times we see an antipathy in men against such particular persons there is no more reason to be given for the latter then the former yet the contrariety is as evident in the one as the other and this may be occasioned by the mistake of fancy rather then any real defect in the object the eye of fancy may be so vitiated that it may not be able to behold the clearnesse of a splendid object with complacency and delight a weak eye cannot look with content upon a clear air much lesse can it behold the sun there is such a contrariety in them so that we often draw a curtain between them as a screen or veil not that the air or sun are not both excellent in themselves but the reason why they are not desirable is the eye is not receptive of them because of its own imbecility and weaknesse fancy is often surprised in the first choice and election sometimes it 's blinde and declines objects most worthy and pursues those that are most base and abject it seldom consults reason but often betrays it spacious objects convey themselves through the fancy to the will the senses they inveagle the fancy and the fancy betrays and captivates the will Fancy othertimes is so idle that it will not take the pains to examine things but is put off with outward gaudiness it seldome is so circumspect to act by rule and that is the reason we are so uncertain in our first elections of persons and things Fancy rashly fixeth without the consent of reason to which it ought to be subservient rather complying with sence which makes it stray and warp from the exact rule it is very hard to secure the fancy which lies open to so many temptations and if it be betrayed and deluded it is as hard to reclaim it I have thought that passage in Samuel worth observation when he was sent to anoint David Eliab the elder brother passed before him he fancies him presently because he was a comely person we experience this among our selves when we come into a room where we see many strange faces we take an affection to one more then the rest Jonathans heart was knit to David while he was discoursing with Saul and he loved him as his own foul there is no reason to be given why a man should pitch upon one person with delight without the least concern for the rest but this fancy is surprized and that so strangely sometimes that reason cannot prevail to break those fetters the man is manacled with haply to his great prejudice and utter ruine As there are several things that may betray and delude the fancy so there are things that displease it that may be removed as a supercilious gravity this is very ungrateful yet may not be so rivited as never to be taken away as a harsh and severe aspect and the like but those things that cannot be divided from the person must though never so ungrateful in themselves be kindely accepted that which seems deformity to another which stands at a distance to the object may appear pleasant to me who am more united and therefore I may see comeliness where they fancy nothing but the contrary this being the prudence of friendship to reconcile it self to every thing that at the first view may seem not grateful if this cannot be done fancy is still uneasy where there is a latitude every faculty will endeavour a satisfaction fancy bears so great a sway in all matters of Love and friendship that it will be humored and that in the first place and the rather because it stands nearer then any other faculty to that object about which it is conversant it is so considerable that nothing can be done without it So there are many things very pleasing and acceptable to the fancy if it be rightly guided as an humble demonier a sweet and amiable conversation the wise-man observed that the countenance of a man rejoyceth his friend if I cannot look upon my friend with delight I cannot love him looking breeds liking and proves the inlet to affection Jonathan embraced the person of David very pleasant was Jonathan to David his love passed the love of the most passionate woman Secondly as we must love the person of our friend so we must love his conditions we cannot love his person and hate his conditions this is a paradox and altogether impossible I do not say but we may and must love the persons of our enemies though we must hate and abominate their conditions if they be evil but this is with a love of charity it cannot be with a complacential love what felicity can a vertuous man take in a vicious person he may love him so as to pitty and pardon and converse with him at distance but never so as to court his society and place him in his bosome it may be my friend is not the most affable courteous and obliging or the patientest or the best humoured man in the world yet I may love him one worthy quality is enough to make friendship but the more worthy the greater the reason a friend must endeavour a reconciliation to the condition of his friend as well as his person as far as possible and throw the mantle of love over those defects that are either accidental or such as are not so riveted that they cannot by contrary examples and friendly arguments be expunged instance a passionate man may see so much sweetness in patience that he may abhor contention and so much pleasure in a free and equal conversation that he may hate reservedness and so much grace and beauty in humility that pride may be cast out as most contemptible reason will mightily prevail with ingenious persons in this regard and they may easily be convinced of these vanities which cannot consist with Frendship love cannot be supported but by that which is substantial and this must be allowed that there are some dispositions that cannot comport themselves for Frendship there are dispositions or rather evil qualities that I could never be reconciled to and they are especially four covetousness and deep melancholy pride and envy I couple them together as those tyrants which aim at a perfect conquest over the heart and life these can never stand with this relation and state of Frendship because they are diametrically contrary and the only poyson that corrupt and destroy it First Covetousness ingrosses the whole heart and will endure nothing in the least contradictory Covetousness so debases the heart that no noble quality can inhabite there it bends and submits all to the mettal it so dearly loves and so highly values and that is thick clay Reason conscience and affection are all entangled in this golden web so that they cannot soare aloft either to fix upon or contemplate those things that ennable a man and makes him act like himself according to his moral excellencies and immortality of the soul A covetous man will lay all things at
is any defect in the object but the defect is in the visive faculty which should receive the same Again if they be publick they need no pleader they will plead for themselves and force a reputation from those that are not wholy barbarous or that which is worse prepossessed with ungrounded prejudice I never saw high commendations but they were seconded with exceptions the arguing of which have created many a quarrel and set the end aimed at at a greater distance Sixthly if you have been free and generous to your friend never upbraid him with it this is most base and disingenious and that which a noble spirit would blush to think of nothing is more disobliging than this and speaks a man of a lower spirit hereby he doth not only undervalue his friend but he discharges him of an obligation he greatly lay under before and puts himself out of any expectation of a compensation let his civilities be what they will I could never think my self obliged where upbraided that being a rate too dear for any courtesy and in this case I may more justly expect satisfaction than give it I would never bestow my bounty except I saw reason for it and having given I should think nothing more unreasonable then to repine Never look after gratuities when you have sent them away nor call them again by repentance for nothing will return but a great damage a just prejudice and a spot no time nor endeavour will be able to wipe out Seventhly never carry your self so that your friend may fear you this contrary passion will alter the state of that relation love being changed unto fear will frighten and amaze where it should induce and incline This is most opposite to love and speaks it imperfect otherwise it would cast out all manner of slavish fear I could never love heartily where I could fear really where love is turned into fear equity changed into power society into obedience there can never be a perfect friendship here is too much care for kindness inequality for amity obedience for love and speaks my friend more a master than a fociable companion Certainly I could never comply here without flattery and vexation there being a flavery in fear too base for friendship Eightly never detract from the credit of your friend but still acknowledge his just deserts as it is flattery to raise his value beyond his just merits so it is injustice to diminish his real worth never believe his praise-worthy qualities your disparagement if you do you are not only unjust but envious I would rejoice as much in the commendation of my friend as my own beeause I can with freedom expresse my satisfaction in the applause of my friend and augment it when I should think it more discreet and civil by a blushing silence to receive the same for my self I do oftner contemplate the goodness of my friend then his errours because I love pleasure and fear perplexity I hate to be like the ungrateful raven that flyes nimbly over many pleasant things and pitches with delight on a carcasse I would rather convince my friend by a contrary example and behaviour than be too officious in searching into his defects that may be he is as far from justifying as I am from commending and he needs no reproof being too ready to condemn himself and yet at present cannot assume the title of conqueror we cannot think we contract alliance with angels in our best frendships mnny a slip must be winkt at and a friend may challenge so much as this viz. that we should use all possible means to keep up the credit of him to whom we are so nearly related nor can we be kind or just if we do not improve all to his advantage in this regard Ninthly never manage any dispute with passion this will intangle the web of frendship destroy the peace and turn your harmony unto jangling disputes are separating things Paul and Barnabas lived friendly together till dispute parted them pride very often is at the bottom of disputes and will contend for victory and men will venture very hard for it witness those sad dissentions in the Church of God at this day I would rather consult my books and learned authors or rational strangers or any indifferent person then with my friend about matters of difficulty because I would not run the venture of contention friends may deliberately argue and convince one another and this may augment their profit and experience but they must not proceed to a dispute wherein there is a forcible opposition made on both sides it will be more prudence to leave it to them that are better able to manage it or to a more eonvenient season I have observed that those that have seemed unperswadable while the dispute continued afterwards upon a more mature consideration by the same arguments have been convinced and was not this silent and peaceable victory better than that which might have ended in a quarrel men are not willing to submit their reason where they think they shall passe under any slight or undervalue yet upon mature consideration and solid contemplation afterwards it appearing necessary reason will force them to submit which they are willing to do when it may be done silently and without noise Tenthly be not curiously inquisitive after any thing you find an averseness in your friend to reveal and do not believe it a breach of frendship if upon such an attempt he denies you it may be your humour and present capacity cannot bear it or the season is not fit for it or should he gratify your curiosity he may be cruel in what you call kindness confide so much in your friend as to believe that he will conceal nothing from you that will do you good to know and what he doth in this particular is from prudence not perversness Instance in this one particular I have committed a fault and have perhaps ingaged my reason and conscience against me and is not that enough but I must engage my friend against me also I ambition nothing more next to my interest in God and eternal concernments then the good opinion of my friend and shall I not preserve it by all means possible I will never betray my self to his censure I had rather pass under his approbation than condemnation the first will confirm the frendship the last will loosen it I never thought it civil to presse my friend beyond a voluntarie complianee nor passionately to scrue a secret out of him this were to betray my trust and rob his cabinet because he hath trusted his key with me which he did not do to hazard his own interest but to secure mine It is true a friend must be trusted with secrets yet it doth not follow that he must be entrusted with all seâ—rets Instance there are many things that I can neither in prudence nor conscience reveal that may be against the trust imposed in me which though from an
made unfit for its high noble operations so that it cannot perform its acts with that delight and freedom Philosophers took a great deal of care speedily to cure all distempers of the body that no obstruction thereby might impede the pursuit of knowledge As the calmness of the minde mightily prepares for every serious action so perturbation hath a quite contrary effect and so distracts the minde that it proves the greatest prejudice imaginable because we often lose our reason in that croud which is the only expedient to prevail with us against any thing unnecessary or vexatious This is a Maxim that nothing serious can be done in haste Friendship is a serious thing and must be well weighed both in its substance and circumstances These things are very material in order to a well-grounded friendship that there be excellency in the minde sweetness and affability in the disposition and reality in the affection if we cannot be satisfied in all these we can expect to arrive at no better end then disappointment now to acquaint our selves with all these will require no small diligence and observation which will employ our most serious thoughts and take up a considerable time if a man be a servant to the meanest thing upon which he placeth an inordinate affection as indeed he is then this should awaken all our powers to contemplate this concern lest while we aim at pleasure we carelesly inslave our selves It is not notion but experience that fixeth content as nothing can destroy our happiness but the experience of evil so nothing can establish our satisfaction but the experience of good there is as much deceit in men as there is in stones men may insinuate themselves by specious pretences yet gross deceivers It is hard for a man that is blinded with pride or passion or any other delusion to understand himself he is not seldom betrayed by himself much less can he be understood by another there are shining men as well as shining stones otherwise that proverb had never been All is not gold that glisters we know many a stone hath the Diamond cut and colour yet but a counterfeit and when we think we have a treasure it proves but a trifle many men that through rashness and inconsideration fix their affection before experience had of the true value of the object are plainly cheated prodigally giving away their hearts without any assurance of sutable returns and hence it comes to pass that we see some frendship broken and shattered and in a short time moulder and come to nothing the Materials were deceitful like a house that is slightly built it appears strong and fair to the eye but soon decays the defect was in the foundation which though least seen is most dangerous Thirdly our too early fixing as it insnareth the affection so it condemns the judgment many will think themselves concerned here especially the most vicious that are curious in nothing but in praying into and searching after the failings of others such inquisitions being more natural gratifying extravagant humours who are most ready to censure what they least understand and make causless exceptions which if rightly argued they cannot answer one of a thousand Frendship may be envied it cannot be condemned while it remains pure and entire yet upon the least failer it is liable to the greatest reproach and scorn When Hushai Davids friend came to Absalom he was glad to see him yet how ready doth he upbraid him saying Is this thy kindness to thy friend Absalom was one of the worst of men and the greatest traitor but he hated treachery notwithstanding few men so barbarous as to love deceit hence that Proverb came that men love the Treason but hate the Traitor The greatest ground of condemnation is drawn from this especially our inconsiderateness in the first choice and election where we ought to have been most curious and circumspect and this is aggravated by two ungrateful circumstances First this seems to be a fundamental errour and therefore most dangerous and then it 's obvious to vulgar inspection and observation and this is a grating aggravation and comes attended with exclamations and often enforces a man to dissemble a kindeness to a person he could never do upon any other account then this that he might defend his judgement from censure and the relation of frendship from scorn and contempt nothing more contrary to an ingenious man then to own a kindeness for him that once deceived him especially in so material a concern as that of frendship where he expected the contrary yet prudence will not suffer him to deny him publickly it 's in this case as with him that hath bought a Jewell which he thought most precious but was cheated that man will be ashamed to own the deceit because thereby his ignorance is betrayed and next to being deceived he hates to be upbraided reputation is exposed to scandal in this case without remedy which is equally dear to him as his life what can he alledge should he say I thought my friend was worthy amiable and sincerely affectionate but I was mistaken what a contemptible plea is this as much as if he should say I was a novice and knew not how to make a right choice or I was careless and would not take the pains if ignorant how can he be a compleat Judge by what rule can he assigne errours on another when for ought he knows the fault is his own nothing will sooner misleade then ignorance if negligent worthy to suffer To prevent this be well acquainted with the person before you make this contract prevention is better then cure the more perfect knowledge a man hath of his friend the greater is his love to his person if he be worthy then acquaint your self with the law of frendship love hath law as well as duty and indispensable obligations which if thrown off make unhappy breaches It is necessary that there should be a principle of reason and choice in that person that is governed by this law first to consider the reason that enjoyns Secondly to descern the import of the concern Thirdly how to determine it self out of judgement and choice to accept it as worthy in it self and advantagious to the receiver no external force can compel the will to choose any thing but under a notion of comparative goodness as the inferiour creatures are moved by the secret force of natural inclination so rational creatures are wrought upon and insensibly drawn by moral engagements as the foresight of rewards or threatnings annexed invites them Frendship cannot be without commands if that be true that the dispensing of benefits acquire to the giver a right to command and lays on the receiver an obligation to obey and these rights and obligations are measured by the nature of the benefit as their just rule This is a Maxim that every rational man readily assents to no commands so pleasing as those of love no duty so easy
in an equal conversation and must live by the same the Wise man observed that in a time of separation frendship was of a small signification Better saith he is a neighbour near then a brother afar off and he draws his argument from the incapacity of the one and the capacity of the other for all friendly acts intercourses its true frendship may last when by some accident the persons are divided but not in that vigour it did before it is a languishing friendship we may understand this by the similitude of the love of the iron the loadstone which ariseth from a hidden quality the motion of the iron towards the loadstone is slow while at a distance but quick when near and when it doth but touch it it cleaves so fast that unless forced 't will never part and when it is parted 't will at the furthest part of the world retain the vertue of the touch so Friends while at a distance move slowly but when together are so united that they cannot be separated without great force and violence and their separation is like the dividing the heart from the body now that there is nothing in the bare relation that can amount to friendship will be further evident by our daily experience which furnisheth us with instances of the great animosities among brethren and such aversions as cannot consist with friendship Look into the family of Adam and there you see murther into the Family of Isaac you would think you should not miss of kindeness there yet instead thereof we finde Esau consulting with himself how he should slay his brother this is most true that there may be much indeared affection between brethren occasioned by the equalness of their persons and conversation they having in them all other requisites arâ— first to be chosen as the most fit persons for friendship the relation being something and when both these meet the relation and frendship they exemplifie one the other and shine most illustriously but some may think I have pursued this subject too far I am sure it was with no designe to derogate from the just desert due to any relation yet I would not have them monopolize our esteem so as to snuffle out Frendship which so truly deserves our value I come now to the qualifications which are necessary in order to a well grounded frendship all that I have said hitherto is previous to what remains I hope none will expect frendship in an artificial dress attended with elegant phrases and words well accented this being both above my ability and far wide of my designe which is a general satisfaction in this material concern in the plainest way that I can glaâ—ing and gaudy embellishments being trivial accomplishments where truth is concerned which shines bright enough without them The First qualification is this there must be an intire affection and love among friends this is the principal hindge upon which this concern turns this being a philosophical discourse it will be necessary to touch upon love in general Love in the general nature of it is either rational and supream or sensual and subordinate in the sirst sence love is the most vigorous potent sovereign affectionate it sits as Queen Regent in the will and governs all the faculties love is the spring of humane actions and gives life being and motion to them all the other affections as desire hope joy fear anger all these are but the several forms and shapes os love for as the object of love is affected with this or that circumstance so is love proportionably invested with this or that form if the object be absent love goes out to meet it in desire if present it solaceth it self in fruition and delight if under danger and hazard love trembleth with fear if it be impeded or hindred love waxeth angry and impatient when there is any possibility of enjoying the object love moves nimbly after it if impossible of enjoyment so that the object be lost love clothes it self in mourning habit there is also a kinde of love in the sensual and animal part but this is more passionate that in the superiour part more rational this is more uncertain that more fixed this more confused that more regular and uniform There is a threefold love First Divine and that is altogether spiritual and highly rational Secondly there is a natural love and that may be bruitisn as well as rational Thirdly there is a moral love and that consists in a mean betwixt both evermore the thing beloved gives the denomination to love if the object be divine it is a divine love if sensual it is a bruitish love if moral it is a moral love Love is an affection of union whereby we desire and enjoy perpetual union with the thing beloved and there are these two effects that immediatly flow from this union First it is transforming and changing by love we are changed into a thing more noble or more vile so that we debase our selves when we love any unworthy and inferiour thing whatever we love we give a kinde of dominion over us so that the will loseth its dignity when it loves abject things Again Love inlarges and widens the heart not only for the reception of the bounty and generosity of the object but the object it self is that the heart goes out after when the will is filled with love it awakens all the powers and moves all the faculties towards the object the understanding meditates and is enquiring after the excellency of the thing beloved still musing and plodding about it the will is obstinate and will not be charmed of its object the thoughts they are still kindling the affections who are in eager pursuit after the thing beloved but I shall speak more particularly to this matter and explain my meaning in this particularly My meaning is that there must be an intire love not only to the qualities of the minde though those be most worthy but this love must reach the superficies of the body if that be ungrateful there cannot be a complacential Frendship As the interiour part must have Analogy to reason so the external part must be accommodated to the fancy in short there must not be conceived in the sancy a disgust against the form and condition of the person all love begins with the person if that be displeasing and ungrateful nothing will satisfie there is that in the person of every man that either obligeth or disobligeth the fancy instance there may be some personal defects which are so natural that they cannot be divided from the person and these may be very displeasing or there may be some cross dispositions they may be so riveted by custome that they will hardly if ever be cured Love studies the person in the first place and it is most necessary because as there is a kinde of antipathy in some persons to some creatures so that they cannot be brought to take any pleasure in them so many
workful and watchful this passion is very industrious it 's never off from action nor doth it ever want expression It shrinks at neither service nor suffering it is oyl to the wheel of action It thinks no suffering intolerable so long as it enjoys the help of a true friend who will take up the heavyest end of the burthen putting oyle into the wound and joy into the heart by cheering considerations In afflictions sayth Job pitty should be shewed by a friend This is the discriminating time a friend is known in adversity If a man can delight in his friend when under a cloud when his lustre is obscured this speaks a fast friend and administers great delight we do not much value our entertainment in a prosperous estate all will admire the rising sun but to have an equal respect when declining this is rare and can proceed from nothing but an unchangable affection which excellently improves all opportunities and seasons to expresse that love and delight which is consonant unto it self nothing more sweet then endeared expressions these leave a tincture upon the heart many days after How do we â—owle such expressions in our thoughts as hony under our tongue Love is full of contemplation and invention and therefore cannot be wanting in expression Suitablenesse in recreation and businesse in the world is also considerable as that which compleats the happiness of this concern exceedingly if friends differ here much of their society will be lost Instance one man affects serious recreation another those that are most sensual these cannot hold correspondency one with another long but must certainly one time or another hazard a breach because that their recreations are not only different but diametrically contrary and consequently will occasion discontent on both sides A serious man though he may bear while he thinks there is some hopes of reclaiming yet he cannot alwaies do it because contrary to his reason affection and humour nor can he long suspend his censures on the other side pleasure will so prevail with him that loves it that he will defend it and contemn reason and religion too if it stand in opposition to or in competition with it pleasure being very attractive and prevailing nothing more Let your business as much as possible be the same at least nor contrary much of the sweetness of Friendship stands in living walking working together there is nothing a man is more impatient of then the absence of his friend O how he longs for his communion as the last sweetens and shortens time so the first imbitters it and makes it tedious the reason is ready because there is nothing so harsh as disappointments especially in those things wherein we expect the highest satisfaction and pleasure suitable to mens negotiations such are their conditions and affections If a mans businesse carry him far away so that he stands at a great distance to the object you will soon see coldnesse in affection carelesnesse and unconcernedeesse will follow immediatly and as clouds will darken the splendour of Frendship though it shined never so bright before and that because they cannot be capable of those acts of kindenesse which beautifies and maintains Frendship besides they meet with many diversions and temptations which like a moth will soon deface the beauty and glory of this concern There must be suitablenesse in the expression of our love we must not observe different methods in the expressing of our affections there is more in this then at the first view doth appear or we think of the want of this hath occasioned much difference among Friends and created many causless suspicions when their manner of expressions hath been contrary Instance some are more open and free others more close and reserved the first cannot believe any temper so contrary to generosity can haveany consistency with Frendship the latter suspects the former as altogether appearing in hyperboles thinking that they rise to high in their expression to be real and so censure and slight it though it be never so ingenious and certain But when that method is the same how confirmed and fixed is the frendship and this is not hard to be brought to passe among prudent persons which though at the first they seem very different yet they will soon agree if they argue the case and yield on both sides to that which comes nearest the rules of a perfect friendship in that latitude in which it ought to be considered I think this would be one of the first things I would study were I to contract a well grounded friendship I never affected hyperboles in friendship though some say in love they are most comely because by the same reason I may not believe some I may question all that is expressed by them A true expression is most pleasing and insinuating some truths may be more valued than others not that there is any defect in truth but there may be in them that receives it We value all truths but especially those we best understand and is of greatest use unto us Some truths may be so high that we cannot reach them others may be so contrary to some tempers that they will not believe them and hereby truth passes under a notion of falshood men are hardly brought to believe that in others which they cannot finde in themselves never insisting upon their own incapacity for it because that were a secret reproof and a close reflexion and therefore are more prone to conclude things impossible they cannot possesse then prize or value them in another Neither would I be too low in my expressions this were coming as short as the other was shooting beyond the mark because high affections are alwaies accompanied with proportionable expressions Nor could any thing mean be accepted where there are such vast expectations as in friendship but prudence may so regulate this affair that neither demonstration nor expression confirmation nor affection shall be wanting as also bend all things to the perfect rule so as there shall appear so much equality as shall reach and continue a real satisfaction and a right understanding of all things that at first seemed to render this sameness in expression impossible or at least uneasy Lastly above all disparity be careful of this that there be some proportion in your estates covet not a person much richer than your self to make a friend of you may run into more inconveniences then you are aware of in this respect sutableness here is as considerable as in any of the former I would not aim at an advantage here because as I would not have a friend that could not do me courtesies so I would not have too great a dependance upon him it is a more blessed thing to give than to receive I would rather take a friend that should share with me then one that should think my affection a purchase he made by his money If you fancy a friend that is rich or rather for his riches sit down
the heart because few understand it They that have a near inspection into the excellency of this state have a high value for it not so much for its outward beauty as inward excellency and these greatly esteem a true and faithful friend though they have not alwaies opportunity to obtain it others are utterly uncapable of ever obtaining it they hate the persons in whom they see a capacity for it meerly for their friendship like the fallen angels that kept not their first estate and therefore hates all those that are not plunged with them in the same unhappy estate I have seen persons greatly respected while they carryed it at a distance each to other but afterwards when they have been observed to unite in their affections have been hated vilified scorned and scandalized such is the enmity there is in some persons to this relation and this may procecd from one of these causes First Satan seems to be concerned in this matter knowing that the improvement of reason and vertue mightily prepares the heart for grace the young man in the Gospel in respect of his morality was a great proficient he is said by the best testimony to be not farr from the kingdome of God Men in friendship much improve because they are alwayes studying things grateful comely and acceptable and in this united capacity are not lyable to those various temptations that men of contrary tempers are insnared by Satan perceiving this studies all possible means to imbitter this state and as an effectual means to reach that end he sets profane men at enmity against those innocent persons and these are not only enemies to the pleasure and profit of friendship but are at enmity with the persons this proceeds from their ignorance as well as satans malice they understand nothing of what they censure and revile fondly conceiving that every attainment they hâ—â—e no part nor interest in not worth the having never considering their own incapacity for it who are so turbulent in their humors crosse in their qualities that they can never arrive at so much composednes as will comport with this temper nor is it altogether ignorance but envy also will be concerned which delights in nothing more than to spot this innocent garment I would never esteem that friend that were not resolved never to decline me upon any account whatsoever This was a great amplification of Jonathans love unto David his resolution never to desert him rather running the hazard of his fathers displeasure the losse of his crown and kingdome and which is more his precious life then deal falsly in this covenant I would take my friend as a man takes his wife for better for worse and resolve with Ruth whither thou goest I will go where thou lodgest I will lodge thy people shall be my people thy God shall be my God where thou dyest I will dye and there will I be buried resolution is the note and character of a true friendship and lowdly speaks it neither tottering nor unsound If Jonathan could have been corrupted in his love to David by any temptations there was enough to do it if threatnings accusations or intreaties could have prevailed it would have been done as the history will inform us but Jonathan could not fear the one nor credit the other against his friend nor is it every little slip in friendship it self would do it it must be some capital crime that can ma 〈…〉 separation True it is that a man is not alwayes grateful to himself and therefore cannot be so to any other at all times sometimes friendship comes gloriously arrayed othertimes is clothed in rags shall a man decline his friend because he doth not appear always so splendid as at other times and say he is no friend this is as irrational as to say a man is no man because he hath not on his best clothes there are many accidents that may render a man lesse pleasing and acceptable at one time than another the various tempers of body and minde doth make a great change these must be considered and allowed little things will not stick with a resolved friend The ninth qualification is compassion and tenness of heart this is the cordial of frendship and the hand that binds up the breaches in the heart that which repairs the defects of nature and puts life into a dying person this is that oyl that sweetly runs into the wounds of a perplexed heart and heals it that hand that wipes tears from the eye and takes the burthen from the heart it was not the smallest part of Jobs misery that he had not compassionate friends in his afflictions In affliction saith he pitty should be shewed by a friend but miserable comforters are you all If there can be pleasure in affliction this is it that I have a concerned friend every compassionate friend is a man of bowels he is afflicted in all that his friend is afflicted and will as freely share with him in his sorrows as in his comforts this is matter of great lamentation in affliction that we have none to pitty us the consideration of that doubles the misery and adds weight to the burden but this cannot be the case of him that has a true friend upon a sick bed who makes the bed so easie as a compassionate friend no society so pleasant and diverting as he in pain who is so merciful in penury who is so bountiful many will passe by in straights as the priest and the Levite did by the poor traveller but a friend will like the good Samaritan give oyl for his wounds and wine for his heart he will put his soul in his souls stead and do for him what he would desire for himself were the present case his own Here the golden rule shines brightly do you as you would be done unto This was the season Jonathan made use of to express his bounty and compassion unto David There is nothing more obliging in frendship than compassion a fellow-feeling and sympathy in our friend is very grateful when like the two twins History speaks of these sociable companions laugh and weep together these are like the strings of a viol touch one and the other trembles As their sufferings are mutual so are their satisfactions A man is not seldom more concerned for his friend then for himself I have experienced this who have somtimes born afflictions with so much the more paence and satisfaction because it passed by my friend and kindly took me the reason is ready because a great crosse upon the body is more easily born than that which is smaller upon the minde It is with the minde as with the body those distempers that touch the vitals are more dangerous than them that are accompanied with more exquisite pains in the body so heart afflictions are most vexations when my friend is under any affliction my minde is troubled and I feel that pain in my heart for him that perhaps he feels
causeless suspition because hereby you may wrong him and impeach him when he is most innocent and what is more thornie and wounding then causeless suspition it creates jealousie and mistrust of that person who intends most unfeignedly I would never make frendship where I could not confide without suspition because if I can't be confident of his sincerity I cannot believe nor trust him nor count him honest nor pay him that civility that frendship requires If you have any temptation to this argue it gravely and solidly may be the defect is in the eye not in the object when we consider the various accidents of everie day in which no man is constantly pleased or displeased with the same things we may suspect our selves Melancholy is verie suspitious and in that dark state we stumble at every straw and because my own distemper hath cast stumbling blocks in my way shall I suspect my friend of treacherie and unfaithfulness or want of real affection c. and say because I cannot always discern his sincerity when happily I am blinded with prejudice passion or discontent surely there is no such thing O this were most unreasonable we may as well say that half of the oare is broken because out of our sight and in the water and a blind man may as truly conclude there is no sun in the heavens because he cannot see it or we may dispute against the being of the sun because it is under a cloud or in an ecclipse Sixteenthly Never think a new friend better than an old many things are most valuable for their age frendship is one of these an old friend like old wine is much better then new It gathers spirits as it expends days without question friendship grows more vigorous and active by the delightful intercourse and those endearments it feeds upon Frendship is not so perfect in its infancy as in its riper years it augments as those worthy qualities it first pitched upon improves and are more splendid the hidden parts of frendship are not seen all at once nor can be they discover themselves according to the accidents and times they are most welcome and necessary in a friend acts many parts which require time and order if you esteem your friend worthy he will appear much better by tryal and experience whereby you will be satisfied of his habitual worthiness he was new you have kept him till he is old say not now the new is better I could never fancy any earthly thing in hope equal much less beyond that in hand or expect happiness in the change of what I was in a good measure satisfied in before that proverb is not contemptible seldom comes a better I could never neglect and despise any whom I once thought worthy of my affection nor think it prudence to part wirh my cabinet in which my chief treasure lies because the varnish is worn off it is not so handsome as when it was new I mean my secrets which are my most precious jewels One friend according to this measure is enough for my whole life if death doth not separate nothing else shall by my occasion or consent I cannot change but at a great uncertainty for if I could not find reason to continue the old frendship I should find less to make another It must be some errour in the first that induces me to make a second and that must be what I did not at first discover and therefore cannot be certain I shall not find the same defect in another because men act as their age and temper of body inclines them and that may be very different at one time to what it is at another We cannot expect that pleasure in age we found in youth nor that content in sickness we found in health all these things must be considered and allowed If you have found a faithful friend you have found a treasure admit he may not be in all points what you would have him to be he is too good to part with most likely your gain in the change will never recompense your losse nor can you ever rationally think to gain credit with a new friend when you have lost it with the old he may flatter you but he will never trust you he may humour you but can never honour you nor hartily close with you having great grounds for suspition and fear of a heart breaking separation Seventeenthly Be free and generous A gift saith the wise man fasteneth friendship give bountifully and receive thankfully the smallest kindness think nothing too good or too great for your friend nor esteem that a recompence fit for kindness received except you can equal or exceed it better still lie under an obligation than make a half satisfaction nothing short is accounted any thing in this case it may undervalue the gift but never gratify the giver I sometimes take a small gift kindely from my friend because it makes me no great debtor and speaks his love as truly as a greater yet I would not give meanly were I obliged and able to do better and it is no crime in me to endeavour to outdo my friend in noble and generous actions this seems a paradox because we cannot understand how we speak properly when we speak of giving or receiving among friends where hearts are united and consequently they can have no divided interest but all things are common except we mean by it the signification of the thing which is more then the thing it self as a reall and sincere affection I would not value any courtefie or civility that did not bring more of affection than profit I can easily compensate the last and discharge my self but must lie under an eternal obligation for the other Eighteenthly Never dissemble with your friend but deal plainly with him especially when he referrs himself to you do not call bitter sweet and sweet bitter this is the worse way of ingratiating your self and by this means you may prove a traytor to him if you can keep off evil do it with all possible care and endeavour but when you see it will come unavoidably rather prepare him for it than keep it from him nothing more cruel than disappointment which no man oftner finds then he that is flattered into a belief of what is really impossible It is as great a wrong to a man to heap upon him unmeritted commendations as to detract from his just deserts I would not be the first that would impeach my friend nor the last that would undeceive him is I saw him inclinable to overvalue himself Nineteenthly Let your speech and communication be religious solid and civil it is Pauls advice that we be courteous there is much in this to promote content words may be healing and they may be wounding Solomon observed that they are like honey David observes they are like arrows that shoots fwistly secretly and deadly saith he they shoot arrows against me even bitter words in order hereunto
A DISCOURSE OF Friendship By E. G. Gent. LONDON Printed by J. B. for the Author and are to be sold by Thomas Fabian at the sign of the Bible in St. Pauls Church-Yard a Corner Shop next Cheap-side 1676. To the Honourable The Lady SARAH COOPER Madam IT may be thought a presumption in me to affix your Name to the ensuing Leaves I assure you Madam it was not their merit but you candour that induced me to make such an attempt which also created in me a more then ordinarie confidence and belief that you would overlook all those defects occasioned by the unskilfulness of the Author with a charitable allowance you cannot expect from the ensuing discourse that excellency and sublimity the subject requires it neither suits with my ability nor designe to send into the world a splendid Peice of Oratory Truth was what I aimed at which though naked will never shame its Master and experience hath furnished me with arguments not wholly contemptible in this regard and these must take place before any acquired accommodation where the advancement of truth is the ultimate end there needs no pompous words to usher in this subject it carries so much worth and excellency in the nature of it as is enough to commend it without those triviall accomplishments if nothing but blandishments should demonstrate the value and esteem we have for truth and vertue they would want their most affectionate advocates but Madam as Clouds and darker colours serve to set off those which are beautiful and glorious in this sense my poor endeavours may be of some use to your Ladiship and as a foil set off and commend your more curious notions many persons of learning and Ingenuity have offered at this subject but it hath been so generally considered by them that they have come short of that satisfaction which might justly be expected from so sollid and useful an undertaking as that of Friendship neither have I taken upon me the task and exactnesse of a Casuist in curiously anatomizing even the most hidden and smallest particulars reducible to each head I have only drawn out the fairest and plainest lines leaving the more artificial discoveries to them of greater parts and learning who I hartily intreat to lend their assistance to this great affair if they would from hence conclude a call to draw this blotted coppy fair and throughly effect what I would gladly have done and wish it were not above my reach I mean Madam a solid satisfaction in so materiall and useful a concern as this is I should think this adventure no great crime but I have been too tedious give me leave to add that the Author wisheth to your Ladiship in the perfection of it what the work describes and am Madam Your most humble and faithful Servant E. G. The PREFACE To the READER THe Subject I am upon was never more necessary and seasonable then in these unhappy times wherein we live where we finde men generally so vicious that vertue is almost extirpate and not a few become so monstrously bruitish that no philosophy can sweeten and allay their extream bitternesse and so flinty are their tempers that love that tender and delicate plant can have no rooting among them but that which is most to be lamented is that persons of a softer mould and pliant and yieldable enough to love and friendship are forestalled by other objects and so averted that they do not think it worth their while to study and acquaint themselves with this great affair if any thing I have done could be so successful as to prevail with them to consult the reason conveniency and excellency of this great concern and weigh things in the ballance of right reason I dare say the ballance would incline another way then it doth with them now I do not fear that any person though never so envious should upon the first glance of this book take upon him to prejudge it but rather expect the Title Page should prove a powerful motive to induce and incline the Reader to a further search into the nature of that subject that hath so splendid an aspect yet I do not expect to passe this Discourse through a vicious world and various tempers without some reflections the vain and vicious will be apt to quarrel at the confinement they will finde to their unlimitted fancyes and humour the Critick will say it is too trivially managed to please their curiosity they can neither finde elegancy of stile nor the advantage of History which they will affirm are usually the most proper and principal parts of such an undertaking as this is the subject in the nature of it is so rich that it needs no varaish to set it off the reward and pleasure which attends it is enough to commend it without complement and indeed I designedly omitted quotations not that I slighted History but partly because I intended only to give my own particular notion of Friendship as also what I had collected from my own experience and observation and partly that I might leave sufficient encouragement to persons of more leasure and ability to enter upon this subject and add that part which is not only most material for illustration and confirmation but the most delightful part of the whole concern I mean in relation to the composure of it because as the experience of others is greatly confirming to the subject so it is no lesse pleasing to the Author who is never better satisfied then when the truths he asserts come attended with a cloud of witnesses beside the Author of this present book may receive no small advantage because hereby those errors may be corrected which unavoidably attend so unskilful an Vndertaker But not to detain or carry the Reader any further from my intended Subject I shall leave him with with this assurance that I am his In the Service of Truth E G. A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP THe subject of the ensuing Discourse is of that excellency and importance that it deserves our diligence in the enquiring into the nature of it it is the great Mistery of Friendship which contains in it things worthy weighty and exceeding necessary both for the pleasure of the sensitive and rational appetite men are tired in the chase of satisfaction from one thing to another still pursuing those shadows that cannot be brought nearer and the reason is that in the humane nature there is an intense and continual desire of pleasure without which life it self hath no satisfaction for life consisting in the operations of the soul either the external of the senses or the internal of the minde it is sweetned by those delights that are suitable to them the subject I am upon bids fairest for a temporal satisfaction as having in it self those excellent accomplishments which are the intermedial steps by which we climb and get within reach of it Philosophers in their vast enquiries into natural things were never so busie wholly to decline this moral
subjection were it not for this confinement that hath an universal influence upon all persons and transactions what tyranny would reign in the Courts of Princes what rebellion among subjects by this binding concern Princes are made almost unlimitable and subjects most free it is the undissembled affection of Princes upon which the freedom and happiness of the people are firmly planted Friendship is that which secures Families otherwise all things would be in confusion there Brethren like Cain would rise up one against another and a mans enemies be them of his own house besides this the prejudice would yer go higher and all men must stand as in Nehemiahs time with their weapons in one hand and work in the other since the progeny of Adam is encreased to a vast society and numerous issue all manner of disasters as Famine Pestilence Deluge Fire Wilde Beasts have not been so destructive of man as man himself which was occasioned by this want of Friendship Thlrdly There is a Friendship among Relations as that between Father and son Husband and Wife and Brethren these Relations make Friendships and such as must not give place to any other and this proceeds from natural principles which obliges to duty and Obligations not to be violated of which I shall speak more in another place Fourthly There is a Frendship that is grounded purely upon moral Principles and for distinction we call it a moral Friendship here is no Obligation preceeding as in that of relation but every man is left to his free choice and election and is governed by prudential and moral swasion a Father beside his own inclination is bound to love his son the law of nature bindes him to it and a son his Father in like manner but no man is bound to love any person with a complacential love nor can he do it except such an one that he can finde upon prudent considerations agreeable to his reason and fancy these are the most proper and powerful motives to excite the affections Friendship is equal in it self to all the world and hath no difference but is differenced by accidents and by the capacities or incapacities of them that receive it charity commands us not to be enemies to any and reason and prudence directs us to be most friendly to them that are most useful and deserving if we have reason to love many we have much more reason to love some more then others and if my affection be according to reason I must love most where I see most reason this moral friendship as it flows from the most generous principles so it produceth the most desirable effects we may make an estimate of it by its causes and effects sor its causes it derives either from a native candour and generofity of minde or from a noble and ingenious education or something jointly from both these seem as good originals as any thing meerly moral can proceed from and hence it is that we finde those of great minds and extraction most obliging whereas those of abject births and spirits are of a quite differing nature ths first are governed by reason which is still the same and will act equally and consonant to it self excluding an arbitrary will for he that doth things this moment because he will may the next have as weighty arguments to do some contrary and so spend his whole time in unravelling his spiders webs still lying under the lash of the superiour faculties which will be constantly following him with grating reflections who resist its more direct admonitions numerous are the effects that proceed from this cause I shall point at two or three briefly First men are hereby made so like God that nothing can more assimilate man to God love being a supream attribute of the unchangeable being prepares and enables us to a conformiry to the Divine Law Secondly Friendship calls home our wandring fancy that haply may range after a thousand vanities which may allure the affections but can never satissie them and contracts them to objects that are solid and excellent all men naturally afpire after happiness but few finde it because they either mistake the way or the end some place it in wisdom some in honour others in riches taking up with something short of the great end there is more satisfaction to be had in a faithful serious friend then in all sublunary things nothing can reach our content but that which can rationally engage the affections and this cannot be done by riches humane reason or pleasure we may adde the most binding relations and the most powerful obligations that pleasure can invent not any of these nor all together can do it and that because there is not worth enough in them to attract the heart and affections nor weight enough in them to satisfie reason nor power to lay any restraint upon exorbitant passions unlimited fancies but friendship can do all this there is love to attract nothing so attractive as love it self it comes always attended with the lucre of reward and pleasure and hcreby it insinuates it self and lays constraints and limitations upon the person insensibly without force or violence and so makes an absolute conquest Thirdly Friendship is exemplary vertue and carries in its front the clearest conviction of vice Philosophers were of opinion that no true love could be amongst any but ingenious men persons that are vicious cannot build their wood hay and stubble upon so solid a foundation as that of friendship yet this concern harh such credit with the worst of men that it hath not wanted advocates among its greatest enemies which though they have been never so vicious and industrious to defame vertue and condemn it as men do the light because their weak eyes cannot receive the luster of it yet they judge it most amicable and they can bestow praises upon vertuous men and commend the radency of that state they employ their utmost power to circumvent and destroy they can as well hold a Lion in a twine thred as confine their unruly passions and grasp the air as give check to one lust these are the unhappy subjects of those skilful Artificers that vitiate men in their persons to corrupt their principles and when all hopes of vertue is lost they will easily be perswaded into all the infelicity of a contrary state these are so deeply plunged in vice that they are contented that the last should be raised upon the ruine of the first and while they catch after the one with impetuous violence they can tamely endure the other to be vilifyed and despised whereas virtuous men can view them in their hurry and maze though with pity to them with satisfaction to themselves while they with serenity and a calm minde can regulate their opinions and confine a wandring fancy and reduce things to their just value and however this loose age the dreg of times may contemn things in themselves most deserving magnifying an arbitrary will and trampling
those just acknowledgements then he who will as chearfully commend any worthy quality as he would tenderly prudently and carefully detect the contrary that this act of Frendship is a singular advantage will further appear upon this enquiry which follows Examine great Schools and publike communities and Academies and you will finde they are not only intended for the study of Learning in their several apartments but also for the benefit of Communion in a sociable conversation whereby learning is improved and extended in order to the publick benefit of the whole society We are not without multitude of examples of this kinde it is by discourse truth is disputed errour is expunged the true measure of the capacity and incapacities of men lies originally in that rule that the art or science he is about to acquire prescribes but the use is more extensive and so the measure is in every mans hand that hath skill to use it and hereby a man comes to make a right estimate of all things by applying the rule to them which is done by discoursing with our selves or others words are the shaping of the thoughts and rally them into order and form thoughts are best discerned in their dress whether they are trivial or weighty naked thoughts sometimes affright us we dare not look on them till by words they are adorned and so made amiable othertimes they seem so aiery that we cannot hold them they slip from us but when we have shaped them we have greater command of them and can hold them till we have examined them and at last we have liberty to keep them or reject them according to their desert and merit a mans first conceptions may be overvalued or undervalued by accidents as when melancholy or pride interposeth Melancholy will not stay so long upon thoughts being of a roving temper or till they may be scanned and pride will examine them overly and slightly because it thinks it cannot erre We deal uprightly and judiciously when we examine things so as that we come to a right understanding of the nature of them and can give every thing its true value without lessening their lustre which consists in their nature uniformity and composition It was the advice of a Grandee eminent for Learning and of an excellent judgment that men should discourse their thoughts and when opportunities were not to be had of discoursing them otherwise rather then wholly omit this necessary concern they should direct their discourse to a statue but he that hath a faithful friend need not put himself upon this conclusion Familiar converse is always pleasant and often very profitable and seasonable Two wits are better then one is a Proverb not to be slighted I may see an errour in my Friend he may not see in himself without being over-curious and this may be so argued that he may be convinced and his reputation secured from reproach and scandal Secondly there must be that in the object we pitch upon for Frendship that must ravish the affections and that seems to be candour and affability in dispositions and conversation this is as necessary in order to content and the pleasure of this concern as reason is in order to the profit of it as reason is necessary so love and an equal conversation is as necessary this was that which first created and still supports it nothing so indearing as civility and courtesie and this keeps up the reputation of Frendship in spight of all that envy that malicious persons conceive against it no cloud can ecclipse the radiancy of this concern when it is clothed with civility and courtesie this is the constraining property of kindness and in this sence objects hath a constraining force though properly they have none but derive their efficacy from the faculties to which they are agreeable we may understand the excellency of this temper by comparing it with those that are of morose and harsh spirits such hath crossness so natural to them being born and bred up with them that they cannot be otherwise what torment are such persons to themselves every the least contradiction so inflames and so strangely transports them and that to such amazing passions that they are not only ungrateful to others but frightful to themselves they arrive to such extravagancies that mischievous effects follow upon them they are justly termed mad else they would not bring upon themselves a greater mischief that they may do a less these persons are not fit for any serious undertaking but now a calm and affable temper reduces passions and so fortifies themselves against them that they neither disquiet their own minds nor others patience these can pass by the greatest injuries insensibly how prudently do they interpret all things in the best sence that are meant in the worst they do see as to pity but are blinde as to prejudice these do not practise curiosity and a near inspection into the faults of others and yet will severely enough detect vice without grating unbraiding how amiable is such a disposition and most incomparably fit for this great concern this temper hath many excellent properties I shall hint at some It is free pleasant and complasant Love is noble and admits the beloved into the heart and gives him a peculiar interest there and in all that he hath besides interest is so great a part of Frendship that we conclude no Interest no Frendship It is the true measure of Love as Interest is more or less persect so is the affection more or less compleat proportionable to the interest such is the Frendship All those accomplishments we have been discoursing of are insignificant to a person without interest like the Gold in the Indies only valuable in themselves but of little value to others which are at a distance It is interest that inhanceth the worth of any thing propriety is very indearing and obliging it puts a beauty upon our enjoyments how common is it for men to slight that in the possession of another they admire when the property is altered and they can call it their own Again Frendship is plesant without those perplexities that attend other relations as the temper of friends are more equal so their commerce and fellowship is more pleasing equality sweetness society Frendship is compounded of love and society how pleasant are those harmless diversions that constantly attend those sociable companions and that which makes it the more sweet is the utility and necessiity of it for the repair of the minde that may and will be tired in the most beneficial and excellent employments the most diligent person cannot be always upon the wing the lower appetite must have content as well as the superiour for as the disturbances in the fenses much prejudice the operations of the minde so that it cannot act either profitably or pleasantly for that particular season so when the minde is too intent the sences are prejudiced and so much sometimes that they cannot enjoy those vacancies
with injury both to himself and his son to himself by failing in his duty which is ever to keep up his power in all lawful things to his son in laying before him a temptation to disobedience by his example while he omits his duty Indulgence is the inlet to all other traps and snares sad Instances we have had of this in our present Age where all vices are made almost indifferent but such as disturb the tranquility of the Kingdom there are many things of the nature of this relation that cannot consist with a moral Friendship Instance the power and command of the Father the fear and obedience of the son these are contrary to that personal equality which cannot be exempted from Frendship it being as natural to the being and well-being of that concern as inequality is to this of relations the properest expressions between Friends is that which a Father and son never do as constant familiar converse equal conversation wherein they always submit their wills and affections each to other there are many things in frendship that cannot be admitted where there is a challenge of duty and command it is no prejudice to a parent and the duty I owe him to pay all possible endearments to my Friend because there are many things due to the one the other cannot challenge It is not my designe to derogate from any relation that just esteem they ought to have this must be allowed that this relation makes great dearness and a most inviolable Frendship and under such real obligations as the laws of God and men hath made indispensable and that because there are duties that obliged them before any other Frendship could be made and have left such impression as must abide and will never give place to any other because of their propriety which is supreme There are two things especially I shall point at wherein this relation differs from a moral Friendship and that is first in their springs from whence they flow and Secondly in their ends and designes First the love and frendship of the relation is grounded purely upon natural causes and therefore called natural affection there is no need of prudence in this case no man consults his reason whether he shall love his son or not a natural instinct inclines him to that but if his son be rebellious then he hath need of prudence to direct him how to regulate his affections so is his indulgence may not prejudice his son There are many things binding to persons in â—his relation as the law of God the law of â—ature and their love to themselves parents love â—heir children because they love themselves â—hey are perpetuated in their children posterity â—eing the instruments of a civil immortality â—ikewise the son cannot dispute his obedience to â—is father he being bound with his father by the â—ame laws and under more obligations then the â—ather can be 1. he has his being from his father â—y which he is capacitated for al the rest that folâ—ow as his preservation education example supâ—ly all these adde to the sons obligations but â—oral frendship has no law or obligation predisâ—osing the persons for frendship but is grounded upon moral principles and is animated by that profit reward pleasure that is annexed to the object Love in this respect is the effect of an unconstrained choice and therefore is not subject to those uncertainties that natural affections are nothing holds the affection stronger and longer then a free choice we experience this the love of relations is not much to be trusted in as the duties so the love of relations is changeable and much altered by accidents instance parents much abate in their affections to their children that once they dearly loved haply occasioned by some rebellious unworthy carriage actions against commands perswasions threatnings and intreaties which aggravate the crimes and make them inexcusable sometimes cross marriages become a great ground of quarrell when they are inferiour or unequal Again when sons put themselves upon dishonourable designes and by their extravagances brings a general ruine upon themselves and families and grow so desparate that instead of cherishing and supporting their parents against the injuries of others lay violent hands on them themselves and imbrew their hands in their bloud or consent with others unnaturally designing against them from whom they have their being David had such a son in Absalom all which so alienates the hearts of parents that they cannot give them a favorable aspect without censure nor a place in their thoughts but with reluctancies and the aggravations which second these high provocations are so many and hainous that natural affection sometimes is thereby quit and abandoned and â—hat upon just and solid grounds Othertimes paâ—ents fail in their duty to their children and carry it unnaturally toward them that have deserved â—etter nothing more notorious then for men to forsake the sons of their love preferring fome Dalilah before them upon whom they prodigalâ—y spend their substance discouraging and corrupting their children together which they do by their inhumane actions and vicious practises and this is worthy our consideration how separation will alienate the affections of relations so that there shall not remain in them a powerful inclination either to sollicit or endeavour the prosperity one of another but shall prefer a faithful servant before the relation this hath been so amazing to me that I have thought natural affection one of the greatest uncertainties of humane life and not to be confided in because men so strangely degenerate in this respect that they make themselves inferiour to the brutes Secondly as the original from whence the love of this relation comes is incongruous to that of Frendship so their ends are contrary Frendship designes nothing more then the pleasure of society whereby by communicating each others joys and hopes afflictions and disappointments they come to obtain the proper and most useful effects of Frendship but parents have no such expectation they do not aim at a sociable contentment in their children nor children in their parents how freely do parents and children consent to be divided sometimes into the farthest part of the world one from another if their persons estates or content may be advanced by it and are very well satisfied to meet once or twice in their whole lives or to converse together in a few lines which are uncertainly ventured and seldom arrive at the desired place and when they come can do no more but tell them they left a relation alive but how long he hath continued so since is most uncertain men account themselves rich in relations when their propriety is so far removed that they serve only for contemplation and generation both which gives but a general no particular contentment it is otherwise among friends they cannot satisfie themselves in contemplation fruition is that which compleats their felicity Friends are like the turtles they never associate themselves with other
criminal an undertaking such arguing might have given some check to the temptation much arguing there was between the woman and the Serpent where was Adam then had there been Frendship Adam could not have been so long from Eve being in the same garden with her till the Serpent could accomplish so great a work this seems to be a work of time neither is it likely had there been this amity that she would have intended much less have acted any thing till she had acquainted Adam with it with whom she would have had inclination enough to advise with in such a difficult case there being always a communication of affairs between friends no wonder the woman was seduced when all the wit and policy of hell was imployed to do it but Adam without that was betrayed he hastily ventures without reservation and exception upon the breach of so positive a command Again if this relation could convey the best Frendship none in that relation could miss it but experience evinces the contrary we finde not seldom their open enmity if the relation could convey it though there was little love before marriage there would be no want of it after but this is clear to common observation that where persons have ventured into this relation before the affection and fancy hath been fixed the relation hath been so far from engaging the affections and uniting the heart that it hath encreased the enmity and sometimes to murther and other violent acts and I might bring many reasons for this but I do not love to rake in a kennel Again as repeated fruition is the most binding thing among Friends in this relation it is most loosening I have heard some say and seriously to that repeated fruition is a dull thing blunts the edge of the greatest affection Frendship in this relation would be arbitrary and therefore it is that there are such strong commands obliging persons to the duties of it as is evident by the laws of God and man It is observable that Frendship is most tied and yet most free there are no laws confining friends they have no need of coaction to obedience love is a law to it self this shews the natural unfixedness of the one and the stability of the other some men were they left to their liberty as friends are they would change their wives as often as they put off their clothes men are much guided by humour and fancy small things deludes the fancy at one time and things as contemptible will alter it at another men hastily catch at a wife she pleaseth him well after a little while fancy hath found out some new object and then we hear them say they cannot fancy the old the new is better but Frendship is ever guided by reason and judgment and findes more amiableness and loveliness in the object every day give me leave to adde that persons in this relation are not capable of those convenient and necessary acts of kindeness that friends are Instance in emergences of state or times of war a frend may be eminently useful in either but what can a wife do she can have no vote in Council nor command in war The wife of David though the daughter of Saul and therefore did not want interest when he left the Court and betook himself to the wars signified little to him but Ionathan his friend was more useful then then ever and this is most considerable the advantage frendship has beyond relations for personal kindeness which comes to pass from hence because they are united in heart though not in person in a legal sense as men and their wives are and this is no small advantage hereby they are more useful in times of extremity where none will assist and help but them alone many acts of frendship women are not capable of if a husband be arrested his wife cannot bail him but his friend can if her testimony be never so full and pertinent it will not be taken for her husband I might instance in many other things but I hasten from this ungratefull argument Lastly If Frendship were made by this relation then no man would seek it elsewhere but we see those persons who have as much content as the relation can give ambition this state of frendship and they make the firmest and strongest alliances in this regard and the reason they give is this that they would finde satisfaction most suitable to their nature and being and that say they can be no where but among equals where this only can be found that the hearts are united and the persons free to all friendly acts and entercourses and this cannot be among relations where the persons are joyned but too often the hearts are free I hope none will mistake and think I have no true value for this relation I have really a great respect for this relation and highly esteem it where it is in truth rightly managed They are most happy that meet with least disappointments every one will conclude poverty and sickness what a change do they make persons in this relation aim at many ends which if they miss they are impatient and that because there doth not seem efficacy enough in the relation to command a submission to any great disappointment And by how much the more evils cannot be foreseen by so much the more intolerable they be I shall point at but one end and that is children if they fail of this end as sometimes they do what an alienation doth this make or rather a separation I am loth to say it is plain enough but friends can miss their ends in many thâ—ngs without distraction crosses doth not separate them but rather unite them Ionathan and David were never so united as then when affliction seized them then it was that they renewed their covenant and strengthned their affections one towards another Thus I have led you through two relations the one grounded upon the principles of nature and therefore binding the other upon a promise or covenant no less obliging to both these friendship is due but not that friendship or love I am treating of there is natural affection due to the one and a conjugal love due to the other which must be paid with all care and circumspection I shall touch a little briefly upon the third relation and so come to what I most aim at The Third Relation I am to speak to is that of Brethren I shall consider the persons and relation jointly brethren having in them all that worthiness that friendship requires are the fittest subjects for friendship but they do not pass into it upon the account of relation nature passes but little but as they are disposed and prepared for it either by natural qualities or moral excellencies We see brothers that live apart and adopt themselves to Families remote they have little love Frendship is nourished by the same matter by which it was first made it was created by communion and fellowship
stake rather than his mony his reputation life soul any thing shall go see this in Gehezi and in Demas the one imbraced a leprosie rather than loose a talent the other forsook God to imbrace this present world Have we not instances of this before our eyes every day when we see men lay their honour in the dust sacrifice life content and every thing to this dumb Idol that man that loves mony more than himself or God must needs love it better than his friend and therefore above all persons fit to be excluded Secondly melancholy in the extremity of it comes next to be examined and this always accompanies the former that fills the heart with distracting cares vehement desires which if crossed presently this is ready as an effect of that cause as appears in wicked Haman he coveted not only riches but honour as most covetous men do though they never do a generous act to deserve it and because he could not obtain it from Mordecai an inconsiderable person in his esteem he presently falls into a fit of melancholy and though he had more to boast of then most men in respect of his honour riches and favour with the King yet all this signified nothing as long as Mordecai stood in the kings gate who refused that obeisance to Haman he so eagerly coveted and so impartiently pined after and hereupon the devil deludes him and helps him to hammer out this device in his own shop which is melancholy to hang Mordecai This was the anvil Haman had been working at before when he had framed an engine to destroy all the Jews I cannot find any ill quality excluded from melancholy as wrath malice envy uncharitableness mis-trust self-self-love in the highest degree and where all these are we may justly conclude there cannot be frendship they love nothing but themselves they indulge themselves they admire themselves as if God had created them for no other purpose or to any other end and so extream wilful are they if they will their own destruction they will effect it they are naturally the greatest cowards in the world and they cannot be otherwise except carried out by some violent motion as pride jealousie covetousness or malice c. they will lay violent hands upon themselves and this they call resolution but it is the cowardlyest act possible to come upon nature when it is naked and destroy it when by starving or discontent nature is brought low to lay violent hands upon it this cannot be valour I dread nothing more than this pettish humour and disposition I could never make friendship with a person who in all respects I might believe would be as prodigal of my life should I trust it with him as of his own Many Examples we have of this daily and much blood hath been shed by melancholy that often harbours such discontents that nothing but blood can satisfy and not seldom the blood of those they have most reason to preserve Judas was such a one who through covetousnes first betrayed his master and after through melancholy hanged himself Secondly let us consider the other couple pride and envy A proud man cannot be a true friend because he cannot deny himself in any respect He wholy aimes at himself in his thoughs words and actions his honour pleasure ease is all he looks after he is not sollicitous how it fares with others He will be a Diotrephes and have the preheminence he cannot give place himself is his end and his will is his rule by which he squares all his actions and the Law he endeavours passionately to bring all others unto subjection to at least all those that are under his power and jurisdiction like Haman he will rather lose his life then abate any thing of his pride is contentious and clamorous and cannot stand with friendship Iehu-like he carries on all his designes he is well learned in the art of multiplication and addition but a novice in the rule of substraction except from others to himself Pride is an unbecoming garment let it be never so splendid in shew it is but a fools coate a proud man is still building up his own reputation with the ruine of others he thinks himself always degraded when another is valued and whatsoever is attributed unto another though never so just he thinks it a wrong done to him he would willingly ingrosse all the applause unto himself though he never appear in any generous action to deserve it he cares not who loses so that he may gain he will rather rob God himself as Herod did then deny applause he will blaze abroad any thing that hath but the appearance of good but will seldom or never do any praise worthy act upon an adress to him let the complaint be never so just and the adresse never so humble and the object never so deprorable he is no way affected but like Nabal a man cannot speake to him he covets to be admired by all but obliges none feared he may be but never loved this man may promise fair but he is so uncertain you cannot trust him by all which it is clear that a proud man cannot be fit for frendship that requires all the contrary dispositions and must possefs them or cannot be at all Secondly Let us consider a little of Envy Solomon saith make no frendship with an angry man and with the envious thou shalt not go and here that I may not be mifunderstood we must distinguish of anger I do not mean by anger here the boiling of the blood which comes from a natural cause this is like a flash of lightning soon come and soon gone This is found to be the consequence of the best disposition but I mean by this anger that which ariseth from an envious heart that cannot sleep except they have done mischief These are like thunderclaps secretly wounding to the very heart and bears down all before it Solomon observed this who can stand saith he before envy Such have those things in their hearts and practises that cannot possibly abide with frendship but would immediately like a worm eat out the substance of it This anger or rather revenge rests in the bosome of these fools It is not a wayfaring man that continues for a night but an inhabitant that is always at home plotting and contriving how to tread down credit estate life and all if it stand in its way An envious man hath these qualities he is soon disobliged never reconciled He can forgive he will say but never forget he is constant in nothing but vexation his tongue a persecutor his heart like the troubled waters casting up nothing but mire and durt Such a one was Simei his revenge to his servant was so great that he must follow him with the peril of his own life You know what Simei was by his railing at David doubtless he was an envious and a malicious man he that will prefer his passion before his own life will hardly
value the life of his friend The calm temper is the best accommodated for frendship how much better is a handful of green herbs where quietness is then a stalled oxe with strife A malitious man cannot be grateful he is satisfyed with nothing if a man be good he grudges that if he be evil he will revile him though he be worse abundantly himself he is like the witches that put on their eyes when they went abroad but when they came home they put them in their pockets if he fancies an undervalue he will hate a man for that and he will never be serious about the cause of that hatred but pronounce judgment right or wrong upon the person offending as he pretends he will dispence with all manner of justice in this case he will do as Felix did by Paul may be promise a hearing at a more convenient season but that season shall never come he having much more pleasure in aggravating quarrels then studying peace Secondly The second qualification is sutableness in conversation and expression There must be an agreement here or else no amity and herein is most of the sweetness of frendship can two walk together except they are agreed walking signifies all manner of familiar converse and sociable delight and this is very pleasant I would rather have a friend that could delight me than one that could enrich me there is a vast content in the conversation of friends especialally in their communications recreations negotiations In conversation we express those endearments and affections that feed a real frendship in communicating our joys and griefs the first is doubled the last is divided with how much satisfaction do friends chat away sad times that otherwise would seem tedious either by disappointments or actual sufferings not seldom they discourse themselves out of a pettish humour changing distracting thoughts and ungrounded resolutions for a calm and serious temper and this may be done by solid and serious arguments wherein there is not only profit but beauty Solomon says a word spoken in season how good is it It is like apples of gold in pictures of silver friends they have much variety of business to communicate as their fears and doubts perfections and imperfections their hopes and delights especially their affections and covenant of frendship which is often renewed There must be this intercourse between frends to avoid suspition if they will be happy and this is exceeding necessary because fear offers violence to nature takes away mans strength draws a cloud upon all his comforts and lies like a talent of lead upon the heart we are most times more unhappy in what we fear then in what we feel How did Belshazars knees smite one against another and his very joynts were loosed when the hand-writing appeared upon the wall Is it not many times so with the best of us when God writes bitter things against us a friend in this extremity of affairs comes like the shepherds with tidings of great joy declares our peace with God his good will towards us These are the heart-cheating arguments that winds up the heart above those fears and like the sun dissipates the clouds and opens a door of hope fear overwhelms a man casts him into a swouning fit a gracious and serious friend revives and restores him to his strength again Doubts are as inseparable to men in their most serene temper as motes from the air in the clearest day or spots from the moon in the brightest night there is much cause of hesitation in men of the purest and most innocent conversations they are not without their entanglements many a perplexing web they spin but these may be unravelled by a judicious friend who happily may be skilful as Ioseph was to answer those riddles of providence and resolve those doubts that at present seems intricate and past finding out Ioseph was such a friend to the chief butler men are many times reasoned off their doubts and inforced to throw them away because they cannot abide the test and conviction of reason Ionathan and David the best friends we ever read of they spent much time in communicating their dispondences and trouble Saith David there is but a step betwixt me and death how affectionately did Ionathan resolve this doubt who alone was the most likely instrument to secure David which he did more then promise in his answer to Davids scruple where he saith whatever thy soul desires I will do it for thee and so goes on with pregnant arguments of his faithfulness to David whereby he cleared the most puzling doubt of all by expressing his care and kindness in a matter that concerned Davids life the preserving of which must loose Ionathan his crown Ionathan lying under this temptation no wonder if David had doubts in such times as these are friends must renew their covenants as they did and acquiesce in the faithfulness of each other Again friends communicate their Joys and hopes joy will strengthen nature as effectually as fear will impair it he is no friend that will not be more ready to impart his comforts then his sorrows which he may do with more freedom less caution and may promise himself a mutual satisfaction which doubles the content There are many things that cheers the heart but these being according to the conditions of the person concerned we cannot well define them but this in the general observe that whatever is absolutely necessary earnestly expected justly due if accomplished is a matter of joy delight and cannot faithfully be concealed whatever my friend takes pleasure in I must not withhold but rather augment illustrate and amplify it always annexing a complacent behaviour as the sittest temper for that season when the heart is upon the wing of hope joy that will raise the social communication of friends to a high pitch of satisfaction when the heart is full of pleasure it is full of love and resolution these being as natural to joy and hope as discontent and harshnes is to fear and doubt a merry heart makes a joyful countenance what is more pleasing then a cheerful aspect hope is to the soul as the anchor is to the ship it keeps it steady among the most perplexing waves Joy is a passion arising from the apprehension of some good we have in hand or in hope relating to our selves or others did I apprehend any thing in my self in the world or in my friend that could be matter of pleasure unto him I could be neither kind nor civil to conceal it nor could any thing be matter of joy unto me if I could not impart it at best it would be but a half joy Lastly love and delight must be imparted also in this equal conversation love is the hand within the wheel which turns the whole concern as the heart must not be without the habits of an intire affection so our conversation must not be without the acts in our daily commerce Love is
conflicting with those distractions and cares that constantly attend such a prison-state were the heart always upon the wing and fit for divine contemplation a cave that dark habitation might be as Goshen a land of light otherwise it is hard to improve solitariness to any advantage as I would with much content enjoy my thoughts and discourse with my self sometimes so I would as gladly at other times speak my joyes and sad apprehensions of things to my friend by which I shall double the first and may diminish the last besides I shall have this advantage if I speak my thoughts I shall see what they are by their dresse whether trivial or weighty I cannot always improve my reason alone or be so taken with my own conceptions and apprehension of things as to believe them without exception or passible unless confirmed by those who are more judicious or at least more indifferent then I can be in matters that so nearly concern me arguments debated between two or more seems to be more clear because they have a greater testimony than when there is not that advantage a single testimony will not be accepted in civil things men can hardly perswade singly in a matter of importance we see our lawyers and doctors though never so learned are hardly creditted except they refer to Authors nor are we without a divine testimony in this case as the Scriptures which declareâ— that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every thing shall be established the great conceit that some men have had of their private notions which may be have so tickled and pleased them that they have sate down highly satisfied with the validity of them hath been that which hath proved their greatest prejudice and often proved a delusion that pride hath flattered them into making that appear great to themselves that looks throw a multiplying-glass which doubles the species when indeed if it be rightly considered by an impartial reason and looked upon by a single eye will appear little and if rightly argued and discoursed by a second person who can impartially weigh both substance and circumstance will merit rather shame and conviction than reputation and satisfaction I cannot refresh my self with any lawful recreation without a companion which will sweeten my melancholy walks and shorten the long nights my meat will not relish well nor my sleep refresh and compose me without a sociable companion my walks will bewearisome my work will be tedious my time will be long my opportunity of doing and receiving good very short I can neither manage my general nor particular calling with profit and advantage I fancy I shall live without being desired and dye without being lamented The fifth flower is a supply in the most uncharitable times this must come in as a principal part of frendship which is ever generous and free a man will deny himself sooner than his friend and think it the best policy because his content is more than his money which he can never enjoy while he sees his friend in want how speedily will help come our Saviour observed this saith he if a man come at midnight to his friend he will arise in all hast to give him what he needs Men are not at liberty to give or not to give So soon as the frendship is made we presently come under an obligation and may as well deny all other acts of friendship as that I would be ashamed to own that friend that should not share in my estate or enjoy any thing in plenty while he is in penury he that can keep his money can keep his heart and therefore not fit to be confided in I have sometimes thought the love of money hath been the cause why there is so little frendship amongst men many have bid fair for frendship but could never obtain it because the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches have so incumbred the heart that no place could be found for such an intertainment If your friend be right there is no doubt of any thing within his power he will rob himself rather than decline you and will without dispute make his estate if you need it more yours than his own The sixth flower in this way is the protection and safety we have in a true friend he will venture with us and for us you need not want a protector if the strength of your friend can do it he will accompany you in danger and bring you out of it if possible though he lose his life in the service he will preserve your credit and think no act so honourable as to lose his life for a generous friend Many instances we have of this in history a coward is too base for frendship I would not lead my friend unto danger nor would I impose any trust in him that should leave me there If any thing can separate friends they bare only the name never knew the nature of frendship it is a mistery still such knowledg is too excellent for them they cannot attain it It is heroick and noble to prefer the life of my friend before my own though I am as good as he and hereby I shew my humility as well as frendship and so add excellency to the action because humility and charity puts a value upon things that otherwise would be equal we are bound to dye in some sense for all Christians and therefore more obliged to do so for a Christian friend who is to us in this state of imperfection the most perfect injoyment and that which supposeth and includeth all things els that may render us happy The seventh and last flower this way of frendship is strowed with to name no more because I hasten is this we have a friend that will be with us in life and for us when we are dead This is a flower of the greatest fragrancy you need not discompose your minde about your children what shall become of them when you are gone in respect of care and provision since you have left half your self behind with how much satisfaction doth a man or woman die beyond others that hath a faithful friend their cares are not about their children they have left them in a safe hand they neither fear cheats nor wrongs or any unkindness that can be avoided by the inspection care and prudence of a faithful friend David had a respect to the son of Jonathan set him at his own table Duration is that which heightens the value of any thing things of short continuance are not much desirable though they are sometimes pleasant they are not so profitable would you leave a precious Jewel to posteriry when you are gone make sure of a true friend would you live when you are dead would you have a name that should never be blotted out would you have your ends accomplished concerning your near and dear relations a true friend is most likely to effect these ends who will extend your vertues
shun all unfaithful repetitions I mean by this such as for matter represents things absolutely contrary to the meaning of them that speak It is usual with us to wrest words according to our own fancies good meanings may be often so ill-worded that they may prove matter of reproach and scorn especially because often seconded by smart and cruel reflexions acceptable words are very pleasant such as these Paul refers to when he says let your words be seasoned with salt administring grace to the hearers such words as these leave a kinde of titillation and pleasure upon the heart which sweetness absence and reconciles all crosse accidents that are present whereas on the other side contrariwise evil words leave a disrellish upon the heart and extreamly imbitters and aggravates such accidents Evil words are the ground of all quarrels it is exceeding necessary as well as pleasing that there be a habit of good words among friends because the tongue is not seldom like an unruly and unfaithful servant that very often runs without the consent of his master and is not seldom prompted by passion we think it a sufficient excuse when the injury is done to say I was rash and spake what I did not believe or think This is breaking my head and giving a plaister and very seldom signifyes any thing in reference to a reconciliation besides passion doth not study privacy and if a scandalous word reaches the ear of a third person it may prove like a gangrene that will admit of no cure and surely provides work for the Devil and his imps who would rejoice in such an opportunity that they might aggravate things to a final separation Solomon gives us a hint of this and saith a talebearer separates chief friends and St. James tells us such a tongue is set on fire of hell therefore we had need have the more care and conclude all our disputes with this exhortation of S. Paul Let all bitternesse wrath anger clamour evil speaking be put away from you and be kinde one to another tender-hearted forgiving one another as God for Christs sake hath forgiven you Again never passe sentence against your friend or willingly be judge in any case that concerns him especially if the matter be hidden and intricate or if you finde in your heart the least partiality otherwise you wrong your self and your friend both your self in indulging a passion your friend in condemning the truth or at least injuring of it which must needs suffer where partiality is concerned If you must judge because your friend will have it so let him not lose his end who expects from you justice mixed with clemency and charity and be as willing to clear as to condemn if no cause very criminal appears Lastly banish all things that may alienate your heart from your friend Entertain him kindly let him have a seat in your heart think of him with delight love his company bear with him though he appear sometimes not so amiable commend him when he doth well excuse him when he is in fault cast the mantel of love upon his infirmities win him rather by love then fear study his humour think it not beneath you to comply though little reason induces you to it at that instance contemplate all his vertues and imitate them decline his errors and by a contrary example convinee him live together love rejoice together comunicate your vertues improve your society to a mutual advantage he only is fit for frendship that can do all those offices for which frendship is excellent treat your friend handsomly and nobly multiply those endearments upon him that shall make him your own inseparably improve society by frequent commerce nothing in this relation more endearing than repeated fruition and in this respect frendship surpasses all other relations because it is without disgust study what friends you would have upon the exactest election and be that example is much frendship is not for contemplation and shew but for material comfort and mutual satisfaction and is advantageous to the spiritual as well as rational parts when religion and reason go hand in hand the frendship is most illustrious because singularly advanc't hereby I come now to the Last thing promised viz. the conclusion by way of commendation here see the illustration and confirmation of the happiness honour and excellency of the capacity and state of frendship In order hereunto give me leave to set before you the best and highest example possibly in heaven or earth the man Christ Jesus who may if we consult reason and Scripture be verily concluded to contract a frendship with John the Evangelist We do not find that our Lord took any delight in sensuall pleasures upon earth yet it is more than probable he had pleasure in this rational recreation of a moral friendship which may easily reach our belief if we examine his own books the holy Scriptures that testifieâ—â— of him if the cause may be concluded by the effect the thing by its properties then it will not be hard to prove that there was a moral friendship between Christ and John and that which seems to strengthen the argument may be this if friendship be the improvement of the rational part as it hath been already proved then it must necessarily be in our saviour who improved both naturals and spirituals to the highest perfections imaginable nor is this any paradox that Christ should improve in his naturals for it is undenyable he was a child and in minority before he came to riper years and it cannot be thought that our Saviour had as much perfection in his reason when he was wrapped in his swadling hands in the Inn as he had when he was thirty years of age teaching in the temple without question he improved in his reason as he multiplyed years and had a more imperfect use of his reason in his youth than after he came to be a grown man nor can it be absurd to believe our Saviour having so sweet a nature was not without some sociable pleasure as a diversion for the repair of his humane nature which was often afflicted vexed and grieved and that his humane nature needed repairs may be concluded by his eating drinking and sleeping John 4. 6. it is said Jesus being wearied sat down upon the well othertimes he withdrew from the multitude and conveyed himself from them when they pressed upon him and no diverfion so innocent and had so litle temptation as this of friendship There are these seven arguments following that seems to prove this and they are all eminent properties of a moral friendship First the denomination given to John that he was the disciple whom Jesus loved we finde John among the disciples rarely known by any other name and this plainly discovers the love that our Saviour had to the person of Iohn in a moral sense and this is most evident because it came within the observation of the rest of the disciples for had