and passions under a constant watch and obedience to God and know first whether God command them and allow them § 7. And this History may teach us that though God usually begin as is said our conversion in fears and penitent sorrows it is holy and heavenly joy which it tendeth to as more desirable and we should chiefly seek and should labour to moderate fear and sorrow and not think we can never have enough It is too common an error with honest souls to think that a hard heart lieth most in want of sorrow and tears when as it lieth most in want of a tractable compliance and yielding to the commands and will of God and in an iron neck and obstinate disobedience to God and to think that a new and tender heart is principally a heart that can weep and mourn when it is chiefly a heart that easily receiveth all the impressions of Gods commands and promises and threats and easily yieldeth to his known will § 8. And this may greatly warn us to fear and avoid self-willedness I mean a will of our own that runs before the will of God and is too much set on any thing which God hath not promised and knows not how to bear a frustration or denial but saith as Rachel Give it me or I die We must learn to follow and not to lead and to say The will of the Lord be done not mine Lord but thine and in every estate to be content There is no rest but in Gods will § 9. Yet this tells us that God dealeth better with his weak servants than they deserve and turneth that oft times to their good which they deserved should have been their greatest suffering § 10. This History and my great experience saith that there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother Prov. 18. 24. and that it was Gods spirit that said Prov. 27. 10. Thy own friend and thy fathers friend forsake not neither go into thy brothers house in the day of thy calamity for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother that is far off § 11. This History tells us how great a mercy it is to have a body meet to serve the soul and how great an affliction to have an unruly inclination from the bodies temper and what a tyrant excessive fear is and how great a blessing it is to have such a passion as Faith can rule and easily quiet § 12. It tells you also how manifold temptations and afflictions Gods servants are liable to in this life § 13. And it tells you that our greatest good or evil is nearest us Next God the best is in our souls and there is the worst and next in our bodies and next in our nearest friends And it may teach all to expect their greatest sorrows from those or that which they most excessively love and from whom they have the highest expectations Only God cannot be loved more than he deserveth Sorrow beginneth in inordinate love and joy in good § 14. And it tells us that Gods service lieth more in deeds than in words My dear Wife was faulty indeed in talking so little of Religion in company expect it were unresistibly to confute in few words an opposer or reviler of Religion But her Religion lay in doing more than talk § 15. Yet her example tells us that it is one of Satan's wiles to draw us to one sin to avoid another and to make us think that nothing is a due that hath great inconveniences or which we can fore-see some men will receive hurt from and so to be unrighteous by being righteous over-much and leave much undone for fear of doing it amiss by which Rule we should scarce ever do any thing that God commands He that observeth the winds shall not sow and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap Eccles. 11. 4. I speak this on her at last confessed error of omitting seasonable speech and duty to avoid hypocrisie and ostentation which my great friend Judg Hale was just so guilty of as I know and the Writers of his Life confess He would make no great shew of zeal in Religion lest if he did any thing amiss Religion should be reproached for his sake Cardinal Ricâ—lieu was wont to say as is written of him that he hated no Counsellor more than those that were alway saying Let us do it better by that hindering the doing of much at all § 16. You see here that suitableness in Religious judgment and disposition preserveth faster love and concord as it did with us than suitableness in Age Education and Wealth but yet those should not be imprudently neglected Nothing causeth so near and fast and comfortable an Union as to be united in one God one Christ one Spirit one Faith one Church one hope of Heavenly Glory yet accidental unsuitableness should be avoided as far as may be § 17. There are some great men who know their own names who as I have most credible information have to greater than themselves represented me not only as covetous but as mutable for my Marriage To whom I now give this satisfaction 1. As to Covetousness my Vindication is a matter unfit for the ears of the world if Reverend mens backbitings the same that troubles our common peace did not make it partly necessary Through Gods mercy and her prudent care I lived in plenty and so do still though not without being greatly beholden to divers friends and I am not poorer than when I Married but it is not by Marriage nor by any thing that was hers before 2. And as to my mutability Whereas one of them reports that I said to him that I thought the Marriage of Ministers had so great inconveniences that though necessity made it lawful yet it was but lawful that is to be avoided as far as lawfully we may I answer that I did say so to him and I never changed my judgment yea my Wife lived and died in the same mind And I here freely advise all Ministers that have not some kind of necessity to think of these few reasons among many 1. The work of the sacred Ministry is enough to take up the whole man if he had the strength and parts of many men O how much is there to do oftentimes with one ignorant or scandalous or sad despairing soul And who is sufficient for all that 's to be done to hundreds or thousands In the primitive Church every Congregation had many Ministers but covetousness of Clergy and people will now scarce allow two to very great Parishes I did not marry till I was silenced and ejected and had no flock or Pastoral Cure Believe it he that will have a Wife must spend much of his time in conference prayer and other family-duties with her And if he have children O how much care time and labour will they require I know it though I have none And he that hath servants must spend time in teaching them and in other
A BREVIATE OF THE LIFE OF MARGARET The Daughter of FRANCIS CHARLTON of Apply in Shropshire Esq And Wife of RICHARD BAXTER For the use of all but especially of their Kindred There is also Published the Character of her Mother truly described in her Published Funeral Sermon Reprinted at her Daughters Request called The Last Work of a Believer His passing-prayer recommending his departing Spirit to Christ to be received by him LONDON Printed for B. Simmons at the Three Golden Cocks at the West-end of St. Pauls 1681. TO THE READER Reader GOD having called away to his Blessed Rest and Glory the Spirit of the most dear Companion of these last Nineteen Years of my Life or near I found in her Last Will a request that I should reprint five Hundred of her Mothers Funeral-Sermons written by me 1661 being now out of Press called The last Work of a Believer his Passing Prayer c. Not only her very great Love and Honour of her remembred Mother moved her to it but the apprehension of the Vsefulness of that subject to Dying Christians a Subject about which her Soul was awakened the more by the Death of many Friends and excellent Christians taken away this Year And the day somewhat excited her for it was written by her on Decem. 30 the same day which she kept secretly as an Anniversary Remembrance of the Sentence of Death from which she had been delivered and the same day when our dear Friend Mr. Corbet lay dying And I finde some expectations of her own speedy Death had some hand in it Being thus obliged by her Request mine own Affections urged me to premise this Breviate of her own Life Written I confess under the power of melting Grief and therefore perhaps with the less prudent judgment but not with the less but the more Truth For passionate Weakness poureth out all which greater Prudence may conceal Conscionable mens Histories are true but if they be also wise they tell us but some part of Truth concealing that which would do harm and which the depraved world cannot bear without abusing it But we that are less wise tell all the Truth too little regarding how men will receive it And hence comes all History which hath not evidence equal to natural to be of less credit than most men think while bad men lie and good men leave out so much of the Truth as makes the rest to be as another thing than altogether it would appear And having purposed to write this Breviate concerning my dear Wife God having the same year taken away two more of my ancient Family I wrote a Breviate of their Lives also One was my excellent holy Mother-in-Law Mary the Daughter of Sir Thomas Hunks Widow to my dear Father She was one of the most humble mortified holy persons that ever I knew and lived in longing to be with Christ till she was an Hundred years old wanting three or four in full understanding and at last rejoycing in the triumphant frequent hearing and repeating the 91 Psalm The other was my old Friend and Housekeeper Jane Matthews who lived in pious humble Virginity with eminent worth to about Seventy six or Seventy seven years and Died of mere decay without considerable Pain or Sickness about a Month or six Weeks before my Wife To these I added a fourth a Breviate of the Life and Death of that worthy Mother of my Wife as to the time since I knew her But I have cast by all these later three and much of the first by the Counsel of wise Friends as things which they think that Strangers will not make so great a matter 〈◊〉 Love and Nearness made me do And I must 〈◊〉 that God's Image is the same thing on all his Children and when you have described one you have described all as to the Essentials But as in Faces and bodily Strength they so much differ in Integrals Degrees and Accidents that the Lives of some are far more Exemplary and Honourable to Christ their Lord and their Christian Profession than others are And some are so much blemished by Errours Soul-Diseases and miscarriages of Life yea and injuries to the Church of Christ by their carnal Animosities and Divisions as rendereth the Examples of the more wise holy loving and peaceable and patient Christians the more conspicuous and honourable by the difference On this account finding young people naturally much delighted in History and that for want of better abundance are quickly corrupted and ensnared by Tale-books Romances Play-books and false or hurtful History I have long thought that true and useful History is of great use to prevent such evils and to many profitable ends And that to young people it is very profitable to begin with the Scripture-History and next the Lives of holy persons and next to read the true Church-Historians and the History of our Native Country Melchior Adamus in Germany Beza in his Icones Thuanus and many others in France have done the Church this way great service by a due Commemoration of Exemplary persons And such as Junius Scultetus Thuanus and others who have recorded the chief passages of their own Lives have done a profitable work though Mom'es will say They publish their own Praise in Pride There is no saying or doing any 〈◊〉 the world which bad men will not reproach or put an evil face on or make an ill use of to themselves But he that reads such Lives as Bucholtzers melanchtons and their like and then readeth their Church-Histories will the better discern that they were no Liars As it is Satans work to counterwork Christ by the Abuse and Perversion of his own Ordinances and Means as to disgrace Revelation by feigned Revelation and Spirituality by false pretendings to the Spirit and Magistracy by wicked Magistrates and the Ministry by worldly and ungodly Ministers and Christianity by hypocrite false Christians so he doth enervate the credit and use of History by false History And how great use he hath made of this to promote Popery he that readeth Jacobus de Voragine and many other of their Legends or Saints Lives and Miracles and such as Tympius and many more besides their voluminous deceitful Histories of Church Popes and Councils may quickly finde And being my self a vehement Hater of false History I beg Pardon of the Reader for interposing this Digression Lately writing of the Iudgment of Cranmer and others as cited by Dr. Stillingfleet in his Irenicon about Episcopacy that the Reader might know where to find it I added in a Parenthesis that it was left out in Dr. Burnet's Book For this I am accused as disgracing him and his Book falsly I here do him right and confess it was ill done of me to judge so hastily without better tryal But I must tell him wherein my fault consisted Not in accusing him I take it not to be a fault in D. B. that he hath omitted many things that are in Fuller Fox and others I had
mans affections workt to prepare his dear Kinswoman for death but he dyed and most of his before her CHAP. IV. Some parcels of Counsel for her deliverance from this distressed Case which I find reserved by her for her use § 1. WHILE in her languishing and after it she was still cast down condemned her self as a graceless wretch and her good Mother and Friends afraid that her grief would encrease her sickness as it did their sadness and yet she obstinately concealed it from all save a few sad complaints to one person who wrote thereof some fragments which she extracted for her use I shall here recite them for others that have the same fears § 2. The miscarriage of a Relation troubling her this was set down When God hath done so much for you will you leave it in the power of an unconstant creature to trouble you and rob you of your peace Is the joy in the Holy Ghost so subject to the malice of your enemies or the weakness of your friends Delight your self in an Allsufficient constanr God and he will be to you a sufficient constant delight and will give you the desires of your heart I see you are yet imperfect in self-denial while you are too sensible of unkindnesses and crosses from your friends and bear them with too much passion and weakness know you not yet what the creature is and how little to be expected from it Do you not still reckon to meet with such infirmities in the best as will be injarious to others as they are troublesome to themselves It 's God that we most wrong and yet he beareth with us and so must we with one another Had you expected that creatures should deal as creatures and sinners as sinners how little of this kind of trouble had you felt Especially take heed of too much regard to matters of meer reputation and the thoughts of men else you are like a leaf in the wind that will have no rest Look on man as nothing and be content to approve your self to God and then so much honour as is good for you will follow as the shadow If every frailty and unkindness of the best friends must be your trouble it is to be impatient with the unavoidable pravity of mankind and you may as well grieve that they were born in sin and made your acquaintance And it should be used as a mercy to keep you from inordinate affections to friends It 's a mercy to be driven from creature-rest though it be by enemies Keep a fixed apprehension of the inconsiderableness of all these little things that cross you and turn your eye to God to Christ to Heaven the things of unspeakable weight and you will have no room for these childish troubles Yet turn not the discovery of this your weakness into dejection but amendment I perceive you are apter to hold to the sense of your own distempers than to think what counsel is given you against them § 3. On another occasion she recorded these words How hard is it to keep our hearts in going too far even in honest affections toward the creature while we are so backward to love God who should have all the heart and soul and might Too strong love to any though it be good in the kind may be sinful and hurtful in the degree 1. It will turn too many of your thoughts from God and they will be too oft running after the beloved creature 2. And by this exercise of thoughts and affections on the creature it may divert and cool your love to God which will not be kept up unless our thoughts be kept more to him yea though it be for his sake that you love them 3. It will encrease your sufferings by interessing you in all the dangers and troubles of those whom you over-love § 4. When she seemed to her self near death You now see what the world and all its pleasures are and how it would have used you if you had had no better a portion and God had not taught you a happier choice Providence now tells you that they are vanity and if over-valued worse but if you learn to see their nothingness you will be above the trouble of losing them as well as the snares of too delightful enjoying them Pardon all injuries to men and turn your thoughts from them and keep your heart as near as possible to the heart of Christ and live as in his arms who is usually sweetest when the creature most faileth us if we do but turn our hearts from it to him § 5. Another time Can you find that you are resolvedly devoted to Christ and yet doubt whether Christ be resolvedly and surely yours Are you willinger or faithfuller than he Hence she gathered her self as followeth When I read the evidence of my self-resignation to Christ I should as it were see Christ standing over me with the tenderest care and hear him say I accept thee as my own For I must believe his acceptance as I perform my resignation O what is he providing for me What entertainment with him shall I shortly find Not such as he found with man when he came to seek us it is not a Manger a Crown of thorns a Cross that he is preparing for me when I have had my part of these in following him I shall have my place in the glorious Ierusalem § 6. This fragment she wrote next For the sake of your own soul and life and friends and for the honour of that tender mercy and free grace which you are bound to magnifie Let not Satan get advantage against your peace and thankfulness to God and the acknowledgment of his obliging love Let him not on pretence of humiliation turn your eyes on a weak distempered heart from the unspeakable mercy which should sill yonr heart with love and joy notwithstanding all your lamented infirmities You perceive not that it is Satan that would keep you still under mournful sadness under the pretence of repentance and godly sorrow You are not acquainted with his wiles You have cause of sorrow but much more of joy And your rejoycing in Gods love would please him better than all your sad complaints and troubles though he despise not a contrite spirit I charge it on your conscience that when you are in prayer you confess and lament your distrustfnl suspicious unthankful uncomfortable thoughts of God and Jesus Christ more than all your want of sorrow for him And you trouble your self for such kind of sins the honesty of whose occasion may give you more comfort than the fault doth sorrow I know we have not our comfort at command But see that your endeavour and striving be more for a comfortable than for a sorrowful frame of spirit Two things I must blame you for 1. That you take the imperfections of your duties and obedience to be greater reasons for discomfort than the performance and sincerity are reasons for comfort as if you thought
do it resolutely and cheerfully and scorn to run away and turn your back that you may do it without censure where you are unknown Use well the means God here vouchsafes you and do your duty with a quiet mind and follow God in your removes § 8. Much more of such counsels she transcribed but I forbear reciting more She ends those Papers with these words The best creature-affections have a mixture of creature-imperfections and therefore need some gall to wean us from the faulty part God must be known to be God our rest and therefore the best creature to be but a creature O miserable world how long must I continue in it And why is this wretched heart so loth to leave it where we can have no fire without smoak and our dearest friends must be our greatest grief and when we begin in hope and love and joy before we are aware we fall into an answerable measure of distress Learn by experience when any condition is inordinately or excessively sweet to thee to say From hence must be my sorrow O how true CHAP. V. Her temper occasioning these troubles of mind § 1. THE soul while in the body works much according to the bodies disposition 1. She was of an extraordinary sharp and piercing Wit 2. She had a natural reservedness and secrecy increased by thinking it necessary prudence not to be open by which means she was oft mis-understood by her nearest friends and consequently often crost and disappointed by those that would have pleased her And as she could understand men much by their looks and hints so she expected all should know her mind without her expressing it which bred her frustrations and discontents 3. And she had a natural tenderness and troubledness of mind upon the crossing of her just desires too quick and ungovernable a sense of displeasing words or deeds 4. She had a diseased unresistible fearfulness her quick and too sensible nature was over-timerous and to increase it she said she was four times before I knew her in danger of death of which one was by the Small-Pox And more to increase it her Mothers house Apply-Castle near Wellington being a Garison it was stormed while she was in it and part of the housing about it burnt and men lay killed before her face and all of them threatened and stript of their cloathing so that they were fain to borrow cloaths 5. And the great work upon her soul in her coversion moved all her passions 6. And then her dangerous sickness and the sentence of death to so young a Convert must needs be a very awaking thing and coming on her before she had any assurance of her justification did increase her fear 7. And in this case she lived in the Church-Yard side where she saw all the Burials of the dead and kept a deaths head a skull in her Closet still before her And other such mortifying spectacles increased her sad disposition § 2. And the excessive love which she had to her Mother did much increase her grief when she expected death § 3. Though she called it melancholly that by all this she was cast into yet it rather seemed a partly natural and partly an adventitious diseased fearfulness in a tender over-passionate nature that had no power to quiet her own fears without any other cloud on her understanding § 4. And all was much encreased by her wisdom so stifling all the appearances of it that it all inwardly wrought and had no ease by vent § 5. And having keen spirits and thin sharp blood she had a strong Hemicrania or Head-ake once a month and oft once a fortnight or more from the age of fifteen or sixteen years All these together much tended to hinder her from a quiet and comfortable temper § 6. And in a word all the operations of her soul were very intense and strong strong wit and strong love and strong displeasure And when God shewed her what Holiness was she thought she must presently have it in so great a degree as the ripest Saints do here attain and that because she had not as much heavenly life and sense and delight in God as she knew she should have and desired she concluded of it that she had none that was sincere § 7. One of the first things by which her change was discovered to her Mother and Friends was her fervent secret prayers for living in a great house of which the middle part was ruined in the Wars she chose a Closet in the further end where she thought none heard her But some that over-heard her said they never heard so fervent prayers from any person § 8. Yet she desired me to draw up a form suited to her own condition which I did and find it now reserved among her Papers but I cannot tell whether she ever used it having affections and freedom of expression without it I had thought to have annexed it for the use of afflicted Penitents But it will be but a digression in this Narrative CHAP. VI. Of our Marriage and our Habitations § 1. THE unsuitableness of our age and my former known purposes against Marriage and against the conveniency of Ministers Marriage who have not sort of necessity made our marriage the matter of much publick talk and wonder And the true opening of her case and mine and the many strange occurrences which brought it to pass would take away the wonder of her friends and mine that knew us and the notice of it would much conduce to the understanding of some other passages of our lives Yet wise Friends by whom I am advised think it better to omit such personal particularities at least at this time Both in her case and mine there was much extraordinary which it doth not much concern the world to be acquainted with From the first thoughts of it many changes and stoppages intervened and long delays till I was silenced and ejected with many hundreds more and so being separated from my old Pastoral Charge which was enough to take up all my time and labour some of my disswading Reasons were then over And at last on Septemb. 10. 1662. we were married in Bennet-Fink Church by Mr. Samuel Clerk yet living having been before Contracted by Mr. Simeon Ash both in the presence of Mr. Henry Ashurst and Mrs. Ash. § 2. She consented to these Conditions of our Marriage 1. That I would have nothing that before our Marriage was hers that I who wanted no outward supplies might not seem to marry her for covetousness 2. That she would so alter her affairs that I might be intangled in no Law-suits 3. That she would expect none of my time which my Ministerial work should require § 3. When we were married her sadness and melancholy vanished counsel did something to it and contentment something and being taken up with our houshold affairs did somewhat And we lived in inviolated love and mutual complacency sensible of the benefit of mutual help These
not thought that his Book was disgraced if he wrote not over again all that every one else had written before him But my fault lay 1. In believing Dr. Stillingfleet who tells us That these Papers were written in K. Edward's Reign which made me look for them in Dr. Burnet's Second Volume where they are not And another affirming to me that he saw them in that second Volume and I perusing it purposely a second time confirmed me But Dr. B. saith Dr. Stillingfleet was mistaken many years and that they were written long before in the Reign of Hen. 8. and so he hath them in his first Volume which I had not perused not expecting them there And for this hasty judging I beg his Pardon As to these little private Histories of mine own Family forementioned I was loath to cast by mine own Mother-in-Laws Life She being a person of so long and extraordinay Holiness living long with Sir Robert Harley whose Lady was her Cousin-German and after at Shrewsbury and after with my Father and me c. in so great Communion with God contempt of the World and all its Pomp and Vanity so great Victory over the flesh and so long desires to die and especially in much constant fervent successful Prayer that had marvellous answers as very few Christians attain And I was loath to have cast by the Narrative of my Wifes Mother for some Reasons not now to be mentioned and because her Daughters extraordinary Love to her made her just honour very dear to her But her Character is in the Sermon truly given you But I am convinced by the judgment of my Friends that publick things are fittest for publick notice And I feel that Love Grief and Nearness affect me with the matters that are so near me and as it doth not much concern the world to know whether I am sick or well dead or alive or whether ever I had a being though it concerns me So I should think of the concerns of my Friends Affection makes us think our own or our Friends affairs to be such as the world should be affected with I perceive this weakness and submit That which is left out of the Narrative of my Wifes Life is the occasions and inducements of our Marriage and some passages between some Relatives and her which the world is not concerned yet at least to know If this that is written seem useless to any it will not hurt them if they leave it to others that find it more suitable to them All things be not agreeable to all That may be useful to persons of her own quality which is not so to many others To her Nephews and Neeces and some other Kindred who were also near to her and for whose sake above most others I write it you cannot think that it will be altogether useless O that they would all imitate her in all that is praise-worthy and needful to themselves The grand Objection I foresee will be That I seem but to predicate some of mine own good Works by praising hers And must I needs bury the memory of them as hers for fear of the sting of such Objectors I have told them truly It is not my own acts but those that were properly hers that I there mention It is not her giving of my Money which I there recite but that which either was her own and none of mine or else procured by her for those uses and the Works such in which I was but the Executor of her Will She is gone after many of my choicest Friends who within this one year are gone to Christ and I am following even at the door Had I been to enjoy them only here it would have been but a short comfort mixt with the many troubles which all our Failings and Sins and some degree of unsuitableness between the nearest and dearest cause But I am going after them to that Blessed Society where Life Light and Love and therefore Harmony Concord and Ioy are perfect and everlasting Reader While I give thee but the Truth forgive the effects of Age Weakness and Grief And if before I get over this owned Passion I publish also a few Poetical Fragments partly suited to the condition of some sick or sad afflicted Friends and partly to my own if thou accept them not forgive them only and neglect them As the man is such will be his thoughts and works The Lord prosper our preparation for our great approaching Change To leave this world for ever and enter upon an endless Life where we shall speed according to the preparations of this little inch of time doth certainly bespeak the most scrious Thoughts the wisest and speediest Care and Diligence the most patient Suffering the most unwearied Labour the most frugal use of all our Time the most resolute resistance to all Temptations and to the Faithful the most joyful Hopes July 23. 1681. Rich. Baxter A Breviate of the Life of Margaret the Daughter of Francis Charlton Esque and late Wife of Richard Baxter who dyed June 14. 1681. CHAP. I. Her Parentage and the occasion of our acquaintance § THough due affection make me willing to give the world a Narrative which else I had omitted yet the fear of God hath not so forsaken me that I should willingly deliver any falshood through partiality or passion but as I knew more of this person than any other for the good of the Readers and the honour of Gods grace in her I shall by Gods assistance truly report the things which I knew § 2. We were born in the same County within three miles and an half of each other but she of one of the chief Families in the County and I but of a mean Freeholder called a Gentleman for his Ancestors sake but of a small Estate though sufficient Her Father Francis Charlton Esq was one of the best Justices of the Peace in that County a grave and sober worthy man but did not marry till he was aged and gray and so dyed while his children were very young who were three of which the eldest daughter and his only son are yet alive He had one surviving Brother who after the Fathers death maintained a long and costly suit about the Guardianship of the Heir yet living This Unkle Robert was a comely sober Gentleman but the wise and good Mother Mary durst not trust her only Son in the hands of one that was his next heir And she thought that Nature gave her a greater Interest in him than an Unkle had But it being in the heat of the late Civil War Robert being for the Parliament had the advantage of strength which put her to seek relief at Oxford from the King and afterwards to marry one Mr. Hanmer who was for the King to make her interest that way Her house being a sort of a small Castle was now garisoned for the King But at last Robert procured it to be besieged by the Parliament's Soldiers and stormed and
I was sensible of my neglect of it And now here is comfort that I have to deal with a God of mercy that will hear a poor repenting sinner a God that will in no wise cast out those that come to him but loveth whom he loveth to the end This is the God whom I have chosen and taken for my portion the same God is his God his Guide and Comforter The whole world is but a house where Gods children dwell a little while till he hath fitted them for the heavenly Mansions and if he send them out of one room into another to do his work and try their obedience and if he put some in the darkest corners of his house to keep them humble though he separate those that are most beloved of each other it is but that they may not love so much as to be loth to part and come to him who should have all their love However it fareth with his children in this house or howling wilderness the time will come and is at hand when all the children shall be separate from the Rebels and be called home to dwell with their Father their Head and Husband and the elect shall all be gathered into one Then farwell sorrow farwell hard heart farwell tears and sad repentance And then blessed Saints that have believed and obeyed Never so unworthy crowned thou must be This was the project of redeeming-redeeming-love When the Lord shall take our carkasses from the grave and make us shine as the Sun in glory then then shall friends meet and never part and remember their sad and weary nights and days no more Then may we love freely What now is wanting to dispel all sorrow from my heart Nothing but the greater hopes that I shall be one of this number This this can do it No matter if I had no friend near me and none on earth if God be not far from me it 's well enough and whatever here befalls the Church and people of God it 's but as for one day and presently the storm will be all over Let me therefore cast all my care on God Let me wait on him in the way of duty and trust him let me run with patience the race that is set before me looking to Jesus the Author and finisher of my faith and believingly go to him in all my troubles and let me so labour here that I may find rest to my soul in the Rest that remaineth for the people of God Rest O sweet word The weary shall haver est they shall rest in the Lord. April 10. on Thursday night at twelve of the clock a day and night never to be forgotten by the least of all Gods mercies yea less than the least Thy unworthy unthankful hard-hearted creature M. Charlton § 5. Is not here in all these Papers which I saw not till she was dead a great deal of work for one day besides all the publick work of a Thanksgiving day If I should give you an account of all her following Twenty One years what a Volume would it amount to If you ask why I recite all this which is but matter well known to ordinary Christians I answer 1. It is not as matter of knowledg but of soul workings towards God 2. Is not this extraordinary in a Convert of a year or few months standing 3. The love of God and her makes me think it worth the publishing They that think otherwise may pass it by but there are souls to whom it will be savoury and profitable § 6. Yet she continued under great fears that she had not saving Grace because she had not that degree of holy affection which she desired And before in her sickness her fears increased her disease and danger I will here for the use of others in the like case recite some scraps of a Letter of counsel as I find them transcribed by her self I Advise you to set more effectually to the means of your necessary consolation your strange silent keeping your case to your self from your mother and all your friends is an exceeding injury to your peace Is it God or Satan that hindereth you from opening your sore and make you think that concealment is your wisdom If it be pride that forbids it how dare you obey such a commander Many of our sores are half healed when well opened if Prudence foresee some forbidding inconvenience you have prudent friends and two prudent persons may see more than one But because you will not tell us I will disjunctively tell it you 1. Your trouble of soul is either some affliction 2. Or some sin 3. Or the doubt of your sincerity and true grace I. If it be affliction dare you so indulge impatience as to conclude against your future comforts while you have Gods love and title to salvation Dare you say that these are of so small weight that a cross like yours will weigh them down and that you will not rejoice in all the promises of life eternal till your Cross be removed II. If it be sin it is either past or present if past why do you not repent and thankfully accept your pardon If present it is inward corruption or outward transgression Which ever it be if you love it why do you grieve for it and groan under it If you grieve for it why are you not willing to leave it and be holy If you are willing to leave it and would fain have Gods grace in the use of his means to make you holy this is the true nature of Repentance And why then are you not thankful for grace received for Pardon Adoption and your part in Christ more than you are troubled for remaining sin Should none rejoyce that have sin to trouble them and keep them in a daily watch and war Read Rom. 7. 8. if you will see the contrary If any man sin we have an Advocate with the Father Iesus Christ the righteous and he is the propitiation for our sins Dare you refuse your comforts on such reasons as would deny comfort to all the world He that saith he hath no sin is a lyar And will you for this deny the known duty of thanks and praise for all that you have received You have been taught to difference between cause of Doubting and cause of filial humiliation And if it were any particular sin that needs particular help and counsel why do you not open it for help which its probably would do more against it than many years secret trouble and dejection alone will do 3. If it be doubts of your sincerity and grace why do you refuse to reason the case and say what it is that persuadeth you that you are graceless that we may try it by the word of God What evidence is it that you want You have confest that sometime you are convinced of sincerity and can you so easily deny what you have found as to conclude your self so miserable as you do Should all do
thus that have not constant apprehensions of their evidence and whose assurance is hindred by imperfectious You have heard the contrary But suppose that you have yet no saving-grace or part in Christ why stand you complaining while Christ stands intreating you to accept his mercy Ishe not in good earnest The offer is free it is not your purchase and merit but consent that will prove your title Why do you complain and not consent even to the Baptismal Covenant Or if you consent why do you complain as if Christs promise were not true or as if consent were not a a proof of saving-faith If you confess that you should not doubt and be dejected on such terms methinks the Cure should be half wrought Dare you indulge it while you know it to be your sin Have you not sin enough already And is it not unkindness to deny so great a mercy as the converting-grace which you so lately felt and to suspect his love who is love it self and hath so largely exprest his love to you Would you easily believe that your Mother would kill you for such defects as you fear that God will damn you for Yea tho' she were perfectly just and holy Is it congruous to hear Ministers tell men from Christ that he beseecheth them to be reconciled to God and will refuse none that are willing of his grace and cure and at the same time to hear such as you almost ready to despair as if God would not be reconciled nor give grace to them that fain would have it but will be inclined to reject humbled souls Reason not for your distrustful fears and sorrows but still disowne them and accuse them and then they will vanish by degrees and dye yea then you will sure oppose them your self and God will help you Can you look that God should help you against the sin which you plead for and defend If faith and love be the vital graces distrust of God and denying his love must not be defended as no sin As the ungodly cannot expect the grace which they refuse so how can you expect the peace which you oppose and say as Psal. 77. My soul refuseth to be comforted and say of your passionate fear and grief as Ionas of his anger I do well to be angry even unto death Be convinced that Christ is yours if you accept him and consent and then that comfort is your interest right and duty and then you will do more to comfort for t your self than I am endeavouring when I chide you for your fears Sure sinful sorrow is no desirable thing nor to be pleaded for you durst do nothing to the murder of a friend no nor to his grief and you are bid to love your Neighbour as your self Away then with your weakning griefs and troubles lest they prove a degree of self-murder If you care for your self the comfort of your Mother and Friends and the honour of the unspeakable riches of Gods grace at least own it to be your duty to oppose sinful fear and to rejoice in God and serve him with delight and cheerful praises and do your best against all that is against this duty And suffer not your sore to fester by your silence but open your case to some one that is able to help you impartially to try it by the word of God and to pray with you that God will mercifully discover your infirmities and the remedy It were but wisdom to conceal your case from others if you can well be cured without their help § 7. Some strivings against her fears and sorrows I find next in this Paper following dated by her April 3. The sadder my present condition is the greater is the mercy that I am yet alive why then should I not give God thanks for that and beg the rest which yet I want And though my life seem but a burden to me sometimes it is my great mistake for the greatest afflictions are nothing to hell-torments Were they as great as ever any had while I am alive live on this side Eternity there is hope The time of grace is yet continued if I be found in mercies way I know not but God may yet be gracious and give in my soul as he hath done my life at his peoples prayers For I cannot but look on my life as an answer of their prayers And sure they desired my life only that I might live to God I desired it my self on no other terms It was my earnest request that I might not live if not to him Why then should I be persuaded by Satan to think that God will not give me grace as well as life May I not rather be encouraged with patience to wait for further mercy It is a mercy that I am in any measure sensible of my danger and have any desire to be holy I will therefore stir up my soul to thankfulness and be humbled that I can be no more thankful I will acknowledg the mercy I have received and the probability of future mercy and this by Gods assistance the Devil shall not hinder me from doing § 8. I will add one of her Papers containing her resolutions after her recovery in some few particulars Decemb. 30. was my worst day I did not then think to be alive this day I ought not to forget it On Ian. 1. New-years-day I first bled at the nose largely and after mended The fourth day was kept in humiliation for me April 10. was a day of Thanksgiving When I thought I should dye I was more than ordinarily sensible of my unprofitable life and had such convictions as usually people in my condition have and I then made many resolutions as in such cases others do I remembred that I had heard much of the promises that many made in sickness which they never performed and I thought it was gross hypocrisie to speak now of that which I was past performing as I thought but that I were better write down my purposes and discover them if God recovered me that they might be as strong an engagement on me as if I had spoken them to men I. I resolved that I would endeavour to get and keep a sense of that great mercy of Gods restoring me from the peril of threatned death in answer of prayers which was the greater in that God threatned to take me hence when I was but in the birth and had scarce well begun to live This mercy I promised to be thankful for and to acknowledg other mercies as God should make me able II. I resolved that I would endeavour to be in a fixed state and way of duty and in order to this I would take advice of one who is I conceive most fit to advise me And I resolve by Gods assistance that I will not consult with flesh and blood nor study my carnal interest but resolvedly set on the way of my duty and freely discourse my thoughts so far as is requisite to my
near nineteen years I know not that ever we had any breach in point of love or point of interest save only that she somewhat grudged that I had persuaded her for my quietness to surrender so much of her Estate to a disabling her from helping others so much as she earnestly desired § 4. But that even this was not from a covetous mind is evident by these instances 1. Though her Portion which was 2000 l. besides that given up aforesaid was by ill debtors 200 l. lost in her Mothers time and 200 l. after before her Marriage and all she had reduced to almost 1650 l. yet she never grudged at any thing that the poverty of Debtors deprived her of 2. She had before been acquainted with the Lord Chancellor's offering me a Bishoprick and though it might have taken off the censure of those Relations that thought she debased her self in marrying me and also might have seemed desirable to her for the Wealth as well as the Honour she was so far from desiring my accepting it that I am persuaded had I done it it would have alienated her much from me in point of esteem and love Not that she had any opinion against Episcopacy then that ever I could perceive but that she abhorred a worldly mercenary mind in a Minister of Christ and was a sharp Censurer of all that for gain or honour or worldly ends would stretch their consciences to any thing that they thought God forbad And I am assured though towards her end she wisht she had been abler to relieve the needy and do more good yet she lived a far more contented life in our mean condition even when she stoopt to receive from others that had been strangers to her than she would have done had I been a Bishop and she had had many thousand pounds more at her dispose yea I am persuaded the would not easily have endured it 3. Another tryal of her as to Wealth and Honour was when I and all such others were cast out of all possession and hope of all Ecclesiastical maintenance she was not ignorant of the scorn and the jealousies and wrath and prosecutions that I was like to be exposed to yea she had heard and seen it already begun by Bishop Morley's forbidding me to preach before and preaching himself and his Dean and many others fiercely against me in Kederminster Pulpit she had quickly heard them that were cast out and silenced deeply accused as if they had deserved it To chuse a participation of such a life that had no encouragement from any worldly Wealth or Honour yea that was exposed to such certain suffering which had no end in prospect on this side death did shew that she was far from covetousness Much more evidence of this I shall shew you as it falls in its place § 5. Among other troubles that her Marriage exposed her to one was our oft necessitated removals which to those that must take Houses and bind themselves to Landlords and fit and furnish them is more than for single persons that have no such clogs or cares First We took a House in Moorefields after at Acton next that another at Acton and after that another there and after that we were put to remove to one of the former again and after that to divers others in another place and County as followeth and the women have most of that sort of trouble But she easily bare it all And I know not that ever she came to any place where she did not extraordinarily win the love of the inhabitants unless in any street where she staid so short a time as not to be known to them Had she had but the riches of the world to have done the good that she had a heart to do how much would she have been loved who in her mean and low condition won so much And her carriage won more love than her liberality she could not endure to hear one give another any sowr rough or hasty word her speech and countenance was always kind and civil whether she had any thing to give or not And all her kindness tended to some better end than barely to relieve peoples bodily wants even to oblige them to some duty that tended to the good of their souls or to deliver them from some straits which fill'd them with hurtful care and became a matter of great temptation to them If she could hire the poor to hear Gods word from Conformist or Nonconformist or to read good serious practical Books whether written by Conformists or Noncon formists it answered her end and desire and many an hundred books hath she given to those ends But of these things more hereafter This is here but to answer the foresaid objection and to lead on to the following particular passages of her life § 6. While I was at Acton her carriage and charity so won the people there that all that I ever heard of greatly esteemed and loved her And she being earnestly desirous of doing good prepared her house for the reception of those that would come in to be instructed by me between the morning and evening publick Assemblies and after And the people that had never been used to such things accounted worldly ignorant persons gave us great hopes of their edification and reformation and filled the Room and went with me also into the Church which was at my door And when I was after removed the people hearing that I again wanted a house being ten miles off they unanimously subscribed a request to me to return to my old house with them and offered to pay my house-rent which I took kindly and it was much her winning conversation which thus won their love § 7. When I was carried thence to the common Goal for teaching them as aforesaid I never perceived her troubled at it she cheerfully went with me into Prison she brought her best bed thither and did much to remove the removable inconveniencies of the Prison I think she had scarce ever a pleasanter time in her life than while she was with me there And whereas people upon such occasions were not unapt to be liberal it was against her mind to receive more than necessity required Only three persons gave me just as much as paid Lawyers and prison-charges and when one offered me more she would not receive it But all was far short of the great charges of our removal to another habitation § 8. The Parliament making a new sharper Law against us I was forced to remove into another County thither she went with me and removed her Goods that were movable from Acton to Totteridge being engaged for the Rent of the house we left At Totteridge the first year few poor people are put to the hardness that she was put to we could have no house but part of a poor Farmers where the Chimneys so extreamly smoak't as greatly annoyed her health for it was a very hard Winter and the Coal-smoak so filled
to supply the notorious necessities of the people and as helpers of the allowed Ministry The good woman thought this had been reading the Common-Prayer and in a Letter which I now find accused my Wife with five or six vehement charges for telling her I would not read 〈◊〉 Common-Prayer My Wife was of my mind for the Matter but greatly offended with me for seeming to do it for the avoiding of danger and was so far from not pardoning these false smart accusations that she never once blamed the good woman but loved her tendered her and relieved her in sickness to the death but hardly forgave me and yet drew me from all other places if the Ministers were not of my mind by prudent diversity Much less did her sufferings from the times distemper her She hath blamed me for naming in print my Losses Imprisonment and other sufferings by the Bishops as being over selfish queralousness when I should rather with wonder be thankful for the great mercy we yet enjoyed Though I think I never mentioned them as over-sensible of the sufferings but as a necessary evincing of the nature of the cause and as part of the necessary history or matter of fact in order to decide it She as much disliked the silencing of the Ministers as any but she did not love to hear it much complained of save as the publick loss nor to hear Conformists talkt against as a Party nor the faults of the conscientious sort of them aggravated in a siding factious manner But 1. she was prone to over-love her Relations and those good people poor as much as rich whom she thought most upright The love was good but the degree was too passionate 2. She over-earnestly desired their spiritual welfare If these whom she over-loved had not been as good and done as well as she would have them in innocent behaviour in piety and if rich in liberality it over-troubled her and she could not bear it 3. She was apt when she set her mind and heart upon some good work which she counted great or the welfare of some dear Friend to be too much pleased in her expectations and self-made promises of the success and then almost overturned with trouble when they disappointed her And she too impatiently bore unkindnesses from the friends that were most dear to her or whom she had much obliged Her will was set upon good but her weakness could not bear the crossing or frustration of it § 12. But the great infirmity which tyrannized over her was a diseased fearfulness against which she had little more free will or power than a man in an Ague or Frost against shaking cold Her nature was prone to it and I said before abundance of sad accidents made that and trouble of mind her malady Besides as she said four times in danger of death 2. And the storming of her Mothers house by Soldiers firing part killing plundering and threatning the rest 3. The awakenings of her conversion 4. The sentence of death by sickness presently before her peace was setled 5. The fire next her Lodgings in Sweetings-Alley 6. The burning of a Merchant his Wife and Family in Lothbury overagainst her Brother Vpton's door 7. The common terror and confusion at Dunstans Church in Fleet-street when they thought the Church was falling on their heads while I was preaching and the people cast themselves down from the Galleries 8. Her Mothers death 9. The friendless state she thought she was then left in 10. The great Plague 11. The Burning of London 12. The crack and danger of her Chamber in Aldersgate street 13. The crack and confusion at St. Iameses Market-house 14. The many Fires and talk of firing since 15. The common rumours of Murderings and Massacres 16. The death and dangers of many of her friends and my own illness More than all these concurred to make fear and aptness to be troubled to be her disease so that she much dreamed of fire and murderers and her own dreams workt half as dangerously on her as realities so that she could not bear the clapping of a door or any thing that had suddenness noise or fierceness in it But all this was more the malady of her body than of her soul and I accounted had little moral guilt and I took it for an evidence of the power of grace that so timerous a person 1. had overcome most of her fears of Hell and Gods desertion 2. And was more fearless of persecution imprisonment or losses and poverty thereby than I or any that I remember to have known § 13. And though her spirits were so quick and she so apt to be troubled at mens sin whom she much loved she greatly differed from me in her bearing with them and carriage towards them My temper and judgment much led me to use my dependents servants and friends according to the rules of Church-discipline and if they heard not loving private admonitions once twice and thrice to speak to them more sharply and then before others and to turn them off if yet they would not amend But her way was to oblige them by all the love kindness and bounty that she was able and to bear with them year after year while there was hope and at last not to desert them but still use them so as she though was likest at least to keep them in a state of hope from the badness which displicency might cause I could not have born with a Son I think as she could do where her kindness was at her own choice and yet she more disliked the least fault than I did and was more desirous of their greatest innocency and exactness § 14. Indeed she was so much for calmness deliberation and doing nothing rashly and in haste and my condition and business as well as temper made me do and speak much so suddenly that she principally differed from me and blamed me in this every considerable case and business she would have me take time to think much of before I did it or speak or resolved of any thing I knew the counsel was good for one that could stay but not for one that must ride Post I thought still I had but a little time to live I thought some considerable work still called for haste I have these Forty years been sensible of the sin of losing time I could not spare an hour I thought I could understand the matters in question as well at a few thoughts as in many days and yet she that had less work and more leisure but a far quicker apprehension than mine was all for staying to consider and against haste and eaâ—gerness in almost every thing and notwithstanding her over quick and feeling temper was all for mildness calmness gentleness pleasingness and serenity § 15. She had an earnest desire of the conversion and salvation of her servants and was greatly troubled that so many of them though tollerable in their work went away ignorant or strange to true
your daily study and let me in writing see some fruits of your labours before I go hence and be seen here no more Be not wanting to your own Comforts and you cannot displease God nor your Mother who longs more after your Eternal Good than I can now utter My Love to you all and Prayers for you all I continue Your most tenderly Loving Mother M. H. § 22. In another to Oxford 1657. ALL will work for good to them that love God I hope you are one of those The Lord direct your paths that you may work out your Salvation with fear and trembling in your Youth and not let time slip till Age which will come or Death before it on all flesh and an account must be given of the precious Time which we now neglect I have more to say but when I see you it will be done with more ease The Lord keep you all and make you faithful to the Death that you may receive the Crown of Glory which is the Prayer of her that tendreth the good of your Soul M. H. § 23. In 1659. In another she writes thus MY dear Child My greatest Trouble is that I can have no better account of your health of Body yet surely the cure of the Soul is of far more worth Therefore I faint not Else I could not subsist under the heavy stroke which I have justly deserved Who knows but my sins may be some cause of thy distress of Soul However let us return to the Lord and he will heal all our breaches and will bind up all our Sores and will give us a house not made with hands eternal in the Heavens where we shall never be forc'd asunder and all Infirmities shall be left behind and we shall take up all pleasure in the enjoyment of our Heavenly Redeemer In the mean time let us with courage and confidence press hard toward the mark for the price of that calling which was set before us For the things which are seen are temporal but the the things which are not seen are eternal I can go no further but cannot forget to be Thy truly Loving Mother M. H. This was written to her in her sickness when for better Air she lay at Old Mr. Richard Foly's house at Stourbridge § 24. I have transcribed these to shew the mind and care of the good Gentlewoman and what cause I and my Neighbours had of comassion to her in her Sorrows when she was separated from an only Son whose welfare she had prosecuted with so strong affection and long labour and patience and began to have much comfort in this Daughter whom she had formerly least valued and thought she must so suddenly leave her Let those that think these too little matters to be told the World remember that Neerness Love and Sorrow may be allowed to make things greater to me than they seem to those that are not so concerned in them And that Mr. Fox in his Book of Martyrs publisheth a great number of as mean Letters as any of these even some of women and some written to the Martyrs as well as those written by them And while I say that I will add that though for Nineteen years I was so seldom from her that she had few Letters of mine yet those which she had I find now among her reserved Papers And that you may see what it was that I' thought she most desired and what she her self most valued I will here add one of them not venturing to trouble such with more as are affected little with any matters but their own which is the case of most I recite this rather than others partly also as an act of repentance for those failings of her just expectations by the neglect of such helps as I should have given her which I had here mentioned For though she oft said that before she Married me she expected more sowrness and unsuitableness than she found yet I am sure that she found less zeal and holiness and strictness in all words and looks and duties and less help for her soul than she expected And her temper was to aggravate a fault much more in her nearest and dearest friends than in any others and to be far more troubled at them But this use she made of my too cold and careless converse and of all my impatiency with her impatience and of all my hasty words that she that had long thought she had no grace because she reach 't not higher than almost any reach on Earth and because she had many Passions and Infirmities perceived by me and many other esteemed Teachers that we were all as bad as she and therefore grace doth stand with more faultiness than she had imagined and that all our teaching much excelled the frame of our souls and lives and was much more worthy to be followed and therefore that God would also pardon such failings as her own THough I have received none from you but one by Mr. H. I will not be avenged on you by the like I have nothing of News or business to communicate but to tell you that we are all here yet as well as you left us excepting what your absence causeth And yet I must confess I find that it is easier to be oft speaking to God when I have no body else to speak to than when there are other Competitors Expectants or Interpellators Just as I can easier now fill my Paper to thee with some speech of God when I have nothing else to put into it than I can when many other matters are craving every one a place It is our shame that the Love and Glory of God doth not silence every other Suiter and even in the midst of crowds and business take us up and and press every creature and occasion for their service But while we are weak and compassed with flesh we must not only consider what we should do but what we can do It is our great fault that we are no skilfuller and faithfuller in helping one another that we might miss each other on better reasons than meerly from the inclinations of Love I hope God will make us better hereafter that when we are asunder each of us may say I miss the help for Watchfulness and Heavenliness for true Love and Thankfulness to God which I was wont to have But O! what an enemy is a naughty heart which maketh us unable for our duty alone and makes us need the help of others and yet will not suffer us to use it when we have it When we are alone it maketh us impediments to our selves and when we are in company it maketh us impediments to others Yet is there none no not the weakest of Christians but there is much in them that we might improve But we are so bad and backward at it that Satan too commonly hath his end in making us unprofitable to each other If a good Horse or a good House be a valuable mercy how much more
duties for them besides the time and perhaps caring thoughts that all his Family expences and affairs will require And then it will disquiet a man's mind to think that he must neglect his Family or his Flock and hath undertaken more than he can do My conscience hath forced me many times to omit secret prayer with my Wife when she desired it for want of time not daring to omit far greater work 2. And a Minister can scarce look to win much on his Flock if he be not able to oblige them by gifts of charity and liberality And a married man hath seldom any thing to spare especially if he have children that must be provided for all will seem too little for them Or if he have none House-keeping is chargeable when a single man may have entertainment at easie rates and most women are weak and apt to live in fear of want if not in covetousness and have many wants real or fancied of their own to be supplied 3. In a word St. Paul's own words are plain to others but concern Ministers much more than other men 1 Cor. 7. 7 c. I would that all men were as I my self It is good for them they abide even as I 28. Such shall have trouble in the flesh 32. I would have you without carefulness He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord how he may please the Lord but he that is married careth for the things of the world how he may please his wife This is true And believe it both caring for the things of the world and caring to please one another are businesses and troublesome businesses care for house-rent for children for servants wages for food and rayment but above all for debts are very troublesome things and if cares choak the word in hearers they will be very unfit for the mind of a Student and a man that should still dwell on holy things And the pleasing of a Wife is usually no easie task There is an unsuitableness in the best and wisest and likest Faces are not so unlike as the apprehensions of the mind They that agree in Religion in Love and Interest yet may have daily different apprehensions about occasional occurrences persons things words c. That will seem the best way to one that seems worst to the other And passions are apt to succeed and serve these differences Very good people are very hard to be pleased My own dear Wife had high desires of my doing and speaking better than I did but my badness made it hard to me to do better But this was my benefit for it was but to put me on to be better as God himself will be pleased That it's hard to please God and holy persons is only our fault But there are too many that will not be pleased unless you will contribute to their sin their pride their wastfulness their superfluities and childish fancies their covetousness and passions and too many who have such passion that it requireth greater skill to please them than almost any the wisest can attain And the discontents and displeasure of one that is so near you will be as Thorns or Nettles in your bed And Paul concludeth to be un-married is the better that we may attend the Lord without distraction v. 35 38. And what need we more than Christ's own words Mat. 19. 10 11 12. when they said then It is not good to marry he answers All men cannot receive this saying save they to whom it is given For there are some Eunuchs who were so born from their Mothers womb and there are some Eunuchs who were made Eunuchs by men and there be Eunuchs which have made themselves Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heavens sake He that is able to receive it let him receive it Oh how many sad and careful hours might many a Minister have prevented And how much more good might he have done if being under no necessity he had been sooner wise in this § 18. Another Use of this History is to shew men that it is not God's or our Enemies afflicting us in worldly losses or sufferings especially when we suffer for Righteousness sake which is half so painful as our own inward Infirmities A man's Spirit can bear his Infirmities of outward Crosses but a wounded Spirit who can bear My poor Wife made nothing of Prisons Distrainings Reproaches and such Crosses but her burden was most inward from her own Tenderness and next from those whom she over-loved And for mine own part all that ever either Enemies or Friends have done against me is but as a flea-biting to me in comparison of the daily burden of a pained Body and the weakness of my Soul in Faith Hope Love and Heavenly Desires and Delights § 19. And here you may see how necessary Patience is and to have a Mind fortified before-hand against all sorts of Sufferings that in our Patience we may possess our Souls And that the dearest Friends must expect to find much in one another that must be born with and exercise our Patience We are all imperfect It hath made me many a time wonder at the Prelates that can think it the way to the Concord of Millions to force them to consent to all their Impositions even of Words and Promises and Ceremonies and that in things where Conscience must be most cautelous whereas even Husband and Wife Master and Servants have almost daily Differences in judging of their common Affairs § 20. And by this History you may see how little cause we have to be over-serious about any worldly matters and to mind and do them with too much intensness of Affection and how necessary it is to possess them as if we possest them not seeing the time is short and the fashion of this world passeth away And how reasonable it is that if we love God our selves yea or our Friends that we should long to be with Christ where they are far more amiable than here and where in the City of God the Ierusalem above we shall delightfully dwell with them for ever Whereas here we were still sure to stay with them but a little while And had we here known Christ after the flesh we should so know him no more Whereas believing that we shall soon be with him even those that never saw him may rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of Glory § 21. Lastly Here you may see that as God's Servants have not their portion or good things in this Life so they may have the same Sicknesses and manner of Death as others Lazarus may lie and die in his sores among the Dogs at the door when Dives may have a pompous Life and Funeral There is no judging of a mans Sincerity or of his future state by his Disease or by his Diseased Death-bed words He that liveth to God shall die safely into the hand of God though a Fever or Deliration hinder him from knowing this till Experience and sudden possession of Heaven convince him Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord from henceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their labours and their works do follow them Rev. 14. 13. Therefore in our greatest straits and sufferings let us comfort one another with these words That we shall for ever be with the Lord. Had I been to possess the company of my Friends in this Life only how short would out comfortable converse have been But now I shall live with them in the Heavenly City of God for ever And they being there of the same mind with my forgiving God and Saviour will forgive all my Failings Neglects and Injuries as God forgiveth them and me The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away And he hath taken away but that upon my desert which he had given me undeservedly near Nineteen years Blessed be the Name of the Lord. I am waiting to be next The door is open Death will quickly draw the Veil and make us see how near we were to God and one another and did not sufficiently know it Farewel vain World and welcom true Everlasting Life FINIS