years of Age whom he had caus'd to be bred up in a Convent However Velley was yet young enough well shap'd and had a great deal of Wit He was born with so great an Inclination for all sorts of Sciences and was so studiously addicted to 'em that he had attain'd to a considerable perfection in 'em But among all the Good Qualities he had one very Bad one which had like to have ruin'd St. Albe and my self and which we never were so curious as to mistrust Velley who could not believe after all that had bin reported of me in the World that I was an Enemy to Gallantry took a fancy to court me Now in regard I was not sensible of any Inclination for him I was not offended with the marks which he gave me of his Love I treated him also after such a manner as made him believe I was not displeas'd with his Courtship I also perceiv'd what he drove at because he redoubl'd his Sedulities and gave me sufficient Intimations that he was passionately in love with me Till then I little minded his Courtship but when I found him in earnest I carri'd my self more warily and so behav'd my self toward him as to let him see there was no hopes And whether it were that my entire devotion to my Husband made him forbear his Courtship or whether he lookt upon my Severity as an Artifice which I made use of to engage him the more he spoke no more to me concerning his Passion and we began to live together as if he had never mention'd any such thing to me St. Albe return'd from the Army and we went to spend the Winter at Paris Velley accompani'd us and having fetch'd his Daughter out of the Convent presented her to me She was witty and chearful in her humour and I was glad of such a pleasant Companion in my House 'T is true that her Beauty was so lively and so charming that had I bin never so little addicted to Jealousy or rather could I have imagin'd that St. Albe who lov'd only Me and the War could have bin of a humour to alter his Inclination I might have bin afraid of her Allurements I gladly therefore accepted Velley's Proposal to let him have an Apartment in my House though my Husband told me it would be inconvenient to lodge Strangers under the same Roof but I assur'd him they were People that would be no trouble to us in the World He was not accustom'd to contradict me and therefore would not oppose a thing which I seem'd to desire but added he with a smile blame no body but your self for what may happen for Mademoiselle de Velley is very amiable I answer'd him also with a smile that instead of alarumming my self at that I desir'd he might find her to his humour for I lov'd him too well to dislike what he lov'd But he found too soon that I did not mean as I said About a Month Velley and his Daughter had liv'd with us when I perceiv'd that St. Albe labour'd with a secret melancholy that tormented him and which he strove to conceal under various Infirmities of which he complain'd he spent the Nights without sleeping he sigh'd continually and me thought he avoided the sight of me for when I came to him to ask him what he ail'd he shun'd me and sighing only cry'd that he was very ill This began to disturb me and I desir'd him to enter into a Course of Physick to which he answer'd that nothing but death could cure him I redoubled my cares and my Caresses which he coldly receiv'd and which I attributed to his Distemper I judg'd him to be very sick indeed since instead of being a comfort I was become a trouble to him I was so persuaded that his indifference for me was no other then an Effect of his Disease that I durst not complain of it for fear of adding to the pain of his distemper the trouble which I thought it would be to to him should he perceive me to be discontented with him I made it my Business to divert him and in regard that Velley was a Jolly-man I desir'd his Conversation But I found that his Company rather augmented then lessen'd my Husband's Disturbances only methought that Mademoiselle de Velley's appearance gave him some Relief This began to create disturbances within me of another nature I felt Suspicions and Jealousie brooding in my Breast But then thought I to my self if he loves Mademoiselle de Velley wherefore does his Love make him sick since he sees her every day and she if I mistake not no way seems displeas'd with his Company It must be doubtless then Remorse of Conscience for being thus perfidious to me and he seeks to punish himself for his falseness in loving another I had so good an opinion of him that I made no question but that his sickness supposing he did love Mademoiselle de Velley proceeded from his being asham'd of his having Sentiments offensive to me but then again I was as soon of another mind and thought him like those Husbands who cannot endure the sight of their Wives when once they become unfaithful While I was rowling these thoughts in my mind Velley enter'd my Chamber seemingly pierc'd with Grief and Vexation in which condition when I ask'd him what he ail'd Madam said he I have strange News to tell ye you here behold a Man at his Wits end of necessity I must leave your House I understand your Husband Monsieur St. Albe's Disease Here are two Letters which he has written to my Daughter and which I intercepted read 'em and then tell me whether I am not the most unfortunate man in the World to come to your House to be the trouble of your felicity and Repose I took the Letters trembling I open'd 'em and found the Hand to be St. Albe's The first contain'd the following Expressions The LETTER WHY lay ye to my Charge my Affection to my Wife Is it because you are not convinc'd after all that I have said to ye that Acknowledgment only forces me to have some sort of value for her I marry'd her only to raise my Fortune but 't is my Heart 't is Inclination and Choice that fix me to your self and if you continue your Rigours you will certainly be the cause of my death 'T is impossible to express the shame and indignation that seiz'd me after I had read this Letter I had not strength enough to read the other but Velley press'd me to peruse it and it was thus indited The LETTER COnfess that the Reproaches which you cast upon me about Madam de St. Albe are but a Pretence which you make use of to conceal from me the Aversion you have for me For in short what would you have me do to convince ye that I hate my Wife since what I do every day before your Eyes is not sufficient to perswade ye of the Truth You see I can hardly endure to look upon
to make a Present to Blossac upon the Festival Day of the Nunnery's particular Saint In this manner then I sent him my Letter with orders to the Bearer to deliver the Bundle into his own hands Thus had my Passion bin never so violent it could not have taught me to take better measures then my own Vanity inspir'd into me For the two Passions of Love and Vanity force Women to act for the most part much after the same manner as I found by experience in the progress of my life Blossac receiv'd my Letter and had always lookt upon me as a Child But he found that Letter so witty that his first thoughts advis'd him to shew it to my Parents to the end they might see what an extraordinary Daughter they had However he met with so much Passion so much tenderness in it that he believ'd it impossible that I should write in such a manner without being in some measure sensible of what I had written to him And the younger I was the more he flatter'd himself with being the first Object of a growing Passion And whatever in my Letter seem'd to him to be above my years he ascrib'd to nothing but Love So that from thence forward he began to love me in earnest and return'd me a most passionate Answer wherein he promis'd to come and see me the next day However I met with something in his Letter that offended me for he call'd me his Pretty Child Now I had never read that the Hero's in Romances gave such Language to their Mistresses so that I expected him with impatience that I might have the pleasure to abuse him for it He came and because he had not seen me in above a year before he found me so well grown though then but in the Twelfth of my Age that the sight of my Person compleated what my Letter had begun He became my most Passionate Lover nevertheless being desirous before he discover'd his Love to be assur'd whether I had reason enough about me to sustain the weight of such a Declaration he appli'd himself to me with the same terms of familiarity as formerly calling me his Little Miss and his Pretty Sweet-heart and teling me with an Aire of Fondness that I was the most delicate Girl in the World All these low Titles I took ill and therefore in the Tone of a Romantic Heroess I talk'd to him as Astrea talks to Celadon when she banishes him her presence At first he laught at my Childish Indignation but seeing me persist in the same Language he was so much the more at a loss because he lov'd me with so much the more tenderness Thereupon he came to a serious Explanation of himself and told me after such a manner as somewhat daunted me that he was asham'd at his years to confess himself so weak as to have a Passion for me however that he could not forbear to let me know as much a Child as I was that his Life and his Repose depended upon me and that he should dye without an Assurance that my heart was his And he pronounc'd these words in such a manner that they pierc'd my very Soul And had I had but a little more Experience I should have understood to have made a distinction between him and others and that it was no longer that I acted by the same Motive that oblig'd me to send for him I then forgot all that Romances had taught me concerning the Disdain and Pride of their Heroesses I fell a weeping and begging his pardon for having offended him I assur'd him of the surrender of my heart and that I would never say any thing to him agen that should excite his Anger He was overjoy'd to find such an alteration in me and continu'd his Arguments to persuade me how passionately he lov'd me when our Conversation was interrupted by the coming in of the Abbess for then he fell a cockering me again with tendernesses suitable to my Age and calling me Pretty Child advis'd me to be a good Girl Nor was it out of Policy that I forbore to shew my self displeas'd with his Discourse but because I found an inclination in my self to pardon every thing in him but indifferency I was so much afraid he did not love me that having found an opportunity before we parted to ask him whether he were still offended I oblig'd him to swear that he would love me as long as he liv'd Thus it was that without knowing what it meant I surrender'd my self up to that fatal Passion that since has so much troubl'd my repose 'T was not for any other design that I desir'd to see Blossac but only to trample upon his Submission when I became so much his Slave that I took delight in nothing else but thinking of him To such a Precipice had the aiery Vanity of Romances insensibly led me I lov'd yet knew not what Love was And I lov'd so much the more because I was ignorant what it was to love Nor would my Ignorance permit me to contend with what I knew not I saw nothing that frighted me in the kind Sentiments I had for Blossac nor had I any desire to be afraid of Consequences which I foresaw not I studi'd nothing so much as how to please him and find out ways to see him often Romances then that formerly were my chief delight began to grow irksome to me I did not like it that their Heroesses should take so much pleasure in treating their Lovers so uncivilly And I blam'd their Pride so much the more the less I understood that it was a vertue to be proud Thus whither is it that we may not be transported when we unwarily deliver up our selves to a Danger which we understand not yet for which we have a kindness When I was alone I would be writing Letters to Blossac and though I knew not there was any harm in what I did yet I was most terribly afraid of being taken in the Act. But it was impossible for me to be so cautious as to prevenâ— it Some of my Epistles were found and carri'd to the Abbess who blest her self to see Satan so prevalent in a Girl of my years She sent for me and ask'd me where I had learnt to write after that manner I knew not what answer to make her seeing her as I thought in such an angry Mood And my silence making her believe that I was better instructed and more guilty then indeed I was she told me I deserv'd to be buri'd alive for writing such Letters as those Upon that I fell a blubbering and pleaded for my self that I did not think there had bin any harm in writing after such a manner But she gave me such a Juniper Lecture by way of answer as open'd the eyes of my Understanding and soon convinc'd me of my Errors and I was so asham'd of what I had done that I began from that very moment to have as great an aversion for Blossac as
same Conditions that he gave me to another I made no question but that he would accept ' em I gave this Character of Blossac because I lov'd him and not being able to conceal from my self the Affection I had for him I endeavour'd to persuade my self that the Good Qualities which I conceited in him render'd him a Person worthy of my love And judging of his Sentiments by my own I imagin'd he would never refuse to obtain me at any rate whatever Thus I forgat the Contempt of which I had till then accus'd him And I had still the vanity to flatter my self that he would never have patiently endur'd my being marry'd to another had he bin inform'd of my Destiny Upon this I desir'd my Father to let me write to him and to put off the Wedding till I receiv'd his Answer But my Father told me I was a Chicken to imagin that a Man from whom I had not heard in so long time would impair his Estate to purchase a Bedfellow Yet such were still the vain Hopes wherewith I was wont to flatter my self in the succeeding course of my Life For I always had a good opinion of those that lov'd me In the mean time my Husband met us with a Magnificent Train and then I must acknowledge he appear'd to me quite another thing then what he seem'd to be upon the Road. So that after I had for some time wistly view'd and consider'd him I felt no farther reluctancy to give him my hand and therefore making a vertue of necessity I resolv'd to make the best of my Fortue We stay'd no longer in the Town where we arriv'd then to get all things ready for the Nuptial Ceremonies During which time I was visited by all the Neighbours and in regard my Father was with me no body ever dreamt that I had bin hurry'd away in a Coach and Six Horses to a stollen Wedding So soon as the fatal Knot was ty'd we went to my Husband's Lordship where my Father left me having all the reason in the world to believe that he had dispos'd of me to a plentiful and happy Being He had before his departure written to my Mother that he had met with my Ravisher and had forc'd him to marry me That I had bin more fortunate then prudent for that I had suffer'd my self to be forc'd from the Convent by a Person of a great Estate and of no mean Birth My Father was desirous that I should approve his writing to my Mother after that manner and that my being forc'd from the Nunnery should be thought a Contrivance of my own And this was another Blot upon my Reputation and of which I too plainly foresaw the Consequences For no body that saw my Father's Letter question'd the truth of my being stollen by force and they as little doubted that it was my Contrivance because they were ignorant that I was altogether a stranger to my Husband at that time Besides my former Inclination for Blossac so well known render'd all that my Father had written too probable to be deni'd Nor was it any wonder that I should have so much wit at Sixteen years of Age to manage a Nuptial Amour which was the only Remedy I had to prevent my being lockt up in a Cloyster Thus it fell out that though I never deserv'd it I had all the Honour or rather all the Shame of this Intreague My Wit was admir'd but People neither thought nor spoke so well of my Prudence and Conduct The Story of my being taken by force out of a Nunnery was the Discourse of all Paris for a long time and every body told it after a different manner The Idea that all Persons had of my Wit and Contrivance for the carrying on of an Amoros Intriegue shelter'd my Father from having any hand in it But the Relation it self of the Matter of Fact was so remote from Truth that I should have deni'd it my self had I heard it repeated for there was no disguise which they did not make me put on to facilitate my Escape out of the Cloyster insomuch that I was strangely surpriz'd to find that a certain Author in a Book wherein he has the goodness to name me should presume to aver that I was disguis'd in Man's Apparal and that I made my Escape in a Gardner's Cloaths Thus if there be but the least foundation for Slander she believes her self fully authoriz'd to publish whatever Malice dares invent And I am assur'd that so many Scandalous Stories as are every day made upon Persons of my Sex are only the effect of this Malignity But 't is too early yet to make Reflections I have many other Adventures to recount wherein you will find that Slander has as little spar'd me though no more guilty then in this One of the first to whom the Story of my being forc'd from the Convent and my Marriage was told with all the most malicious Circumstances that Publick Report could imbellish it withal was Blossac Which when he had heard he seem'd to repent his refusing to meet me at the Time and Place appointed For he had no other Reasons to forbear seeing me then the noise which our Letters had made and not believing that being so young as I was I could have Discretion and Conduct enough to make use of all the Means and Opportunities that might present themselves to favour our Private Meetings he resolv'd to stay till I had more Judgment And besides he was not well satisfi'd with me because he still conceited it was I who had inform'd the Abbess of our private Amour At least it was this that he told me in excuse of himself For my part I am persuaded by what happen'd after that that from the time of those Reports he ceas'd to love me and that his Flame did not re-kindle till the noise of my being forc'd from the Convent gave him to understand that I was not so much a Child as he took me to be However it were when he understood that I was marri'd to a Person much below him in Quality and inferior to him in Estate he resolv'd to find me out not able to forget in what a passionate manner formerly I was wont to breathe into his Amorous Breast my Vows and Resolutions to be always his Nor was it an unusual thing for him to visit the Province where my Residence was because his Grandfather had bin Governor of it and for that the Gentry of the Country had a great value for his Respect and Name Book the Second WHILE Blossac was meditating the Recovery of my Affection I was wholly taken up with the care of pleasing my Husband Me thought I lov'd no body but him tho in truth I could make daily discoveries as well in his Disposition as in his Person of those defects which in some measure stagger'd my Inclination He was a Man naturally given to debauchery and one who preferr'd Wine and Good Chear before all other Pleasure
some out of Interest others because they would not give themselves the trouble to let me see the inconveniences of a Design wherein I ran the hazard of ill Success And indeed there are few real Friends that know how to give Women those Counsels which are most agreeable to their real Exigencies There was no body but Mrs. Laval who thought it unfriendly to flatter me She told me every day that I could not take a more honourable Course then to live with my Husband and insisted that it behov'd me at least to hear the advantageous Offers which he made me But I was not then in a condition to relish the solid Reasons with which she supported her wholsome Advice The ill Usuge which so good a Woman daily suffer'd from her Husband made me afraid of the like from mine I had not as yet learnt the Lesson she had done that the Reputation of a Woman is never secure when she lives asunder from him whom God has once united to her On the other side I thought I should be happy if I could obtain a Separation and this was that which I only thought it my duty to labour for St. Albe had still recourse to me under the Oppression of his Father nor can I deny but that the respect with which he always accompani'd his Passion for me made me very desirous to be serviceable to him I imputed all his Father 's ill usage of him to my self I was mov'd that he should so long disguize himself for my sake and moreover I pardon'd him all reports to which he had expos'd me in favour of the pleasing Vengeance which he had given me the occasion to take upon his Father's Importunities I was also good-natur'd and tho as yet I feâ—â—â—o motions of affection for him however I had too â—â—â—t an esteem for his Person to refuse him whatever I could in civility contribute toward the making of his Life less miserable To sum up all in a word I did not think it was a crime in him to love me and I thought that an Amour which was no way offensive to me could be no inducement to hinder me from doing that which I would have done out of generosity Thereupon I spoke to Madam de Chatillon in his favour lay'd before her the sad condition of the Young Gentleman and begg'd of her to make use of her credit in his behalf She was well pleas'd that I took his part however at the same time she made me sensible that it would be another blot upon my Reputation should it be known that I had any hand in serving him Which made me request her to procure St. Albe's Liberty yet so that I might not be seen in the business In short Madam de Chatillon spoke to Monsieur the Prince who obtain'd an Order for his Release and at the same time procur'd him an Employment in the Army better then that which he had before It was presently the Publick Opinion that Madam de Chatillon had never procur'd St. Albe's Liberty had it not bin at my request But give me leave to question whether I was to be blam'd for concerning my self in his behalf The Delicacy which I ow'd my Reputation did not require me to be insensible of the misfortunes of a Person who for his merit and his Youth was worthy of compassion There was not any body but my self to whom he could have recourse and I never repented of the service I did him Whatever occasion afterwards it gave to be objected against me as a Crime it had bin a great piece of Cruelty to have abandon'd St. Albe in that deplorable Condition wherein he was especially when it was in my power to relieve him How careful soever a Woman ought to be of her Honour I am of opinion that 't is lawful for her to do a good Action And when a Woman is defam'd upon those accounts she is only to complain of certain unhappy Circumstances that sometimes will not suffer Women to do good Actions unpunish'd So soon as St. Albe was got safe out of his Father's Clutches by the Credit of Monsieur the Prince Publick Rumours gave it out more then ever to be an effect of the love that was between us This was what his Father spread abroad in all Companies and Montalzac was no less diligent to inform my Husband of the Common Report Which oblig'd me to a steady Resolution never to see St. Albe more And though I did not think I had deserv'd any thing of Reproach for having procur'd his Liberty yet I thought it my duty to avoid a sort of Visits which would have drawn a Scandal upon me with much more justice But St. Albe had a heart as generous as my self and as the injury that I might do my self in acting for him had not hinder'd me from being serviceable to him he on his side could not believe that the wrong which his Gratitude might do me was a sufficient Obstacle to hinder him from shewing it He thereforefore several times by the Sollicitations of others begg'd the favour of admitting him but to one single Visit But finding me obstinate in my denial he resolv'd to see me whatever it cost him 'T is true I had better have given him admission at first without so much opposition but my Nicety prov'd prejudicial to me upon this Occasion At the same time Madam de Chatillon went to her Signiory of Marlou whither I accompani'd her and where the Abbot Fouquet came often to visit us Certain it is that Madam de Chatillon would never have suffer'd his Assiduities but because she was unwilling to displease a man who had too much Credit at Court which is an Argument that she was not so guilty of Coquetry as a Scandalous Memoir would make her She was always convinc'd since the Adventure of his Lodgings that the Abbot had a kindness for me which was the reason perhaps that she carri'd me along with her to Marlou in hopes that the Abbot would be more then ever my Servant or at least that she might put upon my Account the frequent Journneys that he made to Marlou I conjectur'd her Design but I was so highly beholding to her that I was willing for her sake to expose my self to whatever could be said of me and I think I had reason to do as I did There are certain Obligations that will never permit us to be ungrateful and I should have thought it a ridiculous piece of Niceness to have oppos'd Madam de Chatillon's Design I thought it sufficient if I did not contribute by my ill Conduct to the Sinister Constructions which the Journey might produce if at least such Complacencies might be allow'd of without Reproach In a word I set my self above all Scruples These are also Circumstances which it is troublesome for a Woman to be engag'd in and where a Woman cannot do a good Action without losing something of her Honour But what must she do She must either
Conversation has flatter'd him but since I have found you worthy of my love I cannot believe you give to his so much Encouragement The Marquis of Fleuri's Merit was too well known and I had had such an advantageous Relation made of it that I was over-joy'd when I understood 't was He that lov'd me no less passionately then I did him already However his Billâ—t put me into a great perplexity so that I thought at first to have shewn it to my Friend but in regard I was unwilling she should understand the Sentiments which the Marquiss had for me I only told her what I had heard of the Duke's Resolution She lay'd before me that I had done ill to flatter the Passion of that Prince and ask'd we what was my Intention I answer'd her that I saw no likelihood that he could put his Design in execution however that I would break his Measures by keeping her all Night in my Company and giving order that no body should be let into the Castle But she advis'd me to take another course and to spend the Night among the Ladies in the Neighbourhood But alas I could not relish that Advice for the hope of the Marquiss's Company over-rul'd me to stay at home and there expect the issue of the Adventure And I thought that standing upon my guard would be enough to secure my Reputation After I had given all such Orders as I thought necessary to frustrate the Duke's Enterprize I retir'd betimes in company with my Friend I thought that after such Precautions as I had taken there could be no fear of the Duke of Savoy But I had to do with a Prince sufficiently ingenious to bring about his Amorous Designs One of my Women whom he had brib'd had let him in betimes into the Castle and lockt him up in my Wardrobe The Marquiss of Fleuri was also hid in one of the Courts where being discover'd by one of my People there was presently a loud Cry of Thieves all my Servants were immediately in Arms and they had certalnly kill'd him if my Friend and I so soon as we heard the noise had not immediately ran down to his rescue By that means we sav'd the Marquiss's Life In the mean time the Duke of Savoy enter'd my Chamber But in regard I was now assur'd of his being in the Castle I did not return to my Chamber without my female Friend in company with the Old Gentleman and the Marquiss The Duke of Savoy seeing his Design discover'd shew'd himself and I flew out in bitter Language against him but he did but laugh at me and ordering the Marquiss of Fleuri to follow him he left the Castle before day On the other side I was vext to the Soul at the Marquiss's departure and methought I perceiv'd so much affliction in his Countenance for the same Reason that I was about to have stopt him Some days after I receiv'd a Letter wherein he sent me word that he lov'd me above all Women though he could not question but that I lov'd the Duke of Savoy as well But then the vexation which the Marquiss of Fleuri's Letter gave me made me sensible that I lov'd him more and more Yet I could not understand why he should be so positive that I lov'd the Duke of Savoy Thereupon I recall'd to mind all that I had said and all that I had done that could manifest any such Inclination for that Prince and not being able to live in that uncertainty wherein I was I took a Resolution to go to the Court of Savoy I never examin'd whether or no my Design was contrary to my Honour and I shut my Eyes against whatever could divert me from it and only listning to my Love made hast to be gone The Duke of Savoy was surpriz'd at my Arrival for he never expected to see me at Turin considering what had past But being one who lov'd to flatter himself he thought I had repented of having us'd him no better and imagin'd that the motive of my Journey was out of a design to please him The Marquiss of Fleuri was jealous of the same thing and was mortally perplex'd at it but whether it were to make himself amends for his loss or to be reveng'd upon his Rival he made all his Applications to a Person for whom the Duke seem'd to have a very great Affection This was a young Lady of Bretagne whose Name and Adventures are known to all the World So that when I had taken a journey into Savoy for the sake only of the Marquis of Fleuri he was labouring to forget me and lov'd another I spar'd for nothing of Bravery to make a shew Wherein I follow'd my natural Inclination to Luster and Expence This made a cry at Court that all my Finery was at the Duke's Charge and the Marquis was carri'd away with the common Opinion And this Opinion advanc'd his Affairs with his Mistress For a fancy took her in the head that the Duke of Savoy had an affection for me And judging by the present what he might hereafter do for me she listen'd to the Marquis of Fleuris's Addresses I undeceiv'd her Royal Highness who had suffer'd her self to be prepossess'd as well as others And giving her a faithful account of what had pass'd between the Duke and my self my Sincerity pleas'd her and she was pleas'd to honour me with her Friendship My heart however could not be at rest The Marquiss of Fleury seem'd to shun me in all places I knew of his Intriegue with the Lady of Bretagne nor was the Duke of Savoy ignorant of it One day also discoursing with me about it he told me I was the cause he suffer'd unreveng'd the Affront which the Marquiss had put upon him and that I might judge by that that he intended to have no other Mistress but my self I discover'd to him some part of my Sentiments which no way satisfi'd him and I lay'd before him the injustice which the Marquiss did him and that in honour it became him not to relinquish to another a Person whom he had once lov'd And Jealousy infus'd into me a wonderful Eloquence The Duke of Savoy also could not but perceive how much I was concern'd in the injury which the Marquis did him For according to the manner that I talk'd to him it might be easily perceiv'd that I was more offended at it then the Duke But as much taken up with the Person whom he admir'd as the Marquiss was he could not but observe that I had little kindness for the Duke And the love which he had once had for me and which was not quite extinguish'd made him keep a strict watch upon the Motions of that Prince and he perceiv'd that the Duke was ill satisfi'd with me and that I avoided him with care This was the reason that he forbore to shun me and that I had a suddain opportunity to discourse him He talk'd to me of his Suspicions I undeceiv'd him and
have him to be and besides I was not sorry that any other but my self should prepare him for a Happiness which he so little expected It came into my mind also that while Madam de Chatillon took upon her this Affair I might be able to say that 't was She who had advis'd me to it And I desir'd no more then to be able to clear my self from every thing that might be objected against my Conduct in this respect After I parted with Madam de Chatillon I met with St. Albe who tarried for me at my Lodging I told him that I could not but disapprove a scrupulous Niceness that would not suffer him to be beholding to me that I knew the Condition of his Affairs and that I had thought of a way to set him up again of which Madam de Chatillon would tell him more that what we had design'd to do for him would be no Obstacle to my Marriage with the Duke of At which last words St. Albe immediately chang'd Colour Alas Madam said he why have you sent for me back for in your presence that strength fails me which I had remote from your sight Go to Madam de Chatillon said I she will revive your Courage Which said I would not permit him to speak any more but sent him away I must confess however that had he stay'd but never so little longer I should not have had the power to have conceal'd my Intentions from him For I was nothing scrupulous of my Sentiments since Madam de Chatillon approv'd ' em The next day St. Albe went to wait upon Madam de Chatillon who shewing him the last Letter which he had written to me and which she had then in her own Custody What was your Design said she in writing this Letter Confess the truth did not you believe it would have wrought with the Marchioness to have broke off her Marriage with the Duke of For if it were true that you approv'd that Marriage you would have left her to conclude it without saying any thing I will not dissemble with you added she for it is manifest by this Letter that you did fancy to your self ridiculous hopes and that you imagin'd that for love of you a match so much to her advantage would have bin broken off Is it possible that you should so little understand your self or that you should be ignorant how impossible it is for my Friend to marry you This Lecture put St. Albe quite out of Countenance who after a silence for some time Madam said He what is there so Criminal in that Letter or where have I given Demonstrations of those vain Hopes for which you blame me Never dissemble reply'd Madam de Chatillon you love the Marchioness you believe her to be in love with you and you would have her marry ye Who I Madam answer'd St. Albe No Madam so far from it that were it her desire I would be the first to oppose it I have too high a value for her Honour to allow that she should prefer an Unfortunate Beggar who has nothing but an Honest Heart before a Person that is going to exalt her to that Illustrious degree which she deserves above any Person in the World I am glad said Madam Chatillon to hear ye confirm what you have writ to her for I must not conceal it from you that the Marchioness would hardly be induc'd to marry the Duke of did she not believe you to be so just a Person as to consent to it you have been already too badly us'd by Fortune to be loaded with more sorrows 't was her pleasure therefore I should see you that I might prepare you for this Marriage and to shew you that you are still in her thoughts she is resolv'd to give or lend you forty Thousand Crowns to set you up in the World again with this you must be content and I must tell you few Women would have been so generous But this is not all she and I have consulted together and we have some thoughts of helping you to a Wife and it will be your fault if you do not marry a handsome Lady that will bring you a fair Fortune If you love the Marchioness you will promise me to accept of this Match This is that you must resolve upon nor shall you stir from hence till you have promis'd to marry the person that we recommend to your Affection I promise you Madam whatever may contribute to render the Marchioness happy I marry'd once already for the Love of her and you may assure her that in loving her I ne're conceiv'd the least vain hope of what you seem'd to intimate I only made my happiness consist in loving her and I will always love her You would talk at another rate reply'd Madam Chatillon interrupting him were you her Husband believe me Wedlock alters the strongest Inclinations and were the Marchioness inclin'd to marry ye I would perswade her to the contrary for fear lest Wedlock should have the same effect upon you Wherefore Madam cry'd St. Albe does your Ladiship take such delight in tormenting by soothing me with those Idea's with which I never flatter'd my self I will amuse ye then no longer reply'd the Dutchess the Marchioness intends to marry ye She is an unwary Woman who in so doing follows her own Inclination never considering to what Extremities this Marriage will expose her But I hope that you will be more discreet than she and that 't is none of your desire that she should render her self ridiculous to all the Kingdom St. Albe upon those words beheld the Dutchess with an awful silence and perceiving she had done Madam said he I cannot not think you serious in your Discourse I never flater'd my self that the Marchioness had so much inclination for me as you would seem to perswade me but if it be true that her design is the same which you mention I am assur'd that the infinite Respect and Love which I shall have for her till the separation of Death will justifie her Choice and that there is no Body that will censure her for marrying the only person who atall times did justice to her merit I lov'd her as soon as I saw her from that very time I never ceas'd to adore her and the love which I have for her has bin always stedfast and permanent Can it be possible added he transported with Delight and throwing himself at Madam de Chatillon's Feet that the Marchioness should have any such design as that wherewith you bless my Ears Oh Madam in the Name of God I beseech ye never to oppose it If you love her you ought to desire her happiness I dare presume to say that I am the only person who can make her happy Here his Tears stop'd him and would not permit him to say more Madam de Chatillon also felt her self wholly vanquish'd and raising him from the ground No said she I shall never oppose your Union she can
He would be frequently fuddl'd and in that Condition he was very offensive and disobliging in his Language He would be still upbraiding me That instead of bringing him a Portion I had bin the cause of making him part with some of his Choicest Acres And this Reproach he would usually throw upon me in Public All People blam'd him and took my part at those times but there was no alteration it was not an Injury that was offer'd me now and then Nevertheless I dissembl'd it so well that I gave him not the least occasion to accuse me of failing in my Complacency and Respect for him I led a Life in the Country very retir'd having only the Society of one Gentleman that liv'd in the Neighbourhood a Person of Wit and Learning This was Mâ—de Balzac He brought me to love Reading and Study and by his Advice I apply'd my self to read more solid and substantial Authors then any I had hitherto known I found my self also well enclin'd to learn the Languages and to write with more exactness then the generality of Women This was both a diversion to me and procur'd me much honour in the Province so that I became an Umpress among the Wits and Judge of their Works Now receiving so many Verses every day as I did it may well be thought that they were sent me compos'd in my Praise and among Sparkling Wits I 'll assure ye there were some that made love to me in Verse But I receiv'd nothing from their hands with which I did not make my Husband acquainted nor did I perceive that he had any inclination to Jealousy But I did not long enjoy this Repose Some body inform'd him that before I was Twelve years of Age I had written Amorous Letters to Blossac which had made a great deal of noise Which made him believe that having discover'd such an early inclination to Love I must needs retain it still and being moreover conscious of his ill usage of 〈◊〉 a conceit came into his head that I could not love him and that therefore I must have an Amorous Intriegue elsewhere Nor was it long before he knew of whom it was that it behov'd him to be jealous Blossac was come into the Province with some of his Friends and presently they came all together to pay me a Visit. I was alone in the Castle But it is impossible to express in what a strange disorder all the motions of my Body were when I beheld the Man who once had bin so dear to me On the other side he seem'd to me no less embarrass'd then my self After the first Complements his Friends commended the Situation and Beauty of the Castle and desir'd to see the Apartiments Which while they were doing Blossac made a dextrous Escape from his Friends and having found a way to speak to me in Private he gave me to understand in the most tender Expressions in the World that he had always lov'd me and that I could not in justice deprive him of a Heart which I had formerly giv'n him But I had still so much power left as to conjure him never to think more of me at least never to make me any more Visits Nor did I forget to forbid him to write to me fearing as I acknowledg'd to him that my Husband would have no good opinion of any familiar Intercourse between us While we were thus in parley together my Husband arriv'd and it was no body's fault but his own if he did not perceive that Blossac and I had both been weeping I am apt to believe that he was sensible of the disorder wherein he found us but he dissembl'd it and all the rest of the day demean'd himself with great civility The Marquis of Sauveboeuf was one of those who accompani'd Blossac and resembl'd very much the Young Sparks of the Times He was inconsiderate and lov'd to talk to Women without discretion I know not whether or no he had ever heard that I had once a kindness for Blossac or whether it were out of a humour to please himself by crossing my Husband but all the time we sate chatting together he would still be telling him that I was the most Beautiful Woman that ever he beheld in his life and frankly confess'd that he would make love to me but that I liv'd in a Province so remote However because what Sauveboeuf prattl'd was only in jest my Husband took no offence at it So that when I saw that my Husband seem'd so well to understand Ralliery to remove that jealousy which he had of Blossac I resolv'd though very imprudently to bestow the main of my Civilities upon Sauveboeuf and seem desirous to please him Wherein I did very unadvisedly for Blossac grew jealous of it my Husband's Suspicions were thereby confirm'd Sauveboeuf lov'd me in earnest and all three took me for the Arrantest Cocquet in nature After our Company had left us my Husband no longer put any constraint upon himself but began to reproach me with what I had formerly done for Blossac and with what I had now done for Sauveboeuf he swore he would not be the Cully of my Amours and that I should never stir out of the Castle Some days after he made a shew of having intercepted one of Blossac's Letters which confirm'd his Suspicions He had bin so cunningly malicious as to compose the Letter himself But I knew not what to think of it For indeed notwithstanding the Injunction I had laid upon Blossac not to write to me I was afraid lest he might have ventur'd a Letter and I found my self in a strange Labyrinth And here I will aver it with the same sincerity with which I purpose to write these Memoirs that it was not so much what the Jealousy of my Husband caus'd me to fear that busied most my thoughts in the sad Reflections which I made upon my Destiny as the consequence of an Amour of which I had formerly bin sensible and which had then got the mastery of my Heart I was more pleas'd to think that I was belov'd by Blossac then I was afraid of my Husband's Resentment I pardon'd Blossac also for his imprudence in writing to me And lastly Whatever seem'd to assure me of his Fidelity made a deeper impression upon me then all the Dangers to which he expos'd me Nevertheless I will say thus much more with the same sincerity that I had no design in all this contrary to my Duty I was also prepar'd to suffer whatever my Husband should inflict upon me Nor did I hope for any other happiness then to observe a blind obedience to his Humour and to foster at the bottom of my Heart the secret pleasure of loving another with so much the more fidelity because I was resolv'd to yield nothing to my Passion What an Example of Vertue should I have bin had I had a Husband endu'd with greater Prudence But he spar'd me so little and took so much care to cry me down
left me so soon as he had humour'd his loose Desires What a troublesome thing it is to lie at the mercy of certain Conjunctures while every body takes the liberty to vent Probabilities for truth so that it may be said that the good or bad Reputation of Women depends upon the Circumstances of their Adventures Besides that Sauveboeuf was well esteem'd in the Parlament of Bourdeaux and had very powerful Friends there was another Reason which hinder'd my Father and my Husband from prosecuting this Affair Nor did Sauveboeuf shun 'em but waited on 'em himself to give 'em an Account of his Conduct and among other things he told 'em that the same day that he forc'd me from 'em he carri'd me back to the Nunnery which I left that Morning Certainly they must have bin most dreadfully prepossess'd against me to question my Innocency after that For in short had I lov'd Sauveboeuf in such a manner as they seem'd to believe and to that end had engag'd him to force me out of their hands most assuredly I would never have return'd the same day to the Convent I should have doubtless chosen some other Sanctuary nor would I so soon have taken care to justify my self My Father and my Husband made a shew of giving credit to what Sauveboeuf told 'em and so quitting their Prosecutions perhaps because they thought they should get nothing by 'em they return'd to me who stay'd all this while in the Convent But this Visit was quite different from the former They both of them distrusted me neither had I those kind thoughts of my Husband as before while I began to look on Sauveboeuf with no indifferent Eye Thus we quitted the Convent a second time But then I must acknowledge I follow'd my Father and my Husband with as much Reluctancy and Sadness as Chearfulness and Joy before this unlucky Adventure My Father staid with us a few days and before he left me he prepar'd me for all the cold Treatments of my Husband which in a little time he fail'd not to make me sensible of I did all that lay in my power to remove from my Father's mind all those Suspicions which my being forcibly carri'd away had created in him But he made me answer that nothing but my future behaviour could undeceive him and that if ever I gave him occasion to be displeas'd with me again I must never expect to find any Protection among my Relations And thus I became expos'd to greater Misfortunes then those which hitherto had befallen me Some time after I found my self to be with Child and because it pleas'd my Husband to forget that we had bin together near two days when he came the first time with my Father to the Convent he imputed to Sauveboeuf what he ought not to have imputed to any but himself Never had Calumny a weaker foundation For all the World knew that since my first acquaintance with Sauveboeuf he had never spoken to me but in the presence of Witnesses But whether it were that my Husband resolv'd to ruin me or that it was his pleasure to assert an untruth he openly declar'd that I could not be with Child by him Then I foresaw all the Sorrows that afterwards befel me I wrote to my Father an Account of my Condition and of the Injury my Husband did me But my Father di'd about the same time which redounded still to my disgrace and became an addition to my Misfortune because his Death was imputed to my having broken his heart Nor was there any body now left to whom I could repair for Succour but my Mother who perfectly hated me and for fear I should return home was the first that confirm'd my Husband's Suspicions and infus'd into him thoughts of shutting me up in a Nunnery I shall not say anything how I liv'd after this with my Husband There is no need that the World should be inform'd of my ill usage to beget compassion of my Misfortunes My Condition was sufficient to make People apprehensive that never Woman was more unfortunate I also owe so much prudence to the Memory of a Man whose Wife I was to say nothing of him more then what I cannot dispence with letting the World know But certain it is that I suffer'd whatever Cruelty and Scorn could invent to torment a Woman At length in the midst of that despair to which I was reduc'd and dreading as well for my self as the Child in my Womb all those dismal Consequences which I had reason to fear once more I thought it my best way to commit my self to the Fortune of a second Flight This Design of mine I imparted to Balzac who as I said before was a near Neighbour of mine and often came to visit me He advis'd me to go to Bourdeaux and complain to the Parlament This no question was good Counsel but my love for Sauveboeuf would not let me follow it and forc'd me to take a bad Resolution I went to the Marchioness of R For the vexation of having recourse to a Rivaless did not so much prevail with me as the hopes of obtaining by her Assistance the succour and protection of a Person whom I lov'd But I never committed a fault in my life for which I deserv'd to be more severely rebuk'd then this Yet after all whither must a Woman carry her Complaints when she is altogether void of Succour and has also a prevailing Passion in her Heart that blinds her Reason Sauveboeuf was in Languedoc and the Marchioness as jealous of me and could possibly be of her found a means to render fruitless all the Letters which I wrote to him either by stopping 'em or by prepossessing him against me At least this was what I imagin'd not being able to persuade my self that a Man should testify so great a Passion for me yet never write me back one Answer in such a deplorable Condition as mine Thus it was that I was well enough punish'd for the choice I had made of the Marchioness's House Not that the Marchioness fail'd in any point of Civility toward me but on the other side did me a thousand good Offices But in short I suffer'd my self to be beholding to a Woman who receiv'd Letters every day from Sauveboeuf while I could hear no tydings what was become of him I found I was too unfortunate to have faithful Friends But as unfortunate as I was I found my self vain enough not to digest the seeing another so severely preferr'd before me I resolv'd therefore to quit the Marchioness and that I might conceal the motive of my Resolution I faign'd the Receit of Letters from my Mother who had sent for me to lye in at Paris She believ'd it or else she dissembl'd the believing of it And so though very near my time I set forward in the Road to Paris not knowing where to lodge when I came there For I never thought that my Mother would ever receive me I order'd therefore two
sollicit a legal Separation from my Husband She recommended me to a Magistrate who promis'd to assist me and who took upon himself the management of my Business I had also a yearly maintenance of a Thousand Crowns allow'd me by Decree which secur'd me from the Gripes of Want all which I should have done at my first coming to Paris But though I could have spar'd for no pains how could I ever hope to have brought it to pass when I had neither Protection nor Friends The Magistrate with whom Madam de Chatillon had brought me acquainted provided me a Lodging in the House of one of his Kinswomen where he came to me every day and gave me an account of what he did for me So that I blest my self that I had got for my Friend a Person whose Zeal appear'd so fervent Therefore it was that I wholly reli'd upon him for the management of my Affairs and gave my self up to enjoy the Repose which I had bin so long depriv'd of But this Magistrate had another aim for he insensibly gave me an occasion to discover that my Person was no way displeasing to him nor was I at all alarum'd at his good Opinion On the other side I was extreamly glad of it imagining that his Zeal being enliven'd by Love my Business could not go amiss He had a proper handsome Son already in the King's Service and who went by the Name and Title of Marquiss of St. Albe He was brisk polite and witty he came frequently to his Kinswoman's House where he had a fight of me and soon became his Father's Rival The method of Courtship which these two Lovers took was very different The Son always respectful durst not open his Lips to speak of his Passion The Father embolden'd by the Services he did me never scrupl'd to discover his love to me I then began to repent of delivering up into his Hands the whole management of my Suit but 't was now too late He was become master of it and I could not be without him I therefore lent him a patient Ear and heard with moderation a Language which my Misfortunes had render'd odious to me and I forbore all manner of Ralliery to a Person whom it became me to be careful of displeasing Nor could I put him quite out of hopes for fear of exasperating him against my Interests believing that by keeping him in suspence I should engage him to serve me But this Conduct of mine produc'd a contrary effect He persuaded himself that since I heard him with so much calmness I had an inclination for him and with these thoughts he redoubl'd his Assiduities and press'd me to declare my self I must confess that till then I saw no great harm in his Addresses which were rather a diversion to me But now I began to dread the Consequences of such an Amour And indeed considering these new attacks upon my Reputation I had reason to be of this opinion That whatever good Intentions a Woman might have it was always dangerous to her Honour to suffer her self to be belov'd His Sollicitations became so earnest and his Importunities so pressing that I knew not what course to take that I might be rid of him My first thoughts prompted me to let him plainly understand the vanity of his Hopes But then considering he was a Person I stood in need of I alter'd my mind and took a Resolution which in truth I ought not to have taken For I made him believe I was not insensible of his love and constrain'd my self to suffer it with some compliance This way of proceeding augmented his foolish Hopes and within a few days after he had the boldness to let me understand as much Had I not bin restrain'd by Honour and my Duty yet my aversion for him would have preserv'd me from offending For the Extremities wherewith I was threaten'd seem'd to me less severe then the Compliance which he demanded So that I gave him all the Ill Language that Anger and Contempt could inspire into my thoughts and desir'd him to meddle no more with my Business And to the end I might wholly disingage my self from him and deprive him of all opportunities of seeing me I was preparing to leave his Kinswoman's House when a new Accident befel me The Young Marquiss of St. Albe was belov'd by a Damsel that waited upon his Mother I know not what pass'd between 'em but this Maid perceiving that her Lover began to neglect her since his acquaintance with me she resolv'd to watch him Now it happen'd one day that she found a most tender and passionate Letter which he had written with a design perhaps to have put it into my hands However it were the Maid ne're question'd but that it was intended for me and to punish me for having got her Lover away from her in the height of her malice she resolv'd to answer it in my name wherein she made me write whatever was proper to make the World believe that I lov'd St. Albe as much as I was belov'd by him And to suppress all proof of the falshood of the Letter which was none of my Hand she gave it out that I had reasons for what I did This was but a shallow Contrivance However it pass'd among those who only sought to put me to trouble The Maid who made use of this Stratagem was not â—gnorant of my being belov'd by the Father of her Galant because she was her Mistress's Confident who being naturally of a jealous humour had the Curiosity to have her Husband watch'd and you may be sure she was nothing sorry to have an opportunity to plague him She therefore jeer'd him every day with his affection for me and to let him see how unfortunate he was in his Courtships she shew'd him the Letter which his Son had written to me and my pretended Answer to it The Father who was already jealous of his Son was fully convinc'd of the truth of his Amour when he read those Letters He never troubl'd himself to examine a Story that was so sillily contriv'd but overjoy'd that he had got proofs of the secret correspondence between me and his Son he resolv'd to observe no measures of civility with mee and flew out into a most violent Rage against his Son In vain his Friends persuaded him to more mild and gentle Sentiments This unnatural Father who by his Credit and his Office had Authority enough to bring about his unjust Designs threw his Son into Prison never considering the indignity of such usage For in short St. Albe was already an Officer had Courage and was well esteem'd in his Regiment Nor was he content with punishing St. Albe but comes to me on purpose to affront me He upbraided me with debauching his Son and let go a Torrent of Injurious Language and as he went out told me that I deserv'd no less to be sent to some House of Confinement I thought at first that he himself had
renounce the World for good andall or else resolve to meet with these Inconveniences sometimes Book the Fourth WHILE we stai'd at Marlou the Lord Digby who had hir'd a House in the Neighbourhood thought himself oblig'd to pay a Visit to Madam de Chatillon but this Visit was attended by so many others that presently a Report was spread about that my Lord was in love with her nor was she sorry it should be imagin'd that my Lord bent all his Assiduities to her For then she was in hopes it would not be nois'd about that she had any kindness for Abbot Fouquet when she hearken'd to another The Abbot at his first coming to Marlou said nothing to me that seem'd to make me any way the Object of his thoughts But so soon as he perceiv'd that my Lord was in love with Madam de Chatillon he was desirous to try whether she would not discover some effects of her Jealousy I understood his Intentions by the continual Complaints he made of her to my self And it may be well believ'd that I had no desire to comply with his faign'd Affection for me But the more I was resolv'd to give him no Answer the more I imagin'd it might be lawful for me to carry my self civilly towards him This engag'd him farther then I intended and things came to that pass that I thought my self assur'd that he lov'd me really I resolv'd therefore not to keep him in suspence For I told him plainly that all his Pains would be in vain But then I found by Experience that a Woman hazards her Reputation no less by giving marks of a Passion of which she is not at all sensible then in declaring an absolute Aversion The Abbot told me he wonder'd I made no better use of his kindness since it was in his power to do me an injury by discovering my private familiarity with one of my Lord 's Domestic Servants Those words surpriz'd me and I desir'd him to interpret his meaning which he refus'd to do but flung out of the Room full of despite and anger A little while after I was going to inform Madam de Chatillon of what had pass'd but she interrupted me telling me that I was a Fool and ran the hazard of ruining my self past all redemption that it was known that St. Albe was with me every day and that to the end we might see one another with more convenience I had order'd him to disguise himself in short that he waited upon my Lord in the nature of his Valet de Chambre I protested to her that if that were the Business I knew nothing of it that I had never seen St. Albe since his being releas'd out of Prison and that I understood not the meaning of these Discourses However what Madam de Chatillon told me was true For St. Albe still possess'd with his Love and not knowing what course to take upon my refusal to see him yet understanding that I was at Marlou and that my Lord Digby pay'd frequent Visits to Madam de Chatillon got into his Service under a borrow'd Name But I had not as yet seen him he satisfy'd himself with only seeing me sometimes in the Crowd waiting for the Opportunity which he sought However he was known and upon that it was imagin'd that we convers'd together every Day I begg'd of Madam de Chatillon that St. Albe might be spoken to and desir'd to be gone before the Business made any further noise and that I should be his mortal Enemy if he disobey'd me Upon this Madam de Chatillon sent for St. Albe and lay'd before him the Injury which he did my Reputation But he appear'd to her so pierc'd with sorrow for having displeas'd me and so ready to obey that she took pity of him and promis'd him that before she return'd to Paris she would give him an opportunity of seeing me and immediately sending for me she left me with him He threw himself at my feet without being able to speak one word On the other side I had not the power to chide him I only lay'd before him the Injuries to which he expos'd me by his Follies and told him that it behov'd him to overcome a Passion that was neither convenient for him or me that I would be always one of his Friends but that I should hate him if he did not apply himself more seriously to the Duty which he ow'd the King's Service and made it his endeavour to render himself worthy the Favours which Madam de Chatillon had procur'd him This said away he went charm'd with my gentle reception of him and as he left me told me that he should never be happy till he had for my sake lost a Life for which he was indebted only to my Goodness However this could not be carri'd so privately but that it came to the Ears of St. Albe's Father and Montalzac who Both made it their business to publish this Adventure set forth and garnish'd with a thousand horrid Circumstances of their own The Abbot Fouquet seeing all his Attempts upon me prov'd unsuccessful renew'd his Sedulities to declar'd to Montalzac that I was sorry my Husband was in such a Humour for that I was sincerely inclin'd to a Reconciliation with him Montalzac assur'd me that if I would give him any hopes of success in his Amour he would work my Husband to other Sentiments This made me bethink my self of managing Montalzac to the best advantage for I knew he had a great power over my Husband and I consider'd that if he did not accomplish his Negociation yet that at least I should make it apparent to all the World that I desir'd an Agreement by my keeping fair with Montalzac Therefore I play'd the Dissembler upon this Occasion and so forbearing to promise Montalzac that I would reward his Diligence I left him some glimmering Hopes that I might one day not be insensible of his Passion From that very moment he imagin'd that his Person was not displeasing to me But believing me prepossess'd for St. Albe he requir'd a Promise from me that I would never see him more To which I return'd him an Ambiguous Reply without any tartness in the least On the contrary as if I had bin to justify my self in every thing that had bin rumour'd in the World concerning St. Albe and my self I told him that in truth I was belov'd by him but that I had always us'd him very severely that my manner of receiving him at Marlou was a convincing Proof of what I said that I had forbid him to come near and that in short I had quite given over seeing him when just as I had spok'n the words St. Albe comes into my Chamber I leave ye now to judge at the Trouble and Astonishment I was in because that really I had not seen St. Albe in a long time before and that I knew not what was become of him I spoke to him therefore like one that was heartily angry
with him and bid him be gone immediately Nor did St. Albe dare to offend me but retir'd with all the submission imaginable begging pardon for his having displeas'd me However his unexpected Arrival persuaded Montalzac that all I had told him was false and because that St. Albe withdrew so quickly he thought it to be a Trick concerted between us Oh said he in a king of Ironical Ralliery You are very sincere indeed who dares question your Vertue The World certainly does ye a great deal of wrong to suspect your Chastity In short he gave me so much offensive Language that he made me angry I then repented I had sent away St. Albe and I was just about to have sent for him back to let Montalzac see how little I car'd for what he thought of me so true it is that Women care not what they do when they are provok'd However I did not recall St. Albe but satisfy'd my self with only sending away Montalzac with a befitting Indignation Now as St. Albe went out of the House he understood that the Person whom he saw in my Chamber was the Marquis of Montalzac and therefore calling to mind at the same time the ill Offices he had done me he resolv'd to wait his coming forth and revenge the Injuries I had complain'd of St. Albe never consider'd the Consequences of what he was going to do but follow'd the motions of his Anger So soon therefore as he saw Montalzac he clos'd up with him and asking him how he durst defame a Lady who deserv'd to be spoken of with so much respect he presently forc'd him to draw his Sword For some time they sought without any advantage but at length Montalzac after he had wounded St. Albe fell dead at his feet This Duel was fought almost under my Windows and the noise with which the People who though too late made haste to part 'em fill'd the Street oblig'd me to open 'em where the first sight that strook my Eye was St. Albe who though scarce able to stand endeavour'd to gain the Door of the Hostel ' d' Entragues I could not be so cruel as to shut it gainst him on the other side I ran down and was the first who order'd him to be let in So soon as he saw me he fell at my feet and with a languishing Tone Madam said he I dye the happy Person that has reveng'd the Injuries done you But I begg'd the Master of the House to carry him without delay through a Back-door into a Neighbour's House where his Wounds were drest the first time and from thence I took care to have him remov'd to another House a little farther off And by this means it so happen'd that the Pursuit which was after him could not find him out However the thing happen'd at such a time that Duels were punish'd more severely then ever and I saw that St. Albe would stand in need of Great Credit to procure a Gentle Prosecution on the King's Side To this purpose away I flew to Madam de Chatillon's and inform'd her of the whole Adventure There I luckily met the Abbot Fouquet who promis'd me that the Informations should not be given to the Proctor General his Brother till he had view'd 'em and that he would so order it that it should appear as if St. Albe had bin first assaulted The Abbot was as good as his word so that by his Diligence and his Care no harm ensu'd but St. Albe had liberty to appear abroad so soon as his Health would permit him his Pardon was procur'd and dispatch'd so that nothing remain'd of this Adventure but the Prejudice which it did my self For how was it otherwise to be believ'd but that I had a kindness for St. Albe considering what I had done for him Nevertheless I only serv'd him out of generosity and compassion and my Opinion was that Women the most severe Professors of Vertue would have done as much as I did All the while that St. Albe lay private I never went to see him I must confess I put a constraint upon my self in so doing because that besides that my Visits might have contributed to his Cure the love which he testifi'd for me was accompani'd with a charming respect and awful submission Perhaps the greatest part of Women who enjoy an unbleblish'd Reputation would not have bin so nice upon such an Occasion Nevertheless when I consider'd what the World talk'd publickly of St. Albe and my self it was an affliction to me and I thought my self unhappy For in short St. Albe's uninterested Zeal did me as much harm as the Character of those who lov'd me with less niceness Thus there is no Lover which it does not behove a Woman to be afraid of seeing there is so much danger in the Visits of an honest man Now in regard the Abbot Fouquet believ'd that I had a love for St. Albe he was no less persuaded that I was greatly beholding to himself and therefore thought he had a right to demand of me some Marks of my acknowledgment He told me that seeing he had for my sake sav'd the Life of my Lover he expected from me a piece of Service which I could not deny him without Ingratitude which was to give him information how Madam Chatillon demean'd her self with the Marshal d' Hâ—quincourt who for some Months had seem'd to be very much her Servant I made him answer that I had not yet observ'd that Madam de Chatillon had any kindness for those that had a love for her and that she only admitted 'em into her Company out of civility I added that it became him better to understand Madam de Chatillon's Character which was rather to seek the settlement of a Good Fortune then to live under the uncertainty of Wanton Amours The Abbot de Fouquet told me he knew that well enough however he desir'd me to do him the favour which he requested of me But though I was oblig'd to the Abbot Fouquet yet I thought my self much more beholding to Madam de Chatillon and therefore I fail'd not to give her an account of the Trust which the Abbot endeavour'd to repose in me To which You are not the first said Madam de Chatillon to me whom he has tri'd to engage to inform him of all my Actions He is a jealous Friend who cannot endure that any body else should have a kindness for me and because I cannot love him after such a manner as he desires he conceits that I reserve that sort of friendship for another With these thoughts he torments himself all those that visit me disturb his rest and upon the least appearance he frames Suspicions to himself which he will not suffer to be rooted from his mind he disperses 'em in the world and finds out people that spread 'em abroad in all Companies Is it not He who has endeavour'd to persuade all the Earth that I love Monsieur de Candale and Monsieur de Nemours
to assure me of your Love Marry then and to compleat the proof of your Affection for me you must likewise love the Person whom you are going to marry and as you demean your self to her I shall judge of your love to me But have a care how you behave your self with the least scorn and contempt for the reason of it will be presently conjectur'd Well Madam repli'd St. Albe with a sigh I will do what whatever you command me but my Relations and my Wife shall know that 't is to you they are beholding for it and upon condition that they come and ask you pardon for the Injuries they have done you No said I that would produce a bad effect for your Wife will never love ye when she should come to understand that any other then her self had oblig'd you to marry her But as for your Relations I give you leave to let 'em see that you had all along a kindness for me nevertheless that I never was the Woman who gave you bad Counsel At least permit me Madam repli'd St. Albe to bring my Mother hither that she may be acquainted with your Sentiments and by that means be enabl'd afterwards to undeceive those who verily believe 't was you that obstructed my Marriage for I protest said he concluding that I will never marry if somebody does not know that it was only done by your Command I answer'd him that he might bring his Mother to me and that I would gladly see her since it was a Satisfaction which he would not be deni'd Thus St. Albe by causing this sort of Amends to be made me thought he had found a means to bind me in a Tye of Friendship with his Mother that so he might have afterwards opportunities to see me Nor did he conceal this Inducement from me and I was sensible of it because I found that I could hardly dispence with a perpetual absence from him Besides that I thought it would be a means to silence the Prittle-prattle of the World when they should see me in friendship with his Wife and the rest of his Relations His Mother fail'd not to come and see me with the first for since the Adventure that befel her Husband she had an inclination for me And and besides that I was beginning to think seriously of reconciling my self to my Husband He would have said a great deal more but I refus'd to hearken to him and bid him be gone He return'd the next day but I deni'd him admittance and at length he despair'd of ever making me alter my Resolution But when it was known about the Town that I went no more to visit his Wife 't was then given out that she had forbid me the House and this Report confirm'd what had bin formerly spread abroad concerning me I must confess I found my self under very unfortunate Circumstances for I could not carry my self with that circumspectness upon this Occasion but that some ill interpretation or other would be put upon my Behaviour so that I rather chose to suffer that it should be said St. Albe had sacrific'd me to the jealousy of his Wife then that it should be reported he had sacrific'd his Wife to his Affection for me But when St. Albe began to be assur'd of my Resolution never to see him more he laid aside all constraint upon himself and began to lead his Wife a very ill life Upon which it was presently given out that I had advis'd him to take that Course to satisfy my Revenge So soon therefore as I found that St. Albe neglected to pursue the Counsel I had given him I began to abate of the good opinion I had of him He appear'd to me to be too much like other men I accus'd him for want of Niceness and I was so unjust as to imagine with my self that his Behaviour offended me I thought he fail'd in the respect and value which he ow'd me and therefore I resolv'd to cure him of his Passion seeing there was no other way to oblige him to live lovingly with a Woman whom he would have thought sufficiently amiable had he not had a love for me I communicated this Design to Mistris Laval and we agreed together that I should make a shew of being in love with a Gentleman whose Name was Savigny with whom I had bin acquainted for some time and whom I frequently saw at Madam de Chatillon's whose Kisman he was and that Mistris Laval should go to St. Albe and tell him as a great Secret of this new Amour of mine I was in hopes by this means that St. Albe would have relinquish'd all his kindness for me and that he would have liv'd lovingly with his Wife when he thought me prepossess'd for another I was too well acquainted with St. Albe's Discretion not to be afraid lest he should make an ill use of this Confidence or that it was not in his power to defame me Which made me determine to give him proofs of this imaginary Intriegue by several Letters which I feign'd to have written to Savigny and which Mrs. Laval was to shew St. Albe as one of the greatest Secrets in the World I must confess this Artifice lay a little too open to discovery For they that were but never so little acquainted with me knew full well that I had no manner of private engagement with Savigny and that he never came to my Lodging However I fanci'd that St. Albe might suffer himself to be surpriz'd by it and perhaps it might be no trouble to me to try him that way or at the worst I thought that if he discover'd the Artifice he would understand thereby that it was my absolute desire that he would live more lovingly then he did with his Wife since I made use of so strange a means to oblige him to it A part of what I foresaw came exactly to pass For it was not in St. Albe's power to have an Opinion meanly favourable of me since never any man made good the Character of a True Lover better then he did which is to have an inviolable esteem for the Person whom he loves But it was not only the value he had for me that hinder'd him from giving credit to the Secret that was told him with so much caution the good Opinion he had of Mistris Laval would not permit him to believe her He was convinc'd that a Woman so much my Friend as she was could never be induc'd to betray me so that he told Madam Laval in plain terms that he would not believe one tittle of all her Insinuations Mrs. Laval orejoy'd to find him so honest a Gentleman acknowledg'd to him that I had made use of that means to let him understand how much his Harshness to his Wife offended her St. Albe could not refrain from tears when he saw that I did the same thing to engage him to his Duty which others would have done to draw him off from it And he desir'd
and that she had a more then ordinary love for me While I was giving these demonstrations of my Gratitude the World accustom'd to empoyson all my Actions fail'd not to give out that I had procur'd an Employment for Mrs. Laval's Husband for no other reason but because I was in love with him But I shall not need to say any thing in contradiction to such an irrational Calumny As for St. Albe I had still a passionate love for him and I answer'd the marks of Tenderness which he continually gave me as much as Decency and Decorum would permit me It may well be thought that the change of my Fortune was no small pleasure to him And I must confess that when I found my self my own Mistress I repented that I had oblig'd him to marry I should have bin overjoy'd to have made him a Sharer with me in my Estate 'T is true he was not my Equal in Quality nor rich enough to pretend to marry me but what he had done for me and the respect with which he had always accompany'd his Passion made me believe that there was no Person but he in the World who was worthy of me but there was no ground for me to give him any such hope On the other side I thought that if I gave him an occasion for the least Presumption it would but serve to augment his Misfortune and create in his Breast a greater contempt of his Wife Therefore I resolv'd to conceal from him more then ever the Sentiments of kindness which I had for him I paid him exactly what I thought was due to him and in my Turn offering to him my Estate to be wholly at his Service I desir'd him to allow me an opportunity to testify my Gratitude to him But at the same time I conjur'd him to use all his Endeavours to stifle a Passion which would but only serve to render him unhappy He lov'd me with so much delicacy that he durst not contradict the Resolution which I seem'd to have taken to forget him How unwilling soever he was to receive the Money which I sent him he only accepted it for fear of displeasing me and fearing lest the outward marks of his Love should prove at length offensive to me he took a Resolution to dissemble it as much as he could and consenting to my Resolution neither to see him nor admit his Visits he only sent me word that his Love should last as long as he liv'd but that he would never give me an occasion to complain of him This Submission of his render'd him still more dear to me and if it were my grief that I could not do for him what I would it was my equal joy that I had in him a Lover who was proof against all Trials There are but few Women perhaps who are capable of containing themselves within those bounds which I prescribe my self perhaps because they know not how to relish what is most exquisite in the pleasure of being belov'd For my part I am of opinion that a Woman may dispose of her Love with her Duty yet have nothing to upbraid her self for so doing Soon after the Death of my Husband I had several considerable Matches propounded to me by several People However what I had suffer'd during my first Nuptials or rather my love for St. Albe made me reject all their Proposals Then no body made any scruple of keeping me company or of professing themselves to be my Friends For I was rich and my Wealth had quite defac'd the remembrance of whatever had bin invented to my ruin Then I understood the humour of the World They who had the most defam'd me were the first that sought my Acquaintance and swore that they never gave credit to the Stories publish'd by my Enemies But I was nothing dazl'd with this Change I knew still how to distinguish People that had bin kind to me in my Misery from those that only flatter'd my Abundance The Affairs wherein the Death of my Husband had involv'd me oblig'd me to take a Journey into the Province where my stay was longer then I expected And passing through Lyons I understood that the Duke of Candale lay there so desperately sick that he was quite giv'n over Touch'd with this News and forgetting then the Reasons which I had to believe him none of my Friends I only remember'd what he had done for me and I thought it my duty to offer him my Service in the Condition he was in So soon as he perceiv'd me he could not forbear asking me pardon for not having sent to me in so long time and he told me sighing that it had bin his misfortune not to know his Real Friends I answer'd him that I would freely pardon him what was past provided he would but strive to recover his Health He repli'd he was sensible he should dye but that he was glad that Death had given him so much time as to assure me that he always had a greater esteem for me then for any other Woman After that he told me what Women he had lov'd and I perceiv'd I was not the only Woman to whom he had prov'd inconstant Oh! if I might but live a little longer cri'd he I would make known to the World that there are Women both of merit and vertue and my Example should undeceive all those who are the cause of the Injuries that are done ' em I could not forbear weeping seeing him persuaded that he was going to dye He also wept himself and our Tears made People believe that there had bin a mutual Amour between us Thus what I did out of meer gratitude for the Duke of Candale turn'd to the prejudice of my Reputation after a strange manner So true it is that when a Woman is unfortunate she cannot do a good Action which shall not be conster'd in a bad Sense For presently it was spread abroad that I had bin driven out of the Duke of Candale's Chamber as an Object that terrifi'd his Conscience But what will not People say when they have a mind to defame a Woman However I was little mov'd with these Rumours For because I was not conscious of what they laid to my Charge I thought it my duty to neglect ' em Nor was it a wonder that I was not more cautius for the future then I had bin till that time My Innocence hinder'd me still from keeping a guard upon my self and was the first cause of the Attacks that were made upon my Reputation I should have bin more studious of outward Appearances had my Desires bin more irregular But Hypocrisy and Grimace seem'd to me the most unworthy of all Vices I was ignorant how much People have need of 'em in their Conversation in this World I met in the Province a Lady whose Misfortunes had render'd her no less illustrious then my self And because I undertook to write these Memoirs for no other reason then to prove that People are frequently
her What! what would you have me stab her to let you see how odious she is to me Ah Perfidious Wretch Cry'd I how hast thou been able to delude me all this while No I will not not follow thy Example but it behoves me to be reveng'd of a Traytor My Sighs and Tears would not permit me to say more and how it came to pass I did not die under the pressure of my over-whelming sorrows I cannot say Book the Eighth VElley strove to comfort me and ask'd me what Satisfaction I desir'd his Daughter should make me 'T is not your Daughter said I that I complain against but against a Man who has abus'd my most sincere and constant Love Speak Madam reply'd Velley what Commands will you be pleas'd to lay upon me I adore ye I will sacrifice my life to serve you in your revenge for I must not dissemble with you the injury done you has renew'd in my heart all those Sentiments of Kindness and Affection which formerly my Love disclos'd to your Disdain Let your Husband alone to follow his indiscreet Passion I 'le answer for my Daughter that her Verture shall sufficiently punish him for his Treachery And as for your self Madam forget an unworthy Husband were it only to make a happy change and vow your Embraces to a Lover that adores ye I was at that instant so deeply perswaded of St. Albe's infidelity and so resolv'd to revenge my self that I hearken'd to every thing that Velley said to me and I thought that the more he lov'd me the more ready I should find him to assist me with his Counsel and his Services and to tell ye the whole Truth I must confess my Vanity was so humbled by St. Albe's Contempt that I would have listen'd to any man that would have but pretended to afford me Consolation For the supplys of Pride are infinite in the heart of a Woman I desir'd Velley not to forsake me but to assist me as a Friend He advis'd me to take no notice to my Husband of any thing that he had said to me and as he went out of my Chamber he told me he was going to study some pretence or other to put his Daughter into a Convent and indeed he carry'd her that very day to St. Anthonies Abbey After this Discourse I went to Bed where I was seis'd with a Fever St. Albe desir'd to see me but I desir'd him to let me take my rest however he came into the Room without my leave He took me by the Arm and as he was feeling my Pulse I perceiv'd the Tears that trickl'd from his Eyes He askt me whether I knew that Velley had carry'd his Daughter to a Convent But I made him no answer for I believ'd the tears he shed to be no other then the effect of his Grief for being separated from his Mistress He conjur'd me to take care of my Health but still I made him no answer so that he was forc'd to leave me I spent that Night but very ill and the next Morning they told me that my Husband desir'd to see me but I sent him word that I had need of rest not having slept a wink all night With that he went away and about Noon a Letter was brought me from him and I was also farther given to understand that he had taken Horse without leaving any word whither he was gone The Contents of the Letter were these The LETTER SInce my Presence Madam is an Obstacle to your Health and that I am one of those Testimonies whom you desire to be soonest rid of I take my leave of you for ever if you chance to hear of the death of him who rob'd me of your heart seek no farther for the Author of it then my self I wish that time would give me strength to forget you even to desire no further revenge It is not necessary the Publick should be inform'd of our Differences but you may tell those who ask you what is become of me That Business has callâ—d me into the Province This Letter I read over and over again above twenty times yet could not apprehend the meaning of it Could it be possible thought 〈◊〉 to give him any occasion to suspect my Loyalty No 't is a pretence which he takes to lay the blame at my door But to what purpose does he absent himself 'T is because he thinks I love him too well to endure him out of my sight he believes me ignorant of his infidelity he knows I am sick and desiring my death he picks a quarrel with me that he may quite overwhelm me For what else can be his aim in betraying me Alas continu'd I with tears in my Eyes 't is I who ought to complain that his heart is taken from me Is it possible that St. Albe that St. Albe so different from all other men should be capable of so foul a Treason These were the Reflexions which I made for I was so prepossest against him that it never came into my mind that he might be innocent After Dinner Velley came to see me and gave me an account how he had carry'd his Daughter to a Convent he told me also that she went with a hearty good will as being tormented to the soul to be the occasion of St. Albe's being in love with any other but his own Wife I told Velley that he had left Paris at which he seem'd to be in a great fit of Admiration and buzz'd it into my Head that St. Albe was meditating violence to his Daughter Then I shew'd him St. Albe's Letter at which he seem'd to be more surpriz'd and after he had stood a while in a Brown study he told me that my Husband had wrote to me in that manner for no other reason but to puzzle and amuse me and to oblige me perhaps to run after him but that it behov'd me to stand upon my guard for that if I did not keep stedfast he would make an ill use of my weakness and my fondness for him Velley would afterwards have entertain'd me with Vows and Protestations and a long Preamble of his Passion but I cut him off short and told him that besides other reasons which I had for not hearkening to him my Husband's Letter furnish'd me with one more for in regard I thought he was in part suspected by St. Albe I was willing to shun him Afterwards I desir'd him to change his Lodging under pretence that it did not look well for a stranger to lye in my House while my Husband was absent I shew'd the Letters which St. Albe had written to Mademoiselle de Velley to the Countess of as also the Letter which he had written to me upon his going out of Town She told me she understood nothing of the Business but that she fear'd that both St. Albe and I were deceiv'd 'T is requisite added she that I should see and discourse Mademoiselle de Velley perhaps I might then pick out
by death But so it fell out that St. Albe dy'd in the flower of his Age and in the midst of all his Hopes and after that my time was wholly taken up in grieving for the loss of so dear a Husband and so worthy of my sorrow Pardon me therefore if I recite the Particulars of so sad a Separation At the Battel of and the taking of which follow'd that Battel St. Albe had given all the Proofs of Prudence and Vaâ—â—ur that could be expected from an Officer of his Reputation and it is said he could not have fail'd of as high a Recompence as could have bin confer'd upon a Soldier But three or four days after the taking of advancing a little too far to observe the March of the Enemy who was going to fall upon one of our Garisons he receiv'd a Musquet-shot through his Body which was not thought so dangerous at first So soon as he was wounded he wrote me word that his Wound was but very slight and desir'd me not to afflict my self But I could not obey him in that I was extreamly troubl'd for him and hasten'd to the Town whither they had remov'd him For two or three days he was in such a condition as made us hope he would live But all of a sudden his Fever redoubl'd and it was thought he had an Aposteme in his Breast however it were he was the first that knew all Remedies were useless and that he should die Perceiving himself therefore in that condition he sent for me to his Bed side and ordering all the People to be put out of the Room he utter'd these last words of a Dying man Flatter not your self Dear Wife with hopes of my Cure I am too sensible that you and I must part Then taking me by the hand My business is done said he and I must leave a Life wherein I had no other delight but that it gave me an Opportunity to serve and please you Many things might escape me which perhaps you might not so well approve of perhaps they might be contrary to your good liking but attribute them rather to my defects then to any ill intention for I have always sought to render my self worthy the Honour you did me I die full of acknowledgment of your Goodness I liv'd happy because you lov'd me and I owe that little Reputation I have acquir'd to the Design I had of rendring my self worthy of your Love I have endeavour'd to live like an honest Man and to do my duty because I had the Honour to be your Husband I have made no Will because I have nothing but what is your own and what you may dispose of Assure your Son I die his Servant and be kind to my Servants So farewell farewell for ever Withstand your Grief and promise me you will not suffer your self to be overwhelm'd with sorrow And as you are the only person that makes Life desirable to me be so kind to my weakness for I must confess that seeing you I have not that Tranquility I ought to have to think of the Grand Affair be so kind I say as to withdraw your presence from my sight While he thus breath'd forth these dying words into my Bosom my Condition was to be pity'd I bath'd his hands with my Tears My sobs and sighs were the Passing-bells that towl'd his departure nor do I know which of us two were most concern'd in the last moments of our Separation When he desir'd me to leave the Room my strength forsook me and I know not what became of me He was sensible of my being fallen into a swoon and finding his tenderness did but hasten him to his end he was unwilling to spend in useless sorrows the small remainder of those minutes that were left him to prepare for death therefore he call'd the people and caus'd me to be carry'd away They put me to Bed where I came to my self in two or three Hours I would fain have return'd to him but they would not let me nor would they let me be at liberty till he had breath'd forth his last gasps Every one was taken up with his own grief His Servants were all in tears the Soldiers prest in in Crouds to see him and kiss his hands The Officers withdrew profoundly silent and had not strength enough to oppose my passage into his Chamber where I beheld him breathless Good God! what a Spectacle was it to me 'T was a Miracle that I surviv'd him however I stopt the Deluge of my Tears to pay him my last Duties and I signaliz'd my Love by the Magnificence of his Obsequies Here I end the Story of my Life tho in the Design which I propos'd to my self to shew the great unjustice done our sex I may be able to find new Proofs of that Injustice in what afterwards befel me when I had utterly renounc'd the world For I found by experience that the most exact retirement and the most sincere and blamless Conduct are no sufficient shelter from the Thunderbolts of Scandal When a Woman has once bin famous for being a Lover of Gallantry people will have it that she must still retain the same inclination in retirement and every Friend or Director that comes to her must be her Servant I hope to continue the Design I have begun in justification of Women I have known several who have bin as little spar'd by publick Report as my self and I shall shew by the recital of their Adventures more clearly then by my own That outward Appearances are frequently deceitful and that there is more misfortune then Irregularity in the Conduct of Women FINIS BOOKS Printed for and Sold by Thomas Cockerill in Amen-Corner GEography Rectified Or a Description of the World in all its Kingdoms Provinces Countries Islands Cities Towns Seas c. 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