Gods Providences do not sute thy humour If his anger be dreadful when kindled but a little what is it then when kindled very much Here is the sad effect of thy being angry with thy Husband or Wife thou then ventest thy froward humour upon God and beginnest to quarrel with God for ordering such a Relation for thee and beginnest to abate thy respects to God and carest not to exercise thy self in those exercises wherein thou mayest enjoy Gods company Do not then feed thy angry passions whereby thy heart is so much estranged from God and whereby you thrust God from your hearts Oh how should'st thou loath thy violent passions and contentions when thou considerest how they deaden thy affections to God! May not God justly thrust thee from his presence when by thy wrath and fury thou dost thrust him frrom thy heart If thou would'st preserve in thee a principle of prevailing love to God endeavour after meekness and quietness of Spirit As Husband and Wife are the nearest Relations let them not be jarring and quarrelling one with another 2. The prevailing of furious angry passion in a person doth abate true and real love to it self By the rashness and inconsiderateness of peoples wrath they manifest no pity to themselves Through the violence of anger how many have been cruel to themselves they wound themselves and must not that be dreadful that makes persons offer violence to themselves Persons in their anger are not sensible how much mischief they do themselves They will not allow themselves time to deliberate or consider of the prejudice that comes to themselves by giving way to their anger by neglecting to endeavour to suppress it O what cruelty is this for persons to vex and torture themselves O then what an heinous evil is it for people to let anger to rest in their bosoms Bethink thy self O Man or O Woman of the danger of letting thy Spiritâ— to be enraged with passion against thy nearest Relation for every trifle Thou thinkest only to manifest the height of thy displeasure against thy Husband or against thy Wife but indeed thou dost hurt thy self and dost evidence that thou hast so little love to thy self as thou hast no tender regard of thine own good If thou didst really love thy self thou wouldst carefully avoid whatever did prejudice thy self thou wouldst faithfully watch against every thing that would break thy peace or deprive thee of thy amiableness or deform thee with a tart sâ—â—ire and furious countenance And as hereby thou dost make it appear that thou dost not love thy self by undervaluing a calm and quiet spirit so thereby no body will love thee Thy passions do cause others to cease manifesting respects to thee they make others to slight thee and shun thee If thou canst not live in quiet with thy Husband or Wife no body will esteem thee so then passion and contention between Husband and Wife must needs be a very great evil 3. Anger will abate thy love to the person that thou art angry with The decay of thy love to the party with whom thou art angry doth appear in mis-interpreting his actions in the worst sense raising contention from suspicion or imagination inventing causes of displeasure where none are Thus by anger charity is notably violated for love suffereth all things therefore their love is small that will suffer nothing Love covereth a multitude of sins they therefore that find faults where they are not rather than cover them where they are do plainly shew their want of love to the party with whom they are angry It is the nature of love to make great faults seem little and little faults none at all but when a persons anger makes every slip in his or her Friend or Relation a capital offence then there appears a great decay of love When a person apprehending it self highly wronged by another doth presently begin to slight that party that person doth manifest more displeasure against the person he or she is angry with than the offence and hath no love at all for him Such is the violence of passion that there is scarce any other affection so strong which it doth not easily subdue Love is said to be stronger than Death yet anger if it be once admitted to rage easily overcometh it Persons then forget the love of the Relation that they are in In anger Wives speak to their Husbands as if they had no kind of superiority at all or as if God had not set them over them any way so own neither subjection or reverence to be due unto them and so causeth them instead of the duties of love to bring forth the fruits of hatred When the furious flame of anger is kindled in the hearts of some people they care not what reproach they cast upon or any other prejudice that they do unto those that they should love as themselves Indeed this is the evil effect of anger that it inclineth persons to hurt them that make them angry that it putteth hurting thoughts into their minds and hurting words into their mouth and inclineth them to think or do some mischief And wilt thou favour that passion that tends to extinguish thy love to thy nearest and dearest Relation that makes thee neglect to manifest those respects that be long to thy Husband or to thy Wife If thou art a Wife anger will put thee upon usurping authority over thy Husband denying subjection to him that the wâ—râ— of God requires make thee insolent and inâ—verent and herein it makes thee oppose the word of God which commands thee in all things to acknowledge thy Husbands superiority by being obedient to him in all things in the Lord that is in all things that are not positively sinful If thou wert humble and meek thou wouldst not be of such a captious contentious and wrangling disposition but over-look those failings that provoke proud spirits Thus it is evident how anger hath a tendency to extinguish the love of God for the love of God will not kindle and flame in an unquiet breast It makes men and women fret against God and murmur at his Providences and makes them discontented with that state and Relation he hath put them into and that it abates peoples love to themselves and makes them desperate in their ways makes them ready to mischief themselves that is makes them run upon such ways and courses as are likely to prove mischievous to them without all love or pity to themselves Be not then such an enemy to thy self as to nourish such fiery passions in thee as will do thy self the greatest prejudice Also anger abates peoples love to their nearest Relations makes them entertain jealousies and suspicions which feed their anger makes them take in ill part every light action and so their hearts grow estranged from their dearest friends and have their nearest Relation in contempt Thou then that dâ—st find thy self by nature prâ—ne to anger labour earnestly with thy self that thou
Abomination when she cannot evidence them to be possitively sinful Some Wives will exclaim against their Children in Law for very trifles accuse them to their Husbands as gulty of stubborness and rudeness to incense their Husbands against them and if they cannot influence their Husbands to be dogged to them or if their Husbands will not countenance and encourage their harsh dealings with them they contend with their Hesbands and will not permit them to end joy any quiet in their Families I say if such Wives cannot by any of their subtile contrivances and unjust complaints prevail with their Husbands to withdraw their affections from them they will withdraw their affections from their Husbands and refuse to give them any conjugal respect They approve of no Servants but such as will make complaints against their Children in the law and concur with them in villifying of them and such a course hath been the cause much discord between Husbands and Wives Indeed it is a Mother-in-laws prudence to wink at many Childish faults in her Husbands Children by a former Wife and not aggravate every failing in them Let Mother-in-laws know that they cannot justly claim a right to exercise equal Authority over them as over Children born of their own bodies because not so nearly related to them yea not related to them at all by blood and notwithstanding what some Mother-in-laws have asserted yet it cannot be thought true that they are so much Mothers to their Children in Law as they are Wives to their Husbands because their chiefest right of authority over their Children in law doth arise from their Husbands Resignation of them to their charge and Tutorage and their own taking charge of them by vertue of the said Resignation For the Mother-in-laws authority over the Children that are not born of her own body is derived from her Husband and conferred on her by her Husband and as she hath not an equal authority over her own Children as her Husband hath who is her superior by Gods appointment much less over her Children in law 'T is true as in the absence of the Husband the Wife is principally concerned in the Government of the Family and Children in law are Members of the Family in that respect the Mother-in-law hath the same authority over them as other Members of the Family Therefore let all Mother-in-laws consider Docter Harris his last advice to his Wife If you marry again remember your own observation that second Husbands are very uxorious second Wives very prevalent and therefore take heed that you do no ill office in estranging your Husband from his natuaral Children and kindred you shall thereby draw upon him a great sin and judgment if you kill in him natural affections Wherefore if Mothers-in-law are so Resolute and the fury of their Spirits is so raised that they will exercise more authority over their Children in law then their Husbands are willing to allow them to preserve the peace of the Family it is the Husbands prudence to place his first Wives Children in other Famlies where they may be piously educated and that Wife hath no regard to the glory of God nor the honour of Religion that will eppose it if the Husband be able to mentain them in other Families The Apostle presseth all to follow after the things that make for peace Rom. 14.19 This Exhortation doth concern the peace of Families as well as the peace of the Church therefore whatever doth necessarily tend to preserve peace between such near Relations as Husband and Wife must be carefully followed and whatever tends to be get strife and contention between them must be carefully avoided for such froward Persons as are promoters of discord God hates Prov. 6.19 Prov. 8.13 Therefore observe these following cautions First Beware of being discontented with the condition or relation in which God hath placed you for nothing doth more aim the Glory of God more destroy and â—â—t out your Comforts then discontent 2. Beware of looking on one another with a disdainful eye as if each of you did conceive your self to excel and were superior in worth to the other for by having one another in contempt you can never live peaceably together 3. Beware of neglecting acts of conjugal love for that will breed strangeness between you By this means such as heretofore lay in one anothers bosoms are grown so strange that they cannot stay with content in one anothers sight they will scarce look upon one another who not long since professed dearly to love one another 'T is sad yea very sad that they who should be ready to die for one another can hardly live with one another Oh when will the love of many such Relations which hath waxen cold gather heat again Were it not monstrious that one Member of the body should withdraw ffices of love from another or should be as 〈◊〉 stranger to it So it is strange that Husband and Wife should suspend the exercises of love to each other that are as nearly allied as one Member of the body to another these unnatural distances between Husbands and Wives are to open to be hid or denied And it is not a reproach to Christianity that such as are one flesh should act as if they were not Members of the same World If then you would live peaceably together beware of suspending Acts of Love to each other 4. Beware you do not reproach one another for reproaches do make breaches if one Friend do reproach another there will be a breach of their Friendship for bitter and calumniating words do very much vex our spirits and usually the chiefest causes of discord between you Wherefore I pray consider that Husbands and Wives continuing in strangeness to each other makes them at last become guilty of burnings and bitterness of spirit one against another it will not only cause them to forbear the manifestations of kindness to each other but to be cruel and devise evil one against another Therefore let me perswade you to love each other with a love of complacency Let your delight be set on each other and let all the lines of your affections be centred in each other i.e. Let not every trifling occasion quench the flames of your affection but let the heat and height of your love be placed upon one another beyond your Children and other Friends When such Relations decline in their love they incline to hatred Conjugal love being ill digested or corrupted turns to the greatest enmity Husbands and Wives are under the closest obligations to love Now the closer any obligation is the wider is the breach when once the obligation is broken or misimproved If the Wife whom the Husband dearly loved begins to fall from him or forsake his bed she usually falls out with him There hath been sad experience of this and 't is an argument where it happens that such Wives did never love their Husbands upon Gospel-principles or in obedience to Gods command for as they who turn against the Truths of God never received them in love so she never in reality embraced her Husband in love who turns against him for when grace is the cement of affections nothing can divide them Certainly if Husbands and Wives would faithfully endeavour to observe the directions that I have given them concerning their carriages to each other and to their Children and Servants they would live more peaceably and comfortably together than they now do 'T is their unfaithfulness in relational duties that occasions much of their Discord You Wives that pretend reasons for your contendings with your Husbands and for your angry insulting language endeavour to inform your selves more fully of the nature of your relational duties how you ought to carry it towards your Husbands and to your Children and Servants and endeavour a faithful discharge of those duties and you will quickly find a better agreement between you Thus I have ended what I have to say on this subject FINIS
anger to fall into the Diseases of Melancholly Frenzy Madness Apoplexy Palsie and Falling-sickness which are the usual effects of this prevailing Distemper of furious passion O then shall I be angry upon every trifling occasion and offer my body and spirit such great injuries No I will not for I cannot pretend to hope for any inward or outward comfort by my anger nay my passion doth not only impair the health of my body but mightily deform my body it deforms my countenance and takes away the amiable sweetness of it which appeareth in a calm and loving temper I should loath my self should I view my Picture while I was in my fury before the frowning wrincles and inflamed blood had returned to their place and had left my visage to its natural comliness Is it not then better to forget injuries pass by wrongs bear with some opposition and deny the gratifying of my will than do my Body and Spirit so much prejudice and lose that contentment and sweetness that by meekness I might enjoy and lose that inward peace and satisfaction of mind that otherwise I might have or deprive my self of that beauty and comliness that otherwise I might preserve O then God forbid that I should gratifie my angry humour 3. An angry person is very troublesom to others even to the whole Family wherein that angry person dwells and all those that do converse with him or her When the Husband or Wife is angry or froward O how extremely burdensom is he or she to that Family that Solomon saith in two places Prov. 21.9 19. that it is better to dwell on the house-top or in the Wilderness than to dwell with a brawling woman in a wide house She is such a vexation to all those with whom she dwels He instanceth in a woman because that Sex is most subject to this brawling kind of life They are most apt to be angry and contentious An angry Husband or an angry Wife is a torment to all those that live in Family and therefore the Holy Ghost by Solomon saith in Prov. 22.24 Make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou shalt not go There is no good to be gotten by the company of one that is usually angry upon every trifling occasion There is no peace to be enjoyed in angry persons company A froward Spirit troubles his own house and consider what is said of such an one in Prov. 11.29 He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind that is as he or she hath been a trouble to his or her own house so God should blast that person in all his or her ways Indeed passion is so troublesom between Man and Wife as they can hardly dwell together under one Roof because they spend a great part of their life in troubling one another By their passions they are vexatious to one another and in their house it is stormy weather all the year long that it is a very rare thing to enjoy any calm weather in the Family where angry persons dwell Hence it is that Husband and Wife can seldom eat their meat together at one Table without quarrelling because their lives are so uncomfortable one to another their company is very uncomfortable to others Passion is an unruly thing and therefore troublesom where-ever it comes And wilt thou then O Husband or Wife cherish that evil humour in thee that will make thee a burden to all that converse with thee If thou continuest to be angry upon every slight opposition or contradiction thou wilt be had in contempt of all that are near thee they will despise thy person because thou dost break their peace and deprivâ— them of their quiet So then if thou hast any desire to preserve the peace and quiet of thy house and have any esteem of those that live with thee do thy utmost endeavour by the assistance of the Spirit to mortifie thy angry passions 4. The prevailing of anger and contention between Husband and Wife doth destroy their love there is thereby a great decay of the affection of love and an augmentation of the passion of hatred Anger makes persons guilty of slighting despising disrespecting and undervaluing those they should highly value love and esteem and this appears in the following particulars 1. When persons are enrag'd that Gods Providences do thwart their humours they are offended and displeased with God and their love to God doth very much abate for where love to God is ardent and prevailing there every Providential act of God is kindly accepted and taken in good part Such persons as love God are well pleased with every dispensation of God and are contented with every condition God puts them in but when they are offended that God doth not give them every thing according to their own will when they do not like of Gods disposing of them in this relation or in this condition of life and in this place of habitation and begin to vex and fret themselves be angry and in a furious passion that God doth not order things to their liking Then their murmurings and repinings their vexing and fretting their disgust and discontent their anger and displeasedness of mind doth exceedingly abate their affections to God They begin to disrespect God more and more they entertain conceits as if God did do them wrong in not ordering all things according to their humour in their anger murmur that God yoked them to such Consorts wishing that God had otherwise disposed of them And knowing that all conjugal Relations are of Gods ordering and appointment they complain highly as if he had dealt injuriously with them in appointing such a Relation for them and hereupon their love to God declines and they care not for Gods company slight those duties and services wherein they â—ight converse with God and are more displeased with the seeming offences they pretend are done them by their Husbands and Wives than for the neglect of Gods worship and indeed love grows cold to one whose company is not delighted in for all persons take delight to be much in company of their beloved and when Gods company is not prized he is not loved Now seeing anger and discord doth lessen peoples love to God it must needs be the greatest evil as it doth cause a decay of love to the chiefest good The want of love to God is the most comprehensive and odious sin it is the life of all particular sins To be defective in love to the God of love the fountain of love the felicity of the Soul is a sin not to be pardoned to any till it be repented of and partly cured Therefore stay O man or O Woman to what an height doth thy angry passion make thee to ascend Dost thou not tremble to think how much thou dost provoke God when thou dost in thine anger slight and disrespect God and art angry with God because thou art displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife and because
evil of the ways of God because of their disorderly carriages Therefore I have endeavoured in the ensuing Discourse to shew the causes whence usually Wrath and Discord doth arise between them and have shewn which of them is most faulty when Wrath and discord happens Also I have opened the evil of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations and have laid down some Rules and Directions how they may prevent it for the time to come and divers motives to perswade them to use those Directions Indeed it hath very much troubled me to observe the hot contests that have been between such relations about very trifles how some will be offended and cannot tell wherefore They have been of such cholerick constitutions that they have enquired after occasions to feed their anger Alas how much are such carriages unbecoming the Gospel how much do such persons dishonour God and prejudice their own Souls The consideration thereof hath put me upon using my weak endeavours to gather such means out of the Word of God as may prevent their continuance in such disorderly carriages that they may not any longer drink the Waters of Meriba that is of Strife their common drink lest they find them prove Waters of Mara that is Waters of Bitterness at last I shall pray them to suspend their passions so long as seriously to consider what I have written that what they find agreeable to Gods Word they would endeavour faithfully to observe AN ANTIDOTE AGAINST DISCORD BETWEEN MAN and WIFE I. Whence is it that Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife doth arise 1. ANger and Contention between Husband and Wife doth arise from a prevailing principle of flesh in the heart a fleshly mind produceth much strife and violent passionate disturbances 1 Cor. 3.3 For ye are yet carnal for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions are ye not carnal and walk as men The meaning is the flesh prevails in them more than the spirit the remainders of old Adam are very strong in them that party that is touchy and takes distast at every trifle doth evidence that much unmortified corruption remains in that heart and I say when distast is taken at that which is not positive sin then distast is taken at a trifle Now when corruption prevails in the heart it will break forth and blister upon the tongue 't is because a person is rotten in heart that he is rotten in language as in Mat. 12.34 you may smell the filth of some mens hearts by their breath and it is from this root from this ground that some persons are all for strife and debate hereby strife is the very element wherein they live and they live and love to live in troubl'd waters yea also in the fire of trouble they are persons of contentions If their fleshly principle was not so prevalent their passions would not be so violent and it is sad when the strongest bent of some people are for strife that they can discover the boisterousness of their spirits upon every frivolous occasion and certain it is that either Husband or Wife that is soonest angry with the other is most carnal for anger wrath variance strife contentions and hatred are fruits of the flesh and they are seldom separated Gal. 5.20 So that a persisting in this disorder is a contrivance to fulfil the inordinate motions of inbred corruption Now passion and contention is usually accompanied with carnal emulations litigious strivings for trifling matters enmity variance a muttering of disgraceful and opprobrious words These usually go together and raise a tempest of wrath and by that violent commotion the person is transform'd into a very beast and these must needs be the fruits of the flesh because they are directly opposite to the fruits of the spirit which are love peace long-suffering gentleness goodness meekness c. and those that bring forth the fruits of the spirit are able to moderate their anger and can patiently bear and forgive even many real injuries and will not be provoked but for such just causes and not more or longer than the word of God allows So that it is evident that one ground of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations as Husband and Wife is the prevailing of a fleshly principle in the party that is more passionate 2. self-Self-love is a cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife whereby the one party so inordinately loves it self that it hath no true conjugal love for the other that he or she never thinks of the injuries and indignities which he or she offers to the other or else will suppose them to be none or else lightly esteem of them as not worthy the recital on th' other side makes the party guilty of this self love or defect of conjugal love heinously to agravate the injuries offered to its self and so make huge Mountains of small Mole-hills and causeth its heart easily to apprehend the wrong and to be busie in meditating of it being apprehended and then longeth for revenge one way or other wishing some disaster to fall upon person or name or both of the other and are glad to be freed any way from the relation thinking nothing sufficient to make amends for so great an indignity offered one of such worth as the party fondly and falsly conceits it self to be And if the self-lover hath not so much respect given as is expected is presently provoked to a furious rage When a Wife is mastered by self love she over values her self and under-values her Husband she can wink at the injuries she offers her Husband and put on spectacles of affection when she looketh on those wrongs which are offer'd to her whereby it cometh to pass that every small matter seemeth a great injury and provoketh her to great anger whereas if she thought meanly of her self and lov'd her Husband as her self she would not have suffered her self to be over-ballanced with the weight of self-affection in judging of the injury nor in giving the reins to her anger to rise to such an hâ—ight If the Wife had an endeared love for her Husband her love would have more force to restrain her from reproaching and reviling her Husband then any injury or seeming contempt of her could have to provoke her to anger For love suffereth long yea suffereth all things and is not provoked to anger 1 Cor. 13.4 7. The prevailing of self-love and the cooling and decay of conjugal love is the fundamental cause of all disturbances that are between Husband and Wife and that party that is most passionate hath least conjugal affection and by want of this love small matters do exasperate and breed distast and he or she that is most furious is most faulty For an Husband or Wife cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against one another if they dearly love one another and every thing that provokes is a small provocation which is not a breach of Gods Law And as
the Devil and not a Child of God and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil who g es about like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour 4. Persons by their sinful anger their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit do subject themselves to the wrath of God and bring his curse upon them yea their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger O thou angry Husband or angry Wife if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger frowardness hastiness and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial occasion God will deal with thee in his anger as thou would'st deal with thy Husband or Wife in thy anger for as we forgive others so doth God forgive us If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband God will retain his anger towards thee The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire to make up breaches heal differences and make reconciliation between Relations but if either of them be so stiff and contentious that he or she will not be reconciled what doth that party else but by froward behaviour and obstinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitrement and determination make God his enemy Eliphaz tells Job cap. 5.2 Wrath killeth the foolish man That may be taken two ways very true the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful rash and inconsiderate man that hath no true government of himself for anger resteth in the bosom of fools Eccles 7.9 or the angry man kills himself his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat and as a Sword in his own bowels Wrath properly is anger inveterate Wrath is a long anger When a man or woman is set upon it when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger then it is wrath but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth or an extreme vexation fretting or disquieting within as in Psal 112.10 The wicked shall see it and be grieved That is he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so he shall gnash with his teeth and melt away Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart and therefore said he shall melt away which notes an extreme heat within so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt away as we say of a person furiously vex'd it melos his or her grease with chafing This is an effect of Divine displeasure whereby God in judgment doth suffer peoples wrath to be so vexatious to them that it makes their lives a continual death to them and at last so weary and wast their spirits that they die for very grief and except the Lord be merciful to them and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made they will murder their own Souls for ever frowardness and anger is a persons sin and torment For People tare themselves in their anger Job 18.4 The more fretful people are the more miserable do they make themselves Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some degrees of the wrath of God either in this life or in the life to come That must needs be hurtful yea mortal to men that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed and tho' they do not confess it to be so yet the spirit of God knows it to be so Now know that the wrath of man against man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons and it appears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15 If ye bite and devour one another What is this biting and devouring that is every act which is opposite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour or our near and dear Relation is a biting and devouring We bite and devour one another when we are unkind wrathful and vexatious one to another See what follows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another Take heed ye be not consumed one of another Take heed lest by walking so unlike Christians and so unanswerable to the Law of gospel-Gospel-love you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you and in you as may prove an utter consumption When Husbands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love as Christ hath loved us God sometimes as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure gives them up to a spirit of contention and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed Their cruel and harsh dealings which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits or to devouring and eating one anothers credit may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Persons Families and Estates until nothing be left Thus peoples peevish froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations provoke God to execute revenges on them When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other God is angry with that person and will not suffer that person to live in peace who hath so much love to dissention and this Judgment of God upon persons is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further yea the final Judgment And so saith Solomon in Prov. 19.19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unadvised anger in Mat. 5.22 He that is angry with his brother without cause is in danger of judgment intimating that rash anger is a capital offence and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment In the latter part of the verse Christ saith That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital because such an one gives words of disdain Whosoever shall say to his brother Racha shall be in danger of the Councel but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despightfully and call him Fool then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire Consider then O Husband or O Wife the dreadful effects of thine anger wrath and frowardness It subjects thee to the wrath of God and Oh! what punishments what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judgment it produceth every evil If Gods wrath be kindled but a little if it be but as a spark it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all as in Numb 16.46 Moses bids Aaron hast to make the Attonement for saith he wrath is gone out from the Lord the Plague is begun But know the wrath of God is not a passion in him but an action towards man He acts as men when they are angry but he suffers nothing by his anger He smites and wounds and pulls down and destroys
sin that thou may'st not be so much under the power of a strong bent and inclination unto sin that it may not have such life power vigour promptness and readiness to be stirring This mortification that I here intend is a daily endeavour after the weakening and abolishing of in-dwelling sin by little and little that it might not incline thee imploy thee with such efficacy to make thee a servant to it as heretofore If thou let the root of thy corruption abide in strength and vigour it will be still bringing forth new fruits of the flesh and thou wilt be hurried into violent passions upon every slight occasion Ane if we see persons raging in wrath and fury we may conclude that in-dwelling sin is in its full power and vigour in them Now thou canst not carry on this work of Mortification except thou art ingrafted into Christ by Faith I do not say Except thou art assured of it but Thou must be indeed a true believer because mortification is not done without the aid of Gods Spirit who is promised to do it and all other means are vain without him Now the Spirits aid for the work of mortification is not gained except we are in Christ by Faith and when we are in Christ we have the Spirit and so have power for mortification All attempts then for mortification of in-dwelling sin without an interest in Christ are vain for there must be first Conversion and Faith in Christ then mortification will ensue Know then that sin cannot be killed without an interest in the death of Christ or mortified without the Spirit Thou then being a believer make daily and sincere opposition of in-dwelling sin rise then mightily against the first movings and acting of thy corruption against its first conceptions let it not have allowance from thee for one step for it is impossible to fix bounds to it If thou findest thy corruption to begin to entangle thy thoughts rise up with all thy strength against it with no less indignation than if it had fully accomplished what it aimed at else it will get ground in the affections to delight in it and if thou findest it too powerful an enemy for thee set Faith on work in Christ for the killing of thy sin His blood is the great sovereign remedy for sin-sick Souls Fill thy Soul with the due consideration of that provision which is laid up in Christ for this end that thy corruptions may be mortified Behold the Lord Christ that hath all fulness of Grace in his heart all fulness of Power in his hand He is able to slay all thy corruptions there is provision enough in him for thy relief and assistance Then raise up thy heart by faith to an expectation of relief from Christ and thy Soul shall be satisfied with the relief it expects he will assuredly deliver thee he will slay thy corruptions Mortification of sin is one peculiar end of the death of Christ which shall assuredly be accomplished by it And this whole work that I am pressing thee to endeavour after is effected carried on and accomplished by the power of the Spirit in all the parts and degrees of it and that thou may'st have more power to oppose and weaken the power of thy corruptions beg of God earnestly for Christs sake to give thee his Spirit O then is it from the corruption in thy heart that thy passions break out against thy Husband or against thy Wife in thy life Is it thy corruption that makes thee froward and contentious that makes discord between thee and thy Husband Then bend all thy strength against thy corruptions by the aid of the Spirit endeavour the mortification of the deeds of the flesh Rom. 8.13 Before the strength of thy corruption is weakened thy anger and frowardness will not be prevented for as the motions of original sin are permanent thou wilt not be rid of the body of Death until the death of thy body so they are exceeding violent and impetuous in their operations and puts people into violent passions upon small occasions If thou dost not oppose thy corruptions thou dost not endeavour to prevent tiâ—y breaking out into furiousness of Spirit Keep down then thy in-dwelling sin and thou wilt not have such hot contests with thy Husband or with thy Wife for quarrelling and contention come from the Lusts that are within James 4 1. Consider then when ever any thing displeaseth thee If I be angry I gratifie my corruptions which I am bound to mortifie Col. 3.5 Certainly thy froward carriages to thy Husband do arise more from the evil that is within thee than the displeasure that is done thee Thou hast just cause to say It is not my temptation but my corruption that makes me froward and so do thou fall a studying to mortifie thy corruptions if ever thou wilt prevent thy passions 2. Consider O Husband and O Wife if you will prevent fallings out with one another keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigour Love will suppress wrath as well as prevent it you cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against those that you dearly love much less can you proceed to reviling words or to averseness and estrangedness or any abuse of one another or or if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of Love will heal it but when Love once cooleth small matters will exasperate and breed distast Therefore I shall give some directions how conjugal love may be maintained and preserved 1. Take more notice of the good that is in one another than the evil Leâ— not the observation of one anothers faults make you over-look or forget one anothers Virtues Love is kindled and preserved by the sight of Love and Goodness If you will observe nothing in one another but your infirmities and some indiscreet inconsiderate and unadvised actings You neither preserve Love nor keep Peace with one another If you will magnifie faults in one another and flight and despise any good qualities you take the readiest course to destroy conjugal love and beget hatred to one another therefore turn away your eyes from one anothers humane frailties and prize what you can see of God in one another and put a charitable construction upon words and actions and this is an excellent way to cherish conjugal love and prevent dissentions between you 2. Stir up that most in one another into exercises which is best and stir not up that which is worst Avoid that which will move your corruptions to violent operations use such actions as may provoke one another unto love and good works and then the good that is in you will most appear and the evil will be as buried There is some uncleanness in the best on Earth and if you will be daily stirring the filth no wonder if you have the annoyance and for that you may thank your selves Draw out the fragrancy of that which is good and delectable in
one another and do not by your imprudence or peevishness stir up the worst and then you will find that the most faulty of you will appear more amiable to you and then conjugal love will be increased and strife prevented 3. Make not one another froward by froward carriages one to another behave your selves to one another in all gentleness and mildness of Spirit A mild Christian is an healing person who is skilful to cure the Diseases of the mind and very instrumental to preserve love and unity A mild Christian is loving in all carriages and Love will cause Love as Fire kindleth Fire and the stronger your love is to one another the better agreement there will be one with another 4. Take much delight in the love company and converse of each other this is the way to perpetuate conjugal love to each other there is nothing that a persons heart is so inordinately set upon as delight yet the lawful delight allowed them by God they can turn into disdain the delight that would entangle persons in sin and turn them from their duty and from God is that which is forbidden them but this is a delight that is helpful to you in your duty and wou'd keep you from sin When Husband and Wife take pleasure in one another it uniteth them in duty and helpeth them with ease to do the work that relates to each other and bear their burdens Avoid therefore all things that may represent you unpleasant and unlovely to each other and use all lawful means to cherish complacency and delight All unseemly carriage foolish speech which favour of contempt must be shunned as temptations which would hinder you from that love pleasure and content which Husband and Wife should have in one another This is the way to preserve conjugal love and restrain from anger 5. To preserve conjugal love between each other be faithful in rendring all due conjugal respects to each other that the ends of lawful marriage may not be neglected The neglect of those duties as it is a sin forbidden of God so it breeds a contempt of each other as it may be a means of provoking one another to sin so it doth abundantly destroy love to each other Read what the Apostle saith in 1 Cor. 7.23 4 5. It is good for a man not to touch a woman nevertheless to avoid fornication let every man have his own Wife and every Woman her own Husband Let the Husband render unto the Wife due benevolence and likewise also the Wife unto the Husband The Wife hath not power over her own body but the Husband likewise also the Husband hath not power over his own body but the Wife Defraud you not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may give your selves to Fasting and Prayer and come together again that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinency Therefore those persons live contrary to the nature of their Relation who withdraw from one another in this respect and a faithful discharge of these conjugal duties doth very much establish love to each other and very much prevent anger and discord 6. Beware you do not neglect the worship of God in your families for if in your families you give not God so much service as he requires he will permit you to withdraw respects from each other and this God will do because you neglect to pay the respects that you owe to him Faithfulness and delight in Gods service is the way to make you faithful to and to delight in each other When any breaches do arise between you consider whether you have not neglected Family-worship for God expects if you will have him bless you with a permanent love to each other that you and your house do serve him This is the way to procure Gods blessing on you and yours and preserve peace and constant friendship between you and to restrain you from doing any thing in passion roughness and sowerness of spirit 7. If thou art an Husband that readest this subject do thou so unite authority and love that neither of them be omitted or concealed but let both be exercised and maintained Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of Authority and Authority must not be exercised so mysteriously as to destroy the exercise of Love As thy Love must be a governing Love so thy Commands must be all loving Commands Lose not thy Authority for that will but disable thee from doing the office of an Husband to a Wife or of a Master to thy Servants yet it must not be maintained by fierceness and cruelty because not consistent with conjugal love For there is no case of inequality so great in which conjugal Love is not to be exercised Observe but this rule and Love will grow exceedingly between thee and thy Wife 8. If thou art a Wife and would'st preserve fervent conjugal love between thee and thy Husband live in a voluntary obedience and subjection to him 1 Pet. 3.1 Col. 3.18 Ephes 5.22 If his softness or yieldingness cause him to relinquish his Authority and for peace he is fain to let thee have thy will yet remember that it is God that hath appointed him to be thy Head and Governour and thou having chosen him as such thou must carry it towards him in a submissive and not in a ruling and masterly way and do not deceive thy self to think it enough to give the bare title of Government to thy Husband when yet thou wilt in all things have thâ—ne own will for this is but mockery and not obedience and self-willedness is contrary to subjection and obedience Now a neglect of giving due subjection to thy Husband and thy usurping authority over him and behaving thy self insolently and imperiously towards him doth cause conjugal love to decay and cause a breach of friendship and peace between thee and thy Husband But an humble submissive and obedient carriage of thy self to thy Husband doth increase love between you and keep you both in a moderate calm and quiet frame of spirit 9. As thou art a Wife so honour thy Husband according to his superiority behave not thy self towards him with irreverence and contempt in titles speeches or behaviour If the worth of his person deserveth not Honour yet his place deserves it Ephes 5.33 And the Wife see that she reverence her Husband that is that she inwardly acknowledge that degree of Honour which God hath put upon him 1 Cor. 11.3 and give evident testimonies of thy inward esteem in words actions and whole carriage 1 Pet 3.6 especially in thy lothness to offend him That Wife that cares not what contempt she casts upon her Husband will not preserve conjugal love long Nothing more distasts an Husband than to be slighted and despised by one that is bound to honour and reverence him Indeed it begets great distractions between them But if thou desirest a continuation of conjugal love if ever thou desirest
to prevent anger and furious passiâ—n in thy self or Husband and as ever thou desirest peace to be kept between thy self and Husband do not affront him with contempt of his superiority 10. As thou art a Wife if thou hast a desire to maintain conjugal love between thy self and Husband and prevent discord between you then live in a chearful contentedness with thy condition take heed of a froward impatient and murmuring spirit It is a continual burden to a man to have an impatient and discontented Wife Many a man can bear great afflictions that yet is not able to bear his Wifes impatiency It must needs trouble him to hear his Wife vexing fretting and murmuring at the Works and Providences of God tâ— hear her night and day complaining and speaking distrustfully and to see her live disquietly is far heavier than any affliction for thereby she refuseth to submit to the will of God and is not willing that God should choose her conditions for her but is dissatisfied with Gods dealings with her O then as thou desirest to prevent the decay of conjugal love if thou wilt prevent the disturbing by self with angry passions as thou desirest to live in peace and quietness strive to keep a cheerful spirit under all thy disappointments submit to the will of God under all his dispensations beware of muttering and manifesting discontent when Gods Providences do not suit thy humour Thus thou seest the way to preserve conjugal love Follow those directions that you may walk sweetly and lovingly together If you had more love one to another you would have less discord between one another and you would not be so soon angry one with another Where passion is violent love is weak Were your love stronger your angry passions would be-weaker You cannot carry it frowardly to one whom you dearly love You can have but little esteem of that person that you are angry with upon every trifle Indeed that woman that carries it imperiously and furiously towards her Husband had never any real love for him she married him before she loved him O then put an high price upon the quietness of your spirits and be not easily deprived of the sweetness of it Do not let your frowardness caused by a defect of love to each other destroy your calmness and serenity of spirit for a trifle Where conjugal love is defective the Husband and Wife never knew what the sweetness of a quiet meek and patient spirit meant O then keep warm your conjugal love that will make you prize a quiet spirit at an high rate and be willing to suffer much for it and follow after it because there is so much good in it Love will make great crosses and provocations easie to be born Do then nothing that may occasion a decay of love between you 3. If you would prevent the occasions of wrath and discord you must mortifie your pride which is the cause of anger and impatiency A proud and contentious spirit always go together You that are Wives are most subject to this sin Your Pride will make you turbulent and unquiet with your Husbands and contentious with all your Neighbours Your frowardness anger and discontent are the only effects of the height of your Spirits Except you can as the Apostle adviseth Col. 3.12 put on humbleneâ—s of mind you will never have meekness of spirit for proud spirits are usually fiery spirits but humility is patient and doth not aggravate injuries If then you would keep a quiet frame of Spirit free from anger and impatiency be sure that you keep an humbled Soul that over-valueth not it self Such as think meanly of themselves think meanly of all that is said or done against them but such as magnifie themselves do magnifie their Provocations Pride is the most impatient sin it is the Devils bellows to kindle peoples corruptions and set the hearts of near Relations and whole Families in a flame for that without mortifying of Pride there is no possibility of preventing anger impatiency and hot contests between Husband and Wife That party that is proud will take every thing amiss that is spoken or done by the other 'T is humbleness of mind in Husband or Wife that will keep all things quiet between them therefore I shall endeavour to give some Directions to help you to mortifie the pride of your hearts 1. Labour to set the excellency of the grace of Humility before your Souls and 〈…〉 the beauty and excellency of this Grace and by being convinced of the excellency of this grace you will abhor the pride of your hearts and come to be adorned with humility None so submissive to the will of God none so contented in the condition that God puts them none so prevalent in Prayer none so quiet and free from disturbances none so serviceable to God none receive more grace and favour from God than humble Souls None do more patiently bear crosses and imitate Christ than humble Souls None so thankful for mercies as such as are sensible of their unworthiness of mercies O how beautiful doth humility make a Soul O then how desirous should all be to be cloathed with humility This would preserve peace and unity and endeared love between Husband and Wife For this would prevent your giving offence to each other or taking offence at each other If you were convinced of the excellency of this grace you would be fond of no other excellency you would not think better of your selves than others you would not boast of what you have but be humbled for what you want If you did not ever-value your selves for some seeming worth or excellency that you apprehend to be in you you would not so much storm at every thing that opposeth you 2. Press much after a clearer knowledg and fuller discovery of God The more you do converse with God the more humble you will be and the more will the pride of your hearts be mortified If you consider Gods infinite glorious perfections and the immensity and infinite greatness of God what a distance there is between God and You it must needs make you have a mean esteem of your selves When you compare your selves with God you are nothing yea less than nothing Did you see more of the power more of the sovereignty more of the holiness of God in Himself and more of his goodness to You you would have no heart to exalt your self but rather abhor your selves The Prophet Isaiah cap. 6.5 cries out He was undone because such a polluted creature as he was had seen the King the Lord of Hosts His bodily eyes had seen the signs of his presence and the eyes of his Soul were so over-prest with the present weight of his Glory that in this his frail condition he could not bear it but cries out He was undone As he had never seen so much of God before so he was never so deeply humbled before he never cry'd out before I am undone which word
obedient to them They cannot look upon their own hands and not remember how they were engaged So that God swears As sure as I am God you shall feel the weight of my displeasure for your perfideousness The King of Heaven doth regard his Oath and if the Lord once swear he will perform there shall be no escaping of what he hath threatened Indeed as I said before Oaths and Covenants made with men are Divine things and not to be slighted The Covenant that was made with an Heathenish King and an Idolater God owns as made with himself because his sacred dreadful Name was used therein therefore God said Mine Oath that he hath despised and Covenant that he hath broken Violating of Covenants falsifying of promises and perfideous doings are exceeding evil and God will make such as violate their own word exemplary to all the world they shall live in perpetual infamy So if Wives forget the Covenant of their God made in Marriage God will remember their forgetfulness and recompence their Perjury upon their own heads for every disobedient Wife is in a sence a perjur'd Wife if they think to loose the bonds of this Oath and Marriage-Covenant they will find and feel the blow of the Curse mentioned in Deut. 29.20 21 25. O what a fearful fire and fury what dreadful death and damnation is here threatned by the God of truth against them that break his Covenant By which it is fully evident that it is the duty of Wives to manifest their subjection to their Husbands according to their Marriage-Covenant 4. If Wives are not willing to subject themselves to the authority of their Husbands it is because they do not really love them as God commands them Tit. 2.4 5. That they may teach the young women to be sober to love their Husbands c. to be obedient to their own Husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed God gives this injunction that the Wifes love must proceed from the obedience of the Scripture And where the Wife loves her Husband in sincerity there will be an orderly subjection of the Wife to the superiority of her Husband When the Wife questions the Husbands right of superiority she hath little love to his person for Obedience is the evidence of love and such Wives will hononour their Husbands authority who always look upon their persons and actions through the spectacles of love But the Wife doth practically disown her Husbands authority over her that neglects to observe the lawful commands of her Husband or doth oppose him in doing lawful actions or gives him imperious and insulting language If a Wife doth really love her Husband her yoke of subjection will not be grievous to her As love to God doth exceedingly sweeten his service and make it not only more acceptable to him but also more delightful to us as the Apostle saith 1 Joh. 5.3 So the Wifes love to her Husband will abundantly sweeten her subjection to him But if a Wife refuseth to give subjection to her Husband and would be equal with him or superior to him she loves him not at all Let the Wife pretend what she will for neglecting the manifestations of her love to her Husband by submission to his authority over her by Gods institution as the want of discretion breeding other good qualities which other Husbands have or had I must tell such a Wife That not the good disposition of Husbands or their excellent accomplishments but the good pleasure of God ought to be the ground of Wives love to their Husbands which they must evidence by an observance of all their lawful injunctions then they will do them good and not evil all the days of their lives as in Prov. 31.12 By performing the several duties of their places by honouring their persons and submitting to their lawful pleasure Some Wives murmur at the yoke of subjection but truly thâ—y have more cause to complain of their want of affection for women that love their Husbands will count their moderate commands and whatsoever they do for them both easie and delightful If then O Wife thou canst say That thou hast chosen thy Husband for thy Love then love thy choice and grudge not to submit thy self to his authority Now this being granted That the Husband is the Wifes superiour I shall give Wives those following cautions in admonishing their Husbands of their sins and miscarriages 1. Let Wives beware they do not pretend cause to reprove their Husbands out of a desire to usurp that authority to themselves which is due to their Husbands Many think their Husbands deserve reproof for not carefully observing their wills They look for obedience in every thing from their Husbands and think them guilty of a great crime if they do in any wise neglect to gratifie their perverse humours But I say 't is not the crossing of the Wifes pettish humour but Gods will that deserves reproof Some Wives account their Husbands denying them the liberty of disposing all Family-concerns according to their own pleasure to be a crime that deserves a smart reproof They must rule all things and manage all things themselves or else the house will be too hot for their Husbands to abide in Such Husbands deserve to be pitied whose outward beings by such Wives have been made as miserable as possible on this side Hell The true ground of many Wives exclamations against their Husbands is a conceit that they do not rule enough they think they are too much opposed in their wills O they cry out of such as vile Husbands as will not leâ— them say what they will and do what they will Many Women are noted for questioning and quarrelling at their Husbands power but few are noted for obeying their Husbands pleasure Therefore you Wives that may read this Treatise consider with your selves whether you have not been offended with your Husbands pretended cause to manifest your displeasure against your Husbands because your proud spirits are not willing to be in that subjection God hath placed you and because you 'd exercise an authority above your places so will pretend faults in your Husbands to justifie your own presumptions reprehensions of them that so you might make them stoop to your humours and if they do not they shall have no quiet in their Families Indeed this is a very great evil in Wives and highly provoking to God and they sin in reproving their Husbands on such an account Therefore I would caution Wives to beware that they do not find fault with their Husbands upon such a ground And to enforce this caution I pray observe 1. That a commanding insulting Wife who saith to her Husband you shall do this or you shall not do it inverts the Order of Nature as well as that of the Creator 2. That a Family is infamous where the Wife like Jezabel rules all and the Husband like Ahab lets her do what she list without contradiction