Sowse what then you do my Ladys Drudgery for nothing do you Sirrah a fine Trade indeed a hopefull Imploy had not you better have staid with the black-smith where I put you to Prentice you prodigal Villain Y. Bragg No I thank you faith I 've an easier Forge to work at and better Company Old Bragg Come I 'll try what Company you keep presently I 'll give you the Test Faith I 'll part with the best part of my Dinner to treat you for once come Sirrah here 's King William's Health Pulls out a brandy-Bottle and drinks Y. Bragg O Lord indeed Sir I never dare drink any Brandy Old Bragg Sirrah drink and quickly or by this bottle I 'll cut your throat Y. Bragg D'sheart Sir you 'll undo me my Lady will smell me an◠she hates the smell of Brandy as she hates the Devil Old Bragg You lye you dog there 's nere a Lady of her party but has a Bottle by her bed-side every night what a plague d' ye think I ha'nt heard of their cold Tea Y. Bragg ' Dsheart how should he hear of the Ladies cold Tea 't is the greatest 〈◊〉 Court by this Light Old Bragg Come come the Health the Health Y. Bragg Why then here 's the Kings Health I 'll top upon him as our Party use with a mental Reservation Come the Kings Health Sir aside Old Bragg What King What King Sirrah speak the words Y. Br. sings Sir I drank to the King and I took it off clean And he 's but a Fop that asks what King I mean Old Bragg A Fop very well Sir introth y' are in the right and to quip me better to be one I think this Hat and Feather would not be amiss this Peruke likewise is proper this Coat and Sword likewise Old Bragg takes away his Hat and Feather and Sword and Coat Y. Bragg ' Dsdeath what d' ye mean Sir Old Bragg To make money of 'em and drink the Kings Health you Rogue Y. Bragg Nay Father Old Bragg Sirrah stir a foot after me I 'll run my Sword in your Guts Zooks I've a great mind to the Breeches too I could flea a Rebel methinks as I would an Eel but come this shall serve at present but d' ye hear Sirrah get mony is your pocket against the next time to relieve your old Father or I 'll have no more mercy on thee than a she Tiger has of a Traveller when her Cubs have had nothing foo dinner Exit Old Bragg Y. Bragg So a very pretty business this thus am I serv'd by this old Rascal whenever I refuse him mony nay nor is this all for the disgraces I suffer by him vex me more by half Meeting me talking with a great Lord in the street t'other day Sirrah says he lend me eighteen pence for my Stockings want footing and my Shoos have lost both their heels my Lord star'd at him like a stuck Pig he as much at my Lord till having dispatch'd him I was fain to recover all by swearing he was a craz'd old Edge-Hill Officer that I kept upon Charity Well this won't do I must study some redress tho' I want Courage to beat the old Scoundrel but first to my Lady to whom I must tell some damn'd lye or other for a new Hat and Peruke one hour's soft Indearment I know will quip me again Tho to the Royal Aid she 'll nought disburse To me she never fails to draw her purse The End of the first Act. ACT II. SCENE I. Enter Old Merriton and Young Merriton Old Merr. OH Will well met when were you last at the Boarding School To. Merr. Yesterday Sir Old Merr. Then you must give me leave to guess your business there nay I 'll not question you but only let you see a Fathers Eye guided by his indulgence still most observes when it seems least to do so what think you of Mirtilla come speak freely To. Merr. Sir to dissemble is a Courtiers Vice that ne'r intends to do the thing he promis'd I 'll speak my thought as free as Air I think her the brightest Jewell of her Sex her Vertues set in her Beauty are unparalell'd and like the Jewel of great Tuscany too rich for all the neighb'ring Kings to buy Old Merr. Thou speak'st my thoughts dost love her prithee tell me To. Merr. Alas Sir be not pleased to hear my Follies my Will you know is bounded in your Pleasure on your Commands depends my love or liking besides tho dress'd in Beauty Wit Innocence I hear she is an Orphan and unknown not fit for me to love that cannot raise her to what her worth deserves Old Merr. She may be known hereafter not to baulk your fancy Sir I give you leave to exercise your liking if you think fit license you to love her To. Merr. Which I could do and faithfully but must grieve that my small fortune Old Merr. Do not upbraid me Son if my distresses have like clouds hung o'er me so involv'd thee in my sad Misfortunes believe me 't is no fault of mine but fates that thou deserv'st more I must needs confess for tho my Son thou art to Vertue nearer Arts still have been thy aim Wit Honour Justice Philosophy soft Musick with all the train of noble Sciences To. Merr. Good Sir no more you need not shew too nearly how much I am indebted to your goodness Old Merr. Thou art not in my debt but rather I in thine the trust I had in the last Reign deceiving me beggering my hopes makes me but half a Father I deserv'd well loyal Faith express'd but Ruine was the word and I amongst the rest To. Merr. Divert the Subject I beseech you Sir Old Merr. To the purpose then When did'st thou see young Amorous To. Merr. Today Sir who told me he was much beholden t'you for a late Plot upon his sordid Uncle Old Merr. T is true for I must own I hate that vicious Fellow more than Cowardise tho for some private reasons I seem to indulge his Humour more of that hereafter I know you are for the Boarding School this Afternoon to see the Fair forlorn well give her my Love she 'll make thee not less welcome for 't I 'm sure Adieu Exit Y. Merr. Old Merr. solus I have maintained her there this many years unknown to any and will proceed till fate make ripe my project young Amorous was framing an Intrigue till I discover'd diverted him with a specious Plot upon his Uncle to amend his Fortunes she is not of that mean desert she seems nor my Son's Love so weak as he pretends 't is Time must ripen all Here comes Sir Rowland as merry as Wealth and Wickedness can make him my first game is with him I shall go near to dash his jollity Enter Rakehell Rake Hoh Devotion art thou there with a pox to thee without a Prayer-book in thy hand too that 's a wonder faith for
Mer. Mirtil. I hope Sir you 'l defend your Fortune too Y. Mer. My Fortune is not worth defending Madam Mirtil. How Sir not worth defending is my price fallen then Y. Mer. Your price ah no I spoke of my own Fortune your value Madam is inestimable young fair and witty Fifty Thousand Pounds too and much good may it d' ye I am not envious Mirtil. All which I freely give to your dispose Sir Y. Mer. By no means Madam I am no Usurer your wisdom will do better to signify this to your Goldsmith he 'll mannage your full Baggs to an advantage for my own part I deal in Hearts not Money Mirtil. My heart Sir is yours for now I can give it nobly I 've wealth enough Y. Mer. But I alas have not enough for you I think 't was once your saying Mirtil. And do you then refuse me for a Saying Y. Mer. The Rich require no love they expect reverence and you see I keep my distance When we were equal then I lov'd ye dearly I durst be bold then now you are above me Mirtil. I am not proud Sir Y. Mer. Not to your own thinking a Woman's pride is just like one that squints she seldom thinks she has the imperfection because she never sees it Mirtil. Are not you proud now to refuse a Blessing so strangely thrown upon ye pray consider Sir are you not damnably proud Y. Mer. I have a noble fullenness of Soul not proud I never was a Slave to the Bawd Fortune noy am I to be pufft up with her Benefits Mirtil. Must then your bravery of mind be shown to all the World but me ah where is now the Love you once protested Y. Mer. Here in my breast my heart is full of it but Madam you would never entertain it you set my heart still on the score of Fortune 't was not to be oblig'd to you but her 't is true you argued prettily upon it but too wise reasoning shews too little Love Mirtil. All Love without is madness Y. Mer. Rapture you mean and in that Rapture Heaven 't is the Soul's general good enjoy'd in common as well by the naked Beggar as the Monarch Fortune 's a gift particular to Fools to make amends for the Soul 's gross defects the blind work of Predestination what must be must be Mirtil. I never yet did wish the Gifts of Fortune only to give 'em you Y. Mer. You should have given your self in you was fortune each precious minute you deferr'd my happiness was greater loss than Fortune could repay me now 't is your Charity I take it basely 't is Fifty Thousand Pounds given as an Alms. Mirtil. You are shrewdly hurt to take the Alms of Love thus warmly heap'd in Gold Come come you jest with me you cannot leave me so Y. Mer. Not so I 've yet some generous services to pay ye when you are settled then I 'll tell ye more Mirtil. And more I hope to th' purpose Y. Mer. It may be so mean time please to retire here 's Company coming I should be a fool indeed if I should lose thee for all my seeming Exit Mirtil. fullenness I know she 's fast therefore play this game that hereafter she mayn't twit me with her benefits Riches corrupt the Mind some Women must be serv'd so Enter Amorous laughing with a Scrivener Here comes Amorous whose merry tone will be turn'd too very suddenly Ha! Iack well met thour' t very merry I see by which I guess the World goes well hah Amor. Beyond my expectation faith Dear Rogue I have stript Iiltall taken away her Settlemement and torn it and have now brought this honest Fellow with Deeds here that give me a thousand a year which my Uncle has this night promis'd to Seal Ha ha ha Y. Mer. So why thou wett wrapt in thy Mother's Smock sure for thy luck But prithee what is become of the Jilt now Amor. Why thou wilt find her selling of Walnuts by the Fleet Ditch within these two days footing of Stockings is above her level she has not left a Nine-pence to buy Materials Enter Jiltall richly dress'd with Oyley and three Footmen with Lights Y. Mer. ' Dslife prithee look is not that she yonder Amor. No that must be the Devil who has taken her likeness and comes I believe with a design upon my Person Stands amaz'd Iilt. Methinks Oyley the Coach is not easie enough I 'll have the Cushions alter'd and the Velvet finer I 'll have Six Horses too I find every tawdry Gentlewoman has a couple Oyley 'T is true Madam and methinks your Ladyships Liveries are not fine enough neither Iilt. No they have too much of the dull City Air I 'll make Sir Rowland change ' em I 'll have my Pages Coat cover'd with Gold Lace and lin'd with Tissue Y. Mer. Is this she that was selling Walnuts by the Fleet Ditch Amor. Damn her this can be nothing but bouncing you shall see me go and teize her about the Settlement Iilt. What makes Sir Rowland stay so long Oyley Oyley He 's only talking with Mr. Dogsears the Parson a little Madam he 'll be with ye presently Amor. Hoh old Acquaintance what I see thou keep'st up still I see thou wilt not want Rigging whilst there 's a Cully in the Town Iilt. What means the Fellow Who is this Rascal Oyley Oyley Some pitiful Shaggrag or other Madam of Aisatia that wants to be kick'd by your Ladyships Footmen Amor. Do I so eternal Common-shoar No they 'll better serve for your Bitchships Recreation in the Larder at night But Betty prithee why so resty Lord you Whores with Settlements are so Proud ha ha ha Iilt. If I did know thee to be a Fool and not worth a Groat I would ruine thee for that word Hark ye do you pretend to know me Sirrah Amor. Cry ye Mercy faith may be I am bewitched and mistaken but the Devil take me if you do not look as like to a confounded Jilt of my acquaintance as one Thumb looks like another Do'st hear prithee honest Fellow who is that Lady ha To a Footman Foot Who is it why 't is my Lady Rakehell Sir Rowland will fleece your Coat I can tell ye that if he comes and sees ye sawcy with her Amor. Lady Rakehell and Sir Rowland what a Devil does this mean Y. Mer. This cunning Jilt has counterplotted him by Heaven I find it Amor. Why heark ye Fubbs prithee how came thy Name to be alter'd ha Iilt. 'T is a disgrace to me to tell thee but since 't is the only honour I ever intend to do thee know Sirrah I 'm your Aunt I am married to your Uncle Sirrah Amor. ' Oons married to my Uncle Oyley Ay ay married to your Uncle Sirrah what a Pox won't the Fellow be answered Amor. ' Dsheart ye Jade deny it again and quickly or I will have no more mercy on thee than Takes her by the Throat Oyley Help help Murder Murder
Butl. D' ye hear me Mr Mountford pray come back D' ye know what I 've done here Mount Yes play'd a Crack Butl. A Crack what 's that Mount pish leave your bantring stuff I 'm sure you know what th' word means well enough Butl. No I unless t is those that hunt rich Heirs At Covent-Garden Church at Morning Prayers Mount â—ray'ers Child no no your true bred â—racks ne're pray Their Talent's exercis'd another way In short thou hast abus'd a â—eneration Of female Vipers in a common Station Butl. That is I have abus'd Sir half the Nation Nay some perhaps that take the thing to heart I think I was bewitch'd to act the part Mount Pray what have you done more to shew their follics Than I have dâ—ne t' expose the Keeping â—ulliâ—s The Satyr in my part makes Equall Sport as th' poet thinks Butl. Ay the Devil take him for 't When one Dutch Lover in a keeping way One month is better than a twelvemonths play Mount Is it so faith Butl. Yes as I make 'em pay Mount Well here are other things to make amends Mirtilla's part must get him Female friends A rampant Wise is well expos'd to view And not ill drawn a Sneaking Cuckold too Butl. I can't imagine where that Satyr hooks I can finde no such Cuckold here by 's looks Mount Yes fifty in that upper Row Gadzooks Rich Goldsmiths Mercers Taylors Brewers Bakers Butl. And what are these Pointing to the Pit Mount Oh these are Cuckold-makers Who o're that Tribe still bear preheminence For you must know there 's as much difference Between the Horner the hen-peck'd drudge As is between a Tipstaff a Iudge Butl. Well these abusive Iests will never do The Audience hates 'em Mount That 's a signe they 're true Butl. ' Dslife 't is enough to cry the Playhouse down Lee's part and mine abuses half the Town Moun. Good Satyr's no abuse Butl. Not where the lash is felt Faith Mounford thou' rt a Coxcomb Mount You 're a Iilt. Butl. Made so here only by a â—oets pen Send him his part I 'll never play 't agen Throws away the Part and Exit Mountford to the Audience This is a Trick done or I m a Chouse To get a greater pension from the House I therefore on the Authors part appear To beg excuse for th' Entertainment here And now I from my Wife soâ—e time can borrow I 'll swinge her but I 'll make her play 't to morrow Love for Money OR THE BOARDING-SCHOOL ACT I. SCENE I. Enter Young Merriton and Amorous Merr HA ha ha ha thou art the pleasant'st Fellow Amor. Nay prithee suspend thy damn'd criticall Censure till I have told thee the Plot and then if thou laugh'st at me Merr. I shall have cause hath Amor. No gad not unless strength of Judgment exquisite Wit admirable Contrivance and the rest of the noble Ingredients that qualifie a brain for things extraordinary can give cause Merr. Very well Sir we shall judge of that presently proceed Amor. Art thou solid then is thy face set Merr. Not a line out of order as grave as a Country Vicar expounding at Catechize When d' ye begin Amor. Thus then I need not tell thee to prolong the story the Extravagancies of my ungovernable Minority thy self always being a spectator of 'em ' tho' no friend to 'em nor need I expose my own passionate Inclinations for that delicious Creature Woman whose sweet dear bewitching Sex I still cannot repent adoring tho' it has been the utter ruin of my Fortunes my dear Betty whom I now live withal charming me as much in this my worst and lowest Ebb as when I was a Flutterer at the Court with Coach and Six and gawdy Equipage Merr. Prithee take my counsel Friend and do not doze and slumber o're thy ruin I lately came thou know'st from the University and for self satisfaction must confess a great part of my study there was Woman that dear damn'd tempting Sex as thou hast call'd 'em I made Remarks from Rules of Physiognomy studied Complections knew whether Black or fair were true or false all Female Pinaccs and how much Love would freight 'em even blinded my own with poring on black Eyes to finde their subtile motions and for Noses I knew all Natures from the high Roman Arch to the sharp little turn-up Nose that stands as if 't were set i' th face to hang one's Hat on Amor. Very well Sir and what does your learned Worship infer from this Merr. Now I come to thee this skill amongst the rest of that Soul-gaining tribe has taught me to observe thy Betty thy dearest Charmer as thou fondly call'st her and tho' fond love mustle her faults from thee I can perceive and plainly her jiltish Actions and must take the freedom of a friend to tell thee she 's false and does abuse thy Love Amor. Impossible her gratitude would secure me from such a baseness if I had no merit to deserve her which begging excuse of your severity I shall not altogether believe Sir besides her beauty and agreeable behaviour make such a large impression on my heart all other joy is pal'd and unpallaâ—able like Wine uncover'd to the Summer Air. She 's all that Luxury could wish to please it I look abroad and see the young soft fair Then turn me round and find 'em all in her Merr. Nay if you are upon your Raptures I have done with you Amor. Besides I have given her frequently lusty sums of gold the more to endear her to me and that I 'm sure is the Lovers best proof of his Affection Merr. Yes faith and the worst of his discretion Amor. Discretion why thou talk'st like a Shop-keeper weighing of sâ—ap a manager of sense by drams and ounces Discretion is a spurious Brat begot between solid Dulness and sophisticated Reason a staple Commodity for cheating in Trade upon the Royall Exchange a virtue in Country Graziers that would fell Horses or buy Sheep the dull Companion of bob-tail'd Chaplains newly come from the College for whom Discretion is as good an Epethite as Circumspection is for one that squints but amongst the Beaux Esprits and men of sense is was and ever will be the jest of Conversation and the scandal of good Company Merr. Handsomly troll'd off i'faith and this you stedfastly believe Amor. Most conscientiously I have known your discreet person wear his Cravat three inches from his neck wipe his nose on his sleeve act the Mute in witty Company three hours together cram himself with other Peoples Jests to vent'em dully as his own at home get his Cookmaid with Child in the Kitchin and every night in the Parlour expound against Whoring with a Pox to him Merr. But did'st thou ever hear he settled three hundred pounds a year upon her as thou hast on Betty hah Prithee was not that want of discretion wert thou not a Cully for that Amor. Not at all no damn him a
Ay there I would give thee leave for I never come into one but that 's all one on my Conscience this Fury will be the Death of me one way or other Amor. Certainly Sir For to say Truth she has often a mad Fit takes her and then she fears neither God Man nor the Devil she got it with drinking Brandies and Hot Waters in the Indies Sir Rakehel Well Cozen I see I must depend upon thee What relief hah Amor. Why Sir to shew what a Value I have for ye and what Care for your Reputation make up the Estate of Seven hundred a Year that I sold ye a Thousand and settle it upon me and I 'll instantly marry her and give you a Discharge for all the rest Rakehel Well well I 'le do 't Nephew I 'le do 't for I find if I should carry it against her by Law I shall never carry my own Guts in quiet an hour after she 'll have her Dagger amongst 'em before I 'm aware Amor. Ay Sir besides the Disgrace of Kidnapping you know Rakehel Ay 't is time but Mum for that good Nephew thou knowest all Flesh is frail and 't was a shrewd Temptation Go go and get the Writings ready and I 'le Seal to Morrow But prithee when thou hast Married her keep her within doors for Gadzooks I had rather eat a Fricassy of Souls with Belzebub than meet her in my Dish again Exit Rakehel Re-enter Jiltall Iilt. Ha ha ha ha Is he gone Amor. And most damnably frighted what betwixt the shame of being taken for a Kidnapper and his own Cowardly Apprehensions of being Murdered he 's e'en out of his Wits the business is done ye little Devil the Writings are going to be drawn for a Thousand a Year and he 's to Seal to Morrow Iiltal Ah dear Dog I am glad on 't for thy sake I vads Iacky and I think I acted to the Life Amor. Rarely Rarely and thy Settlement shall fare ne're the worse for 't it may chance to swell to Five Hundred a year now ye dear Devil you Kisses her Iilt. No indeed sweet Blood that 's too much I 'm afraid you 'l think I 'm mercenary Iacky Mrs. Strikeup Sir Thomas Rental's Mistress 't is true has Five Hundred a year but for my part my dear Honey sweet Puppy-face thou art so Charming I can love thee without e're a Groat Amor. Ah! dear Betty I love thee so entirely that I think I can never do enough for thee Prithee let 's go and be private a little shall we Iilt. Not now dear Iacky there 's the Governess and some other Boarders in my Chamber who expect me at supper but to morrow my Honny-suckle Rogue I 'le be thine all day till when my little dear sweet Apes Face adien Ah Sirrah I 'm too fond of thee Strokes and kisses him and Exit Amor. Well go thy ways if all thy Charming Sex had Souls like thee despising base Confinement and wore thy constant kind endearing humour in what a forlorn state were Matrimony A Wife why is not she the best of Wives that loves me that pleases and indulges my desires and all still upon honour without force and this dear Betty is thy Character Marriage the product of Convenience is 'T is Love with freedom brings the truest Bliss Enter Le Prat from the Garden Le Prat. Ha ha ha ha Amor. How now what makes this French Puppy here grinning so Monsieur you are very merry I see Le Prat. Merry ay begar I have de ver good reason too if you knew all dis Lettra dat you see here make me de most happy person in de whole World begar Amor. A Letter what from some young thing here I warrant that 's smitten with thy airy parts come prithee discover thou knowest I am thy Friend art stealing a Fortune here hah Le Prat. Dam Fortune she 's a blind Bawd dat obliges none but Fool begar dis Intreague is beyond all de Fortune in de World which because you are de Man of Honour I will communicate you must know den dat here is great Beauty in dis-Town dat goes by the name of Madam Iiltal Amor. Ha Iiltal Le Prat. A rare Creature both for de Shape de Wit de Beauty and every ting dat is incomparable Amor. So Sir Le Prat. Now you must know dat at intreaguing is de very soul of the French and my self being always great Admirer of dat Gallantry I have endear my merit so much in her Favour by de Song de Fiddle de Present and oder ting shall be nameless dat she came yesterday hither in an Indian habit to meet me Amor. To meet you Le Prat. Yes begar ha ha ha vas not ver pretty frolick hah for you must know dat we have sometime met together in order place before now Amor. Damnation What does this Rascal mean Aside This must be my Betty it can be no other So Sir and that Letter is from her is it Le Prat. Just now sent to invite me to her private Chamber where dere is de Bed and Couch and Chair and all oder convenience ah 't is full of de most tender obliging expression dat ever vas writ dere read you shall find she has great deal of Wit she's ver fine person ma foy Amor. Hell take me if it be not her own Character Oh patience Reads the Letter Your Merits dear Sir have so won upon my heart that I can no longer defer your desire therefore you may come if you please by the Back Garden up Stairs into my Apartment for I 'm oblig'd to stay here to night upon some urgent occasion now is your time and to endear ye more know that I intend to feign my self sick to a young passionate Fool that loves me and waits for admittance to possess the greater Pleasure of enjoying your sweet Company Le Prat. Ay dat Fool dat Fool de turning away of dat fool dat wait please me most of all ha ha ha vat tink you Hah is not she an Angel Amor. A down right Devil Le Prat. Deevle who who Jernie vat are you tinking on Oh you are surprised at her Wit are you ha ha ha vel begar I believe she has the richest brain in all England ma foy and is assurement the greatest Amor. Jilt in Europe by Heaven Oh Confound her is all Stamps the Vows and fondness come to this Ah dear Merriton now I confess my Blindness and thy Judgment Le Prat. Hey Vat a Diable is de matra nay nay if you be mad come give me de Lettra and let me go for I long to be embracing de dear dear ravishing Creature dat stay for me Amor. Why then let me tell you Monsieur Rantipol tanto you shall not have her Letter nor shall you go to her neither Le Prat. Hey morbleau vat time of the Moon is dis vat you mean Monsieur Amor. Why I mean to signifie to ye Monsieur that this