loss we are prepared He that is in fear doth not sincerely enjoy and it is as true that we shall have no mind to lose that which we love dearly Now what a miserable case is this to be troubled with fear while we have a thing least we lose it and to be troubled with grief when it is gone because we have lost it But I have taught you how to provide against both these and against all sudden accidents and changes that are in the world Keep thy self as thou art Let nothing in which is without Do not promise thy self that which God never promised thee This heals all the evils which arise from vain hopes and cools the anger of those sores which are caused by frustration of our expectations It is lawful to desire several things which are uncertain if God see them good for us but let us not promise to our selves any of them Do not entertain thy thoughts with promises of contentment in such a relation and such a condition nor of success in such an enterprise no though thou goest about it wisely But promise to thy self pardon of sin and eternal life if thou dost thy duty and the grace of God to help thee for to do it if thou pray for it and wilt use it for all these things God hath promised to give us Solomon saith Eccles 9.11 that the race is not to the swift c. but time and chance happeneth to them all Now because men know not the time when things will alter and which is worse promise to themselves those things as if there were no time nor chance but what they fancie therefore he saith ver 12. that evil falleth suddenly and therefore sadly upon them Hope and fear are two great instruments of our trouble and we must cure them both as I have directed in this and the former rule And if we will hope for any thing let it be as I said before in the days of our sorrow and adversity to support our heaviness not in the dayes of prosperity to please our fancy We have good things enough then to comfort us and if we will spend our thoughts in airy hopes we make our selves miserable two ways We lose the pleasure of what we have and never enjoy what we look for And therefore I think he made a good answer who being asked which mans grief never ceased said Cujus cor non acquiescit in praesentibus Habitum nihil sperandi cui adipiscendo 15. perpetuis annis maximo labore incubui obtinui Cardan whose heart is not contented with what he hath at present And he likewise was well imployed who for fifteen years together with great pains endeavoured to get the habit of Hoping for nothing especially since as he saith he did obtain it for no question he found a great ease to his spirit by it Think that thou art most angry at thy self when thou dost amend Many create themselves no small trouble by being troubled at the disorder and disquiet of their spirit in cross accidents And I give this rule to take off all that trouble which proceeds from displeasure against our selves for our unquietness under Gods hand or that trouble for the sins we have admitted if it hinder our duty And this indeed is oft-times the greatest inquietude and trouble of all other Men roll their souls in very vexatious and impatient thoughts because they were vexed and impatient and so they commit that again which they should cure and unless they will cease it the disease will grow more desperate For they are impatient if their trouble be not cured and their disease instantly healed But alas this which they take for the medicine is the very disease Trouble doth but make the sore rancle and fester the more and inflame the Feavour to a greater heat Therefore coolly and mildly seek to amend thy trouble by some of the former rules that I have proposed Remember the more thou vexest thy self the further thou art from being healed and like a bird that is restless in a net thou art more intangled and perplexed Go therefore seriously alwayes and considerately about the cure when thou art troubled at any accident and think that this is a signification of the greatest trouble when thou art amended and thy mind is again in peace You may see how calmly David argues himself into a stilness Psal 42.11 Psal 43.5 Why art thou cast down O my soul c. If he had fretted at this disquiet which was in him and raised storms against himself the commotion would but have been like a new boisterous wind upon the face of the Sea already troubled which would but make it more rough and restless Let the Sun shine rather then the wind blow I mean with a clear understanding labour placidly to compose and appease thy heart and not by fresh gusts of black passion bluster and rage against thy self CAP. XI THere are three or four Rules that are more General and Universal which perhaps may serve in stead of all the rest for to heal that trouble from without which because they are so large I will superadde Have a little esteem of thy self Superbus
to please divers men Content thy self therefore with this God is sooner pleased then men resolve upon his will to let that be thine and keep to it Chuse that which no body can hinder no accident can forbid if thou can not do Gods will thou canst suffer it why then shouldst thou be troubled when thy own choice remains intire and thou hast what thou wouldest CAP. XII TO prevent all misunderstanding I must desire you to consider that all these rules are such as suppose the use of some other that have an universal influence upon all Christian practice and these must be joyned with them not severed from them As first Prayer Secondly See Phil. 4.6 7. Rom. 2.4 17 18. Giving thanks in every thing Thirdly Meditation of heaven and eternal blessedness Fourthly Consider of Gods fulness Psal 31.19.42.11 Heb. 2 17 18. Heb. 4.15 16. and the glories of his attributes 5. Of Christs death and Intercession with such like to all which religious exercises if we add those rational and natural considerations we may be well eased What remains then but our hearty endeavour thus to settle and compose our selves I told you at the entrance That these Rules are not like to Physick that will cure us without our thoughts and consideration So now I must further remember you that we must not think to take this course as some men likewise do Physick just when the distemper is upon us but when we are well and in quiet When the trouble once is begun and the disease hath seised upon our spirits it is not so easily cured and we cannot so well consider nor apply these lessons to our minds therefore we must use them as we do Food which we take every day to keep us in health and not as Physick which we take but at certain times when we find the humor stirring i.e. We must work our souls to such kind of reasonings and discourses as these are we must bring our minds to such a way of thinking as I have described and make these rules so familiar to our minds that they may be a part of our understanding and a piece of our reason not some forreign things to which we run for relief upon occasion of need We must strip out souls of their former conceits and cloath them with these notions We must root out these weeds of bitterness High esteem of our selves and of worldly things earthly love unreasonable desire fond hopes and expectations rashness and inconsideration and plant in their stead such good principles as now have been commended to you and take care that they grow up there The government of the soul must be altered from the rule of popular opinions and the tyranny of fancies and imaginations to the sole command of Christian reason In this great alteration let us engage all our forces Think how shameful it is to get all knowledge and not to know our selves nor how to enjoy our selves and how miserable he is that incompasses all the world and searches into all things only neglects his own peace or seeks it among the occasions of his trouble Discharge thy self therefore with all speed of thy passions of rashness and hasty thoughts Learn thy duty do it know God and thy self and the world and when thou art once humble prudent thankeful and heavenly minded thou wilt not be displeased at what God or men do nothing will trouble thee or if any thing do it will be this that thou dost these things no better and art no more perfect in thy Art But this is the happiness of such a mans condition that those who mourn shall be comforted and it is a pleasure to be so troubled an ease to the mind to be so aggrieved No joys here like those of an ingenuous sorrow no cup of blessing so sweet as that which is mingled with tears of true contrition for our ingratitude With a good saying therefore of a wise Doctor among the Jews I will conclude who seeing a man very sad and sorrowful thus addressed his speech to him If thy grief be for the things of this world I pray God diminish it But if it be for the things of the world to come I pray God increase it A Consolatory DISCOURSE To Prevent Immoderate GRIEF For the Death of our FRIENDS LONDON Printed by R. W. for Francis Tyton at the three Daggers in Fleetstreet neer the Inner Temple-gate 1660. A Consolatory Discourse to prevent Immoderate Grief for the Death of our Friends §. 1. The need of this discourse IT is left upon record by St. Hierom concerning Paulina that though she was a Lady whose passions were under admirable government in other things yet when any of her children dyed she was oppressed with so great a sorrow that he had much ado to save her from being drowned in the floods of it But it is not so great a wonder that a person of the tenderer sex should feel such a tempest as that David a man of war who had overcome so many enemies should himself be overcome with grief for a disobedient obedient son It is said that a Lacedaemonian woman having sent five sons to a battle stood at the Gates of Sparta to expect the event and when she met one coming from the Camp she askt him what was done All thy five sons said the man are slain Away thou fool answered she again I enquired not of this but of the issue of the fight When he told her that her Countreymen had got the better then farewel my sons said she and let us rejoyce that Sparta is saved But David it seems had not attained to this faeminine courage 2 Sam. 18 24. for he sate between the gates waiting for news of the success and when he heard of the loss but of one son and he a Traitor to his Countrey he could not contain himself till he came into the house but went up to the chamber over the gate to lament his son V 33. as though he had lost the day by losing him Nay he could not refrain so long till he came into the chamber but he watered the staiâ—â— with his tears and wept as he went up saying O my son Absalom my son my son Absalom would God I had dyed for thee O Absalom my son my son This lamentation of his cannot but call to mind the tears which Achilles another great warriour shed over the grave of his friend Patroclus where 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Homer speaks he wept most horribly as if he would have killed himself This love is such a powerful thing that if it have placed any object in our heart we can scarce suffer it to be taken from us without rending and tearing our hearts in pieces Such a strange union doth it make between two persons that we can scarce give that man any welcome that brings us the news of a separation And therefore some of the ancient Carthaginians as I remember knowing
to us and it is well perhaps that we had not such an example to follow They may live still in us if they were good if they were bad we had need live the better and spend those tears for their sins which may entail curses on us which we bestow upon them But besides it is observed by some that the most eminent persons that have been in the world did lose their parents when they were young or else it is like they had not proved so eminent The great Caesar and his successor Augustus Alexander the Monarch of the World Cicero the famous Orator Galen the most excellent Physitian Aristotle the great Philosopher are all examples of this truth If these had enjoyed the support of their parents to lean upon they might not have tryed their own sufficiency nor exercised their abilities or else they might have been wholly eclipsed by their lustre and done nothing to be taken notice of in the world But some will say that they have lost one half of themselves And of husband or wife Death hath ravisht an husband or a wife out of their bosoms And it is very well too I assure you seeing Death is so common that he hath left one half and not taken all But did you not think of this before did you not take one another with this clause till death us depart You did speak of parting when you first came together and now that you are parted you are free again as you were before If you like this conditon so well you are at liberty to seek another self If you do not like it why do you mourn for nothing or if you liked that person so well as to think of no other then you may stand among the rare examples of love and friendship and for one husband you may chuse you twenty friends But our friends you will say And of friends Epist 63. do die also Very true But let me borrow the words of Seneca for a leniment of this evil who speaks to this purpose If thou hast other friends besides this is it not a great reproach to them of their unworthiness that all of them are not able to comfort thee for the loss of one If thou hast no more then thou hast done thy self a greater wrong then God hath done thee for he hath taken but one and thou hast made never an one God makes men as is said by some and we make friends And if thou beest desirous of more findest such need of them thou hast leisure now to go and seek them He can never want friends that wants not vertue He loved not one well that cannot love any more then one Is it not a ridiculous folly for a man to shrug and cry when he hath lost his coat rather then go to fetch another garment to cover him from the cold If he be taken away whom thou didst love seek another whom to love It is far better to repair thy loss then to mourn for it And if thou canst not find another to thy mind How couldst thou be a friend to him that is dead if thou hast no power to help thy self why should not a good man find enough in God and himself The want of nothing can make thee want vertue and he that hath that hath enough Nay every good man is thy friend if thou beest good and they that never see thy face before if they see thy goodness they will be good unto thee Apuleius de Philos Mor. Bonos omnes oportet inter se amicos esse et si sint minus noti All good men ought to be friends though they be not much acquainted I have passed over these last particulars as you see very swiftly because I observe my discourse begins to run to a greater length then I intended and in some of the following considerations you shall find satisfaction to every one of these cases if you will but concoct them Consider so far as to make comparisons §. 6. III. To compare our selves with our selves others a way to be contented And first of all compare thy self now with what thou once wast yea with what thou once wast not There was a time when thou thy self was not so much as dead for thou wast not at all nor hadst any capacity of joy or sorrow Hath God dealt unkindly with thee in giving thee a being capable of both We were not so well once or not better and yet not so grieved Would'st thou have resused a being if we may suppose an offer to be made to nothing unless he would have given thee nothing but joy and never taken away what he gave thee unless thou hast a mind to be nothing be contended with what thou art Then thou hadst not these relations for thou hadst not thy self Why then shouldst thou mourn that thou hast them not since thou hast thy self Is there not more reason to be thankful for a being though capable of mourning then to be troubled at the occasion of thy mourning Surely thou dost not desire to cease thy mourning by ceasing to be Ease thy self then of thy mourning by the being that God hath given thee If thou could'st not mourn then Do not mourn now But then consider that since thou hadst a being there was a time when thou hadst none of these relations no wife nor children nor friends which thou art deprived of Yet thou didst not then weep and lament and trouble thy self as now thou dost Seeing thou art what thou wast be contented as thou wast What difference is there between that time and this Thou wast as much without then as now thou art why shouldst thou not be as much contented now as then All the difference between those that want a thing and those that lose it is only this that they who lose it once had that which they that want it never had Now shall we be the more troubled because we once had it one would think that their trouble should be the greatest that neither have it nor ever had it We have reason to be more pleased that we had it if there were any good in it and if there was no good in it then we have no reason to be displeased that we have it not Say hadst thou rather never have enjoyed thy friends then now be deprived of them Was thy condition worse or better heretofore If it was but equal to thy present then thou hast reason to be equally pleased Remember how thou wast then and be so now If it was worse then why shouldst thou be now worse troubled If it was better then why didst thou change it seeing thou knewest that all must die No question it is better to have enjoyed a good thing then never to have known it And therefore seeing thou art no worse now then thou wast once but hast been better then once thou wast be not more troubled then thou wast once yea be less
humoured and we shall have great reason to thank God for every thing that comes to us VI. And this will lead me to another consideration concerning the Goodness of God in all that he doth Ask thy self therefore And he rules it better then we could do Doth not God do all things for our Good Do we wish better to our selves then God doth Hath not He the greatest care of all his creatures to see that it be well with them Did he make them for any other end then that they might be happy Is there the least Sparrow that falls to the ground without our Fathers Providence Then Mankind must needs be under a greater love and none of them can die by chance but by his direction And above all other men He hath a singular care over the persons of good Christians the very hairs of whose heads are all numbered If not so much as an hair can drop off without Him much less can any body of them fall into their graves but He hath a hand in it But still He hath a more special providence over such Christians as are fatherless and widdows helpless and destitute of all succour And therefore as it was his goodness that took their friends away so much more will his goodness take care of them whom he hath left none else to take care of He considers us not only as his children but as children placed in the midst of such and such circumstances as desolate and sad as left only to his providence and tuition And therefore it is that the Psalmist saith Psa 10.14 Thou art the helper of the Fatherless And in another place Psal 68.5 A Father of the fatherless and a Judge of the widdow is God in his holy habitation Psal 69.23 I am poor and sorrowful let thy salvation set me up on high Yea and all good men are full of compassion to such persons Job 29.12 14. So that The blessing of those that are ready to perish come upon them and they cause the widdows heart to sing for Joy It is an excellent saying of the Royal Philosopher Antoninus worthy to be engraven upon our minds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Lib 2. §. 11. If there be a God then nothing can be hurtful to us for he will not involve us in evil But if either there be none or he take no care of mens matters what should I live for in a world that is without a God or without a Providence But there is a God and he cares for men also and hath put it into their power not to fall into those things which are truly evil And for the rest that befal us if any thing of them had been evil he would have provided that we should have been able not to have faln into that neither But if this great person had known also that God leaves us not to our own power when he sends any thing upon us but that he hath a peculiar love to his servants when they are in trouble and affords them his assistance He would have said on this sort If we be not alone without God then nothing need discomfort us for he is the God of all comfort If we be alone then we had need to be most discomforted for that and never endure in a condition without God But we are not alone and we are least alone when we are alone and have him most when we have other things least Therefore he hath put it into our power not to be troubled but to go to him for comfort in all that befals us and if there were no comfort in him for us in such cases then they should not have befaln us Let us not therefore mourn as long as we have a God and as long as all things make us seek for our comfort in him VII Let us ask our selves Grief will end let us end it How long we intend to mourn Doth any man intend to continue it all his life Then he may fall into the follies of Augustus who made the image of his Nephew whom he dearly loved be placed in his Bed-chamber that he might kiss it and embrace it daily Or the dotage of Alexander will be a fit punishment for us who built temples and commanded sacred solemnities every year for his beloved Ephestion Do you intend every year to have a funeral Sermon to go and weep over their graves at that time as you do when they are first put into them If not set some measures to your mourning for of it self it knows no measure And if you intend not to weep alwaies why can you not cease now If it be not a thing to be lamented for ever why should it be so sadly lamented at all Decency indeed doth require some mourning and natural affection must be allowed its tears but we must stay them as soon as may be and not mourn as if we thought we could never mourn enough For if we think so then we must mourn alway or else we shew that we had no reason to mourn so much But if any man be resolved to let the sorrow take its course and run as far as ever it can let me tell him that either his sorrow will spend him or else it will spend it self and so be cured without any thanks at all to us It is a trite thing which I am going to add but to speak with Seneca I will not therefore forbear to speak it because it is spoken by all So it falls out that he who will not put an end to his own grief time will end it for him But this is most dishonourable to expect till it put an end to it self when it can run no longer and not to end it our own selves by not permitting it to run at all with our leave To be weary of weeping is the basest remedy for grief It is far better for us to leave grief then to let it leave us It is a shame to let time conquer that which hath conquered us Seeing it must cease let it cease by our valour and strength not by its own weakness Let it die by our hands and not meerly because it can live no longer We are weary of nothing sooner then of grief and therefore let us cease that which if we would we cannot do long It is well observed by Pliny the second Lib. 5. Epist 16. that as a crude wound is very angry under the Chirurgions hand but in a short time doth both suffer it and require it so a fresh grief doth use to reject and despise all comfort but shortly after not only receives it most courteously but also desires and expects it And seeing if it can find no comfort it will fairly cease it self it is more like men that we should comfort our selves and put a period to it VIII Ask thy self again It may do us much harm before it end To what purpose is all my mourning
thou dost now lament the death of thy friend Will it groan and sigh to think of the hole where its flesh lies Will it sigh to think that its old companion is then become the companion of worms If not then let it not groan so heavily for a less matter that is now befaln it If it will then why art thou troubled for thy friend and not for thy self to think how sad thou must one day be The fear of thy own death must more then equal thy sorrow for the death of another man And how canst thou have time to think of any thing else if thou dost fear it Or if thou dost not fear it how canst thou fall under thy sorrow who hast overcome so great a fear Dost thou intend to go crying out of the world If not then be not now dismayed at that which thou must bear so valiantly thy self Then do not mourn so much for the loss of anothers life which will but put self-self-love into a most piteous case when thou comest to yield up thy own Death is no strange thing as I have said for we must all die But then why should we mourn so much if it be such an usual thing If we do mourn excessively it is a sign we think not of the commonness of it and then how shall we take our own death seeing we think not of it Let us but comfort our selves upon solid grounds against our own departure and I will warrant you that shall cure all our other lamentations Let us but dare to die our selves and we shall not dare to cry so much for any mans death Isidore of Pelusium thinks that our Lib. 2. Epist 173. Saviour did not mourn for his friend Lazarus because he was dead for he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead but because he was to live again and to come from the haven where he was arrived back again into the waves and storm from the crown which he enjoyed to a new encounter with his enemies If thou dost not believe his interpretation yet dost thou believe the thing Dost thou seriously consider that the misery of this world is so great that we should rather weep that we are in it then that others are gone out of it Then I ask thee again whether when thou art dead and well thou wouldst willingly live again If not then thou knowest what to say to thy self concerning thy friends death If thou wouldst then it seems thou canst be contented with this grief and I will not go about to comfort thee seeing thou lovest life with all the miseries thou createst to thy self But the very truth is we are so sensible of our bodies and have so little feeling of our souls or divine things that it is ready to make us think we are not when our bodies are dead This makes death such a terrible thing This makes both our own and others death so heavy because it seems as if there were an extinction of us That which we feel not nor have any sense of within us it is as if it was not And therefore if we feel not heavenly things and perceive not that we have a soul we shall receive death as if it was the loss of our selves and then who can but be sad Let us live therefore in a sense of such things as may make us die willingly and think that we our selves are not lost and then we shall not think that we have lost our good friends nor lay their death so much to heart XI Ask thy self likewise Nor wilt thou be able to help others to bear their sorrows How wilt thou be able to comfort others if thou canst not comfort thy self It should seem by thy tears that thou art very ambitious of the name of a friend but if thou be not able to comfort thy friend what is he the better for thee and how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedest with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves that they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsel and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs are there not the same griefs and maladies in their mind Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest to them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never comâ—s shall twice fall upon one man If it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of suffâ—rings then thou mayst render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth thoug he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person XII Ask thy self again Death doth sometime befriend us Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now